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1
00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:04,587
♪♪
2
00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:15,473
♪ Love ♪
3
00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:19,310
♪ exciting and new ♪
4
00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:23,481
♪ come aboard ♪
5
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:27,444
♪ we're expecting you ♪
6
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:31,656
♪ and love ♪
7
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:35,577
♪ life's sweetest reward ♪
8
00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:39,456
♪ let it flow ♪
9
00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:43,752
♪ it floats back to you ♪
10
00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:47,172
♪ the love boat ♪
11
00:00:47,255 --> 00:00:52,260
♪ soon will be making
another run ♪
12
00:00:52,343 --> 00:00:55,513
♪ the love boat ♪
13
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:59,768
♪ promises something
for everyone ♪
14
00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:02,145
♪ set a course for adventure ♪
15
00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:08,318
♪ your mind on a new romance ♪
16
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:11,946
♪ and love ♪
17
00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:15,992
♪ won't hurt anymore ♪
18
00:01:16,075 --> 00:01:19,954
♪ it's an open smile ♪
19
00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:24,334
♪ on a friendly shore ♪
20
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:29,005
♪ it's love ♪
21
00:01:29,088 --> 00:01:34,969
♪ welcome aboard,
it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪
22
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:44,354
Attention,
ladies and gentlemen.
23
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,481
Our celebrity cruise
to acapulco
24
00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:47,816
is now ready for boarding.
25
00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:00,703
Come on, Julie.
26
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:01,830
Can't you tell me
any of the stars
27
00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:03,706
that'll be sailing with us?
-No.
28
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,708
Sorry, Vicki.
It's a big secret.
29
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:07,168
Not even a hint?
Sounds like?
30
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:08,586
First syllable?
31
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,923
Well, to tell you the truth,
I don't know.
32
00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:13,174
-You don't know?
-No.
33
00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:15,176
See, my friends
Doris and Marsha
34
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,053
have opened a public relations
firm in Hollywood,
35
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,763
and they've arranged
the whole thing.
36
00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:20,723
The only thing I do know
37
00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:23,226
is that they've booked 10 cabins
on this cruise
38
00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:26,521
and promised to fill them up
with really big stars.
39
00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:28,022
-Hi!
-Julie!
40
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,567
Oh, there they are.
Vicki, I'll fill you in later.
41
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,819
-Oh, hooray!
-Marsha, Doris,
42
00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:34,070
have I been
looking for you!
43
00:02:34,153 --> 00:02:35,238
Listen.
I'm so sorry we're late,
44
00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:37,615
but we had last-minute details,
everything, you know.
45
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:39,742
Julie, we told you we'd
bring you a lot of surprises,
46
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,077
-mm-hmm.
-The biggies, huh?
47
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,579
We didn't let you down,
did we?
48
00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,914
Well, I don't know.
I haven't seen anybody.
49
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,208
What do you mean?
You haven't seen anybody yet?
50
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,252
No, I -- I thought
they were coming with you.
51
00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:50,712
Oh, well, now,
don't worry about it.
52
00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:51,921
I'm sure
they're just waiting
53
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,381
to make
a last-minute entrance...
54
00:02:53,464 --> 00:02:54,716
Entrance. Right?
55
00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:55,967
Well, I certainly
hope you're right
56
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,927
'cause captain stubing's
getting very excited
57
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:58,803
about this cruise,
58
00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:02,599
and I'm very excited
about keeping my job.
59
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:05,977
Woman: Did you say...
60
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:07,937
You did tell 'em the right ship,
didn't you?
61
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,273
Well, sure,
the island Princess.
62
00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:11,190
Afternoon, ladies.
63
00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:13,026
Welcome aboard
the pacific Princess.
64
00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:16,613
Oh, no.
65
00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:20,658
Uh, excuse me.
I'm Eddie riggins.
66
00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:22,827
Has a Ms. Gloria Baxter
boarded yet?
67
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:25,788
Let's see. Baxter...
No, she hasn't.
68
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,081
Strange.
69
00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:28,958
Lawyers are usually
on time.
70
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,586
Well, maybe she got stuck
in traffic or court
71
00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:33,922
or maybe traffic court.
72
00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:35,632
She doesn't handle
petty cases like that.
73
00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:36,633
She's a criminal lawyer.
74
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:39,636
Well, I hope you're not one
of her clients.
75
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:42,096
I was.
76
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:43,097
Eddie!
77
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,308
-Oh, hi!
-Hi!
78
00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:47,101
Ready for Mexico?
-Yeah, I guess so.
79
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,312
But I still feel funny
about this,
80
00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:50,855
you paying for my cruise
81
00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:52,106
after all you've done
for me already.
82
00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:53,024
Oh, Eddie.
Please.
83
00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:54,901
I just want to make sure
that your new life
84
00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:56,152
starts out
on a high note.
85
00:03:56,235 --> 00:03:58,112
Besides, you deserved
to be pardoned.
86
00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:00,031
Well, I wouldn't have been
pardoned if you hadn't
87
00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:01,491
believed in me,
Ms. Baxter.
88
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:04,661
Uh, our attorney-client
relationship is over, okay?
89
00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,162
It's Gloria.
90
00:04:06,245 --> 00:04:07,789
Gloria.
91
00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:09,832
Right up these stairs
to the boat deck.
92
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:13,670
That'll give you the best sight
in the harbor.
93
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,505
Doc, speaking of sights,
94
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:18,383
look who's on our celebrity
cruise -- Phyllis Faraday!
95
00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:20,510
Adamo!
96
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:22,512
Buongiorno!
97
00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:23,680
Phyllis!
98
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:26,015
Oh, what a surprise!
99
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,183
It's so good to see you.
-Oh, caro mio!
100
00:04:27,266 --> 00:04:30,979
What's with the Italian?
101
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,606
I'm traveling incognito.
102
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:37,694
Que Bella fegato.
103
00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:39,195
You ought to try
another language.
104
00:04:39,278 --> 00:04:41,531
You just said,
"what a beautiful liver."
105
00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:42,365
Ms. Faraday --
106
00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:45,535
shh, shh, shh.
107
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:47,745
...you are one
of my favorite performers.
108
00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:50,081
This is gopher Smith,
our assistant purser.
109
00:04:50,164 --> 00:04:51,708
Gopher, you remember,
uh, Connie carruthers,
110
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,334
my ex-mother-in-law?
111
00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:55,378
Well, Phyllis and Connie
are very close friends.
112
00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:58,047
They must've starred in
more Broadway shows together
113
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,341
than you and I
have taken cruises together.
114
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,218
I didn't know you were gonna be
on the celebrity cruise.
115
00:05:02,301 --> 00:05:03,386
Neither did I!
116
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:05,888
Oh, well, that makes
uno, due and...
117
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:06,931
Tre.
118
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:10,852
Grazie.
three.
119
00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:12,562
Then this is just
a pleasure trip?
120
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:14,480
Oh, no, no, no, no,
adamo.
121
00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:18,735
A mission muito importante.
And only you can help me.
122
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:21,070
Moi? How?
123
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,865
May I come to your office
right after we sail?
124
00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:25,366
Of course.
125
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,577
Oh, I knew I could count on you.
I just knew it.
126
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:31,497
Ciao!
127
00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:42,216
Oh, it's just our luck.
128
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,926
You can't make a call
when the ship's in port.
129
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,428
And I checked the brochure,
130
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:47,555
and the island Princess
is on its way to Alaska.
131
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:48,931
Oh, Doris.
132
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,892
How could we mess up
this way?
133
00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:52,101
Ooh, I don't know.
Forget it.
134
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,811
It could happen
to anybody.
135
00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:56,439
Let's just go find a rail
and jump off.
136
00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,274
Good.
137
00:05:58,357 --> 00:06:00,943
Doris, Marsha, I'd like
you to meet captain stubing.
138
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,612
Captain stubing,
Doris Talbot...
139
00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:03,404
How do you do?
Welcome aboard.
140
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,198
-Marsha stern.
-Hi, how are you?
141
00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:06,240
I can't tell you
how pleased I am
142
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:07,784
about
this celebrity cruise.
143
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,619
I'm very proud of Julie
for having worked it out.
144
00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:11,621
It's quite a feather in her cap.
-Thank you, sir.
145
00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:13,790
I'd like very much
146
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:16,084
to officially greet the stars
before we sail.
147
00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,127
Uh, look, captain...
148
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,630
Captain, this is very,
very embarrassing.
149
00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:21,798
Yes,
it is very embarrassing.
150
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:23,257
You see, captain,
151
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:26,969
all of our stars
are indisposed at the moment.
152
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,262
-All of them?
-Yes.
153
00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:30,139
You see, um,
they're just resting up a bit
154
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:33,476
so that they can be
at their very best to entertain
155
00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:34,685
all of your passengers.
156
00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,270
Yeah.
157
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:37,480
Well, guess
I'll just have to wait.
158
00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:39,774
Not too long, I hope.
159
00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:40,817
-No.
-No.
160
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,152
Sir.
161
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,821
Are you crazy?
162
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:45,988
Well, we've got Julie
into this
163
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:48,157
and we've got
to get her out.
164
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,283
I...
165
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,163
Ahh.
166
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,248
Eh...
167
00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:56,624
Ahh!
168
00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:58,334
Oh, Doris, no.
169
00:06:58,417 --> 00:07:00,211
You are not thinking
what I think you are thinking.
170
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:03,047
No.
-Do you have a better idea?
171
00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,341
Oh, Doris, it's been five years
since we did the act.
172
00:07:05,424 --> 00:07:07,301
And even when we did it,
it wasn't that great.
173
00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:09,178
It's gonna be great now,
174
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,639
or our next appearance
is on the unemployment line.
175
00:07:11,722 --> 00:07:12,849
Ooh.
176
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:13,975
Next to Julie.
177
00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:17,145
[ Air horn blows ]
178
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,086
Hi!
179
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:43,880
Wow, you look great.
180
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:45,673
Oh, thanks.
I bought it for the cruise.
181
00:07:45,756 --> 00:07:47,425
It's a good thing
you didn't wear that
182
00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:49,177
on your weekly visits
to the prison.
183
00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:50,344
I probably
would've jumped right
184
00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:52,054
through the chicken wire
between us.
185
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,931
Well, I'm glad you didn't
because it wasn't chicken wire.
186
00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:55,016
It was glass.
Remember?
187
00:07:55,099 --> 00:07:56,350
No.
188
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:58,728
I was too busy
looking at you.
189
00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:02,231
I do remember that blue dress
with the puffed sleeves
190
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,275
you wore the first time
you came.
191
00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:08,571
And, uh, a white flannel skirt
with a red angora sweater.
192
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:10,907
Wow.
You've got some memory.
193
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:14,202
Well, I try to remember
the pleasant things.
194
00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:15,411
Remember
what I was wearing?
195
00:08:15,494 --> 00:08:17,246
Oh...
196
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:20,208
♪♪
197
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:40,102
I'm sure your throat
will feel better in no time.
198
00:08:43,522 --> 00:08:44,732
All right.
We're alone now.
199
00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:45,942
Why all the mystery?
200
00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:47,610
Oh, Adam.
201
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:50,404
I have the greatest opportunity
of my entire career.
202
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:54,116
They want me to play the lead
in a Broadway musical
203
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:57,453
based on the life
of Florence nightingale.
204
00:08:57,536 --> 00:08:59,413
Sounds like a fun show.
205
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:02,792
But in order to get into
the soul of the character,
206
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:06,295
i have to know what it's really
like to be a nurse,
207
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:10,132
to actually experience
the hardships,
208
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,802
the sacrifices,
the suffering,
209
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:17,974
the pain...
Florence went through.
210
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:19,475
But what can I do to help?
211
00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:21,978
What indeed, Adam.
212
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:24,689
Let me be your nurse
on this cruise.
213
00:09:24,772 --> 00:09:25,648
Oh, Phyllis.
214
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:28,442
Isaac sees more pain
and suffering than I do.
215
00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:31,320
Well, maybe
you'll get lucky this time.
216
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:32,446
Please, Adam.
217
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:34,365
Please let me be
your nurse.
218
00:09:34,448 --> 00:09:36,492
It would mean so much
to me. Please.
219
00:09:36,575 --> 00:09:39,161
Well, I -- I don't have
any nurse's uniforms.
220
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,914
Oh.
221
00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:46,168
Oh, silly boy.
222
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,713
Ta-da!
223
00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:52,258
Little something from medical
supplies by halston?
224
00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:55,636
Please, Adam.
I want this part so badly.
225
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,638
Okay.
We'll give it a shot.
226
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:58,889
Thank you.
227
00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:00,474
Thank you.
Thank you.
228
00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:02,018
Oh, grazie.
229
00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:05,354
What the heck, my malpractice
insurance is all paid up.
230
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,856
Ah, one thing, though.
I don't think
231
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,066
Florence nightingale
wore all those diamonds.
232
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,860
Oh, of course not, Adam.
233
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:14,238
But Florence nightingale
never played Vegas.
234
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:20,911
♪♪
235
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:23,706
Julie, you know, people
236
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:26,208
are so anxious to see
celebrities on this cruise
237
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,753
that a couple actually thought
I was Reggie Jackson?
238
00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:30,713
No.
239
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:34,216
Billy Dee Williams?
Robert redford?
240
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:37,678
-Oh!
-Will you cut that out?
241
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:39,597
You've been doing that
every 10 minutes.
242
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:40,931
Why don't you wait
until you see a real celebrity?
243
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,475
Oh!
244
00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:46,395
[ Crowd murmuring ]
245
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:47,855
[ As Dolly Parton ]
Hi, y'all. Hi!
246
00:10:47,938 --> 00:10:49,732
Dolly Parton!
247
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:54,195
[ Humming ]
248
00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:57,239
I'm Dolly Parton.
249
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,241
I just wish
my autograph was clear.
250
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:02,578
But that's as close
as I could get to the book.
251
00:11:02,661 --> 00:11:04,538
Julie,
what do you think, huh?
252
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:06,916
Oh, Marsha.
I knew you could do miracles,
253
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:10,586
but I never
expected Dolly Parton.
254
00:11:10,669 --> 00:11:12,880
I've got to meet her.
-Uh, wait a minute, Julie.
255
00:11:12,963 --> 00:11:14,256
We have to talk
about the celebrity
256
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,424
cabaret tomorrow night.
-No...
257
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,301
Let's go someplace nice
and quiet.
258
00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:25,976
There.
259
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:28,270
That looks
so much more inviting.
260
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,106
[ Knock on door ]
261
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,110
Yes, may I help you?
262
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:36,070
Oh, the doctor isn't here?
263
00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:37,488
Are you sick?
264
00:11:37,571 --> 00:11:38,614
Please, come in.
Why don't you lie down?
265
00:11:38,697 --> 00:11:40,282
-No, no. I just -- I...
-Are you in terrible pain?
266
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:41,367
No, I got
a little splinter...
267
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:43,411
Oh, no. No, that could mean
a terrible infection.
268
00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:44,745
You know,
I'd better look at that.
269
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,956
Just sit down on the table
there, please.
270
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:48,666
Thank you.
Yes.
271
00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:50,751
-Well, it's just that...
-Oh, no. No. No.
272
00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:53,087
Oh, now I know
what Florence nightingale
went through.
273
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:54,672
-Well, what have we here?
-Oh.
274
00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:55,923
A splinter case, doctor.
275
00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:57,425
It's really nothing,
I mean, just...
276
00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:58,509
Oh, what does he know,
doctor?
277
00:11:58,592 --> 00:12:00,970
I'll take over, nurse.
278
00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:04,432
Little 10-gallon braiding
here is, uh...
279
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:05,766
Oh, that should
come out easily.
280
00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:08,144
Yeah.
281
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:11,355
Uh...ah.
282
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,107
All set, mister...
283
00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:14,108
Zacchary.
Sam zacchary.
284
00:12:14,191 --> 00:12:15,317
Thank you.
Thank you, doc.
285
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:16,819
-Oh, you're welcome.
-That's nice.
286
00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:18,654
-Just when I...
-Shall I close him up, doctor?
287
00:12:18,737 --> 00:12:20,197
No, let's take a chance
288
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:22,700
that it will heal
without stitches.
289
00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:27,455
I hate a doctor
who takes chances.
290
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:30,166
Hold these.
291
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,293
Thank you.
292
00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:34,879
Um, haven't I seen
you someplace before?
293
00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:37,131
Uh...uh, no.
294
00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:38,674
No, I don't think so.
295
00:12:38,757 --> 00:12:40,634
Well, your face
sure is familiar.
296
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,678
Oh, well,
I just happen to have
297
00:12:42,761 --> 00:12:44,430
one of those
kind of faces.
298
00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:48,309
You know,
the girl next door.
299
00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:50,978
By golly, not next door
to any place I ever lived.
300
00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:53,314
[ Both laugh ]
301
00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:54,857
Oh, I didn't know
if you heard,
302
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,525
but my name
is Sam zacchary.
303
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,527
Sam.
What's yours?
304
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:01,030
Uh, Phyllis.
305
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:04,074
Oh, I like Phyllis,
Phyllis.
306
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:07,870
I like Sam, Sam.
307
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:09,580
I wonder
if I could persuade you
308
00:13:09,663 --> 00:13:11,081
to have dinner
with me this evening.
309
00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:13,083
Uh, no.
310
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:15,085
No, you see,
they don't like the help
311
00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:16,712
to mingle
with the passengers.
312
00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:19,006
But I might need
some constant care, here.
313
00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:20,216
Okay, dinner it is.
314
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:25,221
♪♪
315
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,598
[ Indistinct conversations ]
316
00:13:30,809 --> 00:13:31,894
Ah...
317
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:33,729
You ordered wine?
318
00:13:33,812 --> 00:13:36,232
Yeah, well, I figured
it's the least I could do.
319
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,025
And this is
a very special occasion.
320
00:13:38,108 --> 00:13:40,402
Well, Eddie,
that was very nice.
321
00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:45,866
To the greatest woman lawyer
in the world.
322
00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:47,326
No, wait.
323
00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:50,913
Make that to the greatest lawyer
in the world.
324
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:52,581
Wait.
325
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:56,585
Better yet, to
the greatest woman in the world.
326
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,546
You should write a book
of toasts.
327
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:03,050
So, how's the job hunting
coming along?
328
00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:05,719
Mm, not great.
329
00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,596
The bank came up
with a million excuses
330
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,682
not to give me
my old job back.
331
00:14:09,765 --> 00:14:11,767
Seems people are wary
of hiring an ex-con,
332
00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:13,769
even though
he was proven innocent.
333
00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:16,605
Well, you'll find something,
I know you will.
334
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,440
Maybe I already have.
335
00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:22,987
You know, Ms. Talbot, we were
kind of hoping you'd bring
336
00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:25,281
some of your, um,
celebrity guests to dinner,
337
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:26,615
so we could get to meet them.
338
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,742
-Gopher.
-Well, no, he's right, dad.
339
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:31,245
The only celebrity we've seen
so far is Dolly Parton.
340
00:14:31,328 --> 00:14:32,663
And she didn't stay
very long.
341
00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:34,957
Yeah, I was hoping
to have dinner with Bo Derek.
342
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,793
You know, Ms. Talbot,
they do have a point.
343
00:14:37,876 --> 00:14:40,796
Well, sir, I'm sure someone
will show up soon.
344
00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:43,340
[ Normal voice ] Oh, i'm
willing to make a bet on it.
345
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,134
[ As Bette midler ]
Hi, ho, people.
346
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,594
[ Applause ]
347
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:48,178
It's Bette midler!
348
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:58,522
Oh, this is her own
divine Ms. M.
349
00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:02,276
Showered, powdered and painted
into the ravishing beauty
350
00:15:02,359 --> 00:15:03,694
you see before your eyes.
351
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:11,660
You know, I would've been here
sooner, oh, of course I would.
352
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,913
But I been working
on a sequel to "e.T."
353
00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:17,458
In this one, e.T. And I,
we're sitting on the porch.
354
00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:20,669
And we're smooching like crazy.
355
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:25,716
And e.T. Says, "what the hell,
I'll call home tomorrow."
356
00:15:29,219 --> 00:15:30,262
Excuse me.
357
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:31,680
Could you persuade her
to join us?
358
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:35,100
Bette!
Over here!
359
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,144
Oh, hi, honey.
Oh, no. I can't.
360
00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:40,314
Oh, no. I've got to get out
of this sun suit.
361
00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:42,941
Oh, I see I'm almost
out of it already.
362
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:48,197
It's my time.
Oh, dear.
363
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,533
[ Speaking indistinctly ]
364
00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:55,412
[ Applause ]
365
00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:11,053
Isn't she wonderful?
366
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:15,391
Well, I reckon I just don't
cotton much to show people.
367
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:17,393
Oh, really?
368
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:21,522
Well, I like real people...
Like you.
369
00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:24,650
Like me?
370
00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:29,655
Uh...you're an angel
of mercy.
371
00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:31,073
Mercy?
372
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:33,075
Mercy, mercy.
373
00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:49,675
[ Slow music plays,
indistinct conversations ]
374
00:16:53,011 --> 00:16:54,054
Well,
it's hard to believe
375
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:55,264
you haven't danced
in a year.
376
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:56,890
You're fantastic!
-Hmm.
377
00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:59,393
Maybe I should get a job
as a dance instructor,
378
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:00,811
spend
the rest of my life
379
00:17:00,894 --> 00:17:02,604
teaching lonely ladies
how to waltz.
380
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:05,149
Oh, Eddie, please.
Don't worry.
381
00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:06,900
I believe in you.
I really do.
382
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:08,444
Oh, thanks.
383
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:11,280
Without your faith in me,
I guess I wouldn't be here.
384
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:13,240
You know, when you're locked up
in prison for a year,
385
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:15,993
you have a lot of time
to think.
386
00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:19,288
I used to fantasize
just to keep my sanity.
387
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:21,623
Well, we all
fantasize sometimes.
388
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:23,459
I always had
the same fantasy --
389
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,586
finding the perfect lady,
390
00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:28,589
getting married,
raising a family.
391
00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:30,466
Well, you know what they say,
392
00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:32,718
sometimes what you're looking
for is right under your nose.
393
00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:40,225
I'm beginning to think that
calling this a celebrity cruise
394
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:41,643
was misleading.
395
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,145
What do you mean, sir?
396
00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:45,314
Bette midler,
Dolly Parton...
397
00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:46,523
Those are two big ones.
398
00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:47,941
Bette midler
and Dolly Parton
399
00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:49,318
played peekaboo
with the passengers.
400
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:51,028
As for
the other celebrities,
401
00:17:51,111 --> 00:17:53,655
their favorite game
seems to be hide-and-seek.
402
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,115
Well, sir,
Doris and Marsha
403
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:56,825
promised me
that tomorrow morning...
404
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,702
Tomorrow morning,
Ms. McCoy?
405
00:17:58,786 --> 00:17:59,828
What about
the autograph party
406
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:02,539
you promised the passengers
tonight?
407
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:03,874
[ Gasps ]
Oh, yes, sir.
408
00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:06,668
I'll get on that
right away.
409
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:10,798
[ Normal voice ] I can't believe
we are pulling this off.
410
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:11,965
But it's not gonna work,
Doris.
411
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:13,467
They're gonna find us out.
412
00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:15,135
Well, maybe they won't.
413
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:16,178
And we'll just keep doing
what we're doing.
414
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:18,388
We'll sort of make a brief
appearance here and there.
415
00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:20,224
Just sort of a hit-and-run.
416
00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:21,517
Good evening.
417
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,477
We'd like to remind you
418
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,688
of our gala celebrity autograph
party later tonight
419
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,149
in the purser's lobby.
See you then.
420
00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:31,860
Forget the hitting,
let's start running.
421
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,821
You just said it,
we can't quit now.
422
00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:35,364
We can't do that
to Julie.
423
00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:35,364
Huh?
424
00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:36,490
Now, let's see.
425
00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:38,367
Who can we go as?
426
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:41,203
We?
I just did Bette midler.
427
00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,247
Doris, it is your turn.
428
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:44,915
Now -- now, just a minute.
We're in this together.
429
00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:46,834
Now, let's dream up
something.
430
00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:48,001
I'm gonna go
change my clothes
431
00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:49,044
and I'll see you
at the party.
432
00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:50,504
Doris!
433
00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:53,090
Who are you going as?
434
00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:55,509
Well, I don't know yet,
but you'll recognize me.
435
00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:57,845
I'll be the only
other celebrity there.
436
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:02,474
♪♪
437
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:08,146
[ Slow music plays ]
438
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,407
Isn't it lovely?
439
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:20,033
It truly is.
440
00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:21,076
You were right.
441
00:19:21,159 --> 00:19:24,413
Better dancing out here
where it ain't crowded.
442
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:28,041
Oh, I know you cowboys
like the wide-open spaces.
443
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:31,295
You know, you are
a real good dancer, too.
444
00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:32,546
You really mean that?
445
00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:34,089
Well, for a nurse, I...
446
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,007
Oh. [ Laughs ]
447
00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:39,261
Come here.
448
00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:40,470
Where are we going?
449
00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:41,763
We're gonna go
right over here.
450
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,849
Oh.
451
00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:51,440
Now, back home, I was known
as a kind of a Wheeler-dealer,
452
00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:53,817
a man
who makes quick decisions,
453
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:54,985
buy a little,
sell a little.
454
00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:57,654
Uh, turns out
mostly right.
455
00:19:57,738 --> 00:19:58,822
Bet you're always right.
456
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:00,282
No, no.
Not always.
457
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:04,912
But, uh, I've just made
another quick decision.
458
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:11,835
I would like very much
for you to be...
459
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,755
My wife.
460
00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:15,797
Wife?
461
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:18,467
No.
Now, now, no, no.
462
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,677
Now, I understand we haven't
known each other too long,
463
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:23,347
and I make
the quick decisions.
464
00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:25,891
You take all the time that you
need in the world, dear.
465
00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:27,726
Now, no, no.
466
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,979
I'll be anxiously
awaiting your answer.
467
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,856
Hmm?
468
00:20:36,234 --> 00:20:39,363
Wife?
469
00:20:39,446 --> 00:20:41,531
I'm still working on nurse.
470
00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:47,496
♪♪
471
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:49,539
[ Indistinct conversations ]
472
00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:56,463
Julie, I still haven't
seen any celebrities.
473
00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:58,674
[ As zsa zsa Gabor ]
Hello, darling.
474
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:00,217
Oh!
475
00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:05,305
Welcome, Ms. Gabor!
476
00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,349
Ah, how are you, darling?
477
00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:08,725
I'm captain stubing.
478
00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:12,229
I didn't say, "who are you?"
I said, "how are you?"
479
00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:15,524
Only a captain,
a man as handsome as you,
480
00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:17,818
should be a general.
481
00:21:17,901 --> 00:21:20,237
[ As zsa zsa Gabor ]
Hello, darlings!
482
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:21,738
I hope I'm not too late!
483
00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:23,865
-Who is that?
-Oh!
484
00:21:27,911 --> 00:21:29,204
[ Normal voice ]
You be zsa zsa.
I'll be Eva.
485
00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:30,914
[ Normal voice ]
What's the difference?
486
00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:33,667
Eva's the one
leaving early.
487
00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:35,043
[ As Eva ]
Circulate. Circulate!
488
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:37,045
-[ As zsa zsa ] Darlings!
-Darlings!
489
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:42,342
♪♪
490
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:48,390
Fantasizing again?
491
00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:52,561
No, this time,
I was thinking pure fact.
492
00:21:52,644 --> 00:21:56,231
Must be the lawyer in me
rubbing off on you.
493
00:21:56,314 --> 00:21:59,651
Gloria, there's something
I have to tell you,
494
00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:02,237
something very important.
495
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,156
All right, counselor.
State your case.
496
00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:08,076
This is extremely difficult
497
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,871
for me to say.
Uh...
498
00:22:10,954 --> 00:22:12,289
Would it make it
easier for you
499
00:22:12,372 --> 00:22:14,124
if I said
I love you first?
500
00:22:16,334 --> 00:22:18,378
You love me?
501
00:22:18,462 --> 00:22:21,631
I have
for the longest time.
502
00:22:21,715 --> 00:22:25,427
You know, when you would come
to the prison every week
503
00:22:25,510 --> 00:22:27,471
to discuss my case,
504
00:22:27,554 --> 00:22:33,143
I'd say to myself, "Eddie,
you're falling in love."
505
00:22:33,226 --> 00:22:34,728
Yeah, I --
I kept telling myself
506
00:22:34,811 --> 00:22:36,980
i was coming to see you
each week just as a lawyer.
507
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:38,190
But then,
I began to notice
508
00:22:38,273 --> 00:22:39,441
that I was saving
my prettiest dresses
509
00:22:39,524 --> 00:22:40,567
for the days
that I'd see you.
510
00:22:40,650 --> 00:22:42,110
I noticed, too.
511
00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:43,779
But then,
I thought, "no, Eddie,
512
00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:46,573
thi-- this isn't love.
You're just lonely.
513
00:22:46,656 --> 00:22:50,452
You're just reaching out
for someone who befriended you."
514
00:22:50,535 --> 00:22:51,787
Then you don't love me.
515
00:22:51,870 --> 00:22:53,288
No, of course I do.
516
00:22:53,371 --> 00:22:54,372
You're the only good thing
517
00:22:54,456 --> 00:22:57,125
that ever happened to me.
Look.
518
00:22:57,209 --> 00:23:01,463
I just don't want us
to go on living a lie.
519
00:23:01,546 --> 00:23:03,006
I don't understand.
520
00:23:07,177 --> 00:23:09,805
Gloria,
I did embezzle that money.
521
00:23:09,888 --> 00:23:11,640
I'm guilty.
522
00:23:15,268 --> 00:23:18,146
♪♪
523
00:23:32,953 --> 00:23:34,037
[ As zsa zsa ]
Darling,
524
00:23:34,121 --> 00:23:36,623
you were wonderful
last night.
525
00:23:36,706 --> 00:23:38,708
[ As Eva ] And so
were you, darling.
526
00:23:38,792 --> 00:23:41,169
Sweetheart,
have some coffee, darling.
527
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:42,295
Thank you, darling.
528
00:23:42,379 --> 00:23:45,632
Now, the only question --
529
00:23:45,715 --> 00:23:47,467
[ normal voice ]
The only question is,
530
00:23:47,551 --> 00:23:49,845
who are we gonna be today?
531
00:23:49,928 --> 00:23:51,012
[ Knock on door ]
532
00:23:51,096 --> 00:23:53,098
Mm, come in.
533
00:23:59,020 --> 00:24:02,566
How could you two do
what you did to me last night?
534
00:24:02,649 --> 00:24:04,025
Do what, Julie?
535
00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:06,862
Don't you mean, "do what,
darlings?"
536
00:24:06,945 --> 00:24:09,614
This whole celebrity cruise
is a fraud.
537
00:24:09,698 --> 00:24:12,200
But the passengers
believed us, Julie.
538
00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:14,411
They did.
-We got away with it, Julie.
539
00:24:14,494 --> 00:24:16,788
It's a long cruise, zsa zsa.
540
00:24:16,872 --> 00:24:18,373
[ As Eva ]
I'm not zsa zsa.
541
00:24:18,456 --> 00:24:19,833
She's zsa zsa.
I'm Eva.
542
00:24:19,916 --> 00:24:21,209
[ As zsa zsa ] Right.
543
00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:22,669
This may be your idea of a joke,
544
00:24:22,752 --> 00:24:24,921
but you see, my job is at stake.
545
00:24:25,005 --> 00:24:26,756
Julie, you got
to believe this.
546
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:30,343
We honestly had real celebrities
lined up for this cruise.
547
00:24:30,427 --> 00:24:32,721
Oh.
Where are they?
548
00:24:32,804 --> 00:24:36,349
Uh, they're, uh, they're, uh,
on their way to Alaska...
549
00:24:36,433 --> 00:24:38,226
In their summer clothes.
550
00:24:38,310 --> 00:24:40,854
Oh, Julie.
We goofed.
551
00:24:40,937 --> 00:24:43,523
We sent them
to the wrong ship.
552
00:24:43,607 --> 00:24:45,317
Yeah, look, we thought the only
way out was to go back
553
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,068
and do our old nightclub act
and...
554
00:24:47,152 --> 00:24:48,737
-Right.
-...Do the celebrities we knew.
555
00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:50,572
-Right.
-That's ridiculous.
556
00:24:50,655 --> 00:24:52,407
It seemed like the only way
to help you.
557
00:24:52,490 --> 00:24:53,742
Help me?
558
00:24:53,825 --> 00:24:55,744
Well,
you don't know captain stubing.
559
00:24:55,827 --> 00:24:57,746
He'll never forgive me for this.
560
00:24:57,829 --> 00:24:59,289
Yes, but he doesn't have
to know.
561
00:24:59,372 --> 00:25:03,084
We fooled everybody
so far.
562
00:25:03,168 --> 00:25:05,086
No, no, no.
563
00:25:05,170 --> 00:25:06,838
It wouldn't be right
to try to fool the captain.
564
00:25:06,922 --> 00:25:08,673
No, I've got to tell him.
565
00:25:11,801 --> 00:25:14,179
[ Door closes ]
566
00:25:17,390 --> 00:25:20,101
-Morning, nurse.
-Good morning, doctor.
567
00:25:25,732 --> 00:25:27,943
Why so downcast?
568
00:25:28,026 --> 00:25:29,986
I don't believe that's the way
Florence nightingale
569
00:25:30,070 --> 00:25:32,781
would come to work.
570
00:25:32,864 --> 00:25:35,283
Are you all right?
571
00:25:35,367 --> 00:25:37,452
The splinter
asked me to marry him.
572
00:25:37,535 --> 00:25:39,037
Sam zacchary?
573
00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:41,289
Wow, he must be in love.
574
00:25:41,373 --> 00:25:44,292
He hates show people.
575
00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:47,003
He thinks I'm a nurse.
576
00:25:47,087 --> 00:25:49,089
Love really is blind.
577
00:25:49,172 --> 00:25:51,424
Adam, I don't want
to lose him.
578
00:25:51,508 --> 00:25:52,801
What should I do?
579
00:25:52,884 --> 00:25:54,970
Listen
to your friendly doctor.
580
00:25:55,053 --> 00:25:56,429
Tell him the truth.
581
00:26:00,934 --> 00:26:02,978
Where are you going?
582
00:26:03,061 --> 00:26:04,729
To get a second opinion.
583
00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:11,027
♪♪
584
00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:17,033
Doris, I feel awful.
585
00:26:17,117 --> 00:26:19,035
Instead of bailing Julie
out of this mess,
586
00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:20,495
we got her in deeper.
587
00:26:20,578 --> 00:26:21,955
Oh.
588
00:26:22,038 --> 00:26:23,039
We should've
followed my instinct
589
00:26:23,123 --> 00:26:24,749
and jumped over the rail.
590
00:26:24,833 --> 00:26:26,334
Yeah, we should've.
591
00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:28,086
Good morning, ladies.
592
00:26:28,169 --> 00:26:29,087
Morning.
Hi, captain.
593
00:26:29,170 --> 00:26:31,172
I want to congratulate you
both on the appearance
594
00:26:31,256 --> 00:26:33,508
of the Gabor sisters
last night.
595
00:26:33,591 --> 00:26:36,011
It was nothing
short of magical.
596
00:26:36,094 --> 00:26:37,220
Thank you, captain.
597
00:26:37,304 --> 00:26:39,347
I'll tell them
when they wake up.
598
00:26:39,431 --> 00:26:40,682
Oh, captain stubing.
599
00:26:40,765 --> 00:26:42,058
I was looking for you
up on the bridge.
600
00:26:42,142 --> 00:26:43,351
Well, I'm glad
you found me, Ms. McCoy.
601
00:26:43,435 --> 00:26:44,686
I wouldn't want you
to miss this.
602
00:26:44,769 --> 00:26:47,689
It came in with
our daily news bulletin.
603
00:26:47,772 --> 00:26:50,275
"Last night's benefit premiere
at the Hollywood bowl
604
00:26:50,358 --> 00:26:52,819
brought out
a veritable galaxy of stars.
605
00:26:52,902 --> 00:26:57,699
As always, zsa zsa
and Eva Gabor were dazzling."
606
00:26:57,782 --> 00:27:00,368
It also goes on
to mention...
607
00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:03,538
"Dolly Parton and Bette midler
delighted the crowds
608
00:27:03,621 --> 00:27:06,708
with their
good-natured quips."
609
00:27:06,791 --> 00:27:09,002
Sir, may I say something,
please?
610
00:27:06,791 --> 00:27:09,002
Of course.
611
00:27:09,085 --> 00:27:10,670
And you can say it
to the passengers tonight
612
00:27:10,754 --> 00:27:15,383
when you announce that the show
has been canceled, and why.
613
00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:18,178
I will not tolerate
a hoax.
614
00:27:18,261 --> 00:27:21,556
Yes, sir.
615
00:27:21,639 --> 00:27:22,932
Oh, Julie.
616
00:27:23,016 --> 00:27:26,019
Julie, we're really sorry.
617
00:27:26,102 --> 00:27:28,229
In the immortal words
of w.C. Fields...
618
00:27:28,313 --> 00:27:29,230
Yeah?
619
00:27:29,314 --> 00:27:31,775
"All things considered,
620
00:27:31,858 --> 00:27:33,902
I'd rather be
in Philadelphia."
621
00:27:35,487 --> 00:27:37,947
♪♪
622
00:27:47,999 --> 00:27:49,000
May I join you?
623
00:27:49,084 --> 00:27:50,919
No.
624
00:27:51,002 --> 00:27:52,420
I need to talk to you.
625
00:27:52,504 --> 00:27:54,047
You said plenty
last night.
626
00:27:54,130 --> 00:27:55,882
Please leave.
627
00:27:55,965 --> 00:27:57,967
I didn't have
to tell you I was guilty.
628
00:27:58,051 --> 00:27:59,969
You would've married me
and never known the difference.
629
00:28:00,053 --> 00:28:02,430
And what a lovely team
we'd have made --
630
00:28:02,514 --> 00:28:04,766
a gullible woman
and a man who's a liar.
631
00:28:04,849 --> 00:28:06,601
Not about everything,
Gloria.
632
00:28:06,684 --> 00:28:08,937
You know
what really bothers me?
633
00:28:09,020 --> 00:28:10,397
I love you.
634
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,565
And I love the law.
635
00:28:12,649 --> 00:28:15,610
I believe there are a set
of rules that people live by.
636
00:28:15,693 --> 00:28:17,904
And I believe in truth
and honesty,
637
00:28:17,987 --> 00:28:20,698
in love and in the law.
638
00:28:20,782 --> 00:28:22,659
You've destroyed
both of those loves for me.
639
00:28:22,742 --> 00:28:24,494
Gloria...
640
00:28:34,045 --> 00:28:36,339
♪♪
641
00:28:36,881 --> 00:28:38,425
Welcome to beautiful
downtown acapulco,
642
00:28:38,508 --> 00:28:39,300
ladies and gentlemen.
643
00:28:39,384 --> 00:28:40,760
If you like sail fishing,
644
00:28:40,844 --> 00:28:43,096
try the bay
near the San Marcos hotel.
645
00:28:43,179 --> 00:28:45,932
If you like spearfishing, try
the waters just off the reef.
646
00:28:46,015 --> 00:28:49,102
Or, if you like ice fishing,
try another cruise.
647
00:28:49,185 --> 00:28:51,146
Just a little nautical humor
there, folks.
648
00:28:51,229 --> 00:28:54,441
But seriously, acapulco is the
Jewel of the Mexican riviera.
649
00:28:54,524 --> 00:28:56,609
Bien tiempo!
Hasta luego!
650
00:29:06,119 --> 00:29:07,328
Hi, Ms. Baxter.
651
00:29:07,412 --> 00:29:08,788
Gopher just got this telex
652
00:29:08,872 --> 00:29:10,957
confirming your reservations
to fly home from acapulco.
653
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:12,542
Oh, thanks, Vicki.
654
00:29:12,625 --> 00:29:14,002
I hope
it's nothing serious.
655
00:29:14,085 --> 00:29:15,712
No, not really.
656
00:29:15,795 --> 00:29:18,506
I'm just not having as much fun
as I thought I would.
657
00:29:18,590 --> 00:29:20,049
But last night
I saw you at dinner
658
00:29:20,133 --> 00:29:21,801
and dancing
with Mr. Riggins.
659
00:29:21,885 --> 00:29:23,720
You seemed to be
having a good time.
660
00:29:26,931 --> 00:29:28,016
Did I say something wrong?
661
00:29:28,099 --> 00:29:29,934
No.
662
00:29:30,018 --> 00:29:32,479
Is there anything
I can do?
663
00:29:32,562 --> 00:29:34,230
I wish there were,
Vicki.
664
00:29:34,314 --> 00:29:35,315
But there are some things
in life
665
00:29:35,398 --> 00:29:36,900
you just got to do
for yourself.
666
00:29:46,451 --> 00:29:48,411
Hope I'm not
taking you away
667
00:29:48,495 --> 00:29:50,705
from your regular
duties there.
668
00:29:50,788 --> 00:29:52,332
Oh, no.
No, Dr. Bricker
669
00:29:52,415 --> 00:29:53,875
can manage without me...
670
00:29:53,958 --> 00:29:56,544
-Ah.
-...For a little while.
671
00:29:56,628 --> 00:29:58,588
You know,
you don't seem to be,
672
00:29:58,671 --> 00:30:01,758
you know,
quite your normal self today.
673
00:30:01,841 --> 00:30:03,676
Some-- something
bothering you?
674
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:05,720
Oh, no, no, no.
675
00:30:05,803 --> 00:30:08,389
What could possibly
be bothering me?
676
00:30:08,473 --> 00:30:10,016
Hmm.
677
00:30:10,099 --> 00:30:12,894
You're upset because I, uh,
asked you to marry me, huh,
678
00:30:12,977 --> 00:30:15,271
Phyllis?
679
00:30:15,355 --> 00:30:16,940
I'm not just plain Phyllis.
680
00:30:17,023 --> 00:30:19,692
I'm Phyllis...
681
00:30:19,776 --> 00:30:21,903
I'm Phyllis Faraday.
682
00:30:24,364 --> 00:30:26,074
Who?
683
00:30:26,157 --> 00:30:30,745
You've never heard
of Phyllis Faraday?
684
00:30:30,828 --> 00:30:33,414
We -- we had a shortstop
on the white sox,
685
00:30:33,498 --> 00:30:34,582
it was...Phil Faraday.
686
00:30:34,666 --> 00:30:36,084
That was his name.
687
00:30:36,167 --> 00:30:37,126
No, that couldn't have
been, no, that couldn't...
688
00:30:37,210 --> 00:30:39,045
I am an actress.
689
00:30:39,128 --> 00:30:41,089
I'm a star.
690
00:30:44,801 --> 00:30:47,095
Well, that sure
changes everything.
691
00:30:47,178 --> 00:30:50,682
Oh! Oh!
692
00:30:55,228 --> 00:30:58,106
And the captain's making me
tell everybody tonight
693
00:30:58,189 --> 00:31:00,275
that the celebrity cabaret
has been canceled.
694
00:31:00,358 --> 00:31:01,317
It's just unbelievable.
695
00:31:01,401 --> 00:31:03,611
Ah, Phyllis, what's wrong?
696
00:31:03,695 --> 00:31:06,823
He never even
heard of me.
697
00:31:06,906 --> 00:31:09,117
Phyllis Faraday!
698
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:10,410
Oh, thank goodness.
699
00:31:10,493 --> 00:31:12,745
I am so glad someone
knows who I am.
700
00:31:12,829 --> 00:31:14,789
Aw, gee. That getup
almost fooled me.
701
00:31:14,872 --> 00:31:17,250
I -- I'm Julie McCoy,
your cruise director.
702
00:31:17,333 --> 00:31:18,293
Oh, Ms. Faraday,
703
00:31:18,376 --> 00:31:20,086
I'm sure this is the wrong time
to ask you this,
704
00:31:20,169 --> 00:31:22,797
but would you please consider
singing for us tonight?
705
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:24,632
It would really help me
with the captain.
706
00:31:24,716 --> 00:31:27,510
Julie, Phyllis has problems
of her own.
707
00:31:27,594 --> 00:31:29,596
This may be just the thing
I need.
708
00:31:29,679 --> 00:31:32,473
I'm going
through an identity crisis.
709
00:31:32,557 --> 00:31:34,183
♪♪
710
00:31:52,410 --> 00:31:53,953
[ Indistinct conversations ]
711
00:31:54,037 --> 00:31:57,498
Ah, here you go, Mr. Riggins,
a little pick-me-up.
712
00:31:57,582 --> 00:32:00,668
Another pick-me-up,
I'll fall flat on my face.
713
00:32:08,885 --> 00:32:10,678
May I join you?
714
00:32:10,762 --> 00:32:12,680
Sure.
715
00:32:12,764 --> 00:32:14,974
I've been
looking everywhere for you.
716
00:32:15,058 --> 00:32:16,517
Vicki said the last time
she saw you,
717
00:32:16,601 --> 00:32:18,227
you were staring out
at the sea.
718
00:32:18,311 --> 00:32:20,355
Yeah, well,
now I'm staring down into this
719
00:32:20,438 --> 00:32:23,900
and I'm trying to decide
which one to drown in.
720
00:32:23,983 --> 00:32:25,360
I was packing to leave,
721
00:32:25,443 --> 00:32:28,029
but I couldn't go
through with it.
722
00:32:28,112 --> 00:32:30,865
I love you too much
to give you up.
723
00:32:30,948 --> 00:32:33,242
Eddie, I'll marry you.
724
00:32:35,578 --> 00:32:36,913
That's great.
725
00:32:36,996 --> 00:32:39,707
If you'll go back
and admit your guilt.
726
00:32:43,127 --> 00:32:45,254
Oh, Gloria,
I love you, too.
727
00:32:45,338 --> 00:32:46,839
I really do.
728
00:32:46,923 --> 00:32:49,676
But that's just asking
too much of love.
729
00:32:49,759 --> 00:32:51,177
I couldn't stand
going back to prison.
730
00:32:51,260 --> 00:32:53,388
You don't know
what it's like there.
731
00:32:53,471 --> 00:32:55,682
Being locked up
day and night,
732
00:32:55,765 --> 00:32:58,059
the monotony,
the degradation...
733
00:32:58,142 --> 00:32:59,894
It's like a living death.
734
00:32:59,977 --> 00:33:02,397
You grab at any shot
at freedom you can get.
735
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:04,399
If you're guilty,
there is no freedom, Eddie.
736
00:33:04,482 --> 00:33:07,944
Look, I know I did wrong.
737
00:33:08,027 --> 00:33:09,737
And I will pay back
the money I stole
738
00:33:09,821 --> 00:33:11,739
if I have to work
the rest of my life to do it.
739
00:33:11,823 --> 00:33:14,033
But I am not going back
to prison,
740
00:33:14,117 --> 00:33:16,452
not for you
or anybody else.
741
00:33:26,337 --> 00:33:27,630
Ladies and gentlemen, tonight,
742
00:33:27,714 --> 00:33:29,257
our celebrity cruise
continues
743
00:33:29,340 --> 00:33:30,425
in the acapulco lounge
744
00:33:30,508 --> 00:33:32,385
with the lovely
Ms. Phyllis Faraday.
745
00:33:32,468 --> 00:33:33,428
Won't you join us?
746
00:33:33,511 --> 00:33:36,931
[ Indistinct conversations,
soft music plays ]
747
00:33:38,683 --> 00:33:40,518
Uh, good evening,
Mr. Zacchary.
748
00:33:40,601 --> 00:33:41,936
Thanks for agreeing
to see me.
749
00:33:42,019 --> 00:33:44,772
Hey, doc. Yeah,
what can I do for you?
750
00:33:44,856 --> 00:33:48,609
Well, I just want to apologize
to you in person.
751
00:33:48,693 --> 00:33:50,987
Apologize for -- for what?
752
00:33:51,070 --> 00:33:54,741
Well, for allowing Ms. Faraday
to be my nurse on this cruise.
753
00:33:54,824 --> 00:33:56,743
If I hadn't,
you two wouldn't have met
754
00:33:56,826 --> 00:33:59,954
and had all that trouble.
755
00:34:00,037 --> 00:34:02,915
I didn't say a thing
about trouble, I...
756
00:34:02,999 --> 00:34:05,334
Well, I know any man
enjoys the company
757
00:34:05,418 --> 00:34:06,836
of a beautiful woman.
758
00:34:06,919 --> 00:34:10,256
But what good is beauty
without warmth, understanding,
759
00:34:10,339 --> 00:34:13,259
a sense of humor,
compassion?
760
00:34:13,342 --> 00:34:16,345
Well, Phyllis,
she has all those qualities?
761
00:34:16,429 --> 00:34:18,848
Oh? Well,
I don't know her that well.
762
00:34:18,931 --> 00:34:20,349
But you can't get
around the fact
763
00:34:20,433 --> 00:34:23,019
that she's
a professional entertainer.
764
00:34:23,102 --> 00:34:24,479
Hmm.
765
00:34:24,562 --> 00:34:26,981
Yeah, she --
she fooled me.
766
00:34:27,065 --> 00:34:28,316
Oh, me too.
767
00:34:28,399 --> 00:34:31,819
So even if she is beautiful,
warm, understanding,
768
00:34:31,903 --> 00:34:34,155
compassionate
and delightful,
769
00:34:34,238 --> 00:34:35,948
she's still an actress.
770
00:34:36,032 --> 00:34:39,202
And that spoils everything.
771
00:34:39,285 --> 00:34:41,120
Am I really
that big a fool?
772
00:34:41,204 --> 00:34:42,997
I don't know
what you're talking about.
773
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:44,832
Excuse me.
774
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:51,464
Ms. McCoy, I think it's time
to tell the passengers
775
00:34:51,547 --> 00:34:53,049
that our celebrity cabaret
776
00:34:53,132 --> 00:34:55,134
will be featuring
only one celebrity.
777
00:34:55,218 --> 00:34:56,177
Yes, sir.
778
00:34:56,260 --> 00:34:57,553
But, first,
may I give Ms. Faraday
779
00:34:57,637 --> 00:35:00,181
a proper introduction?
-Of course.
780
00:35:00,264 --> 00:35:05,394
[ Introduction plays ]
781
00:35:05,478 --> 00:35:07,146
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,
782
00:35:07,230 --> 00:35:12,693
and welcome to our, uh,
celebrity cabaret.
783
00:35:12,777 --> 00:35:15,071
May I present a performer
that was not originally
784
00:35:15,154 --> 00:35:17,156
scheduled
for tonight's performance,
785
00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:19,158
but she's agreed to sing for us?
786
00:35:19,242 --> 00:35:20,117
Ladies and gentlemen,
787
00:35:20,201 --> 00:35:24,205
the toast of Broadway,
Ms. Phyllis Faraday.
788
00:35:24,288 --> 00:35:28,709
[ Applause ]
789
00:35:28,793 --> 00:35:33,089
♪ Good night, baby ♪
790
00:35:33,172 --> 00:35:37,927
♪ good night,
milkman's on his way ♪
791
00:35:38,010 --> 00:35:42,557
♪ come on along and listen
to the lullaby of Broadway ♪
792
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,059
♪ the hip-hooray and ballyhoo ♪
793
00:35:45,143 --> 00:35:47,562
♪ the lullaby of Broadway ♪
794
00:35:47,645 --> 00:35:50,189
♪ the rumble
of the subway train ♪
795
00:35:50,273 --> 00:35:52,567
♪ the rattle of the taxis ♪
796
00:35:52,650 --> 00:35:54,735
♪ the daffodils who entertain ♪
797
00:35:54,819 --> 00:35:56,571
♪ at Angelo's and maxie's ♪
798
00:35:56,654 --> 00:35:59,740
♪ when a Broadway baby
says good night ♪
799
00:35:59,824 --> 00:36:02,076
♪ it's early in the morning ♪
800
00:36:02,159 --> 00:36:04,537
♪ Manhattan babies
don't sleep tight ♪
801
00:36:04,620 --> 00:36:07,206
♪ until the dawn ♪
802
00:36:07,290 --> 00:36:12,044
♪ good night, baby ♪
803
00:36:12,128 --> 00:36:16,424
♪ good night,
a milkman's on his way ♪
804
00:36:16,507 --> 00:36:22,138
♪ sleep tight, baby ♪
805
00:36:22,221 --> 00:36:26,767
♪ sleep tight, oh,
let's call it a day ♪
806
00:36:26,851 --> 00:36:28,769
♪ sun is rising in the sky ♪
807
00:36:28,853 --> 00:36:29,979
♪ evening's over ♪
808
00:36:30,062 --> 00:36:31,480
♪ morning's high ♪
809
00:36:31,564 --> 00:36:33,608
♪ listen to the lullaby ♪
810
00:36:33,691 --> 00:36:47,121
♪ of old Broadway ♪
811
00:36:47,204 --> 00:36:48,456
♪ come on along ♪
812
00:36:56,505 --> 00:37:00,301
Now, Ms. McCoy.
813
00:37:00,384 --> 00:37:01,844
Now, sir.
814
00:37:05,389 --> 00:37:06,766
Ladies and gentlemen,
815
00:37:06,849 --> 00:37:10,478
I'm glad you all enjoyed
the wonderful Phyllis Faraday
816
00:37:10,561 --> 00:37:13,773
because that's all the
entertainment we have tonight.
817
00:37:13,856 --> 00:37:15,566
[ Crowd murmuring ]
818
00:37:15,650 --> 00:37:19,362
See, all the other celebrities
that you've seen on this cruise
819
00:37:19,445 --> 00:37:22,365
have actually been
impersonators.
820
00:37:22,448 --> 00:37:27,286
There are no other celebrities
onboard this ship.
821
00:37:27,370 --> 00:37:28,913
[ As Mae west ] Uh-uh.
That's what you think, honey.
822
00:37:38,255 --> 00:37:39,966
Good evening, everybody.
Good evening, everybody.
823
00:37:40,049 --> 00:37:43,511
A big surprise, a big surprise.
824
00:37:43,594 --> 00:37:48,015
I wanted to join you tonight
and worm around on the cruise.
825
00:37:48,099 --> 00:37:53,521
When I'm good,
I'm very, very good.
826
00:37:53,604 --> 00:37:57,942
But when I'm bad, I'm better.
827
00:37:58,025 --> 00:37:59,568
[ Laughter ]
828
00:37:59,652 --> 00:38:03,739
I even gave up sex once.
829
00:38:03,823 --> 00:38:06,867
It was the longest night
of my life.
830
00:38:06,951 --> 00:38:09,328
All right, folks.
831
00:38:09,412 --> 00:38:11,247
I'm gonna take a little leave
from you.
832
00:38:11,330 --> 00:38:13,499
I'll miss you all.
I'll miss you all.
833
00:38:13,582 --> 00:38:16,168
I want to introduce to you now
this beautiful lady
834
00:38:16,252 --> 00:38:19,505
with a determined profile
and a great voice,
835
00:38:19,588 --> 00:38:22,049
Ms. Barbra Streisand.
836
00:38:28,639 --> 00:38:33,728
[ As Barbra Streisand ]
♪ so long sad times ♪
837
00:38:33,811 --> 00:38:36,522
♪ go ♪
838
00:38:36,605 --> 00:38:41,694
♪ go along bad times ♪
839
00:38:41,777 --> 00:38:51,078
♪ you are now a thing
of the past ♪
840
00:38:55,875 --> 00:39:01,422
♪ happy days are here again ♪
841
00:39:01,505 --> 00:39:09,430
♪ the skies above
are clear again ♪
842
00:39:09,513 --> 00:39:14,435
♪ so let's sing a song
of cheer again ♪
843
00:39:14,518 --> 00:39:17,229
♪ happy nights ♪
844
00:39:17,313 --> 00:39:20,107
♪ happy times ♪
845
00:39:20,191 --> 00:39:31,202
♪ happy days are here again ♪
846
00:39:31,285 --> 00:39:38,876
♪ again ♪
847
00:39:45,883 --> 00:39:47,802
♪ You'll be swell ♪
848
00:39:47,885 --> 00:39:49,428
♪ you'll be great ♪
849
00:39:49,512 --> 00:39:52,640
♪ you can have the world
on a plate ♪
850
00:39:52,723 --> 00:39:53,974
♪ starting here ♪
851
00:39:54,058 --> 00:39:56,977
♪ starting now, honey ♪
852
00:39:57,061 --> 00:40:05,236
♪ everything's coming up roses
for me and for you ♪
853
00:40:07,571 --> 00:40:09,448
Get the phone, Lily.
854
00:40:09,532 --> 00:40:13,035
[ As Lily tomlin ]
One ringy-dingy,
two ringy-dingies
855
00:40:13,119 --> 00:40:15,162
and a gracious hello
from Alexander Graham's
856
00:40:15,246 --> 00:40:17,706
little southern belle.
Oh, Felicia, listen.
857
00:40:17,790 --> 00:40:21,377
I'll have you know I am
a unique combination in a woman.
858
00:40:21,460 --> 00:40:24,130
I'm a sex symbol
and a high school graduate.
859
00:40:27,591 --> 00:40:30,177
[ As liberace ] Oh, Lily.
You were so wonderful.
860
00:40:30,261 --> 00:40:32,012
I've admired you
for years, Lily.
861
00:40:32,096 --> 00:40:33,556
Where's my candelabra?
862
00:40:33,639 --> 00:40:36,684
[ As dinah shore ] Oh,
liberace, you're so wonderful.
863
00:40:36,767 --> 00:40:38,310
Dinah, dinah shore.
864
00:40:38,394 --> 00:40:39,103
-Yes, it is me...
-I've loved you.
865
00:40:39,186 --> 00:40:41,230
I always wanted
to play for you.
866
00:40:41,313 --> 00:40:42,690
Oh, you're just so sweet.
867
00:40:42,773 --> 00:40:44,358
Mm-hmm, nice hands...
868
00:40:44,442 --> 00:40:46,402
You're even sweeter than I am,
and that's hard to be.
869
00:40:46,485 --> 00:40:48,154
Let's just throw a kiss
to the people.
870
00:40:48,237 --> 00:40:50,030
-Mwah!
-Mwah!
871
00:40:54,618 --> 00:40:57,371
[ As prissy ]
Ms. Scarlett!
872
00:40:57,454 --> 00:41:02,042
Ms. Scarlett,
Ms. Scarlett.
873
00:41:02,126 --> 00:41:03,752
I don't know nothing
about birthing
874
00:41:03,836 --> 00:41:06,088
no babies, Ms. Scarlett.
875
00:41:06,172 --> 00:41:08,841
The Yankees is coming,
Ms. Scarlett.
876
00:41:08,924 --> 00:41:10,843
The Yankees is coming.
877
00:41:10,926 --> 00:41:13,220
[ As Ethel thayer ]
All right. All right.
878
00:41:13,304 --> 00:41:16,182
Oh, dear, dear,
so they are, my dear.
879
00:41:16,265 --> 00:41:19,226
Oh, my.
I found my calla lilies.
880
00:41:19,310 --> 00:41:22,021
I love my calla lilies.
Oh...
881
00:41:22,104 --> 00:41:25,858
I made a garden
on golden pond.
882
00:41:25,941 --> 00:41:29,862
[ As Edith bunker ]
Oh, you want to go
on golden pond? Huh?
883
00:41:29,945 --> 00:41:33,240
Yes, but I have to go now.
Bye.
884
00:41:33,324 --> 00:41:34,241
Oh, well, I'm Edith,
885
00:41:34,325 --> 00:41:36,243
and I think
you're terrific.
886
00:41:36,327 --> 00:41:38,245
'Course,
Katharine hepburn
887
00:41:38,329 --> 00:41:42,458
has always been
my favorite and Archie, too.
888
00:41:42,541 --> 00:41:44,627
[ As charo ] Oh.
[ Speaking Spanish ]
889
00:41:44,710 --> 00:41:46,086
Coochie, coochie, coochie,
coochie, coochie, coochie!
890
00:41:46,170 --> 00:41:47,671
[ Speaking Spanish ]
891
00:41:55,512 --> 00:41:56,931
[ As Dorothy Gale ]
Coochie, coochie!
892
00:41:57,014 --> 00:41:58,390
Darling, darling,
893
00:41:58,474 --> 00:41:59,934
Ms. Julie --
Ms. Julie is here.
894
00:42:00,017 --> 00:42:01,602
Darling...
-Charo!
895
00:42:01,685 --> 00:42:03,062
-We've got to get home!
-Where do you want to go?
896
00:42:03,145 --> 00:42:03,938
We've got to get home
to Kansas!
897
00:42:04,021 --> 00:42:05,231
[ Speaking Spanish ]
898
00:42:08,025 --> 00:42:10,277
I don't understand
Spanish!
899
00:42:10,361 --> 00:42:13,072
Oh, charo!
We've got to get home.
900
00:42:13,155 --> 00:42:14,740
Oh, auntie em, auntie em.
901
00:42:14,823 --> 00:42:16,784
I've got to get home
to Kansas.
902
00:42:16,867 --> 00:42:18,786
Toto, Toto!
903
00:42:18,869 --> 00:42:22,331
[ As Bette Davis ] Hello.
I'm happy to be here.
904
00:42:22,414 --> 00:42:26,794
My name is Bette Davis.
905
00:42:26,877 --> 00:42:30,005
Won't you join me?
906
00:42:30,089 --> 00:42:33,717
Thank you.
907
00:42:33,801 --> 00:42:35,469
Ah, well.
908
00:42:35,552 --> 00:42:37,471
Take a hike, Turkey.
909
00:42:37,554 --> 00:42:39,306
Right.
910
00:42:39,390 --> 00:42:42,101
Ah, you sound like me.
911
00:42:42,184 --> 00:42:43,978
Do I?
912
00:42:44,061 --> 00:42:46,230
And you look like me.
913
00:42:46,313 --> 00:42:47,439
Do I?
914
00:42:47,523 --> 00:42:50,818
You've got Bette Davis...
915
00:42:50,901 --> 00:42:53,195
Eyes.
916
00:42:53,279 --> 00:42:54,280
And you've got
Bette Davis...
917
00:42:54,363 --> 00:42:56,490
Eyes.
918
00:42:56,573 --> 00:42:57,825
Both: And we've got
Bette Davis eyes.
919
00:42:57,908 --> 00:42:59,451
We've got Bette Davis eyes.
920
00:42:59,535 --> 00:43:01,662
We've got Bette Davis eyes.
921
00:43:01,745 --> 00:43:04,707
We've got Bette Davis eyes.
922
00:43:04,790 --> 00:43:08,168
We've got Bette Davis eyes.
923
00:43:08,252 --> 00:43:10,671
We've got Bette Davis eyes.
924
00:43:21,807 --> 00:43:23,517
We're now leaving acapulco,
ladies and gentlemen.
925
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:25,185
I hope you've enjoyed
your evening
926
00:43:25,269 --> 00:43:27,354
as much as I've enjoyed mine.
927
00:43:41,118 --> 00:43:43,203
Hey, did I ever tell you
about the accident
928
00:43:43,287 --> 00:43:44,538
I had down
on my daddy's ranch
929
00:43:44,621 --> 00:43:46,498
when I was just
a little fella?
930
00:43:44,621 --> 00:43:46,498
No.
931
00:43:46,582 --> 00:43:48,709
No, you didn't.
-Yeah, well, one day,
932
00:43:48,792 --> 00:43:52,504
they was breaking this real
high-spirited horse, see?
933
00:43:52,588 --> 00:43:54,173
And I was,
oh, I don't know,
934
00:43:54,256 --> 00:43:57,009
7, 8 years along --
along in there.
935
00:43:57,092 --> 00:43:58,677
And I had -- you wouldn't
believe this of me,
936
00:43:58,761 --> 00:44:01,597
but I had
a pet bunny rabbit.
937
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:03,557
Well, he went hippety-hopping
to that corral,
938
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:06,477
and I went hippety-hop right
after him.
939
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:09,271
And that horse
kicked me right in the head.
940
00:44:09,355 --> 00:44:10,939
-Oh, no.
-Oh, yeah.
941
00:44:11,023 --> 00:44:12,733
And for
the next several years,
942
00:44:12,816 --> 00:44:14,860
I did some
of the stupidest things
943
00:44:14,943 --> 00:44:16,570
that you can just imagine.
944
00:44:16,653 --> 00:44:18,572
Now, you would think
after all these years
945
00:44:18,655 --> 00:44:21,533
that a fella like me
would kind of smarten up,
946
00:44:24,995 --> 00:44:29,917
and...well, Phyllis, I --
I believe I've smartened up.
947
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:33,921
I -- I love you.
948
00:44:34,004 --> 00:44:38,759
Oh, Sam.
949
00:44:38,842 --> 00:44:40,094
I love you, too.
950
00:44:40,177 --> 00:44:42,888
Well...
951
00:44:42,971 --> 00:44:44,723
And it doesn't matter to you
that I'm an actress?
952
00:44:44,807 --> 00:44:46,517
Nope.
953
00:44:48,727 --> 00:44:51,355
And you don't care
that I'm the toast of Broadway
954
00:44:51,438 --> 00:44:52,773
and I could be
called back to Hollywood
955
00:44:52,856 --> 00:44:56,276
and probably win
an academy award?
956
00:44:56,360 --> 00:44:58,112
Nope.
957
00:44:58,195 --> 00:45:02,866
Oh, oh, Sam,
who cares, anyway?
958
00:45:02,950 --> 00:45:06,078
Even if I don't win
an academy award,
959
00:45:06,161 --> 00:45:08,622
I can always go back
to nursing.
960
00:45:08,705 --> 00:45:12,167
Could you kiss it
and make it well?
961
00:45:14,878 --> 00:45:16,630
Oh, Sam.
962
00:45:38,694 --> 00:45:40,487
You win.
963
00:45:40,571 --> 00:45:43,699
I'll marry you
on your terms.
964
00:45:43,782 --> 00:45:45,659
No, I can't let you
do that.
965
00:45:45,742 --> 00:45:48,495
You'd be compromising everything
you believed in,
966
00:45:48,579 --> 00:45:50,789
including your ethics
as a lawyer.
967
00:45:50,873 --> 00:45:53,292
I was a woman
before I was a lawyer.
968
00:45:53,375 --> 00:45:55,335
I can stop being a lawyer,
969
00:45:55,419 --> 00:45:57,504
but I've found out
I can't stop being a woman.
970
00:45:57,588 --> 00:46:01,133
Well, that's too bad
because I'm gonna need both now.
971
00:46:01,216 --> 00:46:02,509
What do you mean?
972
00:46:02,593 --> 00:46:05,387
A woman to love me and
a lawyer to represent me.
973
00:46:05,471 --> 00:46:09,641
Gloria, I'm going back
and confess what I did.
974
00:46:09,725 --> 00:46:13,187
We can't have this hanging over
us for the rest of our lives.
975
00:46:13,270 --> 00:46:15,189
I love you, Gloria.
976
00:46:15,272 --> 00:46:16,565
Oh, Eddie.
I'm so proud of you.
977
00:46:16,648 --> 00:46:18,775
Well, if you can't stop
being a woman,
978
00:46:39,797 --> 00:46:40,923
Hey, doc.
979
00:46:41,006 --> 00:46:42,049
Oh, Phyllis.
980
00:46:42,132 --> 00:46:43,550
You look absolutely radiant.
981
00:46:43,634 --> 00:46:45,719
Oh, thank you, Adam.
982
00:46:45,802 --> 00:46:48,055
Sam and I are going
to tie the knot.
983
00:46:48,138 --> 00:46:49,223
That's great!
984
00:46:49,306 --> 00:46:51,683
We're going to live six months
of the year in New York
985
00:46:51,767 --> 00:46:53,435
and six months in Wyoming.
986
00:46:53,519 --> 00:46:55,229
-Uh-huh.
-Lucky lady.
987
00:46:55,312 --> 00:46:57,898
Oh, I love spending half
of the year out of the country.
988
00:46:57,981 --> 00:46:59,233
Well, I'll tell you,
pretty lady,
989
00:46:59,316 --> 00:47:00,609
we'd better get back
to that ranch because,
990
00:47:00,692 --> 00:47:02,402
according to my calendar,
my prize heifer
991
00:47:02,486 --> 00:47:03,862
is about to give birth.
992
00:47:03,946 --> 00:47:06,573
Oh, and I'm keeping one
of the puppies.
993
00:47:06,657 --> 00:47:08,408
Ta-ta!
994
00:47:14,039 --> 00:47:16,083
Oh, you look like
a happy couple.
995
00:47:16,166 --> 00:47:17,709
We couldn't be happier.
996
00:47:17,793 --> 00:47:19,253
Aren't you glad
you didn't get off in acapulco
997
00:47:19,336 --> 00:47:21,630
and fly home?
-More than you'll ever know.
998
00:47:21,713 --> 00:47:23,131
Eddie and I
are gonna get married.
999
00:47:23,215 --> 00:47:25,259
Yeah, as soon
as we clear up a few details.
1000
00:47:25,342 --> 00:47:27,386
That's terrific.
When's the big day?
1001
00:47:27,469 --> 00:47:30,264
Well, that depends
on my lawyer.
1002
00:47:30,347 --> 00:47:31,807
When do you think,
counselor?
1003
00:47:31,890 --> 00:47:34,560
-I'd say a year to 18 months.
-Hmm.
1004
00:47:34,643 --> 00:47:36,311
Oh, I get it.
1005
00:47:36,395 --> 00:47:37,813
You want a little freedom
1006
00:47:37,896 --> 00:47:39,731
before you tie on
the old ball and chain, huh?
1007
00:47:39,815 --> 00:47:41,567
[ Both laugh ]
1008
00:47:44,319 --> 00:47:46,071
I didn't think
it was that funny.
1009
00:47:46,154 --> 00:47:48,115
Well, I never thought I'd be
complimenting someone
1010
00:47:48,198 --> 00:47:50,242
for disobeying my orders.
1011
00:47:50,325 --> 00:47:51,451
You were terrific.
1012
00:47:51,535 --> 00:47:53,287
Well,
thanks for everything.
1013
00:47:53,370 --> 00:47:55,289
Besides,
we had a marvelous time.
1014
00:47:55,372 --> 00:47:56,123
Oh, in that case,
perhaps we
1015
00:47:56,206 --> 00:47:58,083
can persuade you
to sail with us again,
1016
00:47:58,166 --> 00:47:59,626
properly advertised,
of course.
1017
00:47:59,710 --> 00:48:01,461
Oh, are you kidding?
We'd love to.
1018
00:48:01,545 --> 00:48:04,131
Well, until our next trip,
1019
00:48:04,214 --> 00:48:06,258
[ as Humphrey bogart ]
Here's looking at you,
sweethearts.
72031
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