Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,202 --> 00:00:06,084
Go on, draw. You
ain't got nothin'.
2
00:00:12,203 --> 00:00:15,419
Hey, hey, wait a minute.
Where did you get that $300?
3
00:00:21,221 --> 00:00:22,370
Uh, hello?
4
00:00:24,254 --> 00:00:25,286
What?
5
00:00:25,354 --> 00:00:27,070
You gonna bless me or...
6
00:00:27,137 --> 00:00:29,771
Oh. I thought that was a cough.
7
00:00:29,788 --> 00:00:31,570
No. It was a sneeze.
8
00:00:32,604 --> 00:00:34,654
Couldn't tell.
9
00:00:34,722 --> 00:00:36,187
Well, a civilized
person would ask
10
00:00:36,255 --> 00:00:37,421
was that a cough or a sneeze?
11
00:00:37,488 --> 00:00:38,971
Then if I tell you
it's a sneeze,
12
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,788
you'd come back with a
nice "God bless you."
13
00:00:40,856 --> 00:00:42,122
Gotta be honest with you, Doug,
14
00:00:42,190 --> 00:00:44,305
that sounds like a lot of work.
15
00:00:45,123 --> 00:00:46,339
Oh, ok, it's a lot of work
16
00:00:46,406 --> 00:00:47,839
asking God
17
00:00:47,907 --> 00:00:50,056
to bless your husband.
18
00:00:51,290 --> 00:00:52,657
Shame on you.
19
00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:55,723
Ok, God bless you,
20
00:00:55,791 --> 00:00:57,174
God be with you, godspeed,
21
00:00:57,242 --> 00:00:59,790
and I'll even throw in
a bonus gesundheit.
22
00:00:59,858 --> 00:01:01,524
You happy now?
23
00:01:01,526 --> 00:01:03,073
I don't think that
was very sincere.
24
00:01:03,141 --> 00:01:04,641
Well, that's all
you're gettin', bub.
25
00:01:04,709 --> 00:01:05,875
Fine.
26
00:01:13,043 --> 00:01:15,575
Oh, I got nothing to say.
27
00:01:52,897 --> 00:01:55,029
What are you doing?
28
00:01:55,097 --> 00:01:56,863
Circuit training.
29
00:01:58,564 --> 00:02:02,097
Right now, I'm in between sets.
30
00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:04,564
Doug, the accountant's gonna
be here in, like, 20 minutes.
31
00:02:04,632 --> 00:02:06,731
You're supposed to be getting
all your papers together.
32
00:02:06,799 --> 00:02:08,431
Where's your w-2,
all your receipts?
33
00:02:08,498 --> 00:02:09,981
Easy, mama.
34
00:02:11,316 --> 00:02:12,499
They're just pieces of paper.
35
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:13,699
It'll take me 2 seconds.
36
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,082
Yeah, do you know
where they are?
37
00:02:15,149 --> 00:02:16,132
Me? No.
38
00:02:16,199 --> 00:02:18,133
Ok. Well, go find them.
39
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:19,400
Come on. Let's go. Let's go.
40
00:02:25,434 --> 00:02:26,366
Hey!
41
00:02:26,434 --> 00:02:27,699
Hey, Kirby.
42
00:02:30,867 --> 00:02:33,834
Is something supposed
to be happening here?
43
00:02:33,852 --> 00:02:35,301
Kirby, don't you have something
44
00:02:35,352 --> 00:02:36,417
you want to say to Doug?
45
00:02:36,485 --> 00:02:39,251
Hi. My name is Kirby Palmer,
46
00:02:39,270 --> 00:02:41,318
and I'm a student at the
Robert hoover school.
47
00:02:41,386 --> 00:02:42,718
Well, hello!
48
00:02:42,786 --> 00:02:43,885
Dad!
49
00:02:43,953 --> 00:02:46,202
You're not supposed
to interrupt him.
50
00:02:47,086 --> 00:02:48,403
I didn't know there was more.
51
00:02:48,471 --> 00:02:49,519
It's ok. It's... it's ok.
52
00:02:49,587 --> 00:02:50,553
Can I start over?
53
00:02:50,688 --> 00:02:51,786
Sure, buddy!
54
00:02:51,854 --> 00:02:52,819
Hi.
55
00:02:52,887 --> 00:02:54,720
My name is Kirby Palmer,
56
00:02:54,787 --> 00:02:57,770
and I'm a student at the
Robert hoover school.
57
00:02:57,837 --> 00:03:00,037
We are selling candy bars
58
00:03:00,105 --> 00:03:02,587
to raise money to...
59
00:03:02,655 --> 00:03:03,954
To...
60
00:03:04,022 --> 00:03:05,703
To renovate the school library.
61
00:03:05,771 --> 00:03:06,954
Can I start over?
62
00:03:06,956 --> 00:03:08,005
Actually, you know what?
63
00:03:08,072 --> 00:03:09,238
I... I like what I heard,
64
00:03:09,306 --> 00:03:10,505
especially that
part about candy.
65
00:03:10,572 --> 00:03:11,538
I'll take it.
66
00:03:11,606 --> 00:03:12,638
Ok, that's $5.
67
00:03:12,706 --> 00:03:14,273
Here, you can read
up on the library.
68
00:03:14,340 --> 00:03:16,206
I'm sure you'll get
right on that.
69
00:03:18,507 --> 00:03:20,273
Wow!
70
00:03:20,340 --> 00:03:22,639
I'm the mayor of chocolate town!
71
00:03:23,707 --> 00:03:25,173
Let's all sign the declaration
72
00:03:25,241 --> 00:03:27,223
of chocola-pendence!
73
00:03:27,925 --> 00:03:29,074
Uh, are you done?
74
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:31,724
'Cause we got a lot
of houses to hit.
75
00:03:31,792 --> 00:03:33,358
Yeah, I'm done.
76
00:03:33,425 --> 00:03:34,841
All right, cool. Say thanks, Kirby.
All right. Later!
77
00:03:34,908 --> 00:03:36,007
Thank you.
78
00:03:36,075 --> 00:03:37,207
All right.
79
00:03:38,442 --> 00:03:39,441
Who was that?
80
00:03:39,508 --> 00:03:40,774
Was that the accountant?
81
00:03:40,842 --> 00:03:42,475
Did you send him away?
82
00:03:42,543 --> 00:03:45,442
What are you, in
love with this guy?
83
00:03:45,509 --> 00:03:46,943
It was Kirby and Deacon.
84
00:03:47,010 --> 00:03:48,742
I bought a candy bar
for his school.
85
00:03:48,810 --> 00:03:50,243
Oh. Boy, that looks good.
86
00:03:50,311 --> 00:03:51,410
Break me off a piece?
87
00:03:51,477 --> 00:03:53,510
What? Break me off a piece.
88
00:03:57,262 --> 00:04:00,260
Wow, you'd think I asked
you for a kidney.
89
00:04:00,328 --> 00:04:01,694
See, people think
90
00:04:01,762 --> 00:04:03,861
just because it's pre-divided
into little squares,
91
00:04:03,929 --> 00:04:06,261
that it's meant to be shared.
92
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:09,011
Suddenly, it belongs
to the community.
93
00:04:09,079 --> 00:04:10,579
Yeah, it's an outrage.
94
00:04:13,813 --> 00:04:15,196
So I figure it's best for you
95
00:04:15,264 --> 00:04:17,196
to make the maximum
401-k contribution.
96
00:04:17,264 --> 00:04:18,429
You'll take home less now,
97
00:04:18,497 --> 00:04:20,029
but in the end, you make more.
98
00:04:20,096 --> 00:04:22,196
Oh, uh, Carrie, I'm gonna
need your w-2 from last year.
99
00:04:22,264 --> 00:04:23,329
Oh, yeah. Right here.
100
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:24,729
Would you like some more coffee?
101
00:04:24,797 --> 00:04:26,663
Oh, no, thanks, but, uh,
102
00:04:26,730 --> 00:04:28,564
I have been eyeing
that chocolate.
103
00:04:32,915 --> 00:04:34,831
Mind if I snag a piece?
104
00:04:35,616 --> 00:04:36,998
No problem.
105
00:04:41,499 --> 00:04:42,999
Thanks.
106
00:04:43,565 --> 00:04:44,931
Ok, moving on,
107
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,116
oh, do you have a list of
the charitable donations
108
00:04:47,183 --> 00:04:49,216
you made for the year?
109
00:04:49,283 --> 00:04:52,217
Well, we don't keep
a list per se,
110
00:04:52,285 --> 00:04:54,966
um, but I know
111
00:04:55,034 --> 00:04:58,299
we definitely... definitely
gave to charity.
112
00:04:58,367 --> 00:05:00,901
Oh, ok. Definitely.
113
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,535
I just... I... I just gotta, um,
114
00:05:02,602 --> 00:05:04,601
I just gotta think for a second.
115
00:05:07,135 --> 00:05:08,468
Charity...
116
00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:10,718
Charity...
117
00:05:15,020 --> 00:05:17,468
Do-nay-shee-un.
118
00:05:22,504 --> 00:05:23,537
Oh, wait!
119
00:05:23,604 --> 00:05:24,770
Wait a second.
120
00:05:24,837 --> 00:05:27,870
We gave, uh, $15 to...
to the animal shelter.
121
00:05:27,938 --> 00:05:30,087
And, oh, $20 to that
rainforest fund.
122
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,220
You remember, there was that
booth at the supermarket?
123
00:05:32,288 --> 00:05:35,321
Yeah, uh, we got a
certificate signed by sting.
124
00:05:36,323 --> 00:05:37,489
Is that it?
125
00:05:38,606 --> 00:05:41,188
We also gave money to h.B.O.
126
00:05:42,723 --> 00:05:44,872
Honey? It's not charity.
127
00:05:44,940 --> 00:05:46,406
It's paying your bill.
128
00:05:47,923 --> 00:05:49,305
Excuse me,
129
00:05:49,373 --> 00:05:50,957
they do a lot of
educational documentaries.
130
00:05:51,024 --> 00:05:52,789
Like, last week, I
learned that 2 dwarfs
131
00:05:52,857 --> 00:05:54,207
can have a regular-sized kid.
132
00:05:54,274 --> 00:05:55,907
It was fascinating.
133
00:05:59,808 --> 00:06:01,340
So, with the shelter,
134
00:06:01,408 --> 00:06:02,707
and the sting thing,
135
00:06:02,775 --> 00:06:04,441
your total for the year is
136
00:06:04,509 --> 00:06:06,008
$35.
137
00:06:07,142 --> 00:06:08,408
Wow.
138
00:06:08,476 --> 00:06:11,658
You guys really knocked
yourselves out there, huh?
139
00:06:17,894 --> 00:06:19,759
What an attitude on that jerk!
140
00:06:19,827 --> 00:06:21,526
I mean, who is he to judge us?
141
00:06:21,594 --> 00:06:23,393
He takes chocolate he
wasn't even offered,
142
00:06:23,461 --> 00:06:25,327
but we're the bad guys.
143
00:06:25,394 --> 00:06:26,494
I don't think so.
144
00:06:26,561 --> 00:06:27,927
Yeah, and it's not like
145
00:06:27,995 --> 00:06:29,527
you have to give charity
to be charitable!
146
00:06:29,595 --> 00:06:30,927
I mean, it's the way you say hi.
147
00:06:30,995 --> 00:06:33,294
It's the way you smile at people.
Yeah!
148
00:06:33,362 --> 00:06:36,228
Although you don't smile
at people a whole lot.
149
00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:37,812
Stop! Neither do you.
150
00:06:37,879 --> 00:06:38,945
I... I... I smile constantly.
151
00:06:39,012 --> 00:06:40,778
People think I'm a
lunatic half the time!
152
00:06:40,846 --> 00:06:42,846
All right, you know what?
That's not the point.
153
00:06:42,912 --> 00:06:44,646
The point is, we did
give to charity, ok?
154
00:06:44,714 --> 00:06:46,079
We gave $35!
155
00:06:46,147 --> 00:06:47,347
$35 is good money!
156
00:06:47,413 --> 00:06:48,813
Absolutely!
157
00:06:49,647 --> 00:06:50,779
Ugh.
158
00:06:50,847 --> 00:06:52,580
No, it's not.
159
00:06:52,648 --> 00:06:55,279
We are horrible and
selfish people.
160
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:56,680
I mean, look at us.
161
00:06:56,748 --> 00:06:58,581
We got a house, we got
food on the table,
162
00:06:58,648 --> 00:06:59,715
a car, and what do we do?
163
00:06:59,781 --> 00:07:01,748
We keep it all for ourselves.
164
00:07:01,816 --> 00:07:02,881
All of it!
165
00:07:02,949 --> 00:07:04,280
We're bad.
166
00:07:04,949 --> 00:07:05,981
We're damned.
167
00:07:06,049 --> 00:07:07,549
We're going straight to hell.
168
00:07:07,615 --> 00:07:08,797
You know what? Let's not panic.
169
00:07:08,865 --> 00:07:10,498
We can still buy our
way out of this.
170
00:07:10,566 --> 00:07:12,298
All right, now, come on...
Come on, honey.
171
00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:13,565
Who... who do we care about?
172
00:07:13,632 --> 00:07:15,832
Who's poor? Who's needy?
173
00:07:15,899 --> 00:07:17,649
Hey, we could buy,
like, 1,000 candy bars
174
00:07:17,717 --> 00:07:18,882
for Kirby's school library.
175
00:07:18,949 --> 00:07:20,383
A school library.
176
00:07:20,450 --> 00:07:22,282
That's perfect!
177
00:07:22,350 --> 00:07:23,949
Yeah! From now on, anybody
who comes over to our house
178
00:07:24,017 --> 00:07:25,250
will get a free chocolate bar.
179
00:07:25,317 --> 00:07:26,484
That will be our thing!
180
00:07:27,685 --> 00:07:28,834
No, you doof.
181
00:07:28,902 --> 00:07:31,834
I'm talkin' about making
a real donation here!
182
00:07:31,902 --> 00:07:33,135
"Opening up young minds...
183
00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:34,568
Children are our future..."
184
00:07:34,635 --> 00:07:36,701
This is a home run, hon'!
185
00:07:36,770 --> 00:07:39,969
We love children!
We love reading!
186
00:07:40,036 --> 00:07:42,801
Actually, we don't love reading.
187
00:07:42,869 --> 00:07:45,236
No, but we do think it's a
good alternative to drugs.
188
00:07:45,303 --> 00:07:46,619
Yes!
189
00:07:46,687 --> 00:07:47,853
Ok.
190
00:07:47,921 --> 00:07:50,586
Ok, so, this is our pet cause,
191
00:07:50,654 --> 00:07:54,020
the... the Robert hoover
school's new library.
192
00:07:54,087 --> 00:07:55,070
Congratulations.
193
00:07:55,137 --> 00:07:56,620
And to you, sir!
194
00:07:56,687 --> 00:07:59,154
So, how much should we give?
195
00:07:59,222 --> 00:08:00,586
$250?
196
00:08:00,654 --> 00:08:04,004
We couldn't be better
people if we tried!
197
00:08:04,072 --> 00:08:07,088
Unless we bump it up to $500.
198
00:08:07,155 --> 00:08:09,238
Look out! Now we're
better people!
199
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:11,673
Actually, wait a minute.
200
00:08:11,740 --> 00:08:14,305
Can we really afford
to give $500?
201
00:08:14,373 --> 00:08:16,256
Can we afford not to?
202
00:08:17,123 --> 00:08:18,289
All right.
203
00:08:18,357 --> 00:08:21,273
500 big ones!
204
00:08:21,341 --> 00:08:22,773
Ok, look, it says here
205
00:08:22,841 --> 00:08:25,406
that that puts us in
the "patrons' circle."
206
00:08:25,474 --> 00:08:28,374
Wow, we rocketed past
"friends and angels."
207
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,257
So long, losers!
208
00:08:32,225 --> 00:08:34,757
"Patrons" sounds fancy. Yeah.
209
00:08:34,825 --> 00:08:36,558
I'm patron Doug.
210
00:08:38,092 --> 00:08:40,742
Just like in colonial times.
211
00:08:40,810 --> 00:08:42,458
W-what are you talkin' about?
212
00:08:43,810 --> 00:08:45,109
I don't know, but why do you
213
00:08:45,177 --> 00:08:47,059
gotta call me out on everything?
214
00:08:54,361 --> 00:08:56,026
How great is this?
215
00:08:56,094 --> 00:08:58,326
An elementary school
library dedication.
216
00:08:58,395 --> 00:09:00,627
This is as good as it gets.
217
00:09:00,695 --> 00:09:03,827
We are out of hell
with a bullet.
218
00:09:05,562 --> 00:09:07,395
Hey, guys, thanks again
for comin' tonight.
219
00:09:07,462 --> 00:09:09,227
I wanted to introduce
you to Nana Louise.
220
00:09:09,295 --> 00:09:11,795
She runs the place, she wanted
to thank you for your donation.
221
00:09:11,863 --> 00:09:12,828
Hi. Oh, hi.
222
00:09:12,896 --> 00:09:14,061
I can't tell you
223
00:09:14,129 --> 00:09:16,962
how much we appreciate
your generosity.
224
00:09:17,030 --> 00:09:18,096
Oh, well,
225
00:09:18,163 --> 00:09:21,562
if we can help one
child read one book,
226
00:09:21,630 --> 00:09:23,996
then we've done our job.
227
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:26,062
Oh, absolutely.
228
00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:28,497
You know, I always
say that reading is
229
00:09:28,564 --> 00:09:30,080
fundamental.
230
00:09:31,398 --> 00:09:32,497
Nana Louise,
231
00:09:32,565 --> 00:09:33,898
can you read me this book?
232
00:09:33,965 --> 00:09:35,365
Oh, yes, of course.
233
00:09:35,432 --> 00:09:37,498
In just a few minutes, David.
234
00:09:37,566 --> 00:09:38,765
I'm Kenny.
235
00:09:39,816 --> 00:09:42,883
There's so many of them.
236
00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:44,249
Excuse me a moment.
237
00:09:44,316 --> 00:09:46,016
Sure.
238
00:09:46,084 --> 00:09:48,483
Attention, everyone.
239
00:09:48,550 --> 00:09:51,650
If you could come
toward me, please.
240
00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:54,650
We want to thank our
wonderful donors
241
00:09:54,717 --> 00:09:56,950
for their generosity.
242
00:09:57,018 --> 00:09:59,750
Give yourselves a
great, big hand!
243
00:10:05,618 --> 00:10:08,702
And as our way of
saying thank you,
244
00:10:08,769 --> 00:10:12,952
may I present our
commemorative wall of donors.
245
00:10:17,954 --> 00:10:19,302
Ooh.
246
00:10:19,370 --> 00:10:21,136
Nana Louise got back.
247
00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:22,403
Stop it!
248
00:10:35,105 --> 00:10:36,622
Enjoy the rest of the evening.
249
00:10:41,172 --> 00:10:43,071
Honey, our names are on a wall!
250
00:10:43,139 --> 00:10:44,806
How exciting is this!
251
00:10:44,873 --> 00:10:46,071
Patrons, patrons.
252
00:10:46,139 --> 00:10:47,506
This is great!
253
00:10:58,624 --> 00:10:59,990
Here we are.
254
00:11:00,858 --> 00:11:02,357
In "friends."
255
00:11:03,108 --> 00:11:04,441
Friends?
256
00:11:04,509 --> 00:11:05,825
Isn't that the $50 category?
257
00:11:05,892 --> 00:11:07,125
Yeah!
258
00:11:07,193 --> 00:11:08,625
Are you sure you gave $500?
259
00:11:08,693 --> 00:11:09,958
Yeah, I'm positive, Doug.
260
00:11:10,026 --> 00:11:12,125
I already got the canceled
check back from the bank.
261
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:14,459
The school must have
made a mistake!
262
00:11:14,527 --> 00:11:15,793
Huh.
263
00:11:16,294 --> 00:11:17,526
Huh.
264
00:11:19,561 --> 00:11:20,676
Well, I mean,
265
00:11:20,745 --> 00:11:21,926
it doesn't matter, right?
266
00:11:21,994 --> 00:11:24,161
We... we didn't do
it for the credit.
267
00:11:24,228 --> 00:11:25,726
We did it for the kids.
268
00:11:26,861 --> 00:11:28,044
Right.
269
00:11:28,111 --> 00:11:29,227
The kids.
270
00:11:29,295 --> 00:11:30,461
It's not like we can say,
271
00:11:30,528 --> 00:11:33,195
hey, we were supposed to
be patrons, you know?
272
00:11:33,262 --> 00:11:34,627
That wouldn't be
very charitable.
273
00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:35,928
No, it would not.
274
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:37,195
No!
275
00:11:42,462 --> 00:11:43,945
Crap!
276
00:11:50,163 --> 00:11:52,596
Hey, it doesn't matter what
it says on that donor wall.
277
00:11:52,664 --> 00:11:54,030
We know we're patrons.
278
00:11:54,097 --> 00:11:55,681
We're patrons where it counts:
279
00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:58,063
On the inside.
280
00:11:58,131 --> 00:12:00,048
Yeah, but everybody
who reads that wall
281
00:12:00,115 --> 00:12:02,580
will think we're just friends.
282
00:12:02,648 --> 00:12:03,897
Yeah, but if you think about it,
283
00:12:03,965 --> 00:12:05,698
friends may actually
be better, right?
284
00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:07,431
I mean, they write
songs about friends.
285
00:12:07,499 --> 00:12:09,232
You don't hear anything
about "gettin' by"
286
00:12:09,299 --> 00:12:11,398
with a little help
from my patrons."
287
00:12:11,466 --> 00:12:12,748
I'll tell you something, Doug.
288
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,849
I think we should
tell Nana Louise
289
00:12:14,916 --> 00:12:16,082
that there's been a mistake.
290
00:12:16,149 --> 00:12:17,515
What? No... no, we can't!
291
00:12:17,584 --> 00:12:19,283
Why not? 'Cause we'll
look like jerks!
292
00:12:19,350 --> 00:12:21,216
Yeah, but now we
look like cheapos.
293
00:12:21,284 --> 00:12:23,600
Listen to me, if
we say anything,
294
00:12:23,667 --> 00:12:26,200
we'll be undoing all the charity
we did in the first place,
295
00:12:26,268 --> 00:12:28,517
and then we're back on
the fast track to hell!
296
00:12:28,585 --> 00:12:30,051
All right, cool your jets
297
00:12:30,119 --> 00:12:31,584
with the hell talk, Johnny.
298
00:12:31,652 --> 00:12:35,085
Excuse me for caring
about our eternal souls.
299
00:12:35,152 --> 00:12:36,252
Wait a minute.
300
00:12:36,318 --> 00:12:37,651
Are you... Are you serious?
301
00:12:37,719 --> 00:12:39,318
Do you... do you literally think
302
00:12:39,387 --> 00:12:41,419
we'll go to a place called hell
303
00:12:41,487 --> 00:12:43,753
for telling Nana
Louise about this?
304
00:12:43,887 --> 00:12:45,120
Not a place called hell.
305
00:12:45,187 --> 00:12:47,036
Hell!
306
00:12:47,170 --> 00:12:48,852
Oh, ok, so tell wh-wh-wh-
307
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:50,720
what are you picturing
here, Doug?
308
00:12:50,788 --> 00:12:52,119
Are you picturing the...
the devil
309
00:12:52,187 --> 00:12:53,853
in red tights with a pitchfork?
310
00:12:53,921 --> 00:12:55,004
Th-those aren't tights.
311
00:12:55,072 --> 00:12:57,037
That's his skin.
312
00:12:57,104 --> 00:12:59,554
Ok, you know what, Doug?
I do not appreciate
313
00:12:59,622 --> 00:13:01,354
you making me feel
like a bad person
314
00:13:01,422 --> 00:13:02,988
just because I wanna
tell Nana Louise
315
00:13:03,055 --> 00:13:04,355
that there's been a mistake.
316
00:13:04,423 --> 00:13:06,655
Doesn't matter, 'cause you're
not sayin' anything anyway.
317
00:13:06,722 --> 00:13:08,021
Uh, you know what? I think I am.
318
00:13:08,089 --> 00:13:09,856
You can't! I can.
319
00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:11,605
I'm gonna tell her at the
read along what happened.
320
00:13:11,673 --> 00:13:13,989
Anybody would agree that's
totally appropriate.
321
00:13:14,057 --> 00:13:15,822
Ok, then obviously,
we disagree here.
322
00:13:15,890 --> 00:13:17,289
You... you know
what we need to do?
323
00:13:17,357 --> 00:13:18,857
We need to find a
neutral 3rd party.
324
00:13:18,924 --> 00:13:20,289
Ok, fine. Who?
325
00:13:20,357 --> 00:13:21,257
My mom.
326
00:13:21,324 --> 00:13:22,456
Oh, yeah.
327
00:13:22,524 --> 00:13:24,257
'Cause your mom won't
take your side at all.
328
00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:26,007
All right, fine. Who
do you wanna ask?
329
00:13:27,058 --> 00:13:28,591
Sooji, my nail lady.
330
00:13:28,658 --> 00:13:31,391
Soo who, your what?
331
00:13:31,458 --> 00:13:32,857
Sooji, my nail lady.
332
00:13:32,925 --> 00:13:34,358
What? She's very moral.
333
00:13:34,426 --> 00:13:36,391
I ain't going to
sooji, your nail lady,
334
00:13:36,459 --> 00:13:38,958
with my hell questions, ok?
335
00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:40,358
Well, then that's your problem.
336
00:13:40,427 --> 00:13:41,691
I wish we could just ask God,
337
00:13:41,759 --> 00:13:42,992
'cause I know he'd side with me.
338
00:13:43,060 --> 00:13:44,425
Well, we can't ask God,
339
00:13:44,677 --> 00:13:46,542
so where does that leave us?
340
00:13:49,477 --> 00:13:51,726
So, what do you
think we should do?
341
00:13:51,793 --> 00:13:54,460
Well, Doug, Carrie,
342
00:13:55,611 --> 00:13:58,194
what do you think you should do?
343
00:13:59,595 --> 00:14:01,144
Well, I think we'd
kinda like to know
344
00:14:01,211 --> 00:14:02,945
what you think.
345
00:14:03,012 --> 00:14:06,128
Well, what do you think I think?
346
00:14:06,196 --> 00:14:08,429
Ok, let's just cut
to the chase here.
347
00:14:08,497 --> 00:14:10,462
Uh, do you think
it's morally wrong
348
00:14:10,530 --> 00:14:12,896
for Doug and I to
tell Nana Louise
349
00:14:12,964 --> 00:14:15,129
that we were supposed to
be in the patrons' circle?
350
00:14:15,197 --> 00:14:17,713
Well, "morally wrong"
is a strong term.
351
00:14:17,780 --> 00:14:20,379
Yeah, but it certainly isn't
morally right, right? Hmm?
352
00:14:20,447 --> 00:14:21,580
In a perfect world,
353
00:14:21,648 --> 00:14:23,429
charity should be
its own reward...
354
00:14:23,497 --> 00:14:25,263
Ok, ok, ok, ok. Imagine this.
355
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:26,964
Imagine
356
00:14:27,098 --> 00:14:29,948
if there were priest
of the year awards.
357
00:14:30,014 --> 00:14:31,530
Ok? We'll call them
358
00:14:31,598 --> 00:14:33,081
the priesties.
359
00:14:35,549 --> 00:14:38,599
And you knew you got
most of the votes,
360
00:14:38,666 --> 00:14:39,832
but for some reason,
361
00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:43,599
father o'Henry was
named the winner, ok?
362
00:14:43,666 --> 00:14:46,600
Ok, now, obviously you
should be a priest
363
00:14:46,667 --> 00:14:48,633
for the sake of being a priest,
364
00:14:48,701 --> 00:14:49,867
but is there...
365
00:14:49,934 --> 00:14:51,217
Is there really anything wrong
366
00:14:51,268 --> 00:14:53,417
in wanting a little recognition?
367
00:14:53,485 --> 00:14:56,550
A little "what-what"
from your peers?
368
00:14:56,618 --> 00:14:58,734
Well, it's human nature
369
00:14:58,802 --> 00:15:00,534
to wanna be praised for
a job well-done...
370
00:15:00,635 --> 00:15:02,301
There you go. Then
you see our problem.
371
00:15:02,368 --> 00:15:04,818
Well, Carrie, Doug,
372
00:15:04,885 --> 00:15:06,652
this is your dilemma,
373
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,418
and only you can
find the answer.
374
00:15:09,485 --> 00:15:13,403
But if you want my advice,
375
00:15:13,470 --> 00:15:15,919
it may be best to let
the matter drop.
376
00:15:17,154 --> 00:15:18,253
Really?
377
00:15:19,254 --> 00:15:21,186
Hmm.
378
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:24,070
Man of the cloth thinks
we should drop it.
379
00:15:25,270 --> 00:15:26,537
Fine.
380
00:15:29,121 --> 00:15:30,355
Hey, anybody wanna hear me read
381
00:15:30,422 --> 00:15:31,788
horton hears a who?
382
00:15:31,856 --> 00:15:33,355
Yeah!
383
00:15:33,422 --> 00:15:34,555
Whoa, whoa, ok. Wow.
384
00:15:34,622 --> 00:15:35,855
Wasn't expecting that.
385
00:15:35,922 --> 00:15:38,356
Chill out. It's just
a book, not T.V.
386
00:15:41,189 --> 00:15:42,639
♪
387
00:15:42,706 --> 00:15:43,839
Hey, hey, Kirby.
388
00:15:43,907 --> 00:15:45,939
Come here, come here,
come here, come here.
389
00:15:46,007 --> 00:15:47,473
Can I show you somethin'?
390
00:15:47,540 --> 00:15:48,573
What?
391
00:15:48,641 --> 00:15:50,140
Well,
392
00:15:50,207 --> 00:15:52,840
Doug and I donated enough
money to your school
393
00:15:52,908 --> 00:15:56,507
to be way up here,
394
00:15:56,575 --> 00:16:00,257
but, instead, our names
are way down here.
395
00:16:01,608 --> 00:16:04,541
Do you think that's fair?
396
00:16:04,609 --> 00:16:08,241
How'd you like to do your
aunt Carrie a favor?
397
00:16:08,309 --> 00:16:10,192
"'Should I put this speck down?'
398
00:16:10,259 --> 00:16:12,293
"horton thought with alarm.
399
00:16:12,361 --> 00:16:14,226
"'If I do, these small persons
400
00:16:14,293 --> 00:16:16,309
"'may come to great harm.
401
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:17,510
"'I can't put it down,
402
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,376
"'and I won't! After all,
403
00:16:19,444 --> 00:16:21,293
"'a person's a person,
404
00:16:21,361 --> 00:16:23,160
no matter how small.'"
405
00:16:25,044 --> 00:16:26,143
or how big.
406
00:16:34,362 --> 00:16:36,711
So, you're just gonna
tell Nana Louise
407
00:16:36,779 --> 00:16:39,179
that Doug and I were
supposed to be...
408
00:16:40,729 --> 00:16:42,563
S-starts with a "p."
409
00:16:43,897 --> 00:16:45,178
Pa-
410
00:16:46,763 --> 00:16:47,929
patrons, Kirby.
411
00:16:47,998 --> 00:16:49,464
Patrons.
412
00:16:49,481 --> 00:16:51,046
Ok, maybe we should go
over this again. Ok.
413
00:16:51,113 --> 00:16:52,480
I have to go to the bathroom.
414
00:16:52,548 --> 00:16:54,013
All right, well,
you're a big boy,
415
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,680
you can hold it, right?
416
00:16:55,865 --> 00:16:56,914
It hurts.
417
00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:58,680
Yeah, all right. I need
you to focus, honey.
418
00:16:58,748 --> 00:17:00,247
No, no! Kir-Kirby!
419
00:17:00,315 --> 00:17:02,081
Hey, uh, what's goin' on?
420
00:17:02,148 --> 00:17:03,314
Oh, well, um,
421
00:17:03,381 --> 00:17:06,032
Kirby noticed that we
were listed as friends
422
00:17:06,099 --> 00:17:07,365
instead of patrons on the wall,
423
00:17:07,433 --> 00:17:08,797
and he was pretty upset.
424
00:17:08,865 --> 00:17:11,298
He wanted to talk
to Nana Louise.
425
00:17:11,366 --> 00:17:12,565
Have you guys read this?
426
00:17:12,633 --> 00:17:13,932
It's very good.
427
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:16,299
Why would Kirby care
428
00:17:16,367 --> 00:17:17,732
where you're listed on the wall?
429
00:17:17,799 --> 00:17:18,783
What?
430
00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:20,750
What is wrong with you?
431
00:17:20,901 --> 00:17:22,034
It's perfect!
432
00:17:22,101 --> 00:17:23,217
What's more innocent
433
00:17:23,285 --> 00:17:24,817
than having it
come from a child?
434
00:17:24,885 --> 00:17:26,699
All right, you know, this is...
this is it.
435
00:17:26,767 --> 00:17:28,401
This is where I get
off, girlfriend.
436
00:17:28,468 --> 00:17:29,885
What does that mean?
437
00:17:29,952 --> 00:17:31,818
That means you're free
to marry your true love:
438
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,085
Satan!
439
00:17:33,885 --> 00:17:35,218
He said Santa.
440
00:17:35,285 --> 00:17:37,652
Ok, am I gonna have
to have 2 two removed
441
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:38,952
from an elementary school?
442
00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:41,119
Ok, but it's not my fault, it's her fault.
She's sick!
443
00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:42,518
No, no, no, I'm not sick, honey.
444
00:17:42,586 --> 00:17:44,486
I... I... I realized
something about myself, ok?
445
00:17:44,554 --> 00:17:45,686
I'm not a bad person.
446
00:17:45,754 --> 00:17:46,985
I'm just very petty.
447
00:17:47,053 --> 00:17:49,086
I want to do good
things for people,
448
00:17:49,154 --> 00:17:51,387
I just want them to know
that I'm doing them.
449
00:17:51,454 --> 00:17:52,870
And that's sick!
450
00:17:52,937 --> 00:17:54,704
Is there a problem?
451
00:17:56,638 --> 00:17:59,704
Actually, Nana Louise, there is.
452
00:17:59,771 --> 00:18:01,771
So I guess the zero got dropped
453
00:18:01,839 --> 00:18:03,805
somewhere along the way.
454
00:18:03,807 --> 00:18:04,855
Oh!
455
00:18:04,923 --> 00:18:07,072
I feel terrible.
456
00:18:07,140 --> 00:18:08,605
Well, it didn't bother us.
457
00:18:08,672 --> 00:18:10,872
It's just that if people were
to see that we were patrons,
458
00:18:10,939 --> 00:18:12,972
it might inspire
them to give more.
459
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,572
It's for the kids, really.
460
00:18:18,091 --> 00:18:20,673
Again, I'm so sorry.
461
00:18:20,740 --> 00:18:22,607
We'll have to make it up to you.
462
00:18:22,674 --> 00:18:24,074
Well, um, you know,
463
00:18:24,141 --> 00:18:25,773
I should get back out there.
464
00:18:25,841 --> 00:18:28,723
I promised little Timmy I'd
read him Charlotte's web.
465
00:18:28,791 --> 00:18:29,957
There is no little Timmy.
466
00:18:30,024 --> 00:18:31,357
You're the queen of darkness.
467
00:18:31,425 --> 00:18:32,591
Shut up.
468
00:18:34,376 --> 00:18:38,058
All right, an extra
zero would make that
469
00:18:39,276 --> 00:18:41,926
$5,000.
470
00:18:41,928 --> 00:18:43,675
Oh, my!
471
00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:49,343
What the...
472
00:18:50,927 --> 00:18:53,243
They named the library after us?
473
00:18:55,294 --> 00:18:56,677
Really?
474
00:18:57,911 --> 00:18:59,011
Yeah.
475
00:18:59,078 --> 00:19:00,944
Look, I don't really
have all the details,
476
00:19:01,013 --> 00:19:02,411
but I've got a gut feeling
477
00:19:02,479 --> 00:19:05,162
that wasn't supposed to happen.
478
00:19:05,229 --> 00:19:06,361
You know what? It probably...
479
00:19:06,429 --> 00:19:07,762
Ah!
480
00:19:07,796 --> 00:19:09,095
Please.
481
00:19:09,162 --> 00:19:10,545
Understand something?
482
00:19:10,613 --> 00:19:12,845
I only stopped by that
day as a courtesy
483
00:19:12,913 --> 00:19:14,861
because I know Doug likes candy.
484
00:19:14,929 --> 00:19:16,146
I didn't realize the evil
485
00:19:16,214 --> 00:19:18,396
I would be unleashing.
486
00:19:18,398 --> 00:19:20,013
So, if you don't
see me and my son
487
00:19:20,081 --> 00:19:21,397
come around for a while,
488
00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:23,113
I think you'll know why.
489
00:19:23,131 --> 00:19:24,880
Good-bye.
490
00:19:24,947 --> 00:19:26,280
And good day.
491
00:19:28,915 --> 00:19:31,381
Nana Louise must have
screwed up again.
492
00:19:31,448 --> 00:19:34,148
We're gonna have to go down
there and straighten it out.
493
00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:35,448
Do we?
494
00:19:36,966 --> 00:19:37,898
What?
495
00:19:37,966 --> 00:19:39,115
What?
496
00:19:39,183 --> 00:19:41,716
I've always wanted a library.
497
00:19:41,782 --> 00:19:43,649
You've always wanted a library?
498
00:19:43,717 --> 00:19:45,382
Ok, I've always wanted a Jaguar,
499
00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:46,683
but I'm never gonna get that,
500
00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:48,317
so let me have this!
501
00:19:48,384 --> 00:19:49,766
Carrie, if we don't fix this,
502
00:19:49,834 --> 00:19:51,300
we're definitely goin' to hell!
503
00:19:51,367 --> 00:19:53,000
No, we're going to heaven!
504
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:55,833
We donated a freakin' library!
505
00:19:56,551 --> 00:19:57,917
But we didn't!
506
00:19:57,985 --> 00:19:59,535
God knows that!
507
00:19:59,602 --> 00:20:02,034
God will see the big sign
508
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:03,301
with our names on it,
509
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:04,501
and move on to other stuff.
510
00:20:04,569 --> 00:20:07,101
He doesn't check
into those things.
511
00:20:07,169 --> 00:20:09,035
Carrie, sweetheart,
listen to me.
512
00:20:10,469 --> 00:20:13,935
The library doesn't
belong to us.
513
00:20:14,003 --> 00:20:15,753
We gotta give it back.
514
00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:22,054
Tsk.
515
00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:23,354
Fine!
516
00:20:25,655 --> 00:20:27,587
I'm confused.
517
00:20:28,204 --> 00:20:29,287
No, see... see,
518
00:20:29,355 --> 00:20:30,921
we... we gave $500.
519
00:20:30,989 --> 00:20:33,205
You just added an extra
zero, that's all.
520
00:20:33,272 --> 00:20:35,705
Look, if it's easier for
you to keep the sign up,
521
00:20:35,772 --> 00:20:36,937
we're... we're ok with that.
522
00:20:37,005 --> 00:20:38,255
Carrie.
523
00:20:39,823 --> 00:20:41,022
Oh, boy.
524
00:20:41,090 --> 00:20:45,139
I seem to make so many
silly mistakes these days.
525
00:20:45,207 --> 00:20:48,506
The school board isn't gonna
be too happy with me.
526
00:20:48,573 --> 00:20:50,656
I'm sure they'll understand.
527
00:20:51,374 --> 00:20:52,623
Children,
528
00:20:52,690 --> 00:20:54,173
the school board says
529
00:20:54,241 --> 00:20:57,407
that Nana Louise is very tired,
530
00:20:57,475 --> 00:21:00,007
and can't read to you anymore.
531
00:21:00,708 --> 00:21:01,790
No, Nana Louise!
532
00:21:01,858 --> 00:21:02,841
Don't go!
533
00:21:02,909 --> 00:21:03,941
Oh,
534
00:21:04,008 --> 00:21:06,041
don't cry, Leonard.
535
00:21:06,109 --> 00:21:07,208
I'm Richie.
536
00:21:08,126 --> 00:21:09,126
Oh,
537
00:21:09,792 --> 00:21:10,958
oh, dear.
538
00:21:16,061 --> 00:21:17,526
We got a sweet old lady fired,
539
00:21:17,594 --> 00:21:19,560
and we're starting to
get a little concerned
540
00:21:19,628 --> 00:21:21,193
about this whole hell thing?
541
00:21:21,828 --> 00:21:23,227
Um,
542
00:21:23,294 --> 00:21:25,910
what's the dealy-o on that?
543
00:21:34,929 --> 00:21:36,828
Hi. I'm selling boxes of cookies
544
00:21:36,895 --> 00:21:39,328
so my troop can go see
the Liberty Bell.
545
00:21:40,596 --> 00:21:42,728
All right, I'm gonna
do you a favor, here.
546
00:21:42,796 --> 00:21:45,279
Go away and don't come back.
547
00:21:45,347 --> 00:21:46,597
Tell the others.
548
00:21:47,765 --> 00:21:49,263
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
549
00:21:49,330 --> 00:21:51,030
Quick. One box of
the shortbread.
550
00:21:53,998 --> 00:21:55,730
Now go! Go!
36501
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof