All language subtitles for Get.smart.1965.S05E03.DVD-Rip.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

Man over P.A.:
All passengers now disembarking

from flight 101, please report
immediately to customs.

- Psst, Max.
- Oh, hi, Chief.

- I'll be with you in a minute.
- Max, how's it going?

Great.
How do you like 'em?

Max, I'm talking about the mission.
Forget about the diapers.

Well, I can't forget
about the diapers, Chief.

After all, I'm gonna become a father.
I have to practice.

Max, KAOS is
trying to smuggle

a deadly explosive
into the country,

and you're supposed to be
on the lookout for it.

- I know that, Chief.
- Then start checking through my luggage

like I'm a passenger.
I'll fill you in

on all the information
we have up to now.

Right, Chief.

The formula is divided
into three parts--

Chief, do you have
the keys to this thing?

Oh, yes.

The first part has already been
smuggled into this country.

Max, why did you do that?

Well, you asked me
to treat you like a customer,

and here at customs,
that's the way we treat 'em.

According
to our information,

part two of the formula
is going to be sent through today,

but we don't know whether it's
coming through by boat or by plane.

Where'd you get
these shorts, Chief?

Never mind the shorts.
Now I've got men stationed at the pier.

- Your job--
- What size are these shorts?

- 36. Your job is--
- These are no 36, Chief.

- All right, Max. 38.
- They're more like a 40, Chief.

All right, 40 if it makes you happy.
Now give me those shorts.

Max, I can't stress
upon you the importance of this mission.

You must not let that second part
of the formula get through!

I'll check
with you later.

Uh, hold it, Chief. I'd better mark that
so they'll let you through.

Okay, next!

Okay, may I ask what you're bringing
into the country?

Okay, you can go ahead.

I can see what you're
bringing into the country.

Okay, who's next?

- I am.
- Well, you're a little young

to be traveling alone,
aren't you?

No, that's my doll.
I'm down here, mister.

Oh. Well, you're the youngest
ventriloquist I've ever seen.

- I'm not a ventriloquist.
- Well, you should be.

You're the greatest I've ever heard.
Where's your mommy and daddy?

They're waiting to meet me.
I was away visiting my grandma.

Oh. Well, you can
go ahead right through.

We don't want to keep
your mommy and daddy waiting.

Thank you, mister.

Good.
Valerie's waiting.

You brought the second part
of the formula?

( deep masculine voice )
Yeah, it's in the doll,

just like the other one.

( theme music playing )

Yes.

I see.

Thank you very much.

Well, it's definite, Max.
The little girl

you let through customs
was not a little girl.

Well, she certainly
wasn't a big girl, Chief.

- She was only that high.
- Max, it wasn't a little girl at all.

- It was a little man!
- Chief, that is ridiculous!

I was there, you weren't. I'm telling
you that it was a little girl

with blonde, curly hair.
And she was a great ventriloquist.

Max, it was Little Louie Dunlap,
a KAOS courier!

- Well, he could've fooled me.
- He did fool you!

Does that mean that KAOS has the second
part of the formula now, Chief?

I'm afraid so, 99. They managed to get
both parts in the country

in less than--
let me have that.

In less than two weeks!

If they succeed in getting the third
part in, we're in big trouble.

What do you think they plan to do
with the formula once it's complete?

They plan to change the structure
of the United States.

- What?
- Let me show you.

Now this map was stolen by one
of our CONTROL agents

from KAOS headquarters.
Take a look at it.

Max, will you stop playing
around with that diaper

and look at this map?

- Sorry about that, Chief.
- Now, Max,

- something is missing from this map.
- California!

This is the way
the United States will look

if KAOS succeeds in getting

the third part of that formula
into the country.

- I don't understand, Chief.
- With that formula completed,

KAOS will be able to make the most
powerful explosive known to man.

Well, I still don't
understand, Chief.

Are you saying that KAOS wants to blow
California off the map?

- Exactly.
- But why California?

Because some of our biggest missile
bases are located in California.

And some of our best television shows
come from there too, 99.

California is
expecting an earthquake.

Now this is
a perfect alibi for KAOS.

They blow California
into the ocean,

and everybody will blame it
on the earthquake.

- But Chief, if that were to happen--
- That's right.

- It would be a disaster!
- And some disaster.

Just think, Ronald Reagan will have
to go back to making movies again.

That's not the disaster
I was talking about, Max.

Oh no?
Think about it.

( phone buzzing )

I'm sorry,
that's my new secret phone.

I'm the only one who is supposed
to know where that phone

is hidden in this office.

That's okay, Chief.
We'll wait in the outer office.

Come on, 99.

- Good afternoon, sir.
- Hi, Chief. This is Larrabee.

Larrabee, how'd you get the number
of my secret phone?!

- I looked it up in the phone book.
- It's in the phone book?!

It's listed in the classified pages
under "Secrets."

I just found
the cab driver

who picked up Little Louie Dunlap
at the pier.

Great work, Larrabee.
Get him in here immediately.

Well, first we'll
have to capture him.

Not Dunlap,
the cab driver!

Oh, I can't. He refuses to come now.
He's on duty.

Then we'll go down there.
Where is he?

He's parked at a cab stand
at 4th and Fulton.

That won't be necessary.
We're not going anyplace.

- We're just gonna talk.
- I know that, but anytime

anybody gets into the cab,
I'm supposed to throw the meter on.

How do you determine how much
to charge people who just talk?

Well, it's 35¢
for the first three sentences,

and 10¢ a word thereafter.

You picked up
a little blonde girl

carrying a doll at the airport
yesterday, didn't you?

Yeah. She was
with a tall man--

Hey! Look where
you're going!

--with a beard.
I remember them well.

- Where'd you drop them off?
- Uh, let's see.

727 South Cleveland
at a place called--

Come on! Come on!
I haven't got all day!

--"Miss Valerie's School
for Expectant Fathers."

All right!
The same to you!

Listen, I hope
I'm not out of line,

but seeing as we're
standing still,

why do you keep yelling
at the other cars?

- Force of habit.
- You've been very helpful. Thank you.

Max, pay the man.

That'll be $3.40.

- $3.40?!
- Yeah.

Chief, we should've
walked and talked.

Listen, fella.
I know you may not realize this,

but the information
that you just gave us

could be of vital importance
to this country.

- You're kidding.
- No, I'm not kidding.

Now I'm not supposed
to tell you this,

but we happen
to be secret agents.

And what you
have just told us

could mean that millions
of your fellow Americans

can continue to live
in a country

that is the home
of the brave

and the land
of the free.

You mean what
I just told you guys

- is gonna help my country?
- That's right.

Gee, that makes a guy
feel kinda good all over.

- Well, it should.
- Okay, make it $3 even.

Woman:
All right, gentlemen.

So much for the care of the infant
in cases of colic.

Now, for the benefit
of our two new students,

Mr. Clark and Mr. Smart,

shall we go over
the procedure--

the correct procedure--
for bathing the baby?

Now as you remember,
the first thing that we must do

is test the temperature
by dipping our elbow into the water.

If you would
do that, please.

Max, you're supposed
to roll up your sleeve.

Oh. It's okay, Chief.
It's drip-dry.

Now holding
the baby thusly--

can you all see?

We place the baby
gently in the bassinet

- and proceed to bathe it.
- Well, what do you think?

I don't know, Max.

All the rest of the students
look okay to me,

but I don't know
about Miss Valerie.

Are you kidding? She looks a lot better
to me than the students.

Max, if what the cab driver
told us was true,

The second part of that formula must
be here somewhere.

- Yeah, but where?
- Shh. Here she comes.

- Mr. Smart, how are you doing?
- Oh, fine. Fine, thank you.

Uh, do you know the difference between
the head and the feet?

Hmm? Oh, sure. These are the feet
and the head is down there somewhere.

I think you'll find that if you keep
the head above water,

- your baby will be much happier.
- Thank you.

Now, gentlemen, if you'll please
dress your babies.

- ( phone ringing )
- Uh, would you excuse me a moment?

- Hello?
- Valerie? Mondo.

Carney is here with the third part
of the formula.

I can't tell you how happy this
makes me. Are you at the airport?

No, we're in a phone booth
down the street from your place.

Give me just a moment
to clear the classroom.

It could be
in that supply room, Max.

It's the only door
in the room that's locked.

Of course, Chief.
It's gotta be the supply room.

We'll have to come up
with some clever way

- of taking a look in that room.
- Let me handle that, Chief.

- Uh, Miss Valerie?
- Yes?

Could I take a look
in the supply room?

Of course not.

I keep my personal
things in there.

That's why it's locked.

I'll have to think of another
clever way, Chief.

- Don't bother.
- Valerie: I'm terribly sorry, students,

but an emergency has arisen. I'm afraid
I'll have to cut the class short.

But I want all of you
to take your dolls home with you

and practice bathing them.

And don't forget to bring
them back next week.

Good night. Good night.
See you next week.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Good night.

- Good night.
- Good night, Mr. Clark.

Shut the door, Mondo.

Now at long last we can put the entire
formula together.

All right, Mondo.
Pull the string on the first doll.

Doll:
My name is Mary Lou.

Man's voice:
Two parts hydrogen dexochloride.

All right.
Now the second doll.

Doll:
My name is Mary Lou.

Man's voice:
One part laudanum solution.

And now for the third
and final part.

Doll:
My name is Mary Lou.

I hate fresh boys.

I have a little doggy.

What is this?

Doll:
My name is Mary Lou.

- Doublecross us?
- Wait, wait.

When Carney collided
with that new student, Smart,

they dropped the dolls.

Smart must've given him
back the wrong doll by mistake.

Yes, we've got to get that doll back
before he discovers the secret.

- Do you know where he lives?
- Yes, I have his address in my files.

Mondo, you must go there immediately
and get the doll back.

Don't worry.

I'll get that doll
back one way...

or the other.

( knocking )

- Who is it?
- Max: It's me, honey.

- What's the password?
- I lost my wallet.

- That's not the password.
- I know, but I had the password

written on a piece
of paper in my wallet.

That's Max.

- Hello, Max. I'm so glad you're home.
- Hi, 99.

What are you doing
with that doll?

Oh, this is one of the dolls
from Miss Valerie's School.

She let me take it home tonight
to play with it--

- uh, practice with it.
- It's adorable.

Look, it's the talking kind.

Doll:
My name is Mary Lou.

Did you find
anything today?

Yes, well, I did
find out one thing, 99--

I found out that it's better if
you roll your sleeve up

before you dip
your elbow in the water.

No, I mean
about the formula.

Well, the baby's formula,

that doesn't come up
for three weeks.

No, Max. The formula
for the explosive.

The Chief and I didn't get a chance
to get around to that, 99.

- but we're going back later tonight.
- Aww.

You must be exhausted.
Let me draw you a bath.

- Okay.
- ( knocking )

Be quiet.

- Do you think it might be KAOS?
- Either that or your mother.

- Max!
- You go ahead and draw my bath,

- I'll take care of the door.
- Right.

Yes?

I'm sorry to interrupt you
at this hour,

but my car broke down.
May I use your phone?

Oh, certainly. It's right
over there on the desk--

- uh, the desk.
- Thank you.

Uh, if you need anything,
I'll be upstairs--

- uh, upstairs.
- Thank you.

Your bath will be ready
in a minute, love.

- Who was at the door?
- Some guy's car broke down

- and he asked to use the phone.
- Oh.

Max, why would he come
all the way up here?

Why wouldn't he just try one
of the apartments on the first floor?

I don't know.
Maybe there was nobody home.

On the whole first floor?
What about the pay phone in the lobby?

- He could've used that.
- Well, maybe he didn't have any change.

I don't like it. I don't think he ought
to be down there by himself.

99, why are you
always so suspicious?

Some poor guy comes along,
his car breaks down,

he sees the light shining
in our window,

so he comes upstairs and asks us
if he can please use our phone,

and right away you think something
wrong is happening.

I don't know, Max.
I just don't feel right about it.

Okay, 99.

If it'll make
you feel any better,

I'll go down and wait until
he finishes the phone call.

Hey!
What's going on here?

All right, where is it?

I told you,
It's right there on top of the desk.

Max, why are you--
what happened?

Nothing, 99.
He just couldn't find the telephone.

I told him it was right here
on top of the desk.

I want the doll.

Hey, wait a minute, fella.
That happens to be my wife.

I don't want her.
I want the doll

you brought home
from Miss Valerie's school.

Oh, that doll. Yes.

And I want it now.

- He wants it now.
- Well, we'd better give it to him, Max.

It's only a doll, after all.
It's in the bedroom. I'll get it.

She'd better get it,
because if she doesn't get it,

you get it. Got it?

- Got it.
- All right, move over there.

Fast, fast, fast.
Come, come, come, come.

Hurry. All right.
Now throw me the doll.

- Don't do anything foolish.
- Now you tell me?

I'm leaving now.
Don't try to follow me.

Okay, 99, that is it.

- We're getting out.
- What do you mean, Max?

When it comes to the point that a man
can come to your apartment

in the middle of the night,
take out a gun

and take away your doll,

that's when it's time to get
out of the neighborhood.

Max, when Little
Louie Dunlap

smuggled the second part
of the formula

past you at customs,
wasn't he carrying a doll?

You're right, 99.

And that doll looked
exactly like that doll.

But that must be how
they're smuggling in the formula--

- in dolls!
- Of course.

And Miss Valerie's place
is the drop-off.

I'm going back down there.

You tell the Chief to meet me
there as quickly as he can.

Mondo:
There is no possible way

anyone can
connect us together.

Valerie: That's good.
We must get to the airport

in 45 minutes
and catch that flight, whatever happens.

( Mondo whispering ) I wouldn't worry.
Of course we can be there.

This was a brilliant plan,

smuggling the secrets
in dolls.

( door thuds )

( thuds )

How nice of you
to drop in, Mr. Smart.

You said you wanted to see
what was in this room.

Well, not really.
I could--

Of course.

The old secret-supply-room-
in-the-supply-room trick.

- Carney, tie him up.
- There's no time for that.

Our plane leaves
for Los Angeles in 20 minutes.

Get the dolls
with the formula.

Now, Mr. Smart,

I'm going to give you
a sporting chance.

There are six dolls
in this room.

As you already know each one has
a string hanging from its back.

The string on one of those dolls is
going to open the door to this room.

I see. Then it's just
a question of how much time

it takes me to find the doll
with the right string

to get out of this room.

Correct. However, one of the dolls
in this room contains a bomb.

So if you pull
that doll's string,

this room
will be blown to bits.

Hmm, sort of a Russian roulette
with dolls.

Yes.

Just a moment.
Supposing that I don't pull

the string
on any of the dolls?

Supposing I just wait here until
somebody comes and finds me?

Unfortunately,
my dear Mr. Smart,

there's only enough air
left in this room

to last 30 minutes.

Oh yeah?
Well, supposing I hold my breath?

Doll:
My name is Mary Lou.

You don't know
how happy I am to hear that.

( gunshot )

- Max?
- There's nobody here.

- Wait a minute, the supply room.
- What's in there, Chief?

I don't know, 99,
but I'm going to find out.

Max, are you in there?

My name is Mary Lou.

Stand back, 99.

There's nothing in here except
those baby things on the shelf.

Why would they keep things
like this under lock and key?

Maybe there's something
behind them.

Max! Thank heavens
you're all right!

Of course I'm all right.
Chief, you got here just in time.

- Where are they headed?
- They're on their way to the airport.

They're leaving
for Los Angeles in five minutes.

Larrabee's stationed there.
I'll call and have him stop them!

I can tell you exactly
what they look like.

Man over P.A.: Flight 407
for Los Angeles now boarding.

Hold it.
I'm a government agent.

- I want to see some identification.
- What seems to be the trouble?

Just checking
their identification.

You three better get going. Your flight
leaves in less than five minutes.

Thank you very much.

But didn't it
strike you funny

that the pilot,
the copilot and a stewardess

were all carrying dolls?!

Now that you mention it,
that is strange.

99, Max, we've got
to beat that plane to Los Angeles.

Larrabee, how can you
be so stupid?

99:
Come on, Max!

Man over PA: Flight 407
now arriving from Washington.

Well, gentlemen,
I suggest that we split up

and rendezvous
at Location Z.

That won't be necessary.
We'll take those dolls now.

Run for it.

I'll take that, Miss Valerie.

Just tell me
one thing, Mr. Smart--

how did you manage
to beat us to Los Angeles?

Well, it was
really quite simple.

While you were stacked up
circling over Los Angeles,

we were barreling along
at 70 miles an hour...

by train.

( theme music playing )