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1
00:00:04,971 --> 00:00:08,123
Oh. Come on, get in there.
2
00:00:08,190 --> 00:00:09,124
Uhh!
3
00:00:09,191 --> 00:00:11,293
A little short.
4
00:00:11,722 --> 00:00:13,378
Aw! Nothing but pocket.
5
00:00:13,446 --> 00:00:15,647
On top of the key. Fade away.
6
00:00:19,818 --> 00:00:21,053
What are you doing?
7
00:00:22,068 --> 00:00:24,256
Just playing a
little spoonerball.
8
00:00:24,324 --> 00:00:25,724
In the pocket is one point,
9
00:00:25,791 --> 00:00:27,659
between the glasses
and face-2 points,
10
00:00:27,727 --> 00:00:30,698
and in the mouth,
that's your 3-pointer.
11
00:00:31,597 --> 00:00:34,866
And choking him to death,
how does that factor in?
12
00:00:34,934 --> 00:00:37,503
10-point bonus.
13
00:00:37,570 --> 00:00:39,438
Come on. Give it a shot.
Give it a shot.
14
00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:41,556
No. I'm not gonna throw
food at my father.
15
00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:43,425
What about that chicken
leg last week?
16
00:00:43,493 --> 00:00:44,343
Ah, excuse me,
17
00:00:44,418 --> 00:00:46,711
he threw peas at me first.
18
00:00:46,736 --> 00:00:48,599
Come on. Let's see what you got.
19
00:00:49,294 --> 00:00:50,299
Ok, maybe just one.
20
00:00:50,390 --> 00:00:51,373
Ok.
21
00:00:54,025 --> 00:00:54,906
Ok, one more.
22
00:00:54,931 --> 00:00:56,971
One more. All right.
23
00:00:57,039 --> 00:00:59,424
Ahh. No. You gotta-
you gotta arc it.
24
00:00:59,492 --> 00:01:01,593
Keep your elbows in,
like that, just arc it.
25
00:01:01,660 --> 00:01:02,694
There ya go.
26
00:01:02,761 --> 00:01:03,945
Come on. Open up, like that.
27
00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:06,682
Almost. Ok, ok.
28
00:01:06,749 --> 00:01:07,749
Ok. Oh!
29
00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:08,833
Come on.
30
00:01:16,943 --> 00:01:19,645
So I wasn't dreaming.
31
00:01:19,712 --> 00:01:20,762
Marvelous.
32
00:01:22,365 --> 00:01:23,412
Wait a second.
33
00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:26,218
Where are the Dutch hookers?
34
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,311
Voilà.
35
00:02:11,180 --> 00:02:13,615
You didn't tell me
we were having cake.
36
00:02:13,682 --> 00:02:15,784
Yeah. I don't tell you about
cake early in the day anymore.
37
00:02:15,852 --> 00:02:17,486
It paralyzes you.
38
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:18,937
Does not. Oh, come on.
39
00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:22,908
Remember last time you were so
distracted you rear-ended a school bus?
40
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:26,678
Ok, that was pie, so
don't rewrite history.
41
00:02:28,965 --> 00:02:30,633
Ahh! This milk
couldn't be warmer.
42
00:02:30,700 --> 00:02:32,067
Yeah. The fridge is
acting up again.
43
00:02:32,135 --> 00:02:33,602
That's as cold as
it's gonna get.
44
00:02:34,921 --> 00:02:36,555
Hey! Come on, man!
45
00:02:36,622 --> 00:02:38,757
I want to see if it's cold.
46
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,993
She just poured it out
of the same carton.
47
00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:42,728
The milk on the
bottom is colder.
48
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:43,862
No, it's not.
49
00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:46,031
Obviously, you've never
been locked overnight
50
00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:48,233
in a dairy storage facility!
51
00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:51,003
Dad, will you stop? I haven't
worked for 2 months,
52
00:02:51,070 --> 00:02:52,838
so unless you have an extra
thousand bucks laying around
53
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:55,306
to buy us a new refrigerator,
please, just drink it.
54
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:03,631
All right, it's down.
55
00:03:03,699 --> 00:03:05,967
For now.
56
00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:09,371
Knock knock. Hey, Holly.
57
00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:11,540
Hey! Hey, Arthur, you
ready for bingo?
58
00:03:11,607 --> 00:03:15,144
Indeed I am. What's
with the kraut?
59
00:03:15,211 --> 00:03:17,046
This is my new dog shatzi.
60
00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:19,214
He retired from the police
force, and I adopted him.
61
00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:20,549
Police dog, huh?
62
00:03:20,616 --> 00:03:22,451
Before he starts barking,
I should tell you
63
00:03:22,518 --> 00:03:26,655
I have a fair amount of
contraband in my sock drawer.
64
00:03:26,722 --> 00:03:30,208
Oh, don't worry, Arthur.
He's a bomb-sniffing dog.
65
00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:33,946
He's a real hero, too. I met him
when they busted my boyfriend.
66
00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:37,550
So your boyfriend
was making a bomb?
67
00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:40,920
Soon-to-be ex-boyfriend,
believe you me.
68
00:03:40,987 --> 00:03:42,721
Ok, Arthur, are you ready?
69
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:45,281
All set. See you kids later.
70
00:03:45,306 --> 00:03:46,324
Oh, cute hat.
71
00:03:46,349 --> 00:03:47,282
Thank you.
72
00:03:47,374 --> 00:03:49,475
I found it in a leaf pile.
73
00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:52,631
Enh!
74
00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:55,016
Oh, this milk is warm. You
think it's dangerous?
75
00:03:55,084 --> 00:03:56,936
Well, I don't know, but your
dad had his finger in it,
76
00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:59,705
and it's the one he works
his ear with, so...
77
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,538
He's in my dreams.
78
00:04:18,791 --> 00:04:20,659
Hey, dad, what's up?
79
00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:22,044
Big news.
80
00:04:22,111 --> 00:04:25,030
I was sitting next to Eleanor
Melville at bingo tonight.
81
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,583
She's the lady who lost an eye in
a sledding accident, remember?
82
00:04:28,651 --> 00:04:30,786
All right, he's goin'
in the hamper.
83
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:32,454
Dad, it's kinda late.
84
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,523
Could you just get to the point?
85
00:04:34,591 --> 00:04:36,658
God bless her lucky glass eye
86
00:04:36,726 --> 00:04:39,344
because tonight I
won the jackpot!
87
00:04:39,412 --> 00:04:42,197
Great. Take your 8 bucks
and get outta here.
88
00:04:42,265 --> 00:04:44,866
Does this look like
8 bucks to you?
89
00:04:45,068 --> 00:04:46,534
Wow, how much is that?
90
00:04:46,602 --> 00:04:49,671
2,500 clams.
91
00:04:49,738 --> 00:04:52,858
$2,500? Oh, my God!
92
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,243
At first I thought I'd put
it away for a rainy day,
93
00:04:55,311 --> 00:04:58,213
but then I realized, I got no
mortgage, no bills to pay,
94
00:04:58,281 --> 00:05:01,216
so I figured it's time for A.
Spooner to have a little fun.
95
00:05:01,284 --> 00:05:03,685
Starting tomorrow,
I'm queen for a day!
96
00:05:06,656 --> 00:05:09,441
Well... good for him.
97
00:05:14,964 --> 00:05:16,431
What?
98
00:05:16,498 --> 00:05:20,368
Did you notice anything wrong
with what just happened here?
99
00:05:20,436 --> 00:05:23,588
Other than his fly being open?
100
00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:27,675
No. I'm numb to that now.
101
00:05:27,743 --> 00:05:29,678
I mean the fact that
he didn't mention
102
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:32,080
giving us any of that money.
103
00:05:32,148 --> 00:05:34,282
Why should he? It's his money.
104
00:05:34,350 --> 00:05:36,001
Are you kidding me, Carrie?
105
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:37,970
I mean, we spend thousands
of dollars on him.
106
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,171
He said it himself.
107
00:05:39,238 --> 00:05:41,306
He's got no bills,
no mortgage to pay
108
00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:42,290
because we pay it,
109
00:05:42,358 --> 00:05:44,710
not to mention all
the food, clothing,
110
00:05:44,744 --> 00:05:46,745
medicine, those 2 clarinets.
111
00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:51,033
Well, that's what you do
when a parent gets old.
112
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:54,470
I mean, he did take care of
me until I was almost... 15.
113
00:05:54,537 --> 00:05:56,638
And, meanwhile, since
you lost your job,
114
00:05:56,706 --> 00:05:59,240
we have not gotten one thing
for ourselves, not one!
115
00:05:59,308 --> 00:06:01,996
Do you know every night
before I go to bed,
116
00:06:02,021 --> 00:06:03,695
I look at this golf catalog,
117
00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:05,330
but I can't get
anything in here.
118
00:06:05,397 --> 00:06:08,299
So this means nothing to me!
119
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,354
The point is, I want a
titanium fairway wood,
120
00:06:12,421 --> 00:06:13,755
and I want it now!
121
00:06:13,822 --> 00:06:16,090
And damn it, you deserve something, too.
What do you want?
122
00:06:16,773 --> 00:06:19,127
You know what we should buy
is a new refrigerator.
123
00:06:19,195 --> 00:06:20,629
Ok, so I'll get the golf clubs,
124
00:06:20,696 --> 00:06:22,781
and the fridge will
be your thing.
125
00:06:22,848 --> 00:06:25,241
No. Why do I get
the boring thing?
126
00:06:25,266 --> 00:06:26,885
Fine. Then pick
something you want.
127
00:06:26,952 --> 00:06:29,053
I mean, the old fridge is fine.
128
00:06:29,121 --> 00:06:32,140
Right now, we don't need
something to keep food fresh,
129
00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:35,794
we need something
to keep us fresh.
130
00:06:37,349 --> 00:06:38,580
Actually, you know
what I'd love?
131
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:41,216
I'd love to go to that spa right
next door to Bloomingdale's
132
00:06:41,284 --> 00:06:43,154
and get, like, a
whole day of beauty.
133
00:06:43,179 --> 00:06:46,281
Yes! God, you need
a day of beauty!
134
00:06:46,925 --> 00:06:48,276
Hey.
135
00:06:49,197 --> 00:06:51,492
You know what I mean, ok?
136
00:06:52,728 --> 00:06:54,609
All right. Well, you know what?
137
00:06:54,634 --> 00:06:57,515
Tomorrow morning, I will talk to him.
I will tell him how we feel,
138
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,067
and I'm sure he'll give
us some of the money.
139
00:06:59,135 --> 00:07:02,103
Great. All right, thank you.
140
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,738
And if that doesn't work,
I'll just follow up
141
00:07:03,806 --> 00:07:06,424
with a lamp to the
back of the head.
142
00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:09,444
Not to kill him, just
to send a message.
143
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:11,513
What do you think I am?
144
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,740
Morning, daddy.
145
00:07:22,808 --> 00:07:25,444
Darling, I think I'm ready
to make my first purchase:
146
00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:29,848
The world's best
personal submarine.
147
00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:31,549
What do you think?
148
00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:35,970
World's best? With no periscope?
149
00:07:36,038 --> 00:07:38,106
You're smarter than that.
150
00:07:38,174 --> 00:07:40,308
Speaking of that money,
151
00:07:40,376 --> 00:07:42,811
it's so great to see
someone in this house
152
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:44,746
have some good
luck for a change.
153
00:07:44,814 --> 00:07:46,147
It certainly is.
154
00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:48,349
Lord knows Doug and I
haven't had any lately.
155
00:07:48,417 --> 00:07:49,517
That's putting it mildly.
156
00:07:49,585 --> 00:07:52,237
The thing is, um...
157
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:56,174
We have certainly helped you out
quite a bit over the years.
158
00:07:56,242 --> 00:07:58,159
How so?
159
00:07:59,578 --> 00:08:03,615
Well, we've given you
food, clothing, shelter.
160
00:08:03,682 --> 00:08:07,002
Mm. I suppose you could
put that spin on it.
161
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:10,706
And we were kind of hoping
162
00:08:10,773 --> 00:08:14,521
that you could help us out a
little bit, you know, money-wise.
163
00:08:14,610 --> 00:08:16,579
Oh, I'd love to be able to help.
164
00:08:16,646 --> 00:08:19,130
You kids have been
like family to me.
165
00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:21,617
What do you want?
166
00:08:21,684 --> 00:08:22,601
Half.
167
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:25,604
I meant, what specific items
do you want to purchase?
168
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:28,006
I want golf clubs. She
wants a day of beauty.
169
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:31,376
Fair enough. I'll give
your requests some thought
170
00:08:31,443 --> 00:08:33,595
and get back to you
in a day or so.
171
00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:37,766
But just to show my heart's
in the right place,
172
00:08:37,834 --> 00:08:41,937
how 'bout we paint the town
red tonight, my treat?
173
00:08:42,005 --> 00:08:44,506
Oh, we have plans tonight, dad.
174
00:08:44,574 --> 00:08:45,757
Do you?
175
00:08:45,824 --> 00:08:50,195
That's very disappointing.
176
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:53,915
Oh, you know what? We can cancel.
No problem.
177
00:08:53,983 --> 00:08:55,917
Wonderful. I'll pick
you up at 5:30.
178
00:08:55,986 --> 00:08:58,053
Dress is smart casual.
179
00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:47,152
Don't overthink it, dad.
180
00:09:47,219 --> 00:09:50,322
That's what got you into trouble
back at the clown's mouth.
181
00:09:55,503 --> 00:09:58,055
That one was close.
182
00:10:03,335 --> 00:10:05,937
That one was close, too.
183
00:10:06,005 --> 00:10:09,257
Be a pal. Shove this in my eye.
184
00:10:09,325 --> 00:10:10,858
Ok... now!
185
00:10:13,896 --> 00:10:15,063
Now!
186
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:19,879
Those blades are diabolical.
187
00:10:20,059 --> 00:10:23,840
Now. Now. Now. Now!
188
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,941
Oh... what are the odds?
189
00:10:28,911 --> 00:10:29,911
Now.
190
00:10:33,082 --> 00:10:35,266
Thank God.
191
00:10:38,496 --> 00:10:41,656
Last night was so brutal.
192
00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:43,009
So when do we get this money?
193
00:10:43,034 --> 00:10:44,775
I don't know, but I
should warn you:
194
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,428
He told me to keep Saturday open
195
00:10:46,453 --> 00:10:49,155
for a trip to the
American doll museum.
196
00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:51,717
Family meeting!
197
00:10:51,784 --> 00:10:52,384
What?
198
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:53,835
Calling a family meeting.
199
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:56,304
Grab your drinks and kindly
follow me to the dining room.
200
00:10:56,372 --> 00:10:57,438
Chop chop.
201
00:10:59,341 --> 00:11:00,809
Come on.
202
00:11:08,350 --> 00:11:11,369
Please rise for the
pledge of allegiance.
203
00:11:11,437 --> 00:11:15,223
If you choose, you may omit
the words, "under God."
204
00:11:15,290 --> 00:11:17,476
Get on with it.
205
00:11:17,543 --> 00:11:18,876
Fine.
206
00:11:18,944 --> 00:11:20,878
First order of business,
207
00:11:20,946 --> 00:11:23,698
vis-à-vis, the items you
requested yesterday,
208
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:25,867
unfortunately, no can do.
209
00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:28,704
What?
210
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,822
Dad, you said you
wanted to help us out.
211
00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:34,275
I do. I'm going to
give you $1,000
212
00:11:34,343 --> 00:11:37,278
to purchase a new refrigerator.
213
00:11:37,346 --> 00:11:39,965
You know, I got a better idea:
214
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,616
Why don't you give us $1,000,
215
00:11:41,684 --> 00:11:44,135
and we'll decide what we
want to do with it, ok?
216
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:46,738
Oh, to be young and witless.
217
00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:49,675
Douglas, trust me, you
don't get to my position
218
00:11:49,742 --> 00:11:52,310
by throwing away money
on frivolous things.
219
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,379
You wanted to buy a submarine.
220
00:11:54,446 --> 00:11:57,499
Hey! When the only way out of
the city is through the sewers,
221
00:11:57,566 --> 00:12:00,035
you'll be begging to get in.
222
00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:14,149
I hate this.
223
00:12:14,223 --> 00:12:15,957
What? It's not like
we're getting nothing.
224
00:12:16,019 --> 00:12:19,320
I mean, the man is buying
us a new refrigerator.
225
00:12:19,388 --> 00:12:20,655
That's not the point.
Just 'cause he
226
00:12:20,723 --> 00:12:23,125
stumbled onto some money
like Jed Clampett,
227
00:12:23,193 --> 00:12:25,227
doesn't give him the right to
tell us what to do with it.
228
00:12:25,295 --> 00:12:26,528
This one looks nice.
229
00:12:26,595 --> 00:12:29,231
Oh, and look how big
the crispers are.
230
00:12:29,299 --> 00:12:30,632
Oh...
231
00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:32,634
Hey, don't knock crispers.
232
00:12:32,702 --> 00:12:36,171
That's where I hide the vegetables
so they won't upset you.
233
00:12:36,239 --> 00:12:36,988
Fine. You know what?
234
00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:38,439
Let's just get it
and get outta here.
235
00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:40,659
Oh, look! Look it's only 995.
236
00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:42,861
We can tell my dad it
cost the full thousand,
237
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:47,399
and then we got 5 bucks
left to par-tay.
238
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:48,400
Hmm.
239
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:49,535
What?
240
00:12:50,669 --> 00:12:52,337
Look, I really don't feel right
241
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:54,439
about lying to my dad.
242
00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:55,940
Look, we are not lying, ok?
243
00:12:56,008 --> 00:12:59,027
We told him we were going to buy
a refrigerator, and we did.
244
00:12:59,062 --> 00:13:01,497
The fact that we bought it from a queens college
student who was moving out of his dorm,
245
00:13:01,564 --> 00:13:04,282
that's our business.
246
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:07,820
Do you think he's gonna believe
that this cost $1,000?
247
00:13:07,887 --> 00:13:12,190
Carrie, the man thinks I
control the TV with my voice.
248
00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:13,992
Everybody wins this
way, all right?
249
00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:15,193
Your dad feels like a big shot,
250
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:17,579
we get a temporary
fridge for 68 bucks,
251
00:13:17,646 --> 00:13:22,233
and with the leftover change, new golf
clubs and a day at the spa for you.
252
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:26,872
Oh, look at this. Kenny's
mom made meat loaf.
253
00:13:26,939 --> 00:13:28,023
Mine now.
254
00:13:31,628 --> 00:13:33,078
Hey, dad. How was your walk?
255
00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:37,382
Not so good. Turns out the double-Dutch
kids don't appreciate heckling.
256
00:13:37,449 --> 00:13:41,653
Is this the new refrigerator?
257
00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:43,555
Yeah.
258
00:13:46,225 --> 00:13:48,826
It's magnificent!
259
00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:52,264
Amazing how small they can
make things these days.
260
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:55,033
God bless those Japanese.
261
00:14:01,362 --> 00:14:03,312
That was great today.
262
00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:06,344
We were hittin' 'em
pretty hard, huh?
263
00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:10,348
Oh, but you like it
rough, don't ya?
264
00:14:10,373 --> 00:14:11,628
Oh, yes, you doo-be doo-be doo!
265
00:14:11,653 --> 00:14:13,954
I am back from the spa.
266
00:14:14,464 --> 00:14:15,987
How do I look?
267
00:14:16,055 --> 00:14:17,456
Fantastic.
268
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:21,693
Soon as I'm done fondling
my new club, you're next.
269
00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:25,297
My massage was amazing.
270
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,632
I had this Russian guy, Yuri.
271
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:31,769
He had these huge hands, and he
found every knot in my body.
272
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:36,007
Not a whole lot of
yap yap, you know?
273
00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:38,660
Just every couple of "is good?"
274
00:14:38,727 --> 00:14:40,829
Is good?"
275
00:14:40,896 --> 00:14:42,664
By the way, that's
all you need to say
276
00:14:42,731 --> 00:14:46,418
when we're, you know, upstairs.
277
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:49,838
So no more Mighty Mouse theme?
278
00:14:49,905 --> 00:14:51,924
So, those the new clubs?
279
00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:54,125
Yeah. They're awesome.
280
00:14:54,193 --> 00:14:55,260
Look at the size of that driver.
281
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:56,928
It's as big as a baby's head.
282
00:14:56,996 --> 00:14:59,931
Yeah. It's beautiful.
You deserve 'em.
283
00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:01,567
Yeah, um...
284
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:03,268
The only problem is, uh...
285
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,604
I got these great new woods,
286
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:08,640
but I still have the
same old crappy irons.
287
00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:10,008
They're fine.
288
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,810
No, they're not. I mean, it's-
289
00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:14,446
it's like if you got
a day of beauty
290
00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:16,209
for only half your face,
291
00:15:16,319 --> 00:15:18,903
and they left the other
side lookin' all...
292
00:15:19,401 --> 00:15:21,335
Tired and yellow.
293
00:15:21,403 --> 00:15:23,004
What are you gettin'
at here, Doug?
294
00:15:23,072 --> 00:15:25,040
Just maybe we could ask your
dad for some more money
295
00:15:25,107 --> 00:15:26,841
so I could complete my set here.
296
00:15:26,909 --> 00:15:29,294
What? We can't scam him again.
297
00:15:29,361 --> 00:15:30,462
It's a few hundred.
That's not even a scam.
298
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,464
That's pullin' a fast one.
299
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:36,401
Doug, believe me, don't think I
haven't thought about it, ok?
300
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:37,736
They sell this thing at the spa
301
00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:40,672
that turns your bathtub
into a whirlpool.
302
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:42,240
You don't think I
would kill for that?
303
00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:44,543
But lying to him
again is just wrong.
304
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:45,644
Wrong...
305
00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:48,263
Or very right?
306
00:15:48,331 --> 00:15:49,630
Wrong.
307
00:15:59,976 --> 00:16:01,977
Get out of here. I'm naked.
308
00:16:03,279 --> 00:16:05,547
Why is that water bubbling?
309
00:16:05,614 --> 00:16:06,815
Um...
310
00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,934
It's really hot?
311
00:16:10,953 --> 00:16:12,971
I cannot believe you!
312
00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:15,022
After you give me that whole
speech on how wrong this is,
313
00:16:15,090 --> 00:16:16,875
you go out and buy this?!
314
00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:19,077
But it bubbles.
315
00:16:20,779 --> 00:16:22,397
How could you?
316
00:16:24,249 --> 00:16:26,267
It's just that your
golf clubs are forever,
317
00:16:26,335 --> 00:16:28,469
and my spa day is gone,
318
00:16:28,537 --> 00:16:30,572
so I figured, it's
only fair, you know?
319
00:16:30,639 --> 00:16:32,490
How did you get your dad
to give you the money?
320
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:34,760
Well, you know how our
clock radio's been broken?
321
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,494
Gave me $200 to get a new one.
322
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:39,397
200? I got that free when I
ordered sports illustrated.
323
00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:41,733
Hey, I was only
shooting for 100,
324
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:44,002
but then he started
talking about transistors
325
00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:45,904
and how clever those
Japanese are.
326
00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:47,072
I just went with it.
327
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,257
And you made me feel bad
about wanting more?
328
00:16:49,324 --> 00:16:50,692
Oh, it's on, baby.
329
00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:51,926
Where are you going?
330
00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:53,845
Oh, we got a house
full of appliances,
331
00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:55,847
and one's about to go down.
332
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:02,270
Oh, yeah.
333
00:17:02,338 --> 00:17:03,405
All right.
334
00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:09,344
Doug, no! Not the DVD player!
335
00:17:09,412 --> 00:17:14,098
Carrie, this is a machine that uses
lasers to play movies from shiny disks.
336
00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:16,067
I could tell him it
cost a million dollars.
337
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:19,537
Doug, no! This has to stop.
338
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:20,555
Why should it stop, Carrie?
339
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,591
What, am I beating
you to the punch?
340
00:17:22,658 --> 00:17:25,827
What, you got your eye on something
that'll make the toilet bubble, too?
341
00:17:25,894 --> 00:17:26,495
Yeah?
342
00:17:26,562 --> 00:17:28,180
Shh! Holly's here.
343
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:29,447
Yeah, I'm still here.
344
00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:30,248
Hi.
345
00:17:30,316 --> 00:17:31,866
Hey, hey. Yeah, go ahead.
346
00:17:31,934 --> 00:17:35,036
$800? I don't have
that kind of money.
347
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:36,487
Oh, this isn't good.
348
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,222
What? What?
349
00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:39,574
She needs money.
350
00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:42,561
And who do you think she's gonna
try to get it from? My dad.
351
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:44,829
What do you care? You said you
were done getting money from him.
352
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,648
Not if she's gonna
get it instead.
353
00:17:47,716 --> 00:17:50,435
If someone is gonna scam my dad,
354
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:54,171
it should at least be
someone who loves him.
355
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,274
What does she need the
money for anyway?
356
00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:57,725
She finally got that bill
357
00:17:57,793 --> 00:18:00,128
for that blonde they
pumped into her hair?
358
00:18:00,196 --> 00:18:02,297
Don't worry. Your dad probably
won't give her the money anyway.
359
00:18:02,365 --> 00:18:04,416
Oh, he will, the way
she kisses his butt.
360
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,818
"Oh, Arthur, you look
so cute in that hat."
361
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:09,287
You saw him. He looked like
a 90-year-old gilligan.
362
00:18:13,325 --> 00:18:18,513
By the way, so does
the real gilligan.
363
00:18:18,580 --> 00:18:19,381
All right, you know what?
364
00:18:19,448 --> 00:18:20,799
Just break the frickin' thing.
365
00:18:20,866 --> 00:18:22,300
We've gotta get that money.
All right, now,
366
00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:25,369
I'm gonna get the money, and
you keep Holly busy, ok?
367
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:26,504
All right, come on. Hurry up!
Hurry up!
368
00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:28,406
All right.
369
00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:32,811
Uh-huh. Ok, well, I'll just
try to figure something out
370
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:34,379
and I'll get back to you.
371
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,048
Thanks.
372
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,083
Hey, what you got there...
373
00:18:39,151 --> 00:18:40,419
Sweater?
374
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,523
Sweaters are great,
375
00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:47,926
but, ironically, they don't
handle sweat that well.
376
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,183
They're very warm, though.
377
00:18:57,419 --> 00:18:59,220
What's wrong?
378
00:18:59,288 --> 00:19:02,123
My new dog shatzi
needs an operation,
379
00:19:02,191 --> 00:19:04,525
and I can't afford it.
380
00:19:04,593 --> 00:19:07,628
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
381
00:19:07,696 --> 00:19:10,031
Turns out, all the stress from
working on the bomb squad
382
00:19:10,099 --> 00:19:11,366
weakened his heart,
383
00:19:11,433 --> 00:19:13,368
and now there's some
kind of valve ripping,
384
00:19:13,435 --> 00:19:15,103
and if he doesn't
get the operation,
385
00:19:15,170 --> 00:19:16,737
he's gonna be in so much pain,
386
00:19:16,805 --> 00:19:18,273
they're gonna put him down.
387
00:19:18,340 --> 00:19:22,710
Well, he had a good run. He...
388
00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:24,445
Had a full life.
389
00:19:24,513 --> 00:19:27,281
He's 4.
390
00:19:27,349 --> 00:19:30,418
Yeah, but that's
28 in human years.
391
00:19:30,485 --> 00:19:32,420
That's when I started
fallin' apart.
392
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:36,557
And the sad thing is, he
doesn't even know it.
393
00:19:36,625 --> 00:19:39,961
You know, he's just
this sweet lovable guy
394
00:19:40,029 --> 00:19:42,831
who just wants to kiss
you and be with you.
395
00:19:42,898 --> 00:19:48,870
I mean, he spent his
entire life saving people.
396
00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:51,505
And now there's no one
there to save him.
397
00:19:53,843 --> 00:19:55,977
We gotta give the
money to Holly.
398
00:19:56,045 --> 00:19:58,029
What?! Why?!
399
00:19:58,096 --> 00:20:02,100
Because if we don't, we're gonna spend
eternity swimming in a lake of fire.
400
00:20:05,854 --> 00:20:07,339
Both of us?
401
00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:09,273
Give me this.
402
00:20:26,208 --> 00:20:27,475
Hey... dad?
403
00:20:27,543 --> 00:20:29,009
What's up?
404
00:20:29,077 --> 00:20:30,311
Guess what.
405
00:20:30,379 --> 00:20:32,547
I won at bingo again.
406
00:20:32,614 --> 00:20:34,398
Really? How much?
407
00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:35,700
11 bucks.
408
00:20:35,725 --> 00:20:37,993
Family meeting. Chop chop.
29335
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