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1
00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:38,087
Yeah.
2
00:00:40,991 --> 00:00:43,376
Welcome to the Final Four.
3
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,362
Ah. Final Four. Just in time.
4
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:49,665
Hi, hon.
5
00:00:49,666 --> 00:00:52,017
Hey. I thought you guys
were gonna be out all day
6
00:00:52,018 --> 00:00:53,803
celebrating his birthday.
7
00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:54,920
Change of plans.
8
00:00:54,921 --> 00:00:56,789
I heard you were home
watching basketball,
9
00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:59,491
so I told her Six Flags
could wait for another day.
10
00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:07,282
Excuse me, I gotta
get something.
11
00:01:08,935 --> 00:01:11,737
Did you tell him I was
home watching the games?
12
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,939
He asked where you were.
What was I to say?
13
00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:15,691
I told you what to say.
14
00:01:15,692 --> 00:01:18,527
Oh, yeah, you were reading
to blind children. I forgot.
15
00:01:18,528 --> 00:01:21,179
You forgot. Now I'm stuck
with the Aqua Velva man.
16
00:01:21,180 --> 00:01:23,949
Doug, just let him watch
with you, please?
17
00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:25,418
Think of it as your
birthday gift.
18
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:28,186
My birthday gift is that he's not
living in the V.A. hospital.
19
00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:31,523
Look, Carrie. Look, I'm serious.
20
00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:33,125
I wanted to watch the
games by myself.
21
00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:35,360
It's important. My whole
office pool rides on this.
22
00:01:35,361 --> 00:01:38,731
What office pool?
23
00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:40,766
Do you listen to anything I say?
24
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,551
I'm selective, I'll admit.
25
00:01:42,552 --> 00:01:44,637
The March Madness pool, okay?
26
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:46,889
If both my teams win, I get
two tickets to St. Louis
27
00:01:46,890 --> 00:01:48,974
for the championship
game, all expenses paid.
28
00:01:48,975 --> 00:01:50,442
Douglas! Hurry!
29
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:53,229
You're missing the
Maalox Pregame Roundup.
30
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:57,366
Just let him watch with you.
For me.
31
00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,084
Okay, fine. Thank you.
32
00:01:59,085 --> 00:02:00,786
Now I just gotta run
some more errands,
33
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,255
but I just want you to know
that I really appreciate this.
34
00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:04,489
This is very sweet of you.
35
00:02:04,490 --> 00:02:06,926
Well, I hate your guts.
36
00:02:08,328 --> 00:02:10,796
They're doing a feature
on one of the players.
37
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:14,250
Leshandon Hawkins, raised
by his grandmother.
38
00:02:14,251 --> 00:02:15,917
Did you ever?
39
00:02:15,918 --> 00:02:17,753
Never.
40
00:02:19,656 --> 00:02:22,324
The most compelling story
of this tournament.
41
00:02:29,098 --> 00:02:30,832
This is some fun, huh?
42
00:02:30,833 --> 00:02:32,635
Just the boys watching
some roundball.
43
00:02:32,636 --> 00:02:35,237
Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah.
44
00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:36,605
Did I ever tell you
I used to play
45
00:02:36,606 --> 00:02:38,006
for the Oneonta Red Dragons?
46
00:02:38,007 --> 00:02:39,641
Last night and this morning.
47
00:02:39,642 --> 00:02:42,377
The other players nicknamed
me "Crazy Legs Spooner. "
48
00:02:42,378 --> 00:02:46,148
Prior to that I was known
simply as "Legs Spooner. "
49
00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:50,535
Oh, I will get it.
50
00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:54,006
Hello?
51
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,675
What? I can't-
52
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:59,644
I just sat down, I'm watching the
games with my father-in-law.
53
00:03:01,081 --> 00:03:02,681
All right, all right.
54
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:05,450
I'll be right there.
Jeez, bad news, Arthur.
55
00:03:05,451 --> 00:03:07,119
One of our other
drivers got real sick.
56
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,522
I gotta go and fill-in for him.
57
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:10,723
Oh, my God. Which one?
58
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:13,925
Oh, uh, it's Tom Mc... Jagger.
59
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,506
Here we go with the opening tip.
60
00:03:46,843 --> 00:03:50,445
And we're down to two minutes
left in this thrilling matchup.
61
00:03:50,446 --> 00:03:52,598
Hey, Dad.
62
00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:54,099
Where's Doug?
63
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:56,084
Oh, he left.
64
00:03:56,085 --> 00:03:59,271
He had to fill-in for McJagger.
65
00:04:05,028 --> 00:04:08,781
Simpson, in-bound pass,
looking for someone open.
66
00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:12,668
What are you doing? What?
67
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:15,371
You're supposed to be watching
the game with my father.
68
00:04:15,372 --> 00:04:16,455
I tried. It was too painful.
69
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:18,557
So I just called myself
with my cell phone
70
00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:20,676
and, uh, pretended it was work.
71
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:22,027
The fake phone call thing again?
72
00:04:22,028 --> 00:04:24,430
You know, he's gonna figure
that out eventually.
73
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:27,099
When he figures out Velcro,
I'll start worrying.
74
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,935
Come inside so we
can do his cake.
75
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,637
No, Carrie, I got a
shot at winning this.
76
00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:33,038
Inside now. Ugh.
77
00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:35,173
Okay.
78
00:04:39,278 --> 00:04:41,413
Wilkins sets,
79
00:04:41,414 --> 00:04:44,316
and the final
free-throw is good.
80
00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:47,052
And that ties the score at 61.
81
00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:49,788
We'll be back with
the final 55 seconds
82
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,256
after these words.
83
00:04:57,063 --> 00:04:59,464
Okay, I'm home from work! Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go.
84
00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:03,002
Okay. Dad, could you
come in here a sec?
85
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:07,339
A cake? I need my Lactaid pills.
86
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:08,273
Oh, I got 'em. I got 'em.
87
00:05:08,274 --> 00:05:09,374
Okay.
88
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,478
No, no, no. These are
regular strength.
89
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,229
I need ultra. Okay.
90
00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:15,447
Just eat around the ice cream.
91
00:05:27,977 --> 00:05:29,077
Hello? What? You're kid-
92
00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:30,379
Okay, I'll be right there.
93
00:05:30,380 --> 00:05:32,347
Work again. Unbelievable.
94
00:05:34,483 --> 00:05:37,068
I hate the way those
bastards take advantage
95
00:05:37,069 --> 00:05:38,236
of his good nature.
96
00:05:38,237 --> 00:05:40,673
Problem is, he's just too nice.
97
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,357
Yes, that's his curse.
98
00:05:42,358 --> 00:05:43,859
Anyway, why don't
you just go ahead
99
00:05:43,860 --> 00:05:47,296
and, uh, blow out the
candles and make a wish?
100
00:05:47,297 --> 00:05:48,346
Ah.
101
00:05:50,599 --> 00:05:53,251
Okay, that was a wet one.
102
00:05:53,252 --> 00:05:55,354
Anyway, what did you wish for?
103
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:56,855
A tiger cub?
104
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,407
No, no, no, not this year.
105
00:05:58,408 --> 00:06:00,241
I'm 0 for 22 on that one.
106
00:06:00,242 --> 00:06:02,311
What then? Uh, to be honest,
107
00:06:02,312 --> 00:06:05,814
I wished I could spend
more time with Douglas.
108
00:06:05,815 --> 00:06:07,483
Really?
109
00:06:07,484 --> 00:06:10,068
Yeah. He's such a
wonderful young man,
110
00:06:10,069 --> 00:06:12,971
but it seems every time
I'm about to enjoy
111
00:06:12,972 --> 00:06:15,807
the pleasure of his company,
he's whisked away to his job,
112
00:06:15,808 --> 00:06:18,877
or one of his charities,
or he's locked in his room
113
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:20,662
stricken with fever.
114
00:06:20,663 --> 00:06:22,915
Oh, well.
115
00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:26,168
Let's enjoy this wonderful cake.
116
00:06:26,169 --> 00:06:28,087
I won. I won.
117
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:30,339
Douglas, I thought you
were called back to work?
118
00:06:30,340 --> 00:06:33,058
No, t-that was a wrong number.
119
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:35,310
I'm going to St. Louis
for the big game.
120
00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:36,278
Oh, that's great.
121
00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:38,397
Sounds like a
marvelous adventure.
122
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,599
Um, have you decided who
you're gonna take with you?
123
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,255
Yeah,
124
00:06:47,256 --> 00:06:49,291
Deacon.
125
00:06:53,262 --> 00:06:57,032
Did you not see me bulge my
eyes and point with my head?
126
00:06:57,033 --> 00:06:59,534
Yeah, I assumed you were
having some sort of seizure,
127
00:06:59,535 --> 00:07:00,736
so I left.
128
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,305
Why can't you just-
129
00:07:03,306 --> 00:07:05,173
No, Carrie, I am not
taking him to St. Louis.
130
00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:07,142
And, you know, it's insane
for you to even ask.
131
00:07:07,143 --> 00:07:09,344
But I'm only asking because
it's his birthday.
132
00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:10,645
No, no. You got
his birthday gift
133
00:07:10,646 --> 00:07:12,347
when you made me
watch TV with him.
134
00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:13,766
But you didn't
watch TV with him.
135
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,552
He rubbed ear stuff on me.
136
00:07:16,553 --> 00:07:19,137
Okay, look, Doug, I know that
he's not a picnic to be around,
137
00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:21,739
but the fact is
that he adores you.
138
00:07:21,740 --> 00:07:23,341
Do you know what he
wished for tonight
139
00:07:23,342 --> 00:07:24,910
when he was blowing
out his candles?
140
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:26,645
To spend more time with you.
141
00:07:26,646 --> 00:07:28,814
How do you know that?
Because he told me.
142
00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:30,498
If he told you his wish,
it can't come true.
143
00:07:30,499 --> 00:07:31,733
Doug.
144
00:07:31,734 --> 00:07:33,485
I don't make the rules, baby.
All right.
145
00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:35,320
Let me bottom line
this for you, okay?
146
00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:37,388
You do this for him,
147
00:07:37,389 --> 00:07:39,524
and I will never ask you
to do anything with him
148
00:07:39,525 --> 00:07:41,794
ever, ever again. Yeah, okay.
149
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:42,961
Yeah, right. No,
150
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,979
I am serious. Take him to St.
Louis,
151
00:07:44,980 --> 00:07:46,615
and you are done.
152
00:07:46,616 --> 00:07:48,816
You don't have to drive
him to the senior center,
153
00:07:48,817 --> 00:07:50,219
no more playing Monopoly,
154
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,087
Chinese checkers,
thumb wrestling,
155
00:07:52,088 --> 00:07:53,638
and my hand to God,
156
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,557
you never have to apply ointment
157
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:57,842
to his naked back again.
158
00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:02,347
Wait a second, you just
mentioned his back.
159
00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:04,115
You didn't say anything
about his front.
160
00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:06,251
Has he got something on his
front I don't know about?
161
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,272
Fine. You don't have to
do his front, either.
162
00:08:10,273 --> 00:08:11,390
All right.
163
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,427
Hey there, folks.
164
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:17,229
Welcome aboard flight 317 to St.
Louis.
165
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:18,897
Please make yourselves
comfortable,
166
00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:20,765
we should be taking off shortly.
167
00:08:23,536 --> 00:08:26,021
This was a wonderful
surprise, Douglas.
168
00:08:26,022 --> 00:08:27,488
Thank you again.
169
00:08:27,489 --> 00:08:28,957
My pleasure.
170
00:08:28,958 --> 00:08:32,344
The fact is, I've been itching
to spend more time with you.
171
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,895
Really?
172
00:08:33,896 --> 00:08:35,230
I was just telling Carrie
173
00:08:35,231 --> 00:08:37,683
I wanted to spend
more time with you.
174
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:40,102
Wow.
175
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:42,153
Well, let's just enjoy the
time we have together now.
176
00:08:42,154 --> 00:08:43,689
You know,
177
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:46,808
in case we don't see each
other much after this.
178
00:08:49,311 --> 00:08:52,581
Yeah, let the enjoying commence.
179
00:08:52,582 --> 00:08:53,615
What do you got there?
180
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:55,484
My sleeping pills.
181
00:08:55,485 --> 00:08:56,884
Nervous flier, huh?
182
00:08:56,885 --> 00:08:58,519
Oh, yes.
183
00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,823
More than once I've stormed
the cockpit in a panic,
184
00:09:01,824 --> 00:09:04,625
but these days,
that's frowned upon.
185
00:09:04,626 --> 00:09:06,678
Hey, folks, this
is Captain Bender.
186
00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:09,114
We seem to be having a little
problem with the landing gear.
187
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:12,584
Hopefully we'll get it fixed
and we'll take off shortly.
188
00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:14,085
Oh, God.
189
00:09:19,208 --> 00:09:20,676
Oh, I'm sorry
190
00:09:20,677 --> 00:09:22,928
your flight's delayed, honey,
but hang in there, okay?
191
00:09:22,929 --> 00:09:24,897
You're doing a really
great thing for him.
192
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,131
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
193
00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:28,183
Uh, how's everything
going there?
194
00:09:28,184 --> 00:09:29,884
Uh, it's okay, I guess.
195
00:09:29,885 --> 00:09:31,986
I mean, you know I don't
like to be home by myself,
196
00:09:31,987 --> 00:09:33,188
but it is one night.
197
00:09:33,189 --> 00:09:35,923
I'll just try to get
through it somehow.
198
00:09:35,924 --> 00:09:37,292
All right. I love you.
199
00:09:37,293 --> 00:09:39,461
I love you too. Bye-bye.
200
00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:54,826
Folks, this is the
captain again.
201
00:09:54,827 --> 00:09:56,277
Apparently, our maintenance crew
202
00:09:56,278 --> 00:09:59,331
has been unable to fix the
landing gear after all.
203
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:02,301
But don't worry, we'll get you to St.
Louis tonight.
204
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:04,769
We have another flight that
connects through Pittsburgh
205
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:07,239
leaving from Gate 2
in about 15 minutes.
206
00:10:08,607 --> 00:10:11,443
All right, Arthur, come
on, we gotta hustle.
207
00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:13,979
Arthur?
208
00:10:14,914 --> 00:10:16,148
Arthur?
209
00:10:47,129 --> 00:10:48,296
Huh?
210
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,516
Douglas? Douglas?
211
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:52,534
Yeah, sh- Shhh.
212
00:10:52,535 --> 00:10:55,354
He's old. Uh, I'm here.
213
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:57,588
What's going on?
214
00:10:57,589 --> 00:11:00,308
Flight got cancelled. We had to
grab a connection to Pittsburgh.
215
00:11:00,309 --> 00:11:02,611
We're in Pittsburgh? Yeah.
216
00:11:02,612 --> 00:11:03,878
I've never been in Pittsburgh.
217
00:11:03,879 --> 00:11:06,915
Come on, let's tour
the steel mills.
218
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:09,300
Let's drink from
the Monongahela.
219
00:11:09,301 --> 00:11:11,670
We board in a few minutes. Oh.
220
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,055
That's just enough time to
load up on some souvenirs.
221
00:11:14,056 --> 00:11:15,990
I'll be back in a jiff.
222
00:11:15,991 --> 00:11:18,326
Hey, we don't have a jiff.
223
00:11:36,145 --> 00:11:37,396
Guess who.
224
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,781
Hey, Joe. What are
you doing here?
225
00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:41,750
Oh, I had to go to a
buddy of mine's funeral,
226
00:11:41,751 --> 00:11:44,051
but my flight back doesn't
leave for a couple of hours,
227
00:11:44,052 --> 00:11:46,204
figured I'd pop in
here and surprise you.
228
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:48,506
Well, mission accomplished.
Yeah, heh.
229
00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:50,275
Where's my boy? He upstairs?
230
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:51,609
Uh, no.
231
00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:54,496
Actually, he, uh,
won some tickets
232
00:11:54,497 --> 00:11:55,797
to a basketball game,
233
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:58,667
so he's on his way to St.
Louis with my father.
234
00:11:58,668 --> 00:12:01,035
Oh. Ah, jeez, I'm
sorry I missed him.
235
00:12:02,171 --> 00:12:04,906
What's all this? You
having a séance?
236
00:12:04,907 --> 00:12:06,674
Uh, no, no. I-
237
00:12:06,675 --> 00:12:08,526
Just a little bit
of mood lighting.
238
00:12:08,527 --> 00:12:10,295
Won't be needing that now.
239
00:12:11,347 --> 00:12:13,781
Oh, God, you're in the
middle of dinner.
240
00:12:13,782 --> 00:12:15,983
Yeah, I'm just having some sushi.
You want some?
241
00:12:15,984 --> 00:12:17,519
No, the one time I had that,
242
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,687
I got a tapeworm as
big as a baby's leg.
243
00:12:19,688 --> 00:12:21,656
But you enjoy.
244
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:27,411
Attention all passengers on
flight 641 to St. Louis.
245
00:12:27,412 --> 00:12:30,949
This is final boarding. Final
boarding for St. Louis.
246
00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:32,917
Damn it, Arthur. Come on.
247
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,419
Hi.
248
00:12:35,420 --> 00:12:37,522
Excuse me, my father-in-law
kind of wandered off.
249
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:38,806
Can you give me five minutes?
250
00:12:38,807 --> 00:12:40,509
I got to get him to St.
Louis tonight.
251
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:42,410
I'm sorry. If it's
not an emergency,
252
00:12:42,411 --> 00:12:43,795
I have to close the door now.
253
00:12:43,796 --> 00:12:45,680
Okay. Y-you know,
it is an emergency.
254
00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:47,148
If I take him to
this game tonight,
255
00:12:47,149 --> 00:12:48,916
I never have to spend
time with him again.
256
00:12:48,917 --> 00:12:50,618
Let me tell you
something, that is huge,
257
00:12:50,619 --> 00:12:52,720
'cause the guy is brutal.
258
00:12:52,721 --> 00:12:56,975
I mean, if a migraine headache
wore a cardigan sweater,
259
00:12:56,976 --> 00:12:59,143
and chewed its soup, that
would be Arthur Spooner.
260
00:12:59,144 --> 00:13:01,012
You know what I'm saying?
261
00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:02,647
Arthur.
262
00:13:02,648 --> 00:13:06,334
And to think I just bought you
an "I Heart Pittsburgh" button.
263
00:13:07,803 --> 00:13:10,288
Arthur! Just give me one
second, please? Arthur.
264
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:26,387
Hey, I'm trying to find a guy
265
00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:28,189
who ran off in that
direction right there.
266
00:13:28,190 --> 00:13:30,391
You want to help me chase him?
I'll give you 10 bucks.
267
00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:31,793
Sure, hop in. All right, man.
268
00:13:31,794 --> 00:13:34,228
Thank you very much.
Let her rip.
269
00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:47,959
Let her rip. Let her rip.
270
00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:51,296
Gun it.
271
00:13:51,297 --> 00:13:52,781
Okay.
272
00:13:52,782 --> 00:13:55,750
Not the best 10 bucks I ever spent.
Thank you.
273
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:03,758
Arthur, how'd you get back here?
274
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:06,578
I just did a quick circle
around the chairs.
275
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,313
Sir, I'm closing the door now.
276
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:09,548
Are you boarding or not?
277
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,632
Yes. Yes, we are. No, we're not.
278
00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:15,353
I'm not flying to St. Louis
with a man who despises me.
279
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:17,305
Never again. Look, I don't-
280
00:14:17,306 --> 00:14:19,224
I don't despise you, okay?
281
00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:21,292
I- I just made that stuff
up so he'd hold the gate.
282
00:14:21,293 --> 00:14:22,360
I swear it. Now, come on.
283
00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:24,295
Douglas, I may be
a stupid old man,
284
00:14:24,296 --> 00:14:27,032
but I'm not stupid. You
meant what you said.
285
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:30,235
And I'm not getting
on that plane.
286
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:34,338
You know what, Arthur?
287
00:14:34,339 --> 00:14:35,940
You're right. I
meant what I said.
288
00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:37,409
I meant every damn word of it.
289
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:39,744
Every time I got something
good in my life,
290
00:14:39,745 --> 00:14:41,980
you come along with your
big Mickey Mouse hands
291
00:14:41,981 --> 00:14:44,049
and scoop it away.
292
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,733
What did I ever take from you?
293
00:14:45,734 --> 00:14:48,253
I defy you to name three things.
294
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:49,637
My basement,
295
00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:50,838
my privacy,
296
00:14:50,839 --> 00:14:53,308
a quarter of my
paycheck every week.
297
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,493
I defy you to name three more.
298
00:14:57,129 --> 00:14:58,897
There are thousands
more, okay, Arthur?
299
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,599
Let's go with the
latest one, this game.
300
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,033
I really wanted to
go to this game
301
00:15:02,034 --> 00:15:03,985
and you blew it for me.
302
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:05,836
I will not give you
the satisfaction
303
00:15:05,837 --> 00:15:07,272
of lording this over me.
304
00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:10,242
I will get you to
your precious game.
305
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,993
How the hell are
you gonna do that?
306
00:15:33,949 --> 00:15:36,283
How you doing there, Joe?
Getting close maybe?
307
00:15:36,284 --> 00:15:37,819
Few more seconds.
308
00:15:37,820 --> 00:15:39,587
Okay.
309
00:15:39,588 --> 00:15:42,023
Startin' to get the shakes.
310
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:44,058
All right.
311
00:15:44,059 --> 00:15:45,292
Let her down gently.
312
00:15:45,293 --> 00:15:47,361
Okay.
313
00:15:47,362 --> 00:15:49,096
Ugh. How's that?
314
00:15:49,097 --> 00:15:50,398
She still wobbling?
315
00:15:50,399 --> 00:15:52,867
Didn't notice that she
was wobbling before,
316
00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:54,702
but it seems fine now.
317
00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:57,071
Ah, I don't know.
318
00:15:57,072 --> 00:15:58,840
Let me see.
319
00:15:58,841 --> 00:15:59,974
Whoa.
320
00:15:59,975 --> 00:16:01,409
You don't have a level.
321
00:16:01,410 --> 00:16:03,712
I don't know. Just what's
here is put in the box.
322
00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:05,196
All right, no need to panic.
323
00:16:05,197 --> 00:16:06,497
I can make one lickety-split.
324
00:16:06,498 --> 00:16:07,999
All I need is a
couple of Dixie cups,
325
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,168
a Ping-Pong ball
and a drop of oil.
326
00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:12,137
Joe, the table's fine now.
327
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,938
It's your house.
328
00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:15,206
Now, the last time I was here,
329
00:16:15,207 --> 00:16:16,774
I noticed the ice
was a little milky.
330
00:16:16,775 --> 00:16:18,510
Come on, help me
move the fridge out.
331
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:19,844
No.
332
00:16:19,845 --> 00:16:20,945
What's the matter?
333
00:16:20,946 --> 00:16:23,114
Look, Joe, I am done
moving furniture
334
00:16:23,115 --> 00:16:24,649
for tonight, okay?
335
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,519
And that also includes
sanding and varnishing.
336
00:16:28,787 --> 00:16:30,622
Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Carrie.
337
00:16:30,623 --> 00:16:33,525
I guess I kind of did barge
in and take over, huh?
338
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,694
Yeah, a little bit.
339
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:37,194
Listen, I think maybe
I'd better, uh,
340
00:16:37,195 --> 00:16:38,596
head over to the airport
341
00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:42,199
and, uh, hang out there
till my flight leaves.
342
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,603
Again, I'm sorry if I
interrupted your evening.
343
00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:48,006
It was good seeing you, Carrie.
344
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,341
Oh, Joe.
345
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:52,711
Wait. Please.
346
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:55,597
I want you to stay, really I do.
347
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,882
Really?
348
00:16:57,883 --> 00:17:00,051
Can't we just sit and talk?
You know, have a normal visit
349
00:17:00,052 --> 00:17:02,887
without power tools
and Dixie cups?
350
00:17:04,056 --> 00:17:05,824
I'd like that.
351
00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:07,158
Me too.
352
00:17:24,659 --> 00:17:27,295
Thank you. Without you, we
wouldn't have had a minyan.
353
00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:29,130
Well, that's what we do.
354
00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:37,088
Okay, that was ridiculous.
355
00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:38,990
You're lucky I taught
pottery on a kibbutz
356
00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:41,893
or I never could have
talked our way on here.
357
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,060
Okay, if I were lucky,
358
00:17:43,061 --> 00:17:44,863
you wouldn't be living
in my basement.
359
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:47,532
And if I were lucky, you
wouldn't be so fat.
360
00:17:49,167 --> 00:17:50,551
What does that have
to do with luck?
361
00:17:50,552 --> 00:17:53,772
I can't hear you,
you're too fat.
362
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:56,491
Oh, God! What was that?
363
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:57,892
I don't know.
364
00:17:57,893 --> 00:18:00,094
Gentlemen, we've hit a
bit of weather here.
365
00:18:00,095 --> 00:18:02,096
It's going to be pretty
bumpy the rest of the way
366
00:18:02,097 --> 00:18:03,498
to St. Louis, so
please make sure
367
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,466
you keep your seat belts fastened.
Thank you.
368
00:18:05,467 --> 00:18:06,667
Where are my pills?
369
00:18:06,668 --> 00:18:09,103
You took 'em all in New York.
Oh, God!
370
00:18:11,657 --> 00:18:13,291
Just relax, okay?
371
00:18:13,292 --> 00:18:16,010
I can't relax. I'm terrified.
372
00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:18,513
I wish I'd really
prayed with these men
373
00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:22,050
instead of just
making silly noises.
374
00:18:22,051 --> 00:18:23,334
Aagh!
375
00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:30,041
Come on.
376
00:18:35,463 --> 00:18:37,532
Just relax. You all right?
377
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:38,799
You okay?
378
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:41,168
I- I don't want to die, Douglas.
379
00:18:41,169 --> 00:18:43,838
You're not gonna die, okay?
It's just turbulence.
380
00:18:43,839 --> 00:18:46,541
I mean, I don't
want to die ever.
381
00:18:48,010 --> 00:18:49,944
With my luck, you won't.
382
00:18:51,813 --> 00:18:53,447
Douglas,
383
00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:57,018
when my time does come,
384
00:18:57,019 --> 00:18:59,187
am I headed upstairs
or downstairs?
385
00:18:59,871 --> 00:19:01,639
I- I think upstairs.
386
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,424
I hope so. Although,
over the years,
387
00:19:03,425 --> 00:19:06,093
at least a dozen people
have said to me,
388
00:19:06,094 --> 00:19:08,629
"You're gonna roast
in hell, Spooner. "
389
00:19:08,630 --> 00:19:10,431
Mm-hmm.
390
00:19:10,432 --> 00:19:11,982
Even so, I think you're, uh-
391
00:19:11,983 --> 00:19:13,584
You're really not the hell type.
392
00:19:13,585 --> 00:19:15,320
Down there, they're
looking for evil.
393
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,954
You're not evil. You're-
394
00:19:16,955 --> 00:19:19,274
You're exhausting.
395
00:19:19,275 --> 00:19:21,959
Thank you, Douglas. Yeah.
396
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:25,113
I'm sorry I played
the fat card before.
397
00:19:25,114 --> 00:19:27,331
It's okay. You didn't
play it very well.
398
00:19:30,168 --> 00:19:31,268
Well, that being said,
399
00:19:31,269 --> 00:19:32,837
you might want to
speak to the pilot,
400
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:36,841
because I'm about to
become hysterical.
401
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,227
Gentlemen, it looks like
we're going to be making
402
00:19:39,228 --> 00:19:41,763
an unscheduled stop in
about five minutes.
403
00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:46,684
Don't worry, the screaming man
will be getting off the plane.
404
00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:50,738
So Freddy says to me,
405
00:19:50,739 --> 00:19:53,574
"That's not a Lionel engine.
That's a knockoff. "
406
00:19:53,575 --> 00:19:54,909
But the joke is on him
407
00:19:54,910 --> 00:19:57,111
because I know it's authentic
from the smokestack.
408
00:19:57,112 --> 00:19:59,230
So he sold it to me for a song.
409
00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:01,032
You're kidding me. Hand to God.
410
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,066
I love it.
411
00:20:02,067 --> 00:20:03,100
Oh, oh, oh.
412
00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:04,619
Here's the capper.
413
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:05,469
Jump ahead three years.
414
00:20:05,470 --> 00:20:07,205
I'm at a train show in Utica
415
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,739
and guess who walks over to me
416
00:20:08,740 --> 00:20:11,409
with the sorriest-looking
freight car you ever saw?
417
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:12,577
I think I know who.
418
00:20:12,578 --> 00:20:13,878
Oh, wait.
419
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:15,212
Hold that thought.
420
00:20:17,215 --> 00:20:19,183
Hello?
421
00:20:19,184 --> 00:20:20,885
What?
422
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:22,052
Oh, God.
423
00:20:22,053 --> 00:20:25,022
All right. I'll-
I'll be right there.
424
00:20:25,023 --> 00:20:26,841
Okay, bye-bye.
425
00:20:26,842 --> 00:20:29,677
Crisis at the office.
I have to run.
426
00:20:29,678 --> 00:20:30,911
Oh, that stinks.
427
00:20:30,912 --> 00:20:33,647
Yeah, I know, but lock
up when you leave, okay?
428
00:20:33,648 --> 00:20:34,882
Thanks. Mwah.
429
00:20:59,208 --> 00:21:01,626
Okay, so, what do you like?
430
00:21:01,627 --> 00:21:03,260
The Dayton snow globe
431
00:21:03,261 --> 00:21:06,296
or the Dayton cheese board?
432
00:21:10,468 --> 00:21:12,569
Okay, the cheese board.
30913
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