Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,091 --> 00:00:07,509
Hmm.
2
00:00:07,577 --> 00:00:08,662
What?
3
00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:12,501
I'm a little parched.
4
00:00:24,987 --> 00:00:27,039
What, you want a beer?
5
00:00:27,141 --> 00:00:29,843
What the hell did
you do over there?
6
00:00:29,911 --> 00:00:31,278
This?
7
00:00:31,346 --> 00:00:33,365
Just a little upgrade
on the night table.
8
00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:35,385
Is that a refrigerator?
9
00:00:35,519 --> 00:00:38,456
I like to refer to it
as a minibar, but, yes.
10
00:00:39,442 --> 00:00:41,477
What do you got in there?
11
00:00:43,081 --> 00:00:47,053
Beer, devil dogs,
leftover Chinese,
12
00:00:48,622 --> 00:00:51,776
cocktail sauce. This...
this is absurd.
13
00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:54,764
Yeah, it's absurd until we're up here
eatin' shrimp without any sauce.
14
00:00:54,832 --> 00:00:55,999
Then not so absurd.
15
00:00:56,067 --> 00:00:58,704
No, I mean the refrigerator.
The whole thing.
16
00:00:58,771 --> 00:01:00,823
You can't do this. It's just...
it's...
17
00:01:00,891 --> 00:01:02,492
It's not done.
18
00:01:03,562 --> 00:01:05,096
Why do you fear change?
19
00:01:05,164 --> 00:01:06,531
Oh, forget it. This is stupid.
20
00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:08,101
I'm going to sleep.
21
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,872
All right. Good night,
miss fridge-less.
22
00:01:39,082 --> 00:01:41,619
It's gone in the morning.
23
00:02:15,871 --> 00:02:18,558
Welcome home from
the hospital, dad.
24
00:02:18,625 --> 00:02:21,428
Yeah, it's really great
to have you back, Arthur.
25
00:02:23,298 --> 00:02:25,000
So, how does it feel to be home?
26
00:02:25,068 --> 00:02:26,168
Delightful.
27
00:02:27,371 --> 00:02:29,807
So, where is everybody?
28
00:02:29,875 --> 00:02:31,009
What?
29
00:02:31,077 --> 00:02:34,381
For my welcome-home
surprise party.
30
00:02:34,449 --> 00:02:37,251
Um, dad, there's
no surprise party.
31
00:02:37,319 --> 00:02:39,188
Then I guess
32
00:02:39,255 --> 00:02:42,226
you won't mind if I
look behind the couch!
33
00:02:43,529 --> 00:02:45,097
You just had heart surgery.
34
00:02:45,164 --> 00:02:48,469
Our first thought wasn't to have
people jump out and scare you.
35
00:02:48,537 --> 00:02:49,804
Uh-huh? Then I guess
36
00:02:49,872 --> 00:02:52,475
you would have no
problem with me going
37
00:02:52,677 --> 00:02:54,262
into the kitchen!
38
00:02:56,966 --> 00:02:58,834
Oh, you're very good.
39
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,907
All right, before you
look under the sink,
40
00:03:02,975 --> 00:03:05,177
we really didn't plan a party.
41
00:03:05,245 --> 00:03:07,580
Then what was all that
stalling at the hospital?
42
00:03:07,648 --> 00:03:08,916
I was gettin' the car
43
00:03:08,984 --> 00:03:11,519
and apologizin' to
your scrub nurse.
44
00:03:12,389 --> 00:03:14,375
So, not even a cake?
45
00:03:14,442 --> 00:03:15,710
I'm sorry.
46
00:03:15,778 --> 00:03:17,680
I claw my way back
from death's door,
47
00:03:17,747 --> 00:03:20,116
and I don't even get a cake?
48
00:03:22,288 --> 00:03:24,290
Pat's bakery. I'm takin' this.
49
00:03:24,357 --> 00:03:26,459
That's stale bread
for the ducks.
50
00:03:26,527 --> 00:03:28,095
It's mine now!
51
00:03:31,166 --> 00:03:33,236
Dad, breakfast!
52
00:03:33,303 --> 00:03:35,590
No, thank you!
53
00:03:35,658 --> 00:03:38,561
I made you egg whites,
like they said.
54
00:03:38,629 --> 00:03:40,597
What's the point
without the yellow?
55
00:03:40,665 --> 00:03:43,051
That's the actual baby chicken.
56
00:03:43,168 --> 00:03:45,004
Why does he do that?
57
00:03:46,223 --> 00:03:47,524
You gotta eat.
58
00:03:47,593 --> 00:03:49,060
Want me to bring
you down a tray?
59
00:03:49,127 --> 00:03:51,814
No! Don't you come down here!
60
00:03:53,785 --> 00:03:55,520
Something's wrong.
61
00:03:55,588 --> 00:03:56,738
Dad?
62
00:03:57,641 --> 00:03:59,075
Dad.
63
00:03:59,143 --> 00:04:01,462
I'm in the bathroom.
64
00:04:02,798 --> 00:04:04,049
What are you doin' in there?
65
00:04:04,117 --> 00:04:05,452
Be vague.
66
00:04:06,937 --> 00:04:09,074
I was stepping from the shower,
67
00:04:09,142 --> 00:04:10,943
and I started
feeling a bit woozy
68
00:04:11,011 --> 00:04:12,412
from my new medication.
69
00:04:12,479 --> 00:04:14,081
Long story short,
70
00:04:14,149 --> 00:04:17,670
I'm currently wedged between
the sink and the toilet.
71
00:04:19,823 --> 00:04:22,126
Oh, my God. Well, let us help.
72
00:04:22,795 --> 00:04:24,831
Doug, go help.
73
00:04:24,899 --> 00:04:26,366
No. He just got out
of the shower.
74
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,737
That means everything's wet and
75
00:04:29,471 --> 00:04:30,723
dangling.
76
00:04:33,261 --> 00:04:36,448
Just pretend you're in the
locker room at the gym, ok?
77
00:04:36,515 --> 00:04:39,586
You told me you check out
the old guys anyway.
78
00:04:40,656 --> 00:04:43,558
I will never open
up to you again.
79
00:04:43,626 --> 00:04:46,279
Perhaps you two would
like to argue further
80
00:04:46,347 --> 00:04:48,115
as my feet go numb!
81
00:04:48,183 --> 00:04:50,553
Ok, fine! God, I'll...
82
00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:52,890
Comin' in, Arthur. Oh, God.
83
00:04:53,925 --> 00:04:55,493
Oh, boy.
84
00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:00,451
God.
85
00:05:00,519 --> 00:05:02,554
Douglas, this may go faster
86
00:05:02,622 --> 00:05:05,307
if you uncover your eyes.
87
00:05:05,375 --> 00:05:07,444
Ok. Oh, God!
88
00:05:09,482 --> 00:05:11,935
Come on! Just lift me here.
89
00:05:11,969 --> 00:05:13,904
No, I'm not gonna
lift you there.
90
00:05:13,906 --> 00:05:15,640
How about here?
91
00:05:15,707 --> 00:05:18,195
I'd rather do the first one.
92
00:05:18,262 --> 00:05:21,165
Just lift me somewhere,
you homophobe!
93
00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:22,701
Doug, help him!
94
00:05:22,769 --> 00:05:24,270
Ok!
95
00:05:26,391 --> 00:05:30,379
Oh, gosh. All right. Oh, man.
96
00:05:30,447 --> 00:05:31,866
Ok.
97
00:05:34,937 --> 00:05:36,855
Ok, he's good.
98
00:05:36,924 --> 00:05:38,374
Now boil me.
99
00:05:43,901 --> 00:05:45,936
I am not moving up
to the guest room.
100
00:05:46,004 --> 00:05:48,940
Dad, you just had surgery.
You're on new medication.
101
00:05:49,007 --> 00:05:50,976
I think I need to
keep an eye on you.
102
00:05:51,044 --> 00:05:52,312
Keep an eye on me?
103
00:05:52,380 --> 00:05:54,749
No, thank you, senator McCarthy!
104
00:05:55,985 --> 00:05:59,657
Doug, tell him he has to
move upstairs near us.
105
00:06:00,726 --> 00:06:02,911
I can't do that.
106
00:06:02,979 --> 00:06:04,446
I am not moving.
107
00:06:04,514 --> 00:06:06,116
And if you force me,
108
00:06:06,184 --> 00:06:08,787
I will wear only
underwear to dinner!
109
00:06:13,346 --> 00:06:16,599
Well, if he's not wearin'
pants, I'm not wearin' pants.
110
00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:21,440
Why does he have to
be so difficult?
111
00:06:21,508 --> 00:06:24,544
I wish I still smoked, because I could
really use a cigarette right now.
112
00:06:24,612 --> 00:06:27,115
Don't stress out, all right? He
doesn't need to move upstairs.
113
00:06:27,182 --> 00:06:29,184
Doug, you saw him. He
just spent 3 hours
114
00:06:29,252 --> 00:06:31,021
wedged under a toilet tank.
115
00:06:31,088 --> 00:06:32,723
That was a complete fluke.
116
00:06:32,791 --> 00:06:34,960
If we dropped your father on the
bathroom floor a thousand times,
117
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:36,929
he would never land
that way again.
118
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:39,183
All right, you know what?
Either hop on board
119
00:06:39,250 --> 00:06:41,319
and help me to get him
to move upstairs,
120
00:06:41,387 --> 00:06:44,657
or think of another way I
can make sure he's safe.
121
00:06:45,426 --> 00:06:47,128
Ok, don't laugh.
122
00:06:48,397 --> 00:06:49,682
Cowbell.
123
00:07:01,117 --> 00:07:02,618
So? Did you hook it up?
124
00:07:02,686 --> 00:07:04,354
Yeah. I wired it
through the cable.
125
00:07:04,422 --> 00:07:06,891
Channel 3 on every T.V.
In the house.
126
00:07:06,959 --> 00:07:10,480
Great idea I had about puttin'
the baby cam in, huh?
127
00:07:10,548 --> 00:07:12,984
Come on, give me some props.
128
00:07:13,052 --> 00:07:16,138
You never gave the
cowbell a chance.
129
00:07:16,206 --> 00:07:17,340
Come on, this is great.
130
00:07:17,408 --> 00:07:19,143
A couple of times a
day we flick it on,
131
00:07:19,211 --> 00:07:21,780
we check in on him.
He never has to know.
132
00:07:21,847 --> 00:07:23,649
So, how'd you get the
camera in his room
133
00:07:23,717 --> 00:07:24,885
without him seeing you?
134
00:07:24,953 --> 00:07:27,022
I lured him outside
with peanuts.
135
00:07:27,089 --> 00:07:28,123
What?
136
00:07:28,191 --> 00:07:29,909
I put a bag of peanuts
in the backyard.
137
00:07:29,976 --> 00:07:32,814
He went out and ate 'em.
Like a squirrel.
138
00:07:36,487 --> 00:07:38,589
Look, he's still eating them.
139
00:07:38,656 --> 00:07:41,309
Oh, you really made
his day, honey.
140
00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:43,063
All right, I feel
better already.
141
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:45,232
Thank you so much.
142
00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:46,768
What's the matter?
143
00:07:46,835 --> 00:07:50,223
Nothin'. I'm just
dealing with the horror
144
00:07:50,291 --> 00:07:51,792
of having to see his face
145
00:07:51,860 --> 00:07:54,095
on the thing I love most.
146
00:07:54,163 --> 00:07:56,098
Oh, come on. That's done.
147
00:07:56,166 --> 00:07:58,769
Next thing. Keep
Monday night open.
148
00:07:58,837 --> 00:08:01,039
I have our insurance
guy comin' over.
149
00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:03,811
Monday night, that's football.
I have company comin' over.
150
00:08:03,945 --> 00:08:05,279
Company?
151
00:08:05,281 --> 00:08:07,032
That's right. I can call
my friends "company."
152
00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:09,686
Yeah, well, tell your
company they can get drunk
153
00:08:09,754 --> 00:08:12,640
and thumb-wrestle without you.
154
00:08:12,708 --> 00:08:14,777
Why do we gotta meet with
the insurance man, anyway?
155
00:08:14,844 --> 00:08:16,345
Because, honey,
156
00:08:16,414 --> 00:08:18,482
this whole thing with my dad
getting sick got me thinking.
157
00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:21,386
I mean, all kinds of bad
stuff can happen to us,
158
00:08:21,455 --> 00:08:22,872
and we're not prepared.
159
00:08:22,939 --> 00:08:24,508
I mean, we don't even
have any life insurance.
160
00:08:24,576 --> 00:08:26,344
Yeah, we do. No, we don't.
161
00:08:26,412 --> 00:08:29,064
Uh, yeah, we do. I got it when I signed
up for that sears card, remember?
162
00:08:29,132 --> 00:08:31,184
I checked that box.
163
00:08:31,252 --> 00:08:34,456
That's for $2,500!
That's not enough.
164
00:08:34,523 --> 00:08:36,159
Well, I see someone's
plannin' to live
165
00:08:36,227 --> 00:08:38,095
pretty high on the
hog when I'm dead.
166
00:08:38,163 --> 00:08:40,131
Come on, we're getting
more insurance.
167
00:08:40,199 --> 00:08:42,068
We need to start
planning for our future.
168
00:08:42,135 --> 00:08:43,470
I have plans for our future.
169
00:08:43,537 --> 00:08:45,857
Besides owning a robot.
170
00:08:45,924 --> 00:08:49,112
Fine. Now I'm gonna program
him not to love you.
171
00:08:55,939 --> 00:08:57,274
Oh.
172
00:08:57,342 --> 00:09:00,428
45 to 3. It's a blowout.
173
00:09:00,496 --> 00:09:04,718
Now we gotta hope someone breaks
their leg and they keep showin' it.
174
00:09:04,786 --> 00:09:07,623
Man, Doug picked a
good game to miss.
175
00:09:07,691 --> 00:09:08,792
Anything else on?
176
00:09:08,860 --> 00:09:10,527
Uh, let's see.
177
00:09:10,594 --> 00:09:11,896
♪
178
00:09:11,964 --> 00:09:13,933
Mannequin 2.
179
00:09:15,052 --> 00:09:16,871
TV guide channel
180
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:21,911
what in the Sam hill?
181
00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:23,597
Oh, that's my baby cam.
182
00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:26,334
Doug and Carrie borrowed it
to keep an eye on Arthur.
183
00:09:26,402 --> 00:09:28,404
He doesn't know he's on TV?
184
00:09:28,472 --> 00:09:29,573
Nope.
185
00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:31,209
All right, come on,
keep flippin'.
186
00:09:31,276 --> 00:09:33,878
Oh, ok. Um, oh, wait.
What's he doin'?
187
00:09:36,568 --> 00:09:39,004
Look's like he's
takin' some clothes
188
00:09:39,071 --> 00:09:40,773
out of the dryer.
189
00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:41,824
Huh!
190
00:09:47,450 --> 00:09:49,952
So, of course if Doug were
to die suddenly, Carrie,
191
00:09:50,020 --> 00:09:52,441
you would receive the maximum
payout of this policy.
192
00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:53,409
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
193
00:09:53,476 --> 00:09:54,977
But if Doug were to, say,
194
00:09:55,045 --> 00:09:57,765
sustain a massive head
injury, which he survives,
195
00:09:57,833 --> 00:09:59,067
the good news is
196
00:09:59,135 --> 00:10:01,003
this policy would cover
his hospital stay,
197
00:10:01,104 --> 00:10:04,125
his physical therapy,
and any life support.
198
00:10:05,144 --> 00:10:06,912
That is good news.
199
00:10:09,017 --> 00:10:10,484
Look at this.
200
00:10:10,552 --> 00:10:12,821
He's puttin' his underwear
in the bottom drawer.
201
00:10:12,888 --> 00:10:14,857
Who does that?
202
00:10:14,925 --> 00:10:16,660
Underwear's top drawer.
Am I right?
203
00:10:16,728 --> 00:10:18,579
Where I come from.
204
00:10:20,834 --> 00:10:23,053
Uh, whoa, wait. He's
going back to the dryer?
205
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:24,756
Yeah, he put in another load.
206
00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:26,325
He... when?
207
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:27,894
When you were peeing.
208
00:10:27,962 --> 00:10:31,933
What? Why don't you tell
me these things? Oh, man.
209
00:10:32,001 --> 00:10:33,569
Uh-oh. Look, look.
210
00:10:33,637 --> 00:10:37,007
He left a sock in the dryer.
211
00:10:37,075 --> 00:10:38,777
Fasten your seat
belts, gentlemen.
212
00:10:38,845 --> 00:10:40,246
Ok, he'll see it, he'll see it.
213
00:10:40,313 --> 00:10:42,115
I don't think so, man.
214
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:43,852
It's right there, hangin'
out of the dryer.
215
00:10:43,919 --> 00:10:45,554
He doesn't see it.
He's confused.
216
00:10:45,622 --> 00:10:47,322
Oh, God!
217
00:10:47,391 --> 00:10:49,025
It's right there. Damn it!
Turn around!
218
00:10:49,093 --> 00:10:52,063
It's 2 feet from your head, guy!
219
00:10:55,336 --> 00:10:56,670
No!
220
00:10:56,738 --> 00:10:58,407
He threw it in the garbage.
221
00:10:58,474 --> 00:11:01,210
This... this is terrible.
222
00:11:01,278 --> 00:11:03,314
Ok, I think that the
term life policy
223
00:11:03,381 --> 00:11:05,584
offered by Western
mutual is best for you.
224
00:11:05,651 --> 00:11:07,220
So why don't we
roll up our sleeves
225
00:11:07,287 --> 00:11:09,657
and get to the nitty-gritty?
226
00:11:09,724 --> 00:11:12,377
Ok. Do you own this house
and you pay a mortgage?
227
00:11:12,445 --> 00:11:13,529
Yes.
228
00:11:13,597 --> 00:11:15,799
And, Carrie, if Doug
were to pass away,
229
00:11:15,867 --> 00:11:17,886
you would stay here, and
your father, Arthur,
230
00:11:18,021 --> 00:11:19,539
would continue to
live here with you?
231
00:11:19,606 --> 00:11:20,789
Yes. Definitely.
232
00:11:20,891 --> 00:11:22,643
And if you were to pass away,
233
00:11:22,710 --> 00:11:24,896
would your father continue
to live here with Doug?
234
00:11:24,964 --> 00:11:26,765
Oh, of course.
235
00:11:26,833 --> 00:11:29,053
Great.
236
00:11:29,121 --> 00:11:32,257
Let's move on to some
payment options.
237
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:34,861
People, a lot of people
like to pay it annually,
238
00:11:34,929 --> 00:11:37,265
take the medicine
in one spoonful.
239
00:11:37,333 --> 00:11:38,834
Or we can break it down for you.
240
00:11:38,902 --> 00:11:40,954
You could pay
semiannually, quarterly,
241
00:11:41,022 --> 00:11:42,539
some people play monthly.
242
00:11:42,607 --> 00:11:44,192
Of course, I wouldn't
suggest weekly.
243
00:11:44,259 --> 00:11:46,462
52 envelopes.
244
00:11:53,140 --> 00:11:54,741
Good morning.
245
00:11:56,278 --> 00:11:57,496
Good morning.
246
00:11:57,563 --> 00:11:59,331
Hey. How you doin'?
247
00:11:59,399 --> 00:12:02,420
You ok? I'm fine.
248
00:12:02,488 --> 00:12:04,723
Hey, how about that insurance
guy last night, huh?
249
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:06,659
He's kinda wild, huh?
250
00:12:07,461 --> 00:12:08,862
What do you mean?
251
00:12:08,930 --> 00:12:11,299
Nothin'. Just, uh, they don't
paint a pretty picture.
252
00:12:11,367 --> 00:12:13,786
I'm gettin' whacked in the head,
you're gettin' hit by a bus.
253
00:12:13,853 --> 00:12:15,422
Arthur's here, he's
livin' with you,
254
00:12:15,490 --> 00:12:18,244
livin' with me. It's crazy.
It's crazy.
255
00:12:18,312 --> 00:12:21,115
Yeah. Dad! Breakfast!
256
00:12:21,182 --> 00:12:22,600
Be right up!
257
00:12:26,541 --> 00:12:29,276
Well, I gotta go
to work, anyway.
258
00:12:29,344 --> 00:12:31,246
Hey, tomorrow morning? Bagels?
259
00:12:31,313 --> 00:12:32,916
I'll bring 'em.
260
00:12:34,903 --> 00:12:36,271
Crap. I gotta get outta here.
261
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:39,041
Honey, make sure he eats
and takes his pill, ok?
262
00:12:39,109 --> 00:12:40,911
And do me a favor.
Drop him off at the y
263
00:12:40,978 --> 00:12:42,613
for his art class on
your way to work?
264
00:12:42,681 --> 00:12:44,349
All right? Hey, dad.
It's on the table.
265
00:12:44,417 --> 00:12:45,985
All right. I'll see
you guys tonight.
266
00:12:46,053 --> 00:12:47,253
Love you. Bye, daddy.
267
00:12:47,321 --> 00:12:48,889
Bye, Princess.
268
00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:53,831
It's just you and
me, huh, Douglas?
269
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,983
Yeah, just you and me.
270
00:13:45,459 --> 00:13:47,811
Hey! Howdy do! Welcome home.
271
00:13:50,016 --> 00:13:51,183
I talk to you for a sec?
272
00:13:51,251 --> 00:13:52,652
Yeah. What's up?
273
00:13:52,719 --> 00:13:54,621
I was just, uh, thinkin'
about our future,
274
00:13:54,689 --> 00:13:56,859
you know, like we discussed
with the insurance guy.
275
00:13:56,927 --> 00:13:58,895
Especially that thing
where if you die,
276
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:02,400
but Arthur and I, uh...
We don't?
277
00:14:02,468 --> 00:14:06,489
And that thing of him
staying here with me?
278
00:14:06,557 --> 00:14:09,677
That's a good option. Definitely.
Definitely a good one.
279
00:14:09,745 --> 00:14:11,864
But I guess this is the question
280
00:14:11,932 --> 00:14:14,100
I would put to you, Carrie.
281
00:14:14,168 --> 00:14:15,737
Is it the best?
282
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:21,729
So, w-what are you
saying here, Doug?
283
00:14:21,797 --> 00:14:23,932
That you don't want to take
care of my father if I die?
284
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,101
Is that what you're saying?
285
00:14:25,168 --> 00:14:26,770
I'm just saying you
sprung this on me,
286
00:14:26,838 --> 00:14:28,607
and now all of a
sudden, it's decided.
287
00:14:28,674 --> 00:14:31,143
I just think we should have a
good, open conversation about it.
288
00:14:31,211 --> 00:14:35,466
Ok. We're now having
an open conversation.
289
00:14:35,534 --> 00:14:38,772
Do you want to take care
of my father if I die?
290
00:14:38,839 --> 00:14:40,241
Not really.
291
00:14:41,059 --> 00:14:42,594
I can't believe this!
292
00:14:42,662 --> 00:14:44,797
So you're just fine with
2 orderlies showing up
293
00:14:44,865 --> 00:14:46,817
and dragging him away
in the dead of night?
294
00:14:46,885 --> 00:14:48,487
Look, how many
orderlies there'll be
295
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,155
and what time of
night they get here,
296
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,758
that's all up for debate.
297
00:14:51,825 --> 00:14:54,629
Wow! That's just... Wow!
298
00:14:54,697 --> 00:14:57,032
I mean, I don't... I don't even
know what to say here, Doug.
299
00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:58,968
I mean, this is my father's home.
I...
300
00:14:59,036 --> 00:15:00,705
I thought we were all family.
301
00:15:01,991 --> 00:15:03,192
I'm sorry, Carrie,
302
00:15:03,259 --> 00:15:05,094
but you're actin' like
it's totally normal
303
00:15:05,162 --> 00:15:08,266
for a guy to keep living with his
father-in-law if his wife dies.
304
00:15:08,367 --> 00:15:10,703
I mean, it's till
death do us part,
305
00:15:10,771 --> 00:15:13,290
which I always took to
mean if there's a death,
306
00:15:13,357 --> 00:15:14,875
we all part.
307
00:15:19,116 --> 00:15:22,154
So this is how you really feel?
308
00:15:22,221 --> 00:15:24,273
Not me. It's in the vows.
309
00:15:26,911 --> 00:15:27,995
Ok, let me ask you this.
310
00:15:28,114 --> 00:15:31,885
If, um, I had a dog
when we got married
311
00:15:31,953 --> 00:15:34,255
and we lived with this dog,
312
00:15:34,323 --> 00:15:36,275
um, if I died,
313
00:15:36,410 --> 00:15:38,128
would you... would you
send the dog away,
314
00:15:38,196 --> 00:15:40,697
or would you keep it,
take care of it?
315
00:15:40,765 --> 00:15:42,984
Because this is the dog's home.
316
00:15:44,571 --> 00:15:46,507
What kind of dog?
317
00:15:46,575 --> 00:15:48,477
Forget it. Forget it.
318
00:15:50,413 --> 00:15:51,482
Who you callin'?
319
00:15:51,549 --> 00:15:53,435
Don't worry about it.
320
00:15:54,670 --> 00:15:55,938
Bill gilliard, please.
321
00:15:56,005 --> 00:15:57,507
Oh, come on. Why are
you callin' him?
322
00:15:57,575 --> 00:15:59,377
Because he's comin'
over tomorrow night
323
00:15:59,444 --> 00:16:00,795
so we can sign the policy.
324
00:16:00,862 --> 00:16:02,847
If you're not gonna
take care of my father,
325
00:16:02,915 --> 00:16:05,435
he has to change the coverage.
326
00:16:05,503 --> 00:16:07,104
Yes, I'll hold.
327
00:16:32,009 --> 00:16:33,294
Hang up.
328
00:16:33,362 --> 00:16:34,896
Why?
329
00:16:34,964 --> 00:16:37,801
I'll take care of your
father if you die.
330
00:16:41,307 --> 00:16:43,509
But I'm renaming him Rusty.
331
00:16:48,802 --> 00:16:50,454
Dad, the insurance man's here.
332
00:16:50,471 --> 00:16:52,673
We're comin'.
333
00:16:52,741 --> 00:16:55,177
Hello. Welcome. Good evening.
334
00:16:55,245 --> 00:16:56,746
What's with the jacket and tie?
335
00:16:56,814 --> 00:16:58,782
You asked me to witness
the signing of documents.
336
00:16:58,850 --> 00:17:01,586
I take that responsibility
very seriously.
337
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:03,323
Arthur Spooner.
Pleased to meet you.
338
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:04,491
Bill gilliard.
339
00:17:04,559 --> 00:17:05,960
Would you like a cocktail?
340
00:17:06,027 --> 00:17:08,331
I make a mean Irish coffee.
341
00:17:08,398 --> 00:17:09,698
No, thank you.
342
00:17:09,766 --> 00:17:10,867
I got whipped cream.
343
00:17:10,935 --> 00:17:12,770
Guy said no.
344
00:17:12,838 --> 00:17:15,174
Ok. Just let me get set up here.
345
00:17:15,241 --> 00:17:17,477
First, we'll do the
primary policy agreement.
346
00:17:17,544 --> 00:17:19,680
Carrie, I'm gonna need
you to sign here.
347
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,016
Oh. Ok.
348
00:17:22,619 --> 00:17:24,621
And, Doug, right next to her.
349
00:17:24,689 --> 00:17:25,856
Ok.
350
00:17:28,161 --> 00:17:30,597
And now, as a witness, Mr.
Spooner,
351
00:17:30,665 --> 00:17:32,299
you sign there.
352
00:17:33,268 --> 00:17:35,504
Let me just look this over.
353
00:17:37,207 --> 00:17:38,576
Let's see,
354
00:17:38,643 --> 00:17:41,646
"from the office of Mr.
William e. Gilliard,
355
00:17:41,715 --> 00:17:44,250
"tri-borough life
insurance agency,
356
00:17:44,318 --> 00:17:47,372
"816 queens boulevard
357
00:17:48,325 --> 00:17:49,826
queens, New York."
358
00:17:49,894 --> 00:17:51,445
Dad, all you have
to do is sign it.
359
00:17:51,512 --> 00:17:55,384
I'm not signing anything
without reading it first.
360
00:17:55,386 --> 00:17:57,419
"1-1-3-7-5, November the 12th"
361
00:17:57,488 --> 00:18:00,308
ok, you know what? I-I'd like to get goin'.
Can I sign all my stuff now?
362
00:18:00,376 --> 00:18:02,412
No. Could you just stay
so we could do it right?
363
00:18:02,479 --> 00:18:04,247
What, you got somewhere
else you gotta be?
364
00:18:04,315 --> 00:18:05,883
I got company coming over.
365
00:18:05,951 --> 00:18:07,803
All right, you know what? Stop
calling your friends company.
366
00:18:07,870 --> 00:18:10,573
They're 3 losers with nothing
else to do on a Friday night.
367
00:18:10,775 --> 00:18:13,127
They'll wait 10 minutes.
368
00:18:17,969 --> 00:18:20,271
Well, everything seems
to be in order here.
369
00:18:20,339 --> 00:18:21,841
Where do I sign?
370
00:18:21,909 --> 00:18:23,276
Right there.
371
00:18:23,344 --> 00:18:24,544
I'll need to notarize this,
372
00:18:24,612 --> 00:18:26,280
so I'll need both your
driver's licenses.
373
00:18:26,348 --> 00:18:29,786
Oh. Could you grab
mine out of my purse?
374
00:18:29,854 --> 00:18:31,455
Just to, uh, double-check.
375
00:18:31,523 --> 00:18:33,759
The disfigurement
thing is in here?
376
00:18:33,827 --> 00:18:35,862
Uh, yeah. It's on page 7.
377
00:18:35,930 --> 00:18:37,898
What the hell is this?
You're smokin' again?
378
00:18:37,966 --> 00:18:39,768
Oh, no! She didn't!
379
00:18:41,805 --> 00:18:43,207
No, no. You know what?
380
00:18:43,274 --> 00:18:44,608
I was holding those
for a friend.
381
00:18:44,675 --> 00:18:46,410
Oh, come on, Carrie,
this is your brand.
382
00:18:46,478 --> 00:18:48,214
You're smokin' again.
383
00:18:48,281 --> 00:18:50,283
Are you a smoker, Carrie? 'Cause
that will raise your rates.
384
00:18:50,351 --> 00:18:52,636
No, no, no. Some people at
work, they dared me to smoke.
385
00:18:52,705 --> 00:18:54,406
It was peer pressure.
386
00:18:54,474 --> 00:18:56,142
I can't believe this.
387
00:18:56,210 --> 00:18:59,381
You have the gall...
Yeah, that's right, gall
388
00:18:59,448 --> 00:19:01,700
to ask me to look after
your father if you die,
389
00:19:01,768 --> 00:19:03,203
and you start smoking?
390
00:19:03,270 --> 00:19:04,237
They're ultra lights!
391
00:19:04,389 --> 00:19:06,257
Oh, please!
392
00:19:06,324 --> 00:19:07,777
All right, you know what?
Give me a break.
393
00:19:07,844 --> 00:19:09,295
I... I'm... I'm under
a lot of stress.
394
00:19:09,363 --> 00:19:11,866
So I had a couple of cigarettes.
Big deal.
395
00:19:11,934 --> 00:19:14,838
I know... I know what you're tryin' to do.
You're tryin' to die first.
396
00:19:14,905 --> 00:19:16,272
What? That's right.
397
00:19:16,340 --> 00:19:18,676
You're tryin' to die before me
so I get stuck with Arthur.
398
00:19:18,745 --> 00:19:21,463
But you know what? You
can't out-die me.
399
00:19:21,531 --> 00:19:23,700
Hell, I could drop tomorrow.
400
00:19:23,768 --> 00:19:25,870
All right, stop
acting like an idiot.
401
00:19:25,938 --> 00:19:28,391
Oh, no, no, sister.
The race is on.
402
00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:29,526
Let's see what we got.
403
00:19:29,593 --> 00:19:31,395
Look at this! Whipped cream!
404
00:19:31,463 --> 00:19:34,400
Oh! 16 grams of fat per serving.
405
00:19:34,468 --> 00:19:35,601
Bring it on.
406
00:19:35,669 --> 00:19:37,137
All right, knock it off.
407
00:19:37,204 --> 00:19:38,272
Uh-uh. No way!
408
00:19:38,340 --> 00:19:39,808
Should I go?
409
00:19:39,875 --> 00:19:41,811
All right, you know what? You
want to act like a jackass?
410
00:19:41,878 --> 00:19:43,914
Fine. You know what?
Then I'm smokin'.
411
00:19:43,982 --> 00:19:46,485
Smoke away! Yeah, that's right.
Fine.
412
00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:47,954
Yeah, 'cause I love it!
413
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:49,924
Oh, whipped cream,
come and find me!
414
00:19:49,991 --> 00:19:51,592
Yeah, have a heart attack!
All right,
415
00:19:51,660 --> 00:19:54,363
all right, all right.
Stop it! Stop it!
416
00:19:58,304 --> 00:20:00,206
A week ago, I was
in the hospital,
417
00:20:00,274 --> 00:20:03,543
and I didn't know if my next
breath would be my last.
418
00:20:04,313 --> 00:20:05,964
The happiest day of my life
419
00:20:06,032 --> 00:20:09,236
was when I walked back
in here with you 2 kids.
420
00:20:10,789 --> 00:20:11,823
Hey, do you think he...
421
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,461
But now,
422
00:20:15,530 --> 00:20:16,997
I hear you're just worried about
423
00:20:17,064 --> 00:20:19,502
who's gonna get stuck with me.
424
00:20:19,569 --> 00:20:21,738
That hurts!
425
00:20:21,756 --> 00:20:22,956
Makes me feel like
426
00:20:23,023 --> 00:20:25,360
I should never have gotten
off that operating table.
427
00:20:25,428 --> 00:20:27,530
You're right, dad. I'm...
428
00:20:27,598 --> 00:20:28,965
I'm sorry.
429
00:20:29,032 --> 00:20:31,870
Yeah, uh, m-me, too, Arthur.
430
00:20:33,540 --> 00:20:35,107
We're really glad
you're home, dad.
431
00:20:35,175 --> 00:20:36,644
We love you.
432
00:20:38,914 --> 00:20:40,983
And I love you kids, too.
433
00:20:47,428 --> 00:20:49,297
Bill.
434
00:20:49,364 --> 00:20:51,900
I think we'll sign
that policy now.
435
00:21:00,764 --> 00:21:03,067
That was the best one ever.
436
00:21:06,206 --> 00:21:09,009
So, uh, what'd you think, Deac?
437
00:21:09,077 --> 00:21:10,577
It was good.
438
00:21:12,749 --> 00:21:15,669
I'm just glad they finally
added a black guy.
31100
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof