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1
00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:03,271
Please tell me you watched
2
00:00:03,304 --> 00:00:05,373
the last episode
of "The Guest Book"?
3
00:00:05,406 --> 00:00:07,541
It was the one where the doctor
who lives next door
4
00:00:07,575 --> 00:00:09,743
was feeling guilty about
his marriage breaking up,
5
00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:11,545
so he didn't want to go out
with the cute little lady cop.
6
00:00:11,579 --> 00:00:13,781
But then he found out
their breakup wasn't his fault,
7
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:16,250
so now he and the cop are gonna
go out on a date.
8
00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:17,551
And the old man who the stripper
is blackmailing
9
00:00:17,585 --> 00:00:19,353
is having second thoughts
about giving her
10
00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:20,821
the keys to the cabin again.
11
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,723
Anyway, did you watch?
12
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:25,659
Nope.
13
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:28,662
**
14
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:31,265
* Wherever we go
15
00:00:31,299 --> 00:00:34,135
* That's fine by me
16
00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:36,804
* We'll settle our bones
17
00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:38,272
* Eventually
18
00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:41,142
* Yeah, I need a break,
I need a minute *
19
00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:44,312
* Just give me one day
20
00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:49,483
* Let's get, get, get away
21
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:55,656
[ Fiddle playing
melancholy tune ]
22
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:02,230
[ Dutch accent ]
"My name is Jacob,
23
00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:05,399
and I find myself in your cabin
at the end of a long journey."
24
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,441
Look at that.
25
00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:16,110
Your leather satchel
has a zipper on it.
26
00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:18,379
Would you mind
if I tried it?
27
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,314
Knock yourself out.
28
00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:25,319
[ Zipper whirring ]
29
00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:28,322
Sweetheart,
are you on drugs?
30
00:01:28,356 --> 00:01:30,891
Oh, no. I'm Amish.
31
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,860
This is my Rumspringa.
32
00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:34,695
May God show you your path
33
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,797
and may it lead you
back into our waiting arms.
34
00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:39,367
Jacob: Rumspringa is when
we go into the world
35
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,335
to experience things
we are forbidden --
36
00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:42,736
television, cars,
37
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,605
non-traditional clothing
with zippers
38
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:47,408
and something called Velcro.
39
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:51,312
The English world
is full of thieves.
40
00:01:51,345 --> 00:01:53,781
Take my hunting pistol
for protection.
41
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:56,684
Just wave it around
if you get in trouble.
42
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,353
I was nervous,
and Papa wasn't helping.
43
00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:02,223
[ Cow moos, goat bleats ]
44
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:06,427
My cousin Samuel left for
Rumspringa quite some time ago
45
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:07,795
and said I could stay with him.
46
00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:10,798
[ Electronic dance music
playing ]
47
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:13,634
Jacob! What up, son?!
48
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:17,271
Samuel's new ears reminded me
of my favorite toy as a child,
49
00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:18,806
my hoop and stick.
[ Laughs ]
50
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:22,910
At first, the outside world
scared me.
51
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:26,947
Very loud, and they had
strange customs.
52
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:31,385
But then I realized
exactly what needed to be done.
53
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,256
Just like my parents
always taught me,
54
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:39,893
put my faith in God
and he will lead the way.
[ Clatter ]
55
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:43,731
**
56
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:47,701
The first thing God wanted me
to do was try electricity.
57
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,673
[ Click ]
58
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:55,409
**
59
00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:57,411
It was amazing.
60
00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:59,613
Everything looked so real.
61
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:03,617
Dumbass. You gotta put
the headphones on.
62
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:05,286
And don't watch that shit.
63
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:08,322
I got some bootleg DVDs
if you want to check 'em out.
64
00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:12,560
**
65
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,795
The next thing
God wanted me to do
66
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:17,598
was watch something called
"8 Mile."
67
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,704
The film was about
a flaxen-haired gentleman
named B-Rabbit.
68
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:26,440
He talked quite rapidly
to extremely catchy music,
69
00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:29,009
and I found myself really
getting a thrill out of it.
70
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,011
But that was nothing
compared to how I felt
71
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:34,515
when I saw B-Rabbit's
beautiful girlfriend.
72
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,617
When I looked at her,
God made me feel funny
73
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,852
between my stomach
and the top of my legs.
74
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,722
And suddenly,
it all made sense.
75
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:43,491
God wanted me
to leave my family
76
00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:45,626
so I could find my true love.
77
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,027
That's why he had me
turn on the TV
78
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,929
and that's why he had me
watch that movie.
79
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,864
He wanted me
to find the actress
80
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:53,301
who played the part
of B-Rabbit's girlfriend
81
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:55,002
and make her my wife.
82
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,904
That girl is dead.
83
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,539
Pardon?
84
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,674
That little white chick
from the Eminem movie?
85
00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:03,477
Brittany Murphy?
She's dead.
86
00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:05,479
Only way you gonna see her
in Los Angeles
87
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:07,348
is if you have a shovel.
88
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:09,483
I left my shovel at home.
89
00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:11,519
It's turnip planting season.
90
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:14,788
[ Fiddle playing
melancholy tune ]
91
00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:17,991
Why would God put me on a bus
to find my true love
92
00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:21,362
when he's already taken her
from this earth?
93
00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:24,465
"Spend some time
in God's country."
94
00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:27,668
**
95
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,038
[ Ding ]
96
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:32,406
**
97
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:36,410
[ Brakes hiss ]
98
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,057
[ Telephone rings ]
99
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,925
**
100
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,928
[ Ring ]
101
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,630
[ Beep ]
102
00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:58,599
[ Whispers ] I told you
not to call me at work.
103
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,601
Tough shit!
I'm at work, too!
104
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,770
You need to give me the keys
to Froggy Cottage.
105
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,938
No. I never agreed to do it
more than once.
106
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,707
I don't care what you --
Who is that?
107
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:09,577
[ Beep ]
Telemarketer.
108
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:12,780
Hello? Is this God's Country?
109
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,716
That's what the poster says.
110
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:20,588
Perfect. I think he wants me
to meet him here.
111
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:23,924
Well...we rent cabins.
112
00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:25,826
Did he happen to tell you
which one
113
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:28,996
he'd be waiting for you in?
No, but he will.
114
00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:41,542
Froggy Cottage.
115
00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:42,876
I'll need your name
and phone number.
116
00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:45,078
There's only one phone
in my town.
117
00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:46,980
It's for emergencies.
118
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:51,985
The number is
area code 7-1-7...
119
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,754
1.
120
00:05:56,557 --> 00:06:00,093
[ Banjo playing lively tune ]
121
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,131
God?
122
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:05,966
God?
123
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:09,470
God?
124
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,672
God?
125
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:17,611
God? It's me, Jacob.
126
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:20,113
God?
127
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:22,516
I searched for God
all over your cabin,
128
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,117
but he was nowhere
to be found.
129
00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:27,888
So I went back to our
previous form of communication
130
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:29,823
so he could speak to me again.
131
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:32,893
**
132
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:45,639
That's when it finally
all made sense.
133
00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:47,608
God wasn't going
to come to me.
134
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:51,679
He wanted me to come to him
and Brittany.
[ Click ]
135
00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:56,817
[ Hammer clicks ]
136
00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:03,824
[ Click ]
All I needed was a bullet.
137
00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:09,963
Normally, suicide is a sin.
138
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:11,799
but so is having sex
with prostitutes,
139
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:14,067
taking drugs,
stabbing a homeless man,
140
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,003
and everything else
Papa told me he did
141
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:18,071
on his Rumspringa.
142
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:20,841
But God obviously
has a special plan for me
143
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:24,478
that will send me
into his waiting arms.
144
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:28,616
You people at the top
of the mountain think
145
00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:31,719
you are so smart,
and us valley folk are so dumb.
146
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:34,054
Look at you, acting like you're
king turd of shit mountain,
147
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:37,558
and you don't even understand
the basic rules of blackmail.
148
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,660
I thought it was gonna be
a one-time thing.
149
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,228
You can't just keep
renting out the cabins
150
00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:42,796
and expecting me
to give you the keys.
151
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,565
Mom, maybe we could find
another way --
152
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,066
Shut up, Frank.
153
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:48,068
Your shoes are untied, buddy.
[ Door opens and closes ]
154
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:49,870
Oh.
155
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:51,872
Excuse me?
156
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,174
I know your store sells
naked women,
157
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:58,579
but is there a store nearby
that sells bullets for a gun?
158
00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:02,282
Baby doll, if you're not
old enough to see titties,
159
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,685
you're not old enough
for bullets.
160
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:08,889
Hey, kid. I'll sell you
a bullet for $5.
161
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:10,791
Sinnomin, start clapping.
162
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:15,596
Kid, follow the sounds
of the claps.
163
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,899
[ Chair clatters ]
164
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:21,735
Come on. Come on, please?
Please?
165
00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:22,903
They're not even my keys
to give.
166
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:24,805
We rent those cabins
for the owners.
167
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,640
Well, that's your problem,
not mine.
168
00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:29,209
Look, I got a couple of
newlyweds coming in on Thursday,
169
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:31,011
so if I don't have
the keys to a cabin
170
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:33,013
with a view of the lake
by Wednesday night,
171
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,182
your wife is gonna have
front row tickets
172
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:37,184
to a little movie
I like to call,
173
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:39,653
"Your Husband is
Sucking on my Titties."
174
00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:41,789
Oh! [ Sighs ] I never...
175
00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:44,925
You smushed them into my face!
176
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,794
**
177
00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:49,296
She smushed them
into my face.
178
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:53,834
**
179
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:58,071
He asked you out?
180
00:08:58,105 --> 00:09:00,207
Wow! He's cute.
181
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,210
You should definitely sleep
with him on the first date.
182
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,112
Mom.
183
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:09,082
Hello? Do you ladies know where
I might purchase a tarp?
184
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:11,685
I'm planning something that will
make a bit of a mess.
185
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,721
There's a hardware store
half a block down
186
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,823
from the pizza place.
187
00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,829
So if you could get
this letter to my parents,
188
00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:23,731
I would really appreciate it.
189
00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:25,365
And make sure you tell them
that I used a tarp
190
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,100
so I didn't mess up
your floor.
191
00:09:27,134 --> 00:09:28,602
Mom will like that.
192
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:31,004
See you on the other side!
Jacob.
193
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,246
At first, I didn't know
why God would delay me
194
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:42,182
from meeting my true love by
having the man give me a bullet
195
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,718
that was too big
for Papa's gun.
196
00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:46,720
But then I realized it was
because I hadn't written
197
00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:49,356
my last will and testament yet.
198
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,993
So here it is.
199
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:55,295
I leave my black pants
to Daniel.
200
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,731
I leave my gray shirts
to Isaac.
201
00:09:57,765 --> 00:10:00,000
I leave my white shirts
to Matthew.
202
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,802
I leave my hats to Papa.
203
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:05,639
I leave my macramé yarns
and macramé crafts to Gertrude.
204
00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:07,775
I leave my hoop and stick
to Ruth.
205
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:11,144
And I leave my livestock
for the family to share.
206
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:13,781
[ Goat bleats ]
207
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,883
Okay, that's it.
I doubt I'll be able to find
208
00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:17,885
the right bullet
for Papa's gun,
209
00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:19,186
so I'm going to look around
your house
210
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:22,022
and see if I can find
another way to kill myself.
211
00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:25,693
[ Muzak playing ]
212
00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:28,628
Oh! Hi.
Hello.
213
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:32,666
Ah. Condoms.
214
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:34,434
Oh, yeah. Sure.
[ Beep ]
215
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:37,137
I got some other stuff, too.
Uh-huh.
216
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,312
[ Brakes squeal, gears shift,
engine turns off ]
217
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,047
I got your message.
Why did you --
218
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,816
You off the hook, buddy.
219
00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:51,885
-Seriously?
-Hey, look,
220
00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:53,821
I didn't wanna do this to you
in the first place,
221
00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:56,790
but my stepmother threatened
to put a fork in my eye.
222
00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:59,960
And -- and then you just kept
doing nice things...
223
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,462
[ Voice breaking ] like telling
me when my shoes were untied.
224
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:05,833
My dad used to tell me
when my shoes were untied.
225
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,837
Hey, just don't tell her
you got the tape from me, okay?
226
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,271
[ Shifts gears, starts engine ]
227
00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:14,041
[ Crying ]
228
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:26,419
[ Touchscreen clicking ]
229
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:36,096
Well, I figured out a way
to kill myself
230
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:37,731
and send me to heaven
231
00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:40,968
into the waiting arms
of Brittany Murphy.
232
00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:42,936
I've decided to fill the tub up
with water
233
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:45,472
and jump in,
holding your toaster.
234
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:47,274
It's actually kind of poetic.
235
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:50,510
An Amish boy literally killed
by electricity.
236
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,480
See you on the other side!
Jacob.
237
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:56,183
Me again.
238
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,151
It turns out your cord
on your toaster
239
00:11:58,185 --> 00:11:59,486
doesn't reach the tub.
240
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,121
I tried heating it up,
unplugging it,
241
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,856
and then jumping
in the tub with it,
242
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:04,457
but it didn't kill me at all.
243
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:11,031
So I've decided to hang myself.
244
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,499
You didn't have any rope
in your house,
245
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,301
so my only choice was
to dismantle
246
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:15,936
your strange macramé art
247
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:18,105
and fashion myself a noose.
248
00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:21,174
[ Drum cadence beating ]
249
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:37,190
See you on the other side!
Jacob.
250
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,560
[ Thud ]
251
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,096
[ Screaming and crying ]
252
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,798
**
253
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:52,405
[ Laughs ]
254
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:55,876
**
255
00:12:55,909 --> 00:12:58,445
I still can't believe I bought
condoms from your mother.
256
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:00,480
I can't believe I got
drunk enough to tell you that.
257
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:01,982
[ Laughs ]
258
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:03,516
Mmm.
259
00:13:04,852 --> 00:13:07,988
[ Groaning ]
260
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:10,824
[ Sighs ] I don't suppose we can
just pretend we didn't see that?
261
00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:12,993
I kind of took an oath
to protect and serve.
262
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:14,194
Aah!
263
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,429
I took a stupid oath, too.
264
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:19,399
Aah!
Almost there, buddy.
265
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:21,301
I really liked
our waitress tonight.
266
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:24,004
She was right about the fish,
I'll tell you that.
267
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:28,308
[ Screaming ]
268
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:31,411
**
269
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:34,114
Did Wilfrid drop
those keys off yet?
270
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:37,450
Uh...no. He never --
he never came by.
271
00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:41,889
[ Rings ]
272
00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:42,923
[ Laughs ]
[ Beep ]
273
00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:45,125
Well, hello, Vivian.
I thought you might call.
274
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,459
When are you dropping off
those keys?
275
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,095
I'm not.
Yes, you are,
276
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:50,898
unless you want me to show
that tape to your wife.
277
00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:53,066
Well, you go ahead and do that
if you think you can find it.
278
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:54,601
And what's that mean?
[ Laughs ]
279
00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:57,037
It means that maybe you
"valley folk" are as dumb
280
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,406
as us "top of the mountain folk"
think you are.
281
00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:01,441
And if you want
to rent a cabin,
282
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:04,111
you can call us at 8 a.m.
when we're open.
283
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:07,414
Eat shit, dumbass!
[ Beep ]
284
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,454
Frank!
285
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:16,189
[ Dog barking in distance ]
Frank!
286
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:18,325
**
287
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:21,228
Did I always have
this many fingers?
288
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:22,595
Yeah, buddy.
289
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,597
I think that's just
the hydrocodone kicking in.
290
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:28,201
We'll try to get in touch with
your parents in the morning.
291
00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:31,438
[ Banjo playing lively tune ]
292
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,408
Who's that?
293
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:38,345
That's Marcia Brady.
294
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,180
You think it's okay
to leave him here?
295
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:41,915
Oh, he'll be asleep
before you know it.
296
00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:43,483
Besides, he's not going
anywhere.
297
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:44,985
Looks like he's in love.
298
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:47,921
She makes my stomach feel like
I'm sledding.
299
00:14:47,955 --> 00:14:50,490
So do you want me
to take you home, or...
300
00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:52,359
Or. I choose "or."
301
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:56,263
Finally, it all made sense.
302
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:57,630
God didn't let me kill myself
303
00:14:57,664 --> 00:15:00,100
because he wanted me
to be with an angel
304
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:02,069
right here on Earth --
305
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:03,603
Marcia Brady.
306
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:07,274
Not only is she beautiful,
but unlike Brittany,
307
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:10,243
she's exactly my age.
308
00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:12,312
I have to find her.
309
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:14,514
And I know exactly where
to look --
310
00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:16,950
Los Angeles, California.
311
00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:20,120
Thanks for letting me use
your house.
312
00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:21,521
I couldn't remember
313
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,190
what your bizarre macramé art
looked like,
314
00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:25,358
so I just tied it into an owl.
315
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:29,029
P.S.,
your toaster isn't working,
316
00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:31,298
but maybe it will
after it dries out.
317
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:33,666
I don't know
a lot about electricity.
318
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,010
[ Nails clacking ]
319
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:46,146
Good night.
320
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:49,382
**
321
00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:52,019
[ Door closes ]
322
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:58,025
[ Door creaks open and closed ]
Morning.
323
00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,226
What time is it?
324
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:00,693
8:00.
325
00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:06,699
[ Beeping ]
326
00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:09,536
[ Rings]
327
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:15,575
[ Ring ]
328
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,310
[ Beep ]
329
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:20,113
Mount Trace Rentals.
[ Imitates Asian accent ]
Uh, yes, hello.
330
00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:22,515
Is there the woman
who work there available?
331
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:25,118
I'm sorry, she's out, uh,
cleaning the cabins.
332
00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:26,686
Can I take a message?
[ Normal voice ] That's okay.
333
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:28,421
I'll find her
and tell her myself!
334
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:30,290
I don't need a tape,
asshole!
335
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,425
I'm smart enough to paint
an accurate picture
with my words!
336
00:16:32,459 --> 00:16:33,726
Titty-licker!
[ Beep ]
337
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,730
[ Scoffs ]
You smushed them into my face!
338
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:40,767
**
339
00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,005
[ Starts engine ]
340
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:52,179
[ Cans rattling ]
341
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:06,459
**
342
00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:09,229
[ Alarm beeping ]
343
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:12,499
Oh. [ Clears throat ]
344
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,667
[ Alarm stops ]
Oh. Morning.
345
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,336
Good morning.
Mm.
346
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,371
I'm sorry about that alarm.
347
00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:21,241
My son's coming by later today.
I wanted to get up early.
348
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:22,775
You go back to sleep.
349
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,580
[ Clears throat ]
350
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:33,186
[ Sighs ]
351
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:36,423
**
352
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,164
[ Brakes screech ]
353
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:45,732
[ Engine turns off ]
354
00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:54,607
**
355
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:57,377
[ Door creaks ]
Please. You can't tell her.
356
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,678
Shut up!
Stay out of my way!
357
00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:00,147
No, no, look, look, look.
I'm sorry.
358
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:01,581
I shouldn't have destroyed
the blackmail tape.
359
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:03,283
Listen, I'll -- I'll let you
make another one.
360
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:05,118
I'll even really suck
your titties this time.
361
00:18:05,152 --> 00:18:06,586
This isn't about money
anymore.
362
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,788
Nobody outsmarts me!
I am gonna win this!
363
00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:10,457
Well, wait!
364
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:13,726
[ Smack ]
[ Scoffs ]
365
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:19,732
Don't! Don't! Please! Wait!
Wait! Wait! Wait!
366
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:22,269
**
367
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:23,503
[ Shift gears ]
368
00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:25,305
[ Punch lands ]
[ Grunts ]
369
00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:28,508
[ Groaning ]
370
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:38,318
Uhh!
371
00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:40,553
[ Rock thuds ]
372
00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:44,324
What? [ Panting ] Why?
373
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:45,858
What?!
374
00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:48,561
[ Screams ]
375
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:52,232
Oh, my God! What?!
[ Whack ]
376
00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:53,666
[ Thud ]
377
00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:03,643
[ Shifts gears ]
378
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:05,378
[ Brakes squeal ]
379
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:10,617
What? I-I was just practicing,
so -- so my son...
380
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,952
She was gonna kill you.
I had to shoot her, right?
381
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,587
Absolutely.
382
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:16,223
Uh, maybe we should, uh,
get her out of sight
383
00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:17,757
while we, uh,
while we discuss this, huh?
384
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,759
Good idea.
Yeah.
385
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:24,697
I can't believe I actually
hit something I was aiming at.
386
00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:28,735
* There's an arrow of love
387
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:32,905
* Headed straight for you
388
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:36,676
* From a heart that's sure
389
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:40,780
* With a name that's true
390
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:43,916
* No, don't feel the sting
391
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:48,421
* 'Cause it's stung me, too
392
00:19:48,455 --> 00:19:51,758
* And happy, I lay wounded
393
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:55,862
* In love with you
394
00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:00,833
* There's an arrow of fear
395
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:04,704
* In my quiver it stays
396
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:08,675
* For it pierced me deep
397
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,543
* In my younger days
Marcia?
398
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:13,446
Rumspringa?
399
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,248
You're not the first.
* Left me frozen in time
400
00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:17,584
Come on in and we'll figure out
how to get you home.
401
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:20,287
* Without words to say
402
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:24,324
This is what happens when
you grow up not watching TV.
403
00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:27,627
* Oh, come what may
404
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:31,298
* There's an arrow
that forgives *
405
00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:35,602
* It doesn't compromise
[ Goat bleats ]
406
00:20:35,635 --> 00:20:39,439
* And as long as I live
407
00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:43,610
* I'll have it in my side
408
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,978
* And if everyone asks
409
00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:50,750
* What kind of soul am I
410
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:54,587
* The kind with a heart
411
00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:58,691
* Bared open wide
412
00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:01,894
**
29025
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