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1
00:00:36,438 --> 00:00:37,839
Carrie: Well, OK, great. So...
2
00:00:37,906 --> 00:00:41,210
So, that price for my dad's cruise
includes everything, right?
3
00:00:41,278 --> 00:00:43,013
I mean, all shows?
4
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:44,349
What about gratuities?
5
00:00:44,416 --> 00:00:47,719
Because the man does not tip.
6
00:00:47,787 --> 00:00:49,456
I'd hate to see Gopher
and Isaac get stiffed,
7
00:00:49,524 --> 00:00:52,461
you know what I'm sayin'?
8
00:00:52,529 --> 00:00:54,798
Yeah, I guess you would hear
those kinda jokes a lot.
9
00:00:54,865 --> 00:00:55,966
OK, well, thanks.
10
00:00:56,033 --> 00:00:57,768
Alrighty, bye-bye.
11
00:00:57,869 --> 00:00:59,671
Who is the luckiest
father in the world?
12
00:00:59,738 --> 00:01:04,177
Phew. I'm gonna go
with the Osmond dad.
13
00:01:04,245 --> 00:01:05,814
No, I was talkin' about my dad.
14
00:01:05,882 --> 00:01:07,782
I am getting him a cruise
15
00:01:07,850 --> 00:01:09,752
to Bermuda for Christmas!
16
00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:11,655
Oh, wow, what a generous gift!
17
00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:12,957
He's gonna love that!
18
00:01:13,025 --> 00:01:14,025
I know. I usually get him a robe
19
00:01:14,092 --> 00:01:15,628
or one of those old
man caps he likes,
20
00:01:15,695 --> 00:01:16,830
but I thought, you
know, why not dig
21
00:01:16,898 --> 00:01:18,064
into my pocket this year
22
00:01:18,132 --> 00:01:19,734
and do something special?
23
00:01:19,801 --> 00:01:22,470
Aw, I'd love to give my
dad something like this.
24
00:01:22,539 --> 00:01:25,943
Course, I'd have
to find him first.
25
00:01:28,514 --> 00:01:30,349
Anyway, Holl,
26
00:01:30,417 --> 00:01:32,151
uh, we're gonna be, uh,
doin' a little thing here
27
00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:33,353
for Christmas on Saturday.
28
00:01:33,421 --> 00:01:34,656
Deacon's comin'
by with the kids.
29
00:01:34,723 --> 00:01:35,757
If you're free.
30
00:01:35,824 --> 00:01:36,825
Really? Yeah.
31
00:01:36,893 --> 00:01:38,561
Oh, my God, I'd love to!
Thank you, Carrie!
32
00:01:38,628 --> 00:01:40,096
Oh, no problem. Anything
special you like?
33
00:01:40,164 --> 00:01:43,602
Just a bucket of eggnog
and a ride home.
34
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,575
Damn.
35
00:01:48,643 --> 00:01:49,576
What?
36
00:01:49,644 --> 00:01:51,246
I screwed up. I ate
all the franks.
37
00:01:51,313 --> 00:01:55,285
Now all I have left is a
crappy bowl of beans.
38
00:01:55,353 --> 00:01:57,622
Yeah. It's like Raisin Bran
39
00:01:57,690 --> 00:01:59,291
after you finish
all the raisins.
40
00:02:00,794 --> 00:02:02,862
Right. That's exactly
what it's like.
41
00:02:04,531 --> 00:02:07,301
Come in!
42
00:02:07,369 --> 00:02:09,471
Hey, guys! Both: Hey, Spence.
43
00:02:09,538 --> 00:02:11,907
Look what I got.
44
00:02:11,975 --> 00:02:13,610
What the hell is that?
45
00:02:13,678 --> 00:02:15,012
Hello?
46
00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:16,515
You don't remember that
from when we were kids?
47
00:02:16,583 --> 00:02:18,985
That's a vintage Joe
Rogers action figure,
48
00:02:19,052 --> 00:02:21,622
circa 1975.
49
00:02:21,690 --> 00:02:24,459
OK, this isn't an action figure.
It's a doll.
50
00:02:24,527 --> 00:02:27,296
Yeah, the only action that
guy's gettin' is with Ken.
51
00:02:29,267 --> 00:02:30,301
Yeah, you guys laugh it up,
52
00:02:30,369 --> 00:02:32,237
but this happens to be
a collectors' item,
53
00:02:32,305 --> 00:02:34,808
cost me 70 bucks on eBay.
54
00:02:34,876 --> 00:02:36,242
You paid 70 bucks just for that?
55
00:02:36,310 --> 00:02:38,981
Uh, and 6 outfits?
56
00:02:39,048 --> 00:02:41,518
That's crazy, man. I tell ya,
57
00:02:41,586 --> 00:02:44,221
the only old toy I'd shell
out any cash for is Mentalo.
58
00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:45,323
You remember Mentalo?
59
00:02:45,391 --> 00:02:46,692
Oh, yeah, that's the
dude with the big head
60
00:02:46,759 --> 00:02:48,895
with the turban that told your future.
It was like, uh...
61
00:02:48,963 --> 00:02:52,266
My sources from beyond the grave say...
proceed!
62
00:02:52,334 --> 00:02:53,602
Yeah! That's it!
63
00:02:53,669 --> 00:02:55,371
That's the one, man.
I loved that toy.
64
00:02:55,438 --> 00:02:57,073
You know what?
65
00:02:57,141 --> 00:02:59,010
I might try and track
one of those down.
66
00:02:59,077 --> 00:03:02,047
Mentalo was a weak-ass toy, man.
67
00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:04,551
"Weak-ass"? Are you on pot?
68
00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:07,756
It was nothing but a
glorified magic 8-ball.
69
00:03:07,991 --> 00:03:10,092
Magic 8-ball? Ohh-ohh!
70
00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:11,528
"Try again later."
71
00:03:11,595 --> 00:03:12,563
Phht!
72
00:03:16,135 --> 00:03:17,803
Hey, Arthur, ready for our walk?
73
00:03:17,871 --> 00:03:20,675
Just wrappin' a gift.
I'll be right with you.
74
00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:22,945
Chopsticks. Who are those for?
75
00:03:23,013 --> 00:03:24,947
Look at the initials.
76
00:03:26,350 --> 00:03:27,785
"C.H."
77
00:03:27,853 --> 00:03:29,588
For "Carrie Heffernan."
78
00:03:29,656 --> 00:03:30,956
Wow, you had them monogrammed?
79
00:03:31,024 --> 00:03:34,895
No, the owner of the Cantonese
Hut had them monogrammed.
80
00:03:34,963 --> 00:03:36,230
2 lunches a week,
81
00:03:36,298 --> 00:03:37,331
a coat with ample sleeves,
82
00:03:37,399 --> 00:03:40,536
and, voilà, here
comes Santy Claus!
83
00:03:40,605 --> 00:03:43,808
So, that's all you're gonna get Carrie?
Some chopsticks?
84
00:03:43,876 --> 00:03:46,612
Some chopsticks? I'm gettin'
her a gross of them!
85
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:50,417
She can eat like Charlie
Chan till she's 100.
86
00:03:50,485 --> 00:03:53,521
Arthur, are... are you sure
that's a nice enough gift?
87
00:03:53,590 --> 00:03:55,324
Trust me, it's fine.
88
00:03:55,392 --> 00:03:57,461
She'll probably just get
me another old man cap.
89
00:03:57,528 --> 00:03:59,130
I don't know how
many more of those
90
00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:02,301
I can "accidentally"
leave on the bus.
91
00:04:02,603 --> 00:04:03,971
Trust me, Arthur,
92
00:04:04,038 --> 00:04:05,439
I think you're gonna
wanna get her something
93
00:04:05,507 --> 00:04:07,610
a little bit nicer this year.
94
00:04:07,677 --> 00:04:08,611
Why?
95
00:04:10,147 --> 00:04:12,182
Do you know what
she's gettin' me?
96
00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:13,317
Me?
97
00:04:13,384 --> 00:04:14,987
No! How would I know?
98
00:04:15,054 --> 00:04:16,089
You're silly.
99
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,291
Spill it, or I'll tell
people you beat me.
100
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,029
I don't beat you!
101
00:04:21,097 --> 00:04:22,030
My word against yours,
102
00:04:22,098 --> 00:04:24,000
and I can bruise
myself up pretty easy.
103
00:04:24,067 --> 00:04:26,003
I'm like a ripe banana.
104
00:04:27,106 --> 00:04:28,339
All right, fine, fine.
105
00:04:28,406 --> 00:04:30,709
She's getting you a
cruise to Bermuda.
106
00:04:30,777 --> 00:04:32,779
A cruise to Bermuda!
107
00:04:32,847 --> 00:04:35,315
What a thoughtful
and generous gift!
108
00:04:35,383 --> 00:04:37,385
Damn her!
109
00:04:37,453 --> 00:04:39,221
Now I'll have to get
her a nice gift, too.
110
00:04:39,289 --> 00:04:40,691
What do you think she wants?
111
00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:41,892
Oh, I... I don't know.
112
00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,227
Then you're gonna
have to find out.
113
00:04:43,295 --> 00:04:45,130
Oh, no, no! I... I
don't wanna do that.
114
00:04:45,198 --> 00:04:46,198
You don't, and so help me,
115
00:04:46,265 --> 00:04:48,902
I'll knock myself
into next week!
116
00:04:53,878 --> 00:04:55,344
Hey.
117
00:04:55,412 --> 00:04:57,814
I just got off the phone
with the travel agent.
118
00:04:57,881 --> 00:05:00,051
About my dad's cruise.
Guess what her name is.
119
00:05:00,118 --> 00:05:01,119
I don't know.
120
00:05:01,187 --> 00:05:02,621
Gertrude!
121
00:05:02,689 --> 00:05:04,257
And she sounded younger than us!
122
00:05:04,325 --> 00:05:06,293
Isn't that weird?
123
00:05:06,361 --> 00:05:07,662
Uh-huh.
124
00:05:07,730 --> 00:05:08,696
What are you doin'?
125
00:05:08,764 --> 00:05:10,666
I'm bidding on a
mint-condition Mentalo,
126
00:05:10,734 --> 00:05:12,702
and I'm 30 seconds away
127
00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:14,471
from reelin' him in.
128
00:05:14,540 --> 00:05:16,875
Oh, crap. Someone's
tryin' to outbid me!
129
00:05:16,943 --> 00:05:20,781
Back off, Rosiefan19!
130
00:05:20,849 --> 00:05:23,618
Wait a minute. You're
bidding 180 bucks?
131
00:05:23,686 --> 00:05:25,087
Are you insane?
132
00:05:25,156 --> 00:05:26,122
Stop it. Stop it. Knock it off.
133
00:05:26,190 --> 00:05:27,558
No, you knock it off.
Sto... Get off!
134
00:05:27,626 --> 00:05:28,959
Get off, woman!
135
00:05:29,028 --> 00:05:31,264
Nice!
136
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,467
That was the only
Mentalo on eBay!
137
00:05:33,535 --> 00:05:37,605
Doug, you can't spend
$180 on a stupid toy.
138
00:05:37,673 --> 00:05:39,308
Oh, yeah? Just last week,
you put twice that much
139
00:05:39,376 --> 00:05:41,711
into some I.R.A. that
we can't even touch.
140
00:05:41,779 --> 00:05:42,980
And, needless to say,
141
00:05:43,048 --> 00:05:44,749
can't tell our future!
142
00:05:44,817 --> 00:05:46,518
Will you stop? Come on,
143
00:05:46,586 --> 00:05:48,655
we're already spending way
too much this Christmas.
144
00:05:48,722 --> 00:05:51,293
My dad's cruise alone is
costing over 600 bucks.
145
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,195
Well, why are you gettin' him
that stupid cruise, anyway?
146
00:05:53,262 --> 00:05:54,963
Why don't you just get
him another old man cap?
147
00:05:55,031 --> 00:05:57,567
He told me he left the
last one on the bus.
148
00:05:57,635 --> 00:05:59,671
I'm getting him the cruise.
149
00:05:59,738 --> 00:06:01,907
Why are you so obsessed
with this toy, anyway?
150
00:06:01,975 --> 00:06:03,743
I don't know. It just... I...
151
00:06:03,811 --> 00:06:06,546
I guess it reminds me of a simpler
time in my life, you know?
152
00:06:06,614 --> 00:06:10,086
A time when I didn't have
to worry about payin' bills
153
00:06:10,153 --> 00:06:12,356
or goin' after that
big promotion.
154
00:06:12,423 --> 00:06:15,393
OK, you've never done
either of those.
155
00:06:15,461 --> 00:06:17,362
But I know I should,
156
00:06:17,430 --> 00:06:20,334
and it's very stressful, OK?
157
00:06:20,401 --> 00:06:22,371
You just don't know what
Mentalo meant to me.
158
00:06:28,447 --> 00:06:30,481
Woman: Dougie, come on down!
159
00:06:30,549 --> 00:06:33,186
Pa's takin' you fishin'
down at the crick.
160
00:06:33,254 --> 00:06:34,688
Coming!
161
00:06:37,326 --> 00:06:40,363
Mentalo, are we gonna
hook any catfish today?
162
00:06:40,431 --> 00:06:43,734
The spirit world tells me...
163
00:06:43,769 --> 00:06:45,069
yes.
164
00:06:45,137 --> 00:06:47,173
Hot dog!
165
00:06:50,612 --> 00:06:53,081
"The crick"?
166
00:06:53,150 --> 00:06:54,950
Yeah, the crick.
167
00:06:55,018 --> 00:07:00,059
OK, where was there
a crick in Queens?
168
00:07:00,127 --> 00:07:01,660
All right, take it easy, OK?
I'm just makin' a point.
169
00:07:01,728 --> 00:07:03,296
And that point is,
I loved Mentalo.
170
00:07:03,364 --> 00:07:04,565
He made me happy.
171
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,100
And if my sister hadn't
have smashed him
172
00:07:06,168 --> 00:07:08,237
after I made fun of her
for gettin' her period,
173
00:07:08,304 --> 00:07:10,507
he'd be makin' me
happy to this day.
174
00:07:27,366 --> 00:07:28,299
Hey!
175
00:07:28,367 --> 00:07:29,601
Hey, Holl.
176
00:07:29,668 --> 00:07:31,204
Wrappin' gifts.
177
00:07:31,272 --> 00:07:32,638
Hey, you're a wrapper.
178
00:07:35,177 --> 00:07:36,945
Right.
179
00:07:37,012 --> 00:07:38,347
If you were wrapping those gifts
180
00:07:38,415 --> 00:07:39,849
and then you slapped me
around a little bit,
181
00:07:39,917 --> 00:07:41,718
you'd be a gangsta wrapper.
You know?
182
00:07:42,855 --> 00:07:44,689
♪ Boom, boom, shh, boom, boom ♪
183
00:07:44,757 --> 00:07:46,458
♪ Wickie, wickie,
wickie, wickie, wick ♪
184
00:07:48,629 --> 00:07:50,363
I'm sorry, did I forget
to pay you, or...
185
00:07:50,431 --> 00:07:51,933
No! No.
186
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,068
I... I need your
help with something.
187
00:07:53,136 --> 00:07:55,138
I have to buy, um, a gift,
188
00:07:55,205 --> 00:07:56,272
uh, for my cousin.
189
00:07:56,340 --> 00:07:58,042
And I wanna get her
something really nice.
190
00:07:58,109 --> 00:07:59,577
Um, do you have any suggestions?
191
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:01,179
Well, what kinds of
things does she like?
192
00:08:01,247 --> 00:08:03,115
What do you like?
193
00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:04,651
Me?
194
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:06,988
Yeah. I mean, you guys have,
like, the exact same taste.
195
00:08:07,056 --> 00:08:09,825
I mean, you guys were practically
separated at birth, you know?
196
00:08:09,892 --> 00:08:11,627
I mean, not
surgically, more like
197
00:08:11,695 --> 00:08:14,432
as if one of you
was, like, stolen.
198
00:08:16,102 --> 00:08:18,605
Get a little head start on
that eggnog there, Holl?
199
00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:21,141
No, I guess I'm just
kinda freaked out
200
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,511
'cause I really need
to get this gift.
201
00:08:22,578 --> 00:08:23,678
I mean, do you have any ideas?
202
00:08:23,746 --> 00:08:25,014
I mean, remember, nice.
203
00:08:25,081 --> 00:08:26,650
OK, nice. Um...
204
00:08:26,718 --> 00:08:29,954
Oh! Well, I saw this gorgeous
burgundy leather jacket at Wilsons.
205
00:08:30,022 --> 00:08:31,891
That's great! Great!
What... What size?
206
00:08:31,958 --> 00:08:33,693
How would I know?
207
00:08:33,761 --> 00:08:34,861
Well, what size are you?
208
00:08:34,930 --> 00:08:36,931
And then I'll just add one.
209
00:08:36,998 --> 00:08:38,099
She's got a little
junk in the trunk,
210
00:08:38,167 --> 00:08:39,936
if you know what I mean.
211
00:08:41,372 --> 00:08:43,307
Well, I'm a... I'm a size 2.
I...
212
00:08:43,375 --> 00:08:44,542
That's perfect! That's great.
That's great.
213
00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:45,543
Thanks!
214
00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:49,149
Oh, my God.
215
00:08:49,217 --> 00:08:50,250
"Oh, my God" what?
216
00:08:50,318 --> 00:08:53,322
I just realized what
Holly was doing.
217
00:08:53,390 --> 00:08:54,824
I think Holly's gonna get me
218
00:08:54,892 --> 00:08:57,761
a really expensive leather
jacket for Christmas.
219
00:08:57,829 --> 00:09:00,665
Why? Well, I guess she was really
touched that I invited her
220
00:09:00,733 --> 00:09:02,935
over here to celebrate with us.
221
00:09:03,003 --> 00:09:04,304
Crap!
222
00:09:04,372 --> 00:09:06,441
How's it gonna look when she
hands me a leather jacket
223
00:09:06,509 --> 00:09:09,545
and I hand her a Lady
Gillette gift pack?
224
00:09:09,612 --> 00:09:12,349
Like you're a penny-pinchin' ho.
225
00:09:12,416 --> 00:09:15,988
Ohh! Now I have to get
her something nice!
226
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:18,391
Man, between that and
my father's cruise,
227
00:09:18,459 --> 00:09:20,461
there's no way I can
afford all this.
228
00:09:20,529 --> 00:09:22,163
What am I gonna do?
229
00:09:22,231 --> 00:09:24,967
Hmm. If we only had
some kind of device
230
00:09:25,035 --> 00:09:28,039
to help us see the future.
231
00:09:28,106 --> 00:09:29,173
Oh, well.
232
00:09:40,958 --> 00:09:43,127
OK. Well, now I understand
233
00:09:43,194 --> 00:09:45,063
why you like these toy fairs.
234
00:09:45,131 --> 00:09:48,435
You're like the James
Dean of this crowd.
235
00:09:48,503 --> 00:09:49,770
Do you want a Mentalo or not?
236
00:09:49,837 --> 00:09:52,206
Damn right I do. I'm sick of
Carrie pushin' me around.
237
00:09:52,275 --> 00:09:55,379
First it's "Eat one vegetable
a week." Now this.
238
00:09:55,446 --> 00:09:59,652
Well, my friend Kenny says he's got
one, so let's go check it out.
239
00:10:01,589 --> 00:10:03,222
Hey, Kenny!
240
00:10:03,291 --> 00:10:05,092
Hu-bey, Spu-bence!
241
00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:06,928
Bu-be ru-bight wu-bith you-bou.
242
00:10:06,996 --> 00:10:07,930
Cool.
243
00:10:10,602 --> 00:10:12,102
So, why does he, uh...
244
00:10:12,170 --> 00:10:13,204
Why is he talkin' like that?
245
00:10:13,272 --> 00:10:15,207
Kenny likes to speak Ubbi Dubbi.
246
00:10:17,044 --> 00:10:18,144
What?
247
00:10:18,212 --> 00:10:19,480
Ubbi Dubbi.
248
00:10:19,548 --> 00:10:21,283
The language from
the old Zoom show?
249
00:10:21,351 --> 00:10:22,484
Ubbi Dubbi!
250
00:10:22,552 --> 00:10:23,787
Get with it.
251
00:10:25,088 --> 00:10:26,557
Yeah, I'm the loser. OK.
252
00:10:27,893 --> 00:10:29,294
Su-bo... Oh.
253
00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:30,663
Uh, this is my friend Doug.
254
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:32,333
He's lookin' for the Mentalo.
255
00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:35,236
U-bi ju-bust su-bold u-bit.
256
00:10:35,304 --> 00:10:36,639
What? What? What did he say?
257
00:10:36,707 --> 00:10:38,072
He said he just sold it!
258
00:10:38,140 --> 00:10:39,942
What? Wha... Kenny,
what happened?
259
00:10:40,009 --> 00:10:41,344
Wu-bell, thu-be thu-bing...
260
00:10:41,412 --> 00:10:42,745
Talk English, man!
261
00:10:44,483 --> 00:10:46,485
The thing is, some guy
made a really good offer.
262
00:10:46,552 --> 00:10:48,988
Was it Rory? That bastard.
263
00:10:49,056 --> 00:10:50,124
No, it wasn't one
of the regulars.
264
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:53,028
It was some... some tall
black guy with a beard.
265
00:10:53,095 --> 00:10:55,664
Actually, he was wearing an I.P.S.
cap just like his.
266
00:10:56,701 --> 00:10:58,402
Deacon?
267
00:10:58,469 --> 00:10:59,670
Hang on.
268
00:10:59,738 --> 00:11:00,704
Was it...
269
00:11:00,772 --> 00:11:01,907
this guy?
270
00:11:03,844 --> 00:11:05,746
You have a picture of
Deacon in your wallet?
271
00:11:05,813 --> 00:11:08,583
Don't worry. You're
in there, too.
272
00:11:08,651 --> 00:11:10,853
Yup, that's him. Just bought
it, like, half an hour ago.
273
00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:12,089
Sorry.
274
00:11:12,156 --> 00:11:14,459
He called Mentalo weak-ass!
275
00:11:14,527 --> 00:11:16,261
Why the hell would he buy it?
276
00:11:16,329 --> 00:11:18,699
Maybe he bought it for you.
277
00:11:18,766 --> 00:11:20,467
What? For Christmas.
278
00:11:20,535 --> 00:11:22,203
No, we said we weren't
gettin' each other gifts.
279
00:11:22,271 --> 00:11:23,405
Although, you know what,
280
00:11:23,473 --> 00:11:25,274
maybe since we invited
him over for Christmas,
281
00:11:25,343 --> 00:11:27,310
he decided to get
me one after all.
282
00:11:27,378 --> 00:11:28,713
There ya go.
283
00:11:28,780 --> 00:11:30,482
Ohh. God. That is the
Deac-man for ya.
284
00:11:30,550 --> 00:11:31,683
Mm-hmm.
285
00:11:31,751 --> 00:11:33,620
Well, you know what? I'm
gonna get him a gift.
286
00:11:33,687 --> 00:11:35,222
I'm gonna get him
a great one, too.
287
00:11:35,290 --> 00:11:38,794
Uh, how 'bout a Bionic
Woman cocktail set?
288
00:11:41,432 --> 00:11:44,135
How 'bout you take my
picture out of your wallet?
289
00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:50,444
Hi, Gertrude?
290
00:11:50,512 --> 00:11:52,046
Carrie Heffernan. Listen,
291
00:11:52,114 --> 00:11:53,915
about my dad's cruise,
292
00:11:53,983 --> 00:11:55,851
turns out the package I selected
293
00:11:55,919 --> 00:11:58,389
is a little pricey
for me right now.
294
00:11:58,456 --> 00:12:00,191
Are there any cheaper options?
295
00:12:01,795 --> 00:12:06,567
OK, any way we can knock the
price even lower than that?
296
00:12:06,635 --> 00:12:09,371
Oh, I don't know, maybe he
could, uh, bunk with the crew
297
00:12:09,439 --> 00:12:13,644
or clean up after the magician?
298
00:12:13,712 --> 00:12:16,114
Uh, excuse me, Gert,
299
00:12:16,183 --> 00:12:17,950
but I am a good daughter, OK?
300
00:12:18,018 --> 00:12:20,888
Just turns out that I had some
other gift obligations arise,
301
00:12:20,956 --> 00:12:22,357
and I just can't
afford it right now.
302
00:12:22,425 --> 00:12:23,826
Besides,
303
00:12:23,893 --> 00:12:26,697
it's not like he's buying
me anything so great.
304
00:12:26,764 --> 00:12:28,299
$198.50...
305
00:12:28,367 --> 00:12:29,901
60...
306
00:12:29,969 --> 00:12:32,872
1, 2, 3. There you go.
307
00:12:32,940 --> 00:12:36,878
Well, some lucky lady's going to be
having a merry Christmas this year.
308
00:12:36,946 --> 00:12:38,381
Ah, shut up.
309
00:12:44,390 --> 00:12:45,558
Deacon: Coming.
310
00:12:47,929 --> 00:12:48,862
Hey!
311
00:12:48,930 --> 00:12:51,399
Merry Christmas eve day!
312
00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:53,002
Same to you.
313
00:12:53,069 --> 00:12:54,871
I love you, man. Bring it in.
314
00:12:54,939 --> 00:12:56,574
Bring it in, man. Bring it in!
315
00:12:58,043 --> 00:13:00,446
OK, player, let's end this
while it's still good.
316
00:13:00,514 --> 00:13:01,548
Right.
317
00:13:03,184 --> 00:13:04,852
So, uh, what brings you by?
318
00:13:04,921 --> 00:13:06,354
Oh, I was just in
the neighborhood,
319
00:13:06,422 --> 00:13:08,457
just pickin' up a couple
things at Target.
320
00:13:08,525 --> 00:13:09,760
Or, as I like to call it,
321
00:13:09,827 --> 00:13:12,096
Tar-"get me one of
everything in here," right?
322
00:13:12,164 --> 00:13:14,199
'Cause they got... They got
everything there, right?
323
00:13:14,267 --> 00:13:15,969
Oh, yeah.
324
00:13:16,037 --> 00:13:17,470
Just out of curiosity,
what's, like,
325
00:13:17,538 --> 00:13:19,073
your favorite thing
in the whole place?
326
00:13:19,140 --> 00:13:20,140
I don't know.
327
00:13:20,208 --> 00:13:22,879
Oh, oh. They just got
this new plasma TV.
328
00:13:22,947 --> 00:13:25,883
50 inches! That sucker's crazy!
329
00:13:25,951 --> 00:13:29,387
Plasma TV, huh? Uh-huh.
330
00:13:31,290 --> 00:13:33,425
What's your
second-favorite thing?
331
00:13:33,493 --> 00:13:37,264
I guess either the titanium
golf clubs or the Jet Ski.
332
00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:41,471
What's your favorite thing
near the cash register?
333
00:13:42,607 --> 00:13:43,974
Wait...
334
00:13:44,042 --> 00:13:45,510
you're not thinking about
gettin' me something, are you?
335
00:13:45,578 --> 00:13:47,180
'Cause we said no
Christmas gifts.
336
00:13:47,248 --> 00:13:48,848
Ri-i-ght...
337
00:13:48,916 --> 00:13:51,118
Seriously, man, 'cause I
didn't get you anything.
338
00:13:51,186 --> 00:13:53,923
Ri-i-ght...
339
00:13:53,990 --> 00:13:56,392
All right, why do you
keep saying "ri-i-ght"?
340
00:13:57,795 --> 00:13:59,597
'Cause I know you
got me something.
341
00:13:59,665 --> 00:14:00,733
But I didn't.
342
00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:02,936
Ri-i-ght...
343
00:14:03,003 --> 00:14:04,939
Would you stop that?
344
00:14:05,007 --> 00:14:06,607
You really didn't?
345
00:14:06,674 --> 00:14:08,877
No. Then where is it?
346
00:14:08,945 --> 00:14:10,212
Where's what?
347
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:12,415
The Mentalo you bought
from the Ubbi Dubbi dude!
348
00:14:12,484 --> 00:14:13,685
You're trippin'! Yeah.
349
00:14:13,752 --> 00:14:15,955
The only thing I'm trippin'
over is your dirty lies!
350
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,224
You know, this is
very insulting.
351
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:19,726
In the bedroom!
352
00:14:19,794 --> 00:14:21,796
That's even more insulting.
353
00:14:21,864 --> 00:14:23,331
You're... You're
wasting your time!
354
00:14:23,399 --> 00:14:24,868
Oh, am I?
355
00:14:24,935 --> 00:14:27,738
Ha ha ha!
356
00:14:27,806 --> 00:14:30,141
Huh.
357
00:14:30,209 --> 00:14:31,811
That's weird.
358
00:14:31,879 --> 00:14:33,580
I can't believe you, man!
359
00:14:33,648 --> 00:14:35,650
OK, so I bought Mentalo.
Big deal.
360
00:14:35,718 --> 00:14:37,051
I didn't do anything wrong.
361
00:14:37,119 --> 00:14:38,487
Oh, please. You heard me
say I wanted to get one!
362
00:14:38,555 --> 00:14:40,223
Oh, so because you said the
word "Mentalo" out loud,
363
00:14:40,290 --> 00:14:41,691
you deserve it more than I do?
364
00:14:41,759 --> 00:14:43,494
Yeah! Well, too bad. It's mine!
365
00:14:43,562 --> 00:14:44,496
Well, why do you
want it, anyway?
366
00:14:44,564 --> 00:14:46,766
You said it was a weak-ass toy!
367
00:14:46,834 --> 00:14:48,601
'Cause I was hurtin', man.
368
00:14:50,271 --> 00:14:52,874
I've been wanting this toy
since I was 12 years old.
369
00:15:02,121 --> 00:15:03,289
Damn!
370
00:15:04,693 --> 00:15:06,795
Do you like your
new toy, Winthrop?
371
00:15:06,863 --> 00:15:08,597
I suppose it's all right, Mummy.
372
00:15:08,664 --> 00:15:09,899
Just all right?
373
00:15:09,967 --> 00:15:11,602
What I really wanted was a pony.
374
00:15:11,669 --> 00:15:13,438
Boy's Mother: Oh. Very well.
375
00:15:13,505 --> 00:15:15,808
Anderson, to the
stables, please.
376
00:15:15,876 --> 00:15:17,945
Thank you ever so much, Mummy!
377
00:15:25,088 --> 00:15:26,991
Oh, damn!
378
00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:34,835
"Thank you ever so much, Mummy"?
379
00:15:34,870 --> 00:15:36,838
OK, so maybe I
embellished a little.
380
00:15:36,906 --> 00:15:39,977
The point is, Mentalo was something
that kids with money could buy,
381
00:15:40,044 --> 00:15:42,613
something a kid from the
streets could never have.
382
00:15:42,681 --> 00:15:45,484
The streets? Your
father was a dentist.
383
00:15:45,551 --> 00:15:47,487
Yeah, but he wouldn't
buy me a Mentalo.
384
00:15:47,554 --> 00:15:49,590
It wasn't "educational" enough.
385
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:50,993
But I always wanted one,
386
00:15:51,060 --> 00:15:52,660
and now I finally have it.
387
00:15:52,728 --> 00:15:54,563
And as my best friend,
you should understand
388
00:15:54,631 --> 00:15:56,733
how important this is to me.
389
00:15:56,801 --> 00:15:58,469
But you know what?
390
00:15:58,537 --> 00:15:59,972
If this toy means more to you
391
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,109
than our friendship, then fine.
392
00:16:02,177 --> 00:16:03,877
Go ahead.
393
00:16:03,945 --> 00:16:05,579
Take it.
394
00:16:05,647 --> 00:16:09,186
Mentalo, should I start
working out more?
395
00:16:09,253 --> 00:16:13,358
The voices from beyond
the grave say...
396
00:16:13,426 --> 00:16:15,328
no.
397
00:16:16,529 --> 00:16:19,299
You've done it again,
my turbaned friend.
398
00:16:20,902 --> 00:16:22,303
Oh, look, Mentalo.
399
00:16:22,371 --> 00:16:25,607
There's the mean lady who
didn't want us to be together.
400
00:16:25,675 --> 00:16:27,778
Wait a second. You...
You got a Mentalo?
401
00:16:27,845 --> 00:16:30,014
That's right, and I'm
keeping it, so step away.
402
00:16:30,082 --> 00:16:31,250
So, let me get this straight,
403
00:16:31,317 --> 00:16:33,086
even after I told you not to,
404
00:16:33,154 --> 00:16:35,021
you went out and
bought it anyway?
405
00:16:35,090 --> 00:16:37,125
No, Deacon did, and I took his.
406
00:16:37,192 --> 00:16:38,326
Oh, God.
407
00:16:38,394 --> 00:16:39,996
Well, you gotta give it back.
408
00:16:40,064 --> 00:16:41,197
Get outta here!
409
00:16:41,264 --> 00:16:42,966
Doug, trust me,
410
00:16:43,034 --> 00:16:44,836
you wanna give it back to him.
411
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:46,037
I don't trust you,
412
00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:47,940
and I'm not giving
it back to him.
413
00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:50,811
I am telling you, give it back!
414
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:54,150
And I'm telling you, no!
415
00:16:54,217 --> 00:16:55,384
Do it! No!
416
00:16:55,452 --> 00:16:56,819
Doug! Why do you even care?
417
00:16:56,887 --> 00:16:58,789
Because I bought you
one, you idiot!
418
00:16:58,857 --> 00:17:00,124
You did?
419
00:17:00,192 --> 00:17:02,261
Yes! Yeah, for Christmas.
420
00:17:02,328 --> 00:17:04,831
Your stupid crick story
actually got to me,
421
00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:06,367
so I found one way up in Nyack.
422
00:17:06,435 --> 00:17:08,471
So, between that and
the gold earrings
423
00:17:08,538 --> 00:17:10,439
that I had to buy for Holly,
424
00:17:10,508 --> 00:17:11,541
it's costing me a fortune.
425
00:17:11,609 --> 00:17:14,045
That's why I had to
cancel my dad's cruise.
426
00:17:14,113 --> 00:17:16,048
Well, why didn't you tell
me you got me a Mentalo?
427
00:17:16,115 --> 00:17:18,484
It was a Christmas gift.
428
00:17:18,552 --> 00:17:20,387
I feel horrible.
429
00:17:20,455 --> 00:17:23,826
All I got you was a
Far Side calendar.
430
00:17:23,894 --> 00:17:25,061
Well, that's OK,
431
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:28,499
because I am getting a
leather jacket from Holly.
432
00:17:28,567 --> 00:17:29,901
So you're gonna give
it back to Deacon?
433
00:17:29,969 --> 00:17:31,670
I will. I will. I...
434
00:17:31,738 --> 00:17:32,639
I'll just give it
to him tomorrow
435
00:17:32,707 --> 00:17:34,440
when he comes over for Christmas
436
00:17:34,508 --> 00:17:36,678
like I'm being the bigger man.
437
00:17:36,745 --> 00:17:38,480
And then I'll act all surprised
438
00:17:38,548 --> 00:17:40,950
when I get my Mentalo.
439
00:17:40,952 --> 00:17:42,019
That's a good idea, right?
440
00:17:42,087 --> 00:17:43,454
Mm-hmm.
441
00:17:43,456 --> 00:17:45,590
I wasn't asking you.
442
00:17:45,657 --> 00:17:47,927
The spirits say...
443
00:17:47,995 --> 00:17:49,830
proceed.
444
00:17:49,931 --> 00:17:50,999
Uh-huh.
445
00:17:56,940 --> 00:17:58,375
Oh, I get it.
446
00:17:58,443 --> 00:17:59,377
I get it.
447
00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:02,148
"Remove funny bone."
448
00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:03,516
Right there.
449
00:18:05,754 --> 00:18:08,423
Aah!
450
00:18:08,491 --> 00:18:10,994
All right, enough of the
holiday yakety-yak.
451
00:18:11,062 --> 00:18:12,897
Let's get down to the
real reason we're here...
452
00:18:12,965 --> 00:18:15,333
Wrapped merchandise.
453
00:18:15,401 --> 00:18:16,702
Deacon, this one's for you,
454
00:18:16,770 --> 00:18:18,337
and it looks like from... Doug.
455
00:18:18,405 --> 00:18:20,141
Well, what do you know?
Here you go, bud.
456
00:18:20,208 --> 00:18:21,376
No, thanks.
457
00:18:21,443 --> 00:18:24,781
Come on. My sources from
beyond the grave say...
458
00:18:24,848 --> 00:18:26,884
you'll like it.
459
00:18:26,951 --> 00:18:28,787
You mean it's...
Batteries included.
460
00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:33,860
Thanks, man.
461
00:18:33,928 --> 00:18:35,763
Well, it is yours, and I
did steal it from you.
462
00:18:35,831 --> 00:18:36,764
Ah, bring it in.
463
00:18:38,267 --> 00:18:40,236
All right, guys, save it
for under the mistletoe.
464
00:18:40,304 --> 00:18:41,772
All right, Holly.
465
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:43,040
Here you go.
466
00:18:43,108 --> 00:18:45,010
This is for you.
Merry Christmas.
467
00:18:45,078 --> 00:18:46,713
Carrie, you didn't need
to get me anything.
468
00:18:46,780 --> 00:18:49,550
Ohh, I think I did.
469
00:18:49,617 --> 00:18:51,853
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
470
00:18:51,921 --> 00:18:54,657
It's gold earrings! Oh, my God!
471
00:18:54,726 --> 00:18:57,095
This is the best gift
I've ever gotten!
472
00:18:57,162 --> 00:18:58,763
Hope you like it.
473
00:18:58,831 --> 00:18:59,998
Ohh!
474
00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:01,701
I do! Gosh, I'm
kind of embarrassed
475
00:19:01,769 --> 00:19:03,236
about my gift to you, though.
476
00:19:03,304 --> 00:19:05,139
Oh, please, I'm sure
whatever it is,
477
00:19:05,207 --> 00:19:07,242
I'm sure I'll be delighted.
478
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,082
This is it?
479
00:19:12,149 --> 00:19:13,550
Yeah. OK.
480
00:19:13,618 --> 00:19:16,521
Is it folded?
481
00:19:16,588 --> 00:19:18,524
A lot?
482
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:19,927
Silly, open it up! OK.
483
00:19:23,533 --> 00:19:24,466
A mug?
484
00:19:24,534 --> 00:19:26,269
Yeah, I painted it
at Color Me Mine.
485
00:19:26,337 --> 00:19:27,370
It's for your hot cocoa. Look,
486
00:19:27,438 --> 00:19:29,942
it says "Merry Swiss-mis."
487
00:19:30,009 --> 00:19:31,310
"Swiss-mis." I... Yeah!
488
00:19:31,377 --> 00:19:33,346
I get it. That's gr-great.
Well, thank you.
489
00:19:33,414 --> 00:19:36,083
All right, sweetheart,
our turn to swap.
490
00:19:36,151 --> 00:19:37,718
Here you go. OK...
491
00:19:39,156 --> 00:19:41,358
Thank you. And here you go.
492
00:19:41,426 --> 00:19:44,295
Ohh, what a lovely box.
493
00:19:44,363 --> 00:19:49,035
I have a feeling my
ship has come in.
494
00:19:51,873 --> 00:19:54,243
Wait a minute.
495
00:19:54,311 --> 00:19:56,346
You bought me the
leather jacket?
496
00:19:56,413 --> 00:19:58,549
Another old man cap?
497
00:19:58,616 --> 00:20:00,218
Where's my cruise?
498
00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:02,421
How'd you know about the cruise?
499
00:20:02,489 --> 00:20:03,790
She told me!
500
00:20:03,858 --> 00:20:06,294
He said he was gonna
punch himself!
501
00:20:06,362 --> 00:20:08,063
I can't believe this.
I get a stupid cap,
502
00:20:08,131 --> 00:20:10,734
and this stranger gets a pair
of beautiful gold earrings!
503
00:20:10,801 --> 00:20:11,901
Hey!
504
00:20:11,970 --> 00:20:13,737
I had to get her
the gold earrings!
505
00:20:13,805 --> 00:20:16,074
I thought she was buying
me a leather jacket!
506
00:20:16,142 --> 00:20:18,444
Plus I had to get Doug
his freakin' Mentalo.
507
00:20:18,511 --> 00:20:19,779
Hey!
508
00:20:19,848 --> 00:20:21,983
This is Mental Man!
509
00:20:24,654 --> 00:20:26,022
It's the same thing.
510
00:20:26,090 --> 00:20:28,092
Mental Man is the
cheap knockoff!
511
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,895
What's the difference?
512
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,830
Fez...
513
00:20:31,899 --> 00:20:34,468
turban! Wake up, woman!
514
00:20:36,137 --> 00:20:37,839
Who cares about that crap?
515
00:20:37,907 --> 00:20:39,408
I'm supposed to go to Bermuda!
516
00:20:39,476 --> 00:20:40,409
I already got my shots!
517
00:20:40,477 --> 00:20:41,578
All right, butt out, Arthur, OK?
518
00:20:41,646 --> 00:20:42,612
Doug, leave him alone!
519
00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:43,614
Hey, calm down.
520
00:20:43,682 --> 00:20:44,615
Yeah, that's easy
for you to say.
521
00:20:44,683 --> 00:20:45,717
You got Mentalo.
522
00:20:45,785 --> 00:20:47,687
Look, Mental Man's
pretty good, too.
523
00:20:47,755 --> 00:20:49,356
Then trade with me. Oh, I
don't want no knockoff.
524
00:20:49,423 --> 00:20:50,758
Well, what's the difference?
525
00:20:50,826 --> 00:20:52,361
Your parents didn't love you
enough to buy you either one!
526
00:20:52,429 --> 00:20:53,862
Shut up, man!
527
00:20:53,930 --> 00:20:55,798
Give me the Mentalo!
Get away from me!
528
00:20:55,866 --> 00:20:57,368
Give me the Mentalo!
Leave me alone!
529
00:20:57,436 --> 00:20:59,204
Stop that!
530
00:20:59,272 --> 00:21:02,008
So? What are we doing
about my problem?
531
00:21:02,075 --> 00:21:05,179
Dad, I can't afford to send
you on the cruise right now.
532
00:21:05,247 --> 00:21:06,948
I'll send you for
your birthday, OK?
533
00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:08,050
Fine!
534
00:21:08,118 --> 00:21:09,351
You can have this back
535
00:21:09,419 --> 00:21:10,921
when I set sail!
536
00:21:10,988 --> 00:21:13,124
Oh, don't be ridiculous!
537
00:21:13,191 --> 00:21:14,893
That cap I got you is great!
538
00:21:14,961 --> 00:21:17,463
Arthur: I can't
stand those caps!
539
00:21:17,531 --> 00:21:19,400
Carrie: Oh, that's...
540
00:21:19,467 --> 00:21:22,037
♪ We wish you a
merry Christmas ♪
541
00:21:22,104 --> 00:21:24,606
♪ And a happy New Year
542
00:21:24,674 --> 00:21:27,245
♪ We wish you a
merry Christmas ♪
543
00:21:27,313 --> 00:21:31,417
♪ And a happy New Year
544
00:21:33,822 --> 00:21:35,790
Richard Nixon: So I guess
that's the question.
545
00:21:35,857 --> 00:21:37,193
Should I do it?
546
00:21:37,260 --> 00:21:40,363
Should I guarantee myself
an unconditional pardon,
547
00:21:40,431 --> 00:21:43,635
resign the presidency
of the United States?
548
00:21:45,072 --> 00:21:50,078
Mentalo: My sources from beyond
the grave say... proceed.
549
00:21:51,615 --> 00:21:53,216
Rosemary,
550
00:21:53,283 --> 00:21:55,051
get me Ron Ziegler.
551
00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:58,657
I need to arrange a
press conference.
38316
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