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1
00:00:34,417 --> 00:00:35,984
Good morning. Hey, Deac.
2
00:00:36,051 --> 00:00:38,253
Didn't Doug tell you I have
my law firm picnic today?
3
00:00:38,321 --> 00:00:39,421
Actually, Arthur
left me a message
4
00:00:39,489 --> 00:00:40,756
saying come over right away.
5
00:00:40,823 --> 00:00:42,424
It's "code blue."
6
00:00:42,492 --> 00:00:43,692
You know what that means?
7
00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:45,661
Yeah, code blue. Could be
anything from chest pains
8
00:00:45,728 --> 00:00:47,596
to "look what I made
out of paper clips."
9
00:00:47,664 --> 00:00:50,499
Dad, Deacon's here!
10
00:00:50,566 --> 00:00:52,300
Send him down.
11
00:00:55,671 --> 00:00:58,574
Any way he can come up here?
12
00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:00,375
I've never been down there.
13
00:01:00,443 --> 00:01:02,628
Hey, dad, why don't
you come up here
14
00:01:02,695 --> 00:01:04,262
and talk to him, ok?
15
00:01:04,330 --> 00:01:05,497
No can do.
16
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:08,099
This matter is far too intimate.
17
00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:13,071
If he's wearing a
robe, eyes up, ok?
18
00:01:15,374 --> 00:01:16,575
Are you really gonna
make me wear this shirt
19
00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:17,776
to this stupid picnic?
20
00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:19,411
Yes. Would you stop complaining?
21
00:01:19,478 --> 00:01:21,413
You look adorable.
22
00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:23,949
I look like fruit-striped gum.
23
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:31,457
The people I work with
are gonna be there.
24
00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:33,092
You need to look nice.
25
00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:35,294
What was wrong with
the t-shirt I had on?
26
00:01:35,361 --> 00:01:37,662
Ok, not sure my
bosses need to know
27
00:01:37,730 --> 00:01:40,531
that you're an official
bikini inspector.
28
00:01:44,503 --> 00:01:47,522
Well, this shirt's
got a rip in it.
29
00:01:47,589 --> 00:01:49,591
I just bought that. Where?
30
00:01:59,552 --> 00:02:01,386
Right here.
31
00:02:07,477 --> 00:02:09,211
Be right with you, son.
32
00:02:09,278 --> 00:02:10,712
Grab yourself a seat.
33
00:02:28,530 --> 00:02:31,683
So, Arthur, what's going on?
34
00:02:31,751 --> 00:02:33,835
Well, I was tracing my ancestry,
35
00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:36,605
and I had these
documents sent to me.
36
00:02:36,673 --> 00:02:39,441
Turns out my great-grandfather
had a small farm,
37
00:02:39,509 --> 00:02:43,378
and on that farm he had some...
38
00:02:43,446 --> 00:02:48,133
Chickens? E-I-e-i-o?
39
00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:50,818
No. He had-
40
00:02:50,886 --> 00:02:53,221
let's just say he had
41
00:02:53,289 --> 00:02:56,658
a little help around the house.
42
00:02:56,726 --> 00:02:57,992
He had a maid?
43
00:02:58,060 --> 00:02:59,344
No! He had slaves, damn it!
44
00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:03,648
Slaves, I tell ya.
The man had slaves.
45
00:03:03,716 --> 00:03:06,902
Wow. Ok. Well, um...
46
00:03:06,970 --> 00:03:09,633
You know, a lot of people
had slaves back then.
47
00:03:09,658 --> 00:03:11,149
But this is my family,
48
00:03:11,624 --> 00:03:13,458
and I need to set
things straight.
49
00:03:15,728 --> 00:03:17,963
Uh, what are you doing?
50
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,682
I want to write you a check.
51
00:03:24,853 --> 00:03:27,055
For reparations.
52
00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:29,223
Why would you want to pay me?
53
00:03:29,291 --> 00:03:30,442
Well, you're black,
54
00:03:30,509 --> 00:03:31,944
and the only other
black people I know
55
00:03:32,011 --> 00:03:35,013
are on TV.
56
00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:36,648
Toss a number at me.
57
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:38,466
You don't need to
pay me reparations.
58
00:03:38,534 --> 00:03:40,502
You didn't do anything wrong.
59
00:03:40,569 --> 00:03:43,155
My family committed a
crime against humanity,
60
00:03:43,222 --> 00:03:44,523
and I'm gonna make it right!
61
00:03:44,590 --> 00:03:46,324
Toss a number at me.
62
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:47,976
Ok, look, how about this.
63
00:03:48,044 --> 00:03:48,977
Why don't you just pay me
64
00:03:49,045 --> 00:03:50,711
what you owe me from poker?
65
00:03:50,779 --> 00:03:52,581
That is a separate issue!
66
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,499
Arthur, it's very nice
67
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:56,134
that you're so concerned
about slavery,
68
00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:58,870
but as you may or may not know,
69
00:03:58,938 --> 00:04:01,039
I'm already free.
70
00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:04,509
So we're good.
71
00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:05,911
I gotta go.
72
00:04:05,978 --> 00:04:07,412
Are you sure?
73
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,381
I wouldn't want things
to get weird between us.
74
00:04:09,448 --> 00:04:11,383
That ship has sailed.
75
00:04:24,363 --> 00:04:26,414
That's 2 dead!
76
00:04:26,482 --> 00:04:28,049
2 dead!
77
00:04:28,117 --> 00:04:29,417
And that's how I found out
78
00:04:29,485 --> 00:04:31,319
I'm lactose intolerant.
79
00:04:31,387 --> 00:04:34,922
That's... wild.
80
00:04:34,990 --> 00:04:36,524
All right, this
next guy's a lefty!
81
00:04:36,592 --> 00:04:38,810
Cover the line! He came
your way last time,
82
00:04:38,877 --> 00:04:41,612
Mrs. randolf!
83
00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:42,964
On top of that,
84
00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:45,400
now I'm allergic to wheat.
85
00:04:45,467 --> 00:04:46,701
Oh.
86
00:04:46,768 --> 00:04:48,386
And you know how
much I love bread.
87
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:51,373
Yep, that is your rep.
88
00:04:51,441 --> 00:04:53,942
Oh, it looks like we're
back out in the field.
89
00:04:54,009 --> 00:04:55,176
We'll pick this up next inning.
90
00:04:55,244 --> 00:04:57,245
Absolutely. Ok.
91
00:04:57,313 --> 00:05:00,081
Unless I'm hiding
in the porta-potty.
92
00:05:00,149 --> 00:05:01,616
Did you see that catch?
93
00:05:01,683 --> 00:05:02,484
Yes, I did.
94
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:05,236
You are running around
like a lunatic out there.
95
00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:06,855
All right, come on.
I made my rounds,
96
00:05:06,923 --> 00:05:08,140
we can go. What?
97
00:05:08,207 --> 00:05:10,442
You dragged me here,
now I'm having fun.
98
00:05:10,509 --> 00:05:13,745
Besides, we got a chance
of winning this thing.
99
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,965
Doug, nobody cares about
this thing but you.
100
00:05:17,033 --> 00:05:18,083
For God's sake, the shortstop
101
00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:20,718
has a full plate of chicken.
102
00:05:20,786 --> 00:05:21,752
Ok, see right there,
that's the difference
103
00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:23,288
between you and I.
104
00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:24,823
When it comes to
picnic softball,
105
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:26,892
you got nothing in here.
106
00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:28,493
Excuse me.
107
00:05:31,013 --> 00:05:33,815
While I'm up, would you get
me a plate of chicken?
108
00:05:57,740 --> 00:06:00,692
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
109
00:06:00,759 --> 00:06:02,627
Ha ha ha! You!
110
00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:04,712
Oh, my God!
111
00:06:10,519 --> 00:06:12,520
Yeah!
112
00:06:18,261 --> 00:06:20,562
Hey, babe, you ready
to hit El cholo's?
113
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:21,846
Uh, yes, we will eat,
114
00:06:21,914 --> 00:06:24,315
just as soon as you apologize to Mr.
Thompson.
115
00:06:24,383 --> 00:06:28,153
You lured me down here
with Mexican food?
116
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:31,773
Yes. And once again, it worked.
117
00:06:31,841 --> 00:06:33,258
Ok, here he comes.
118
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:35,193
Uh, Mr. Thompson, do
you have a second?
119
00:06:35,261 --> 00:06:37,745
Doug, you remember Mr. Thompson
120
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:38,746
and Mr. Kaplan,
121
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:39,948
one of the senior partners.
122
00:06:40,016 --> 00:06:41,382
Oh. How you doing?
123
00:06:41,450 --> 00:06:44,519
Good to see you again.
How's it going? Oh.
124
00:06:44,586 --> 00:06:46,121
Hey. Hey.
125
00:06:47,356 --> 00:06:49,140
Yeah, Doug just
wanted to apologize
126
00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:50,675
for running into you
like that at the game.
127
00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:51,710
Right, honey?
128
00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:53,344
Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
129
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,345
I guess you won't be
blocking the plate
130
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,581
next time, though, will you?
131
00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:59,233
Oh, don't worry about it.
It's his own fault.
132
00:06:59,301 --> 00:07:01,235
That's what happens when
you let a corporate lawyer
133
00:07:01,303 --> 00:07:03,204
do a litigator's job.
134
00:07:07,743 --> 00:07:09,977
That is funny.
135
00:07:10,045 --> 00:07:12,197
Anyway, this is great.
Thank you so much.
136
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,614
I like the way you play, Doug.
137
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:14,816
I like your hustle.
138
00:07:14,884 --> 00:07:15,900
Really?
139
00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:18,069
Carrie, could you
grab us some coffee?
140
00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:19,170
Doug, you want some coffee?
141
00:07:19,238 --> 00:07:20,638
Sure.
142
00:07:20,706 --> 00:07:22,006
Honey, you know how I like it.
143
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,912
Sure. Be right back, sweetie.
144
00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:31,165
You know, our firm has a team.
145
00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:32,801
We play in the lawyers' league
146
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,068
Saturdays in the park,
147
00:07:34,136 --> 00:07:37,606
and I am sick of getting
our heinies kicked.
148
00:07:37,673 --> 00:07:39,841
How'd you like to
come play for us?
149
00:07:39,909 --> 00:07:42,327
I'm not a lawyer.
150
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:43,644
Well, nobody has to know that.
151
00:07:43,712 --> 00:07:45,346
Yeah!
152
00:07:45,414 --> 00:07:47,065
You get out there, you fudge it.
153
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,568
You could do that for
us, couldn't you, Doug?
154
00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:53,338
Well, I do like fudge.
155
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:57,509
Excuse me, I really don't
think that's a good idea.
156
00:07:57,576 --> 00:07:58,743
Oh, I think it's a great idea.
157
00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,545
Why am I not drinking coffee?
158
00:08:00,613 --> 00:08:02,213
Right.
159
00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:03,348
So how would this work, now?
160
00:08:03,415 --> 00:08:04,783
I just show up at the ball field
161
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,751
carrying a briefcase?
162
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:08,386
Oh, you're marvelous.
163
00:08:08,454 --> 00:08:10,856
No. You just tell them
you're new to the firm.
164
00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:12,223
We'll set you up with
a phone line here
165
00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:13,758
in case anybody calls.
166
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:16,177
We'll have Carrie
answer the phone.
167
00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:18,045
Won't that be cute?
168
00:08:18,113 --> 00:08:20,832
If I can just offer
a thought here-
169
00:08:20,899 --> 00:08:21,833
you know what my thought is?
170
00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:23,935
Bagels.
171
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:26,604
Onion.
172
00:08:35,948 --> 00:08:37,649
Hey. Hey, Carrie.
173
00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:39,083
Is that Deacon?
174
00:08:40,869 --> 00:08:44,105
I need a one-on-one
with you asap.
175
00:08:44,173 --> 00:08:46,491
Well, what is it?
176
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,793
Not here.
177
00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:55,333
So, slugger's wife,
178
00:08:55,367 --> 00:08:57,034
you want to apologize to me now
179
00:08:57,102 --> 00:08:58,737
or later with interest?
180
00:08:58,804 --> 00:09:01,072
And by interest I mean...
181
00:09:01,139 --> 00:09:04,809
Wah wah wah reowrrr.
182
00:09:07,413 --> 00:09:09,714
Stomach cramps?
183
00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:11,532
No. Sex.
184
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:14,219
And which one of us
is making that noise?
185
00:09:14,286 --> 00:09:16,588
Me, when you do the wah...
186
00:09:16,655 --> 00:09:19,056
Never mind. All
right, the point is
187
00:09:19,124 --> 00:09:20,274
you have nothing to
worry about, all right?
188
00:09:20,342 --> 00:09:21,342
Your bosses love me.
189
00:09:21,410 --> 00:09:22,978
I'm gonna be their
ringer, for God sakes.
190
00:09:23,045 --> 00:09:24,479
Yeah, about that-
191
00:09:24,546 --> 00:09:26,314
what?
192
00:09:26,381 --> 00:09:28,333
Um, look, I think you're
a great softball player.
193
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:29,767
Ok, no doubt about that.
194
00:09:29,835 --> 00:09:31,869
It's just this whole pretending
to be a lawyer thing.
195
00:09:31,937 --> 00:09:33,304
I think we should slip the pin
196
00:09:33,372 --> 00:09:35,540
back in the grenade on that one.
197
00:09:37,292 --> 00:09:38,292
What are you talking about?
198
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:39,827
You don't think I should play?
199
00:09:39,895 --> 00:09:42,363
No, I don't. There's many ways
200
00:09:42,430 --> 00:09:43,848
this thing could go South,
and then all of sudden
201
00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:44,916
they don't love you so much,
202
00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:47,185
and then they don't
love me so much.
203
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,870
So what you're saying
is lawyer-wise,
204
00:09:48,937 --> 00:09:52,306
you don't think I have
enough convincibility.
205
00:09:53,825 --> 00:09:55,594
Convincibility?
206
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:58,964
Ok, you're gonna
commit to that word?
207
00:09:59,031 --> 00:10:00,314
Shut up.
208
00:10:01,617 --> 00:10:03,384
I can pass as a
lawyer, no problem.
209
00:10:03,452 --> 00:10:05,687
Doug, look, you can pass
as a lot of things, ok?
210
00:10:05,754 --> 00:10:08,356
Furnace guy, uh, roofer,
211
00:10:08,423 --> 00:10:09,340
mall security,
212
00:10:09,492 --> 00:10:12,009
anything in the mall,
really, but lawyer?
213
00:10:13,295 --> 00:10:16,064
That's funny, 'cause
everybody at the firm
214
00:10:16,131 --> 00:10:18,532
seems to think I can
handle it just fine.
215
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:19,784
They're sending me a limo
for the freakin' games,
216
00:10:19,851 --> 00:10:21,586
and as I recall,
they've asked you
217
00:10:21,653 --> 00:10:23,354
to answer my phone!
218
00:10:24,689 --> 00:10:26,057
If you don't watch your step,
219
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:27,692
you're gonna be making
your next pot of potatoes
220
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,694
on the unemployment line.
221
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:34,032
Not these, though. I want these.
222
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:36,635
Take the check.
223
00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:37,935
No. Please.
224
00:10:38,003 --> 00:10:39,153
I can't sleep.
225
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:41,006
I was tossing and
turning all night.
226
00:10:41,073 --> 00:10:42,674
My sheets are soaked with sweat.
227
00:10:42,742 --> 00:10:43,942
Feel them. No, that's all right.
228
00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:45,110
Feel them! I believe you.
229
00:10:45,177 --> 00:10:46,811
Fine. I'll take the money, ok?
230
00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:49,013
Thank you.
231
00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:52,566
Huh. $237.
232
00:10:52,634 --> 00:10:54,302
I think that's a fair number.
233
00:10:54,370 --> 00:10:55,219
It's a little random.
234
00:10:55,371 --> 00:10:57,004
I mean, how'd you
come up with that?
235
00:10:57,072 --> 00:10:59,274
Simple. There were 12
slaves on the farm,
236
00:10:59,341 --> 00:11:02,176
but my great-grandfather
only owned half the farm.
237
00:11:02,244 --> 00:11:04,028
Of his 6, 2 lived in the house.
238
00:11:04,096 --> 00:11:06,464
Let's face it.
That's a sweet deal.
239
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,356
Doug, we're gonna be at
the game in 10 minutes.
240
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:16,590
Focus.
241
00:11:16,658 --> 00:11:18,459
Where did you go to law school?
242
00:11:18,527 --> 00:11:19,760
Excuse me. Ahem.
243
00:11:19,828 --> 00:11:23,181
Jeremy? Doug from
the back again.
244
00:11:23,248 --> 00:11:24,132
Yeah, listen.
245
00:11:24,199 --> 00:11:25,599
Could you goose up
the heat a bit?
246
00:11:25,667 --> 00:11:27,318
I'm a little tight.
247
00:11:27,386 --> 00:11:28,887
Thank you.
248
00:11:30,155 --> 00:11:32,390
You, go.
249
00:11:32,457 --> 00:11:34,826
Where did you go to law school?
250
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:36,260
I didn't. I was homeschooled.
251
00:11:36,328 --> 00:11:38,730
Doug, come on! You said you'd
let me coach you through this.
252
00:11:38,797 --> 00:11:40,598
All right, fine.
If anybody asks,
253
00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:42,534
I'll just say I
went to stamford.
254
00:11:42,601 --> 00:11:45,737
I'm sorry. Did you just say
"stamford" with an "m"?
255
00:11:45,804 --> 00:11:47,872
Yeah. Stamford law school.
256
00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:49,556
Ok, the school
you're thinking of
257
00:11:49,624 --> 00:11:52,043
is Stanford, with an "n."
258
00:11:52,111 --> 00:11:53,611
No. It's stamford.
259
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:54,879
I know. I delivered there.
260
00:11:54,946 --> 00:11:56,414
I've seen the sign.
261
00:11:56,481 --> 00:11:57,331
Ok, dumb-ass,
262
00:11:57,399 --> 00:12:00,167
you're thinking of
stamford, Connecticut, ok?
263
00:12:00,235 --> 00:12:03,221
Stanford law school
is in California.
264
00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:05,339
You know what?
265
00:12:05,407 --> 00:12:07,275
I don't like all this
negativity before a game.
266
00:12:07,342 --> 00:12:09,460
It's disco time.
267
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,882
How long you been at
Kaplan hornstein?
268
00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:32,817
Actually, I, uh, just started.
269
00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:34,119
Where were you before that?
270
00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:38,923
I was over at Carson... Daly...
and leibowitz.
271
00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:54,839
Doug Heffernan's office.
272
00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:57,075
No, Doug. No messages.
273
00:13:09,838 --> 00:13:12,190
So, the bailiff walks in,
and he's like, "all rise."
274
00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:13,191
I'm like, "you know what?"
275
00:13:13,259 --> 00:13:14,358
I don't feel like rising today."
276
00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:15,593
And I didn't.
277
00:13:15,661 --> 00:13:17,561
You're crazy, Heffernan.
278
00:13:17,629 --> 00:13:19,463
You know me. I don't care.
279
00:13:39,301 --> 00:13:41,019
Doug Heffernan's office.
280
00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:44,455
Not loving the way you're
answering my phone.
281
00:13:44,523 --> 00:13:45,840
I'm busy.
282
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:48,192
I'm just saying you could
be a little friendlier.
283
00:13:48,260 --> 00:13:49,660
"Good afternoon, and thank you
284
00:13:49,728 --> 00:13:51,262
"for calling Mr.
Heffernan's office.
285
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,364
How may I assist you today?"
286
00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:54,732
What do you want?
287
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,417
Just checking to see
if I got any messages.
288
00:13:56,484 --> 00:13:59,436
For the 40th time, no messages.
289
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:03,558
Not a whole lot of people
looking for a fake lawyer.
290
00:14:06,461 --> 00:14:08,395
Honey, your other
line is ringing.
291
00:14:08,463 --> 00:14:11,032
Be charming. Use the good greeting.
"Good afternoon"-
292
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,567
Doug Heffernan's office.
293
00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:16,938
Uh, no, he's not in.
294
00:14:17,006 --> 00:14:19,407
Could you hold on for
one second, sir?
295
00:14:19,474 --> 00:14:20,825
Thanks so much.
296
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,043
I gotta call you back.
297
00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:22,827
Wait. Who is it?
298
00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:24,962
Gary Rogers from
Epstein & Epstein.
299
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:26,363
He's calling to congratulate you
300
00:14:26,431 --> 00:14:27,832
on a great game on Saturday.
301
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:29,734
Really? Patch me through.
302
00:14:29,801 --> 00:14:31,469
No, I'm not going to
patch you through.
303
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,137
He's a senior partner.
304
00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:36,040
I can handle it. Do your job,
and you patch me through.
305
00:14:36,108 --> 00:14:38,158
Fine, but just take
the compliment,
306
00:14:38,226 --> 00:14:40,895
say "thank you," and hang
up as fast as you can.
307
00:14:44,449 --> 00:14:46,817
Oh, thanks for joining us, Doug.
308
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,619
Oh, thanks for calling me.
309
00:14:48,687 --> 00:14:50,972
Nothing like a good mar-tooni
after a tough day at...
310
00:14:51,039 --> 00:14:52,740
Law.
311
00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:53,725
I hear that.
312
00:14:53,792 --> 00:14:55,026
It does get to be a grind.
313
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:56,627
Yes, it do, but...
314
00:14:56,695 --> 00:14:58,429
I wouldn't trade it for
anything in the world.
315
00:14:58,496 --> 00:15:00,832
Oh, you love your work, huh?
316
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,300
I do. I really do.
317
00:15:09,391 --> 00:15:11,709
In a lot of ways, uh-ahem-
318
00:15:11,777 --> 00:15:12,743
being a lawyer,
319
00:15:12,811 --> 00:15:15,213
which I think we can
agree we all are...
320
00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:18,282
Is a lot like, uh,
321
00:15:18,349 --> 00:15:21,852
being a package delivery guy.
322
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,504
How so, Doug?
323
00:15:23,572 --> 00:15:25,974
Oh, uh, well, you...
324
00:15:26,041 --> 00:15:27,041
Knock on doors,
325
00:15:27,109 --> 00:15:30,178
and you hope you don't
get bit by a dog.
326
00:15:30,245 --> 00:15:32,262
Sounds like you've been in
front of judge Farnsworth.
327
00:15:33,632 --> 00:15:34,932
Good old Farnsworth.
328
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,117
Hey, farnsie!
329
00:15:42,590 --> 00:15:44,358
Oh, anyway, Doug,
330
00:15:44,425 --> 00:15:46,010
let me cut to the chase.
331
00:15:46,077 --> 00:15:47,612
We want to know if you
have any interest
332
00:15:47,679 --> 00:15:50,815
in coming over to Epstein,
Epstein, Rogers & wolf.
333
00:15:50,882 --> 00:15:54,085
To do what?
334
00:15:54,153 --> 00:15:56,453
I don't know.
Corporate litigation?
335
00:15:56,521 --> 00:15:57,788
We'll find a place for you,
336
00:15:57,856 --> 00:16:01,642
as long as you bring that
big bat of yours with you.
337
00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:05,012
So, what's Kaplan
paying you over there?
338
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:09,167
Oh, I-i get the going rate...
339
00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:13,671
And an extra $10 for
each conviction.
340
00:16:13,738 --> 00:16:17,675
Well, I'm prepared to offer
you a base of 150,000.
341
00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:18,876
What do you say?
342
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:33,140
Hey, guys.
343
00:16:34,309 --> 00:16:35,559
Why are you wearing a suit?
344
00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:38,496
What'd you do?
345
00:16:39,597 --> 00:16:41,665
Nothing. Just had a little
power lunch with the boys
346
00:16:41,733 --> 00:16:44,168
over at Epstein,
Epstein, Rogers and...
347
00:16:44,236 --> 00:16:46,037
Wolf? Bingo.
348
00:16:46,104 --> 00:16:47,455
You had lunch with them?
349
00:16:47,522 --> 00:16:50,524
I told you just to say
thank you and hang up!
350
00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:51,925
Well, I tried, but
then they asked me
351
00:16:51,993 --> 00:16:52,943
if I enjoyed a good steak,
352
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:54,261
to which I responded,
353
00:16:54,329 --> 00:16:56,430
"I carry my own knife."
354
00:16:56,498 --> 00:16:58,365
Well, what the hell
did you talk about?
355
00:16:58,433 --> 00:17:01,001
Well, first, we talked
about our kids-
356
00:17:01,069 --> 00:17:04,071
by the way, if it
comes up, we have 2.
357
00:17:05,507 --> 00:17:06,574
And then-
358
00:17:06,641 --> 00:17:08,342
well, then they
offered me a job.
359
00:17:08,410 --> 00:17:09,677
What?
360
00:17:09,745 --> 00:17:10,995
Don't worry. I'll bring
you over with me,
361
00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:13,447
you know, once I get settled.
362
00:17:13,514 --> 00:17:15,049
You took the job?
363
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:17,151
Well, not yet, but
I'm mulling it over.
364
00:17:17,218 --> 00:17:18,785
Congratulations, Douglas.
365
00:17:20,672 --> 00:17:22,339
He's not a lawyer.
366
00:17:22,407 --> 00:17:23,640
You're not a lawyer.
367
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:24,876
Really? Why don't you tell that
368
00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:26,560
to the 2 firms
currently wooing me?
369
00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:28,929
My God. Are you insane?
370
00:17:28,997 --> 00:17:30,214
The man just made lawyer.
371
00:17:30,281 --> 00:17:32,817
Why do you have to
piss all over it?
372
00:17:34,135 --> 00:17:35,570
I'll tell you why. 'Cause
that's what she does.
373
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:36,838
Ever since this whole
thing started,
374
00:17:36,905 --> 00:17:38,606
she's been knocking me down.
375
00:17:38,674 --> 00:17:39,607
As far as I'm concerned,
376
00:17:39,675 --> 00:17:40,741
if they hire him as a lawyer,
377
00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:42,309
he's a lawyer.
378
00:17:42,377 --> 00:17:43,994
When I got hired as a
school psychologist,
379
00:17:44,062 --> 00:17:45,563
do you think I knew the
first thing about it?
380
00:17:45,630 --> 00:17:46,363
Thank you.
381
00:17:46,431 --> 00:17:48,149
Thank you.
382
00:17:49,651 --> 00:17:51,452
Well, thank you very much, dad.
383
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:52,920
Could you-what? Could
you move this crap?
384
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:54,188
What is this?
385
00:17:54,256 --> 00:17:56,490
That's my ancestry report.
386
00:17:56,558 --> 00:17:58,091
This isn't even for you.
387
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,028
This is for Arthur spinner.
388
00:18:05,467 --> 00:18:07,534
Deacon, thank you for the
ride to the senior center.
389
00:18:07,602 --> 00:18:09,070
You drive wonderfully.
390
00:18:09,137 --> 00:18:10,637
You're welcome, and by the way,
391
00:18:10,705 --> 00:18:11,672
with that money you gave me,
392
00:18:11,739 --> 00:18:13,457
I put some sweet new
speakers in my car.
393
00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:15,142
Here. Check it out.
394
00:18:15,210 --> 00:18:16,877
Marvelous. Very rhythmic.
395
00:18:16,945 --> 00:18:19,397
That being said,
396
00:18:19,464 --> 00:18:21,098
you'll have to return them.
397
00:18:21,165 --> 00:18:22,900
What?
398
00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:25,636
I got the wrong ancestry report.
399
00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:27,905
My family were actually
Irish gypsies.
400
00:18:27,972 --> 00:18:31,776
We never owned slaves.
We were drunken thieves.
401
00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:33,778
So?
402
00:18:33,845 --> 00:18:36,781
So I want my money back.
403
00:18:36,848 --> 00:18:39,166
Look, you forced me to take
the money in the first place.
404
00:18:39,234 --> 00:18:41,101
I bought speakers. They're
now part of my car.
405
00:18:41,169 --> 00:18:42,502
I'm not giving you
your money back.
406
00:18:42,570 --> 00:18:43,371
Well, I think you are!
407
00:18:43,438 --> 00:18:45,122
Oh, I think I'm not!
408
00:18:45,189 --> 00:18:47,691
Damn it, man! You took those
reparations under false pretenses.
409
00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:49,127
No, I took those reparations
410
00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:51,111
to get the hell out
of your basement.
411
00:18:53,398 --> 00:18:54,932
Look, Arthur,
412
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,433
I'd give you your money
back if I could,
413
00:18:56,501 --> 00:18:59,370
but I'm sorry. I just don't
have the cash right now.
414
00:19:00,856 --> 00:19:02,656
Well, what about this?
415
00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:06,126
In lieu of cash, maybe
you can pay me back
416
00:19:06,194 --> 00:19:09,730
in some type of... services.
417
00:19:09,798 --> 00:19:11,682
Huh?
418
00:19:11,749 --> 00:19:13,684
You know, help out
around the house.
419
00:19:13,751 --> 00:19:15,920
Perhaps...
420
00:19:15,987 --> 00:19:18,455
Work the yard a bit.
421
00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:26,113
You want me to be your slave?
422
00:19:27,699 --> 00:19:28,832
It's not my first choice,
423
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:31,769
but it would get us
out of this mess.
424
00:19:38,793 --> 00:19:40,895
Hey. Did you talk to Rogers?
425
00:19:40,962 --> 00:19:42,062
Did you tell him no yet?
426
00:19:42,130 --> 00:19:43,463
No, I haven't talked to him yet.
427
00:19:43,531 --> 00:19:45,032
I'm still mulling.
428
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:48,369
And you're still not a lawyer.
429
00:19:56,211 --> 00:19:59,446
I'd be an awesome lawyer.
430
00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:02,733
Oh!
431
00:20:44,425 --> 00:20:46,761
Oh, God!
432
00:20:46,828 --> 00:20:49,496
Oh, that is not good!
433
00:20:51,482 --> 00:20:54,502
Boy, they sure yanked that
limo pretty quick, huh?
434
00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:59,306
Shamahama!
29668
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