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1
00:00:32,411 --> 00:00:34,244
Well, it was a blockbuster day
2
00:00:34,312 --> 00:00:36,312
for the Pittsburgh pirates,
3
00:00:36,379 --> 00:00:38,914
as they acquired the rights to
college phenom Ari berenson...
4
00:00:38,982 --> 00:00:41,448
A question about the eyepatch:
5
00:00:41,516 --> 00:00:45,434
How come so many pirates
had their eyes poked out?
6
00:00:45,502 --> 00:00:47,552
What was goin' on back then?
7
00:00:49,587 --> 00:00:50,720
Well, a lot of them
8
00:00:50,788 --> 00:00:52,854
had those hook hands, right?
9
00:00:54,390 --> 00:00:55,590
So maybe the first day or 2
10
00:00:55,657 --> 00:00:57,391
before he got used to
his new hook hand,
11
00:00:57,459 --> 00:01:00,643
he'd just go to rub
his eye and just...
12
00:01:00,711 --> 00:01:03,177
Just poke that bad
boy right out.
13
00:01:03,245 --> 00:01:05,545
But how'd they get
the hook hands?
14
00:01:07,047 --> 00:01:08,814
Probably from shakin'
hands with a pirate
15
00:01:08,881 --> 00:01:10,882
who already had one.
16
00:01:11,717 --> 00:01:12,934
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
17
00:01:13,001 --> 00:01:14,167
Hey, car'.
18
00:01:14,235 --> 00:01:15,700
Uh, Doug. Can I talk
to you for a sec?
19
00:01:17,887 --> 00:01:19,404
Peg legs.
20
00:01:19,472 --> 00:01:21,354
Work on some answers.
21
00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:23,539
What's up?
22
00:01:23,607 --> 00:01:25,573
Well, we've got a
little situation here.
23
00:01:25,641 --> 00:01:26,974
My boss just gave me our tickets
24
00:01:27,042 --> 00:01:28,709
for this year's
employee golf day thing
25
00:01:28,777 --> 00:01:29,942
at briarwood.
26
00:01:30,010 --> 00:01:31,110
Yes!
27
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:33,062
"Your foursome will
be our special guests
28
00:01:33,129 --> 00:01:34,162
"for an all-expenses paid day
29
00:01:34,230 --> 00:01:36,397
at New York's finest private
golf club and spa."
30
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:42,067
Ok. Before you wet yourself,
31
00:01:42,134 --> 00:01:44,501
may I remind you that
we have this tradition
32
00:01:44,569 --> 00:01:46,903
of taking Deacon and Kelly?
33
00:01:46,970 --> 00:01:48,370
Oh, my God. You're right.
34
00:01:48,438 --> 00:01:50,088
Yeah, so what do we do now
that they're split up?
35
00:01:50,156 --> 00:01:51,605
Do we just not go this year?
36
00:01:51,673 --> 00:01:53,190
What? No, no, no. We have to go.
37
00:01:53,258 --> 00:01:54,540
This is briarwood.
38
00:01:54,608 --> 00:01:56,591
If I was gonna cheat on
you with a piece of land,
39
00:01:56,659 --> 00:01:59,093
it would be briarwood.
40
00:01:59,095 --> 00:02:00,544
What, you don't
think I wanna go?
41
00:02:00,612 --> 00:02:03,095
If I could cheat on you
with a massage therapist,
42
00:02:03,163 --> 00:02:05,446
it would be Justin at briarwood.
43
00:02:06,514 --> 00:02:08,448
Ok. Technically,
mine was impossible.
44
00:02:08,515 --> 00:02:10,867
Yours has a name.
45
00:02:10,934 --> 00:02:12,418
Shouldn't we invite
Deacon anyway
46
00:02:12,484 --> 00:02:13,885
and just play as a threesome?
47
00:02:13,887 --> 00:02:15,385
No, this is a couples thing.
48
00:02:15,453 --> 00:02:17,021
You remember how
great it used to be?
49
00:02:17,089 --> 00:02:20,272
You and Deacon were all
intense, bettin' on the scores,
50
00:02:20,339 --> 00:02:22,439
and Kelly and I would
be playing crappy golf,
51
00:02:22,507 --> 00:02:23,841
making fun of everybody.
52
00:02:23,908 --> 00:02:24,974
Oh, my God.
53
00:02:25,042 --> 00:02:27,093
You remember last year,
she actually shot a 300?
54
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:28,443
That included
picking up the ball
55
00:02:28,512 --> 00:02:30,111
and throwing it a
few times, too.
56
00:02:30,178 --> 00:02:32,912
Well, she's gone, and
he's in our living room.
57
00:02:32,981 --> 00:02:34,514
What should we do?
58
00:02:36,016 --> 00:02:37,899
Hey, Arthur, Holly.
59
00:02:37,966 --> 00:02:38,915
Greetings to you, Mr. Palmer.
60
00:02:39,067 --> 00:02:40,367
Hey, Deacon.
61
00:02:40,435 --> 00:02:43,019
Holly, if you have a moment,
I'll go get you that book.
62
00:02:43,086 --> 00:02:44,920
Oh, sure, sure. I'll wait.
63
00:02:47,889 --> 00:02:51,440
So, uh, hey, Deacon. When
are you gonna get a dog?
64
00:02:51,507 --> 00:02:53,858
Huh? Oh, I think if I got a dog,
65
00:02:53,926 --> 00:02:56,860
my wife would probably
wind up taking half.
66
00:02:58,094 --> 00:02:59,495
The good half.
67
00:03:01,030 --> 00:03:02,363
Yeah, yeah.
68
00:03:02,430 --> 00:03:03,864
I heard about that,
that divorce thing.
69
00:03:03,931 --> 00:03:05,982
I'm... I'm kind of in
the same situation.
70
00:03:06,050 --> 00:03:07,298
You're divorced?
71
00:03:07,367 --> 00:03:08,667
Me? No, no, no, no.
72
00:03:08,735 --> 00:03:10,768
It's just, you know, I'm... I'm
not, I'm not with anybody,
73
00:03:10,836 --> 00:03:12,903
you know, which is the
same situation you're in,
74
00:03:12,970 --> 00:03:14,936
you know, minus the rage.
75
00:03:19,023 --> 00:03:20,374
Here you go.
76
00:03:20,441 --> 00:03:23,409
This is the real story of why
Martin and Lewis broke up.
77
00:03:23,477 --> 00:03:24,976
This guy got it right.
78
00:03:25,044 --> 00:03:27,211
Oh. Well, thanks a lot, Arthur.
79
00:03:27,278 --> 00:03:28,360
See you tomorrow, doll.
80
00:03:28,679 --> 00:03:29,462
Ok.
81
00:03:30,381 --> 00:03:31,447
Bye, Deacon.
82
00:03:31,514 --> 00:03:33,381
All right. Take it easy.
83
00:03:38,851 --> 00:03:39,969
So, what's it gonna be, bub?
84
00:03:40,036 --> 00:03:41,168
I don't know.
85
00:03:41,236 --> 00:03:42,735
Well, take the ticket
out of your mouth.
86
00:03:42,803 --> 00:03:44,537
You're chewin' off
the lamination.
87
00:03:44,605 --> 00:03:47,189
Even their lamination
tastes good.
88
00:03:47,256 --> 00:03:49,391
How do you do it, briarwood?
89
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:54,309
Oh.
90
00:03:55,478 --> 00:03:57,428
Uh.
91
00:03:57,496 --> 00:04:00,130
L-look, I don't want you guys
to feel awkward about this,
92
00:04:00,197 --> 00:04:02,164
so just, um, just
invite another couple.
93
00:04:02,232 --> 00:04:03,781
It-it's fine.
94
00:04:03,783 --> 00:04:05,883
Really? I mean, we'd be happy to
do it with just you, sweetie.
95
00:04:05,951 --> 00:04:07,467
Yeah, you know what?
Let's do that.
96
00:04:07,535 --> 00:04:09,969
No, no, don't even worry about it.
Look, I'm... I'm chillin',
97
00:04:10,037 --> 00:04:11,269
I'm just gonna grab a beer,
98
00:04:11,336 --> 00:04:13,537
and, uh, you know, it's cool.
99
00:04:13,605 --> 00:04:15,138
It's cool.
100
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,007
Oh, yeah.
101
00:04:27,180 --> 00:04:28,562
Ok. What about the wallaces?
102
00:04:28,630 --> 00:04:30,030
Hate 'em.
103
00:04:30,131 --> 00:04:31,981
You hate the wallaces? Why?
104
00:04:32,049 --> 00:04:32,965
Well, let's start with this,
105
00:04:33,116 --> 00:04:35,584
they're both loaded
with freckles.
106
00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:38,902
They're perfectly fine
to play golf with.
107
00:04:38,970 --> 00:04:41,153
Ok. Fine. Invite 'em, then.
108
00:04:44,906 --> 00:04:48,074
Actually, you know what? I
kind of hate them, too.
109
00:04:49,175 --> 00:04:51,709
Um, oh, the glickmans.
110
00:04:51,777 --> 00:04:52,827
Who are they again?
111
00:04:52,895 --> 00:04:54,344
From our old apartment building.
112
00:04:54,411 --> 00:04:56,262
She's 40. He's, like, 26.
113
00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:59,163
Pass.
114
00:04:59,231 --> 00:05:01,515
Well, we're kinda running
out of options here, bub.
115
00:05:01,583 --> 00:05:04,133
Come on. We can do this. We
can find another couple.
116
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,868
Our phone book just can't be
a list of people we hate.
117
00:05:07,936 --> 00:05:09,437
Got it. The kelsos.
118
00:05:09,504 --> 00:05:10,537
Who?
119
00:05:10,604 --> 00:05:12,138
From kelso's chicken wrap.
120
00:05:12,205 --> 00:05:13,439
They're very nice people.
121
00:05:13,506 --> 00:05:16,541
They always give me, like,
a million extra napkins.
122
00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:19,575
Hon', not sure providing
us with take-out
123
00:05:19,643 --> 00:05:22,160
makes them great golf buddies.
124
00:05:22,228 --> 00:05:24,862
Well, I guess that rules
out the fung lees.
125
00:05:30,133 --> 00:05:32,700
Man, Deacon and Kelly
were our couple.
126
00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:33,867
They were it.
127
00:05:33,935 --> 00:05:34,935
We just fit.
128
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,069
Yeah.
129
00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:39,637
You know, it's true
what they say.
130
00:05:39,704 --> 00:05:42,489
"Divorce is hardest
on the best friends."
131
00:05:43,907 --> 00:05:45,856
"Hardest on the kids."
132
00:05:46,658 --> 00:05:47,858
Please.
133
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,793
They get presents.
134
00:06:00,616 --> 00:06:02,400
So, um,
135
00:06:02,468 --> 00:06:06,103
who are you guys inviting
to this golf thing?
136
00:06:06,171 --> 00:06:08,437
I don't know. Probably
Eddie dugan and his wife.
137
00:06:08,505 --> 00:06:09,788
Ah.
138
00:06:13,008 --> 00:06:14,540
Did you get a tee-time
yet or, uh...
139
00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:16,191
Why are you doin'
this to yourself?
140
00:06:16,259 --> 00:06:17,959
I don't know. I'm sorry.
141
00:06:18,027 --> 00:06:20,394
Look, we can still play as a threesome.
It'll be fine.
142
00:06:20,461 --> 00:06:21,377
No. No threesome.
143
00:06:21,445 --> 00:06:22,946
I'm sorry I even brought it up.
144
00:06:23,913 --> 00:06:27,314
Excuse me, can I
borrow your salt?
145
00:06:27,382 --> 00:06:29,816
Hey, take the pepper, too.
It can't survive on its own.
146
00:06:31,452 --> 00:06:32,651
Have 'em back by closin' time.
147
00:06:32,719 --> 00:06:34,435
That's funny.
148
00:06:34,503 --> 00:06:35,669
You guys are funny.
149
00:06:43,641 --> 00:06:44,874
Hey, hon'.
150
00:06:47,127 --> 00:06:48,710
What are you so happy about?
151
00:06:48,778 --> 00:06:50,277
We met someone.
152
00:06:55,966 --> 00:06:57,815
Carrie!
153
00:06:57,883 --> 00:07:00,401
I'm almost ready!
Stop rushing me!
154
00:07:00,468 --> 00:07:02,168
Where are my wiffle golf balls?
155
00:07:02,235 --> 00:07:04,068
I don't know!
156
00:07:19,662 --> 00:07:20,828
What was that?
157
00:07:20,896 --> 00:07:21,979
Arthur!
158
00:07:26,283 --> 00:07:28,483
Car', come on. Deac'
just pulled up.
159
00:07:28,718 --> 00:07:30,718
I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm
ready, I'm ready, I'm ready.
160
00:07:30,785 --> 00:07:32,136
All right. We gotta hustle.
161
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,787
We gotta pick up
Leslie on the way.
162
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:35,988
Oh, and by the way, you're gonna love her.
She's awesome.
163
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:37,755
Well, I'm a little
nervous to meet her.
164
00:07:37,823 --> 00:07:39,639
I feel like I'm going
on a first date, too.
165
00:07:39,707 --> 00:07:42,157
You know, I actually made sure
my bra and panties matched.
166
00:07:42,225 --> 00:07:44,292
Is that a little weird?
167
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:47,544
I don't think it's weird.
I slapped on cologne.
168
00:07:48,795 --> 00:07:51,613
I gotta tell you. I think
Leslie's the one...
169
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,315
For all of us.
170
00:07:55,900 --> 00:07:57,234
What's up, golf enthusiast?
171
00:07:57,301 --> 00:07:58,600
I can't go. What?
172
00:07:58,668 --> 00:08:00,168
My baby-sitter just
called me on my cell.
173
00:08:00,236 --> 00:08:02,520
She's got a family emergency.
I gotta go back home.
174
00:08:02,588 --> 00:08:03,820
Oh, no. No, no. No.
175
00:08:03,888 --> 00:08:04,955
Come on.
176
00:08:05,022 --> 00:08:07,089
Don't you have other
baby-sitters you guys use?
177
00:08:07,157 --> 00:08:08,540
Yeah. Kelly's cousin and sister.
178
00:08:08,607 --> 00:08:12,042
I'm sure they'd love to cover
for me while I go on a date.
179
00:08:12,126 --> 00:08:13,977
Arthur, it's Holly!
Ready to rock?
180
00:08:14,044 --> 00:08:16,378
Be right up, sunshine!
181
00:08:19,230 --> 00:08:20,230
Go!
182
00:08:20,298 --> 00:08:21,614
Yeah, right.
183
00:08:23,566 --> 00:08:25,266
Holly.
184
00:08:25,334 --> 00:08:27,116
Oh, hey, Deacon. Looks like
someone's gettin' ready to go...
185
00:08:27,184 --> 00:08:29,435
Yeah, I am. Listen, I
have a huge favor to ask.
186
00:08:29,502 --> 00:08:30,386
Uh, you met my kids, right?
187
00:08:30,453 --> 00:08:32,087
I was here with 'em last week.
188
00:08:32,154 --> 00:08:33,321
Oh, sure. They're adorable.
189
00:08:33,389 --> 00:08:34,854
I love the way the little one...
190
00:08:34,922 --> 00:08:36,372
Yeah, it's so cute
when he does that.
191
00:08:36,439 --> 00:08:38,207
Anyway, I'm supposed to
go golfing right now
192
00:08:38,275 --> 00:08:40,874
with, with Doug and Carrie and
this great girl I just met,
193
00:08:40,942 --> 00:08:43,793
but my, my baby-sitter
just canceled on me.
194
00:08:43,861 --> 00:08:46,729
So you want me to watch your
kids while you go on a date?
195
00:08:46,796 --> 00:08:48,028
Can you?
196
00:08:48,530 --> 00:08:49,913
Well, no. No, no.
197
00:08:49,915 --> 00:08:51,748
I mean, I'm not a baby-sitter.
198
00:08:51,816 --> 00:08:55,150
You know, that's not what
I do, you know, at all.
199
00:08:55,217 --> 00:08:57,152
I'm... I'm a dog-Walker.
I walk dogs.
200
00:08:57,219 --> 00:08:58,919
Yeah, but you... You
walk Arthur, right?
201
00:08:58,986 --> 00:09:03,121
I mean, he's like a baby if
babies were old and strange.
202
00:09:03,189 --> 00:09:04,672
Yes. Yes, I... I do walk Arthur,
203
00:09:04,740 --> 00:09:06,607
and actually, I have
to walk him right now.
204
00:09:06,675 --> 00:09:08,742
He gets very cranky if
he doesn't get his walk
205
00:09:08,809 --> 00:09:09,842
and a knish.
206
00:09:09,909 --> 00:09:10,976
Well, look.
207
00:09:11,044 --> 00:09:13,144
The baby-sitter can stick
around for another hour.
208
00:09:13,212 --> 00:09:14,828
No. I can't do it, ok?
209
00:09:14,896 --> 00:09:17,579
Ok. All right, um, all right.
S-sorry.
210
00:09:17,647 --> 00:09:18,813
All right. Ok. I'll do it.
211
00:09:18,881 --> 00:09:20,198
You just said...
212
00:09:20,265 --> 00:09:21,799
I thought it over.
Where do you live?
213
00:09:21,866 --> 00:09:24,133
Lefrak city, building
6, apartment 16 c.
214
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,618
I'll call the baby-sitter and
tell her you're on your way.
215
00:09:26,685 --> 00:09:27,952
Thank you.
216
00:09:28,954 --> 00:09:30,421
You're welcome.
217
00:09:36,191 --> 00:09:38,725
Man, have you ever seen so
many rich people in one place?
218
00:09:38,843 --> 00:09:41,860
I feel like we're the only ones
not named "van snootington."
219
00:09:43,596 --> 00:09:46,530
Van snootington.
220
00:09:46,598 --> 00:09:48,631
Yeah. Everyone looks
at me like they think
221
00:09:48,699 --> 00:09:51,332
they should be tipping me for
something, you know what I'm sayin'?
222
00:09:51,334 --> 00:09:52,900
I do!
223
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:58,737
Ok. Looks like we
got a laugher here.
224
00:09:58,805 --> 00:10:01,055
Will this chariot
do for me ladies?
225
00:10:01,122 --> 00:10:03,440
Oh, it's fine, sire.
226
00:10:03,507 --> 00:10:05,007
It's fine, honey. Let's go.
227
00:10:05,075 --> 00:10:06,075
All right.
228
00:10:06,141 --> 00:10:07,541
All right. Let's go
spank the dimples
229
00:10:07,610 --> 00:10:08,875
off some little white balls.
230
00:10:10,044 --> 00:10:11,811
Doug and I will grab
some scorecards.
231
00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:12,928
If we're not back in 5 minutes,
232
00:10:12,996 --> 00:10:14,429
it means they threw us out.
233
00:10:23,168 --> 00:10:25,002
So, nice place, huh?
234
00:10:25,069 --> 00:10:27,287
Yeah, it's, it's beautiful.
235
00:10:27,355 --> 00:10:29,455
So you got the tickets
from your law firm?
236
00:10:29,522 --> 00:10:31,188
Well, it's not
actually my law firm.
237
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:33,757
I'm just a secretary
slash bagel-fetcher.
238
00:10:40,027 --> 00:10:41,278
What, what do you do?
239
00:10:41,345 --> 00:10:43,396
I'm a receptionist
at a car dealership.
240
00:10:43,464 --> 00:10:44,329
Oh, really?
241
00:10:44,397 --> 00:10:45,980
Well, later, we'll compare notes
242
00:10:46,048 --> 00:10:49,532
on all the creepy people we
have to suck up to, right?
243
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:55,019
Well, actually, everyone's
very nice where I work.
244
00:10:55,087 --> 00:10:57,070
That's good. Good for you.
245
00:10:57,138 --> 00:10:58,088
Let's do it.
246
00:10:58,156 --> 00:10:59,639
All right. Load
'em up, move out.
247
00:10:59,706 --> 00:11:01,122
All right. You any good at golf?
248
00:11:01,190 --> 00:11:02,273
Me? No.
249
00:11:02,341 --> 00:11:03,674
Oh, great. Me, neither.
250
00:11:03,742 --> 00:11:06,075
Ok. This is officially the
crappy golfers' cart.
251
00:11:07,444 --> 00:11:09,294
Whoa. That's a rocket.
252
00:11:09,362 --> 00:11:10,728
Ringer.
253
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,246
I think we got a ringer here.
254
00:11:12,314 --> 00:11:13,796
Girl outdrove me.
255
00:11:14,898 --> 00:11:16,732
Stop it.
256
00:11:18,851 --> 00:11:19,683
Hey.
257
00:11:19,751 --> 00:11:21,501
I thought you said you
weren't that good.
258
00:11:21,569 --> 00:11:22,935
Oh, I'm not.
259
00:11:23,003 --> 00:11:25,904
No, I could never play on
the tour like my sister.
260
00:11:31,891 --> 00:11:33,325
Ok. My turn.
261
00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:35,860
2, another stinking 2?
262
00:11:35,928 --> 00:11:37,227
1, 2.
263
00:11:37,294 --> 00:11:39,394
How much longer do we
have to stay here?
264
00:11:39,463 --> 00:11:41,496
Arthur, I told you, I
have to be here all day,
265
00:11:41,564 --> 00:11:42,964
if you hadn't taken
a half an hour
266
00:11:43,031 --> 00:11:45,065
to sit and eat your
ice-cream cone in the park,
267
00:11:45,132 --> 00:11:46,599
I would've had time
to take you home.
268
00:11:46,667 --> 00:11:49,651
Ice-cream cones are not meant
to be eaten on the move!
269
00:11:49,718 --> 00:11:51,585
Actually, they are.
270
00:11:52,770 --> 00:11:54,070
I'm sorry, sweetie.
271
00:11:54,138 --> 00:11:56,204
3. 1, 2, 3.
272
00:11:56,272 --> 00:11:58,639
Look at you putting all your
ducks in the truck, major.
273
00:11:58,707 --> 00:12:00,606
Good work, buddy.
274
00:12:00,674 --> 00:12:03,875
So, the fact that I'm bored to
tears means nothing to you?
275
00:12:03,943 --> 00:12:06,143
Arthur, we invited you
to play trouble with us.
276
00:12:06,178 --> 00:12:09,412
Your explanation of the
rules was incomprehensible.
277
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:11,797
My turn.
278
00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:12,898
5.
279
00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:15,466
1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
280
00:12:15,534 --> 00:12:16,933
Gotcha. You gotta go back.
281
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:17,817
Aw, I don't wanna go back.
282
00:12:17,885 --> 00:12:19,434
You gotta go back,
you big cheater.
283
00:12:19,502 --> 00:12:21,168
You're the cheater.
You're the cheater.
284
00:12:21,236 --> 00:12:22,419
You are.
285
00:12:22,421 --> 00:12:23,820
I hate it here!
286
00:12:26,739 --> 00:12:27,772
Whoa. Good cut.
287
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:29,073
Just keep your head down, car'.
288
00:12:29,141 --> 00:12:30,308
I will.
289
00:12:32,843 --> 00:12:35,244
You know, shouldn't you guys
be hitting your own balls?
290
00:12:35,312 --> 00:12:37,295
We're all on the green, babe.
291
00:12:41,832 --> 00:12:43,198
Whoa. That's a big divot.
292
00:12:43,265 --> 00:12:45,366
What, are you puttin'
in a hot tub?
293
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:48,985
Ok. You know what?
294
00:12:49,052 --> 00:12:51,286
Why don't you guys go to the
green and I'll catch up?
295
00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:53,972
You sure? 'Cause we're fine watchin' you.
Give us a little wiggle.
296
00:12:54,006 --> 00:12:54,872
I'm sure.
297
00:12:54,939 --> 00:12:56,123
All right.
298
00:12:56,190 --> 00:12:57,056
All right. You on?
299
00:12:57,124 --> 00:12:58,458
I'm on. Cheese it! The cops!
300
00:12:58,525 --> 00:12:59,657
Uh, hang on!
301
00:12:59,725 --> 00:13:01,359
I'm gonna try to
jump the sand trap!
302
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:13,499
So, the whole game,
303
00:13:13,566 --> 00:13:15,133
Doug's just, like,
raggin' on their,
304
00:13:15,201 --> 00:13:17,201
like, what, 8-foot
Lithuanian center,
305
00:13:17,269 --> 00:13:18,986
kept calling him "lurch."
306
00:13:19,054 --> 00:13:21,670
So, finally, the guy just whips
around and glares at me, like...
307
00:13:23,238 --> 00:13:25,072
He, he did not.
308
00:13:25,140 --> 00:13:27,040
This boy jumps under his seat.
309
00:13:27,192 --> 00:13:29,492
He's kissin' peanut shells for
the rest of the 4th quarter.
310
00:13:29,610 --> 00:13:32,877
You'd be surprised at how
many good ones were there.
311
00:13:37,613 --> 00:13:39,313
Don't you think this is funny?
312
00:13:39,381 --> 00:13:40,748
No. No, I do.
313
00:13:40,816 --> 00:13:43,650
I just heard this story
a couple of times.
314
00:13:43,818 --> 00:13:45,585
Hey, Deac', I just remembered.
Jimmy at work,
315
00:13:45,652 --> 00:13:47,885
he wants to sell off part of
his season ticket package.
316
00:13:47,953 --> 00:13:49,553
He's got 4 seats, right?
317
00:13:49,621 --> 00:13:51,170
We should all go to a bunch
of knick games together.
318
00:13:51,238 --> 00:13:52,454
That'd be awesome, huh?
319
00:13:52,522 --> 00:13:53,206
Would you want to do that?
320
00:13:53,273 --> 00:13:54,823
Are you kidding?
Where do I sign up?
321
00:13:54,890 --> 00:13:56,423
Great. I gotta make
a quick pit stop
322
00:13:56,491 --> 00:13:58,407
before we hit the back 9,
323
00:13:58,475 --> 00:14:00,543
and then I got some serious
ass-whoopin' to do, my man.
324
00:14:00,610 --> 00:14:03,527
Hey, the only thing that's gettin'
whooped around here is your wallet.
325
00:14:03,595 --> 00:14:05,678
So pee well, my friend.
326
00:14:05,746 --> 00:14:07,263
Actually, I'm gonna follow you,
327
00:14:07,331 --> 00:14:09,198
'cause I need to go to
the ladies' room, too.
328
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:13,751
Oh, man. This is great, huh?
329
00:14:13,818 --> 00:14:15,368
Yeah. It's fine, Doug.
330
00:14:15,436 --> 00:14:17,269
I just wish you would've
talked to me first
331
00:14:17,337 --> 00:14:19,620
before you hog-tied the 4
of us together for life.
332
00:14:19,688 --> 00:14:21,172
What are you talkin' about?
333
00:14:21,239 --> 00:14:22,772
Well, in case you
haven't noticed,
334
00:14:22,790 --> 00:14:24,773
I'm not really clicking
with Leslie, here.
335
00:14:24,791 --> 00:14:27,191
How can you not be clickin' with her?
She's phenomenal.
336
00:14:27,259 --> 00:14:29,176
She's click-a-licious.
337
00:14:31,461 --> 00:14:33,513
It's a magical foursome
we got goin', here.
338
00:14:33,580 --> 00:14:34,629
No.
339
00:14:34,697 --> 00:14:36,697
No, I admit you have a
magical threesome going.
340
00:14:36,765 --> 00:14:38,698
You and Deacon are doing
your nightclub act,
341
00:14:38,766 --> 00:14:41,466
and she's the happy
drunk in the audience.
342
00:14:42,452 --> 00:14:44,735
But I'm kinda out of it, hon'.
343
00:14:44,803 --> 00:14:46,669
Oh, now I get it.
344
00:14:46,737 --> 00:14:48,137
You just don't like her
345
00:14:48,204 --> 00:14:51,705
because she's not as bitchy
and sarcastic as Kelly.
346
00:14:51,773 --> 00:14:54,374
I miss that a little, yes.
347
00:14:54,526 --> 00:14:56,091
And you know why you miss it?
348
00:14:56,159 --> 00:14:59,193
'Cause you don't welcome
joy into your life.
349
00:14:59,261 --> 00:15:01,929
Where's your joy?
Where's your laughter?
350
00:15:01,996 --> 00:15:02,778
I laugh.
351
00:15:02,846 --> 00:15:04,663
No. Laughter's happy,
352
00:15:04,730 --> 00:15:06,498
And that terrifies you.
353
00:15:06,565 --> 00:15:07,832
Ok. You know what?
354
00:15:07,899 --> 00:15:09,733
You're about to get a
melon fork in the eye.
355
00:15:09,834 --> 00:15:11,417
Look, the foursome is back, ok?
356
00:15:11,485 --> 00:15:13,802
You can be part of it or not.
The choice is yours.
357
00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:15,469
Well, Einstein, if
I'm not part of it,
358
00:15:15,538 --> 00:15:17,470
then you don't have a foursome.
359
00:15:17,538 --> 00:15:20,189
You've never been wronger.
360
00:15:24,525 --> 00:15:26,408
Ok. Here's a pretty easy one.
361
00:15:26,476 --> 00:15:28,127
"Cat"? That's easy.
362
00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:29,277
I said it was easy.
363
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,811
I'm just gettin' you
warmed up, buddy.
364
00:15:30,879 --> 00:15:33,079
Ok. Here's a pretty tough one.
365
00:15:33,547 --> 00:15:34,464
"T..."
366
00:15:34,531 --> 00:15:36,048
"T-tr-tr..."
367
00:15:36,115 --> 00:15:36,898
"train."
368
00:15:37,050 --> 00:15:38,433
Arthur.
369
00:15:38,435 --> 00:15:39,684
He was taking an eternity.
370
00:15:39,752 --> 00:15:42,186
All right, can you please go
to the bedroom and watch TV?
371
00:15:42,253 --> 00:15:44,186
No. There's a poster of
dizzy Gillespie in there,
372
00:15:44,254 --> 00:15:47,471
and his eyes follow
me around the room.
373
00:15:47,538 --> 00:15:49,639
All right. Ooh. Here's
a fun one, kirb.
374
00:15:49,706 --> 00:15:50,640
"Zebra."
375
00:15:50,707 --> 00:15:51,940
Arthur!
376
00:15:52,091 --> 00:15:53,825
You said it was fun. Why
can't I join in the fun?
377
00:15:53,893 --> 00:15:56,693
All right, will you
please stop it?
378
00:15:56,761 --> 00:15:58,261
I want fish sticks.
379
00:15:58,328 --> 00:16:00,462
Yeah, me, too.
380
00:16:00,530 --> 00:16:01,913
All right. All right.
381
00:16:01,981 --> 00:16:03,481
Uh, Arthur, could you
keep an eye on the kids?
382
00:16:03,549 --> 00:16:04,614
Me? Why?
383
00:16:04,899 --> 00:16:06,033
'Cause I gotta go
make fish sticks.
384
00:16:06,183 --> 00:16:08,251
But I haven't looked after
a small child in years,
385
00:16:08,318 --> 00:16:10,635
and according to her, I
botched it pretty badly.
386
00:16:10,702 --> 00:16:13,136
You'll be... You'll be fine.
387
00:16:26,661 --> 00:16:28,095
So, uh,
388
00:16:28,162 --> 00:16:30,363
where do you fellas hail from?
389
00:16:38,635 --> 00:16:39,667
Ow.
390
00:16:40,069 --> 00:16:41,469
Crap.
391
00:16:41,537 --> 00:16:43,103
Carrie?
392
00:16:44,088 --> 00:16:45,338
Tina.
393
00:16:46,290 --> 00:16:47,389
Hey.
394
00:16:47,457 --> 00:16:48,557
How you doin'?
395
00:16:48,625 --> 00:16:50,058
Oh, girl.
396
00:16:50,125 --> 00:16:51,558
I hate this stupid game.
397
00:16:51,626 --> 00:16:53,475
Ugh.
398
00:16:53,543 --> 00:16:55,227
I think the partners just give
us these passes to torture us,
399
00:16:55,295 --> 00:16:56,427
you know what I'm sayin'?
400
00:16:56,495 --> 00:16:57,778
Yeah, I know what you're sayin'.
401
00:16:57,847 --> 00:16:59,112
I'd be fine playing 3 holes
402
00:16:59,180 --> 00:17:01,297
and layin' out on the sand
trap, gettin' some rays.
403
00:17:01,365 --> 00:17:02,599
Yeah. Right.
404
00:17:02,666 --> 00:17:03,632
Is Carlos here?
405
00:17:03,699 --> 00:17:05,365
No, I dumped that
loser 2 weeks ago.
406
00:17:05,434 --> 00:17:07,334
Just invited some girlfriends.
407
00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:09,069
Hey, car'.
408
00:17:09,136 --> 00:17:11,169
I, I think your ball's in the
rough about 30 yards down.
409
00:17:11,237 --> 00:17:12,537
Oh, thanks.
410
00:17:14,423 --> 00:17:17,339
Uh, Deacon, this
is my friend Tina.
411
00:17:17,407 --> 00:17:18,791
She works with me at the firm,
412
00:17:18,808 --> 00:17:20,591
and, Tina, this is
our friend Deacon.
413
00:17:20,659 --> 00:17:21,542
Nice to meet you.
414
00:17:21,694 --> 00:17:22,759
Nice to meet you, too.
415
00:17:22,827 --> 00:17:23,827
All right.
416
00:17:23,895 --> 00:17:25,261
This is wild, you know?
417
00:17:25,329 --> 00:17:28,012
2 friends who love jazz,
418
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,748
together in the same place?
419
00:17:30,815 --> 00:17:32,431
That... What are the odds?
420
00:17:32,499 --> 00:17:34,165
You're into jazz?
421
00:17:34,233 --> 00:17:35,750
Um, it's ok.
422
00:17:35,818 --> 00:17:37,285
What are you talkin' about?
423
00:17:37,352 --> 00:17:38,785
You have that radio
on your desk.
424
00:17:38,853 --> 00:17:39,970
You're always boppin' around.
425
00:17:40,037 --> 00:17:41,737
Oh, that's a salsa station.
426
00:17:41,804 --> 00:17:43,838
Well, it's pretty darn jazzy.
427
00:17:43,906 --> 00:17:46,706
I think the point is that
you both listen to music,
428
00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:49,141
and that's... that's fun.
429
00:17:49,209 --> 00:17:51,442
Hey! What's goin' on?
How we doin', here?
430
00:17:51,510 --> 00:17:53,978
We're doin' fine. Tina lost her ball.
Go away.
431
00:17:54,045 --> 00:17:55,411
Oh, hi. Well, Tina.
432
00:17:55,479 --> 00:17:57,445
I got a brand-new titleist there.
You're back on the fairway.
433
00:17:57,513 --> 00:17:58,680
Nice seein' you.
434
00:17:58,915 --> 00:18:00,180
Oh, well, ok. Thanks. Bye, car'.
435
00:18:00,248 --> 00:18:01,682
Nice meeting you, Deacon.
436
00:18:01,750 --> 00:18:03,200
Uh, you, too.
437
00:18:04,252 --> 00:18:06,319
I'm gonna go catch
up with Leslie.
438
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:07,218
Yeah. Good.
439
00:18:07,285 --> 00:18:09,137
Take it easy, now.
440
00:18:09,204 --> 00:18:11,820
You were tryin' to fix him up with
your friend Tina, weren't you?
441
00:18:11,889 --> 00:18:14,089
What'd you do? Arrange this
little chance meeting?
442
00:18:14,190 --> 00:18:16,573
Yes, Doug. I had Tina
airlifted into the woods
443
00:18:16,641 --> 00:18:17,975
just to mess up your day.
444
00:18:18,043 --> 00:18:19,542
I can't believe you.
445
00:18:19,609 --> 00:18:20,877
Doug, I just ran into her, ok?
446
00:18:20,945 --> 00:18:22,177
But I will tell you something.
447
00:18:22,244 --> 00:18:23,878
When Deacon looked at Tina,
448
00:18:23,946 --> 00:18:25,680
there was a connection.
449
00:18:25,747 --> 00:18:27,414
No, no, no.
450
00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:28,914
I think when you looked at
Tina, there was a connection.
451
00:18:28,982 --> 00:18:30,449
Ok? Deacon likes Leslie.
452
00:18:30,516 --> 00:18:31,816
Oh, please.
453
00:18:33,184 --> 00:18:37,486
"I have no personality, so
I laugh at everything."
454
00:18:37,554 --> 00:18:41,271
Do you actually think he can have a
relationship with someone like that?
455
00:18:41,339 --> 00:18:44,256
Do you think he'd have a great
relationship with Tina, the office slut?
456
00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:47,324
I was mad at her
when I said that.
457
00:18:47,392 --> 00:18:49,093
This thing we got
goin' here works, ok?
458
00:18:49,161 --> 00:18:50,710
Deal with it.
459
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,347
Wh-where you goin'?
460
00:18:56,482 --> 00:18:58,215
I am dealing with it.
461
00:18:58,283 --> 00:19:00,350
Obviously you have a
great thing going here,
462
00:19:00,417 --> 00:19:01,750
and I don't want
to be in the way
463
00:19:01,817 --> 00:19:03,318
when you 3 start to make out.
464
00:19:03,386 --> 00:19:05,253
Car-Carrie, get back here.
465
00:19:06,570 --> 00:19:07,770
Carrie.
466
00:19:08,705 --> 00:19:09,822
Carrie.
467
00:19:09,889 --> 00:19:11,022
Stop it!
468
00:19:11,090 --> 00:19:12,924
Carrie!
469
00:19:12,991 --> 00:19:15,158
Carrie, stop! Stop it!
470
00:19:15,226 --> 00:19:16,291
Get off!
471
00:19:16,359 --> 00:19:18,326
Stop it! Would you stop?
472
00:19:29,284 --> 00:19:30,867
All right.
473
00:19:30,934 --> 00:19:32,668
Almost made it through
the whole day
474
00:19:32,736 --> 00:19:35,670
without sliding back
down crap Mountain.
475
00:19:48,529 --> 00:19:49,761
Then,
476
00:19:49,829 --> 00:19:51,712
from the comfort of their
cushy headquarters,
477
00:19:51,714 --> 00:19:54,981
the generals commanded our weary
platoon to take the town.
478
00:19:56,333 --> 00:19:57,950
This fellow is me.
479
00:19:58,017 --> 00:19:59,817
You can tell by the firm-set jaw
480
00:19:59,885 --> 00:20:02,586
and the look of
steely determination.
481
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:04,704
Who's this?
482
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:06,571
That's o'Shannon.
483
00:20:07,739 --> 00:20:09,506
He didn't make it.
484
00:20:10,206 --> 00:20:11,424
Hey, I'm home.
485
00:20:11,542 --> 00:20:12,457
Hey, dad.
486
00:20:12,525 --> 00:20:13,658
Hey, kirb. Hey, Arthur.
487
00:20:13,726 --> 00:20:15,559
Fish sticks are on the table.
488
00:20:15,627 --> 00:20:17,227
Hey, Deacon.
489
00:20:17,294 --> 00:20:18,260
Hey.
490
00:20:18,328 --> 00:20:20,729
Come on. While we eat,
491
00:20:20,797 --> 00:20:22,262
I'll tell you what
really goes on
492
00:20:22,330 --> 00:20:24,831
inside an army
psychiatric hospital.
493
00:20:28,034 --> 00:20:29,718
You're home early.
494
00:20:29,785 --> 00:20:30,902
How was your date?
495
00:20:30,970 --> 00:20:33,687
Well, I'm home early.
496
00:20:33,689 --> 00:20:36,354
Hey, listen, thanks for covering for me.
How'd it go here?
497
00:20:36,422 --> 00:20:37,306
Good, good. It was good.
498
00:20:37,373 --> 00:20:38,806
Everyone's accounted for.
499
00:20:38,873 --> 00:20:42,175
Although it is easier for me
when they're all on leashes.
500
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,510
I wasn't suggesting that you
put your kids on a leash.
501
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,360
Actually, that's
probably not a bad idea.
502
00:20:47,495 --> 00:20:48,678
Uh, please don't laugh.
503
00:20:48,746 --> 00:20:50,279
Oh. Okey-doke.
504
00:20:53,249 --> 00:20:55,582
Well, I guess I should be going.
505
00:20:55,650 --> 00:20:57,533
Arthur, you ready?
506
00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:59,485
Actually, I've been
invited to sleep over.
507
00:20:59,552 --> 00:21:01,336
I'll see you tomorrow.
508
00:21:03,404 --> 00:21:04,804
I'll see you around, Deacon.
509
00:21:04,872 --> 00:21:06,072
Yeah.
510
00:21:06,140 --> 00:21:08,273
Oh, wait, wait. Let
me pay you for today.
511
00:21:08,341 --> 00:21:09,707
Money? No. No, no, no, no, no.
512
00:21:09,774 --> 00:21:10,775
What? Come on.
513
00:21:10,842 --> 00:21:12,476
I gotta give you something.
514
00:21:12,543 --> 00:21:14,660
No, no, really, I mean, I... I
just got a bunch of new clients,
515
00:21:14,728 --> 00:21:15,961
a whole family of beagles.
516
00:21:16,079 --> 00:21:18,112
I'm doing quite well, really.
517
00:21:18,179 --> 00:21:19,846
Really. It's fine.
518
00:21:22,166 --> 00:21:23,199
Ok.
519
00:21:24,167 --> 00:21:25,200
Thanks.
520
00:21:25,268 --> 00:21:26,834
I owe you one.
521
00:21:26,901 --> 00:21:29,184
I may just take you up on that.
522
00:21:31,287 --> 00:21:32,387
Bye.
523
00:21:32,455 --> 00:21:33,538
Ooh.
524
00:21:46,213 --> 00:21:47,979
Come on, you 2. It's late.
525
00:21:48,047 --> 00:21:49,496
Lights out.
526
00:21:50,865 --> 00:21:52,331
A clarification, sir.
527
00:21:52,399 --> 00:21:55,501
When you say, "lights out,"
does that include flashlights?
36712
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