All language subtitles for The.Secret.Life.Of.Walter.Mitty.1947.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

[music playing]

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Not so fast.

You're driving too fast.

What are you
driving so fast for?

- Hmm?
- Well, you were up to 35.

You know I don't like to go
over 30, and you were up to 35.

Walter, you're always
doing something else

and having your mind
on something else.

I'm sorry, Mother.

Besides, you haven't been
listening to a single word

I've said.

Yes I have, Mother.

What did I say?

You said I was up to 35, and you

didn't like me to go over 30.

Not that.

I said we're going to
have it in a church.

Have what, Mother?

The wedding.

Oh.

See, you weren't listening.

Red light, Walter.

[brakes squealing]

Oh, that reminds me.

Bring me home some soap chips.

I like the Sea Drift brand.

They don't make you sneeze.

[horn blowing]

Go ahead, Walter.

Now don't forget the name.

Sea Drift.

Sea Drift.

Sea Drift.

Sea Drift.

WALTER MITTY (VOICEOVER):
Somewhere off the South China

coast in the worst typhoon in
40 years, the little schooner,

India Queen, plowed
through an ocean gone mad.

Straining ropes went
ta pocketa pocketa

pocketa pocketa pocketa.

Up on deck, Captain Walter
Mitty stood at the helm,

fighting courageously to
keep his tortured vessel

from being smashed to bits.

What are you doing here?

Get below!

Can't I do something to help?

You haven't had your
clothes off in three days.

Somebody's got to get
the India Queen through.

There's a half a million
dollars of rare spices

aboard this ship.

I promised your father
I'd get it through

Captain Mitty, you're hurt.

It's nothing, just a broken arm.

[screams]

Walter!

Watch out!

I'm sorry.

Now, did you write
down all the things

I told you to write down?

Oh, I'll remember them, Mother.

Oh no you won't.

You just make a note of it
in your little black book.

Number two thread,
snapdragon seeds...

Wait a minute, Mother.

...sock stretchers, a
can of Gleamo floor wax...

Gleamo what?

Gleamo floor wax.

Uh-huh.

Fly spray.

What's that, SS?

Sock stretcher.

Well write it out.

And cheese grater.

Oh, and don't forget to
return this sprinkling can.

I tried it out this morning
and the holes are too small.

You tell them I have
something better

to do than stand around all
day waiting for the water

to come out.

Bye, darling.

Goodbye.

Don't forget the cake.

The what?

The cake.

[music playing]

Back in the car, please.

Keep that thing in, bud.

Oh, excuse me.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Oh, Mitty.

Here are those
drawings you asked for.

Oh, yeah, thank you.

Oh, that's pretty, Mr. Grimsby.

Well, it's a bit mild.

I think I'll tear the dress
off her other shoulder.

You could use a little
more blood on the eggs.

Well, Good morning everybody.

Did you think I
had forgotten you?

Here you are.

Well now stop [inaudible].

You've had enough already.

Come on.

Come on.

Hey dream boy.

The old man is
screaming for you.

Oh.

Oh, the conference.

Yeah.

[inaudible] Here we are.

[inaudible]

Hold it.

Raise your hand just a little.

Still.

Hello, Fred.

How's it going, Walter?

Oh, fine, fine.

Gentlemen, it will be the
regular practice of the firm

to...

well, Mitty, so
you finally chose

to honor us with your presence.

Yes, sir.

Where are the
proofs to "Air Aces"?

Right here, Mr. Pierce.

All checked and ready to go.

Put it to bed.

Mitty?

Yes, sir?

What is the meaning of this?

Meaning of what, Mr.?

Pierce

You had the
vampire man be killed

off in the first installment
of "The Lady and the Vampire."

And there are 33 issues to go.

Oh, but he isn't
really dead, Mr. Pierce.

What do you mean he isn't dead?

The villagers drove a stake
through his heart, didn't they?

Anybody knows that
kills a vampire.

Yes, sir, but if
you read further on,

you'll find the stake only
went through his last lung.

You don't have to
worry, Mr. Pierce.

He'll be back sucking
blood in the next issue.

Well, sit down, Mitty.

Sit down.

If you'd been here
on time, you'd

know why I called this meeting.

To repeat, ladies and gentlemen,
ours is a great and proud list

of magazines.

Racy detective stories,
astounding adventure tales,

wild confessions, air
aces, frontier stories...

Exotic love stories.

Exotic love stories.

And sensational murder.

And sensa...

Mitty, when I need your
help, I'll ask for it.

OK.

But a new and virgin
field of fiction

has come to my attention, a
rich and as yet untapped vein,

embracing thousands of
undiscovered readers.

Starting the first
of next month,

we go to press with a new baby.

Hospital love stories.

Congratulations, chief.

You've done it again.

Thank you, gentlemen.

Well, what do you think, Mitty?

Oh, I've always
liked it, Mr. Pierce.

Don't you remember?

I suggested the idea in
a memorandum last month.

Oh, that.

I had this idea two years ago.

Now, the type of
stories we need...

you may take notes, gentlemen.

Now, let me see.

Hospitals love stories.

What have we got to sell?

Beautiful, blonde nurses.

We can't have too many nurses.

Capture the glamor the hospital.

You get the idea.

WALTER MITTY (VOICEOVER):
With the compassionate look

of a man who had seen much
too much pain, Dr. Walter

Mitty, the surgical genius,
entered the breathless hush

of the operating room, the
sound of the huge anesthetizing

machine going ta pocketa
pocketa pocketa pocketa pocketa.

There were whispered
introductions.

I'm glad you came.

Dr. Remington, Dr. Renshaw,
Dr. Pritchar-Mitford,

St John's Hospital of
London, Dr. Walter Mitty.

Gentlemen.

[whispering]

The new anesthesitizer
is giving way.

There's no one in the east
who knows how to fix it.

Quiet man.

Give me your fountain pen.

That will hold for 10 minutes.

Astounding.

He's not only the greatest
surgeon in the world,

he's also a mechanical genius.

You'd better get on
with the operation.

Good heavens.

What is it?

[inaudible] has set in.

Poor devil.

Would you take over, Mitty?

If you wish.

It's hopeless.

There's only one
chance, gentlemen.

[inaudible]

The operation [inaudible]
performed on a rabbit.

Precisely.

Blood pressure, please.

30 over 200.

Mm-hmm.

Scalpel.

Sock stretcher.

Sprinkling can.

Cheese grater.

Floor wax.

Needle and number two thread.

There you are, gentlemen.

Oh, doctor, do you think...

will he...

There, there, Miss
[inaudible]. Your brother

will play the violin again.

I just grafted new fingers on.

Oh, you're wonderful.

Wonderful.

You'll want some rest now.

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

Mitty, I asked you a question.

I expect an answer.

Ta pocketa pocketa
pocketa pocketa pocketa.

What's that?

Oh, oh, I was just thinking,
sir, we might possibly

put out a pocket-sized edition.

Pocket-sized edition?

Yes, sir.

For pockets.

You weren't thinking at all.

You were daydreaming again.

Oh, no, sir.

I was really thinking.

I was thinking about
hospitals, or hospital stories

I finished talking about
hospitals 10 minutes ago.

The subject... for
your information...

now is the next issue
of "Racey Detective."

Oh.

Pocket-sized edition.

Not a bad idea.

Hello.

Hello.

You didn't bring it.

You forgot to bring the cake.

What cake?

Gertrude and her mother
are coming to dinner.

I asked you to stop at
Edwin's and bring home a cake.

What's that thing?

Oh, I thought you said rake.

Walter, you're getting
more absent minded every day.

It's all that
daydreaming you do.

Well I brought
everything else, Mother.

The number two thread,
the Gleamo wax,

the sock stretchers...

Did you bring home
the snapdragon seeds?

No, they didn't have any.

But the man said the
petunias were just as pretty.

Don't you ever forget, Walter,
when I say snapdragon seeds,

I mean snapdragon seeds.

Yes, Mother.

Just leave everything
in the hall, Walter.

I'll take care of it.

Hurry and get cleaned up.

They'll be here any minute.

All right, Mother.

Is there any mail
for me, Mother?

No.

Who are you expecting
a letter from?

Nobody, I just thought
there might be some mail.

MRS. EUNICE MITTY: Walter,
don't use the guest towels.

I just put them out.

Use the one on your door.

All right, Mother.

MRS. EUNICE MITTY: And
put on that clean shirt

I hung up for you.

And use some of the
cologne Gertrude

gave you for Christmas.

Do I have to, Mother?

It smells like ether.

Don't be silly.

It's lovely, and the least
you can do for your fiance.

All right.

Oh gosh.

Irma, darling.

Eunice.

Come in dear, and Gertrude.

My what a sweet hat.

And Gertrude, you look
too cute for words.

I hope you don't mind my
bringing Queenie, Mrs. Mitty.

She doesn't like to be alone.

Do you Queenie, in that
great big, empty house?

Not at all, dear.

Walter, there's someone
down here to see you, dear.

Hello, Mrs. Griswold.

Dear Walter.

Hello, Gertrude.

Come along, Irma, darling.

Walter, what's that awful smell?

Oh, it's that cologne
you gave me for Christmas.

Oh.

It's lovely, isn't it?

Queenie, say hello to your
future daddy, Walty Mittens!

Well, don't stand
there like a stick.

Wave back.

Hello, Queenie.

[barks]

Oh, naughty Queenie.

There you are, Queenie,
mommy's precious.

Have you talked to
your boss yet, Walter?

No, I haven't.

Well, I certainly think
you should talk to him

and get two or three months off.

Two or three months?

Frankly I don't
approve of honeymoons.

All that packing and unpacking.

Walter's always had his heart
set on seeing Yellowstone Park.

Why?

Why?

I don't know.

I just thought I'd like
to see Yellowstone Park.

Do they let dogs in there?

Well, honey, you
weren't thinking of taking

Queenie along, were you?
[barks]

I was only asking.

Why, I wouldn't dream
of leaving Queenie.

Queenie and Walter
don't trust each other.

That's the reason
they don't get along.

Well she always starts it.
[barks]

You see?

Oh, Queenie, you old crosspatch.

You know, I don't think
she's feeling well lately.

Why don't you try that
new vitamin puppy biscuit?

[barks]

Walter would be
happy to pick some

up and bring it home for you.

Oh, that would be wonderful.

Make a note of
that, Walter, dear.

Yes, Mother.

Walter, you haven't
touched your nice milk toast.

I'm not hungry, Mother.

You know the doctor
said it would be

good for your nervous stomach.

That's why the air
corps turned him down.

It must be cold in here.

Queenie is shivering.

Ah, there.

Walter?

Yes, Mother, I know.

Furnace.

Excuse me.

Walter is a very lucky boy.

You know, Tubby Wadsworth has
proposed a half a dozen times.

He's still doing it, Mother.

[music playing]

WALTER MITTY
(VOICEOVER): The Spitfire

dived through the clouds,
machine guns belching lead.

Oblivious to the ominous ta
pocketa pocketa pocketa pocketa

pocketa of his failing engines,
wing commander Walter Mitty,

the most feared man in the
entire RAF desert patrol,

clung to the tail of
the Messerschmitt.

[inaudible] It's Walter Mitty.

I am a lost man.

DIGITAL VOICE: Ta
pocketa pocketa

pocketa pocketa pocketa.

Ta pocketa pocketa
pocketa pocketa pocketa.

WALTER MITTY (VOICEOVER):
Mitty's jaw was a grim,

straight line as he
gave the [inaudible]

three more lethal bursts...

[machine guns firing]

...and watched him
go down in flames.

I say, fellows, there's
Group Captain Mitty.

He made it!

[cheering]

Mitty, how many
this time, old boy?

Hello, sir.

Good show, Mitty.

Thank you, sir.

That makes 73, doesn't it?

No, 71 actually.

Two are only
probables, you know.

Oh, A spot of brandy?

Oh, yes, thank you, sir.

I say, old chap, you're wounded.

Oh, it's nothing, sir.

Merely a scratch.

I set the bone myself.

Priceless fellow.

I wish we had more like you.

Thank you, sir.

Anything troubling you, sir?

Young Raleigh, he's
got a case of nerves,

and I promised the general
we'd get that tank [inaudible]..

Oh, bad luck, sir.

Is it vital?

Vital?

Our whole desert
campaign depends upon it.

Oh, I see.

Put young Raleigh to bed, sir.

What do you mean?

I'll fly his mission.

You?

Why, you haven't closed
your eyes in three days.

I know, sir, but
we only live once.

Or do we?

Shall we have a go at it?

Cheerio.

Mitty looks a bit
done in, fellows.

Yes, he does.

He's got the courage
of a lion, though.

Never gives up.

He's a delightful fellow.

I studied music with
him at the Academy.

I shall never forget his
impersonation of old Professor

[inaudible].

Do you remember?

Rather.

It almost drove the
old professor barmy.

I wish he'd do it now.

So do I.

Go ahead, Mitty.

I'd rather enjoy
a laugh, myself.

All right, sir.

Say, let me have your
coat old boy, would you?

Oui, oui, monsieur.

He's doing it now.

(WITH ACCENT): All right
now, everybody scatter away.

[inaudible] is here.

Come on everybody.

All right, everybody
sit down here.

Children... what
makes music music?

Music.

[MUSIC - DANNY KAYE, "SYMPHONY
FOR UNSTRUNG TONGUE"]

(SINGING) When to
the symphony you go,

when they're playing
fast or slow,

do you hear the pizzicato's
sweet hello when you go?

Or the flugelhorns up high
or the pigeons when they fly?

No.

And why?

Because you don't go!

You see, children, a
symphony's not only music.

It has a story.

It has a beginning, und
a middle, und an end,

except, of course, the
unfinished symphony,

which has a beginning.

We will now take
up the instruments!

There is the trombone, pope, und
the tuba, pom, pom, pom, pom,

pom, und the oboe,
eh, eh, eh, eh, eh,

und the saxophone,
sousaphone, [inaudible]

and xylophone, clarinet,
bugle horn, [inaudible],

kazoo, and the timpani, too.

And they are all very
busy except the symbol.

He stands in the corner and
looks around [inaudible]..

Bang!

This brings us to "Symphony No.

45," which was written by
the great Czechoslovakian

composer, [gibberish].

This work was composed
under a slight disadvantage.

He had no talent.

The conductor lifts
his baton and we start.

[music playing]

This is just mood music.

Now comes the fairest movement,
presto vivaca augmento molto

contable molto chocolo molto.

Und we have the first
theme, which naturally

played on the first string.

Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing,
bing, bing, bing, hmm, hmm.

This represents
a young girl that

is living with her wicked
guardian, who is a French horn.

[humming] [strange noises]

Now, this young girl...
bing, bing, bing,

bing, bing, bing,
bing, bing, hmm,

hmm... who is a beautiful girl...

bing, bing, bing, bing bing,
bing bing, bing, hmm, hmm...

und her wicked guardian...

[humming]... live
all alone on a farm.

And all she has for
company are a hen...

[clucking]... und a dog...

[panting] [barking]
und an a nanny goat.

[rapid humming] [baahing]
[rapid humming] [baahing]..

At this point in
the symphony, along

comes a handsome young trumpet.

[rapid humming]

And when he clasps his, his...

his eyes on this young girl,
his heart goes [gibberish]..

This is Czechoslovakian
for thumping.

Und he gets so excited that
he has a solo passage, which

brings us to the second
movement, where the fiddle is

happy... bing, bing, bing, bing,
bing, bing, bing, bing, hmm,

hmm... und the trumpet is happy.

[rapid humming]

Then suddenly, out
stalks the French horn.

[humming] [strange noises].

And then the fiddle is so
putrified her bridge falls out.

And the trumpet says,
[rapid humming]..

But the French horn is
very objectionable to this.

[humming] [strange noises].

When the trumpet blows this up.

[rapid humming]

Bah, shut up!

Now I know who you are.

You are not the
French horn at all!

That [humming] had me
fooled for a while.

But a [strange noises]
gave you away.

You are a German
glockenspiel in disguise,

beyond a doubt,
wanted by the police

for drowning terrible
little fiddles out.

The glockenspiel tries
to escape to his flat,

but the enemies are
too sharp for him.

[strange noises] in the leg.

[clucking] in the neck.

[rapid humming], ow!

In the face.

[rapid humming] [baahing] Ow!

In the other place.

The glockenspiel is trapped.

His escape they are foiling.

So he jumps into a catcher
drum, which is boiling.

Boing.

Hurray, [inaudible], the
old glockenspiel is dead.

[rapid humming] Happy little
fiddle, trumpet did wed.

[rapid humming]
[baahing] [rapid humming]

[applause]

Very good show, Mitty.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Uh, see you at headquarters.

Yes, sir.

Oh, you are so brave,
so strong, so handsome.

You like [inaudible], no?

Hmm, rather.

Cheerio.

[music playing]

EUNICE: Walter?

Walter?

Will you please come up here?

Your milk toast
is getting soggy.

Righto, Mother.

Ow!

If you'd gotten up on time,
you'd have made the 7:45.

There was no reason
for you to oversleep.

Well, Mother, I had
to stay up and read

those proofs for Mr. Pierce.

Take a cab from the station.

Never mind the expense.

I'll take it out
of your allowance.

Goodbye, dear.

Oh, hurry, now.

Hurry, dear.

Hurry!
Bye!

The rake!

The rake!

And don't forget the birdseed
and the unbleached muslin.

Goodbye, Mother.

Right there.

Goodbye, darling.

May I?

Oh, pardon me.

Manhattan transfer.

Manhattan transfer.

Manhattan transfer.

Manhattan transfer.

Goodbye, darling.

Have a nice day at the office.

I'll see you at
Mother's tonight.

Hello.

Oh, Hello.

I thought you got off
at Manhattan transfer.

I just pretended to.

I, uh, was trying
to avoid a masher.

Oh.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry if I
gave the wrong impression.

I didn't...
- Oh, it wasn't you.

But I appreciate your
coming to my assistance.

Thank you.

WALTER: You're welcome.

Uh, well, goodbye.

Oh, darling, you
shouldn't have done it!

Oh, it's the loveliest
bracelet in the world.

- Huh?
- Come.

We'll go to the
dressmaker's together.

What's the matter?

You've a good face.

Well, you've...
you've a good one, too.

Don't be alarmed.

I'm not going to kiss you again.

Oh, I wasn't
thinking about that.

I think I can trust you, Mr....

Mitty.

Walter Mitty.

My name is Rosalind van Hoorn.

How do you do?

Gee, that's a pretty name.

I need your
assistance, Mr. Mitty.

Will you help me?

Me?

How?

Well, I'm on my way
to meet the Hollandia.

I'm being followed,
and I'm frightened.

Please come with me.

Uh, you... you're frightened?

Yes.

And you want me to help you?

Yes.

Gosh.

I'm sure if you were along,
I wouldn't have to worry.

Well, I guess I could
handle myself in a pinch.

I, uh, do a little boxing
at the Y. And, uh, well,

I'd like to see any
masher try and...

Oh, you're very
kind, Mr. Mitty.

Never mind the Pierce
building, driver.

Go right to Pier 47.

Yes, never mind... oh, wait!

Wait a minute.

I'm terribly sorry.

I'm late for the office.

I have to be... uh, driver, will
you stop the... there it is now.

Please, stop the cab!

[brakes squealing]

Bye.

Here's my share of the cab, and
I hope you get there all right.

Oh, that isn't necessary.

Bye.

Goodbye, Mr. Mitty.

Oh!

What's the matter, Walter?

Oh, my briefcase!

I left it in that taxicab.

And it had all the proofs
of "Air Races" in it.

Mr. Pierce'll kill me!

Oh, here, hold this, will you?

Uh, taxi!

Taxi!

[music playing]

[non-english speech]

[music playing]

OK, Mr. Maasdam.

[music playing]

Excuse me, miss.

[music playing]

Oh, excuse me.

Did you see a girl
in a green dress?

She came here in a cab
to meet the Hollandia.

It had my briefcase in it.

I didn't see the driver's face.

The back of his head was
kind of, uh, uh... oblong.

Uncle will be so
glad to see you.

Not anymore than I
will be glad to see him.

It is incredible.

I cannot believe that
he is still living.

[music playing]

You are quite sure you
came here unobserved?

Now, Karl, you mustn't
trouble yourself anymore.

You're in safe hands now.

[music playing]

WALTER: Miss van Hoorn?

Wait a minute.

Uh, my... my briefcase.

I left it in your taxicab.

I followed you all
the way down here.

Oh, I'm sorry I put
you to all that trouble.

Mr. Martin, this is Mr. Mitty.

Oh, how do you do?

Is, uh, this what you
are looking for, young man?

Oh, yes.

Thank you very much.

We're in a dreadful hurry.

Would you mind helping the
driver with the luggage?

Oh, but I...

I'm terribly late.
I've got to...

- We can drop you off.
- Oh.

Oh, OK.

Sure.

[music playing]

[snapping sound]

What was that?

What?

That click.

I didn't hear nothing.

[music playing]

Sorry to keep
rushing you like this,

but our whole next
issue is in here.

Uh, I'm in the
publishing business.

We put out 31 magazines.

[music playing]

He must be pretty tired.

Yes, he's had quite a trip.

Uh, I guess he fell asleep.

Karl!

Karl!

He's been stabbed!

Stabbed?

Oh, what are we gonna do?

It's 10 o'clock.

I've never been this
late before in my life.

What are we gonna do?

Driver, take us to the
nearest police station.

[music playing]

WALTER: Officer, officer,
something terrible's happened!

This young lady and
I want to report...

What young lady?

Hmm?

Oh.

Officer, I want to
report a murder.

- Murder?
- Yes, sir.

We have the body
outside in a taxi.

What?

[music playing]

The body is in this taxicab.

What taxicab?

Well, it was...
it was right here.

I drove up with a girl in
green, and we left the body

outside in the taxicab.

In a yellow taxicab?

No, a pink one.

And the girl was in blue?

No, no.

Green.

Just as I thought.

This is a case
for Scotland Yard!

No, no.

Really, officer, her name
was Rosalind van Hoorn, and...

and she said I had a nice face.

Well, you have a nice face.

Now, you go home
and sleep it off.

[music playing]

Good morning, Mr. Mitty.

Shh!

[music playing]

Mitty!

Oh, morning, sir.

When do you take over
the First National Bank?

What do you mean, sir?

You seem to be
keeping banker's hours.

Oh.

Oh, well, I have a very
good excuse, Mr. Pierce.

I went down to meet the
Hollandia to get my briefcase.

Uh, I... I was with
a beautiful girl.

And then coming back,
a man was murdered.

Murdered right next
to me in a taxicab!

And then they all disappeared.

Oh, they all disappeared?

Yes, sir.

Why don't you tell
the truth, Mitty?

You fell asleep on the train.

- Oh, no, sir!
- Mitty?

Yes, sir.

I want to tell you
something for your own good.

You've been with this
firm for 10 years.

11.

11, is it?

Yes, sir.

If you don't stop this
incessant woolgathering,

I'll have to take
drastic action.

Oh, honest, Mr. Pierce,
this wasn't a daydream.

I'm... I'm sure it wasn't.

MR. PIERCE: I've no
time for your excuses.

Where are those proofs?

Oh, uh, right here
in my briefcase, sir.

I have them all read
and corrected, sir.

Here they are.

What's this?

Oh, that's my
memorandum book, sir.

OK, we'll send these to press.

Now here.

You get busy on
"Sensational Murders."

"Sensational mur...

Murders"?

I don't want to be bothered.

I've an important board
meeting this afternoon.

Yes, sir.

Oh, tell Joe to doctor
up that knifing story.

Yes, sir.

Lord Cecil was
only stabbed once.

And we've always given our
readers their money's worth.

Yes, sir.

Have him stabbed front
and back and in the side!

And save the heart for last.

Why should we stint
on things like that?

WALTER: [scream]

MR. PIERCE: What's the
matter with you, Mitty?

Oh, nothing.

Nothing, sir.

[music playing]

ROSALIND: Oh, Mr. Mitty?

Oh, it's you.

Mr. Mitty, I want to
apologize for this morning.

But where'd you disappear to?

I went to make a phone call
and was advised to leave.

Uncle felt there was too much
at stake for me to be mixed

up in what happened?
- Uncle?

Uncle who?

Uncle Peter.

He told me to come
here and get you.

Get me?

He wants to meet you.

Look, I don't want to get
mixed up in this thing, either.

And besides, I've got some
shopping to do for my mother.

Please come.

Well, I only have
an hour for lunch,

and I'm supposed to be
back at the office at 1:30.

It'll only take a few minutes.

I promise.

Please?

[music playing]

Say, what happened
to that taxicab?

What happened to the body?

They took it away.

They?

Who's they?

Uncle will explain everything.

Oh.

[music playing]

Hello, Tyler.

How do you do?

Will you tell my
uncle Mr. Mitty is here?

Yes, Miss van Hoorn.

We'll wait in the library.

[music playing]

He'll only be a moment.

[music playing]

Gee, that's pretty.

The picture.

Do you mind if I look at it?

Of course not.

[music playing]

[piano playing]

[gasp]

[piano playing]

Do you like it?

Oh, I love it.

It's always frightened me.

Oh, I thought...

well, that's my favorite
song, "Beautiful Dreamer."

I like the way you play it.

Mr. van Hoorn is waiting
for you in the solarium.

Thank you, Tyler.

Hello, Uncle.

Hello, my dear.

Uncle Peter,
this is Mr. Mitty.

How are you, Mr. Mitty?

Fine, thank you.

You're the young man who
was so kind to my niece

this morning.

Oh, I really didn't do anything.

You'll have a
cup of tea with us.

Tea?

- Yes, please do.
- All right.

Pardon me.

Gee, these are beautiful.

You like flowers?

Oh, Mother likes them.

We're raising snapdragons now.

Only I brought back
petunias instead.

So I have to
exchange them today.

You know these bulbs
came from Holland?

Oh, did they?

Hmm.

We get ours from
Gerber's feed store.

Personally, I'd
rather raise radishes.

They grow so fast,
and you can eat them.

Do you like yours
with cream, Mr. Mitty?

No, just salt. Oh, uh, no.

No cream, thank you.

I thought you meant
the rad... radishes.

Please sit down.

Yes.

Here you are, Uncle.

Thank you, my dear.

It's... cover fell down.

There we are.

Mr. Mitty, I asked
Rosalind to bring

you here because I
wanted to tell you

that your life is in danger.

D... danger?

You were present
when poor Maasdam

was murdered this morning.

Yes, but that was
a mere coincidence.

I was down at the pier.

Just the same, Mr.
Mitty, you were there.

And they might try
to kill you, too.

Why?

Mr. Mitty, I can see that
you are a man of great courage.

Would you like more tea?

Yes, thank you.

Since you have
already become involved,

it may be necessary for you
to face even greater danger.

It may, huh?

Well...

Uncle, I think he
should know all the facts.

I think I should, too.

You see, Uncle Peter was curator

of the Royal Netherlands
Museum in Rotterdam.

WALTER: He was?

He left there just
before the German invasion.

That seems like the
most reasonable time.

But before I escaped, I managed

to see that all of our
great art treasures

were concealed in hundreds
of obscure places.

Well, then, there's
nothing to worry about.

ROSALIND: Oh, yes, there is.

The hiding place of each
article was recorded

in a little black book.

The boot will do
anything to get it.

Uh, the boot?

Who's the boot?

His real name is Wilhelm Krug.

That's why Maasdam was
murdered this morning.

I see.

Krug thought that
Maasdam had the book.

Oh, well then, uh, who has it?

Nobody knows.

Nobody knows.

But if the boot
thought you had it,

he'd cut your
throat in a second!

I... well, let's notify the OPA.

I mean, the FBI.

Oh.

Uncle has already notified them.

They're working together
with the Dutch secret police.

I can understand
your alarm, Mr. Mitty.

But the police are
very efficient.

The minute you're killed,
they'll double their efforts.

Yes.

Of course, that's
very reassuring.

But I, um... I think I
must be running along now.

I've so much shopping to do.

As a precaution,
Mr. Mitty, say

nothing about this matter to
anyone, even your loved ones.

I... of course, you, you... you
can trust me, Mr. van Hoorn.

I won't say...

Goodbye, Mr. Mitty.

Goodbye.

You're very brave.

Thank you.

[scream] I... bye.

[music playing]

May I help you, sir?

Yes, ma'am.

I, uh, have some things to...

I've got... uh, I'd
like some Dutch crown

jewels, the diamond collection.

Jewelry department on
the fifth floor, sir.

Diamond collection,
House of Orange?

The van der Meer originals?

Mister, this is
the pet department.

The... the pet...

oh.

Oh, the black book.

[snapping sound]

Oh.

[music playing]

Oh.

[music playing]

How do you do?

Was there something
else you wished?

Uh, there's, uh, uh...

yes.

I'll have some of
these dog biscuits.

[music playing]

I, uh, always eat 'em.

I... they contain vitamin B1.

I, the...

[music playing]

You forgot your change, sir.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you very much.

These are lovely
leashes, aren't they?

Oh, yes.

Lovely.

Lovely leashes.

[music playing]

Uh, how much are these muzzles?

$3.

Uh, uh, $3?

So, 1, 2.

Thank you.

Shall I have it wrapped, sir?

No.

No, I'll wear it home.

[music playing]

A more controlled figure is...

Oh, uh, how... how do you do?

How do you do?

Won't you sit down?

Uh, oh, uh, thank... thank you.

[inaudible]

Notice, ladies, the exquisite
line and the smooth contour.

The featherweight
quality is achieved

by using satin and bengaline
with a chiffon trimming

specifically designed for...

I think you'd be able to
see better from the front.

Oh, uh, no.
No, no.

Thank you very much.

I... I've got to
make a phone call.

I... excuse me.

[music playing]

WOMAN: Oh, Clarissa, would you
mind coming in here a minute?

WOMAN: Yes, Miss Claire.

Now, these nightgowns go
in the early delivery today.

Oh, and this corset
goes to Mrs. Follinsbee.

Will you be sure that
it makes the afternoon

delivery tomorrow?

Yes, I will.

Thank you.

[music playing]

What are you doing in here?

Oh, uh, uh, well, excuse me.

Is, uh... is this the
hardware department?

Well, you know this isn't
the hardware department.

Get out of here,
you peeping Tom!

Uh, uh, uh, peeping Tom.

That's... excuse me, ma'am.

[music playing]

Oh!

[music playing]

This idea of a
pocket-sized edition came

to me about two years
ago, and I've given

it considerable thought.

There are four values to
pocket-sized editions.

One, they fit in the pocket.

Two, I have behind
me a well-geared

organization of sober,
industrious employees who...

Mitty!
- Help!

Oh!

Get that thing out of here!

Mitty!

Elmer!

Shoo!

Elmer!

What in thunderation do
you think you're doing?

Uh, I was trying to get away
from somebody, Mr. Pierce.

There's a man following me.

He had terrible eyes
and a long knife.

And, uh, I'll explained it
all to you later, shall I?

Go, go.

Out, out!

Go away, Elmer!

That's it.

Um, sorry, Mr. Pierce.

I know how busy you are.

So I don't like to
disturb, disturb... oh.

Pardon.

Pardon.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

MR. PIERCE: Mitty!

Hello, is Mr. van Hoorn
or his niece at home?

Oh.

Well, do you know what
time they'll be back?

It's very important.

I see.

Well, would you leave a
message that Mr. Mitty called?

Walter Mitty.

I know of a way to kill
a man and leave no trace.

Excuse me.

I'll be with you
in just a moment.

[music playing]

Who are you?

I'm Dr. Hugo Hollingshead.

I have a manuscript
that contains

a most ingenious method for
the perpetration of homicide.

Well, I'm afraid you have
the wrong office, Dr. Homicide.

Uh, Mr. Pierce buys
all the stories.

I've seen Mr. Pierce,
and he told me to see you.

Oh.

Well, would you have a chair?

Did you know that an icicle
inserted into the brain

will melt slowly
and leave no trace?

It's been done.

Sorry.
Would you...

Perhaps you would be interested

in a different method.

The sensory nerve at
the base of the skull

is peculiarly vulnerable
to an assassin.

One merely presses
with the thumbs thus.

The resulting brain hemorrhage
produces instantaneous death

without a clue.

Yes, that's very good, Doctor.

But we used the sensory
nerve in "The Gland

Specialist's Revenge."

Excuse me, won't you?

Ah, but what you don't know
is that the base of the brain

is a very sensitive place.

As you can see, the only
weapon is the human hand.

Hey, wait a minute!

Put that book... oh!

[music playing]

Help!

Give me that vest!

Help!

Give me my vest!

[music playing]

Help!

Help!

In "Hospital Love
Stories," as in all other

of our publications, action
will be the key note.

Action, thrills, the unexpected.

Of course, the medical
aspects will be respected.

And a competent... a competent
staff of research men...

Yes, Mr. McClure.

Any question?

No.

No question.

A competent staff
of research men...

Mitty!

What... what in the
confounded tarnation

are you and that
pigeon trying to do?

Mr. Pierce, you've
got to listen to me.

I was out there
hanging by my hands.

A tall doctor pushed
me out the window.

What is this insane...
what tall doctor?

The one you sent in
to tell me the story.

He didn't come in to
tell me any story.

He came in just to
push me out the window.

I didn't send anyone in to
throw you out of the window!

I've got more
important things to do!

Well, here's his vest.

Whose vest?

The man... the man
you sent in to...

- Mitty!
- Yes, sir.

I don't know whether
you're drunk or crazy.

But Mr. Pierce...

Throw that pigeon out
and you get out of here!

Shoo!

I'll talk to you later.

I'm, sorry Mr. Pierce.

Oh, excuse me.

Sorry.

Get out of here, Mitty.
Get out!

Get out!

I'm sorry, Mr. Pierce.

Mister... I'm terribly sorry.

Mitty!

[inaudible] Get out, Mitty!

Get out!

Oh!

MR. PIERCE: Get out!

You know very well, Mitty,
if you're going to get married,

you just have to
ask for a raise.

Put those flowers in water
for me, will you, dear?

What was that?

What was what?

The clock didn't strike.

I definitely heard
it not strike.

Will you please take it to
Cudner's on Sixth Avenue?

If they fixed
Gertrude's metronome,

they can fix anything.

But don't say you'll do
it, and then not do it.

I'll do it tomorrow afternoon.

I...

Walter!

Not in the lemonade!

For heaven's sake, what's
the matter with you?

You've been in a
daze all evening.

Mother, if a fellow was
a witness to a murder,

and he was told not to
say anything about it, not

even to his loved
ones, what do you

think he ought to do about it?

Walter, can't you forget those
stories of yours for a moment?

[buzzing]

They've got Tubby Wadsworth.

Put your coat on, darling.
Put it on.

Hmm?

And get rid of
that [inaudible]..

Tubby Wadsworth.

Anybody home?

Oh, my God!

My, what a stunning hat!

Thank you.

And Gertrude, dear.

Hello, Mother Mitty.

Take your things off.

And Tubby Wadsworth.

Gertrude brought me
and left Queenie home.

How do I look as a lap dog?

Woof, woof, woof.

Hiya, Walt, old boy!

Hello, Tubby.

Walty.

Uh, brought you a present.

Oh.

First edition.

Well!

Gee, thanks, Tubby.

What is it?

Tubby's so thoughtful.

Well, isn't this wonderful?

Walter, you look so silly!

Little gadget I picked
up at a magic store.

Sneezing powder.

It's a howl, isn't it?

Sure is.

Guess what, Eunice?

What?

We have the Reverend
Thomas for Saturday!

EUNICE: No!

IRMA: Thanks to Tubby.

TUBBY: Well, you know
what they say... unlucky

in love, lucky in cards.

Thank you, Gertrude.

TUBBY: Well, what
are we waiting for?

EUNICE: You four play
the first rubber.

Let's play for 25th's of
a cent and settle for half.

Oh, no, dear.

No gambling.

Let's keep it social.

Cut for deal.

- King.
- 10.

Three.

Two.

Pass those, dears.

Care for some
ladyfingers, Tubby?

Only, yours Juliet.

[sneeze]

Let's play some bridge.

One, no trump.

Uh, pass.

Five diamonds.

Pass.

Five diamonds?

Hmm.

Six, no trump.

Pass

Five.

Pass.

Your lead, Walt.

Uh, [mumbling].

How's that, partner?

[whistle]

Grand slam.

She left the two
hearts on the diamonds,

and the spades are good.

You know, you could have
set me if you'd led a heart.

Well, Walter's trouble is
that he doesn't concentrate.

TUBBY: Card sense is
like business sense.

If you haven't got one,
you haven't got the other.

EUNICE: That's exactly what
I'm always telling you, Walter.

Your deal.

WALTER (VOICEOVER): Cool as
a cucumber, Gaylord Mitty,

the Mississippi gambler,
puffed nonchalantly

on a handmade Havana.

Raise.

Once again, sir.

[music playing]

The deed to my plantation.

Call.

Three kings.

I believe I have
three bullets, sir.

Lady luck hasn't been smiling
upon you, Colonel Wadsworth.

One more hand, Mitty.

WALTER: With what, Colonel?

Ginger snaps?

I know you're in
love with my fiancee.

I'll play you one hand for her.

You'd pluck a star
from the heavens

and fling it on the sordid
cloth of a gaming table?

If I lose, I'll...

I'll go north.

Is it a wager?

It's a wager, sir.

[music playing]

I'm terribly sorry, ladies.

Your pleasure, sir.

I'll play these.

[music playing]

Reckon this is one
hand you won't win.

This time, I got the three aces.

That's mighty strange, Colonel.

I have four aces.

[murmuring]

Why, you cheating dog!

Careful, Wadsworth.

These things have
been known to go off.

[music playing]

WALTER (VOICEOVER): The clink
of banjos could be heard over

the paddle wheels as they want
to-paka-ta-paka-ta-paka-ta

in the moonlit waters.

Gaylord Mitty squared
his enormous shoulders

and called her name softly.

Miss Gertrude?

WALTER (VOICEOVER): It
was a touching moment.

Oh, it's you.

[music playing]

I have the honor to inform you...

I have already been informed.

I suppose you've come
to collect your bet,

you unspeakable
riverboat gambler.

I have no intention of holding
a lady to any such bargain.

Here's the deed
to the plantation

stolen from your father.

Oh, Gaylord!

But try to think
kindly of me when...

when I'm away.

GERTRUDE: Away?

Fort Sumter has been fired upon.

My regiment leaves at dawn.

Oh, Gaylord, how
I've misjudged you.

I know it's too much
to hope for, ma'am.

But if you'll wait...

Forever, Gaylord.

Forever.

[music playing]

Swallow them up,
old Mississippi.

This is my last deal.

Come on, Walt.
Finish the deal.

[sneeze]

Walter, what's
the matter with you?

[music playing]

ROSALIND: Mr. Mitty?

[music playing]

Oh, it's really you.

You phoned yesterday.

Yes, I called to...

I called because I
wanted to tell you

I found the book you
were looking for.

It was on me.

Oh, thank heavens.

Where is it?

Uh, I stuck it
in a lady's corset.

What?

I mean a lady's corset
that was being delivered

from Stacey's Department Store.

Her name was, uh...

the lady's name was Follinsbee.

You mean you had the book and
you let it out of your hands?

Well, I had to.

A man was chasing me
with a long knife,

and another man tried to
push me out of a window.

I've been through a
lot since I left you.

Well, we must find it.
We must.

Come, show me where you put it.

Well, I... I can't.

I've got a dinner party at 6:30.

I've got to meet
my mother and my...

lots of other people.

And by the time I get
this clock dropped

off at Cudner's on Sixth
Avenue, I... it won't strike.

Mother's used to
hearing it strike.

It keeps her awake.

And it's got to be...

oh, please Miss van Hoorn.

Please don't cry.

I'm sorry.

It's just I'm so
low in all this.

Uncle's helpless, and I
don't know where to turn.

Oh, well it shouldn't
be too hard to find.

Uh, I'll do anything
I can to help.

Would you?

Sure.

Well, how... how many
Follinsbees can there be?

Let... let's look
in the phone book.

[music playing]

Well, this looks like it.

Run up and check.

Oh, you won't need that.

Oh, well, it's
Grandmother's clock.

I mustn't let
anything happen to it.

I'll keep an eye on it.

Hurry.

Now, I'll stay down here
in case anything happens.

All right.

What do you think will happen?

Please, hurry.

It's Follinsbee, all right.

Well, knock on the door.

Hmm?

ROSALIND: Knock on the door!

No!

Oh, uh... terribly sorry.

I... uh, is your name Follinsbee?

That's right.

What do you want?

Uh, well, now, uh, would
you mind very much if I

looked in your wife's corset?

What?

Uh, uh, I mean,
yesterday I slipped

something into her corset.

I... how do you do?

Do you know this guy?

Never saw him before.

Oh, uh, you don't, uh...

Oh, so help me, Harry, I never
saw the guy before in my life.

Get out of here.

I'll know your teeth in.

Oh, please, Harry!

I swear he doesn't mean a thing!

- This isn't a corset.
- Oh.

What is it?
- It's a nightgown.

Oh.

Well, I'd better take
it back to that fellow.

I've caused him
enough trouble now.

Uh, I'm... I'm sorry
to trouble you again.

But I just thought I'd better
return your wife's nightgown.

Why, you!

[music playing]

Harry!

Harry!

[music playing]

Mrs. Leticia Follinsbee,
949 Fifth Avenue.

She must work here.

[music playing]

You forgot your keys.

Gee, those are pretty.

Wooden shoes, huh?

I've had them for years.

Oh.

They're supposed
to ward off evil.

I should have been
carrying them yesterday.

Carry them now.

Oh, no.

These are gold.

Why should you give them to me?

Because you've
been so kind, Walter.

Walter.

[music playing]

I have a bag that matches
these shoes exactly.

I wonder how much they are.

Oh, girls.

I didn't know you were out here.

Mrs. Follinsbee is
waiting for you.

Come, come.

You'll have to rush to change.

You're terribly late.

[music playing]

What did the corset look like?

Well, it was, uh,
black and sort of filmy.

And, uh lacy around the, uh,
neck with little yellow ribbons

or green or some color.

You wait here.

May I seat you, sir?

Hmm?

Right over here.

[music playing]

Now, girls, take these corsets.

And you 12s wear these.

Rush, girls.

Rush and start dressing.

Oh, I'm sorry, but black
helps bring out the best in me.

Welcome, ladies.

I can't tell you how proud I
am to present Anatole of Paris.

[applause]

[music playing]

Hello.

This is the first appearance
of my latest creation.

[music playing]

Venetian mirror hat.

[french] A great turban
studded with diamonds.

And on the top, Prince
of Wales ostrich tails.

[french], no?

Cocktails for two.

I call this one the
rain hat because it

looks like a fountain.

And when you buy
it, you get soaked.

It's entirely made
of black egrets

with a diamond band in
case you go slumming.

Ah, for the woman
of mystery, a touch

of the Arabian with
Parisian simplicity,

a sheik that is truly chic.

Made of jersey, carrying
its own [inaudible]

and giving madam
the [inaudible]..

And now, my piece de r sistance.

Watch.

First, the pin.

Then, the brim.

Then, back with the pin.

Voila, the striptease hat.

[applause]

Now, before I continue
with the rest of my hats,

I would like you to know how
I started in this business.

[music playing]

(SINGING) It all began when
I was born a month too soonin.

My ma was frightened
by a runaway saloonin.

Pa was forced to be a hobo
because he played the oboe.

and the oboe with his clearly
understood, is an ill win

that no one blows good.

I'll never forget the
morning that Grandpa

ate the awning to
impress a pretty lady who

went for men that were shady.

Then my uncle, Aunt Mary,
went on a safari to Calcutta!

Bombay, India!

Trekking through
the trackless jungle

at low tide and high noon.

Low tide.

High noon.

And, and the result of the
twisted eugenics of this family

of inbred
schizophrenics, the end

of a long, long line of bats!

I design women's hats.

[speaking french]

You are no longer with us.

I'm Anatole of Paris.

I shriek with chic.

My hat of the week costs six
divorces, three runaway horses.

I'm Anatole of Paris.

The hats I sell
make husbands yell,

is that a hat or
a two-room flat?

[speaking french]

Let me get my poor iron a
little piece of straw and voila.

A chapeau at 60 bucks a troll.

It's how I pull and chew on.

It's the little things I do.

Like placing yards of lacing or
a bicycle built for two on it.

The little ones, the big ones,
the certain [inaudible] ones,

the foolish ones that perch and
the ghoulish ones that lurch.

The one called moonlit menace,
designed for a night in Venice.

A little boat and a
little [operatic singing]..

I'm Anatole of Paris.

I must design.

I'm just like wine.

I go to your head.

Give me thread and a needle.

I itch.

I twitch through stitch.

I'm a glutton for cotton,
for pattern with a button.

You slip and pluck, nip and
tuck, fix and trim, [inaudible]

brim, tote that bird.

Lift that veil.

[growl] [bark]

(SINGING) And why do I sew
each new chapeau if the style

they must deposit [inaudible].

Strictly between us,
[french], I hate women.

[music playing]

ANATOLE: And so, ladies,
my first small creation

lead to greater things.

Walter.

[speaking french]

- Shh.
- Oh.

Here it is.

Take it to Uncle's as
quickly as you can.

But I can't.

Uh, my... my mother.

It's, uh...

[clock chiming]

[laughter]

[thunder]

Dutch crown jewels
diamond collection house...

Oh, I don't think we ought
to stay her overnight, Mother.

We should've gone
home in Tubby's car!

And leave you alone with that...

[thunder]

It's, uh, raining so
hard, and our road

will be washed out anyway.

Uh...

[knocking]

Who is it?

It's me.

Who did you expect?

Here, drink this
while it's warm.

And get right into bed, dear.

Come on, darling.

Oh, that's hot, Mother.

Drink it all, dear.

That's all I want.

Goodnight, dear.

Goodnight.

And try not to
dream of climbing.

Yes, Mother.

[piano playing]

Miss van Hoorn.

What are you doing here?

They might have heard you!

It was the only way.
Where's the book?

Why didn't you
bring it to Uncle?

Shh!

Come into the kitchen.

[sneeze]

Oh, you're catching cold.

Here, you'd better
sit by the stove.

I'll light the oven.

You'd better take
those wet shoes off.

I'll make some tea for you.

EUNICE: Walter?

Oh, shh.

Wait a minute.

I'll be right down.

EUNICE: Walter?

Walter!

Hello, Mother.

What in the world are you doing?

Where was that
music coming from?

Uh, the music?

Oh!

I was just playing
the piano, Mother.

Playing the piano?

Hmm?

You can't play the piano!

I know.

But it, uh, sort of helps
me relax when it's lightning

and thundering things.

Well, you just
march right into bed

and do your relaxing there.

Goodnight, Mother.

Goodnight, Gertrude.

Goodnight, Mrs. Griswold.

Well, a lot of people play
the piano when they can't sleep.

It's a well-known fact.

Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

Goodnight.

[whistling]

[whistling]

Walter, what are
you doing out hear?

Whistling.

I... the rain is making too
much noise to whistle in there.

I, uh... I was just trying
to remember the way

our old high school song went.

Uh, (SINGING) fight on
for Perth Amboy High.

[whistle]

Walter, will you
please go to bed?

Goodnight, Mother.

Goodnight, Gertrude.

Goodnight, Mrs. Griswold.

It's a funny thing.

Walter can never
go to sleep when

he tries to think of
something and can't remember.

His father was the same
way, up half the night.

Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

Night.

Mother, what if he acts that
way after we're married?

We'll handle him.

It's just that he
wasn't properly raised.

Tubby keeps on proposing.

Maybe I'm making a mistake.

Gee, you brought another dress.

It's my slip.

Slip.

Well, it looks like an
evening gown on you.

Uh, would you like
another cup of tea?

No, thanks.

I must hurry and get
the book to Uncle.

May I have it, please?

Oh, well, it's upstairs.

I'll get it.

Only, well you
will be all right?

I mean, you weren't
followed or anything?

No, I'll be all right.

Oh, good.

I wouldn't want you to
meet those two fellows.

You should see that knife.

It was... I'm going with you.

Oh, no, Walter.

That's sweet, but...
- No, no, no.

I'll go with you.

You leave this way, and
I'll meet you out front.

But you've done
enough for me as it is.

Oh, no.

Anyone would have done the
same thing in my shoes.

I've... I'll get my shoes
and get the book, too.

[door closing]

ROSALIND: Oh, uh, Tyler,
where's Uncle Peter?

TYLER: He's in
the library, miss.

Uncle, we have it.

We have the book.

The book.

Rosalind.

And we have Walter to thank.

WALTER: Oh, it was nothing.

PETER: Mr. Mitty...

Mr. Mitty, I don't
know what to say.

I don't know how to repay you.

Holland will be
eternally grateful.

WALTER: Oh, well I really
didn't do anything.

I...

It's a lucky thing I found
out where Walter lived.

PETER: Very, very fortunate.

Oh, you don't know what
this means to me, my dear.

I think I do.

Come and join me, Mr. Mitty.

This calls for a celebration.

And you've been
through a great deal.

Mother doesn't like
me to drink very much,

but maybe this once,
just a little one.

Now, where's the book?

Yes, Walter.

Give Uncle the book.

Oh.

Oh, I gave it to you in the car.

Yes, you did, but I returned it.

No, no.
I gave it to you.

Don't you remember?
I said, here's the book.

And you said, thank you, Walter.

And I said, you're very
welcome, Miss van Hoorn.

Won't you please call...

Look through all
your pockets, Walter.

Here, you must
have it somewhere.

WALTER: No, I'm sure I...

I'm sure I gave it to you.

ROSALIND: We must have
left it in the car.

We'd better go out and look.

PETER: Wait.

Mr. Mitty, to Holland.

Yes, to Holland.

[music playing]

Hurry, Walter.

We'll be right back.

You'd better put
this raincoat on.

It's still raining out.

[music playing]

Walter!

Walter!

What happened?

Walter!

Wake up!

Walter.

[music playing]

The boot.

Where's the book, Rosalind?

[music playing]

[scream]

Rosalind.

Rosalind.

You'd better put
this raincoat on.

It's still raining out...

He's coming to.

Did you get it?

Get what?

The black book.

The black book?

Mother, what are you doing here?

Where's Rosalind?

Rosalind?

WALTER: Your niece.

Young man, I have known niece.

No niece?

MR. PIERCE: Uh, how
long had he been

crawling around your
front lawn, Mr. van Hoorn?

Tyler found him at
7:00 this morning.

Eating the tulip bulbs.

Tulip bulbs?

Well, I'll pay for all the
damages, Mr. van Hoorn.

No.

Mother!

He says he has no niece!

Well, if the man says he
has no niece, he should know!

But he has, Mother.

I know he has.

Her name is Rosalind,
and she has blonde hair,

and she's the prettiest
girl I ever saw.

I'm afraid he's suffering
from some hallucination.

I'm not suffering from anything!

There is a black book,
and a man was murdered

right in front of my eyes!

And on Tuesday, you invited me
to lunch to tell me about it.

And Rosalind was here!

She was at that piano!

I have never set eyes
on you before in my life.

What do you mean you...

Walter, dear, please
don't make anymore trouble.

- I'm not making any...
- I got Mr. Pierce out of bed.

Now, Mitty, Mitty!
Pull yourself together.

We have four magazines
going to press today!

I don't care!

Young man, you are beginning
to exhaust my patience.

You've destroyed
property of mine.

I could prefer charges
and have you arrested.

Now, Mr. van Hoorn, we
can settle this amicably.

I'll pay for all
the tulips, and I'll

send you a life subscription
to "Terror Stories."

- I got to find Rosalind.
- Mitty.

And don't pay him for
any tulips, Mr. Pierce.

I didn't eat a single one.
Rosalind!

- Mitty, Mitty!
- Rosalind!

Don't get excited!

We'll get you to a
doctor right away.

I'll telephone Dr.
Renshaw in East Orange.

- Yes.
- He took out Walter's tonsils.

Pardon me.

If I may suggest, the boy
needs not a physician,

but a psychiatrist.

Psychiatrist?

I happen to know
a very good one.

Name him, sir.
Money's no object.

No, I'm gonna find Rosalind.

Hey, Mitty, Mitty!

Catch... catch him!
- Oh, dear!

I don't know what's
happened to Walter.

There, there.

He's never run away
from home before,

not even when he was little.

There, there, Miss Mitty.

He's such a quiet boy!

Yes, he...

[banging]

Oh, my poor dear!

What have you done to him?

He did it himself, madam.

What's that psychiatrist's name?

Dr. Hugo Hollingshead.

Hugo Hollingshead.

The doctor will see you now.

Come along, Walter.

Come on.

I tell you, I'm
all right, Mother!

I'm not crazy!

I just don't understand.

I know, darling.

How do you do?

Won't you come in?

That's him.

That's Dr. Hollingshead!

Shh, dear, of course
it's Dr. Hollingshead.

But he's the one who
pushed me out the window!

Walter!

Mother, he's a
killer, I tell you!

He belongs to the gang!

Walter, dear, please!

There, there, there, my boy.

The doctor's not
going to harm you.

I'm Mr. Pierce, Doctor.

I see.

How do you do?

How do you do?

And this is Mrs.
Mitty, I take it.

Don't let him touch you, Mother.

Call the police!

Doctor, you've got to help us.

Mitty there is
one of my key men.

He was all right up to
48 hours ago, but then...

well, you can see for yourself.

He pushed me out of
a window, I tell you!

Walter, dear, please.

Doctor, do you think he's
starved for vitamins?

Calm yourself,
my dear Mrs. Mitty.

Calm yourself.

We'll give him a
thorough examination.

No!

Now what's the matter, fellow?

Why don't you like me?

Because you pushed me out
of a window, that's why!

Well, I've never
seen you before.

Possibly you're mistaking
me for somebody else.

Oh, no, I'm not.

Nobody could look as much
like you do as you do.

Walter, you've got to get well.

You're going to be
married on Saturday.

But don't you
understand, Mother?

- Now, darling.
- Boy has a bright mind, Doctor.

This man is a criminal.

There's no reason why he
can't be back at his desk

by tomorrow morning.

I'd rather speak to him alone.

Would you mind?

Oh, please don't
leave me, Mother.

Mr. Pierce, don't leave
me alone with this...

Now, now, now, young man.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

Your mother will
be right outside.

Will you, Mother?

Of course, darling.

It's all right.

Would you take your glasses off?

Why, of course.

Are you quite sure you
didn't come to my office

and try to push me
out of the window?

What nonsense.

I'm sorry.

That's better.

Sit down, boy.

Now just lie down there
and be comfortable.

Go ahead.

Uh, can't you
examine me standing up?

It's necessary that you
be completely relaxed.

Now just lie right down there.

Relax, boy.

Relax.

Now, close your eyes.

The left one, too.

That's right.

Now tell me all
that's bothering you.

Well, the day before
yesterday, I met a girl.

She looked like all the girls
I've ever dreamed about.

Don't you say he's
crazy because he isn't!

Of course not.

He isn't imagining anything.

What's so mysterious
about a black book?

It was just full of a
lot of telephone numbers.

That proves he's normal.

Telephone numbers?

And that Rosalind he's
always screaming about,

just one of the numbers.

Mama, I want to go home!

What's bothering you, honey?

And what about the black book?

That was gone, too.

It was in your possession
when you came to the house?

I thought I'd given it
to Mr. van Hoorn's niece,

but he said he had no niece.

Why are you asking me
all these questions?

Because as a
psychiatrist, I must

know your innermost
mental processes.

Tell me, Mr. Mitty, uh, what
sort of business are you in?

I'm a proofreader at the
Pierce Publishing Company.

I see.

My boy, you're suffering
from a romantic delusion

aggravated by overwork
and incessant daydreaming.

You mean I...

I dreamed the whole thing?

Don't you see, Mr. Mitty?

You've obviously been affected
by all these pulp magazines

that you're constantly
proofreading.

You've been frustrated
all your life,

and so you live
in your daydream.

The heroine is always in danger.

She's tied to a chair,
bound, and gagged.

But she was so real.

She had the prettiest mouth.

Every time she touched
me, I grew hot and cold.

Rosalind!

Now what's the matter?

Well, I just saw her.

She was sitting in there.

She was bound and gagged.

My boy, I'm afraid
you're in love

with a girl who doesn't exist.

They were right, I guess.

I daydream too much.

Exactly.

And that can lead to
serious complications.

Why, I had a patient
in here last week

who was suffering from the
same sort of romantic delusion.

He was?

Yes.

Poor fellow was in
a very bad state.

No matter how a
woman was dressed,

he always fancied he saw
her in a bathing suit.

Merophilia.

An extreme case, of course.

Oh, of course.

Yes, Doctor?

Miss Appleby, will
you bring me the charts

of the Wilson case, please?

Certainly, Doctor.

Oh, Miss Appleby, you
have a spot on your uniform.

NURSE: I'm sorry, Doctor.

I'll change immediately.

Uh, did, did, did...

did she really have a
spot on her uniform?

Well, you saw it, didn't you?

Oh, uh, oh, sure, sure.

I saw it.

It was an ink spot.

Mercurochrome.

Oh, yes, Mercurochrome.

Looked like red ink.

Oh, it was hardly
noticeable, though.

I...

You didn't see any uniform.

No.

Oh, you're right, Doctor.

I saw her in a bathing suit.

Oh, Doctor, I've got merophilia!

What am I gonna do?

What you need is
a good, long rest.

But Doctor, I'm
getting married tomorrow.

Capital.

Go home and marry your Bertha.

Uh, Gertrude.

Gertrude.

And forget all about it.

You'll be a new man.

I'm beginning to feel
better already, Doctor.

Oh.

[music - "wedding march"]

Dearly beloved, we
are gathered together

here in the sight of
God and in the face

of this company to join
together this man and this woman

in holy matrimony.

I require in charge of
both that if either of you

know of any impediment why
you may not be lawfully joined

together in matrimony, you
do now confess is or else

forever after hold your peace.

[music playing]

Do you, Walter, take this woman
to be your lawful wedded wife

so long as you both shall live?

I do.

[music playing]

MINISTER: Place the
ring upon her finger.

The ring.

She's alive!

It's true!
It wasn't a dream!

She's alive!

These are her shoes!

I was right! van
Hoorn's a crook!

He's got her in that house!
We've got to get her!

Mitty!

Mitty!

Mr. Pierce, you'll
have to go after him.

He's going back to
molest that poor old man!

[music playing]

Hey!

Hey!

Hey, you!

[music playing]

WALTER (VOICEOVER): The hopes
of [inaudible] are going

to-paka-ta-paka-ta-paka-ta.

Walter Slim Mitty, the most
feared man west of the Pecos,

rode into Tombstone Gulch.

[music playing]

Mitty!

Mitty the Kid's in town!

Mitty the Kid's in town!

[music playing]

Mitty the Kid's in town!

Mitty the Kid's in town!

Mitty the Kid's in town!

[music playing]

I wouldn't do that
if I was you, Toledo.

Oh, Slim!

I'd start a-praying
if I was you, Toledo.

Why, you!

[gunshot]

[music playing]

Oh, please, Slim.

Please don't hit
me anymore, Slim.

[horns honking]

[music playing]

Still suffering from shock.

Well, get her out of it!

She's hidden that book
somewhere in this house.

How can we get
information from a girl

who cannot even open her mouth?

[music playing]

Krug.

Wait.

I have a better idea.

Our impetuous young man has come
to rescue his lady in distress.

Doctor, do you think that
seeing the man she loves

might bring her out of it?

It might.

Good.

Then we will let him rescue her.

[music playing]

Don't, don't...
don't come any closer!

Don't come... uh, I've got a
Luger, and I'll drill you.

[music playing]

All right, hophead.

Start talking, and talk fast.

Where is she?

You'd better start
singing, lardface.

One more move, and
I'll drill you.

I'll drill you so
full of lead that...

[music playing]

Rosalind!

Rosalind!

Rosalind.

Rosalind.

Rosalind.

Oh, I just knew you were alive.

I knew it!

Oh, Walter!

Walter, it's you.

Have they hurt you?

I'll kill 'em, like I did
that lardface outside.

Walter, my uncle...

Rosalind, he's a murderer.

I found out he isn't my uncle.

He's the boot.

The boot?

I didn't know.

I'd never seen my real uncle.

It was the boot
that killed Maasdam.

Boot.

We'd better get out of here.

[music playing]

Come on.

[music playing]

Congratulations, Mr. Mitty.

You've aroused the
sleeping beauty.

[music playing]

Turn on the light.

Where is it?

Over there.

Oh.

Wait... wait a minute.

[music playing]

This ought to hold 'em.

What are you doing?

Well, this worked
in "The Shocking

Case of the Mad Electrician."

I'll just wire this
here, turn the switch on.

Then when they come in,
put their hands on...

Oh!

[music playing]

What are you doing that for?

It's the Malay tiger trap.

It works on tigers.

It should work on people.

We used this in "The
Elephant Boy Strikes Back."

They cover it with
straw in the jungle.

When he comes in,
he steps on this.

The barrel goes off.

His foot gets caught in
the rope, he goes right up,

and then he's trapped.

[music playing]

Here I am, lardface.

[music playing]

No, you're suppose... ah!

[music playing]

Come on, Rosalind.

ROSALIND: [scream]

Rosalind!

[music playing]

Help!

Let, let... let me down here!

Help!

Let me down!

Let...

[music playing]

Well, there's the flower truck.

[music playing]

For the last time,
Rosalind, where is the book?

I'll never tell!

Never!

You'd better stay where you are.

I warn you.

I took care of you once
before, and I'll do it again!

Drop it, bud!

What's going on here?

You, what about
that flower truck?

I had to rescue the girl!

These men are crooks!

They're murderers!

He's the leader, the boot!

This is what they're after.

It belongs to the
Dutch government.

Oh!

Get him!

He's getting away!

Twist her arm, will you?

I'll show you [inaudible].

Mitty!

Mitty, you fool!

Leave that poor old man alone.

Walter, all those policemen!

What does it mean?

Who's she?

Oh, this is Rosalind.

See, now you understand
why I left the wedding.

I understand, you two-timer.

Well, ladies, I guess
I was right all along.

Walter, how could you?

Rosalind can explain
everything, Mother.

She was with me every minute.

So all the time you were
making advances to my daughter,

you were carrying on
with this Jezebel!

Jezebel!

How dare you?

All of you!

Rosalind, wait.

Let her go, Mitty.

You're well rid of her.

Go on, run after her,
you milk-drinking Casanova!

Milk?

I'd like to see what he drinks
when he's out with that blonde!

You filthy drunkard, you!

IRMA: You can't make a
lily out of a ragweed.

Shut up!

Mitty!

You, too.

Now, you're all
gonna listen to me.

For years, I've been
listening to you,

and you almost put
me in a straitjacket.

Your small minds are
musclebound with suspicion.

That's because the only
exercise you ever get

is jumping to conclusions.

You ought to be ashamed of
yourselves, every one of you!

Now hold on, Mitty!

I don't think...

- You never think!
- What?

The only good idea you ever had

was to hire me to do
your thinking for you.

Oh.

[laugh]

[laugh]

[music playing]

Associate editor.

[music playing]

Go right in.

Take a look at it, Walt.

Oh, Walter, it's just wonderful.

Well, well, now, folks, this is

just another working day in
the Pierce Publishing Company.

"Frontier Stories" has
to meet its deadline.

Have you ever been through
our plant, Mrs. Mitty?

No, I haven't.

Well, come along.

I'll show you around.

I'll see you later, dear.

[music playing]

And, uh, no more
daydreaming, Walt, old man.

Oh, no.

Right you are, uh, uh, Bruce.

Bruce?

Why... [laughter]

[music playing]