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00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,396
'This is the story
2
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:27,149
'of the Hitchhiker's Guide
To The Galaxy...
3
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,396
'perhaps the most remarkable,
4
00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:31,750
'certainly the most successful book
5
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:36,909
'ever to come out of
the great publishers of Ursa Minor.
6
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:40,237
'More popular than
The Celestial Home Care Omnibus,
7
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:44,228
'better selling than Fifty-three
More Things To Do In Zero Gravity,
8
00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:48,274
'and more controversial
than Oolon Colluphid's trilogy
9
00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:52,234
'of philosophical blockbusters,
Where God Went Wrong,
10
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:55,432
'Some More
Of God's Greatest Mistakes
11
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:59,076
'and Who Is
This God Person Anyway?
12
00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:02,795
'And in many
of the more relaxed civilisations
13
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:06,117
'on the Outer Eastern Rim
of the Galaxy,
14
00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:09,869
'the Hitchhiker's Guide
has already supplanted
15
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:11,832
'the great Encyclopaedia Galactica
16
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:15,874
'as the standard repository
of all knowledge and wisdom,
17
00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:21,279
'for though it has many omissions
and contains much that is apocryphal,
18
00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:24,119
'it scores over
the older, more pedestrian work
19
00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:26,072
'in two important respects.
20
00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:30,990
'First, it is slightly cheaper
and, secondly, it has the words:
21
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:35,988
'inscribed in large,
friendly letters on the cover.
22
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,475
'To tell the story of the book,
23
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:43,629
'it is best to tell the story of some
of those whose lives it affected.
24
00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:47,116
'A human from the planet Earth
was one of them,
25
00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:48,958
'though, as our story opens,
26
00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:51,116
'he no more knows his destiny
27
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:54,995
'than a tea leaf knows the history
of the East India Company.
28
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:59,034
'His name is Arthur Dent,
he is a six-foot-tall ape descendant,
29
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:04,553
'and someone is trying to drive
a bypass through his home.'
30
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:09,311
(RUMBLING)
31
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:54,713
(BIRDS TWITTER)
32
00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:58,879
Come off it, Mr Dent -
you can't win, you know.
33
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:02,436
You can't lie in front
of the bulldozers indefinitely.
34
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,915
I'm game. We'll see who rusts first!
35
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:09,557
You're going to have to accept it.
This bypass has got to be built.
36
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:11,478
Why's it got to be built?
37
00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:14,752
What do you mean -
why's it got to be built?
38
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,599
It's a bypass!
You've got to build bypasses.
39
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,473
You were entitled to make suggestions
or protests at the appropriate time.
40
00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:23,035
Appropriate time?!
41
00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:27,199
The first I heard about it was
when a workman arrived yesterday.
42
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,595
I thought
he'd come to clean the windows.
43
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,836
He said
he'd come to demolish the house!
44
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:34,429
He didn't tell me straightaway,
of course.
45
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:39,270
He wiped a couple of windows
and charged me £5! Then he told me!
46
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,119
But, Mr Dent,
the plans have been available
47
00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:44,880
in the planning office
for the last nine months!
48
00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:48,709
Yes, of course. As soon as I heard,
I went straight round to see them.
49
00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:53,789
You hadn't exactly gone out of
your way to draw attention to them!
50
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,275
But the plans were on display!
51
00:03:56,480 --> 00:04:00,393
On display? I eventually
had to go down to the cellar!
52
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,716
- That's the display department!
- With a torch!
53
00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:04,558
- No lights.
- No stairs!
54
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:07,911
- But you did see the notice?
- Oh, yes.
55
00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,510
It was on display in the bottom
of a locked filing cabinet,
56
00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:15,076
in a disused lavatory with a sign
on the door, ''Beware of the leopard!''
57
00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:19,910
Ever thought of going
into advertising? (ENGINE STARTS)
58
00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:27,035
And you don't get me
like that either!
59
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,989
Mr Dent...
60
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:34,954
have you any idea how much damage
this bulldozer would suffer
61
00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,196
if I were to let it run over you?
62
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,356
How much?
63
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,630
None at all!
64
00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:45,757
'By a strange coincidence,
''None at all''
65
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:50,078
'is exactly how much suspicion
the ape descendant Arthur Dent had
66
00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:54,398
'that one of his closest friends
was not descended from an ape,
67
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,397
'but was in fact from a small planet
68
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,558
'somewhere in the vicinity
of Betelgeuse.
69
00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:03,309
'Arthur Dent's failure
to suspect this
70
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:07,832
'reflects the care with which his
friend blended into human society,
71
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:12,158
'after a fairly shaky start,
when he first arrived 15 years ago.
72
00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:16,069
'The minimal research he had done
suggested to him
73
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:19,909
'that the name Ford Prefect
would be nicely inconspicuous.
74
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:27,075
'He will enter our story
in 30 seconds and say,
75
00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:29,236
'''Hello, Arthur.''
76
00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:32,876
'The ape descendant
will greet him in return
77
00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:36,755
'but, in deference to a million years
of human evolution,
78
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,030
'won't attempt to pick fleas off him.
79
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:42,710
'Earthmen are not proud
of their ancestors
80
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,512
'and never invite them to dinner.'
81
00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:57,231
Hello, Arthur.
82
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,396
Ford, hi. How are you?
83
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,318
Fine.
84
00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:05,993
Look, are you busy?
85
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:10,830
Busy?! Well, I've just got
this bulldozer to lie in front of,
86
00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:14,999
or it'll knock my house down, but
otherwise...no, not especially. Why?
87
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:19,512
- Good. Anywhere we can talk?
- What?
88
00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,678
- We've got to talk.
- Fine! Talk.
89
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:25,519
And drink. It's vitally important
that we talk and drink. Now!
90
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:28,473
- We'll go to the pub.
- You don't understand.
91
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,796
He wants to knock my house down.
92
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:35,118
- He can do it whilst you're away.
- I don't want him to!
93
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:37,311
Ford? What's the matter?
94
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:39,715
Nothing...nothing's the matter.
95
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:43,151
I've got to tell you the most
important thing you've ever heard.
96
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:46,909
- I've got to tell you NOW in the pub.
- Why?
97
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:50,635
- Because you'll need a stiff drink!
- No! No! What about my house?
98
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,753
- He wants to knock your house down?
- Yes.
99
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:59,430
- But you're lying in the way?
- Exactly!
100
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:03,349
I think we can come
to some arrangement.
101
00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:08,636
- Excuse me!
- Hello? Yes?
102
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:11,035
Has Mr Dent come to his senses yet?
103
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:14,152
Can we, for the moment,
assume he hasn't?
104
00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:15,839
Well?
105
00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:19,350
Can we also assume that he's going
to be staying there all day?
106
00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,152
So?
107
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:26,036
So all your men are going to be
standing around, doing nothing.
108
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,109
Could be, could be...
109
00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:35,155
If you're resigned to that, you
don't actually need him to lie there?
110
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:38,477
Not as such. Not exactly ''need''...
111
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:43,470
So pretend he's there. Then we could
go to the pub. How does that sound?
112
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:47,355
Er...that sounds
perfectly reasonable...I suppose.
113
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:51,314
And if you want to pop off
for a quick one yourself later on,
114
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:54,592
we'll always cover for you in return.
115
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:59,555
Yes, thank you very much.
That's very kind.
116
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:01,751
So if you'd just like to lie down...
117
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:03,598
What?
118
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,313
It's very simple.
119
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:07,317
Mr Dent will stop lying in the mud
120
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,592
- on condition that you take over.
- What?
121
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,711
Sorry?
122
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:16,959
You want me...
to come and lie down there?
123
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:21,756
- Yes.
- In front of the bulldozer?
124
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,554
- Yes.
- Instead of Mr Dent?
125
00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:28,469
- Yes.
- In the mud?
126
00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:32,434
In, as you say, the mud.
127
00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:37,998
In return for which, you will
take Mr Dent down to the pub?
128
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:39,599
Yes.
129
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,711
Promise?
130
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,194
Promise.
131
00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:49,917
- Get up and let the man lie down.
- Thank you.
132
00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:01,513
And no sneaky knocking
Mr Dent's house down while he's away.
133
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:05,793
The slightest thought
hadn't even begun to speculate
134
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:09,834
about the merest possibility
of crossing my mind.
135
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:13,999
- But can we trust him?
- To the end of the Earth.
136
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:17,556
- Yes, but how far's that?
- About 12 minutes away.
137
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,433
Come on.
We've got to get some alcohol.
138
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:24,189
'Here's what the Encyclopaedia
Galactica has to say about alcohol.
139
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:28,313
'It says that alcohol
is a colourless volatile liquid
140
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:31,114
'formed by the fermentation of sugars,
141
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,153
'and also notes
its intoxicating effect
142
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,316
'on certain carbon-based lifeforms.
143
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:40,479
'The Hitchhiker's Guide
To The Galaxy also mentions alcohol.
144
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,477
'It says the:
145
00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,236
'..the effect of which
146
00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:03,399
'is like having your brain
smashed out with a slice of lemon...
147
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,989
'wrapped round a large gold brick.
148
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,634
'The Guide also tells you
149
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:13,834
'on which planets the best Pan
Galactic Gargle Blasters are mixed,
150
00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:17,077
'how much
you can expect to pay for one
151
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:21,751
'and what voluntary organisations
exist to help you rehabilitate.
152
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,872
'The man who invented
this mind-pummelling drink
153
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:29,073
'also invented the wisest remark
ever made, which was this:
154
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,439
'His name is:
155
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:45,269
'and we shall learn
more of his wisdom later.'
156
00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:59,310
Six pints of bitter. And quickly,
please. The world's about to end.
157
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:01,795
Oh, yes, sir? Nice weather for it.
158
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:05,629
- Going to the match today, sir?
- No. No point.
159
00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:07,319
Foregone conclusion, then?
160
00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:10,034
- Arsenal no chance?
- No, the world's about to end.
161
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:14,870
Oh, yes, sir. So you said.
Lucky escape for Arsenal if it did.
162
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:20,279
- No, not really.
- There you are, sir. Six pints.
163
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,072
Keep the change.
164
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:25,157
What? From a fiver? Thank you, sir!
165
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:27,555
You've got ten minutes to spend it!
166
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:35,718
What the hell's going on?
I'm losing my grip on the day.
167
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:39,674
- Drink up. Three pints to go!
- Three pints? At lunchtime?
168
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,519
Time is an illusion,
lunchtime doubly so.
169
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:47,350
Send that in to the Reader's Digest.
There's a page for people like you!
170
00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:50,120
- Drink up.
- Why three pints?
171
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:53,073
Muscle relaxant.
You're going to need it.
172
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,555
Did I do something wrong this morning
173
00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:58,194
or has the world
always been like this,
174
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:01,472
and I was too wrapped up
in myself to notice?
175
00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:05,435
I'll try to explain.
176
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:11,476
- How long have we known each other?
- Er, five years, maybe six.
177
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:14,672
Most of it made some kind
of sense at the time.
178
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:19,158
How would you react if I told you
I'm not from Guildford after all,
179
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:23,148
but from a small planet somewhere
in the vicinity of Betelgeuse?
180
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:26,670
Why - do you think it's the sort
of thing you're likely to say?
181
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:30,156
Drink up. The world is about to end.
182
00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:34,717
This must be Thursday. I never could
get the hang of Thursdays.
183
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,196
'On this particular Thursday,
184
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,995
'things were moving
through the ionosphere.
185
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:46,317
'Many miles
above the surface of the planet,
186
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,637
'several huge yellow slab-like
somethings...
187
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:53,071
'huge as office blocks,
silent as birds,
188
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:57,592
'they hung in the air exactly
the same way that bricks don't.
189
00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:03,268
'The planet was almost
totally oblivious of their presence.
190
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,675
'They went unnoticed at Goonhilly,
191
00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:08,758
'they passed over Cape Canaveral
without a blip,
192
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:12,396
'and Woomera and Jodrell Bank
looked straight through them;
193
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:16,434
'a pity, because it was the sort
of thing they'd looked for for ages.
194
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:21,668
'Arthur Dent, too,
had other things on his mind.'
195
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,394
(RUMBLING) What's that?
196
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:27,239
- They haven't started yet.
- Good.
197
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,237
- Probably your house.
- What?
198
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:33,513
- Five minutes to go.
- Damn you and your fairy stories!
199
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:35,950
Stop, you vandals! You home wreckers!
200
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:39,835
- You half-crazed Visigoths, stop!
- Arthur! Stop! It's pointless!
201
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:43,476
Barman, quickly, can you just
give me four packets of peanuts?
202
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,875
I'm just serving this gentleman.
203
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:48,389
He's going to die shortly! Come on!
204
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:50,909
Just a minute, sir.
205
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,029
Do you mind, sir?
206
00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:58,678
Pork scratchings...
207
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:01,872
- Peanuts! How much?
- What?
208
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,594
Have it.
209
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,633
Have it. Keep it!
210
00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,957
Is the world really
going to end this afternoon?
211
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:16,152
Yes,
in just over 3 minutes and 5 seconds.
212
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:20,035
- But isn't there anything we can do?
- No, nothing.
213
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:24,358
I thought we were meant to lie down
or put a paper bag over our head.
214
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:26,630
Yes, if you like.
215
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:31,356
- Oh, will that help?
- No. Excuse me. I've got to go.
216
00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:33,949
Oh, well, then...
217
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,032
Last orders, please!
218
00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:43,118
You pin-striped barbarians! I'll sue
the council for every penny it's got!
219
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:50,078
I'll have you hung, drawn, quartered,
220
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,999
and whipped and boiled...until...
221
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,475
until you've had enough!
222
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:59,912
Arthur, don't... There's no point.
There's only a minute or so left.
223
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,270
And then I'll do it some more!
224
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:06,837
I'll take all the little bits
and jump on them till I get blisters,
225
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,794
or I think of something worse...
(DRONING) What the hell's that?
226
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,155
Arthur, quick! Over here!
227
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:23,715
What the hell is it?
228
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:26,718
It's a fleet of flying saucers -
what do you think it is?
229
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:28,194
Hold this.
230
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:31,631
- What do you mean, flying saucers?
- A Vogon constructor fleet.
231
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,831
- What?
- A Vogon constructor fleet.
232
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:38,670
I picked up news of their arrival
a few hours ago on my sub-etha radio.
233
00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:42,111
I can't cope with this.
I'm going to have to have a lie-down.
234
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,675
No, stay here. Stay calm.
235
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:46,791
Take hold of this...
236
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,234
(HOOTER)
237
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,032
People of Earth, attention, please!
238
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,114
People of Earth, attention, please!
239
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,276
This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz
240
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:48,278
of the Galactic
Hyperspace Planning Council.
241
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,675
As you are probably aware,
242
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:54,793
the plans for the outlying regions of
the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy
243
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,515
require a hyperspace express route
to be built through your star system,
244
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:02,474
and, regrettably, your planet is one
of those scheduled for demolition.
245
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:06,150
The process will take slightly lessthan two of your Earth minutes.
246
00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:08,635
Thank you very much.
247
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:13,277
(ANGRY, CONFUSED SHOUTING)
248
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:17,553
- Get out of it!
- No! No! No! Go away!
249
00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:24,557
All the planning charts
and demolition orders
250
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:28,116
have been on display in your local
planning department in Alpha Centauri
251
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:29,833
for 50 Earth years,
252
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:33,669
and so you've had plenty of timeto lodge any complaints...
253
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,871
It's far too late to make a fuss now!
254
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,833
(ANGRY SHOUTING)
255
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:42,271
What do you mean
you've never been to Alpha Centauri?
256
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:46,075
Oh, for heaven's sake, mankind!
It's only four light years away!
257
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:50,796
Sorry, but if you can't be bothered
to take an interest in local affairs,
258
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,470
that's your own lookout!
Energise the demolition beam!
259
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:59,071
God, I don't know! Apathetic bloodyplanet, I've no sympathy at all!
260
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,597
- I bought some peanuts.
- Uh...?
261
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,678
We've just been through
a matter-transference beam.
262
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,075
You've lost some salt and protein.
263
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,475
The beer should have helped.
264
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,672
- How do you feel?
- Like a military academy.
265
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,030
Bits of me keep passing out!
266
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:18,837
Ford, if I asked you where
the hell we were, would I regret it?
267
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:20,917
We're safe.
268
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:22,633
Ah, good.
269
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:26,628
We're in a cabin of one of the ships
of the Vogon constructor fleet.
270
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:30,196
Ah, this is obviously
some strange usage of the word ''safe''
271
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,073
I wasn't previously aware of.
What are you doing?
272
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:34,872
Looking for the light.
273
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:39,312
- How did we get here?
- We hitched a lift.
274
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:43,593
Excuse me! Are you telling me
we just stuck our thumbs out
275
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:45,916
and some green bug-eyed monster said,
276
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,669
''Hop in! I can take you
as far as Basingstoke roundabout''?
277
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:52,155
Well, the thumb's a sub-etha device,
278
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:54,920
and the roundabout's at Barnard's
Star, but that's more or less right.
279
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:57,953
- And the bug-eyed monster?
- Is green!
280
00:19:58,160 --> 00:19:59,991
Fine.
281
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:05,638
- When can I go home?
- You can't. Ah!
282
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:10,960
Good grief! Is this really
the interior of a flying saucer?
283
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,958
Yes. What do you think?
284
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,913
It's a bit squalid, isn't it?
285
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:20,078
(GROANING)
286
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:24,956
- What the hell is it, Ford?
- Come on! Let's get out of here!
287
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,116
It's going to attack us.
288
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:31,393
No, no, no, it just wants us
to turn the lights out.
289
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,836
Come on.
290
00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:41,238
Shh! Sleeping quarters.
We woke them up.
291
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,671
(CLANG!)
Ford, they were...
292
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:46,950
What?
293
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:48,798
Aliens?
294
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,479
Dentrassi.
295
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,752
But, Ford...
296
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,671
What's going on?
297
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,838
- Here, have a look at this.
- What is it?
298
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:02,828
The Hitchhiker's Guide
To The Galaxy, an electronic book.
299
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:06,476
- It'll tell you everything.
- I like the cover. ''Don't panic''!
300
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:11,390
- First helpful thing anyone's said!
- That's why it sells so well. Shh!
301
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,238
What?
302
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,190
''Don't panic''!
303
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:21,958
Look...
304
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:25,957
Fast wind index...V.
305
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:30,119
Vogon Constructor Fleets.
Enter that code and see what it says.
306
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,038
I'll keep watch.
307
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,475
(BEEPING)
'Vogon Constructor Fleets:
308
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,150
(BURP)
309
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:33,510
What an extraordinary book!
310
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:36,871
- How did we get on board, then?
- The Dentrassi let us on board.
311
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,275
- You said Bogons.
- Vogons.
312
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,914
- Not Dentrassi?
- No.
313
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:45,237
Dentrassi are
the in-flight caterers.
314
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:51,479
Hey, Hagra biscuit! The greatest!
315
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:57,596
You'll love these guys! They cook the
hoopiest frood food in the West Galaxy!
316
00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,870
Here, have a bite.
317
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:04,631
Go on, try it. Your mouth will love
you for the rest of your life.
318
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:08,800
It's revolting!
319
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,833
Oh, come on!
This stuff is the greatest.
320
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,395
Mmm!
321
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,674
I think those guys
must really hate the Vogons.
322
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:27,839
Now, remember this -
Dentrassi hate Vogons.
323
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:32,830
That's why they let us on board.
Let's go!
324
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:38,114
But if they let us on board,
why doesn't the Guide mention them?
325
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,470
Oh, it's not very accurate.
326
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:41,999
Oh?
327
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:45,078
I'm researching the new edition.
328
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,195
Ah, storeroom.
329
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,755
Where are we going?
330
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:03,635
Who knows?
Off this ship, that's for sure!
331
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:09,198
We've only just arrived. Shouldn't we
say hello and thank you and things?
332
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,834
Listen, this is a Vogon spaceship.
333
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:15,510
We just pick up what we need
and get off it! Right?
334
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:17,278
Right.
335
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,439
- Stun guns.
- Any good?
336
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:25,039
No.
337
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:30,869
Ford, who are you?
338
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:34,152
I told you -
I'm a field researcher for the Guide.
339
00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:36,316
Telecom systems.
340
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,795
(WHOOP)
341
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:42,151
I got stuck on Earth
longer than I meant.
342
00:24:42,360 --> 00:24:45,750
Went for a week,
got stuck for 15 years.
343
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,670
Telepsychic helmets.
344
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:51,872
Huh-huh!
345
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,833
How did you get here
in the first place?
346
00:24:55,040 --> 00:25:00,239
Easy. I got a lift with a teaser...
Hypno rays?
347
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:01,953
Teasers?
348
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:04,151
Rich kids with nothing to do.
349
00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:05,998
They cruise around the Galaxy
350
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:09,795
looking for planets that no one's
made contact with yet and buzz them.
351
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,798
- Buzz them?
- Yeah. They find some isolated spot,
352
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:16,595
land right by some unsuspecting soul
that no one's ever going to believe,
353
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:20,076
and strut up and down in front
of them, making beep-beep noises.
354
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:22,510
Rather childish, really.
355
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,270
Ah!
356
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,390
A towel! Keep this.
357
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:32,670
- Guard it with your life.
- Huh?
358
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:34,996
Listen, it's a tough universe.
359
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:39,716
All sorts of people trying to
kill you, rip you off, everything...
360
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,070
If you're going to survive out there,
361
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:45,192
you've really got to know
where your towel is.
362
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:49,757
Now, fish.
363
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:52,632
Huh?
364
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,035
Fish. Over here, I think.
365
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:57,958
Fish?
366
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:05,550
(ELECTRONIC WHIRRING)
367
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:06,909
Fish.
368
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,634
- Very nice.
- Very, very useful.
369
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:15,032
(BLEEPING)
370
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:18,118
- What do I do with it?
- Stick it in your ear.
371
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:22,313
It's only little!
(GURGLING) Listen...
372
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:24,590
- What?
- The Vogon captain.
373
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:29,112
- But I can't speak Vogon.
- Put this in your ear!
374
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,959
..should have a good time.Message repeat.
375
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,948
This is your captain speaking,so pay attention.
376
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,152
First of all,
I see from our instruments
377
00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:43,512
that we have a couple of hitchhiker's
on board. Hello, wherever you are!
378
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:48,077
I just want to make it totally clearthat you are not at all welcome.
379
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:50,840
I worked hard to get where I am today
380
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:53,474
and I didn't become captain
of a Vogon ship
381
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:58,310
simply to turn it into a taxi service
for a lot of degenerate freeloaders.
382
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:00,670
I have sent out a search party
383
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,474
and, as soon as they find you,
I shall turn you off the ship.
384
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:07,355
If you're very lucky, I might read
you some of my poetry first.
385
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,870
Secondly,
we are about to jump into hyperspace
386
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,913
for the journey to Barnard's Star.
387
00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:17,749
We will stay in dock for 72 hours
and all planet leave is cancelled.
388
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,349
I've just had an unhappy love affair,
389
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,313
so I don't see why anybody else
should have a good time.
390
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:26,193
- Message ends.
- Poetry?
391
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:28,072
What are you doing?
392
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:32,910
Preparing for hyperspace.
It's unpleasantly like being drunk.
393
00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:37,398
- What's so wrong about being drunk?
- Ask a glass of water. Lie down.
394
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:42,151
- Grip the towel between your ankles.
- What?
395
00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:44,157
Just do it!
396
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:47,152
Like this?
397
00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:49,032
Right.
398
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:52,988
Now wait...
399
00:27:56,800 --> 00:28:00,713
What exactly am I doing
with this fish in my ear?
400
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:04,833
It's translating for you.
Look in the book under Babel Fish.
401
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:11,629
(WHOOSHING)
What's happening?
402
00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:15,389
We're going into hyperspace.
403
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:18,353
I'll never be cruel
to a gin and tonic again!
404
00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:17,630
Hey, this towel's moved!
405
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:22,470
Yes. That's a six-light-year jump.
Good.
406
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:25,114
We must be near Barnard's Star.
407
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:27,788
- We can jump a ship there.
- Can we?
408
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:32,118
Ford, I hate to ask this,
but what am I doing here?
409
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:34,675
Simple. I rescued you from the Earth.
410
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:37,678
- What happened to the Earth?
- It's been disintegrated.
411
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:42,158
- Has it?
- Yes. Just boiled away into space.
412
00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:46,353
Listen, I'm a bit upset about that...
413
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:50,550
Oh, well...
414
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:54,269
All gone? Nothing left?
415
00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:57,916
What about the book?
Maybe the book's got something!
416
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,315
(WHIRRING)
417
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,715
It doesn't seem to have an entry.
418
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:04,956
Yes, it does - at the bottom.
419
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:08,994
Under Eccentrica Gullumbits, the
triple-breasted whore of Eroticon 6.
420
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:11,873
Oh, yes. What does it say?
421
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:18,030
- ''Harmless''. One word? Harmless?
- Well, it's the old edition.
422
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:20,879
There are 100 billion stars
in the Galaxy.
423
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:26,313
- No one knew much about Earth then!
- I hope you managed to rectify that!
424
00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:32,072
- I sent a new entry to the editor.
- What does it say now?
425
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:34,840
- ''Mostly harmless.''
- Mostly harmless?
426
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:38,510
I think that's pretty good coverage
for a disintegrated pile of rubble!
427
00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:41,757
That's meant to make me feel better?
428
00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:45,953
Come on! Let's get to the teleport.
429
00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:52,675
(ROARING)
430
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:54,916
What's the hell's that?
431
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:58,396
If we're lucky, it's a Vogon
come to throw us out into space.
432
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:00,750
And if we're unlucky?
433
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:04,589
The Vogon captain might want
to read us some of his poetry first.
34958
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