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1
00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:41,670
Well, what have we here?
2
00:00:42,972 --> 00:00:44,873
Robe, curlers.
3
00:00:44,941 --> 00:00:46,276
I'll tell you, slap
on some pimple cream,
4
00:00:46,409 --> 00:00:47,809
I'm takin' the whole day off.
5
00:00:49,380 --> 00:00:51,514
Glass houses, buddy, OK?
6
00:00:51,582 --> 00:00:53,114
Listen, I need you
to take this stuff
7
00:00:53,182 --> 00:00:54,084
down to the dry cleaners today.
8
00:00:54,151 --> 00:00:56,385
Go to the one on Kissena,
don't go to Ritz.
9
00:00:56,453 --> 00:00:58,253
That guy is an obnoxious jerk
10
00:00:58,321 --> 00:00:59,355
and I hate him.
11
00:00:59,423 --> 00:01:01,724
Whoa. Hate is a very
intense feeling to have
12
00:01:01,792 --> 00:01:03,093
for a dry cleaner.
13
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:05,294
Perhaps you should say,
"I don't fancy him"
14
00:01:05,361 --> 00:01:06,295
or, "He's not my cup of tea."
15
00:01:06,362 --> 00:01:07,329
OK, you know what?
16
00:01:07,397 --> 00:01:09,599
You're doing a lot of
talking for 7 A.M.
17
00:01:11,302 --> 00:01:12,835
Morning, all.
18
00:01:12,903 --> 00:01:14,104
Hey, Dad. What you got there?
19
00:01:14,172 --> 00:01:15,873
Uh, some lovely picture frames.
20
00:01:15,940 --> 00:01:18,709
I, uh, just bought them
to showcase the sketches
21
00:01:18,777 --> 00:01:20,877
I'll be doing in
my new art class.
22
00:01:20,945 --> 00:01:22,346
They already have
pictures in them.
23
00:01:22,414 --> 00:01:23,580
Whose golden retriever is that?
24
00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:25,450
Mine.
25
00:01:25,517 --> 00:01:28,786
And this diploma from
Harvard Business School?
26
00:01:28,854 --> 00:01:30,154
Also mine.
27
00:01:34,158 --> 00:01:36,560
Dad, the new neighbors
are moving in.
28
00:01:36,628 --> 00:01:38,596
That box belongs to them.
29
00:01:38,663 --> 00:01:41,966
He's a Harvard M.B.A. He
can afford new frames!
30
00:01:42,935 --> 00:01:44,367
Put it back now.
31
00:01:44,436 --> 00:01:46,337
Fine.
32
00:01:46,405 --> 00:01:47,705
Can I keep this wooden duck?
33
00:01:47,773 --> 00:01:48,572
Go.
34
00:01:50,943 --> 00:01:52,076
I don't know.
35
00:01:52,144 --> 00:01:54,011
New next-door neighbors.
36
00:01:54,079 --> 00:01:55,514
You know what that means, right?
37
00:01:55,582 --> 00:01:57,082
The Sackskys are gone
38
00:01:57,149 --> 00:01:59,284
and the block is
officially freak-free.
39
00:01:59,352 --> 00:02:01,419
Oh, except for
that Goldberg boy.
40
00:02:01,487 --> 00:02:02,955
You know, the one with
the really big eye?
41
00:02:03,021 --> 00:02:06,390
You mean the one with
the really little eye.
42
00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:10,728
Hmm. Well, either way,
he's still kinda freaky.
43
00:02:10,796 --> 00:02:11,997
All right. I'll see you later.
44
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:13,432
Love you. Bye-bye.
45
00:02:22,541 --> 00:02:23,876
Hey, I told you kids
to stay off the lawn!
46
00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:25,277
Doug: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
47
00:02:25,344 --> 00:02:27,513
Just kiddin' around. Doug Heffernan.
How are ya?
48
00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:29,148
Hey, Mike Haller. How are you?
Good to meet you.
49
00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:31,617
Sweetie, I love the wine
rack by the window!
50
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:32,919
It's perfect!
51
00:02:32,987 --> 00:02:34,387
Oh, I just stuck it
there for a second.
52
00:02:34,455 --> 00:02:35,656
Happy accident.
53
00:02:37,692 --> 00:02:39,426
This is my wife, Debi.
54
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:42,562
You forgot the dry
cleaning, moron!
55
00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:45,432
And... that's my wife, Carrie.
56
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:48,067
Car, why don't you come down and
meet the new neighbors, hon?
57
00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:50,103
Hi.
58
00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:53,640
I, um, I usually wear clothes.
59
00:02:53,708 --> 00:02:54,975
In fact, here's proof.
60
00:02:55,043 --> 00:02:57,110
Ha ha ha! Hi.
61
00:02:57,178 --> 00:02:58,512
Both: Hi. I'm Carrie.
62
00:02:58,580 --> 00:02:59,713
Debi. Mike Haller.
63
00:02:59,781 --> 00:03:01,581
Hi, Mike. So where you
guys moving from?
64
00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:02,649
Oh, Manhattan.
65
00:03:02,718 --> 00:03:04,317
We got tired of paying a
fortune for a shoe box.
66
00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:05,452
Yeah, I'll tell
you what, though,
67
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:07,588
I am not looking forward
to the new commute.
68
00:03:07,890 --> 00:03:08,557
What do you do, Mike?
69
00:03:08,624 --> 00:03:10,057
I'm a stockbroker.
70
00:03:10,125 --> 00:03:10,925
Oh. Hey, question for you.
71
00:03:10,992 --> 00:03:12,127
Bear market or bull market,
72
00:03:12,195 --> 00:03:13,228
which one's the good one?
73
00:03:13,296 --> 00:03:15,529
'Cause they both sound
pretty damn strong.
74
00:03:17,067 --> 00:03:18,432
Bull. Bull's the good one.
75
00:03:18,667 --> 00:03:19,667
You know what? Then they ought
to really change bear to,
76
00:03:19,801 --> 00:03:22,271
like, squirrel or something.
77
00:03:22,338 --> 00:03:23,837
Seriously. Squirrel market.
78
00:03:23,905 --> 00:03:26,308
Ha ha ha ha!
79
00:03:28,010 --> 00:03:31,280
He's kidding, he's kidding.
Keep it bear.
80
00:03:31,347 --> 00:03:32,347
So what do you do, Debi?
81
00:03:32,415 --> 00:03:34,884
Oh, I was a lawyer, but
ever since I've had Jonah,
82
00:03:34,952 --> 00:03:37,821
I basically stay at home
all day and produce milk.
83
00:03:37,887 --> 00:03:39,522
Good to know in case
we ever run out.
84
00:03:41,324 --> 00:03:43,259
I likes me cookies.
85
00:03:45,863 --> 00:03:47,463
What do you guys do?
86
00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:51,301
I'm with Kaplan,
Hornstein, and Steckler.
87
00:03:51,368 --> 00:03:53,569
Oh, that's a great firm.
So you're a lawyer, too?
88
00:03:53,637 --> 00:03:55,738
Uh, legal secretary.
89
00:03:55,806 --> 00:03:57,873
Uh-huh, and Doug,
you're with IPS?
90
00:03:57,941 --> 00:03:59,142
Oh, yeah, truck driver.
91
00:03:59,210 --> 00:03:59,976
Beast of burden right here.
92
00:04:00,044 --> 00:04:01,644
Great. Listen, as soon
as we get settled,
93
00:04:01,712 --> 00:04:02,912
we'll love to have you over.
94
00:04:02,980 --> 00:04:05,716
Yeah, absolutely. OK. All
right, have a good one.
95
00:04:05,783 --> 00:04:06,950
Take care of yourself.
Nice meetin' ya.
96
00:04:07,017 --> 00:04:07,952
Bye.
97
00:04:10,020 --> 00:04:12,556
Their eyes couldn't be
better proportioned, huh?
98
00:04:15,794 --> 00:04:17,995
Did you have to say
you're a truck driver?
99
00:04:18,063 --> 00:04:19,296
I am a truck driver.
100
00:04:19,364 --> 00:04:23,968
No, you're a courier for
International Parcel Service.
101
00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:27,204
You deliver very important
packages internationally.
102
00:04:27,272 --> 00:04:29,539
I pretty much never
leave Queens.
103
00:04:30,642 --> 00:04:32,109
What is your problem?
104
00:04:32,177 --> 00:04:33,579
I just don't think we
landed that great.
105
00:04:33,647 --> 00:04:36,214
I mean, we're all schleppy and
he's this big stockbroker,
106
00:04:36,281 --> 00:04:38,083
she's making her own milk.
107
00:04:38,151 --> 00:04:42,188
Hey, when she starts makin' her
own soft serve, we'll talk.
108
00:04:42,256 --> 00:04:43,188
See you tonight.
109
00:04:50,497 --> 00:04:52,096
Hello, Spence.
110
00:04:52,164 --> 00:04:53,632
Oh, hey, Arthur.
111
00:04:53,699 --> 00:04:55,434
Riding the subway today, are we?
112
00:04:55,502 --> 00:04:57,035
Yes, I'm taking an art course
113
00:04:57,103 --> 00:05:01,040
and it requires me to use some
pretty unsavory transportation.
114
00:05:01,108 --> 00:05:02,507
You have nothing to worry about.
115
00:05:02,575 --> 00:05:04,410
This is a very safe line.
116
00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:07,648
Said the man behind
the protective glass.
117
00:05:07,715 --> 00:05:09,148
Well, I'm off.
118
00:05:11,819 --> 00:05:13,319
Click me through, please.
119
00:05:17,724 --> 00:05:18,992
I can't do that, Arthur.
120
00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:21,261
You have to buy a
MetroCard or a token.
121
00:05:21,329 --> 00:05:23,329
Ha! That's rich.
122
00:05:23,397 --> 00:05:25,498
Seriously, I gotta move.
Come on.
123
00:05:26,567 --> 00:05:28,334
I'm sorry. I can't do it.
124
00:05:28,401 --> 00:05:30,502
Not even for your best friend?
125
00:05:30,570 --> 00:05:31,738
We're not best friends.
126
00:05:31,805 --> 00:05:33,106
Sure we are.
127
00:05:33,173 --> 00:05:34,841
What's my last name?
128
00:05:34,909 --> 00:05:36,810
Smith? Nope.
129
00:05:36,877 --> 00:05:38,212
Cornfeld?
130
00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:40,313
Arthur, it's $1.50.
131
00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:41,648
Buy the freaking token!
132
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:45,385
Fine! I'll just go without
my medication today.
133
00:05:45,453 --> 00:05:48,589
I'm sure my blood is
thin enough already.
134
00:05:48,657 --> 00:05:51,225
All right, just go.
135
00:05:51,292 --> 00:05:54,828
You're a man of honor, Spence.
136
00:06:00,803 --> 00:06:04,172
By the way, it smells
like urine down here.
137
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,041
Take care of that, will ya?
138
00:06:08,945 --> 00:06:10,745
Hey.
139
00:06:10,813 --> 00:06:11,779
Hey, honey, where you been?
140
00:06:11,846 --> 00:06:13,515
Errands and basketball.
141
00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:15,150
I now have your dry cleaning
142
00:06:15,218 --> 00:06:16,685
and some very sharp chest pains.
143
00:06:16,753 --> 00:06:17,954
Thank you.
144
00:06:19,054 --> 00:06:20,155
Wait a minute.
145
00:06:20,222 --> 00:06:22,223
You took this to Ritz?
146
00:06:22,291 --> 00:06:23,858
Hang on a second. I had
lunch at Cooper's.
147
00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:25,027
Ritz is right next door.
148
00:06:25,095 --> 00:06:27,729
I told you the guy
was rude to me.
149
00:06:27,797 --> 00:06:28,597
Maybe he's got a crush on you
150
00:06:28,665 --> 00:06:31,400
and that's just his way.
151
00:06:31,468 --> 00:06:32,801
Oh, and look at this.
152
00:06:32,868 --> 00:06:35,570
They didn't even get the stain
out of my green blouse.
153
00:06:35,638 --> 00:06:37,740
Let me see.
154
00:06:37,808 --> 00:06:39,676
They attached a note, huh?
Lookit.
155
00:06:39,744 --> 00:06:42,413
"We tried and tried, but
we couldn't get it out."
156
00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:46,049
Yeah. "We tried and tried."
157
00:06:46,117 --> 00:06:47,083
That's twice that we know of.
158
00:06:47,151 --> 00:06:48,585
This isn't funny.
159
00:06:48,653 --> 00:06:50,920
All right, come on, it's
dry cleaning. Relax.
160
00:06:50,989 --> 00:06:52,621
Don't tell me to relax.
161
00:06:52,689 --> 00:06:54,225
All right, how does
settle down work for you?
162
00:06:54,292 --> 00:06:57,228
You know what? Let me
tell you something, OK?
163
00:06:57,295 --> 00:06:58,995
Great. OK. Thanks a lot!
164
00:06:59,063 --> 00:07:00,864
I just stepped on my pants!
165
00:07:00,931 --> 00:07:03,934
It's not just the
dry cleaning, Doug.
166
00:07:04,002 --> 00:07:07,137
It's everything. This
happens all the time.
167
00:07:07,204 --> 00:07:08,873
What are you talkin' about?
168
00:07:08,940 --> 00:07:10,974
I ask you to do something,
you completely ignore me.
169
00:07:11,043 --> 00:07:13,645
I mean, I would never be
that inconsiderate to you.
170
00:07:16,314 --> 00:07:17,715
What does that mean?
171
00:07:17,782 --> 00:07:18,683
Carrie, you spend half your life
172
00:07:18,751 --> 00:07:20,082
criticizing everything I do.
173
00:07:20,150 --> 00:07:21,718
That is not true!
174
00:07:21,786 --> 00:07:23,654
I bring home takeout,
the food sucks.
175
00:07:23,723 --> 00:07:25,491
I buy toilet paper,
it's not soft enough.
176
00:07:25,559 --> 00:07:27,458
Oh, when have you
bought toilet paper?
177
00:07:27,526 --> 00:07:30,495
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
178
00:07:30,563 --> 00:07:33,164
I bought great toilet paper
and did I get thanked for it?
179
00:07:33,232 --> 00:07:34,265
No. All I got was,
180
00:07:34,333 --> 00:07:35,800
"Oh, it's not quilted.
I hate it.
181
00:07:35,868 --> 00:07:38,069
It's the worst thing that's
ever happened to me!"
182
00:07:38,137 --> 00:07:39,838
This is so typical.
183
00:07:39,905 --> 00:07:42,406
It's like that time I
asked you to please,
184
00:07:42,474 --> 00:07:45,244
please send in the
fridge warranty.
185
00:07:45,310 --> 00:07:47,680
Oh, here we go with the
fridge warranty again!
186
00:07:47,748 --> 00:07:50,382
You don't forget anything.
You're like a freakin' elephant.
187
00:07:50,450 --> 00:07:52,084
Oh, yeah. Out of the two
of us, I'm the elephant.
188
00:07:52,152 --> 00:07:54,419
You just call me an elephant?
189
00:07:54,487 --> 00:07:55,855
You just called me one!
190
00:07:55,923 --> 00:07:57,457
I called you an elephant
for good memory.
191
00:07:57,524 --> 00:08:00,327
You called me an
elephant for fatness!
192
00:08:00,595 --> 00:08:04,330
Speaking of which, this
should be fun to clean up,
193
00:08:04,398 --> 00:08:06,398
but, oh, wait a minute,
you won't because I will
194
00:08:06,466 --> 00:08:07,999
because I always do
because I'm the only one
195
00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:09,636
who ever cleans up
anything in this house!
196
00:08:09,704 --> 00:08:11,470
If this house is
too much for you,
197
00:08:11,538 --> 00:08:13,373
then I'll sell it! I'll
sell it right now!
198
00:08:13,674 --> 00:08:14,808
I love this house!
199
00:08:14,875 --> 00:08:16,576
I'll freakin' burn
it to the ground
200
00:08:16,643 --> 00:08:18,312
before I let you sell it!
201
00:08:21,047 --> 00:08:22,149
Debi: Bless you.
202
00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:23,917
Mike: Thanks.
203
00:08:30,192 --> 00:08:31,792
Oh, my God.
204
00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:32,992
Oh, my God!
205
00:08:33,260 --> 00:08:34,828
What? What did I do now?
206
00:08:34,896 --> 00:08:37,197
The window was open
this whole time.
207
00:08:37,265 --> 00:08:38,365
So what?
208
00:08:38,433 --> 00:08:40,968
So Mike and Debi
must have heard us.
209
00:08:41,036 --> 00:08:42,735
Who? The new neighbors!
210
00:08:42,803 --> 00:08:44,871
We already made a crappy
first impression.
211
00:08:44,939 --> 00:08:47,140
Now they're gonna think
we fight all the time.
212
00:08:47,208 --> 00:08:49,477
We do fight all the time.
213
00:08:49,544 --> 00:08:50,912
No, we don't.
214
00:08:50,980 --> 00:08:52,715
OK.
215
00:08:52,781 --> 00:08:53,982
Doug, we do not
fight all the time.
216
00:08:54,049 --> 00:08:57,051
We are a loving couple that
love each other very much.
217
00:08:57,119 --> 00:08:58,287
We just called each
other elephants
218
00:08:58,420 --> 00:09:00,088
and you threatened to
burn the house down.
219
00:09:00,390 --> 00:09:01,656
Banter.
220
00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:04,960
What do you care if
they heard, anyway?
221
00:09:05,027 --> 00:09:06,761
Because they don't
know it's banter.
222
00:09:06,829 --> 00:09:09,098
They don't know that's just
our way of airing things out
223
00:09:09,165 --> 00:09:10,466
and we'll make love later.
224
00:09:10,533 --> 00:09:12,900
We will?
225
00:09:12,968 --> 00:09:15,037
No, I'm tired.
226
00:09:16,672 --> 00:09:17,974
I don't want to
fight anymore, huh?
227
00:09:18,042 --> 00:09:20,444
I mean, who cares what the
neighbors think about us, huh?
228
00:09:20,511 --> 00:09:22,179
You should care what
we think about us.
229
00:09:22,246 --> 00:09:24,680
Come on, I love you.
230
00:09:24,748 --> 00:09:26,782
Hmm? Hmm.
231
00:09:32,055 --> 00:09:34,123
I love you, too, honey!
232
00:09:45,203 --> 00:09:46,536
What are you doin'?
233
00:09:46,604 --> 00:09:49,172
Waiting for Mike and
Debi to come over
234
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:50,173
to return our mail.
235
00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:51,876
They should be here any minute.
236
00:09:51,944 --> 00:09:53,210
What?
237
00:09:53,277 --> 00:09:56,012
Yep. I put a piece of
our mail in their slot.
238
00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,381
That way, they have to
come over to return it
239
00:09:58,449 --> 00:10:01,585
and we'll get a chance to chat and
show them what we're really like.
240
00:10:01,653 --> 00:10:03,453
Or...
241
00:10:03,521 --> 00:10:05,456
we could capture them,
lock 'em in our attic
242
00:10:05,525 --> 00:10:08,426
till they realize how
delightful we are.
243
00:10:08,494 --> 00:10:09,827
Doug, I'm sorry,
244
00:10:09,895 --> 00:10:12,763
but I just can't stand the fact
the we're living next door
245
00:10:12,831 --> 00:10:15,299
to nice, successful people
who think we're losers.
246
00:10:15,367 --> 00:10:17,134
Uh! OK, come on, honey.
Here they come.
247
00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:18,270
Come on, come on, come on!
248
00:10:18,337 --> 00:10:20,204
Tuck in, tuck in, tuck in.
There ya go.
249
00:10:23,276 --> 00:10:25,009
Bad idea. Tug back out, baby.
Tug back out.
250
00:10:25,077 --> 00:10:27,345
All right, look! All right!
251
00:10:41,461 --> 00:10:43,361
Hi, Spence.
252
00:10:43,429 --> 00:10:45,831
Arthur, I did it as a favor
for you the other day,
253
00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:48,101
but I can't let you
on for free again.
254
00:10:48,168 --> 00:10:48,967
I see.
255
00:10:49,103 --> 00:10:50,904
Well, I suppose
if I have to pay,
256
00:10:50,970 --> 00:10:53,107
then I shall pay. All right.
257
00:10:53,175 --> 00:10:56,108
No, it's not all right,
you little weasel.
258
00:10:56,176 --> 00:10:58,012
You let me in this turnstile
259
00:10:58,079 --> 00:10:59,411
or I'll pull you
through this slot
260
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:01,748
and ride you down those
stairs like a toboggan.
261
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:06,018
Look in my eyes.
262
00:11:06,086 --> 00:11:07,487
Do I look like I'm kidding?
263
00:11:08,689 --> 00:11:10,689
Do I?
264
00:11:23,271 --> 00:11:25,038
What is this, jazz?
265
00:11:25,105 --> 00:11:26,941
Yes, when Mike and
Debi get here,
266
00:11:27,009 --> 00:11:29,910
I want to show them that
we are nice, normal people
267
00:11:29,977 --> 00:11:32,280
with a certain sense of style.
268
00:11:32,347 --> 00:11:36,551
And we couldn't get that
done with Kiss Alive 2?
269
00:11:36,619 --> 00:11:38,219
No.
270
00:11:38,287 --> 00:11:41,022
So, uh, how'd you rope
'em into this, anyway?
271
00:11:41,090 --> 00:11:42,756
I didn't have to rope 'em in.
272
00:11:42,823 --> 00:11:45,126
I just gave them a choice
of 10 different nights
273
00:11:45,194 --> 00:11:46,862
we were available and
they picked this one.
274
00:11:48,565 --> 00:11:50,031
Oh, OK, honey, that's them.
275
00:11:50,099 --> 00:11:51,866
Now remember, you're
funny and I'm charming
276
00:11:51,934 --> 00:11:53,769
and we love being together.
OK, come on.
277
00:11:53,837 --> 00:11:55,304
Hey... wait.
278
00:11:59,942 --> 00:12:01,876
Hi, you guys,
279
00:12:01,944 --> 00:12:03,679
we are so glad to see you!
280
00:12:03,746 --> 00:12:07,716
Lady and fella in the doorway!
281
00:12:08,751 --> 00:12:11,386
Don't be shy. Come on.
Come on in.
282
00:12:11,454 --> 00:12:13,721
It's really, uh, nice
of you to have us over.
283
00:12:13,789 --> 00:12:15,658
Yeah, thanks. This is for you.
284
00:12:15,725 --> 00:12:17,693
Scotch. Hope you like it.
285
00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:21,497
Like it? He loves it. Big
scotch guy right here.
286
00:12:21,565 --> 00:12:24,666
Oh, scotch is great. Love
the drink, love the tape.
287
00:12:28,605 --> 00:12:30,406
OK, you guys sit
right on the couch.
288
00:12:30,474 --> 00:12:31,408
There's some hors d'oeuvres.
289
00:12:31,475 --> 00:12:33,342
Honey, you sit right
there in that chair,
290
00:12:33,410 --> 00:12:35,812
and I will sit on your lap.
291
00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:40,517
My big, sexy elephant.
292
00:12:45,757 --> 00:12:48,258
This is nice.
293
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,935
These, um, little
quiches are so good.
294
00:12:58,003 --> 00:12:59,738
Oh, I had the deli make 'em up.
295
00:12:59,806 --> 00:13:01,640
The one around the corner?
296
00:13:02,008 --> 00:13:03,707
Is the guy behind the
counter there kind of...
297
00:13:03,775 --> 00:13:04,641
perverted? Yes.
298
00:13:04,709 --> 00:13:05,810
Oh, my God.
299
00:13:05,877 --> 00:13:07,212
I thought I was the only
one who thought so.
300
00:13:07,279 --> 00:13:08,812
Oh, no, no, no. The
guy's a skeevo.
301
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,283
Who, Ralphie? Yeah, Ralphie.
302
00:13:11,351 --> 00:13:13,017
He's always asking if I
want to see his sausage.
303
00:13:13,085 --> 00:13:14,154
I mean, it's not even clever.
304
00:13:14,221 --> 00:13:15,787
Oh, and I'm sorry. I do
not want to see a guy
305
00:13:15,855 --> 00:13:18,657
behind a deli counter
wearing shorts that short.
306
00:13:18,726 --> 00:13:19,658
Yeah, or shorts at all.
307
00:13:19,726 --> 00:13:21,159
Yes, thank you.
308
00:13:21,228 --> 00:13:22,294
Yet they keep going back.
309
00:13:22,362 --> 00:13:24,463
Am I right, sir? Yes, they do.
310
00:13:24,531 --> 00:13:27,434
Well, here's to finding
a new delicatessen.
311
00:13:27,501 --> 00:13:28,334
Ah.
312
00:13:30,971 --> 00:13:33,906
Carrie: Oh, you know there's
another deli 2 blocks down?
313
00:13:33,973 --> 00:13:35,407
It's right behind
that shoe store.
314
00:13:44,216 --> 00:13:45,318
Oh!
315
00:13:47,588 --> 00:13:49,054
Hello, Spence.
316
00:13:49,122 --> 00:13:50,224
What do you want?
317
00:13:50,292 --> 00:13:53,594
I think you know what I want.
318
00:14:04,806 --> 00:14:06,706
No! You know what?
319
00:14:06,774 --> 00:14:09,108
I'm not letting you on for
free anymore, Arthur.
320
00:14:09,177 --> 00:14:10,676
My whole life, everyone thinks
321
00:14:10,744 --> 00:14:11,779
they can just push me around...
322
00:14:11,847 --> 00:14:14,715
You, Larry Saccaricci
in the eighth grade,
323
00:14:14,783 --> 00:14:16,283
my fruit guy.
324
00:14:16,351 --> 00:14:17,418
Well, let me tell you something,
325
00:14:17,485 --> 00:14:19,253
I'm putting a stop to
it right here and now.
326
00:14:19,321 --> 00:14:21,255
I'm not takin' any
more bruised plums
327
00:14:21,324 --> 00:14:24,591
and I'm not letting you
ride my subway for free!
328
00:14:26,862 --> 00:14:28,897
My name is Spence Olchin.
329
00:14:28,964 --> 00:14:32,067
I sell tokens.
330
00:14:33,969 --> 00:14:38,206
Well, I didn't mean to put you
in an uncomfortable position.
331
00:14:39,975 --> 00:14:41,810
Thank you for saying that.
332
00:14:41,878 --> 00:14:43,845
What's that over there?
333
00:14:43,912 --> 00:14:44,913
Where?
334
00:14:48,952 --> 00:14:51,721
So long, douche!
335
00:14:56,326 --> 00:15:00,496
So he thinks his name is Howard and Doug has
to answer because it's his boss, right?
336
00:15:00,564 --> 00:15:02,197
So every time I call his work,
337
00:15:02,266 --> 00:15:03,900
I have to ask for Howard.
338
00:15:03,967 --> 00:15:06,468
That's so funny.
339
00:15:06,536 --> 00:15:10,173
Hey, Howard, let me top you off.
340
00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:11,340
Oh, uh, OK.
341
00:15:11,408 --> 00:15:12,342
That's plenty, that's plenty.
342
00:15:12,409 --> 00:15:14,076
I'm gonna go in the kitchen
343
00:15:14,144 --> 00:15:15,479
and see if there's any more
of those mini quiches.
344
00:15:15,546 --> 00:15:16,479
I'll be right back.
345
00:15:16,546 --> 00:15:17,481
Your nails are great.
346
00:15:17,548 --> 00:15:19,282
Is there a good nail
place around here?
347
00:15:19,350 --> 00:15:20,183
Carrie: Oh, yeah, thank you.
348
00:15:20,251 --> 00:15:22,286
Um, don't go to the place
around the corner.
349
00:15:22,353 --> 00:15:23,987
The girl's very rude.
I hate her.
350
00:15:24,155 --> 00:15:25,188
Debi: OK. Where should I go?
351
00:15:25,256 --> 00:15:27,322
Go to Tina's, but
there's 4 Tina's,
352
00:15:27,390 --> 00:15:29,760
so go to the one on Hillside Avenue.
That's the best.
353
00:15:29,828 --> 00:15:31,161
Debi: OK. Carrie: Yeah.
354
00:15:31,228 --> 00:15:34,866
Hey, here we go. All righty.
355
00:15:34,932 --> 00:15:37,067
Doug, you didn't have to ditch the
scotch if you didn't like it.
356
00:15:37,135 --> 00:15:40,137
I mean, it's not like I
made it or anything.
357
00:15:41,807 --> 00:15:43,073
I drank it.
358
00:15:44,442 --> 00:15:46,944
No, I saw you pour
it down the sink.
359
00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:49,514
Ha ha ha ha. No. I drank it.
360
00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:53,484
The... The pass-through
was a little open.
361
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:54,786
I drank it.
362
00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:56,988
OK.
363
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,723
It was good. I liked it.
364
00:16:00,158 --> 00:16:01,893
Great.
365
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:05,596
Take care and, hey, thanks
again for that scotch.
366
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:07,599
I may polish that
baby off tonight.
367
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,601
Whoo!
368
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,370
All right. I, uh...
369
00:16:12,438 --> 00:16:13,672
Shut up!
370
00:16:13,739 --> 00:16:15,507
I'm gonna make sure
371
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:16,743
all the windows are closed
372
00:16:16,811 --> 00:16:18,110
and when I do,
373
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:19,978
you are dead!
374
00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:26,719
Look, I didn't...
375
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:29,488
Shut up!
376
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:32,692
I didn't do anything.
377
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:34,893
Oh, no? No? You didn't pour
the scotch down the sink,
378
00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:38,064
lie about it, and then stick to
the lie even after he caught you?
379
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:42,001
Yes, I did that.
380
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,802
It's just our luck
381
00:16:43,869 --> 00:16:45,906
they bring over the
one thing on earth
382
00:16:45,973 --> 00:16:48,441
you're not willing to
throw down your gullet.
383
00:16:57,551 --> 00:16:58,485
Uh-uh.
384
00:17:03,124 --> 00:17:04,091
This is all your fault.
385
00:17:04,158 --> 00:17:05,225
You can stop whispering.
386
00:17:05,293 --> 00:17:06,326
All the windows are closed.
387
00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:07,728
OK. This is all your fault, OK?
388
00:17:07,796 --> 00:17:09,263
You had to invite 'em over here
389
00:17:09,330 --> 00:17:10,663
to prove how
sophisticated we are
390
00:17:10,731 --> 00:17:13,466
with our jazz playing and
our scotch drinking.
391
00:17:13,534 --> 00:17:17,138
I just wanted to show them that
we are a happy, loving couple.
392
00:17:17,206 --> 00:17:19,406
Well, you should have known
we couldn't handle that!
393
00:17:19,474 --> 00:17:21,376
Oy, what these people must think
394
00:17:21,444 --> 00:17:23,110
when they look at us.
395
00:17:25,815 --> 00:17:26,614
Oh, my God.
396
00:17:26,682 --> 00:17:29,419
Do you see what's happened here?
397
00:17:29,486 --> 00:17:31,820
We're the new
neighborhood freaks.
398
00:17:31,887 --> 00:17:33,588
No, we're not.
399
00:17:33,656 --> 00:17:34,524
Yes, we are.
400
00:17:34,658 --> 00:17:35,990
When the Sackskys moved,
401
00:17:36,057 --> 00:17:39,961
they left a freak void
and we filled it.
402
00:17:40,029 --> 00:17:42,296
What about little-eyed Goldberg?
403
00:17:42,364 --> 00:17:44,232
It's big-eyed
Goldberg and so what?
404
00:17:44,300 --> 00:17:45,635
His features are a little off.
405
00:17:45,703 --> 00:17:47,135
That's exotic.
406
00:17:47,203 --> 00:17:49,071
I'd kill for a big
eye right now.
407
00:17:49,139 --> 00:17:51,907
We're the freaks, Doug,
not the Goldberg boy.
408
00:17:51,975 --> 00:17:54,044
We're the freaks!
409
00:17:54,912 --> 00:17:57,713
Oh, spank me hard!
410
00:18:02,954 --> 00:18:04,654
You gotta let it go. It's over.
411
00:18:04,721 --> 00:18:07,289
I want to, but I can't.
412
00:18:07,357 --> 00:18:08,458
Yes, you can.
413
00:18:08,526 --> 00:18:11,761
This isn't the Carrie I know.
414
00:18:11,830 --> 00:18:14,130
The Carrie I know doesn't
care what other people think.
415
00:18:14,198 --> 00:18:16,066
She gets up every morning,
416
00:18:16,134 --> 00:18:18,068
she gets dressed, she
walks out the front door,
417
00:18:18,135 --> 00:18:21,938
and she gives the
world the finger.
418
00:18:25,477 --> 00:18:26,810
I miss that Carrie.
419
00:18:26,878 --> 00:18:31,248
You're right. You are so right.
420
00:18:31,316 --> 00:18:34,319
I mean, who the hell do
they think they are?
421
00:18:34,386 --> 00:18:36,954
"We're Mike and Debi. We're
tall and we drink scotch."
422
00:18:37,021 --> 00:18:38,622
There you go!
423
00:18:38,689 --> 00:18:40,225
I mean, we don't need them.
We got each other.
424
00:18:40,292 --> 00:18:41,659
You and me, babe.
425
00:18:41,727 --> 00:18:45,396
You know what? I
hate their guts.
426
00:18:46,264 --> 00:18:48,066
Welcome back.
427
00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:54,373
Car?
428
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:55,573
You home?
429
00:18:55,641 --> 00:18:58,176
Car?
430
00:18:58,243 --> 00:19:00,377
Debi: You didn't have to
buy us new scotch, Carrie.
431
00:19:00,445 --> 00:19:01,412
Really, take it back.
432
00:19:01,481 --> 00:19:02,781
Carrie: No, I want
you to have it.
433
00:19:02,848 --> 00:19:05,050
I mean, I don't know
what Doug was thinking.
434
00:19:05,118 --> 00:19:08,555
I mean, he's not a bad
guy, but he lies.
435
00:19:08,622 --> 00:19:11,090
Actually, that's what we fight
about most of the time:
436
00:19:11,158 --> 00:19:12,925
his lying.
437
00:19:12,993 --> 00:19:15,259
I hear you!
438
00:19:21,968 --> 00:19:23,235
What the hell are you doing?
439
00:19:23,302 --> 00:19:24,237
Shh! Shh! Shh!
440
00:19:24,304 --> 00:19:25,271
Just relax, OK?
441
00:19:25,339 --> 00:19:27,372
Oh, now I'm supposed to relax?
442
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,241
What happened about
last night, huh?
443
00:19:29,309 --> 00:19:30,977
Whatever happened to not carin'
what these people think?
444
00:19:31,044 --> 00:19:33,748
Look, Doug, I'm sorry.
I was wrong, OK?
445
00:19:33,815 --> 00:19:35,882
I mean, they're sitting over
there with their Harvard degrees
446
00:19:35,950 --> 00:19:39,685
and their fancy babies and all
I've got that I'm proud of is us
447
00:19:39,754 --> 00:19:42,189
and... and I wanted
them to know it.
448
00:19:42,257 --> 00:19:43,923
Us?
449
00:19:43,991 --> 00:19:45,125
I heard you in there.
450
00:19:45,192 --> 00:19:47,227
You totally sold me out!
451
00:19:49,930 --> 00:19:51,831
Oh, my God. What are you doing?
452
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:55,136
Honey, we gotta kiss or they're gonna
think something is wrong. Come on.
453
00:19:55,204 --> 00:19:56,703
Something is wrong!
454
00:19:56,771 --> 00:19:58,005
Stop it!
455
00:19:58,073 --> 00:20:00,507
Look, whether you like it
or not, we are who we are.
456
00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:03,178
OK, I drive a truck,
we hate scotch,
457
00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:05,279
we fight like cats and dogs.
Deal with it.
458
00:20:05,314 --> 00:20:06,613
I don't want to deal with it.
459
00:20:06,682 --> 00:20:08,182
You don't want to deal with it?
Oh, OK.
460
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:09,250
You know what? You're right.
461
00:20:09,317 --> 00:20:10,851
I don't hate scotch.
462
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:13,155
I love it. Oh, that's right.
463
00:20:13,222 --> 00:20:15,390
I love... mmm.
464
00:20:15,456 --> 00:20:18,426
Stop. They're gonna think you're crazy!
Stop it!
465
00:20:18,494 --> 00:20:20,461
Oh, what am I,
embarrassing you, huh?
466
00:20:20,529 --> 00:20:22,364
How about this for crazy, huh?
467
00:20:22,432 --> 00:20:23,531
Want some?
468
00:20:23,599 --> 00:20:25,300
You want some?
469
00:20:29,473 --> 00:20:31,473
Excuse me. Carrie Heffernan?
470
00:20:31,541 --> 00:20:33,442
Uh, yes?
471
00:20:33,510 --> 00:20:34,943
What's going on?
472
00:20:35,011 --> 00:20:36,644
Your father's been
jumping turnstiles
473
00:20:36,712 --> 00:20:37,847
the last couple of days.
474
00:20:37,915 --> 00:20:39,115
Don't say anything, darling.
475
00:20:39,183 --> 00:20:40,950
They got nothin' on me.
476
00:20:41,018 --> 00:20:42,084
You know why he
jumped the turnstile?
477
00:20:42,152 --> 00:20:43,719
The whole damn family's crazy.
478
00:20:43,787 --> 00:20:45,086
Sir, have you been drinking?
479
00:20:45,154 --> 00:20:46,423
I haven't been drinkin'.
480
00:20:46,491 --> 00:20:47,656
Sir, you have an open
bottle of scotch
481
00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:49,325
and you reek of alcohol.
482
00:20:49,394 --> 00:20:50,626
And that's all her fault!
483
00:20:50,694 --> 00:20:52,529
Don't you yell at her,
you shirtless bastard.
484
00:20:52,596 --> 00:20:54,429
Shut up! You shut up!
485
00:20:54,497 --> 00:20:55,598
Make me, Grandpa!
486
00:20:55,665 --> 00:20:57,133
All right, let's dance!
487
00:21:01,872 --> 00:21:04,607
You have a place you can
stay tonight, ma'am?
488
00:21:04,675 --> 00:21:06,510
The neighbors, maybe?
489
00:21:10,781 --> 00:21:12,283
No.
490
00:21:26,531 --> 00:21:28,433
You turned me in.
491
00:21:30,069 --> 00:21:32,836
You're a bigger man
than I thought.
492
00:21:32,905 --> 00:21:34,740
Just did what I had to do.
493
00:21:36,375 --> 00:21:38,876
I respect that.
494
00:21:38,944 --> 00:21:41,178
I'll take one token, please.
495
00:21:41,246 --> 00:21:43,482
You got it.
496
00:21:43,549 --> 00:21:44,682
And, uh...
497
00:21:44,750 --> 00:21:46,383
this is for you.
498
00:21:50,323 --> 00:21:52,824
In your face!
34992
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