Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:09,590 --> 00:00:10,880
Okay, you're on.
2
00:00:11,510 --> 00:00:14,220
I lived a hardscrabble life.
3
00:00:15,050 --> 00:00:16,776
Nothing was ever handed to me.
4
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,406
Most things were thrown.
5
00:00:18,430 --> 00:00:19,486
Who is gagging?
6
00:00:19,510 --> 00:00:20,576
I'm sorry.
7
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:22,206
I get nauseous
when I read in the car.
8
00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:23,956
Read what? You're driving.
9
00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:27,310
Road signs count. What
does that say? State route...
10
00:00:28,110 --> 00:00:31,966
West... okay, someone needs
to be reading these to me.
11
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:33,046
- That green one says...
- No!
12
00:00:33,070 --> 00:00:34,586
- No, don't help him.
- He has to learn.
13
00:00:34,610 --> 00:00:38,830
Please, Percy. You're interrupting
our awards-eligible tour documentary.
14
00:00:41,790 --> 00:00:44,686
My childhood was...
Damn it, Percy!
15
00:00:44,710 --> 00:00:46,396
No, it's me.
16
00:00:46,420 --> 00:00:48,186
Sorry for being pregnant.
17
00:00:48,210 --> 00:00:50,726
Wait. How many weeks has it
been since the white lotus finale?
18
00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:52,026
- Twelve.
- Ooh.
19
00:00:52,050 --> 00:00:53,646
I can find out the sex.
20
00:00:53,670 --> 00:00:55,906
Not that I care. The baby's
room will be gray either way.
21
00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:58,116
- Okay, quiet on set.
- Yeah, mine.
22
00:00:58,140 --> 00:01:00,286
Attention, queers of the ozarks.
23
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:03,656
Her royal thiccness is gonna
be at the music hole tonight.
24
00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:05,496
Groupies welcome.
25
00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:07,376
Just call me ho spice.
26
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:11,046
But don't write it down because
it looks like "hospice." Ah!
27
00:01:11,070 --> 00:01:14,466
Come on, you really think you're
gonna be swimming in it in bomont,
28
00:01:14,490 --> 00:01:16,336
as seen in the motion
picture footloose?
29
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:19,096
That explains why there's
zero interest on bumpr.
30
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:22,136
No, wait, there's a
lady. She's moving fast.
31
00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:23,580
Oh, she's on a plane.
32
00:01:24,450 --> 00:01:25,846
It's a damn boob desert!
33
00:01:25,870 --> 00:01:28,436
- What is that a play on?
- "Food desert." Keep up, dawn.
34
00:01:28,460 --> 00:01:30,976
Jesus, Percy, yield!
35
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,380
I said I'm not reading signs!
36
00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:38,236
♪ Gonna be famous 5eva
'cause 4eva's too short ♪
37
00:01:38,260 --> 00:01:39,656
♪ it's too short ♪
38
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:45,890
♪ gonna be famous 3-gether
'cause that's one more than 2-gether ♪
39
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:52,626
♪ gonna be famous 5eva
'cause 4eva's too short ♪
40
00:01:52,650 --> 00:01:55,216
♪ so, what are
you waiting five? ♪
41
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:59,610
♪ Girls5eva ♪
42
00:02:03,830 --> 00:02:06,846
Yes! Found an ob who
takes my viper insurance.
43
00:02:06,870 --> 00:02:09,726
That's one past cobra, where
you're still on your grandparents' plan.
44
00:02:09,750 --> 00:02:11,936
- Okay, how about this one?
- Ho, ho!
45
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,936
Like easter bunny's trophy wife.
46
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:14,857
J'approve.
47
00:02:14,881 --> 00:02:19,236
Okay, so for tonight's fit, I know
you want to use the boots, so...
48
00:02:19,260 --> 00:02:20,316
Summer?
49
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:22,486
Hey, kev, um, sing
yourself hold music.
50
00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:23,487
Copy, ex-babe.
51
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:25,406
♪ Doo-doo-doo ♪
52
00:02:25,430 --> 00:02:27,576
- ♪ - doobie brothers, yeah!
- Doo-doo... ♪
53
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:31,036
Are you asking your ex-husband
to approve what you wear?
54
00:02:31,060 --> 00:02:32,336
Kev has great taste.
55
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,126
- His pants always match his car.
- I don't know.
56
00:02:35,150 --> 00:02:37,916
This just seems like
a step backwards.
57
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:39,676
Oh, like the moonwalk?
58
00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:41,846
Ha! That's the greatest
dance move ever.
59
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,926
Nice insult, dawn.
60
00:02:43,950 --> 00:02:47,426
How are you supposed to
move on and be your own person
61
00:02:47,450 --> 00:02:49,460
if kev is picking out
your clothes every day?
62
00:02:50,540 --> 00:02:52,056
♪ Doobie brothers, yeah! ♪
63
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:55,550
Huh. Maybe I've been
afraid to completely let go.
64
00:02:56,750 --> 00:02:58,010
And find out...
65
00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:01,510
Who is summer without kev.
66
00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:05,616
Sorry, ex-babe.
No more fit checks.
67
00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:06,696
Your funeral.
68
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,326
- Yes!
- Stevia stole my khaki-colored car.
69
00:03:09,350 --> 00:03:12,310
And I can't go find her 'cause
she took my other colored pants.
70
00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:15,796
Everything's looking good.
71
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:18,716
Your baby's the size of a
kumquat, or a full-grown mouse.
72
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:21,216
Sorry, some people don't
know what a kumquat is.
73
00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:23,006
Hey, so I've been
watching the new the crown,
74
00:03:23,030 --> 00:03:25,426
and prince Philip is straight
up American-uncle-level racist.
75
00:03:25,450 --> 00:03:26,846
Can the baby hear that?
76
00:03:26,870 --> 00:03:28,176
It sure can.
77
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:31,460
And it understands everything
because it's still part angel.
78
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:32,847
Sorry, who's this?
79
00:03:32,871 --> 00:03:34,266
Since roe got overturned,
80
00:03:34,290 --> 00:03:37,186
state law now requires
a fetal citizen advocate
81
00:03:37,210 --> 00:03:39,486
to be present at all
prenatal appointments.
82
00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:41,526
I'm just here to give a
voice to the voiceless.
83
00:03:41,550 --> 00:03:43,236
Keep me safe, mama.
84
00:03:43,260 --> 00:03:44,946
- Um, are you a doctor?
- Better.
85
00:03:44,970 --> 00:03:46,196
I'm a state senator.
86
00:03:46,220 --> 00:03:49,496
Chuck Dennis. And my qualifications
are remembering my own conception.
87
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,036
That is not possible.
88
00:03:51,060 --> 00:03:54,826
There was incredible speed
and a series of wet tubes.
89
00:03:54,850 --> 00:03:57,546
I remember a kind of distant,
muffled: "Womp-womp."
90
00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,836
Which I later learned were
the opening credits to dynasty.
91
00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:01,190
Let's take a look at your chart.
92
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:03,716
Okay.
93
00:04:03,740 --> 00:04:05,596
Um, hi. Is this weird?
94
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:08,676
Very. Me alone in a room
with two strange women?
95
00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:11,620
That's why my wife is
here. Show yourself, modor.
96
00:04:12,660 --> 00:04:14,436
That's old English for "mother."
97
00:04:14,460 --> 00:04:16,606
Okay, you said you
wanted to know the sex?
98
00:04:16,630 --> 00:04:17,936
Let's take a look.
99
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:22,026
You are having a...
Oh, no, no, no! No looks.
100
00:04:22,050 --> 00:04:24,446
No looks. You're doing
photos of a naked child.
101
00:04:24,470 --> 00:04:27,260
- That's a pizzagate! That's a pizzagate.
- Oh, my god.
102
00:04:28,220 --> 00:04:29,220
So...
103
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:34,076
A state senator was
just in the checkup?
104
00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:35,286
What did you do?
105
00:04:35,310 --> 00:04:37,036
Nothing, right? Knowing you.
106
00:04:37,060 --> 00:04:38,416
I wish I kicked him out.
107
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,756
I did that dumb '90s
thing where I just laughed.
108
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:43,716
Like when Craig kilborn put
my foot in his mouth. On air.
109
00:04:43,740 --> 00:04:45,836
Same when Kurt loder
called me the r-word.
110
00:04:45,860 --> 00:04:49,096
But then, I did this.
111
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:51,556
♪ Get out of my mind ♪
112
00:04:51,580 --> 00:04:53,726
♪ get out of my life ♪
113
00:04:53,750 --> 00:04:58,170
♪ I just wanna Chuck Chuck ♪
114
00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:00,186
♪ Chuck, Chuck ♪
115
00:05:00,210 --> 00:05:01,566
You wanna what?
116
00:05:01,590 --> 00:05:03,026
Chuck Chuck.
117
00:05:03,050 --> 00:05:05,816
Like Chuck, like "throw
away." I wanna Chuck Chuck!
118
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:07,026
Sounds like he's your ex
119
00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:09,970
and you are trying to
get him out of your mind.
120
00:05:10,850 --> 00:05:12,536
Why's your sweatshirt moving?
121
00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:15,576
- Found a squirrel that needs skin-to-skin.
- There's a squirrel in there?
122
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:17,036
We're in a boob desert, dawn.
123
00:05:17,060 --> 00:05:19,916
So I'm leaning into my
other passion: Animal rescue.
124
00:05:19,940 --> 00:05:22,086
This is the first of 20 shows
125
00:05:22,110 --> 00:05:25,586
girls5eva has booked throughout
the midwest and southeast.
126
00:05:25,610 --> 00:05:28,756
Boy, it's hard to believe I'm even
here, given the start I had in life.
127
00:05:28,780 --> 00:05:32,136
One day there will
be a biopic, and, yes,
128
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:34,596
of course I will play myself.
129
00:05:34,620 --> 00:05:36,976
From birth... Goo-goo, ga-ga.
130
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,556
...to death.
131
00:05:38,580 --> 00:05:40,316
I think there's a
bomb on the yacht!
132
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,766
Meet the new me!
133
00:05:41,790 --> 00:05:44,106
And cut, Percy.
134
00:05:44,130 --> 00:05:45,067
Wow, okay.
135
00:05:45,091 --> 00:05:46,946
This is summer without kev.
136
00:05:46,970 --> 00:05:48,736
Oh, my gosh, you guys.
137
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:51,116
You are going to love Randy.
138
00:05:51,140 --> 00:05:53,326
Who? Did you meet somebody?
139
00:05:53,350 --> 00:05:54,406
- Already?
- Yeah.
140
00:05:54,430 --> 00:05:57,496
He's just giving his
mustang a wipe-down.
141
00:05:57,520 --> 00:06:00,956
So there's zero talent for me, but
you've already found a boyfriend.
142
00:06:00,980 --> 00:06:02,126
That is just lovely.
143
00:06:02,150 --> 00:06:03,296
Ah-ah! Don't latch.
144
00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:05,416
- Hola, 5evas.
- Oh!
145
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:08,086
- Randy's in the house.
- Sure, why not?
146
00:06:08,110 --> 00:06:11,346
You know what? Oh,
my god, baby. Ooh!
147
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,596
We met in the lobby
right after we were talking.
148
00:06:13,620 --> 00:06:17,636
We bonded over our shared love of
bow-hunting and home-brewing, and...
149
00:06:17,660 --> 00:06:19,976
- What's that other thing that we love?
- The witcher.
150
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,840
Yes, king. We love the witcher.
151
00:06:23,460 --> 00:06:25,566
Oh, god. Oh, you guys.
152
00:06:25,590 --> 00:06:28,396
Summer without kev is Randy.
153
00:06:28,420 --> 00:06:29,856
Thanks, dawn!
154
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:32,100
Okay. I guess,
let's sound-check.
155
00:06:33,390 --> 00:06:34,197
What is that?
156
00:06:34,221 --> 00:06:36,076
Is that a victorian
porcelain doll?
157
00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:37,866
Oh, no. Modor.
158
00:06:37,890 --> 00:06:40,456
- Ms. Solano.
- Senator, what are you doing here?
159
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,286
I was checking on
some of my patients,
160
00:06:42,310 --> 00:06:44,916
making sure they were
being good baby hosts,
161
00:06:44,940 --> 00:06:45,956
and I found this.
162
00:06:45,980 --> 00:06:48,440
Is this supposed to be about me?
163
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,046
Are you in love with me?
164
00:06:51,070 --> 00:06:52,716
Because I am married.
165
00:06:52,740 --> 00:06:54,240
Happily. Lookie here.
166
00:07:02,330 --> 00:07:06,026
Well, Chuck, no, I'm
not in love with you.
167
00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:07,396
I'm actually very...
168
00:07:07,420 --> 00:07:09,486
In love with Chuck
woolery. That's dawn's ex.
169
00:07:09,510 --> 00:07:12,156
She's still obsessed with him.
It's sick. She kidnapped his dog.
170
00:07:12,180 --> 00:07:13,566
I get it.
171
00:07:13,590 --> 00:07:15,366
He is a great man.
172
00:07:15,390 --> 00:07:17,946
Well, I am so sorry to
have interrupted you ladies.
173
00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:20,456
So, what exactly are
you serving up tonight?
174
00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:24,376
Plate-spinning, adult-tumbling,
mother-of-the-bride fashion show?
175
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,287
We're pop singers.
176
00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:27,956
It's mostly John cougar
mellencamp covers, that sort of thing.
177
00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:29,716
- What?
- Sounds like a hoot!
178
00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:31,176
Thanks for stopping by.
179
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,426
- Okay?
- Check, check.
180
00:07:33,450 --> 00:07:35,926
♪ Got that big pussy energy ♪
181
00:07:35,950 --> 00:07:38,136
My ps are popping. Pussy!
182
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:41,476
- Let me test. Pussy! Pussy! Pussy!
- Pussy. Pussy.
183
00:07:41,500 --> 00:07:43,976
- Positively. Pop, popping pussy.
- Hey, stop.
184
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:47,276
Hang on. This is your all's act?
185
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,946
Well, like our birds after the
derailment, that's not gonna fly.
186
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,050
Hand me the...
187
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,696
Good gracious, this set list.
188
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,180
"Big 'p-word' energy"?
189
00:07:57,680 --> 00:07:59,616
"A gay anthem by hospice"?
190
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:00,996
It's ho spice.
191
00:08:01,020 --> 00:08:03,246
- It should never be written down.
- Even worse.
192
00:08:03,270 --> 00:08:05,166
Girls, this isn't
decatur, Georgia.
193
00:08:05,190 --> 00:08:06,336
You're telling me.
194
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,506
Bumpr is now just
sending me soft-faced men.
195
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:13,046
Gals, I'm not sure you're
being entirely honest with me.
196
00:08:13,070 --> 00:08:14,926
I suggest you stick
to your cougar covers.
197
00:08:14,950 --> 00:08:18,006
Well, senator, you're not
the boss of what we sing.
198
00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:20,240
I think he is.
199
00:08:20,790 --> 00:08:22,016
Ten-thousand-dollar watch,
200
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,250
the calluses of a chronic
golfer, and that photo.
201
00:08:25,580 --> 00:08:27,646
- Oh, my gosh.
- Are you with the shining?
202
00:08:27,670 --> 00:08:28,816
Ooh, close.
203
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,526
That's my granddaddy,
Charles sr. Sr.
204
00:08:31,550 --> 00:08:33,696
My family bought
this place in the '60s
205
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,696
to keep it from
becoming a filthy pool hall.
206
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,576
It was an overreaction
to seeing the music man.
207
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,486
- Oh.
- But today we own...
208
00:08:39,510 --> 00:08:41,576
Oh, hey. That one
right there. Yep.
209
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:42,996
The sound barrel, that's us.
210
00:08:43,020 --> 00:08:46,666
- You're tickling my back tummy.
- Entertainment trough, that's us too.
211
00:08:46,690 --> 00:08:49,916
And of course we own every tune
cave in the southeast and the midwest.
212
00:08:49,940 --> 00:08:53,416
- I love our new friend.
- We own all those, except for radio city.
213
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,570
I'll let that sink in.
214
00:08:57,780 --> 00:08:59,030
So...
215
00:08:59,910 --> 00:09:01,990
Cougar covers! Wonderful.
216
00:09:02,620 --> 00:09:07,056
♪ Small town, unneutered dogs ♪
217
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:11,146
♪ remembering high school ♪
218
00:09:11,170 --> 00:09:14,566
- Cougar, we love it!
- Yes!
219
00:09:14,590 --> 00:09:16,696
My king loves it. We love it.
220
00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:19,656
I can't believe you
didn't back me up.
221
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:22,366
I can't believe you almost
blew our next 20 shows.
222
00:09:22,390 --> 00:09:24,156
What if we just
tone down our lyrics?
223
00:09:24,180 --> 00:09:27,166
I used to do clean kidz
club versions of n.W.A.
224
00:09:27,190 --> 00:09:29,916
♪ Ducks are mean geese coming
straight for the campground ♪
225
00:09:29,940 --> 00:09:32,336
♪ their heads are bigger
and their beaks do frowns ♪
226
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:33,940
♪ ducks are mean geese! ♪
227
00:09:35,490 --> 00:09:37,836
Of course you'd be cool
to change our whole show.
228
00:09:37,860 --> 00:09:40,506
- What's that supposed to mean?
- You know what's better than cougar?
229
00:09:40,530 --> 00:09:42,346
Ska. Do you have huge suits?
230
00:09:42,370 --> 00:09:45,226
Oh, my god. That is
such a great idea, king.
231
00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:47,726
See? You just go along
with whatever a guy tells you.
232
00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:49,976
- Why is he even here?
- I got this one, queen.
233
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,066
The ancient stone turquoise...
234
00:09:52,090 --> 00:09:55,396
- Get the fuck out of here, Randy!
- I hate your friends.
235
00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:58,406
You guys, what are you doing?
236
00:09:58,430 --> 00:10:01,026
He is, like, my everything.
237
00:10:01,050 --> 00:10:03,486
Summer, you are a
relationship chameleon.
238
00:10:03,510 --> 00:10:06,996
You were a carbon copy of kev,
now you're a carbon copy of Randy.
239
00:10:07,020 --> 00:10:08,916
- You're glomming.
- I do not glom.
240
00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:10,586
You're glomming,
Jerry! You're a glommer!
241
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,796
You don't even dress yourself.
242
00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:16,240
Oh! I have dressed myself.
243
00:10:17,780 --> 00:10:18,780
Wait.
244
00:10:20,660 --> 00:10:21,660
Wait.
245
00:10:22,870 --> 00:10:25,096
Wait, wait.
246
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:26,450
Oh, my god.
247
00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:29,670
I haven't.
248
00:10:30,670 --> 00:10:31,477
Ever.
249
00:10:31,501 --> 00:10:32,646
- What?
- Not possible.
250
00:10:32,670 --> 00:10:35,776
No, you guys, my dad used to
dress me like a Christian doll.
251
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,276
Larry dressed me like a
horny virgin. And then kev...
252
00:10:38,300 --> 00:10:42,390
Maybe it's time for
you to just be yourself.
253
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:45,770
Myself?
254
00:10:46,310 --> 00:10:47,890
Who even is myself?
255
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:52,956
- Hey, queen.
- Hey, king.
256
00:10:52,980 --> 00:10:54,190
No! Damn it!
257
00:10:55,190 --> 00:10:56,087
That's a bummer.
258
00:10:56,111 --> 00:10:57,876
You're being the same
amount bummer, wickie.
259
00:10:57,900 --> 00:10:59,796
You wanna let Chuck
Dennis tell us what to do.
260
00:10:59,820 --> 00:11:01,006
Yeah, for money.
261
00:11:01,030 --> 00:11:04,306
How can you even put a price
on having our voices heard?
262
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:05,766
Oh, stop the charadé.
263
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:08,096
When have you ever
actually stood up for anything?
264
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:10,556
I watched you try
and donate to the aclu,
265
00:11:10,580 --> 00:11:13,896
but then give up when the site
didn't recognize your credit card.
266
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:15,540
My wallet was
in different jeans.
267
00:11:16,210 --> 00:11:20,566
Fine. I'm not perfect, but I
don't want to cave to that guy.
268
00:11:20,590 --> 00:11:23,116
Gloria, don't you want to
sing your "gay anthem"?
269
00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:26,286
To what gays?
It's a boob desert.
270
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:29,286
Now Warren is gonna die
because he can't take a shit.
271
00:11:29,310 --> 00:11:30,706
Gloria.
272
00:11:30,730 --> 00:11:32,456
- He needs a laxative.
- Dawn,
273
00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,876
you've gotta play nice with
the suits who control the money.
274
00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:39,166
Whether it's Chuck
Dennis, label reps,
275
00:11:39,190 --> 00:11:42,586
the ad execs when I was briefly
the face of spaghetti for her.
276
00:11:42,610 --> 00:11:44,886
Finally, a
one-inch-shorter spaghetti
277
00:11:44,910 --> 00:11:48,716
that's designed for a woman's
throat, stomach, and intestines.
278
00:11:48,740 --> 00:11:49,926
Thanks, barilla.
279
00:11:49,950 --> 00:11:52,226
Now I can eat spaghetti.
280
00:11:52,250 --> 00:11:54,646
Or the upn suits
when I was hot wife 2
281
00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:56,266
on wazzzup: The sitcom.
282
00:11:56,290 --> 00:11:58,476
- Wazzzup!
- Wazzzup!
283
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:01,276
I'll tell you what's "wazzzup."
284
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:03,970
The car still
isn't fixed, Corey.
285
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:11,270
I just... I feel like a coward.
286
00:12:13,020 --> 00:12:15,286
Wickie, I'm having a girl.
287
00:12:15,310 --> 00:12:17,416
That's a pizzagate. So...
288
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:19,546
You're having a
girl, Ms. Solano.
289
00:12:19,570 --> 00:12:20,507
A girl?
290
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:22,216
Oh, joy.
291
00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:23,990
She's having a modor.
292
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:26,780
Congratulations, host.
293
00:12:27,740 --> 00:12:30,216
Oh!
294
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:31,516
Is she gonna hate me
295
00:12:31,540 --> 00:12:34,396
'cause I didn't stand up
to the Chucks of the world?
296
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:35,500
Oh, honey.
297
00:12:36,210 --> 00:12:38,340
She's gonna hate you regardless.
298
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,130
All girls do.
299
00:12:42,550 --> 00:12:45,026
Hey. Okay, listen.
300
00:12:45,050 --> 00:12:47,616
When you're on your way up
and somebody does you wrong,
301
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:50,350
you just give them
a long, hard stare...
302
00:12:51,140 --> 00:12:52,680
And bank the memory.
303
00:12:53,350 --> 00:12:56,690
Then when you have
power, you remember.
304
00:12:58,440 --> 00:12:59,706
My bank is full:
305
00:12:59,730 --> 00:13:01,756
Dreamgirls casting director.
306
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:04,876
Criss angel for using
magic to end the relationship.
307
00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:08,716
The all-white hair and makeup
department at wazzzup: The sitcom.
308
00:13:08,740 --> 00:13:12,266
When I finally get my
due, they will get theirs.
309
00:13:12,290 --> 00:13:16,420
So just bank Chuck Dennis
so you don't gut our tour.
310
00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:20,500
I promise, we will humiliate
him at the grammys.
311
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:28,090
For now, we just need
to suck it up and survive.
312
00:13:29,140 --> 00:13:32,520
So please join me
in the real world.
313
00:13:35,270 --> 00:13:37,286
Let's get that again, Percy,
but with more emotion.
314
00:13:37,310 --> 00:13:38,706
Can you make me cry?
315
00:13:38,730 --> 00:13:42,126
Uh, once, a sperm bank had
me just do it into the trash can.
316
00:13:42,150 --> 00:13:43,480
Thank you, Percy.
317
00:13:47,110 --> 00:13:49,200
♪ Is there a me? ♪
318
00:13:51,370 --> 00:13:53,926
♪ Or is me just guys? ♪
319
00:13:53,950 --> 00:13:56,830
♪ Do I have any middle ♪
320
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,476
♪ that's my own inside? ♪
321
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:03,050
♪ Do I even like the witcher ♪
322
00:14:03,750 --> 00:14:07,026
♪ or is it just to
please a mister? ♪
323
00:14:07,050 --> 00:14:09,616
♪ And what even
is the witcher? ♪
324
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,866
♪ I watched 40 minutes ♪
325
00:14:12,890 --> 00:14:19,850
♪ and I'm still not sure! ♪
326
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,320
♪ Is there a me? ♪
327
00:14:24,190 --> 00:14:27,126
♪ Or is me just guys? ♪
328
00:14:27,150 --> 00:14:29,610
♪ Are they the reason why ♪
329
00:14:30,530 --> 00:14:34,556
♪ I always keep my
mouth a little open? ♪
330
00:14:34,580 --> 00:14:38,516
♪ Let the man show
film me in slow-motion ♪
331
00:14:38,540 --> 00:14:41,556
♪ sleep with all my makeup on ♪
332
00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:45,186
♪ and are they why I eat wings ♪
333
00:14:45,210 --> 00:14:48,760
♪ like this? ♪
334
00:14:50,130 --> 00:14:53,640
♪ Oh! ♪
335
00:14:58,430 --> 00:15:01,956
Ma'am! Give me all your tiny
sewing kits. I need all of them.
336
00:15:01,980 --> 00:15:04,376
Thank you. Thank you so much.
337
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,730
More. Thank you! Thank you.
338
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,440
Thank you!
339
00:15:11,570 --> 00:15:14,466
♪ Sensitive boy ♪
340
00:15:14,490 --> 00:15:18,596
- -♪ I am just a sensitive boy ♪
- oh, my god. You're so hot.
341
00:15:18,620 --> 00:15:20,290
Oh, shite.
342
00:15:26,590 --> 00:15:28,106
Hey! You aren't by chance...
343
00:15:28,130 --> 00:15:30,646
- That was quick.
- ...Using that ketchup, are you?
344
00:15:30,670 --> 00:15:34,736
I need the separated ketchup
water for a sick squirrel.
345
00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:36,680
It's a natural laxative.
346
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:41,730
Oh. Uh... uh, sure
thing, little mama.
347
00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:47,496
Wherever you are, you can
always count on a macaroni rascal's.
348
00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:50,360
Tell me about it. Especially
when you're always on the road.
349
00:15:51,110 --> 00:15:52,176
I'm a trucker.
350
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,216
Hmm.
351
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,966
And when every day's different,
352
00:15:54,990 --> 00:15:57,766
it's nice to come somewhere
that's always the same.
353
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,476
It's, uh... it's comforting.
354
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,096
Well, I could use some comfort.
355
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:03,186
See, I'm a musician.
356
00:16:03,210 --> 00:16:05,146
You wouldn't understand.
It's dream stuff.
357
00:16:05,170 --> 00:16:07,896
But I was just really hoping
358
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,420
that my community would
show up for me tonight.
359
00:16:12,380 --> 00:16:14,510
But we're in a boob desert.
360
00:16:15,890 --> 00:16:20,140
Well, I trucked 60 miles out of my
way to get this spaghetti à la pasta.
361
00:16:20,930 --> 00:16:23,140
You know? So maybe
don't give up hope just yet.
362
00:16:23,890 --> 00:16:26,480
People go a long way
if it matters to them.
363
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,990
Right. I, uh... I gotta
hit the road and deliver...
364
00:16:39,030 --> 00:16:40,386
Like, a million chairs.
365
00:16:40,410 --> 00:16:41,410
Oh!
366
00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:44,226
Oh, my god, you're gray Holland.
367
00:16:44,250 --> 00:16:45,370
Oh, my god.
368
00:16:46,420 --> 00:16:47,766
Gray Holland!
369
00:16:47,790 --> 00:16:49,896
Oh, my god.
370
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:51,986
Have you not shit yet still?
371
00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:56,220
♪ It's hard to know
when to speak up ♪
372
00:16:57,340 --> 00:17:02,906
♪ so that anyone will hear ♪
373
00:17:02,930 --> 00:17:05,416
- -♪ to be bold ♪
- ♪ to be bold ♪
374
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,956
- ♪ or push it down ♪
- ♪ or push it down ♪
375
00:17:07,980 --> 00:17:13,506
♪ 'cause what's
next just isn't clear ♪
376
00:17:13,530 --> 00:17:18,280
♪ but I want you to know ♪
377
00:17:19,370 --> 00:17:24,080
♪ the time to rise up is ♪
378
00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:28,710
♪ later! ♪
379
00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:33,920
♪ Later! ♪
380
00:17:34,670 --> 00:17:37,656
♪ Now's not the right time
let's aim for next year ♪
381
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,156
♪ we'll have no fear
and maybe by then ♪
382
00:17:40,180 --> 00:17:45,180
♪ the problems got solved by
themselves or on their own ♪
383
00:17:48,730 --> 00:17:52,230
♪ there's a young
boy in a factory ♪
384
00:17:52,820 --> 00:17:55,416
♪ sweat all over his head ♪
385
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:56,716
♪ he said ♪
386
00:17:56,740 --> 00:18:00,096
♪ I'm gonna build every
single mama her own car ♪
387
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:05,766
♪ but then the factory
said "ooh, nuh-uh, boy!" ♪
388
00:18:05,790 --> 00:18:08,726
All hail John cougar.
389
00:18:08,750 --> 00:18:10,790
Oh! Wonderful, ladies.
390
00:18:12,210 --> 00:18:14,776
Warren, honey, if you're
not gonna drink the coffee,
391
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,646
do you think that watching
me go would help?
392
00:18:17,670 --> 00:18:20,736
- Are you here for ho spice?
- What do you think she does
393
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:23,076
- before the show?
- Wolf cut, wolf sweatshirt,
394
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:24,156
indoor backpack,
395
00:18:24,180 --> 00:18:27,656
faded dar Williams tattoo,
fresh Arlo parks tattoo,
396
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,126
the cat-scratch
scars of a vet tech?
397
00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:31,416
Lesbians?
398
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:33,270
- It can't be.
- It's ho spice!
399
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:38,240
You're here for me?
400
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,466
I told you never to
write it down. But how?
401
00:18:42,490 --> 00:18:45,136
Not many queer artists come
through the quin-state area.
402
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,620
So when there is
one, we make the trek.
403
00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:51,130
People will go a long
way if it matters to them.
404
00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:54,090
I matter to you.
405
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:56,000
Thank you.
406
00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:00,526
♪ Hut, hut, with
the porch beer ♪
407
00:19:00,550 --> 00:19:03,430
Hey, guys, I'm the gay pied
Piper of the ozarks. Look.
408
00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:05,430
The gays showed up.
409
00:19:08,430 --> 00:19:10,640
And I wanna show up for them.
410
00:19:11,230 --> 00:19:12,836
We're gonna do our show.
411
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:15,246
No, Gloria. We are
doing cougar covers.
412
00:19:15,270 --> 00:19:19,086
"Factory car," "little boy, big
country," "truck fulla chairs."
413
00:19:19,110 --> 00:19:22,216
I realized that revenge
is a dish best served later.
414
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:23,386
And I have five years
415
00:19:23,410 --> 00:19:25,386
before my daughter
starts forming memories.
416
00:19:25,410 --> 00:19:27,290
- Six, if I don't read to her.
- You guys.
417
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,936
I made my own clothes
out of stuff at the hotel.
418
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,606
Loofahs, the comforter.
419
00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:37,026
This... This is the new me.
420
00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:40,736
Totally original, still
very hot, but on my terms.
421
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:43,906
This is not to appeal to
your sack, buddy, okay?
422
00:19:43,930 --> 00:19:46,116
- Good. It doesn't.
- Oh.
423
00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:48,116
My thing is an older
lady in a raincoat.
424
00:19:48,140 --> 00:19:52,326
Ugh. I'm really done being
pushed around by guys.
425
00:19:52,350 --> 00:19:53,576
Yeah.
426
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,190
Including that senator.
427
00:19:55,980 --> 00:19:58,650
Music hole, you
are in for a treat.
428
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:03,046
No. We are not blowing
up our tour over him.
429
00:20:03,070 --> 00:20:04,596
Nothing will change my mind.
430
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:08,516
Please welcome the
gals from girls5eva.
431
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:13,436
Dawn, summer,
wickie, and Gloria!
432
00:20:13,460 --> 00:20:14,516
Pause.
433
00:20:14,540 --> 00:20:18,066
Did that man just
introduce me third?
434
00:20:18,090 --> 00:20:21,066
- That's when people say my name.
- Destroy him, dawn!
435
00:20:21,090 --> 00:20:22,356
- Fuck tomorrow!
- Oh, no.
436
00:20:22,380 --> 00:20:24,776
I thought we were
waiting. I'm not prepared.
437
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,406
You wanna do something?
Now's your chance. I believe in you.
438
00:20:27,430 --> 00:20:29,470
- Yeah.
- Oh, wow. Oh, wow!
439
00:20:33,020 --> 00:20:33,997
Thank you, Chuck.
440
00:20:34,021 --> 00:20:35,746
I mean, no.
441
00:20:35,770 --> 00:20:37,190
Not thank you, Chuck.
442
00:20:37,900 --> 00:20:41,940
Music hole's senator
Dennis is bad.
443
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:48,926
That is why it is vital
to vote early and often.
444
00:20:48,950 --> 00:20:51,306
Oh, sweetie, that is
breast-cancer-screening language.
445
00:20:51,330 --> 00:20:56,436
The point is, if men got pregnant,
you'd get one from your mailman.
446
00:20:56,460 --> 00:20:59,146
- What's "one"?
- This is unfocused.
447
00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:02,106
Because what if a-rod
hadn't finished in my hair?
448
00:21:02,130 --> 00:21:04,776
- Okay, she's bad at this.
- Wait. Sorry.
449
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,776
My generation didn't grow
up caring about things.
450
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,536
This is new. But I
drink almond milk.
451
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,616
You shouldn't. They
use so much water.
452
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:15,076
- Fuck! I'm sorry, guys.
- Oof. Let's end this.
453
00:21:15,100 --> 00:21:17,810
I'm gonna do better.
I'm gonna do research.
454
00:21:18,730 --> 00:21:22,456
♪ Big, big pussy,
pussy ener-energy ♪
455
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:26,296
♪ big, big pussy,
pussy ener-energy! ♪
456
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:27,860
No, no, no.
457
00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:34,726
♪ Got that big pussy energy ♪
458
00:21:34,750 --> 00:21:36,686
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
459
00:21:36,710 --> 00:21:38,016
Stop!
460
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:41,776
♪ Stepping up, done
playing it small ♪
461
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:45,026
♪ taking over,
yeah, wall to wall ♪
462
00:21:45,050 --> 00:21:46,130
Stop!
463
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:57,326
I declare a footloose!
464
00:21:57,350 --> 00:22:00,836
No singing! No dancing!
465
00:22:00,860 --> 00:22:03,110
It's a footloose!
466
00:22:04,150 --> 00:22:05,796
Footloose, shut this down.
467
00:22:05,820 --> 00:22:06,836
Still worth it.
468
00:22:06,860 --> 00:22:09,466
Modor, get in your sack, honey.
469
00:22:09,490 --> 00:22:12,386
A footloose was declared
for the second time this month,
470
00:22:12,410 --> 00:22:14,466
the last one due to prom
dresses that showed stomach.
471
00:22:14,490 --> 00:22:16,306
I got some shots
in, right, guys?
472
00:22:16,330 --> 00:22:18,476
The good news is that
someday our sun will explode
473
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:20,580
and there will be no record
of what you said tonight.
474
00:22:21,540 --> 00:22:24,936
Guys, our next 20
gigs are canceled.
475
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:28,550
We are out of money and suitelets
points. Where are we even going?
476
00:22:29,510 --> 00:22:32,010
I know where we
can stay for free.
477
00:22:34,180 --> 00:22:35,600
Maryland.
478
00:22:37,100 --> 00:22:38,786
Why did you say it like that?
479
00:22:38,810 --> 00:22:40,900
The squirrel is shitting!
480
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:42,900
Nope, those are babies.
481
00:22:51,780 --> 00:22:54,280
♪ Sensitive boy ♪
482
00:22:54,950 --> 00:22:58,910
♪ I am just a sensitive boy ♪
483
00:22:59,750 --> 00:23:03,540
♪ too humble to tell
you about my houses ♪
484
00:23:04,500 --> 00:23:10,050
♪ too shy to show you
my drawings of you ♪
485
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:12,680
♪ just wanna cry ♪
486
00:23:13,300 --> 00:23:17,970
♪ inside my sweater with you ♪
487
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:19,520
♪ unh ♪
488
00:23:20,190 --> 00:23:25,416
♪ so will you please, please ♪
489
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:30,756
♪ come live with me? ♪
490
00:23:30,780 --> 00:23:33,386
♪ Inside my sweater ♪
491
00:23:33,410 --> 00:23:35,636
♪ sweater, sweater ♪
492
00:23:35,660 --> 00:23:38,096
♪ inside my loose sweater ♪
493
00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:40,636
♪ sweater, sweater ♪
494
00:23:40,660 --> 00:23:43,726
♪ play hide-and-seek and
sleep and dream with me ♪
495
00:23:43,750 --> 00:23:46,686
♪ inside my sweater,
sweater, sweater ♪
496
00:23:46,710 --> 00:23:49,356
♪ inside my sweater ♪
497
00:23:49,380 --> 00:23:52,406
♪ sweater, sweater, sweater ♪
498
00:23:52,430 --> 00:23:57,446
♪ inside my loose
sweater sweater, sweater ♪
499
00:23:57,470 --> 00:24:00,576
♪ play hide-and-seek and
sleep and dream with me ♪
500
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:03,456
♪ inside my sweater,
sweater, sweater ♪
501
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,980
♪ inside my sweater, sweater ♪
37621
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
