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Gerry, man, why's it always me
that does all the hard graft?

Cos you're the one with the shovel.

Oh, right.

Aye,
but even when there were no shovels,

it's still always me that does
all the big, heavy, horrible stuff.

Aye. That's cos you're the one
that's big, heavy and horrible.

Sewell, watch what
you're doing, man!

I want straight edges, you know.

What you on about?
It's pitch bloody black, man.

You'll have to make
do with zigzag.

Here.

Oh, shite!

That was me last one an' all.

Haway, activity!

Step on it, Sewell.

Oh, fuck, man, Sewell!

Oh, Jesus. I need some
bloody light, man.

Fuck it!

'Finally, a spokesman for Newcastle
United described last night's theft

'of a penalty spot
from St James's Park

'as "an act of mindless vandalism".

'Head groundsman Charlie Harrison
had just one word for it -

'"sacrilege".
Travel and weather coming up next.'

I don't understand
what they're on about.

Sacrilege?

It's like, you know, making a
mess of something sacred, like.

No, I mean mindless.
That's bollocks, man.

We put a lot of thought into that.
Like you said,

if you can't be a part of it,
you might as well take a part of it.

That's it,

that's it. Come on.

Field of dreams, man.

We can be part of it.

I can see it now, Sewell, man.

We'll get in there dead early,
like, to soak up the atmosphere,

and buy us both a huge cup of tea
each. Two sugars, dead milky.

And when the Magpies come out,
we'll get up and go bananas,

you know, like you do.

And then they'll kick off, and
we'll just be there all comfy-like,

sitting in our seats, sipping our
tea, watching our Toon. Belter, eh?

What are you on about, Gerry, man?

Season tickets.

Season tickets? Us?

Way-aye. Why not, like?

They don't hand them
out on the social.

They cost about £500, like, each.

So?

So we're £500 short, like, each.

So? You know what you and me need?

About £1,000, by the sound of it.

A mission.

What do you say?
All we get from thieving,

put it all to one side, like.

Anything we can think of
for makin' money, we'll do.

And we dinnae chuck it away, either.
Pack in the tabs, pack in the dope.

No booze, and no glue.

Save everything up
for up our season tickets.

What do you reckon, eh?

There's a while until the season
starts. We can do it easy, man.

Right, you lot, out of here.

And you two, you little fuckers.

You're not supposed to be up here!

You know what we'll get, Sewell,
when we get our season tickets?

Something you and me have never had.

Proper pies?

Respect, Sewell. Are you with us?

Come on. Clear off out of it,
you fucking little toerags!

Aye, I'm with you, Gerry, man.

We cannae fail, man. Especially
not with that lass looking after us.

Who?

The guardian angel of fucking
toerags. She'll see us through.

Here you are, son.

Ta, Dad.

Dad. Did you make this from the tap?

Aye, son. There something wrong?

Hot's the one on the right, Dad.

Oh. I'll make you another.

No, no. You're all right.

I'm off out.

Take your coat off, Sewell, pet.

You look like you've been lagged.

I'm all right, ta, Mrs McCarten.

You must be sweating rivers
in there, big lad,

what with all that blubber.

I'm all right, Mrs McCarten, honest.

I wouldn't feel the benefit,
you know.

All right.

All right, Mum?

How is Sheara?

Jesus, man, she stinks.

So did you, Gerry.

Not like that, I didn't.
I'd remember.

You still do some times.

All right, Clare. What you up to?

I just got some stuff for Mam.

Still no Bridget, then?

No. It's been three weeks now.

(COUGHS)

BABY FARTS

You all right, Mrs McCarten?

Never better, Sewell, son.

Never better.

We going?

Are you off?

Wouldn't be school
by any chance, would it?

I've told you, man. I'm studying
at university of life, me.

University of life, my arse!

Sewell, can you not
talk some sense into him?

No, I'm asking
the wrong person there!

See ya.

So what's the plan then, Gerry, man?

Give us a chance.

I could murder a tab.

Sewell, man, you've only
been given up ten minutes.

That's a record for me.

Oh, Jesus!
It's staring us in the face, man!

What is?

Scrap, man, Gerry!
The river's full of it, look!

Folk are always chucking away
things that they don't want.

Aye, they don't want
them cos they useless.

Hadaway,
there's loads of money in scrap.

It's junk, man.

We've got to start somewhere.
Everything in there's worth

something. All we've got to do
is get in there and pull it out.

We?

Come on, Gerry. Give us a hand, man.

One of us has got to look
respectable if we're gonna sell
anything.

You might make money out of shite,

but you cannae go round
smelling of the stuff.

Oh!

I'm trapped! Gerry, man,
I'm sinking!

Shit.

Oh, Gerry!

Watch and you shall learn.

Practical science, like. If you
stopped at school, you'd know that.

I'll get the bucket first,
and then I'll come back for you.

Eh?

Second rule of scrap dealing.
Leave the real shite till last.

Shit!

Rag-and-bone!

You're embarrassing, man!

I'm embarrassing? Look at you!

Anyway, do you want these
season tickets or not?

Course I do, more than anything.

Rag-and-bone! Any old rag-and-bone!

You're not the usual.

Does Terry know you're doing this?

You know, Terry, the guy
who normally comes round?

Oh, you mean Uncle Terry. Way-aye.

Hadaway, you lying bastards!

Come in, lads.
I've got something for you.

Hey. Is that the new look, then?

Pebble-dash.

You look like you've been stood
the arse end of an elephant, you.

Away, you bastards.
They're me son's.

I wouldn't care, but it's
a different one every week.

14 of them, there was
in the house last night.

The stink an' all!

He gets mad if I mention it.

Anyway, lads,
this is what you can take.

It's knackered, like.

Get hold of the bastard!

Quick!

Shite! He'll murder me, he will.

His favourite, that.

He'll get mad if that one's
not in when he gets back.

What's he doing in a fridge, like?
He's not a bloody penguin.

That one would be in the microwave
if I had one. See ya, lads.

If I live.

See ya. Ta.

Oh. Hello, pet.

Hello, Mother.

Ah, you take after
your grandad, you do.

No words.

Just all dribble and puke.

Oh, never mind.
Your nana's here, pet.

Your nana'll always be here for you.

Shall I sing to you?
Hmm? Shall I sing, my little Sheara?

# I cannot get to my love
if I should die

# For the waters of time run
between him and me... #

PHONE RINGS

Leave it. # ..And here
I must stand with a tear in my... #

Not all phone calls are bad.

Clare, pet, I'd know if
I'd won the bloody lottery.

# Both sighing and sickly
My true love to see. #

No, it'll be the social.

Or the school. Or the loan sharks.

Or Bridget.

Or your dad.

# Oh, where is the boatman,
my bonny hinny?

# Oh, where is the boatman?

# Bring him to me

# To ferry me over

# The Tyne to my honey

# Or scull him
across that rough river to me. #

Are you sure this fella's
gonna buy this stuff?

Way-aye.

Who is he?

Ginger?
He's made a mint out of scrap.

Oh, aye, and this will be one of his
many branches nationwide, then, eh?

(BANGS ON DOOR)

You'll have to knock louder.

I think he's getting
deaf, old Ginger.

Aye, tycoons can't have everything.

Hold on to this, then.

You must be canny hot in that
snorkel jacket, Harry Sewell's lad.

It's a bench coat, Ginger.

Bench stoat?

A bench coat. A training jacket.

Like one footy managers wear.

Fucking bandages?
What are you talking about?

We've - got - you - some - stuff.

Jesus, I'm - not - deaf.

I know. I've seen it.

A knackered
old fridge and a busted bog.

Bit of superglue,
be good as new, man.

Oh, aye.

Thanks very much, lads.
Very nice of you to bring it round.

Aye.

Aye.

Aye.

We thought you might pay us, like.

I have no money, lads.

I'm what's known as
"living beyond the cash economy".

All right, then.

Tell you what I'll do.

I'll take the fridge in exchange
for owt round here that you fancy.

'What a cracking start that was(!)'

Sweatin' and heavin' all day,
carrying cartloads of crap

all over Tyneside,
and what do we get out of it?
A fucking cuckoo clock.

A magpie cuckoo clock.

Oh, aye. Thank Christ for that, eh?

Wouldn't want to think we
was wasting our time, like.

Jesus. Murder a tab, me.

DOG BARKS

It's that hound.
Here, boy. Come to Sewell.

Must have been trailing us.

Following the stench of your coat.

No, he just likes us, that's all.

Think I'll call him...Rusty.

You can't keep him, man!
It belonged to Matthew Brabin,

and you saw what a mad lad he is.
He scares his own ma shitless.

He's dead intelligent, man.

Intelligent? Oh, aye. Let's see.

Let test it out, then.
Now, you smelly hound...

Rusty.

Oh, aye. Now, Rusty,

you smelly hound, how many
pounds does a season ticket cost?

He cannae answer that, man.

If he was intelligent, he'd
be able to tap the number out.

They're £500, man.
He'd have no bloody feet left.

No, he knows the answer.

He's just too smart
to want to go about on stumps.

Here, I'll show you.
All right, Rusty, listen.

This is Gerry,
the brains behind our mission

to get Toon season tickets, which,
as you well know, cost £500 each.

So tell us, how many pounds
do you think we've got so far?

Eh?

Correct!

From now on, Sewell, we don't
waste a minute. Not a second.

And from now on,
leave the bright ideas to me, right?

Right.

Right.

Right, our Gerry?
All right, Sewell, honey?

Aye, you?

What's up?

Mum's poorly, so I'm taking
her round the doctor's.

Don't you worry, Gerry, lad.
Just me annual MOT, you know.

You not going to school?

Don't be daft, Clare.
I have more periods than he does.

So what are you doing today, then?

We've got plans, like.

They're up to something.
I don't know what it is,

but it's not helping old biddies
across the road, I know that much.

Gerry, be an angel, pet,
and look after Sheara for us.

Usual fiver, like?

Mind your car for you?

Better safe than sorry, yeah?

Fucking Jesus! What do you
want this early in the morning?

To count our money.

No counting till
the first day of the season.

That's tomorrow.

Sewell, man,
there's some pound coins over there.

CROWD ROARS

Stop that dog!

Three Gazza specials, one with
not too much chilli on, like.

For the bairn, like.

Hiya, Gerry. All right?

All right, Gemma?

Hey, Sewell. I haven't seen
you for ages. Are you up to owt?

Bloody hell, you have been!

That's not Sewell's, man, Gemma.
It's our Clare's.

Oh, aye. Canny.

She's got a rattle an' all.
What's she called?

Sheara.

Oh, not another Sheara.
They're everywhere, man.

Oh, well, I wish she was mine.

Do yous know Zack? He's the goal
minder for Whitley Bay Warriors.

We're out celebrating.

Aye, look.

Canny.

Aye, canny.

So when's the happy day, like?

End of next year some time.
Soon as I'm 16.

Yous two are brilliant,
looking after the bairn.

I'd say you were a new man, Sewell,
pet. If it wasn't for that old coat.

Come on, Gemma.

See you later, lads.

Three Gazza specials.

Sewell, man,
you dinnae still fancy her, do ya?

Well, do you not?

Not when
she's going out with a gorilla.

And the rest!

Eh?

I gave you a 20.

No, you never.

I did.

You didn't.

I dinnae see them that often, but
I know what they bloody look like.

It's not right, man,
bringing her here.

Hadaway, man. We cannae
turn down a spot of babysitting.

A fiver's a fiver.

Aye.

I got her this.

Great. Give her that now,
while she's crying.

That's the crying to tell
you that she's thirsty.

Here, babby, take a drink.

Maybe she just doesn't like Tango.

I'll go and get a Vimto.
Bairns love Vimto.

She's not thirsty, Sewell, man.

Eh?

Jesus, man. Can you not smell it?

Smell what?

Shit!

Oh, that.

It's our Clare!

Gangway, lads, gangway.

And for God's sake,
breathe through your mouths!

Take her, man, Sewell.

Oh!

Get upwind, all of you.

Sewell, man,
rip some of that off, quick!

Mam? You all right?

Clare says you're not good, like.

Where's the telly?

Dad, you bastard!

Your bloody Auntie Mosey, old cow.

Got a fucking gob on
her like the Tyne Tunnel.

What's he taken this time?

Did he go into Bridget's room?

You don't think I got
this for nowt, do you?

I'll put the kettle on, eh?

You'll have to buy one first.

Have you rang the social?

What with?

Oh, come here, Gerry, man.

You skive school, you.

You nick all sorts.

Drink all sorts.

You smoke I don't know what.

You do nothing, you.

Except drive your poor mam mad.

How that bastard ever
produced a lad as good as you,

I'll never know.

# Run a mile

# Cos all the while

# You're cramping my style

# And bleeding me dry... #

I think it's important to, you know,
treat it as, well, a fresh start.

Clear the decks in your mind
and start again.

Maureen, you're like
a cracked record, you.

You said that last time.

And the time before.

He'll find us again.
He always does.

He may be a monster, but
he's not a fucking idiot.

He won't find you here.

You're wasted in social work, you.
You should be a comedian.

We're only try to make
things better for you.

Aye, I know.
I know you're doing your best.

It's just...that nothing
ever changes, does it?

Aye, it does.

The houses get smaller.

Aye.

So does the family.

Still no word from Bridget?

There never will be now, will there?

Cos we cannae tell anyone
where we fucking live.

We are trying our best for you,
Gerry. You do know that, don't you?

Oh, talking of which,

to go along with the fresh start,
I've got a proposition for you.

Maureen, man! I'm too young for you.

You wouldn't
last past the wedding night.

No! It's just a little trade.

You do something for me,
I've got something for you,

something I know you'll like.

Maureen, I'm not going to school.
Purely no chance.

Listen, Gerry.

If you go for,
say, just two weeks...

Maureen, no.

Listen to her, Gerry.

Mam, I'm not going to school.
It's a hellhole.

All you get treated like is shite.

Well, according to you,
you get that everywhere.

But I don't have to
dress up like a prick.

So you don't want to
know what I've got for you?

No, cos I'm not going.

I bet you do.

In fact, I bet you're there today,
"dressed up like a prick".

Two weeks. That's all you've got
to do to get this certain something.

I don't care what you've got,
Maureen. I'm not going.

Watch me mouth.
I am not going to school.

Not today, nor any other day.

And there's nowt you can do
that'll make us change me mind.

Nowt?

Totally nowt.

Well, I never.
Gerry McCarten turning down

a pair of free tickets
to the football.

"Be innocent of the knowledge,

"dearest chuck,
till thou applauds the dead."

The deed.

"The deed.

"Come, seeling light".

Seeling night.

"Scarf up the tender eye of

"pitiful day, and with
thy bloody invincible hand..."

Bloody and invisible.

"..Cancel and tear to pieces that
great bond which keeps me pale!

"Light chickens and
crow makes wing to the..."

McCarten, don't push me, all right?

Can you not read, lad?

Maybe you're just lost
without the pictures.

Janine, you take over.

McCarten, just stick to comics, eh?

"Light thickens, and the crow
makes wing to the rooky wood

"Good things of day begin to droop
and drowse while night's black

"agents to their preys do rouse,
thou marvels at my words..."

Where's the other lad, then?
I don't know.

Aye, well,
if if you want the same money,

you've still got
to plant them all.

Reet?

Aye, reet.

DOGS GROWL

Stay, Rusty!

Same shite as yesterday, eh?

Later.

Er, no gravy, ta.

You what?

I don't want any gravy.

You don't want any gravy?

I don't want any gravy.

There you are.

I'm not eating that.

What's up now?

McCarten, get a move on.
You're holding everything up.

Did you see what she did?

Don't argue, lad!

Just get on with it!

Bloody waste of space, that one.

'I don't know if
I can stand it, Sewell.

'Caird's being a right old bastard.'

I know it means we'll get to see
the Toon. But I don't know.

It's only for a fortnight.

But I just want to chin him.

Chin him in a fortnight.
50p for the guy!

And what's up with you?

Why, it's only September, man!

Well, that's our motto, like.
Be prepared.

Cheeky buggers!

£1 for the guy.

First times. First times.

Gemma?

First time you...

Did the lottery, miss?

OK. First time you did the lottery.

Describe what happened.

And use a simile.
Remember what a simile is?

When you say something
is like something else.

It was like...

Well, it was like a disaster, miss.

A disaster?

We decided to use our
birthdays as the numbers,

you know, all six of our birthdays.

Me dad went down the shop.

And we all tuned in, and it started,

with that gadge you see
activating the balls and all that.

Yes, hilarious. Go on, Gemma.

Well, when the numbers come up, we'd
won. We were all jumping up and down

celebrating, going mad and that.
Except me dad, like.

Why not your dad?

Cos he'd forgotten
our birthdays, miss.

Got down the shop
and gone braindead.

Forgotten our Dean's birthday,
forgot my birthday

and forgot me mam's birthday.

Oh, dear.

So how did that feel? Use a simile.

When you thought you'd won and
then you realised your father

had used different numbers, how did
that feel? What did it feel like?

Like a fucking great kick
in the cunt, I'd imagine.

Thank you, Gerry. We don't need
quite such vivid comparisons.

But he's right, miss.
Good similarity, that.

And what about your father?
His perspective on

the same experience must
have been different to yours.

Nobody knows, miss.
He's under the patio!

OK. Anyone else? First times?

Thank you, Malcolm.

We've already had your all too
graphic recollection

of the morning after
your first vindaloo.

Gerry, what about you?

You must have a first-time
experience you can share with us.

Oh, surely.
All the things you get up to.

Come on, anything.
What do you enjoy?

What's your real passion?

Footie, miss. He's footie mad.

Oh yeah, that's right.

A regular little member
of the Toon Army, aren't you, Gerry?

Not any more, Miss.
He cannae get in now.

No, but you did used to go,
didn't you?

Course I did, Miss.

Well, right.

What about the first time
you went to football?

I bet that was an experience.
Tell us about that?

Who did you go with? Your dad?

Howay, Gerry. Tell us.

I can't remember that well, Miss.
It was that long ago. I was small.

Dead small, you know.

Try, Gerry.

I was maybes five or six.

I can't remember exactly.

There was loads of people,
people everywhere, dead noisy,

but having a laugh, you know.
Well, we won, I think.

Go on. What else do you remember?

Me father's coat.
I remember me father's coat.

It were dead thick and warm,
like a jacket, you know.

I was cold, you see, Miss,
so me father give us this jacket.

And I put it on reet by me face.

I'd never been so warm.

The wind was whistling round the
ground, it was raining and all.

Didn't bother me, though,
I was cushty.

Me father kept on looking down
to see if I was all right.

He was shivering in his shirt and
jumper, like, but he didn't mind.

As long as I was warm.

That's good of him.

Aye.

And then at half time, he bought us
both two huge steaming cup of teas.

We drank them together.

What was the tea like?

Belter. Purely belter.

Two sugars, dead milky, like.

Don't know about similes, Miss.
It was just like, like...

Like the best cup of tea
I'd ever had.

And after the whistle went,

we stayed after everyone had gone.

We walked through a park
to get on a bus. It were

the time of the year when it was
getting dark around five.

And there was this bird singing.

I don't know what sort, Miss. Maybe
it was one of them thrushes, like.

Whatever it was,
it was singing dead loud,

just as it were getting dark.

It was mint, man.

And what about your father? His
perspective on the same experience

must be very different
to yours, yeah?

I should think so.
He's a fucking pisshead, Miss.

LAUGHTER, BELL RINGS

OK.

So where are we going?

We'll do C&As, Smiths,
Boots, Marks and Sparks.

Everything's A Pound?

Way-aye. Everything's A Pound(!)

Well, what's funny about that, like?

Sewell, man, we're going nicking.

Nicking things to sell,
for proper money, like.

Aye, I know that.

So what will people give us

for something we've nicked from
Everything's A Pound?

Depends on what it's worth, like.

How much do you think it's worth,
coming from Everything's A Pound?

I don't know.
They've got some good gear in there.

The most expensive thing, man.
How much do you think that's worth?

Or for that matter,
the cheapest thing?

Jesus, one at a time, man.

It's the same bloody question, man.

Look, I'll give you a clue, right?

The shop's called
Everything's A something.

I know what the bloody shop's
called, Gerry.

Well then, Everything's A Pound,
not Everything's A Tenner,

or Everything's A Different Price.

Everything's A Pound. So how much
do you reckon the dearest

and the cheapest thing is in
Everything's A Pound?

Well, which do you want, man?

Both, man!

Eh?

A pound, a fucking pound!

Everything is a fucking pound!

I know. I know that!

Jesus, I'm not stupid, man.

All right, Einstein,
you're clear on the plan?

While they're busy watching me,
doing me decoy bit,

filling me pockets, you fill yours -
properly.

Oh, right, aye, because they
won't see me, because I'm blind.

Of course they'll see you, man.
They just won't suspect you.

Why is that, like?

Cos you're blind!
Cos you're blind.

Oh right, aye, I see.

Joke, man, Gerry, it were a joke.

You're meant to be blind, man,
you pillock.

Can I help you?

No thanks, just browsing.

That's an unusual guide dog.

Where was he trained?

Erm, in Wickham.

Oh, I know Wickham. Whereabouts?

Erm, in the woods up there, you
know.

Woods? Aye.

And all them fields roundabout.

Strange.

Why is that, like?

Well, you know,

they usually train guide dogs
in towns and cities,

on streets.

Where people live.

Not this one -
because I live in a field, like.

You live in a field?

Aye. Woods, like.
Woods, trees, you know.

Out in the wilds, like.

Oh, whereabouts?

You wouldn't know it.

I live miles from anywhere.

We've ponies and huskies,
them Newfoundland dogs and all,

with the webbed feet.

It snows most of the year.

Big castles.

Browsing, you say?

Aye, just browsing.

Just browsing?

Aye. Not deaf, are you?

No, I'm not deaf,
and you're not blind.

Stop!

DOG BARKS

BELL RINGS

Hey, youse two are
top set, aren't you?

Do you want to buy some books?

No thanks.

Take a look at them first, man.

Beauty, isn't it?

I don't do Spanish.

So?

So why would I want
a Spanish dictionary?

You might want to go to Spain
on holiday.

How do you shag the Diego lads
if you don't know the lingo, like?

All right. How about this, then?

A hardback, a classic.

See, it even says Everyman's
Classic. A Sportsman's Notebook.

What's it about?

Footie. Keegan wrote it
before he left the Toon.

It says here it's
written by Ivan Turgenev.

He helped him. He couldn't do
everything on his own, our Kev.

Ivan helped him, like.

You know Ivan Turgioff.
Canny player.

He looks like a fish, but, you know.

How much?

About eight hundred thou,
I think, from Dynamo Kiev.

For the book!

McCarten! What are you playing at?

You're supposed to be
changing in the gym.

I've got no decent kit.

I've got no decent kit, sir!

Well, that makes two of us, then.

See, McCarten, there's kids here,

good kids who come in every day
for years and years.

Sometimes go out the
far end with nothing.

You turn up for a fortnight,
and what do you get?

A bloody present.

Aye, I've heard all about it.

All these kids, you see,
they come here to get educated.

But you - you come here to get
football tickets.

You know what that
makes me feel, McCarten?

Fucking sick, that's what.

There's only one thing I can
do to make meself feel better.

And that's to make this fucking
fortnight a fucking misery for you.

Stop up there till the bell.

WHISTLE BLOWS

Right, come on, you're chasing the
ball around like a flock of sheep.

Let's see some positional play.

# Oh, me lads
You should have seen us gannin'

# Passing the folks along the road
Just as they were stannin'

# All the lads and lasses there
All with smiling faces

# Gannin along the Scotswood Road
To see the Blaydon races. #

Gerry, man, where are you going?
It's the house at the end of the
song.

We always do the house
at the end of the song.

Not tonight, Sewell, man.

HUMMING

Aw, stop that humming, man.

I cannae help it, man. Whenever
I'm buzzing, I start humming.

Howay, a vid in the bedroom.

They're well loaded.

Hey, look at this tackle.

Lily Of The Valley.

The lasses'll be all over us
with this on.

It's air freshener,
you don't spray air freshener on.

Aye, you can.

No you can't. It's for when you've
been, man. To clear the air, like.

Been? What are you on about, man?

You spray it after
you've had a shite.

Put that on, the lasses will think
you've just done one.

Aw, put it back. You don't break
into a house and nick air freshener.

You would if you lived with my dad.

You'd think this was gold dust.

Howay, let's get downstairs.

Jesus, look at this. They don't wash
their own dishes,

they just stick them in here, look.

Look, a coffee maker,
a toaster, a microwave.

Jesus, don't these
bastards do anything for themselves?

Howay, Sewell, we'll have
that microwave.

That's something for our dinner.

That'll be better for our money tin.

You always say "never again",
and we always end up going.

Whenever her ladyship calls...

Oh, not that again, pet.

Yes, that again.

Is that Caird?

I'm not saying that you fancy her.
Who would fancy

an old tart like that with her tits
hanging out?

Denise, I don't fancy her.

Oh? For someone who doesn't fancy
her,

you spend a lot of time
looking at her tits.

I bet he was, and all.

Why would I, when my wife's
got the top tits on Tyneside?

Promise?

Ah-ha.

Well, are you going
to tell them that?

Come on, then. Howay, me beauties...

FART

What the hell was that?

Run for it!

Fuck it!

Run, man, she's at
the frigging door!

Paul! Where are you, man? Paul!

Cover your face, man!

Come here, you bastard!

Come here, you bastards. Paul!

Hello, lads.

Tickets, please.

Two and a dog to
the football ground.

Here you gan, son.

Cheers, now.

Thanks.

Howay, man, I got them
for free, didn't I?

I was conned, man.
How was I supposed to know?

Well, I don't know, do I?

You're meant to be the brains.

I can't believe it.

She knows nothing at all about
football, Maureen, the old trout.

Two free tickets, she said.
She didn't say where for.

We're not going there to see them,

we're going there
to sell our tickets.

We'll get good money
for these, and all.

All towards tickets
that we frigging want.

I just can't believe...

'we're going to Sunderland.'

Howay, Sewell, man,
the Stadium of Light.

Stadium of Shite, you mean.

We're in the heart of
enemy territory now.

Don't speak a word from
now on, right? Not a word.

Man alive, man!
See?

What?

You speak pure Geordie.
Open your mouth here,

and you're dead meat.
They'll rip you to shreds,

and all they'll find of you
is a few scraps of your bench coat

blowing along Roker Beach, OK?

Tickets?
Want a ticket? Want a ticket?

Howay, man, Sewell, shall we
just go in and watch them?

Eh? Watch Sunderland?

It's not like we're going to
sell our tickets now, is it?

Fuck off back where you come from.

They've already got them.

CHEERING

I suppose.
Nowt better to do, like.

Stay, Rusty.

We'll be back, er, quarter to five.

Dogs cannae tell the time, man.

Not bad, eh?

Not a patch on St James',
like, but aye, so-so.

(CROWD) # If you hate Newcastle,
clap your hands

# If you hate Newcastle,
hate Newcastle

# Hate Newcastle, clap your hands

# Singing aye-aye-yippy-yippy-aye

# Singing
aye-aye-yippy-yippy-aye... #

(GROANS)

Come on!

Sewell, me old mate, next season,
this'll be us at St James'.

Course, the football'll be
much better, like,

but you still get a sense of it
here.

I counted the jar again
this morning, Sewell.

We're almost there, son.

We're almost there.

Tell us that thing again, Sewell.

What thing?

About the time your
da took you to St James'.

Oh, that. Why, man?

Nae reason, I just like it,
that's all.

Why, it were years ago.

In those days, anyone could go.
You didn't have to be loaded,

just paid at the gate,
stood anywhere you wanted.

It were dead cold, brass monkeys.
I remember that.

And I remember
me da gave us his jacket,

even though it meant he were cold.

He kept on looking down
to see if I was all right.

He were freezing his
bollocks off, like.

But he didn't mind,
as long as I was warm.

At half time, he bought a cup of hot
tea, two sugars, dead milky.

Better than this one,
different class.

It were the
best cup of tea I've ever had.

Afterwards,

we stayed put for a while, stood in
the empty ground, just me and him.

We were in nae hurry.

Then, we went for a walk
through the park, like.

And it was a bird singing in a tree
dead loud, like. I remember that.

Then we went home. That was it.

Was it the best day of your life?

I don't know yet, do I?

Sewell, man.

Aye?

This is me first football match.

I've never been before.
Never even seen the Toon play.

I know that, you dozy git.

Mam?

DOOR CLOSES

Bridge?

Howay, Bridge,
I know it's you, man, sis.

All right, Gerry? Come on in, son.

Come and say hello
to your old man, eh?

You b...
Those are hers, and that was mine.

Oh, grow up, son.

Besides, all them years
I fed and clothed you,

all them times I helped you out.

You fuckin' owe it to us, son.

You cannae do this.

Are you gonnae stop us?

Don't be a prick all your life, son.

Eh? I mean, you're no bigger now
than the last time I decked ye.

How's your mam?

I still love her, you know that.

Oh aye,
I saw her lip last time you came.

Must have been some
fucking kiss, that.

You might not like this,
Gerry, son, she still loves me.

She does, man. I can tell.

And I tell you sommat else, son.

We'll be back together sooner than
you know it. Back like before.

Where's Bridge?

How did you find us?

(LAUGHS) See what I mean?
Eh, you'll never guess, son.

Go on. You'll never guess.

What do I do, Gerry, son?

What's me job, man?

The bins. The bins!

You moved to my patch, man,
you pillocks!

How much fucking easier can she make
it, eh? She must want us back.

You bastard!

(Happy Christmas, Kyoko.)

(Happy Christmas, Julian.)

# So this is Christmas

# And what have you done

# Another year over

# And a new one just begun

# And so this is Christmas

# I hope you have fun

# The near and the dear ones

# The old and the young

# A very merry Christmas

# And a happy new year

# Let's hope it's a good one... #

Let's hope it's a good one, eh,
Maureen?

Absolutely.

Without any fear.

Gerry, pet, be an angel and
shut them curtains for us.

So that's what you're saying?
You fell down the stairs?

Aye.

It's hard to buy, that one.

How's that, like?

Well, seeing there
weren't any stairs, like.

I don't understand. You could get
him this time. Get a court order.

It's not a court order he wants,
it's the last rites.

Well, I don't think
we could arrange that.

If you manage to mix up
Newcastle and Sunderland,

I think you can manage anything,
you lot.

# A very merry Christmas

# And a happy new year

# Let's hope it's a good one

# Without any fear. #

Aye, I know it's not the Ritz, but
anywhere's cushty with you here.

Just belter to have
a place to ourselves,

just you and me, you know.

Aye, just you and me, and Rusty.

Rusty'll be nae bother, man.

Hey, you know that mad kid
I told you about,

the one looking for his dog?

Apparently, he's asking about, like,
looking everywhere.

He's off his head, that lad.

Aye, so would I be if
somebody had nicked me hound.

I don't think it was nicked,
he just lost it, like.

Oh aye,
like you lost that Zack fella, eh?

Aye, like that.

You have lost him, haven't you?

Haven't you, Gemma?

Aye, he's gone for good, Zack has.

History.
I can't be doing with tossers, me.

Gis us a kiss, then, eh, Gemma?

(WHINES)

What?

Nowt. Eh, I got you
a Christmas present.

Oh, Sewell, you shouldn't have.

It's only small, like.

But it's getting bigger all the
time.

You said it.
Hey, a cock's not just

for Christmas, you know.
It's for life.

I wouldn't mind that, Gemma, pet.

Are you going to get out
of that bench coat, or what?

Not if I needn't, no.

# Sleep in heavenly peace

# Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way

# Oh what fun it is to see
the 'Castle win away... #

There you go.

Sweets? I'm 17, man.

Merry Christmas, lads.

Aye, and happy new hearing aid.

Ta, son, same to you.

I'm off.

Where to?

Out and about.
We've done all right, yeah?

We've got to be nearly there now.

Aye, nearly there.

Come on, Rusty.

Sewell, man.

Aye?

Nowt. See ya.

See ya.

# WIZZARD: I Wish It Could Be
Christmas Everyday

Oh, God.

What's up, son?

You've put...

Christmas pud in the...

No matter, eh?

Saves time, like.

All ends up in the bog
together, don't it?

Cheer up, will you?
It's New Years, man.

We're off for a day out in Whitley
Bay. You're into a new flat.

We're near our grand total.
Toon's fourth in the league, man.

Hey, and soon we can get back on
the good things in life too,

because I'm telling you, man,
I'm desperate now.

Aye, first thing we do when we've
got our tickets, bit of booze, go
and get

totally peeved, pure radgie, man.

Sewell...

Wrecked, smashed, eh?

Sewell, man.

Mortal, man, pissed
and stoned as farts, eh?

Jesus, Sewell, man!
There is no season tickets,

and there never will be.
Me old man found the money

and took it.

All of it?

Just after the Sunderland match...

Sunderland?

That was months ago, man.
And you're just telling us now?

You had a canny Christmas,
didn't you?

Well, aye, but...

That's why.
Cos I didn't tell you.

Look, I've got the money with us -
what we've saved since, like.

So if you want to spend it,
I'll understand.

Have it, man.
It's yours.

Me father's a bastard, and
that's all there is to it.

So just take it and be done.

Gerry!

You can't give up on a mission.

We'll gan down the boozer, eh,
hatch a plan, like.

Gerry!

I've worked it out. It doesn't seem
like we're going to get our tickets

this season, so how's about this.

If we can't afford two, maybe we
can just get one, and share it.

You know, me one week, you the next.

Or, I have first halves,
you have second. Or maybe...

My favourite programme, it's great.
You always see someone you know.

(TV) Have you seen these two
teenagers? They work as a team.

One about five feet tall,
the other over six feet.

Here, the taller one poses as a
blind person as they steal goods

in Newcastle city centre.

There's a reward for information
leading to their arrest.

They appear to own
a rusty-coloured dog.

The taller of the two wears
a bench coat of the kind

football managers wear. If you
recognise these youths, call us now.

Oh shite, man, they may as well
have read out our ruddy names.

Even your frigging
bench coat got a mention.

The whole of Tyneside'll be
looking for us.

What are we going to do, like?

It's pure and simple, man.

First off, we've got to,
you know, get rid of it.

I like it as much as you,
but it's a dead giveaway, man.

I can't do that.

You've got to, man, it's dangerous.
You have to get rid.

I can't do it,
I've had it for four years.

What?

Me bench coat,
I've had it for over four years.

Not your bench coat.

There's something else
that's got to go.

Oh, you can't mean it!

That Matthew kid'll have seen us.

I can have him easy.

He's a radgie, man, a pure psycho!

I can't do it.

I can do me bench coats at a push,
but I can't do that.

You do it.

I can't.

You do it.

Don't worry. It's for the best.

I love that dog.

I'm sorry it has to end this way,
Rusty.

We can't
have people seein' you now, can we?

You've been a really nice dog.
But, you're also a dead giveaway.

You've been a good dog.

But, well, you know.

DOG WHIMPERS

SEAGULLS CRY

Bridget?

You all right, Gerry?

Where have you been all this time?
Where have you been sleepin'?

Floors, mainly. Floors, friends.

What you on?

Out, man, Gerry. Tack, E,
wobbly eggs, poppers, smack.

What about you,
still goin' mental on tack?

No. I've stopped that for a bit.

You carryin' now?

I told you...

You must have something! You must
have something! Tack, anything.

I'm your sister. I'm desperate.
A couple of quid.

I'm beggin' you, man. I need help!

You fuck!

How's Mam?

She misses you, Bridge.
We all do.

We've moved again, and
this time he won't find us.

It's a canny flat. You should see
it.

I've sorted out your room.
Put all your stuff in.

Gerry, it doesn't
matter where it is.

It's not home any more.

This is my life. This.

Bridge, man, come back. We can do
all them things what we used to.

Aye, so can me Dad.

I'll look after you.

It wasn't just his
fists, you know, Gerry?

Gerry!

Just come back.
Let us tell you where the flat is.

Gerry, I don't wanna know!

Anyway, what you doin' round here?

Havin' a day out, like.

With Sewell.

Sewell?
Is he still wearing that bench coat?

I bloody hope not.

I'll get you a burger, eh?

Gerry.

Deep down, you're still nothing
but a bloody angel.

ONIONS SIZZLE

Fuck!

I'm not losin' it, Gerry, man.
I've decided.

I'll wear it inside out.

But, that's the limit. Besides,
it helps with that other matter.

I've been thinkin' about that too.

It's sorted.
All I've gotta do is wear 'em.

Wear 'em?

You know, under me bench coat, like?

What are you on about?

You big soft lad.
I knew you couldn't do it.

Tie him to a post, like.
Is that the best you could do?

You can't keep him under
your bench coat forever.

No, I know. Just until Gateshead.

The I'll give him to
Gem to look after for us.

Until it's all blown over, like.

Gemma?!

Aye. I'm seein' her now, man.

You're jokin'?

Why?

You're you, and Gemma's Gemma.

Anyway, she's engaged
to that orang-utan man.

Nah, no. That's all over.

The only question is, who'll pull
your head out of your arse first?

Mad dog Matthew or Gemma's fella.

I'm Gemma's fella!

He's an ice hockey player, you know?

So!

Have you not seen them on telly?
They're mental!

It's not like he'll come with you on
his own. He'll have the whole squad.

Poofs, man. I can have that lot.

Shearer shoots! 1-0!

This time next year, eh? Eh?

This time next year, you'll be dead,
with a hockey stick up your arse.

Shearer!

2-0!

CROWD: Shearer! Shearer!
Shearer! Shearer!

What you thinkin', Gerry, man?
It's a mad plan, this, Gerry.

Well, we'll never find out.

If we miss the bloody bus.

Two minutes, man.

I just said
I'd see her for two minutes.

All right, lads?

Y'all right?

All right.

All right.

All right. Yous look
smaller than you do on telly.

You bench coat Sewell, like?
Good time.

I've got you some bait.

It's mostly for you, cos I know
you'll eat the most.

But it's for you an' all, Gerry.

Ain't she the best, man?

I don't know! You TV celebs
get all the perks, like.

Ha-way, Sewell. I need a word.

They shaggin', like?

What are you?
Inspector fuckin Morse, like?

So, where yous goin?

Nowhere.

Is that what the careers
officer said to you?

Gerry, man, bag a lucky dip.

Nah.

Ha-way, Man. Fiver, like.

No, Sewell and me's off that.

Why, like?

Ha-way, Sewell, man!
Let's get ganin bef...

Fuck. Psycho bollocks.

Sewell, man! It's Rogie! Off his
head! Fuckin' run!

See ya.

Don't ye move man!

Don't ye move!
You took me dog.

He's mine, and you took him.

Mine!

I didn't take him...

Aaarghh!

Aaarghh!

I didn't take him. He followed us.

Stay!

See you later, Gemma.

See you soon.

What about the hound?

You can't leave Rusty, man. You
love him, man.

I've got someone else to love now.

What's so funny, like?
What you smilin' at?

I'm just happy, man.

High, more like. What you on?

Life, man. Just life.

She's still looking after us, man,
Sewell, eh?

You don't think all this lot's
after season tickets an' all, do
you?

No, no-one else is that smart.

CHEERING

(ALL CHANT) Shearer! Shearer!
Shearer! Shearer!

Alan!

Alan!

Mr Shearer!

Mr Shearer! Alan!

Alan!

(FOOTBALL CROWD CHANTS ECHO)
Shearer! Shearer! Shearer! Shearer!

Shearer! Shearer! Shearer!

Shearer ! Shearer!
Shearer! Shearer! Shearer!

Shearer! Shearer! Shearer!

What can I do for you, lads?

Can you give us a
pair of season tickets?

One'll do, like.
If you can't manage two.

(LAUGHS)

Gerry. What did you expect?

Respect, man.
I'll make them take notice of us.

Yeah, yeah.
Gerry, man, what are you doin'?

Get in.

Gerry, man!

Just get in, will ya!

ENGINE STARTS

This isn't one of
your better..ideas!

TYRES SCREECH

# You're my guiding light

# And your shining brighter... #

What a motor, eh? Right little fanny
magnet, this, like!

Ah, Jesus, Gerry, man!

What?

This isn't any old fanny magnet.

It's Alan bloody
Shearer's fanny magnet.

Eh?

This is his fan mail here. We're in
Alan Shearer's bloody motor, man.

(LAUGHS) Aye, well, that'll
teach him to laugh at us!

He's got a CD player. Stick one in,
man. What's he got?

Ah, no, Alan.

What?

It's all the old tarts, man.

Desiree,
Natalie Imbrugli-ulia, Gabrielle.

You know that slapper with the
patch? Ah, no, no, Alan!

What now?

Celine friggin' Dion!

We've gotta wreck it somewhere.

We can't wreck it, man.
It's Shearer's.

We can't keep drivin' it
for the same fuckin' reason.

Great plan, Gerry, man.

Go an' ask Alan Shearer for a pair
of season tickets

and end up twokin' his bloody motor.

Aye, but, man, at last, eh? Eh?

At last, what?!

Somethin' to tell me grand bairns.

# I knew we'd be together

# And that you'd be mine

# I want you here forever

# I can't believe you're here
but I know that you're real

# I know what I want

# And, baby, it's you

# I can't deny my feelings
because they're true, yeah

# Dreams can come true

# Look at me, babe, I'm with you

# You know you gotta have hope

# You know you gotta be strong

# Dreams can come true... #

It's gotta be round here somewhere.

What?

Newcastle.

I've seen you
sometimes on your own and in crowds

Sewell, man. Have you ever
wondered why we're like we are?

What? Bloody hungry and fuckin'
lost?

No. I mean what decides like, you're
gonna be brainy, and you're not.

You're gonna be lucky, you're not.

You're gonna have,
you're gonna have not.

What, like? You're gonna be Bobby
Robson, you're gonna be Gullit.

Aye. You're gonna be top drawer
and you're gonna be scum.

Cos that's what we are, you know?

Aye, top drawer!

Jesus, man! What are you doin?!

If I wanted to listen to a
whinin' arsehole, I'd fart, man.

Haway, are you goin for a dip?

# You know you gotta be strong

# Dreams can come true

# Look at me... #

It's purely belter!
Get yer kit off!

It's freezin'!
It's fuckin' freezin', man!

It's cushty!

Ah, I could eat a scabby donkey, me.

Aye,
and all we've got's a scabby fish.

Where did you learn that? Fishin'
with your mitts?

Me dad learned us.
When I was a bairn, like.

Did he learn you lots of stuff,
your old man?

Me dad's not me old man.

I live with me grandad.

I just call him me dad.
I never knew me real dad, or me mam.

What happened to them?

Nowt. They just went away, like.

I was
just something that they didn't
need.

Do you not, you know,
want to find them?

I'd only kill 'em.

That's what I was on about, you
know, what makes you what you are.

Maybe that's it. A good dad.

One that loves you,
wants you, and that.

A good dad, that's what I'm gonna
be.

Aye. Me too.

No, Gerry, man. I mean soon.

I'm gonna be a father.
Gemma's, you know?

Are you sure it's yours?

Fuck off! Gemma's a lady.

Gemma's Gemma, and she's 15.

We'll have longer together.

You could always...
It's not too late.

I'm happy
about it, right? Dead happy.

Happier than I've been about
anything else in me whole life.

Jesus, man! What's that?

I thought we gave
all that up for our season tickets?

No team's that good, Gerry, man.

Gerry, man.
The season ticket thing.

That was just about havin'
a bit of fun, wasn't it?

Something to do.

Was?

It was great, but it was just a
game.

Just dreamin' of better things,
like. Bein' something.

I don't have to dream any more.

I couldn't just nick a bit of
that ribbon off you, could I?

Course you can, love.

(BINGO CALLER) Two little ducks, 22.

Them famous steps. It's 39.

Those lovely legs, 11.

WOLF WHISTLES

Top of the shop, 90.

Two fat ladies, 88.

Gerry, y'all right, son?

I only need one.
I only need number eight!

Jesus!

Eight, come on. This is it,
number eight. Eight, eight, eight.

Alan Shearer, number nine.

Oooh! House!

Oh, Fuck! Fuck!
Fuck! Fuck!

It's the University of Life, son.
You've just graduated.

(COUGHS)

(COUGHS VIOLENTLY)

You all right, mam?

MONITOR BEEPS

Think I'm sick, this time, son.

The doctor says you'll be all right.

What would he know? He's only 11.

Ah, son, think I'm knackered.

Gerry, pet, let us get
some rest, will you?

I'm tired.

# I'm the trouble starter

# Punkin' instigator

# I'm the fear addicted

# A danger illustrated... #

Hiya.

I got you a tea.

Ta. I got you this.

It's massive, man, Sewell.

Aye, but,
you're scoffin' for two now, like.

I'm 15, man.
I can't handle all that stuff.

I had to do it, Sewell.
I had no choice.

If he'd found out,
that would have been it.

Sewell, man, you're a dead nice lad,
and I love you loads. It's just,

Zack's got a job, a future.

And you've got...

I've got a chance, you know?
A real chance to have a decent life.

You understand that,
don't you? Sewell?

You, you bastard!

# I'm the troublestarter

# Punking instigator

# I'm the fear addicted

# Danger illustrated... #

# Maybe I didn't treat you

# Quite as good as I should have

# Maybe I didn't love you

# Quite as often as I could have

# Little things I should have
said and done

# I just never took the time

# You were always on my mind

# You were always on my mind... #

Mam's sick.

She's in hospital, man.

Do I look like someone who gives
a fuck?

# All those lonely,
lonely times... #

You should do.

You put her there.

# And I guess I never told you... #

Dad. Dad!

# I'm so happy that you're mine... #

Dad!

Oh, just fuck off, son, eh?

# If I said you were second best

# Girl, I'm so sorry I was blind

# You were always on my mind

# You were always on my mind

# So te-e-ell me

# Tell me that our true love
hasn't died

# Te-e-ell me,

# Give me one more chance to
make you satisfied

# Satisfied... #

Fuck!
Sewell, man, what happened?

You should see the state of them.
What are you doing, man, Gerry?

I'm like you, man. Still
waiting for them better things.

I hope you're right proud of
yourself, you, you big, fucking
twat.

You were meant to
see us through, man.

So what made you come here?

I dunno.

It's the only way.
The whole lot in one job.

One big job, we're there.
Are you with us?

I'm with you. When, though?

Today.
Today, eh? Now. Now?

Where? Dunno, wherever we
are when we finish the song.

Eh?

No turning back.

No turning back.

We'll sit in our own seats.
We'll go to every match.

(BOTH) # Ah, me lads,
you should have seen us gannin... #

Aye, drinking our tea, two
sugars, dead milky.

# Passing the folks along the road,
just as they were standin... #

No-one to tell us what to do.
Belter. Purely belter.

# The lads and lasses there,
all with smiling faces

# Gannin down the Scotswood Road,
to see the Blaydon races. #

Fuck!
Gerry, man, are you sure?

No turning back.

Aye, but what's the plan, like?

There isn't one.
Take your jacket off.

Haway, Gerry, son. You
all right? You all right, Sewell?

Haway, Auntie Maud.

Mrs Jackson.

You look like you're robbing
the bank. (LAUGHS)

No, just cold, like.

How's your mam?
I hear she's had a turn.

She's all right.

We cannae stop, Auntie
Maud, we're in a rush.

Aye, no rest for the wicked, eh?
See you, then.

Stay here.

Next window, please.

(MUFFLED) I'm robbing the bank.

Sorry?

(MUFFLED) I'm robbing the bank!

Next window, please.

(MUFFLED)

Sorry?

Give us £1,000.

Got an account number?

No, but I've got a fucking gun.

Oh, come on son.
A joke's a joke.

This isn't a fucking joke.

Laugh at us again,
and I'll blow your fucking head off.

Now give us £1,000.

Give him the money, or this
fella gets it.

All right, all right, now calm down.

Just a thousand?

Um, yeah.

You only want a thousand?

Yeah.

How do you want it?

What? How do I want it?
I don't know, quickly!

I've only got 300 in my drawer,
I'll have to get the rest.

All right, but don't you
dare press any buttons.

That's just a coat.
You haven't got a gun.

You can't be sure.

Pretty sure.
There's nothing in there.

Come on, come on.

You're not 100% sure, though,
are you?

99.

Well then.

Take a walk if you feel lucky.

Do you feel lucky, punk?

Actually, I do, quite.

Gerry.

Oh, don't use our friggin' names,
Sewell, man. Oh, shite.

Good God!

I'm bleeding man.

Give it here, man, give it here.

POLICE SIRENS WAIL

You fucker, man!
Give it here, give us that.

Let's go, leave it.

SHOUTING

Hold it. Hold it!

It was only for our
tickets, that's all.

Nearly a fucking year,
and this is all we've got.

Do you want to split it, like?

Fifty-fity.

It's not funny, Sewell, man.

We can give it to me
dad when he visits.

He can bury it somewhere.

He'll never remember
where he buried it, like.

But if he did,
we'll escape and fly to Spain.

Splash out on a couple of
season passes to Juventus.

Two teas.

Can I have mine more milky.

Which one's McCarten?

Me.

The hospital's been on.

There's some bad news, like.

In the silence of this hour, speak
to us of eternal things that through

patience and comfort of the
scriptures we may have hope,

and be lifted above our
darkness into

the light and peace of thy presence.

Through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.

And now we say a final farewell to
a much loved and fondly cherished

member of our community.
A loyal friend, a doting father,

a loving husband, cruelly taken
from us during a moment's lack of

concentration crossing the inner
ring road late last Thursday night.

We will all miss Billy McCarten.

Thank fuck the bus driver didn't!

Please all stand for the hymn,
Now Thank We All Our God.

Despite having heard very positive
accounts

regarding the characters of these
two youths,

it would be remiss to
ignore the gravity of

this particular misdemeanour.

Your spelling's coming along.

However, the evidence heard
indicates that this was

hardly the work of hardened
criminals.

The fact that the accused put a
ceiling limit on their cash demands

leads one to suspect that this was
quite clearly a first-time effort.

In the hope
that it will also be a last time,

I sentence Gerald McCarten
and James Sewell

each to 200 hours community service
over the next 12 months.

It'll fly by.

Hello, lads.

There you are, Miss Whittaker.

Thank you.

DOORBELL RINGS

Here you are, Mrs Snowden.

Thank you, dear.

Thank you.

DOORBELL RINGS

Hi, Mrs Milsom.

DOORBELL RINGS

How have you been, lads?
How are yous two?

Alreet, Beryl.

All the better for seeing you, like.

Come in, come in.

Here you are, Beryl.

Thanks, me little angels.

Hi, it's nearly time, lads.

Your tea's on the side there.

I'll see you later.

Thanks, Beryl.

See you later, Beryl.

Belter, eh?

Aye, purely belter.

# Daddy can't buy me an XR-3

# So if I see one I like,
well I don't need keys

# I'm going to race all day
round the country lanes

# Far away from the truth
and the sirens wailing

# Road by road

# Little houses with no-go zones

# On the 22nd floor
and the view is great

# Smoke-stacked sky leaves
housewives wailing

# No excuses no more tries

# Every happy ending lies

# Closing the door wishing for more

# Closing my eyes

# Listening to sirens come at night

# All trying to get a decent place

# I know everyone around me
sees the world like this

# I'm an expert YTS

# I've got a knee-jerk reaction
like the NCA

# No excuses no more tries

# Every happy ending lies

# Someone's happy someone cries

# No-one's happy all the time

# Road by road

# Little houses with no-go zones

# On the 22nd floor the view is
great

# Smoke-stacked sky
leaves housewives wailing

# No excuses no more tries

# Every happy ending lies

# Closing the door wishing for more

# Closing my eyes

# Listening to sirens... #