All language subtitles for Curb Your Enthusiasm s12e05 Fish Stuck.eng

? ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM"
THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ?

? (THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES) ?

So, I needed a new lawyer,
and Susie was going on

and on about what a great lawyer
you are.

And then, the coup de gr�ce,

-she told me your last name.
-Oh.

-Mantle. Christopher Mantle.
-CHRISTOPHER MANTLE: Yeah.

-Yeah. Yes.
-LARRY DAVID: Oh, my God.

I mean, Mickey Mantle,
he was my idol growing up.

I don't follow baseball,
but I know who Mickey Mantle is.

Oh, my God,
it's an amazing name.

Well, Susie's great
at connecting everybody.

I love her. Oh, by the way, uh,

she mentioned you might be going
to the temple

for the reopening
of the plaza thing.

Yeah, yeah. I'm being
dragged there by this woman

who I'm connected to somehow.

Yeah,
I'm being dragged there too.

-LARRY: Oh, you-- Really?
-Yeah, my husband is Jewish.

Oh, okay.
We're both being dragged.

-We're both being dragged. Yeah.
-Look at that.

Yeah. Yeah.
So, uh, I familiarized myself

with the case,
like the rest of America,

and listen to me, Larry.

This is
the most unconstitutional law

that's ever been passed.
The law should be on trial,

-not you.
-Really?

So, I'm confident this

-will get cleared up quickly.
-Wow.

And I'll file something
by the end of the week,

which is the cutoff date,
to file a motion to dismiss.

So, all will be taken care of.
Yeah. You can rest easy.

Oh, my God,
that is music to my ears.

Yes. We're gonna avoid a trial,
and it's gonna be...

(WHISTLES) ...tossed out.

-Mr. Mantle.
-Yeah.

All-- You--
You just hit a home run.

-You know?
-(CLICKS TONGUE) Yeah.

-LARRY: That's fantastic.
-Thanks. Yeah.

So, the good news is,
I can still parade around

like I'm a hero of sorts
without having to go to trial...

-Yeah.
-...or prison, or anything.

That's right. You will not
have to go to trial.

You will not be going to prison.

-(PHONE BEEPS)
-SECRETARY: Mr. Mantle, Denise on line one.

-One second. Sorry.
-(PHONE BEEPS)

Hello? Yeah.

Oh, really? Oh, that's great.
Can you put that back, Larr?

Can you put that back down?

Yeah, it's great.
Thank you so much, Denise.

Okay, bye.

Sorry about that.
That was my surrogate.

My husband and I
are having a baby.

-Ah, no kidding.
-Yeah.

-Congratulations.
Big news. That's great. -Thank you. Yeah, yeah.

-We're really excited.
-You like the surrogate?

-I do. She's really sweet.
-She took an IQ test?

-I...
-I mean, you don't wanna get

-a moron, right?
-Correct.

You're sure she's not a moron?

Yes. Thank you
for your concern. Yeah.

Let me ask you a question.
How does it work with a--

with a gay couple? Who gets
to choose the last name?

We, uh, had a discussion,
and we chose my husband's name.

Oh. Which is?

Zeckelman.

Yeah.

(SCOFFS) You're going
with Zeckelman over Mantle?

Is something wrong
with his last name?

It's not the greatest last name
in the world,

but Mantle
is one of the great names.

Well, thank you. I--

I personally think Zeckelman
is also a great name.

Is that okay?

It's okay.
It's not so great for the kid.

Why is it not great for the kid?

I don't know any Zeckelmans
who hit 536 home runs.

Yet.

-Okay. All right.
-CHRISTOPHER: Okay.

-Nice to meet you, Larry.
-Okay.

-Nice to meet you.
-Yeah, you too.

-I'll see you at temple.
-Are you going with Zeckelman?

I'm going with...

-Zeckelman, yeah.
-Great. See you there.

-? (QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING) ?
-Okay.

FREDDY FUNKHOUSER:
Let me tell you.

I met the greatest girl.

Her name is Jenna,
and she's pretty incredible.

It's been going on
for a couple weeks.

-Really?
-Yeah. She's really funny.

She's smart. She knows music.

She challenges me.
Great conversationalist.

-What does she do?
-She works for Disney.

-I think she's an executive.
-Wow.

She's always just talking
about the film.

She knows all the things
that are coming out.

I mean, she was talking about,
like, the princess costumes

and where they're going
and evolving.

Just to be involved
in steering the television

and the films is a lot,

but she's gotta keep it
in her mind, like,

"How do I turn that
into a ride?"

-That's pretty impressive, yeah.
-Super impressive.

Honestly, I've never heard
you talk like this.

Well, I've never felt
this way before.

-Wow.
-LARRY: Sports.

-She into sports?
-You know, it's too soon.

I haven't gotten
into sports yet.

-If you get sports here...
-(FREDDY LAUGHS)

-LEON BLACK: Oh.
-...it's too much.

If I get sports,
you're my best man.

Damn. If she working at Disney,
next time you talk to her,

ask her about
that fine-ass Tinkerbell.

You're attracted to Tinkerbell?

Tinkerbell flies
her little ass in there.

She put her little booty out,
with that little booty tooch.

-Mm. That little booty go out...
-Yeah.

...and bling!

It speaks of
a very unusual perversion.

A man attracted
to a thimble-sized fairy.

Tinkerbell fine as fuck.
Come on.

I'll put her
in my motherfucking pocket.

You hear me? And I'll just
walk around knowing she home.

And she flies her little ass
out there,

give me a little kiss
on the cheek and shit,

-and flies the fuck off.
-(LAUGHS)

Hey. That's a nice-ass jacket
you got, too.

-Oh. Yeah. Thank you.
-LEON: Looks good on you.

-FREDDY: I really like it.
-LEON: I love it.

FREDDY: You wouldn't normally
think suede would be nice.

'Cause it's a darker green.
Isn't it nice?

Look at that fish.

What's up with that fish?

Looks like it's stuck.

-Look at him struggle.
-LARRY: Yeah, yeah.

His little nose
is trapped in that filter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, excuse me.

Yes, sir?

That fish,
it looks like he's stuck.

Oh, no, fish not stuck,
fish sick.

No, no, fish stuck.

No, this time of year
is tough for fish,

so fish gets sick easily.

The filter is very warm,
so it make him feel better.

-So, it's okay. It's normal.
-LARRY: Seriously? Look at that.

That fish is stuck.

WAITER: No. See, fish wiggle,
it mean fish sneeze.

Fish don't sneeze.

-The fish didn't sneeze.
-No, fish sneeze.

-This guy's stuck.
Fish sick now.

-Fish stuck.
-No, fish sick.

Well, he's gonna get sick
if he stays stuck.

-Yeah.
-No, it's okay.

Can someone go
in the tank and unstuck?

Sir, it's not necessary.
Fish sick.

-Okay, you're out of your mind.
-LEON: You know what?

All this talk about fish,
now I want fish.

Give me the snapper
off the menu.

-Oh, fish delicious. Okay.
-LEON: My man.

That's a stuck fish.

I can't even eat.
I feel so bad for that fish.

At least that motherfucker
can't drown.

? (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ?

CYRUS: Great meeting everybody.
Keep coming back.

It works if you work it.

(APPLAUSE)

IRMA KOSTROSKI: ...when I'm not
in control of myself, you know?

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

Hey, if it worked for you,
then that's all I care about.

IRMA: It's a 12-step program.

-LARRY: Hey.
-(SCOFFS) You know,

you're not supposed
to have these.

-These are for everybody.
-Oh. (CLEARS THROAT) Really?

-They count it exactly.
-What, are you kidding?

-He just took a donut 'cause...
-What? There's tons of 'em.

-Hey, Larry. Thanks for coming.
-Hey, Cyrus. Yeah, sure. Yeah.

-Hey, good to see ya.
-Tell ya what, you alcoholics,

you know your way
around a good donut.

-I guess that's true.
-So, what are you?

-I never thought about that.
-Are you addicted to these now?

-Well, as you can tell.
-Yeah. Yeah.

-(CYRUS LAUGHING)
-IRMA: You know, Richard Lewis is here.

He spoke during the meeting.

-Well, he took over the meeting.
-CYRUS: Well--

-It was a-- It was a lot.
-It was his turn to share.

-'Cause he shared
and shared and shared. -Yeah.

You know, a lot of people find
it funny, but he works so blue.

-I heard the word "hell" like...
-LARRY: Oh.

-Oh, poor thing.
-...three times.

(CLEARS THROAT)
Listen, um, I...

-Come on! Get-- Just ask him.
-Well-- I--

He know-- He gets this
all the time, trust me.

I feel stupid.
I'm embarrassed.

That's okay.
Don't be embarrassed.

No, no, be embarrassed.
Don't ask.

(BOTH LAUGH)

If you don't have to, don't.

Well, listen. My daughter,
she wants to be a writer,

and, uh... (CLEARS THROAT)

...I just wondered
if you had anybody

that maybe could read her stuff?

Ah. Uh, I... (SIGHS)
Um, yeah. I--

-Let me think about it.
-Really?

-Thank you so--
-Hey, what the hell are you doing, man?

-Hell away from me.
-He hates being hugged.

-There's no touching here.
No touching. -CYRUS: Okay.

Remember to keep it simple,
babe.

Really, I appreciate
the compliment.

You should've seen me today.

-You had a good meeting?
-I got laughs

bigger than I've ever gotten
before at a meeting.

I thought you were supposed
to share here.

It sounds like
you're doing stand-up.

-It's not stand-up.
-Well, you're talking like it's stand-up.

Well, I mean,
I can't divorce my comic self.

Part of me
will always be a comedian and...

-LARRY: Uh-huh.
-...and a drunk.

I wish you would come
and see me sometime.

-You-- What?
-Hey. Excuse me, Larry.

You absolutely
murdered it tonight.

-Hey, man.
-Big laughs.

RICHARD LEWIS:
Come back next time.

-Terrific.
-I'll do new stuff.

-They love me.
-What is going on here?

This doesn't sound like
an AA meeting. It--

-No, it is an--
-It sounds like a concert.

I'm doing a service,
but I-- I want people

to laugh and enjoy.

Do you let anybody else talk?

Well, there was a sad old lady
who opened for me,

but she only did ten minutes.

The only problem
is you're doing your act,

but nobody's drinking.

-Imagine if they were drinking.
-If they were drinking...

-Yeah.
-...the roof would be blown off.

You know, forget about it.

-Yes.
-But I don't know how we can--

Excuse me. I'm sorry.
That was just incredible.

I had to thank you.

-A lot of laughs?
-AA MEMBER: A lot of laughs.

-RICHARD: Oh, wow.
-The bartender from hell part,

I was crying.

-RICHARD: Did that work?
-Yeah, it totally worked.

-Have a good night. Thank you.
-Thanks for coming over.

I'm here, like, twice a week.

-Okay, good. Thanks.
-Okay.

The bartender from hell.

Yeah. I mean, I do
the "from hell" on occasion,

but I'm workshopping
a few other things.

I'll tell ya, another couple
of meetings like this,

-I'll have a special.
-You know what?

That's a fantastic idea.

-For a session.
-The AA special.

This is the hook
I've been looking for.

-LARRY: This is it!
-Why not talk about being sober

but get a special with HBO?

There you go.

RICHARD: Thank you.
That's why we're best friends.

The Drunk From Hell concert.

The outpouring of support
from the community...

This whole complex
was all landfill.

-This land.
-Hors d'oeuvres?

-Eh, no, I don't think so.
-What is this?

-Really? You're gonna eat that?
-It's meat.

I may go get something else,

so I need to build
a base with some rice.

-Yeah, go build your rice base.
-You gonna be okay on your own?

-It'll be tough, but yeah.
-I'll miss you.

Stay right there.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

? (QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING) ?

(CLEARS THROAT)

-Hey, hey, hey!
-Hey! How are ya?

Good to see ya.
Larry, this is Jenna,

-who I told you so much about.
-So nice to finally meet you.

Nice to meet you. He...
He talked. He did some talking.

-Did he?
-FREDDY: A little bit.

-Well, uh, yeah.
-LARRY: He did. I'm hearing talk

-You talked me?
-A lot of talk.

You know what?
It's kind of fortuitous

-that I ran into you, because...
-JENNA: Oh?

All right, here we go, okay?

First of all, I hate asking
for favors almost as much

as I hate doing favors.

And so, I have a friend,
his daughter wrote a script,

and the guy asked me
if I knew anybody

who could read the script,

and Freddy told me
all about you,

and would you mind reading it?

You want me to read the script?

And listen. I'm sure
you're really busy and--

No, no!
I would love to read the script.

-You're kidding?
-No, I'd be excited.

Maybe if you had any notes,
you know, feel free, you know.

Totally. Yes, yes. I--

LARRY:
I'm sure she would love that.

No, I can give her notes.

-Where did you find her? Huh?
-FREDDY: Did I--

-LARRY: Where's the planet?
-Did I oversell?

-JENNA: Stop.
-Point to the planet.

There's no more.
There's no more of 'em.

-Stop. I'm blushing.
-(LAUGHS)

-Yeah, I'll get you guys set up.
-We'll set it up.

We gotta run along and meet
a couple other people, but it was great to see you.

-So nice to finally meet you.
-Good to see ya. Nice to meet you.

? (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ?

-This is the guy?
-Yes, that's him.

-Right here?
-Yes.

-But we don't have to,
like, make a thing. -Just give me a second.

Hey. Larry?

-Abe Zeckelman.
-Yeah.

You have a problem
with the name of our child?

It's-- I...

I wouldn't say it's a problem.

-Well, what is it?
-Well, I thought

that given the choice
of Mantle and Zeckelman,

that Mantle was a better name.

Based on what exactly?

Let's be honest,
it's not a great name.

-What's wrong with it?
-Zeckelman? Come on.

You seem really worked up
over my last name.

If you think
that's a great name,

then what's a bad name?

Well, I'd rather have a bad
last name than no last name.

My name's Larry.
I don't think it's a great name.

I'm honest about it.

Would I rather be a Dash
or a Dazzy or a Dan? You know.

Well, the good thing about
an opinion

is that you can keep it
to yourself.

But then everybody would
walk around not saying anything.

You're not keeping this
to yourself.

No, I couldn't keep this
to myself.

Okay, well,
I couldn't keep that to myself.

It's a deeply inappropriate
conversation to be having.

You know,
just think about the playground.

He's in a unique situation.

-What's that supposed to mean?
-What? Yeah.

Well, you know, the, uh...
the two dads.

Yeah, it's not
that unique of a situation.

Maybe it's not unique.
Different.

-Different?
-Well, it's...

-Slightly different?
-Slightly different.

-To us, it's normal. Yeah.
-Yeah.

-No, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
-CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. Yeah.

LARRY:
Let me ask you this question.

How did you decide
on the last name anyway?

I assume it's your semen, right?

What did you just say?

No, we're talking
about semen now.

-I assume it's your semen?
-CHRISTOPHER: It's--

'Cause that's
how you got Zeckelman?

We're having this conversation?

What? I mean, I'm just wondering

-how you got there.
-It's-- Yeah. It--

-It's my semen.
-If you must know,

-it's his semen.
-It's your semen?

-What's the problem with that?
-I mean, you would think that...

you know, the... the donor
would... would get the name.

Well, we had a conversation
at home about it.

Because it's a private thing.

By the way, I don't know
if you've chosen a first name,

but if you need any help,
I'm your guy.

-Are ya?
-'Cause you got two first names.

I'm-- How 'bout this?
Off the top of my head, Ziggy.

Ziggy Zeckelman. Hey.

You think Ziggy Zeckelman
is a great name?

I do. Scooter Zeckelman?

They're all good names.
We'll put 'em both in the hat.

We're not putting that
in the hat.

-How 'bout Foots?
-Foot Zeckelman?

-Foots.
-Is our family

-a joke to you, Larry?
-LARRY: No!

Zeckelman needs
a cool first name!

I think I've had
enough of this conversation.

-Okay.
-Uh.

-Great to meet you, Larry.
-Doc. Doc Zeckelman.

Doc Zeckelman is a joke.

-Ace.
-I'm gonna go get some food.

-Okay.
-LARRY: Ace Zeckelman?

That's not a great name?

We're gonna talk about it
at home.

Dewey, Duncan, Deegan. Deegan.

After the Major Deegan
Expressway.

-We got plenty of options.
-I'm giving you gold here.

-Uh, the last--
-Chris.

-One second. Um, thank you.
-ABE ZECKELMAN: Forget it.

-CHRISTOPHER: What?
-Don't bother.

I gotta go.

Babe, come on. Come back.

-? (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ?
-(SIGHS)

(SOFTLY) The fuck?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Excuse me. Rabbi Adelman?

-Can I talk to you for a second?
-Excuse me.

-Yeah. Sorry to interrupt.
-Hey.

I'm glad you're here today.

-Who's in charge of the bricks?
-I am.

-You are?
-RABBI ADELMAN: Yes.

You know there's a brick
that says,

"Larry David
is disrespectful to women."

You allowed that to be up there?

We don't really edit the bricks.

The donor gets to express
what thoughts and feelings

-they have.
-Oh, so anybody can write

-anything they want on a brick?
-Well, we would not like

-hate speech.
-Well, what is that?

That's hate speech.

I think
it's strong dislike speech.

Okay, I want that taken down.

We only add bricks.
We don't take them away.

Oh, you don't remove bricks?

That brick
is gonna be up there forever.

-Posterity.
-Let me ask you a question.

There's nothing
in the Old Testament

about defamatory bricks?

You think if Isaac
chiseled something defamatory

about Jedediah, you think
it wouldn't be taken down?

There's nothing in the Torah
about defamatory bricks.

-You know what this is, Rabbi?
-What?

This is a shanda.

-Will you excuse me?
-Certainly.

-(SCOFFS)
-Larry?

-Oh, my God! This is crazy.
-Look at this! Hey.

Hi, again.

-Again.
-SIENNA MILLER: What a treat.

Usually, most people you don't
really wanna run into either,

but I'm not minding this at all.

-Me neither. Likewise.
-LARRY: Yeah.

So, what are you doing here?

I'm actually
in the process of converting.

-To Judaism. Yeah.
-What? What?

That's my rabbi and this is--

-Get the hell out of here. What?
-I'm-- Yeah. I know.

-You're joining the team?
-SIENNA: I am. I am.

-We are so happy to have you.
-SIENNA: (CHUCKLES) Thanks.

Are you prepared
to complain a lot?

Please, I can kvetch
with the best of them.

-Come on.
-Wow.

-Very impressive.
-SIENNA: Yeah.

I'd be remiss
if I didn't ask. Why?

I like the whole thing.

I like the food
and the community,

and truth be told, you know,
I like the men.

Aside from the obvious,
you know, reasons.

What, uh...

These obvious reasons
escape me.

-What are they?
-I mean, you know, the...

(CLICKS TONGUE,
WHISTLES, SMACKS LIPS)

Can't deal with the alternative.

-Wow.
-(LAUGHS) Yeah.

-It's so good to see you.
-Very good to see you, too.

-I have one question for you.
-Sure.

-What is this wall?
-LARRY: Oh! This is, um--

It-- It's a-- It's, uh,
for tennis.

They put the winners
of the tournament up.

You guys do
a temple tennis tournament?

-They have a temple tourn--
-I am obsessed

-with tennis.
-No, yeah, I know, but it's just a wall, and--

Yeah, you should enter
the tournament next year.

The temple has--
They have a temple tournament?

-The temple tournament, yeah.
-Mixed doubles?

-Come on. Yes.
-Mixed doubles, yeah.

Amazing. How's everything?

How's the whole court case?
How's everything working out?

It's scary, yeah.
It's a frightening prospect.

I mean, I could plead guilty

-and just get off but...
-Oh, my... Oh, my God.

-...I'm not gonna do that.
-Wow.

And I don't think
it's a big deal.

That's so sweet.

Um, listen, I'm having
a dinner party next week.

I don't know if you're around,
but I would...

-I'd love you to come.
-? (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ?

SIENNA: Really.
There are so many people

that would love
to meet you and talk to you,

and I would love
to see you again.

So, maybe?

Next week sometime?
If you're here.

It would be an honor
for all of us.

-What do you say?
-? (MUSIC STOPS) ?

Ah. I don't think I can...

make it.

Okay.

Well, let's just hope we can run
into each other again.

-Yeah, hope so.
-Yeah. I gotta schmeitz.

-But, um...
-LARRY: You what?

-Schmeitz.
-What's that one?

-Gotta go. (CHUCKLES)
-Oh, yeah.

-SIENNA: It's Yiddish.
-That's a new one to me.

Yeah, well, there you go.

? (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ?

JENNA:
I'm running a little late,

so you can just drop me off,
right here would be perfect.

-FREDDY: Are you sure?
-JENNA: Yeah, yeah.

-I work right there.
-FREDDY: All right.

I don't mind taking you
a little further if it's...

No, this is great.
I work right there.

You mean-- Do you work
above the Disney store?

They have a office or something?

No, I work at the Disney store.

So, you're managing, uh,
the different stores or--

-Oh, God no. No.
-FREDDY: Accounting?

That's-- I don't have the head
for numbers.

I'm so sorry. What-- I'm--
What do you do here?

I'm a greeter,
and I talk to the guests.

I put on a costume, like,
a princess, like...

(IMITATES CHARACTERS)
...Snow White or Elsa

or Ariel or Lilo or Stitch.

My favorite
is Mickey's favorite.

(IMITATES MINNIE MOUSE)
Minnie Mouse.

(BOTH LAUGH)

-It's the best.
-Yeah.

-And you do all of that...
-Right there.

-At the Disney store?
-Yeah.

You know what would be
so helpful with that,

-is the "store" part.
-JENNA: Yeah, I'm like,

(IMITATES DISNEY PRINCESS)
"Hello. Come in.

The most magical store
in the mall."

You don't have any managerial
or developmental role

-at Disney at all? That's a--
-No.

-I mean, I'm a senior character.
-What's a junior character?

I would say, like, mm,

-Doc McStuffins. (LAUGHS)
-Uh-huh.

But listen, I gotta go.

-I had so much fun last night.
-Sure.

-It was a great evening.
Bye-bye. Okay. -I'll see you later. Bye.

? (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ?

(IMITATES MICKEY MOUSE) Oh, boy.

-(CHUCKLES)
-(CHUCKLES) Bye.

All right. Save it for in there.

-I will.
-Don't drain the tank with me.

? (MUSIC FADES) ?

LARRY:
How did you not know that?

How would I know? We're talking
about movies and music,

and she tells me
she works for Disney.

You never asked her
about her job?

What about Disney?
What department?

Okay, Larry.
She lives in Glendale.

I just assumed
she's like, you know,

animation or something.
She's right--

I didn't know she was working
at the fucking Americana.

I mean, I feel like I've been
living a lie, I gotta be honest.

I mean, I had this whole
great thing in my head

that I was excited about,
and now I just feel crushed.

Well, you had somebody
who's accomplished.

She had a status,
and the status is gone.

So, what is that saying
about you?

The thing is, is you're right.
It does say something about me.

The problem is this makes you
reflect on who you are,

because she's the same person.

I mean,
she has the same great stories.

It's the same sense of humor.

It's the same likes
and dislikes,

but it just--
it feels so different.

I think there's a lesson
to be learned here.

Questions. Women like questions.

When you have a date
with someone, you go out,

you've gotta ask
a ton of questions.

Otherwise, they're going back
to their friends,

and you know what
they're saying?

"He didn't ask me one question."
They love questions.

-What would you do? Honestly.
-I'm so superficial,

-I'd probably break up.
-You would? Right away?

Yeah. I'm not--
I'm not gonna date Minnie Mouse.

I think the thing I gotta do
is at least kind of try.

You know, spend some time
with her and bridge the gap.

-Oh, my God.
-What is it?

I gave her a script to read.

-She said she'd be happy to!
-Well, why didn't you ask her

what kind of development
she did?

Why is she taking a script?

Are you gonna listen
to the notes?

Oh, yeah, I'm gonna listen
to the notes from Minnie Mouse!

The callback to the Corona ad
on the beach?

-So, so good. I loved that part.
-You liked-- Okay.

-Okay. Thank God.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Thank you.
-Honestly, Dana,

it's really refreshing to see
a comedic, apocalyptic show.

So you're buying
the whole premise?

-Oh, I'm-- Totally.
-You believe it? That's great.

-'Cause it is out-there.
-And when it comes to questions,

-one last thing.
-Yeah.

-Meg.
-Meg.

-I didn't understand...
-DANA: You didn't understand?

-Yeah, I didn't-- I didn't--
-Like, what she wanted?

-Yeah.
-No, I struggled with that.

She's a little
one dimensional right now.

-I had more in there.
-You did?

Her backstory, what she went
to school for, all that stuff,

-and I took it out last minute.
-I think you should put it back.

That's so easy. I can do that.

Yeah, and, um,
does it feel long?

-Yes, and I almost trimmed it.
-It does feel long.

-Yes, I almost trimmed it.
-Okay.

-I'm so embarrassed. I know.
I just need to tighten it up. -No, don't be!

Dana, I think you have such
a good script here.

-Thank you so much.
-You're getting me so excited,

and I just wanna thank you
for letting me read it.

-Are you kidding me?
Thank you for reading it. -No, seriously.

And if there's anything else
you want me to read...

-Are you serious?
-Of course.

I'm so excited for you
and your future.

Oh, my God, oh, my God.
We're coming out with a new line

of Little Mermaid sleepwear,
and I get a discount,

so if you text me your sizes,
I can hook you up.

Amazing.

LARRY:
Hey, you want some of this?

-You wash your hands?
-No.

Yeah. 'Cause you're making it
for yourself,

so you're doing all this stuff
like a third base coach. No.

What you guys talking about?

Hey, hey! Look at this.
I come bearing gifts.

-Oh, shit, man. Don't do this.
-What do we think it is?

-Oh. Are you kidding me?
-No.

-Wow.
-You said you liked it,

-so I'm giving it to you.
-LEON: I did say that.

Come on, do us the honors.

-Oh, I'ma put this shit on, man.
-That's something.

-Wow.
-Looking sharp.

-LARRY: Holy cow.
-I think it looks incredible.

Anybody wanna get Chinese food
for lunch today?

-LEON: Nah. Fuck that.
-I unfortunately can't

'cause I gotta see Minnie Mouse.

You know, I'm gonna have
a better attitude about it.

-She's the same person, right?
-Same person.

I got a date, I'm gonna keep it,
and I'm gonna make it work.

-Okay.
-Thank you for everything.

-Sure.
-Appreciate it too, man.

-I appreciate you.
-Appreciate you, Secret Santa.

Jesus, that's amazing
he gave you that jacket.

-That was so nice.
-Know what it is?

It's the "I like it" gambit.

All you gotta do
is compliment people

on what the fuck
they're wearing,

next thing you know,
they gonna give you one.

(CHUCKLES) You know what?
It's not a bad idea.

It's a fucking great idea.
Shit, man.

I'll bet that works
like 50 percent of the time.

Wish I had a suede do-rag
to go with this motherfucker.

-Mm-hmm. Yeah.
-That'd be nice.

-Put that bitch on.
-(WHIRRING)

And I just tell 'em,
"I like that bullshit

you got on." You know?

(BLENDER CONTINUES WHIRRING)

You know what?
Fuck you, Larry.

-? (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ?
-LEON: Fuck you, Larry!

CHERYL DAVID:
So, what's going on?

You know, not that much.

What is, uh--
What is this material?

-What do you call this material?
-Cotton.

-You think this is cotton?
-Why are you here?

Um, well,

-it's very simple, really.
-CHERYL: Okay.

Um, so they renovated
the temple,

and they have this plaza,
and they were selling

these bricks for charity.

And Hobie Turner wrote something
very defamatory about me,

and it's there
for everyone to see.

It says, "Larry David
is disrespectful to women."

Come on, Cheryl.
I'm not disrespect--

I love women.
Who loves women more than me?

I love having sex with them.
I love talking to them.

I'm a champion of women.

Being a champion to women

-is saying you love--
-Well, I'm attracted to women.

-I like them.
-Okay.

There's a difference. Okay.

So, I'd like to refute his brick
by having somebody who I know

-write something nice about me.
-On the brick?

Yes. "I was married
to Larry David for many years,

and he's a veritable champion
of women."

Something like that,
right next to it.

They'll read his first.
They'll read yours second.

You buy a brick.

-(CLEARS THROAT)
-I don't think so.

-Why not?
-Eh, it doesn't feel right.

What? What's not right?

-Because it sounds bullshitty.
-Okay, well, you don't have to say that exactly.

You can say anything.

Say something nice. Can you--
You think you could come up

-with something nice?
-TED DANSON: Hey, Cheryl?

-I mean...
-Oh.

-Hi.
-Hi, Larry.

-Hi.
-TED: Can we run lines

-when he goes?
-Well, Larry

has a defamatory brick,

and he wants me
to buy more bricks.

Yeah, somebody wrote
a defamatory brick about me.

It says, "Larry David
is disrespectful to women."

-Ouch, ouch.
-Terrible, terrible thing to say. And I love women, Ted.

Well, he loves having sex
with women,

and he thinks that that proves

-that he respects women.
-LARRY: Well, that,

and there are other things, too.

Larry, completely understand.

The deal is
we already bought a brick.

-Oh. Yeah.
-Right? Didn't we?

-We already bought a brick.
-You already bought a brick?

You didn't even know
what I was talking about when I brought up the brick.

You probably told me
and I forgot or something.

-I don't know. But--
-I might-- I might--

You know,
maybe I forgot to tell you.

-I'm sorry. But we did.
We bought a brick. -Yeah. Ted does a lot of things.

-He does-- He's very charitable.
-You bought a brick, huh?

-Yes.
-What does your brick say, Ted?

Nothing. We left it blank.

-The brick says nothing?
-TED: Yeah.

You know, we're raising money.
We're not trying to advertise.

I don't think
you bought a brick.

-What do you think about that?
-Yeah. Look, the point is

we bought
a fucking brick, Larry.

Okay, I'll tell you what.
I'll make it very easy for you.

I'll buy the brick.
I'll write something nice.

All you gotta do
is put your name on it.

-I don't feel comfortable.
-LARRY: What? I mean,

what if it just said,
"I was married to Larry David,

-and he's a decent guy"?
-Who writes that on a brick?

-Yeah. It's dishonest.
-Well, then you write it.

Well, I don't have anything
to say on a brick.

-Yeah. There you go.
-You can't think of one

nice thing to say
about me on a brick?

No, not on a brick.

All right,
so just for argument's sake,

is there anything nice

you could say about me
that's not on a brick?

-Yes.
-(SIGHS)

Something on a cake.

-"Congratulations." "Good job."
-"Happy birthday."

"He's a good golfer, sometimes."
You want some more tea?

-Is that what you were
coming in here for? Okay. -Yes, I'd love some more tea.

How much longer do you think
you'll be staying, Larry?

I'm leaving right now.

I just need to learn
these lines, that's all.

Nice pen.

-Thank you.
-Good pen. Look at that pen.

-That's some pen.
-Thank you.

Yeah, how do you get
a pen like that?

Do you want the pen, Larry?

Oh, I'm not gonna take your pen.

-Take the pen.
-LARRY: Really?

-TED: Yes, take the pen.
-You're giving me your pen?

Good luck with the brick.

? (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ?

Okay. How's this?
"He's an amiable fellow

and a big supporter
of Title Nine."

-Oh, bullshit.
-LARRY: All right.

"He's an amiable fellow
who's attended two WNBA games."

-Is that true?
-No.

And besides,
you never went to one

of Sammy's softball games.
I invited you so many times.

The kid couldn't even
lift up a pencil.

Oh, stop it.

-She's very talented!
-All right, how 'bout this?

"Any woman
who Larry David impregnated,

he not only paid
for the abortion,

but accompanied her
to the procedure."

-That's true.
-You're wasting my time. Leave.

-You're not gonna buy a brick?
-Apparently not.

-(SIGHS)
-? (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ?

-(CELL PHONE RINGING)
-? (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ?

(SIGHS)

-Hello?
-Hey, Larry. It's Cyrus.

-Irma's sponsor.
-Yeah, I know who you are.

Yeah, look, I just wanted
to call you because my daughter

met with that woman
you recommended.

-Uh, Jenna.
-Yeah, look, um... (SIGHS)

You gotta--

-She was great. (CHUCKLES)
-What?

My daughter said
she gave great notes.

She made the script better.

-She was amazing.
-Seriously?

Yeah! I thought she wouldn't
even give her the time of day.

Yeah,
for a high-powered executive,

she's very down to Earth,
isn't she?

CYRUS: Yeah. Right?

-They even met at a coffee shop.
-LARRY: I know.

You'd think
she's just a regular person.

Anyway, Dana wanted
to send her some flowers

to her office at Disney.

So, if you could shoot me
her address.

Eh, you know, I don't--

I don't think you need
to do that.

Well, I live by the Americana
in Glendale.

I could just go over
and get a gift card

and send it over.

-How 'bout that?
-LARRY: No, not necessary.

I'll just pass on, um,

-your enthusiasm.
-IRMA: Larry!

CYRUS: Okay, well,
you know best...

IRMA: Larry, where are
my sleep brassieres?

-How the fuck do I know?
-CYRUS: Seriously,

I just wanna say,
I owe you one. I really do.

If there's anything
I can do for you...

-IRMA: Larry!
-What?

-CYRUS: So, uh...
-IRMA: Never mind.

They were in the hamper.
They're not that dirty.

CYRUS:
Anything you need from me, you just say the word, okay?

You know, um...
now that you mention it,

there actually
is something you can do.

Yeah, say the word.

-? (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ?
-According to your timeline,

I have eight weeks left
with Irma.

I'm wondering
if there's any possible way

-that we can move that up.
-Wait.

You're saying you want
to break up with her early?

Yes, that's exactly what I mean.

-Is there any reason?
-Yeah, I hate her.

That's the reason. How's that?

Look, I don't know what
to tell you.

I'm struggling here, Cyrus,

and Sienna Miller
is interested in me.

(LAUGHS)

-I'm not joking.
-CYRUS: Really?

She is. When is this
gonna happen again? Never.

So, come on. G...

Help a brother out.
Is there anything we can do?

CYRUS: Larry, I appreciate
everything you've done for us,

but a breakup
would just set her back,

and I can't allow that
to happen.

Is that better than murder?

Who benefits from murder?
She's dead and I'm in prison.

Larry, I think
you're saying a lot of things you don't mean right now.

No, no, I mean it.

Come on.
There's gotta be a way.

If she were
to break up with you,

-I guess that would be okay.
-Her idea?

Then that would give her
the power,

-give her her own agency.
-LARRY: Oh, yeah.

Like it's gonna be her idea.

On what planet?
That's never gonna happen.

I'm sorry. But thank you.

IRMA: Larry, where are
my bunion splints?

Today was amazing, though.
'Cause you know Penny?

She's normally a chipmunk,

Chip or Dale,
and she's in, like,

-what we call fur all the time.
-Right.

JENNA: She got to be Tinkerbell
this week,

and it was unbelievable,
and we were so happy for her.

And she was so good
with the kids.

And she was just having
the best time ever,

because she's never
a face character.

I mean, she's a little tall
to be a pixie,

but she was incredible.

And they had a Peter Pan.

-Right.
-JENNA: Ian was being Peter Pan

that day,
and the chemistry was...

? (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ?

-WAITER: Welcome back, sir.
-LARRY: Thank you.

I'd like a table
for two by the aquarium.

-That table is reserved.
-RICHARD: Mm.

But we have nice table
over here by window.

-Oh, it's reserved?
-Yes.

Okay, we'll go over there.

Okay. You follow me, sir.
This way.

LARRY: All right. Okay.

? (QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING) ?

(SIGHS)

WAITER: Sir. Sir.
Sir, can I help you?

-Excuse me, sir.
-Hmm.

Your table that way.

Yeah, what happened
to the orange fish

that was stuck?

Fish sad,
so we changed new location.

Change of scenery
make much happy fish.

So, you moved the fish?

Yes. Fish living best life
in downtown.

-Very happy there.
-That was so nice of you.

You can go visit
your new friend, orange fish.

I can handle the death
of the fish. Just tell me.

Fish fine. Fish thriving.

No, no, fish stuck. Fish dead.

No. Fish sick. Fish gone.

Stuck. Dead.

-Sick, gone! Sick, gone!
-Stuck, dead! Stuck, dead!

-Fish not your problem anymore.
-I will not forget fish.

Okay, I bring your table
some water.

-How's your fish?
-Fish dead.

Listen to me.
You should've heard Irma

today at the AA meeting.

You would've been blown away.
She shared for a half hour.

-Well, what did she say?
-I-- First of all,

I would never tell you.

In AA, there's principles,
there's guidelines.

So, any wino in Santa Monica
can hear what she's saying,

-but I can't?
-AA is private, man. That's it.

-I'm not gonna tell anybody.
-I just won't do it.

But we're good friends.
We tell each other everything.

-I'm not telling you.
-So, you're not gonna tell me?

-No.
-Hmm.

Suppose I put you in my will?

Her first husband,
horrible accident,

and she was with him 24/7,
like a caregiver.

-Was he in a wheelchair?
-Worse.

-Diapers?
-He had diapers everywhere.

He was like a fucking mummy.
He lost some of his toes.

-His spine was sticking out.
-Oh, my God.

RICHARD: He couldn't move.
He couldn't walk.

And she started
to drink more and more,

and then she became
an alcoholic over this.

And then one day she woke up,
she went,

"You know, this is not the way
I envisioned my life."

So, she just left the guy
high and dry.

'Cause she didn't want
to take care of him?

Yeah, 'cause she wanted
to think about her own life.

Selfish. That's her husband.

She never wanted
to see him again.

It was the diapers.

She said she wasn't proud of it,

but if the situation
happened again,

she would do the same thing.
She would still split.

You know, she knows
what she wants in life.

Let me ask you something.

How much were you thinking
about leaving me?

Oh. No, nothing. Yeah.

-What?
-It was a trick

to get you to talk about it,
which you did.

In three minutes,
I lost all that money?

You shouldn't have told me.
That's all it took

to get it out of you,
your solemn AA oath?

They should kick you
out of there.

-I have weaknesses.
-I got a good mind

-to squeal on you.
-Now, let's eat.

? (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ?

-(GROANS)
-? (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ?

Um, hey, Larry. Sor-- Uh...

-(CLEARS THROAT)
-Oh, my God. What...

What's going on here?

I was, uh,
working late last night. I--

I got kicked out
of my house, so...

You got kicked out
of your house?

CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, yeah.
Come on in.

Um, did we have
a meeting or something?

Why'd you get kicked out?

-What happened?
-Well, quite frankly, you know,

you stuck this thing in my head
about naming babies,

and we got in a big fight,
and things were thrown,

and you got in the middle
of everything, and now,

you know, we don't know
what we're gonna name the baby.

-Oh, so it's my fault.
-Larry, you planted this thing

in our head,
and then you brought up semen.

Like, that's none
of your business about I--

-what I do with my own semen.
-LARRY: Oh, are you telling me that if it's your semen,

you shouldn't have
the right to name the baby?

-Yeah, but it's my business.
-LARRY: It's your semen.

I don't tell you
what to do with your semen.

Well, what am I gonna do
with semen?

A normal man knows
what to do with semen.

I do normal things with semen.
I wipe it up and throw it away.

What else could you do
with semen?

Well, you could impregnate
somebody else

and have a baby.

Okay. If I did do that
and my partner's name

was Papalopadopalous,

I would use David
as the last name.

Okay, and you know what?
That would be your prerogative.

And I wouldn't come to you
and say you should name it

this or that
and start naming your baby.

Yes. Yes,
but you knew deep down

-that I was right.
-CHRISTOPHER: No, I didn't.

And that's why
you brought it up.

That's why you had a fight.
That's why you got kicked out.

-Isn't that so?
-Larry, you're out of order.

Let me name my own baby
with my husband. End of story.

To tell you the truth,
I'm kind of surprised

you're sloughing off the blame
on me.

And I'm equally surprised
you won't accept the blame.

I think I'm way more
surprised than you...

-CHRISTOPHER: I think I'm--
-...about the sloughing of the blame.

And I'm really wildly surprised
that you aren't accepting.

I am so incredulous

that you think
I am more to blame than you.

-What are you doing here, Larr?
-Can I sue a temple?

-For what?
-There's a defamatory brick

at that temple. Did--

-Oh, yeah. I saw that. Yeah.
-LARRY: You saw that?

What was your reaction
when you saw that?

It's fine.
They can do anything they want.

-It's freedom of religion.
-Freedom of religion?

CHRISTOPHER:
Yeah, they're protected by--

You just go around
calling people assholes, and you put it on a temple?

That's not slander?

Anything else
I can help you with?

Hmm.

How'd the, uh, the filing go?
Are we good?

? (QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING) ?

Oh, God.

-(EXHALES DEEPLY)
-LARRY: Oh, my God.

Wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Oh, God. No, no.
Don't-- Don't even say it.

-Don't tell me. No.
-I forgot to file it.

You forgot to file it?

-Yeah, I forgot to file it.
-LARRY: How could you forget to file it?

I forgot to file it
because of the shit

-you put me through, Larry!
-Oh, it's my fault?

-CHRISTOPHER: Yes!
-It's my fault you forgot to file?

CHRISTOPHER: Yes!
And if you accepted it,

then this
wouldn't have happened.

Why did you get involved
in my stuff?

-Well, can you file it now?
-No, I can't file it now.

It's past the deadline.

-It's past the deadline?
-It's past the deadline.

I missed it.

Look, it's going to trial.

-I can go to jail for a year!
-You're not gonna go to jail.

We're gonna win the trial.

I'm confident
we're going to win.

Don't worry about a thing, okay?
I'm gonna make this a priority.

I know you don't wanna hear it,
but I have to say it anyway.

-What is it?
-I think a great compromise...

-is Ziggy Zeckelman.
-Can you leave, please?

I could so live with Zeckelman
with a Ziggy.

Listen to me for once.
Do you wanna win this trial?

-Yes.
-Stop naming my baby.

Okay.

And you didn't like Foots?

-Got it.
-? (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ?

Tell me you got something good.

-Oh, I got the goods.
-FREDDY: Yeah?

Oh, yeah.

Got something that's gonna
get us out of this mess

-that we're both in.
-All right, I'm all ears.

Oh, by the way,
the fish is dead.

FYI.

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

You know, in a weird way...

(SCOFFS)

...I kind of feel like me
and you are that little fish.

We just wanna swim
and enjoy our day,

but we're stuck in that filter.

-That's true.
-Right?

-We're like the fish.
-Yeah.

-We're stuck fish.
-Squirming, screaming for help,

but trapped.

-Not sick.
-No.

-Stuck.
-Just stuck.

-Oh, my God.
-But if you stay stuck too long,

you're gonna get sick,
and then you're gonna die.

I mean, maybe
in some small way, the...

the fish lives on
through us being free.

-Guess what?
-Yeah?

We're getting out
of that filter.

-Please.
-Are you ready?

-Can you make us unstuck?
-Oh, yeah.

So, here's the deal.

-? (QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING) ?
-(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(SIGHS)

I've got something to tell you.

I got something
that I gotta tell you.

What, Freddy?

It's medical.

It's a medical thing
and it's getting worse.

Don't do that.

JENNA: Freddy, your hand.

It's called,
uh, Groat's disease.

I have Groat's disease.

It affects the nervous system

and eventually
I become incontinent,

-and you can't even sit.
-(GROANS)

The shaking
is the tip of the iceberg.

I have to sleep on my knees,
and I need 24-hour care.

And you'll have to hold my penis

-when I pee.
-Ay, gevalt.

? (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ?

Okay. (SIGHS)
I-- I-- I just can't.

The stents and the shunts
and the ports,

and I hear
the word "hospice," I--

-LARRY: Yuck.
-I-- I can't.

I'm distraught but I understand.

I'm so glad you do.
I just-- I just--

-Go live your beautiful life.
-Thank you. I can't.

I just couldn't do it again,
you know?

-Yeah. Yeah. Okay, okay.
-(IRMA GROANS)

So, take off. Okay.

-Yeah, you should go. Yeah.
-IRMA: Okay. Okay.

-Oh, you know what?
-What?

-I really like that scarf.
-IRMA: What, this?

Yeah, it's got a button,
and it heats up, right?

It keeps your neck warm.

-You like it?
-Yeah, it's nice.

You-- Listen. Please, take it.

-Please, it's the--
-Oh, please, no.

-No, please. It's the lea--
-Come on.

-You gotta charge it,
but it's the least-- -What? Really?

-Yes. It's the least I can do.
-Oh, my gosh.

-Oh, what a wonderful thing.
-Look, you press the little button there.

-Yeah, that's gonna comfort you.
-Oh!

Keep your thyroid warm, and...
Oh, I feel so bad,

-but, uh... Okay. Oh, anal leak.
-Okay, so go. Yeah, so you go.

-I can't do it.
-Yeah, all right, go.

-No, don't. Don't.
-I'm sorry. It's latex gloves.

It's secretions.

-It's anal leakage.
-Yeah, go, go. Yeah, just go.

You're better off without me.
I-- I'm sorry, I--

-Yeah, get the hell outta here.
-IRMA: It's gonna be hard.

-Not great, what's gonna happen.
-LARRY: Go, go, go! Go! Please, go! Please, go!

Go! Go. Going. Going!

Gone!

? (TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING) ?

(GASPS) Yeah! (GURGLES)

(CHEERS)

? I have
A structured settlement ?

? And I need cash now ?

? Call J.G. Wentworth ?

? 877-CASH-NOW ?

? 877-CASH-NOW ?

? NOW, NOW ?

Ah!

? (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ?

(IMITATING CINDERELLA)
Hello there.

Welcome to the most
magical store at the mall.

Goodbye.

They can't order you
to stop dreaming.

Thank you.

-Oh, hello, princess.
-Hi, sweetheart.

Do you have the, um,
Mickey Mouse oven gloves

that you put your hands
in the mitts,

and then he's got his
little hands on the--

-I'm not sure.
-IRMA: Yeah.

-Do you want me to check?
-Yeah, that'd be good.

I just left mine
at my boyfriend's house.

We just broke up,
and I don't wanna go back there.

-Oh. I'm so sorry to hear that.
-So...

Well, it seems
we're both the same.

My happily ever after
has ended, too.

IRMA: Ugh. Sucks, right?

-It's awful.
-Yeah. Yeah.

Well, mine was sick.

Well, my Prince Charming
was sick.

-What a small world.
-Yeah.

-It's a small world, you know.
-Yes.

I don't wanna go through
the thing

with the degenerative disease
he had.

I didn't wanna stay by.

I'm too young
to deal with all that.

It's a terrible thing,
this Groat's disease.

(NORMAL VOICE) Wait, what?
Did you say Groat's disease?

-Yeah. You know this?
-That's what my boyfriend, Freddy, that's what he has.

-Groat's disease.
-IRMA: What?

-Freddy?
-Yeah.

Freddy who?

Freddy Funkhouser.

Larry David.

Are you fucking kidding me?

-Can we get some lunch, please?
-Ooh, yes.

-I want a sandwich or something.
-Hell yeah.

-IRMA: This is bad.
-They lied to us.

-Oh, my God.
-Jenna?

Oh, hey. Dana.

(IMITATES CINDERELLA) Hello.

You work at the Disney store?

Yeah, I work here.

(SCOFFS) Then why did
you give me notes on my script?

'Cause Larry David asked me to.

I used them. I got kicked out
of my writers' group.

-Bastards.
-Larry David.

Larry fucking David.

Those fucking pricks.

? ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM"
THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ?

? (THEME MUSIC CONTINUES) ?

? (THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES) ?

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