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1
00:00:03,555 --> 00:00:05,245
Both: Right arm
up and elbow bent.
2
00:00:05,724 --> 00:00:07,952
Head roll, shimmy
it, and shimmy it.
3
00:00:07,976 --> 00:00:10,288
And step on the bug.
Squish it, squish it.
4
00:00:10,312 --> 00:00:12,540
Bitten by a rattlesnake.
Wince! Wince!
5
00:00:12,564 --> 00:00:15,042
Wobble, wobble, wobble, wobble.
6
00:00:15,066 --> 00:00:16,210
Drive to the hospital.
7
00:00:16,234 --> 00:00:18,254
Swerving, swerving.
8
00:00:18,278 --> 00:00:19,422
Slam on the brakes.
9
00:00:19,446 --> 00:00:21,424
Backwards box step.
10
00:00:21,448 --> 00:00:22,550
- Yeah!
- Yes!
11
00:00:22,574 --> 00:00:23,718
Whoo!
12
00:00:23,742 --> 00:00:25,303
Okay, okay, break time.
13
00:00:25,327 --> 00:00:28,139
Must take a break to not die.
14
00:00:28,163 --> 00:00:30,933
We're doing the annual
father-daughter dance,
15
00:00:30,957 --> 00:00:33,269
so we need to...
are you knitting?
16
00:00:33,270 --> 00:00:35,919
Read an article that said
hobbies are good for the brain.
17
00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:38,065
Also said to give
up bacon and fudge.
18
00:00:38,089 --> 00:00:41,068
But you can't believe
everything you read.
19
00:00:41,092 --> 00:00:42,653
Jimmy, car looks great.
20
00:00:42,677 --> 00:00:44,822
Any shot at winning
the Pinewood Derby?
21
00:00:44,846 --> 00:00:46,657
Yeah, if nobody else shows up.
22
00:00:46,658 --> 00:00:48,015
Okay, Grace, let's take another
23
00:00:48,016 --> 00:00:49,577
ah!
24
00:00:49,601 --> 00:00:52,163
- Oh, my God!
- Dad, are you okay?
25
00:00:52,187 --> 00:00:55,416
Don't move, don't move,
don't move, don't move.
26
00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:58,961
Oh, thank God, the
blanket's unharmed.
27
00:00:58,985 --> 00:01:00,796
You can move now, Jim.
28
00:01:00,820 --> 00:01:02,840
I've never seen a
human fly like that.
29
00:01:02,864 --> 00:01:05,718
Are you okay, Dad?
- Yeah, yeah, I think I am.
30
00:01:05,742 --> 00:01:07,637
It must be the adrenaline.
31
00:01:07,661 --> 00:01:08,971
I don't feel a thing.
32
00:01:08,995 --> 00:01:11,349
Where's my other
knitting needle?
33
00:01:11,373 --> 00:01:12,558
Ahh.
34
00:01:21,841 --> 00:01:23,027
Why did they just gasp?
35
00:01:23,051 --> 00:01:24,820
Uh, no reason.
36
00:01:24,844 --> 00:01:27,531
Nobody gasps just to gasp.
37
00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:29,992
Son, I need you to look at me.
38
00:01:29,993 --> 00:01:30,892
Why, what's happening?
39
00:01:30,893 --> 00:01:32,536
Everything is gonna be okay.
40
00:01:32,537 --> 00:01:33,769
Why wouldn't everything be okay?
41
00:01:33,770 --> 00:01:35,414
No reason. That's why
42
00:01:35,438 --> 00:01:37,774
everything is gonna be okay.
43
00:01:39,275 --> 00:01:40,735
All: Don't sit down!
44
00:01:42,988 --> 00:01:45,878
There's a knitting needle in
my butt cheek, isn't there?
45
00:01:48,410 --> 00:01:51,263
No, there isn't.
46
00:01:51,287 --> 00:01:53,975
♪ It's true ♪
47
00:01:53,999 --> 00:01:58,062
♪ The marriage that we
once had now is through ♪
48
00:01:58,086 --> 00:02:02,066
♪ But now we're doing
all that we can do ♪
49
00:02:02,090 --> 00:02:06,737
♪ To keep us all
together as a crew ♪
50
00:02:06,761 --> 00:02:10,366
♪ Just do as we
say, not as we do ♪
51
00:02:10,390 --> 00:02:14,578
♪ We really thought
that we were done ♪
52
00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:17,164
♪ But we've just begun ♪
53
00:02:17,165 --> 00:02:21,942
Hey, thanks for the help
cleaning up the table, kids.
54
00:02:21,943 --> 00:02:24,278
I plugged the hole with
a dollop of Polysporin,
55
00:02:24,279 --> 00:02:26,882
and now my tush is good as new.
56
00:02:26,883 --> 00:02:28,532
Look who's here with Chinese.
57
00:02:28,533 --> 00:02:31,095
Got the orange
chicken family meal.
58
00:02:31,119 --> 00:02:35,540
Orange, my second favorite
chicken flavor after nuggets.
59
00:02:35,541 --> 00:02:37,916
Where's the coffee table?
60
00:02:37,917 --> 00:02:40,104
- I got hit by a car.
- What?
61
00:02:40,128 --> 00:02:42,064
Oh, continue.
62
00:02:42,065 --> 00:02:43,714
Anyway, took a little
bit of a tumble.
63
00:02:43,715 --> 00:02:45,395
Punctured my old patootie.
64
00:02:45,396 --> 00:02:50,638
But I am confident that by this
Friday's father-daughter dance,
65
00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:52,514
that my little
moneymaker will be 100%.
66
00:02:52,515 --> 00:02:53,955
Not this Friday night.
67
00:02:53,975 --> 00:02:56,085
This Friday is the
Pinewood Derby.
68
00:02:56,102 --> 00:02:57,622
No, that's next Friday.
69
00:02:57,623 --> 00:02:58,646
It's in my phone. See?
70
00:02:58,647 --> 00:03:00,791
Next Friday.
71
00:03:00,815 --> 00:03:02,835
Pretty sure they changed it.
72
00:03:02,836 --> 00:03:04,860
No, they would have sent
you home with a memo.
73
00:03:04,861 --> 00:03:09,425
Jimmy, did you leave a memo
in your backpack again?
74
00:03:09,449 --> 00:03:12,261
What kind of word is "memo"?
75
00:03:12,262 --> 00:03:13,911
It's short for "memorandum."
76
00:03:13,912 --> 00:03:16,974
What kind of word
is "memorandum"?
77
00:03:16,998 --> 00:03:19,894
I believe it's the
long version of "memo."
78
00:03:19,918 --> 00:03:21,937
I know, but they're all we got.
79
00:03:21,961 --> 00:03:24,273
When is the last time
you emptied this?
80
00:03:24,297 --> 00:03:25,965
Last time I what?
81
00:03:25,966 --> 00:03:29,593
Dad, you got to go to the
father-daughter dance.
82
00:03:29,594 --> 00:03:30,821
Grace, I know.
83
00:03:30,822 --> 00:03:32,346
Have I not learned
all the moves?
84
00:03:32,347 --> 00:03:33,574
Risked paralysis?
85
00:03:33,575 --> 00:03:35,015
The father-daughter
dance is why I'm getting
86
00:03:35,016 --> 00:03:38,037
bitten by rattlesnakes
and swerving off the road.
87
00:03:38,038 --> 00:03:39,853
I'm the daughter,
you're my father.
88
00:03:39,854 --> 00:03:41,916
There's a dance. We have to go!
89
00:03:41,917 --> 00:03:43,649
This is an unsigned
permission slip for the zoo
90
00:03:43,650 --> 00:03:44,692
from two weeks ago.
91
00:03:44,693 --> 00:03:45,836
And you still went?
92
00:03:45,860 --> 00:03:47,988
There's cracks in the system.
93
00:03:49,322 --> 00:03:50,675
Ugh! He's right.
94
00:03:50,676 --> 00:03:51,907
They did change the
date of the derby.
95
00:03:51,908 --> 00:03:54,762
I hate this school.
- I'm with you, Mom.
96
00:03:54,786 --> 00:03:56,681
You are not without
blame, buddy.
97
00:03:56,705 --> 00:03:58,849
Me? They put their
trust in a C student.
98
00:03:58,873 --> 00:04:00,351
You're a B student.
99
00:04:00,375 --> 00:04:02,919
I think there's another
memo in that bag.
100
00:04:04,629 --> 00:04:06,691
Dad, the dance is our tradition
101
00:04:06,692 --> 00:04:08,424
a tradition that's
about to be over.
102
00:04:08,425 --> 00:04:09,777
I know I messed up,
103
00:04:09,801 --> 00:04:11,946
but the Pinewood Derby
is a tradition too.
104
00:04:11,970 --> 00:04:13,447
Dad, you gotta come with me.
105
00:04:13,471 --> 00:04:16,534
All right, I-I realize that
you both need Super Dad
106
00:04:16,558 --> 00:04:18,058
to bless you with his presence.
107
00:04:18,059 --> 00:04:20,913
But cloning technology
has sadly not kept pace
108
00:04:20,937 --> 00:04:24,000
with the universal
need for more me.
109
00:04:24,024 --> 00:04:27,110
So just give me a minute
to figure out a plan.
110
00:04:29,487 --> 00:04:31,507
Okay, help.
111
00:04:31,531 --> 00:04:34,051
Uh, okay. Well,
why don't I sub in
112
00:04:34,052 --> 00:04:35,409
for Dad at the Pinewood Derby?
113
00:04:35,410 --> 00:04:36,554
Boom, problem solved.
114
00:04:36,578 --> 00:04:38,180
No, not boom.
115
00:04:38,204 --> 00:04:39,390
I can't go with Mom.
116
00:04:39,414 --> 00:04:41,524
Whenever I'm with Mom,
everyone calls me...
117
00:04:41,888 --> 00:04:45,711
When I was playing
Fortnite last month
118
00:04:45,712 --> 00:04:47,940
keep in mind, I have a
live mic on my headset
119
00:04:47,964 --> 00:04:51,235
that is broadcasting to
45 of my best friends...
120
00:04:51,259 --> 00:04:52,737
Mom bursts in yelling,
121
00:04:52,761 --> 00:04:54,929
"Goo Goo Bear, your
bubble bath is ready."
122
00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:58,391
My God, what were you thinking?
123
00:05:00,602 --> 00:05:02,354
I was thinking it
was tubby time.
124
00:05:04,481 --> 00:05:08,252
Plus, Mom, Steve Green's
dad is always saying
125
00:05:08,253 --> 00:05:10,736
that you're the prettiest
mom in the neighborhood.
126
00:05:10,737 --> 00:05:13,382
Oh. Jerry said that?
127
00:05:13,406 --> 00:05:14,717
Hm.
128
00:05:14,741 --> 00:05:17,637
Yeah, Jerry said that.
129
00:05:17,661 --> 00:05:19,371
Jerry says a lot of things.
130
00:05:20,955 --> 00:05:23,267
Grace, why don't I
sub in at the dance?
131
00:05:23,268 --> 00:05:24,750
I'm a better dancer
than your dad.
132
00:05:24,751 --> 00:05:26,437
Just ask the coffee table.
133
00:05:26,438 --> 00:05:28,504
I'm not going to the
father-daughter dance
134
00:05:28,505 --> 00:05:29,815
with my mom.
- Why?
135
00:05:29,816 --> 00:05:31,298
Your other classmates
go with their moms,
136
00:05:31,299 --> 00:05:33,592
and they think it's cool.
- Yeah, if you have two moms
137
00:05:33,593 --> 00:05:34,969
or your dad's in
prison, it's cool.
138
00:05:34,970 --> 00:05:37,615
But that's not me.
Dad, you decide.
139
00:05:37,616 --> 00:05:39,515
The child that first
made you a father
140
00:05:39,516 --> 00:05:41,118
or the other kid?
141
00:05:41,142 --> 00:05:42,453
Other kid?
142
00:05:42,477 --> 00:05:46,749
I am James Patrick Kearney,
second of his name.
143
00:05:46,773 --> 00:05:48,960
I cannot and will not choose.
144
00:05:48,961 --> 00:05:51,235
Ethically and philosophically,
it would be a mistake
145
00:05:51,236 --> 00:05:54,840
because one of you
would not like me.
146
00:05:54,841 --> 00:05:56,573
The more I see how
adults make decisions,
147
00:05:56,574 --> 00:05:58,636
the less safe I feel.
148
00:05:58,660 --> 00:06:00,262
So what, we flip a coin?
149
00:06:00,286 --> 00:06:02,682
Ah, the age-old
tiebreaker. Jimmy, call it.
150
00:06:02,706 --> 00:06:04,892
Give me the nickel off the car.
- Heads.
151
00:06:04,893 --> 00:06:06,125
I'm not flipping
it. The losing kid
152
00:06:06,126 --> 00:06:07,626
will just blame me
for how I flipped.
153
00:06:07,627 --> 00:06:09,670
The blame is never on the
flipper, it's on the caller.
154
00:06:09,671 --> 00:06:11,130
Why? The responsibility is just
155
00:06:11,131 --> 00:06:12,297
as much on the
flipper as the caller.
156
00:06:12,298 --> 00:06:14,151
- She's got a point.
- That's legit.
157
00:06:14,152 --> 00:06:16,719
No, no, no, the caller has
two choices, heads or tails.
158
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,637
If Jimmy picks the wrong one,
then the blame lies with him.
159
00:06:18,638 --> 00:06:21,015
But the flipper is the last
person to touch the coin.
160
00:06:21,016 --> 00:06:22,599
That's when the questions begin.
161
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,518
How high did the flipper toss?
How fast did the flipper flip?
162
00:06:24,519 --> 00:06:26,478
The flipper holds the fate
of the flip in their hands.
163
00:06:26,479 --> 00:06:28,189
The flipper has all the blame.
164
00:06:29,899 --> 00:06:31,901
Trey, we need you
to flip a coin.
165
00:06:33,445 --> 00:06:35,339
Jimmy Jr.'s already
called heads.
166
00:06:35,340 --> 00:06:37,448
We need an impartial
flipper to flip in a way
167
00:06:37,449 --> 00:06:40,200
that is free of conscious
or unconscious flipper bias.
168
00:06:40,201 --> 00:06:42,013
How could a flipper
flip with bias?
169
00:06:42,037 --> 00:06:44,432
Velocity, trajectory,
phalange, finesse.
170
00:06:44,456 --> 00:06:46,017
I've studied magic, so I know.
171
00:06:46,041 --> 00:06:47,852
I am not surprised.
172
00:06:47,853 --> 00:06:49,918
Did you know that coin
flipping actually began
173
00:06:49,919 --> 00:06:51,837
during the Roman Empire
when they had to decide
174
00:06:51,838 --> 00:06:53,816
who was going to be castrated?
175
00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:55,526
The term eunuch comes
176
00:06:55,550 --> 00:06:57,218
both: Flip it!
177
00:06:59,387 --> 00:07:00,531
- Tails.
- Yes!
178
00:07:00,555 --> 00:07:02,074
I'm gonna go try on my dress.
179
00:07:02,098 --> 00:07:05,161
That's what the losers
used to say in Rome.
180
00:07:05,162 --> 00:07:07,061
We're gonna need
more orange chicken.
181
00:07:07,062 --> 00:07:09,081
- You spilled it?
- I ate it.
182
00:07:09,105 --> 00:07:11,792
You ate the whole thing?
It was a family size.
183
00:07:11,816 --> 00:07:14,277
I'm family.
184
00:07:14,278 --> 00:07:16,655
I'm really sorry about missing
185
00:07:16,656 --> 00:07:18,215
the Pinewood Derby, buddy.
186
00:07:18,239 --> 00:07:20,241
This is a ridiculous
way to parent.
187
00:07:22,285 --> 00:07:23,953
Ridiculous!
188
00:07:25,622 --> 00:07:28,392
- Did I mess this up?
- No. He messed this up.
189
00:07:28,393 --> 00:07:29,833
Do you have any
idea how many times
190
00:07:29,834 --> 00:07:31,335
we've told him to
empty his backpack?
191
00:07:31,336 --> 00:07:32,711
Well, is there
anything I can do?
192
00:07:32,712 --> 00:07:33,939
I feel responsible.
193
00:07:33,940 --> 00:07:35,631
Well, you should.
You're the flipper.
194
00:07:35,632 --> 00:07:38,822
If you'd stayed in the kitchen,
none of this would've happened.
195
00:07:44,333 --> 00:07:46,143
Hey, kid. Sorry it
didn't go your way.
196
00:07:46,418 --> 00:07:48,146
I'm sorry I reacted
the way I did.
197
00:07:48,170 --> 00:07:50,523
No, I get it. I totally get it.
198
00:07:50,524 --> 00:07:53,132
I mean, I enjoyed going to the
Pinewood Derby with my dad.
199
00:07:53,133 --> 00:07:54,800
I really loved
that bonding time.
200
00:07:54,801 --> 00:07:56,112
Yeah, it's fun.
201
00:07:56,113 --> 00:07:57,637
I mean, we make a
whole night out of it.
202
00:07:57,638 --> 00:08:00,366
First we lose, then we
go to Mike's Pastry,
203
00:08:00,390 --> 00:08:02,410
and the whole time
we're laughing.
204
00:08:02,434 --> 00:08:04,913
I love me some Mike's Pastry.
205
00:08:04,937 --> 00:08:06,789
You know, um,
206
00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:09,023
you'd probably do better
if you polished your axle
207
00:08:09,024 --> 00:08:11,502
and checked your alignment.
208
00:08:11,526 --> 00:08:14,380
When I was a scout, we
studied woodworking,
209
00:08:14,404 --> 00:08:17,425
we studied aerodynamics,
weight transfer.
210
00:08:17,449 --> 00:08:19,761
We had this thing
down to a science.
211
00:08:19,762 --> 00:08:22,245
Will you go to the Derby
with me instead of my mom?
212
00:08:22,246 --> 00:08:23,663
Dude, your mom's gonna kill it.
213
00:08:23,664 --> 00:08:26,165
She's in the kitchen scouring
the web for ways to win.
214
00:08:26,166 --> 00:08:28,627
Well, she should
scour your head.
215
00:08:31,088 --> 00:08:33,149
Please? You're my stepdad.
216
00:08:33,173 --> 00:08:35,384
I mean, future stepdad.
217
00:08:39,930 --> 00:08:43,243
I-I will be your stepdad.
218
00:08:43,267 --> 00:08:45,495
Unless, um
219
00:08:45,519 --> 00:08:47,997
how are you and Mom
getting along lately?
220
00:08:48,021 --> 00:08:49,249
We're good.
221
00:08:49,273 --> 00:08:51,167
Why, you heard something?
222
00:08:51,191 --> 00:08:52,961
Dude, you think she'd tell me?
223
00:08:52,985 --> 00:08:55,035
I thought my parents
had a good marriage.
224
00:08:56,655 --> 00:08:57,966
Talk to her.
225
00:08:57,990 --> 00:09:01,636
Fingers crossed for the
Derby and your engagement.
226
00:09:01,660 --> 00:09:05,139
The engagement's solid. Let
me go work on the Derby.
227
00:09:13,046 --> 00:09:15,775
Pro tip, always include
the words "Pinewood Derby"
228
00:09:15,776 --> 00:09:17,300
when you Google "which
lubricant gives you
229
00:09:17,301 --> 00:09:19,946
the most bang for your buck?"
230
00:09:19,970 --> 00:09:21,531
Also, "wood derby" by itself
231
00:09:21,555 --> 00:09:24,325
will return some very
disturbing images.
232
00:09:24,349 --> 00:09:26,310
We gotta bring back shame.
233
00:09:27,769 --> 00:09:29,163
Are you okay?
234
00:09:29,187 --> 00:09:32,125
Yeah, um,
235
00:09:32,149 --> 00:09:36,296
Jimmy Jr. just called
me his future stepdad.
236
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:41,217
Emotions just kind of
snuck up on me like a burp.
237
00:09:41,241 --> 00:09:43,761
He wants me to take
him to the Derby.
238
00:09:43,785 --> 00:09:45,096
Instead of me?
239
00:09:45,097 --> 00:09:46,996
Yeah, but it's only
'cause I'm an Eagle Scout.
240
00:09:46,997 --> 00:09:49,267
Oh, yeah, of course.
241
00:09:49,291 --> 00:09:51,603
- So you won't feel hurt?
- Far from.
242
00:09:51,627 --> 00:09:53,813
- Cast aside or iced out?
- Nope.
243
00:09:53,814 --> 00:09:55,963
- Taken for granted?
- I don't think in those terms.
244
00:09:55,964 --> 00:09:57,400
You're amazing.
245
00:09:57,424 --> 00:09:59,194
By the way,
246
00:09:59,218 --> 00:10:01,529
I think your Eagle Scout
thing is super hot.
247
00:10:01,553 --> 00:10:04,443
That might be the first time
those words were ever spoken.
248
00:10:13,398 --> 00:10:16,318
This is when you really
miss coffee tables.
249
00:10:17,605 --> 00:10:19,571
Where's Dad?
250
00:10:19,572 --> 00:10:21,716
Went to go pick up his tux.
251
00:10:21,740 --> 00:10:24,260
Oh, my God, I can't get
over how good you look.
252
00:10:24,261 --> 00:10:25,284
Let me get a few pictures.
253
00:10:25,285 --> 00:10:26,554
Mom, enough, please.
254
00:10:26,578 --> 00:10:28,808
I'm the most documented
child in captivity.
255
00:10:32,209 --> 00:10:34,437
Hey, future stepdad.
256
00:10:34,461 --> 00:10:37,273
- Big night.
- Jimmy, Trey's here.
257
00:10:37,297 --> 00:10:38,900
You're gonna do great, okay?
258
00:10:38,901 --> 00:10:40,716
Just remember the basics.
Favorite place to eat?
259
00:10:40,717 --> 00:10:42,487
7-Eleven. Two Big Bites,
260
00:10:42,511 --> 00:10:44,781
blue Takis, Code
Red Mountain Dew,
261
00:10:44,805 --> 00:10:47,200
and family-sized pack
of Sour Patch Kids.
262
00:10:47,224 --> 00:10:49,327
And if he then gets
sick in the car?
263
00:10:49,351 --> 00:10:50,954
Ginger ale.
264
00:10:50,978 --> 00:10:52,747
Really sick?
265
00:10:52,771 --> 00:10:53,855
Backup ginger ale.
266
00:10:53,856 --> 00:10:57,066
An Eagle Scout is
always prepared.
267
00:10:57,067 --> 00:10:58,127
Yep.
268
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:01,714
Jim, where are you?
269
00:11:01,738 --> 00:11:03,132
I'm stuck.
270
00:11:03,133 --> 00:11:04,156
What do you mean you're stuck?
271
00:11:04,157 --> 00:11:05,635
The green line is stuck.
272
00:11:05,659 --> 00:11:07,804
- Are you on the green line?
- No, Julia.
273
00:11:07,805 --> 00:11:10,121
I'm updating you on an
unrelated track closure.
274
00:11:10,122 --> 00:11:12,123
Yes, I'm on the green
line, and I'm stuck!
275
00:11:12,124 --> 00:11:15,603
And desperately clinging
to a single bar of service.
276
00:11:15,627 --> 00:11:17,689
Dad, the dance
starts in an hour.
277
00:11:17,713 --> 00:11:19,315
I told the engineer that.
278
00:11:19,339 --> 00:11:21,943
But like this train,
he was unmoved.
279
00:11:21,967 --> 00:11:23,111
I'll go to the dance.
280
00:11:23,112 --> 00:11:24,260
We'll say your
father is in prison.
281
00:11:24,261 --> 00:11:26,197
We can brainstorm
about why on the way.
282
00:11:26,221 --> 00:11:27,907
No, no, no, no! I'm innocent.
283
00:11:27,931 --> 00:11:29,921
I-I'm gonna make it,
Grace. You hear me?
284
00:11:29,922 --> 00:11:31,809
Grandpa is on his way
to escort you there,
285
00:11:31,810 --> 00:11:34,914
and I will arrive before
the last dance, I promise.
286
00:11:34,915 --> 00:11:37,064
There are some old dads
there on their third wives,
287
00:11:37,065 --> 00:11:39,836
so I guess Grandpa
won't stand out.
288
00:11:39,860 --> 00:11:42,839
Um, he's not gonna wear his
powder blue tuxedo, is he?
289
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,947
Oh, no, that's just for
weddings and funerals.
290
00:11:44,948 --> 00:11:46,426
He'll be there any second.
291
00:11:46,427 --> 00:11:48,075
Can I have your
attention, please?
292
00:11:48,076 --> 00:11:49,994
Could the guy in the back
who's standing up on the seat
293
00:11:49,995 --> 00:11:53,391
please get his dirty
sneakers off the seat?
294
00:11:53,743 --> 00:11:59,337
You're deliberately going the
long way to jack up the fare!
295
00:11:59,338 --> 00:12:00,773
I'm using Waze.
296
00:12:00,797 --> 00:12:04,027
Yeah, ways to cheat me out
of my hard-earned dough!
297
00:12:04,051 --> 00:12:06,654
Trust me, I want you out of
my cab as soon as possible.
298
00:12:06,655 --> 00:12:08,512
You should have
taken Storrow Drive,
299
00:12:08,513 --> 00:12:10,074
you rip-off artist.
300
00:12:10,075 --> 00:12:12,266
I didn't take Storrow 'cause
I knew there was an accident.
301
00:12:12,267 --> 00:12:13,578
How? We didn't even try it.
302
00:12:13,602 --> 00:12:15,371
I told you, I got Waze.
303
00:12:15,395 --> 00:12:16,539
Oh, you got ways, huh?
304
00:12:16,540 --> 00:12:18,356
I got ways to deal
with bums like you.
305
00:12:18,357 --> 00:12:19,733
Pull over!
306
00:12:22,611 --> 00:12:25,215
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa. Hey, you owe me $12.50.
307
00:12:25,239 --> 00:12:27,407
Not a chance, you crook!
308
00:12:28,951 --> 00:12:30,929
This looks like
it's worth $12.50,
309
00:12:30,953 --> 00:12:33,223
you Bobby Vinton wannabe.
310
00:12:33,247 --> 00:12:34,581
Not my knitting bag.
311
00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:41,510
A crooked cabdriver
just robbed me.
312
00:12:42,202 --> 00:12:43,596
Oh, my God, are you okay?
313
00:12:43,620 --> 00:12:46,015
Yeah, he only got
my knitting bag.
314
00:12:46,039 --> 00:12:48,226
And my wallet was in the bag.
315
00:12:48,250 --> 00:12:50,478
I'll send an Uber.
Give me your address.
316
00:12:50,502 --> 00:12:53,815
I'm on the corner of
walk and don't walk.
317
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,650
Forget it. I'll hail another cab
318
00:12:55,674 --> 00:12:58,027
and just ditch the
fare when I'm close.
319
00:12:58,051 --> 00:12:59,720
See you soon.
320
00:12:59,721 --> 00:13:03,931
Grace, I'm not bullish
on Grandpa's chances.
321
00:13:03,932 --> 00:13:04,993
We may need a Plan B.
322
00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:07,495
Isn't it, like, Plan
G at this point?
323
00:13:07,519 --> 00:13:08,955
I may be your best bet.
324
00:13:08,979 --> 00:13:10,299
I've got the perfect dress.
325
00:13:10,314 --> 00:13:12,834
Mom, it's not that I
don't want to go with you.
326
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:14,943
It's that I don't want
you to go with me.
327
00:13:17,237 --> 00:13:18,590
Trey, will you take me?
328
00:13:18,614 --> 00:13:20,300
To the father-daughter dance?
329
00:13:20,301 --> 00:13:22,366
Yeah, you're kind of
like my other father.
330
00:13:22,367 --> 00:13:25,496
Stepfather... stepfather-to-be.
331
00:13:27,581 --> 00:13:29,559
- They're both saying it now.
- I know.
332
00:13:29,583 --> 00:13:31,686
Keep it together, big guy.
333
00:13:31,687 --> 00:13:34,003
Grace, Trey already
promised to go to the Derby.
334
00:13:34,004 --> 00:13:35,254
It wouldn't be fair to Jimmy.
335
00:13:35,255 --> 00:13:37,942
What wouldn't be fair
to Jimmy this time?
336
00:13:37,966 --> 00:13:40,361
Well, your father is
stuck in the subway,
337
00:13:40,362 --> 00:13:41,844
and Grace asked Trey to
take her to the dance.
338
00:13:41,845 --> 00:13:43,721
But I know how much
you're looking forward
339
00:13:43,722 --> 00:13:45,533
to Trey taking you to the Derby.
340
00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:47,475
Even though I've done
a lot of research,
341
00:13:47,476 --> 00:13:48,726
and I know that if we swap out
342
00:13:48,727 --> 00:13:50,497
the steel axle for the graphite,
343
00:13:50,521 --> 00:13:54,042
we can achieve a significant
reduction in friction.
344
00:13:54,066 --> 00:13:55,442
I'm just saying.
345
00:13:56,985 --> 00:14:00,364
Wow. I don't know so
many of those words.
346
00:14:02,616 --> 00:14:03,927
What would you rather do?
347
00:14:03,951 --> 00:14:05,619
It's up to you, Jimmy.
348
00:14:07,955 --> 00:14:11,726
So this is what power
feels like, huh?
349
00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:13,812
I like it.
350
00:14:13,836 --> 00:14:16,314
I like it a lot.
351
00:14:16,338 --> 00:14:18,882
Jimmy, I re...
352
00:14:20,467 --> 00:14:22,153
Okay, fine. I'll take Mom.
353
00:14:22,154 --> 00:14:23,511
But I want the bigger bedroom.
354
00:14:23,512 --> 00:14:24,762
And I want to be an only child,
355
00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:25,930
but there are laws
that prevent me
356
00:14:25,931 --> 00:14:28,118
from making that
dream come true.
357
00:14:28,142 --> 00:14:31,246
Then I win the next
five arguments we have.
358
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:32,372
- Four.
- Five.
359
00:14:32,373 --> 00:14:33,855
Okay, you win. You
have four left.
360
00:14:33,856 --> 00:14:34,940
Trey, let's go!
361
00:14:35,115 --> 00:14:38,609
I promise not to call
you Goo Goo Bear.
362
00:14:38,610 --> 00:14:40,463
We can only hope.
363
00:14:40,487 --> 00:14:41,923
Babe, I'm not dressed for it.
364
00:14:41,947 --> 00:14:44,300
I studied up on
Jimmy Jr., not Grace.
365
00:14:44,324 --> 00:14:46,302
I know the TikTok
song, not the dance.
366
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:47,952
Go by your place
and pick up a suit.
367
00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:50,079
Just dance with her in a
way that won't embarrass her
368
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,433
or you'll... what am I saying?
369
00:14:51,434 --> 00:14:52,915
She usually goes to
this thing with Jim.
370
00:14:52,916 --> 00:14:54,018
You're good.
371
00:14:55,704 --> 00:14:57,795
You moving?
372
00:14:57,796 --> 00:14:59,023
Uh, I am.
373
00:14:59,047 --> 00:15:01,443
However, my train is
not. Did my dad show up?
374
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:03,778
Your dad got his wallet
stolen by a cabbie.
375
00:15:03,802 --> 00:15:05,530
Apparently...
- I don't want to know.
376
00:15:05,554 --> 00:15:07,365
So Grace had to go with Trey.
377
00:15:07,389 --> 00:15:09,325
Wha... no, no, Grace can't go
378
00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:10,766
to the father-daughter
dance without me.
379
00:15:10,767 --> 00:15:12,226
People will think
I bailed on her.
380
00:15:12,227 --> 00:15:14,061
But you didn't; You just
chose the wrong train.
381
00:15:14,062 --> 00:15:15,688
Wait, no, h-how
is this my fault?
382
00:15:15,689 --> 00:15:17,648
I'm not driving the
train. I'm merely a rider.
383
00:15:17,649 --> 00:15:19,544
Yes, I've heard
news of budget cuts.
384
00:15:19,568 --> 00:15:21,796
But I expected
basic functionality.
385
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:23,673
Ah, so the rider
did pick the train,
386
00:15:23,674 --> 00:15:25,823
and the rider did fail to plan
for unforeseen circumstances,
387
00:15:25,824 --> 00:15:28,034
so the rider did, in fact,
choose his own destiny!
388
00:15:28,035 --> 00:15:30,722
I will not be flipped down
that rabbit hole again.
389
00:15:30,746 --> 00:15:33,624
I will get to the dance
no matter what occurs.
390
00:15:35,083 --> 00:15:36,728
Pinewood Derby, let's go.
391
00:15:36,752 --> 00:15:38,480
Let's go, Jimmy, let's go!
392
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:40,482
Pinewood Derby, let's go. Oh!
393
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:41,941
Gracie, let's go!
394
00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:44,258
I ditched the cabbie at a
red light two blocks away.
395
00:15:44,259 --> 00:15:46,260
Oh, sorry, Bobby. Grace
already left with Trey
396
00:15:46,261 --> 00:15:48,471
to the dance and Jimmy Jr.
And I are off to the Derby.
397
00:15:48,472 --> 00:15:50,325
Ah, the Pinewood Derby.
398
00:15:50,349 --> 00:15:51,826
I used to love going with Jim.
399
00:15:51,827 --> 00:15:53,976
I guess I could go with
little Jimmy next year.
400
00:15:53,977 --> 00:15:57,564
You know what they say.
Grandparents live forever.
401
00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:04,672
Jimmy, you're going
with your grandfather.
402
00:16:07,699 --> 00:16:10,345
Uh, Grace, it's Dad.
403
00:16:10,346 --> 00:16:11,744
Pointlessly leaving
you a voicemail
404
00:16:11,745 --> 00:16:13,473
to which you will never listen.
405
00:16:13,497 --> 00:16:16,476
I am so sorry I'm
not at the dance yet.
406
00:16:16,477 --> 00:16:18,042
I know you're having
no fun without me.
407
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:20,688
But I promise you,
I am on my way,
408
00:16:20,712 --> 00:16:22,702
because there is
nothing on this Earth
409
00:16:22,714 --> 00:16:24,567
that will keep me from... rat!
410
00:16:24,591 --> 00:16:27,445
Rat! Rat!
411
00:16:27,469 --> 00:16:30,448
Good lord, look at the
size of that thing.
412
00:16:30,472 --> 00:16:32,951
I'm on my way. Don't
dance without me.
413
00:16:49,222 --> 00:16:51,812
Here we go, Grace, let's see
if I can keep up with you.
414
00:17:06,781 --> 00:17:10,010
Elbow bent, and shoulder,
shoulder, shimmy it...
415
00:17:10,034 --> 00:17:11,595
- Dad, you made it!
- Oh.
416
00:17:11,619 --> 00:17:13,430
- Hey, Jim.
- Hey, Trey.
417
00:17:13,431 --> 00:17:15,038
Did you know Trey knew
how to swing dance?
418
00:17:15,039 --> 00:17:17,393
I didn't even know you
knew how to swing dance.
419
00:17:17,417 --> 00:17:20,169
- She's a natural.
- And he's a natural coach.
420
00:17:27,969 --> 00:17:29,279
Super, super.
421
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:30,929
Do you want to step
on the bug now?
422
00:17:30,930 --> 00:17:33,450
Hey, DJ, play "Snake
Bite Emergency," okay?
423
00:17:33,474 --> 00:17:36,184
Actually, do you mind if I
do one more dance with Trey?
424
00:17:36,185 --> 00:17:38,580
Oh. Yeah, yeah, of
course. Go... go ahead.
425
00:17:38,581 --> 00:17:40,355
I should probably go freshen
up in the men's room anyway.
426
00:17:40,356 --> 00:17:42,835
A lot of subway soot in my lungs
427
00:17:42,859 --> 00:17:44,420
I should probably cough up,
428
00:17:44,444 --> 00:17:46,737
along with a smidgen
of rat dander.
429
00:17:49,991 --> 00:17:51,510
Ow! Ow.
430
00:17:51,534 --> 00:17:53,470
Oh, man.
431
00:17:53,494 --> 00:17:56,306
Happened again. I
pulled a hamstring.
432
00:17:56,330 --> 00:17:58,332
Swinging too strong.
433
00:18:00,334 --> 00:18:03,021
Go get 'em, Kearneys!
434
00:18:03,045 --> 00:18:04,523
- Uh...
- DJ, hit it!
435
00:18:04,547 --> 00:18:07,197
- Maybe I should stretch first.
- No time, Dad. Let's go.
436
00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:08,266
Trey.
437
00:18:13,264 --> 00:18:15,075
both: Left arm up and elbow bent
438
00:18:15,076 --> 00:18:16,141
and shoulder shrug.
439
00:18:16,142 --> 00:18:18,120
And shimmy it, shimmy it.
440
00:18:18,144 --> 00:18:20,080
Right arm up and elbow bent.
441
00:18:20,104 --> 00:18:22,666
Head roll. Shimmy it, shimmy it.
442
00:18:22,690 --> 00:18:23,959
Step on the bug.
443
00:18:33,255 --> 00:18:36,495
And while pretending
to pull my hammy,
444
00:18:36,496 --> 00:18:39,016
I almost did pull my hammy.
445
00:18:39,017 --> 00:18:40,332
Thanks for stepping up tonight.
446
00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:43,270
Oh, it was fun to step in.
447
00:18:43,294 --> 00:18:45,314
Then Jim showed up,
and I stepped back.
448
00:18:45,338 --> 00:18:46,857
Yep, that's being a parent.
449
00:18:46,881 --> 00:18:49,193
Sacrifice, sucking
it up, stepping back.
450
00:18:49,217 --> 00:18:50,819
Hm.
451
00:18:50,820 --> 00:18:52,719
And you're sure you're all
right with all of this?
452
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:57,993
Dude, I'm a battle-tested
tournament-tough warhorse mom.
453
00:18:58,017 --> 00:18:59,244
What does that mean?
454
00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:00,621
It means that I'm immune
455
00:19:00,622 --> 00:19:02,437
to getting my feelings
hurt by children,
456
00:19:02,438 --> 00:19:04,666
because I have to
be as a parent.
457
00:19:04,690 --> 00:19:06,794
These are kids. Every
day is like this,
458
00:19:06,818 --> 00:19:09,296
except for the first two
hours of Mother's Day.
459
00:19:09,297 --> 00:19:10,612
First two hours?
That's all you get?
460
00:19:10,613 --> 00:19:11,696
What do you do the
rest of the day?
461
00:19:11,697 --> 00:19:13,198
It's just managing the fallout
462
00:19:13,199 --> 00:19:14,426
from breakfast in bed
463
00:19:14,427 --> 00:19:15,951
scrubbing the syrup
out of your sheets,
464
00:19:15,952 --> 00:19:17,994
rinsing the coffee
stains out of your robe.
465
00:19:17,995 --> 00:19:20,163
Luckily, your children have
gotten you a brand-new robe
466
00:19:20,164 --> 00:19:21,915
to replace the old new robe
they gave you for Christmas.
467
00:19:21,916 --> 00:19:24,806
Mother's Day is the dirtiest
trick the devil ever played.
468
00:19:26,254 --> 00:19:28,107
My mom says she loves it.
469
00:19:28,131 --> 00:19:30,609
Your mom is a great liar.
470
00:19:30,633 --> 00:19:32,133
Look, you've already learned
471
00:19:32,135 --> 00:19:33,904
the biggest lesson of parenting:
472
00:19:33,905 --> 00:19:36,471
When you feel left out, you
gotta shut up and limp off
473
00:19:36,472 --> 00:19:38,223
because their
feelings come first.
474
00:19:38,224 --> 00:19:40,494
Besides, it's not so bad.
475
00:19:40,495 --> 00:19:41,935
And they always
come back to you.
476
00:19:41,936 --> 00:19:43,622
Sometimes sooner
than you want.
477
00:19:43,646 --> 00:19:45,249
Hello!
478
00:19:45,273 --> 00:19:47,584
- Mom, we had the best time.
- Oh, good.
479
00:19:47,585 --> 00:19:49,401
The bug squishing dance
had a lot of steps
480
00:19:49,402 --> 00:19:50,819
to keep track of,
so Grace taught me
481
00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:52,946
some swing moves that
she learned from Trey.
482
00:19:52,947 --> 00:19:54,216
Bravo, Trey.
483
00:19:54,217 --> 00:19:56,366
Yeah, you know, I picked
it up at prep school
484
00:19:56,367 --> 00:19:57,845
for the Friday night socials
485
00:19:57,846 --> 00:19:59,411
we had with the girls'
school across the lake.
486
00:19:59,412 --> 00:20:00,764
Mm, how lovely.
487
00:20:00,788 --> 00:20:03,183
As a public school kid,
every other Tuesday,
488
00:20:03,207 --> 00:20:06,395
I would get beaten senseless
by the McGrath twins.
489
00:20:06,419 --> 00:20:08,814
Bob held and Betsy punched.
490
00:20:10,256 --> 00:20:11,692
Hey, hey, hey!
491
00:20:11,716 --> 00:20:14,111
New record in the
books. Fourth place!
492
00:20:14,135 --> 00:20:16,238
Whoa! Whoa!
493
00:20:16,262 --> 00:20:17,364
That's my boy.
494
00:20:17,388 --> 00:20:18,949
I never did better than tenth.
495
00:20:18,973 --> 00:20:21,076
Evolution in action.
496
00:20:21,100 --> 00:20:22,995
It was fun, Jimmy.
497
00:20:23,019 --> 00:20:24,413
But I got a cab waiting.
498
00:20:24,414 --> 00:20:26,646
Found a cabbie who didn't
know my reputation.
499
00:20:26,647 --> 00:20:29,650
Until the next
Kearney family fiasco!
500
00:20:29,651 --> 00:20:33,862
Uh, kids, I will plan on you
ignoring my calls and texts
501
00:20:33,863 --> 00:20:35,489
until you need
something. Love you.
502
00:20:35,490 --> 00:20:37,342
- Love you.
- You're the best.
503
00:20:37,366 --> 00:20:40,053
- Thank you.
- They were talking to me.
504
00:20:40,077 --> 00:20:41,954
I didn't hear 'em say "Dad."
505
00:20:43,232 --> 00:20:45,874
Jimmy, you want some ice cream?
506
00:20:45,875 --> 00:20:48,103
- Always.
- Chocolate or strawberry?
507
00:20:48,127 --> 00:20:49,354
Uh, strawberry.
508
00:20:49,378 --> 00:20:50,773
Chocolate.
509
00:20:50,774 --> 00:20:52,798
- Strawberry.
- Fine, strawberry.
510
00:20:52,799 --> 00:20:55,449
You only have three more
wins in your account.
511
00:20:57,178 --> 00:20:59,722
Man, why are girls so smart?
512
00:21:01,891 --> 00:21:05,162
Oh, and Trey, thanks for the
pep talk before the Derby.
513
00:21:05,186 --> 00:21:06,455
It helped a lot.
514
00:21:06,479 --> 00:21:09,083
You're gonna be a great stepdad.
515
00:21:10,608 --> 00:21:13,295
Are you welling up?
516
00:21:13,319 --> 00:21:15,488
I can't look at you yet.
517
00:21:17,073 --> 00:21:18,574
Come here.
518
00:21:18,624 --> 00:21:23,174
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