All language subtitles for The King of Queens (1998) - S09E10 - Manhattan Project (1080p BluRay x265 RCVR).eng

Morning, Douglas.

What you got going on
there, greased lightning?

It happens to be called style.

As the entertainment director
at the senior center,

it's important that I
maintain a certain image.

Well, if you're trying for
the Stuart little look,

you nailed it.

I'm not going to let your little
gibes get to me, Douglas,

because I just booked one of the
greatest singers of all time-

Ava St. Clair.

Who?

Ava St. Clair,

the youngest of the St.
Clair sisters!

Oh, the youngest, yeah,
never heard of her.

Of course you have.

Remember her big hit?

My candy store's closed

that's how it's gonna be

still nothing.

Hermione Gingold did a
hilarious parody version!

Ok, stop saying names
I never heard,

and you're not using those breath
strips I gave you, are you?

Deacon, what's the first
thing you think of

when I say, "lick my lollipop"?

Um...

No.

Hey, I grabbed
your mail for you.

Oh, thanks.

What the heck is this?

"We are pleased to inform you

"that your apartment
in Stuyvesant Towers

"has become available.

You have 30 days from the
above date to respond."

You guys moving to Manhattan?

No.

Oh, my God.

This is from when, like,
we first got married.

Yeah, it's a one-bedroom,

laundry's in the basement,

and you get full
doorman service.

Let me just take this.

How great is this?

And I think it's some kind
of rent control-y thing,

so we can actually afford it.

Yeah, it's just kinda
small, isn't it?

Yes, of course it is.
It's Manhattan.

But you know what?

We're right across the
street from the park.

And you said you wanted
to start training

for your marathon, right?

Yeah, it's 3 weeks away,

I don't want to peak too early.

You know what else
they do in the park?

They have this whole
Shakespeare festival.

I mean, we could watch
it from our window!

Carrie, you know me, I'm
all over Shakespeare,

but wouldn't it
be more practical

to get a place out in Queens?

This way we have a
house, we got our yard.

You know, we'll be
near our friends.

We can get a dog with,
like, half a tail.

I always feel bad
for those guys.

Come on, let's go check
out the bedroom.

Man, she's really got a thing
for living in the city.

Well, I should tell you
this unit's rented,

and the waiting list for this
building is pretty long.

How long?

Believe it or not,
could be 5, 10 years.

Who knows?

Really?

So, you really want this, huh?

Yeah, it's always been my dream.

Well, then I say we do it.

Really? You would
do this for me?

Carrie, you're my wife now.

So, that means your
dream is my dream.

God, my dad was so
wrong about you.

So, basically, you lied to
the person you love most.

And got rewarded. We went to k.F.C.
That night.

God, that's Carrie.

I'd better not let her see this.

Why not?

Because she never really got
over the whole Manhattan thing

and I don't want to get
her all revved up again.

Well, how can you do it anyways?

It's a one bedroom
and you got Arthur.

Oh, my God, you're right.

I forgot about the
crazy old man.

You know what?

I bet you I could use this,

get a little extra credit,

and maybe a return
trip to k.F.C.

Oh, you got the mail. Yeah.

Yeah, it's just nothing
but bills, bills, bills,

you know what I'm saying?

Oh, what is this?

Stuyvesant towers?

Oh, my gosh, Carrie,

you remember that
apartment in the city

we signed up for years ago?

Uh-huh.

Well, it's available. Man...

What?

Yeah.

Oh, my God, I totally
forgot about this.

Yeah, me too.

You don't want to move
to the city, right?

I don't know, man, it
is your dream, right?

Yeah.

Well, like 10 years
ago I said, you know,

whatever your dream is,

is my dream, too.

You would do this?

Look, do I love living in Queens?
Yeah.

Do I love you more? You betcha.

So, I'm going to call right
now and reserve it, ok?

I can't think of any
reason why not.

I mean, can you?

No!

Ok, let's do it!

I'll wait for you in the car.

Ah, let me see that.

I - I just want to make
sure we're not forgetting,

you know, something or

somebody.

Oh, my-my dad. We can't do it.

It's a one-bedroom.

God, gut-punch.

Well, that was exciting
for about 2 seconds.

All right, well, I'll
just call them later

and tell them to take
us off the list.

I'm so sorry, babe.

That's ok, you tried.

I did try.

You know what?

Tonight, I say we get
us some comfort food.

Yes! Pick us up some Sushi.

I'm sorry to disturb you, miss St.
Clair,

I just wanted to let you know

we're running a few
minutes behind.

Nothing major. Our sound
man's suffering chest pains.

Well, it doesn't matter.
I'm not going on.

What?

But we have a full house.

Send them home.

Nobody wants to see some
horrible, aging diva.

You're not horrible, you're Ava St.
Clair!

No, I'm not. I am Esther
Levine from Brooklyn.

I don't know. Who am I fooling?

I should've retired years ago,

when I could still
sing worth a damn.

And why didn't I marry Vic
damone when I had the chance?

Miss St. Clair, can I
tell you a little story?

I don't care.

The year was 1962,

and my pencil eraser business
had just gone belly-up.

Pens had become all the rage.

I was flat broke,

my fiancée left me,

I didn't want to live anymore.

Well, you're still here,
so what happened?

I was in horn and hardart's, having
a cup of hot water and lemon.

Suddenly a song
came on the radio.

It gave me the will to go on.

What, my song saved your life?

Yes, and I also realized

I couldn't off myself
if I wanted to,

I'm very much a coward.

Spooner,

the concession stand is
almost out of pudding.

We're about 5 minutes from this
place turning into attica.

Well, cue the band!

Ava St. Clair is in the house!

Whoo! Oh, yeah!

You can't stop me,

you can only hope to contain me!

19-zip.

Y- you know what?

You-you and Deacon versus
us isn't fair, man.

You didn't hear us crying when you
kicked our ass at pictionary.

All right, well,

at least give us
an asthma break.

You got 40 seconds.

So, what happened with that
whole, uh, apartment thing?

Oh, it's dead.

Thanks to Arthur, I'm staying
right here in Queens.

What? Carrie wants to move?

Yeah.

I got the same
problem with pudgy.

Ok, would someone
tell lord dipwad

that buying a house

is a sound financial investment?

Y - you pay rent, you're just
throwing money down a rat hole.

Yeah, w-well, so is spending
$1,000 on massage school.

Oh, well, I didn't hear your
feet complaining last night.

Thank you!

Oh, I think they liked me,

they really liked me.

Liked you? If they had their
teeth in, they'd eat you alive.

Oh, and Arthur, I couldn't
have done it without you.

I mean it.

You were the wind
beneath my wings.

Imagine that. I'm Ava St.
Clair's wind.

You know, Arthur,
I've been looking

for somebody to, uh, help me
with the rest of my tour.

Would you be interested?

Are you serious?

Oh, obviously I would pay you.

Nonsense! Working with Ava St.
Clair would be payment enough.

Oh, wonderful.

Of course, I'd expect you to
cover my travel expenses.

Absolutely.

And I'd need a new suit

and some walking-around money.

Are you sure you don't
want me to just pay you?

I will not take a dime!

Ow!

Crap.

Hey, dad, dinner's ready.

That'll have to wait.

I've got big news.

If this is an eczema update,

ok, I'm still reeling
from last week.

No, no.

I'm getting married.

What? To who?

Miss Ava St. Clair.

After her tour, we're
getting hitched in Tahoe

and settling in her house
in Rockland county.

Ok, dad. You're not
getting married.

Look,

I understand you're
threatened by

another woman in my life.

Ok, so, here's what
I need you to do.

I need you to take a
couple of your blue pills,

go downstairs, and have
yourself a nice long nap,

and we'll talk about
this later, ok?

I'm a grown man!

Stop treating me like a child!

Well, stop acting
like a child, ok?

There's no way I'm letting you get
married to somebody you just met.

I'm sorry, but you're
staying right here.

Unless...

You really, really like her.

We can do it!

Huh?

We can move to the city!

What about Arthur? Remember him?

Old guy, smells like cheese,
even when he hasn't had any.

He's getting married.

To who?

To that woman who sings

that stupid lollipop song.

She has a big house, and she's
letting him move in with her.

I'm telling you, it's like fate!

Carrie, wait.

He's done this, like, a
million times before,

he moves out and then he
comes right back here.

He's like an old,
wrinkly boomerang.

No, it's different
this time, I know it.

Oh, why? Because he's
marrying a complete stranger?

D- do you even know her name?

Of course I know her name.

It's Ava... Ava something.

Oh, that's good
daughtering right there,

you don't even know
her last name.

I know what it's going to be.
Spooner.

Ha, come on, give me some
knuckles on that one, buddy!

Would you listen to yourself?

Ok, look, Doug, I talked
to her on the phone,

and she sounds like
a very nice woman.

You know, she was on
Merv Griffin 53 times?

Now, do you think he'd have somebody
on the show that many times

if they were a bad person?

No. No, baby.

Come on, I know you
love living in Queens,

but you're going
to love the city.

It's like a new
adventure for us.

And guess what?

With the money we make
on selling this house,

you can finally
get your go-kart.

It's all coming together!

Oh, I'm getting that go-kart,

but we're not moving anywhere.

May I help you?

Yes, I'm, uh, here to
see Arthur Spooner.

Oh, it's all right, Marta,

he's my son-in-law.

Oh, and, Marta, could you have
nils bring the car around?

I have a yen for frozen yogurt.

So, what brings you by?

Huh, it's just, everything
happened sort of fast,

and I just wanted to make
sure you were ok here.

You know, because you had it
pretty good back at our house.

I lived in a cold, wet basement.

Yeah, but we got you
that space heater.

Which caught fire. Yeah,

because you dried
your socks on it!

Because they were wet
from the basement!

Ok!

We can go round and
round about this.

All right, the point
is pack your things.

You're coming home with me.
Let's go.

Douglas, I'm living the
life of Riley here.

What's going on?

You want the truth?

The truth is...

Well, I miss you.

Really?

I had no idea you felt that way.

It's because I'm one
of those people

who keeps their
feelings bottled up.

But I can't hide it anymore,

I- I need my yahtzee buddy.

But the last time we played, you
shoved the dice in my mouth.

Sometimes I love you so much

I gotta hurt you.

Well, I'm staying here.

But I'll try and carve out
some time for you on weekends.

You know what? That's not
good enough for me, Arthur.

I want you to get your stuff now.
You're coming home.

I'm afraid that
won't be happening.

Oh, I'm afraid it will.
Oh, I think not!

All right, listen to me, Arthur.

All right, for the
last 10 years,

I've had to watch
you chew your food

with your mouth open

and cut your toenails on my bed.

All right, now you can
finally do some good for me.

So, you're coming home with me.

You know, we can do
this the easy way...

Or we can do this the hard way.

Ok, what's that button?

Just letting the
nyack police know

that a big-boned
intruder is in my house.

Hey, hey, guys,

we're about to have
an open house,

you're gonna have to scoot.

Really? 'Cause we had no idea.

Yeah, that's funny.

I mean, because we were actually
thinking about buying a house.

Really? Yeah.

I mean, it'd have to
be a really great deal

because we don't
really love the place.

I mean, we like it like it,

we just don't love it love it.

Well, I would want you to buy
anything you didn't love.

So, let's go.

Wait, c-can we at
least look around?

Ok, fine. But don't
do anything weird.

Isn't living in the
city delightful?

And our first cocktail
party, it's a hit.

Ok, I'm going to need
about 500 more of these.

So, when I found out
Ivana was having

her fundraiser for the
hospital on Friday,

I moved my auction for the
homeless to Thursday.

Well played, Carrie.

Doug, right?

Yeah. Hi, I'm Tucker Carlson.

I live right across the hall.

If you ever want to swing
by and talk politics,

door is always open.

No!

Doug, come on, get up. Hmm?

Come on, people are going to be

coming through here
any minute, hon.

For what?

For the open house!

Carrie, listen, I really think-

oh, and look what I got.

Keys? To our apartment
in the city.

I- I don't want to do it!

What? I don't want to move.

Doug, what are - you said
you were ok with this,

that my dream was your dream.

Yeah, I only said that

because I knew we couldn't do it

because of your father.

Oh, God.

I can't believe you
would do this!

Look, Carrie, if I had a magic
carpet I'd go back in time

and I'd do things
differently, but I don't!

Ok, magic carpets don't
go back in time.

Yes, they do. No, they don't.

They take you from one place
to another, magically,

but they don't go back in time.

Fine, fine, then I would
go in a time machine,

they go back in time, don't they?
Yeah-

yeah, I guess they do,

and if I had one I would go
back before I even met you.

Hello!

This is the master.

You can see that there's
lots of closet space.

Is there copper plumbing?

No, it's rusty lead.

Now, beat it. Beat it!

Look, Doug,

I - I understand you don't
want to move to the city,

and I know why you lied to me,

but this is important to me.

And if there was something that
you dreamed of your whole life,

and I could give it
to you, I would.

That's perfect, Carrie.

Because you know
what my dream is?

To live in a house without an
old man living in the basement.

Let's start there. What do
you say, dream weaver? Huh?

Oh, all right, what
are you doing?

Oh, ok.

Carrie, I understand, ok,
I get it, you're mad.

All right, you don't
have to fake pack.

Excuse me.

What's so great about
the city, anyway?

You know, it's crowded,
it's polluted,

and according to the
planet of the apes,

it's not going to be there
very long, all right?

So, what is that?
What are you doing?

You-you leaving me?

No, Doug, I am moving to
our apartment in the city,

and I hope you join me.

Well, I'm not going
anywhere, ok?

In fact, I don't think I'm
ever leaving this bedroom.

You know what? Go. I'm
glad you're leaving.

Good, I'm going.

Good. Good!

Uh, Carrie?

What? Umm...

Could our inspector
come by tomorrow?

We're not selling!

Yes, we are.

At this point, I'd friggin'
give the house away.

Fine, go to your
fancy Manhattan.

You know, and I'll be
here, keeping it real.

She'll be back in 5-4-3-2...

"Next time on The King of Queens."

Car, where you going?

To get the china.

Oh, no. No-no-no-no-no-no,
my house, my china.

You know what?

Ten years of that, it's nothing
but scar tissue now.