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1
00:00:12,378 --> 00:00:13,378
Hey. Hey.
2
00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,181
Why are you all dressed up?
3
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:19,134
Well, you told me Carrie got
us into her company skybox.
4
00:00:19,135 --> 00:00:20,402
Yeah, but it's
still a Mets game.
5
00:00:20,403 --> 00:00:22,388
Why are you going all
Cliff Huxtable on me?
6
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:24,556
I've never been in the
really fancy seats before,
7
00:00:24,557 --> 00:00:25,724
and I'm a little excited.
8
00:00:25,725 --> 00:00:27,125
If I can make your
dream come true
9
00:00:27,126 --> 00:00:29,027
and make us even for
breaking your drill,
10
00:00:29,028 --> 00:00:30,512
then that's all that matters.
11
00:00:30,513 --> 00:00:31,980
You told me you were
gonna pay for that.
12
00:00:31,981 --> 00:00:33,748
And I am, with the
magic of Shea Stadium.
13
00:00:33,749 --> 00:00:34,817
Oh, man.
14
00:00:34,818 --> 00:00:35,884
Well, I guess it's better
15
00:00:35,885 --> 00:00:37,186
than when you lost my cell phone
16
00:00:37,187 --> 00:00:39,054
and paid me back with
the magic of a song
17
00:00:39,055 --> 00:00:41,190
written personally for me. Okay,
18
00:00:41,191 --> 00:00:43,842
you didn't like "Get
Your Freak On, Deac-on"?
19
00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:47,162
All right.
20
00:00:47,163 --> 00:00:49,281
We should get going.
Where's Spence?
21
00:00:49,282 --> 00:00:51,149
Oh, he's, uh, gonna
meet us there.
22
00:00:51,150 --> 00:00:53,185
He's getting his mom into
a tub or out of a tub.
23
00:00:53,186 --> 00:00:55,504
I don't know. I shut
down pretty quick.
24
00:00:55,505 --> 00:00:56,872
Thanks for the tickets, Carrie.
25
00:00:56,873 --> 00:00:59,341
Yeah, listen, I'm schmoozing
a very big client tonight,
26
00:00:59,342 --> 00:01:01,443
so if you wanna show
your appreciation,
27
00:01:01,444 --> 00:01:03,345
you keep this one
from embarrassing me.
28
00:01:03,346 --> 00:01:04,613
Whoa.
29
00:01:04,614 --> 00:01:06,582
I didn't shave the Mets
logo into my chest hair
30
00:01:06,583 --> 00:01:07,916
just for you to enjoy.
31
00:01:07,917 --> 00:01:09,017
It's for everyone.
32
00:01:09,018 --> 00:01:11,270
All right. Come on.
33
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:48,790
Here you go.
34
00:01:48,791 --> 00:01:50,792
One martini, extra dry.
35
00:01:50,793 --> 00:01:52,511
Thank you, Carrie.
Oh, no problem,
36
00:01:52,512 --> 00:01:54,813
and if you're hungry, they have
a great spread over there.
37
00:01:54,814 --> 00:01:57,149
They have, uh, mini-quiche,
stuffed mushrooms,
38
00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:59,551
and if you like living on
the edge, ballpark sushi.
39
00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:02,971
Carrie, I truly like
getting my ass kissed,
40
00:02:02,972 --> 00:02:06,025
but it's a nine-inning
game, so pace yourself.
41
00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:07,759
Yeah.
42
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,194
Just following orders.
43
00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:10,829
Ha, ha. Seriously, though,
44
00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:13,281
all sucking up aside,
I really admire
45
00:02:13,282 --> 00:02:14,850
what you've done
with your company.
46
00:02:14,851 --> 00:02:17,018
You've built some of the
most beautiful hotels
47
00:02:17,019 --> 00:02:19,121
that I can never
afford to stay in.
48
00:02:20,339 --> 00:02:22,908
Real-estate development
is still a boys' club,
49
00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:24,877
but I'm always looking
for a talented woman
50
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,512
to take under my wing.
51
00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:28,113
Really? That's funny,
52
00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:31,266
because I'm actually
between wings right now.
53
00:02:32,285 --> 00:02:33,936
Oh, excuse me. Yeah.
54
00:02:33,937 --> 00:02:35,236
Joyce Robbins.
55
00:02:35,237 --> 00:02:37,106
Oh, I-I have to take this. Okay,
56
00:02:37,107 --> 00:02:39,091
I just want to find my husband.
I want you to meet him.
57
00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,993
Where is he? What?!
58
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:44,129
No, those tenants were
supposed to be out by Monday.
59
00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:45,196
What?!
60
00:02:45,197 --> 00:02:46,932
Oh, you're breaking up.
61
00:02:50,887 --> 00:02:52,488
You put mayo on a hot dog?
62
00:02:52,489 --> 00:02:53,822
That's right, my friend.
63
00:02:53,823 --> 00:02:56,458
And one day, so will
all of America.
64
00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:04,550
Excuse me.
65
00:03:04,551 --> 00:03:05,784
Come on, man, let's move.
66
00:03:05,785 --> 00:03:07,886
Yeah, I can't. There's
a lot of people.
67
00:03:07,887 --> 00:03:10,872
Oh, God. You know what?
This ain't working.
68
00:03:10,873 --> 00:03:14,059
I'm just gonna crouch and eat.
Whoa, whoa. Come on, man.
69
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:15,961
You're better than this.
70
00:03:15,962 --> 00:03:17,896
Come on. It's not that far.
71
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,651
It's called turning
off the water.
72
00:03:22,652 --> 00:03:23,885
Excuse me.
73
00:03:23,886 --> 00:03:25,787
Read me exactly what
the court order says.
74
00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:27,188
Excuse me, I just can't, uh...
75
00:03:27,189 --> 00:03:28,774
No, I can't hear you.
76
00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:30,526
What? Wait-
77
00:03:30,527 --> 00:03:32,277
Ugh!
78
00:03:32,278 --> 00:03:33,962
Oh!
79
00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:35,297
Do you see what you did?
80
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:37,299
I'm very sorry. I just-
I couldn't get by you.
81
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:41,453
Well, a person with manners
would have waited.
82
00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:42,254
That's a good point.
83
00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:43,889
You know what another
good point is?
84
00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:51,946
Oh, where you going?
Where am I going?
85
00:03:51,947 --> 00:03:55,350
I gotta rebuild.
Aw, unbelievable.
86
00:03:55,351 --> 00:03:59,221
Oh, this big oaf got mayonnaise
and relish all over me.
87
00:03:59,222 --> 00:04:03,425
I mean, who puts
mayonnaise on a hot dog?
88
00:04:04,426 --> 00:04:05,626
Oh.
89
00:04:07,864 --> 00:04:10,966
This is an $800
Giuseppe Graziano,
90
00:04:10,967 --> 00:04:12,700
and now it's ruined.
91
00:04:12,701 --> 00:04:15,320
I could just kill
that fat idiot.
92
00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:16,655
Hey,
93
00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:18,273
there's the girl.
94
00:04:18,274 --> 00:04:19,975
Oh. Is this your husband?
95
00:04:19,976 --> 00:04:23,762
Uh... yes! Yes, it is! Oh.
96
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,797
Hey, honey. Heh.
97
00:04:25,798 --> 00:04:27,266
Work with me, okay?
98
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,101
Um, Doug, this is Joyce Robbins.
99
00:04:30,102 --> 00:04:31,503
Hello.
100
00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:33,572
Very nice to meet you. Why
don't you get acquainted?
101
00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:35,323
I'm gonna report that
guy to Security.
102
00:04:35,324 --> 00:04:37,476
I'm gonna suggest
they TASER him.
103
00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:38,677
Great.
104
00:04:42,265 --> 00:04:44,566
Is that a Giuseppe Graziano?
105
00:04:47,603 --> 00:04:49,137
Turn it around. What?
106
00:04:49,138 --> 00:04:51,190
Yeah, that's right.
That was my client!
107
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:52,223
Who? The woman you got
108
00:04:52,224 --> 00:04:54,660
your disgusting
hot dog all over.
109
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:56,945
How 'bout she got herself
all over my hot dog, huh?
110
00:04:56,946 --> 00:04:58,864
That's right! I said it!
111
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:01,166
Doug, you are not
going in that box.
112
00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:02,768
So go watch the game
somewhere else.
113
00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:04,169
Both of you, out!
114
00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:05,203
What did I do?
115
00:05:05,204 --> 00:05:07,205
This happened on your watch.
116
00:05:07,206 --> 00:05:08,573
Now, out!
117
00:05:08,574 --> 00:05:11,126
Damn!
118
00:05:13,630 --> 00:05:15,764
Okay, the roast is in the oven.
119
00:05:15,765 --> 00:05:17,699
The sangria is chilling.
120
00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:18,867
I just think it is so cute
121
00:05:18,868 --> 00:05:20,519
you're throwing
this dinner party.
122
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,771
Then why are you
trying to ruin it?!
123
00:05:22,772 --> 00:05:24,473
What? What did I do?
124
00:05:24,474 --> 00:05:26,641
These seating arrangements.
What were you thinking?
125
00:05:26,642 --> 00:05:28,593
What's wrong with them?
Well, for one thing,
126
00:05:28,594 --> 00:05:30,779
you've got Lou Ferrigno
sitting next to his wife.
127
00:05:30,780 --> 00:05:33,532
You never sit spouses
next to each other!
128
00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:36,201
Well, I told you, I've
never done this before.
129
00:05:36,202 --> 00:05:38,320
That's all right!
Don't cry again.
130
00:05:38,321 --> 00:05:41,205
See, I'll put Mrs.
Ferrigno next to...
131
00:05:41,206 --> 00:05:44,643
Roberto, the bag boy
from Waldbaum's.
132
00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:47,178
The sexual tension will
be like rocket fuel
133
00:05:47,179 --> 00:05:49,581
for the party.
134
00:05:49,582 --> 00:05:52,834
I thought that was what
the brownies were for.
135
00:05:52,835 --> 00:05:54,953
Actually, no, I decided
against those.
136
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:58,457
Ferrigno tends to get
pretty paranoid.
137
00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:00,575
You put a lot of thought
into your dinner parties.
138
00:06:00,576 --> 00:06:04,079
I have to. I'm host. I'm chef.
I'm jester.
139
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,315
Everything depends on me.
140
00:06:06,316 --> 00:06:08,316
Well, I'm sure it's gonna
work out just fine.
141
00:06:08,317 --> 00:06:09,634
Oh! I should take this one away.
142
00:06:09,635 --> 00:06:11,770
Dr. Feldman called and
said he can't make it.
143
00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:12,904
What?
144
00:06:12,905 --> 00:06:14,422
He said he wouldn't
feel comfortable
145
00:06:14,423 --> 00:06:18,443
coming to the party, seeing
as how you're suing him.
146
00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:20,779
That's a separate issue.
147
00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:22,363
Oh, my God. What
are we gonna do?
148
00:06:22,364 --> 00:06:25,633
An odd number of guests
is dinner-party suicide.
149
00:06:25,634 --> 00:06:27,335
Well, don't you
know anyone else?
150
00:06:27,336 --> 00:06:29,004
No. Do you?
151
00:06:29,005 --> 00:06:30,572
Yeah, I- I know some people.
152
00:06:30,573 --> 00:06:32,341
Then get someone.
153
00:06:32,342 --> 00:06:34,309
Preferably a urologist.
154
00:06:44,587 --> 00:06:46,071
Hey, how 'bout those
two down there?
155
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,389
Those look pretty sweet.
156
00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:49,357
Yeah, they are
pretty sweet, but...
157
00:06:49,358 --> 00:06:52,027
I'm not sure we can
get past the bacon.
158
00:06:52,028 --> 00:06:53,211
Just go.
159
00:06:57,016 --> 00:06:58,983
What's up, man? What's up, baby?
160
00:06:58,984 --> 00:07:00,786
You doing all right? Ha, ha, ha!
161
00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:04,423
Alrighty. Ah! Good
old 11 and 12.
162
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,157
Ah. Ah, feels good.
163
00:07:06,158 --> 00:07:07,459
Oh, yeah.
164
00:07:08,878 --> 00:07:11,362
Hey, uh, I think
you're in our seats.
165
00:07:11,363 --> 00:07:12,664
Huh? Yeah.
166
00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:15,299
Oh, um... my God.
167
00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:17,802
Is this field box J?
168
00:07:17,803 --> 00:07:19,203
Oh, my God. Is this third base?
169
00:07:19,204 --> 00:07:21,405
I am all turned around.
This is third base.
170
00:07:21,406 --> 00:07:23,558
Ah, man. My bad.
171
00:07:23,559 --> 00:07:24,709
Sorry about that.
172
00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:26,011
It's crazy.
173
00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:28,246
I'm losing it! Losing it! Hey!
174
00:07:28,247 --> 00:07:30,382
Ah. All right. Let's just
go to the upper deck.
175
00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:31,716
Upper deck!? Fine.
176
00:07:31,717 --> 00:07:34,319
Now you're back to owing me
for breaking my power drill.
177
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:35,787
Come on, man.
178
00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:37,489
We'll find some seats
down here, okay?
179
00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:38,490
What were you doing
180
00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:40,959
trying to drill through
concrete anyway?
181
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,195
Okay, I had a power drill
and a few Heinekens.
182
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:44,762
You do the math.
183
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,533
Look, down here. Come on.
184
00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:52,770
All right. Okay. Here we go.
185
00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:56,241
Oh, yeah.
186
00:07:56,242 --> 00:07:57,909
Oh, these are really sweet.
Yeah.
187
00:07:57,910 --> 00:07:58,943
Whoo!
188
00:07:58,944 --> 00:08:00,445
Hey, hey, Beltran's up.
189
00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:02,464
Hey, come on, Carlos! Hey!
190
00:08:02,465 --> 00:08:03,665
Come on, C-dog!
191
00:08:03,666 --> 00:08:05,400
C- dog, a little big one, baby!
192
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:06,735
Whoo! Yeah.
193
00:08:17,046 --> 00:08:18,914
Someone's throwing
baby carrots at me.
194
00:08:23,152 --> 00:08:26,171
That's funny, but
we're done now.
195
00:08:33,045 --> 00:08:34,713
Okay, that's it. Ma'am.
Ma'am. Ma'am!
196
00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:35,780
Hold on a sec. What is it?
197
00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:36,815
I'll tell you what it is.
198
00:08:36,816 --> 00:08:38,683
Your son is throwing
carrots at me, okay?
199
00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:40,085
Brandon! Enough! Control him.
200
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:42,087
Take a time-out or something.
201
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:43,588
I'm sorry, Tina.
202
00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:46,457
Oh, Brandon is throwing
carrots at some man...
203
00:08:46,458 --> 00:08:49,060
who, by the way, could
stand to eat a few.
204
00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:57,068
So last Valentine's
Day, I come home,
205
00:08:57,069 --> 00:08:59,971
Carrie's got the entire place
covered in rose petals.
206
00:08:59,972 --> 00:09:01,072
You remember that?
207
00:09:01,073 --> 00:09:02,974
Ah, I think I would.
208
00:09:02,975 --> 00:09:04,109
I did do it.
209
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:06,244
Mmm. And you know what
the best part was?
210
00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:07,512
They were silk petals
211
00:09:07,513 --> 00:09:09,865
because she knows that
I'm allergic to pollen.
212
00:09:09,866 --> 00:09:11,166
Oh, yeah, he is.
213
00:09:11,167 --> 00:09:13,168
If you can imagine, that
head gets even bigger.
214
00:09:14,670 --> 00:09:16,404
Stop! Ha, ha, ha!
215
00:09:18,624 --> 00:09:21,009
I have to say, for
people married 10 years,
216
00:09:21,010 --> 00:09:23,545
you seem like newlyweds. Oh,
217
00:09:23,546 --> 00:09:25,112
this one keeps the
marriage fresh.
218
00:09:25,113 --> 00:09:27,716
You should see what she does for
my Dark Shadows conventions.
219
00:09:27,717 --> 00:09:31,136
Does this whole
hot-vampire-chick thing
220
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:33,438
with like a sequined
black bustier and...
221
00:09:33,439 --> 00:09:36,024
motorcycle boots...
222
00:09:36,926 --> 00:09:38,793
crimson lipstick.
223
00:09:38,794 --> 00:09:39,895
Whew!
224
00:09:39,896 --> 00:09:41,229
Excuse me.
225
00:09:41,230 --> 00:09:42,781
Joyce Robbins.
226
00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:45,733
One second. One second. Heh.
227
00:09:45,734 --> 00:09:47,619
All right. What's with
all this vampire talk?
228
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,538
And why do you have
me in a bustier?
229
00:09:49,539 --> 00:09:51,639
I'm sorry. I went to a
very private place.
230
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:52,741
Listen,
231
00:09:52,742 --> 00:09:54,926
we only have to get
through one ball game
232
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,277
as husband and wife, okay?
233
00:09:56,278 --> 00:09:57,979
So just stop talking
so much, you freak.
234
00:09:57,980 --> 00:09:58,997
This-
235
00:09:58,998 --> 00:10:00,999
This whole thing is crazy.
236
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,468
Yeah, well, you can blame your
friend Doug for that, okay,
237
00:10:03,469 --> 00:10:05,670
and his disgusting
love of mayonnaise.
238
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:07,005
She's coming back.
239
00:10:07,006 --> 00:10:10,342
Okay. Would you mind getting
me another martini?
240
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:11,492
I did get a limo for the night,
241
00:10:11,493 --> 00:10:13,328
so I might as well
take advantage of it.
242
00:10:13,329 --> 00:10:14,412
Sure. No problem.
243
00:10:14,413 --> 00:10:16,848
Mmm. And, uh, sugar? Yeah, hon?
244
00:10:16,849 --> 00:10:19,584
Could you get me another
Sauvignon Blanc,
245
00:10:19,585 --> 00:10:21,403
maybe something
from New Zealand?
246
00:10:21,404 --> 00:10:23,188
Oh, think you should
have another drink?
247
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:25,407
Oh, it got me through
the first 10 years.
248
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:29,727
I must say you're
the last person
249
00:10:29,728 --> 00:10:32,197
I would ever have imagined
was a truck driver.
250
00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:33,964
Needless to say, I
get that a lot.
251
00:10:33,965 --> 00:10:35,683
Mmm. I mean, you
know about wine.
252
00:10:35,684 --> 00:10:38,119
You're a Revolutionary War buff.
253
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:41,272
I've always been drawn to a
man of varied interests.
254
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:53,434
Hey, Car... Hey, uh,
listen, Spence,
255
00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:55,053
I'm sorry I snapped at you.
256
00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:56,537
I really appreciate
you doing this,
257
00:10:56,538 --> 00:10:58,372
and, uh, I think she's
really liking you.
258
00:10:58,373 --> 00:10:59,724
Yeah, I think so.
259
00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:03,028
She just invited me down to
her limo to have a drink.
260
00:11:03,029 --> 00:11:04,929
What? She hit on you?
261
00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:06,865
What is she doing
hitting on my husband?
262
00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:08,516
She said I looked tense
263
00:11:08,517 --> 00:11:12,037
and it seemed like I was trapped
in a loveless marriage.
264
00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:14,789
What!? We're like
freakin' newlyweds!
265
00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:16,590
We're not actually married-
266
00:11:16,591 --> 00:11:18,626
Shut up. Yes, dear.
267
00:11:18,627 --> 00:11:20,144
Uh, excuse me, Miss Robbins-
268
00:11:20,145 --> 00:11:22,914
Oh, Carrie, I want to talk
to you about something.
269
00:11:22,915 --> 00:11:23,932
Yeah, I want to talk to you
270
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:26,668
about a little
something-something too.
271
00:11:26,669 --> 00:11:28,169
I have a rather
big favor to ask.
272
00:11:28,170 --> 00:11:30,422
It involves sending
you out of town.
273
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,006
Oh, you wanna send me
outta town, do ya?
274
00:11:32,007 --> 00:11:33,258
Uh-huh.
275
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:34,676
And it would be right away.
276
00:11:34,677 --> 00:11:36,595
And where do you wanna
send me right away?
277
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,263
The Bahamas.
278
00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:39,064
Really?
279
00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:40,932
Mmm.
280
00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:43,651
Yes. We're opening a
5-star resort down there,
281
00:11:43,652 --> 00:11:45,720
and I'd love you to
be my eyes and ears,
282
00:11:45,721 --> 00:11:48,607
you know, check out the spa,
the restaurants, the shops.
283
00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:50,775
All expenses paid, of course.
284
00:11:50,776 --> 00:11:52,827
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
285
00:11:52,828 --> 00:11:55,596
Oh, Carrie, it- It would
really help me out a lot.
286
00:11:55,597 --> 00:11:58,099
I mean, assuming your
husband could...
287
00:11:58,100 --> 00:11:59,600
spare you.
288
00:12:01,170 --> 00:12:03,004
What husband? You
know what I'm saying?
289
00:12:09,178 --> 00:12:14,015
And that's why the Dutch
both delight and repulse me.
290
00:12:14,016 --> 00:12:17,636
May I make a toast
to our host Arthur.
291
00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:20,871
Thank you, Louis. I
have a toast of my own.
292
00:12:20,872 --> 00:12:22,106
But I'll save it
293
00:12:22,107 --> 00:12:25,343
for when we gentlemen have
our cigars and brandy
294
00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:27,345
out on the driveway, uh?
295
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:31,165
And, Arthur, I just wanna
thank you for having me
296
00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:32,666
and my Uncle Bernard
here tonight.
297
00:12:32,667 --> 00:12:33,834
Ah, yes, Bernard.
298
00:12:33,835 --> 00:12:36,437
Thank you for coming
on such short notice.
299
00:12:36,438 --> 00:12:38,239
Holly tells me you're-?
You're retired?
300
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:43,411
Yes, yes. I... I cut
hair for 45 years.
301
00:12:43,412 --> 00:12:46,747
Well, we're all going to have
to hear more about that.
302
00:12:50,252 --> 00:12:52,003
When are we gonna eat?
I gotta take my pills.
303
00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:54,756
In good time, George!
304
00:12:54,757 --> 00:12:56,391
Oh, Arthur made a lovely roast.
305
00:12:56,392 --> 00:12:57,859
And thank you,
Roberto, for giving me
306
00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,561
the five-fingered
discount on the potatoes.
307
00:13:02,181 --> 00:13:04,115
I never knew you
could cook, Arthur.
308
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:05,433
Oh, yes.
309
00:13:05,434 --> 00:13:07,368
I remember the first
thing I ever made.
310
00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:11,339
It was a fried bologna sandwich.
311
00:13:11,340 --> 00:13:13,608
That was Elvis' favorite snack.
312
00:13:13,609 --> 00:13:14,909
Ah. Oh.
313
00:13:14,910 --> 00:13:16,477
I'm not saying he stole
the idea from me,
314
00:13:16,478 --> 00:13:17,779
but, uh, you do the math.
315
00:13:20,116 --> 00:13:22,116
Actually, Elvis' favorite snack
316
00:13:22,117 --> 00:13:25,453
was a fried peanut butter
and banana sandwich.
317
00:13:25,454 --> 00:13:27,288
Oh. Wow.
318
00:13:27,289 --> 00:13:28,656
I'm sorry, but how
would a barber
319
00:13:28,657 --> 00:13:31,926
know what Elvis'
favorite snack was?
320
00:13:31,927 --> 00:13:34,179
I used to cut his hair.
321
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:35,312
You jiving me?
322
00:13:36,248 --> 00:13:37,882
No- No, no, it's true.
323
00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:39,851
He was the hairdresser
on The Ed Sullivan Show
324
00:13:39,852 --> 00:13:41,085
for years.
325
00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:42,854
You mean, you really knew Elvis?
326
00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,138
Oh, I knew 'em all.
327
00:13:44,139 --> 00:13:45,890
Kate Smith,
328
00:13:45,891 --> 00:13:47,475
Alan King,
329
00:13:47,476 --> 00:13:48,609
Elizabeth Taylor.
330
00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:51,780
She was even more
beautiful in person.
331
00:13:51,781 --> 00:13:53,347
One time I said to her,
332
00:13:53,348 --> 00:13:57,235
"Liz, if I ever turn
straight, watch out!"
333
00:13:59,155 --> 00:14:01,422
Anyway, that's all
well and good.
334
00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:03,091
Getting back to the proper way
335
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:05,994
to make a fried
bologna sandwich-
336
00:14:05,995 --> 00:14:07,295
Did you know The Beatles too?
337
00:14:07,296 --> 00:14:08,997
Oh, sure. You knew The Beatles?
338
00:14:08,998 --> 00:14:11,599
I- I gotta say my
favorite was Ringo.
339
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,469
He- He was a real sweet-
As a matter of fact,
340
00:14:14,470 --> 00:14:16,420
he gave me this, uh-
This money clip.
341
00:14:16,421 --> 00:14:17,555
Oh, wow.
342
00:14:17,556 --> 00:14:20,058
Ay, que bonito.
343
00:14:25,181 --> 00:14:26,798
Yeah! Ha, ha, ha.
344
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:29,500
What's the matter?
345
00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:31,535
Now he's making faces at me.
346
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:34,522
You keep making faces like that,
347
00:14:34,523 --> 00:14:35,923
your face is gonna
stay that way.
348
00:14:35,924 --> 00:14:37,942
That's right. Trust me.
Happened to my cousin.
349
00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:40,244
Um, sir, would you please
stop bothering my son?
350
00:14:40,245 --> 00:14:42,947
Uh, he is bothering me.
351
00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:44,499
Are you even supposed
to be sitting there?
352
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:47,702
I happen to know that those are Dr.
Epstein's seats.
353
00:14:47,703 --> 00:14:50,405
Uh, I think Uncle Eppie is
okay with us sitting here.
354
00:14:50,406 --> 00:14:52,207
Yeah.
355
00:15:06,889 --> 00:15:09,257
It's mine now! Yeah!
356
00:15:09,258 --> 00:15:12,777
What's up? What's the
matter, four-eyes? Yeah!
357
00:15:12,778 --> 00:15:14,479
He took my ball!
358
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,847
What is wrong with you?!
359
00:15:16,848 --> 00:15:18,950
He's just a boy.
360
00:15:24,156 --> 00:15:26,690
Hey, honey, how's
the big game going?
361
00:15:27,759 --> 00:15:29,293
How did it go? Did
you tell her off?
362
00:15:29,294 --> 00:15:31,412
Uh, not exactly. Um...
363
00:15:31,413 --> 00:15:34,782
here's what we're
gonna do, okay?
364
00:15:34,783 --> 00:15:37,585
You're gonna go down
to her limo with her,
365
00:15:37,586 --> 00:15:39,420
and I'm gonna go to the Bahamas.
366
00:15:40,822 --> 00:15:42,457
What!?
367
00:15:42,458 --> 00:15:45,359
Yeah. Apparently, she
likes you so much
368
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,261
that she's willing to
give me a free vacation
369
00:15:47,262 --> 00:15:48,847
just to get rid of me!
370
00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:49,713
Wait a minute.
371
00:15:49,714 --> 00:15:51,215
A second ago, you
were so insulted.
372
00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:52,883
Now you're gonna pimp
out your husband
373
00:15:52,884 --> 00:15:54,485
so you can lie in the sun.
374
00:15:56,638 --> 00:15:58,940
Yeah.
375
00:15:58,941 --> 00:16:02,277
So you really want me to go
down and have sex with her?
376
00:16:02,278 --> 00:16:04,879
I'm not gonna micromanage
what you do down there.
377
00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:10,335
Isn't she a little
too old for me?
378
00:16:10,336 --> 00:16:12,119
She looks 45, tops.
379
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,389
I don't know. It just
doesn't feel right.
380
00:16:15,390 --> 00:16:16,957
Let me go about this
a different way.
381
00:16:16,958 --> 00:16:19,043
Who's your favorite
character on Star Trek?
382
00:16:19,044 --> 00:16:21,713
Squire of Gothos.
383
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:24,832
Okay. I was thinking more
like the Captain Kirk guy.
384
00:16:24,833 --> 00:16:26,167
Oh, yeah.
385
00:16:26,168 --> 00:16:28,502
Okay. Now, when he beams
down on a new planet
386
00:16:28,503 --> 00:16:30,371
and he meets a
half-fish green girl,
387
00:16:30,372 --> 00:16:32,639
does he say, "Oh, this
doesn't feel right"?
388
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,942
No, he takes her behind a rock
and he does his business.
389
00:16:34,943 --> 00:16:36,210
Am I right?
390
00:16:39,864 --> 00:16:42,533
Technically, that would
violate the Prime Directive-
391
00:16:42,534 --> 00:16:44,301
Spence, please.
392
00:16:44,302 --> 00:16:46,437
All right, all right!
393
00:17:18,136 --> 00:17:20,504
Damn, I got goosebumps.
394
00:17:20,505 --> 00:17:22,190
Where'd you learn
to play like that?
395
00:17:22,191 --> 00:17:23,774
Listen, when you're gay,
396
00:17:23,775 --> 00:17:25,142
you're born knowing how to play
397
00:17:25,143 --> 00:17:26,844
at least three show tunes.
398
00:17:29,981 --> 00:17:32,033
Come on, everybody.
399
00:17:42,327 --> 00:17:44,728
Arthur, what a great party.
400
00:17:44,729 --> 00:17:46,063
If I wasn't a gentleman,
401
00:17:46,064 --> 00:17:48,132
I'd punch you square
in the mouth.
402
00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:49,517
What? What did I do?
403
00:17:49,518 --> 00:17:50,384
That uncle of yours.
404
00:17:50,385 --> 00:17:52,136
You pawned him off
as some dull barber.
405
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:55,390
Turns out he's a
fascinating homosexual!
406
00:17:55,391 --> 00:17:57,391
Arthur, everyone is
having a wonderful time.
407
00:17:57,392 --> 00:17:58,893
Yes. But not because of me.
408
00:17:58,894 --> 00:18:00,461
Does that really matter?
409
00:18:00,462 --> 00:18:03,648
Why do you think I got this
collection of misfits together?
410
00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:04,849
To hear what they had to say?!
411
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:07,785
All right, listen to me, Arthur,
412
00:18:07,786 --> 00:18:09,970
I am not gonna let you
ruin this dinner party.
413
00:18:09,971 --> 00:18:12,239
Someone is playing footsies
with me under the table,
414
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,208
and if that turns
out to be Roberto,
415
00:18:14,209 --> 00:18:16,677
I'd kinda like to
see that through.
416
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:18,479
So dinner is served!
417
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:25,669
Yo corté el pelo
de Erik Estrada,
418
00:18:25,670 --> 00:18:30,975
Ricardo Montalban, Desi
Arnaz, senior and junior.
419
00:18:30,976 --> 00:18:34,812
Wow. Este hombre es fantástico.
420
00:18:34,813 --> 00:18:37,181
I can't believe you can
speak Spanish too.
421
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:40,518
I once had a lover
who was a Spaniard.
422
00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:41,819
Oh. There you go.
423
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:43,670
So did I.
424
00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:50,361
Oh, you mean, a Spanish woman.
425
00:18:50,362 --> 00:18:51,762
No.
426
00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:54,699
You think he's the only one
here with a fabulous gay past?
427
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:56,751
Arthur...
428
00:18:56,752 --> 00:18:59,103
Why, I have had encounters
with thousands of men:
429
00:18:59,104 --> 00:19:02,889
black men, Latin
men, bodybuilders!
430
00:19:05,610 --> 00:19:09,280
Now let me tell you a story
about a confused Army recruit,
431
00:19:09,281 --> 00:19:11,482
a bottle of moonshine
432
00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:14,485
and a stern but loving
drill sergeant.
433
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:18,690
I was already exhausted
from the obstacle course.
434
00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:20,674
Little did I know there
was one more hurdle
435
00:19:20,675 --> 00:19:22,042
I had to clear.
436
00:19:30,352 --> 00:19:31,769
Oh, yeah.
437
00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:35,156
We're gonna be in the skybox.
It's gonna be great!
438
00:19:35,157 --> 00:19:37,224
This sweater cost me 100 bucks.
439
00:19:37,225 --> 00:19:40,427
Serves you right for trying
to be somebody you're not.
440
00:19:40,428 --> 00:19:43,830
Okay, you know what? That
one had some soda in it!
441
00:19:43,831 --> 00:19:45,566
Just give the kid
the ball back, man!
442
00:19:45,567 --> 00:19:48,636
No! All right? This
doesn't bother me.
443
00:19:48,637 --> 00:19:50,404
I'm just enjoying a
little baseball.
444
00:19:50,405 --> 00:19:52,606
Come on, first and third,
let's see a little action!
445
00:19:52,607 --> 00:19:54,308
You're giving the kid the ball!
446
00:19:54,309 --> 00:19:56,043
Oh, really? Yeah, really!
447
00:19:56,044 --> 00:19:57,611
And how's that gonna happen?
448
00:19:57,612 --> 00:19:58,945
Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
449
00:20:01,016 --> 00:20:03,584
Yes, hello. I am flying down
to your island next week,
450
00:20:03,585 --> 00:20:06,587
and I was wondering, is it
too early to book a massage?
451
00:20:07,522 --> 00:20:09,156
Who's got strong hands?
452
00:20:12,627 --> 00:20:13,761
I'll call you back.
453
00:20:13,762 --> 00:20:15,780
Hey, I was just on the
phone with the hotel,
454
00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:17,165
and I like what I'm hearing!
455
00:20:17,166 --> 00:20:19,500
Oh, actually, about that,
you know, I just realized
456
00:20:19,501 --> 00:20:21,636
I'm going to be down there
in a few weeks anyway,
457
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:24,505
so I'll just check
things out myself.
458
00:20:24,506 --> 00:20:25,873
But thanks.
459
00:20:30,028 --> 00:20:31,546
Did you chicken out?
460
00:20:31,547 --> 00:20:32,512
No!
461
00:20:32,513 --> 00:20:33,647
What happened?
462
00:20:33,648 --> 00:20:35,232
You've only been
gone for a minute!
463
00:20:35,233 --> 00:20:37,368
I- I'd never been
in a limo before.
464
00:20:37,369 --> 00:20:39,703
It was... very exciting.
465
00:20:39,704 --> 00:20:41,372
And it was more
like two minutes.
466
00:20:42,941 --> 00:20:45,025
Exciting, Spence?
She's 100 years old.
467
00:20:45,026 --> 00:20:46,744
You said she looked 45.
468
00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:49,263
Yeah. From space.
469
00:20:49,264 --> 00:20:51,732
I just wanna- I wanna die.
470
00:20:53,285 --> 00:20:54,285
There! There he is!
471
00:20:54,286 --> 00:20:56,053
There's the man who
ruined my suit.
472
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,961
Hey, Car, isn't
that your husband?
473
00:21:10,735 --> 00:21:12,569
I'm just gonna grab
my purse and go.
474
00:21:24,232 --> 00:21:27,668
So, what's the verdict
on that footsie thing?
475
00:21:27,669 --> 00:21:29,303
Yea or nay?
33903
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