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1
00:00:04,904 --> 00:00:06,771
Wow.
2
00:00:06,772 --> 00:00:09,774
Do you know what Ayatollah
Khomeini's first name was?
3
00:00:09,775 --> 00:00:11,126
What?
4
00:00:11,127 --> 00:00:14,213
Ruhollah.
5
00:00:14,214 --> 00:00:16,765
So? What'd you think it was?
6
00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:17,649
Ayatollah.
7
00:00:20,153 --> 00:00:22,421
Ayatollah's not a name.
It's a title.
8
00:00:22,422 --> 00:00:23,321
Pffft!
9
00:00:26,108 --> 00:00:27,242
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
10
00:00:27,243 --> 00:00:29,911
Did you just give me a 'Pffft'?
11
00:00:29,912 --> 00:00:31,346
Like I'm some kind of idiot
12
00:00:31,347 --> 00:00:33,732
for thinking that Ayatollah
could be a first name?
13
00:00:33,733 --> 00:00:36,618
Ok, you're not an idiot.
It's just not a name, ok?
14
00:00:36,619 --> 00:00:38,920
Oh, really? It just so
happens that I played
15
00:00:38,921 --> 00:00:41,022
high-school baseball with
a guy named Ayatollah.
16
00:00:42,268 --> 00:00:42,927
Really?
17
00:00:42,952 --> 00:00:43,521
Yep.
18
00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:48,531
Ayatollah Rodriguez.
19
00:00:48,556 --> 00:00:50,875
That's funny. You never
mentioned him before.
20
00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:53,502
Really? I never
mentioned Tollie?
21
00:00:55,304 --> 00:00:58,072
That's weird, 'cause
we were pretty tight.
22
00:00:58,073 --> 00:01:00,842
I actually took his sister
Beth to the junior prom.
23
00:01:03,813 --> 00:01:05,814
Doug, I'm gonna make
you an offer, okay?
24
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,783
Stop talking right now,
25
00:01:07,784 --> 00:01:11,887
and we can pretend
this never happened.
26
00:01:11,888 --> 00:01:13,488
I'm not gonna pretend
my best friend
27
00:01:13,489 --> 00:01:15,523
from high school never happened.
28
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,701
Hello?
29
00:01:26,702 --> 00:01:30,238
Yes, hello. This is, uh,
Ayatollah Rodriguez.
30
00:01:30,239 --> 00:01:32,640
Is my old high-school
baseball friend, Doug, there?
31
00:01:32,641 --> 00:01:33,908
Oy.
32
00:02:23,993 --> 00:02:26,594
Explain to me what
I'm looking at?
33
00:02:29,965 --> 00:02:32,083
Before you judge me,
34
00:02:32,084 --> 00:02:34,069
let me walk you through it.
35
00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:38,173
I settled in, I started eating,
36
00:02:38,174 --> 00:02:40,509
and then I realized I didn't
have a place to put the bones.
37
00:02:41,877 --> 00:02:44,045
I didn't want to put
'em on the sheets,
38
00:02:44,046 --> 00:02:47,349
'cause you made it very
clear you don't like that.
39
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,420
Long story short,
40
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:52,887
I've invented the shirt plate.
41
00:02:54,390 --> 00:02:57,810
Doug, I left dinner for
you in the refrigerator.
42
00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:59,261
I didn't see it. No?
43
00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:01,146
'Cause I labeled it
"Doug's dinner. "
44
00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:03,815
Oh, I thought that
said "Dog's dinner. "
45
00:03:05,217 --> 00:03:07,986
I figured you were
surprising me with a puppy.
46
00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:09,288
Come on. This isn't funny.
47
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,622
You're telling me.
48
00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:12,825
All day long, I thought
I was getting a puppy.
49
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:15,427
Honey, you promised me you
would stick to your diet.
50
00:03:15,428 --> 00:03:18,080
Aren't you at all concerned
about your health?
51
00:03:18,081 --> 00:03:21,016
I'll tell you what I
am concerned about.
52
00:03:21,017 --> 00:03:24,169
My blue cheese cup am empty.
53
00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:25,120
Ow!
54
00:03:25,922 --> 00:03:27,322
Carrie!
55
00:03:33,429 --> 00:03:35,880
Look at this. Low-fat
mayo, cottage cheese,
56
00:03:35,881 --> 00:03:37,549
garden burgers, all untouched.
57
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:40,018
Why do I even bother
buying this stuff?
58
00:03:40,019 --> 00:03:41,453
That's what I've been saying!
59
00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:42,938
Ow!
60
00:03:42,939 --> 00:03:44,940
You gotta find a new go-to move.
61
00:03:46,109 --> 00:03:47,625
Doug, it's just so frustrating.
62
00:03:47,626 --> 00:03:49,094
I mean over and over again,
63
00:03:49,095 --> 00:03:50,895
you promise me you're
gonna lose weight,
64
00:03:50,896 --> 00:03:52,163
and then you actually do it,
65
00:03:52,164 --> 00:03:53,331
and then I'm so proud of you,
66
00:03:53,332 --> 00:03:55,633
and then every single
time, without fail,
67
00:03:55,634 --> 00:03:57,735
you fall off the wagon.
68
00:03:57,736 --> 00:03:59,070
And then you eat the wagon.
69
00:04:00,290 --> 00:04:02,374
Calm down. I'll be fine.
70
00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:03,658
Doug, you're not fine, okay?
71
00:04:03,659 --> 00:04:05,127
Your eating is out of control.
72
00:04:05,128 --> 00:04:07,078
Would you back it off?
Yeah, fine, fine.
73
00:04:07,079 --> 00:04:09,481
I will back off. Okay,
'cause I am tired
74
00:04:09,482 --> 00:04:11,299
of banging my head
against the wall.
75
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:12,650
W- You know what? Here, here.
76
00:04:12,651 --> 00:04:14,119
Have cookies for dinner, okay?
77
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,487
I give up. I officially give up.
78
00:04:15,488 --> 00:04:16,654
You happy?
79
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:26,698
What are you doing?!
80
00:04:26,699 --> 00:04:28,099
You said you gave up!
81
00:04:32,655 --> 00:04:34,406
I'm telling you, Doug,
as soon as I heard
82
00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:36,074
about this overeaters
support group,
83
00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:38,043
I had a really good
feeling about it.
84
00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:40,913
And I've got a bad feeling.
It's called hunger.
85
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:43,131
We just had a delicious dinner.
86
00:04:43,132 --> 00:04:44,249
It was salmon.
87
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,084
Salmon's delicious.
The hell it is.
88
00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:48,019
The only people who
like salmon are bears.
89
00:04:49,672 --> 00:04:53,007
Okay, Doug, you really
need this group, okay?
90
00:04:53,008 --> 00:04:54,976
And, listen, you're
gonna be meeting people
91
00:04:54,977 --> 00:04:57,980
who are struggling with
the same things you are.
92
00:04:57,981 --> 00:05:00,331
It's gonna be me and a
roomful of big, fat losers!
93
00:05:00,332 --> 00:05:01,967
Now that is not true.
94
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:05,270
Okay, they may be big,
but they are not losers.
95
00:05:05,271 --> 00:05:07,155
I bet you they're really cool.
96
00:05:07,156 --> 00:05:09,190
Yeah, that guy they had to
cut out of his apartment,
97
00:05:09,191 --> 00:05:10,392
he's super cool.
98
00:05:12,545 --> 00:05:15,046
Well, in a way, he was.
99
00:05:15,047 --> 00:05:16,848
I mean we're talking
about him right now.
100
00:05:16,849 --> 00:05:17,849
And that's cool.
101
00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:19,217
I don't want to
do this, come on.
102
00:05:19,218 --> 00:05:20,218
Honey, You have to go.
103
00:05:20,219 --> 00:05:22,037
I don't. You do. Doug...
104
00:05:22,038 --> 00:05:23,104
Sometimes when you look at me,
105
00:05:23,105 --> 00:05:24,840
I think you're seeing
a giant pork chop
106
00:05:24,841 --> 00:05:26,291
with my head on it.
107
00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:27,692
With your head on it?
108
00:05:27,693 --> 00:05:29,294
Get over yourself.
109
00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:30,679
All right, go.
110
00:05:40,906 --> 00:05:42,074
Is there even any dip?
111
00:05:57,757 --> 00:06:02,226
Okay, people, let's get started.
112
00:06:02,227 --> 00:06:04,496
You there. You're new.
113
00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:05,797
What's your name?
114
00:06:05,798 --> 00:06:08,550
Me? Uh, Doug.
115
00:06:08,551 --> 00:06:10,552
Welcome, Doug. I'm Neil.
116
00:06:10,553 --> 00:06:11,386
Please, join us.
117
00:06:12,972 --> 00:06:14,489
Is this how to hem
your own pants?
118
00:06:17,593 --> 00:06:20,178
No, Doug. This is
a group for men
119
00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:21,613
in abusive relationships.
120
00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:28,686
Oh, I'm sorry. I
shouldn't be here.
121
00:06:28,687 --> 00:06:30,305
I'll put these back.
122
00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:32,891
Except for this one,'cause I put
a thumb print in it already.
123
00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:34,910
Doug, Yeah?
124
00:06:34,911 --> 00:06:36,628
We all know what
you're going through.
125
00:06:37,447 --> 00:06:39,031
You're scared.
126
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:41,332
You don't want to admit
there's a problem,
127
00:06:41,333 --> 00:06:44,335
but you were brave enough
to come here tonight.
128
00:06:44,336 --> 00:06:46,938
Be brave enough to stay.
129
00:06:46,939 --> 00:06:48,556
Really, I, uh-
130
00:06:48,557 --> 00:06:49,991
I don't belong here.
131
00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:51,376
We all felt that way
at first, Doug.
132
00:06:51,377 --> 00:06:52,610
Yeah, it's true.
133
00:06:57,550 --> 00:07:00,835
So, why are you here tonight?
134
00:07:00,836 --> 00:07:02,570
You had doughnuts.
135
00:07:05,691 --> 00:07:07,826
And who doesn't let you
have doughnuts, Doug?
136
00:07:09,978 --> 00:07:11,313
My wife. But the thing is-
137
00:07:11,314 --> 00:07:14,149
Does she ever yell at you
about eating doughnuts?
138
00:07:14,150 --> 00:07:15,951
Yeah.
139
00:07:15,952 --> 00:07:18,670
Does it ever get physical?
140
00:07:18,671 --> 00:07:21,706
Hit you, slap you,
throw things at you?
141
00:07:21,707 --> 00:07:23,408
Yesterday she...
twisted my nipples.
142
00:07:28,831 --> 00:07:33,502
And does all of her anger just
make you want to eat more?
143
00:07:33,503 --> 00:07:34,269
Okay.
144
00:07:36,339 --> 00:07:40,074
No, it's not okay, Doug.
145
00:07:40,075 --> 00:07:42,477
But it's how you
get by, isn't it?
146
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:46,565
So you're saying...
147
00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:48,900
my overeating is... her fault.
148
00:07:51,354 --> 00:07:53,405
I think that's what
you're saying, Doug.
149
00:07:57,209 --> 00:07:59,511
Then she comes in
like hell on wheels,
150
00:07:59,512 --> 00:08:01,045
"You're so fat!"
151
00:08:01,046 --> 00:08:02,480
"Don't eat that off your chest!
152
00:08:02,481 --> 00:08:05,116
I can't believe you're so fat!"
153
00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:07,285
She wonders why I gain weight.
154
00:08:07,286 --> 00:08:09,704
I mean, maybe it's 'cause
all the names she calls me.
155
00:08:09,705 --> 00:08:10,771
You know. Fatty. Chunky.
156
00:08:10,772 --> 00:08:11,990
Sir Eats-a-Lot.
157
00:08:13,359 --> 00:08:15,460
So she starts yelling
at the waiter.
158
00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:17,762
Now... I can't look
at the poor guy,
159
00:08:17,763 --> 00:08:20,164
and I... certainly
can't look at her,
160
00:08:20,165 --> 00:08:21,850
so I look down at my plate.
161
00:08:21,851 --> 00:08:23,701
Hello, jambalaya.
162
00:08:23,702 --> 00:08:25,370
You won't twist my
nipples, will you?
163
00:08:27,256 --> 00:08:30,058
Mr. Big-pants.
164
00:08:30,059 --> 00:08:32,327
Fat Damon.
165
00:08:32,328 --> 00:08:33,577
Enormo the clown.
166
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:36,480
Enormo.
167
00:08:37,482 --> 00:08:39,517
You know what? My name is Doug.
168
00:08:40,085 --> 00:08:42,620
Just Doug.
169
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,159
It's just Doug.
170
00:08:51,113 --> 00:08:53,464
Hey, baby. How'd it go tonight?
171
00:08:53,465 --> 00:08:54,716
It was good.
172
00:08:54,717 --> 00:08:56,468
Have you been crying?
173
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:57,502
A little.
174
00:08:57,503 --> 00:08:59,837
You get into some
stuff in there.
175
00:08:59,838 --> 00:09:02,674
Oh, honey. I am so proud of you.
176
00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:08,897
Hey!
177
00:09:08,898 --> 00:09:10,881
Moron, watch where you're going!
178
00:09:12,401 --> 00:09:15,420
Magoo, mooooove!
179
00:09:20,909 --> 00:09:22,943
Friggin' idiot.
180
00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:33,171
I really appreciate you
checking up on me, Neil,
181
00:09:33,172 --> 00:09:34,339
but I'm doing all right.
182
00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:35,940
Yeah, she's gonna
be home any minute,
183
00:09:35,941 --> 00:09:37,642
so I can't stay on the
phone much longer.
184
00:09:39,678 --> 00:09:41,846
Yes. No, I'll be at the meeting.
185
00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:43,882
All right then. I'll see you-
186
00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:45,850
What's that? Oh, yeah.
187
00:09:45,851 --> 00:09:47,836
I will not let the
rage of others
188
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:49,587
destroy the light in me.
189
00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:50,555
Okay.
190
00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:55,493
Hey, Doug, I'm just
dropping off Arthur's bill,
191
00:09:55,494 --> 00:09:58,195
but I couldn't help overhearing
your conversation.
192
00:09:58,196 --> 00:09:59,364
Are you an alcoholic?
193
00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:02,416
No.
194
00:10:02,417 --> 00:10:04,669
Oh, me, neither.
195
00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:08,373
So, w- What was that all about?
196
00:10:08,374 --> 00:10:11,293
Oh, it's a, uh, long
story, but it turns out
197
00:10:11,294 --> 00:10:13,712
it's Carrie's anger that
makes me eat so much.
198
00:10:13,713 --> 00:10:16,248
No! Yeah, I was surprised, too.
199
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:17,749
Wow. How about that?
200
00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:19,868
This whole time, she had me
convinced it was my fault,
201
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:22,037
but my support group
helped me realize
202
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:25,056
that Carrie's bad
temper is the problem.
203
00:10:25,057 --> 00:10:28,677
She drives me straight into
the loving arms of food.
204
00:10:28,678 --> 00:10:29,677
Maybe that's what happened
205
00:10:29,678 --> 00:10:31,345
with my brother and his wife.
206
00:10:31,346 --> 00:10:32,847
Except that she
drove him straight
207
00:10:32,848 --> 00:10:34,348
into the loving arms
of their nanny.
208
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:41,156
I'm gonna kill our pharmacist!
209
00:10:41,157 --> 00:10:42,040
Oh, God.
210
00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:43,441
Come. Through the back door.
211
00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:44,442
We'll drive all night.
212
00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:46,111
Come!
213
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:47,145
Hey, Car.
214
00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,446
Hey.
215
00:10:48,447 --> 00:10:51,716
So, I go to pick up my
prescription from the pharmacy,
216
00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:54,118
and I'm in line for like
20 freaking minutes,
217
00:10:54,119 --> 00:10:57,221
because the pharmacist
is a million years old.
218
00:10:57,222 --> 00:10:58,907
Then I finally get to
the front of the line,
219
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:04,095
and Rip van Senile says,
"That'll be $98."
220
00:11:04,096 --> 00:11:06,230
And I go, "No, our
insurance covers this. ",
221
00:11:06,231 --> 00:11:08,232
and he says, "No, it doesn't. "
222
00:11:08,233 --> 00:11:09,700
I just- I hate old people.
223
00:11:10,886 --> 00:11:12,654
Where's our insurance bill?
224
00:11:12,655 --> 00:11:14,389
Um, maybe it's upstairs.
225
00:11:14,390 --> 00:11:16,424
Why would it be upstairs?
Did you put it there?
226
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:19,761
No, I- I was just
trying to help you out.
227
00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:22,196
Why are you acting so weird?
228
00:11:22,197 --> 00:11:23,815
I'm sorry.
229
00:11:23,816 --> 00:11:26,201
What are you sorry about?
230
00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:27,769
I don't know.
231
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:30,004
Well, just help me find it.
232
00:11:32,374 --> 00:11:34,208
You poor man.
233
00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:55,806
Hi, honey. Hey,
234
00:12:55,807 --> 00:12:57,075
I'm headin' out.
235
00:12:57,076 --> 00:12:59,277
Oh, you have your, uh,
support group tonight?
236
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:00,278
Yes, I do.
237
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:01,312
I gotta tell you, Doug,
238
00:13:01,313 --> 00:13:03,147
I am really proud of you, honey.
239
00:13:03,148 --> 00:13:05,300
I mean, I know it was the
last thing you wanted to do,
240
00:13:05,301 --> 00:13:06,951
but you did it, and
you stuck with it,
241
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:12,340
and now look at you.
242
00:13:12,341 --> 00:13:14,259
Doug? Yeah?
243
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:16,327
Are you, um...
244
00:13:16,328 --> 00:13:17,294
getting fatter?
245
00:13:20,182 --> 00:13:21,683
No.
246
00:13:21,684 --> 00:13:27,421
No? 'cause it seems like
you're much more... fatter.
247
00:13:27,422 --> 00:13:30,442
Can't be. I've been going to
my overeaters group for weeks.
248
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:33,328
Are you sure they're not
teaching you how to overeat?
249
00:13:33,329 --> 00:13:35,646
Ah- You know what it is?
250
00:13:35,647 --> 00:13:38,783
They told me I'd gain
weight before I lose it.
251
00:13:38,784 --> 00:13:40,051
Actually, that's their motto.
252
00:13:40,052 --> 00:13:42,120
"You'll gain weight
before you lose it. "
253
00:13:42,121 --> 00:13:44,171
That's a bad motto. Mmm.
Well, they're fat.
254
00:13:44,172 --> 00:13:46,156
They're not Shakespeare.
I'll see you later.
255
00:13:46,157 --> 00:13:48,909
Hey, uh, what do you talk
about at these classes?
256
00:13:48,910 --> 00:13:50,645
I mean, what gets said?
257
00:13:50,646 --> 00:13:52,096
What do you mean?
258
00:13:52,097 --> 00:13:54,666
Well, what's supposed to
motivate you to lose weight?
259
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,517
Oh, well first class,
we talked about
260
00:13:56,518 --> 00:13:59,754
famous fat people,
like Marlon Brando
261
00:13:59,755 --> 00:14:03,941
and that lady from The Practice.
262
00:14:03,942 --> 00:14:05,477
What's the point of that?
263
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:06,878
It just gets us to feel like,
264
00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:08,579
"Hey, you know,
maybe you're fat,
265
00:14:08,580 --> 00:14:12,066
but famous people are fat, too. "
266
00:14:12,067 --> 00:14:13,401
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
267
00:14:13,402 --> 00:14:14,736
What else?
268
00:14:14,737 --> 00:14:16,254
Uh, well, the second
day, obviously,
269
00:14:16,255 --> 00:14:18,005
we talked about
famous skinny people,
270
00:14:18,006 --> 00:14:20,708
like that other lady
from The Practice.
271
00:14:20,709 --> 00:14:24,112
And, uh... Stan Laurel.
272
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,664
Stan Laurel?
273
00:14:26,665 --> 00:14:29,417
Yeah, it gives us a goal of
what we want to look like.
274
00:14:29,418 --> 00:14:32,804
And you want to look
like Stan Laurel?
275
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,589
Hey, from your lips
to God's ears, huh?
276
00:14:34,590 --> 00:14:37,508
All right.
277
00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:53,858
Excuse me.
278
00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:56,277
Is, uh, Doug Heffernan here?
279
00:14:56,278 --> 00:14:57,495
Who?
280
00:14:57,496 --> 00:14:59,664
Doug Heffernan.
He's in this class.
281
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:01,916
No, we don't have
anyone named Doug here.
282
00:15:01,917 --> 00:15:04,619
Isn't this the overeaters
support group?
283
00:15:04,620 --> 00:15:07,688
No, this is Jazzercise.
284
00:15:07,689 --> 00:15:08,723
Why do you have to hurt?
285
00:15:14,597 --> 00:15:15,680
You know what it is?
286
00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:17,614
You gotta continuously
remind yourself,
287
00:15:17,615 --> 00:15:19,467
it's not your fault.
288
00:15:19,468 --> 00:15:21,602
Oh, my god. This is
made with real butter.
289
00:15:26,124 --> 00:15:28,643
Hello, Doug.
290
00:15:28,644 --> 00:15:29,811
Carrie.
291
00:15:29,812 --> 00:15:30,745
Oh, God.
292
00:15:33,965 --> 00:15:36,200
Maury, this is, uh,
my wife, Carrie.
293
00:15:36,201 --> 00:15:37,434
Hello.
294
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:43,574
Okay, you have 5 seconds
295
00:15:43,575 --> 00:15:45,209
to tell me what's going on here.
296
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:47,611
What's going on here
is I'm in the middle
297
00:15:47,612 --> 00:15:49,330
of my overeaters group.
298
00:15:49,331 --> 00:15:52,516
Doug, you're eating cake.
299
00:15:53,919 --> 00:15:55,986
Yes, but what you didn't see is
300
00:15:55,987 --> 00:15:58,222
we eat the cake while looking
at a picture of Hitler.
301
00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:03,061
That's how they get
us to hate cake.
302
00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:05,813
Yuck!
303
00:16:05,814 --> 00:16:08,182
Okay, what is going on?
What group is this?
304
00:16:08,183 --> 00:16:10,018
All right. It might be a class
305
00:16:10,019 --> 00:16:12,319
for men in abusive
relationships.
306
00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:15,639
What?
307
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,574
Yeah, that's right.
308
00:16:17,575 --> 00:16:20,745
I came for the doughnuts, but
I stayed for the insights.
309
00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:22,530
What insights?
310
00:16:22,531 --> 00:16:25,082
Well, I learned that...
311
00:16:25,083 --> 00:16:27,619
your anger makes me eat.
312
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,871
What?!
313
00:16:29,872 --> 00:16:30,888
That's right.
314
00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:32,856
Whenever you get mad, you
start yelling at me,
315
00:16:32,857 --> 00:16:35,126
I need an escape,
so I turn to food.
316
00:16:35,127 --> 00:16:36,127
That makes you my-
317
00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:37,511
What do you call her again?
318
00:16:37,512 --> 00:16:39,297
Your behavior catalyst.
319
00:16:39,298 --> 00:16:40,397
Behavior catalyst, okay?
320
00:16:40,398 --> 00:16:42,399
So if you want to blame
somebody for my weight,
321
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,568
maybe you should take a
hard look in the mirror.
322
00:16:47,439 --> 00:16:49,240
You're a lying sack of crap.
323
00:16:50,142 --> 00:16:53,577
Great. Now I'm hungry.
324
00:16:53,578 --> 00:16:54,979
Carrie...
325
00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:57,047
I'm Neil. Welcome. Mm-hmm.
326
00:16:57,048 --> 00:16:58,515
Doug is simply trying to break
327
00:16:58,516 --> 00:17:01,703
a cycle of verbal
and physical abuse.
328
00:17:01,704 --> 00:17:03,287
Physical abuse?
329
00:17:03,288 --> 00:17:05,490
He told you that I
physically abuse him?
330
00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:08,225
He told us about
everything, Carrie.
331
00:17:08,226 --> 00:17:10,961
The purple nurples.
332
00:17:10,962 --> 00:17:12,196
The atomic wedgies.
333
00:17:14,216 --> 00:17:16,417
That scar on his arm.
334
00:17:16,418 --> 00:17:19,770
You got that scar from a
hot-dog eating contest!
335
00:17:19,771 --> 00:17:22,072
Yeah, a hot-dog eating contest
I only entered because
336
00:17:22,073 --> 00:17:23,257
you're so mean!
337
00:17:23,258 --> 00:17:24,692
Oh, really?
338
00:17:24,693 --> 00:17:27,095
And did you also set a new
record 'cause I'm so mean?
339
00:17:27,096 --> 00:17:28,078
Could be.
340
00:17:29,915 --> 00:17:31,599
Let me ask you something, Neil.
341
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:34,067
Did he happen to mention
that he was fat
342
00:17:34,068 --> 00:17:35,269
the day that I met him?
343
00:17:35,270 --> 00:17:36,571
Well, no. No.
344
00:17:36,572 --> 00:17:38,489
Because he was.
345
00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:40,124
Yeah, what were you then?
346
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:41,776
Huh? High two hundreds?
347
00:17:41,777 --> 00:17:45,562
No, not high. Mid to high.
348
00:17:45,563 --> 00:17:47,347
And did he also
happen to mention
349
00:17:47,348 --> 00:17:49,534
that he was the biggest
kid in nursery school?
350
00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:52,036
That all the other parents
thought he was a teacher?
351
00:17:53,689 --> 00:17:54,956
No.
352
00:17:54,957 --> 00:17:58,759
No. Tell him about the
special desk, Doug.
353
00:17:58,760 --> 00:17:59,843
All right, fine!
354
00:17:59,844 --> 00:18:01,212
So maybe I was fat
when I met you,
355
00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:03,431
but you know what? You're
still an angry person.
356
00:18:03,432 --> 00:18:06,267
Well, I'm angry because
you're always eating.
357
00:18:06,268 --> 00:18:08,553
And I'm always eating
'cause you're always angry.
358
00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:11,238
Okay, looks like we have a
little chicken-and-egg thing
359
00:18:11,239 --> 00:18:12,840
going on right now.
360
00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:16,227
Oh, I bet you want to have
chicken and eggs now, huh?
361
00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:17,428
Okay, that's it. You know what?
362
00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:18,762
I'll go to my overeaters group
363
00:18:18,763 --> 00:18:20,481
if you go to an anger
management group.
364
00:18:20,482 --> 00:18:22,583
I don't need anger management.
365
00:18:22,584 --> 00:18:24,602
Oh, really? Well why don't
you tell that to Maury,
366
00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:25,737
who you almost ran over,
367
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:27,305
or that pharmacist
who you yelled at,
368
00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:28,656
or that librarian you got fired?
369
00:18:28,657 --> 00:18:30,541
All right, okay,
sometimes I get mad,
370
00:18:30,542 --> 00:18:32,176
but that's only
because I have to.
371
00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:34,579
Oh, really? Why don't you tell
that to the sidewalk Santa
372
00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:36,664
that you cursed out
last Christmas?
373
00:18:36,665 --> 00:18:37,932
Let me tell you something.
374
00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:40,167
If it'll make you go down
a couple of neck sizes,
375
00:18:40,168 --> 00:18:42,036
I will go to anger management.
376
00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:44,838
Great, 'cause they have a class
going on upstairs right now.
377
00:18:44,839 --> 00:18:47,008
Well, I'll go if you'll go
to your overeaters group.
378
00:18:47,009 --> 00:18:47,975
Fine! Let's do it!
379
00:18:47,976 --> 00:18:49,360
Let's do it!
380
00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:50,994
This is for the
chicken-and-egg crack.
381
00:19:07,745 --> 00:19:09,913
This is great. We haven't
had date night in a while.
382
00:19:09,914 --> 00:19:11,115
I know. Well, we deserve it.
383
00:19:11,116 --> 00:19:12,749
I mean, you're
sticking to your diet.
384
00:19:12,750 --> 00:19:13,918
Got my rice cakes.
385
00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:16,454
And, uh. I've mellowed out.
386
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:18,089
It's-it's much better.
387
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:19,356
Much better.
388
00:19:19,357 --> 00:19:22,343
And my nipples have
healed up nicely.
389
00:19:22,344 --> 00:19:24,728
Those are taken.
390
00:19:24,729 --> 00:19:25,797
Oh, okay. Excuse me.
391
00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:27,865
Uh, uh, uh. Those, too.
392
00:19:27,866 --> 00:19:29,684
All the way down to that guy.
393
00:19:29,685 --> 00:19:34,671
Okay, one guy saving 20 seats.
394
00:19:34,672 --> 00:19:36,941
No law against that.
395
00:19:40,579 --> 00:19:41,863
See? How good was I?
396
00:19:41,864 --> 00:19:43,347
That was very good.
397
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:46,567
But where are we gonna sit?
398
00:19:46,568 --> 00:19:49,553
Never sat in the
front row before.
399
00:19:49,554 --> 00:19:50,487
Me, neither.
400
00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:56,426
Mmm.
401
00:19:57,295 --> 00:19:58,562
Plain.
402
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:03,901
Tell me if anything good
happens over there.
403
00:20:03,902 --> 00:20:05,168
Right.
404
00:20:18,599 --> 00:20:19,800
Yeah, I think it's great
405
00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:21,969
that we're trying to
improve ourselves.
406
00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:24,204
Oh, yeah.
407
00:20:24,205 --> 00:20:26,106
I just think that all
these improvements
408
00:20:26,107 --> 00:20:28,860
are upsetting our
balance as a couple.
409
00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:30,544
Yeah. Something's a
little off, right?
410
00:20:30,545 --> 00:20:33,698
I mean, what should we do?
411
00:20:33,699 --> 00:20:37,118
Well, I'm just gonna throw
this out at you, okay?
412
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:39,253
What if I were to, uh, let
you eat these Milk Duds?
413
00:20:39,254 --> 00:20:41,122
Would you let me go
back there to the seats
414
00:20:41,123 --> 00:20:42,189
we're supposed to be in,
415
00:20:42,190 --> 00:20:44,091
and drop-kick that
douche into the lobby?
416
00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:48,596
I didn't hear a word
after "Milk Duds. "
417
00:20:48,597 --> 00:20:50,430
Thank God.
418
00:20:55,637 --> 00:20:57,638
What, do you own
the movie theater?
419
00:20:57,639 --> 00:21:00,524
Move the coat, or I'm gonna
shove it down your throat!
420
00:21:00,525 --> 00:21:01,592
There you go.
421
00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:08,666
Check it out.
422
00:21:08,667 --> 00:21:11,602
I made a Milk Dud sandwich.
423
00:21:11,603 --> 00:21:12,603
It's a dudwich.
424
00:21:14,789 --> 00:21:17,525
Ron was supposed to be
saving these seats for us.
425
00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:21,195
You're up again.
426
00:21:22,630 --> 00:21:24,198
You're all gonna die.
29662
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