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1
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,009
Should I get that?
2
00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:11,576
No, let the machine get it.
3
00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:15,547
Hello. You've reached the home
4
00:00:15,615 --> 00:00:19,284
of Doug, Carrie, and
yours truly, Arthur.
5
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:22,187
If this is Herb, I already
left for the movie.
6
00:00:22,255 --> 00:00:24,789
Don't bring any of those
crummy sandwiches,
7
00:00:24,857 --> 00:00:27,192
'cause I got chicken.
8
00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:30,062
I'll meet you in the
theater in the front row.
9
00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:33,032
That's right, you heard me.
The front row.
10
00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:36,435
Didn't think I'd have the nugs
to stand up to you, did you?
11
00:00:36,503 --> 00:00:39,204
Well, I'm not gonna be
your whipping boy anymore!
12
00:00:39,272 --> 00:00:42,441
It's a new day, my friend, so
you better get used to it!
13
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,878
Anyone else, please
leave a message.
14
00:00:57,859 --> 00:01:00,027
It's 7:30 in the morning.
15
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:13,306
What? Come on, it's funny.
16
00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:15,175
I hate our bathroom.
17
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,143
That's what you were
sitting there thinking?
18
00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:19,279
It's just so
bathroomy, you know?
19
00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:22,816
With the "blech" tile and those
horrible curtains, don't you think?
20
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:25,686
There are curtains?
21
00:01:27,021 --> 00:01:28,354
Yes, there are curtains.
22
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,756
They're peach, and they're ugly.
23
00:01:29,824 --> 00:01:31,257
You know what?
Come look with me.
24
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:32,459
I will show you what I mean.
25
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:35,528
Carrie, I was just in there
for a very long time.
26
00:01:35,597 --> 00:01:37,297
I gotta get to work.
27
00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:38,932
They're sticking me with a trainee today.
I can't be late.
28
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,500
All right. Well,
maybe I'll stop off
29
00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:42,803
and look at some
new tile or paint.
30
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:45,305
What do you think
of, like, a taupe?
31
00:01:49,711 --> 00:01:50,711
You can go now.
32
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,079
I love you.
33
00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:57,985
Well, I got 8 months to die.
34
00:01:59,721 --> 00:02:02,055
You, uh... I'm sorry, what?
35
00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:06,493
I was at the cemetery
paying my respects
36
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:07,928
to one of your stepmothers,
37
00:02:07,996 --> 00:02:10,230
and I happened to
look at my headstone.
38
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:11,531
You have a headstone?
39
00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:14,501
Yeah. I prepaid for it 20
years ago to save money.
40
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:19,906
It says, "Arthur Spooner,
1926 to 19 blank blank."
41
00:02:19,974 --> 00:02:21,908
They already carved in the 19,
42
00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:24,945
so unless I die by the end
of the year, I'm screwed!
43
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:28,581
Uh, good luck?
44
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:31,451
You know, when I
bought the stone,
45
00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:34,554
the salesman assured me I would
be dead by the year 2000.
46
00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:36,923
You know what my mistake was?
47
00:02:36,991 --> 00:02:38,859
I should have got
that in writing!
48
00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:46,900
And here's the driver's lounge.
49
00:02:46,968 --> 00:02:48,268
After a hard day on the road,
50
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:49,402
you enjoy some burnt coffee
51
00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:50,570
and sit on a metal chair,
52
00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:52,438
you know what I'm saying?
53
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:53,473
Uh-huh. Oh.
54
00:02:55,810 --> 00:02:57,343
Any questions so far?
55
00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:58,511
Uh-uh.
56
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,051
I gotta go talk to
him for a minute.
57
00:03:04,118 --> 00:03:05,251
Uh-huh.
58
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:09,890
Phew.
59
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:11,491
So how's it going
with your trainee?
60
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:13,326
Man, the fact that they
think someone like him
61
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:16,462
could do my job is
very depressing.
62
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,132
Hey, is one of you
guys Doug Heffernan?
63
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,300
That would be me.
64
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:21,935
Hi. I'm Julie Patterson.
65
00:03:22,003 --> 00:03:24,304
You're supposed to be
my trainer person.
66
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:29,042
Hey, how are you there?
Great to meet you, Julie.
67
00:03:29,110 --> 00:03:30,744
Uh, this is Deacon Palmer.
68
00:03:30,812 --> 00:03:31,878
How you doing?
69
00:03:31,946 --> 00:03:33,246
Hi. Sorry I'm late.
70
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:34,815
I was just getting
my uniform together.
71
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,382
Never thought green
was my color,
72
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,551
but I guess it is now.
73
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:41,088
Sorry. I have some hyper "first
day" thing going on here.
74
00:03:41,155 --> 00:03:42,956
It's ok. Settle down, Julie.
75
00:03:43,024 --> 00:03:44,324
You already got the job.
76
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:45,525
Right.
77
00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,327
So you ready to saddle
up and hit the trail?
78
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,429
I think so. Let me just
go grab my jacket.
79
00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:50,463
Ok.
80
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:55,668
Damn!
81
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:03,676
So, how did I do
on that delivery?
82
00:04:03,745 --> 00:04:05,846
Better, definitely better.
83
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:08,949
Just next time you might not wanna
refer to this as the "signy thing."
84
00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:10,717
Oh, I know.
85
00:04:10,785 --> 00:04:13,586
I knew it as soon
as I said it, too.
86
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,021
What's it called, anyway?
87
00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:17,057
That little baby's
your dicad board.
88
00:04:17,125 --> 00:04:20,293
Take care of it, and
it'll take care of you.
89
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:22,195
What's that stand for?
90
00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:25,899
Oh, it's your delivery
information coordination, uh...
91
00:04:25,967 --> 00:04:27,400
It's your dicad board.
92
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,836
That's all you need to
know right now, ok?
93
00:04:33,007 --> 00:04:34,274
So where did you get this?
94
00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:36,276
Oh, I don't like to brag.
95
00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:39,212
Let's just say I know my
way around a ring toss.
96
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:40,546
Very impressive.
97
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:41,815
Thank ya.
98
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,455
So, is she "hot hot"
99
00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,758
or is she just
"delivery-person hot"?
100
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,194
"Hot hot."
101
00:04:54,262 --> 00:04:56,296
In fact, I might even
throw in a 3rd "hot."
102
00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:59,732
Really? You mean "hot hot hot"?
103
00:04:59,801 --> 00:05:02,002
That would be 3. Very good.
104
00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:04,905
All right, moose, just
bottom-line this for me.
105
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:07,040
Is she hot enough that you
might think about her
106
00:05:07,108 --> 00:05:08,975
while you're havin'
sex with Carrie?
107
00:05:09,043 --> 00:05:10,443
I don't think about other women
108
00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:11,945
while I'm having
sex with my wife.
109
00:05:12,013 --> 00:05:14,480
Oh, sure. So what
do you think about?
110
00:05:16,851 --> 00:05:18,185
I think about my marriage vows
111
00:05:18,252 --> 00:05:20,086
and the life we built together.
112
00:05:25,059 --> 00:05:27,294
Ah, funny stuff, funny stuff.
113
00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:29,296
So, how you plan
on telling Carrie
114
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:31,031
about this little trainee?
115
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:32,199
You think I should tell her?
116
00:05:32,266 --> 00:05:33,466
Well, yeah, you gotta tell her.
117
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:34,801
That's a great big mistake.
118
00:05:34,869 --> 00:05:35,969
What are you talking about?
119
00:05:36,037 --> 00:05:37,770
If he doesn't tell her,
and she finds out,
120
00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:40,373
she'll wonder why he was keeping
it a secret in the first place.
121
00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,475
He'll never get out
from under that.
122
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,010
So what do you want him to do,
123
00:05:44,078 --> 00:05:46,246
walk into his kitchen and say,
"hey, honey, guess what?"
124
00:05:46,314 --> 00:05:48,281
My new trainee's got an
ass like a nectarine"?
125
00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:50,650
No. But he's gotta
tell her something.
126
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:53,553
There is no way that a
guy could tell his wife
127
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,722
about a broad that
he thinks is hot
128
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,791
without her knowing that
he thinks that she's hot.
129
00:05:58,860 --> 00:06:00,526
Give me a little credit.
130
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,195
I can tell Carrie about this
without it being a big deal.
131
00:06:02,263 --> 00:06:03,629
No, you can't. Yes, I can.
132
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,698
I'll just bring up the
topic of work casually.
133
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:07,300
She'll ask, "oh,
how's your trainee?"
134
00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:10,003
I'll say, "she's fine,"
and we'll move on.
135
00:06:10,071 --> 00:06:11,671
Ok, let's try it out.
I'm Carrie.
136
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:13,073
Ok.
137
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:14,975
So, uh, how's your trainee?
138
00:06:21,015 --> 00:06:22,415
S-she's fine.
139
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:24,650
Oh, God.
140
00:06:57,385 --> 00:06:58,518
Arthur?
141
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:01,687
Yello!
142
00:07:03,124 --> 00:07:04,291
Nothin'.
143
00:07:05,326 --> 00:07:06,293
Hey.
144
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:07,460
Hey, what's with the, uh...
145
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:08,628
Tombstone?
146
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:10,496
My dad got into a fight
with the cemetery
147
00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:13,266
because they wouldn't change
his date of death for free.
148
00:07:13,334 --> 00:07:15,402
God bless him, he keeps busy.
149
00:07:17,305 --> 00:07:19,272
So, hon'... Yeah?
150
00:07:19,340 --> 00:07:21,241
I had quite a day at work.
151
00:07:21,309 --> 00:07:22,542
Oh, that's great.
152
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,877
Oh, before we eat, let me
show you some paint samples.
153
00:07:24,946 --> 00:07:26,012
What do you think?
154
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:27,414
You know, that's the exact color
155
00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:29,349
of the coffee stirrers
we have down at work.
156
00:07:29,417 --> 00:07:30,750
Who was using one
of those today?
157
00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:33,653
Oh, yes, my trainee.
158
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,922
I don't know. It might
look good on a sample,
159
00:07:35,990 --> 00:07:38,959
but a whole wall might
make you wanna puke.
160
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:41,294
Well, at least you'll be
in the right room, right?
161
00:07:41,362 --> 00:07:43,263
Puke. Speaking of which,
162
00:07:43,331 --> 00:07:45,098
I, uh, I almost puked
on my trainee today.
163
00:07:45,166 --> 00:07:46,566
What?
164
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:47,834
I didn't almost puke.
165
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,003
It was more of a burp with ham.
166
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,473
Trainees. Gotta love 'em, huh?
167
00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:55,908
You know, they're our future.
168
00:07:55,977 --> 00:07:57,110
So, how is your trainee?
169
00:07:57,178 --> 00:07:58,945
Oh, sheesh...
170
00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:01,914
I got a good one.
171
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:03,883
He's a nice guy?
172
00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:05,285
You know, it's a funny thing.
Uh...
173
00:08:05,353 --> 00:08:07,620
One second.
174
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,756
Hello?
175
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,026
Oh, hi. This is his daughter.
176
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:15,695
What?
177
00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:19,265
Oh, come on. You can't ban him from
being buried in your cemetery.
178
00:08:21,402 --> 00:08:22,802
But he'll be dead!
179
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:25,538
He's not gonna bother
you when he's dead.
180
00:08:27,141 --> 00:08:28,141
All right.
181
00:08:28,209 --> 00:08:30,477
I'll call you back. Ok, bye.
182
00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:32,012
Hon', I gotta go talk to dad.
183
00:08:35,249 --> 00:08:36,983
My trainee's a girl.
184
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:40,786
She's hot.
185
00:08:45,493 --> 00:08:47,627
All right, anything up to
70 pounds can go as is.
186
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,762
Anything from 70 to
150, you gotta throw on
187
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,998
a heavy package sticker.
188
00:08:52,066 --> 00:08:53,566
Now, don't be the one
189
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:57,070
who puts a heavy package
sticker on my back.
190
00:08:57,138 --> 00:09:00,006
It's been done. Ha, ha.
I'm heavy, we get it.
191
00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:03,109
Yo, Dougie? Yeah?
192
00:09:03,177 --> 00:09:04,411
Carrie's here. What?
193
00:09:04,478 --> 00:09:06,146
Yeah, I just saw her
in the front office
194
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:07,680
chatting with
Sheehan's secretary.
195
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:09,349
Uh, y-you know what?
That's it for now.
196
00:09:09,417 --> 00:09:12,519
Why don't you guys go
practice punching in and out?
197
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,720
What am I gonna do? I never
told her about Julie.
198
00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:16,056
Ooh!
199
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,857
I tried to the other night,
but then the phone rang,
200
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:20,460
and she left the room.
I missed my window.
201
00:09:20,528 --> 00:09:22,529
Well, I told Kelly
about my trainee.
202
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:23,896
No problem.
203
00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:29,069
Hey, you know what
I was thinkin'?
204
00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:30,603
Maybe you should
go around the back
205
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,505
and unload those 2-day packages.
206
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,274
But the 2-days aren't here yet.
207
00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:35,908
Oh, uh, well, maybe you
should go around back,
208
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:38,878
and, you know, start to stretch.
209
00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:41,581
Maybe I'll just get our
afternoon route schedule.
210
00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:43,416
Sure. Fine. Good. Ok.
211
00:09:43,484 --> 00:09:46,152
Hey, what are you doing here?
I love you.
212
00:09:48,122 --> 00:09:50,557
All right, I think I've
finally picked out a color,
213
00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:52,492
and before I get, like,
80 gallons of it,
214
00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:54,927
I just wanna make sure
that you didn't hate it.
215
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:57,763
Ok, what do you think?
Misty aqua.
216
00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:59,566
Misty aqua. Yes, yes!
217
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,801
Yeah!
218
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,970
Really, honey? You don't
think it's too light?
219
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:05,938
No, no, no, it's perfect.
220
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:08,874
It gives you that aqua
feeling, only mistier.
221
00:10:11,112 --> 00:10:12,312
Maybe I'll keep looking.
222
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:14,280
Keep looking. Great,
I'll see you tonight?
223
00:10:14,348 --> 00:10:15,681
All right. Ok.
I'll see you, hon.
224
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:17,183
Hey, Doug. Is this your wife?
225
00:10:17,251 --> 00:10:19,285
Uh, yes, yes, yes, it is.
226
00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:21,354
Isn't she a doozy?
227
00:10:21,422 --> 00:10:23,556
Hi. I'm Julie, Doug's trainee.
228
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:27,793
Hi! I... I'm Carrie.
How you doin'?
229
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:28,961
Fine, fine.
230
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:30,896
So what, you guys
have not met yet?
231
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:33,299
Have you not met before, 'cause I...
I thought I was, uh...
232
00:10:33,367 --> 00:10:35,535
No, really? I... I
must be screwy.
233
00:10:35,603 --> 00:10:39,606
'Cause... well, so here I am
with my wife and my trainee,
234
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:41,341
the... the 2 women in my life.
235
00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:45,145
Hah!
236
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:51,217
All right, guess I'll
get goin', hon'.
237
00:10:51,285 --> 00:10:52,885
Uh, actually, Doug,
I think it's time
238
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:54,220
to get back out on the road.
239
00:10:54,288 --> 00:10:56,322
Oh, you... you're right.
I'll see you tonight.
240
00:10:57,424 --> 00:11:00,393
Doug? I... I'm coming
with you, right?
241
00:11:00,461 --> 00:11:03,596
Uh, sure, I guess, if
that's what you want.
242
00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:05,532
I come with you every day.
243
00:11:05,599 --> 00:11:07,300
Listen, whatever.
244
00:11:18,646 --> 00:11:20,348
Hey, Arthur. Uh, Carrie home?
245
00:11:20,415 --> 00:11:21,548
Not yet.
246
00:11:21,616 --> 00:11:23,050
Hey, give me a hand
here, will you?
247
00:11:23,118 --> 00:11:24,151
What are you doing?
248
00:11:24,219 --> 00:11:26,220
Uh, I'm writing my epitaph.
249
00:11:26,288 --> 00:11:27,788
Ok...
250
00:11:27,856 --> 00:11:29,523
Since I'm getting
a new headstone,
251
00:11:29,591 --> 00:11:31,758
I figure why not do a little
rewrite on the whole thing?
252
00:11:31,826 --> 00:11:33,094
Well, what do you got so far?
253
00:11:33,161 --> 00:11:34,962
Well, take a look.
254
00:11:35,030 --> 00:11:37,365
"Arthur Spooner,
husband, father,
255
00:11:37,432 --> 00:11:39,800
true inventor of the
moist towelette."
256
00:11:41,103 --> 00:11:42,903
Touching, yet paranoid.
257
00:11:42,971 --> 00:11:44,338
I like it.
258
00:11:44,406 --> 00:11:46,040
Yeah? How 'bout this one?
259
00:11:46,108 --> 00:11:49,343
"Arthur Spooner, your ad here."
260
00:11:49,411 --> 00:11:52,113
All revenue would go
straight to you kids.
261
00:11:52,180 --> 00:11:53,447
They both seem fine.
262
00:11:53,515 --> 00:11:57,251
No, no. Too long. I
need something snappy.
263
00:11:57,319 --> 00:12:00,221
Something that'll bring
'em in off the street.
264
00:12:00,288 --> 00:12:02,423
You got anything?
265
00:12:02,491 --> 00:12:04,958
I... I don't know.
Uh, rest in peace.
266
00:12:06,761 --> 00:12:08,929
No. That's not me.
267
00:12:08,997 --> 00:12:10,331
Let's both keep at it.
268
00:12:10,399 --> 00:12:12,799
I'll meet you back
here in 2 hours.
269
00:12:16,571 --> 00:12:17,604
Hey, you!
270
00:12:17,672 --> 00:12:18,705
Hello.
271
00:12:18,773 --> 00:12:20,974
What's this?
272
00:12:21,043 --> 00:12:24,778
Oh, seafoam, great. Yeah, much
better than that aqua mist crap.
273
00:12:24,846 --> 00:12:26,247
Doug...
274
00:12:26,314 --> 00:12:27,915
All right, my trainee's a girl.
I should've told you,
275
00:12:27,982 --> 00:12:31,885
but I didn't. I'm sorry.
Can we please move on?
276
00:12:31,953 --> 00:12:35,156
Yeah, she's a girl, and you
were afraid to tell me
277
00:12:35,223 --> 00:12:37,425
because you think she's hot.
278
00:12:37,492 --> 00:12:38,959
I don't think she's hot.
279
00:12:39,027 --> 00:12:41,295
Doug, please. I
know you very well.
280
00:12:41,363 --> 00:12:43,397
It's like you have a
window on your forehead,
281
00:12:43,465 --> 00:12:45,366
and I can read your thoughts.
282
00:12:45,434 --> 00:12:47,034
Right now, the 2 big ones
283
00:12:47,102 --> 00:12:51,038
are "entenmann's"
and "she's hot."
284
00:12:51,106 --> 00:12:53,974
Look, I'm sorry. I just didn't
feel comfortable talking about it.
285
00:12:54,042 --> 00:12:55,376
I mean, here's this cute trainee
286
00:12:55,444 --> 00:12:57,411
driving around in the
truck all day with me,
287
00:12:57,479 --> 00:13:00,013
and I wouldn't blame you if you
felt a little weird about that.
288
00:13:00,082 --> 00:13:01,248
I don't.
289
00:13:01,316 --> 00:13:03,350
Oh, come on, it's not a
little weird for you?
290
00:13:03,418 --> 00:13:06,987
No! Doug, I mean, I know you
wouldn't fool around on me.
291
00:13:07,055 --> 00:13:09,123
Of course I wouldn't, but her.
292
00:13:09,191 --> 00:13:11,858
I mean, she looks up to me.
I'm the center of her world.
293
00:13:11,926 --> 00:13:14,695
I'm the man with
the dicad board.
294
00:13:14,762 --> 00:13:17,998
Well, yes, honey, that is
quite the aphrodisiac...
295
00:13:19,634 --> 00:13:21,335
But look, I... To
be honest with you,
296
00:13:21,403 --> 00:13:23,504
I'm not worried about
women coming on to you.
297
00:13:23,572 --> 00:13:24,572
You're not.
298
00:13:24,639 --> 00:13:26,107
No.
299
00:13:26,174 --> 00:13:28,476
You're a decent guy.
300
00:13:28,543 --> 00:13:30,077
And women sense that about you.
301
00:13:30,145 --> 00:13:32,079
I mean, you send out
that "good guy" vibe.
302
00:13:32,147 --> 00:13:33,581
You're nice.
303
00:13:33,648 --> 00:13:35,116
I am? Yes!
304
00:13:37,452 --> 00:13:38,885
I am not nice!
305
00:13:38,953 --> 00:13:40,154
Yes, you are.
306
00:13:40,222 --> 00:13:42,990
No, I'm not. I used to play
football in high school.
307
00:13:43,057 --> 00:13:45,526
I... I used to... Used
to shoplift candy.
308
00:13:45,594 --> 00:13:47,161
Carrie's talking about me
309
00:13:47,229 --> 00:13:50,331
like I'm this little,
harmless round guy.
310
00:13:53,168 --> 00:13:55,269
How dare she!
311
00:13:55,337 --> 00:13:57,471
All right, look, I'm out of shape.
I'll give her that,
312
00:13:57,539 --> 00:14:00,707
but, hey, I got a thing
going on, don't I?
313
00:14:00,775 --> 00:14:04,778
Sort of like a raw... You
know, sexual energy?
314
00:14:04,846 --> 00:14:06,913
Yeah, absolutely. I just
wish you could turn it off
315
00:14:06,981 --> 00:14:08,649
so I could focus on my work.
316
00:14:08,716 --> 00:14:11,118
All I'm saying is someone
like Julie could be into me.
317
00:14:11,186 --> 00:14:12,553
Carrie thinks it's impossible,
318
00:14:12,621 --> 00:14:14,255
and I'll tell you
what, it's insulting.
319
00:14:14,322 --> 00:14:16,923
You're not gonna fool around on her.
Why does this even matter?
320
00:14:16,991 --> 00:14:18,792
Because there's a
principle here.
321
00:14:18,860 --> 00:14:20,594
I assume sleazy guys are
hitting on her all the time.
322
00:14:20,662 --> 00:14:23,464
Don't I deserve
the same respect?
323
00:14:23,532 --> 00:14:25,399
Hey, what's goin' on?
324
00:14:25,467 --> 00:14:26,767
Richie, what are you doing here?
325
00:14:26,834 --> 00:14:30,804
I, uh, I just wanted to
send in my gas bill.
326
00:14:30,872 --> 00:14:34,241
Ok. That would be the post office.
We send packages.
327
00:14:34,309 --> 00:14:36,943
Oh. So, you got a box
I could put it in?
328
00:14:38,513 --> 00:14:40,013
You are so obvious.
329
00:14:40,081 --> 00:14:42,049
Come on, let me just meet her, moose.
Come on.
330
00:14:42,116 --> 00:14:43,784
I got this whole rap worked out.
331
00:14:43,851 --> 00:14:45,586
Little bit of this,
little bit of that,
332
00:14:45,654 --> 00:14:48,121
bada-bing! Who knows?
333
00:14:48,190 --> 00:14:49,657
Doug, good. You
haven't left yet.
334
00:14:49,724 --> 00:14:51,058
Um, can I talk to you for a sec?
335
00:14:51,125 --> 00:14:53,194
Yeah, sure. Um...
336
00:14:53,261 --> 00:14:55,929
Uh, um, Julie, this
is my friend, Richie.
337
00:14:57,765 --> 00:14:59,200
How ya doin'?
338
00:15:01,303 --> 00:15:02,469
Good.
339
00:15:04,138 --> 00:15:05,105
Ok.
340
00:15:09,844 --> 00:15:11,278
You got game.
341
00:15:13,748 --> 00:15:15,816
Well, what's up?
342
00:15:15,883 --> 00:15:18,952
Oh, Mr. O'Boyle wants me to turn in
my union application by tomorrow.
343
00:15:19,020 --> 00:15:21,455
Do you have, like, 10 minutes
to go over it with me?
344
00:15:21,523 --> 00:15:22,823
Yeah, sure.
345
00:15:24,292 --> 00:15:25,926
Uh, actually, you know what?
346
00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:27,961
I... I got some stuff
I gotta do right now,
347
00:15:28,029 --> 00:15:31,031
but why don't you give me a
call home later tonight?
348
00:15:31,099 --> 00:15:32,199
Can I? Yeah.
349
00:15:32,267 --> 00:15:33,701
That'd be great.
350
00:15:33,768 --> 00:15:36,437
You know what? I'll be getting
in probably around 11:00.
351
00:15:36,504 --> 00:15:39,773
So, why don't you call me?
Here's my number.
352
00:15:39,841 --> 00:15:41,275
Are you sure? That late?
353
00:15:41,343 --> 00:15:43,076
Oh, yeah. I mean, I'll be up.
354
00:15:43,144 --> 00:15:45,112
The nighttime is my time.
355
00:15:47,249 --> 00:15:48,415
I am the night.
356
00:16:33,662 --> 00:16:35,462
Doug, are you gonna answer that?
357
00:16:35,530 --> 00:16:36,963
Why me?
358
00:16:37,031 --> 00:16:38,332
Well, because you're wide awake
359
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,934
and the phone is on
your side of the bed.
360
00:16:41,002 --> 00:16:42,135
Why don't you answer it?
361
00:16:42,203 --> 00:16:44,471
I love the way you say, "hello."
362
00:16:50,378 --> 00:16:51,412
Hello?
363
00:16:51,479 --> 00:16:52,780
Oh, yeah...
364
00:16:54,148 --> 00:16:56,116
Oh, yeah, hi. Yeah, hold on.
365
00:16:56,184 --> 00:16:58,151
It's what's-her-face,
your trainee.
366
00:16:58,219 --> 00:17:01,455
Really? Calling me
at home at 11:00?
367
00:17:01,523 --> 00:17:03,624
What's that about?
368
00:17:03,692 --> 00:17:06,059
Yeah, Julie. What is it?
369
00:17:06,127 --> 00:17:07,328
Your union application?
370
00:17:07,395 --> 00:17:09,496
Isn't this something we
can talk about at work?
371
00:17:09,564 --> 00:17:12,633
I mean, it's after 11:00.
No. Not then either.
372
00:17:12,701 --> 00:17:15,336
I spend my weekends
with my wife.
373
00:17:15,403 --> 00:17:16,570
Look, I think you and I
374
00:17:16,638 --> 00:17:18,071
need to have a talk
about boundaries.
375
00:17:18,139 --> 00:17:19,740
Ok? Ok. Goodbye.
376
00:17:21,242 --> 00:17:23,677
Jeez, well, what's tha...
377
00:17:39,394 --> 00:17:41,762
Excuse me, honey.
I just need to...
378
00:17:46,267 --> 00:17:49,102
You know what? I just need to...
real quick.
379
00:17:49,170 --> 00:17:51,872
I just want to see if there's
room for a vanity here.
380
00:17:51,939 --> 00:17:53,874
You know what? Can you
hold this, real quick?
381
00:17:53,941 --> 00:17:56,343
Can I please brush my teeth?
382
00:17:56,411 --> 00:17:58,211
What's wrong with you?
383
00:18:01,750 --> 00:18:03,417
You called me nice!
384
00:18:07,555 --> 00:18:09,189
What are you talking about?
385
00:18:09,257 --> 00:18:10,891
When we were talking
about my trainee
386
00:18:10,958 --> 00:18:13,627
and you said you weren't worried
because I'm a nice guy.
387
00:18:13,695 --> 00:18:16,129
Oh, that's what this is?
388
00:18:16,197 --> 00:18:19,600
Doug, nice is good.
Women like nice.
389
00:18:19,667 --> 00:18:21,869
Let me ask you this. Who would
you rather have sex with?
390
00:18:21,936 --> 00:18:23,837
A guy with an eye patch
who rides a motorcycle
391
00:18:23,905 --> 00:18:26,072
or a guy who's nice?
392
00:18:26,140 --> 00:18:28,776
Well, I wouldn't want a guy
who drives a motorcycle
393
00:18:28,843 --> 00:18:31,177
and has an eye patch.
394
00:18:31,245 --> 00:18:33,213
No depth perception there.
395
00:18:34,048 --> 00:18:35,048
Come on.
396
00:18:35,116 --> 00:18:36,550
Doug, what do you
want me to say?
397
00:18:36,618 --> 00:18:38,184
That you're a little worried
398
00:18:38,252 --> 00:18:40,287
that I have a hot female trainee
with an ass like a nectarine.
399
00:18:40,354 --> 00:18:41,321
I'm sorry.
400
00:18:44,058 --> 00:18:45,492
I am worried.
401
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:46,627
Hmm?
402
00:18:46,694 --> 00:18:48,862
Yeah. I mean, now that
I think about it,
403
00:18:48,930 --> 00:18:51,899
you're out there
alone in your truck
404
00:18:51,966 --> 00:18:54,034
with her every day.
405
00:18:54,101 --> 00:18:55,135
You know what?
406
00:18:55,202 --> 00:18:57,771
I want that little
hussy away from you.
407
00:18:58,807 --> 00:18:59,907
Don't.
408
00:19:11,252 --> 00:19:12,486
Doug.
409
00:19:12,554 --> 00:19:14,455
Oh, hi, listen, I'm...
I'm really sorry
410
00:19:14,522 --> 00:19:17,090
about that whole phone
call thing last night.
411
00:19:17,158 --> 00:19:19,125
I'm gonna level with you.
412
00:19:19,193 --> 00:19:20,627
I like my gin.
413
00:19:22,564 --> 00:19:25,231
Look, uh, you clearly
have some issues
414
00:19:25,299 --> 00:19:26,433
you're trying to work out.
415
00:19:26,501 --> 00:19:28,001
And that's cool,
416
00:19:28,069 --> 00:19:29,903
but I really need
this job, so...
417
00:19:29,971 --> 00:19:31,505
So?
418
00:19:31,573 --> 00:19:34,407
So I asked supervisor O'Boyle
to assign me to another driver.
419
00:19:34,476 --> 00:19:35,776
Ouch.
420
00:19:35,844 --> 00:19:39,412
I also asked that my locker
be moved away from yours.
421
00:19:39,481 --> 00:19:41,114
Ouch again.
422
00:19:41,182 --> 00:19:43,884
Anyway, I think
you're a great guy,
423
00:19:43,952 --> 00:19:45,051
and I'll see you around.
424
00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:46,487
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
425
00:19:46,554 --> 00:19:49,422
Just so you know, I'm
not crazy, you know?
426
00:19:49,491 --> 00:19:51,157
It's just you're an
attractive woman,
427
00:19:51,225 --> 00:19:53,460
and I thought my wife
would be jealous,
428
00:19:53,528 --> 00:19:56,129
and when she wasn't,
I kind of felt bad,
429
00:19:56,197 --> 00:19:59,332
I flipped out, and I tried
to make her jealous.
430
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,969
Anyway, I'm... I'm sorry.
431
00:20:02,036 --> 00:20:04,938
Really? That's what
this was all about?
432
00:20:05,006 --> 00:20:05,906
Uh-huh.
433
00:20:06,574 --> 00:20:08,308
That is so cute!
434
00:20:09,711 --> 00:20:11,378
Cute. Great.
435
00:20:11,445 --> 00:20:13,046
Well, I gotta go.
436
00:20:14,081 --> 00:20:15,549
Oh, um, by the way,
437
00:20:15,617 --> 00:20:18,451
can I get your friend
Richie's phone number?
438
00:20:21,122 --> 00:20:22,255
Doug?
439
00:20:22,323 --> 00:20:23,557
Yeah.
440
00:20:23,625 --> 00:20:27,093
You got a rush order
pickup at 1202 Stratford.
441
00:20:27,161 --> 00:20:29,830
Oh, I'm... I'm right here.
I'll get it now.
442
00:20:38,139 --> 00:20:39,506
Carr', what are you...
443
00:20:39,574 --> 00:20:41,207
I'm your pickup.
444
00:20:41,275 --> 00:20:43,043
What?
445
00:20:43,110 --> 00:20:46,547
I want to say I was sorry
for calling you "nice."
446
00:20:46,614 --> 00:20:49,082
You're not nice. You're bad.
447
00:20:50,552 --> 00:20:51,952
No, I'm not.
448
00:20:52,020 --> 00:20:54,655
Ok, fine. You're not bad, but...
449
00:20:54,722 --> 00:20:58,191
I think you are the
sexiest nice guy
450
00:20:58,259 --> 00:21:00,226
in the whole wide world.
451
00:21:00,294 --> 00:21:02,629
And just because you're nice
452
00:21:02,697 --> 00:21:05,432
doesn't mean you can't
get a little nasty.
453
00:21:06,834 --> 00:21:08,168
Yazzbahh!
454
00:21:09,737 --> 00:21:11,738
Mmm-hmm.
455
00:21:11,806 --> 00:21:13,640
You mean the back of
the truck fantasy?
456
00:21:13,708 --> 00:21:15,475
That's right, tiger.
457
00:21:15,543 --> 00:21:16,577
Come on.
458
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:21,181
Whoa, that metal's cold, huh?
459
00:21:21,248 --> 00:21:24,284
Do you have a blanket or some
bubble wrap or something?
460
00:21:24,351 --> 00:21:26,252
No. I've got a hand truck.
461
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:27,721
Still metal, honey.
462
00:21:27,789 --> 00:21:29,790
Maybe we should just do
this tonight at home.
463
00:21:29,857 --> 00:21:33,193
Yeah, maybe. I'm
still bad, right?
464
00:21:33,260 --> 00:21:34,728
Yes, you are.
465
00:21:41,003 --> 00:21:44,538
All right. It cost
me a pretty penny,
466
00:21:44,606 --> 00:21:47,474
but this headstone business
is finally behind us.
467
00:21:47,542 --> 00:21:48,976
I hired a Mason
468
00:21:49,044 --> 00:21:51,846
to buff out the 19
and chisel in a 20.
469
00:21:51,914 --> 00:21:53,747
At least I can head
into the new millennium
470
00:21:53,816 --> 00:21:55,817
without worrying about all this.
471
00:21:55,884 --> 00:21:58,186
Ow! That's a chest pain.
472
00:21:59,387 --> 00:22:01,355
I can't catch a break here!
33643
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