All language subtitles for The King of Queens (1998) - S06E07 - Secret Garden (1080p BluRay x265 RCVR)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:34,390 --> 00:00:36,675 Hey, stud, we gettin' dinner anytime soon? 2 00:00:36,736 --> 00:00:37,669 Oh, yeah. Lookin' good. 3 00:00:37,737 --> 00:00:40,588 We got burger, burger, chicken... 4 00:00:40,656 --> 00:00:44,108 And their sickly cousin tofu dog. 5 00:00:44,176 --> 00:00:46,161 Look at this. 6 00:00:46,229 --> 00:00:47,896 You guys are back together. 7 00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,564 We're all back together again. 8 00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:51,333 How great is this? 9 00:00:51,401 --> 00:00:52,583 Yeah. Next time either one of you 10 00:00:52,651 --> 00:00:54,352 feels like your marriage is broken and empty, 11 00:00:54,420 --> 00:00:56,321 walk it off. 12 00:00:56,388 --> 00:00:57,889 Uh, grill went out again. 13 00:00:57,957 --> 00:01:00,358 Is it? That's it. Care, let's just get a new grill. 14 00:01:00,426 --> 00:01:01,526 We don't need a new grill. 15 00:01:01,594 --> 00:01:04,229 Just do that thing you do to start it up again. 16 00:01:04,296 --> 00:01:05,630 You mean crank up the gas, throw on a match, 17 00:01:05,698 --> 00:01:08,066 and dive behind the trash cans? 18 00:01:08,133 --> 00:01:09,300 Yeah, that. 19 00:01:09,368 --> 00:01:10,535 Come on, let's just get a new one. 20 00:01:10,603 --> 00:01:12,704 I just saw in a catalog for 500 bucks 21 00:01:12,772 --> 00:01:15,340 you can get ones with personalized grates, 22 00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:19,310 and you can burn your own logo into the meat. 23 00:01:19,379 --> 00:01:21,613 Knicks, jets, islanders. 24 00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:23,048 Stupidest thing I've ever heard. 25 00:01:23,115 --> 00:01:25,400 Ok, tell me you wouldn't love the maybelline logo 26 00:01:25,468 --> 00:01:27,769 seared right into your pork chop. 27 00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:29,421 Just light it! 28 00:01:29,488 --> 00:01:31,022 Fine. Deac, help me out, would you? 29 00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:32,924 Yeah. 30 00:01:32,992 --> 00:01:36,528 Hey, guess who I have an appointment with tomorrow at 10:15? 31 00:01:36,595 --> 00:01:37,529 Who? 32 00:01:37,596 --> 00:01:39,731 Your fancy gynecologist. 33 00:01:39,798 --> 00:01:41,966 Dr. Crawford. You got in. 34 00:01:42,034 --> 00:01:42,967 Yup. Thanks to your referral 35 00:01:43,035 --> 00:01:45,520 and a year on the waiting list. 36 00:01:45,588 --> 00:01:47,122 So, I'm really gonna love him? 37 00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:48,339 Carrie, there are no words. 38 00:01:48,407 --> 00:01:49,708 I mean, it's like you're not even at an appointment. 39 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,910 It's like you're having lunch. 40 00:01:51,978 --> 00:01:53,545 I can't wait. 41 00:01:53,612 --> 00:01:56,114 I can't tell you how many jerks I've been to. 42 00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:57,249 I mean, they keep you waiting, 43 00:01:57,316 --> 00:01:59,584 they keep their offices at 18 degrees. 44 00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:02,120 You know that one guy was actually on the phone, 45 00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:04,689 pricing jaguars while I was... 46 00:02:06,725 --> 00:02:08,994 Ok, you ready? Here we go. All right. 47 00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:10,295 Get set. 48 00:02:17,536 --> 00:02:19,037 Did it light? 49 00:02:19,105 --> 00:02:21,607 I have no idea. 50 00:02:21,674 --> 00:02:23,541 I see a little, but I'm not sure if it's- 51 00:02:28,247 --> 00:02:29,180 aah! 52 00:02:29,248 --> 00:02:31,216 Oh, God! 53 00:02:31,284 --> 00:02:34,436 That's it! We're getting a new grill! 54 00:02:34,504 --> 00:02:36,588 We don't need a new grill. You just did it wrong. 55 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:39,073 I don't have any eyebrows! 56 00:02:39,141 --> 00:02:42,678 All right. We'll get you a new grill, you whiner. 57 00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:44,046 And it's out again. 58 00:02:44,113 --> 00:02:45,647 Deac, just give me a hand. We'll nuke this stuff. 59 00:02:45,715 --> 00:02:46,648 All right. 60 00:02:46,716 --> 00:02:47,649 Thanks. 61 00:02:47,717 --> 00:02:48,650 Hey, Danny. 62 00:02:48,718 --> 00:02:49,651 Hi. 63 00:02:49,719 --> 00:02:50,652 Oh, hey. 64 00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:51,887 Hey. So, what's goin' on? 65 00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:55,523 You barbecuin'? Havin' a little party? 66 00:02:55,591 --> 00:02:59,194 No, it's just us and Deacon and Kelly. 67 00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:00,646 Oh, I get it. It's a couples thing. 68 00:03:00,713 --> 00:03:04,516 So if I was dating someone, I would've been invited. 69 00:03:04,583 --> 00:03:07,452 Uh... yeah. Sure. 70 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,305 Cool. Another time, then. 71 00:03:10,373 --> 00:03:11,889 Anyway, I don't wanna hold you up. 72 00:03:11,957 --> 00:03:13,425 Just wanted you guys to be the first to know 73 00:03:13,492 --> 00:03:16,093 that I am jumping back into the small business world. 74 00:03:16,161 --> 00:03:17,645 Great. You got the bankruptcy paperwork 75 00:03:17,714 --> 00:03:19,380 already filled out or- 76 00:03:19,448 --> 00:03:20,165 would you stop it? 77 00:03:20,232 --> 00:03:21,449 What are you doing, hon? 78 00:03:21,517 --> 00:03:23,551 Gonna be doin' a little landscaping on the side, 79 00:03:23,619 --> 00:03:24,987 like I did in college. 80 00:03:25,054 --> 00:03:27,256 Just, uh, dropping off some fliers around the neighborhood. 81 00:03:27,323 --> 00:03:28,623 Thought maybe you guys would hand out a few to your friends. 82 00:03:28,691 --> 00:03:29,724 Oh. 83 00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:32,527 "The garden of weedin'." 84 00:03:38,401 --> 00:03:42,019 What does that mean? You put weeds into people's gardens? 85 00:03:42,087 --> 00:03:43,704 No, no. I take 'em out. It's a good thing. 86 00:03:43,772 --> 00:03:46,124 Why would you even wanna call attention to weeds? 87 00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:48,310 Ok, you're overthinking it. It's catchy. 88 00:03:48,377 --> 00:03:49,678 It is. And you've seen his patio. 89 00:03:49,746 --> 00:03:50,712 It's gorgeous. 90 00:03:50,780 --> 00:03:52,381 I'd be happy to pass some of these out. 91 00:03:52,448 --> 00:03:53,515 Thank you. You're welcome. 92 00:03:53,583 --> 00:03:54,949 Ok, we are good to go. 93 00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:56,451 Cool. Okay. Make some room. 94 00:03:56,519 --> 00:03:59,921 Whoa! Somethin' smelling good around here, huh? 95 00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:02,006 What've you got, there? Some burgers, some chicken? 96 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:05,910 All right. I'll let you get to it. 97 00:04:05,978 --> 00:04:06,911 Ok. Good to see you, Danny. 98 00:04:06,979 --> 00:04:08,045 Bye-bye. 99 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:13,301 And that's it. We're done here. 100 00:04:13,369 --> 00:04:14,870 Shut up. 101 00:04:14,937 --> 00:04:16,571 It's over? 102 00:04:16,639 --> 00:04:17,756 Yes, ma'am. 103 00:04:17,823 --> 00:04:20,508 My God. The time just flew by. 104 00:04:20,576 --> 00:04:22,477 Well, I'm glad to hear it wasn't too bad for you. 105 00:04:22,544 --> 00:04:25,497 Are you kidding me? The classical music, 106 00:04:25,565 --> 00:04:29,434 the fur-lined stirrups, and this... 107 00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:31,653 This gown! What is this, Egyptian cotton? 108 00:04:31,721 --> 00:04:34,439 300-thread count. 109 00:04:34,506 --> 00:04:35,690 Well, can I, like, buy one? 110 00:04:35,758 --> 00:04:37,725 Do you have a gift shop here or something? 111 00:04:39,111 --> 00:04:40,512 Hey, you're funny. 112 00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:45,249 And, if I might add, you have a fabulous uterus to boot. 113 00:04:47,119 --> 00:04:48,953 Thank you. 114 00:04:49,021 --> 00:04:50,555 Dr. Crawford. 115 00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,189 Uh, yes, Marilyn? 116 00:04:52,257 --> 00:04:54,959 Your 11:00 just called. She's gonna be late. 117 00:04:55,027 --> 00:04:56,494 Sheila carrasco again? 118 00:04:56,562 --> 00:04:57,762 Yeah. 119 00:04:57,830 --> 00:05:00,298 Tell her she doesn't need to bother coming in today, 120 00:05:00,365 --> 00:05:01,533 and she can use the time 121 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,718 to find another gynecologist. 122 00:05:03,786 --> 00:05:05,904 So, Carrie, 123 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,990 do you have any other questions for me, 124 00:05:08,057 --> 00:05:10,258 or anything else you'd like to discuss? 125 00:05:10,326 --> 00:05:14,129 Well, I'm guessing I shouldn't be late for my next appointment. 126 00:05:14,196 --> 00:05:15,947 It's not ideal. 127 00:05:16,015 --> 00:05:19,784 Ok. Let me just make a few notes in your chart here. 128 00:05:19,851 --> 00:05:20,802 All right. 129 00:05:20,953 --> 00:05:22,153 You mind if I move your purse? 130 00:05:22,220 --> 00:05:23,321 Oh, yeah. Sorry. 131 00:05:23,388 --> 00:05:26,424 "The garden of weedin'." 132 00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:29,126 What is this, a landscaper? 133 00:05:29,194 --> 00:05:30,762 Yeah, it's my husband's cousin. 134 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:31,813 Oh. Is he good? 135 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:32,581 Well, he's just, uh, 136 00:05:32,648 --> 00:05:33,765 getting back into the business, 137 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:35,433 but he has a real knack for it. 138 00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:37,702 Huh. That could really work out well for me. 139 00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:39,738 We need a little work done on our front yard. 140 00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:43,174 But I only wanna spend $500. 141 00:05:43,242 --> 00:05:44,976 Give him a call. Take a flier. 142 00:05:45,043 --> 00:05:47,244 Great. Thanks. 143 00:05:47,312 --> 00:05:48,663 Feel free to help yourself 144 00:05:48,731 --> 00:05:51,099 to an ice-blended coffee on your way out. 145 00:06:05,147 --> 00:06:07,799 You know that's not a TV you're watching, right? 146 00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:10,034 Ha ha ha! Good one. 147 00:06:11,036 --> 00:06:12,504 Actually, for your information, 148 00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:14,640 I'm on-line doing a little research. 149 00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:18,543 "Adventures in meat.Com." 150 00:06:18,611 --> 00:06:20,011 It's the charmaster web site. 151 00:06:20,079 --> 00:06:23,214 I'm taking a virtual tour of the 6-burner platinum edition. 152 00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,781 Where's the grill? 153 00:06:24,806 --> 00:06:27,458 We're in it. It's a steak-eye view. 154 00:06:29,238 --> 00:06:31,673 Look at this. We're zooming into the drip tray 155 00:06:31,741 --> 00:06:33,808 and back up to the lava rocks. 156 00:06:33,876 --> 00:06:36,745 Drip tray, lava rocks. 157 00:06:36,812 --> 00:06:38,947 Feels sexy, don't it? 158 00:06:39,014 --> 00:06:41,350 Would you just pick one of these freaking things 159 00:06:41,417 --> 00:06:42,784 and just buy it? 160 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:46,555 Hello? 161 00:06:46,623 --> 00:06:48,373 Oh, hi, Dr. Crawford. 162 00:06:48,441 --> 00:06:50,125 Look. Look. Look. Sauce warmer. 163 00:06:50,193 --> 00:06:51,442 Corn-cob caddy. 164 00:06:51,510 --> 00:06:54,763 Shh! It's my new gynecologist. 165 00:06:56,015 --> 00:06:57,182 Hey, Doug. Is Arthur home? 166 00:06:57,249 --> 00:06:58,717 No, he's out now. 167 00:06:58,784 --> 00:07:00,919 Oh, ok. Can you see that he gets this? 168 00:07:00,986 --> 00:07:02,387 A slim-Jim? 169 00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:04,723 Yeah. Yeah, he brought one on our walk today, 170 00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:06,391 and a couple of the dogs tag-teamed him 171 00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,126 and took it away. 172 00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:11,329 You made a special trip for this? 173 00:07:11,397 --> 00:07:13,615 He was pretty insistent. 174 00:07:13,682 --> 00:07:15,516 Ok, I'll pass it on. 175 00:07:15,584 --> 00:07:16,852 Great, thanks. 176 00:07:16,919 --> 00:07:18,320 Oh, hey, hol. Hey. 177 00:07:18,388 --> 00:07:21,290 That was Dr. Crawford calling to tell me 178 00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:23,858 what a great job Danny did on his front yard. 179 00:07:23,926 --> 00:07:26,128 I guess somebody was wrong about him. 180 00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:28,363 Ok, my idiot cousin can dig a ditch. 181 00:07:28,430 --> 00:07:31,032 Oh, how I've misjudged him. 182 00:07:32,001 --> 00:07:33,886 Did you just say Dr. Crawford, 183 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:35,954 as in Dr. Roy Crawford? 184 00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:37,656 Is he your gynecologist? 185 00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:39,224 Yeah. 186 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,193 Gosh, I hear he's the best. 187 00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:43,028 I mean, is there any way you could get me in? 188 00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:46,031 Why? What's wrong with your guy? 189 00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:48,633 Dr. Ambrose? Well, I saw him a couple of times, 190 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:52,337 and then he kept calling me late at night. 191 00:07:53,472 --> 00:07:54,505 I mean, is there any way you could 192 00:07:54,573 --> 00:07:56,541 put in a good word for me with Crawford? 193 00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:58,443 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Um. 194 00:07:58,511 --> 00:08:00,012 No. No. 195 00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:01,163 Well- I can't. 196 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:02,247 If you just- I don't want to. 197 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,415 It won't take 2 seconds. 198 00:08:03,482 --> 00:08:04,416 I just don't want to. 199 00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:05,517 Ok, thank you. Ok. All right. 200 00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:06,852 Thanks very much. Thanks. 201 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:11,990 Your boyfriend's here. 202 00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:17,763 Hey, what's up? 203 00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:18,746 Just came by to thank you 204 00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:19,998 for hooking me up with the good doctor. 205 00:08:20,065 --> 00:08:20,999 Oh, yeah! I just got off the phone with him. 206 00:08:21,066 --> 00:08:22,000 He's thrilled. 207 00:08:22,067 --> 00:08:23,001 I know. 208 00:08:23,068 --> 00:08:24,168 And as a token of my appreciation, 209 00:08:24,236 --> 00:08:26,772 I bought you a prunus persica. 210 00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:30,208 Or, as you kids call it, an apple tree. 211 00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:32,044 Sweet. You can never have too many apples. 212 00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:35,547 And you're gonna be buried in them in about 18 years. 213 00:08:35,615 --> 00:08:37,315 Well, I'm glad this worked out. 214 00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:39,100 Yeah. Thanks to you, I'm really getting legit here. 215 00:08:39,168 --> 00:08:40,835 Like an actual business! 216 00:08:40,903 --> 00:08:43,405 Dr. Crawford will receive his bill 217 00:08:43,472 --> 00:08:46,708 on official garden of weedin' stationery. 218 00:08:46,775 --> 00:08:48,643 Look, I even got my own logo. 219 00:08:49,912 --> 00:08:51,612 Is that a drawing of you naked? 220 00:08:53,049 --> 00:08:55,250 No, that's me with a really big green thumb. 221 00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:03,558 Wait a minute. This bill is for $958. 222 00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:04,926 Yeah? So? So? 223 00:09:04,994 --> 00:09:07,045 He only wanted to spend $500. 224 00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:09,097 The job ran over. It happens. 225 00:09:09,165 --> 00:09:11,399 Ok. He's gonna freak out when he sees this. 226 00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,117 He can freak out all he wants. 227 00:09:13,185 --> 00:09:17,422 He got his hedges. Now I gets my cabbage. 228 00:09:17,489 --> 00:09:19,724 Yeah, and he drops me as a patient 229 00:09:19,792 --> 00:09:20,892 'cause he's gonna blame me for this. 230 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,994 Oh, come on. No, I'm serious. 231 00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:24,913 You don't cross this guy, ok? 232 00:09:24,980 --> 00:09:26,715 Sorry, pal. You're only charging him $500. 233 00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:27,749 I can't do that. 234 00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:28,617 You're doing it. 235 00:09:28,684 --> 00:09:30,202 I can't! I already owe it all! 236 00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:32,604 I got all these plants on credit from the nursery. 237 00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:33,455 I gotta pay my workers. 238 00:09:33,522 --> 00:09:35,374 This thing alone was $63. 239 00:09:35,441 --> 00:09:37,176 You charged him for my apple tree?! 240 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:40,462 It's how the business works! 241 00:09:40,530 --> 00:09:42,163 You're a moron! 242 00:09:42,231 --> 00:09:43,899 Don't let me bother you, kids. 243 00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:46,001 Just measuring out a new spot for my grill. 244 00:09:46,069 --> 00:09:48,053 Sorry, Carrie. The bill is what it is, all right? 245 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:50,138 I'm not doing this for charity. I'm a businessman. 246 00:09:50,206 --> 00:09:51,973 Well, fine. I'm just gonna call him and tell him not to pay you. 247 00:09:52,041 --> 00:09:53,308 Well, then, I'll sue him. 248 00:09:53,376 --> 00:09:54,609 Or, better yet, I'll go to his house 249 00:09:54,676 --> 00:09:55,877 and rip out all my plants. 250 00:09:55,945 --> 00:09:56,878 Pardon me. 251 00:09:56,946 --> 00:09:58,213 I can't believe you! 252 00:09:58,281 --> 00:09:59,481 Yeah, well, believe it, baby. 253 00:10:01,050 --> 00:10:04,236 I'm gonna lose my gynecologist. 254 00:10:04,303 --> 00:10:06,538 Holly's guy sounded pretty good. 255 00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:17,916 Hey, hon. 256 00:10:17,983 --> 00:10:19,551 Watching a Western? 257 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,386 Yeah. 258 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,538 Who made saloon furniture? 259 00:10:23,606 --> 00:10:27,375 Never really held up during a fight. 260 00:10:27,443 --> 00:10:28,643 And those banisters, 261 00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,545 what's the point of even having one? 262 00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:34,399 Ha ha! 263 00:10:34,466 --> 00:10:37,335 That's why I love you. I never know what you're gonna say. 264 00:10:40,606 --> 00:10:43,041 Okay, what do you want? 265 00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:46,478 Here's the thing. 266 00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:48,496 I don't know if you heard 267 00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:50,032 what went down with Danny and I, 268 00:10:50,099 --> 00:10:52,768 but it turns out he's gonna overcharge my gynecologist 269 00:10:52,835 --> 00:10:54,469 by, like, $400. 270 00:10:54,537 --> 00:10:55,837 Yeah? 271 00:10:55,904 --> 00:10:57,655 Ok, now, I'm just throwing this out there, ok? 272 00:10:57,723 --> 00:11:01,693 I'm just spitballing. I want you to keep an open mind, all right? 273 00:11:01,761 --> 00:11:04,313 I want us to pay the extra $400. 274 00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:11,686 Ok, cool. All right. 275 00:11:11,753 --> 00:11:12,988 So I'm just gonna go scoot on down 276 00:11:13,055 --> 00:11:14,205 to the atm, all right? 277 00:11:14,273 --> 00:11:16,091 And I'll see you in a minute. 278 00:11:16,158 --> 00:11:19,194 Saloon furniture. You're crazy, man! 279 00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:19,961 Hey! Hey! 280 00:11:20,029 --> 00:11:21,213 You don't gotta go to the atm, 281 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:22,714 I got it right here. I got it right here. 282 00:11:22,782 --> 00:11:23,982 Not a problem. 283 00:11:24,050 --> 00:11:27,386 Here it is, 100, 200, 300, 284 00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:29,388 no hundred ever. 285 00:11:30,573 --> 00:11:32,891 Come on, Doug! 286 00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:34,492 No, it's insane. I'm not paying for Danny's screwup. 287 00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:35,777 Let Danny pay for it. 288 00:11:35,845 --> 00:11:37,178 He can't pay for it. He doesn't have the money. 289 00:11:37,246 --> 00:11:38,580 Besides, he's a loose Cannon. 290 00:11:38,647 --> 00:11:41,516 He could freak out and leave a dead shrub in the guy's bed. 291 00:11:41,584 --> 00:11:44,035 Let me just get the 500 from Crawford, 292 00:11:44,103 --> 00:11:45,603 put it in with our money, 293 00:11:45,671 --> 00:11:47,072 and I'll give it all to Danny. 294 00:11:47,139 --> 00:11:49,774 Nobody has to know anything, and everybody's happy. 295 00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:51,943 Except for chubby. 296 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:56,080 Doug... please. 297 00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:59,851 I cannot lose this gynecologist. 298 00:11:59,918 --> 00:12:01,503 What is it about this guy? 299 00:12:01,571 --> 00:12:04,939 What-what goes on in that room? 300 00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:08,093 I don't know. It's everything. 301 00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:10,829 I mean, even the lighting in there, Doug. 302 00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:13,198 I stayed after to redo my makeup, 303 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:16,835 and it came out perfect. 304 00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:21,073 Well, maybe losing your gynecologist is a good lesson for you. 305 00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:23,976 Maybe next time you wanna do something nice for Danny, 306 00:12:24,043 --> 00:12:27,212 you'll think to yourself, "ooh. Last time I did this, 307 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,682 I lost my gynecologist." 308 00:12:30,749 --> 00:12:33,652 Look, I know in a logical world, it makes no sense, 309 00:12:33,719 --> 00:12:35,987 but I think if you were a woman, you would understand. 310 00:12:36,055 --> 00:12:37,722 Even if we do pay the 400 bucks, 311 00:12:37,789 --> 00:12:40,025 that's all the extra money we got lying around, you know? 312 00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:41,792 How am I gonna pay for my grill? 313 00:12:41,860 --> 00:12:43,195 Yeah. 314 00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:45,630 Oh... my God. 315 00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:47,932 Come on. We'll just cancel the new one, 316 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,267 and I'll light the old one. 317 00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:51,302 You never have to touch it. 318 00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:52,854 Great, so I'll still have my crappy old grill 319 00:12:52,921 --> 00:12:56,675 and a wife with a smoking head. 320 00:12:57,877 --> 00:12:59,778 Sorry, toots. Ain't gonna happen. 321 00:13:03,165 --> 00:13:07,568 Hey. Uh, I gotta talk to you about this danny/ gynecologist thing. 322 00:13:07,636 --> 00:13:09,070 Hey, did you hear about that? Carrie wants us 323 00:13:09,138 --> 00:13:11,773 to pay $400 to Danny, man. Freakin' crazy. 324 00:13:11,841 --> 00:13:13,207 Yeah, crazy. 325 00:13:13,275 --> 00:13:15,526 I'm gonna need you to pay that. 326 00:13:15,594 --> 00:13:17,962 What? Why should I pay it? 327 00:13:18,030 --> 00:13:18,780 Because your cousin was referred 328 00:13:18,848 --> 00:13:20,265 to Dr. Crawford by your wife, 329 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:21,699 who was referred by my wife, 330 00:13:21,767 --> 00:13:23,001 and now my wife's hysterical 331 00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:24,169 that if this thing blows up, 332 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:25,703 she's going down with Carrie. 333 00:13:25,771 --> 00:13:28,907 What is wrong with you people? 334 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:30,859 Look, all I know is I just got back together with Kelly. 335 00:13:30,927 --> 00:13:31,960 I don't need her running around 336 00:13:32,028 --> 00:13:34,162 crying about losing her gynecologist. 337 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:35,630 Sorry, dude, I can't do it. 338 00:13:35,698 --> 00:13:38,033 Oh, you're doing it. 339 00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:39,384 Oh, really? You're gonna make me? 340 00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,319 Maybe I will. 341 00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:43,521 All right, then let's go. 342 00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:44,672 Ow! 343 00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:48,142 You said let's go! 344 00:13:48,210 --> 00:13:50,395 Did not expect that! 345 00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:52,079 I'm sorry, man. 346 00:13:52,147 --> 00:13:54,883 Look, I'm just trying to put my marriage back together here. 347 00:13:54,950 --> 00:13:56,083 Fine! I'll do it. 348 00:13:56,151 --> 00:13:57,752 Thank you. 349 00:13:57,820 --> 00:13:59,420 What is it with this doctor? 350 00:13:59,488 --> 00:14:01,088 What do they love so much about him? 351 00:14:01,156 --> 00:14:03,224 I don't know. He-he's soothing. 352 00:14:03,249 --> 00:14:05,317 He puts them at ease. 353 00:14:07,362 --> 00:14:09,631 He's like the vagina whisperer. 354 00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,262 Hey. 355 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,799 How's it going? 356 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:33,204 Don't worry. Nobody's trying to light you. 357 00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:36,742 Just gonna check out your gas flow. 358 00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:42,614 So... how about them Knicks, huh? 359 00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:45,951 I tell you, I think this year 360 00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:48,020 they're looking pretty good if they- 361 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,993 I will see you in hell. 362 00:14:56,963 --> 00:14:59,364 Hi, honey. What are you doing? 363 00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,633 Oh, just trying to cook dinner and not die. 364 00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:03,635 Look, I know you hate this grill, 365 00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:05,871 but everything worked out great. 366 00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:07,906 Danny thinks Dr. Crawford paid for the whole thing. 367 00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:10,042 Dr. Crawford thinks he only paid $500. 368 00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:12,711 It's over. And I promise you next year, 369 00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,780 I will buy you an even better grill. 370 00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:16,064 Stop saying grill. 371 00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:19,000 All right, I'm gonna go cook this meat inside, ok? 372 00:15:21,037 --> 00:15:23,172 Aah! 373 00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:29,944 Honey, there's a message on the machine. 374 00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:31,413 Did you check it? No! 375 00:15:33,549 --> 00:15:34,749 Greetings, Americans, 376 00:15:34,817 --> 00:15:37,552 and welcome to today's moron report. 377 00:15:37,620 --> 00:15:39,921 Seems Dr. Crawford was so happy with the job 378 00:15:39,989 --> 00:15:42,424 this moron did in his front yard 379 00:15:42,492 --> 00:15:45,894 that he just hired him to do his whole backyard. 380 00:15:47,063 --> 00:15:48,897 Huh! Guess he didn't have any problem 381 00:15:48,964 --> 00:15:50,765 with the $900 after all. 382 00:15:50,833 --> 00:15:53,768 Ooh! File this under "burned." 383 00:15:55,738 --> 00:15:58,257 Ow! What was that for? 384 00:15:58,324 --> 00:15:59,691 You're gonna call Dr. Crawford. 385 00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:02,094 You're gonna tell him you're sick, tell him you died, 386 00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:04,863 tell him you sliced off your foot with a garden weasel. 387 00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:06,431 Just get out of it. 388 00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:08,350 Why should I get out of it? The guy loves me. 389 00:16:08,417 --> 00:16:10,585 He couldn't have been happier with the job I did. 390 00:16:10,652 --> 00:16:13,888 Because he thought it cost $500. 391 00:16:13,956 --> 00:16:16,207 What are you talking about? He paid me 900. 392 00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:17,459 No, he paid you 500, 393 00:16:17,527 --> 00:16:19,961 and Doug and I paid the rest out of our pockets. 394 00:16:20,029 --> 00:16:21,746 You did? Yeah. 395 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:25,049 So Crawford thought I did all that work for just 500? 396 00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:27,385 Again, yeah. 397 00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:29,187 Uh-oh. 398 00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:31,923 Uh-oh? Uh-oh what? 399 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:35,393 Well-well-well, I thought he was fine paying double the estimate, 400 00:16:35,461 --> 00:16:37,729 so I thought I'd give triple a shot. 401 00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:41,399 Oh, my God! You are the stupidest person alive! 402 00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:43,034 I don't suppose you guys would be willing 403 00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:44,669 to pay the difference one more time, would you? 404 00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:47,305 Ow! Same one! 405 00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:50,408 Would you please get your goldfish out of my bathtub? 406 00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:51,877 All right, they're not goldfish, ok? 407 00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:53,177 They're Japanese kol, 408 00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:55,246 and they're really expensive, so hands off. 409 00:16:55,314 --> 00:16:58,082 Whoa, whoa. Are those kol for Dr. Crawford? 410 00:16:58,150 --> 00:17:00,218 Yeah. Did he ask for kol? 411 00:17:00,285 --> 00:17:02,253 Not in so many words. 412 00:17:02,321 --> 00:17:04,056 It's one word! 413 00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:05,523 About my bath? 414 00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:07,392 Is this the way you take a bath? 415 00:17:07,459 --> 00:17:08,593 Yeah. 416 00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:11,429 You look like Ernie from sesame street. 417 00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:12,664 What did I do to you? 418 00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,465 I don't. - nothing. I'm sorry. 419 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,301 What was I thinking? 420 00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:18,103 I- I can't run a business. 421 00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:21,472 Oh, man! Why did I listen to that fortune cookie?! 422 00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:22,740 I hate me! 423 00:17:22,808 --> 00:17:24,442 All right, all right! Pull yourself together here. 424 00:17:24,510 --> 00:17:26,544 Call Dr. Crawford. I will dial. 425 00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:27,579 All right, but I'll tell you right now. 426 00:17:27,646 --> 00:17:29,114 He's gonna be pretty pissed. 427 00:17:29,182 --> 00:17:30,182 I already dug up his yard 428 00:17:30,249 --> 00:17:32,250 and I may have cut his phone line. 429 00:17:33,652 --> 00:17:36,922 Ok, Danny. I guess you have to go through with this. 430 00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,624 But here's how it's gonna go down. 431 00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:41,259 Look at me. I can't. 432 00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:43,762 Look at me! 433 00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:45,197 You're gonna give him 434 00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:47,232 exactly what he asked for 435 00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:50,702 for exactly the amount you told him it was gonna cost, 436 00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:53,839 and it's gonna be friggin' gorgeous, 437 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:57,275 or I'm gonna give you a gynecological exam. 438 00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:06,618 Yeah. 439 00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,186 It was funny. 440 00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,254 Hey, nice job up there 441 00:18:09,321 --> 00:18:10,856 with the karaoke, my friend. 442 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:13,859 Oh, thanks, man. And I wasn't just talking smack. 443 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,861 You do have Bette Davis eyes. 444 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,600 Carrie, this is Dr. Crawford. 445 00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:25,637 Sorry about the connection. I'm on my cell. 446 00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:28,273 Something's wrong with my home phone. 447 00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:29,641 Anyway, I'm just calling 448 00:18:29,708 --> 00:18:31,509 because Danny dug up my yard, 449 00:18:31,577 --> 00:18:33,945 but I haven't been able to get a hold of him since. 450 00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:36,347 I'm going out of town tonight until Monday, 451 00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:40,018 but if you speak to him, please leave me a message. 452 00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:43,655 Thanks. Bye! 453 00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:45,957 You let your cousin do another job for him? 454 00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:47,975 I didn't know until after he started it. 455 00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:49,060 Well, where is he? 456 00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:08,062 Ok. It's 1 A.M. I'm standing in your gynecologist's backyard 457 00:19:08,130 --> 00:19:11,099 planting a pear tree. 458 00:19:11,166 --> 00:19:12,967 That's right. And after this, 459 00:19:13,035 --> 00:19:15,303 we have a whole row of morning glories to plant, 460 00:19:15,371 --> 00:19:16,538 so keep it moving. 461 00:19:16,606 --> 00:19:18,473 Why the hell am I pushing the damn wheelbarrow? 462 00:19:18,541 --> 00:19:19,541 He's your doctor! 463 00:19:19,609 --> 00:19:21,509 Just keep it down. How's it going? 464 00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:23,311 Not good. I don't know what I'm looking at here. 465 00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:24,412 I think I'm gonna cry. 466 00:19:26,181 --> 00:19:27,349 Deacon, what are you doing? 467 00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:28,416 Relax. The guy's out of town. 468 00:19:28,484 --> 00:19:29,851 I just want to check out his place. 469 00:19:29,918 --> 00:19:32,204 What's he got going on in there? 470 00:19:32,271 --> 00:19:34,873 Oh, my God! He's got vaginas in jars! 471 00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:39,945 I think those are peaches. 472 00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,417 Oh. 473 00:19:46,485 --> 00:19:48,153 Oh, yeah, yeah. 474 00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:50,104 Can you guys get back to work, please? 475 00:19:50,172 --> 00:19:51,622 Aw, man. 476 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,159 I never felt like less of a man in my life. 477 00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:58,496 Oh, this is just a joke! 478 00:19:58,564 --> 00:20:00,832 Turn it off! 479 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:03,335 I don't know where. - It's probably on a timer! 480 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:05,270 You guys, don't worry about it. Just keep digging. 481 00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:06,905 What?! What? It's just water! 482 00:20:06,972 --> 00:20:08,423 What are you, a big baby? 483 00:20:08,491 --> 00:20:11,025 Oh, my God, look at this! 484 00:20:11,093 --> 00:20:14,362 He's got the charmaster 8000! He's got my grill! 485 00:20:17,032 --> 00:20:20,635 With a patriots logo! That is so wrong! 486 00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:28,460 And that's it. 487 00:20:28,527 --> 00:20:30,462 We are done here. 488 00:20:30,529 --> 00:20:32,263 Really? 489 00:20:32,331 --> 00:20:36,301 Wow. That was delightful. 490 00:20:36,368 --> 00:20:37,953 Super. 491 00:20:38,020 --> 00:20:39,971 I can't tell you how happy I am 492 00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:41,973 that I don't have to go to Dr. Ambrose anymore. 493 00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:43,708 Thank you so much for fitting me in. 494 00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:46,194 Well, normally you'd have to wait at least a year, 495 00:20:46,262 --> 00:20:48,804 but you called on the right day. 496 00:20:48,829 --> 00:20:51,364 I came home early from my vacation last night 497 00:20:51,507 --> 00:20:53,575 and found 2 of my patients 498 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,347 soaking wet, standing in a hole in my backyard 499 00:20:56,372 --> 00:21:00,041 slapping each other. Can you imagine? 500 00:21:00,109 --> 00:21:03,061 There are a lot of sick people in this world. 501 00:21:14,239 --> 00:21:15,440 Hello? 502 00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:16,908 Hello, Carrie? 503 00:21:16,975 --> 00:21:19,944 This is Dr. Ambrose. 504 00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:22,213 Oh, hi. 505 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:23,981 What's up? 35672

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