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1
00:00:36,264 --> 00:00:39,200
God, I love the
smell of hot wings.
2
00:00:39,267 --> 00:00:40,401
I know you do, baby.
3
00:00:40,469 --> 00:00:42,269
Why can't they make an
air freshener like this?
4
00:00:42,338 --> 00:00:44,540
You know, like for the car?
5
00:00:44,607 --> 00:00:48,177
Our car has enough food smells
in it, don't you think?
6
00:00:48,245 --> 00:00:49,880
For milady? Over here.
7
00:00:49,947 --> 00:00:51,048
Whoa!
8
00:00:51,115 --> 00:00:52,483
Thank you. There you go.
9
00:00:52,550 --> 00:00:57,123
And I will just sit
down right here.
10
00:00:57,191 --> 00:00:59,258
Actually, right here.
11
00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:03,931
Doug!
12
00:01:03,998 --> 00:01:04,932
Well, come on! Let me watch!
13
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,034
I'm here, the Jets are on,
14
00:01:06,101 --> 00:01:07,469
it's fate!
15
00:01:07,537 --> 00:01:09,238
You're here every day,
16
00:01:09,306 --> 00:01:11,508
and the place is owned
by a retired Jet.
17
00:01:11,575 --> 00:01:13,310
It's not that miraculous.
Now up!
18
00:01:13,378 --> 00:01:15,612
Up!
19
00:01:15,679 --> 00:01:18,248
All right.
20
00:01:18,316 --> 00:01:21,887
Go, go.
21
00:01:21,955 --> 00:01:24,323
Ow!
22
00:01:24,391 --> 00:01:27,027
Next time, it's a steak knife.
Now, sit down.
23
00:01:27,095 --> 00:01:28,161
Fine.
24
00:01:28,229 --> 00:01:30,799
You know, you could try and
make conversation with me.
25
00:01:30,866 --> 00:01:32,835
You're right. You're right.
I'm sorry.
26
00:01:36,607 --> 00:01:39,142
Are you trying to see the
reflection of the TV
27
00:01:39,210 --> 00:01:41,578
in my eyes?
28
00:01:41,645 --> 00:01:42,847
That would be crazy.
29
00:01:42,915 --> 00:01:44,683
Fumble!
30
00:01:44,751 --> 00:01:46,718
Doug, come on!
Stay with me here.
31
00:01:46,786 --> 00:01:48,255
Stay with me, honey. Come on.
32
00:01:48,322 --> 00:01:50,957
Please.
33
00:01:51,024 --> 00:01:52,759
I'm trying to enjoy our
last moments of freedom
34
00:01:52,826 --> 00:01:55,129
before your mom comes into town.
35
00:01:55,197 --> 00:01:55,864
Hey, that's no way to
talk about the woman
36
00:01:55,932 --> 00:01:59,234
who brought all this
into the world.
37
00:01:59,302 --> 00:02:00,835
All right, if she brought
all of that into the world,
38
00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:02,406
she would be dead.
39
00:02:04,275 --> 00:02:05,876
Hey, you guys get menus?
40
00:02:05,943 --> 00:02:06,643
Menus? You're adorable.
41
00:02:06,711 --> 00:02:08,512
Take out your pad.
42
00:02:08,580 --> 00:02:10,648
Doug?
43
00:02:10,716 --> 00:02:12,785
Oh, my God. Margy Colletti!
44
00:02:12,853 --> 00:02:13,954
Ohh!
45
00:02:14,022 --> 00:02:15,823
Carrie, this is my high
school girlfriend.
46
00:02:15,890 --> 00:02:17,491
Margy... Margy, this
is my wife Carrie.
47
00:02:17,558 --> 00:02:19,494
Hey, great to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
48
00:02:19,561 --> 00:02:21,764
Awkward! Wife meeting
ex-girlfriend.
49
00:02:21,832 --> 00:02:23,833
Couldn't be more uncomfortable.
50
00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:27,537
Was he this much of an
idiot back in high school?
51
00:02:27,604 --> 00:02:29,373
Oh, sure. He was just
like that, but acne.
52
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:31,108
Ah, yeah.
53
00:02:31,176 --> 00:02:33,345
So, uh... what are you doing?
54
00:02:33,413 --> 00:02:34,413
I mean, last I heard
you were married
55
00:02:34,481 --> 00:02:36,181
to some doctor in Connecticut.
56
00:02:36,249 --> 00:02:37,550
Yeah, I was till a
couple of months ago.
57
00:02:37,617 --> 00:02:40,353
Now I'm divorced, back
here, waiting tables.
58
00:02:40,421 --> 00:02:43,391
Kind of like
Cinderella in reverse.
59
00:02:43,459 --> 00:02:45,560
Sweetheart, still
waiting on that pie.
60
00:02:45,627 --> 00:02:46,795
Coming.
61
00:02:46,863 --> 00:02:48,464
Hey, by the way, you
must be excited
62
00:02:48,532 --> 00:02:50,166
that your mom's
coming into town.
63
00:02:50,233 --> 00:02:52,269
Yeah, I am. How'd you
know she was coming in?
64
00:02:52,337 --> 00:02:54,037
We keep in touch. Really?
65
00:02:54,105 --> 00:02:55,973
Yeah, yeah. You know,
Christmas cards.
66
00:02:56,041 --> 00:02:57,142
Funny e-mails.
67
00:02:57,209 --> 00:02:59,278
Does she send you guys
the joke of the day?
68
00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:03,449
Uh, no, not since we blocked
her from our computer.
69
00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,452
So what can I get ya?
70
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:07,421
Well, now that I've
heard it out loud,
71
00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:09,223
some kind of pie,
72
00:03:09,291 --> 00:03:12,027
and any entrée you think
will go well before it.
73
00:03:12,094 --> 00:03:14,130
How about a bacon cheeseburger?
74
00:03:14,197 --> 00:03:16,767
Welcome home, Margy Colletti.
75
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,808
So? New?
76
00:03:25,043 --> 00:03:27,145
I had my annual review at IPS,
77
00:03:27,213 --> 00:03:29,750
and it turns out your son...
78
00:03:29,817 --> 00:03:31,451
is an average worker.
79
00:03:31,519 --> 00:03:33,019
Yeah.
80
00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:35,790
Good for you, Dougie.
81
00:03:35,858 --> 00:03:39,261
You see what happens when
you roll your sleeves up?
82
00:03:39,328 --> 00:03:41,898
Doug, can I see
you for a second?
83
00:03:41,966 --> 00:03:45,470
Oh. Yeah, sure.
84
00:03:45,537 --> 00:03:46,470
What's up?
85
00:03:46,538 --> 00:03:49,174
OK, take this out.
Here are the cookies
86
00:03:49,242 --> 00:03:51,277
and spoons. Go, go, go.
87
00:03:51,345 --> 00:03:53,046
Whoa, settle down.
We're still eating.
88
00:03:53,113 --> 00:03:54,714
Well, eat faster.
89
00:03:54,782 --> 00:03:55,582
Carrie, this is a brunch.
90
00:03:55,650 --> 00:03:58,953
"Brunch" means slow lunch.
91
00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:01,322
Well, then we're
having "funch"...
92
00:04:01,390 --> 00:04:03,159
Fast lunch.
93
00:04:03,226 --> 00:04:05,228
Come on, if we get
done by 12:00,
94
00:04:05,362 --> 00:04:06,696
I can make it to
spinning, all right?
95
00:04:06,764 --> 00:04:07,897
Get mama going!
96
00:04:07,966 --> 00:04:09,266
Come on, I put some
ice cubes in there
97
00:04:09,334 --> 00:04:10,266
so she'll drink it faster.
98
00:04:10,334 --> 00:04:11,302
Go, go!
99
00:04:13,474 --> 00:04:15,273
You're never gonna
believe who that is.
100
00:04:15,341 --> 00:04:17,209
Margy Colletti.
101
00:04:17,277 --> 00:04:18,311
How did you know?
102
00:04:18,379 --> 00:04:19,279
Well, we ran into her yesterday,
103
00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:20,915
and I can see her
through the window.
104
00:04:21,816 --> 00:04:24,787
Oh, fiddlesticks. I was
gonna surprise ya.
105
00:04:24,854 --> 00:04:26,621
Um, you didn't invite
her to eat, did you?
106
00:04:26,689 --> 00:04:28,289
Oh, no. She's just
picking me up.
107
00:04:28,324 --> 00:04:30,025
We're going shopping.
108
00:04:30,093 --> 00:04:31,760
Oh.
109
00:04:31,828 --> 00:04:33,864
Hey! Hi, honey!
110
00:04:33,932 --> 00:04:37,501
Oh, it's so good to see you!
111
00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:39,738
Margy, it's one thing stalking
me in a public place,
112
00:04:39,806 --> 00:04:42,308
but this is my home, damn it!
113
00:04:42,375 --> 00:04:44,644
Yeah, good one, Doug.
114
00:04:44,712 --> 00:04:46,045
So, where you guys headed?
115
00:04:46,113 --> 00:04:47,882
Well, I just moved into
the Sunrise Apartments,
116
00:04:47,950 --> 00:04:49,984
and Janet said she'd
help me decorate.
117
00:04:50,052 --> 00:04:52,021
And she's always had
such good taste.
118
00:04:52,088 --> 00:04:53,022
Oh, stop.
119
00:04:53,089 --> 00:04:54,290
You do. I don't.
120
00:04:54,358 --> 00:04:56,359
You do. She does. I don't.
121
00:04:56,426 --> 00:04:59,530
OK. Let's agree to disagree, OK?
122
00:04:59,598 --> 00:05:01,231
Well, I guess I do
have kind of a flair.
123
00:05:01,299 --> 00:05:02,967
OK, let's hit the mall.
124
00:05:03,034 --> 00:05:04,803
I promise I won't have
her back too late.
125
00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:05,805
OK.
126
00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:07,306
Bye, kids! Bye.
127
00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:08,908
Oh, Carrie. Brunch
was delightful.
128
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:11,078
Sorry I had to cut it short.
129
00:05:14,850 --> 00:05:16,484
There you go. Now you can
catch your spinning class.
130
00:05:16,552 --> 00:05:18,186
And don't worry.
Those dirty dishes
131
00:05:18,255 --> 00:05:20,889
will be right there
when you get back.
132
00:05:22,593 --> 00:05:23,761
What's the matter?
133
00:05:23,828 --> 00:05:25,429
Nothing. I just...
134
00:05:25,497 --> 00:05:26,464
Don't you think
it's a little weird
135
00:05:26,531 --> 00:05:27,498
your ex-girlfriend's
coming around
136
00:05:27,566 --> 00:05:28,699
and hanging out with your mom?
137
00:05:28,767 --> 00:05:32,504
Here we go again.
138
00:05:33,608 --> 00:05:35,742
I am with you.
139
00:05:37,079 --> 00:05:39,313
I took a vow for God's sakes.
140
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:41,751
Trust that.
141
00:05:41,818 --> 00:05:44,186
This has nothing to
do with you, Doug.
142
00:05:44,255 --> 00:05:46,089
All right? It's about
Margy and your mom.
143
00:05:46,156 --> 00:05:47,557
I mean, did you hear those two?
144
00:05:47,625 --> 00:05:49,527
"I love you." "No, I love you."
145
00:05:49,595 --> 00:05:52,030
God, I thought they
were gonna make out.
146
00:05:52,098 --> 00:05:55,334
Did you just call
my mom a lesbian?
147
00:05:55,401 --> 00:05:58,638
Doug, come on. I'm serious.
I mean,
148
00:05:58,705 --> 00:05:59,773
your mom shouldn't be
running around with Margy.
149
00:05:59,841 --> 00:06:00,975
She should be staying here
150
00:06:01,043 --> 00:06:02,476
and having brunch with us.
151
00:06:02,544 --> 00:06:04,212
Wait a second. You were just trying
to get the hell out of here.
152
00:06:04,279 --> 00:06:05,247
Remember "funch"?
153
00:06:05,314 --> 00:06:07,850
What the hell
happened to funch?!
154
00:06:07,917 --> 00:06:10,486
And another thing, she's
decorating her apartment?
155
00:06:10,554 --> 00:06:11,821
I mean, what... What's...
156
00:06:11,889 --> 00:06:13,824
She never showed any
interest in this place.
157
00:06:13,892 --> 00:06:16,226
She made us those curtains,
you threw 'em out.
158
00:06:16,295 --> 00:06:20,733
They had rainbows with
pots of gold on them.
159
00:06:20,801 --> 00:06:22,568
And, anyway, that's
not even the point!
160
00:06:22,636 --> 00:06:23,803
I think it is the point.
161
00:06:23,871 --> 00:06:26,406
The only reason you want mom
is 'cause Margy's got her.
162
00:06:26,474 --> 00:06:28,510
What? No!
163
00:06:28,577 --> 00:06:31,012
No, I love...
164
00:06:31,079 --> 00:06:33,081
I love spending
time with your mom.
165
00:06:34,385 --> 00:06:36,453
And she should love
spending time with me.
166
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:37,988
Well, I gotta tell you, you
don't exactly throw out
167
00:06:38,055 --> 00:06:40,758
the "hang with me" vibe.
168
00:06:40,826 --> 00:06:42,461
And what is that
supposed to mean?
169
00:06:42,529 --> 00:06:47,300
Just kind of like...
170
00:06:47,368 --> 00:06:49,703
Well, at least I don't
walk around being huge.
171
00:06:52,107 --> 00:06:53,709
What, you just did
the cat thing.
172
00:06:53,776 --> 00:06:55,009
That was just harmless fun.
173
00:06:55,077 --> 00:06:57,078
You're clearly not a cat.
174
00:07:04,689 --> 00:07:07,192
You know, I gotta say I
was little surprised
175
00:07:07,259 --> 00:07:09,828
that you wanted my help
picking out a dress, dear.
176
00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:10,996
Really? Why?
177
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:13,667
I've always liked
your sense of style.
178
00:07:13,735 --> 00:07:14,701
Really?
179
00:07:14,769 --> 00:07:16,269
Yeah, like look at that
pin you're wearing.
180
00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:17,304
What do you got
there, an elephant?
181
00:07:17,372 --> 00:07:19,174
Oh, yeah. It's for good luck.
182
00:07:19,241 --> 00:07:20,207
Ah!
183
00:07:20,275 --> 00:07:21,843
You know what? It's yours.
184
00:07:21,911 --> 00:07:22,611
No, no, no. No, no.
185
00:07:22,745 --> 00:07:25,114
That's your elephant.
No, no, I couldn't.
186
00:07:25,182 --> 00:07:26,515
I couldn't. I couldn't.
I couldn't, really.
187
00:07:26,583 --> 00:07:28,017
Fine.
188
00:07:28,085 --> 00:07:30,588
♪ I know what I'm getting
someone for Christmas ♪
189
00:07:33,092 --> 00:07:34,660
So, where are we here?
190
00:07:34,728 --> 00:07:36,396
Uh, give me a little
more information
191
00:07:36,463 --> 00:07:38,164
about this function you
need the dress for.
192
00:07:38,231 --> 00:07:40,167
Oh, it's a dinner
at my boss' house.
193
00:07:40,235 --> 00:07:42,637
We won a lawsuit
over clean water.
194
00:07:42,704 --> 00:07:45,140
I'm not sure what side we're on.
195
00:07:45,207 --> 00:07:47,543
Well, you know,
if it's a dinner,
196
00:07:47,577 --> 00:07:50,846
this could be a way to go.
197
00:07:50,914 --> 00:07:53,616
Yes! That is definitely
a way to go.
198
00:07:53,684 --> 00:07:57,188
It is, but how 'bout this?
199
00:07:57,256 --> 00:08:00,359
Are you posing for
Playboy magazine, dear?
200
00:08:01,293 --> 00:08:03,196
No, I am not.
201
00:08:03,264 --> 00:08:05,331
You know, the more
I look around,
202
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,102
the more I realize
this is the one.
203
00:08:08,170 --> 00:08:09,003
Well, OK!
204
00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:10,471
If you love it, then I love it.
205
00:08:10,540 --> 00:08:11,940
I love it. Then I love it.
206
00:08:12,008 --> 00:08:12,940
Well, I'm glad I could help.
207
00:08:13,008 --> 00:08:14,310
I'm glad you can help, too.
208
00:08:14,378 --> 00:08:17,114
Let's just go ahead and ring
this bad boy right up, huh?
209
00:08:17,181 --> 00:08:19,182
OK.
210
00:08:19,250 --> 00:08:21,052
Thank you.
211
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,288
So, after this I
think you and I...
212
00:08:23,356 --> 00:08:25,925
Oh, excuse me, dear.
213
00:08:25,993 --> 00:08:27,894
Hello?
214
00:08:27,962 --> 00:08:31,532
Oh, hi, Margy. What's cooking?
215
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,333
Uh-huh.
216
00:08:33,401 --> 00:08:35,670
Carrie and I are
at the Dress Barn.
217
00:08:35,738 --> 00:08:37,205
We're done, right?
218
00:08:37,272 --> 00:08:38,975
Yeah. Yeah!
219
00:08:39,042 --> 00:08:40,910
Yeah, we're done. So, I'll
just shoot right down there.
220
00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:42,111
I'll see you in a few.
221
00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:45,015
Doug: What do you want me to do?
222
00:08:45,083 --> 00:08:46,350
I want you to talk
to your mother.
223
00:08:46,418 --> 00:08:48,252
No, no. I'm not
getting involved.
224
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:49,921
OK, fine. I'll talk to her.
225
00:08:49,989 --> 00:08:51,123
Whoa! What are you gonna say?
226
00:08:51,190 --> 00:08:51,924
I'm gonna tell her
227
00:08:51,992 --> 00:08:53,360
that I don't think
it's appropriate
228
00:08:53,428 --> 00:08:56,196
that she spends so much time
with her son's ex-girlfriend,
229
00:08:56,264 --> 00:08:58,065
that it's disrespectful to me.
230
00:08:58,133 --> 00:09:03,004
Yeah, I can't allow that.
231
00:09:03,072 --> 00:09:04,807
Why not? I want this
out in the open.
232
00:09:04,875 --> 00:09:06,376
I don't know how you handle
problems in your family,
233
00:09:06,443 --> 00:09:07,978
but in my family, we
sweep 'em under the rug,
234
00:09:08,045 --> 00:09:10,547
then we eat. It's
worked for generations.
235
00:09:10,615 --> 00:09:12,183
Tough. I'm talking to her.
236
00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:13,518
Carrie, you can't. I
think it's a bad idea.
237
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:15,320
Look, my mom will be upset,
238
00:09:15,387 --> 00:09:16,589
and she'll start to cry.
And when she cries,
239
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:18,257
she doesn't just cry, OK?
She blubbers.
240
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:19,559
And she'll continue blubbering
241
00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:20,794
until you sweep the problem
242
00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:24,499
back under the rug where all
serious problems belong.
243
00:09:24,567 --> 00:09:27,669
All right, fine.
You talk to Margy.
244
00:09:27,737 --> 00:09:30,073
You want me to sit
down with my ex...
245
00:09:30,141 --> 00:09:32,408
Alone...
246
00:09:32,476 --> 00:09:33,978
And talk?
247
00:09:34,046 --> 00:09:35,312
Yeah.
248
00:09:35,380 --> 00:09:38,883
Just me and a former lover.
249
00:09:38,951 --> 00:09:40,653
You're not worried about that?
250
00:09:40,721 --> 00:09:42,622
Yeah, I think I'll
roll those dice.
251
00:09:46,395 --> 00:09:47,661
Doug: Hey, Margy.
252
00:09:47,729 --> 00:09:49,531
Hey, Doug! You here
for Finger Fest?
253
00:09:49,599 --> 00:09:51,499
No. No, actually,
I came down here
254
00:09:51,567 --> 00:09:54,303
to talk to you about something.
255
00:09:54,371 --> 00:09:56,806
Hey, is Finger Fest
instead of Wing Madness
256
00:09:56,874 --> 00:09:57,841
or in addition to?
257
00:09:57,909 --> 00:09:59,409
Not sure.
258
00:09:59,477 --> 00:10:00,410
I'm just a waitress.
259
00:10:00,478 --> 00:10:02,680
You know, I'm kinda out
of the loop creatively.
260
00:10:02,748 --> 00:10:05,484
Keep me posted.
261
00:10:07,922 --> 00:10:09,089
Hey, look.
262
00:10:09,157 --> 00:10:10,457
Didn't we have our first
date in this booth?
263
00:10:10,525 --> 00:10:11,459
Yeah, actually we did.
264
00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:12,760
We came here after we saw
265
00:10:12,827 --> 00:10:14,361
a 4-foot black man
change the face of music
266
00:10:14,429 --> 00:10:16,397
in Purple Rain.
267
00:10:16,465 --> 00:10:18,267
Great movie.
268
00:10:18,334 --> 00:10:20,203
I showed you a pretty sweet
evening that night, huh?
269
00:10:20,271 --> 00:10:21,672
Yeah, you did.
270
00:10:21,739 --> 00:10:23,674
Until you shot your
straw wrapper at me
271
00:10:23,741 --> 00:10:25,610
and scratched my cornea.
272
00:10:25,678 --> 00:10:28,046
I probably should've
known at that point
273
00:10:28,114 --> 00:10:29,482
that we weren't meant to be.
274
00:10:29,549 --> 00:10:32,251
You know when I knew we
weren't meant to be?
275
00:10:32,319 --> 00:10:34,421
When you started cheating
on me with Ricky LeDouche.
276
00:10:34,489 --> 00:10:36,190
It's Ricky LeDoux,
277
00:10:36,257 --> 00:10:37,591
and I only got together with him
278
00:10:37,658 --> 00:10:40,195
because it was obvious you
weren't serious about me.
279
00:10:40,262 --> 00:10:41,130
That's not true.
280
00:10:41,198 --> 00:10:43,832
I wrote that song about
you, for God's sakes.
281
00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:44,634
Again with that stupid song.
282
00:10:44,702 --> 00:10:45,902
You told me for 2 years
283
00:10:45,969 --> 00:10:47,204
that you were gonna write it.
284
00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:49,405
I did! Then how come
I never heard it?
285
00:10:49,473 --> 00:10:51,608
Because while I was putting
the finishing touches on it,
286
00:10:51,676 --> 00:10:54,079
you were rolling
around with LeDouche.
287
00:10:54,146 --> 00:10:56,749
LeDoux, it's LeDoux.
And by the way,
288
00:10:56,817 --> 00:10:58,752
that nickname really
hurt his feelings.
289
00:10:58,820 --> 00:11:00,954
LeDouche is sad!
290
00:11:01,022 --> 00:11:02,088
OK.
291
00:11:02,156 --> 00:11:03,557
OK, fine.
292
00:11:03,625 --> 00:11:05,360
Sing me the song you wrote.
293
00:11:05,427 --> 00:11:07,796
I told you I never got a chance
294
00:11:07,865 --> 00:11:09,198
to completely finish it.
295
00:11:09,266 --> 00:11:10,200
Yeah, you were pretty good
296
00:11:10,268 --> 00:11:11,768
at not finishing
things, weren't ya?
297
00:11:11,836 --> 00:11:13,570
You never finished
fixing up your car,
298
00:11:13,637 --> 00:11:15,005
you never finished college...
299
00:11:15,073 --> 00:11:16,140
I wrote the song!
300
00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:17,374
Sure you did. I gotta
get back to work.
301
00:11:17,442 --> 00:11:19,511
Margy, I wrote the song, OK?!
302
00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:22,814
Hey, is Finger Fest
instead of Wing Madness?
303
00:11:29,158 --> 00:11:31,626
I thought we were
gonna watch the game.
304
00:11:31,695 --> 00:11:33,296
Where the hell is it?
305
00:11:33,363 --> 00:11:35,065
You know, I'm sitting
here by myself.
306
00:11:35,132 --> 00:11:39,003
Haven't been offered
any refreshments!
307
00:11:39,070 --> 00:11:40,470
I can't right now, OK? I'm
looking for this love song
308
00:11:40,539 --> 00:11:42,373
I wrote to Margy Colletti.
309
00:11:42,441 --> 00:11:43,909
Margy Colletti?
310
00:11:43,977 --> 00:11:46,278
The one whose cornea
you destroyed?
311
00:11:46,346 --> 00:11:48,180
OK, I didn't destroy it.
312
00:11:48,248 --> 00:11:49,817
She had to wear an eye
patch for a semester.
313
00:11:49,884 --> 00:11:51,084
Big whoop.
314
00:11:51,186 --> 00:11:52,988
Hey, would you look in
that box right there?
315
00:11:53,055 --> 00:11:54,222
What do you gotta
look for this now?
316
00:11:54,290 --> 00:11:55,824
Because she doesn't
believe I wrote it, OK?
317
00:11:55,891 --> 00:11:57,159
She was so smug about it, too.
318
00:11:57,227 --> 00:11:58,427
"Oh, you never finish anything."
319
00:11:58,495 --> 00:11:59,662
Yeah.
320
00:11:59,730 --> 00:12:02,132
She's obviously never
eaten with you.
321
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,468
Ha ha ha ha.
322
00:12:03,535 --> 00:12:06,070
Look in there, OK?
Any cassettes?
323
00:12:06,138 --> 00:12:07,406
Yeah, yeah. Let's see.
324
00:12:07,474 --> 00:12:10,142
We got Cheap Trick
Live at Budokan,
325
00:12:10,210 --> 00:12:12,812
1-2-3 Spanish,
326
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:14,482
and The Margy Song.
327
00:12:14,549 --> 00:12:15,816
That's it. That's it!
328
00:12:15,884 --> 00:12:19,587
Here we go. Sweet
vindica-she-eeone.
329
00:12:23,060 --> 00:12:24,961
Doug, on tape: Check 1, check 2.
330
00:12:25,030 --> 00:12:26,497
OK, here we go.
331
00:12:26,564 --> 00:12:31,269
It's October 12, 1984, and
this is The Margy Song
332
00:12:31,337 --> 00:12:35,207
by Doug "The Boss" Heffernan.
333
00:12:37,478 --> 00:12:39,446
The Margy Song.
334
00:12:42,284 --> 00:12:46,021
Margy Song.
335
00:12:46,089 --> 00:12:49,559
All right, a song for Margy.
336
00:12:52,064 --> 00:12:55,633
♪ Margy girl
337
00:12:55,701 --> 00:12:59,238
♪ My heart's in a... a whirl ♪
338
00:12:59,306 --> 00:13:01,507
Oh, yeah! Margy!
339
00:13:01,575 --> 00:13:02,675
Margy! Margy! Margy! Margy!
340
00:13:02,742 --> 00:13:05,411
Margy! Margy! Margy!
341
00:13:05,479 --> 00:13:08,749
OK, I'm gonna take
a short break.
342
00:13:08,817 --> 00:13:11,153
To be continued.
343
00:13:14,858 --> 00:13:17,595
OK, maybe she was right.
344
00:13:17,663 --> 00:13:19,196
Maybe I didn't finish it.
345
00:13:19,264 --> 00:13:20,665
Crap.
346
00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:24,736
♪ Margy girl
347
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:28,776
♪ My heart's in a whirl ♪
348
00:13:28,843 --> 00:13:30,610
♪ Tonight
349
00:13:32,213 --> 00:13:33,581
Yeah, it was something
like, uh...
350
00:13:33,649 --> 00:13:34,749
Then it was...
351
00:13:34,817 --> 00:13:37,086
♪ Saw you in gym
352
00:13:37,154 --> 00:13:39,322
♪ Lookin' real trim
353
00:13:42,126 --> 00:13:43,494
♪ Tonight
354
00:13:44,963 --> 00:13:45,863
I can't remember it. Damn it!
355
00:13:45,998 --> 00:13:47,166
Why are you even doing this?
356
00:13:47,233 --> 00:13:48,633
Because I don't want to
give her the satisfaction
357
00:13:48,701 --> 00:13:50,469
of thinking I didn't
write the song, OK?
358
00:13:50,536 --> 00:13:51,536
If you're gonna
help me, help me.
359
00:13:51,604 --> 00:13:52,705
If not, get out of here.
360
00:13:52,773 --> 00:13:54,007
All right, fine.
361
00:13:54,074 --> 00:13:56,177
But I think if you're
gonna do this,
362
00:13:56,245 --> 00:13:57,911
we should open up
the box a little.
363
00:13:57,979 --> 00:13:59,615
What do you got?
364
00:13:59,682 --> 00:14:01,050
Well, it's supposed to be
something from the eighties.
365
00:14:01,117 --> 00:14:02,585
So why don't we
synth-rock this baby
366
00:14:02,653 --> 00:14:04,620
and see where she takes us?
367
00:14:17,738 --> 00:14:19,206
♪ Margy
368
00:14:19,273 --> 00:14:21,375
♪ Margy, I'm scared of you ♪
369
00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:23,210
♪ M-M-Margy
370
00:14:23,278 --> 00:14:25,681
♪ I'm afraid of you,
afraid of you ♪
371
00:14:25,749 --> 00:14:28,418
♪ M-M-Margy, you thrill me ♪
372
00:14:28,486 --> 00:14:29,519
♪ The dirty things
that you do to me ♪
373
00:14:29,586 --> 00:14:32,523
♪ Margy, you so dirty,
dirty, dirty Margy ♪
374
00:14:32,589 --> 00:14:36,428
OK.
375
00:14:36,495 --> 00:14:37,862
Let's close the box.
376
00:14:37,930 --> 00:14:41,700
OK, I've only gotten awards
for karaoke, but whatever.
377
00:14:43,638 --> 00:14:46,240
Hey, Doug. Did you, uh...
Did you talk to Margy?
378
00:14:46,307 --> 00:14:47,408
Yeah.
379
00:14:47,476 --> 00:14:49,077
Yeah, I did. Uh...
380
00:14:49,144 --> 00:14:50,778
And is she gonna stay
away from your mom?
381
00:14:50,846 --> 00:14:51,880
I don't know. I did my best,
382
00:14:51,948 --> 00:14:53,550
but I'm not sure it sunk in.
383
00:14:53,618 --> 00:14:55,818
She's pretty attached.
384
00:14:55,886 --> 00:14:56,987
Really? Mmm.
385
00:14:57,054 --> 00:14:59,123
Unbelievable.
386
00:14:59,191 --> 00:15:00,925
Friggin' Margy just
can't stay away
387
00:15:00,993 --> 00:15:03,561
from her little advice whore.
388
00:15:05,198 --> 00:15:08,234
Did you just call
my mom a whore?
389
00:15:08,302 --> 00:15:10,035
I gotta go.
390
00:15:10,103 --> 00:15:10,971
I gotta go to my boss' dinner.
391
00:15:11,039 --> 00:15:12,306
I'll see you guys later.
392
00:15:12,374 --> 00:15:13,475
What are you doing
with the keyboard?
393
00:15:13,542 --> 00:15:15,677
Uh...
394
00:15:15,745 --> 00:15:16,846
Doug's helping me write
a couple of songs
395
00:15:16,913 --> 00:15:18,248
for the IPS follies.
396
00:15:18,315 --> 00:15:21,252
I'm, uh, musical director.
397
00:15:24,956 --> 00:15:28,160
I actually am.
398
00:15:34,603 --> 00:15:36,771
Janet. What are you doing?
399
00:15:36,839 --> 00:15:38,106
Oh, pardon me.
400
00:15:38,173 --> 00:15:41,143
I'm just trying to pick a
color for Margy's bedroom.
401
00:15:41,211 --> 00:15:43,312
Something like this
might be nice.
402
00:15:43,379 --> 00:15:44,280
You mind if she comes
over and takes a look?
403
00:15:44,348 --> 00:15:45,515
All right. You know what?
We gotta talk.
404
00:15:45,582 --> 00:15:46,950
About what, dear?
405
00:15:47,018 --> 00:15:48,986
Janet, I'm your daughter-in-law,
406
00:15:49,054 --> 00:15:52,257
and you're just spending
all this time with Margy.
407
00:15:52,325 --> 00:15:53,860
You know?
408
00:15:53,927 --> 00:15:55,928
I'm just wondering if maybe
you would've been happier
409
00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:58,165
if Doug would've married her.
410
00:15:59,501 --> 00:16:02,570
Oh, my God.
411
00:16:02,637 --> 00:16:04,739
What have I done?
412
00:16:04,807 --> 00:16:08,445
OK. Whoa. OK.
413
00:16:08,512 --> 00:16:10,781
Uh...
414
00:16:10,848 --> 00:16:13,284
No, no, no. It's... it's really...
it's not just you.
415
00:16:13,351 --> 00:16:15,987
You know, I could've
tried harder, you know?
416
00:16:16,055 --> 00:16:17,188
I...
417
00:16:17,256 --> 00:16:19,358
Wow. Doug wasn't kidding.
418
00:16:19,426 --> 00:16:20,759
Here, here. Why don't you...
419
00:16:20,827 --> 00:16:24,430
Here, probably softer
than that fabric swatch.
420
00:16:24,498 --> 00:16:26,034
Thank you.
421
00:16:26,102 --> 00:16:27,936
Oh, Carrie.
422
00:16:28,004 --> 00:16:32,909
I am so, so, so sorry.
423
00:16:32,976 --> 00:16:35,645
I never meant to
make you feel badly.
424
00:16:35,713 --> 00:16:37,448
No, I know you didn't, but...
425
00:16:37,516 --> 00:16:38,783
but you did.
426
00:16:38,851 --> 00:16:40,752
But it's OK! But it's OK now!
427
00:16:40,819 --> 00:16:44,389
It really is OK.
428
00:16:44,457 --> 00:16:46,559
Listen to me, darling.
429
00:16:46,627 --> 00:16:49,096
Margy is a very sweet person,
430
00:16:49,163 --> 00:16:50,598
but make no mistake,
431
00:16:50,665 --> 00:16:54,736
you are my daughter-in-law.
432
00:16:54,804 --> 00:16:56,773
No.
433
00:16:56,841 --> 00:16:59,008
My daughter.
434
00:16:59,076 --> 00:17:00,711
Thank you, Janet.
435
00:17:00,778 --> 00:17:01,778
Mom.
436
00:17:06,185 --> 00:17:08,153
And Margy is just
gonna have to finish
437
00:17:08,222 --> 00:17:10,289
decorating her
apartment without me.
438
00:17:10,356 --> 00:17:11,924
My time is for you.
439
00:17:11,992 --> 00:17:14,093
Well, thank you, Janet.
That means a lot to me.
440
00:17:14,161 --> 00:17:16,597
All right, I'm gonna get
dressed for that dinner, Mom.
441
00:17:16,665 --> 00:17:18,834
All right, sweetheart.
442
00:17:24,007 --> 00:17:27,076
You're not gonna wear the
dress we bought together?
443
00:17:27,144 --> 00:17:29,947
Oh, no. I was just yanking
this for the dry cleaners.
444
00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:32,017
It's gotta go to
the dry cleaners.
445
00:17:32,084 --> 00:17:34,220
Oh, here it is. I'm
gonna wear this.
446
00:17:35,956 --> 00:17:37,623
Oh, I'll give you some privacy.
447
00:17:37,691 --> 00:17:38,858
OK.
448
00:17:40,296 --> 00:17:42,363
Oy.
449
00:17:47,770 --> 00:17:49,506
Hello?
450
00:17:51,208 --> 00:17:53,545
Oh, hi, Margy.
451
00:17:53,612 --> 00:17:56,748
No. No, dear, I absolutely
can't come over now.
452
00:18:03,057 --> 00:18:04,958
All right. Fine, fine.
453
00:18:05,027 --> 00:18:07,229
But I can only stay
for 5 minutes.
454
00:18:11,769 --> 00:18:15,139
Hey. Ohh!
455
00:18:15,206 --> 00:18:17,474
You look beautiful.
456
00:18:17,543 --> 00:18:19,976
You're gonna get some
compliments tonight.
457
00:18:20,044 --> 00:18:23,781
Yeah. I'm sure people
will be talking about it.
458
00:18:23,849 --> 00:18:26,018
Hey, you going someplace?
459
00:18:26,086 --> 00:18:27,387
Uh, yes. Uh...
460
00:18:27,454 --> 00:18:30,591
I... I've got to go pick
up some diabetes medicine
461
00:18:30,659 --> 00:18:31,959
for my Uncle Norman.
462
00:18:32,027 --> 00:18:33,727
Right.
463
00:18:33,795 --> 00:18:35,331
So, uh, well, have a
wonderful evening.
464
00:18:35,397 --> 00:18:37,766
Thanks.
465
00:18:59,495 --> 00:19:02,599
Uncle Norman, my ass.
466
00:19:05,703 --> 00:19:07,204
I would definitely
go with the blue.
467
00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:09,907
Now, darling, I really
do have to get going.
468
00:19:09,974 --> 00:19:10,975
Oh, no, just stay a
few more minutes.
469
00:19:11,042 --> 00:19:13,111
You haven't even
touched your wine.
470
00:19:13,179 --> 00:19:15,247
A few minutes, fine.
471
00:19:19,588 --> 00:19:20,521
Carrie?
472
00:19:20,589 --> 00:19:21,856
Oh, my God!
473
00:19:21,924 --> 00:19:24,492
Carrie, it's not what you think.
Oh, no?
474
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,228
She needed me. I'm
just in and out
475
00:19:26,295 --> 00:19:27,864
to help with the couch
and the carpet.
476
00:19:27,932 --> 00:19:29,800
And to polish off a bottle
of chardonnay, I see.
477
00:19:29,867 --> 00:19:32,603
Get your coat. We're going home.
478
00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:34,706
Really, it's not
what you think...
479
00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:35,907
Coat, now, Mom.
480
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:38,811
Well, can't she just stay to
help me pick out the tiles?
481
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:39,713
OK, listen to me, sweetheart.
482
00:19:39,814 --> 00:19:41,515
You had a mother-in-law
and you blew it, OK?
483
00:19:41,582 --> 00:19:43,150
This one's mine, so mitts off.
484
00:19:43,217 --> 00:19:44,819
What? What? Hello?
485
00:19:44,886 --> 00:19:46,987
You're through, OK?
You're out of our lives.
486
00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:49,658
Doug: ♪ Margy girl, my
heart's in a whirl ♪
487
00:19:49,726 --> 00:19:53,996
♪ Tonight
488
00:19:54,064 --> 00:19:58,068
♪ I need you bad, oh, Margy ♪
489
00:19:58,136 --> 00:20:03,242
♪ I need you so,
oh, Margy girl ♪
490
00:20:03,309 --> 00:20:07,848
♪ Before we met, nothing
in my life was right ♪
491
00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:09,416
OK, you finished it.
492
00:20:09,484 --> 00:20:14,189
♪ But all that
changed with Margy ♪
493
00:20:14,257 --> 00:20:17,292
♪ You've blown away...
Oh, Carrie ♪
494
00:20:26,740 --> 00:20:28,039
Ladies.
495
00:20:33,180 --> 00:20:38,687
♪ Margy girl, my heart's
in a whirl tonight ♪
496
00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:43,793
♪ I need you bad, oh, Margy ♪
497
00:20:43,861 --> 00:20:49,100
♪ I need you so,
oh, Margy girl ♪
498
00:20:49,168 --> 00:20:55,274
♪ Before we met, nothing
in my life was right ♪
499
00:20:55,343 --> 00:20:59,247
♪ But all that
changed with Margy ♪
500
00:20:59,314 --> 00:21:04,553
♪ You've blown me
away, oh, Margy ♪
501
00:21:04,620 --> 00:21:09,460
♪ Remember when we met
between math and Spanish ♪
502
00:21:11,463 --> 00:21:15,400
♪ You were all woman
503
00:21:15,468 --> 00:21:17,035
♪ And what was I?
504
00:21:17,103 --> 00:21:18,438
♪ Well, let me tell
you what I was ♪
505
00:21:18,505 --> 00:21:20,506
♪ I was mannish
506
00:21:20,607 --> 00:21:24,078
♪ You were never lookin' finer ♪
507
00:21:24,145 --> 00:21:28,383
♪ Than the night we
went to Winky's Diner ♪
508
00:21:28,451 --> 00:21:32,922
♪ We had onion rings
that were fried ♪
509
00:21:32,990 --> 00:21:36,226
♪ With love on the side
510
00:21:36,294 --> 00:21:40,198
♪ I knew my single
days were over ♪
511
00:21:40,266 --> 00:21:43,735
♪ Ridin' in your Chevy Nova ♪
512
00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:49,009
♪ Margy, if you ever
said good-bye ♪
513
00:21:49,077 --> 00:21:53,448
♪ I'd just lay down and die ♪
35544
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