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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,325 --> 00:00:03,359 I still can't believe I sold my book. 2 00:00:03,782 --> 00:00:05,789 I still have to do final revisions for next week, 3 00:00:05,862 --> 00:00:07,520 but then I'll be a published author, 4 00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,248 like Hemingway. 5 00:00:10,021 --> 00:00:10,970 Or God. 6 00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,322 Exactly like that. 7 00:00:12,390 --> 00:00:13,338 Okay, we're all set. 8 00:00:13,413 --> 00:00:14,722 I just want to triple-check the guest list. 9 00:00:14,790 --> 00:00:16,284 Is your friend Carol invited? Carol? 10 00:00:16,358 --> 00:00:18,976 That bitch is not my friend. Of course she's invited. 11 00:00:19,046 --> 00:00:20,475 We're having a cocktail party for Leigh 12 00:00:20,549 --> 00:00:23,549 to celebrate the fact that she sold her book, Mane Attraction. 13 00:00:23,910 --> 00:00:25,568 It's a love story about a boy 14 00:00:25,637 --> 00:00:27,579 who turns into a horse at night. 15 00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:30,207 Top that one, God. 16 00:00:30,533 --> 00:00:32,322 Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. 17 00:00:32,709 --> 00:00:34,203 Um, we need to add Brandon to the guest list. 18 00:00:34,693 --> 00:00:36,122 Brandon, like your ex-boyfriend Brandon? 19 00:00:36,197 --> 00:00:37,441 He's in town, 20 00:00:37,509 --> 00:00:39,680 and I haven't seen him in a while, so... 21 00:00:40,293 --> 00:00:41,755 Why would you want to invite Brandon? 22 00:00:41,830 --> 00:00:42,877 Yeah, Mike's right. 23 00:00:42,950 --> 00:00:45,667 I mean, sure, he's gorgeous with those sexy eyes... 24 00:00:45,734 --> 00:00:46,978 But... Oh, God, his butt. 25 00:00:47,046 --> 00:00:50,013 Oh, great butt. I mean, his whole body is just, like... 26 00:00:50,085 --> 00:00:52,507 What my wife is trying to say 27 00:00:52,581 --> 00:00:53,792 is Brandon's no good for you, 28 00:00:53,862 --> 00:00:55,106 and you're finally in a good place now. 29 00:00:55,174 --> 00:00:56,734 Yeah, you got rid of all your piercings. 30 00:00:56,805 --> 00:00:59,740 They finally stopped rerunning your episode of Taxicab Confessions. 31 00:00:59,814 --> 00:01:01,723 You're not getting calls from any collection agencies. 32 00:01:01,798 --> 00:01:03,936 Yeah, the only person you owe thousands of dollars to now is me. 33 00:01:04,006 --> 00:01:05,183 It's true. I am debt-free. 34 00:01:05,734 --> 00:01:07,294 Well... Yeah, you guys are right. 35 00:01:07,365 --> 00:01:09,470 Inviting Brandon is a bad idea. 36 00:01:09,541 --> 00:01:11,396 And if my book has taught me anything, 37 00:01:11,461 --> 00:01:13,949 it's that a horse, even the half-human kind, 38 00:01:14,022 --> 00:01:16,869 needs to keep moving forward to stay alive. 39 00:01:17,414 --> 00:01:18,624 That's a shark. Yeah. 40 00:01:18,822 --> 00:01:20,066 What? A shark. 41 00:01:22,341 --> 00:01:24,414 I really need to work on my revisions. 42 00:01:33,415 --> 00:01:37,827 Ripped By mstoll 43 00:01:39,782 --> 00:01:41,472 Thank you all for coming. 44 00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:43,748 Friends, family. 45 00:01:44,261 --> 00:01:47,295 Carol, so glad you could come out so soon after your surgery. 46 00:01:47,718 --> 00:01:48,700 But remember, everybody. 47 00:01:48,774 --> 00:01:51,643 This doesn't get you out of buying my book. 48 00:01:51,718 --> 00:01:53,125 Hey, Flody. 49 00:01:54,757 --> 00:01:57,146 That was lovely, Leigh. 50 00:01:57,222 --> 00:01:58,466 Very gracious. 51 00:01:58,534 --> 00:01:59,679 Carol's in the corner crying. 52 00:01:59,942 --> 00:02:02,113 Yeah, that's first of many saline leaks. 53 00:02:02,182 --> 00:02:03,775 God, I'm glad I invited her. 54 00:02:03,846 --> 00:02:05,820 This night is perfect, you guys. Thank you so much. 55 00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,519 I wouldn't have it any other way. 56 00:02:07,590 --> 00:02:10,492 There she is. My moon, my stars. 57 00:02:10,566 --> 00:02:12,191 Except I did invite Brandon. 58 00:02:12,261 --> 00:02:13,309 Leigh! 59 00:02:13,382 --> 00:02:14,592 Hey, sweetie! 60 00:02:15,237 --> 00:02:16,546 Hi. 61 00:02:16,613 --> 00:02:17,791 Hey, Mike. How's it going, buddy? 62 00:02:17,861 --> 00:02:19,771 How's the old Parkinson's thing treating you? 63 00:02:21,318 --> 00:02:22,332 Great. 64 00:02:22,405 --> 00:02:23,387 Well, I see it hasn't slowed you down. 65 00:02:23,461 --> 00:02:25,436 I didn't know you got remarried, you old dog. 66 00:02:25,510 --> 00:02:28,826 Found yourself a hot, new, young trophy wife. 67 00:02:28,902 --> 00:02:31,552 Wait a minute. Is that Annie? 68 00:02:33,765 --> 00:02:34,747 Mmm. 69 00:02:35,110 --> 00:02:36,800 Oh, yeah. Mwah. 70 00:02:37,221 --> 00:02:38,814 Brandon. 71 00:02:39,301 --> 00:02:41,407 Are you serious? I'm sorry, it just works. 72 00:02:41,478 --> 00:02:43,387 Okay, I'm gonna go make my special sangria. 73 00:02:43,462 --> 00:02:44,771 Secret ingredient? 74 00:02:44,837 --> 00:02:45,786 No fruit. 75 00:02:46,373 --> 00:02:47,934 That's wine, isn't it? 76 00:02:48,517 --> 00:02:50,851 Leigh, what happened to being in a better place? 77 00:02:50,917 --> 00:02:54,430 What good is being in a better place if your ex isn't there to see it? 78 00:02:54,501 --> 00:02:56,356 Oh, come on. Seriously, who does that? 79 00:02:56,421 --> 00:02:57,469 Hey, Leigh. 80 00:02:57,541 --> 00:02:59,516 Have you had a chance to meet my date Stella? 81 00:02:59,589 --> 00:03:01,280 Congratulations on your book. 82 00:03:01,350 --> 00:03:02,724 Stella's in a book. 83 00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,863 One of those haircut books at a salon. 84 00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:05,882 She's a model. 85 00:03:05,957 --> 00:03:06,906 Nice to meet you. 86 00:03:06,981 --> 00:03:08,192 Well, I can't stay. 87 00:03:08,262 --> 00:03:10,050 We have to get Stella to her next shoot. 88 00:03:10,117 --> 00:03:11,776 It's for medical supplies. 89 00:03:11,846 --> 00:03:13,056 Should've quit while you were ahead. 90 00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:14,878 Ugh, I'm so bored. 91 00:03:14,949 --> 00:03:16,705 I would rather be doing literally anything else. 92 00:03:16,773 --> 00:03:18,082 Wanna play with me? 93 00:03:18,149 --> 00:03:19,229 Graham, I'm at a party. 94 00:03:19,301 --> 00:03:20,511 Please? 95 00:03:20,838 --> 00:03:21,950 Why don't you go ask Ian? 96 00:03:22,021 --> 00:03:23,548 He's in his room talking with some girl. 97 00:03:23,622 --> 00:03:24,996 What? She's on his computer. 98 00:03:25,061 --> 00:03:26,239 That tracks. 99 00:03:26,693 --> 00:03:28,254 Sorry I have to keep rescheduling our date, 100 00:03:28,326 --> 00:03:29,984 but work has been crazy. 101 00:03:30,053 --> 00:03:32,224 But we'll be done beta testing tomorrow. 102 00:03:32,677 --> 00:03:34,913 Or else everyone is fired. 103 00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:36,672 That computes, beep... 104 00:03:36,741 --> 00:03:38,465 I think voices is your thing. Hey, Ian, I... 105 00:03:39,781 --> 00:03:42,018 What is that bookshelf doing over here? 106 00:03:42,085 --> 00:03:43,362 Is that dad's peabody? 107 00:03:44,005 --> 00:03:45,728 Gotta go. 108 00:03:46,853 --> 00:03:47,835 Do you mind? 109 00:03:47,909 --> 00:03:49,633 I'm trying to make a good impression on my lady friend. 110 00:03:49,702 --> 00:03:52,484 Oh, and you're sure that this lady friend is real? 111 00:03:52,741 --> 00:03:54,083 This isn't a Fight Club situation? 112 00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,873 Like, you've seen other people talk to her? 113 00:03:56,357 --> 00:03:57,732 Oh, Deborah's real. 114 00:03:57,797 --> 00:04:00,928 Feast your eyes on this reality. 115 00:04:01,285 --> 00:04:03,554 Whoa, that is, like, a woman! 116 00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:05,476 What on earth is she doing with you? 117 00:04:05,541 --> 00:04:07,549 Does she need a kidney? 118 00:04:07,621 --> 00:04:09,793 I think it's pretty obvious what she sees in me. 119 00:04:10,597 --> 00:04:12,059 Which is? 120 00:04:14,469 --> 00:04:16,095 Oh, my God, what does she see in me? 121 00:04:16,678 --> 00:04:17,855 Over there is my book publisher. 122 00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,169 Okay. That's my agent. 123 00:04:19,237 --> 00:04:21,604 And over there is my dentist. 124 00:04:21,669 --> 00:04:23,098 Oh. That's right. 125 00:04:23,173 --> 00:04:24,318 I have a dentist now. 126 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:27,488 Oh, babe, I always knew you had greatness in you. 127 00:04:27,557 --> 00:04:29,117 And I mean that not as a reference to my penis, 128 00:04:29,189 --> 00:04:31,011 which as you know, is also named Greatness. 129 00:04:31,078 --> 00:04:33,117 If I remember correctly, I'm the one who named it. 130 00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:34,334 Oh, that's right. You did. 131 00:04:34,405 --> 00:04:35,518 You totally did. 132 00:04:35,589 --> 00:04:37,760 What are we giggling about? 133 00:04:37,829 --> 00:04:40,350 Oh, just Greatness. 134 00:04:40,805 --> 00:04:42,332 So your penis. 135 00:04:42,789 --> 00:04:44,350 Relax. Nothing's gonna happen. 136 00:04:44,422 --> 00:04:46,015 But just to be safe, this dress 137 00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,612 is super complicated to get off. 138 00:04:47,685 --> 00:04:48,962 I mean, it comes with a tool. 139 00:04:49,797 --> 00:04:51,357 No fair. How did you get out of this? 140 00:04:51,717 --> 00:04:53,856 Mom said I could sleep over at Danny Torres' house. 141 00:04:53,925 --> 00:04:56,510 Wait. Danny Torres, Maria Torres' brother? 142 00:04:56,581 --> 00:04:58,305 Maria and I were best friends in middle school, 143 00:04:58,373 --> 00:05:00,064 until she dropped me out of nowhere 144 00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:01,922 to hang with the seventh graders. 145 00:05:02,406 --> 00:05:04,861 I still have my half of our best friends necklace. 146 00:05:05,925 --> 00:05:07,835 Don't know what she did with her "be... frie..." 147 00:05:08,870 --> 00:05:09,982 Tell her I said hi. 148 00:05:10,053 --> 00:05:11,427 No, wait. Don't. 149 00:05:11,493 --> 00:05:13,249 But just try to mention how great I'm doing. 150 00:05:13,318 --> 00:05:14,594 Wait, no. Don't bring up my name. 151 00:05:14,661 --> 00:05:16,668 Just try to toss it off, casual. 152 00:05:16,741 --> 00:05:18,629 Let's practice. You're Maria. I'm you. 153 00:05:19,013 --> 00:05:21,152 Hey, Maria. Eve grew into her nose. 154 00:05:21,541 --> 00:05:22,556 Hi, Graham. 155 00:05:23,109 --> 00:05:24,254 What are you doing? 156 00:05:24,805 --> 00:05:26,431 No, she wouldn't do that. You don't know Maria at all. 157 00:05:26,501 --> 00:05:27,843 Hey, everybody, I just wanted to say 158 00:05:27,909 --> 00:05:29,732 how happy I am for my baby sister Leigh, 159 00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:32,284 who's turned her love of horses into something 160 00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:34,176 very weird, 161 00:05:34,245 --> 00:05:35,739 and now someone's paying her for that. 162 00:05:35,813 --> 00:05:37,089 So here's to Leigh. 163 00:05:37,157 --> 00:05:38,270 Cheers. 164 00:05:38,341 --> 00:05:39,770 Leigh? Sweetie? 165 00:05:42,118 --> 00:05:43,776 Brandon, any chance you're still around? 166 00:05:44,773 --> 00:05:45,788 Didn't think so. 167 00:05:45,862 --> 00:05:47,585 Looks like my sister is destined for Greatness. 168 00:05:48,037 --> 00:05:49,281 Hear, hear. 169 00:05:49,541 --> 00:05:51,232 No, don't... Don't applaud that. 170 00:05:52,401 --> 00:05:54,638 I can't believe Leigh would ditch her own party for Brandon. 171 00:05:54,705 --> 00:05:56,560 You know they just ran right down here, 172 00:05:56,625 --> 00:05:58,283 and he just took her in his arms, 173 00:05:58,353 --> 00:05:59,847 and she didn't even try to resist. 174 00:05:59,921 --> 00:06:01,547 Okay, remember, we're basically walking 175 00:06:01,617 --> 00:06:03,340 into the aftermath of a sexual tornado. 176 00:06:03,409 --> 00:06:05,133 So watch what you touch or step on. 177 00:06:08,082 --> 00:06:09,936 - Oh, hey. - Hi. 178 00:06:10,257 --> 00:06:12,810 We just thought we'd come down and check on you, 179 00:06:12,882 --> 00:06:14,638 since you kind of left without saying good-bye to anybody. 180 00:06:14,705 --> 00:06:16,046 And your dentist was really upset. 181 00:06:16,114 --> 00:06:17,488 Oh, yeah. Sorry. 182 00:06:17,553 --> 00:06:19,528 I thought I'd make a quiet exit. 183 00:06:19,602 --> 00:06:20,878 Plus, I was getting tired. 184 00:06:21,201 --> 00:06:22,794 Of Carol. Am I right? 185 00:06:22,865 --> 00:06:24,905 Yeah, so you just came down here 186 00:06:25,362 --> 00:06:27,271 by your... Ha! It's empty. 187 00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:29,417 Except for my tennis racket, but that's not why we're here. 188 00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:30,733 Okay, what's going on? 189 00:06:30,801 --> 00:06:32,874 Well, Leigh, clearly... 190 00:06:35,281 --> 00:06:36,459 Nothing. 191 00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,188 I'm sorry. We were paranoid. 192 00:06:38,257 --> 00:06:40,144 We thought that you and Brandon 193 00:06:40,209 --> 00:06:42,249 had come down here and we... 194 00:06:42,737 --> 00:06:44,777 Oh, my God. 195 00:06:44,849 --> 00:06:47,271 Your complicated dress. It's ripped to shreds. 196 00:06:47,345 --> 00:06:48,839 Did he do this with his bare hands? 197 00:06:48,913 --> 00:06:50,157 Come on, anybody could rip this dress. 198 00:06:50,225 --> 00:06:51,948 I could rip this dress. 199 00:06:52,657 --> 00:06:55,078 Well, in fairness to me, it's kind of difficult 200 00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:56,909 because it's wet. Oh. 201 00:06:57,809 --> 00:06:58,921 Oh, God, why is it wet? 202 00:06:58,993 --> 00:07:01,863 Okay, you guys caught me, but don't worry. 203 00:07:01,937 --> 00:07:04,076 I know how to set boundaries now. 204 00:07:04,145 --> 00:07:06,633 Okay, all moved in. Hey, guys. 205 00:07:06,961 --> 00:07:08,684 Wow, you clean up quick. 206 00:07:09,170 --> 00:07:10,860 Look at the ceiling. You'd never know. 207 00:07:10,929 --> 00:07:12,522 Yeah, next time you have to clean it. 208 00:07:12,593 --> 00:07:13,641 Okay. 209 00:07:13,713 --> 00:07:14,859 See? Boundaries. 210 00:07:14,930 --> 00:07:16,937 And to think we were worried. Yeah. 211 00:07:18,225 --> 00:07:21,072 It's probably stupid, but Eve got in my head. 212 00:07:21,137 --> 00:07:22,544 You know, Deborah's 20 years older. 213 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:23,919 What is she doing with me? 214 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,479 Bro, trust me. 215 00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:27,632 There is only one thing older women want. 216 00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:30,479 Scarves. Women love scarves. 217 00:07:30,545 --> 00:07:31,755 My mom has, like, a million scarves. 218 00:07:31,825 --> 00:07:33,232 Don't listen to this fool. 219 00:07:33,297 --> 00:07:36,331 Older women, they want the sex. All the time. 220 00:07:36,402 --> 00:07:37,928 And you better get used to that. 221 00:07:38,385 --> 00:07:39,497 I don't know, Yaron. 222 00:07:39,569 --> 00:07:40,976 She doesn't seem like the kind... 223 00:07:41,041 --> 00:07:42,219 I used to be a sex toy. 224 00:07:42,289 --> 00:07:43,499 You were never a sex toy. 225 00:07:43,569 --> 00:07:45,130 I was, for the widow Fishbein. 226 00:07:45,201 --> 00:07:47,754 Get real. You could never please the widow Fishbein. 227 00:07:47,825 --> 00:07:48,807 Oh, I pleased her. 228 00:07:48,881 --> 00:07:51,151 In her TV chair, in her Lincoln town car, 229 00:07:51,217 --> 00:07:53,224 in the shower on that weird little bench. 230 00:07:53,297 --> 00:07:54,758 We broke that bench. 231 00:07:54,833 --> 00:07:58,478 Look, Ian, a mature woman wants a sexual athlete. 232 00:07:58,545 --> 00:07:59,952 I'm not even a regular athlete. 233 00:08:00,017 --> 00:08:02,406 You worry you don't have the proper level of sophistication. 234 00:08:02,897 --> 00:08:06,028 But don't worry. I know the secret. 235 00:08:06,705 --> 00:08:07,949 Oh, what is it? 236 00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:12,552 Feel this new blend. Huh? 237 00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:14,894 The confidence, it is coming already, no? 238 00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:16,903 Are you seriously trying to sell me a suit right now? 239 00:08:16,977 --> 00:08:19,726 No, he's trying to sell you a lifestyle. 240 00:08:20,369 --> 00:08:21,929 Tickle, tickle. 241 00:08:23,249 --> 00:08:24,426 How do I get rid of someone? 242 00:08:24,497 --> 00:08:26,832 Is this about Doug again? I told you, I tried. 243 00:08:26,897 --> 00:08:28,271 But the guy's basically working for free. 244 00:08:28,337 --> 00:08:29,352 I can hear you. 245 00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:30,701 I know. Take the hint. 246 00:08:31,025 --> 00:08:33,130 Leigh shacked up with her old boyfriend Brandon. 247 00:08:33,201 --> 00:08:35,023 What? Oh, juicy. 248 00:08:35,089 --> 00:08:36,911 Doug, I swear to God, if you don't... 249 00:08:36,977 --> 00:08:38,472 Mike, that guy is bad news. 250 00:08:38,545 --> 00:08:39,560 You gotta put a stop to that. 251 00:08:39,633 --> 00:08:40,648 How do you know about Brandon? 252 00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,216 Well, you know, when a lady has another man's name 253 00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:43,500 tattooed on her butt 254 00:08:43,569 --> 00:08:45,424 and then crossed out and then written in again, 255 00:08:45,489 --> 00:08:46,536 you ask some questions. 256 00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:47,557 I tried to talk to her. 257 00:08:47,633 --> 00:08:49,455 Every time I do, it just pushes her back in his arms. 258 00:08:49,521 --> 00:08:51,790 I mean, I tried in 1997. I tried again in 2004. 259 00:08:51,857 --> 00:08:53,101 Well, you know, you've read her butt. 260 00:08:53,169 --> 00:08:54,314 Yeah, well, talk to him. 261 00:08:54,385 --> 00:08:55,759 Pay him off. Threaten him. 262 00:08:55,825 --> 00:08:57,200 Do something, but Brandon's got to go. 263 00:08:57,265 --> 00:08:58,726 Hey, if you want, 264 00:08:58,801 --> 00:09:00,045 I could seduce her away from him. 265 00:09:03,729 --> 00:09:04,776 Yeah. 266 00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:07,438 Now I see why you keep him around. I know. 267 00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:10,439 I barely make a living here. 268 00:09:12,209 --> 00:09:14,118 Hey, buddy. Mind if I play with you? 269 00:09:14,193 --> 00:09:15,982 Really? Okay. 270 00:09:16,593 --> 00:09:18,928 How was Danny Torres' house? 271 00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:20,040 Was Maria there? 272 00:09:20,113 --> 00:09:22,055 No, it was just us and his mom. 273 00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,307 But she gave us baby carrots, 274 00:09:23,377 --> 00:09:25,417 and Danny blew them out of his nose and into my mouth. 275 00:09:25,489 --> 00:09:26,602 Well, this has been fun. 276 00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,301 And then Maria showed up. 277 00:09:28,721 --> 00:09:29,932 Really? 278 00:09:30,321 --> 00:09:32,012 I had a big pirate ship to build. 279 00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:35,663 So how does she look? 280 00:09:36,145 --> 00:09:37,258 Bad? 281 00:09:37,329 --> 00:09:39,630 Yes, bad. 282 00:09:39,953 --> 00:09:41,098 Very bad. 283 00:09:41,169 --> 00:09:42,762 Does she seem unhappy? 284 00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:45,833 Yeah, probably because she's so ugly. 285 00:09:46,321 --> 00:09:48,525 Can you hand me that six brick? Yeah. 286 00:09:55,985 --> 00:09:58,352 Hi. Sorry I'm running a little bit behind. 287 00:09:58,417 --> 00:10:00,719 I lost track of time. Lord of the Rings was on, 288 00:10:00,785 --> 00:10:02,607 and you know how that goes. Four hours later. 289 00:10:03,184 --> 00:10:04,232 Oh, my God. I was watching that too. 290 00:10:04,305 --> 00:10:05,352 I almost missed my bus. 291 00:10:05,425 --> 00:10:08,392 "You shall not pass!" 292 00:10:08,849 --> 00:10:10,605 Dennis and Yaron were crazy. 293 00:10:10,673 --> 00:10:13,193 We were just two adults, sharing adult interests. 294 00:10:13,265 --> 00:10:14,574 I wasn't some sex toy. 295 00:10:14,641 --> 00:10:15,851 I'll be ready in a second. 296 00:10:15,921 --> 00:10:18,124 I just have to get this mess under control. 297 00:10:19,921 --> 00:10:22,026 What are you talking about, mess? 298 00:10:22,097 --> 00:10:25,512 You look super really good. 299 00:10:25,585 --> 00:10:27,112 Come on in. 300 00:10:29,041 --> 00:10:30,732 Do you want a little tour? 301 00:10:30,801 --> 00:10:33,223 But fair warning, my bedroom is a disaster zone. 302 00:10:33,296 --> 00:10:35,500 Then we don't need to see it. I'll just wait right here. 303 00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:36,714 Or downstairs in the lobby. 304 00:10:36,784 --> 00:10:38,956 And then when you're done, you come downstairs when you're ready, 305 00:10:39,025 --> 00:10:40,105 and we'll go out in public. 306 00:10:40,785 --> 00:10:42,639 Don't be silly. Come on. 307 00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:44,298 But take your shoes off first. 308 00:10:44,369 --> 00:10:45,645 I'm not a piece of meat. 309 00:10:54,705 --> 00:10:56,494 Hey, Brandon. Glad I caught you. 310 00:10:56,561 --> 00:10:58,284 Hey, Mikey. Buddy. 311 00:10:58,353 --> 00:10:59,979 I just saw your face on a bus bench. 312 00:11:00,049 --> 00:11:01,064 You look fantastic. 313 00:11:01,136 --> 00:11:02,314 Even with the drunk guy whizzing on you. 314 00:11:02,385 --> 00:11:03,759 Were you that drunk guy? 315 00:11:03,825 --> 00:11:06,061 Uh, anyway, look, I got some clients coming here. 316 00:11:06,129 --> 00:11:08,202 So I hope you don't mind 317 00:11:08,273 --> 00:11:10,029 if I do a little work while we talk. 318 00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:11,952 Okay, what's happening? 319 00:11:12,017 --> 00:11:14,351 The 3:00 PM tour starts now. 320 00:11:15,536 --> 00:11:16,584 If any of you see a policeman, 321 00:11:16,657 --> 00:11:18,183 feel free to take a picture with his horse, 322 00:11:18,257 --> 00:11:19,883 while I duck around the corner. 323 00:11:19,953 --> 00:11:21,229 He had a red flag. 324 00:11:21,777 --> 00:11:23,916 The guy was literally raising his own red flag. 325 00:11:24,176 --> 00:11:26,086 These are your clients? You're an illegal tour guide? 326 00:11:26,161 --> 00:11:27,622 A freelance tour guide, Mike, 327 00:11:27,697 --> 00:11:29,257 and just until I raise enough money. 328 00:11:29,329 --> 00:11:31,566 I got my eye on a beautiful farm in upstate. 329 00:11:31,633 --> 00:11:35,310 It's 10 acres of land right on the Hudson. 330 00:11:35,761 --> 00:11:37,735 I mean, there's a shimmering creek. 331 00:11:38,193 --> 00:11:39,370 There's a grove of old oak trees 332 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,001 that's been there since the revolution. 333 00:11:41,073 --> 00:11:42,283 Wow. 334 00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:44,906 I'm gonna raze it to the ground and open up an outlet mall. 335 00:11:44,977 --> 00:11:47,049 Well, at least you got a plan, a diabolical plan. 336 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:48,495 Okay, ladies. 337 00:11:48,561 --> 00:11:50,700 The Empire State Building was a gift from France 338 00:11:50,769 --> 00:11:51,979 and is the site 339 00:11:52,049 --> 00:11:55,398 of over 60% of all marriage proposals in the US. 340 00:11:55,473 --> 00:11:58,288 That's not exactly... At all... Even close to being true. 341 00:11:58,353 --> 00:12:00,622 Well, I can't possibly focus on facts 342 00:12:00,689 --> 00:12:03,209 when I got Darlene looking at me with those gorgeous dimples. 343 00:12:03,697 --> 00:12:05,125 Can I talk to you for a second? 344 00:12:05,201 --> 00:12:06,695 Look, Leigh's trying to get her life on track. 345 00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,046 The last thing she needs is someone to come along 346 00:12:08,113 --> 00:12:09,935 who's gonna take off as soon as the wind changes direction. 347 00:12:10,001 --> 00:12:11,114 Hey, that only happened once. 348 00:12:11,185 --> 00:12:12,908 What if you take up paragliding again? 349 00:12:13,392 --> 00:12:14,603 Look, we both know Leigh needs 350 00:12:14,673 --> 00:12:16,233 someone stable in her life right now. 351 00:12:16,976 --> 00:12:18,351 You know what, you're right. 352 00:12:18,417 --> 00:12:19,693 She needs someone she can depend on. 353 00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:21,516 Exactly. In sickness and in health. 354 00:12:21,585 --> 00:12:23,373 Wait, no. Over the mountain and through the woods. 355 00:12:23,441 --> 00:12:24,783 No, okay, now I'm just confused. 356 00:12:24,849 --> 00:12:26,824 I'm gonna propose to her, tonight! 357 00:12:27,088 --> 00:12:28,201 No! Yes! 358 00:12:28,273 --> 00:12:29,517 Oh, yes. 359 00:12:31,473 --> 00:12:33,448 The construction began on the Empire State Building 360 00:12:33,521 --> 00:12:34,601 in March of 1930. 361 00:12:34,673 --> 00:12:36,811 What am I doing? I don't have time for this. 362 00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:38,092 Here, tell them it was a symbol 363 00:12:38,161 --> 00:12:39,949 of hope during the Great Depression. You're on. 364 00:12:40,913 --> 00:12:42,920 Brandon's going to propose? Why didn't you stop him? 365 00:12:42,993 --> 00:12:44,520 I don't know, it was all happening so fast, 366 00:12:44,593 --> 00:12:46,415 and there were these little, old ladies watching. 367 00:12:46,481 --> 00:12:48,303 She can't marry Brandon, Mike. 368 00:12:48,369 --> 00:12:50,027 I mean, sure, he's fine as a slam-piece. 369 00:12:50,097 --> 00:12:51,722 You gotta stop saying that once he's your brother-in-law. 370 00:12:51,792 --> 00:12:52,774 Oh, she's not answering her phone. 371 00:12:52,849 --> 00:12:53,864 Okay, where are we gonna find them? 372 00:12:53,937 --> 00:12:55,082 They could be anywhere in the entire city. 373 00:12:55,153 --> 00:12:56,462 I don't know how he's gonna find his way. 374 00:12:56,529 --> 00:12:58,155 I mean, you should've heard him back at... 375 00:12:58,641 --> 00:13:00,102 I know where they are. 376 00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:02,700 At the place where 60% of America's proposals happen, 377 00:13:02,769 --> 00:13:04,263 the Empire State Building. That's not true. 378 00:13:04,337 --> 00:13:05,482 Well, he doesn't know that. 379 00:13:05,809 --> 00:13:07,118 Okay, let's go. 380 00:13:08,241 --> 00:13:09,550 Strength. 381 00:13:09,809 --> 00:13:11,631 Endurance. What are you doing? 382 00:13:11,696 --> 00:13:13,452 And why can't you do it with a shirt on? 383 00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:15,504 I like to face facts. 384 00:13:15,569 --> 00:13:17,456 Deborah's after my Winklevoss body, 385 00:13:17,521 --> 00:13:18,731 not my Zuckerberg brain. 386 00:13:18,801 --> 00:13:20,426 You don't even have a Zuckerberg body. 387 00:13:20,529 --> 00:13:22,951 Look, Ian, I know I make fun of you a lot... 388 00:13:23,024 --> 00:13:24,715 I'm home from Danny's. 389 00:13:24,784 --> 00:13:26,672 But I don't have time right now. Hey, buddy, Lego time! 390 00:13:27,824 --> 00:13:29,002 She's pregnant? 391 00:13:29,073 --> 00:13:31,593 Yeah, but she's not sure who the father is. 392 00:13:31,664 --> 00:13:33,901 It was getting harder to make up stories about Maria, 393 00:13:34,257 --> 00:13:36,199 so I started watching episodes of Revenge. 394 00:13:36,497 --> 00:13:37,839 You couldn't make this stuff up. 395 00:13:37,905 --> 00:13:39,312 I couldn't. 396 00:13:39,952 --> 00:13:41,807 Oh, I'll be right back, but I want to hear more 397 00:13:41,872 --> 00:13:43,182 about this mysterious, white-haired man 398 00:13:43,249 --> 00:13:44,678 who's terrorizing her family. 399 00:13:46,897 --> 00:13:48,206 Maria. Hey, Eve. 400 00:13:48,753 --> 00:13:49,767 You're not pregnant. 401 00:13:49,841 --> 00:13:52,263 No, but I have your brother's backpack. 402 00:13:53,584 --> 00:13:54,632 Let's go, Danny. 403 00:13:55,377 --> 00:13:58,541 Sure, ditch me again, just like in sixth grade. 404 00:13:59,441 --> 00:14:01,165 What are you talking about? You ditched me. 405 00:14:01,233 --> 00:14:02,476 Uh, I have three journals 406 00:14:02,545 --> 00:14:04,170 and a rage collage that say different. 407 00:14:04,241 --> 00:14:05,965 No, you dared me to talk to Jennifer Ashby 408 00:14:06,033 --> 00:14:07,756 and Cynthia Yim, and when they were nice to me, 409 00:14:07,825 --> 00:14:08,938 you never spoke to me again. 410 00:14:09,009 --> 00:14:11,180 Uh, no, we were in the cafeteria 411 00:14:11,249 --> 00:14:12,776 playing truth or dare, and you said "dare," 412 00:14:12,849 --> 00:14:14,375 and I said, "I dare you to..." 413 00:14:15,025 --> 00:14:16,431 Oh, man, you know what? That's on me. 414 00:14:17,553 --> 00:14:19,146 So how have you been since then? 415 00:14:19,217 --> 00:14:20,493 Bieber took a turn, huh? 416 00:14:22,001 --> 00:14:23,823 His whole life is just... I was rooting for him. 417 00:14:29,489 --> 00:14:30,667 You. 418 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,083 We've done three laps. They're not here. 419 00:14:35,153 --> 00:14:36,713 But his made-up statistic was in our favor. 420 00:14:36,784 --> 00:14:38,246 I don't know, Mike. Maybe this is pointless. 421 00:14:38,321 --> 00:14:39,335 Leigh's a grown woman. 422 00:14:39,409 --> 00:14:40,653 We need let her make her own mistakes. 423 00:14:40,721 --> 00:14:41,866 I can't. 424 00:14:43,025 --> 00:14:44,301 Look, all this time, we've been blaming Brandon, 425 00:14:44,368 --> 00:14:45,612 but the truth is, I haven't been as supportive 426 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,055 of her as I could've been. 427 00:14:47,121 --> 00:14:48,681 I mean, she wrote a book. That's not easy. 428 00:14:48,753 --> 00:14:51,142 Yeah, she created an entire horse language. 429 00:14:51,217 --> 00:14:53,770 Two languages. Horse-glish and Mandarin horse-glish. 430 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,011 I mean, she's my sister, Annie. 431 00:14:56,081 --> 00:14:57,991 I gotta take care of her. 432 00:14:58,160 --> 00:14:59,305 All right, then we'll find them. 433 00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:01,002 We just... We need to think like Brandon. 434 00:15:01,073 --> 00:15:02,731 But he doesn't think. 435 00:15:03,216 --> 00:15:06,086 He puts the minimum amount of effort in every situation he tries to get... 436 00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:08,487 They never left her place. 437 00:15:10,865 --> 00:15:12,109 'Sup, girl? 438 00:15:13,168 --> 00:15:15,557 Ian, what are you doing here? 439 00:15:15,952 --> 00:15:18,341 I am here for sex. 440 00:15:18,641 --> 00:15:20,234 You want it. I intend to give it to you. 441 00:15:20,304 --> 00:15:22,639 As long as I don't have to use my arms. They're killing me. 442 00:15:22,928 --> 00:15:24,717 Wait, where is this coming from? 443 00:15:24,784 --> 00:15:26,824 We haven't even had our first date yet. 444 00:15:27,697 --> 00:15:29,038 Yeah, I know, but I thought... 445 00:15:29,105 --> 00:15:30,087 Oh, God. 446 00:15:30,161 --> 00:15:32,135 My friend Alice said this would happen. 447 00:15:32,689 --> 00:15:35,176 Well, she's not really my friend. She's more of a coworker. 448 00:15:35,248 --> 00:15:37,037 But she got laid off, so she doesn't work there anymore. 449 00:15:37,105 --> 00:15:38,763 So I don't really know what you'd call us. 450 00:15:38,832 --> 00:15:39,977 We went to brunch once. 451 00:15:40,048 --> 00:15:41,903 So my brunch buddy 452 00:15:41,968 --> 00:15:44,521 said that young guys just want sex all the time. 453 00:15:44,913 --> 00:15:46,636 No. I don't! 454 00:15:46,705 --> 00:15:48,712 Well, I mean, I do, but... 455 00:15:49,169 --> 00:15:51,558 I don't know, it's just... I guess I'm just nervous. 456 00:15:51,633 --> 00:15:52,942 I mean, I don't know what you see in me. 457 00:15:53,009 --> 00:15:55,976 You're this amazing woman. I still live with my parents. 458 00:15:56,049 --> 00:15:58,351 Ian, you are kind. 459 00:15:59,281 --> 00:16:03,143 And you're smart, and we seem to get each other. 460 00:16:03,409 --> 00:16:04,586 That's what I like about you. 461 00:16:05,489 --> 00:16:07,496 So it's not all about sex on a shower bench? 462 00:16:07,569 --> 00:16:09,740 No, God, no. 463 00:16:10,897 --> 00:16:12,904 Wait, shower bench? Never mind. That's... 464 00:16:12,977 --> 00:16:15,977 Ian, the truth is, I'm kind of nervous too. 465 00:16:16,624 --> 00:16:18,958 So why don't we just take things slow, 466 00:16:19,408 --> 00:16:20,750 okay? Like... 467 00:16:21,488 --> 00:16:24,336 Like turning The Hobbit into three movies slow. 468 00:16:25,041 --> 00:16:26,470 Sounds good. 469 00:16:26,544 --> 00:16:28,071 This, not that. 470 00:16:28,177 --> 00:16:29,257 Yeah. Right? 471 00:16:30,928 --> 00:16:32,172 Yeah. 472 00:16:43,216 --> 00:16:45,005 Then again, I wouldn't be averse 473 00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:46,185 to speeding things up just a little. 474 00:16:46,257 --> 00:16:47,271 Speeding up is good. 475 00:16:51,152 --> 00:16:52,494 Leigh, are you... 476 00:16:53,776 --> 00:16:54,856 Oh, no. 477 00:16:54,928 --> 00:16:56,270 So, Leigh, will you marry me? 478 00:16:56,336 --> 00:16:57,765 Can I answer that question? 479 00:16:58,128 --> 00:17:00,714 Leigh, you don't want to marry this guy. 480 00:17:00,784 --> 00:17:02,246 Mike, stop. 481 00:17:02,641 --> 00:17:04,429 I've been waiting for this moment for years. 482 00:17:05,136 --> 00:17:06,281 Go ahead, Brandon. 483 00:17:06,352 --> 00:17:08,141 Okay, so, Leigh, when I'm with you, 484 00:17:08,209 --> 00:17:09,835 I feel a million feet tall, 485 00:17:09,905 --> 00:17:11,050 just like the Empire State Building. 486 00:17:11,121 --> 00:17:12,495 Okay, it's not... 487 00:17:13,009 --> 00:17:14,121 Continue. 488 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,648 And so I'm down on bended knee asking you to marry me. 489 00:17:17,712 --> 00:17:18,759 Let's go to Vegas tonight. 490 00:17:18,832 --> 00:17:20,239 If you still have miles after flying me out. 491 00:17:20,529 --> 00:17:22,503 But my book revisions are due tomorrow. 492 00:17:22,576 --> 00:17:24,300 So blow it off. 493 00:17:24,369 --> 00:17:25,830 I'm more important than some book, aren't I? 494 00:17:25,904 --> 00:17:27,333 Yeah, but... 495 00:17:28,401 --> 00:17:30,343 Actually, no. This is... 496 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,171 This is really important to me. 497 00:17:32,241 --> 00:17:33,517 The donkey book? 498 00:17:34,704 --> 00:17:38,152 It's about a boy who turns into a horse. 499 00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:39,947 At night. Thank you. 500 00:17:41,041 --> 00:17:43,496 You know, actually, you know what, Brandon? 501 00:17:43,984 --> 00:17:45,511 Up until now, 502 00:17:45,585 --> 00:17:47,821 I thought every adventure you were going on 503 00:17:47,888 --> 00:17:50,223 was more exciting than my own. 504 00:17:51,568 --> 00:17:53,095 But I don't feel that way anymore. 505 00:17:53,552 --> 00:17:56,138 I love where my life is going. 506 00:17:56,593 --> 00:17:58,022 And I'm sorry, 507 00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,104 but it's not with you. 508 00:18:02,096 --> 00:18:03,373 Wow. 509 00:18:04,945 --> 00:18:06,287 Did not see that coming. 510 00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:11,087 You know, I've literally never been rejected. 511 00:18:11,601 --> 00:18:12,942 Like, never. 512 00:18:13,808 --> 00:18:16,940 So, uh, I guess I'll get my stuff. 513 00:18:18,512 --> 00:18:20,585 Leigh, I'm proud of you. 514 00:18:22,256 --> 00:18:23,533 Me too, sweetie. 515 00:18:24,624 --> 00:18:27,013 Okay, so a couple minutes, and I'll be out of your way. 516 00:18:28,177 --> 00:18:30,249 Unless you want one more for the road. 517 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,902 If you two want to keep being proud of me, I suggest you leave. 518 00:18:34,768 --> 00:18:36,491 Yeah. Okay, we're out of here. 519 00:18:37,937 --> 00:18:39,246 This is actually pretty good. 520 00:18:42,481 --> 00:18:44,455 I can see you sneaking that by. 521 00:18:45,136 --> 00:18:46,118 Woof? 522 00:18:46,192 --> 00:18:47,785 And I know you're not Icebreaker. 523 00:18:50,224 --> 00:18:52,079 That wasn't cool. 524 00:18:52,144 --> 00:18:53,867 You made me look like an idiot in front of Maria 525 00:18:53,936 --> 00:18:55,759 just because you needed my help with Lego? 526 00:18:55,825 --> 00:18:58,214 Needed your help? I'm awesome at building stuff. 527 00:18:58,545 --> 00:18:59,854 In fact, you kind of slow me down. 528 00:18:59,921 --> 00:19:02,157 Well, then why did you make up all of those lies? 529 00:19:02,704 --> 00:19:05,224 Because we used to play together, and now we don't. 530 00:19:05,681 --> 00:19:07,055 I just wanted you to stay. 531 00:19:09,361 --> 00:19:10,790 Oh, I guess I could spare a couple of minutes 532 00:19:10,864 --> 00:19:12,293 to work on that crow's nest. 533 00:19:12,368 --> 00:19:14,703 Maybe you could just hold the instructions. 534 00:19:18,609 --> 00:19:19,853 You Brandon? 535 00:19:19,921 --> 00:19:21,262 Uh, yeah. Who are you? 536 00:19:21,329 --> 00:19:23,117 The guy who's telling you to get out of town. 537 00:19:23,184 --> 00:19:24,613 Leigh needs someone who appreciates her, 538 00:19:24,688 --> 00:19:26,117 someone who'll sing musical theater with her 539 00:19:26,193 --> 00:19:28,015 in the middle of a 7-Eleven, someone who'll listen 540 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:30,219 to her not entirely unconvincing theories about aliens, 541 00:19:30,289 --> 00:19:31,783 someone who's late to step up, but when he does... 542 00:19:33,265 --> 00:19:34,825 She already kicked me out, bro, okay? 543 00:19:35,344 --> 00:19:37,929 Oh, okay. Good talk then. 544 00:19:39,152 --> 00:19:40,810 It's nice to put a face to the tattoo. 545 00:19:41,424 --> 00:19:42,569 Lego is easy. 546 00:19:43,024 --> 00:19:44,649 You know how the pieces fit together. 547 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:45,931 I did it. 548 00:19:46,001 --> 00:19:47,211 I finished my revisions. 549 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:48,840 Oh, Leigh, that's so great! 550 00:19:48,912 --> 00:19:50,505 Come on over and grab some little yellow heads. 551 00:19:50,576 --> 00:19:52,518 It's harder with people. 552 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,407 Oh, that's really great, guys. 553 00:19:54,481 --> 00:19:56,684 The one night I'm not here, you build a Lego city. 554 00:19:56,976 --> 00:19:58,089 Yeah, it's a huge conspiracy. 555 00:19:58,160 --> 00:19:59,721 We had to wait years for you to actually have plans. 556 00:19:59,793 --> 00:20:02,029 You're lucky I'm in a good mood. 557 00:20:03,344 --> 00:20:04,621 Do you know why I'm in a good mood? 558 00:20:04,689 --> 00:20:07,339 No. Wrong, because I just had sex. 559 00:20:08,656 --> 00:20:10,696 But when all the right pieces come together, 560 00:20:10,768 --> 00:20:12,262 you can build something pretty great. 561 00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:13,416 Monster attack! 562 00:20:13,489 --> 00:20:14,798 No, no, no, no, no! 563 00:20:14,864 --> 00:20:16,522 Look out below! Go, go, go! 564 00:20:18,064 --> 00:20:19,788 Oh, Icebreaker, no, no, no, no, no. 565 00:20:19,856 --> 00:20:22,703 Go! Go! Dogzilla coming through. 566 00:20:23,152 --> 00:20:24,396 Oh! 567 00:20:27,135 --> 00:20:34,807 Ripped By mstoll 41240

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