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1
00:00:00,325 --> 00:00:03,359
I still can't believe
I sold my book.
2
00:00:03,782 --> 00:00:05,789
I still have to do final
revisions for next week,
3
00:00:05,862 --> 00:00:07,520
but then I'll be
a published author,
4
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,248
like Hemingway.
5
00:00:10,021 --> 00:00:10,970
Or God.
6
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,322
Exactly like that.
7
00:00:12,390 --> 00:00:13,338
Okay, we're all set.
8
00:00:13,413 --> 00:00:14,722
I just want to
triple-check the guest list.
9
00:00:14,790 --> 00:00:16,284
Is your friend Carol invited?
Carol?
10
00:00:16,358 --> 00:00:18,976
That bitch is not my friend.
Of course she's invited.
11
00:00:19,046 --> 00:00:20,475
We're having
a cocktail party for Leigh
12
00:00:20,549 --> 00:00:23,549
to celebrate the fact that she
sold her book, Mane Attraction.
13
00:00:23,910 --> 00:00:25,568
It's a love story about a boy
14
00:00:25,637 --> 00:00:27,579
who turns into a horse at night.
15
00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:30,207
Top that one, God.
16
00:00:30,533 --> 00:00:32,322
Oh, yeah, I almost forgot.
17
00:00:32,709 --> 00:00:34,203
Um, we need to add
Brandon to the guest list.
18
00:00:34,693 --> 00:00:36,122
Brandon, like your
ex-boyfriend Brandon?
19
00:00:36,197 --> 00:00:37,441
He's in town,
20
00:00:37,509 --> 00:00:39,680
and I haven't seen him
in a while, so...
21
00:00:40,293 --> 00:00:41,755
Why would you want
to invite Brandon?
22
00:00:41,830 --> 00:00:42,877
Yeah, Mike's right.
23
00:00:42,950 --> 00:00:45,667
I mean, sure, he's gorgeous
with those sexy eyes...
24
00:00:45,734 --> 00:00:46,978
But...
Oh, God, his butt.
25
00:00:47,046 --> 00:00:50,013
Oh, great butt. I mean, his
whole body is just, like...
26
00:00:50,085 --> 00:00:52,507
What my wife is trying to say
27
00:00:52,581 --> 00:00:53,792
is Brandon's no good for you,
28
00:00:53,862 --> 00:00:55,106
and you're finally
in a good place now.
29
00:00:55,174 --> 00:00:56,734
Yeah, you got rid
of all your piercings.
30
00:00:56,805 --> 00:00:59,740
They finally stopped rerunning your
episode of Taxicab Confessions.
31
00:00:59,814 --> 00:01:01,723
You're not getting calls from
any collection agencies.
32
00:01:01,798 --> 00:01:03,936
Yeah, the only person you owe
thousands of dollars to now is me.
33
00:01:04,006 --> 00:01:05,183
It's true.
I am debt-free.
34
00:01:05,734 --> 00:01:07,294
Well...
Yeah, you guys are right.
35
00:01:07,365 --> 00:01:09,470
Inviting Brandon is a bad idea.
36
00:01:09,541 --> 00:01:11,396
And if my book
has taught me anything,
37
00:01:11,461 --> 00:01:13,949
it's that a horse,
even the half-human kind,
38
00:01:14,022 --> 00:01:16,869
needs to keep moving
forward to stay alive.
39
00:01:17,414 --> 00:01:18,624
That's a shark.
Yeah.
40
00:01:18,822 --> 00:01:20,066
What?
A shark.
41
00:01:22,341 --> 00:01:24,414
I really need to work
on my revisions.
42
00:01:33,415 --> 00:01:37,827
Ripped By mstoll
43
00:01:39,782 --> 00:01:41,472
Thank you all for coming.
44
00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:43,748
Friends, family.
45
00:01:44,261 --> 00:01:47,295
Carol, so glad you could come
out so soon after your surgery.
46
00:01:47,718 --> 00:01:48,700
But remember, everybody.
47
00:01:48,774 --> 00:01:51,643
This doesn't get you
out of buying my book.
48
00:01:51,718 --> 00:01:53,125
Hey, Flody.
49
00:01:54,757 --> 00:01:57,146
That was lovely, Leigh.
50
00:01:57,222 --> 00:01:58,466
Very gracious.
51
00:01:58,534 --> 00:01:59,679
Carol's in the corner crying.
52
00:01:59,942 --> 00:02:02,113
Yeah, that's first
of many saline leaks.
53
00:02:02,182 --> 00:02:03,775
God, I'm glad I invited her.
54
00:02:03,846 --> 00:02:05,820
This night is perfect, you guys.
Thank you so much.
55
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,519
I wouldn't have it
any other way.
56
00:02:07,590 --> 00:02:10,492
There she is.
My moon, my stars.
57
00:02:10,566 --> 00:02:12,191
Except I did invite Brandon.
58
00:02:12,261 --> 00:02:13,309
Leigh!
59
00:02:13,382 --> 00:02:14,592
Hey, sweetie!
60
00:02:15,237 --> 00:02:16,546
Hi.
61
00:02:16,613 --> 00:02:17,791
Hey, Mike.
How's it going, buddy?
62
00:02:17,861 --> 00:02:19,771
How's the old Parkinson's
thing treating you?
63
00:02:21,318 --> 00:02:22,332
Great.
64
00:02:22,405 --> 00:02:23,387
Well, I see it hasn't
slowed you down.
65
00:02:23,461 --> 00:02:25,436
I didn't know you got
remarried, you old dog.
66
00:02:25,510 --> 00:02:28,826
Found yourself a hot,
new, young trophy wife.
67
00:02:28,902 --> 00:02:31,552
Wait a minute.
Is that Annie?
68
00:02:33,765 --> 00:02:34,747
Mmm.
69
00:02:35,110 --> 00:02:36,800
Oh, yeah. Mwah.
70
00:02:37,221 --> 00:02:38,814
Brandon.
71
00:02:39,301 --> 00:02:41,407
Are you serious?
I'm sorry, it just works.
72
00:02:41,478 --> 00:02:43,387
Okay, I'm gonna go
make my special sangria.
73
00:02:43,462 --> 00:02:44,771
Secret ingredient?
74
00:02:44,837 --> 00:02:45,786
No fruit.
75
00:02:46,373 --> 00:02:47,934
That's wine, isn't it?
76
00:02:48,517 --> 00:02:50,851
Leigh, what happened
to being in a better place?
77
00:02:50,917 --> 00:02:54,430
What good is being in a better place
if your ex isn't there to see it?
78
00:02:54,501 --> 00:02:56,356
Oh, come on. Seriously,
who does that?
79
00:02:56,421 --> 00:02:57,469
Hey, Leigh.
80
00:02:57,541 --> 00:02:59,516
Have you had a chance
to meet my date Stella?
81
00:02:59,589 --> 00:03:01,280
Congratulations on your book.
82
00:03:01,350 --> 00:03:02,724
Stella's in a book.
83
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,863
One of those haircut
books at a salon.
84
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:05,882
She's a model.
85
00:03:05,957 --> 00:03:06,906
Nice to meet you.
86
00:03:06,981 --> 00:03:08,192
Well, I can't stay.
87
00:03:08,262 --> 00:03:10,050
We have to get Stella
to her next shoot.
88
00:03:10,117 --> 00:03:11,776
It's for medical supplies.
89
00:03:11,846 --> 00:03:13,056
Should've quit
while you were ahead.
90
00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:14,878
Ugh, I'm so bored.
91
00:03:14,949 --> 00:03:16,705
I would rather be doing
literally anything else.
92
00:03:16,773 --> 00:03:18,082
Wanna play with me?
93
00:03:18,149 --> 00:03:19,229
Graham, I'm at a party.
94
00:03:19,301 --> 00:03:20,511
Please?
95
00:03:20,838 --> 00:03:21,950
Why don't you go ask Ian?
96
00:03:22,021 --> 00:03:23,548
He's in his room
talking with some girl.
97
00:03:23,622 --> 00:03:24,996
What?
She's on his computer.
98
00:03:25,061 --> 00:03:26,239
That tracks.
99
00:03:26,693 --> 00:03:28,254
Sorry I have to keep
rescheduling our date,
100
00:03:28,326 --> 00:03:29,984
but work has been crazy.
101
00:03:30,053 --> 00:03:32,224
But we'll be done
beta testing tomorrow.
102
00:03:32,677 --> 00:03:34,913
Or else everyone is fired.
103
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:36,672
That computes, beep...
104
00:03:36,741 --> 00:03:38,465
I think voices is your thing.
Hey, Ian, I...
105
00:03:39,781 --> 00:03:42,018
What is that bookshelf
doing over here?
106
00:03:42,085 --> 00:03:43,362
Is that dad's peabody?
107
00:03:44,005 --> 00:03:45,728
Gotta go.
108
00:03:46,853 --> 00:03:47,835
Do you mind?
109
00:03:47,909 --> 00:03:49,633
I'm trying to make a good
impression on my lady friend.
110
00:03:49,702 --> 00:03:52,484
Oh, and you're sure that
this lady friend is real?
111
00:03:52,741 --> 00:03:54,083
This isn't
a Fight Club situation?
112
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,873
Like, you've seen
other people talk to her?
113
00:03:56,357 --> 00:03:57,732
Oh, Deborah's real.
114
00:03:57,797 --> 00:04:00,928
Feast your eyes on this reality.
115
00:04:01,285 --> 00:04:03,554
Whoa, that is, like, a woman!
116
00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:05,476
What on earth
is she doing with you?
117
00:04:05,541 --> 00:04:07,549
Does she need a kidney?
118
00:04:07,621 --> 00:04:09,793
I think it's pretty obvious
what she sees in me.
119
00:04:10,597 --> 00:04:12,059
Which is?
120
00:04:14,469 --> 00:04:16,095
Oh, my God,
what does she see in me?
121
00:04:16,678 --> 00:04:17,855
Over there is my book publisher.
122
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,169
Okay.
That's my agent.
123
00:04:19,237 --> 00:04:21,604
And over there is my dentist.
124
00:04:21,669 --> 00:04:23,098
Oh.
That's right.
125
00:04:23,173 --> 00:04:24,318
I have a dentist now.
126
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:27,488
Oh, babe, I always knew
you had greatness in you.
127
00:04:27,557 --> 00:04:29,117
And I mean that not as a
reference to my penis,
128
00:04:29,189 --> 00:04:31,011
which as you know,
is also named Greatness.
129
00:04:31,078 --> 00:04:33,117
If I remember correctly,
I'm the one who named it.
130
00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:34,334
Oh, that's right.
You did.
131
00:04:34,405 --> 00:04:35,518
You totally did.
132
00:04:35,589 --> 00:04:37,760
What are we giggling about?
133
00:04:37,829 --> 00:04:40,350
Oh, just Greatness.
134
00:04:40,805 --> 00:04:42,332
So your penis.
135
00:04:42,789 --> 00:04:44,350
Relax.
Nothing's gonna happen.
136
00:04:44,422 --> 00:04:46,015
But just to be safe, this dress
137
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,612
is super complicated to get off.
138
00:04:47,685 --> 00:04:48,962
I mean, it comes with a tool.
139
00:04:49,797 --> 00:04:51,357
No fair. How did you
get out of this?
140
00:04:51,717 --> 00:04:53,856
Mom said I could sleep over
at Danny Torres' house.
141
00:04:53,925 --> 00:04:56,510
Wait. Danny Torres,
Maria Torres' brother?
142
00:04:56,581 --> 00:04:58,305
Maria and I were best
friends in middle school,
143
00:04:58,373 --> 00:05:00,064
until she dropped me
out of nowhere
144
00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:01,922
to hang with
the seventh graders.
145
00:05:02,406 --> 00:05:04,861
I still have my half of our
best friends necklace.
146
00:05:05,925 --> 00:05:07,835
Don't know what she did
with her "be... frie..."
147
00:05:08,870 --> 00:05:09,982
Tell her I said hi.
148
00:05:10,053 --> 00:05:11,427
No, wait. Don't.
149
00:05:11,493 --> 00:05:13,249
But just try to mention
how great I'm doing.
150
00:05:13,318 --> 00:05:14,594
Wait, no.
Don't bring up my name.
151
00:05:14,661 --> 00:05:16,668
Just try to toss it off, casual.
152
00:05:16,741 --> 00:05:18,629
Let's practice.
You're Maria. I'm you.
153
00:05:19,013 --> 00:05:21,152
Hey, Maria.
Eve grew into her nose.
154
00:05:21,541 --> 00:05:22,556
Hi, Graham.
155
00:05:23,109 --> 00:05:24,254
What are you doing?
156
00:05:24,805 --> 00:05:26,431
No, she wouldn't do that.
You don't know Maria at all.
157
00:05:26,501 --> 00:05:27,843
Hey, everybody,
I just wanted to say
158
00:05:27,909 --> 00:05:29,732
how happy I am
for my baby sister Leigh,
159
00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:32,284
who's turned her love
of horses into something
160
00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:34,176
very weird,
161
00:05:34,245 --> 00:05:35,739
and now someone's
paying her for that.
162
00:05:35,813 --> 00:05:37,089
So here's to Leigh.
163
00:05:37,157 --> 00:05:38,270
Cheers.
164
00:05:38,341 --> 00:05:39,770
Leigh? Sweetie?
165
00:05:42,118 --> 00:05:43,776
Brandon, any chance
you're still around?
166
00:05:44,773 --> 00:05:45,788
Didn't think so.
167
00:05:45,862 --> 00:05:47,585
Looks like my sister is
destined for Greatness.
168
00:05:48,037 --> 00:05:49,281
Hear, hear.
169
00:05:49,541 --> 00:05:51,232
No, don't...
Don't applaud that.
170
00:05:52,401 --> 00:05:54,638
I can't believe Leigh would ditch
her own party for Brandon.
171
00:05:54,705 --> 00:05:56,560
You know they just
ran right down here,
172
00:05:56,625 --> 00:05:58,283
and he just took her
in his arms,
173
00:05:58,353 --> 00:05:59,847
and she didn't even
try to resist.
174
00:05:59,921 --> 00:06:01,547
Okay, remember,
we're basically walking
175
00:06:01,617 --> 00:06:03,340
into the aftermath
of a sexual tornado.
176
00:06:03,409 --> 00:06:05,133
So watch what
you touch or step on.
177
00:06:08,082 --> 00:06:09,936
- Oh, hey.
- Hi.
178
00:06:10,257 --> 00:06:12,810
We just thought we'd come
down and check on you,
179
00:06:12,882 --> 00:06:14,638
since you kind of left without
saying good-bye to anybody.
180
00:06:14,705 --> 00:06:16,046
And your dentist
was really upset.
181
00:06:16,114 --> 00:06:17,488
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
182
00:06:17,553 --> 00:06:19,528
I thought I'd make a quiet exit.
183
00:06:19,602 --> 00:06:20,878
Plus, I was getting tired.
184
00:06:21,201 --> 00:06:22,794
Of Carol.
Am I right?
185
00:06:22,865 --> 00:06:24,905
Yeah, so you just came down here
186
00:06:25,362 --> 00:06:27,271
by your... Ha!
It's empty.
187
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:29,417
Except for my tennis racket,
but that's not why we're here.
188
00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:30,733
Okay, what's going on?
189
00:06:30,801 --> 00:06:32,874
Well, Leigh, clearly...
190
00:06:35,281 --> 00:06:36,459
Nothing.
191
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,188
I'm sorry.
We were paranoid.
192
00:06:38,257 --> 00:06:40,144
We thought that you and Brandon
193
00:06:40,209 --> 00:06:42,249
had come down here and we...
194
00:06:42,737 --> 00:06:44,777
Oh, my God.
195
00:06:44,849 --> 00:06:47,271
Your complicated dress.
It's ripped to shreds.
196
00:06:47,345 --> 00:06:48,839
Did he do this
with his bare hands?
197
00:06:48,913 --> 00:06:50,157
Come on, anybody
could rip this dress.
198
00:06:50,225 --> 00:06:51,948
I could rip this dress.
199
00:06:52,657 --> 00:06:55,078
Well, in fairness to me,
it's kind of difficult
200
00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:56,909
because it's wet.
Oh.
201
00:06:57,809 --> 00:06:58,921
Oh, God, why is it wet?
202
00:06:58,993 --> 00:07:01,863
Okay, you guys caught
me, but don't worry.
203
00:07:01,937 --> 00:07:04,076
I know how to
set boundaries now.
204
00:07:04,145 --> 00:07:06,633
Okay, all moved in.
Hey, guys.
205
00:07:06,961 --> 00:07:08,684
Wow, you clean up quick.
206
00:07:09,170 --> 00:07:10,860
Look at the ceiling.
You'd never know.
207
00:07:10,929 --> 00:07:12,522
Yeah, next time
you have to clean it.
208
00:07:12,593 --> 00:07:13,641
Okay.
209
00:07:13,713 --> 00:07:14,859
See? Boundaries.
210
00:07:14,930 --> 00:07:16,937
And to think we were worried.
Yeah.
211
00:07:18,225 --> 00:07:21,072
It's probably stupid,
but Eve got in my head.
212
00:07:21,137 --> 00:07:22,544
You know,
Deborah's 20 years older.
213
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:23,919
What is she doing with me?
214
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,479
Bro, trust me.
215
00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:27,632
There is only one thing
older women want.
216
00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:30,479
Scarves.
Women love scarves.
217
00:07:30,545 --> 00:07:31,755
My mom has, like,
a million scarves.
218
00:07:31,825 --> 00:07:33,232
Don't listen to this fool.
219
00:07:33,297 --> 00:07:36,331
Older women, they want the sex.
All the time.
220
00:07:36,402 --> 00:07:37,928
And you better get used to that.
221
00:07:38,385 --> 00:07:39,497
I don't know, Yaron.
222
00:07:39,569 --> 00:07:40,976
She doesn't
seem like the kind...
223
00:07:41,041 --> 00:07:42,219
I used to be a sex toy.
224
00:07:42,289 --> 00:07:43,499
You were never a sex toy.
225
00:07:43,569 --> 00:07:45,130
I was, for the widow Fishbein.
226
00:07:45,201 --> 00:07:47,754
Get real. You could never
please the widow Fishbein.
227
00:07:47,825 --> 00:07:48,807
Oh, I pleased her.
228
00:07:48,881 --> 00:07:51,151
In her TV chair,
in her Lincoln town car,
229
00:07:51,217 --> 00:07:53,224
in the shower on
that weird little bench.
230
00:07:53,297 --> 00:07:54,758
We broke that bench.
231
00:07:54,833 --> 00:07:58,478
Look, Ian, a mature woman
wants a sexual athlete.
232
00:07:58,545 --> 00:07:59,952
I'm not even a regular athlete.
233
00:08:00,017 --> 00:08:02,406
You worry you don't have the
proper level of sophistication.
234
00:08:02,897 --> 00:08:06,028
But don't worry.
I know the secret.
235
00:08:06,705 --> 00:08:07,949
Oh, what is it?
236
00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:12,552
Feel this new blend. Huh?
237
00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:14,894
The confidence,
it is coming already, no?
238
00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:16,903
Are you seriously trying to
sell me a suit right now?
239
00:08:16,977 --> 00:08:19,726
No, he's trying to
sell you a lifestyle.
240
00:08:20,369 --> 00:08:21,929
Tickle, tickle.
241
00:08:23,249 --> 00:08:24,426
How do I get rid of someone?
242
00:08:24,497 --> 00:08:26,832
Is this about Doug again?
I told you, I tried.
243
00:08:26,897 --> 00:08:28,271
But the guy's basically
working for free.
244
00:08:28,337 --> 00:08:29,352
I can hear you.
245
00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:30,701
I know. Take the hint.
246
00:08:31,025 --> 00:08:33,130
Leigh shacked up with
her old boyfriend Brandon.
247
00:08:33,201 --> 00:08:35,023
What?
Oh, juicy.
248
00:08:35,089 --> 00:08:36,911
Doug, I swear to
God, if you don't...
249
00:08:36,977 --> 00:08:38,472
Mike, that guy is bad news.
250
00:08:38,545 --> 00:08:39,560
You gotta put a stop to that.
251
00:08:39,633 --> 00:08:40,648
How do you know about Brandon?
252
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,216
Well, you know, when a lady
has another man's name
253
00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:43,500
tattooed on her butt
254
00:08:43,569 --> 00:08:45,424
and then crossed out
and then written in again,
255
00:08:45,489 --> 00:08:46,536
you ask some questions.
256
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:47,557
I tried to talk to her.
257
00:08:47,633 --> 00:08:49,455
Every time I do, it just
pushes her back in his arms.
258
00:08:49,521 --> 00:08:51,790
I mean, I tried in 1997.
I tried again in 2004.
259
00:08:51,857 --> 00:08:53,101
Well, you know,
you've read her butt.
260
00:08:53,169 --> 00:08:54,314
Yeah, well, talk to him.
261
00:08:54,385 --> 00:08:55,759
Pay him off.
Threaten him.
262
00:08:55,825 --> 00:08:57,200
Do something,
but Brandon's got to go.
263
00:08:57,265 --> 00:08:58,726
Hey, if you want,
264
00:08:58,801 --> 00:09:00,045
I could seduce her
away from him.
265
00:09:03,729 --> 00:09:04,776
Yeah.
266
00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:07,438
Now I see why you keep him around.
I know.
267
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:10,439
I barely make a living here.
268
00:09:12,209 --> 00:09:14,118
Hey, buddy.
Mind if I play with you?
269
00:09:14,193 --> 00:09:15,982
Really? Okay.
270
00:09:16,593 --> 00:09:18,928
How was Danny Torres' house?
271
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:20,040
Was Maria there?
272
00:09:20,113 --> 00:09:22,055
No, it was just us and his mom.
273
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,307
But she gave us baby carrots,
274
00:09:23,377 --> 00:09:25,417
and Danny blew them out of
his nose and into my mouth.
275
00:09:25,489 --> 00:09:26,602
Well, this has been fun.
276
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,301
And then Maria showed up.
277
00:09:28,721 --> 00:09:29,932
Really?
278
00:09:30,321 --> 00:09:32,012
I had a big
pirate ship to build.
279
00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:35,663
So how does she look?
280
00:09:36,145 --> 00:09:37,258
Bad?
281
00:09:37,329 --> 00:09:39,630
Yes, bad.
282
00:09:39,953 --> 00:09:41,098
Very bad.
283
00:09:41,169 --> 00:09:42,762
Does she seem unhappy?
284
00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:45,833
Yeah, probably
because she's so ugly.
285
00:09:46,321 --> 00:09:48,525
Can you hand me that six brick?
Yeah.
286
00:09:55,985 --> 00:09:58,352
Hi. Sorry I'm running
a little bit behind.
287
00:09:58,417 --> 00:10:00,719
I lost track of time.
Lord of the Rings was on,
288
00:10:00,785 --> 00:10:02,607
and you know how that goes.
Four hours later.
289
00:10:03,184 --> 00:10:04,232
Oh, my God.
I was watching that too.
290
00:10:04,305 --> 00:10:05,352
I almost missed my bus.
291
00:10:05,425 --> 00:10:08,392
"You shall not pass!"
292
00:10:08,849 --> 00:10:10,605
Dennis and Yaron were crazy.
293
00:10:10,673 --> 00:10:13,193
We were just two adults,
sharing adult interests.
294
00:10:13,265 --> 00:10:14,574
I wasn't some sex toy.
295
00:10:14,641 --> 00:10:15,851
I'll be ready in a second.
296
00:10:15,921 --> 00:10:18,124
I just have to get
this mess under control.
297
00:10:19,921 --> 00:10:22,026
What are you
talking about, mess?
298
00:10:22,097 --> 00:10:25,512
You look super really good.
299
00:10:25,585 --> 00:10:27,112
Come on in.
300
00:10:29,041 --> 00:10:30,732
Do you want a little tour?
301
00:10:30,801 --> 00:10:33,223
But fair warning, my bedroom
is a disaster zone.
302
00:10:33,296 --> 00:10:35,500
Then we don't need to see it.
I'll just wait right here.
303
00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:36,714
Or downstairs in the lobby.
304
00:10:36,784 --> 00:10:38,956
And then when you're done, you
come downstairs when you're ready,
305
00:10:39,025 --> 00:10:40,105
and we'll go out in public.
306
00:10:40,785 --> 00:10:42,639
Don't be silly.
Come on.
307
00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:44,298
But take your shoes off first.
308
00:10:44,369 --> 00:10:45,645
I'm not a piece of meat.
309
00:10:54,705 --> 00:10:56,494
Hey, Brandon.
Glad I caught you.
310
00:10:56,561 --> 00:10:58,284
Hey, Mikey. Buddy.
311
00:10:58,353 --> 00:10:59,979
I just saw your face
on a bus bench.
312
00:11:00,049 --> 00:11:01,064
You look fantastic.
313
00:11:01,136 --> 00:11:02,314
Even with the drunk guy
whizzing on you.
314
00:11:02,385 --> 00:11:03,759
Were you that drunk guy?
315
00:11:03,825 --> 00:11:06,061
Uh, anyway, look, I got
some clients coming here.
316
00:11:06,129 --> 00:11:08,202
So I hope you don't mind
317
00:11:08,273 --> 00:11:10,029
if I do a little work
while we talk.
318
00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:11,952
Okay, what's happening?
319
00:11:12,017 --> 00:11:14,351
The 3:00 PM
tour starts now.
320
00:11:15,536 --> 00:11:16,584
If any of you see a policeman,
321
00:11:16,657 --> 00:11:18,183
feel free to take
a picture with his horse,
322
00:11:18,257 --> 00:11:19,883
while I duck around the corner.
323
00:11:19,953 --> 00:11:21,229
He had a red flag.
324
00:11:21,777 --> 00:11:23,916
The guy was literally
raising his own red flag.
325
00:11:24,176 --> 00:11:26,086
These are your clients?
You're an illegal tour guide?
326
00:11:26,161 --> 00:11:27,622
A freelance tour guide, Mike,
327
00:11:27,697 --> 00:11:29,257
and just until I raise
enough money.
328
00:11:29,329 --> 00:11:31,566
I got my eye on
a beautiful farm in upstate.
329
00:11:31,633 --> 00:11:35,310
It's 10 acres of land
right on the Hudson.
330
00:11:35,761 --> 00:11:37,735
I mean,
there's a shimmering creek.
331
00:11:38,193 --> 00:11:39,370
There's a grove of old oak trees
332
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,001
that's been there
since the revolution.
333
00:11:41,073 --> 00:11:42,283
Wow.
334
00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:44,906
I'm gonna raze it to the ground
and open up an outlet mall.
335
00:11:44,977 --> 00:11:47,049
Well, at least you got a
plan, a diabolical plan.
336
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:48,495
Okay, ladies.
337
00:11:48,561 --> 00:11:50,700
The Empire State Building
was a gift from France
338
00:11:50,769 --> 00:11:51,979
and is the site
339
00:11:52,049 --> 00:11:55,398
of over 60% of all marriage
proposals in the US.
340
00:11:55,473 --> 00:11:58,288
That's not exactly... At all...
Even close to being true.
341
00:11:58,353 --> 00:12:00,622
Well, I can't possibly
focus on facts
342
00:12:00,689 --> 00:12:03,209
when I got Darlene looking at
me with those gorgeous dimples.
343
00:12:03,697 --> 00:12:05,125
Can I talk to you for a second?
344
00:12:05,201 --> 00:12:06,695
Look, Leigh's trying
to get her life on track.
345
00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,046
The last thing she needs
is someone to come along
346
00:12:08,113 --> 00:12:09,935
who's gonna take off as soon
as the wind changes direction.
347
00:12:10,001 --> 00:12:11,114
Hey, that only happened once.
348
00:12:11,185 --> 00:12:12,908
What if you take up
paragliding again?
349
00:12:13,392 --> 00:12:14,603
Look, we both know Leigh needs
350
00:12:14,673 --> 00:12:16,233
someone stable in
her life right now.
351
00:12:16,976 --> 00:12:18,351
You know what, you're right.
352
00:12:18,417 --> 00:12:19,693
She needs someone
she can depend on.
353
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:21,516
Exactly.
In sickness and in health.
354
00:12:21,585 --> 00:12:23,373
Wait, no. Over the mountain
and through the woods.
355
00:12:23,441 --> 00:12:24,783
No, okay, now I'm just confused.
356
00:12:24,849 --> 00:12:26,824
I'm gonna propose
to her, tonight!
357
00:12:27,088 --> 00:12:28,201
No!
Yes!
358
00:12:28,273 --> 00:12:29,517
Oh, yes.
359
00:12:31,473 --> 00:12:33,448
The construction began on
the Empire State Building
360
00:12:33,521 --> 00:12:34,601
in March of 1930.
361
00:12:34,673 --> 00:12:36,811
What am I doing? I don't
have time for this.
362
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:38,092
Here, tell them it was a symbol
363
00:12:38,161 --> 00:12:39,949
of hope during the Great Depression.
You're on.
364
00:12:40,913 --> 00:12:42,920
Brandon's going to propose?
Why didn't you stop him?
365
00:12:42,993 --> 00:12:44,520
I don't know, it was
all happening so fast,
366
00:12:44,593 --> 00:12:46,415
and there were these little,
old ladies watching.
367
00:12:46,481 --> 00:12:48,303
She can't marry Brandon, Mike.
368
00:12:48,369 --> 00:12:50,027
I mean, sure, he's fine
as a slam-piece.
369
00:12:50,097 --> 00:12:51,722
You gotta stop saying that
once he's your brother-in-law.
370
00:12:51,792 --> 00:12:52,774
Oh, she's not
answering her phone.
371
00:12:52,849 --> 00:12:53,864
Okay, where are we
gonna find them?
372
00:12:53,937 --> 00:12:55,082
They could be anywhere
in the entire city.
373
00:12:55,153 --> 00:12:56,462
I don't know how
he's gonna find his way.
374
00:12:56,529 --> 00:12:58,155
I mean, you should've
heard him back at...
375
00:12:58,641 --> 00:13:00,102
I know where they are.
376
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:02,700
At the place where 60% of
America's proposals happen,
377
00:13:02,769 --> 00:13:04,263
the Empire State Building.
That's not true.
378
00:13:04,337 --> 00:13:05,482
Well, he doesn't know that.
379
00:13:05,809 --> 00:13:07,118
Okay, let's go.
380
00:13:08,241 --> 00:13:09,550
Strength.
381
00:13:09,809 --> 00:13:11,631
Endurance.
What are you doing?
382
00:13:11,696 --> 00:13:13,452
And why can't you
do it with a shirt on?
383
00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:15,504
I like to face facts.
384
00:13:15,569 --> 00:13:17,456
Deborah's after
my Winklevoss body,
385
00:13:17,521 --> 00:13:18,731
not my Zuckerberg brain.
386
00:13:18,801 --> 00:13:20,426
You don't even have
a Zuckerberg body.
387
00:13:20,529 --> 00:13:22,951
Look, Ian, I know
I make fun of you a lot...
388
00:13:23,024 --> 00:13:24,715
I'm home from Danny's.
389
00:13:24,784 --> 00:13:26,672
But I don't have time right now.
Hey, buddy, Lego time!
390
00:13:27,824 --> 00:13:29,002
She's pregnant?
391
00:13:29,073 --> 00:13:31,593
Yeah, but she's not sure
who the father is.
392
00:13:31,664 --> 00:13:33,901
It was getting harder to
make up stories about Maria,
393
00:13:34,257 --> 00:13:36,199
so I started watching
episodes of Revenge.
394
00:13:36,497 --> 00:13:37,839
You couldn't make this stuff up.
395
00:13:37,905 --> 00:13:39,312
I couldn't.
396
00:13:39,952 --> 00:13:41,807
Oh, I'll be right back,
but I want to hear more
397
00:13:41,872 --> 00:13:43,182
about this mysterious,
white-haired man
398
00:13:43,249 --> 00:13:44,678
who's terrorizing her family.
399
00:13:46,897 --> 00:13:48,206
Maria.
Hey, Eve.
400
00:13:48,753 --> 00:13:49,767
You're not pregnant.
401
00:13:49,841 --> 00:13:52,263
No, but I have
your brother's backpack.
402
00:13:53,584 --> 00:13:54,632
Let's go, Danny.
403
00:13:55,377 --> 00:13:58,541
Sure, ditch me again,
just like in sixth grade.
404
00:13:59,441 --> 00:14:01,165
What are you talking about?
You ditched me.
405
00:14:01,233 --> 00:14:02,476
Uh, I have three journals
406
00:14:02,545 --> 00:14:04,170
and a rage collage
that say different.
407
00:14:04,241 --> 00:14:05,965
No, you dared me to
talk to Jennifer Ashby
408
00:14:06,033 --> 00:14:07,756
and Cynthia Yim, and when
they were nice to me,
409
00:14:07,825 --> 00:14:08,938
you never spoke to me again.
410
00:14:09,009 --> 00:14:11,180
Uh, no, we were in the cafeteria
411
00:14:11,249 --> 00:14:12,776
playing truth or dare,
and you said "dare,"
412
00:14:12,849 --> 00:14:14,375
and I said,
"I dare you to..."
413
00:14:15,025 --> 00:14:16,431
Oh, man, you know what?
That's on me.
414
00:14:17,553 --> 00:14:19,146
So how have you been since then?
415
00:14:19,217 --> 00:14:20,493
Bieber took a turn, huh?
416
00:14:22,001 --> 00:14:23,823
His whole life is just...
I was rooting for him.
417
00:14:29,489 --> 00:14:30,667
You.
418
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,083
We've done three laps.
They're not here.
419
00:14:35,153 --> 00:14:36,713
But his made-up statistic
was in our favor.
420
00:14:36,784 --> 00:14:38,246
I don't know, Mike.
Maybe this is pointless.
421
00:14:38,321 --> 00:14:39,335
Leigh's a grown woman.
422
00:14:39,409 --> 00:14:40,653
We need let her
make her own mistakes.
423
00:14:40,721 --> 00:14:41,866
I can't.
424
00:14:43,025 --> 00:14:44,301
Look, all this time,
we've been blaming Brandon,
425
00:14:44,368 --> 00:14:45,612
but the truth is,
I haven't been as supportive
426
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,055
of her as I could've been.
427
00:14:47,121 --> 00:14:48,681
I mean, she wrote a book.
That's not easy.
428
00:14:48,753 --> 00:14:51,142
Yeah, she created
an entire horse language.
429
00:14:51,217 --> 00:14:53,770
Two languages. Horse-glish
and Mandarin horse-glish.
430
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,011
I mean, she's my sister, Annie.
431
00:14:56,081 --> 00:14:57,991
I gotta take care of her.
432
00:14:58,160 --> 00:14:59,305
All right, then we'll find them.
433
00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:01,002
We just... We need
to think like Brandon.
434
00:15:01,073 --> 00:15:02,731
But he doesn't think.
435
00:15:03,216 --> 00:15:06,086
He puts the minimum amount of effort
in every situation he tries to get...
436
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:08,487
They never
left her place.
437
00:15:10,865 --> 00:15:12,109
'Sup, girl?
438
00:15:13,168 --> 00:15:15,557
Ian, what are you doing here?
439
00:15:15,952 --> 00:15:18,341
I am here for sex.
440
00:15:18,641 --> 00:15:20,234
You want it.
I intend to give it to you.
441
00:15:20,304 --> 00:15:22,639
As long as I don't have to use my arms.
They're killing me.
442
00:15:22,928 --> 00:15:24,717
Wait, where is this coming from?
443
00:15:24,784 --> 00:15:26,824
We haven't even
had our first date yet.
444
00:15:27,697 --> 00:15:29,038
Yeah, I know, but I thought...
445
00:15:29,105 --> 00:15:30,087
Oh, God.
446
00:15:30,161 --> 00:15:32,135
My friend Alice
said this would happen.
447
00:15:32,689 --> 00:15:35,176
Well, she's not really my friend.
She's more of a coworker.
448
00:15:35,248 --> 00:15:37,037
But she got laid off, so she
doesn't work there anymore.
449
00:15:37,105 --> 00:15:38,763
So I don't really know
what you'd call us.
450
00:15:38,832 --> 00:15:39,977
We went to brunch once.
451
00:15:40,048 --> 00:15:41,903
So my brunch buddy
452
00:15:41,968 --> 00:15:44,521
said that young guys
just want sex all the time.
453
00:15:44,913 --> 00:15:46,636
No. I don't!
454
00:15:46,705 --> 00:15:48,712
Well, I mean, I do, but...
455
00:15:49,169 --> 00:15:51,558
I don't know, it's just...
I guess I'm just nervous.
456
00:15:51,633 --> 00:15:52,942
I mean, I don't know
what you see in me.
457
00:15:53,009 --> 00:15:55,976
You're this amazing woman.
I still live with my parents.
458
00:15:56,049 --> 00:15:58,351
Ian, you are kind.
459
00:15:59,281 --> 00:16:03,143
And you're smart, and we
seem to get each other.
460
00:16:03,409 --> 00:16:04,586
That's what I like about you.
461
00:16:05,489 --> 00:16:07,496
So it's not all about sex
on a shower bench?
462
00:16:07,569 --> 00:16:09,740
No, God, no.
463
00:16:10,897 --> 00:16:12,904
Wait, shower bench?
Never mind. That's...
464
00:16:12,977 --> 00:16:15,977
Ian, the truth is,
I'm kind of nervous too.
465
00:16:16,624 --> 00:16:18,958
So why don't we just
take things slow,
466
00:16:19,408 --> 00:16:20,750
okay? Like...
467
00:16:21,488 --> 00:16:24,336
Like turning The Hobbit
into three movies slow.
468
00:16:25,041 --> 00:16:26,470
Sounds good.
469
00:16:26,544 --> 00:16:28,071
This, not that.
470
00:16:28,177 --> 00:16:29,257
Yeah. Right?
471
00:16:30,928 --> 00:16:32,172
Yeah.
472
00:16:43,216 --> 00:16:45,005
Then again, I wouldn't be averse
473
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:46,185
to speeding
things up just a little.
474
00:16:46,257 --> 00:16:47,271
Speeding up is good.
475
00:16:51,152 --> 00:16:52,494
Leigh, are you...
476
00:16:53,776 --> 00:16:54,856
Oh, no.
477
00:16:54,928 --> 00:16:56,270
So, Leigh, will you marry me?
478
00:16:56,336 --> 00:16:57,765
Can I answer that question?
479
00:16:58,128 --> 00:17:00,714
Leigh, you don't want
to marry this guy.
480
00:17:00,784 --> 00:17:02,246
Mike, stop.
481
00:17:02,641 --> 00:17:04,429
I've been waiting
for this moment for years.
482
00:17:05,136 --> 00:17:06,281
Go ahead, Brandon.
483
00:17:06,352 --> 00:17:08,141
Okay, so, Leigh,
when I'm with you,
484
00:17:08,209 --> 00:17:09,835
I feel a million feet tall,
485
00:17:09,905 --> 00:17:11,050
just like the
Empire State Building.
486
00:17:11,121 --> 00:17:12,495
Okay, it's not...
487
00:17:13,009 --> 00:17:14,121
Continue.
488
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,648
And so I'm down on bended
knee asking you to marry me.
489
00:17:17,712 --> 00:17:18,759
Let's go to Vegas tonight.
490
00:17:18,832 --> 00:17:20,239
If you still have miles
after flying me out.
491
00:17:20,529 --> 00:17:22,503
But my book revisions
are due tomorrow.
492
00:17:22,576 --> 00:17:24,300
So blow it off.
493
00:17:24,369 --> 00:17:25,830
I'm more important
than some book, aren't I?
494
00:17:25,904 --> 00:17:27,333
Yeah, but...
495
00:17:28,401 --> 00:17:30,343
Actually, no.
This is...
496
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,171
This is really important to me.
497
00:17:32,241 --> 00:17:33,517
The donkey book?
498
00:17:34,704 --> 00:17:38,152
It's about a boy
who turns into a horse.
499
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:39,947
At night.
Thank you.
500
00:17:41,041 --> 00:17:43,496
You know, actually,
you know what, Brandon?
501
00:17:43,984 --> 00:17:45,511
Up until now,
502
00:17:45,585 --> 00:17:47,821
I thought every adventure
you were going on
503
00:17:47,888 --> 00:17:50,223
was more exciting than my own.
504
00:17:51,568 --> 00:17:53,095
But I don't feel
that way anymore.
505
00:17:53,552 --> 00:17:56,138
I love where my life is going.
506
00:17:56,593 --> 00:17:58,022
And I'm sorry,
507
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,104
but it's not with you.
508
00:18:02,096 --> 00:18:03,373
Wow.
509
00:18:04,945 --> 00:18:06,287
Did not see that coming.
510
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:11,087
You know, I've literally
never been rejected.
511
00:18:11,601 --> 00:18:12,942
Like, never.
512
00:18:13,808 --> 00:18:16,940
So, uh, I guess
I'll get my stuff.
513
00:18:18,512 --> 00:18:20,585
Leigh, I'm proud of you.
514
00:18:22,256 --> 00:18:23,533
Me too, sweetie.
515
00:18:24,624 --> 00:18:27,013
Okay, so a couple minutes,
and I'll be out of your way.
516
00:18:28,177 --> 00:18:30,249
Unless you want
one more for the road.
517
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,902
If you two want to keep being
proud of me, I suggest you leave.
518
00:18:34,768 --> 00:18:36,491
Yeah.
Okay, we're out of here.
519
00:18:37,937 --> 00:18:39,246
This is actually pretty good.
520
00:18:42,481 --> 00:18:44,455
I can see you sneaking that by.
521
00:18:45,136 --> 00:18:46,118
Woof?
522
00:18:46,192 --> 00:18:47,785
And I know
you're not Icebreaker.
523
00:18:50,224 --> 00:18:52,079
That wasn't cool.
524
00:18:52,144 --> 00:18:53,867
You made me look like
an idiot in front of Maria
525
00:18:53,936 --> 00:18:55,759
just because you needed
my help with Lego?
526
00:18:55,825 --> 00:18:58,214
Needed your help? I'm
awesome at building stuff.
527
00:18:58,545 --> 00:18:59,854
In fact,
you kind of slow me down.
528
00:18:59,921 --> 00:19:02,157
Well, then why did you
make up all of those lies?
529
00:19:02,704 --> 00:19:05,224
Because we used to play
together, and now we don't.
530
00:19:05,681 --> 00:19:07,055
I just wanted you to stay.
531
00:19:09,361 --> 00:19:10,790
Oh, I guess I could spare
a couple of minutes
532
00:19:10,864 --> 00:19:12,293
to work on that crow's nest.
533
00:19:12,368 --> 00:19:14,703
Maybe you could just
hold the instructions.
534
00:19:18,609 --> 00:19:19,853
You Brandon?
535
00:19:19,921 --> 00:19:21,262
Uh, yeah.
Who are you?
536
00:19:21,329 --> 00:19:23,117
The guy who's telling you
to get out of town.
537
00:19:23,184 --> 00:19:24,613
Leigh needs someone
who appreciates her,
538
00:19:24,688 --> 00:19:26,117
someone who'll sing
musical theater with her
539
00:19:26,193 --> 00:19:28,015
in the middle of a 7-Eleven,
someone who'll listen
540
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:30,219
to her not entirely unconvincing
theories about aliens,
541
00:19:30,289 --> 00:19:31,783
someone who's late to step
up, but when he does...
542
00:19:33,265 --> 00:19:34,825
She already kicked
me out, bro, okay?
543
00:19:35,344 --> 00:19:37,929
Oh, okay.
Good talk then.
544
00:19:39,152 --> 00:19:40,810
It's nice to put
a face to the tattoo.
545
00:19:41,424 --> 00:19:42,569
Lego is easy.
546
00:19:43,024 --> 00:19:44,649
You know how the
pieces fit together.
547
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:45,931
I did it.
548
00:19:46,001 --> 00:19:47,211
I finished my revisions.
549
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:48,840
Oh, Leigh, that's so great!
550
00:19:48,912 --> 00:19:50,505
Come on over and grab
some little yellow heads.
551
00:19:50,576 --> 00:19:52,518
It's harder
with people.
552
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,407
Oh, that's really great, guys.
553
00:19:54,481 --> 00:19:56,684
The one night I'm not here,
you build a Lego city.
554
00:19:56,976 --> 00:19:58,089
Yeah, it's a huge conspiracy.
555
00:19:58,160 --> 00:19:59,721
We had to wait years for
you to actually have plans.
556
00:19:59,793 --> 00:20:02,029
You're lucky
I'm in a good mood.
557
00:20:03,344 --> 00:20:04,621
Do you know
why I'm in a good mood?
558
00:20:04,689 --> 00:20:07,339
No. Wrong, because
I just had sex.
559
00:20:08,656 --> 00:20:10,696
But when all the
right pieces come together,
560
00:20:10,768 --> 00:20:12,262
you can build
something pretty great.
561
00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:13,416
Monster attack!
562
00:20:13,489 --> 00:20:14,798
No, no, no, no, no!
563
00:20:14,864 --> 00:20:16,522
Look out below!
Go, go, go!
564
00:20:18,064 --> 00:20:19,788
Oh, Icebreaker,
no, no, no, no, no.
565
00:20:19,856 --> 00:20:22,703
Go! Go!
Dogzilla coming through.
566
00:20:23,152 --> 00:20:24,396
Oh!
567
00:20:27,135 --> 00:20:34,807
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