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1
00:01:35,307 --> 00:01:37,304
- What is it?
- Sorry to have to report...
2
00:01:37,404 --> 00:01:39,116
there are four stowaways
in the forward hatch.
3
00:01:39,246 --> 00:01:41,454
Stowaways? How do you know
there are four of them?
4
00:01:41,562 --> 00:01:43,186
They were singing Sweet Adeline.
5
00:01:43,286 --> 00:01:44,669
Get them out of there, you hear?
6
00:01:44,769 --> 00:01:45,787
But we can't find them.
7
00:01:45,887 --> 00:01:48,678
And besides,
they've been writing insulting notes.
8
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,669
So, I'm an old goat, am I? Listen to me.
9
00:01:53,769 --> 00:01:56,064
Find them if you have
to clear out that whole hatch!
10
00:01:56,164 --> 00:01:57,195
Yes, sir.
11
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,704
- Captain, when do we get in?
- Wednesday!
12
00:02:01,804 --> 00:02:04,067
- I beg your pardon. Wednesday.
- Thank you.
13
00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:08,995
- In all my dreams
- In all my dreams
14
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:14,155
- Your fair face beams
- Your fair face beams
15
00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:16,588
You're the idol
16
00:02:16,688 --> 00:02:20,288
of my heart
17
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:24,640
Sweet Adeline
18
00:02:25,205 --> 00:02:28,605
My Adeline
19
00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,265
This is the only way to travel, boys.
The only way.
20
00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:39,185
I was gonna bring the wife and kiddies...
21
00:02:39,285 --> 00:02:41,228
but the grocer couldn't spare another barrel.
22
00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:44,428
I was gonna bring my grandfather,
but there's no room for his beard.
23
00:02:44,528 --> 00:02:47,107
Why not send for the old swine,
let his beard come later?
24
00:02:47,207 --> 00:02:48,786
- I sent for his beard.
- You did?
25
00:02:48,886 --> 00:02:50,386
It's coming by "hair" mail.
26
00:02:50,486 --> 00:02:52,029
Fellas, I think I hear someone.
27
00:02:52,129 --> 00:02:54,707
If it's the captain,
I'm gonna have a few words with him.
28
00:02:54,807 --> 00:02:58,509
My hot water's been cold for three days
and I haven't got room to swing a cat.
29
00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,189
In fact, I haven't even got a cat.
30
00:03:00,289 --> 00:03:02,265
- My grandfather can swing a cat.
- He can?
31
00:03:02,365 --> 00:03:04,228
That'd make a good job for him.
32
00:03:04,328 --> 00:03:05,347
Come on, men.
33
00:03:05,447 --> 00:03:06,793
Someone's coming.
34
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:13,311
Come on, men. Snap it up.
35
00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:15,349
Listen, fellas.
36
00:03:15,449 --> 00:03:17,106
We've got to find those stowaways.
37
00:03:17,206 --> 00:03:20,069
- And when we do, we'll put them in irons.
- Aye, aye, sir.
38
00:03:20,169 --> 00:03:22,230
Take a look in behind those cases.
39
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:24,954
You fellows, look behind those boxes.
40
00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:32,711
- Never mind the barrels.
- Aye, aye, sir.
41
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:34,708
- What's that?
- I just said "aye, aye, sir."
42
00:03:34,808 --> 00:03:37,553
- Never mind that. Find those men.
- Aye, aye, sir.
43
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:04,265
- They're not here, sir.
- Oh, yes, they are.
44
00:04:04,365 --> 00:04:06,106
Hoist all this stuff up on deck.
45
00:04:06,206 --> 00:04:09,237
- And get these barrels out of the way.
- Very well, sir.
46
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,313
Lower away up there.
47
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,952
Hurry up with that sling.
48
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,904
- You'll never find them standing around.
- Yes, sir.
49
00:04:20,004 --> 00:04:21,389
You look in back of those bales.
50
00:04:21,489 --> 00:04:23,596
- You look in those boxes.
- Yes, sir.
51
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:25,438
All right, boys.
52
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:29,518
Make it snappy up there!
53
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:43,520
Hey!
54
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,228
There they are!
55
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:49,800
Hurry.
56
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:00,946
You fellas, go aft.
57
00:06:01,046 --> 00:06:03,838
You fellas, take a look
in behind those lifeboats.
58
00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,827
Captain,
tell us about the stowaways.
59
00:06:30,927 --> 00:06:33,559
I'll have them in the brig before long.
60
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:37,554
That's terribly romantic.
I'd love to meet a stowaway.
61
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:38,827
Hey, you.
62
00:06:38,927 --> 00:06:41,107
Are these your gloves?
I found them in your trunk.
63
00:06:41,207 --> 00:06:43,627
- Go to your rooms. I'll be down shortly.
- Who are you?
64
00:06:43,727 --> 00:06:46,307
Are you the floorwalker?
I want to register a complaint.
65
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:47,826
- What's the matter?
- Matter enough.
66
00:06:47,926 --> 00:06:50,065
You know who sneaked into my stateroom
at 3:00 a.m.?
67
00:06:50,165 --> 00:06:52,268
- Who did that?
- Nobody, and that's my complaint.
68
00:06:52,368 --> 00:06:54,787
I'm young.
I want gaiety, laughter, ha-cha-cha.
69
00:06:54,887 --> 00:06:55,907
I wanna dance.
70
00:06:56,007 --> 00:06:57,985
I wanna dancetill the cows come home
71
00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:59,304
Just what do you mean by this?
72
00:06:59,404 --> 00:07:01,428
I don't like the way you're running this boat.
73
00:07:01,528 --> 00:07:03,707
Get in the backseat and let your wife drive.
74
00:07:03,807 --> 00:07:06,749
I've been captain
of this ship for 22 years.
75
00:07:06,849 --> 00:07:07,904
Twenty-two years?
76
00:07:08,004 --> 00:07:10,347
If you were a man,
you'd go in business for yourself.
77
00:07:10,447 --> 00:07:12,744
I know a fellow,
started last year with a canoe.
78
00:07:12,844 --> 00:07:15,906
He has more women than you can
shake a stick at, if you enjoy that.
79
00:07:16,006 --> 00:07:18,065
One more word, and I'll throw you in irons.
80
00:07:18,165 --> 00:07:20,188
You can't do it with irons.
It's a mashie shot.
81
00:07:20,288 --> 00:07:23,585
It's a mashie shot if the wind is against you.
If the wind isn't, I am.
82
00:07:23,685 --> 00:07:25,665
How about those barrels down below?
83
00:07:25,765 --> 00:07:28,549
- I wouldn't put a pig in there.
- See here, you...
84
00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:30,306
Not even if you got down on your knees.
85
00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:33,066
And here's your gloves.
You would take them, wouldn't you?
86
00:07:33,166 --> 00:07:34,709
And keep away from my office.
87
00:07:34,809 --> 00:07:36,518
Now, see here, you!
88
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,389
How dare you invade
the sanctity of the captain's quarters?
89
00:07:50,489 --> 00:07:52,268
I thought you was the captain. I'm hungry.
90
00:07:52,368 --> 00:07:53,669
I'm gonna find something to eat.
91
00:07:53,769 --> 00:07:55,745
I'll take care of that. Hello.
92
00:07:55,845 --> 00:07:57,910
- Send up the captain's lunch.
- Two.
93
00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,719
Send up his dinner, too. Who am I?
94
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,828
I'm the captain.
You want to choose up sides?
95
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,186
Engineer, will you tell them
to stop the boat from rocking?
96
00:08:10,286 --> 00:08:11,759
I'm gonna have lunch.
97
00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:17,468
- What's the matter with you?
- What's the matter with me? I'm hungry.
98
00:08:17,568 --> 00:08:19,428
- I didn't eat in three days.
- Three days?
99
00:08:19,528 --> 00:08:22,548
- We've only been on the boat two days.
- I didn't eat yesterday...
100
00:08:22,648 --> 00:08:25,908
I didn't eat today, and I won't eat tomorrow.
That makes three days.
101
00:08:26,008 --> 00:08:28,878
State your business.
I've got to shiver my timbers.
102
00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:31,949
I got no business.
I come up to see the captain's bridge.
103
00:08:32,049 --> 00:08:34,829
Captain's bridge? I'm sorry.
He always keeps it in a glass...
104
00:08:34,929 --> 00:08:35,984
while he's eating.
105
00:08:36,084 --> 00:08:38,028
Would you like to see where he sleeps?
106
00:08:38,128 --> 00:08:39,749
I saw that. That's the bunk.
107
00:08:39,849 --> 00:08:42,267
You're wasting your breath,
and that's no great loss.
108
00:08:42,367 --> 00:08:43,387
A fine sailor you are.
109
00:08:43,487 --> 00:08:47,067
You bet I'm a fine sailor.
You know, my whole family was sailors?
110
00:08:47,167 --> 00:08:50,348
My father was partners with Columbus.
What do you think of that?
111
00:08:50,448 --> 00:08:52,665
- Your father and Columbus were partners?
- You bet.
112
00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:54,229
Columbus has been dead 400 years.
113
00:08:54,329 --> 00:08:55,869
They told me it was my father.
114
00:08:55,969 --> 00:09:00,186
Hop up there, and I'll show you
a few things you don't know about history.
115
00:09:00,286 --> 00:09:02,425
Now look. There's Columbus.
116
00:09:02,525 --> 00:09:04,272
That's Columbus Circle.
117
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:08,587
Would you mind getting up off that flypaper
and giving the flies a chance?
118
00:09:08,687 --> 00:09:11,911
You're crazy. Flies can't read papers.
119
00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:15,545
Now, Columbus sailed from Spain to India
looking for a shortcut.
120
00:09:15,645 --> 00:09:17,710
You mean strawberry shortcut.
121
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,273
I don't know.
122
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,027
When I woke up,
there was the nurse taking care of me.
123
00:09:22,127 --> 00:09:24,786
What's the matter?
Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?
124
00:09:24,886 --> 00:09:27,786
You bet she could,
but I found it out too late. Enough of this.
125
00:09:27,886 --> 00:09:28,987
Let's get back to Columbus.
126
00:09:29,087 --> 00:09:31,464
- I'd rather get back to the nurse.
- So would I.
127
00:09:31,564 --> 00:09:33,747
But Columbus was sailing along
on his vessel.
128
00:09:33,847 --> 00:09:36,304
- On his what?
- Not on his what. On his vessel.
129
00:09:36,404 --> 00:09:39,312
- Don't you know what "vessel" is?
- Sure. I can vessel.
130
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:46,148
Do you suppose I could buy back
my introduction to you?
131
00:09:46,248 --> 00:09:48,747
Now, one night Columbus' sailors
started a mutiny.
132
00:09:48,847 --> 00:09:51,709
No mutinies at night.
They're in the afternoon.
133
00:09:51,809 --> 00:09:54,067
You know, mutinies Wednesdays
and Saturdays.
134
00:09:54,167 --> 00:09:56,628
There's my argument. Restrict immigration.
135
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,229
All right.
136
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:31,869
Of all the colossal impudence!
137
00:10:31,969 --> 00:10:34,424
Why don't you stand up?
Can't you see he has no chair?
138
00:10:34,524 --> 00:10:36,345
- Why, you...
- You better keep quiet.
139
00:10:36,445 --> 00:10:38,824
We're a couple of big stockholders
in this company.
140
00:10:38,924 --> 00:10:40,114
Stockholders?
141
00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:42,664
You look like a couple of stowaways to me.
142
00:10:42,764 --> 00:10:47,515
Don't forget that the stockholder
of yesteryear is the stowaway of today.
143
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,469
Well, you look exactly like them.
144
00:10:49,569 --> 00:10:51,066
What do they look like?
145
00:10:51,166 --> 00:10:53,906
One of them goes around
with a black moustache.
146
00:10:54,006 --> 00:10:57,470
So do I. If I had my choice,
I'd go around with a little blonde.
147
00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,832
I said one goes around
with a black moustache.
148
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:03,790
You couldn't expect a moustache
to go around by itself.
149
00:11:03,890 --> 00:11:06,344
Don't you think a moustache
ever gets lonely, Captain?
150
00:11:06,444 --> 00:11:07,627
Sure, it gets lonely.
151
00:11:07,727 --> 00:11:11,185
When my grandfather's beard gets here,
I'd like it to meet your moustache.
152
00:11:11,285 --> 00:11:13,830
I'll think it over.
I'll talk it over with my moustache.
153
00:11:13,930 --> 00:11:15,745
Has your grandfather's beard
got any money?
154
00:11:15,845 --> 00:11:18,906
- Money? Why, it fell hair to a fortune.
- Now, listen!
155
00:11:19,006 --> 00:11:21,514
Stockholders or no stockholders,
you clear out of here!
156
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,026
There's someone in that room.
157
00:11:24,126 --> 00:11:27,954
There's somebody in that closet,
and I think it's you, Captain.
158
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:32,789
- Now, we can eat in peace.
- All right. Here's a piece for you.
159
00:11:32,889 --> 00:11:33,915
That a baby.
160
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,545
- Beg pardon, Captain.
- How dare you enter the captain's quarters...
161
00:11:39,645 --> 00:11:41,551
- while I'm eating.
- Sorry, sir.
162
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,038
Now I've got you!
163
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:53,600
Don't forget the butter.
164
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:40,906
You know, there's some
mighty pretty country around here.
165
00:12:41,006 --> 00:12:43,070
- I've...
- I beg your pardon.
166
00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:50,713
- Pardon me. Is this yours?
- Why, no.
167
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,591
- You sure?
- I'm positive.
168
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,433
- Is this yours?
- Yes, it is.
169
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:13,385
As I was saying, there's some
mighty beautiful country around here.
170
00:13:13,485 --> 00:13:16,950
- The trees are lovely.
- You bet they are. I love them.
171
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,159
Get out of my way!
172
00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:45,439
Gibson. Come out of there.
173
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:47,200
Yes, sir.
174
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,626
I want to report I found a...
175
00:14:51,726 --> 00:14:53,306
Gibson, you've been drinking again...
176
00:14:53,406 --> 00:14:54,789
and you know what my orders were.
177
00:14:54,889 --> 00:14:57,509
But those stowaways,
I just caught one of them in there.
178
00:14:57,609 --> 00:14:59,984
- Stowaway, huh?
- Yes. There he is.
179
00:15:00,084 --> 00:15:02,674
Help! Look out!
You're choking me!
180
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:06,035
I thought so. Go to your quarters.
181
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,799
That's one now.
182
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,953
That's a dummy. Come with me.
183
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,674
First officer.
184
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:22,829
I'm telling you, that's him.
185
00:15:22,929 --> 00:15:25,718
This has gone far enough.
Get up to your quarters.
186
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:29,835
Yes, sir.
187
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:32,880
Quiet.
188
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,429
I think you're right.
189
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:40,314
I know you're right.
190
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,467
Would you like anything before lunch?
191
00:16:21,567 --> 00:16:22,788
Yes, breakfast.
192
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:26,948
Nobody eats in here.
193
00:16:27,048 --> 00:16:28,048
I do.
194
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,748
Mustard's no good without roast beef.
195
00:16:33,848 --> 00:16:35,708
Do you want your nails trimmed long?
196
00:16:35,808 --> 00:16:38,519
About an hour and a half.
I got nothing to do.
197
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,230
You're a nice-looking gal, all right.
198
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:42,584
You got it.
199
00:16:42,684 --> 00:16:43,744
Thank you.
200
00:16:43,844 --> 00:16:45,319
And you can keep it.
201
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:01,078
That's a nice gal?
202
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:03,864
Somebody's coming.
203
00:17:03,964 --> 00:17:05,029
Come on, boys.
204
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:12,752
You're next, Cap.
205
00:17:12,852 --> 00:17:14,745
I'm looking for a couple of mugs.
206
00:17:14,845 --> 00:17:18,384
- No, you boys look on B Deck.
- Aye, aye, sir.
207
00:17:18,484 --> 00:17:20,152
How about a shave?
208
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,240
- Sure. Give me a once-over.
- Once-over, partner.
209
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:26,864
- No, a shave.
- On the face. All right.
210
00:17:26,964 --> 00:17:30,555
- Wake me up when you get through.
- We'll take care of you, all right.
211
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:37,676
We take the tonsils last.
I think we work on the moustache first.
212
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,478
Give him a little snoop.
213
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:48,357
This side's too long.
Give him a little snoop this side.
214
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:53,232
Now this side is too short.
215
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:57,911
It's too short. The other side is
too long. Snoop him up.
216
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:01,906
That's better, but the side
that was too short now is too long...
217
00:18:02,006 --> 00:18:03,948
and the side that was too long is too short.
218
00:18:04,048 --> 00:18:06,554
I think you got to give him one more snoop.
219
00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,032
I think we better measure.
220
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,112
It's about a foot too much.
221
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,718
No, the measure's a foot too much.
222
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:24,952
Now it looks much better.
223
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,870
It can stand one more snoop
in the middle, I think.
224
00:18:27,970 --> 00:18:29,632
In the middle, one snoop.
225
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,346
That's fine. That's very good.
226
00:18:35,446 --> 00:18:39,513
I think it's a little bit rough right here.
I fix that.
227
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:43,788
You know, I'm never goingon this boat again. The food is no good.
228
00:18:43,888 --> 00:18:47,873
Of course, I no eat yet, but evenif I don't eat, I like the food good.
229
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,114
One more snoop.
230
00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:00,797
That's beautiful?
That's what you call a work of art.
231
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:04,514
Hey, you know, I think you give him
one snoop too much.
232
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,509
And I want you to know,
I'm fed up on your alibis.
233
00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:12,999
Take it easy.
234
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:15,465
You're getting all excited.
235
00:19:15,565 --> 00:19:17,516
Now where do you think you're going?
236
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:20,585
Never mind. I'm running this racket.
237
00:19:20,685 --> 00:19:24,070
Just stay here and keep out of sight
like I told you.
238
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:29,156
No you don't.
Now, listen to me, Mr. Alky Briggs.
239
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:31,265
You can't keep me cooped up like this.
240
00:19:31,365 --> 00:19:34,026
I've played second fiddle
on this ship long enough.
241
00:19:34,126 --> 00:19:38,033
Now you listen. I'm not after any dames.
242
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:43,070
I'm after Joe Helton, I tell you, and
he can't get away from me on this boat.
243
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,829
He's got to put his okay on my gang,
or he's gonna get this.
244
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,705
Hey, who are you?
245
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:06,835
I'm the tailor.
246
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,746
That reminds me. Where are my pants?
247
00:20:10,846 --> 00:20:11,955
You've got them on.
248
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,269
Pardon me while I step into the closet.
249
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:21,587
And get a load of this,
if you come in again at 3:00 a. M...
250
00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:25,036
- Stop bothering me. Tell it to the tailor.
- Alky!
251
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:27,200
Alky!
252
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:38,866
What are you doing in there?
253
00:20:38,966 --> 00:20:40,712
Nothing. Come on in.
254
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,828
- You can't stay in that closet.
- I can't, can I?
255
00:20:45,928 --> 00:20:48,549
That's what they said
to Thomas Edison, mighty inventor...
256
00:20:48,649 --> 00:20:52,025
Thomas Lindbergh, mighty flier,
and Thomas Shefsky, mighty like a rose.
257
00:20:52,125 --> 00:20:55,989
Just remember that if there weren't
any closets, there wouldn't be any hooks...
258
00:20:56,089 --> 00:21:00,312
and if there weren't any hooks, there'd be
no fish, and that would suit me fine.
259
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:05,639
Don't try to hide.
I know you're in that closet.
260
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,519
- Did you see me go in the closet?
- No.
261
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,386
- Am I in the closet now?
- No.
262
00:21:11,486 --> 00:21:15,473
Then how do you know I was in the closet?
Your Honour, I rest my case.
263
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:19,504
Come here, brown eyes.
264
00:21:19,604 --> 00:21:21,909
You're not gonna get me off this bed.
265
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,508
I didn't know you were a lawyer.
You're awfully shy for a lawyer.
266
00:21:25,608 --> 00:21:27,875
You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.
267
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:30,424
Then what do you think of an egg
that would give me...
268
00:21:30,524 --> 00:21:32,468
You've been getting nothing
but dirty breaks.
269
00:21:32,568 --> 00:21:34,226
We can clean and tighten your brakes...
270
00:21:34,326 --> 00:21:37,039
but you'll have to stay
in the garage all night.
271
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:40,278
I want excitement. I want to ha-cha-cha-cha.
272
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:47,787
You don't realise it.
273
00:21:47,887 --> 00:21:51,105
From the time he got the marriage license,
I've led a dog's life.
274
00:21:51,205 --> 00:21:53,068
Are you sure he didn't get a dog's license?
275
00:21:53,168 --> 00:21:54,746
Alky can't make a fool of me.
276
00:21:54,846 --> 00:21:57,027
I want to go places. I want to do things.
277
00:21:57,127 --> 00:21:59,759
I want freedom, I want liberty, I want justice!
278
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:03,627
Madam, you're making history.
In fact, you're making me.
279
00:22:03,727 --> 00:22:05,625
And I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.
280
00:22:05,725 --> 00:22:08,988
You know what I want.
I want life, I want laughter, I want gaiety.
281
00:22:09,088 --> 00:22:10,752
I want to ha-cha-cha-cha.
282
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:19,627
Madam, before I get through with you,
you will have a clear case for divorce...
283
00:22:19,727 --> 00:22:20,747
and so will my wife.
284
00:22:20,847 --> 00:22:23,390
The first thing to do is
to arrange for a settlement.
285
00:22:23,490 --> 00:22:25,827
You take the children,
your husband takes the house.
286
00:22:25,927 --> 00:22:29,108
Junior burns the house,
you take the insurance and I take you.
287
00:22:29,208 --> 00:22:30,589
But I haven't any children.
288
00:22:30,689 --> 00:22:34,116
That's the trouble with this country.
You haven't any children.
289
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:38,673
And as for me, I'm going back in the closet
where men are empty overcoats.
290
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:40,474
Brown eyes.
291
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:35,105
Sir, this is an outrage,
breaking into a man's home.
292
00:23:35,205 --> 00:23:39,159
There'll be a letter about this in
the Times tomorrow morning.
293
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:40,320
Yeah?
294
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:45,589
But you won't read it,
'cause I'm gonna lay you out pretty.
295
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:47,386
You're gonna lay me out pretty?
296
00:23:47,486 --> 00:23:49,944
That's the thanks I get
for freeing an innocent girl...
297
00:23:50,044 --> 00:23:51,988
who, although she is hiding
at the moment...
298
00:23:52,088 --> 00:23:54,305
has promised to become
the mother of her children.
299
00:23:54,405 --> 00:23:57,756
And with that, sir, I bid you a fond farewell.
Good day, sir.
300
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:00,354
Good day.
301
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,465
Come out of there. I want to talk to you.
302
00:24:05,565 --> 00:24:08,067
I'm sorry, but we're using
the old-fashioned iceman...
303
00:24:08,167 --> 00:24:11,038
and we find him very satisfactory
for keeping the house warm.
304
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,825
Just as I thought, you're yellow,
grabbing at a woman's skirts.
305
00:24:18,925 --> 00:24:21,549
- I'm wise.
- You're wise?
306
00:24:21,649 --> 00:24:22,907
What's the capital of Nebraska?
307
00:24:23,007 --> 00:24:25,507
What's the capital
of the Chase National Bank? Give up?
308
00:24:25,607 --> 00:24:28,745
Now, I'll try you on an easy one.
How many Frenchmen can't be wrong?
309
00:24:28,845 --> 00:24:31,107
- I know...
- You were warm and so was she.
310
00:24:31,207 --> 00:24:34,149
Don't be discouraged.
With a little study you'll go a long way.
311
00:24:34,249 --> 00:24:37,152
- And I'd wish you'd start now.
- Do you see this gat?
312
00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:40,745
Cute, isn't it? Santa Claus bring it
for Christmas? I got a fire engine.
313
00:24:40,845 --> 00:24:43,347
Listen, mug. Do you know who I am?
314
00:24:43,447 --> 00:24:47,069
Don't tell me.
Are you animal or vegetable? Animal.
315
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:52,308
- Get this. I'm Alky Briggs.
- And I'm the fellow who talks so much.
316
00:24:52,408 --> 00:24:55,039
Fancy meeting you here
after all these drinks.
317
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:01,228
- Wait a minute.
- Sorry, I can't stay.
318
00:25:01,328 --> 00:25:02,789
The captain's waiting to chase me.
319
00:25:02,889 --> 00:25:06,156
You can stay, all right,
until I finish with you.
320
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:07,909
Alky, darling, please!
321
00:25:08,009 --> 00:25:11,151
Don't "darling" me.
Get in that next room and stay there!
322
00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:14,111
Get in that next room.
323
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,068
I'm not good enough for her, am I?
324
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,837
Is there anything you've got to say
before I drill you?
325
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,266
- Yes, I'd like to ask you one question.
- Go ahead.
326
00:25:27,366 --> 00:25:30,825
Do you think that girls think less of a boy
if he lets himself be kissed?
327
00:25:30,925 --> 00:25:33,826
Don't you think that although
girls go out with boys like me...
328
00:25:33,926 --> 00:25:35,831
they always marry the other kind?
329
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:39,868
If you're gonna kill me, hurry up.
I have to take my tonic at 2:00.
330
00:25:39,968 --> 00:25:42,713
I can use a guy with your nerve.
331
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:46,147
I think we could get along well together.
332
00:25:46,247 --> 00:25:49,066
Of course, the first year we might have
our little squabbles.
333
00:25:49,166 --> 00:25:51,754
But, then, that's inevitable, don't you think?
334
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:57,998
And what do you want here?
335
00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:01,391
I was just looking for him.
336
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,269
Do you know this guy?
337
00:26:03,369 --> 00:26:06,628
I've known him for years.
He used to live in the next barrel to me.
338
00:26:06,728 --> 00:26:09,871
I see. The stowaways.
339
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:12,868
I can help you bozos.
340
00:26:12,968 --> 00:26:17,192
- Mr. Bozos to you.
- All right, Mr. Bozo. And you can help me.
341
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:21,305
I'm shorthanded,
and I want to get a guy on this boat.
342
00:26:21,405 --> 00:26:24,870
It's too late to get him on now.
Should've said so before we sailed.
343
00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:29,398
Listen. This is a map of B Deck.
There's Joe Helton's stateroom.
344
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:34,392
And he's a tough egg.
And you're coming with me...
345
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,269
while I have it out with Joe.
346
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:39,829
Do you know who Joe Helton is?
347
00:26:39,929 --> 00:26:42,267
I think I'll get off this boat
until this blows over.
348
00:26:42,367 --> 00:26:45,352
If you know what's good for you,
you'll stick with me.
349
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:51,150
You keep the windows covered
while I go in. Now, move!
350
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:42,469
What is the idea of this?
351
00:28:42,569 --> 00:28:44,835
It's all right. I make a move for you.
352
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:47,110
- This is an outrage!
- I'll call the captain!
353
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:49,865
- The captain don't play chess.
- Purser!
354
00:28:49,965 --> 00:28:53,068
- Steward! Come here.
- Too much noise here for us.
355
00:28:53,168 --> 00:28:55,594
We better go someplace where it's quiet.
356
00:28:58,560 --> 00:28:59,560
Come in.
357
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,477
- Your cigars, sir.
- Thanks.
358
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:10,959
Wait a minute.
359
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:16,628
Thank you, sir.
360
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:43,308
Dad, now look at you.
You aren't even dressed yet.
361
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:46,713
You can do all the dressing
for the family, Mary.
362
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:50,310
Old Joe Helton is taking things easy
for the rest of his life.
363
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:53,037
We're big shots now, baby.
364
00:29:58,560 --> 00:29:59,560
Come in.
365
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:06,474
- Hello, Joe.
- Hello, Briggs. What do you want?
366
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:09,194
I just wanted to have a friendly talk.
367
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:12,184
I'm sort of worried about business.
368
00:30:12,284 --> 00:30:13,589
Step in the other room, baby.
369
00:30:13,689 --> 00:30:15,557
- But, Dad...
- Run along, honey.
370
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:19,720
Your kid?
371
00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:24,198
She's cute, isn't she?
372
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:28,277
I don't think we've got anything
to talk about. Get out.
373
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:31,147
Not before I get your okay on my gang.
374
00:30:31,247 --> 00:30:34,516
- I'm not doing you any favours.
- Yes, you are.
375
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:37,718
You're gonna sign this.
376
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:50,948
I'm taking over your territory,
or there's gonna be trouble.
377
00:30:51,048 --> 00:30:52,951
I'm taking no sides.
378
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,986
You'll have to fight it out
with Butch and the gang.
379
00:30:56,086 --> 00:30:58,709
I'm stepping into your shoes as boss.
380
00:30:58,809 --> 00:31:01,669
I'm not backing up any small-time chiseller.
381
00:31:01,769 --> 00:31:03,985
Don't put on the Ritz with me.
382
00:31:04,085 --> 00:31:05,905
Don't get cocky with me, Briggs.
383
00:31:06,005 --> 00:31:07,187
I'm talking turkey.
384
00:31:07,287 --> 00:31:10,388
You can't make all the doughand then run out on your pals.
385
00:31:10,488 --> 00:31:13,074
I'm not taking orders from a mug like you!
386
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:15,784
Scram!
387
00:31:15,884 --> 00:31:18,075
So that's your answer? Here's mine!
388
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:30,076
So you got your gang with you?
I'll get you later.
389
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:34,713
Who are you guys?
390
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,026
What are you doing in my room?
391
00:31:38,126 --> 00:31:41,157
That's my partner, but he no speak.
He's dumb and deaf.
392
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:50,029
You guys don't know it, but you just scared
a pretty tough egg out of this room.
393
00:31:50,129 --> 00:31:51,758
Sure, we're a couple of tough guys.
394
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:54,110
- Do you want to make some money?
- Money?
395
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:59,075
Money? Feel this muscle. Feel his muscle.
396
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:03,631
All right. How much you pay?
397
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:05,826
Just how tough are you?
398
00:32:05,926 --> 00:32:07,788
You pay little bit, we're little bit tough.
399
00:32:07,888 --> 00:32:09,349
You pay very much, very much tough.
400
00:32:09,449 --> 00:32:11,106
You pay too much, we're too much tough.
401
00:32:11,206 --> 00:32:12,786
- How much you pay?
- I pay plenty.
402
00:32:12,886 --> 00:32:15,838
Then we're plenty tough.
And we show you, too.
403
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,668
Partner, show him how tough we are.
404
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:26,426
See? That's nothing. That's free.
Now we give you the real stuff this time.
405
00:32:26,526 --> 00:32:28,745
Come on. Put some pep in it.
406
00:32:28,845 --> 00:32:31,434
The one-two uppercut.
You know, on the button.
407
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:35,756
No downstairs button. Upstairs button.
408
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:45,948
That's fine. That's good, all right.
409
00:32:46,048 --> 00:32:49,228
I tell him you're tough, and you punch
like a lily. What's a matter?
410
00:32:49,328 --> 00:32:52,392
You wanna lose this job?
Give him the stuff this time.
411
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:54,944
Excuse me, boss. He can do much better...
412
00:32:55,044 --> 00:32:56,067
but he no work good today.
413
00:32:56,167 --> 00:32:58,385
He no get paid.
When he get paid, you watch him.
414
00:32:58,485 --> 00:33:01,269
Come on. This time we give him the works.
Come on. Hurry up.
415
00:33:01,369 --> 00:33:04,309
On the button this time.
Come on, I tell you. On the button.
416
00:33:04,409 --> 00:33:06,625
Hurry up. Give me the punch.
Come on.
417
00:33:06,725 --> 00:33:07,714
All right.
418
00:33:07,814 --> 00:33:09,631
Come on! Punch!
419
00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:23,598
That's enough. Wait.
420
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:26,635
- What do you think of us?
- You're great.
421
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:29,145
Not so loud.
You want him to get a swell head?
422
00:33:29,245 --> 00:33:31,913
You guys are plenty tough, all right.
423
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:34,912
I'm spying on you.
424
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:38,920
You're just the fellows I need. You're hired.
425
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:43,189
- We're great, huh?
- You're great.
426
00:33:43,289 --> 00:33:44,786
- My partner?
- He's great.
427
00:33:44,886 --> 00:33:46,916
My grandfather's great.
He's a great-grandfather.
428
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:51,588
When Helton comes out
of his room, plug him.
429
00:33:51,688 --> 00:33:54,629
- What'll we plug him with?
- Didn't I give you two gats?
430
00:33:54,729 --> 00:33:57,786
We had to drown the gat,
but we saved you a little black gitten.
431
00:33:57,886 --> 00:34:00,314
Here, take these, and hang onto them now.
432
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:03,829
Don't leave me for a minute.
433
00:34:03,929 --> 00:34:06,986
And keep your eye on that guy
that just went out of here.
434
00:34:07,086 --> 00:34:08,075
You understand.
435
00:34:08,175 --> 00:34:11,118
Anybody come near the boss,
let him have it.
436
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:13,149
You're all right now, boss.
437
00:34:13,249 --> 00:34:16,306
Anybody comes near you...
What's a matter with you? Look out.
438
00:34:16,406 --> 00:34:18,625
That's all right. He was just practicing.
439
00:34:18,725 --> 00:34:19,747
Get out.
440
00:34:19,847 --> 00:34:23,469
Now I can take a walk out on deck
and feel safe. Come on. Let's go.
441
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:34,225
There he comes now. Get him.
442
00:34:34,325 --> 00:34:37,710
Don't worry. We'll get him.
I've got my finger on the trigger.
443
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:50,986
Hey, don't forget.
444
00:34:51,086 --> 00:34:53,719
Anybody comes near the boss,
let him have it.
445
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:30,070
It's the boss. He's got a disguise.
446
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:32,556
Take off the whiskers. We know you.
447
00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:34,946
What do you mean?
448
00:35:35,046 --> 00:35:36,646
Officer!
449
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:47,710
Why didn't you get him?
Not afraid, are you?
450
00:35:47,810 --> 00:35:49,785
Afraid? Me?
A man who's licked his weight...
451
00:35:49,885 --> 00:35:52,599
in wild caterpillars? Afraid?
You bet I'm afraid.
452
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:56,637
- So...
- Hello. How are things in the closet?
453
00:35:57,276 --> 00:35:58,749
You know, I still smell of mothballs.
454
00:35:58,849 --> 00:36:00,910
I don't want to talk to you.
455
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:15,907
So here you are,
loafing around with these tramps.
456
00:36:16,007 --> 00:36:17,549
I came down to see Joe Helton.
457
00:36:17,649 --> 00:36:19,269
- Don't you think we'd better go?
- What?
458
00:36:19,369 --> 00:36:21,265
And leave this woman alone
with her husband?
459
00:36:21,365 --> 00:36:22,786
Suppose her sweetheart came in.
460
00:36:22,886 --> 00:36:26,105
Alky Briggs, don't think you can keep me
cooped up in that stateroom.
461
00:36:26,205 --> 00:36:27,264
Because you're crazy!
462
00:36:27,364 --> 00:36:29,947
You'll stay down there
and keep out of my business.
463
00:36:30,047 --> 00:36:31,035
Do you understand?
464
00:36:31,135 --> 00:36:32,908
- Keep out of my business.
- Your turn.
465
00:36:33,008 --> 00:36:36,268
You were going to show me a good time.
A good time!
466
00:36:36,368 --> 00:36:38,787
I might as well have stayed home
and played solitaire!
467
00:36:38,887 --> 00:36:39,907
Your turn.
468
00:36:40,007 --> 00:36:42,906
Pipe down. I've more important things
than you to worry about.
469
00:36:43,006 --> 00:36:43,995
Your turn.
470
00:36:44,095 --> 00:36:46,384
You say that again and I'll scratch
your eyes out!
471
00:36:46,484 --> 00:36:49,189
You take this gun.
You're gonna need it more than I will.
472
00:36:49,289 --> 00:36:50,554
Oh, you!
473
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:11,148
Just the man I wanna see.
If I show you how to save 20%...
474
00:37:11,248 --> 00:37:13,268
would you be interested?
Of course you would.
475
00:37:13,368 --> 00:37:16,069
First, your overhead is too high
and your brow is too low.
476
00:37:16,169 --> 00:37:18,747
Interested already, aren't you?
Wait till I get through.
477
00:37:18,847 --> 00:37:21,629
- I haven't got time.
- Two fellows are trying to attack you...
478
00:37:21,729 --> 00:37:24,706
and two fellows are trying to defend you.
Now, that's 50% waste.
479
00:37:24,806 --> 00:37:26,828
Why can't you be attacked
by your bodyguards?
480
00:37:26,928 --> 00:37:30,385
Your life will be saved, and that's
100% waste. Now what have you got?
481
00:37:30,485 --> 00:37:31,986
Me, and I'll attack you for nothing.
482
00:37:32,086 --> 00:37:34,225
- What are you getting at?
- I anticipated that.
483
00:37:34,325 --> 00:37:37,226
How does an army travel? On its stomach.
And you? On a ship.
484
00:37:37,326 --> 00:37:38,986
Of course, you're saving your stomach.
485
00:37:39,086 --> 00:37:41,427
- The same common sense...
- I don't think you realise...
486
00:37:41,527 --> 00:37:44,070
I realise it's a penny here and there,
but look at me.
487
00:37:44,170 --> 00:37:47,508
I've worked myself up from nothing
to extreme poverty. What do you say?
488
00:37:47,608 --> 00:37:50,107
- I'll tell you what I say...
- Then it's all settled.
489
00:37:50,207 --> 00:37:52,584
I'm to be your new bodyguard.
In case I attack you...
490
00:37:52,684 --> 00:37:54,149
I'll be there to defend you, too.
491
00:37:54,249 --> 00:37:57,306
When you want to be attacked,
I'll defend you 10 minutes later.
492
00:37:57,406 --> 00:38:01,279
I've already got two bodyguards,
but I'll think it over.
493
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:18,432
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
494
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:22,025
- What's the matter with you?
- I've got a frog in my throat.
495
00:38:22,125 --> 00:38:24,429
- What?
- A frog in my throat.
496
00:38:24,720 --> 00:38:27,439
- You've got a frog in your throat.
- Yes.
497
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:32,552
You can't do that to my customers!
Cut it out!
498
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:36,110
Say, what's the matter with you?
Are you crazy or something?
499
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:03,997
Have your landing cards
and passports ready, please.
500
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,306
- How do you do, Madame Swempski?
- Hello, boys.
501
00:39:10,406 --> 00:39:12,864
- Any statement for the press?
- No, I'm afraid not.
502
00:39:12,964 --> 00:39:14,589
Nothing of interest on this tour.
503
00:39:14,689 --> 00:39:17,469
Is it true the opera is on the decline
in Central Europe?
504
00:39:17,569 --> 00:39:18,624
Absurd.
505
00:39:18,724 --> 00:39:22,148
I predict they're going to have
the greatest year they've ever had.
506
00:39:22,248 --> 00:39:25,545
Is it true that you're gonna get
married again while on this tour?
507
00:39:25,645 --> 00:39:29,909
- Gentlemen, I don't know what to say.
- Gentlemen, I'd say just this.
508
00:39:30,009 --> 00:39:31,788
The bicycle will never replace the horse.
509
00:39:31,888 --> 00:39:34,105
But, the horse will never replace
the bicycle...
510
00:39:34,205 --> 00:39:37,707
which is quite a horse on the bicycle
if I ever saw one, and I never did.
511
00:39:37,807 --> 00:39:40,067
I dare you to print that, you muckrakers.
512
00:39:40,167 --> 00:39:42,305
- Have a cigar, babe.
- Okay for the picture, Joe.
513
00:39:42,405 --> 00:39:45,472
Pictures? Here's a little sex stuff
for your front page.
514
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:48,551
Now, hold it steady, please.
515
00:39:55,120 --> 00:39:57,909
You can say it was a real love match.
We married for money.
516
00:39:58,009 --> 00:40:01,587
Eh, my shrinking violet?
It won't hurt you to shrink 30 or 40 pounds.
517
00:40:01,687 --> 00:40:02,904
You impudent cad!
518
00:40:03,004 --> 00:40:05,789
- I'll report you to your paper.
- Let me do the reporting.
519
00:40:05,889 --> 00:40:09,424
Is it true you'll get a divorce as soon
as your husband recovers his sight?
520
00:40:09,524 --> 00:40:11,505
Is it true you wash your hair in clam broth?
521
00:40:11,605 --> 00:40:14,628
- Is it true you danced in a flea circus?
- This is outrageous!
522
00:40:14,728 --> 00:40:17,466
- If you don't stop, I'll call the captain.
- So that's it.
523
00:40:17,566 --> 00:40:19,705
Infatuated with a pretty uniform.
We don't count.
524
00:40:19,805 --> 00:40:22,626
We gave you our best years,
now you want an officer.
525
00:40:22,726 --> 00:40:24,349
I don't like this innuendo.
526
00:40:24,449 --> 00:40:27,984
That's what I always say, love flies out
the door when money comes innuendo.
527
00:40:28,084 --> 00:40:32,029
Good-bye. It's nice to have seen you,
but I've got nobody to blame but myself.
528
00:40:32,129 --> 00:40:34,350
- Could you tell me...
- Please...
529
00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:36,752
You're awfully glum.
530
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:41,514
I was just thinking, after the boat lands,
I may never see you again.
531
00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:45,476
Does it matter to you
whether you ever see me again?
532
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,466
I can't think of anything in the world
that matters more.
533
00:40:49,566 --> 00:40:51,551
Mary, I'll never leave you.
534
00:40:58,720 --> 00:40:59,720
Tag.
535
00:40:59,880 --> 00:41:00,880
Tag.
536
00:41:07,720 --> 00:41:09,386
Wait a minute!
537
00:41:09,486 --> 00:41:11,864
I'm just trying to sneak off the boat,
that's all.
538
00:41:11,964 --> 00:41:13,546
I'm looking for the man who owns...
539
00:41:13,646 --> 00:41:15,471
Where's your passport?
540
00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:20,550
Wait a minute.
Let me handle this.
541
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:24,066
I don't like to speak about it,
Officer, but I happen to be...
542
00:41:24,166 --> 00:41:26,464
a good friend of the meat supplier
to this boat.
543
00:41:26,564 --> 00:41:28,545
- Well?
- Well, do you like lamb chops?
544
00:41:28,645 --> 00:41:31,386
- Yes, what of it?
- This man doesn't handle lamb chops.
545
00:41:31,486 --> 00:41:33,226
But the roast beef is very good today.
546
00:41:33,326 --> 00:41:36,226
You fellows can't get off the boat
without showing passports.
547
00:41:36,326 --> 00:41:40,147
Get on back there at the end of the
line and get your passports open.
548
00:41:40,247 --> 00:41:41,912
Go on. Get back there.
549
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:46,545
Stuffed shirt. When he said that to me...
550
00:41:46,645 --> 00:41:48,596
you could've knocked me over
with a feather.
551
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:51,472
He gives you service.
552
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:58,599
It looks like we're up against it.
It's up to you to get us a passport.
553
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:02,866
I got you, didn't I?
554
00:42:02,966 --> 00:42:06,425
Well, you'll have to get up pretty
early in the morning to steal from me.
555
00:42:06,525 --> 00:42:10,433
He did get up early this morning, but
you weren't here. Perhaps tomorrow?
556
00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:13,510
Well, come on. Let's try another one.
557
00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:17,984
What's the idea,
putting your hand in my pocket?
558
00:42:18,084 --> 00:42:19,389
Just a little mistake.
559
00:42:19,489 --> 00:42:23,067
I had a suit that looked just like that
and I thought those were my pants.
560
00:42:23,167 --> 00:42:25,225
How could they be yours,
when I've got them on?
561
00:42:25,325 --> 00:42:27,145
This suit had two pairs of pants.
562
00:42:27,245 --> 00:42:28,949
Better keep your hands to yourself.
563
00:42:29,049 --> 00:42:32,584
Do you know who's on this boat?
Maurice Chevalier, the movie actor.
564
00:42:32,684 --> 00:42:34,788
- I just ran into him.
- Did you hurt him?
565
00:42:34,888 --> 00:42:38,265
- How do you know it was Chevalier?
- I got his passport right there.
566
00:42:38,365 --> 00:42:40,316
Now he can't get off the boat.
567
00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:44,106
Hey, he looks like Chevalier.
And I can look like Chevalier.
568
00:42:44,206 --> 00:42:46,866
- I certainly look like Chevalier.
- But that's not enough.
569
00:42:46,966 --> 00:42:48,988
You have to sing his song
to get off this boat.
570
00:42:49,088 --> 00:42:52,146
If a nightingale could sing like you
571
00:42:52,246 --> 00:42:55,268
They'd sing much better than you do
572
00:42:55,368 --> 00:42:58,026
Dandy. Sing like that,
they'll throw us all off the boat.
573
00:42:58,126 --> 00:43:00,236
- Well, let's try it.
- All right. Come on.
574
00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:02,109
Have your passports ready. Straight out...
575
00:43:02,209 --> 00:43:04,350
you'll find the baggage on the deck.
576
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:07,346
Have your passports ready.
577
00:43:07,446 --> 00:43:10,159
Keep in line, everybody. 945.
578
00:43:11,240 --> 00:43:14,118
Keep in line, everybody.
Have your passports ready.
579
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:16,280
1092.
580
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:23,429
- Never mind.
Hey, if you want to get off the boat...
581
00:43:23,529 --> 00:43:25,824
- get in the back.
- Oh, I didn't get on in the back.
582
00:43:25,924 --> 00:43:27,905
- I got on in the front.
- Never mind that.
583
00:43:28,005 --> 00:43:30,427
- Leave them alone.
- You're right...
584
00:43:30,527 --> 00:43:33,266
- I told them to stay in line.
- Yeah? Show me your passport.
585
00:43:33,366 --> 00:43:37,426
- Yeah, right here. That's my name.
- Maurice Chevalier?
586
00:43:37,526 --> 00:43:38,526
Yeah.
587
00:43:38,647 --> 00:43:41,785
- This picture doesn't look like you.
- Sure, I'm Maurice Chevalier.
588
00:43:41,885 --> 00:43:42,907
I'll sing for you.
589
00:43:43,007 --> 00:43:46,028
If a nightingale could sing like you
590
00:43:46,128 --> 00:43:49,468
They'd sing much better than they do
591
00:43:49,568 --> 00:43:51,428
Here, never mind that.
592
00:43:51,528 --> 00:43:53,590
Get back in line where you belong.
593
00:43:57,840 --> 00:43:59,273
I was ahead of you!
594
00:44:00,720 --> 00:44:01,914
Your passport.
595
00:44:02,720 --> 00:44:06,235
Let me have your passport.
This picture doesn't look like you.
596
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:10,386
It don't look like me from the front,
but go in the back of the boat, just like me.
597
00:44:10,486 --> 00:44:12,428
You're not Maurice Chevalier.
598
00:44:12,528 --> 00:44:14,106
- Are you Maurice Chevalier?
- No.
599
00:44:14,206 --> 00:44:16,555
Well, there you are. Wait. I prove it.
600
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:19,905
If a nightingale could sing like you
601
00:44:20,005 --> 00:44:22,986
He sing much better than you do and
602
00:44:23,086 --> 00:44:24,086
Out!
603
00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:26,228
- No push me!
- Get out of here!
604
00:44:26,328 --> 00:44:28,834
Get back in line where you belong.
Passport!
605
00:44:31,240 --> 00:44:34,944
- This picture doesn't look like you.
- It doesn't look like you either.
606
00:44:35,044 --> 00:44:38,112
- This man has no moustache.
- The barbershop wasn't open.
607
00:44:38,240 --> 00:44:41,226
- Why, look at that face.
- Well, look at that face.
608
00:44:41,326 --> 00:44:43,784
Hey, are you going to identify
yourself, or else...
609
00:44:43,884 --> 00:44:47,185
If a nightingale could sing like you
610
00:44:47,285 --> 00:44:49,840
They'd sing much sweeter than they do
611
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:53,670
For you brought a new kind of love to me
612
00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:57,030
Out! Back in line where you belong!
613
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:02,952
Get off there!
614
00:45:03,052 --> 00:45:07,026
- Get off the table!
- What do you think this is here?
615
00:45:07,126 --> 00:45:10,590
- Put that down!
- Lunatic!
616
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:15,307
- Stop that!
- You want to break that?
617
00:45:15,407 --> 00:45:17,630
Here, let it alone!
618
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:23,232
Passport. I said passport, not pasteboard.
619
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:29,196
Come on with that passport!
Not washboard!
620
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:31,035
Passport!
621
00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:35,396
Chevalier?
622
00:45:37,240 --> 00:45:41,386
If a nightingale could sing like you
623
00:45:41,486 --> 00:45:44,828
They'd sing much sweeter than they do
624
00:45:44,928 --> 00:45:49,710
For you brought a new kind of love to me
625
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:55,239
And if the sandman brought medreams of you
626
00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:59,826
I'd want to dream my whole life through
627
00:45:59,926 --> 00:46:04,277
For you brought a new kind of love to me
628
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:15,039
Get him out of here!
629
00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:18,466
- Put him back there where he belongs!
- Take it easy, folks.
630
00:46:18,566 --> 00:46:23,236
The gangplank is to the left, please.
Don't crowd. Don't crowd.
631
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:27,746
- Take your time. Ladies first.
- Let me off the boat. I'm a sick man.
632
00:46:27,846 --> 00:46:29,825
- I feel faint.
- I don't care, take your time.
633
00:46:29,925 --> 00:46:32,753
I tell you, I feel faint. I'm going to faint.
634
00:46:33,520 --> 00:46:36,239
- Someone get a doctor!
- Somebody fainted.
635
00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:39,347
Where's a doctor? A doctor! I want a doctor!
636
00:46:39,447 --> 00:46:43,672
She's sick. We'll take care of you.
Look, she's got a chill, cover her up.
637
00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:47,275
No, get off. Take her pulse.
638
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:51,715
No purse, put it back. Pulse.
I think you best take her temperature.
639
00:46:52,080 --> 00:46:54,544
That's good, we'll take care of you, lady.
640
00:46:54,644 --> 00:46:55,834
All right.
641
00:46:57,040 --> 00:47:00,191
You fools, I'm not the patient.
642
00:47:01,080 --> 00:47:02,991
We're not the doctor. Come on.
643
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:05,550
Doctor! Is there a doctor on the boat?
644
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:06,840
Doctor!
645
00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:10,589
- Are you a doctor?
- Sure, I'm a doctor. Where's the horse?
646
00:47:10,689 --> 00:47:13,506
- A man fainted over here.
- Man fainted? I'll soon fix him.
647
00:47:13,606 --> 00:47:16,034
Just my hard luck it couldn't be a woman.
648
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:22,669
Here's the doctor.
649
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:26,145
Just as I thought, smoking too much.
650
00:47:26,245 --> 00:47:28,028
Here he is here, Doctor.
651
00:47:28,128 --> 00:47:30,190
Don't tell me. I'll find him myself.
652
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:39,319
I can't do anything for that man.
He's fainted.
653
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:41,705
What he needs is an ocean voyage.
654
00:47:41,805 --> 00:47:45,025
In the meantime, get him off the boat
and have his baggage examined.
655
00:47:45,125 --> 00:47:46,114
Gangway!
656
00:47:46,214 --> 00:47:47,749
You all get close so he won't recover.
657
00:47:47,849 --> 00:47:51,150
Right this way, please.
Step right around here.
658
00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:59,909
Step lively down there.
659
00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:14,510
Back that ambulance in here!
660
00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:19,840
Hey!
661
00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:31,112
Helton's throwing his party tonight,
and this time we blow the works.
662
00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:33,949
Now, you guys are going in as musicians.
663
00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:36,827
And stay that way until I give you the office.
664
00:48:36,927 --> 00:48:38,868
Say, what about those four guys
in the house?
665
00:48:38,968 --> 00:48:40,466
The ones you said were on the boat.
666
00:48:40,566 --> 00:48:43,509
Don't worry about them.
They eat out of my hand.
667
00:48:43,609 --> 00:48:47,789
The thing for you to worry about is that girl.
Keep your eye on her. Get me?
668
00:48:47,889 --> 00:48:49,705
That ought be easy to take.
669
00:48:49,805 --> 00:48:50,794
Okay.
670
00:48:50,894 --> 00:48:52,996
Sit tight and I'll give you a call.
671
00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:32,389
Have you guys got an invitation?
672
00:49:32,489 --> 00:49:34,385
We give you invitation of Chevalier.
673
00:49:34,485 --> 00:49:38,227
When the nightingalesings like you
674
00:49:38,327 --> 00:49:42,518
Cut it out! And stay away
from this door, see?
675
00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:57,680
Mary?
676
00:50:03,440 --> 00:50:06,984
You certainly had me worried.
I thought you'd forgotten your own party.
677
00:50:07,084 --> 00:50:10,959
You haven't been doing all the worrying.
I was afraid you wouldn't come.
678
00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:24,317
My, but, there are
a lot of strange-looking people here.
679
00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:42,994
Ladies and gentlemen! Quiet, everybody.
680
00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:47,184
A lady's diamond earring has been lost.
It looks exactly like this.
681
00:50:47,284 --> 00:50:48,872
In fact, this is it.
682
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:51,904
I beg your pardon!
683
00:50:52,004 --> 00:50:54,187
How about you and I passing out
on the veranda?
684
00:50:54,287 --> 00:50:55,706
Or would you rather pass out here?
685
00:50:55,806 --> 00:50:57,705
Sir, you have the advantage of me.
686
00:50:57,805 --> 00:51:00,669
Not yet, but wait till I get you outside.
687
00:51:00,769 --> 00:51:02,905
You're pretty fresh, aren't you?
688
00:51:03,005 --> 00:51:05,666
That's my wife and I don't like the way
you're acting here.
689
00:51:05,766 --> 00:51:08,586
If you don't like our country,
go back where you came from.
690
00:51:08,686 --> 00:51:10,548
I should sink that right in your scalp.
691
00:51:10,648 --> 00:51:12,827
- Run for your life! The Indians are coming!
- What?
692
00:51:12,927 --> 00:51:15,354
Put your scalp in your pocket. Here.
The Indians.
693
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:18,831
- Come here.
- I'll get him.
694
00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:25,186
Have a good time, kid.
This is going to be a real party.
695
00:51:25,286 --> 00:51:27,989
Is this a party?
The beer is warm, the women are cold...
696
00:51:28,089 --> 00:51:29,267
and I'm hot under the collar.
697
00:51:29,367 --> 00:51:32,346
In fact, a more poisonous little barbecue
I've never attended.
698
00:51:32,446 --> 00:51:35,069
You're a funny kind of a duck, but I like you.
699
00:51:35,169 --> 00:51:37,544
You stuck by me, and I'll stick by you.
700
00:51:37,644 --> 00:51:40,227
Sheriff, I ain't much on flowery sentiments...
701
00:51:40,327 --> 00:51:42,385
but there's something I just got to tell you.
702
00:51:42,485 --> 00:51:44,944
Shucks, man, I'd be nothing
but a poisonous varmint...
703
00:51:45,044 --> 00:51:47,025
and not fit to touch the hem of your pants...
704
00:51:47,125 --> 00:51:50,388
if I didn't tell you
you've treated me square, mighty square...
705
00:51:50,488 --> 00:51:52,152
and I ain't forgetting.
706
00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:58,914
Sheriff, I ain't forgetting.
707
00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:04,909
Whoa, there, Bossie.
Whoa, there!
708
00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:19,476
My friends, this is indeed a surprise.
709
00:52:20,840 --> 00:52:22,990
You couldn't have pleased me better.
710
00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:28,470
I want you to meet the sweetest little thing
in the whole wide world.
711
00:52:36,920 --> 00:52:38,478
- Hey.
- Yes, sir?
712
00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:42,265
No, it's special for Mr. Helton, sir.
713
00:52:42,365 --> 00:52:43,998
You see this?
714
00:52:51,440 --> 00:52:54,876
Come back in a half hour,
and I'll give you another look at it.
715
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:06,865
Listen. Keep your eye on Helton.
716
00:53:06,965 --> 00:53:09,669
We're gonna grab his daughter
and take her to the old barn.
717
00:53:09,769 --> 00:53:12,027
Old barn? A fine tinhorn sport you are.
718
00:53:12,127 --> 00:53:15,345
With all the good shows in town,
taking a girl to an old barn!
719
00:53:15,445 --> 00:53:18,309
Once we get a hold of that girl,
he'll take orders from me.
720
00:53:18,409 --> 00:53:20,146
- I'll show him...
- Enough small talk.
721
00:53:20,246 --> 00:53:22,549
- Where's your wife, Lucille?
- Would you...
722
00:53:22,760 --> 00:53:24,506
Someone's coming. I'll be back.
723
00:53:24,606 --> 00:53:27,549
Be back next Thursday,
and bring a specimen of your handwriting.
724
00:53:27,649 --> 00:53:29,198
And, above all, don't worry.
725
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:54,389
What brought you here?
726
00:53:54,489 --> 00:53:57,785
It's midsummer madness.
The music is in my temples...
727
00:53:57,885 --> 00:54:01,627
the hot blood of youth.
Come, Kapellmeister. Let the violas throb.
728
00:54:01,727 --> 00:54:03,517
My regiment leaves at dawn.
729
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:39,755
I guess my regiment can go without me.
730
00:54:42,800 --> 00:54:45,589
No, don't, my husband might be inside.
731
00:54:45,689 --> 00:54:47,585
If he finds me out here, he'll wallop me.
732
00:54:47,685 --> 00:54:51,468
Always thinking of your husband.
Couldn't I wallop you just as well?
733
00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:54,427
I heard Alky talking about this party.
734
00:54:54,527 --> 00:54:56,829
I've dreamed of a night like this, I tell you.
735
00:54:57,040 --> 00:54:58,865
You tell me about some of your dreams.
736
00:54:58,965 --> 00:55:03,548
Dreams? I can't even sleep anymore,
wondering who he's chasing around with.
737
00:55:03,648 --> 00:55:06,429
Why can't we break away from all this,
just you and I...
738
00:55:06,529 --> 00:55:10,957
and lodge with my fleas in the hills?
I mean, flee to my lodge in the hills.
739
00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:12,469
No, I couldn't think of it.
740
00:55:12,569 --> 00:55:15,269
Don't be afraid.
You can join this lodge for a few pennies.
741
00:55:15,369 --> 00:55:17,744
You won't even have to take
a physical examination...
742
00:55:17,844 --> 00:55:19,273
unless you insist on one.
743
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:22,836
What a swell home life I've got.
744
00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:28,836
Why, I think I'd almost marry you
to spite that double-crossing crook.
745
00:55:30,840 --> 00:55:31,909
Mrs. Briggs...
746
00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:35,785
I've known and respected your
husband Alky for many years...
747
00:55:35,885 --> 00:55:38,838
and what's good enough for him
is good enough for me.
748
00:55:47,600 --> 00:55:48,800
Emily!
749
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:52,388
Henry, carefully, somebody may see us.
750
00:55:52,488 --> 00:55:54,189
I've been careful too long.
751
00:55:54,289 --> 00:55:57,106
Now that you've brought it up,
how long have you been careful?
752
00:55:57,206 --> 00:55:59,707
- They saw us!
- Be calm, Emily. I'll talk to them.
753
00:55:59,807 --> 00:56:01,429
You won't say anything about this?
754
00:56:01,529 --> 00:56:04,070
Sir, are you trying to offer me
a bribe? How much?
755
00:56:04,170 --> 00:56:07,907
But you don't understand.
You see, I'm not happy with my husband.
756
00:56:08,007 --> 00:56:10,028
He should've married some little housewife.
757
00:56:10,128 --> 00:56:13,078
Madam, I resent that.
Some of my best friends are housewives.
758
00:56:15,480 --> 00:56:17,029
Now, see here, if you're going to...
759
00:56:17,129 --> 00:56:18,988
You're living in a fool's paradise.
760
00:56:19,088 --> 00:56:22,225
You intend to spend $10 to buy
this woman a ring? Look at this.
761
00:56:22,325 --> 00:56:24,827
It's solid brass and $1.50 takes it away.
762
00:56:24,927 --> 00:56:27,906
I know it'll fit her.
I got it from the nose of a savage.
763
00:56:28,006 --> 00:56:30,992
Well? $1.50. You can have it for $1.
764
00:56:31,720 --> 00:56:33,987
Fifty cents and not a nickel under.
765
00:56:34,087 --> 00:56:37,747
Now, my friends, what am I offered for
this fine French piece of bric-a-brac?
766
00:56:37,847 --> 00:56:39,665
I know what it is to be unhappy.
767
00:56:39,765 --> 00:56:42,064
How do you think I feel?
I'm stuck with this ring.
768
00:56:42,164 --> 00:56:44,789
I've been married for four years,
four years of neglect...
769
00:56:44,889 --> 00:56:47,227
four years of battling,
four years of heartbreaks.
770
00:56:47,327 --> 00:56:49,986
That makes 12 years.
You must've been married in rompers.
771
00:56:50,086 --> 00:56:53,587
Mighty pretty country around there.
Do you think you'll ever go back?
772
00:56:53,687 --> 00:56:55,389
Come here, babe. I like you.
773
00:56:55,489 --> 00:56:57,784
I shouldn't. What about my husband?
774
00:56:57,884 --> 00:57:00,678
That's all right.
Maybe we can get a girl for him.
775
00:57:08,320 --> 00:57:09,746
Who was that? My wife?
776
00:57:09,846 --> 00:57:11,745
Married to her 12 years and you ask me?
777
00:57:11,845 --> 00:57:14,144
What're you doing here?
I told you to spy on Helton.
778
00:57:14,244 --> 00:57:15,869
- I did spy on him.
- What was he doing?
779
00:57:15,969 --> 00:57:17,706
- He was spying on me.
- Did he see you?
780
00:57:17,806 --> 00:57:20,589
No. I was too foxy for him.
All he could do was spy on me.
781
00:57:20,689 --> 00:57:23,267
Well, get back in there.
We're all set to cop his girl.
782
00:57:23,367 --> 00:57:24,713
Okay, chief.
783
00:57:46,200 --> 00:57:49,078
They got some good stuff outside.
You want a drink?
784
00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:56,198
Ready, boys? Let's go.
785
00:58:42,600 --> 00:58:44,033
Beat you that time.
786
00:59:41,560 --> 00:59:44,916
- Very swell. Let me get you some punch.
- I'd love it.
787
00:59:55,200 --> 00:59:56,952
Just what I needed.
788
01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:12,705
Well, how's it coming, kid?
789
01:00:12,805 --> 01:00:15,945
- Got everything you want?
- Sure, how about a job for my grandfather?
790
01:00:16,045 --> 01:00:17,589
Your grandfather, what does he do?
791
01:00:17,689 --> 01:00:19,309
He puts cheese in the mousetraps.
792
01:00:19,409 --> 01:00:21,587
Why, we haven't got any mice here.
793
01:00:21,687 --> 01:00:23,716
He brings his own mice with him.
794
01:00:37,920 --> 01:00:41,913
You know, Mary, everyone seems to be
having nearly as much fun as I am.
795
01:00:42,320 --> 01:00:45,756
I beg your pardon, but there's someone
to see you, Miss Helton.
796
01:00:46,360 --> 01:00:49,193
- Pardon me, and I'll hurry right back.
- Surely.
797
01:01:08,640 --> 01:01:10,588
No, you're wrong, girls, you're wrong.
798
01:01:10,688 --> 01:01:13,831
In the first place,
Gary Cooper is much taller than I am.
799
01:01:14,520 --> 01:01:17,745
I wish you'd announce this singer.
I can't make out the name.
800
01:01:17,845 --> 01:01:19,825
Ladies and gentlemen, I wish to announce...
801
01:01:19,925 --> 01:01:22,906
that the buffet will be served
in the next room in five minutes.
802
01:01:23,006 --> 01:01:24,586
To get you in that room quickly...
803
01:01:24,686 --> 01:01:27,240
Mrs. Schmalhausen will sing a soprano solo
in this room.
804
01:03:53,880 --> 01:03:56,147
That's no good.
You wanna get thrown out again?
805
01:03:56,247 --> 01:03:58,385
Play something nice.
I tell you what you play.
806
01:03:58,485 --> 01:03:59,885
Play...
807
01:04:06,080 --> 01:04:07,107
That's it.
808
01:04:07,207 --> 01:04:10,397
That's beautiful.
That's magnifico. I like that.
809
01:06:09,560 --> 01:06:12,269
Mary! They've kidnapped her!
810
01:06:12,369 --> 01:06:13,627
Who's been kidnapped?
811
01:06:13,727 --> 01:06:16,307
Mary, my daughter! Do something!
812
01:06:16,407 --> 01:06:17,667
But who could've done it?
813
01:06:17,767 --> 01:06:21,389
It's that Alky Briggs!
You saw them drag her into the car.
814
01:06:21,560 --> 01:06:23,625
Where did they take her?
815
01:06:23,725 --> 01:06:25,865
First, they blindfolded me and then they...
816
01:06:25,965 --> 01:06:27,908
Of course, they took her to the barn.
817
01:06:28,008 --> 01:06:30,986
Fellows, let's all pack up a lunch
and go down to the old barn.
818
01:06:31,086 --> 01:06:36,074
Fred, you go down to the North Road.
Jack, you head down by Front Street.
819
01:06:36,440 --> 01:06:38,106
I'll go pick up a couple of the boys.
820
01:06:38,206 --> 01:06:40,430
And I'll take care of picking up
a couple of dames.
821
01:06:40,600 --> 01:06:42,477
Women? This is no time for women.
822
01:06:42,600 --> 01:06:44,033
On to the barn!
823
01:06:46,720 --> 01:06:48,438
Gee, I wish I had a horse.
824
01:06:52,560 --> 01:06:54,357
Hurry it up, boys.
825
01:06:54,800 --> 01:06:55,994
Come on.
826
01:07:01,160 --> 01:07:03,160
Let me go!
827
01:07:04,086 --> 01:07:07,146
No use yelling, kid.
Nobody will hear you in here.
828
01:07:07,246 --> 01:07:09,268
You wait till my father hears about this!
829
01:07:09,368 --> 01:07:12,309
He's gonna hear about it
because I'm gonna tell him myself.
830
01:07:12,409 --> 01:07:13,869
Take it easy!
831
01:07:13,969 --> 01:07:16,669
You're not going anyplace.
Don't get all excited. Come on.
832
01:07:16,769 --> 01:07:18,985
You take your hands off of me!
833
01:07:19,085 --> 01:07:20,905
Listen, kid. Nobody's gonna hurt you.
834
01:07:21,005 --> 01:07:23,304
You'll be out in an hour
if your dad comes through.
835
01:07:23,404 --> 01:07:27,393
Butch, you take care of the girl while
I telephone Joe. Come on, you guys.
836
01:07:38,960 --> 01:07:40,871
You take your hands off of me!
837
01:07:42,040 --> 01:07:44,759
Now, make yourself at home, but shut up!
838
01:07:53,360 --> 01:07:56,346
- $1.10.
- Here's $1. Keep the change.
839
01:07:56,446 --> 01:07:59,585
- But I said $1.10.
- Give me $1. I'll keep the change.
840
01:07:59,685 --> 01:08:01,238
That's a half a dollar I owe you.
841
01:08:09,440 --> 01:08:11,824
You call this a barn?
This looks like a stable.
842
01:08:11,924 --> 01:08:14,427
It looks like a barn but smells like a stable.
843
01:08:14,527 --> 01:08:16,670
Well, let's just look at it.
844
01:08:16,840 --> 01:08:18,910
Get out of here!
845
01:08:19,080 --> 01:08:20,868
Have you got a girl in that hayloft?
846
01:08:20,968 --> 01:08:21,968
No!
847
01:08:22,087 --> 01:08:23,629
You're a bigger fool than I thought.
848
01:08:23,729 --> 01:08:25,233
Beat it, I tell you!
849
01:08:25,360 --> 01:08:28,079
- What'd you say?
- I said beat it!
850
01:08:31,000 --> 01:08:33,789
- Pardon me. What did you say?
- I said beat it!
851
01:08:33,889 --> 01:08:34,987
He said beat it.
852
01:08:35,087 --> 01:08:38,029
Gee, I wish I'd said that.
Everybody's repeating it.
853
01:08:38,129 --> 01:08:40,670
I'm coming down there and get you!
854
01:08:40,770 --> 01:08:42,426
Don't bother. We'll come right up.
855
01:08:42,526 --> 01:08:44,112
Come on. I'm going in to get him.
856
01:08:56,680 --> 01:09:00,384
Here we are at the old barn,
all set for a nice picnic lunch.
857
01:09:00,484 --> 01:09:03,546
Gosh, the picnic is off,
we haven't got any red ants.
858
01:09:03,646 --> 01:09:06,234
I know an Indian who's got
a couple of Red aunts.
859
01:09:06,400 --> 01:09:08,587
Don't you think we'd better
go look for the girl?
860
01:09:08,687 --> 01:09:11,346
Let's wait till we eat,
there's hardly enough lunch for two.
861
01:09:11,446 --> 01:09:14,796
I don't see why she couldn't get
kidnapped near a restaurant.
862
01:09:15,280 --> 01:09:19,478
Some dark night, I think I'll come and
lay for you if the hens don't get sore.
863
01:09:20,880 --> 01:09:21,880
Here.
864
01:09:22,120 --> 01:09:25,999
Go over to that filling station
and get some milk. Grade-A.
865
01:09:28,480 --> 01:09:30,465
Well, come on. Where's the milk?
866
01:09:30,565 --> 01:09:32,835
There's a customer ahead of me.
867
01:09:35,080 --> 01:09:36,080
Hey!
868
01:09:37,040 --> 01:09:39,387
- What are you doing here?
- What are we doing?
869
01:09:39,487 --> 01:09:42,785
What about you, kidnapping a girl?
Old-fashioned piece of melodrama...
870
01:09:42,885 --> 01:09:45,917
kidnapping a girl!
You've been reading too many dime novels.
871
01:09:46,280 --> 01:09:49,266
Go on. You get him. I'll wait for you outside.
872
01:09:49,366 --> 01:09:50,839
Keep out of this loft!
873
01:09:51,040 --> 01:09:54,396
It's better to have loft and lost
than never to have loft at all.
874
01:09:55,280 --> 01:09:56,998
- Nice work.
- Beat it, or I'll throw you out!
875
01:10:26,600 --> 01:10:29,433
- Take your face out of my foot!
- I gotcha!
876
01:10:37,800 --> 01:10:41,759
So, thought we were afraid?
Thought we were afraid, did you?
877
01:10:47,000 --> 01:10:49,594
Now I'm gonna give
it to you guys right!
878
01:11:04,840 --> 01:11:06,751
Butch! What happened?
879
01:11:07,400 --> 01:11:08,400
Hey!
880
01:11:09,200 --> 01:11:11,031
You, get out of that loft!
881
01:11:15,360 --> 01:11:16,873
Butch, what happened?
882
01:11:17,760 --> 01:11:19,239
Come up here, Butch.
883
01:11:26,360 --> 01:11:30,194
Where's all those farmers' daughters
I've been hearing about for years?
884
01:11:35,760 --> 01:11:39,230
Why don't you boys fight over there?
You want to break my glasses?
885
01:11:40,360 --> 01:11:42,148
Come on, folks. Step right up.
886
01:11:42,248 --> 01:11:44,704
Only 10 cents a chance. Attaboy!
Here you are.
887
01:11:44,804 --> 01:11:47,466
Ten cents gets you in
the only game in the stable.
888
01:11:47,566 --> 01:11:49,987
Let's see. Number 16 wins.
And the lucky number.
889
01:11:50,087 --> 01:11:53,629
There you are, young man.
Sorry you didn't get a better one.
890
01:11:55,160 --> 01:11:56,469
Here we go!
891
01:11:56,569 --> 01:12:00,786
Let's see what comes up.
Well, if he isn't the lucky guy. Double 0.
892
01:12:00,886 --> 01:12:04,634
Two shots for the price of one.
Folks, this is the best game in all...
893
01:12:06,920 --> 01:12:10,305
You're a mother, you understand.
How would you like to have somebody...
894
01:12:10,405 --> 01:12:13,625
steal one of your heifers?
I know, heifer cow is better than none...
895
01:12:13,725 --> 01:12:16,792
but this is no time for puns.
Get in that battle over there.
896
01:12:18,680 --> 01:12:22,304
Here we are again at the ringside,
and it looks like a great battle.
897
01:12:22,404 --> 01:12:24,704
Now the boys are locked
in the centre of the ring.
898
01:12:24,804 --> 01:12:28,148
What a grudge fight. Zowie! Zowie! Zowie!
899
01:12:28,248 --> 01:12:31,109
That makes three zowies,
and a man gets a base on balls.
900
01:12:31,209 --> 01:12:34,988
Ending of the first inning.
No runs, no errors, but plenty of hits.
901
01:12:38,680 --> 01:12:42,224
This program comes to you courtesy of
the Golden Goose Furniture Company...
902
01:12:42,324 --> 01:12:46,429
with three stores: 125th Street, 125th Street
and 125th Street.
903
01:12:46,529 --> 01:12:49,070
You furnish the girl,
we tar and feather your nest.
904
01:12:49,170 --> 01:12:51,347
Look for our advertisement
in today's ash can.
905
01:12:51,447 --> 01:12:54,665
Now the boys are at it
in the centre of the ring! Oh! That one hurt!
906
01:12:54,765 --> 01:12:59,470
Come on, you palookas! Stop stalling!
Oh, mama, if I only had my youth again.
907
01:13:10,640 --> 01:13:12,640
Round two.
908
01:13:15,360 --> 01:13:18,708
Both boys are fiddling in the ring,
and I don't think much of the tune.
909
01:13:18,808 --> 01:13:20,226
Briggs is bobbing and weaving.
910
01:13:20,326 --> 01:13:23,785
It's nice work if you can get it.
Now they're trying. Very trying.
911
01:13:23,885 --> 01:13:25,306
I copped that one from an almanac.
912
01:13:25,406 --> 01:13:28,790
Now they're in the centre of the ring,
and the crowd hurrahs.
913
01:13:43,560 --> 01:13:44,879
Oh, Dad!
914
01:13:46,080 --> 01:13:47,877
Are you all right, honey?
915
01:13:49,360 --> 01:13:53,107
Good boy. Remember, old Joe Helton
never forgot a friend.
916
01:13:53,207 --> 01:13:55,794
This is one job that certainly
was a pleasure.
917
01:13:57,696 --> 01:14:00,950
- What are you doing?
- I'm looking for a needle in a hay stack.
75715
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