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- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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I can't believe this.
3
00:00:05,042 --> 00:00:07,234
Yeah, it's a weird thing to see.
4
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Just be glad they put your body in bag.
5
00:00:09,326 --> 00:00:10,820
That not happen to Thor.
6
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Slowly watched my own body
decompose over many years.
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You've said all this before.
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Not to her! She new here.
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- Is very good story.
- MARVIN: That should do it.
10
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Just need you to sign
here and initial here.
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00:00:22,244 --> 00:00:23,407
It's just so sad.
12
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We knew the family.
13
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Yeah, it's rough.
14
00:00:26,893 --> 00:00:28,021
And just to reiterate,
15
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we did not provide the donut holes.
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The deceased brought them to the party.
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Not to victim blame.
18
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Mm. Kind of sounds like you are.
19
00:00:35,891 --> 00:00:38,449
Peter, how are you managing
this turn of events?
20
00:00:38,549 --> 00:00:40,308
Well, I'll admit, I was pretty steamed
21
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:41,438
when I realized I was gonna have to
22
00:00:41,537 --> 00:00:42,832
spend eternity with Carol.
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Because of the fact
that she cuckolded you
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with your best friend Jerry.
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Right, but...
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I've been thinking about it,
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00:00:49,905 --> 00:00:52,695
and it's not healthy
to dwell in the past.
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00:00:52,794 --> 00:00:54,090
You know what, I'm sorry, I believe
29
00:00:54,189 --> 00:00:56,115
it was actually Jerry
that cuckolded you.
30
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Carol just cheated.
31
00:00:58,439 --> 00:01:00,565
Even in these difficult
times, we must be precise.
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Yes, thank you for that
attention to detail,
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00:01:02,689 --> 00:01:05,778
but the larger point I'm
making is that I'm fine.
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So you're not gonna
confront her about it?
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PETE: Well, I don't think
she realizes that I know.
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And if that's the case,
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why make her transition to
the afterlife any harder?
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She's got a lot on her plate.
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One less donut hole than before.
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(BOTH LAUGH)
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- I should not be laughing at that.
- No. No.
42
00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:24,075
I mean, I'm filled
with anger toward her,
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00:01:24,175 --> 00:01:25,934
but I-I'm trying to swallow it.
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Hopefully better than she
swallowed that tiny confection.
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(BOTH LAUGHING)
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- Hetty, you're bad.
- I am bad.
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โช โช
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So, uh, we have some bad news.
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- Yeah, I heard about the dead lady.
- (CHUCKLES)
50
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A lot of people did,
including our main investor,
51
00:01:42,992 --> 00:01:43,996
who feels like,
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in combination with the finance bro
53
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we fished out of the lake last year...
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Epic.
55
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... it's just too many dead bodies
56
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for her taste, and she's
pulling her funding.
57
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Oh, man, this is not good.
58
00:01:54,003 --> 00:01:56,011
Mark getting bad news.
The tables have turned.
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We'll get another investor,
we'll figure it out.
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00:01:58,320 --> 00:01:59,425
Hamilton would say you could just
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print the money, and then he'd probably
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00:02:00,998 --> 00:02:03,039
go whoring, which he did.
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00:02:03,140 --> 00:02:04,277
That's great, but we need money now.
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00:02:04,377 --> 00:02:05,950
If we shut down, we're
gonna lose our crew,
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00:02:06,052 --> 00:02:07,089
and who knows when we'll get them back.
66
00:02:07,189 --> 00:02:08,192
Wait, what are you saying?
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00:02:08,227 --> 00:02:09,465
I'm saying,
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00:02:09,565 --> 00:02:11,139
if we don't come up
with, like, ten grand
69
00:02:11,239 --> 00:02:12,644
to cover us over the next couple weeks,
70
00:02:12,745 --> 00:02:14,518
you can forget about the restaurant.
71
00:02:14,618 --> 00:02:16,660
And now we're back to
Mark delivering bad news.
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All's right in the world again.
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Hey, you know who's
literally got exactly $10,000?
74
00:02:21,914 --> 00:02:23,187
Isaac,
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00:02:23,287 --> 00:02:24,893
- from his biography you sold.
- SAMANTHA: Right.
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00:02:24,993 --> 00:02:26,199
Sass is pointing out that
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00:02:26,299 --> 00:02:28,373
we gave Isaac that money
for the book advance.
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00:02:28,474 --> 00:02:30,649
Speaking of which, have
you looked at the draft
79
00:02:30,749 --> 00:02:32,825
- I gave you to read yet?
- Uh...
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00:02:32,925 --> 00:02:34,866
Jay, it's been on your
nightstand for the last week.
81
00:02:34,966 --> 00:02:36,740
I've been really busy
with the restaurant.
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00:02:36,841 --> 00:02:38,078
He was on TikTok for, like, an hour,
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00:02:38,180 --> 00:02:39,786
watching people unclog drains.
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- It is oddly satisfying.
- So good.
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I promise I will soon, babe.
86
00:02:44,437 --> 00:02:45,576
Now, in the meantime,
87
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let's go get that Founding Farter
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and save our restaurant.
89
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Sounds like we have our book title.
90
00:02:50,863 --> 00:02:52,336
Not a good start, Jay,
91
00:02:52,436 --> 00:02:54,042
but I am intrigued.
92
00:02:54,143 --> 00:02:55,482
I once turned down the opportunity
93
00:02:55,582 --> 00:02:57,121
to be part owner in a tavern,
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00:02:57,223 --> 00:02:58,962
and I always regretted it.
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00:02:59,062 --> 00:03:00,368
Oh! Isaac's interested, Jay.
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00:03:00,469 --> 00:03:02,576
ISAAC: They were known
for their horse pie.
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They put cinnamon in it.
98
00:03:04,217 --> 00:03:05,857
The name of the horse was Cinnamon.
99
00:03:05,957 --> 00:03:07,497
TREVOR: T-Money time out.
100
00:03:07,597 --> 00:03:10,542
As your financial advisor, I
need to advise you against this.
101
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The restaurant business is very risky.
102
00:03:12,316 --> 00:03:14,022
Well, we'll pay you right back.
103
00:03:14,122 --> 00:03:15,796
We just need to get through
the next couple weeks.
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00:03:15,897 --> 00:03:16,901
JAY: What's happening?
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Is the ghost that we gave the money to
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00:03:18,307 --> 00:03:20,046
not gonna give it back to us?
107
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No, he will, Jay.
108
00:03:21,586 --> 00:03:22,891
Not if he listens to the Wharton grad
109
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he looks to to make these decisions.
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00:03:24,497 --> 00:03:26,673
Oh, did you go to Wharton?
Haven't heard you mention that.
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00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,548
Samantha, I would love to help you out,
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but I'm sorry, I must heed
Trevor's financial advice.
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It's not that I don't believe in you,
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it's just... No, it's that.
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In his defense, you two
aren't great at business.
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- I mean, you gave $10,000 to a ghost.
- Exactly.
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PETE: So, you see, Carol,
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aside from not being
able to touch things
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or leave the property, we actually lead
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00:03:48,694 --> 00:03:50,166
a pretty normal existence here.
121
00:03:50,267 --> 00:03:52,007
And, yes, ghosts can have sex.
122
00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:54,618
What? She was gonna
get there eventually,
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I thought I'd cut to the chase.
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The ghosts date each other?
125
00:03:57,546 --> 00:03:59,956
There is some of that going on, yes.
126
00:04:00,056 --> 00:04:01,596
Isaac and Nigel are engaged.
127
00:04:01,696 --> 00:04:03,270
I was consorting with Trevor
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00:04:03,370 --> 00:04:04,675
and a washing machine.
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00:04:04,775 --> 00:04:07,117
And Thor was with Flower.
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00:04:07,218 --> 00:04:09,494
She get sucked off.
131
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Well... (SCOFFS) good for her, I guess.
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Yes, good for Flower,
but very painful for Thor.
133
00:04:16,623 --> 00:04:18,061
Jerry always used a pillow.
134
00:04:18,161 --> 00:04:19,367
Anyway, what about you, Pete?
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00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:21,375
Are you dating anyone?
136
00:04:21,475 --> 00:04:24,119
(STAMMERING): Oh, uh, me?
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00:04:24,219 --> 00:04:25,759
I know this could be a
little awkward to talk about,
138
00:04:25,859 --> 00:04:27,767
but it's been 40 years.
139
00:04:27,867 --> 00:04:30,243
It's okay if you've moved on.
140
00:04:30,345 --> 00:04:32,251
In fact, it would be
weird if you hadn't.
141
00:04:32,353 --> 00:04:33,624
Yeah. Very weird.
142
00:04:33,724 --> 00:04:35,431
(LAUGHS LOUDLY)
143
00:04:35,531 --> 00:04:37,439
- (WHISPERS): This is painful to watch.
- Yeah.
144
00:04:37,539 --> 00:04:39,682
What do we think Carol has
in that big purse of hers?
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00:04:39,782 --> 00:04:41,187
If there's a God, cocaine.
146
00:04:41,287 --> 00:04:43,095
SASAPPIS: Do people keep
pizza in their purses?
147
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We'll find out when we
look for the cocaine.
148
00:04:44,601 --> 00:04:47,847
So... you seeing anyone currently?
149
00:04:48,048 --> 00:04:50,558
You bet I am. Yeah, big-time.
150
00:04:50,659 --> 00:04:52,700
Oh. What's her name?
151
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:53,938
Name? Uh, well, you know, let me,
152
00:04:54,039 --> 00:04:55,209
let me check with her first.
153
00:04:55,309 --> 00:04:56,750
Uh, just of respect, you know.
154
00:04:56,850 --> 00:04:58,121
I-I can't wait to tell you about it,
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'cause she is real...
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00:04:59,728 --> 00:05:01,836
really...
157
00:05:01,936 --> 00:05:04,112
Carol, I don't believe you
have seen the mansion yet,
158
00:05:04,212 --> 00:05:06,421
and I would love to give you a tour.
159
00:05:06,522 --> 00:05:08,463
Yes, and we can learn more
about your purse in the process.
160
00:05:08,563 --> 00:05:10,136
Person. I said "person."
161
00:05:10,236 --> 00:05:12,144
- Thank you.
- HETTY: So tell us about your interests.
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00:05:12,385 --> 00:05:14,928
Greasy foods? Stimulants?
163
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Good grits!
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00:05:16,870 --> 00:05:18,844
I'm really up a creek this time.
165
00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:21,153
Will one of you pretend
to be my girlfriend?
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00:05:21,253 --> 00:05:24,702
(GROANS) Are we really
singing this song again?
167
00:05:24,802 --> 00:05:27,311
Why is that always your first move?
168
00:05:27,412 --> 00:05:29,955
I just don't want Carol knowing
I spent the first 40 years
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00:05:30,056 --> 00:05:31,963
of my afterlife being loyal to her,
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00:05:32,064 --> 00:05:34,305
when she wasn't even loyal
to me while we were married.
171
00:05:34,406 --> 00:05:35,477
It's humiliating.
172
00:05:35,577 --> 00:05:36,716
You should've just bit the bullet
173
00:05:36,816 --> 00:05:38,055
and told her the truth.
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00:05:38,155 --> 00:05:40,497
There's plenty of time for
Monday-morning quarterbacking, Nancy.
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00:05:40,597 --> 00:05:41,870
We are where we are.
176
00:05:41,970 --> 00:05:43,744
Now, will you be my
fake girlfriend or not?
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00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:46,253
No, I'm not doing it.
I've served my time.
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00:05:46,353 --> 00:05:47,492
Alberta? Please?
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00:05:47,592 --> 00:05:49,433
I-I don't think that's
a good idea, Pete.
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00:05:49,533 --> 00:05:51,307
You know, there's history.
181
00:05:51,408 --> 00:05:54,420
Like when Pete try to kiss
you and you facepalm him.
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00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,160
I think we all knew what
she was referring to.
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00:05:56,260 --> 00:05:58,871
Just very funny to talk about.
184
00:06:00,042 --> 00:06:01,950
SAMANTHA: Are we really
taking Isaac's money?
185
00:06:02,050 --> 00:06:03,255
This feels wrong.
186
00:06:03,355 --> 00:06:04,660
No, babe, what was wrong was
187
00:06:04,761 --> 00:06:08,609
us giving an invisible person
$10,000 in the first place.
188
00:06:08,709 --> 00:06:10,785
Samantha, I've been thinking about it,
189
00:06:10,886 --> 00:06:13,094
and to hell with Trevor.
190
00:06:13,195 --> 00:06:15,872
It's my money and I want
to help you guys out.
191
00:06:15,972 --> 00:06:17,612
Besides, we're only
borrowing Isaac's money.
192
00:06:17,712 --> 00:06:19,051
Wait.
193
00:06:19,152 --> 00:06:20,992
Are you stealing my money?
194
00:06:21,092 --> 00:06:22,765
Nope, no. We're not stealing.
195
00:06:22,866 --> 00:06:25,677
That's it, you say it out
loud and it feels true, right?
196
00:06:25,777 --> 00:06:27,184
Jay, Isaac's in here.
197
00:06:27,284 --> 00:06:28,703
God, I wish we could put a bell on them.
198
00:06:33,072 --> 00:06:34,333
I'm confused. You want
to see what's in my purse?
199
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:36,070
Carol, you died with your purse,
200
00:06:36,170 --> 00:06:38,274
which means everything in
it is stuff we can touch.
201
00:06:38,374 --> 00:06:42,583
Let's see. Receipts.
Tissues. Some candy.
202
00:06:42,683 --> 00:06:44,018
- My keys.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
203
00:06:44,118 --> 00:06:45,320
- What type of candy?
- Nose candy?
204
00:06:45,420 --> 00:06:48,292
Butterscotch. Here, try it.
205
00:06:48,894 --> 00:06:51,164
Oh. What the heck?
206
00:06:51,265 --> 00:06:54,203
Once you let go of an
item, it zaps back to you.
207
00:06:54,303 --> 00:06:56,006
It's ghost rules.
208
00:06:56,106 --> 00:06:58,043
So you can only touch it
if I'm also touching it?
209
00:06:58,143 --> 00:06:59,345
That is correct.
210
00:06:59,445 --> 00:07:00,447
There you guys are.
211
00:07:00,548 --> 00:07:01,717
We were thinking about going for a walk.
212
00:07:01,817 --> 00:07:02,818
Oh, you should come, Carol.
213
00:07:02,819 --> 00:07:05,490
Sure. I'll come.
214
00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:07,159
Will your girlfriend
be joining us, Pete?
215
00:07:07,259 --> 00:07:09,397
Um, my-my girlfriend?
216
00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:10,966
Uh...
217
00:07:11,066 --> 00:07:12,737
N-No, she's, uh, she's
not here right now.
218
00:07:12,837 --> 00:07:13,906
CAROL: But I thought
219
00:07:14,006 --> 00:07:15,742
- we couldn't leave the property.
- PETE: Right.
220
00:07:15,842 --> 00:07:18,915
But, uh, you know, the thing
with my girlfriend is, um...
221
00:07:19,015 --> 00:07:21,452
- Uh, h... how do I put this?
- ALBERTA: Pete.
222
00:07:21,552 --> 00:07:24,390
It's fine. You can tell her about us.
223
00:07:24,490 --> 00:07:26,027
I-I can?
224
00:07:26,128 --> 00:07:29,700
(GASPS) You're dating Alberta.
225
00:07:29,801 --> 00:07:31,738
I asked Pete not to say anything.
226
00:07:31,838 --> 00:07:33,206
We just wanted to
make sure you were okay
227
00:07:33,306 --> 00:07:34,609
to adjust to the afterlife,
228
00:07:34,709 --> 00:07:36,613
before we rubbed our
relationship in your face.
229
00:07:36,713 --> 00:07:38,349
(CHUCKLES) Ooh...
230
00:07:38,449 --> 00:07:40,219
Every time she touches me,
it's like the first time.
231
00:07:40,319 --> 00:07:41,421
Happy for you two.
232
00:07:41,521 --> 00:07:43,358
So, if we could just
circle back to the candy.
233
00:07:43,458 --> 00:07:45,629
If you were to hold it,
234
00:07:45,729 --> 00:07:47,399
then we could suck on it that way.
235
00:07:47,499 --> 00:07:50,905
With her fingers in our mouth
and the candy in her fingers.
236
00:07:51,006 --> 00:07:53,342
Sasappis! That's just
genius enough to work.
237
00:07:53,443 --> 00:07:56,148
I think I'm gonna go get some air.
238
00:07:56,248 --> 00:07:58,318
Between your toes is also a possibility.
239
00:07:58,419 --> 00:08:00,022
- We're willing to work with you!
- Carol!
240
00:08:00,122 --> 00:08:01,958
Carol!
241
00:08:02,058 --> 00:08:03,428
Oh, my God, Alberta. I
can't thank you enough.
242
00:08:03,528 --> 00:08:04,596
I'm happy to help you out.
243
00:08:04,698 --> 00:08:06,233
But just remember, this is not one of
244
00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:07,769
your '80s romantic comedies
where we pretend to date
245
00:08:07,869 --> 00:08:08,971
and fall in love for real.
246
00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:10,573
Of course. I-I wasn't
even thinking that.
247
00:08:10,674 --> 00:08:11,943
(SCOFFS) Yeah.
248
00:08:12,043 --> 00:08:13,980
- He was definitely thinking it.
- (SIGHS)
249
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:15,683
I mean, you did say
some nice things about me
250
00:08:15,783 --> 00:08:17,320
that seemed to come
from a genuine place.
251
00:08:17,420 --> 00:08:19,423
- Pete.
- Yeah, yeah, no, no. Just friends. Got it.
252
00:08:20,525 --> 00:08:21,627
SAMANTHA: Isaac.
253
00:08:21,728 --> 00:08:22,963
I'm sorry.
254
00:08:23,063 --> 00:08:24,533
The restaurant means so much to Jay.
255
00:08:24,633 --> 00:08:26,069
We just didn't know what else to do.
256
00:08:26,169 --> 00:08:27,371
- Samantha...
- JAY: The money's gone, Sam.
257
00:08:29,174 --> 00:08:31,812
Sergeant Fartypants' account
is totally cleared out.
258
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:33,249
Wh-what do you mean gone?
259
00:08:33,349 --> 00:08:35,218
Also, Isaac is in here, you should know.
260
00:08:35,318 --> 00:08:38,090
And I was a captain.
It's Captain Fartypants.
261
00:08:38,190 --> 00:08:40,361
Which he would know
if he had read my book.
262
00:08:40,461 --> 00:08:43,233
How does $10,000 just disappear?
263
00:08:43,333 --> 00:08:44,770
Relax.
264
00:08:44,870 --> 00:08:47,050
I moved the money into
a brokerage account.
265
00:08:47,051 --> 00:08:50,179
SAMANTHA: What? Trevor said he
moved it into a brokerage account.
266
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:51,848
You think I'm gonna sit
back and let my boy collect
267
00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:53,185
two percent like a chump?
268
00:08:53,285 --> 00:08:55,689
I know better than
that. I went to Wharton.
269
00:08:55,790 --> 00:08:57,525
We know, Trev!
270
00:08:57,625 --> 00:08:58,660
So, where is the money now?
271
00:08:58,761 --> 00:08:59,997
It's safe and sound. I'll show you guys.
272
00:09:00,097 --> 00:09:01,532
I just need a minute to log in.
273
00:09:02,968 --> 00:09:04,571
And some privacy.
274
00:09:04,671 --> 00:09:06,074
Trevor wants us to stand over there.
275
00:09:06,174 --> 00:09:07,944
He doesn't want us to see his password.
276
00:09:08,044 --> 00:09:10,548
(EXCLAIMS) Sure.
277
00:09:13,287 --> 00:09:14,523
(CLEARS THROAT)
278
00:09:14,623 --> 00:09:16,392
(INHALES DEEPLY)
279
00:09:16,492 --> 00:09:19,097
(STRAINING)
280
00:09:21,803 --> 00:09:23,339
- Done.
- ISAAC: Wait, that can't be right.
281
00:09:23,439 --> 00:09:25,609
Does that say $200,000?
282
00:09:25,709 --> 00:09:28,414
(CHUCKLING): I'm rich.
283
00:09:28,514 --> 00:09:29,951
I could buy Delaware twice over.
284
00:09:30,051 --> 00:09:31,319
I wouldn't want to, but I could.
285
00:09:31,419 --> 00:09:33,190
Trevor, this is amazing!
286
00:09:33,290 --> 00:09:35,461
Just a little taste of what
I was like when I was alive.
287
00:09:35,561 --> 00:09:36,595
Was it natural talent,
288
00:09:36,695 --> 00:09:39,501
or skill that I developed at
the country's most elite...
289
00:09:39,601 --> 00:09:41,337
Babe, it's nosediving.
290
00:09:41,437 --> 00:09:44,277
Lower than zero? How can
it go lower than zero?
291
00:09:44,377 --> 00:09:45,712
Well, technically, when
you short an option,
292
00:09:45,812 --> 00:09:47,548
there's no limit to
how much you can lose.
293
00:09:47,648 --> 00:09:49,719
Wait. W-wait, wait, wait,
wait. So now I owe them $48,000?
294
00:09:49,819 --> 00:09:50,989
No, you're fine.
295
00:09:51,089 --> 00:09:52,993
Jay owes them $48,000.
296
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,461
- It's going back up.
- What is this stock?
297
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:57,333
"Norwegian Cattle Futures"?
298
00:09:57,433 --> 00:09:59,370
Sell! Sell! Sell! Sam, just press
299
00:09:59,470 --> 00:10:00,672
that little red button
there that says "sell."
300
00:10:01,708 --> 00:10:04,012
JAY: "You have successfully
executed a trade."
301
00:10:04,113 --> 00:10:06,482
$187,000!
302
00:10:06,583 --> 00:10:08,553
Oh... !
303
00:10:08,653 --> 00:10:09,956
Babe, this changes everything.
304
00:10:10,056 --> 00:10:11,325
We could pay for the
whole restaurant now.
305
00:10:11,425 --> 00:10:12,627
The good chairs, the custom oven.
306
00:10:12,727 --> 00:10:15,466
No cutting corners. This is the dream!
307
00:10:15,566 --> 00:10:16,835
ISAAC: Need I remind you, Samantha,
308
00:10:16,936 --> 00:10:19,473
that that money belongs to moi.
309
00:10:19,573 --> 00:10:21,810
I'm gonna get the tufted
cushions for the booths.
310
00:10:21,911 --> 00:10:23,513
I thought you said you had reconsidered,
311
00:10:23,613 --> 00:10:24,715
and you were gonna give us the money.
312
00:10:24,815 --> 00:10:25,816
What's happening?
313
00:10:25,817 --> 00:10:27,520
I do recall saying that,
314
00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:29,291
but then I remember walking in
315
00:10:29,391 --> 00:10:31,895
- and finding you committing a robbery.
- Isaac!
316
00:10:31,996 --> 00:10:33,765
Don't you "Isaac" me.
You will get nothing.
317
00:10:33,865 --> 00:10:35,869
Your cushions will have no tufts.
318
00:10:35,970 --> 00:10:37,505
No tufts!
319
00:10:39,709 --> 00:10:42,085
We're back to not getting
the money again, aren't we?
320
00:10:42,086 --> 00:10:45,753
- Mm-hmm.
- TREVOR: He picks up on a lot of stuff from context.
321
00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:46,990
It's impressive.
322
00:10:47,090 --> 00:10:49,227
So, how did this thing start?
323
00:10:49,327 --> 00:10:50,796
I want the whole story.
324
00:10:50,896 --> 00:10:52,065
- Oh.
- (CHUCKLES): Well,
325
00:10:52,165 --> 00:10:53,334
I guess it started a few...
326
00:10:53,434 --> 00:10:55,405
- weeks ago.
- Years. Ago.
327
00:10:55,505 --> 00:10:56,773
- What?
- Uh...
328
00:10:56,873 --> 00:11:00,046
212 weeks, which adds up to years.
329
00:11:00,147 --> 00:11:01,482
(LAUGHS): So... it tracks.
330
00:11:01,582 --> 00:11:03,585
Ooh, speaking of time, if it's 3:30,
331
00:11:03,685 --> 00:11:05,823
that means Jay's peeling
a Cutie downstairs
332
00:11:05,923 --> 00:11:07,059
and I never miss that.
333
00:11:07,159 --> 00:11:08,194
Excuse me.
334
00:11:09,730 --> 00:11:10,932
Bye, babe.
335
00:11:11,033 --> 00:11:12,836
(SIGHS QUIETLY)
336
00:11:12,936 --> 00:11:14,105
Alberta seems great.
337
00:11:14,205 --> 00:11:16,142
I'm a lucky guy.
338
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:17,310
There he is.
339
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:18,780
My sexy...
340
00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:20,683
little scoutmaster.
341
00:11:20,783 --> 00:11:21,918
(CHUCKLES)
342
00:11:22,019 --> 00:11:24,657
Now come on and give mama some sugar.
343
00:11:26,026 --> 00:11:27,896
(WHISPERS): I felt bad, so I'm here now.
344
00:11:27,996 --> 00:11:29,666
You're welcome.
345
00:11:29,766 --> 00:11:32,304
I'm just, I... I am really confused.
346
00:11:32,404 --> 00:11:33,840
What about Alberta?
347
00:11:33,940 --> 00:11:36,312
- Alberta?
- Yeah, yes,
348
00:11:36,412 --> 00:11:37,881
because I've been dating
Alberta for a while,
349
00:11:37,981 --> 00:11:39,317
as you know, Nancy.
350
00:11:39,417 --> 00:11:42,089
Right. Right.
351
00:11:42,189 --> 00:11:45,661
Well, I guess now you know...
352
00:11:45,761 --> 00:11:47,465
I'm Pete's mistress.
353
00:11:48,466 --> 00:11:50,770
- I see.
- (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Y... yes.
354
00:11:50,870 --> 00:11:52,741
That's right. I've been...
355
00:11:52,841 --> 00:11:55,246
dating Alberta for quite
some time, but, um...
356
00:11:55,346 --> 00:11:58,084
I'm also stepping out on her
357
00:11:58,184 --> 00:12:00,355
- with this lovely lady.
- Yeah.
358
00:12:00,455 --> 00:12:02,759
I have to say, I am shocked.
359
00:12:02,859 --> 00:12:05,364
I just never thought of
you as the cheating type.
360
00:12:05,464 --> 00:12:07,901
Well, I am, apparently.
(CHUCKLES) You know?
361
00:12:08,001 --> 00:12:09,404
It's a lot to keep straight,
362
00:12:09,504 --> 00:12:12,577
but the heart wants
what the heart wants.
363
00:12:12,677 --> 00:12:15,782
Well, when your heart wants
what's under this sack,
364
00:12:15,882 --> 00:12:18,187
you know where to find me.
365
00:12:18,287 --> 00:12:20,458
Bye, babe.
366
00:12:20,558 --> 00:12:22,026
(WHISPERS): I call her that, too.
367
00:12:22,127 --> 00:12:25,099
You know, I might be able
to help you out there.
368
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,035
I know a thing or two about affairs.
369
00:12:27,136 --> 00:12:29,106
Oh, do you? Well, that's news to me.
370
00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:31,678
Well, I don't know from
experience, obviously.
371
00:12:31,778 --> 00:12:33,815
But I watch a lot of soap operas.
372
00:12:33,915 --> 00:12:36,587
Right, you know about
cheating from your soaps.
373
00:12:36,687 --> 00:12:38,991
So I can coach you.
374
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:42,130
Well, that's just about the
best thing I've ever heard.
375
00:12:42,231 --> 00:12:44,334
You teaching me about infidelity.
376
00:12:44,434 --> 00:12:45,469
Don't worry.
377
00:12:45,569 --> 00:12:48,775
Follow my lead, you'll never get busted.
378
00:12:48,875 --> 00:12:51,514
(BREATHING SHAKILY)
379
00:12:51,614 --> 00:12:53,618
SAMANTHA Isaac, we have
a preposition for you.
380
00:12:53,718 --> 00:12:55,822
What if, instead of you
just giving us the money,
381
00:12:55,922 --> 00:12:59,361
we made you an actual
partner in our restaurant?
382
00:12:59,461 --> 00:13:01,965
I don't know, Sam. You
know, Trevor was suggesting
383
00:13:02,066 --> 00:13:05,439
that I invest my funds in
something called a Lamborghini.
384
00:13:05,539 --> 00:13:08,176
Apparently, it's some
sort of cat magnet,
385
00:13:08,278 --> 00:13:10,714
which I find very interesting,
as a man of science.
386
00:13:10,815 --> 00:13:12,518
Isaac, I-I know you're upset with us,
387
00:13:12,618 --> 00:13:15,022
but you've always
wanted to own a tavern,
388
00:13:15,122 --> 00:13:17,727
and this way you get to have
your dream and Jay gets his.
389
00:13:17,827 --> 00:13:19,998
And this title of partner,
390
00:13:20,098 --> 00:13:22,202
would that mean I have true input?
391
00:13:22,303 --> 00:13:25,641
Yes, you would have input. Right, Jay?
392
00:13:25,742 --> 00:13:27,345
Isaac would have some input.
393
00:13:27,445 --> 00:13:29,047
I mean, yeah, sure,
394
00:13:29,147 --> 00:13:31,185
but I don't want you to work too hard.
395
00:13:31,286 --> 00:13:32,688
You got to rest in peace.
396
00:13:32,788 --> 00:13:34,558
No, no, no. 'Tis no bother.
397
00:13:34,658 --> 00:13:35,660
Now, obviously,
398
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:37,730
ambience is of the utmost importance.
399
00:13:37,830 --> 00:13:41,069
So, for lighting, I'm
thinking whale oil lamps.
400
00:13:41,169 --> 00:13:43,941
Oh, h-he wants us to
use whale oil lamps.
401
00:13:44,041 --> 00:13:46,814
- I'm definitely sure that that is super illegal.
- But...
402
00:13:46,914 --> 00:13:49,485
maybe we can do something close to that.
403
00:13:49,585 --> 00:13:50,954
Right? For our partner.
404
00:13:51,054 --> 00:13:54,092
Yeah, I'm sure we can find
another inefficient way
405
00:13:54,192 --> 00:13:56,898
to light the restaurant that
doesn't break maritime law.
406
00:13:56,998 --> 00:13:59,570
Excellent. Now, on the
floors, I'm thinking sawdust.
407
00:13:59,670 --> 00:14:01,640
Of course we don't want
to encourage the patrons
408
00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:03,877
urinating on the
floor, but when they do,
409
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:05,380
we'll be ready.
410
00:14:05,481 --> 00:14:07,049
Oh, did people pee a lot on the floor
411
00:14:07,050 --> 00:14:08,653
- back in your day?
- Yeah.
412
00:14:08,753 --> 00:14:09,988
What? What is he saying now?
413
00:14:10,088 --> 00:14:12,092
He wants us to put sawdust on the floor.
414
00:14:12,192 --> 00:14:13,595
- (LAUGHS)
- Now, let's talk name.
415
00:14:13,695 --> 00:14:16,934
How do we feel about... Higgintoot's?
416
00:14:17,034 --> 00:14:18,604
Oh, h-he's not gonna like that.
417
00:14:18,704 --> 00:14:19,839
What am I not gonna like?
418
00:14:19,939 --> 00:14:22,744
Or... "Isaac's House of Horse Pie."
419
00:14:22,844 --> 00:14:25,015
It does put a lot of
pressure on the horse pie,
420
00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:26,786
but I believe Jay can do it.
421
00:14:26,886 --> 00:14:28,955
Uh, Jay, what do you think about
422
00:14:29,055 --> 00:14:30,426
calling the place Higgintoot's?
423
00:14:30,526 --> 00:14:32,362
Mm. Well, I mean,
424
00:14:32,462 --> 00:14:34,132
are we naming an Indian restaurant
425
00:14:34,232 --> 00:14:36,704
or a men's clothing
store on a Dr. Seuss book?
426
00:14:36,804 --> 00:14:37,805
Excuse me?
427
00:14:37,906 --> 00:14:39,375
We are not doing any of this.
428
00:14:39,475 --> 00:14:40,544
This is insane.
429
00:14:40,644 --> 00:14:41,879
Well, then I'm afraid we have no deal.
430
00:14:41,979 --> 00:14:43,516
Well, then he says we
can't have the money.
431
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:45,886
Who says that, Sam? Huh?
432
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,088
I don't see anyone.
433
00:14:47,188 --> 00:14:48,491
- Jay.
- No.
434
00:14:48,591 --> 00:14:51,029
I'm sorry, Sam. This is crazy.
435
00:14:51,129 --> 00:14:52,766
We're negotiating with a ghost.
436
00:14:52,866 --> 00:14:55,036
I'm not using whale blubber.
437
00:14:55,136 --> 00:14:56,840
I'm not pee-proofing the floors.
438
00:14:56,940 --> 00:15:00,178
And I'm definitely not naming
my restaurant after him.
439
00:15:00,279 --> 00:15:02,282
He's not even a real person, Sam.
440
00:15:02,382 --> 00:15:04,420
Oh, I see.
441
00:15:04,610 --> 00:15:06,012
So now I'm not even real.
442
00:15:06,112 --> 00:15:07,248
He doesn't mean that.
443
00:15:07,348 --> 00:15:09,352
No, no, no, Sam. Why
would you listen to me?
444
00:15:09,452 --> 00:15:11,590
I was nothing in life, and
I guess I'm a nothing now.
445
00:15:11,690 --> 00:15:12,825
It's not true, Isaac.
446
00:15:12,925 --> 00:15:14,194
Samantha,
447
00:15:14,294 --> 00:15:16,264
why don't you just let
Jay take all of the money,
448
00:15:16,364 --> 00:15:18,535
because clearly that's
all he cares about
449
00:15:18,635 --> 00:15:19,871
when it comes to me.
450
00:15:19,971 --> 00:15:22,275
Now, if you'll excuse me...
451
00:15:23,243 --> 00:15:24,580
(GROANS)
452
00:15:25,782 --> 00:15:26,884
(PANTING): How's that for real?
453
00:15:26,984 --> 00:15:27,610
He got me.
454
00:15:30,437 --> 00:15:31,196
JAY: I took a bath in tomato sauce,
455
00:15:31,253 --> 00:15:32,327
so hopefully that got
the Isaac smell out.
456
00:15:32,428 --> 00:15:33,703
Good night, Jay.
457
00:15:33,804 --> 00:15:35,684
What? What's wrong?
458
00:15:35,784 --> 00:15:37,597
Isaac was really upset.
459
00:15:37,698 --> 00:15:39,409
Yeah, I know, babe, I feel bad,
460
00:15:39,510 --> 00:15:40,885
but it's my restaurant.
461
00:15:40,986 --> 00:15:42,228
Yeah, we all know it's your restaurant,
462
00:15:42,328 --> 00:15:45,081
and kind of the only thing
you care about right now.
463
00:15:45,181 --> 00:15:46,659
- What does that mean?
- It just means,
464
00:15:46,759 --> 00:15:48,134
there are other people in this house,
465
00:15:48,235 --> 00:15:50,215
and they also have things
that are important to them.
466
00:15:50,316 --> 00:15:51,458
Huh?
467
00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:54,847
(SCOFFS)
468
00:15:58,606 --> 00:16:00,654
โช โช
469
00:16:07,365 --> 00:16:10,924
JAY: Three more unclogging
videos, then I dive in.
470
00:16:11,025 --> 00:16:13,273
CAROL: So, yeah, a lot of people
think the hardest part about cheating
471
00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:16,125
is the guilt, but in my experience...
472
00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:17,703
uh, you know, watching soaps...
473
00:16:17,804 --> 00:16:19,146
Right, the soaps you love so much.
474
00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:21,629
The biggest issue is logistics.
475
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:22,805
So you need a good cover.
476
00:16:22,906 --> 00:16:25,993
Something innocuous that you
can tell Alberta you're doing
477
00:16:26,093 --> 00:16:27,940
when what you're really doing is Nancy,
478
00:16:28,041 --> 00:16:29,046
if you know what I mean.
479
00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:30,624
(CHUCKLES): Oh, I do. I do.
480
00:16:30,725 --> 00:16:32,068
Hey there, Pete.
481
00:16:32,169 --> 00:16:35,625
I was thinking later you and I
could take a nice romantic stroll.
482
00:16:35,725 --> 00:16:38,176
The-the thing is...
483
00:16:39,418 --> 00:16:40,659
Pete and I have plans.
484
00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:43,008
He's gonna be showing
me the ghost boundary.
485
00:16:43,108 --> 00:16:45,157
Oh, okay. No problem.
486
00:16:45,258 --> 00:16:48,580
I'll catch you later, hot stuff.
487
00:16:48,681 --> 00:16:50,527
(WHISPERS): You're welcome.
488
00:16:50,627 --> 00:16:53,379
No. I'm not welcome.
489
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,125
I don't want your help cheating, Carol.
490
00:16:55,226 --> 00:16:56,802
What?
491
00:16:56,904 --> 00:16:58,079
I know where you're
getting all your advice
492
00:16:58,179 --> 00:16:59,253
and it's not your soaps.
493
00:16:59,354 --> 00:17:01,032
It's from your affair with Jerry.
494
00:17:01,132 --> 00:17:03,012
Pete, I don't know what
you're talking about.
495
00:17:03,113 --> 00:17:04,455
Save it. I know.
496
00:17:04,555 --> 00:17:05,898
I've known about you and Jerry
497
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,215
since I heard you talking
about it with Sam two years ago.
498
00:17:08,315 --> 00:17:09,556
Well, as you yourself should know,
499
00:17:09,657 --> 00:17:10,798
these things happen.
500
00:17:10,898 --> 00:17:12,041
I should probably excuse myself,
501
00:17:12,141 --> 00:17:13,181
but this is getting pretty juicy.
502
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:14,557
No, I don't know, Carol,
503
00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:16,370
'cause I'm not a cheater like you.
504
00:17:16,471 --> 00:17:18,852
Well, what about Alberta and
that little potato sack girl?
505
00:17:18,953 --> 00:17:21,807
They were pretending so that
I wouldn't look like a loser.
506
00:17:21,907 --> 00:17:23,585
The truth is, I don't have a girlfriend.
507
00:17:23,686 --> 00:17:25,599
I haven't had a girlfriend since I died
508
00:17:25,699 --> 00:17:27,612
'cause I was staying loyal to my wife!
509
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:29,022
So, if that makes me pathetic,
510
00:17:29,123 --> 00:17:31,035
then fine, Carol, you win.
511
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:32,647
I'm pathetic.
512
00:17:32,747 --> 00:17:34,192
But you...
513
00:17:34,292 --> 00:17:35,366
you suck.
514
00:17:36,698 --> 00:17:38,946
Not sure if this is
the best time, Carol,
515
00:17:39,047 --> 00:17:40,960
but we think we've lit upon a solution
516
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:43,646
to this candy business that
might satisfy all parties.
517
00:17:43,746 --> 00:17:45,324
What we're thinking
is, you hold your hand
518
00:17:45,424 --> 00:17:46,934
with the candy through a wall,
519
00:17:47,035 --> 00:17:48,545
and then we lick it from the privacy
520
00:17:48,646 --> 00:17:50,559
of a different room. No eye contact.
521
00:17:50,660 --> 00:17:52,237
No problem.
522
00:17:52,337 --> 00:17:54,251
(CAROL SCOFFS)
523
00:17:54,351 --> 00:17:56,836
I think it may have been a bad time.
524
00:17:56,936 --> 00:17:58,077
Yeah.
525
00:17:58,177 --> 00:17:59,520
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
526
00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:00,929
JAY: Okay, uh...
527
00:18:01,030 --> 00:18:02,608
I'm sure you're all
wondering why I asked Sam
528
00:18:02,709 --> 00:18:04,488
to gather you here. Well,
529
00:18:04,589 --> 00:18:06,099
allow me to explain.
530
00:18:08,616 --> 00:18:10,327
We're here today to talk about
531
00:18:10,428 --> 00:18:13,012
my partner in this endeavor,
532
00:18:13,112 --> 00:18:15,697
Isaac Higgintoot.
533
00:18:15,798 --> 00:18:16,872
(CHUCKLES): Oh.
534
00:18:16,973 --> 00:18:19,254
Born 1742,
535
00:18:19,355 --> 00:18:21,436
to Harold and Mary Higginbottom,
536
00:18:21,536 --> 00:18:22,645
who later changed their name
537
00:18:22,745 --> 00:18:24,658
due to some outstanding bank debts.
538
00:18:24,859 --> 00:18:27,780
- Aw, he read the book.
- They chose Higgintoot?
539
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:29,256
- Mm-hmm.
- Isaac excelled
540
00:18:29,357 --> 00:18:31,673
as an officer and attorney,
541
00:18:31,774 --> 00:18:34,660
a barber and a squirrel taxidermist.
542
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,204
There weren't a lot of people back then,
543
00:18:36,304 --> 00:18:38,016
so you had to wear a lot of hats.
544
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:41,775
And yet, he was never fully
appreciated in his time.
545
00:18:41,876 --> 00:18:43,084
So here,
546
00:18:43,184 --> 00:18:46,574
at our restaurant, in the center
547
00:18:46,675 --> 00:18:49,024
will sit Isaac's table.
548
00:18:49,125 --> 00:18:51,307
And it'll always be open
for Isaac and his friends,
549
00:18:51,407 --> 00:18:54,193
because even though you're not alive,
550
00:18:54,293 --> 00:18:55,871
you're real to us.
551
00:18:55,972 --> 00:18:57,147
ALL: Aw!
552
00:18:57,247 --> 00:18:59,026
What a touching gesture
553
00:18:59,126 --> 00:19:01,375
and characteristically
stupid business decision.
554
00:19:01,476 --> 00:19:02,886
THORFINN: They dumber than Danes,
555
00:19:02,987 --> 00:19:04,295
but I do love them.
556
00:19:04,396 --> 00:19:06,208
Anyways, um,
557
00:19:06,309 --> 00:19:09,330
I can see now that what I
said was really insensitive,
558
00:19:09,430 --> 00:19:10,805
and I'm sorry, Isaac.
559
00:19:10,907 --> 00:19:12,819
Thank you, Jay. And I'm honored.
560
00:19:12,921 --> 00:19:14,766
Although, I will be laughing
when you're cleaning up
561
00:19:14,867 --> 00:19:16,142
(LAUGHING): all that urine
562
00:19:16,243 --> 00:19:19,197
the sawdust could've soaked up.
563
00:19:19,298 --> 00:19:22,821
Isaac is very appreciative, Jay.
564
00:19:22,922 --> 00:19:23,928
So am I.
565
00:19:23,962 --> 00:19:25,238
Well, before I say anything else,
566
00:19:25,339 --> 00:19:26,814
is that book, like, "done done"?
567
00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:28,526
'Cause I did have some
structure thoughts.
568
00:19:28,627 --> 00:19:30,071
- Don't ruin this.
- I loved it.
569
00:19:30,172 --> 00:19:31,347
I loved the structure.
570
00:19:31,417 --> 00:19:32,170
(LAUGHS)
571
00:19:34,828 --> 00:19:36,732
Hey. Sorry about making
a big scene in there.
572
00:19:36,802 --> 00:19:38,031
I-I didn't mean to blow up like that.
573
00:19:38,131 --> 00:19:39,594
Oh, don't apologize to me.
574
00:19:39,694 --> 00:19:40,890
I was proud of you.
575
00:19:40,989 --> 00:19:43,049
I did want to thank
you for helping me out.
576
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:45,343
Obviously it didn't
work, but I appreciate it.
577
00:19:45,443 --> 00:19:46,706
You're welcome.
578
00:19:46,806 --> 00:19:49,131
And for what it's worth,
you're not pathetic.
579
00:19:49,232 --> 00:19:50,761
Carol cheated. She's pathetic.
580
00:19:50,861 --> 00:19:52,821
You stayed loyal to
your wife, even in death,
581
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:54,417
and there's no shame in that.
582
00:19:54,516 --> 00:19:56,178
Thanks, pal.
583
00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:58,172
Sheesh, this darn arrow gets so itchy.
584
00:19:58,272 --> 00:20:00,565
People forget there's
fiberglass in the shaft.
585
00:20:01,529 --> 00:20:03,390
("IF YOU WERE HERE" BY
THOMPSON TWINS PLAYS)
586
00:20:03,490 --> 00:20:05,518
โช โช
587
00:20:14,292 --> 00:20:16,718
โช If you were here โช
588
00:20:16,817 --> 00:20:19,244
โช I could deceive you. โช
589
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:20,339
(GRUNTS)
590
00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:21,835
Well,
591
00:20:21,935 --> 00:20:23,331
thanks again for your... (GURGLES) help.
592
00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:26,157
(CHUCKLES) See you around, basset hound.
593
00:20:29,769 --> 00:20:34,749
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
43341
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