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00:00:01,301 --> 00:00:03,637
Previously on Young Sheldon...
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00:00:05,372 --> 00:00:07,175
Sheldon Cooper.
3
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:08,441
What?
4
00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:10,912
I finished reading it.
My name's Sheldon Cooper.
5
00:00:10,945 --> 00:00:12,579
What... You finished it?
6
00:00:12,612 --> 00:00:13,915
Yes.
7
00:00:13,948 --> 00:00:14,882
(chuckles)
Impressive.
8
00:00:14,916 --> 00:00:17,517
Wha-- You should major
in computer science.
9
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:20,453
(laughs)
No, thanks. I'll stick
to real science.
10
00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:24,025
(indistinct chatter)
11
00:00:30,463 --> 00:00:32,632
Excuse me, but
you're not Evan.
12
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:33,968
True.
13
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:35,837
Where's Evan?
Elsewhere.
14
00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:36,971
So you don't know?
15
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,172
True.
16
00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:40,774
Oh, good. You met Joaquin.
17
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:43,510
Proper introductions were not
made. What's he doing here?
18
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,579
Uh, he's helping me
write an algorithm
19
00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:47,581
so, uh, we can beat
the stock market.
20
00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:48,950
Why?
21
00:00:48,983 --> 00:00:52,920
Uh, well, so we can get rich,
buy cool cars and get girls.
22
00:00:52,954 --> 00:00:54,922
But mostly the girls.
23
00:00:54,956 --> 00:00:57,058
Isn't the search for knowledge
its own reward?
24
00:00:57,091 --> 00:01:00,694
Uh, yeah, sure, if the
knowledge helps you get girls.
25
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:02,263
That seems like a lot
of unnecessary effort
26
00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:03,597
just to meet females.
27
00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:05,765
Yeah, we've tried
talking to them.
28
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:07,268
Actual disaster.
29
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:08,568
You want to help us?
30
00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:10,004
I don't need to meet girls.
31
00:01:10,037 --> 00:01:12,539
In fact, I'd like
to know fewer people, not more.
32
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:15,243
You could use the money
to buy yourself something fun.
33
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:19,313
Ooh, like a particle accelerator
or 100 tanks of liquid nitrogen.
34
00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:22,549
I was thinking
of a hot tub, but okay.
35
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,085
I can't get you
to take a shower,
36
00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:25,820
and-and you want a hot tub?
37
00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:27,255
Girls like hot tubs.
38
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:29,891
How much would it cost to build
a particle accelerator?
39
00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:32,193
Conservatively,
four to ten billion dollars.
40
00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:33,560
Then you need to help us.
41
00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:35,296
Hmm. Well,
I haven't done much coding,
42
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:36,898
but I am good at everything.
43
00:01:36,931 --> 00:01:38,299
Okay, I'm in charge.
44
00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:40,001
Scoot.
45
00:01:40,034 --> 00:01:42,702
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪
46
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:45,306
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
47
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:48,175
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
48
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:50,710
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
49
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:55,116
♪ I am a mighty little man.♪
50
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:01,923
What are you watching?
Travis Lemon.
51
00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:03,590
The crazy church guy?
52
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:05,993
He's not crazy.
Well, his hair is.
53
00:02:06,027 --> 00:02:08,561
(organ music playing)
Well, I got news for y'all.
54
00:02:09,429 --> 00:02:11,698
Jesus wants you to prosper.
55
00:02:11,731 --> 00:02:15,202
He wants you to have nice
things, a life of abundance.
56
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:16,971
Says so right here in the book.
57
00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:21,976
"My God shall supply all your
needs according to His riches
58
00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:24,744
in glory by Jesus Christ."
59
00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,613
He's right. It does say that.
60
00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:28,615
When's it's over?
I want to watch MTV.
61
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:30,483
Reverend Travis has a band.
62
00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:32,086
They rock pretty hard.
63
00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:33,354
(scoffs)
64
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:34,822
The same is true for you.
65
00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:38,259
Jesus fed 5,000 people
with five loaves of bread,
66
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,227
but somebody had
to give him those loaves.
67
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:41,963
And that's what I need from you.
68
00:02:41,996 --> 00:02:44,198
Every dollar you donate
69
00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:47,368
to the Travis Lemon ministry
will be returned to you tenfold!
70
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:49,636
Tenfold, my sweet patootie.
71
00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:52,639
As ye sow, so shall ye reap.
72
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:55,176
Daphne, get the address
on the screen?
73
00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:58,379
So you get the checkbook out,
74
00:02:58,412 --> 00:03:00,480
and you show how much
you love the Lord,
75
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,582
and the Lord will love you back.
76
00:03:02,615 --> 00:03:04,151
And when your neighbor asks you,
77
00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:06,553
"Where'd you get that new
Cadillac?" you tell 'em,
78
00:03:06,586 --> 00:03:08,923
"On the corner
of Heaven and Saved."
79
00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:10,291
Oh, what the heck.
80
00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:12,293
All right, Steve-arooni,
let's hit it!
81
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,727
(Mary sighs)
82
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,030
(upbeat rock music plays)
83
00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:21,068
Hey, Missy.
Hey. What are you doing?
84
00:03:21,102 --> 00:03:23,570
Just breaking in my new shoes
for school.
85
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:26,007
They're brown.
86
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,274
Cool.
87
00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:28,809
Can I watch your TV?
88
00:03:28,843 --> 00:03:30,244
Sure.
89
00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:32,545
(leather squeaking)
90
00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:34,815
That squeaking you're hearing
is my new shoes.
91
00:03:34,849 --> 00:03:38,052
♪ Getting edgy all the time... ♪
92
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:39,453
Where's your mom at?
93
00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:41,721
She went to my Aunt Sylvia's
for a few days.
94
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:44,058
Aunt Sylvia has a big lump
on her neck.
95
00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:45,226
So you're alone?
96
00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:46,593
Just me and my chickens.
97
00:03:46,626 --> 00:03:48,295
Billy, we have
to throw a party.
98
00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:49,596
For the chickens?
99
00:03:49,629 --> 00:03:51,598
No! For us!
Why?
100
00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:53,633
What do you mean "why"?
Your mom's not home.
101
00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:56,370
What would we do? Play games?
102
00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:57,838
Yeah, drinking games.
103
00:03:57,872 --> 00:04:00,707
Like when you paid me a dollar
to chug a gallon of milk?
104
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:03,177
That was a different game,
and I'm sorry.
105
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:05,612
Boy, did I throw up.
106
00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:07,214
For this party,
I'm thinking beer.
107
00:04:07,248 --> 00:04:09,616
We're not old enough
to drink beer.
108
00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,085
That's why kids'll come.
109
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:12,752
Smart.
110
00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:14,989
Do you think they'll like eggs?
111
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:17,224
I have so many eggs.
112
00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:19,659
What's that
A-sub-one-variable?
113
00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:20,995
It's undefined.
114
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:22,762
It's defined
in the previous subroutine.
115
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,398
Oh, my. That is elegant.
116
00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:26,400
We don't use the word "elegant."
117
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:27,868
Why? What's wrong with it?
118
00:04:27,902 --> 00:04:31,238
Well, last semester,
I invited a girl to my room
119
00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:33,740
to look at my elegant coding,
120
00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:36,743
and... she called the police,
so...
121
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,080
Understood.
So what happens next?
122
00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:42,283
Uh, we just buy the stocks
the algorithm suggests.
123
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:45,086
With what?
Our student loan money.
124
00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:46,020
How much are you in for?
125
00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:47,888
Oh, my mother's
always warned me
126
00:04:47,922 --> 00:04:50,157
against the evils of gambling.
127
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:53,760
Well, it's not gambling,
it-it's math.
128
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,529
Is your mother against math?
129
00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:57,231
Well, when you use it to prove
130
00:04:57,264 --> 00:04:59,133
the Earth wasn't made in seven
days, she gets a little touchy.
131
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:00,733
It's your call.
132
00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:03,904
Particle accelerator,
or no particle accelerator?
133
00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:07,308
Let me fetch my money sock.
134
00:05:12,947 --> 00:05:15,549
You keep your money in a sock?
135
00:05:15,583 --> 00:05:17,551
My meemaw keeps her
money in her bra.
136
00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:19,854
Does she like hot tubs?
137
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:23,991
So how are you and Dale
getting along?
138
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,093
Well, I rode a bike seven miles
139
00:05:26,127 --> 00:05:29,063
to have coffee with you,
so that should tell you.
140
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:30,297
Not going well?
141
00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:31,866
Oh, it's fine.
142
00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:33,267
It's just, after you've lived
143
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:35,069
by yourself for a long time,
144
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:37,404
having a roommate takes
a little getting used to.
145
00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:40,007
I'm sure Dale's doing his best.
146
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,109
That's my fear.
147
00:05:42,143 --> 00:05:46,413
Mare, what's this $50
to an "R.T.L.M."?
148
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:48,282
Reverend Travis Lemon
Ministries.
149
00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:49,617
I made a donation.
150
00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:51,718
The goofy guy with the hair?
151
00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:53,254
He's not goofy,
152
00:05:53,287 --> 00:05:56,557
and he preaches the gospel
in a way that speaks to me.
153
00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:58,592
Yeah, well, let me speak to you.
154
00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:00,327
We can't be throwing away
50 bucks.
155
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:02,163
We are not throwing it away.
156
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:04,431
We are gonna get
that money back plus some.
157
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:05,798
Oh, honey, now, come on.
158
00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:08,169
You can't possibly
believe that B.S.
159
00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:11,906
Maybe. Reverend Travis says
that Jesus wants us to prosper.
160
00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:13,307
MEEMAW:
Is that why
161
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:15,109
he huffed and puffed
and blew my house down?
162
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:17,011
I'm cancelling this check.
Don't you dare.
163
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,879
Mary, this is groceries
for a week.
164
00:06:18,913 --> 00:06:21,849
We will get it back.
We just need to have faith.
165
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:24,385
(sighs)
Will you talk some sense
into your daughter?
166
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:25,853
If I could talk sense into her,
167
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,754
she would never
have married you.
168
00:06:27,787 --> 00:06:31,859
She had to marry me
because I got her pregnant. Ha!
169
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:33,994
Huh.
170
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:38,132
He ain't wrong about the money.
171
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:39,732
Thank you!
172
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,509
Well, gentlemen,
we've doubled our income
173
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:50,277
in a little over eight hours.
174
00:06:50,311 --> 00:06:51,879
I'm gonna need a bigger sock.
175
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:54,215
The good news is,
our algorithm is working,
176
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:56,617
and it's getting more efficient
with every trade.
177
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:58,319
Which is why
we have to stay strong.
178
00:06:58,352 --> 00:07:00,487
We can't expect
to be millionaires overnight.
179
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,556
It'll take...
180
00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:04,024
12 to 14 business days.
181
00:07:04,058 --> 00:07:06,327
It's actually
gonna happen.
182
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:07,760
I'm gonna have sex.
183
00:07:07,794 --> 00:07:10,130
Where are you going?
184
00:07:10,164 --> 00:07:12,166
To take a shower.
185
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,835
(footsteps approaching)
186
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,670
Hey, can I talk to you?
187
00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:18,505
Yeah. What's up?
188
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:19,772
Actually, in there.
189
00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:21,442
You ain't pregnant, are you?
190
00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:23,677
No. How could you say that?!
191
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:25,246
Been known to happen.
192
00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:26,447
(scoffs)
193
00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,317
(sighs)
Okay.
194
00:07:30,351 --> 00:07:33,387
So, Billy's mom's away,
and we're throwing a party.
195
00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:34,855
All right.
196
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,057
Do you think if I took some
of Dad's beer, he'd notice?
197
00:07:37,091 --> 00:07:38,926
Do you think he'd notice?
198
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,461
Okay, dumb question.
199
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:43,931
Anyways, you're too young.
You shouldn't be drinking.
200
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,666
You just asked
if I was pregnant.
201
00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:47,334
Well, don't do either.
202
00:07:47,368 --> 00:07:50,337
So you wouldn't buy us a case
of beer if I gave you the money?
203
00:07:50,371 --> 00:07:52,706
Missy, I'm not old
enough to buy beer.
204
00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:54,441
That's never stopped you before.
205
00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:56,010
And I'm ashamed of myself.
206
00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:58,145
(sighs)
I'll tell you what I can do.
207
00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:01,115
I got something for a party
that's better than beer.
208
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,817
What?
209
00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:07,755
Bottle rockets, Roman candles,
M80s, the works.
210
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:10,824
Oh, sure. Thanks.
211
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,493
You're not excited now,
but trust me,
212
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:15,462
you blow up one mailbox,
and you got yourself a party.
213
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:17,931
(sighs)
214
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,202
Need a hand?
215
00:08:22,236 --> 00:08:24,238
Yeah, sure.
216
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:31,578
Hey, so, when you were my age,
did you go any parties?
217
00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:33,247
Oh, yeah.
218
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:37,184
The good ones I remember,
the great ones... gone.
219
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:38,652
That is so cool.
220
00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:40,487
Ah, I was pretty cool.
221
00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:42,489
You get invited to one?
222
00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,325
Kind of.
223
00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:45,492
Ooh, tell me.
224
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,896
I'm sort of helping
my friend throw it.
225
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:52,266
(gasps)
First party. That's a big deal.
226
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:53,467
Any advice?
227
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:56,270
Hmm. Well, for starters,
228
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:57,871
music is key.
229
00:08:57,905 --> 00:08:59,440
You want it good,
you want it loud,
230
00:08:59,473 --> 00:09:00,941
but not so loud the cops come.
231
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:03,410
Although, if they do,
you're a legend.
232
00:09:03,444 --> 00:09:04,545
Damn.
233
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:05,979
And if you have make-out spots,
234
00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:08,549
you want to keep 'em private,
but not too private.
235
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:10,050
You know, closets, pantries.
236
00:09:10,084 --> 00:09:12,486
You want to keep
your guests standing.
Makes sense.
237
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:13,620
Mm-hmm.
238
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,422
And, um, I've heard
239
00:09:15,456 --> 00:09:18,559
at some of these parties
there's drinking?
240
00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:22,696
Oh.
241
00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:25,132
Well... yeah, sometimes,
242
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:26,667
but, uh,
243
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:30,437
fun can be had without... it.
244
00:09:31,205 --> 00:09:34,375
Uh-huh,
but just in case,
245
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:35,609
would you buy it for us?
246
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,045
No.
Why not?
247
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,646
Because you're a kid.
248
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:40,781
You were a kid.
249
00:09:40,815 --> 00:09:43,016
Yeah, but it was different.
How?
250
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,920
The point is,
I'm a mom now.
251
00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:47,921
A cool mom.
252
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:49,256
Not that cool.
253
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:51,058
Besides, the only
underage person
254
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,594
that I'm gonna buy alcohol for
is the father of my child.
255
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:56,397
You really aren't cool.
256
00:10:01,135 --> 00:10:02,336
Thanks for seeing me.
257
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:04,571
Of course,
my door is always open.
258
00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:05,807
Smoke?
259
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:07,741
I'm good. I'll just
breathe in yours.
260
00:10:07,775 --> 00:10:09,309
Suit yourself.
261
00:10:09,343 --> 00:10:11,078
(coughing)
262
00:10:13,882 --> 00:10:15,382
Could we have
a little privacy?
263
00:10:15,416 --> 00:10:17,951
I'll just be listening
at the door.
264
00:10:18,853 --> 00:10:20,855
She does.
265
00:10:20,889 --> 00:10:22,089
So, what can
we do for you?
266
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,690
Well, I was thinking
maybe it was time
267
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:25,259
for Mary to come back
to the church.
268
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,027
You know, be a part
of your herd again.
269
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,262
We say flock.
270
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:31,064
Although, Texas--
herd works.
271
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:32,966
With all the beef
and whatnot.
272
00:10:33,802 --> 00:10:36,103
Well, Mary's always welcome.
273
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,038
Great.
(phone ringing)
274
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:40,140
Oh. Maybe you could use her
back here in the office.
275
00:10:40,174 --> 00:10:43,010
Nah, we got things covered.
276
00:10:44,879 --> 00:10:46,013
Do you need
to answer that?
277
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,448
No, they'll call back.
278
00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:48,850
Peg, please.
279
00:10:48,883 --> 00:10:50,517
All right, bossy.
280
00:10:55,890 --> 00:10:58,325
(chuckles)
281
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,127
So, uh...
282
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,462
what do you think?
283
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:03,597
Mary said she wants
to come back?
284
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:05,199
Not in so many words.
285
00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:06,400
But I know
if you asked her,
286
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,135
it would just mean
the world to me,
287
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,737
to her, to us...
(chuckles)
288
00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:12,005
To God.
289
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:13,640
I'll pray on it.
290
00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,042
Great.
291
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,045
(sighs)
292
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,780
I'll pray on it later.
293
00:11:19,814 --> 00:11:21,682
Right. Sure.
294
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:29,490
Fascinating.
295
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,494
Why aren't you doing
what I tell you?
296
00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:35,095
We rich yet?
297
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:36,497
Yeah, we better be.
298
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:37,498
Evan went nuts.
299
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:38,599
He got garlic sticks.
300
00:11:38,632 --> 00:11:40,802
Did either of you
authorize the algorithm
301
00:11:40,835 --> 00:11:42,302
to make foreign trades?
302
00:11:43,337 --> 00:11:44,137
No.
No.
303
00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:45,539
Well, that's what it's doing.
304
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:48,575
We own 7,000 shares
of Chow Fat Enterprises
305
00:11:48,609 --> 00:11:50,210
on the Hong Kong exchange.
306
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:52,212
Fascinating.
307
00:11:52,246 --> 00:11:53,680
That's what I said.
308
00:11:55,984 --> 00:11:57,651
It's trading on its own?
309
00:11:57,684 --> 00:11:59,052
It would seem so.
310
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:01,188
Uh, we... need to
stop it, pull the plug.
311
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,991
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
312
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:03,992
Are we up or down?
313
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:05,058
We're up.
314
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:06,493
Then what's the problem?
315
00:12:06,527 --> 00:12:08,395
The problem is
we've lost control.
316
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:09,831
This is
Frankenstein's monster.
317
00:12:09,864 --> 00:12:11,431
You say that
like it's a bad thing.
318
00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:12,666
What?
319
00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:13,968
To reanimate life was
320
00:12:14,002 --> 00:12:15,068
an incredible
scientific achievement.
321
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:16,103
The real bad guys
in the story are
322
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:17,404
the ignorant villagers.
323
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:20,107
You were on
the monster's side?
324
00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:21,608
Unfairly hounded
for being different?
325
00:12:21,642 --> 00:12:22,609
You betcha.
326
00:12:22,643 --> 00:12:23,912
Guys, guys, guys.
327
00:12:23,945 --> 00:12:25,112
Chow Fat stock just split.
328
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:26,680
We have 14,000 shares.
329
00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:30,384
So, we created an algorithm
that's evolving by itself
330
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,486
and becoming a new
form of intelligence?
331
00:12:33,287 --> 00:12:34,989
And I, Sheldon Cooper,
332
00:12:35,023 --> 00:12:37,025
wholeheartedly think
it's terrific.
333
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:39,359
(quietly):
It may be listening.
334
00:12:40,494 --> 00:12:42,796
♪ ♪
335
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:44,999
How do we do this?
336
00:12:45,033 --> 00:12:46,400
We just got to wait
for someone
337
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:47,701
who's old enough to buy beer
338
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,436
but young enough to be cool.
339
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:50,537
Got it.
340
00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:53,473
Try him.
Excuse me, sir--
341
00:12:53,507 --> 00:12:54,842
Buy your own beer.
342
00:12:54,876 --> 00:12:56,109
Thank you.
343
00:12:56,878 --> 00:12:58,612
I think he was onto us.
344
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:02,115
Let me try.
345
00:13:02,951 --> 00:13:04,351
Hey.
Hey.
346
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:07,721
Would you buy me beer?
I forgot my ID at home.
347
00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:09,023
How old are you?
348
00:13:09,057 --> 00:13:10,524
Um...
349
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:11,525
thirty.
350
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:12,994
(scoffs)
351
00:13:13,027 --> 00:13:14,428
Twenty-five?
352
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,898
(sighs) This isn't working.
353
00:13:16,931 --> 00:13:19,566
Maybe the party was
a bad idea.
354
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,702
Hey, mister,
355
00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:22,904
will you buy us some beer?
356
00:13:22,937 --> 00:13:24,671
I'm not old enough.
357
00:13:27,909 --> 00:13:29,743
Those guys thought
I was a grown-up.
358
00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:31,079
Billy!
359
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:32,479
What?
360
00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:34,882
CLARK:
Here's your change.
Thank you.
361
00:13:34,916 --> 00:13:38,285
♪ I'm on my way to Italy ♪
362
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,922
♪ From the Gulf of Mexico... ♪
363
00:13:40,955 --> 00:13:42,023
You can go now.
364
00:13:42,056 --> 00:13:44,157
Thank you.
(shoes squeaking)
365
00:13:48,562 --> 00:13:49,529
Howdy, neighbor.
366
00:13:49,563 --> 00:13:52,232
Pastor Jeff,
how nice to see you.
367
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:53,800
Am I interrupting
anything?
368
00:13:53,835 --> 00:13:56,236
No, no, come on in.
369
00:13:58,039 --> 00:13:59,807
So, what brings you by?
370
00:13:59,841 --> 00:14:02,342
Well, I've been
thinking, uh,
371
00:14:02,376 --> 00:14:04,078
we really miss you
over at the church
372
00:14:04,112 --> 00:14:06,881
and maybe you might
consider coming back.
373
00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:08,415
Well...
374
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:12,120
that's awful kind of you,
but I've joined a new church.
375
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,154
Oh! The Methodists got you,
didn't they?
376
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,689
Oh, no.
377
00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:17,224
Reverend Travis Lemon.
378
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:19,626
Oh, not the fella
with the hair.
379
00:14:19,660 --> 00:14:23,031
Mary, he's
a snake oil salesman,
380
00:14:23,064 --> 00:14:24,264
taking people's money
381
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:25,565
and promising 'em
all kinds of riches.
382
00:14:25,599 --> 00:14:27,234
Well...
383
00:14:28,669 --> 00:14:32,974
Then how do you explain
this check I got from the IRS?
384
00:14:33,007 --> 00:14:34,842
$800.
385
00:14:34,876 --> 00:14:36,276
I sent Reverend Travis $50
386
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,012
and that came
the very next day.
387
00:14:38,046 --> 00:14:40,347
Oh, come on.
388
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:43,450
It had to be in the mail
before you sent your money in.
389
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:44,584
Did it?
390
00:14:44,618 --> 00:14:47,654
Of course. I'm as patriotic
as the next guy,
391
00:14:47,688 --> 00:14:50,892
but our postal service
flat-out sucks.
392
00:14:50,925 --> 00:14:52,026
Excuse my French.
393
00:14:52,060 --> 00:14:54,561
Well, we disagree.
394
00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:56,998
Reverend Travis says
that the Lord wants me
395
00:14:57,031 --> 00:14:59,199
to be prosperous
and I believe him.
396
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,735
This is nothing
but a coincidence.
397
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:02,904
You overpaid your taxes,
398
00:15:02,937 --> 00:15:06,174
you got a refund,
Jesus has nothing to do with it.
399
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:07,842
You sound like Sheldon.
400
00:15:10,078 --> 00:15:12,046
I believe I know my way out.
401
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:13,447
Mm.
402
00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:17,151
♪ Like me care for you? ♪
403
00:15:17,185 --> 00:15:19,020
♪ Ah♪
♪ Why do I bother... ♪
404
00:15:19,053 --> 00:15:20,420
Help me move this,
will you?
405
00:15:20,454 --> 00:15:21,421
What are you doing?
406
00:15:21,455 --> 00:15:22,924
Making a dance floor.
407
00:15:22,957 --> 00:15:24,959
I'm a very good dancer.
Really?
408
00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:27,028
My mom says so. Watch.
409
00:15:27,061 --> 00:15:28,830
♪ I saw the sign ♪
410
00:15:28,863 --> 00:15:31,032
♪ And it opened up my eyes... ♪
(phone ringing)
411
00:15:31,065 --> 00:15:32,332
I'll get it.
412
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,434
♪ Life is demanding... ♪
413
00:15:34,468 --> 00:15:36,570
Sparks' residence.
Hey, sweetie.
414
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:37,471
Oh. Hey, Mom.
415
00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:39,040
You okay there
all by yourself?
416
00:15:39,073 --> 00:15:41,441
I'm not by myself,
Missy's here.
417
00:15:42,176 --> 00:15:43,677
W-wait, she's not here.
418
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:44,979
Put her on.
419
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,147
Okay.
420
00:15:46,180 --> 00:15:48,015
♪ But where do you belong? ♪
421
00:15:49,183 --> 00:15:50,383
Hey, Mrs. Sparks.
422
00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:51,785
What are y'all up to?
423
00:15:51,819 --> 00:15:52,920
Just hanging out.
424
00:15:52,954 --> 00:15:54,122
Cut the crap.
425
00:15:54,155 --> 00:15:55,189
You throwing a party,
ain't you?
426
00:15:55,223 --> 00:15:57,058
What? No.
427
00:15:57,091 --> 00:15:59,060
Relax, I'm all for it.
428
00:15:59,093 --> 00:16:00,828
I want my son to have a life.
429
00:16:00,862 --> 00:16:02,897
Wait, he's invited right?
430
00:16:02,930 --> 00:16:05,066
'Course. We're just
making a dance floor.
431
00:16:05,099 --> 00:16:07,201
Oh, God, Missy,
do not let him dance.
432
00:16:07,235 --> 00:16:09,137
♪ Bring me joy? ♪
433
00:16:09,170 --> 00:16:11,005
♪ Under the pale moon. ♪
434
00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:14,307
MARY:
Lord, I know everyone thinksI'm being foolish
435
00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:15,877
giving moneyto Reverend Travis,
436
00:16:15,910 --> 00:16:19,013
but why wouldn't you want usto be prosperous?
437
00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:21,015
You love us, it makes sense.
438
00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:24,718
And I got that IRS check,which feels like a sign.
439
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:27,487
And I think I know a signwhen I see one.
440
00:16:27,521 --> 00:16:29,857
(crow cawing)
Ugh. Oh!
441
00:16:31,893 --> 00:16:32,860
Oh!
442
00:16:32,894 --> 00:16:34,228
Ew!
443
00:16:34,262 --> 00:16:35,362
What's going on?
444
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,364
A bird did its business
in my eye.
445
00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:39,499
Better than your mouth, right?
446
00:16:39,533 --> 00:16:41,035
You think you're funny?!
447
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:42,904
Yeah.
448
00:16:43,537 --> 00:16:44,972
We may have a problem.
449
00:16:45,006 --> 00:16:46,207
Oh, what's wrong?
450
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:47,374
The program's running
really slow.
451
00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:48,408
We're losing money.
452
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:49,811
Well, what's happening?
453
00:16:49,844 --> 00:16:51,012
It was fine this morning.
454
00:16:51,045 --> 00:16:53,080
I don't know
if this is related,
455
00:16:53,114 --> 00:16:54,714
but I did add
a new subroutine.
456
00:16:54,748 --> 00:16:56,316
To do what?
457
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,784
To resolve
the inconsistencies
458
00:16:57,819 --> 00:16:59,921
between general relativity
and quantum mechanics.
459
00:16:59,954 --> 00:17:01,189
Why would you do that?
460
00:17:01,222 --> 00:17:02,756
Because our algorithm's
so smart
461
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,391
and it's the biggest unanswered
question in the universe.
462
00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:05,860
But it's messing
with the computer.
463
00:17:05,893 --> 00:17:07,028
We're losing money.
464
00:17:07,061 --> 00:17:08,930
What about my car?
What about girls?
465
00:17:08,963 --> 00:17:11,531
Rest assured,
you solve general relativity,
466
00:17:11,565 --> 00:17:13,767
the girls will be lined up
around the block to kiss you.
467
00:17:15,303 --> 00:17:17,737
(laughter, chatter)
(fireworks whistling)
468
00:17:17,771 --> 00:17:20,774
Someone's having a party
and we weren't invited.
469
00:17:20,808 --> 00:17:22,076
(exhales)
470
00:17:25,779 --> 00:17:27,815
(engine cranking)
471
00:17:29,050 --> 00:17:30,818
(groans) Gosh darn it.
472
00:17:31,785 --> 00:17:33,420
(sighs)
473
00:17:35,223 --> 00:17:36,824
Stupid car.
474
00:17:37,791 --> 00:17:39,293
Oh! (gasps)
475
00:17:39,327 --> 00:17:40,694
(groaning)
476
00:17:42,864 --> 00:17:45,299
Make it stop.
I'm trying, it doesn't want to.
477
00:17:45,333 --> 00:17:46,700
I think it finds the question
too interesting.
478
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,401
Ooh, but it's messing
with the computer.
479
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,972
We're losing everything.
I don't know
what else to do.
480
00:17:58,712 --> 00:18:00,348
You could have just
unplugged it.
481
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:02,382
Or at least
opened the window.
482
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:04,784
I showered for nothing.
483
00:18:10,024 --> 00:18:11,859
(Roman candle flares whistling,
music playing nearby)
484
00:18:11,893 --> 00:18:13,828
You know, honey,
nothing much you can do
485
00:18:13,861 --> 00:18:15,395
about a broken toe.
486
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,397
Unless you think
Reverend Travis can fix it.
487
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,133
Maybe I'll stick it
up your butt.
488
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,102
Mary Cooper. Language.
489
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:23,670
I'm going to bed.
490
00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:24,906
(candle flare whistles,
window shatters)
491
00:18:24,939 --> 00:18:26,007
Ah!
492
00:18:31,112 --> 00:18:32,346
I'm in.
493
00:18:32,380 --> 00:18:34,882
My bottom is scorched,
don't look at it.
494
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:46,593
And as we're passing
the collection plate,
495
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:49,163
let's give a warm welcome
to the Coopers
496
00:18:49,196 --> 00:18:50,664
who are back in the fold.
497
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:52,400
Our donation room
is looking
498
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:53,667
a little empty
after the tornado.
499
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,903
So please bring in
your canned goods,
500
00:18:55,937 --> 00:18:57,071
your used clothing--
501
00:18:57,104 --> 00:18:58,538
(retching)
502
00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:02,143
Is that beer?
Oh, my--
503
00:19:02,176 --> 00:19:04,178
(retching)
504
00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:05,612
Anyway, welcome back Coopers.
505
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,715
Please turn to page 37
in your hymnals.
34495
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