All language subtitles for The Guest Book S02E03 Counting Problems 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-NTb_track3_[eng]

Previously on
"The Guest Book"...

So I'm thinking of going
to the beach,

making a fresh start.

This is gonna
be amazing.

New town, new people,
a whole new me.

Your place
looks amazing.

It's my mother's.
It's her income property.

She lives in Idaho,
so I just hand out the keys.

I've been crashing
on the beach.

You can stay here.

-Who's your friend?
-Bodhi?

He's so exotic.
[ Chuckles ]

Introduce me.
But the new me.

Remember,
Tickles is dead!

How much does the baby
either look like

or not look like the father
when it's born?

Was the guy you had sex with
the same color as your fiancé?

♪♪

[ Birds chirping ]

[ Children laughing ]

Adam: You have
a lovely beach home

which I rented
for a family vacation.

And I came prepared.

I brought a random
quantity of sunscreen,

an indiscriminate amount
of plastic cups for water,

an unspecified number
of Cheez-Its,

an arbitrary variety
of board games,

and a hodgepodge
of karaoke CDs.

My name is Adam,
and up until recently,

I felt compelled
to count things.

I grew up in a very ordinary
American home.

But around the age of 8,

I became less ordinary.

I started counting...
everything.

Something about it
made me happy.

♪♪

No matter what else
was going on...

Announcer: Capitals score!

...I always found more joy
in counting.

And because of that,

I missed out on a lot
of family bonding.

So much so, that lately[ Phone rings ]

I've started to think
my parents and my brother have

stopped inviting me to things.Woman: Leave a message.
[ Beep ]

Adam: [ On answering machine ]
Hey, guys, it's Adam.

Just wondering if anyone
is up for hanging out.

Maybe we could play Dominoes

if I promise not to count
all the dots.

I won't look down.

You can just move my pieces

and tell me if I'm winning.

You guys there?

Pick up if you're there.

♪♪

Okay. Well, I'll just wait
till you get home.

One, two, three, four...

I always knew the counting
might prevent me

from my career goals,

making new friends,
or even finding love.

Hey, Adam.
This is a really cool place.

What happened
to your food?

♪♪

But it was the fear
of losing my family

that finally made me
take a long look in the mirror.

343 seconds, to be exact.

I tried drugs,

but they just
made me count slower.

♪♪

I tried acupuncture.

That just proved to be
too much of a temptation.

[ Quietly ] ...nine, ten,
eleven, twelve, thirteen...

I even borrowed
my neighbor's dog's collar

for a little shock therapy.

♪♪

[ Electricity crackles ]

[ Groaning ]

♪♪

[ Electricity crackles ]

Eventually, I went
to see a therapist.

And after several months
of crying in her crying chair,

I finally had a breakthrough.

And I couldn't wait to reveal
the new me to my family.

Bernice...
check it out.

I just rented a beach house
for me and my family,

and I didn't even count how many
clicks of the mouse it took me.

The website even buffered,

and I just sang quietly
to myself

without counting the rotations
of the loading wheel.

I heard you the first six times
you said it.

Did I say it
that many times?

Hmm.
I wasn't counting.

Ooh.

Oh, wow.

Your nephew's
gonna love that.

I sure hope it fits.
He wouldn't let me measure him.

Huh.

Here you go, man.[ Coins rattle ]

Take care.

[ Sniffs ]

I'm sorry. The keys have
gotta be here somewhere.

I'm just a bit
out of sorts.

My fiancée gave birth
last week,

and I haven't really
been sleeping.

I looked down. [ Sighs ]
I shouldn't have looked down.

Ah, well,
not a problem.

My family doesn't arrive
till the evening.

Normally, I'd be counting
the seconds,

but I'm cured.

Hey, Vivian,
could you check and see

if the keys to the beach house
are back there?

Vivian: Okay![ Cellphone rings ]

[ Cellphone clicks ]Hello?

We're not gonna be able
to make it.

What's the matter?

Look, if this is
about counting, I'm cured.

Th-That's what I want
to show you guys.

Plus, I got everybody's
favorite snacks and board games.

And I even rented
a karaoke machine

that syncs up
to cool lights,

just like at
Aunt Jean's wedding.

Remember that wedding?

That's what I wanted to show you
with the karaoke.

Adam, Adam, Adam.The karaoke is --

It sounds great,

a-and I'm sure
you think you're cured,

but yesterday,

some moron drove their car
into the oil-changing pit,

and I might have to go
to a funeral.

Well, I-I could pick up
Mom and Dad.

My car only has
one passenger seat,

but I could
make two trips.

And I know that sounds
like I'm counting,

but I'm not.

I'm just explaining.

He wants to come pick you up,
one at a time.

I think
we should go.

Why, so we can watch him
count sand for a weekend?

If Dave's not going,
I'm not going.

Sorry, Adam.
It's just not gonna work out.

We'll have
to reschedule.

Okay.

[ Cellphone beeps ]

[ Cellphone beeps ]

[ Sighing ] Oh.

They were in my pocket
the whole time.

[ Chuckles ]
Anyway, enjoy.

[ Keys clank ]

♪♪

So, it looks like I'm gonna
have a family vacation

all by myself.

Hello.
You look like a local.

A-Any tips on hot spots?

Hello?

Never mind.

♪♪

I'm not gonna say
I'm not disappointed.

I am.

But I'm also worried.

You see, part of my recovery
was revealing to my family

what my big breakthrough was,
which wasn't gonna be easy.

But up until now,
the excitement of doing so

was keeping
the counting at bay.

But suddenly,
I'm very aware of the fact

that I've written
23 A's, 14 K's, 13 T's

in the last 46 seconds.

Not to mention the 27 birds
that have flown overhead.

[ Bird caws ] 28 birds.

And now I've written
the letter T 22 times.

Actually, 32,
'cause every time

I write something,
it goes up.

I'm up to 36.

39. 41.

42. 44.

[ Book thuds ]

The next day, the counting
was getting worse,

and I couldn't just sit
in your house all day

staring at 8 bottles
of sunscreen, 350 plastic cups,

1,846 Cheez-Its,

22 karaoke CDs,
and 12 board games,

which have a total
of 811 pieces,

so I decided
to venture out for lunch.

Just one?

Always.

Is the bar okay?

Sure.

Did you used to live up
in the mountains?

Water, you said?
I'll be right back with that.

I was hoping that being
around some people

would distract
from the counting.

But even though I was
surrounded by people,

I was still alone.

The bar's actually not okay.
May I sit at a table?

♪♪

♪♪

One, two, three --
Can I get a booth?

I was spinning out of control,

desperate for human
interaction.

I think you're wrong,
honey.

I know for a fact
I'm right.

I'd bet
my new knees on it.

What's the name
of the woman

Gary Hart cheated
on his wife with?

Who's Gary Hart?

Gary Hart was
the front runner

of the Democratic nomination
in 1988,

and her name was
Debbie Rowland.

-No, it wasn't.
-Yes.

Debbie Rowland was
my math teacher

in the seventh grade.Donna Rice!

Rice.
[ Sighs ]

Thank you, sir.

Sure, anytime.

I got a lot of info
in this old Google --

noodle.

[ All chuckle ]

What's his name?

This is Clark,
named after my uncle,

who almost invented a cure
for psoriasis back in the '50s.

Oh, he is so cute.

And big.

Ugh, tell me about it.

He busted through my cooch
like the Kool-Aid Man.

[ Imitating Kool-Aid Man ]
Oh, yeah?

[ Laughs ]
Okay.

I'm gonna go check my e-mails

since somebody decided
to cancel the Internet at home

because we have it
at work.

You're lucky
I love you.

Mm-hmm.
Love you, too.

Just trying to save up
for our wedding.

Can't afford to spend money
on things

we could be getting
for free.

You don't hear me complaining,
and I have to jerk off

at the library...
theoretically.

As soon as I get some sleep,
that's where I'm gonna go.

Well, his first name
isn't "Captain."

That's his rank
in the Navy.

Actually,
Cap'n Crunch's full name

is Horatio Magellan Crunch.

The thought
of making some friends

started to distract me
from counting,

so I decided
to step up my game.

Psst!

Can I have three orders
of the onion ring towers?

Hey, Tommy.
Can you put one of these up?

Who's this?

My buddy.

He was smoking a joint
in my van,

and when I came back,

the van was burned,
and he was gone.

I mean, I found
some bones in the ashes,

but I'm really hoping

that was from the chicken
I was eating the other night.

It's hard to tell though,
you know.

Eddie was a little guy,
and I did eat a whole bucket.

I like the picture you drew --
very Picasso.

Thanks.
Everyone keeps saying that.

[ Hushed ] What does
"Picasso" mean?

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

I believe the actor
you're thinking of

is named Bob Balaban.
Ooh!

I did not expect there to be
this many onion rings.

They look so much smaller
in the picture.

I would hate to see
these puppies go to waste.

You guys like
onion rings?

Yeah.No.They're all right.

Great.

Probably be easier
to bring these over to you.

♪♪

Dig in, guys.

Ah, someone
getting the jump

on some early
Christmas shopping?

[ Chuckles ]
Caught me.

Don't forget.
We got a $15 limit.

Plus, you've already given me
the best gift ever.

[ Chuckling ]
Speaking of which,

he smells like shit,
and we're out of diapers.

Okay. Yep.
I'll be right out there.

Okay, remember,
$15 limit.

The challenge is
half the fun.

[ Laughs ]

[ Sighs ]

So, it was supposed to be
a family vacation.

It's a shame
they had to cancel.

I brought a ton of food
and board games.

All Lew brought was
a deck of cards.

If I play Crazy Eights
one more time,

I'mgonna go crazy.[ Laughs ]

That's hilarious.

No, it's not.
Please don't encourage her.

Look, you guys are letting me
crash your lunch.

Can I get another
place setting?

The least I could do is have you
over for game night.

Sure.
Sure.

[ Sucking teeth ]

Did I get it?

Nope, still there.
I'll get it.

All right.

Jesus.
How much stuff is in there?

Mm!

Ah! Got it.

♪♪

Anyone interested in splitting
the chicken pot pie?

[ Knocks on door ]

Hey, you made it!

-Hi!
-I'm thirsty.

Wow! Nice place.

Thanks, so let's kick off

this fun-filled game night
with some Monopoly.

I call the thimble.
48 dimples.

Is that
a karaoke machine?

Yeah, I rented it
for me and my family.

My parents love
karaoke.

-Really?
-Oh.

I took it up recently,
but I, uh --

I find it very rewarding.

-Can we use it?
-Sure.

Well, in -- in fact,
wo-wo-would you mind
if I went first?

See, I-I was planning
on telling my family something,

and karaoke is
part of it.

I've been rehearsing alone
in my apartment,

but it would be great
to get some real practice

in front of someone
other than

the random people
I have paused on my TV.

-Oh.
-Sounds great.

-Sure.
-Seriously?

Oh, man.

This is gonna be great.

This is gonna be
really good.

I'll be right back, guys.

♪♪

♪♪

Adam: All right.
Go ahead and hit play!

[ Kim Carnes' "Bette Davis Eyes"
plays ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Her hair is Harlow gold

♪ Her lips sweet surprise

♪ Her hands are never cold

♪ She's got Bette Davis eyes

♪ She'll turn the music on you

♪ You won't have
to think twice ♪

♪ She's pure as New York snow

♪ She's got Bette Davis eyes

Whoo!

♪ And she'll tease you

♪ She'll unease you

♪ All the better
just to please you ♪

♪ She's precocious
and she knows just ♪

♪ What it takes
to make a pro blush ♪

♪ She's got Greta Garbo
stand-off sighs ♪

♪ She's got Bette Davis eyes

What do you think?

I-It's good.

It's...good.

Your singing is
a little out of tune.

I-I-I know I'm not
the best singer, but --

You're not a very
beautiful lady.

Oh, well, maybe
I'm not your type.

Not that I'm gay, because
that's not what this is about.

Listen --My brother is a ladyboy.
He's much prettier.

Okay, you made it clear
how you feel about my looks.

Okay, that's fine.

I will say, I do usually have
a little bit more time

to put on the makeup,
but that's --

Look, I used to compulsively
count things, okay?

And I tried everything to stop,

a-and it wasn't until
I did some soul-searching

that I realized, ever since
I was eight years old,

I had the desire
to dress like a woman.

And it was something
I had no control over,

and subconsciously,
that lack of control scared me.

But then I found something

I did have control over --
counting.

One, you know, it made me feel
like I was in charge.

A-And two, when it was the only
thing I was thinking about,

I didn't have to wrestle
with other thoughts,

like, you know...

who would love me
for who I really am?

So, once you dressed up
like a woman,

you stopped counting?

It didn't completely stop

until I decided
to tell my family.

But then, once they canceled,
it started again.

But then, when I decided
to tell you guys,

I-I was cured again.

Although I...
I have to admit,

I-I'm not quite sure how
you feel about this yet,

and I am fighting the urge

to get a tally
of the moles

on the back
of William's neck.

So I-I-I'm gonna need
some feedback here.

Are you freaked out?

♪♪

♪ She'll expose you

♪ When you snows you

♪ Off your feet with
the crumbs she throws you ♪

♪ She's ferocious
and she knows just ♪

♪ What it takes
to make a pro blush ♪

♪ All the boys
think she's a spy ♪

♪ She's got Bette Davis eyes

♪♪

[ Muffled music playing ]

♪ She'll expose you

♪ When she snows you

♪ And she knows you

♪ She's got Bette Davis eyes

♪♪

Oh, shit.

[ Feedback ]

What...

What are you guys
doing here?

The guy who took the Mazda Miata
to the forehead

pulled through.

What the hell's
going on?

Look, uh, this isn't the way
I wanted you guys --

Why are you dressed
like Aunt Peg?

This is instead
of counting.

See, my psychiatrist
said that --

God damn it.
This is all out of order.

See, I-I-I wanted you guys

to see that I wasn't
counting anymore.

Then we would play board games
like a normal family,

a-a-and then I would
show you all this.

This --
This is just practice.

Who are
the Japanese people?

They're you guys.We're Chinese.

Okay, not now, Beth.
Thank you.

-I think I'm gonna throw up.
-No, no, no, no, Mom.

See, you're freaking out

thinking I have
two weird things.

I don't.

No more counting,
just cross-dressing,

and it's not even weird.

Plenty of people do it.

William's brother
is a ladyboy.

He's a lot prettier.

Okay, you made that clear,
William.

Thank you.

We should go.

Okay.

Well, thanks for hanging out,
you guys.

You crushed it
at karaoke.

Seriously,
you crushed it!

All right,
let me explain again.

You don't have to explain.
We get it.

You either have to count
like a mental patient

or dress up like a woman --
one or the other, right?

Basically, but --

I vote for counting.

Counting.
Counting.

♪♪

Okay.

Well, give me a sec
to take this stuff off.

♪♪

Mom, would you please
help me with my girdle?

It has six snaps
and three ribbons.

That's my boy.

...805, 806, 807 --

Adam, it's your turn.Just a second.

Somebody spilled some sugar
on the counter.

...807, 808, 809...

Just take his piece
off the board.[ Sighs ]

[ Piece clatters ][ Doorbell rings ]

Hey.
Hey.

We're getting ready
to head home,

but I wanted
to say goodbye.

Oh, well, we don't leave
till tomorrow.

23 hours, 17 minutes, 43 seconds
until we need to check out.

Nice shirt,
by the way.

24 palm trees, 7 buttons,
16 bunches of bananas.

17.

Yeah.
O-Okay, uh, thanks.

18.

Adam, my parents and I
really like you --

everything about you.

We were talking,
and...

Look, we're going skiing
in a couple months,

and if you want to come with us,
we'd love to have you.

Maybe it's time you hung out
with a family

who accepts you
for who you are.

Huh. I have a family
who accepts me for who I am.

I'm a counter.

[ Chuckles ] That weirdo
just asked me

to be
a part of his family.

I'm not even Chinese.

Ooh.

♪♪

♪ Every once in a while

♪ You won't have
to think twice ♪

♪ Won't need no third opinion

♪ Or forthcoming advice

♪ No, you'll plead the fifth

♪ And won't get tricked

♪ Get kicked out, or 86'd

♪ When the shoe just don't fit

♪ You gotta make
a little change ♪

♪ Quit feeling that
same old shame ♪

♪ Stop playing
that waiting game ♪

♪ Oh, welcome, honey,
to the golden age ♪

♪ Of lettin' tiger
out the cage ♪

♪ They call you a four,
but you're so much more ♪

♪ 10 out of 10,
if I'm keeping score ♪

♪ So, if you're sore
down in your core ♪

♪ You gotta show 'em what
you're all about ♪

♪ Quit feeling that
same old shame ♪

♪ Stop playing that
waiting game ♪

♪ Oh, welcome, honey,
to the golden age ♪

♪ Of lettin' the tiger
out the cage ♪

♪ Whoo, ooh, ooh

♪ You keep trying
to show these bitches ♪

♪ Third time's the charm
if you're superstitious ♪

♪ So blow that cash
and blow them kisses ♪

♪ While you're rolling dice
and hitting sixes ♪

[ Guitar solo ]

Hi. I'm here to pick up the key
of Bare Feet Retreat.

I don't know
if you remember me.

Oh, I remember you.
Do I remember you.Shit!

Yeah, last time
yourented the house,

I had to re-hang
all the pictures.

I'm still getting sand
out of the knickknacks,

and half the spoons
were gone.

It's not easy finding
matching spoons, okay?

And in fact, they won't truly
match until the new ones

lose their shine
and muster up a patina.

No parties this time,
I hope.

[ Dance music playing ]

[ Laughs ]

No parties.
I promise.