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1
00:00:01,107 --> 00:00:04,289
Hey, Doc, how many more adjustments
you think I'm going to need?
2
00:00:04,290 --> 00:00:06,680
Well, Mr. Malinkovich,
let's see.
3
00:00:07,031 --> 00:00:11,228
Um, my son won't graduate
college till 2015, so...
4
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:13,092
a lot.
5
00:00:15,165 --> 00:00:16,495
See you next time.
6
00:00:19,199 --> 00:00:20,811
Okay, Mr. Dunlop.
7
00:00:21,057 --> 00:00:22,030
It's good
you again, sir.
8
00:00:22,031 --> 00:00:24,411
And, uh, how are
we doing today?
9
00:00:25,201 --> 00:00:26,373
Not good.
10
00:00:27,018 --> 00:00:28,701
I was making love to
my wife last night.
11
00:00:28,702 --> 00:00:30,552
Oh, my God,
is she okay?
12
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:33,445
She's fine.
She was on top.
13
00:00:33,895 --> 00:00:35,273
But my back
went out, Doc.
14
00:00:35,274 --> 00:00:37,998
Okay, well, let's, uh, get you on
the table and get to work.
15
00:00:40,286 --> 00:00:41,976
Steady there, big fella.
16
00:00:43,522 --> 00:00:46,867
I took some pain pills my wife
had left over from her C-section.
17
00:00:46,868 --> 00:00:48,808
I guess my legs are a little rubbery.
18
00:00:48,809 --> 00:00:50,429
How many pills did you take?
19
00:00:50,430 --> 00:00:51,640
Well, let's see.
20
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,570
One when I went to bed...
21
00:00:53,571 --> 00:00:55,071
One when I got up...
22
00:00:55,463 --> 00:00:56,581
Seven.
23
00:00:57,357 --> 00:00:58,123
Really?
24
00:00:58,237 --> 00:01:00,074
You know, it's not usually
a good idea to
25
00:01:00,075 --> 00:01:02,645
pop Class-A narcotics
like Skittles.
26
00:01:03,818 --> 00:01:04,706
I gotta lie down.
27
00:01:04,707 --> 00:01:07,377
Okay, okay,
but not here, n-not now.
28
00:01:07,756 --> 00:01:08,942
Oh, my God!
29
00:01:12,613 --> 00:01:13,363
Mr Dunlop!
30
00:01:14,350 --> 00:01:16,670
Mr. Dunlop,
you need to get up.
31
00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:19,078
Help!
32
00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:22,801
Fire!
33
00:01:24,397 --> 00:01:26,891
Big giant guy!
34
00:01:31,616 --> 00:01:33,021
Oh, perfect.
35
00:01:42,655 --> 00:01:44,055
Dr. Harper speaking.
36
00:01:47,883 --> 00:01:50,203
Judith, this is not a good time.
37
00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:52,342
I'm with a patient.
38
00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:55,309
Well, what about Jake?
39
00:01:56,215 --> 00:01:58,746
Well, no, I can't
pick him up at school now.
40
00:01:58,747 --> 00:02:00,297
Why can't you do it?
41
00:02:00,883 --> 00:02:04,263
You're not the only one
under pressure, Judith!
42
00:02:06,036 --> 00:02:08,837
All right, I'll call Charlie
and have him pick him up.
43
00:02:14,085 --> 00:02:16,690
Hey, hey, stop that.
44
00:02:18,567 --> 00:02:19,575
Stop that.
45
00:02:23,457 --> 00:02:25,027
Do you need to get it?
46
00:02:25,028 --> 00:02:26,775
Nah, the machine'll pick up.
47
00:02:26,776 --> 00:02:28,046
Hey, it's Charly.
48
00:02:28,245 --> 00:02:30,975
Do your thing
when you hear the beep.
49
00:02:31,163 --> 00:02:33,253
Charlie, I need your help.
50
00:02:34,395 --> 00:02:36,595
Oh, pick up, pick up, pick up!
51
00:02:37,249 --> 00:02:38,399
For God's sake!
52
00:02:40,173 --> 00:02:40,950
See?
53
00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:47,959
Episode 3x02
Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
54
00:02:52,277 --> 00:02:53,837
Hey, look who's here!
55
00:02:53,856 --> 00:02:54,336
Hi.
56
00:02:54,369 --> 00:02:55,378
How come you're not in school?
57
00:02:55,379 --> 00:02:57,704
He got sent home--
for misbehaving.
58
00:02:57,705 --> 00:02:59,325
Well, it's about time.
59
00:03:01,007 --> 00:03:04,563
Hey, when I was your age, I had
already been arrested twice.
60
00:03:04,564 --> 00:03:05,664
Charlie, don't.
61
00:03:05,855 --> 00:03:07,379
No convictions.
62
00:03:07,830 --> 00:03:09,434
Come on.
I've had a really bad day.
63
00:03:09,435 --> 00:03:12,664
I had to cancel all my patients and
close my office to go pick him up.
64
00:03:12,665 --> 00:03:14,078
Wow, what a drag.
65
00:03:15,071 --> 00:03:17,233
Hey, I got some new video games.
You wanna play with me?
66
00:03:17,234 --> 00:03:17,896
Sure.
67
00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:19,373
Did you forget you're being punished?
68
00:03:19,374 --> 00:03:22,694
No, but why does Uncle Charlie
have to suffer?
69
00:03:23,234 --> 00:03:24,158
Go to your room.
70
00:03:24,159 --> 00:03:26,801
You know, in some countries
you're innocent until proven guilty.
71
00:03:26,802 --> 00:03:27,792
You confessed.
72
00:03:28,732 --> 00:03:29,422
Oh, yeah.
73
00:03:31,157 --> 00:03:35,177
And that country you're thinking of
is this one, genius!
74
00:03:37,148 --> 00:03:38,061
What'd he do?
75
00:03:38,062 --> 00:03:39,172
Something awful.
76
00:03:39,421 --> 00:03:40,171
How awful?
77
00:03:40,270 --> 00:03:42,660
These are all
multi-player games.
78
00:03:43,559 --> 00:03:47,206
Apparently, there is a little girl
in Jake's class named Barbara Schmidt
79
00:03:47,207 --> 00:03:51,258
who is a little more physically
developed than the other girls,
80
00:03:51,259 --> 00:03:55,679
and Jake decided to make
a picture of her and pass it around.
81
00:04:04,500 --> 00:04:06,568
I only passed it
to one person.
82
00:04:06,569 --> 00:04:10,139
What happened after that
was not my responsibility.
83
00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:13,376
Aw, dude!
Why'd you sign it?
84
00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:17,554
Okay, that part I regret.
85
00:04:18,399 --> 00:04:19,959
Go back to your room.
86
00:04:21,340 --> 00:04:22,510
"Boobra Schmidt."
87
00:04:24,073 --> 00:04:27,043
I'm putting this one
on the refrigerator.
88
00:04:27,221 --> 00:04:28,672
Charlie, this is serious.
89
00:04:28,673 --> 00:04:30,353
It really speaks to me.
90
00:04:30,918 --> 00:04:33,422
The girl went home in tears,
her mother is on the warpath
91
00:04:33,423 --> 00:04:34,749
and Jake could get expelled.
92
00:04:34,750 --> 00:04:35,898
For a silly drawing?
93
00:04:35,899 --> 00:04:37,755
It's considered
sexual harassment.
94
00:04:37,756 --> 00:04:39,702
The school has
a zero-tolerance policy.
95
00:04:39,703 --> 00:04:41,281
Oh, for the good old days
when you could
96
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:45,552
wander into the girls' locker room
pretending you were blind.
97
00:04:46,575 --> 00:04:48,890
You actually did that?
That's horrible.
98
00:04:48,891 --> 00:04:52,066
No, the horrible part was
stealing the dog from the blind kid.
99
00:04:54,279 --> 00:04:56,589
Well, unfortunately, times have
changed and
100
00:04:56,590 --> 00:04:59,370
we no longer live in
a Porky's movie.
101
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,230
What's a Porky's movie?!
102
00:05:02,057 --> 00:05:03,104
Close the door!
103
00:05:03,105 --> 00:05:05,427
I'll be in to talk
with you in a minute!
104
00:05:06,047 --> 00:05:07,168
Alan, go easy on him.
105
00:05:07,169 --> 00:05:09,171
He doesn't understand
what he did wrong.
106
00:05:09,172 --> 00:05:11,652
He's right!
I don't have a clue!
107
00:05:11,928 --> 00:05:14,700
I thought I told you
to close the door!
108
00:05:14,701 --> 00:05:15,681
It is closed.
109
00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:18,760
Go in your room!
110
00:05:19,334 --> 00:05:20,235
Fine.
111
00:05:21,641 --> 00:05:22,264
You know what?
112
00:05:22,265 --> 00:05:23,850
Maybe I should talk to him.
113
00:05:23,851 --> 00:05:25,991
Oh. Oh, now you want to help?
114
00:05:27,054 --> 00:05:28,061
What's that supposed to mean?
115
00:05:28,062 --> 00:05:29,588
It means why didn't you
pick up the phone
116
00:05:29,589 --> 00:05:31,979
when I needed you
this afternoon?
117
00:05:32,816 --> 00:05:34,136
I didn't want to?
118
00:05:35,728 --> 00:05:36,902
See? See?
119
00:05:36,906 --> 00:05:37,827
I can't depend on you.
120
00:05:37,828 --> 00:05:39,168
I never have been able
to depend on you,
121
00:05:39,169 --> 00:05:40,577
and I never will
be able to depend on you,
122
00:05:40,578 --> 00:05:41,848
and you know why?
123
00:05:42,313 --> 00:05:43,988
Because I'm undependable?
124
00:05:43,989 --> 00:05:46,694
Yes! Yes! Undependable
and, an-and selfish,
125
00:05:46,695 --> 00:05:49,616
and frankly, I'm the idiot
because I deluded myself
126
00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:52,277
into believing that
when I desperately needed my brother
127
00:05:52,278 --> 00:05:53,894
to go pick up my kid at school,
128
00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:57,189
he might actually bother
to pick up the freaking phone!
129
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,050
Okay, okay, in my defense,
130
00:05:59,504 --> 00:06:01,294
I really didn't want to.
131
00:06:04,896 --> 00:06:05,711
Ok, you're right.
132
00:06:05,712 --> 00:06:07,667
I'm sorry, I-I should've
picked up the phone.
133
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:09,504
Forget it.
What's done is done.
134
00:06:09,505 --> 00:06:10,936
No sense grinding on it.
135
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:11,687
Thank you.
136
00:06:12,463 --> 00:06:15,833
I just have to accept the fact
that I-I can't count on anyone,
137
00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:18,982
least of all an emotionally immature
narcissist who thinks that
138
00:06:18,983 --> 00:06:21,664
the sun rises out of his navel
and sets in his scrotum
139
00:06:21,665 --> 00:06:24,755
and only cares about
what lies between two.
140
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:29,629
Okay, I'm no expert, but that
sounds a lot like "grinding."
141
00:06:29,630 --> 00:06:31,480
I am done talking to you.
142
00:06:31,741 --> 00:06:33,283
Come on, Alan,
I said I was sorry.
143
00:06:33,284 --> 00:06:34,729
Give me another chance.
144
00:06:34,730 --> 00:06:36,066
For what?
To let me down again?
145
00:06:36,067 --> 00:06:38,834
Tell me what I can do.
Name something. Anything.
146
00:06:41,893 --> 00:06:43,244
I have to go to
Jake's school tomorrow
147
00:06:43,245 --> 00:06:44,878
to see if I can keep him
from being expelled.
148
00:06:44,879 --> 00:06:46,933
You want me to go with you?
I am there. You can count on me.
149
00:06:46,934 --> 00:06:49,648
No, my receptionist is
out sick all week and
150
00:06:49,649 --> 00:06:52,629
I need somebody to handle
the phones while I'm gone.
151
00:06:52,630 --> 00:06:53,358
In your office?
152
00:06:53,359 --> 00:06:54,077
Yes.
153
00:06:55,286 --> 00:06:56,906
Way out in the Valley?
154
00:06:56,977 --> 00:06:57,689
Yes.
155
00:06:58,707 --> 00:07:00,075
All day?
156
00:07:00,394 --> 00:07:01,413
Yes.
157
00:07:01,883 --> 00:07:04,733
Gee, tomorrow's not
really good for me.
158
00:07:07,805 --> 00:07:09,740
All right, all right, what time?
159
00:07:09,741 --> 00:07:11,369
The office opens at eight.
160
00:07:11,370 --> 00:07:12,501
O'clock?
161
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:16,212
No, degrees.
162
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:19,089
No reason to be snide.
I just don't want to be late.
163
00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:19,917
Fine.
164
00:07:19,952 --> 00:07:21,247
We leave at seven.
165
00:07:23,431 --> 00:07:24,677
O'clock?
166
00:07:28,521 --> 00:07:29,511
Okay, Charlie!
167
00:07:29,653 --> 00:07:31,051
Time to get up
and go to work!
168
00:07:31,953 --> 00:07:32,862
Charlie?
169
00:07:35,182 --> 00:07:35,932
Of course.
170
00:07:36,918 --> 00:07:39,173
Never even came home.
171
00:07:43,104 --> 00:07:48,124
Why help your only brother when
you can be out boffing total strangers?
172
00:07:49,616 --> 00:07:51,056
"I'll be there for you."
173
00:07:51,057 --> 00:07:52,677
"You can count on me."
174
00:07:54,729 --> 00:07:55,709
My own fault.
175
00:07:55,814 --> 00:07:57,904
I'm just stupid and gullible.
176
00:07:57,923 --> 00:08:00,493
And annoying,
don't forget annoying.
177
00:08:01,454 --> 00:08:02,242
You're here.
178
00:08:02,243 --> 00:08:03,442
You said 7:00, right?
179
00:08:03,443 --> 00:08:04,291
You got yourself up?
180
00:08:04,292 --> 00:08:05,314
Didn't have to.
181
00:08:05,315 --> 00:08:05,877
Why not?
182
00:08:05,878 --> 00:08:06,858
Didn't sleep.
183
00:08:08,882 --> 00:08:10,081
You haven't been to bed?
184
00:08:10,082 --> 00:08:11,232
Not my bed.
185
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:14,302
Hey, you want some coffee?
I made some coffee.
186
00:08:14,303 --> 00:08:16,566
It's really good coffee.
Oop, no more coffee.
187
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,885
Why don't you make some more coffee
while I go take a squirt?
188
00:08:20,886 --> 00:08:21,466
Morning.
189
00:08:21,548 --> 00:08:24,058
Yo, Berta. Berta,
Bert, Bert, Bert.
190
00:08:24,991 --> 00:08:26,389
He just getting home?
191
00:08:26,390 --> 00:08:27,038
Yeah.
192
00:08:27,571 --> 00:08:31,649
He gotta wonder how long he can keep
burnin' that penis at both ends.
193
00:08:32,992 --> 00:08:35,072
I try not to think about it.
194
00:08:35,665 --> 00:08:36,185
Listen,
195
00:08:36,310 --> 00:08:38,320
Charlie is coming with me
to work today,
196
00:08:38,321 --> 00:08:39,029
Why?
197
00:08:39,450 --> 00:08:40,846
He's gonna help me
at the office.
198
00:08:40,847 --> 00:08:42,057
You want to bet?
199
00:08:43,075 --> 00:08:44,678
What's up with Uncle Charlie?
200
00:08:44,679 --> 00:08:45,383
What do you mean?
201
00:08:45,384 --> 00:08:47,234
He's peein' off the deck.
202
00:08:48,419 --> 00:08:50,298
I thought we weren't
allowed to do that.
203
00:08:50,299 --> 00:08:51,099
We're not.
204
00:08:51,104 --> 00:08:51,964
We're not?!
205
00:08:54,147 --> 00:08:55,500
No, we're not.
206
00:08:56,092 --> 00:08:56,968
Okay.
207
00:08:57,281 --> 00:09:00,371
What's the Oompa Loompa
doing here on a weekday?
208
00:09:00,372 --> 00:09:02,412
He got suspended from school.
209
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:04,580
Why isn't he with his mother?
210
00:09:04,893 --> 00:09:08,198
Judith had a little
liposuction yesterday
211
00:09:08,213 --> 00:09:11,087
and she needs to stay
in bed until she...
212
00:09:11,088 --> 00:09:13,273
stops leaking fat.
213
00:09:14,281 --> 00:09:16,781
Yeah, I hate it
when that happens.
214
00:09:19,289 --> 00:09:21,379
So what did the melonhead do?
215
00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:23,397
Oh, it's a long story.
216
00:09:25,508 --> 00:09:27,138
Worth a thousand words.
217
00:09:28,075 --> 00:09:29,295
Come on, Charlie!
218
00:09:29,961 --> 00:09:30,701
Let's go!
219
00:09:30,948 --> 00:09:32,968
Hang on.
I'm not done yet!
220
00:09:33,191 --> 00:09:37,451
Oh, will you leave the seagulls alone?!
For crying out loud!
221
00:09:38,767 --> 00:09:39,497
So...
222
00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:44,947
You like making fun
of girls with big boobs.
223
00:09:50,842 --> 00:09:51,712
Not anymore.
224
00:10:18,684 --> 00:10:19,705
Gridlock!
225
00:10:24,881 --> 00:10:25,741
Stop.
226
00:10:28,241 --> 00:10:29,626
People do this every day?
227
00:10:29,627 --> 00:10:31,452
Drive to work at eight miles an hour?
228
00:10:31,453 --> 00:10:32,323
Pretty much.
229
00:10:33,281 --> 00:10:35,071
I'd have to kill myself.
230
00:10:35,963 --> 00:10:36,959
Oh, click.
231
00:10:37,479 --> 00:10:38,079
What?
232
00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:39,953
I just had a
phenomenal business idea.
233
00:10:39,954 --> 00:10:43,224
They haven't perfected
personal jet packs yet.
234
00:10:45,207 --> 00:10:46,726
Okay, I have another one.
235
00:10:46,727 --> 00:10:50,267
We buy a donut machine
and put it in your trunk.
236
00:10:50,641 --> 00:10:52,942
Let's go back to the jet packs.
237
00:10:52,943 --> 00:10:53,863
Hear me out.
238
00:10:53,963 --> 00:10:55,288
The next time you're stuck
in a traffic jam,
239
00:10:55,289 --> 00:10:59,486
you just pop your trunk and start
selling donuts to all the other drivers.
240
00:10:59,487 --> 00:11:00,757
We'll call 'em...
241
00:11:01,488 --> 00:11:02,248
Gridnuts...
242
00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:04,850
Trunk Crullers...
243
00:11:07,482 --> 00:11:09,581
Stop 'n' Go-Nuts.
244
00:11:10,526 --> 00:11:11,298
Charlie?
245
00:11:11,333 --> 00:11:11,741
Yeah?
246
00:11:11,776 --> 00:11:12,623
Please stop talking.
247
00:11:12,624 --> 00:11:13,508
Okay.
248
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:16,790
I got it!
249
00:11:17,266 --> 00:11:19,213
Trunkin' Donuts.
250
00:11:28,842 --> 00:11:29,702
Here it is.
251
00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:33,122
The chiropractic offices
of Dr. Alan Harper.
252
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,563
So this is where
you come every day, huh?
253
00:11:37,564 --> 00:11:38,894
Yep, for 11 years.
254
00:11:39,069 --> 00:11:40,399
What do you think?
255
00:11:42,125 --> 00:11:44,730
I would've killed myself
ten and a half years ago.
256
00:11:46,802 --> 00:11:49,872
Okay, now, all you have
to do is sit here
257
00:11:50,153 --> 00:11:52,099
and when the phone rings,
pick it up
258
00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:54,370
and say,
"Dr. Harper's office."
259
00:11:54,763 --> 00:11:56,903
So right off the bat,
I lie?
260
00:11:59,105 --> 00:12:00,346
I am a doctor, Charlie.
261
00:12:00,347 --> 00:12:03,367
Yeah, and I'm king
of the traffic donuts.
262
00:12:07,419 --> 00:12:09,188
Moving on...
263
00:12:09,450 --> 00:12:11,085
I have canceled
all the morning appointments,
264
00:12:11,086 --> 00:12:13,588
so the only thing you're going to
have to deal with is walk-ins.
265
00:12:13,589 --> 00:12:16,227
Just have them make
an appointment for another time.
266
00:12:16,228 --> 00:12:19,178
So I don't get to crack
anybody's back?
267
00:12:19,215 --> 00:12:22,132
Charlie, listen to me
very carefully.
268
00:12:23,255 --> 00:12:26,382
You must not
touch the patients.
269
00:12:28,489 --> 00:12:29,843
This is not me talking.
270
00:12:29,844 --> 00:12:32,114
This is the State of California.
271
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:34,708
Okay.
272
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,924
Let me be absolutely clear.
273
00:12:38,223 --> 00:12:39,973
No touching the patients.
274
00:12:40,897 --> 00:12:41,572
Got it.
275
00:12:42,874 --> 00:12:45,181
What did I just say you?
Repeat it back to me.
276
00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:48,303
Boy, you're really not
a morning person, are you?
277
00:12:48,304 --> 00:12:50,380
All right, I've got to
go get to Jake's school.
278
00:12:50,381 --> 00:12:53,116
Say a prayer that I can
keep him from being expelled.
279
00:12:53,117 --> 00:12:55,160
Don't worry about a thing.
It's under control.
280
00:12:55,161 --> 00:12:56,661
You can count on me.
281
00:12:56,793 --> 00:13:00,283
Oh, if I could believe
even one of those things.
282
00:13:35,265 --> 00:13:38,049
Okay, where can I hang myself?
283
00:13:44,293 --> 00:13:45,211
Hello?
284
00:13:46,448 --> 00:13:47,608
Oh, hey, Alan...
285
00:13:48,884 --> 00:13:50,974
I said "Dr. Harper's office."
286
00:13:51,599 --> 00:13:52,732
I did.
287
00:13:53,392 --> 00:13:55,971
You know what, call back
and give me another chance.
288
00:14:01,179 --> 00:14:01,915
Hello?
289
00:14:01,950 --> 00:14:03,305
Damn, try it again.
290
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:12,245
Are you waiting
to see the principal?
291
00:14:12,246 --> 00:14:12,936
Uh, yeah.
292
00:14:13,648 --> 00:14:14,858
Oh, have a seat.
293
00:14:15,023 --> 00:14:15,773
Thank you.
294
00:14:22,489 --> 00:14:23,179
Uh, Alan.
295
00:14:23,636 --> 00:14:24,386
Oh, Mindy.
296
00:14:24,792 --> 00:14:25,504
Nice to meet you.
297
00:14:25,505 --> 00:14:26,195
You, too.
298
00:14:41,015 --> 00:14:42,985
You must be Boobra's mom...
299
00:14:50,577 --> 00:14:52,484
Barbara's mams...
300
00:14:56,968 --> 00:14:57,761
Hi.
301
00:15:03,202 --> 00:15:04,166
Don't worry, Alan.
302
00:15:04,167 --> 00:15:06,377
I'm not touching
the patients.
303
00:15:08,803 --> 00:15:11,773
There are human lives
at stake here, man.
304
00:15:12,032 --> 00:15:14,962
I need those spines
delivered immediately.
305
00:15:17,044 --> 00:15:17,504
Hello.
306
00:15:17,843 --> 00:15:20,204
Can I give you
a complimentary adjustment?
307
00:15:20,652 --> 00:15:23,070
I'm here for
the masseuse position.
308
00:15:23,071 --> 00:15:23,581
I see.
309
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:26,543
Well, I'm really not authorized
to do any hiring,
310
00:15:26,544 --> 00:15:29,922
but you're
obviously qualified.
311
00:15:32,460 --> 00:15:35,440
So the hell with protocol,
welcome aboard.
312
00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:38,499
Let me tell you something.
313
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:41,424
Puberty is hard enough for
a young girl without having to be
314
00:15:41,425 --> 00:15:44,744
leered at and made fun of
by obnoxious little boys.
315
00:15:44,745 --> 00:15:46,221
I couldn't
agree with you more.
316
00:15:46,222 --> 00:15:48,655
And I can assure you that
I've had a long talk with Jake
317
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:51,082
about how wrong it is
to objectify women's...
318
00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:52,753
Up here.
I'm up here.
319
00:15:54,634 --> 00:15:55,666
I know.
I know.
320
00:15:55,667 --> 00:15:56,467
I see you.
321
00:15:56,731 --> 00:15:58,909
A-A-And let me tell you
something.
322
00:15:58,910 --> 00:16:00,690
There is no one
more sympathetic than I
323
00:16:00,691 --> 00:16:03,275
to the plight of the
large-breasted woman.
324
00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:07,634
"Plight"?
It's not an affliction.
325
00:16:07,635 --> 00:16:09,627
Well, no, not
the breasts themselves,
326
00:16:09,628 --> 00:16:11,527
but the attendant
back problems
327
00:16:11,528 --> 00:16:14,518
associated with
carrying the enormous load.
328
00:16:15,977 --> 00:16:18,743
So now my breasts
are a "load"?
329
00:16:19,007 --> 00:16:22,057
From a strictly engineering
standpoint, yes.
330
00:16:22,526 --> 00:16:24,205
See-see, I am
a chiropractor and
331
00:16:24,206 --> 00:16:26,842
I deal with the heartache
of MMS all the time.
332
00:16:26,843 --> 00:16:27,940
MMS?
333
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:29,720
Massive Mammary Syndrome.
334
00:16:31,229 --> 00:16:33,609
It's a term I coined in
an article I submitted to
335
00:16:33,610 --> 00:16:36,383
the Journal of the American
Chiropractic Association.
336
00:16:36,384 --> 00:16:38,354
It hasn't really caught on.
337
00:16:38,591 --> 00:16:41,539
Anyway, MMS is particularly
acute among strippers,
338
00:16:41,540 --> 00:16:45,870
but they bring it on themselves
with those humongous implants.
339
00:16:45,903 --> 00:16:48,285
Yours, on the other hand,
appear quite natural.
340
00:16:48,286 --> 00:16:49,906
God-given, am I right?
341
00:16:52,944 --> 00:16:55,324
What the hell
is wrong with you?
342
00:16:57,010 --> 00:16:58,040
I don't know.
343
00:17:00,006 --> 00:17:01,506
I was a bottle baby.
344
00:17:12,330 --> 00:17:14,204
I'm sorry, Dr. Harper's
not in this morning,
345
00:17:14,205 --> 00:17:17,328
but if your back's really bothering you,
we do have a masseuse on duty.
346
00:17:17,329 --> 00:17:19,055
Fine. Anything.
347
00:17:19,059 --> 00:17:22,218
Well, let's see, she just went in
with a patient about five minutes ago,
348
00:17:22,219 --> 00:17:23,421
so if you don't mind waiting-
349
00:17:23,422 --> 00:17:25,282
Thank you, that was great.
350
00:17:26,928 --> 00:17:28,498
Good.
Come back soon.
351
00:17:28,770 --> 00:17:29,666
Soon?
352
00:17:29,701 --> 00:17:31,516
I'll be back after lunch.
353
00:17:34,269 --> 00:17:35,703
- You next?
- Oh, please.
354
00:17:35,704 --> 00:17:36,444
Let's go.
355
00:17:39,734 --> 00:17:40,522
What's this?
356
00:17:40,523 --> 00:17:41,609
Your cut.
357
00:17:48,847 --> 00:17:51,467
- I am really sorry.
- Just drop it.
358
00:17:53,567 --> 00:17:55,739
You know, in my defense...
359
00:17:55,774 --> 00:17:57,565
well, in defense of all men,
360
00:17:57,566 --> 00:18:00,356
we do live in
a mammo-centric society.
361
00:18:00,701 --> 00:18:02,196
Mammo-centric?
362
00:18:03,399 --> 00:18:04,958
Another coinage of mine.
363
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:09,030
Hasn't really premiered
the cultural zeitgeist.
364
00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:11,616
Hey, bottle baby.
I'm up here!
365
00:18:12,312 --> 00:18:14,731
That that perfectly
illustrates my points...
366
00:18:14,732 --> 00:18:15,648
point.
367
00:18:17,878 --> 00:18:22,608
From the moment we are born,
we are basically bombarded by breasts.
368
00:18:22,916 --> 00:18:25,842
Breasts in advertising, breasts in
television, breasts in movies.
369
00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:29,925
Here a breast, there a breast,
everywhere a breast, breast...
370
00:18:29,926 --> 00:18:32,556
Heck, you can
understand the fixation.
371
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,050
You're a horrible little man.
372
00:18:35,997 --> 00:18:40,365
Okay, okay, I had hoped that we could
have a spirited exchange of ideas here,
373
00:18:40,366 --> 00:18:42,627
but if we're going to just
degenerate into name-calling,
374
00:18:42,628 --> 00:18:44,626
perhaps we should
wait for the principal
375
00:18:44,627 --> 00:18:47,593
to decide what reasonable punishment
for my son would be.
376
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:48,422
Fine.
377
00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:50,755
We'll let the principal decide.
378
00:18:54,435 --> 00:18:56,125
I'm Principal Gallagher.
379
00:18:57,195 --> 00:19:00,035
Oh, God, my boy's
gonna get the chair.
380
00:19:05,670 --> 00:19:06,527
Time!
381
00:19:11,487 --> 00:19:13,807
Man, is this day ever gonna end?
382
00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:19,976
Hey, Alan.
383
00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:25,526
What's going on here?
384
00:19:25,527 --> 00:19:27,507
I had another business idea.
385
00:19:27,719 --> 00:19:28,409
You what?
386
00:19:28,550 --> 00:19:29,470
Hear me out.
387
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,788
What do men like better
than donuts?
388
00:19:35,870 --> 00:19:36,713
Hang on.
389
00:19:39,168 --> 00:19:39,995
Time!
390
00:19:47,881 --> 00:19:52,424
4,200, 4,300,
4,301, 4,302.
391
00:19:52,459 --> 00:19:55,239
I hate singles.
Don't you hate singles?
392
00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:58,758
You turned my business
into a brothel!
393
00:19:59,063 --> 00:20:00,725
I thought you'd be proud of me.
394
00:20:00,726 --> 00:20:02,796
I didn't touch a single patient.
395
00:20:02,797 --> 00:20:05,524
I left you alone
for a couple of hours and
396
00:20:05,525 --> 00:20:08,265
you turned my business
into a brothel!
397
00:20:09,121 --> 00:20:10,031
You know what you need?
398
00:20:10,032 --> 00:20:11,662
A nice, relaxing massage.
399
00:20:12,099 --> 00:20:13,707
Oh, shut up.
400
00:20:14,549 --> 00:20:16,122
There is a happy ending here.
401
00:20:16,123 --> 00:20:19,373
From what I saw,
there was, like, 40 of 'em.
402
00:20:19,864 --> 00:20:22,052
And that's just
what's on the books.
403
00:20:22,053 --> 00:20:24,087
I don't want
to know about it.
404
00:20:24,088 --> 00:20:26,230
I never want
to know about it.
405
00:20:26,231 --> 00:20:27,461
Okay, we'll change
the subject.
406
00:20:27,462 --> 00:20:28,212
Thank you.
407
00:20:28,716 --> 00:20:29,941
How'd it go
at Jake's school?
408
00:20:29,942 --> 00:20:31,904
I don't want
to talk about it.
409
00:20:31,905 --> 00:20:33,913
I never want
to talk about it.
410
00:20:33,914 --> 00:20:35,086
You screwed up, huh?
411
00:20:35,087 --> 00:20:37,571
In ways you can't imagine.
412
00:20:38,102 --> 00:20:39,372
So he's expelled?
413
00:20:39,433 --> 00:20:42,090
No, he's just suspended
for the week.
414
00:20:42,091 --> 00:20:43,030
That's not so bad.
415
00:20:43,031 --> 00:20:44,661
It's already Wednesday.
416
00:20:44,781 --> 00:20:47,299
I, on the other hand,
have been asked never to set foot
417
00:20:47,300 --> 00:20:49,956
on the grounds of
Woodward Avenue Elementy School again.
418
00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:50,463
No kidding.
419
00:20:50,464 --> 00:20:54,035
And it was strongly suggested that
I resign from the PTA.
420
00:20:54,036 --> 00:20:56,369
And there was talk of
a civil suit.
421
00:20:56,370 --> 00:20:58,714
Oh, and Principal Gallagher's
lesbian lover might just
422
00:20:58,715 --> 00:21:01,035
drop by tonight
to kick my ass.
423
00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:03,751
Remind me to charge
the camcorder.
424
00:21:03,893 --> 00:21:04,643
Oh, click!
425
00:21:04,702 --> 00:21:06,303
Another great
business idea.
426
00:21:06,304 --> 00:21:07,155
I don't want to hear it.
427
00:21:07,156 --> 00:21:08,026
Just listen.
428
00:21:08,580 --> 00:21:10,533
We put a massage table
in the trunk of your car...
429
00:21:10,534 --> 00:21:11,587
Forget it, Charlie.
430
00:21:11,588 --> 00:21:12,902
Actually, we'd probably
need a van...
431
00:21:12,903 --> 00:21:15,048
- I'm not listening.
- Oh, come on.
432
00:21:15,049 --> 00:21:18,873
Who need their tension relieved
more than guys stuck in traffic?
433
00:21:18,874 --> 00:21:20,084
We'll call it...
434
00:21:20,503 --> 00:21:21,843
Bumper to Humper...
435
00:21:23,547 --> 00:21:24,537
Speed Humps...
436
00:21:25,913 --> 00:21:26,653
I got it!
437
00:21:26,664 --> 00:21:27,474
Jiffy Lube.
438
00:21:28,789 --> 00:21:30,250
Oh, wait, somebody
already has that.
439
00:21:30,434 --> 00:21:33,625
Script : cfsmp3, Sync: nColas
Corrections : Bouliii
30446
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