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1
00:00:01,328 --> 00:00:02,687
Mazel tov
2
00:00:04,658 --> 00:00:06,239
Arthur, I'll make you very happy.
3
00:00:06,247 --> 00:00:07,290
I'm sure you will.
4
00:00:07,377 --> 00:00:09,318
Look at this picture.
What's that?
5
00:00:09,358 --> 00:00:10,986
I don't know. Somebody's baby.
6
00:00:11,018 --> 00:00:12,498
Yeah. Our baby.
7
00:00:14,706 --> 00:00:16,106
Her name is Ming Mei.
8
00:00:16,112 --> 00:00:18,569
She's 4 days old.
Isn't she beautiful?
9
00:00:18,696 --> 00:00:20,554
All right, I have to
call the adoption agency
10
00:00:20,570 --> 00:00:23,040
and tell them that we're on the
next flight out to Beijing.
11
00:00:23,103 --> 00:00:24,634
I've-I can't believe
I'm making this call.
12
00:00:24,674 --> 00:00:29,341
I mean, I've ordered Chinese before,
but never a baby. Ah ha ha! Ahh!
13
00:00:29,699 --> 00:00:31,053
Carrie, we're not doing this.
14
00:00:31,383 --> 00:00:32,435
What are you
talking about?
15
00:00:32,611 --> 00:00:33,679
I know about the apartment,
16
00:00:33,718 --> 00:00:34,965
and I know you never
got rid of it.
17
00:00:34,986 --> 00:00:37,577
I- I should've gotten rid of
it a couple weeks ago, but I-
18
00:00:37,602 --> 00:00:38,602
We made a deal.
19
00:00:38,976 --> 00:00:41,162
I quit my job for
you, and I loved that job.
20
00:00:41,184 --> 00:00:43,117
You hated that job. You
said so a thousand times.
21
00:00:43,164 --> 00:00:44,406
The point is I took
a leap of faith,
22
00:00:44,430 --> 00:00:46,709
for the sake of our
future, and you didn't.
23
00:00:46,810 --> 00:00:48,834
Ok, Doug, so what
are you saying?
24
00:00:49,059 --> 00:00:50,246
Are you saying we're over?
25
00:00:50,277 --> 00:00:51,277
I guess I am.
26
00:01:34,115 --> 00:01:35,265
That's a great shot. Smile.
27
00:01:35,333 --> 00:01:36,500
Ohh.
28
00:01:37,702 --> 00:01:40,738
Oh, Arthur, I've never
been so happy in my life.
29
00:01:40,805 --> 00:01:43,807
If our marriage ended
tomorrow, I have no regrets.
30
00:01:43,875 --> 00:01:46,059
Good to know.
31
00:01:46,127 --> 00:01:48,946
Holly, how are you?
32
00:01:49,014 --> 00:01:50,146
Hi, Veronica. Hi, Arthur.
33
00:01:50,214 --> 00:01:52,282
Congratulations.
34
00:01:52,350 --> 00:01:53,818
Look at you. You're pregnant.
35
00:01:53,885 --> 00:01:56,153
No, no. I made that
mistake before.
36
00:01:56,221 --> 00:01:58,522
She has an eating disorder.
37
00:01:58,589 --> 00:02:00,256
Oh, no, no. I
actually am pregnant.
38
00:02:00,324 --> 00:02:02,509
Oh, wonderful. So,
where's your husband?
39
00:02:02,577 --> 00:02:03,944
Uh, yeah. Where is he?
40
00:02:04,011 --> 00:02:06,447
Uh, he must've gone
to the men's room.
41
00:02:06,514 --> 00:02:09,400
Oh, that's where
Arthur proposed to me.
42
00:02:09,467 --> 00:02:11,368
Oh. I've had that happen, yeah.
43
00:02:11,436 --> 00:02:13,703
Actually, it was more
of a porta-potty.
44
00:02:13,771 --> 00:02:15,305
But anyway, congratulations.
45
00:02:15,373 --> 00:02:16,773
Thank you, sweetheart.
46
00:02:22,797 --> 00:02:24,047
Carrie, congratulations.
47
00:02:24,115 --> 00:02:25,348
Thank you, Lou.
48
00:02:25,416 --> 00:02:26,850
It's a happy day, isn't it?
49
00:02:26,918 --> 00:02:28,868
Yes, very happy day.
50
00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:36,927
Hello.
51
00:02:36,994 --> 00:02:38,378
Hey.
52
00:02:38,446 --> 00:02:40,163
You're lookin' well.
53
00:02:40,231 --> 00:02:42,565
I, uh, like the new highlights.
54
00:02:43,835 --> 00:02:44,868
Thank you.
55
00:02:44,936 --> 00:02:46,653
Look, Danny, I know
things got ugly
56
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,221
between us when I moved out,
57
00:02:48,289 --> 00:02:49,856
and that-that was my fault,
58
00:02:49,924 --> 00:02:51,825
and I just wanna say I'm sorry.
59
00:02:51,892 --> 00:02:53,743
Hey, man, don't worry about
it, buddy, all right?
60
00:02:53,811 --> 00:02:57,130
Good. Well, now that, you know,
Arthur's marrying my mom,
61
00:02:57,198 --> 00:03:00,233
um, he's probably gonna
be taking, uh, my bed
62
00:03:00,302 --> 00:03:02,569
since it's same as hers,
63
00:03:02,637 --> 00:03:06,507
so I was wondering
if maybe I could...
64
00:03:06,574 --> 00:03:08,342
Move back...
65
00:03:09,327 --> 00:03:10,461
Who's this?
66
00:03:10,528 --> 00:03:13,696
This is, uh, Sandy,
my new girlfriend
67
00:03:13,764 --> 00:03:16,566
and roommate.
68
00:03:16,634 --> 00:03:18,485
Roommate? That's...
69
00:03:18,553 --> 00:03:19,753
Great.
70
00:03:19,821 --> 00:03:21,438
Yeah, I moved in last week.
71
00:03:21,506 --> 00:03:23,073
Oh, I had to pack up
some of your stuff
72
00:03:23,141 --> 00:03:26,109
to make some room in
the closet, mostly...
73
00:03:26,177 --> 00:03:28,479
Magazines.
74
00:03:28,546 --> 00:03:31,615
Yeah, those are for a research
project about Thailand,
75
00:03:31,682 --> 00:03:33,150
with, um...
76
00:03:37,319 --> 00:03:39,187
Hey, Spence, congratulations.
77
00:03:39,273 --> 00:03:40,029
Oh. Thanks, Lou.
78
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:41,059
Happy day, isn't it?
79
00:03:41,084 --> 00:03:42,285
Very happy. Um,
80
00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:44,945
would you excuse
me for a second?
81
00:03:50,768 --> 00:03:52,535
Doug?
82
00:03:52,603 --> 00:03:53,686
Spencer!
83
00:03:53,754 --> 00:03:55,989
Hey, buddy, party's out here.
84
00:03:56,057 --> 00:03:58,458
Let me just get you set up, man.
85
00:03:58,526 --> 00:04:00,560
I gotta get you set up.
86
00:04:02,263 --> 00:04:03,963
Ah. There you go, buddy.
87
00:04:04,031 --> 00:04:06,066
Sit down. Sit down. Oh, God.
88
00:04:06,134 --> 00:04:06,900
Hey.
89
00:04:06,967 --> 00:04:09,086
What-wh-what are you
doing out here?
90
00:04:09,153 --> 00:04:11,822
Just celebratin' my freedom.
91
00:04:12,991 --> 00:04:15,308
Carrie and I are
gettin' a divorce.
92
00:04:15,376 --> 00:04:16,610
What?!
93
00:04:16,677 --> 00:04:18,495
Mm-hmm. Turns out she kept
94
00:04:18,563 --> 00:04:20,764
her apartment in Manhattan,
95
00:04:20,831 --> 00:04:24,168
so split 'em up!
96
00:04:24,235 --> 00:04:26,503
Doug, I have a
confession to make.
97
00:04:26,571 --> 00:04:30,507
I'm the one that called and told you
she was still in the apartment.
98
00:04:30,575 --> 00:04:31,641
Oh, yeah? Yeah, I-
99
00:04:31,676 --> 00:04:34,327
I thought I was
in love with her.
100
00:04:34,395 --> 00:04:39,566
But-but I realize now it was because
things weren't going well at home, and...
101
00:04:40,568 --> 00:04:43,403
Now that's gone, too.
102
00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:48,074
You are one sweet...
103
00:04:48,142 --> 00:04:51,077
Creepy little dude.
104
00:04:51,145 --> 00:04:54,631
Hey, if you wanna move
in with me, that's cool.
105
00:04:54,699 --> 00:04:55,983
Really?
106
00:04:56,050 --> 00:04:57,467
You mean it?
107
00:04:57,535 --> 00:04:59,886
Hell to the yeah!
108
00:04:59,954 --> 00:05:02,889
I know I mess with
you a lot, but...
109
00:05:02,957 --> 00:05:07,294
The truth is I love you more
than any of my other friends.
110
00:05:07,361 --> 00:05:09,246
Well, thanks, Doug.
111
00:05:09,313 --> 00:05:12,916
I- you know, y-you've always
been kind of a hero to me.
112
00:05:12,984 --> 00:05:14,618
I am not a hero!
113
00:05:14,686 --> 00:05:15,518
I'll kill you!
114
00:05:15,586 --> 00:05:18,071
Ok, I didn't-
115
00:05:18,139 --> 00:05:20,106
I didn't mean anything by it.
116
00:05:20,174 --> 00:05:21,858
And now I love you.
117
00:05:21,926 --> 00:05:23,493
Come on. Let's wrestle.
118
00:05:25,963 --> 00:05:30,234
Aw, Kel, I can't believe
I screwed everything up.
119
00:05:30,301 --> 00:05:34,304
One moment of weakness, and I
lost my husband, my ming Mel.
120
00:05:36,607 --> 00:05:37,674
He really won't forgive you?
121
00:05:37,742 --> 00:05:39,410
No, and who can blame him?
122
00:05:39,477 --> 00:05:41,111
I mean, I didn't show him
123
00:05:41,178 --> 00:05:42,279
the commitment he deserves,
124
00:05:42,346 --> 00:05:43,714
and that is just unforgivable.
125
00:05:43,782 --> 00:05:46,550
Yeah, well, he's let you
down lots of times.
126
00:05:46,618 --> 00:05:47,901
Yeah, but nothing like this.
127
00:05:47,969 --> 00:05:49,836
What about when he
faked a heart attack
128
00:05:49,904 --> 00:05:52,755
because he forgot
your boss' name?
129
00:05:54,525 --> 00:05:55,992
That wasn't a big deal.
130
00:05:56,060 --> 00:06:00,263
What about when he used your tax
refund to buy an ice-cream truck?
131
00:06:00,331 --> 00:06:02,265
Yeah, but that was my fault.
132
00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:04,934
I shouldn't have left
the check lying around.
133
00:06:05,002 --> 00:06:08,938
What about when you had to cancel
your birthday trip to Paris
134
00:06:09,006 --> 00:06:13,243
because he was a semifinalist
in a bladder bust contest?
135
00:06:13,311 --> 00:06:15,913
Yeah, that was a kick
in the chiclets.
136
00:06:15,980 --> 00:06:18,031
Folks, we have a very special
treat for you tonight.
137
00:06:18,098 --> 00:06:21,151
Our beautiful bride is gonna sing
one of her hit records for us.
138
00:06:21,219 --> 00:06:22,602
So please welcome to the stage
139
00:06:22,620 --> 00:06:24,937
the very lovely and talented Ava St.
Clair.
140
00:06:26,224 --> 00:06:29,592
I- I'm not Ava St. Clair.
141
00:06:29,660 --> 00:06:31,695
I'm not cliff robertson,
but that didn't stop me
142
00:06:31,763 --> 00:06:33,864
from signing my meals
to his hotel room.
143
00:06:33,932 --> 00:06:35,165
Now get up there.
144
00:06:36,467 --> 00:06:39,019
So would you care for
garden or Caesar?
145
00:06:39,086 --> 00:06:40,353
Uh, garden salad, please.
146
00:06:40,421 --> 00:06:43,724
And would you know if there's
anyone sitting there?
147
00:06:43,791 --> 00:06:45,725
Yeah, my husband. Heh heh.
148
00:06:45,793 --> 00:06:48,395
I mean, of course
I have a husband.
149
00:06:48,462 --> 00:06:49,396
Look at me.
150
00:06:51,131 --> 00:06:55,319
Of course. Do you know if he
would like garden or Caesar?
151
00:06:55,386 --> 00:06:57,521
Caesar.
152
00:06:57,589 --> 00:07:00,107
Holly, it's so good to see you.
153
00:07:00,174 --> 00:07:01,441
Hi, Lou.
154
00:07:01,509 --> 00:07:02,609
Such a happy day.
155
00:07:02,676 --> 00:07:04,244
Oh, God.
156
00:07:15,940 --> 00:07:18,876
This is pornographic.
157
00:07:28,887 --> 00:07:30,537
Aah!
158
00:07:30,605 --> 00:07:32,071
Ohh! Aah!
159
00:07:32,139 --> 00:07:35,208
That-that's 11-4, me.
160
00:07:35,276 --> 00:07:36,877
Let's go. Hands and knees.
161
00:07:36,944 --> 00:07:39,212
No, I'm not wrestling
with you anymore.
162
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,214
You don't respect my safe word.
163
00:07:41,282 --> 00:07:43,116
Such a baby.
164
00:07:43,183 --> 00:07:46,185
Hey, Holly. I'm drunk. Are you?
165
00:07:46,253 --> 00:07:46,953
No.
166
00:07:47,021 --> 00:07:50,407
Well, a little.
167
00:07:50,474 --> 00:07:51,959
Hey, hol. How's it goin'?
168
00:07:52,026 --> 00:07:53,126
Great. Great.
169
00:07:53,194 --> 00:07:54,378
My husband just left me,
170
00:07:54,445 --> 00:07:57,881
and I'm about to have a baby
with no job and no money,
171
00:07:57,948 --> 00:07:59,516
but other than that, real good.
172
00:07:59,584 --> 00:08:01,084
I'm splittin' up with Carrie.
173
00:08:01,152 --> 00:08:02,952
You wanna move in with me?
174
00:08:03,020 --> 00:08:06,840
Really? Oh, my God. Yes. Yes.
175
00:08:06,907 --> 00:08:09,726
No, no. You-wait. You said
I could move in with you.
176
00:08:09,793 --> 00:08:12,028
Did I? You're out. Holly's in.
177
00:08:12,096 --> 00:08:15,365
Doug, I-I can't believe how
kind and generous you're being.
178
00:08:15,433 --> 00:08:18,335
I mean, honestly, I didn't even
think you liked me that much.
179
00:08:18,403 --> 00:08:22,572
No. Truth is, I mean, I love you
more than any of my other friends.
180
00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:24,608
Oh, my God.
181
00:08:24,676 --> 00:08:26,276
Doug, I'm-thank you.
182
00:08:26,343 --> 00:08:29,022
I really needed to hear
something like that right now.
183
00:08:29,047 --> 00:08:29,964
Oh, no problem.
184
00:08:30,134 --> 00:08:32,051
Come on. Let's wrestle.
185
00:08:34,132 --> 00:08:36,366
Now if I could have your attention,
it's time for the toast.
186
00:08:36,434 --> 00:08:38,502
Toasting our groom,
Arthur Spooner,
187
00:08:38,569 --> 00:08:41,688
is his best man and
son-in-law, Doug Heffernan.
188
00:08:54,252 --> 00:08:56,286
Holly, have you seen Douglas?
189
00:08:56,354 --> 00:08:58,922
He fell asleep when
we were wrestling.
190
00:09:00,692 --> 00:09:02,993
Well, at least you weren't
under him when it happened.
191
00:09:03,061 --> 00:09:05,929
That was 6 of the most
terrifying hours of my life.
192
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:13,130
Spence, congratulations.
You're my new best man.
193
00:09:13,155 --> 00:09:14,882
Now get up there
and toast me, kid.
194
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:17,041
I don't feel like it, Arthur.
195
00:09:17,066 --> 00:09:18,377
I'm having a very rough night.
196
00:09:18,402 --> 00:09:20,837
I'm your father. I
command you to toast me.
197
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:26,683
I'll toast who I
want when I want.
198
00:09:26,751 --> 00:09:28,786
You got that, dad?
199
00:09:28,853 --> 00:09:31,088
This isn't over.
200
00:09:34,175 --> 00:09:35,775
Hey, uh, heh.
201
00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:38,879
Like the way you stood
up to him there.
202
00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:40,714
Oh, thanks. Thanks.
203
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,783
You know, kind of
reminded me of the way
204
00:09:42,851 --> 00:09:45,452
you stood up to our landlord
about that roach problem.
205
00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:49,356
Oh. Well, the lease clearly states
when there's more than a thousand,
206
00:09:49,424 --> 00:09:51,125
it's his responsibility.
207
00:09:51,192 --> 00:09:52,875
You see, I wouldn't
have known that.
208
00:09:52,943 --> 00:09:55,778
Hey, did you see America's
next top model this week?
209
00:09:55,846 --> 00:09:58,615
Yes! Can you believe it came
down to Marquesa and Lisi?
210
00:09:58,683 --> 00:10:02,352
I know! I mean, it's so obvious
who's gonna win this thing.
211
00:10:02,419 --> 00:10:03,553
Duh. Marquesa. Marquesa.
212
00:10:03,621 --> 00:10:05,522
Ha ha ha ha ha!
213
00:10:05,590 --> 00:10:06,973
Marquesa. Eww.
214
00:10:07,042 --> 00:10:09,876
Lisi's way better for couture.
215
00:10:14,248 --> 00:10:16,666
Come on, Danny. Let's go home.
I'm bored.
216
00:10:16,734 --> 00:10:19,936
All right. Why don't you,
uh, go grab your jacket?
217
00:10:20,004 --> 00:10:21,938
I'll be right with you. Ok.
218
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,975
Sorry about the whole
marquesa thing.
219
00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:26,310
It's cool. It's cool.
220
00:10:27,812 --> 00:10:30,080
Well, I guess she's
waitin' for me.
221
00:10:30,148 --> 00:10:31,248
Better take off.
222
00:10:31,316 --> 00:10:33,317
Yeah. See you at
the allergist's.
223
00:10:35,820 --> 00:10:37,704
I don't even know you that well.
224
00:10:37,772 --> 00:10:40,623
I'm a crusty curmudgeon
with a heart of gold.
225
00:10:40,691 --> 00:10:41,724
Now go!
226
00:10:47,598 --> 00:10:51,668
Hi. Uh, I'll never forget the
first time I met Arthur.
227
00:10:51,736 --> 00:10:54,688
I was, uh, sitting in the Heffernan
living room, watching TV.
228
00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:57,357
Uh, Arthur came in,
and when he saw me,
229
00:10:57,425 --> 00:11:01,795
he begged me not to hurt him,
then ran off to call the police.
230
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:04,397
Ha ha ha ha ha!
231
00:11:04,465 --> 00:11:05,966
Hoo!
232
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:08,435
And, hello, remember that
time your appendix burst
233
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:10,437
and he wouldn't
leave work early?
234
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:13,873
He did leave work early
to go to the rodeo.
235
00:11:15,643 --> 00:11:17,110
That's it.
236
00:11:17,178 --> 00:11:18,428
I just-I think
you'll feel better
237
00:11:18,496 --> 00:11:20,530
if you have a little
something to eat.
238
00:11:20,598 --> 00:11:22,499
I'll get you my
husband's prime rib.
239
00:11:22,566 --> 00:11:23,833
Oh. Thank you, Spence.
240
00:11:26,837 --> 00:11:30,273
You know, you really had
me goin' out there, Doug.
241
00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:31,558
"I took a leap of faith for you.
242
00:11:31,626 --> 00:11:33,193
You didn't take a leap
of faith for me."
243
00:11:33,261 --> 00:11:34,828
Do you know how many
times in our marriage
244
00:11:34,896 --> 00:11:37,064
you have screwed me over to
do what you wanted to do?
245
00:11:37,132 --> 00:11:39,716
Aw, here we go with
the rodeo again.
246
00:11:39,783 --> 00:11:42,452
It comes to town once a year!
247
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,972
It wasn't just that, Doug.
It was many other things,
248
00:11:45,039 --> 00:11:46,573
and I forgave you
for everything,
249
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,176
so you damn well better
forgive me for this.
250
00:11:49,243 --> 00:11:52,112
You don't tell me what I
better damn well better do.
251
00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:53,480
Ok, you know what?
252
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:55,732
Do whatever you wanna do, but
let me tell you something.
253
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:57,434
I love this baby,
and I want her,
254
00:11:57,501 --> 00:11:59,269
and I am gonna get
her for myself.
255
00:11:59,336 --> 00:12:01,789
Oh, no. No, no, no, 'cause
I wanted a baby first, ok?
256
00:12:01,856 --> 00:12:04,491
So if anybody's gonna get
the baby, it's gonna be me.
257
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:05,675
Oh, you really think so, butch?
258
00:12:05,743 --> 00:12:08,244
Well, I'm on my way to China
right now to get her.
259
00:12:08,312 --> 00:12:10,797
Yeah? Not if I get there first.
260
00:12:13,317 --> 00:12:15,802
I'm gonna get there first.
261
00:12:15,870 --> 00:12:17,137
Whoa.
262
00:12:25,213 --> 00:12:30,099
And then there was the time Arthur
thought I was Eddie Murphy.
263
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:30,867
Hey, we gotta go.
264
00:12:31,019 --> 00:12:32,369
Go. Go where?
265
00:12:32,437 --> 00:12:33,854
To China to get my baby.
Come on.
266
00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:35,555
Actually, you can just
drop me at the airport
267
00:12:35,623 --> 00:12:36,723
if you don't wanna come with.
268
00:12:36,791 --> 00:12:38,157
Uh, sure.
269
00:12:38,225 --> 00:12:40,127
Let's all toast Arthur
Spooner, a great guy
270
00:12:40,194 --> 00:12:42,262
who's a little racist.
271
00:12:44,732 --> 00:12:47,083
Doug, should I move in after
you get back from China or-
272
00:12:47,151 --> 00:12:50,170
hey, Holly! Glad to see
you could make it.
273
00:12:52,473 --> 00:12:55,542
Well, I guess I'm back
out on the street.
274
00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:59,062
Well, seeing as you and I
are in the same situation,
275
00:12:59,129 --> 00:13:01,297
do you wanna get a
place together?
276
00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:03,133
Really? You mean it?
277
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,837
Oh, of course. I-I would
like nothing better than...
278
00:13:08,589 --> 00:13:09,806
You forget something?
279
00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:11,207
Yeah.
280
00:13:11,275 --> 00:13:14,210
I forgot my roommate.
281
00:13:16,714 --> 00:13:18,882
W- wait. You and I were gonna-
282
00:13:18,949 --> 00:13:21,484
yeah, that's not gonna work out.
283
00:13:34,031 --> 00:13:36,850
Well, you know, if things
work out between us,
284
00:13:36,918 --> 00:13:38,317
you'll have to convert.
285
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:41,037
Of course I will.
286
00:13:41,104 --> 00:13:42,922
To what?
287
00:13:51,116 --> 00:13:52,650
I'll just get my passport,
288
00:13:52,717 --> 00:13:55,453
and then we'll get the
hell out of here.
289
00:13:55,521 --> 00:13:56,871
Doug, you've never
been out of America.
290
00:13:56,939 --> 00:13:57,671
Why do you even have a passport?
291
00:13:57,823 --> 00:14:00,692
I heard they still had
the mcrib in Canada.
292
00:14:02,311 --> 00:14:05,496
Oh, hey. Off to China.
Don't wait up.
293
00:14:05,563 --> 00:14:06,764
Hey! Did you take my passport?
294
00:14:06,832 --> 00:14:08,750
Oh, no, babe, it's still here...
295
00:14:08,817 --> 00:14:10,551
Somewhere.
296
00:14:23,611 --> 00:14:25,312
Hello.
297
00:14:26,481 --> 00:14:28,448
You found it?
298
00:14:28,516 --> 00:14:32,702
Gotta admit the vegetable
crisper was an inspired choice.
299
00:14:32,770 --> 00:14:35,222
But you've never gone in
that drawer your whole life.
300
00:14:35,289 --> 00:14:36,956
You don't even know it exists.
301
00:14:37,024 --> 00:14:39,292
But Deacon does.
302
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,394
His B.L.T. Was delicious,
303
00:14:41,462 --> 00:14:43,730
as is my revenge.
304
00:15:02,233 --> 00:15:03,900
Doug. Hmm?
305
00:15:03,968 --> 00:15:05,652
Doug.
306
00:15:08,188 --> 00:15:11,407
Oh, God.
307
00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:12,876
What?
308
00:15:12,943 --> 00:15:14,177
So what's our endgame here?
309
00:15:14,245 --> 00:15:16,646
What are we gonna
do when we land?
310
00:15:16,714 --> 00:15:20,550
We gonna race through the streets
of Beijing to the adoption agency?
311
00:15:20,617 --> 00:15:22,185
I don't know.
312
00:15:22,253 --> 00:15:25,254
Because if we have to take
rickshaws, you'll lose.
313
00:15:28,422 --> 00:15:30,207
Not if it's downhill.
314
00:15:33,831 --> 00:15:35,449
What happened here?
315
00:15:35,516 --> 00:15:37,634
I don't know.
316
00:15:37,701 --> 00:15:41,271
You know, when my, uh...
317
00:15:41,338 --> 00:15:44,274
When my mom died
when I was a kid,
318
00:15:44,341 --> 00:15:48,812
it felt like I was nothing,
you know, like I had no life.
319
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:53,099
My dad did his best to
be a good parent, but...
320
00:15:53,167 --> 00:15:55,168
Who we kiddin'?
321
00:15:55,235 --> 00:15:59,539
Anyway, on-on Sundays,
he used to take me
322
00:15:59,606 --> 00:16:01,707
to this park on
Vernon boulevard,
323
00:16:01,775 --> 00:16:03,810
right on the east river,
324
00:16:03,877 --> 00:16:06,479
where you could look
across and see Manhattan.
325
00:16:07,748 --> 00:16:10,450
And while he was, uh, off
326
00:16:10,517 --> 00:16:13,820
handing out leaflets
or chasing squirrels,
327
00:16:13,887 --> 00:16:16,156
I would just stand
at the railing,
328
00:16:16,223 --> 00:16:19,559
and I would look at the
beautiful apartment buildings
329
00:16:19,626 --> 00:16:23,796
across the river, and I-I
would imagine this great life
330
00:16:23,864 --> 00:16:28,134
that I might have someday actually
living in one of them, you know,
331
00:16:28,202 --> 00:16:31,904
with a great job as a fashion
designer for Sergio Valente
332
00:16:31,973 --> 00:16:36,276
or goin' to studio
54 every night.
333
00:16:36,344 --> 00:16:38,211
God, I'm old.
334
00:16:39,513 --> 00:16:42,582
But then I grew up,
and reality set in,
335
00:16:42,650 --> 00:16:45,285
and the dream got put away.
336
00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:47,854
And then I met you,
337
00:16:47,922 --> 00:16:50,573
and I was-
338
00:16:50,641 --> 00:16:54,610
I was happy in a whole...
339
00:16:54,678 --> 00:16:58,197
New way I just-I
never imagined.
340
00:17:00,868 --> 00:17:04,771
I mean, I was...
341
00:17:04,839 --> 00:17:09,709
In that apartment - I mean, I guess
just dreams stick with you, because...
342
00:17:09,777 --> 00:17:15,982
I just-I felt like
Carrie again, you know,
343
00:17:16,050 --> 00:17:22,255
little Carrie finally having the
thing she wanted back then, and...
344
00:17:22,322 --> 00:17:25,759
At the moment I should
have given it up, I-
345
00:17:25,826 --> 00:17:28,528
I couldn't, you know,
because it was like...
346
00:17:28,596 --> 00:17:30,864
I was taking something
away from her.
347
00:17:30,932 --> 00:17:33,700
You know, does that
make any sense, Doug?
348
00:17:33,768 --> 00:17:34,618
Yeah.
349
00:17:34,769 --> 00:17:39,139
It's funny to hear you say that,
350
00:17:39,207 --> 00:17:41,208
'cause all these years,
351
00:17:41,275 --> 00:17:44,611
even when things
were good with us,
352
00:17:44,678 --> 00:17:48,848
I just still sensed
there was something...
353
00:17:48,916 --> 00:17:51,351
Pulling you away from me,
354
00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:54,687
you know, like this little
voice inside saying,
355
00:17:54,756 --> 00:17:56,689
"wanna be in Manhattan.
356
00:17:56,758 --> 00:17:59,793
I wanna be in Manhattan."
357
00:17:59,861 --> 00:18:02,462
Plus, you said it
out loud a lot.
358
00:18:05,149 --> 00:18:06,933
I di-I did.
359
00:18:07,001 --> 00:18:09,736
I did hear that voice every day.
360
00:18:09,804 --> 00:18:13,156
And now I just hear her,
her voice saying...
361
00:18:15,042 --> 00:18:17,611
Whatever Chinese
babies say, and-
362
00:18:22,182 --> 00:18:24,451
and I want her.
363
00:18:24,519 --> 00:18:27,888
And I-I want you.
364
00:18:27,955 --> 00:18:32,575
And I-I wish that we could just
put this all behind us, you know,
365
00:18:32,642 --> 00:18:35,511
and just be a family.
366
00:18:38,566 --> 00:18:40,600
I love you, Carrie.
367
00:18:40,668 --> 00:18:42,835
I love you, too.
368
00:18:46,774 --> 00:18:48,442
Oh, God.
369
00:18:48,509 --> 00:18:51,445
No, he's gotta get up.
He's gotta get up.
370
00:18:57,133 --> 00:18:59,501
Hi, ming Mel.
371
00:18:59,569 --> 00:19:02,621
Ming Mel Heffernan.
372
00:19:02,688 --> 00:19:03,888
You know what?
373
00:19:03,956 --> 00:19:06,291
It works.
374
00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:08,110
Come on, honey. We gotta
go to the airport.
375
00:19:08,178 --> 00:19:09,544
Just a second.
376
00:19:09,612 --> 00:19:12,697
Mommy and I are gonna take
you back home to Queens.
377
00:19:12,765 --> 00:19:14,733
You're gonna love Queens.
378
00:19:14,801 --> 00:19:16,634
Queens has got the
New York mets.
379
00:19:16,702 --> 00:19:17,853
It's got-
380
00:19:17,971 --> 00:19:20,339
well, not a lot else, actually.
381
00:19:20,406 --> 00:19:23,808
Used to have pastrami king,
but they shut that down.
382
00:19:23,876 --> 00:19:25,410
Now it's a bookstore.
383
00:19:25,478 --> 00:19:28,213
Tell you, the world
is a crazy place.
384
00:19:29,081 --> 00:19:32,768
Ooh. She smiled at me.
385
00:19:32,835 --> 00:19:34,503
Either that, or she's poopin'.
386
00:19:34,570 --> 00:19:37,206
Or maybe both. Maybe she
just really enjoys-
387
00:19:37,274 --> 00:19:38,774
I'm pregnant.
388
00:19:38,842 --> 00:19:41,426
Pooping.
389
00:19:41,494 --> 00:19:42,527
What?
390
00:19:42,546 --> 00:19:44,947
Yeah. I haven't felt
well since we landed,
391
00:19:45,015 --> 00:19:46,882
and I bought a pregnancy test
392
00:19:46,950 --> 00:19:49,151
in the drug store in the lobby,
393
00:19:49,218 --> 00:19:51,420
and we're gonna have a baby.
394
00:19:51,487 --> 00:19:54,039
Well, what do we
do with this one?
395
00:19:55,408 --> 00:19:57,126
I don't know.
396
00:19:57,193 --> 00:19:59,744
I think I'm having
an anxiety attack.
397
00:19:59,812 --> 00:20:01,530
C- calm down. A-are you sure?
398
00:20:01,598 --> 00:20:03,732
Yes, I am sure.
399
00:20:03,799 --> 00:20:05,234
I mean, look.
400
00:20:05,301 --> 00:20:08,903
Wh-what means pregnant,
the monkey or the dragon?
401
00:20:08,971 --> 00:20:10,055
That's just decorative.
402
00:20:10,123 --> 00:20:12,157
Look, it came out blue.
That means I'm pregnant.
403
00:20:12,225 --> 00:20:14,159
It must have happened in
the apartment that night.
404
00:20:14,227 --> 00:20:15,810
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
405
00:20:15,878 --> 00:20:17,462
I thought the doctor said
you couldn't get pregnant.
406
00:20:17,530 --> 00:20:19,931
No, she said we probably couldn't.
It happens all the time.
407
00:20:19,999 --> 00:20:22,367
When couples don't think they can
get pregnant, they stop trying,
408
00:20:22,435 --> 00:20:24,436
and then they adopt a
baby and - oh, God.
409
00:20:24,504 --> 00:20:25,988
Carrie, you have to calm down.
410
00:20:26,056 --> 00:20:27,589
I can't calm down, Doug.
411
00:20:27,657 --> 00:20:29,408
Yesterday I had no
husband, no baby,
412
00:20:29,475 --> 00:20:33,311
and today I have a husband and
2 babies, and I'm in China.
413
00:20:33,379 --> 00:20:35,647
That's a lot of
change for one day.
414
00:20:35,714 --> 00:20:37,282
What are we gonna do?
415
00:20:37,350 --> 00:20:39,501
I- I'll tell you
what we're gonna do.
416
00:20:39,568 --> 00:20:41,220
We're gonna fly home today,
417
00:20:41,287 --> 00:20:44,223
and we're gonna start
our new life as parents
418
00:20:44,290 --> 00:20:48,093
of 2 beautiful,
wonderful children...
419
00:20:48,161 --> 00:20:51,013
With very different-shaped eyes.
420
00:20:52,749 --> 00:20:54,415
Everything's gonna be fine.
421
00:20:54,483 --> 00:20:56,652
T- trust me.
422
00:20:56,719 --> 00:20:59,021
Everything's gonna be fine.
423
00:21:06,145 --> 00:21:07,112
Ming Mel. Ming Mel.
424
00:21:07,180 --> 00:21:08,313
It's ok. Ohh.
425
00:21:08,381 --> 00:21:09,615
It's all right, baby. Calm down.
426
00:21:09,682 --> 00:21:11,033
It's all right, baby.
427
00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:12,234
All right.
428
00:21:12,302 --> 00:21:13,602
No, I know-
429
00:21:13,669 --> 00:21:15,371
there you go. Good girl.
430
00:21:15,438 --> 00:21:18,273
It didn't work out.
431
00:21:35,708 --> 00:21:37,375
I love you.
432
00:21:41,614 --> 00:21:42,781
Oh, man. I gotta call the guys.
433
00:21:42,849 --> 00:21:44,533
Already did. On their way.
434
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:45,383
You called 'em? Yep.
435
00:21:45,502 --> 00:21:48,203
You are the best mail
order bride ever!
31073
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