All language subtitles for The Love Boat S06E26 The Professor Has Class 1080p WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-squalor_track3_[eng]

[Theme - Jack Jones, "the love
boat theme"]

Theme song: Love,
exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're
expecting you.

And love, life's
sweetest reward.

Let it flow, it
floats back to you.

The love boat, soon we'll
be making another run.

The love boat promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your
mind on a new romance, and love

won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard, it's love.

[Music playing]

Excuse me.

How do I find--

hi.

I'm minni dunlap.

How do you do?

I'm gopher Smith.

Gopher.

That's cute.

How do I find my cabin?

I'm 342 aloha deck.

Ok, that'll be right
through those doors

there and around to your left.

Thank you, gopher.

You bet.

Nice boat you have here.

It's a ship.

What's the difference?

One of them you have to row.

Well, you better have
some pretty big oars.

Oh no.

What are you doing
on this cruise?

Planning to have a
good time, until now.

I'm getting seasick and
we haven't even left yet.

Good.

Good.

Harlan weatherley.

Mr. Weatherley, you are
on aloha deck, cabin 344.

It's right next to Ms. Dunlap.

I'd like another cabin.

I'd like another ship.

I'm afraid we can't
change any cabins.

We're completely booked.

Well then, could you arrange
to have him thrown overboard?

If I go, you go, too, with
my hands around your throat.

I guess you two have met, huh?

She used to be my landlady.

But I wasn't expecting to
see him again until next week

in court.

Have a nice--

no bother.

Julie: The great
stalini is appearing

nightly in the acapulco lounge.

He's a fabulous magician.

You're going to love him.

Julie, is the great stalini
really as great as the great

stalini appears to be?

Greater.

He's one of the
world's best magicians.

And it was quite a trick
for me to book him.

Well, I've always said
that you were sheer magic.

That must be the great stalini.

[Applause]

Either the great
stalini is here

or we've just been attacked
by a rival cruise line.

I am the great stalini.

We guessed that.

And this is the great
stalini's daughter

and assistant, Christina.

Hi.

Welcome aboard.

I loved your entrance.

Do you know what it's like
being introduced to a smoke

screen all of your life?

I'm really looking
forward to seeing your act.

Yes, So am I. I never
cease to baffle me.

Mr. Stalini.

You must be
referring to my father.

He is Mr. Stalini.

I am the great stalini.

I know.

I'm Joey gardner.

I'm a magician, like you.

No one's a magician like me.

I sure hope you're his
daughter and not his wife.

You're right the first time.

I'm Christina.

Hi.

From one magician to another,
now you see her, now you don't.

Welcome aboard.

I didn't miss him, did I, Adam?

No, he hasn't boarded yet.

Look, merrill, I'm just as
anxious to see him as you are.

Who hasn't boarded yet?

Do we have a movie star
coming on the cruise.

Better than a
movie star, Vicki.

Roscoe weber, the eminent
professor of psychology.

A professor of psychology
is better than a movie star?

This professor is.

He's the most honored
man in his field.

Do you know when he
won the nobel prize?

In the '20s.

The '20s?

How old is he?

Professor weber's
91 years old.

He's still going strong.

He certainly is.

Professor weber, I'm Adam
bricker, the ship's doctor.

I don't believe in
doctors, but other than that,

how do you do?

How do you do?

I'd like to introduce
you to captain

stubing and his daughter Vicki.

Pleased to meet you, Vicki.

Pleased to meet
you, professor.

And it's also a
pleasure to meet you,

captain, assuming
you know your job

and you'll return
me to this port

no wetter than when I started.

Well, you can count
on me to protect

a national treasure like you.

A national treasure?

You make me sound
like a museum piece.

Well, how can I find my cabin.

Oh, I'll show you, sir.

Wow, your bag is light.

Of course it is.

You think I came to
be 91 carrying things

that are too heavy for me?

[Laughs]

See you later, captain.

All right, professor.

Excuse me, that is professor
Roscoe weber, isn't it?

Yes.

Are you a colleague of his?

No, not a colleague, a
very admiring former student.

Wonderful.

I'm sure he'll be
delighted to see you.

Maybe not.

I've just been chosen to
replace him at the university.

Does he know?

Oh, I'm sure they told him.

I hope they have.

[Ship horn]

[Music playing]

Pa: Good morning,
ladies and gentlemen.

Whether its ping-pong
on the promenade deck,

shuffleboard on
the starlight deck,

or just sunning
yourself by the pool,

we know you'll have
a wonderful day.

Well, Ms. Dunlap owns
the apartment building

that you live in, right?

Landlords and tenants
always have problems.

Right.

Can you imagine going to
court over a little water

damage in my apartment?

Excuse me.

Did he say a little
water damage?

Yes, he did.

Look over the rail.

There's less water there than
the one in his apartment.

At least it was the
first time in three

days I had running water.

[Laughs]

We'll see how funny you
are next week in court.

You are going to pay me
every cent of the $2,500

I am suing you for.

$2,500.

By the time you pay the lawyers,
you won't have anything left.

You know what you
guys ought to do?

You ought to take
your case to that TV

show, the people's court.

I've seen that show.

Hey, that's not a bad idea.

Julie: If it saves
money, I'm for it.

Yeah, but I hear it takes
ages to get on that show.

Oh wait a minute.

I've got a better idea.

Why don't I just round up the
rest of our crew and we'll

be your people's court.

Why not?

You look like honest people.

Are you kidding, gopher?

We all have pretty
busy schedules.

How long can it take?

What do you say?

Fine.

Any dummy could judge this case.

Hi.

Don't tell me your father
let you get out of his sight.

I sneaked out in a disguise.

Well, I love the
costume you picked.

You know, he's really
a very sweet man.

It's just since
my mom died, he's

been playing father
and mother, and he's

a little overprotective.

I don't blame him.

If you were mine, i'd
keep you in a steel cage.

Then you couldn't get at me.

Oh, I'd be in there with you.

Well, well, well,
look who's here.

Hello, sir.

Oh, you're leaving.

No, he isn't.

He just stood up to be polite.

You don't understand.

That wasn't a question.

You are leaving.

Daddy, please.

You know, a good magician
always remembers every trick

that he's ever performed, but
I don't remember making most

of your bathing suit disappear.

I was just telling your
daughter how much I liked it.

Oh yes, of course, you were.

You see, the hand is still
quicker than the eye.

Oh Maria, she's just like
you, nothing but aggravation.

I just can't tell you
what a great pleasure it

is to see you again, professor.

What a pleasure it
is to see you, Helen.

You were one of my
favorite pupils.

Professor, you were not
only my favorite teacher,

I sometimes think you
were my only teacher.

The others just got
me ready for you.

You don't have to be
that nice to be, Helen.

I already passed you.

Tell me, how are things
going at your college?

As a matter of
fact, professor,

I'm not there anymore.

I resigned.

Good.

It's always a great
feeling to quit a job.

It makes the adrenaline flow.

Now, you're just a lady
of leisure, writing books.

No, I accepted a new position.

Another school?

Uh, yes.

Don't be afraid.

It's good to change
schools sometimes.

Otherwise, you become
a fixture, like me,

and they never let you leave.

To tell you the truth,
Helen, I can't wait to begin

teaching my next semester.

I've got so many new ideas,
new experiments to try.

But there I go
talking about myself.

Where is your new position?

Well, I think it's only
proper for the president

of the university to
announce it first.

The only time I ever hear from
horrible Harlow, our president,

is when he wants to
cut our main budget.

Want to know a secret?

He called me five
times last week,

and I didn't return
a single call.

[Knock on door]

Come in.

My, my, don't we look pretty?

You know, you look just like
your mother when you're angry.

She was always angry.

Maybe she had a reason.

Daddy, you have to
stop interfering

in my personal life.

I am a big girl now.

Why yes, but that big girl
is still my little girl.

I know.

But what are you
going to do when

this little girl grows up,
falls in love, and gets married?

Well, I'll do what
every father does.

I'll give you the biggest,
most expensive wedding

the world has ever seen.

Then I'll kill myself.

Anyway, when you meet
someone who is worthy of you,

we'll discuss it.

Now come, let's have a
nice dinner together.

I'm having dinner with Joey.

What?

You're having dinner
with a magician?

You're a magician.

Don't change the subject.

I'll see you when
we do our show.

Maria, don't worry about me.

I'll have a glass of water
and a roll in my cabin.

Good evening.

It was.

I'm glad the sea air
hasn't affected your child.

Oh, sir, those are the two
people I was telling you about.

Yes, but being their jury
is very commendable, gopher.

Remember, do it
on your own time.

You still have ship duties.

No problem, sir.

How long--

good evening.

May I join you?

This is just a
table for two, dad.

Abracadabra.

Now it's a table for three.

I hope I'm not interfering.

Not at all.

I've been dying to talk
to the great stalini.

Someday, I want to be
as good as you are.

That's quite an ambition
for an unknown magician.

Well, not right
away, but someday.

I hope you come
from hearty stock

because you'll have to
live a long, long time.

Good.

I plan to.

Young man, an
idea just struck me.

How would you like
to be my apprentice?

Oh Joey, that
would be wonderful.

Thank you, sir.

I would love to.

Fine.

You can start by taking my
rabbit for a walk on deck.

You're going to be
very sorry you did that.

Oh, Maria, where are
you when I need you?

I would like to propose a
toast to our honored guest,

professor Roscoe weber.

We all hope to make some Mark
on the world with our lives,

but most of us have to be
content with being remembered

well by our immediate family.

Professor Roscoe weber
has gone beyond that.

Through his teaching
and his writing,

he has changed our thinking.

He has made a difference.

Thank you.

Thank you, captain.

And if you say I indeed have
made some little difference

in this world, it is through my
extraordinary and bright-eyed

students.

To one of the most
extraordinary, and certainly

the most bright-eyed,
of my students,

professor Helen Burton.

I hope that wasn't
too [inaudible]

No

Roscoe is taking
the news of his

being replaced remarkably well.

He doesn't know.

The university
hasn't told him yet

and I haven't had the chance.

You haven't had the chance?

You haven't had the heart.

What are you doing,
preparing your case?

No, and it's none
of your business.

Minnie, why can't
you be nice, like I am?

The only nice thing you
ever did was move out.

I didn't move out,
you threw me out.

Unfortunately, not far enough.

Thank you.

I'll see you in court.

Enjoy your dinner.

Whatever you're eating, I
hope it has bones in it.

[Music playing]

[Chatter]

Hear ye, hear ye.

Hear ye, hear ye.

Hear ye.

Hey, court is now in session.

Is the plaintiff, Ms.
dunlap, in attendance?

Gopher, she's right there.

Courtroom procedure.

We don't want anyone
appealing on a technicality.

I am appealing.

Would you get started
with this thing?

Take my word for it,
you're not appealing.

I'll be $2,500 more appealing
when this case is over.

All right, let's get started.

Ms. Dunlap, state your case.

Thank you.

This animal--

I object.

I'm sorry.

That animal--

Ms. Dunlap, please,
just the facts.

The facts are very simple.

That animal flooded
my apartment.

That's because the pipes in
your crummy building leaked.

They didn't leak.

You broke down.

I didn't break them, I
was trying to fix them.

And the water
damaged the antiques

I furnished his apartment with.

The only thing antique
was the plumbing.

Excuse me, Mr. Weatherley,
are you a plumbing expert?

Well, I was getting
a reduction in the rent

for being like the
building super.

Oh, believe me.

There's nothing super about him.

[Laughs]

We're going to
be here all night.

How can you start like that?

Don't start with me.

You're out of your
league, you know that?

All right, all right.

Is there any way you two
could just sum up the case?

Do you want to
start, motor mouth?

Excuse me,
[Inaudible] Procedure--

sit down, gopher. Or what will
happen to you won't be civil.

Mr. Weatherley,
sum up the case.

None of this thing was my
fault, and even if it was,

that junk wasn't
worth no $2,500.

How about pain and suffering?

No thanks.

I've had enough already.

Ms. Dunlap, would you
like to sum up for us?

Yes, I would.

One lamp, $91.40.

One ruined, rotted
carpet, $200--

no, no, Ms. Dunlap.

Excuse me, I think
what he means is would

you like to sum up your case?

Oh, my case.

Yes.

Well, since the perpetrator's
negligence caused the damage--

how do you spell perpetrator?

D-u-m-m-y.

Full restitution to
the wounded party, me.

Give me a gun, I'll
show you wounded.

All right, all right.

Thank you.

We have all the facts.

You're both excused.

You had one defense,
but you didn't use it.

What was that?

Insanity.

Look who's talking, one
flew over the cuckoo's nest.

Ok, let's begin
our deliberations.

Oh gopher, we don't
have time for that.

I've got to get to
the acapulco lounge.

Me, too.
My break's up in five minutes.

I'm sure I have
something to do.

Ok, but I want you all to
know, I made up the duty roster

and I know when we're all free.

Let's adjourn until midnight.

Midnight?

When are we going to
get a chance to sleep?

How long can it take?

[Applause]

And now, ladies and
gentlemen, for my next miracle,

my lovely assistant is going
to hand me an ordinary child's

balloon in the color of red.

I want you to
watch not my hands,

but I want you to
watch the balloon as I

place it gently on this tray.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,
before your very eyes,

you're going to see something
amaze you and confuse you.

Are you ready, my
lovely assistant?

Are you ready, audience?

Here we go, watch
closely, closely.

[Applause]

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I want you to stay
away from that Joey.

It's my life.

I want you to stay away.

Now, ladies and
gentlemen, as you know,

there is a little
magic in everything,

in the smallest of things
and in the very largest.

Now, there are those who
refuse to believe in magic.

They rationalize that
it is an illusion.

Well, as you can see, there's
no illusion that this box

is completely empty.

Now, my beautiful
assistant, if you will.

[Knocking]

[Drumroll]

[Applause]

Ladies and gentlemen,
it is a crime to lose

such a beautiful assistant.

So what do we do?

We must bring her back.

Watch closely, please.

[Drumroll]

Wa-la.

[Gasps]

There she is, my lovely
assistant, Christina,

just like magic.

[Laughs]

[Applause]

Bravo.

[Music playing]

Did you ever see
a man who enjoys

life more than professor weber?

And you don't want to
destroy his happiness.

Know you, you still
have to tell him.

I just wish he'd returned one
of president Harlow's calls.

Maybe it's just as well.

I think it'll hurt a lot
less coming from you.

Perhaps less, perhaps more.

I'll tell him, but I don't
know how I'm going to do it.

Why don't you do it the way
the professor would, truthfully

and quickly.

[Applause]

Captain, I haven't told
Vicki yet, but I've decided she

and I are going to get married.

[Laughs]

Of course, we'll have
to wait until we're

both through with college.

Professor, could we
go for a walk on deck?

There's something i'd
like to talk to you about.

Is there anything wrong?

Of course there's
something wrong.

You've been leading me
on for all these years

and now you say you're going
to marry another woman.

[Laughs]

Helen, maybe I
was wrong about you.

What do you mean?

I've always remembered you
as an articulate student,

but now that you have something
important to say to me,

you seem strangely nonverbal?

Well, professor, in
attending your classes,

I also learned the effectiveness
of dramatic pauses.

There's a difference
between a dramatic pause

and a complete, grinding stop.

But hold on to what you were
going to say because I've

got something to say to you.

What?

I know you've taken a new
position at another university,

but since you're
making a change,

how would you like to
become my associate

in my psychology department?

Professor.

I would personally see
to it that your salary

equaled whatever you've been
promised in your new position.

I'll call horrible
Harlow and insist on it.

I'll tell him,
if he doesn't agree

to hire you as by associate
on my terms, I'll resign.

Put a little scare into him.

I don't know what to say.

As an old
psychology professor,

I know when someone says she
doesn't know what to say,

she really knows what to say
but she doesn't wish to say it.

So say it.

I was hired to replace you.

I thought you'd been told.

That's why president Harlow
was phoning you to tell you.

Don't cry, Helen.

Part of psychology
is learning how

to deal with disappointment.

I suppose it's easier
to teach than to learn.

You really shouldn't
have done that.

I thought you enjoyed it.

I don't mean the kiss, I mean
what you did to your father.

I know.

And he finds you he is
going to have your head.

While it's still
here, let's use it.

Ingrate.

Humiliate a father.

How could you do this to me?

I'm sorry, dad.

I was wrong.

But now you know
how I felt when you

humiliated me in front of Joey.

That wasn't important.

Ruining my act is.

My life is as important
to me as your act is to you.

Mr. Stalini--

great stalini, at least
I was until tonight.

Sir, i--

quiet.

Go take my rabbit for a walk.

This whole thing is your fault.

No, it isn't.

It was my idea.

We'll discuss this in private.

This is a family matter.

Go to your cabin.

There you go again, talking
to me like I'm a child.

Joey, let's go.

You be back in your
cabin in one hour.

I may not be back at all.

Oh, Maria, if you were alive
to see this, you'd drop dead.

[Music playing]

I still say we should
not make a snap decision.

Snap decision?

Gopher, I don't know how
you talked us all into this,

but we've been deliberating
on this ridiculous issue

for over an hour.

[Banging]

Oh, my foot's asleep.

I wish any part
of me was asleep.

How do you think I feel?

He got me out of bed for this.

Vicki, this happens
to be important.

Two people have entrusted us
to come up with a just verdict.

How long could it take?

All right, let's review
the facts for the last time.

Ms. Dunlap owns the building.

Mr. Weatherley was a tenant.

He said he tried to fix the
pipes that were leaking.

She said he broke the
pipes, causing the leak.

In either case, the
apartment was flooded,

resulting in extensive damage.

You should have
been a lawyer, doc.

Cool it gopher or you'll
need him as a doctor.

All right, let's
get on with it.

Mr. Weatherley is either
guilty or not guilty.

Let's vote.

Remember, it has
to be unanimous.

- Guilty.
- Guilty.

- Guilty.
- Guilty.

Not guilty.

Well, maybe it'll take
longer than I thought.

[Music playing]

Good morning.

Good morning.

Mind if I join you?

Are you trying to get
on the good side of me?

I have to find it first.

Still Mr. Lovable.

I started by
saying good morning.

Now, why don't
you try good bye?

Look minnie, we used
to eat together a lot

before we started hassling.

Yes, I remember some
very nice dinners.

Followed by some very
pleasant breakfasts.

That's true.

But I'm suing you now.

That's true, too.

Sit.

Stop talking to me
like I'm your dog.

You sure have turned into
a hard-nosed woman, minnie.

I have?

Yeah.

I never used to be like that.

I know.

I wonder what caused it.

You wonder what caused it?

I'll tell you what, that blonde.

That's what caused it.

Blonde?

What blonde?

What bl-- the blonde that
moved into your apartment,

the one with the long
hair and the big--

oh, that blonde, my
sister-in-law, Selma.

Oh sister-in-law, come on.

Sister-in-law.

[Laughs]

Yeah, she stayed
with me for two months

when my brother was
in the hospital.

Your sister-in-law?

Honest?

Minnie, you saw her.

Would I let a girl like that
go if she wasn't a relative?

Harlan, you know
what I'm going to do?

I'm going to drop the
lawsuit to $2,000.

What happened
to you last night?

You look exhausted.

I am.

I'm going to need
all the coffee I can

get just to stay awake today.

Bad night with your father?

No.

I didn't want to argue so I
didn't go back to the cabin.

I went to Julie to apologize
about ruining the show

and I slept on her couch.

Don't say I didn't
offer you a better deal.

Good morning, bums.

Daddy, don't start.

Disgusting, two
strangers spending

the entire night together.

Sir, you've got it all--

Joey, please.

My father always told me you
don't contradict your elders.

Christina, can't you see?

You're making a fool
out of yourself.

He doesn't care about you.

He's using you to
get close to me,

to get the secrets of my act.

Right, especially the
trick you did last night.

Ask my assistant,
she'll teach you that one.

How can you stand there
and let your father

be insulted by this nobody?

Daddy, I will always
be your daughter,

but you're going to have to
find yourself another assistant.

I quit.

Good morning, professor.

May I?

Please do.

Thank you.

Well, how are you feeling today?

Well, I'm hungry, so at least
my stomach feels I'm fine.

Well, how about
the rest of you?

The rest of me has just been
thrown on the garbage heap.

Ah.

Obviously, professor
Burton finally told you.

It was a very difficult
thing for her to do.

I know.

But captain, speaking as a man
who has spent his entire life

pursuing truth, the truth
is it was a hell of a lot

harder on me than it was on her.

I'm sure it was.

But being the kind
of man you are,

I know that you still
have a lot to offer.

Perhaps.

If not, they're now
converting garbage

into fuel, so maybe
some day soon I can

be used to start a sports car.

Julie: Welcome to magnificent
acapulco, ladies and gentlemen.

Parachuting, snorkling, sailing,
or just lazing on the beach,

take your pick.

Still not unanimous.

Whose idea was it to go
to a secret ballot, anyway?

Mine.

I was raising my arm
so much I got a cramp.

Well, I think we ought
to go over the aspects

of the case one more time.

Gopher, we could
have decided a murder

case in less time than this.

Stick around, Julie.

We may.

We haven't heard
from Vicki yet.

Vicki?

Vicki?

Guilty.

So this is where you all are.

I know we're in port,
but do you think

this ship operates by itself?

No, sir.

We'd be happy to
go back to work.

Sir, I do think we
owe some obligation to

the American system of justice.

Gopher.

Hm?

This is your captain speaking.

Sir.

This is your purser leaving.

This is nice, Harlan.

Yes, minnie, kind of like
it was before we started

batting each other's brains out.

Yeah.

Maybe part of it came from
living so close to each other.

Well, maybe it came because
we were afraid of getting

too close to each other.

Well, we're close
to each other now.

Yeah.

But you know what got me mad?

Not that dumb water damage.

It was because you
made me move out.

I was afraid i'd
never see you again.

Oh, Harlan, I never knew you
had such a sweet side to you.

I guess I never showed
you how I really felt.

It wasn't your fault. I
never showed you, either.

Maybe it's about time we did.

Yeah.

[Music playing]

[Knock on door]

Just a second.

Oh, great stalini.

Come in.

Julie, I'm sorry to
have to tell you this,

but I can't go on tonight.

Why?

Christina quit, and
without an assistant,

there just is no show.

Can't you talk
to your daughter?

It's funny, you know, I
always loved my work because it

kept her close to me.

Well, I know she was
upset about what happened

between you and Joey gardner.

She told you about that?

Oh yeah, we were up half
the night talking about it.

We would have been up the
whole night talking about it,

but she fell asleep
on the couch.

She was here all night?

Yes.

I know you love your
daughter, but sometimes when

we love people, we
hold onto them so

tightly that we suffocate them.

I never meant to do that.

Well, I know that.

But when that happens,
sometimes they have

to break away just to breathe.

Julie, I tell you what.

I will do the show
tonight on one condition.

What?

That you bring
Christina and have her

sit right down in
the front with you.

It's a deal.

Great.

What have you
got up your sleeve?

I'm sorry, Julie,
but a magician

can never reveal his secrets.

[Music playing]

Professor.

May I come in?

Please.

I just came from
the radio room.

I was going to send
a wire congratulating

president Harlow for selecting
you as my replacement .

Then I saw this.

Don't send this
cablegram, Helen.

How did you get that?

I told the radio man you
asked me to get it back.

Professor.

I've spent a great
many years perfecting

a look of [inaudible].

Then I'll send it again.

I don't want to work for people
who would fire a man like you.

Helen, just to say it's wrong
to replace old people simply

because they're old, it would be
wrong not to give opportunities

to talented, younger people.

Professor.

I just noticed you
always call me professor

and I always call you Helen.

So good night, my
dear professor.

Now I think I'll take
a stroll on the deck.

Stay warm, professor.

Pa: Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

We have just left at anchor
and are leaving acapulco.

Won't you join us in the lounge
for another night of magic?

[Applause]

[Drumroll]

Thank you.

And now, ladies and
gentlemen, prepare

yourselves for another dazzling
display of prestidigitation.

May I present the one, the
only, the great stalini.

[Applause]

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

Tonight I'm going to start with
what is usually my final trick.

But I will need a lady
volunteer from the audience.

Is there anyone out
there that would help me?

Let's see.

You, young lady, would you
care to help the great stalini?

No, thank you.

No?

No?

You dare to say no
to the great stalini.

Audience, let's give her a
little help getting up here.

[Applause]

Now, as you all
know, the great

stalini never repeats a trick
in two performances in a row.

However, since I started this
disappearing trick last night,

I feel it only proper
to finish it tonight.

And if it doesn't work
tonight, I'll be the one

that's disappearing forever.

[Laughs]

Now, as you can see,
plainly, this is an empty box.

And if you please.

If this is not a
success tonight,

this box will not be the
only thing that's closing.

Are you ready?

[Applause]

We got this far last night.

But folks, that's
only half a trick.

Last night, when I
turned the box again,

there was supposed
to be someone in it.

But alas, the box was empty.

So tonight, I owe you
not one, but two people.

[Applause]

Bravo.

Ladies and
gentlemen, I promise

never, ever to make these
two delightful people

disappear again.

[Applause]

All this over a
little water damage?

Well, gopher's in for
some water damage, too.

I'm going to drown him.

Oh hey, we've got to
wake Vicki so she can vote.

Vicki.

Hey, Vicki, come on.
Vicki.

I already have hers.

All right.

Guilty, guilty,
guilty, guilty, pizza.

What?

Oh, I thought we
were voting on what

to have for midnight snack.

All right, this
has gone far enough.

Farther than that.

I think we should
call it off for now.

Let's call it off forever.

No, no, no, no, no.

Wait a minute.

I want to ask Ms. Dunlap
and Mr. Weatherley

a couple more questions.

We can't wake them up now.

It's late.

We're up.

Stick with me, you guys.

We're near the end.

I can feel it.

[Phone ringing]

Hello?

Gopher Smith (on
phone): Ms. Dunlap.

Hi, it's gopher Smith.

Well, this is a heck of a
time to be bothering somebody.

No problem.

Listen, could you
and Mr. Weatherley

answer a couple of
questions for us?

We'd like you to come down to
the crew lounge right away.

Uh, hold on.

Harlan, Harlan.

They want us in the crew lounge.

Now?

Yeah.

Why don't you tell them
to come up here instead.

[Kissing sounds]

I don't feel like suing
you anymore, Harlan.

Oh.

In fact, I think you ought
to move back in the apartment.

I think had to
move into yours.

[Laughs]

Ms. Dunlap, are
you still there?

Ms. Dunlap?

Oh, look, I'm sorry
if I troubled you,

but I've changed my mind.

I'm dropping my lawsuit
against Mr. Weatherley.

Well?

On second thought, I've
decided to vote guilty.

Help.

Somebody help me.

Professor, I still remember
the first exam I took with you.

It was a true or false test.

And now, I want to
give you an exam.

All right.

When president
Harlow hired me,

he gave me complete authority
to choose my own staff.

So would you possibly
consider coming to work

with me as my associate?

No.

I was afraid that
would be your answer.

I won't work with you,
but I'll work for you.

Don't start messing
up your department

by hiring an associate who
doesn't know his place.

Professor, I love you.

That's another thing.

We have to keep our
office door open.

I don't want faculty thinking
you picked me because i'm

your sexual plaything.

Professor.

[Laughs]

[Music playing]

Great stalini, your act was--

sheer magic.

Exactly.

I hope you'll come back and
perform for us again real soon.

Oh, I'm sorry, Julie,
but that's impossible.

As of today, I am
officially retired.

But we'll be happy to
come and perform for you.

Joey and I are taking
over my father's act.

It's my wedding present.

Oh, that's great.

And I only hope that
someday Joey and Christina

will be able to perform
the greatest trick of all,

turn me into grandfather.

[Laughs]

Bye bye.

Bye bye.

We sure want to thank you
and the rest of the crew

for being so nice.

Hey, no problem.

Listen, I know you've got a
long walk to that parking lot--

well, Mr. Weatherley, you
sure look happy for a man

who lost a lawsuit.

Oh, he didn't lose.

Didn't gopher tell you?

I dropped the case.

I lost all that
sleep for nothing?

Yeah Vicki, well
I can explain.

Oh gopher, I could kill you.

Come on, honey, let's go.

Yeah.

I hate to be around
people who argue.

Bye.

She drops the case
and you didn't tell us.

Vicki, it could have
been a lot worse, you know.

How?

Well, doc, Julie, and Isaac
could have found out about it.

Well, good bye,
professor, Helen.

You certainly make a
handsome and distinguished

looking psychology department.

Well, Burton is certainly
distinguished looking,

so I suppose i'm
stuck with handsome.

[Inaudible]

Professor weber, I think
it's very admirable of you

to take the position of
professor Burton's associate.

Don't tell her, doctor, but I
plan to apply myself and maybe

work my way up to the top.

[Laughs]

[Music playing]

[Theme music]