Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:11,777 --> 00:00:14,396
Doug, looking at your
watch every 30 seconds
2
00:00:14,464 --> 00:00:17,699
is not gonna make the Chinese
food come any faster.
3
00:00:20,903 --> 00:00:23,321
You hate that that
just rang, don't you?
4
00:00:27,176 --> 00:00:28,744
Oh!
5
00:00:28,812 --> 00:00:30,412
You could not smell better.
6
00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:32,280
All right, what's the damage?
7
00:00:32,348 --> 00:00:33,516
24.50.
8
00:00:33,583 --> 00:00:36,051
All right.
9
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:37,419
Carrie, can you get your purse?
10
00:00:37,486 --> 00:00:38,520
'Cause I'm out of cash.
11
00:00:38,587 --> 00:00:39,571
I don't have any cash.
12
00:00:39,639 --> 00:00:40,773
I thought you went to the ATM.
13
00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:42,808
I thought you went to the ATM.
14
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,142
You, uh, take credit cards?
15
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:46,261
No. This is not happening.
16
00:00:46,329 --> 00:00:48,230
All right, you stay there.
17
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:50,032
Don't take her away.
18
00:00:53,336 --> 00:00:55,237
Uh, what are you doing?
19
00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:56,538
I'm lookin' for money.
20
00:00:56,606 --> 00:00:59,308
When was the last time you dropped
24.50 under the cushions?
21
00:00:59,375 --> 00:01:01,844
When is the last time you got
off your ass and helped?
22
00:01:04,114 --> 00:01:05,947
Maybe he'll take something else,
23
00:01:06,016 --> 00:01:07,216
like a trade or something.
24
00:01:07,283 --> 00:01:09,334
That's a good idea.
That's a good idea.
25
00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:10,469
All right.
26
00:01:18,511 --> 00:01:20,712
What are you doing?
27
00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:22,180
Don't you worry what I'm doing.
28
00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:23,916
You just get the forks.
29
00:01:23,983 --> 00:01:25,567
Maybe you pay me next time.
30
00:01:25,635 --> 00:01:28,704
Oh. Ok.
31
00:01:31,374 --> 00:01:32,541
Thanks.
32
00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:41,133
I knew Chinese food way
before I knew you.
33
00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:23,814
Doug, did you
notice that we have
34
00:02:23,839 --> 00:02:26,895
4 bottles of shampoo in the
shower that are all empty?
35
00:02:26,963 --> 00:02:28,087
Yeah, I saw that.
36
00:02:28,112 --> 00:02:30,891
If you saw that, how come
you didn't throw them away?
37
00:02:30,916 --> 00:02:32,500
Uh, 'cause I wanted to give
you the chance to see 'em
38
00:02:32,525 --> 00:02:35,971
so we could have this
fun conversation.
39
00:02:36,038 --> 00:02:37,327
Just take them to
the recycler, ok?
40
00:02:37,352 --> 00:02:39,831
Take the garbage out, too.
41
00:02:40,010 --> 00:02:42,378
I got a sharp pain in
my side this morning.
42
00:02:42,446 --> 00:02:44,347
I must have pulled
something last night.
43
00:02:44,415 --> 00:02:45,881
I told you, it's killing me.
44
00:02:45,949 --> 00:02:48,584
Ok, Doug, do you really
want to play this card
45
00:02:48,653 --> 00:02:51,387
to get out of a 4-foot
walk to the garbage can?
46
00:02:51,455 --> 00:02:53,223
'Cause there's a cat
show coming up-
47
00:02:53,290 --> 00:02:54,624
Ok! All right!
48
00:03:01,065 --> 00:03:03,233
Ahhh, it's hurting.
49
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:06,069
I'm feelin' it. I'm feelin' it.
50
00:03:06,137 --> 00:03:07,137
Uh-huh.
51
00:03:11,808 --> 00:03:13,510
Oh, God!
52
00:03:17,713 --> 00:03:20,249
Ok, Doug, lying in garbage,
53
00:03:20,316 --> 00:03:21,750
that's real mature.
54
00:03:21,817 --> 00:03:24,186
Oh, I like the tuna can hat.
55
00:03:24,254 --> 00:03:25,654
That's a good look.
56
00:03:25,721 --> 00:03:27,706
Now get up, Doug.
57
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:31,292
Doug?
58
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,783
Dr. Garcia, how is he?
59
00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:39,919
He's gonna be fine.
60
00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:41,253
Luckily his appendix
hadn't burst yet,
61
00:03:41,313 --> 00:03:42,513
and we got it out just in time.
62
00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:43,856
Oh, thank God.
63
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,057
Listen, he wanted me
64
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,291
to bring it home
for him in a jar.
65
00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:48,160
If that's a problem,
66
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,261
you could just put
a radish in there.
67
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:50,996
He won't know the difference.
68
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,798
Anyway, I'm just gonna need
him back here next week
69
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,266
to take the stitches out.
70
00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:55,834
Ok. Can I see him?
71
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:56,968
Sure. He's probably
still sleeping
72
00:03:57,036 --> 00:03:58,003
the anesthesia off.
73
00:03:58,070 --> 00:04:00,672
If you need anything,
just buzz Candace.
74
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:02,374
Ok. Thank you.
75
00:04:05,545 --> 00:04:06,779
Doug?
76
00:04:06,846 --> 00:04:08,196
Sweetie?
77
00:04:13,636 --> 00:04:17,005
The doctor said you're
gonna be fine, honey.
78
00:04:17,073 --> 00:04:19,057
Ohh.
79
00:04:19,125 --> 00:04:20,909
I feel awful about this.
80
00:04:20,977 --> 00:04:23,779
I know I should
have believed you
81
00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:24,980
when you said you were in pain.
82
00:04:25,048 --> 00:04:28,283
It's just that... You
lie to me so much.
83
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:33,956
Will you ever forgive me?
84
00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:35,591
Yeah...
85
00:04:35,658 --> 00:04:37,893
Candace.
86
00:04:37,961 --> 00:04:39,411
Candace the nurse?
87
00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:40,846
Honey, you want me to
get the nurse for you?
88
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,998
So hot, Candace.
89
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,217
Doug, it's Carrie.
90
00:04:46,285 --> 00:04:47,469
Laura...
91
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:52,007
That's good, Inez.
92
00:04:52,075 --> 00:04:54,209
That tickles.
93
00:04:57,013 --> 00:04:58,931
Aw, come on, Jenna.
94
00:05:01,751 --> 00:05:03,818
Yeah...
95
00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:05,821
That's it, car...
96
00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:08,474
Come on, car...
97
00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:11,110
roline.
98
00:05:13,463 --> 00:05:14,830
Ok.
99
00:05:20,169 --> 00:05:22,170
Carrie!
100
00:05:23,773 --> 00:05:25,574
Carrie, is lunch ready?!
101
00:05:25,642 --> 00:05:27,376
Sure, you know my name
102
00:05:27,444 --> 00:05:28,877
when you want food.
103
00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:33,331
Oh, hi.
104
00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:34,699
Hi.
105
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:36,318
This band-aid's been itching me.
106
00:05:36,386 --> 00:05:37,586
Let me get that for ya.
107
00:05:37,654 --> 00:05:38,687
Ow!
108
00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:40,021
What are you doin?!
109
00:05:40,089 --> 00:05:41,190
Well, you were
just pickin' at it
110
00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:42,274
like a little girl, ok?
111
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:43,625
It was annoying.
112
00:05:43,693 --> 00:05:44,559
You've been snapping
at me all day.
113
00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:45,711
What's up?
114
00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:48,380
Why don't you ask
Inez what's up?
115
00:05:49,532 --> 00:05:52,367
Inez? You mean the girl
from lenscrafters?
116
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:54,903
You tell me.
117
00:05:54,971 --> 00:05:56,588
What are you talking about?
118
00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:59,174
Ok. Well, while you were in the
hospital after the surgery,
119
00:05:59,242 --> 00:06:02,010
when you were sleeping, you were
moaning all these girls' names.
120
00:06:02,078 --> 00:06:03,345
What? Yeah.
121
00:06:03,413 --> 00:06:04,763
"Oh, Candace!
122
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:06,464
"Oh, Inez!
123
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:08,167
Ooh, Tanya."
124
00:06:08,234 --> 00:06:10,052
Sickening.
125
00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:12,187
No, those weren't girls.
126
00:06:12,355 --> 00:06:14,990
I was having a dream where
I was helping someone
127
00:06:15,058 --> 00:06:17,476
name a litter of puppies.
128
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:22,297
Oh.
129
00:06:25,384 --> 00:06:28,587
Well, apparently 2 puppies
named Britney and Christina
130
00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:31,490
were making out
with you in a limo.
131
00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:35,644
That's 'cause I had
treats in my pocket.
132
00:06:45,522 --> 00:06:47,256
I- fine. Look,
133
00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:48,857
maybe I was having some
kind of crazy dream,
134
00:06:48,924 --> 00:06:50,942
but you-you know I love you!
135
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,644
You know I'm totally
attracted to you.
136
00:06:52,712 --> 00:06:54,980
It's just, like any guy,
137
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:57,316
once in a while a...
138
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,618
Image of another woman
just pops into my head,
139
00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:01,086
for, like, a second!
140
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:04,640
But you're m'lady.
You're m'hon-ay.
141
00:07:04,707 --> 00:07:05,758
Oh, that's funny,
142
00:07:05,825 --> 00:07:09,161
'cause your hon-ay's
name didn't come up.
143
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:11,981
Yeah. There was a car...
144
00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:13,115
Roline...
145
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:15,417
And, uh, a car...
146
00:07:15,485 --> 00:07:17,002
Washgirl,
147
00:07:17,136 --> 00:07:19,021
but no "Carrie."
148
00:07:19,088 --> 00:07:22,407
That's 'cause I don't need
to fantasize about you, ok?
149
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:23,893
You're the living fantasy
150
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:24,859
that I'm honored to share my-
151
00:07:24,927 --> 00:07:26,444
oh, would you shut up?
152
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:29,264
Look, I know it's normal, ok?
But, I mean,
153
00:07:29,332 --> 00:07:31,383
there I was in the hospital
room feeling sorry for you,
154
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,300
and the next thing I know,
155
00:07:32,368 --> 00:07:34,186
you're fantasizing
about cheating on me
156
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,920
with all these skanks!
157
00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:37,389
It hurts!
158
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,707
I wasn't cheating, ok?
159
00:07:38,775 --> 00:07:40,442
Doug, we're married, ok?
160
00:07:40,510 --> 00:07:43,261
I'm your wife, and you're doing
stuff in your head with them.
161
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,080
How is that not cheating?
162
00:07:45,148 --> 00:07:47,950
It's just not. How?
163
00:07:48,017 --> 00:07:49,451
You're not...
164
00:07:49,519 --> 00:07:50,669
There.
165
00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:52,087
I'm not there. What,
I'm not in the room?
166
00:07:52,154 --> 00:07:54,189
I'm not in the country, what?
167
00:07:54,257 --> 00:07:56,325
You're not...
168
00:07:56,392 --> 00:07:58,093
Alive.
169
00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:02,647
Ok, so let me get this straight.
170
00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:04,999
In your fantasies,
171
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:07,452
you kill me?
172
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,838
No. No, I don't.
173
00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:12,157
It's the rare disease
that kills you.
174
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:16,645
Or the bolt of lightning.
175
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:18,263
Definitely not me.
176
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,265
Ow! That wasn't ready
to come off yet!
177
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,534
I can't believe what
I'm hearing here!
178
00:08:22,601 --> 00:08:23,702
Let me explain, ok?
179
00:08:23,769 --> 00:08:24,903
Please, Doug. Explain to me
180
00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:27,489
why I shouldn't be upset
that you want me dead!
181
00:08:27,556 --> 00:08:28,741
Look, I don't want
you dead, all right?
182
00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:30,626
You got it all wrong. I mean...
183
00:08:30,693 --> 00:08:32,360
The truth is,
184
00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:34,396
I love you so much
185
00:08:34,463 --> 00:08:37,899
that I could never even
imagine cheating on you,
186
00:08:37,968 --> 00:08:39,701
so the only way I can
have any fantasies at all
187
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,553
is if you're...
188
00:08:41,621 --> 00:08:43,021
Up there.
189
00:08:47,977 --> 00:08:50,829
So to avoid the
guilt of adultery,
190
00:08:50,896 --> 00:08:52,764
you choose murder?
191
00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:54,783
Again, not murder.
192
00:08:54,851 --> 00:08:56,568
In my fantasies,
193
00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:59,437
you're always taken
from me tragically.
194
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:02,590
I'm devastated.
195
00:09:02,609 --> 00:09:05,644
I give myself 2 years to grieve.
196
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:06,762
After that,
197
00:09:06,830 --> 00:09:09,631
even your friends are like,
"you gotta move on."
198
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:13,802
And would one of those
friends be Lisa,
199
00:09:13,869 --> 00:09:15,904
my friend you're
always checking out?
200
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,708
She may be one of those
consoling me, yes.
201
00:09:19,776 --> 00:09:22,093
And do you end up
sleeping with her?
202
00:09:22,161 --> 00:09:24,213
God sakes, it's been 2 years!
203
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,131
Oh, my God! Ok.
204
00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:27,532
So what I'm getting here
205
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,200
is I'm electrocuted
206
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,886
and you're boffing my friends.
207
00:09:30,953 --> 00:09:32,220
No, no, it's usually
not your friends!
208
00:09:32,288 --> 00:09:33,989
That's not typical at all.
209
00:09:34,057 --> 00:09:35,357
What is typical, Doug? Ohh!
210
00:09:35,424 --> 00:09:36,875
Do you really wanna
open this box?
211
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:38,877
Yes, I think I do.
212
00:09:38,945 --> 00:09:40,312
All right, fine.
213
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,114
Like...
214
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,333
I'm in the park,
215
00:09:44,401 --> 00:09:45,734
grieving...
216
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,770
Just trying to heal,
217
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,972
trying to quiet the
endless scream
218
00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:53,725
in my soul...
219
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:56,628
When a chick in a sports
bra comes over to me.
220
00:09:58,614 --> 00:10:00,332
Uh-huh. But it's
innocent, you know?
221
00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:01,449
We just start talking,
222
00:10:01,551 --> 00:10:02,951
and then I introduce
her to Bobby.
223
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:05,220
Who's Bobby? He's our son.
224
00:10:05,287 --> 00:10:06,588
We have a son?!
225
00:10:06,655 --> 00:10:07,856
He's the part of
you that lives on.
226
00:10:07,923 --> 00:10:09,524
All right, I don't
wanna hear any more.
227
00:10:09,592 --> 00:10:11,376
Wait! You know what? There's
a lot of judging me here.
228
00:10:11,443 --> 00:10:12,644
What about you?
229
00:10:12,711 --> 00:10:14,830
You know, you fantasize
about other men, right?
230
00:10:14,897 --> 00:10:17,683
Yeah, occasionally. I'm
definitely gonna step it up now!
231
00:10:19,469 --> 00:10:21,803
I'm serious. Like,
when you and Keanu
232
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:23,555
are getting it on, where am I?
233
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:24,889
What do you do with me?
234
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,108
You're around!
235
00:10:26,176 --> 00:10:27,225
I'm just cheating on you.
236
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:30,262
I'm not pushing you down
a flight of stairs!
237
00:10:30,329 --> 00:10:30,395
I don't push you down stairs!
238
00:10:32,081 --> 00:10:35,250
You trip on Bobby's skateboard!
239
00:10:35,317 --> 00:10:36,869
Oh, bite me!
240
00:10:37,036 --> 00:10:39,604
Well, I certainly see where
he gets his mouth from!
241
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:54,219
What are these?
242
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:57,756
These are the sex fantasies
you're allowed to have.
243
00:11:04,690 --> 00:11:05,898
You...
244
00:11:05,923 --> 00:11:08,951
Wrote fantasies for me? Yeah.
245
00:11:09,018 --> 00:11:11,269
Look, I know I got
upset last night, ok?
246
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:12,905
People fantasize. I get it,
247
00:11:12,972 --> 00:11:14,372
but I just...
248
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,307
Can't let you kill me anymore.
249
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,177
It's just not right.
250
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:20,178
That doesn't mean
251
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:21,580
you can write fantasies for me.
252
00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:23,782
You're my wife! So?
253
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,016
So?
254
00:11:25,084 --> 00:11:26,368
Do I let my cardiologist
order for me
255
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,670
at der wienerschnitzel?
256
00:11:28,738 --> 00:11:31,640
Well, Doug, I happen
to have provided you
257
00:11:31,708 --> 00:11:33,358
with alternatives I think
258
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:34,993
are quite sensuous.
259
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:36,911
Ok, see, "sensuous"
260
00:11:36,979 --> 00:11:40,115
is a red flag
already, right there.
261
00:11:40,182 --> 00:11:41,717
Let's see what you got, though.
262
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:44,119
Oh, boy.
263
00:11:44,186 --> 00:11:46,655
"You are alone.
264
00:11:46,723 --> 00:11:48,523
"Carrie is away on
a business trip
265
00:11:48,591 --> 00:11:50,676
for vogue magazine."
266
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:56,798
"You go to a florist
to buy Carrie flowers.
267
00:11:56,866 --> 00:11:59,651
The florist reminds
you of Carrie."
268
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:00,869
Ok, first note:
269
00:12:00,937 --> 00:12:03,572
Little too much Carrie.
270
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:04,556
All right, that
was my first one.
271
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,842
They get better. Keep going.
272
00:12:06,910 --> 00:12:08,877
"You follow a trail
of rose petals
273
00:12:08,944 --> 00:12:10,980
to a canopied bed."
274
00:12:14,951 --> 00:12:17,435
"You ride a horse
across a field..."
275
00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:31,416
Ok, I'm pretty sure this
one was a Dharma and Greg.
276
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:32,534
Doug, come on!
277
00:12:32,569 --> 00:12:34,119
I worked hard on these, ok?
278
00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:35,854
The least you can do
is have an open mind.
279
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,222
This is crazy! I
mean, look at this!
280
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,041
I- I'm on a horse.
281
00:12:39,108 --> 00:12:40,576
I'm biking through wine country.
282
00:12:40,644 --> 00:12:42,244
Why I am so active?
283
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:47,516
Do you know in my own fantasies,
284
00:12:47,584 --> 00:12:50,085
I rarely get out of a chair?
285
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,806
Look,
286
00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:56,975
these are your
fantasies now, ok?
287
00:12:57,043 --> 00:13:00,879
And you better start using them,
288
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:03,581
'cause if I find out I'm dead,
289
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:04,783
you're dead.
290
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,374
"You take her hand in yours
291
00:13:12,442 --> 00:13:16,845
"as the gondolier looks
discreetly away.
292
00:13:16,912 --> 00:13:18,247
"You stroke her hair
293
00:13:18,314 --> 00:13:23,118
and she whispers, amore."
294
00:13:23,186 --> 00:13:26,154
Damn!
295
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:27,690
Ohh!
296
00:13:27,757 --> 00:13:29,341
Oh, it gets better. I'm
about to pick up a mandolin
297
00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:31,543
and start singing.
298
00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:32,527
Hey, if these Carrie fantasies
299
00:13:32,595 --> 00:13:34,312
aren't quite working for you,
300
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,581
maybe you could have
your mom fire off a few.
301
00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:39,801
You guys are funny.
Laugh it up, you know?
302
00:13:39,869 --> 00:13:41,102
But Carrie's making me do these.
303
00:13:41,170 --> 00:13:42,337
Making you? How's
Carrie gonna know
304
00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:43,538
what you're fantasizing about?
305
00:13:43,606 --> 00:13:44,673
She knows things, ok?
306
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:46,040
I mean, how did she
know I was the one
307
00:13:46,108 --> 00:13:48,043
who got Russian dressing
on our wedding album?
308
00:13:48,111 --> 00:13:52,231
I think a lot of people
could've connected those dots.
309
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:53,215
That's not even the point.
All right?
310
00:13:53,282 --> 00:13:54,883
Look, Carrie's feelings were
really hurt about this.
311
00:13:54,951 --> 00:13:56,986
I just can't blow her off.
312
00:13:57,053 --> 00:13:59,321
All right? I feel too guilty.
313
00:13:59,388 --> 00:14:01,323
Some of these aren't that bad.
314
00:14:01,390 --> 00:14:04,409
Hey, this one's got her
nail girl Tina in it.
315
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:05,410
She's pretty hot.
316
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:07,312
All right. Good luck with that.
317
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:08,514
I'm gonna hit it.
318
00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:10,149
Yeah, me, too.
319
00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:13,052
Hey, can I, uh, borrow this one?
320
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:14,586
Which?
321
00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:17,022
The one with, uh,
Meredith Baxter-birney.
322
00:14:19,075 --> 00:14:21,610
I'll get it back to
you when I'm done.
323
00:14:21,678 --> 00:14:24,079
My gift to you.
324
00:14:24,147 --> 00:14:25,981
Thank you.
325
00:14:26,048 --> 00:14:27,316
Oh, and if anything
with Judith light
326
00:14:27,383 --> 00:14:28,417
comes across your desk, uh,
327
00:14:28,485 --> 00:14:29,918
shoot it my way, will ya?
328
00:14:32,071 --> 00:14:33,755
All right, Tina,
329
00:14:33,823 --> 00:14:35,657
let's see what you got.
330
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,898
Oh, Doug, I'm glad you're here.
331
00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,567
Can you pay Tina?
332
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:46,718
I'm meeting Donna karan.
333
00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:49,354
We're gonna play darts
at Calvin klein's place.
334
00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:50,355
Oh. Sure.
335
00:14:50,506 --> 00:14:51,590
Great. Thanks.
336
00:14:53,043 --> 00:14:56,812
Oh, and I won't be back
for a few hours. Ok?
337
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,866
Ahem.
338
00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:02,968
Whoops. I...
339
00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:04,636
Seem to have forgotten my wallet.
I-
340
00:15:05,521 --> 00:15:07,105
I don't know how
I'm gonna pay you.
341
00:15:07,173 --> 00:15:10,642
Well, that's very bad news.
342
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:13,812
Is there any other way
343
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,981
we could, uh, work this out?
344
00:15:17,901 --> 00:15:19,851
I'm sure we can
think of something.
345
00:15:23,055 --> 00:15:24,322
Uh...
346
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:25,757
What's the matter?
347
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:28,060
It's just...
348
00:15:28,127 --> 00:15:30,128
My wife.
349
00:15:32,748 --> 00:15:36,151
She said she won't
be back for hours.
350
00:15:36,219 --> 00:15:37,535
Right.
351
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:44,159
Ohh, I-i can't- I-i-look, I-i-
352
00:15:44,194 --> 00:15:45,527
I just need a minute here.
353
00:15:53,235 --> 00:15:54,719
Oh, my God! What was that?
354
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,021
My wife. She's dead.
355
00:15:56,088 --> 00:15:57,555
Now where were we?
356
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:03,278
I thought you said you
weren't going to kill me!
357
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:05,380
I didn't mean to!
358
00:16:05,448 --> 00:16:06,648
Well, you know what?
We had a deal.
359
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,833
Now your little
party's over, buddy.
360
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,735
Out.
361
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:13,004
Out! Look to me. Out.
362
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:16,175
Who's back there?
363
00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:17,909
Nobody.
364
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:25,984
Who are they?!
365
00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:27,853
My friends?
366
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,021
These-
367
00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:30,605
these are the women
you fantasize about.
368
00:16:30,673 --> 00:16:32,590
These are your regulars!
369
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,026
Actually, she's not a regular.
370
00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:36,128
I saw her on a billboard
this morning.
371
00:16:36,195 --> 00:16:37,762
All right, well, you know what?
Let's go, ladies.
372
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:38,897
Out. Let's go.
373
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:41,432
Party's over. Time to go.
374
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,468
Let's go, hee haw.
375
00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:48,790
Oh, uh-huh. Nice. Yeah.
376
00:16:48,858 --> 00:16:49,624
You, too, food court.
377
00:16:49,691 --> 00:16:51,776
I see ya. I see ya.
378
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,812
Uh-huh. Oh, there's sports bra.
379
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:54,946
That's nice, yeah.
380
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,048
Village people make a comeback?
Ok.
381
00:16:57,116 --> 00:16:58,316
That's great.
382
00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:03,889
Is that one of your
mom's friends?
383
00:17:05,808 --> 00:17:07,526
You're sick!
384
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:17,001
Get out of my brain.
385
00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:18,203
What are you talking about?
386
00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:19,938
I tried one of your
little fantasies.
387
00:17:20,005 --> 00:17:21,373
It didn't work, and now
that you're in here,
388
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:22,674
none of my old
fantasies work either.
389
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,543
You chased everyone away!
390
00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:26,878
Look, I just don't
want you to kill me.
391
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:29,448
I don't think that's
too much to ask!
392
00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:31,649
I am tired of
apologizing for this.
393
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:33,385
Killing off your spouse
in your fantasies
394
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:36,721
is the most natural, beautiful
thing in the world!
395
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:38,723
Why can't you see that?
396
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,491
Hey, Doug. How are
those stitches doing?
397
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:42,227
Oh, they're, uh- they're good.
398
00:17:42,294 --> 00:17:44,046
He hasn't been biting
at 'em, has he?
399
00:17:44,113 --> 00:17:46,030
No.
400
00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:48,299
Just a couple of minutes
to get 'em out.
401
00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:51,570
And while you wait, you can enjoy
a very old people magazine.
402
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:54,038
Oh! Ok.
403
00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:55,039
Bye.
404
00:18:24,653 --> 00:18:26,438
Mrs. Heffernan?
405
00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:29,007
I'm afraid the stitch
removal didn't go well.
406
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:31,876
What do you mean?
407
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,929
What I'm trying to say is...
408
00:18:33,996 --> 00:18:35,596
Your husband...
409
00:18:35,664 --> 00:18:37,249
He's dead.
410
00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:42,371
Honey!
411
00:18:42,438 --> 00:18:44,973
I loved you so much!
412
00:18:46,642 --> 00:18:48,142
A woman as beautiful as you
413
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,328
should not be crying.
414
00:18:50,396 --> 00:18:51,530
Why?
415
00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:53,331
What should I be doing?
416
00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:54,332
Dancing!
417
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,334
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro!
418
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:03,568
Carrie.
419
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:04,636
Carrie! Huh?
420
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,271
Yes. I'm done.
Everything's fine.
421
00:20:06,338 --> 00:20:09,641
Oh, well, that's great, sweetie!
422
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:10,642
"Sweetie"?
423
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,176
What's up with-
424
00:20:12,244 --> 00:20:13,412
you're not mad anymore?
425
00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:15,146
No. No, I was just sitting here
426
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,382
thinking about, uh,
427
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,467
how much I love you.
428
00:20:19,535 --> 00:20:21,068
Come on, let's go
get some ice cream.
429
00:21:12,161 --> 00:21:13,346
Who are you?
430
00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:16,425
I'm Josephine.
Your wife sent me.
431
00:21:16,493 --> 00:21:18,110
Oh.
432
00:21:18,178 --> 00:21:20,079
Doug Heffernan. Hi.
433
00:21:25,802 --> 00:21:27,986
Oh, what the hell.
28623
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof