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1
00:00:08,274 --> 00:00:13,128
Ok, all basted and ready
for the home stretch.
2
00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:25,031
Why didn't you
just open the oven
3
00:00:25,056 --> 00:00:26,323
before you picked up the Turkey?
4
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:29,833
Ok, you know what? Now
that you're here,
5
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:30,964
why don't you open the oven.
6
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:33,367
Before I dump hot Turkey juice
all over your privates?!
7
00:00:34,158 --> 00:00:36,602
I do believe someone's
flirtin' with me.
8
00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,704
Ok. Thank you.
9
00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:41,640
All right. Well, that's it.
10
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:43,299
Now, if you'll excuse me,
11
00:00:43,359 --> 00:00:45,995
those yams are not gonna
candy themselves.
12
00:00:46,062 --> 00:00:47,329
Wow, this is amazing.
13
00:00:47,729 --> 00:00:48,746
You're cookin' a meal,
14
00:00:48,815 --> 00:00:50,849
and there's no smoke
alarms goin' off,
15
00:00:50,917 --> 00:00:53,685
no dogs howlin' in the alley.
16
00:00:53,752 --> 00:00:56,487
I know! I'm just as
surprised as you are!
17
00:00:56,555 --> 00:00:58,573
Can you believe that I'm
actually gonna pull off
18
00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:01,242
a home-cooked Thanksgiving
dinner for 10 people?
19
00:01:01,310 --> 00:01:03,996
I mean, that beats my
previous record by...
20
00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:05,831
10!
21
00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:08,466
Oh, gravy's done.
22
00:01:08,534 --> 00:01:09,785
Oh, sweet!
23
00:01:09,852 --> 00:01:10,919
Off, off, off!
24
00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:13,088
Sorry. I heard a bell. I'm
like a fighter that way.
25
00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:15,057
So what can I have?
26
00:01:15,125 --> 00:01:16,859
You can eat anything
over here, all right?
27
00:01:16,926 --> 00:01:18,493
Just get something out
of the refrigerator.
28
00:01:18,561 --> 00:01:20,778
So any word from
your dad upstate?
29
00:01:20,846 --> 00:01:23,581
Yes, um... apparently he had a
fight with his cousin-in-law,
30
00:01:23,649 --> 00:01:26,017
and they have to eat
Thanksgiving dinner in shifts.
31
00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:27,953
It's gonna be weird
32
00:01:28,020 --> 00:01:30,621
having our Thanksgiving
without him, right?
33
00:01:30,689 --> 00:01:31,773
Yeah, I'm really
gonna miss the sight
34
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,376
of a 10-course meal gettin'
caught in the man's mustache.
35
00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:37,111
Ah, leftover pizza,
36
00:01:37,179 --> 00:01:40,214
just under the 5-day limit.
37
00:01:41,785 --> 00:01:43,919
Wait, whoa. What are you doing?
No.
38
00:01:43,987 --> 00:01:44,953
Gonna reheat pizza.
39
00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:46,988
The broccoli is
cooking in there.
40
00:01:47,056 --> 00:01:49,273
So? Can't I grab a
ride for 30 seconds?
41
00:01:49,341 --> 00:01:52,044
No! Then the broccoli's
gonna taste like pepperoni!
42
00:01:52,111 --> 00:01:54,012
And a parade will be
thrown in your honor.
43
00:01:54,079 --> 00:01:57,782
Ok, here's what I
need you to do:
44
00:01:57,850 --> 00:01:59,450
First, leave.
45
00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:00,652
Second, set the table.
46
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:01,953
You think you can manage that?
47
00:02:02,021 --> 00:02:03,321
What's this?
48
00:02:03,389 --> 00:02:04,355
The silver place settings
49
00:02:04,423 --> 00:02:05,957
your parents gave
us for our wedding.
50
00:02:06,025 --> 00:02:06,908
Why is it in this?
51
00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:08,760
Am I taking them on vacation?
52
00:02:08,827 --> 00:02:09,995
You're killing me here.
53
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,196
Please, just go.
54
00:02:11,263 --> 00:02:12,764
I'm gonna go get some
sodas out of the garage.
55
00:02:21,643 --> 00:02:22,793
Oh, wow.
56
00:02:26,084 --> 00:02:27,618
I'm eatin' with this one.
57
00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:37,922
Hello.
58
00:02:37,990 --> 00:02:40,275
Finally, somebody home.
Hey, sorry to bother you.
59
00:02:40,343 --> 00:02:42,060
Any way I could use your phone?
60
00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:44,279
Uh... what's up?
61
00:02:44,347 --> 00:02:45,914
My car died a couple
blocks from here.
62
00:02:45,982 --> 00:02:47,415
Engine seized up.
63
00:02:47,483 --> 00:02:49,217
That's rough. I mean, I'm
not much of a car guy,
64
00:02:49,285 --> 00:02:51,770
but I know when I seize
up, I not feel so good.
65
00:02:54,390 --> 00:02:55,774
Sure, come on in. Thanks, man.
66
00:02:55,841 --> 00:02:56,958
It's gettin' cold out there.
67
00:02:57,026 --> 00:02:58,660
I picked the wrong day
to lose my chapstick.
68
00:02:58,727 --> 00:03:00,262
Oh, been there.
69
00:03:00,329 --> 00:03:01,329
That's why I keep mine
70
00:03:01,397 --> 00:03:02,897
in the little pocket
above the big pocket.
71
00:03:02,965 --> 00:03:03,965
That's for chapstick.
72
00:03:04,033 --> 00:03:05,467
A lot of people don't know that.
73
00:03:05,535 --> 00:03:07,068
Phone's right there.
74
00:03:07,136 --> 00:03:08,470
Thanks.
75
00:03:15,144 --> 00:03:16,744
Whoa! Hello.
76
00:03:16,812 --> 00:03:17,879
And you are?
77
00:03:17,946 --> 00:03:19,847
That guy said I could
use the phone.
78
00:03:19,915 --> 00:03:21,550
Oh, ok.
79
00:03:26,321 --> 00:03:28,707
Doug? What is a man
with an eye patch
80
00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:30,025
doing in our kitchen?
81
00:03:30,093 --> 00:03:31,260
His car broke down.
82
00:03:31,327 --> 00:03:33,561
And you just let him in here?
83
00:03:33,629 --> 00:03:34,329
Yeah, he was stranded.
84
00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:35,414
What do you expect me to do?
85
00:03:35,481 --> 00:03:36,781
Have you ever met
this man before?
86
00:03:36,849 --> 00:03:37,410
No.
87
00:03:37,435 --> 00:03:40,051
And have you seen this "car"
that supposedly broke down?
88
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:41,086
No.
89
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:42,754
Could you offer me any assurance
90
00:03:42,822 --> 00:03:44,156
that we're not about to die?
91
00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:47,125
Will you relax? It's fine.
92
00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:49,377
I let people in
here all the time.
93
00:03:49,445 --> 00:03:52,230
Oh! Ok, that's a relief.
94
00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:54,416
Excuse me, what's
your address here?
95
00:03:54,483 --> 00:03:56,184
Oh, it's 3121 Aberdeen.
96
00:03:56,252 --> 00:03:57,419
Thanks.
97
00:03:57,486 --> 00:03:58,386
Ow!
98
00:04:00,456 --> 00:04:03,191
You don't just give a
stranger our address.
99
00:04:03,259 --> 00:04:04,792
It's on the door!
100
00:04:04,860 --> 00:04:07,895
It's not like I gave
him my pin number.
101
00:04:07,963 --> 00:04:11,032
Actually, I do use
that as my pin number.
102
00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:14,368
You know what? Just
get rid of him, ok?
103
00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:21,643
Ok, my buddy's coming
to pick me up.
104
00:04:21,710 --> 00:04:22,794
Uh, there's a diner
on the corner.
105
00:04:22,862 --> 00:04:24,529
Why don't you wait for
your buddy over there, ok?
106
00:04:24,596 --> 00:04:25,614
It's closed.
107
00:04:25,681 --> 00:04:27,348
Everything around here's closed.
108
00:04:27,416 --> 00:04:28,250
You mind if I wait here?
109
00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:30,218
Sure.
110
00:04:30,286 --> 00:04:33,588
I mean, outside,
if you don't mind.
111
00:04:33,656 --> 00:04:35,273
Ok.
112
00:04:35,340 --> 00:04:37,008
Inside would be fine normally,
113
00:04:37,076 --> 00:04:38,576
but we're gettin'
ready for company,
114
00:04:38,644 --> 00:04:39,778
and we're gonna be vacuuming.
115
00:04:39,845 --> 00:04:40,979
It's gonna be real
noisy in here.
116
00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:42,513
I think you'll like
it better out here.
117
00:04:42,581 --> 00:04:44,849
So just make yourself
comfortable,
118
00:04:44,917 --> 00:04:46,033
although I'd avoid that chair
119
00:04:46,101 --> 00:04:48,870
unless you like getting poked
by something cold and rusty.
120
00:04:50,706 --> 00:04:51,673
Right.
121
00:04:51,741 --> 00:04:53,775
So how long till your
buddy gets here?
122
00:04:53,842 --> 00:04:55,459
Uh, well, he's coming
from Baltimore,
123
00:04:55,527 --> 00:04:56,961
so I guess about 4 hours.
124
00:05:01,115 --> 00:05:02,783
Ok, then.
125
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:11,693
Ok, here she is!
Happy Thanksgiving!
126
00:05:16,015 --> 00:05:17,081
Yoo-hoo!
127
00:05:17,149 --> 00:05:19,617
Hello! Hi!
128
00:05:22,838 --> 00:05:23,772
Right.
129
00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:24,973
Well, I got mine.
130
00:05:25,041 --> 00:05:27,008
What are the rest of you havin'?
131
00:05:28,294 --> 00:05:29,994
All right, let me carve
this bad boy up.
132
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,996
Ok, in the meantime,
everybody serve yourselves.
133
00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,398
I got some stuffing...
134
00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:34,799
All right.
135
00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:36,968
And some sweet potatoes.
136
00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:37,969
You got that?
137
00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:40,439
And some fresh green beans.
138
00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:43,241
Son of an ass!
139
00:05:43,309 --> 00:05:44,992
Obviously not a bean guy.
140
00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:47,562
No, he's watching the football
game on his little TV.
141
00:05:47,630 --> 00:05:50,265
The man has a serious
gambling problem.
142
00:05:52,651 --> 00:05:54,503
Well, as long as he's
having a good time.
143
00:05:54,570 --> 00:05:57,055
Ok, everybody, in the
meantime, here you go.
144
00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:58,990
Come on. Scoop and pass.
Scoop and pass!
145
00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:01,293
Let's go. Move it along.
146
00:06:08,250 --> 00:06:10,135
Wow, he looks cold.
147
00:06:10,202 --> 00:06:12,470
They say it's gonna
get below 30 tonight,
148
00:06:12,537 --> 00:06:14,438
not counting windchill.
149
00:06:14,506 --> 00:06:17,158
Is that man going
to freeze, daddy?
150
00:06:17,226 --> 00:06:18,393
I don't know, son.
151
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:24,132
No! Don't worry.
152
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:25,566
I noticed when he came inside,
153
00:06:25,634 --> 00:06:27,835
he had a whole thermal thing
underneath his clothes.
154
00:06:27,904 --> 00:06:30,405
He's actually warmer out
there than we are in here.
155
00:06:32,108 --> 00:06:33,658
Carve.
156
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:34,976
Ok, so enough about him.
157
00:06:35,044 --> 00:06:37,211
Let's enjoy each other's
company, shall we?
158
00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:39,481
Yeah. Hey, let's
change the subject.
159
00:06:39,549 --> 00:06:42,684
Um, anyone seen the
new wim wenders film?
160
00:06:45,538 --> 00:06:47,755
Well, it's better than
talking about that guy.
161
00:06:47,823 --> 00:06:49,974
Man, he give me the creeps.
162
00:06:50,042 --> 00:06:52,109
Really? I kind of
think he's cute.
163
00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:53,511
What?!
164
00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:56,264
Yeah, when I came in, I saw
that he has a nice smile,
165
00:06:56,331 --> 00:06:58,566
and his eye is so blue.
166
00:07:00,535 --> 00:07:03,371
Hey, anyone see the Thanksgiving
parade this morning?
167
00:07:03,439 --> 00:07:04,706
See that rockette?
168
00:07:04,774 --> 00:07:07,041
She took a nosedive right
off the side of the float.
169
00:07:07,109 --> 00:07:08,543
So funny.
170
00:07:08,611 --> 00:07:09,311
I didn't see it.
171
00:07:09,378 --> 00:07:10,495
I couldn't stop laughing.
172
00:07:22,591 --> 00:07:24,759
Hey, try the stuffing.
No raisins.
173
00:07:26,762 --> 00:07:27,729
What?
174
00:07:27,797 --> 00:07:29,363
Fix this. Fix what?
175
00:07:29,431 --> 00:07:30,748
Ok, in case you haven't
noticed, idiot,
176
00:07:30,816 --> 00:07:33,150
everybody's obsessed with
your porch pal out there.
177
00:07:33,218 --> 00:07:34,985
Nobody's eating. It's
completely awkward.
178
00:07:35,053 --> 00:07:36,154
What do you want me to do?
179
00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:37,155
The guy's waiting for his
buddy to pick him up,
180
00:07:37,223 --> 00:07:38,623
he's got nowhere else to go.
181
00:07:38,690 --> 00:07:41,393
The only other option is to
let him wait inside here.
182
00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:44,262
Inside? Are you
really that stupid?
183
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:46,497
Stupid with kindness.
184
00:07:46,565 --> 00:07:48,900
Doug, please, just close
the curtains then.
185
00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:50,718
I'm not doing that. It's rude.
186
00:07:50,786 --> 00:07:52,136
Rude? Ok, I'm sorry.
187
00:07:52,204 --> 00:07:54,038
I guess I'm not up to speed
on the rules of etiquette
188
00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:57,074
involving one-eyed
porch psychos.
189
00:07:58,578 --> 00:08:00,328
Now, look, I worked my ass off
190
00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:01,596
to make a nice
Thanksgiving meal,
191
00:08:01,663 --> 00:08:03,264
and I want people to enjoy it,
192
00:08:03,332 --> 00:08:04,665
so you're gonna march in there,
193
00:08:04,733 --> 00:08:05,950
you're gonna close the curtains,
194
00:08:06,018 --> 00:08:07,118
and then you're gonna
make a funny joke
195
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:08,286
to get everybody in a
good mood again, ok?
196
00:08:08,354 --> 00:08:09,520
Now go!
197
00:08:09,588 --> 00:08:11,389
Fine, but for the record,
198
00:08:11,457 --> 00:08:13,425
you're way scarier than patchy.
199
00:08:15,945 --> 00:08:17,328
Hey, how's it goin'?
200
00:08:17,396 --> 00:08:18,463
It's just a little
bright in here.
201
00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:20,765
Gonna close the curtains.
202
00:08:22,584 --> 00:08:23,868
Here we go.
203
00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:25,370
All right.
204
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:27,105
Ok, that's good.
205
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:30,575
Ahem, here we are.
206
00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:32,243
Might as well get this one, too.
207
00:08:32,311 --> 00:08:33,712
Sure.
208
00:08:33,795 --> 00:08:36,463
All right! Who wants
some Turkey now?
209
00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:38,349
Show of drumsticks, huh?
210
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,460
Everything is so
delicious, Carrie.
211
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:49,594
It's so good.
212
00:08:49,662 --> 00:08:51,946
Yeah, and free.
213
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,666
Yes, but tipping is appreciated.
214
00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:56,201
Pass me the broccoli, please.
215
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:06,595
What a wonderfully awkward
Thanksgiving you've created.
216
00:09:06,663 --> 00:09:09,998
Major! Major, get
back to the table!
217
00:09:10,065 --> 00:09:11,232
Please do something
about your son.
218
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:12,701
He just wants to look
at the freak outside.
219
00:09:12,768 --> 00:09:14,002
We all do.
220
00:09:15,370 --> 00:09:16,671
Just get him back here.
221
00:09:16,739 --> 00:09:18,740
Major, you heard your mother.
222
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:19,641
Major!
223
00:09:19,708 --> 00:09:22,210
I just wanted to see
if the pirate is dead.
224
00:09:22,278 --> 00:09:23,962
He's not a pirate,
and he's not dead.
225
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,630
Is he?
226
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:30,735
Ok, who's ready for a second
round of stuffing? Lou?
227
00:09:30,803 --> 00:09:32,553
Look, it's not my
place to say this,
228
00:09:32,622 --> 00:09:34,255
but have you considered
letting that man
229
00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:36,257
wait inside the house?
230
00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:37,559
Inside the house.
231
00:09:37,627 --> 00:09:40,462
Huh. What a kind and
generous thought.
232
00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:44,749
We don't think it's
a good idea, Lou.
233
00:09:44,817 --> 00:09:45,800
Why not?
234
00:09:45,868 --> 00:09:47,235
Well, because we've never
met this man before.
235
00:09:47,302 --> 00:09:48,870
For all we know, he could
be an ax murderer.
236
00:09:48,938 --> 00:09:50,872
Who needs another roll?
237
00:09:50,939 --> 00:09:53,041
I will take one,
238
00:09:53,108 --> 00:09:54,142
and I'll tell you something.
239
00:09:54,210 --> 00:09:55,477
I agree with you, sister.
240
00:09:55,545 --> 00:09:56,628
You work in the subway,
241
00:09:56,696 --> 00:09:57,863
you see a lot of sickos,
242
00:09:57,930 --> 00:10:01,500
and this guy has my
spidey-sense tingling.
243
00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:03,268
Really?
244
00:10:03,335 --> 00:10:06,104
He doesn't seem like a
sicko at all to me,
245
00:10:06,171 --> 00:10:08,006
and I've known my
share of sickos.
246
00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:10,408
I still keep in touch
with some of them.
247
00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:13,778
Well, Holly, you make a
persuasive case. You do.
248
00:10:13,846 --> 00:10:16,548
Um, but we're still
not gonna let him in.
249
00:10:16,615 --> 00:10:19,134
Oh! You fumblin' bitch!
250
00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:21,069
Sorry.
251
00:10:21,137 --> 00:10:22,670
Happy Thanksgiving.
252
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:25,290
Listen, car, for
what it's worth,
253
00:10:25,357 --> 00:10:26,924
I wouldn't let a
raggedy-looking stranger
254
00:10:26,992 --> 00:10:28,460
in my house on Thanksgiving.
255
00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:30,528
Thank you. See?
It's not just me.
256
00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:32,363
Lou and Holly, they
agree with me.
257
00:10:32,431 --> 00:10:33,565
Deac, what about you?
258
00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:35,266
I mean, you'd be ok letting
this guy in, right?
259
00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:36,751
Well, if he was a
brother I would,
260
00:10:36,819 --> 00:10:39,053
but not this dude.
261
00:10:39,121 --> 00:10:41,272
Isn't that just a
form of racism?
262
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:42,356
Look, I'm just looking
at the facts.
263
00:10:42,424 --> 00:10:43,825
Black dude might
steal your wallet,
264
00:10:43,892 --> 00:10:45,327
but the psychos who
chop up families?
265
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,462
All white boys.
266
00:10:47,530 --> 00:10:50,031
Honkies! Yes!
267
00:10:50,099 --> 00:10:51,700
All right, the
bottom line here is,
268
00:10:51,768 --> 00:10:53,134
I assume the best about people,
269
00:10:53,202 --> 00:10:54,536
you assume the worst.
270
00:10:54,604 --> 00:10:57,138
You build walls,
I build Bridges.
271
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,009
You couldn't build a TV stand.
272
00:11:01,076 --> 00:11:03,244
The instructions
were in Japanese.
273
00:11:03,312 --> 00:11:06,164
Face it, Doug, you're
way off on this one.
274
00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:07,749
I mean, did you get
a look at this guy?
275
00:11:07,817 --> 00:11:10,418
I mean, the way he's
dressed and the eye patch?
276
00:11:10,485 --> 00:11:12,604
What the hell does his eye patch
have to do with anything?
277
00:11:12,671 --> 00:11:15,207
Maybe a missile was headed
for an elementary school,
278
00:11:15,274 --> 00:11:17,042
and he threw his eye in the way!
279
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:19,511
It was like, zzz! "Aah!"
280
00:11:19,578 --> 00:11:20,778
Man's a hero.
281
00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:23,131
I'm just saying a normal
guy who loses an eye,
282
00:11:23,198 --> 00:11:24,532
he doesn't go with a patch.
283
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,668
I mean, a glass eye, maybe,
284
00:11:26,736 --> 00:11:28,703
or a pair of dark Ray-Bans.
285
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:30,672
I mean, you don't see Ray
Charles walking around
286
00:11:30,740 --> 00:11:32,440
wearing an eye patch, do you?
287
00:11:32,508 --> 00:11:34,443
Actually, he would
need 2 eye patches.
288
00:11:36,178 --> 00:11:38,229
That's a bad look right there.
289
00:11:38,297 --> 00:11:39,680
Think about who
wears an eye patch-
290
00:11:39,748 --> 00:11:40,681
captain hook,
291
00:11:40,749 --> 00:11:42,950
the villain from the
James Bond movie-
292
00:11:43,018 --> 00:11:44,419
all bad guys.
293
00:11:44,487 --> 00:11:46,154
What about bazooka Joe?
294
00:11:46,221 --> 00:11:47,889
Bazooka Joe. Couldn't be nicer.
295
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,157
Please! Have you
read those comics?
296
00:11:49,224 --> 00:11:50,525
He's very sarcastic.
297
00:11:50,593 --> 00:11:52,344
All right, come on, you guys.
298
00:11:52,411 --> 00:11:54,713
This has nothing to do
with the guy's eye patch.
299
00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:56,447
Ok, maybe he is a nice guy
300
00:11:56,515 --> 00:11:58,666
who got a missile in
the eye, all right?
301
00:11:58,734 --> 00:12:00,368
But maybe he's not!
302
00:12:00,436 --> 00:12:03,471
And if there's a 1% chance that
he could be a demented killer,
303
00:12:03,539 --> 00:12:05,606
why should we take the risk?
304
00:12:05,674 --> 00:12:07,308
The guy is freezing
out there, all right?
305
00:12:07,376 --> 00:12:08,776
You want the headline in
the post to read tomorrow,
306
00:12:08,844 --> 00:12:11,946
"man dies on porch of happy
Thanksgiving dinner"?
307
00:12:12,014 --> 00:12:13,598
How about this for a headline?
308
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:15,867
"10 people carved in
Thanksgiving massacre."
309
00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:18,170
I mean, it writes itself!
310
00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:23,591
Oh, God, do you
think he heard us?
311
00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:27,779
Even so, how would he know
we were talking about him?
312
00:12:27,846 --> 00:12:30,782
Maybe the fact that we said
"eye patch" about 600 times.
313
00:12:34,236 --> 00:12:35,570
What are you- what
are you doing?!
314
00:12:35,638 --> 00:12:36,905
I'm gonna see what he wants, ok?
315
00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,439
It's a little late to
pretend we're not home.
316
00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:40,174
All right, well, keep
the chain on the door.
317
00:12:40,242 --> 00:12:42,544
Yeah, cause' no one can
get through one of these.
318
00:12:44,279 --> 00:12:45,346
Yeah?
319
00:12:45,414 --> 00:12:47,315
Hey, uh, any chance I
could use your bathroom?
320
00:12:47,383 --> 00:12:48,683
Oh, yeah, sure, no problem.
321
00:12:48,751 --> 00:12:50,435
One second, please.
I'm in my bra.
322
00:12:52,304 --> 00:12:54,706
Ok, this is where I
draw the line, ok?
323
00:12:54,773 --> 00:12:56,006
I'm not gonna insult
the man's dignity
324
00:12:56,074 --> 00:12:58,008
by making him take a
pee in our bushes!
325
00:12:58,076 --> 00:12:59,877
Why not? You do.
326
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:01,763
Not in the front!
327
00:13:01,831 --> 00:13:03,398
I'm lettin' him in.
328
00:13:03,466 --> 00:13:04,165
Ok, but wait a minute.
329
00:13:04,233 --> 00:13:06,684
You follow him upstairs,
330
00:13:06,752 --> 00:13:07,752
he goes to the bathroom,
331
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:09,687
and then he's right
back outside, ok?
332
00:13:09,755 --> 00:13:12,156
All right, everybody,
keep eating, look normal.
333
00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:13,224
Hey, man, come on in.
334
00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:14,442
Sorry about that.
335
00:13:14,510 --> 00:13:15,777
Hey, you got a nice
little setup there, huh?
336
00:13:15,845 --> 00:13:19,146
Just sittin' there, watchin'
the pretty girls walk by?
337
00:13:19,214 --> 00:13:20,598
It's at the top of the stairs.
338
00:13:20,666 --> 00:13:21,766
Great.
339
00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:24,002
What are you, blind?!
340
00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:28,873
Uh... football referee's...
341
00:13:28,941 --> 00:13:30,274
Blind.
342
00:13:30,342 --> 00:13:31,776
I like your coat.
343
00:13:33,412 --> 00:13:36,063
I like your pants.
I'm Holly. Hi!
344
00:13:36,131 --> 00:13:36,864
Hi.
345
00:13:40,102 --> 00:13:41,603
Ok. Go. Go!
346
00:13:41,670 --> 00:13:42,870
Deac, you go, too. Check on him.
347
00:13:42,938 --> 00:13:44,071
Ok, ok.
348
00:13:48,611 --> 00:13:49,711
What's he doin'?
349
00:13:51,236 --> 00:13:52,269
Number one.
350
00:13:57,386 --> 00:13:59,320
Jeez, what'd he
have, a big gulp?
351
00:14:00,889 --> 00:14:03,391
Now he's washin' his hands. How
many psycho killers you know
352
00:14:03,459 --> 00:14:04,792
wash their hands after they pee?
353
00:14:04,860 --> 00:14:05,826
Couldn't tell you.
354
00:14:05,894 --> 00:14:07,061
He's comin'.
355
00:14:07,129 --> 00:14:08,663
Uh, there. How's that?
356
00:14:08,731 --> 00:14:09,831
Is that any better?
357
00:14:09,898 --> 00:14:11,065
Uh, up a little on the left.
358
00:14:11,133 --> 00:14:12,434
All right, there you go.
359
00:14:12,501 --> 00:14:13,634
Now, stop worryin'
about our pictures
360
00:14:13,702 --> 00:14:14,869
and enjoy your dinner already.
361
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,504
Well, now I can.
362
00:14:24,869 --> 00:14:26,570
Well, thanks a lot.
363
00:14:26,595 --> 00:14:28,195
Sorry to disturb your dinner.
364
00:14:28,384 --> 00:14:30,035
What? No, no, no, no.
365
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:33,847
Hey, mister. Mister.
366
00:14:33,872 --> 00:14:35,173
Major? Why do you
367
00:14:35,198 --> 00:14:37,949
have to be outside?
Are you a pirate?
368
00:14:38,243 --> 00:14:40,845
Yes. Yes, I am a pirate.
369
00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:43,815
I just came ashore for a
few days to fix my ship.
370
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,517
Can you fix my game boy?
371
00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:48,086
Major, leave the man alone.
He's...
372
00:14:48,153 --> 00:14:49,387
Busy.
373
00:14:50,939 --> 00:14:51,973
Let me see.
374
00:14:53,209 --> 00:14:54,709
Oh, you might just need to poke
375
00:14:54,776 --> 00:14:57,612
the little reset button
with somethin' sharp.
376
00:14:57,679 --> 00:14:58,379
Ca-
377
00:15:04,052 --> 00:15:05,987
there you go. Good as new.
378
00:15:06,054 --> 00:15:07,155
Thanks.
379
00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:14,328
Ok. Well, I guess I'll
go back out there.
380
00:15:21,403 --> 00:15:23,204
All right, this is ridiculous.
381
00:15:23,271 --> 00:15:25,206
The guy's obviously harmless.
382
00:15:25,273 --> 00:15:26,841
You don't know that.
383
00:15:26,909 --> 00:15:29,060
He just fixed a child's game boy
and washed his hands after making.
384
00:15:29,128 --> 00:15:30,862
How much proof do we need?!
385
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,913
Hey, no amount of proof
is gonna change my gut
386
00:15:32,981 --> 00:15:35,015
tellin' me this guy isn't right.
387
00:15:35,083 --> 00:15:36,000
Oh, will you knock it off?
388
00:15:36,068 --> 00:15:37,368
It's not this guy
you're scared of.
389
00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:38,536
It's the whole world!
390
00:15:38,603 --> 00:15:40,838
That's why the subway's
a perfect job for you.
391
00:15:40,906 --> 00:15:42,473
You can hide in your little
glass booth all day.
392
00:15:42,541 --> 00:15:43,908
Do they even need
you, by the way,
393
00:15:43,976 --> 00:15:45,676
with the whole Metro card thing?
394
00:15:45,744 --> 00:15:48,229
Shut up. Shut up!
395
00:15:50,232 --> 00:15:51,666
What are you doin'?
396
00:15:51,734 --> 00:15:52,767
You know what? If we're
not letting him in here,
397
00:15:52,835 --> 00:15:53,968
I'm goin' out there.
398
00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:55,353
That's what happened
399
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:56,387
on the first Thanksgiving.
The pilgrims
400
00:15:56,539 --> 00:15:58,006
didn't know the Indians,
but they decided
401
00:15:58,073 --> 00:16:00,307
to trust them and
bring them food.
402
00:16:00,375 --> 00:16:03,694
Yes, and then the
Indians scalped them.
403
00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:06,981
I think you both have
the story pretty wrong.
404
00:16:07,048 --> 00:16:08,282
You know what? The point is,
405
00:16:08,350 --> 00:16:10,018
sometimes you gotta
do the right thing,
406
00:16:10,085 --> 00:16:12,286
and that's exactly what I'm
doin' - the right thing.
407
00:16:12,354 --> 00:16:14,622
And I don't care if I
have to do it alone!
408
00:16:16,191 --> 00:16:17,725
Deac, could you, uh, help
me with the door handles?
409
00:16:20,696 --> 00:16:21,662
Thank you!
410
00:16:23,131 --> 00:16:24,632
Do you want to just
grab my jacket? Oh.
411
00:16:26,034 --> 00:16:26,967
Yeah.
412
00:16:27,035 --> 00:16:28,469
Thank you!
413
00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:33,692
You know what? I
agree with Doug.
414
00:16:33,759 --> 00:16:35,960
I mean, it really is
the right thing to do,
415
00:16:36,028 --> 00:16:40,164
and I think when you
have a chance to do...
416
00:16:40,232 --> 00:16:42,500
To do the right thing, you should do it.
You know?
417
00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:43,968
'Cause at the end of the day,
418
00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:45,553
the, uh... The right thing...
419
00:16:46,855 --> 00:16:48,556
Is right. Ok.
420
00:16:50,459 --> 00:16:51,392
I'm just gonna...
421
00:16:51,460 --> 00:16:53,528
Take this wine with me, too.
422
00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:55,346
We wanna go, too, mama!
423
00:16:55,381 --> 00:16:57,665
Yeah! We wanna eat
with the pirate!
424
00:16:57,733 --> 00:16:58,966
No. Absolutely not.
425
00:16:59,034 --> 00:17:00,668
Dad, can we?
426
00:17:00,736 --> 00:17:03,671
Um... look, maybe
it's all right.
427
00:17:03,739 --> 00:17:05,339
That man could be dangerous!
428
00:17:05,407 --> 00:17:07,508
I know, but they're just
gonna keep nagging.
429
00:17:10,412 --> 00:17:12,213
Deacon, that's not a
good enough reason.
430
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:13,781
You know, maybe we should
take them out there. Ok?
431
00:17:13,849 --> 00:17:15,850
I mean, look, do you want 'em to
grow up to be afraid of the world?
432
00:17:15,917 --> 00:17:17,752
They could end up like...
like...
433
00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:19,019
Uhh...
434
00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:23,908
Ok, coats and mittens.
435
00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,677
Yay! Yay!
436
00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:27,378
All right. But if you
guys go outside,
437
00:17:27,445 --> 00:17:30,598
you can say good-bye to desserts.
I'm serious.
438
00:17:33,268 --> 00:17:34,468
They're right.
439
00:17:35,904 --> 00:17:37,338
All of them. I...
440
00:17:37,405 --> 00:17:39,507
I am afraid of the world.
441
00:17:39,574 --> 00:17:42,810
I sit behind my bulletproof
glass every day,
442
00:17:42,878 --> 00:17:46,480
all day, and... My
only thought is...
443
00:17:46,548 --> 00:17:49,316
God, I hope the glass
really is bulletproof.
444
00:17:52,420 --> 00:17:55,189
Well, I'm through
living in fear!
445
00:17:55,256 --> 00:17:56,958
I'm going out there, damn it!
446
00:18:00,195 --> 00:18:02,196
You're... coming,
too, right, Lou?
447
00:18:04,199 --> 00:18:05,617
I have to follow my heart.
448
00:18:05,684 --> 00:18:08,018
Yeah. Follow your
friggin' heart, Lou.
449
00:18:10,372 --> 00:18:13,340
Oh, come on, baby!
Go! Go, go, go!
450
00:18:13,408 --> 00:18:16,060
No one to beat but the kicker!
Go!
451
00:18:16,128 --> 00:18:17,195
Oh, my God!
452
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,797
How do you get tackled
by a guy from Sweden?!
453
00:18:24,536 --> 00:18:26,570
Ohhh! God!
454
00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:30,475
Where is everybody?
455
00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:33,894
Ahh, don't worry about them.
It's just you and me,
456
00:18:33,962 --> 00:18:35,696
Danny boy. What do you need?
Stuffing?
457
00:18:35,764 --> 00:18:37,365
Uh... broccoli?
458
00:18:37,432 --> 00:18:39,334
Nah. Just lost a fortune.
459
00:18:39,401 --> 00:18:41,202
Need some air.
460
00:18:58,029 --> 00:18:59,563
I can't believe that.
461
00:19:01,088 --> 00:19:02,405
Live and learn, huh? Yeah.
462
00:19:02,527 --> 00:19:04,994
Uh, I... I haven't
seen 'em for years.
463
00:19:05,127 --> 00:19:06,127
Um... hi.
464
00:19:07,458 --> 00:19:11,495
I just wanted to tell you, Mr.
stranger...
465
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,445
That I was the, uh,
the main person
466
00:19:13,521 --> 00:19:15,555
who didn't want you
to come in tonight.
467
00:19:16,757 --> 00:19:20,026
I guess I've just never been a...
a trusting person.
468
00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:23,023
I'm one of those few
people who, um...
469
00:19:23,048 --> 00:19:25,616
Actually uses the ATM
rearview mirror.
470
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:28,664
Anyway...
471
00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:31,035
In the true spirit
of Thanksgiving,
472
00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:33,305
I'd like to invite
you inside with us.
473
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,508
For the rest of our
dinner, if you'd like.
474
00:19:38,096 --> 00:19:40,531
Well, I... I don't, uh...
know what to say.
475
00:19:40,556 --> 00:19:43,669
I mean... before any
of you came out,
476
00:19:43,694 --> 00:19:46,181
I was thinkin' about how
nice you people were...
477
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:49,321
Just to let a perfect stranger
use your phone and your bathroom
478
00:19:49,388 --> 00:19:51,223
and to wait out
here on your porch?
479
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:53,825
I certainly never
expected any of this.
480
00:19:53,892 --> 00:19:57,395
I-I'd just love to
make a toast to you...
481
00:19:57,463 --> 00:19:58,996
A Thanksgiving toast.
482
00:19:59,064 --> 00:19:59,965
That'd be great.
483
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:01,450
Absolutely. Yeah.
484
00:20:01,517 --> 00:20:03,818
Whoops. There's my
buddy's car right now,
485
00:20:03,886 --> 00:20:05,353
stoppin' at that traffic light.
486
00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:07,138
I recognize the bad paint job.
487
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:09,808
Uh, we got a long drive,
488
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,609
so if I could just use your
bathroom one more time,
489
00:20:11,677 --> 00:20:13,110
then I'll make my toast
and be on my way?
490
00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:14,779
Oh. Absolutely. Sure.
491
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:16,581
I'll get the wine
poured in the meantime.
492
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:17,949
Can I have some wine?
493
00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:20,051
Sure you can... In
about 14 years.
494
00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:27,476
See? Turns out he's a great guy.
495
00:20:27,543 --> 00:20:30,312
And you want to hear the kicker?
Jets fan. Oh.
496
00:20:30,379 --> 00:20:32,546
Hey, Holly, did you
get his number yet?
497
00:20:32,614 --> 00:20:34,282
Uh, no, not yet, but
when he comes back out,
498
00:20:34,349 --> 00:20:36,952
if you all could just talk
amongst yourselves... ohhh...
499
00:20:37,019 --> 00:20:38,419
You bad girl.
500
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:40,421
All I can say... This has
501
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:42,474
turned out to be one of
the nicest thanksgivings
502
00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:43,708
I've ever had.
503
00:20:43,775 --> 00:20:45,092
Ohhh... Ohhh...
504
00:20:46,445 --> 00:20:47,778
Hey, here comes his friend.
505
00:20:47,846 --> 00:20:48,879
The guy caught a break.
506
00:20:48,947 --> 00:20:50,281
There's a parking
space right in front.
507
00:21:08,133 --> 00:21:09,434
Crap!
508
00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:14,072
He got our silverware,
our stereo,
509
00:21:14,139 --> 00:21:16,558
her purse, her purse,
and his little TV.
510
00:21:17,826 --> 00:21:19,894
Told you he wouldn't kill us.
511
00:21:25,184 --> 00:21:27,619
I will wait for you. I promise.
512
00:21:28,477 --> 00:21:30,909
But in the meantime, um...
513
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:33,241
Can I get my purse back?
36174
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