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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:35,307 --> 00:01:37,304 - What is it? - Sorry to have to report... 2 00:01:37,404 --> 00:01:39,116 there are four stowaways in the forward hatch. 3 00:01:39,246 --> 00:01:41,454 Stowaways? How do you know there are four of them? 4 00:01:41,562 --> 00:01:43,186 They were singing Sweet Adeline. 5 00:01:43,286 --> 00:01:44,669 Get them out of there, you hear? 6 00:01:44,769 --> 00:01:45,787 But we can't find them. 7 00:01:45,887 --> 00:01:48,678 And besides, they've been writing insulting notes. 8 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,669 So, I'm an old goat, am I? Listen to me. 9 00:01:53,769 --> 00:01:56,064 Find them if you have to clear out that whole hatch! 10 00:01:56,164 --> 00:01:57,195 Yes, sir. 11 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,704 - Captain, when do we get in? - Wednesday! 12 00:02:01,804 --> 00:02:04,067 - I beg your pardon. Wednesday. - Thank you. 13 00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:08,995 - In all my dreams - In all my dreams 14 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:14,155 - Your fair face beams - Your fair face beams 15 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:16,588 You're the idol 16 00:02:16,688 --> 00:02:20,288 of my heart 17 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:24,640 Sweet Adeline 18 00:02:25,205 --> 00:02:28,605 My Adeline 19 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,265 This is the only way to travel, boys. The only way. 20 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:39,185 I was gonna bring the wife and kiddies... 21 00:02:39,285 --> 00:02:41,228 but the grocer couldn't spare another barrel. 22 00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:44,428 I was gonna bring my grandfather, but there's no room for his beard. 23 00:02:44,528 --> 00:02:47,107 Why not send for the old swine, let his beard come later? 24 00:02:47,207 --> 00:02:48,786 - I sent for his beard. - You did? 25 00:02:48,886 --> 00:02:50,386 It's coming by "hair" mail. 26 00:02:50,486 --> 00:02:52,029 Fellas, I think I hear someone. 27 00:02:52,129 --> 00:02:54,707 If it's the captain, I'm gonna have a few words with him. 28 00:02:54,807 --> 00:02:58,509 My hot water's been cold for three days and I haven't got room to swing a cat. 29 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,189 In fact, I haven't even got a cat. 30 00:03:00,289 --> 00:03:02,265 - My grandfather can swing a cat. - He can? 31 00:03:02,365 --> 00:03:04,228 That'd make a good job for him. 32 00:03:04,328 --> 00:03:05,347 Come on, men. 33 00:03:05,447 --> 00:03:06,793 Someone's coming. 34 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:13,311 Come on, men. Snap it up. 35 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:15,349 Listen, fellas. 36 00:03:15,449 --> 00:03:17,106 We've got to find those stowaways. 37 00:03:17,206 --> 00:03:20,069 - And when we do, we'll put them in irons. - Aye, aye, sir. 38 00:03:20,169 --> 00:03:22,230 Take a look in behind those cases. 39 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:24,954 You fellows, look behind those boxes. 40 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:32,711 - Never mind the barrels. - Aye, aye, sir. 41 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:34,708 - What's that? - I just said "aye, aye, sir." 42 00:03:34,808 --> 00:03:37,553 - Never mind that. Find those men. - Aye, aye, sir. 43 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:04,265 - They're not here, sir. - Oh, yes, they are. 44 00:04:04,365 --> 00:04:06,106 Hoist all this stuff up on deck. 45 00:04:06,206 --> 00:04:09,237 - And get these barrels out of the way. - Very well, sir. 46 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,313 Lower away up there. 47 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,952 Hurry up with that sling. 48 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,904 - You'll never find them standing around. - Yes, sir. 49 00:04:20,004 --> 00:04:21,389 You look in back of those bales. 50 00:04:21,489 --> 00:04:23,596 - You look in those boxes. - Yes, sir. 51 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:25,438 All right, boys. 52 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:29,518 Make it snappy up there! 53 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:43,520 Hey! 54 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,228 There they are! 55 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:49,800 Hurry. 56 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:00,946 You fellas, go aft. 57 00:06:01,046 --> 00:06:03,838 You fellas, take a look in behind those lifeboats. 58 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,827 Captain, tell us about the stowaways. 59 00:06:30,927 --> 00:06:33,559 I'll have them in the brig before long. 60 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:37,554 That's terribly romantic. I'd love to meet a stowaway. 61 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:38,827 Hey, you. 62 00:06:38,927 --> 00:06:41,107 Are these your gloves? I found them in your trunk. 63 00:06:41,207 --> 00:06:43,627 - Go to your rooms. I'll be down shortly. - Who are you? 64 00:06:43,727 --> 00:06:46,307 Are you the floorwalker? I want to register a complaint. 65 00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:47,826 - What's the matter? - Matter enough. 66 00:06:47,926 --> 00:06:50,065 You know who sneaked into my stateroom at 3:00 a.m.? 67 00:06:50,165 --> 00:06:52,268 - Who did that? - Nobody, and that's my complaint. 68 00:06:52,368 --> 00:06:54,787 I'm young. I want gaiety, laughter, ha-cha-cha. 69 00:06:54,887 --> 00:06:55,907 I wanna dance. 70 00:06:56,007 --> 00:06:57,985 I wanna dance till the cows come home 71 00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:59,304 Just what do you mean by this? 72 00:06:59,404 --> 00:07:01,428 I don't like the way you're running this boat. 73 00:07:01,528 --> 00:07:03,707 Get in the backseat and let your wife drive. 74 00:07:03,807 --> 00:07:06,749 I've been captain of this ship for 22 years. 75 00:07:06,849 --> 00:07:07,904 Twenty-two years? 76 00:07:08,004 --> 00:07:10,347 If you were a man, you'd go in business for yourself. 77 00:07:10,447 --> 00:07:12,744 I know a fellow, started last year with a canoe. 78 00:07:12,844 --> 00:07:15,906 He has more women than you can shake a stick at, if you enjoy that. 79 00:07:16,006 --> 00:07:18,065 One more word, and I'll throw you in irons. 80 00:07:18,165 --> 00:07:20,188 You can't do it with irons. It's a mashie shot. 81 00:07:20,288 --> 00:07:23,585 It's a mashie shot if the wind is against you. If the wind isn't, I am. 82 00:07:23,685 --> 00:07:25,665 How about those barrels down below? 83 00:07:25,765 --> 00:07:28,549 - I wouldn't put a pig in there. - See here, you... 84 00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:30,306 Not even if you got down on your knees. 85 00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:33,066 And here's your gloves. You would take them, wouldn't you? 86 00:07:33,166 --> 00:07:34,709 And keep away from my office. 87 00:07:34,809 --> 00:07:36,518 Now, see here, you! 88 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,389 How dare you invade the sanctity of the captain's quarters? 89 00:07:50,489 --> 00:07:52,268 I thought you was the captain. I'm hungry. 90 00:07:52,368 --> 00:07:53,669 I'm gonna find something to eat. 91 00:07:53,769 --> 00:07:55,745 I'll take care of that. Hello. 92 00:07:55,845 --> 00:07:57,910 - Send up the captain's lunch. - Two. 93 00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,719 Send up his dinner, too. Who am I? 94 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,828 I'm the captain. You want to choose up sides? 95 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,186 Engineer, will you tell them to stop the boat from rocking? 96 00:08:10,286 --> 00:08:11,759 I'm gonna have lunch. 97 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:17,468 - What's the matter with you? - What's the matter with me? I'm hungry. 98 00:08:17,568 --> 00:08:19,428 - I didn't eat in three days. - Three days? 99 00:08:19,528 --> 00:08:22,548 - We've only been on the boat two days. - I didn't eat yesterday... 100 00:08:22,648 --> 00:08:25,908 I didn't eat today, and I won't eat tomorrow. That makes three days. 101 00:08:26,008 --> 00:08:28,878 State your business. I've got to shiver my timbers. 102 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:31,949 I got no business. I come up to see the captain's bridge. 103 00:08:32,049 --> 00:08:34,829 Captain's bridge? I'm sorry. He always keeps it in a glass... 104 00:08:34,929 --> 00:08:35,984 while he's eating. 105 00:08:36,084 --> 00:08:38,028 Would you like to see where he sleeps? 106 00:08:38,128 --> 00:08:39,749 I saw that. That's the bunk. 107 00:08:39,849 --> 00:08:42,267 You're wasting your breath, and that's no great loss. 108 00:08:42,367 --> 00:08:43,387 A fine sailor you are. 109 00:08:43,487 --> 00:08:47,067 You bet I'm a fine sailor. You know, my whole family was sailors? 110 00:08:47,167 --> 00:08:50,348 My father was partners with Columbus. What do you think of that? 111 00:08:50,448 --> 00:08:52,665 - Your father and Columbus were partners? - You bet. 112 00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:54,229 Columbus has been dead 400 years. 113 00:08:54,329 --> 00:08:55,869 They told me it was my father. 114 00:08:55,969 --> 00:09:00,186 Hop up there, and I'll show you a few things you don't know about history. 115 00:09:00,286 --> 00:09:02,425 Now look. There's Columbus. 116 00:09:02,525 --> 00:09:04,272 That's Columbus Circle. 117 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:08,587 Would you mind getting up off that flypaper and giving the flies a chance? 118 00:09:08,687 --> 00:09:11,911 You're crazy. Flies can't read papers. 119 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:15,545 Now, Columbus sailed from Spain to India looking for a shortcut. 120 00:09:15,645 --> 00:09:17,710 You mean strawberry shortcut. 121 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,273 I don't know. 122 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,027 When I woke up, there was the nurse taking care of me. 123 00:09:22,127 --> 00:09:24,786 What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself? 124 00:09:24,886 --> 00:09:27,786 You bet she could, but I found it out too late. Enough of this. 125 00:09:27,886 --> 00:09:28,987 Let's get back to Columbus. 126 00:09:29,087 --> 00:09:31,464 - I'd rather get back to the nurse. - So would I. 127 00:09:31,564 --> 00:09:33,747 But Columbus was sailing along on his vessel. 128 00:09:33,847 --> 00:09:36,304 - On his what? - Not on his what. On his vessel. 129 00:09:36,404 --> 00:09:39,312 - Don't you know what "vessel" is? - Sure. I can vessel. 130 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:46,148 Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you? 131 00:09:46,248 --> 00:09:48,747 Now, one night Columbus' sailors started a mutiny. 132 00:09:48,847 --> 00:09:51,709 No mutinies at night. They're in the afternoon. 133 00:09:51,809 --> 00:09:54,067 You know, mutinies Wednesdays and Saturdays. 134 00:09:54,167 --> 00:09:56,628 There's my argument. Restrict immigration. 135 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,229 All right. 136 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:31,869 Of all the colossal impudence! 137 00:10:31,969 --> 00:10:34,424 Why don't you stand up? Can't you see he has no chair? 138 00:10:34,524 --> 00:10:36,345 - Why, you... - You better keep quiet. 139 00:10:36,445 --> 00:10:38,824 We're a couple of big stockholders in this company. 140 00:10:38,924 --> 00:10:40,114 Stockholders? 141 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:42,664 You look like a couple of stowaways to me. 142 00:10:42,764 --> 00:10:47,515 Don't forget that the stockholder of yesteryear is the stowaway of today. 143 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,469 Well, you look exactly like them. 144 00:10:49,569 --> 00:10:51,066 What do they look like? 145 00:10:51,166 --> 00:10:53,906 One of them goes around with a black moustache. 146 00:10:54,006 --> 00:10:57,470 So do I. If I had my choice, I'd go around with a little blonde. 147 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,832 I said one goes around with a black moustache. 148 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:03,790 You couldn't expect a moustache to go around by itself. 149 00:11:03,890 --> 00:11:06,344 Don't you think a moustache ever gets lonely, Captain? 150 00:11:06,444 --> 00:11:07,627 Sure, it gets lonely. 151 00:11:07,727 --> 00:11:11,185 When my grandfather's beard gets here, I'd like it to meet your moustache. 152 00:11:11,285 --> 00:11:13,830 I'll think it over. I'll talk it over with my moustache. 153 00:11:13,930 --> 00:11:15,745 Has your grandfather's beard got any money? 154 00:11:15,845 --> 00:11:18,906 - Money? Why, it fell hair to a fortune. - Now, listen! 155 00:11:19,006 --> 00:11:21,514 Stockholders or no stockholders, you clear out of here! 156 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,026 There's someone in that room. 157 00:11:24,126 --> 00:11:27,954 There's somebody in that closet, and I think it's you, Captain. 158 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:32,789 - Now, we can eat in peace. - All right. Here's a piece for you. 159 00:11:32,889 --> 00:11:33,915 That a baby. 160 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,545 - Beg pardon, Captain. - How dare you enter the captain's quarters... 161 00:11:39,645 --> 00:11:41,551 - while I'm eating. - Sorry, sir. 162 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,038 Now I've got you! 163 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:53,600 Don't forget the butter. 164 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:40,906 You know, there's some mighty pretty country around here. 165 00:12:41,006 --> 00:12:43,070 - I've... - I beg your pardon. 166 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:50,713 - Pardon me. Is this yours? - Why, no. 167 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,591 - You sure? - I'm positive. 168 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,433 - Is this yours? - Yes, it is. 169 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:13,385 As I was saying, there's some mighty beautiful country around here. 170 00:13:13,485 --> 00:13:16,950 - The trees are lovely. - You bet they are. I love them. 171 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,159 Get out of my way! 172 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:45,439 Gibson. Come out of there. 173 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:47,200 Yes, sir. 174 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,626 I want to report I found a... 175 00:14:51,726 --> 00:14:53,306 Gibson, you've been drinking again... 176 00:14:53,406 --> 00:14:54,789 and you know what my orders were. 177 00:14:54,889 --> 00:14:57,509 But those stowaways, I just caught one of them in there. 178 00:14:57,609 --> 00:14:59,984 - Stowaway, huh? - Yes. There he is. 179 00:15:00,084 --> 00:15:02,674 Help! Look out! You're choking me! 180 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:06,035 I thought so. Go to your quarters. 181 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,799 That's one now. 182 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,953 That's a dummy. Come with me. 183 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,674 First officer. 184 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:22,829 I'm telling you, that's him. 185 00:15:22,929 --> 00:15:25,718 This has gone far enough. Get up to your quarters. 186 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:29,835 Yes, sir. 187 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:32,880 Quiet. 188 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,429 I think you're right. 189 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:40,314 I know you're right. 190 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,467 Would you like anything before lunch? 191 00:16:21,567 --> 00:16:22,788 Yes, breakfast. 192 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:26,948 Nobody eats in here. 193 00:16:27,048 --> 00:16:28,048 I do. 194 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,748 Mustard's no good without roast beef. 195 00:16:33,848 --> 00:16:35,708 Do you want your nails trimmed long? 196 00:16:35,808 --> 00:16:38,519 About an hour and a half. I got nothing to do. 197 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,230 You're a nice-looking gal, all right. 198 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:42,584 You got it. 199 00:16:42,684 --> 00:16:43,744 Thank you. 200 00:16:43,844 --> 00:16:45,319 And you can keep it. 201 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:01,078 That's a nice gal? 202 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:03,864 Somebody's coming. 203 00:17:03,964 --> 00:17:05,029 Come on, boys. 204 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:12,752 You're next, Cap. 205 00:17:12,852 --> 00:17:14,745 I'm looking for a couple of mugs. 206 00:17:14,845 --> 00:17:18,384 - No, you boys look on B Deck. - Aye, aye, sir. 207 00:17:18,484 --> 00:17:20,152 How about a shave? 208 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,240 - Sure. Give me a once-over. - Once-over, partner. 209 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:26,864 - No, a shave. - On the face. All right. 210 00:17:26,964 --> 00:17:30,555 - Wake me up when you get through. - We'll take care of you, all right. 211 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:37,676 We take the tonsils last. I think we work on the moustache first. 212 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,478 Give him a little snoop. 213 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:48,357 This side's too long. Give him a little snoop this side. 214 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:53,232 Now this side is too short. 215 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:57,911 It's too short. The other side is too long. Snoop him up. 216 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:01,906 That's better, but the side that was too short now is too long... 217 00:18:02,006 --> 00:18:03,948 and the side that was too long is too short. 218 00:18:04,048 --> 00:18:06,554 I think you got to give him one more snoop. 219 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,032 I think we better measure. 220 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,112 It's about a foot too much. 221 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,718 No, the measure's a foot too much. 222 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:24,952 Now it looks much better. 223 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,870 It can stand one more snoop in the middle, I think. 224 00:18:27,970 --> 00:18:29,632 In the middle, one snoop. 225 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,346 That's fine. That's very good. 226 00:18:35,446 --> 00:18:39,513 I think it's a little bit rough right here. I fix that. 227 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:43,788 You know, I'm never going on this boat again. The food is no good. 228 00:18:43,888 --> 00:18:47,873 Of course, I no eat yet, but even if I don't eat, I like the food good. 229 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,114 One more snoop. 230 00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:00,797 That's beautiful? That's what you call a work of art. 231 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:04,514 Hey, you know, I think you give him one snoop too much. 232 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,509 And I want you to know, I'm fed up on your alibis. 233 00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:12,999 Take it easy. 234 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:15,465 You're getting all excited. 235 00:19:15,565 --> 00:19:17,516 Now where do you think you're going? 236 00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:20,585 Never mind. I'm running this racket. 237 00:19:20,685 --> 00:19:24,070 Just stay here and keep out of sight like I told you. 238 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:29,156 No you don't. Now, listen to me, Mr. Alky Briggs. 239 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:31,265 You can't keep me cooped up like this. 240 00:19:31,365 --> 00:19:34,026 I've played second fiddle on this ship long enough. 241 00:19:34,126 --> 00:19:38,033 Now you listen. I'm not after any dames. 242 00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:43,070 I'm after Joe Helton, I tell you, and he can't get away from me on this boat. 243 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,829 He's got to put his okay on my gang, or he's gonna get this. 244 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,705 Hey, who are you? 245 00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:06,835 I'm the tailor. 246 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,746 That reminds me. Where are my pants? 247 00:20:10,846 --> 00:20:11,955 You've got them on. 248 00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,269 Pardon me while I step into the closet. 249 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:21,587 And get a load of this, if you come in again at 3:00 a. M... 250 00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:25,036 - Stop bothering me. Tell it to the tailor. - Alky! 251 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:27,200 Alky! 252 00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:38,866 What are you doing in there? 253 00:20:38,966 --> 00:20:40,712 Nothing. Come on in. 254 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,828 - You can't stay in that closet. - I can't, can I? 255 00:20:45,928 --> 00:20:48,549 That's what they said to Thomas Edison, mighty inventor... 256 00:20:48,649 --> 00:20:52,025 Thomas Lindbergh, mighty flier, and Thomas Shefsky, mighty like a rose. 257 00:20:52,125 --> 00:20:55,989 Just remember that if there weren't any closets, there wouldn't be any hooks... 258 00:20:56,089 --> 00:21:00,312 and if there weren't any hooks, there'd be no fish, and that would suit me fine. 259 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:05,639 Don't try to hide. I know you're in that closet. 260 00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,519 - Did you see me go in the closet? - No. 261 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,386 - Am I in the closet now? - No. 262 00:21:11,486 --> 00:21:15,473 Then how do you know I was in the closet? Your Honour, I rest my case. 263 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:19,504 Come here, brown eyes. 264 00:21:19,604 --> 00:21:21,909 You're not gonna get me off this bed. 265 00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,508 I didn't know you were a lawyer. You're awfully shy for a lawyer. 266 00:21:25,608 --> 00:21:27,875 You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer. 267 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:30,424 Then what do you think of an egg that would give me... 268 00:21:30,524 --> 00:21:32,468 You've been getting nothing but dirty breaks. 269 00:21:32,568 --> 00:21:34,226 We can clean and tighten your brakes... 270 00:21:34,326 --> 00:21:37,039 but you'll have to stay in the garage all night. 271 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:40,278 I want excitement. I want to ha-cha-cha-cha. 272 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:47,787 You don't realise it. 273 00:21:47,887 --> 00:21:51,105 From the time he got the marriage license, I've led a dog's life. 274 00:21:51,205 --> 00:21:53,068 Are you sure he didn't get a dog's license? 275 00:21:53,168 --> 00:21:54,746 Alky can't make a fool of me. 276 00:21:54,846 --> 00:21:57,027 I want to go places. I want to do things. 277 00:21:57,127 --> 00:21:59,759 I want freedom, I want liberty, I want justice! 278 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:03,627 Madam, you're making history. In fact, you're making me. 279 00:22:03,727 --> 00:22:05,625 And I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself. 280 00:22:05,725 --> 00:22:08,988 You know what I want. I want life, I want laughter, I want gaiety. 281 00:22:09,088 --> 00:22:10,752 I want to ha-cha-cha-cha. 282 00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:19,627 Madam, before I get through with you, you will have a clear case for divorce... 283 00:22:19,727 --> 00:22:20,747 and so will my wife. 284 00:22:20,847 --> 00:22:23,390 The first thing to do is to arrange for a settlement. 285 00:22:23,490 --> 00:22:25,827 You take the children, your husband takes the house. 286 00:22:25,927 --> 00:22:29,108 Junior burns the house, you take the insurance and I take you. 287 00:22:29,208 --> 00:22:30,589 But I haven't any children. 288 00:22:30,689 --> 00:22:34,116 That's the trouble with this country. You haven't any children. 289 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:38,673 And as for me, I'm going back in the closet where men are empty overcoats. 290 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:40,474 Brown eyes. 291 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:35,105 Sir, this is an outrage, breaking into a man's home. 292 00:23:35,205 --> 00:23:39,159 There'll be a letter about this in the Times tomorrow morning. 293 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:40,320 Yeah? 294 00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:45,589 But you won't read it, 'cause I'm gonna lay you out pretty. 295 00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:47,386 You're gonna lay me out pretty? 296 00:23:47,486 --> 00:23:49,944 That's the thanks I get for freeing an innocent girl... 297 00:23:50,044 --> 00:23:51,988 who, although she is hiding at the moment... 298 00:23:52,088 --> 00:23:54,305 has promised to become the mother of her children. 299 00:23:54,405 --> 00:23:57,756 And with that, sir, I bid you a fond farewell. Good day, sir. 300 00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:00,354 Good day. 301 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,465 Come out of there. I want to talk to you. 302 00:24:05,565 --> 00:24:08,067 I'm sorry, but we're using the old-fashioned iceman... 303 00:24:08,167 --> 00:24:11,038 and we find him very satisfactory for keeping the house warm. 304 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,825 Just as I thought, you're yellow, grabbing at a woman's skirts. 305 00:24:18,925 --> 00:24:21,549 - I'm wise. - You're wise? 306 00:24:21,649 --> 00:24:22,907 What's the capital of Nebraska? 307 00:24:23,007 --> 00:24:25,507 What's the capital of the Chase National Bank? Give up? 308 00:24:25,607 --> 00:24:28,745 Now, I'll try you on an easy one. How many Frenchmen can't be wrong? 309 00:24:28,845 --> 00:24:31,107 - I know... - You were warm and so was she. 310 00:24:31,207 --> 00:24:34,149 Don't be discouraged. With a little study you'll go a long way. 311 00:24:34,249 --> 00:24:37,152 - And I'd wish you'd start now. - Do you see this gat? 312 00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:40,745 Cute, isn't it? Santa Claus bring it for Christmas? I got a fire engine. 313 00:24:40,845 --> 00:24:43,347 Listen, mug. Do you know who I am? 314 00:24:43,447 --> 00:24:47,069 Don't tell me. Are you animal or vegetable? Animal. 315 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:52,308 - Get this. I'm Alky Briggs. - And I'm the fellow who talks so much. 316 00:24:52,408 --> 00:24:55,039 Fancy meeting you here after all these drinks. 317 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:01,228 - Wait a minute. - Sorry, I can't stay. 318 00:25:01,328 --> 00:25:02,789 The captain's waiting to chase me. 319 00:25:02,889 --> 00:25:06,156 You can stay, all right, until I finish with you. 320 00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:07,909 Alky, darling, please! 321 00:25:08,009 --> 00:25:11,151 Don't "darling" me. Get in that next room and stay there! 322 00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:14,111 Get in that next room. 323 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,068 I'm not good enough for her, am I? 324 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,837 Is there anything you've got to say before I drill you? 325 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,266 - Yes, I'd like to ask you one question. - Go ahead. 326 00:25:27,366 --> 00:25:30,825 Do you think that girls think less of a boy if he lets himself be kissed? 327 00:25:30,925 --> 00:25:33,826 Don't you think that although girls go out with boys like me... 328 00:25:33,926 --> 00:25:35,831 they always marry the other kind? 329 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:39,868 If you're gonna kill me, hurry up. I have to take my tonic at 2:00. 330 00:25:39,968 --> 00:25:42,713 I can use a guy with your nerve. 331 00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:46,147 I think we could get along well together. 332 00:25:46,247 --> 00:25:49,066 Of course, the first year we might have our little squabbles. 333 00:25:49,166 --> 00:25:51,754 But, then, that's inevitable, don't you think? 334 00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:57,998 And what do you want here? 335 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:01,391 I was just looking for him. 336 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,269 Do you know this guy? 337 00:26:03,369 --> 00:26:06,628 I've known him for years. He used to live in the next barrel to me. 338 00:26:06,728 --> 00:26:09,871 I see. The stowaways. 339 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:12,868 I can help you bozos. 340 00:26:12,968 --> 00:26:17,192 - Mr. Bozos to you. - All right, Mr. Bozo. And you can help me. 341 00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:21,305 I'm shorthanded, and I want to get a guy on this boat. 342 00:26:21,405 --> 00:26:24,870 It's too late to get him on now. Should've said so before we sailed. 343 00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:29,398 Listen. This is a map of B Deck. There's Joe Helton's stateroom. 344 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:34,392 And he's a tough egg. And you're coming with me... 345 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,269 while I have it out with Joe. 346 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:39,829 Do you know who Joe Helton is? 347 00:26:39,929 --> 00:26:42,267 I think I'll get off this boat until this blows over. 348 00:26:42,367 --> 00:26:45,352 If you know what's good for you, you'll stick with me. 349 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:51,150 You keep the windows covered while I go in. Now, move! 350 00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:42,469 What is the idea of this? 351 00:28:42,569 --> 00:28:44,835 It's all right. I make a move for you. 352 00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:47,110 - This is an outrage! - I'll call the captain! 353 00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:49,865 - The captain don't play chess. - Purser! 354 00:28:49,965 --> 00:28:53,068 - Steward! Come here. - Too much noise here for us. 355 00:28:53,168 --> 00:28:55,594 We better go someplace where it's quiet. 356 00:28:58,560 --> 00:28:59,560 Come in. 357 00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,477 - Your cigars, sir. - Thanks. 358 00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:10,959 Wait a minute. 359 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:16,628 Thank you, sir. 360 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:43,308 Dad, now look at you. You aren't even dressed yet. 361 00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:46,713 You can do all the dressing for the family, Mary. 362 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:50,310 Old Joe Helton is taking things easy for the rest of his life. 363 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:53,037 We're big shots now, baby. 364 00:29:58,560 --> 00:29:59,560 Come in. 365 00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:06,474 - Hello, Joe. - Hello, Briggs. What do you want? 366 00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:09,194 I just wanted to have a friendly talk. 367 00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:12,184 I'm sort of worried about business. 368 00:30:12,284 --> 00:30:13,589 Step in the other room, baby. 369 00:30:13,689 --> 00:30:15,557 - But, Dad... - Run along, honey. 370 00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:19,720 Your kid? 371 00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:24,198 She's cute, isn't she? 372 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:28,277 I don't think we've got anything to talk about. Get out. 373 00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:31,147 Not before I get your okay on my gang. 374 00:30:31,247 --> 00:30:34,516 - I'm not doing you any favours. - Yes, you are. 375 00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:37,718 You're gonna sign this. 376 00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:50,948 I'm taking over your territory, or there's gonna be trouble. 377 00:30:51,048 --> 00:30:52,951 I'm taking no sides. 378 00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,986 You'll have to fight it out with Butch and the gang. 379 00:30:56,086 --> 00:30:58,709 I'm stepping into your shoes as boss. 380 00:30:58,809 --> 00:31:01,669 I'm not backing up any small-time chiseller. 381 00:31:01,769 --> 00:31:03,985 Don't put on the Ritz with me. 382 00:31:04,085 --> 00:31:05,905 Don't get cocky with me, Briggs. 383 00:31:06,005 --> 00:31:07,187 I'm talking turkey. 384 00:31:07,287 --> 00:31:10,388 You can't make all the dough and then run out on your pals. 385 00:31:10,488 --> 00:31:13,074 I'm not taking orders from a mug like you! 386 00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:15,784 Scram! 387 00:31:15,884 --> 00:31:18,075 So that's your answer? Here's mine! 388 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:30,076 So you got your gang with you? I'll get you later. 389 00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:34,713 Who are you guys? 390 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,026 What are you doing in my room? 391 00:31:38,126 --> 00:31:41,157 That's my partner, but he no speak. He's dumb and deaf. 392 00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:50,029 You guys don't know it, but you just scared a pretty tough egg out of this room. 393 00:31:50,129 --> 00:31:51,758 Sure, we're a couple of tough guys. 394 00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:54,110 - Do you want to make some money? - Money? 395 00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:59,075 Money? Feel this muscle. Feel his muscle. 396 00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:03,631 All right. How much you pay? 397 00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:05,826 Just how tough are you? 398 00:32:05,926 --> 00:32:07,788 You pay little bit, we're little bit tough. 399 00:32:07,888 --> 00:32:09,349 You pay very much, very much tough. 400 00:32:09,449 --> 00:32:11,106 You pay too much, we're too much tough. 401 00:32:11,206 --> 00:32:12,786 - How much you pay? - I pay plenty. 402 00:32:12,886 --> 00:32:15,838 Then we're plenty tough. And we show you, too. 403 00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,668 Partner, show him how tough we are. 404 00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:26,426 See? That's nothing. That's free. Now we give you the real stuff this time. 405 00:32:26,526 --> 00:32:28,745 Come on. Put some pep in it. 406 00:32:28,845 --> 00:32:31,434 The one-two uppercut. You know, on the button. 407 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:35,756 No downstairs button. Upstairs button. 408 00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:45,948 That's fine. That's good, all right. 409 00:32:46,048 --> 00:32:49,228 I tell him you're tough, and you punch like a lily. What's a matter? 410 00:32:49,328 --> 00:32:52,392 You wanna lose this job? Give him the stuff this time. 411 00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:54,944 Excuse me, boss. He can do much better... 412 00:32:55,044 --> 00:32:56,067 but he no work good today. 413 00:32:56,167 --> 00:32:58,385 He no get paid. When he get paid, you watch him. 414 00:32:58,485 --> 00:33:01,269 Come on. This time we give him the works. Come on. Hurry up. 415 00:33:01,369 --> 00:33:04,309 On the button this time. Come on, I tell you. On the button. 416 00:33:04,409 --> 00:33:06,625 Hurry up. Give me the punch. Come on. 417 00:33:06,725 --> 00:33:07,714 All right. 418 00:33:07,814 --> 00:33:09,631 Come on! Punch! 419 00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:23,598 That's enough. Wait. 420 00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:26,635 - What do you think of us? - You're great. 421 00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:29,145 Not so loud. You want him to get a swell head? 422 00:33:29,245 --> 00:33:31,913 You guys are plenty tough, all right. 423 00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:34,912 I'm spying on you. 424 00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:38,920 You're just the fellows I need. You're hired. 425 00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:43,189 - We're great, huh? - You're great. 426 00:33:43,289 --> 00:33:44,786 - My partner? - He's great. 427 00:33:44,886 --> 00:33:46,916 My grandfather's great. He's a great-grandfather. 428 00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:51,588 When Helton comes out of his room, plug him. 429 00:33:51,688 --> 00:33:54,629 - What'll we plug him with? - Didn't I give you two gats? 430 00:33:54,729 --> 00:33:57,786 We had to drown the gat, but we saved you a little black gitten. 431 00:33:57,886 --> 00:34:00,314 Here, take these, and hang onto them now. 432 00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:03,829 Don't leave me for a minute. 433 00:34:03,929 --> 00:34:06,986 And keep your eye on that guy that just went out of here. 434 00:34:07,086 --> 00:34:08,075 You understand. 435 00:34:08,175 --> 00:34:11,118 Anybody come near the boss, let him have it. 436 00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:13,149 You're all right now, boss. 437 00:34:13,249 --> 00:34:16,306 Anybody comes near you... What's a matter with you? Look out. 438 00:34:16,406 --> 00:34:18,625 That's all right. He was just practicing. 439 00:34:18,725 --> 00:34:19,747 Get out. 440 00:34:19,847 --> 00:34:23,469 Now I can take a walk out on deck and feel safe. Come on. Let's go. 441 00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:34,225 There he comes now. Get him. 442 00:34:34,325 --> 00:34:37,710 Don't worry. We'll get him. I've got my finger on the trigger. 443 00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:50,986 Hey, don't forget. 444 00:34:51,086 --> 00:34:53,719 Anybody comes near the boss, let him have it. 445 00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:30,070 It's the boss. He's got a disguise. 446 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:32,556 Take off the whiskers. We know you. 447 00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:34,946 What do you mean? 448 00:35:35,046 --> 00:35:36,646 Officer! 449 00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:47,710 Why didn't you get him? Not afraid, are you? 450 00:35:47,810 --> 00:35:49,785 Afraid? Me? A man who's licked his weight... 451 00:35:49,885 --> 00:35:52,599 in wild caterpillars? Afraid? You bet I'm afraid. 452 00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:56,637 - So... - Hello. How are things in the closet? 453 00:35:57,276 --> 00:35:58,749 You know, I still smell of mothballs. 454 00:35:58,849 --> 00:36:00,910 I don't want to talk to you. 455 00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:15,907 So here you are, loafing around with these tramps. 456 00:36:16,007 --> 00:36:17,549 I came down to see Joe Helton. 457 00:36:17,649 --> 00:36:19,269 - Don't you think we'd better go? - What? 458 00:36:19,369 --> 00:36:21,265 And leave this woman alone with her husband? 459 00:36:21,365 --> 00:36:22,786 Suppose her sweetheart came in. 460 00:36:22,886 --> 00:36:26,105 Alky Briggs, don't think you can keep me cooped up in that stateroom. 461 00:36:26,205 --> 00:36:27,264 Because you're crazy! 462 00:36:27,364 --> 00:36:29,947 You'll stay down there and keep out of my business. 463 00:36:30,047 --> 00:36:31,035 Do you understand? 464 00:36:31,135 --> 00:36:32,908 - Keep out of my business. - Your turn. 465 00:36:33,008 --> 00:36:36,268 You were going to show me a good time. A good time! 466 00:36:36,368 --> 00:36:38,787 I might as well have stayed home and played solitaire! 467 00:36:38,887 --> 00:36:39,907 Your turn. 468 00:36:40,007 --> 00:36:42,906 Pipe down. I've more important things than you to worry about. 469 00:36:43,006 --> 00:36:43,995 Your turn. 470 00:36:44,095 --> 00:36:46,384 You say that again and I'll scratch your eyes out! 471 00:36:46,484 --> 00:36:49,189 You take this gun. You're gonna need it more than I will. 472 00:36:49,289 --> 00:36:50,554 Oh, you! 473 00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:11,148 Just the man I wanna see. If I show you how to save 20%... 474 00:37:11,248 --> 00:37:13,268 would you be interested? Of course you would. 475 00:37:13,368 --> 00:37:16,069 First, your overhead is too high and your brow is too low. 476 00:37:16,169 --> 00:37:18,747 Interested already, aren't you? Wait till I get through. 477 00:37:18,847 --> 00:37:21,629 - I haven't got time. - Two fellows are trying to attack you... 478 00:37:21,729 --> 00:37:24,706 and two fellows are trying to defend you. Now, that's 50% waste. 479 00:37:24,806 --> 00:37:26,828 Why can't you be attacked by your bodyguards? 480 00:37:26,928 --> 00:37:30,385 Your life will be saved, and that's 100% waste. Now what have you got? 481 00:37:30,485 --> 00:37:31,986 Me, and I'll attack you for nothing. 482 00:37:32,086 --> 00:37:34,225 - What are you getting at? - I anticipated that. 483 00:37:34,325 --> 00:37:37,226 How does an army travel? On its stomach. And you? On a ship. 484 00:37:37,326 --> 00:37:38,986 Of course, you're saving your stomach. 485 00:37:39,086 --> 00:37:41,427 - The same common sense... - I don't think you realise... 486 00:37:41,527 --> 00:37:44,070 I realise it's a penny here and there, but look at me. 487 00:37:44,170 --> 00:37:47,508 I've worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty. What do you say? 488 00:37:47,608 --> 00:37:50,107 - I'll tell you what I say... - Then it's all settled. 489 00:37:50,207 --> 00:37:52,584 I'm to be your new bodyguard. In case I attack you... 490 00:37:52,684 --> 00:37:54,149 I'll be there to defend you, too. 491 00:37:54,249 --> 00:37:57,306 When you want to be attacked, I'll defend you 10 minutes later. 492 00:37:57,406 --> 00:38:01,279 I've already got two bodyguards, but I'll think it over. 493 00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:18,432 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 494 00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:22,025 - What's the matter with you? - I've got a frog in my throat. 495 00:38:22,125 --> 00:38:24,429 - What? - A frog in my throat. 496 00:38:24,720 --> 00:38:27,439 - You've got a frog in your throat. - Yes. 497 00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:32,552 You can't do that to my customers! Cut it out! 498 00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:36,110 Say, what's the matter with you? Are you crazy or something? 499 00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:03,997 Have your landing cards and passports ready, please. 500 00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,306 - How do you do, Madame Swempski? - Hello, boys. 501 00:39:10,406 --> 00:39:12,864 - Any statement for the press? - No, I'm afraid not. 502 00:39:12,964 --> 00:39:14,589 Nothing of interest on this tour. 503 00:39:14,689 --> 00:39:17,469 Is it true the opera is on the decline in Central Europe? 504 00:39:17,569 --> 00:39:18,624 Absurd. 505 00:39:18,724 --> 00:39:22,148 I predict they're going to have the greatest year they've ever had. 506 00:39:22,248 --> 00:39:25,545 Is it true that you're gonna get married again while on this tour? 507 00:39:25,645 --> 00:39:29,909 - Gentlemen, I don't know what to say. - Gentlemen, I'd say just this. 508 00:39:30,009 --> 00:39:31,788 The bicycle will never replace the horse. 509 00:39:31,888 --> 00:39:34,105 But, the horse will never replace the bicycle... 510 00:39:34,205 --> 00:39:37,707 which is quite a horse on the bicycle if I ever saw one, and I never did. 511 00:39:37,807 --> 00:39:40,067 I dare you to print that, you muckrakers. 512 00:39:40,167 --> 00:39:42,305 - Have a cigar, babe. - Okay for the picture, Joe. 513 00:39:42,405 --> 00:39:45,472 Pictures? Here's a little sex stuff for your front page. 514 00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:48,551 Now, hold it steady, please. 515 00:39:55,120 --> 00:39:57,909 You can say it was a real love match. We married for money. 516 00:39:58,009 --> 00:40:01,587 Eh, my shrinking violet? It won't hurt you to shrink 30 or 40 pounds. 517 00:40:01,687 --> 00:40:02,904 You impudent cad! 518 00:40:03,004 --> 00:40:05,789 - I'll report you to your paper. - Let me do the reporting. 519 00:40:05,889 --> 00:40:09,424 Is it true you'll get a divorce as soon as your husband recovers his sight? 520 00:40:09,524 --> 00:40:11,505 Is it true you wash your hair in clam broth? 521 00:40:11,605 --> 00:40:14,628 - Is it true you danced in a flea circus? - This is outrageous! 522 00:40:14,728 --> 00:40:17,466 - If you don't stop, I'll call the captain. - So that's it. 523 00:40:17,566 --> 00:40:19,705 Infatuated with a pretty uniform. We don't count. 524 00:40:19,805 --> 00:40:22,626 We gave you our best years, now you want an officer. 525 00:40:22,726 --> 00:40:24,349 I don't like this innuendo. 526 00:40:24,449 --> 00:40:27,984 That's what I always say, love flies out the door when money comes innuendo. 527 00:40:28,084 --> 00:40:32,029 Good-bye. It's nice to have seen you, but I've got nobody to blame but myself. 528 00:40:32,129 --> 00:40:34,350 - Could you tell me... - Please... 529 00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:36,752 You're awfully glum. 530 00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:41,514 I was just thinking, after the boat lands, I may never see you again. 531 00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:45,476 Does it matter to you whether you ever see me again? 532 00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,466 I can't think of anything in the world that matters more. 533 00:40:49,566 --> 00:40:51,551 Mary, I'll never leave you. 534 00:40:58,720 --> 00:40:59,720 Tag. 535 00:40:59,880 --> 00:41:00,880 Tag. 536 00:41:07,720 --> 00:41:09,386 Wait a minute! 537 00:41:09,486 --> 00:41:11,864 I'm just trying to sneak off the boat, that's all. 538 00:41:11,964 --> 00:41:13,546 I'm looking for the man who owns... 539 00:41:13,646 --> 00:41:15,471 Where's your passport? 540 00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:20,550 Wait a minute. Let me handle this. 541 00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:24,066 I don't like to speak about it, Officer, but I happen to be... 542 00:41:24,166 --> 00:41:26,464 a good friend of the meat supplier to this boat. 543 00:41:26,564 --> 00:41:28,545 - Well? - Well, do you like lamb chops? 544 00:41:28,645 --> 00:41:31,386 - Yes, what of it? - This man doesn't handle lamb chops. 545 00:41:31,486 --> 00:41:33,226 But the roast beef is very good today. 546 00:41:33,326 --> 00:41:36,226 You fellows can't get off the boat without showing passports. 547 00:41:36,326 --> 00:41:40,147 Get on back there at the end of the line and get your passports open. 548 00:41:40,247 --> 00:41:41,912 Go on. Get back there. 549 00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:46,545 Stuffed shirt. When he said that to me... 550 00:41:46,645 --> 00:41:48,596 you could've knocked me over with a feather. 551 00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:51,472 He gives you service. 552 00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:58,599 It looks like we're up against it. It's up to you to get us a passport. 553 00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:02,866 I got you, didn't I? 554 00:42:02,966 --> 00:42:06,425 Well, you'll have to get up pretty early in the morning to steal from me. 555 00:42:06,525 --> 00:42:10,433 He did get up early this morning, but you weren't here. Perhaps tomorrow? 556 00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:13,510 Well, come on. Let's try another one. 557 00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:17,984 What's the idea, putting your hand in my pocket? 558 00:42:18,084 --> 00:42:19,389 Just a little mistake. 559 00:42:19,489 --> 00:42:23,067 I had a suit that looked just like that and I thought those were my pants. 560 00:42:23,167 --> 00:42:25,225 How could they be yours, when I've got them on? 561 00:42:25,325 --> 00:42:27,145 This suit had two pairs of pants. 562 00:42:27,245 --> 00:42:28,949 Better keep your hands to yourself. 563 00:42:29,049 --> 00:42:32,584 Do you know who's on this boat? Maurice Chevalier, the movie actor. 564 00:42:32,684 --> 00:42:34,788 - I just ran into him. - Did you hurt him? 565 00:42:34,888 --> 00:42:38,265 - How do you know it was Chevalier? - I got his passport right there. 566 00:42:38,365 --> 00:42:40,316 Now he can't get off the boat. 567 00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:44,106 Hey, he looks like Chevalier. And I can look like Chevalier. 568 00:42:44,206 --> 00:42:46,866 - I certainly look like Chevalier. - But that's not enough. 569 00:42:46,966 --> 00:42:48,988 You have to sing his song to get off this boat. 570 00:42:49,088 --> 00:42:52,146 If a nightingale could sing like you 571 00:42:52,246 --> 00:42:55,268 They'd sing much better than you do 572 00:42:55,368 --> 00:42:58,026 Dandy. Sing like that, they'll throw us all off the boat. 573 00:42:58,126 --> 00:43:00,236 - Well, let's try it. - All right. Come on. 574 00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:02,109 Have your passports ready. Straight out... 575 00:43:02,209 --> 00:43:04,350 you'll find the baggage on the deck. 576 00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:07,346 Have your passports ready. 577 00:43:07,446 --> 00:43:10,159 Keep in line, everybody. 945. 578 00:43:11,240 --> 00:43:14,118 Keep in line, everybody. Have your passports ready. 579 00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:16,280 1092. 580 00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:23,429 - Never mind. Hey, if you want to get off the boat... 581 00:43:23,529 --> 00:43:25,824 - get in the back. - Oh, I didn't get on in the back. 582 00:43:25,924 --> 00:43:27,905 - I got on in the front. - Never mind that. 583 00:43:28,005 --> 00:43:30,427 - Leave them alone. - You're right... 584 00:43:30,527 --> 00:43:33,266 - I told them to stay in line. - Yeah? Show me your passport. 585 00:43:33,366 --> 00:43:37,426 - Yeah, right here. That's my name. - Maurice Chevalier? 586 00:43:37,526 --> 00:43:38,526 Yeah. 587 00:43:38,647 --> 00:43:41,785 - This picture doesn't look like you. - Sure, I'm Maurice Chevalier. 588 00:43:41,885 --> 00:43:42,907 I'll sing for you. 589 00:43:43,007 --> 00:43:46,028 If a nightingale could sing like you 590 00:43:46,128 --> 00:43:49,468 They'd sing much better than they do 591 00:43:49,568 --> 00:43:51,428 Here, never mind that. 592 00:43:51,528 --> 00:43:53,590 Get back in line where you belong. 593 00:43:57,840 --> 00:43:59,273 I was ahead of you! 594 00:44:00,720 --> 00:44:01,914 Your passport. 595 00:44:02,720 --> 00:44:06,235 Let me have your passport. This picture doesn't look like you. 596 00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:10,386 It don't look like me from the front, but go in the back of the boat, just like me. 597 00:44:10,486 --> 00:44:12,428 You're not Maurice Chevalier. 598 00:44:12,528 --> 00:44:14,106 - Are you Maurice Chevalier? - No. 599 00:44:14,206 --> 00:44:16,555 Well, there you are. Wait. I prove it. 600 00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:19,905 If a nightingale could sing like you 601 00:44:20,005 --> 00:44:22,986 He sing much better than you do and 602 00:44:23,086 --> 00:44:24,086 Out! 603 00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:26,228 - No push me! - Get out of here! 604 00:44:26,328 --> 00:44:28,834 Get back in line where you belong. Passport! 605 00:44:31,240 --> 00:44:34,944 - This picture doesn't look like you. - It doesn't look like you either. 606 00:44:35,044 --> 00:44:38,112 - This man has no moustache. - The barbershop wasn't open. 607 00:44:38,240 --> 00:44:41,226 - Why, look at that face. - Well, look at that face. 608 00:44:41,326 --> 00:44:43,784 Hey, are you going to identify yourself, or else... 609 00:44:43,884 --> 00:44:47,185 If a nightingale could sing like you 610 00:44:47,285 --> 00:44:49,840 They'd sing much sweeter than they do 611 00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:53,670 For you brought a new kind of love to me 612 00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:57,030 Out! Back in line where you belong! 613 00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:02,952 Get off there! 614 00:45:03,052 --> 00:45:07,026 - Get off the table! - What do you think this is here? 615 00:45:07,126 --> 00:45:10,590 - Put that down! - Lunatic! 616 00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:15,307 - Stop that! - You want to break that? 617 00:45:15,407 --> 00:45:17,630 Here, let it alone! 618 00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:23,232 Passport. I said passport, not pasteboard. 619 00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:29,196 Come on with that passport! Not washboard! 620 00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:31,035 Passport! 621 00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:35,396 Chevalier? 622 00:45:37,240 --> 00:45:41,386 If a nightingale could sing like you 623 00:45:41,486 --> 00:45:44,828 They'd sing much sweeter than they do 624 00:45:44,928 --> 00:45:49,710 For you brought a new kind of love to me 625 00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:55,239 And if the sandman brought me dreams of you 626 00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:59,826 I'd want to dream my whole life through 627 00:45:59,926 --> 00:46:04,277 For you brought a new kind of love to me 628 00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:15,039 Get him out of here! 629 00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:18,466 - Put him back there where he belongs! - Take it easy, folks. 630 00:46:18,566 --> 00:46:23,236 The gangplank is to the left, please. Don't crowd. Don't crowd. 631 00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:27,746 - Take your time. Ladies first. - Let me off the boat. I'm a sick man. 632 00:46:27,846 --> 00:46:29,825 - I feel faint. - I don't care, take your time. 633 00:46:29,925 --> 00:46:32,753 I tell you, I feel faint. I'm going to faint. 634 00:46:33,520 --> 00:46:36,239 - Someone get a doctor! - Somebody fainted. 635 00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:39,347 Where's a doctor? A doctor! I want a doctor! 636 00:46:39,447 --> 00:46:43,672 She's sick. We'll take care of you. Look, she's got a chill, cover her up. 637 00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:47,275 No, get off. Take her pulse. 638 00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:51,715 No purse, put it back. Pulse. I think you best take her temperature. 639 00:46:52,080 --> 00:46:54,544 That's good, we'll take care of you, lady. 640 00:46:54,644 --> 00:46:55,834 All right. 641 00:46:57,040 --> 00:47:00,191 You fools, I'm not the patient. 642 00:47:01,080 --> 00:47:02,991 We're not the doctor. Come on. 643 00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:05,550 Doctor! Is there a doctor on the boat? 644 00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:06,840 Doctor! 645 00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:10,589 - Are you a doctor? - Sure, I'm a doctor. Where's the horse? 646 00:47:10,689 --> 00:47:13,506 - A man fainted over here. - Man fainted? I'll soon fix him. 647 00:47:13,606 --> 00:47:16,034 Just my hard luck it couldn't be a woman. 648 00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:22,669 Here's the doctor. 649 00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:26,145 Just as I thought, smoking too much. 650 00:47:26,245 --> 00:47:28,028 Here he is here, Doctor. 651 00:47:28,128 --> 00:47:30,190 Don't tell me. I'll find him myself. 652 00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:39,319 I can't do anything for that man. He's fainted. 653 00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:41,705 What he needs is an ocean voyage. 654 00:47:41,805 --> 00:47:45,025 In the meantime, get him off the boat and have his baggage examined. 655 00:47:45,125 --> 00:47:46,114 Gangway! 656 00:47:46,214 --> 00:47:47,749 You all get close so he won't recover. 657 00:47:47,849 --> 00:47:51,150 Right this way, please. Step right around here. 658 00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:59,909 Step lively down there. 659 00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:14,510 Back that ambulance in here! 660 00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:19,840 Hey! 661 00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:31,112 Helton's throwing his party tonight, and this time we blow the works. 662 00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:33,949 Now, you guys are going in as musicians. 663 00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:36,827 And stay that way until I give you the office. 664 00:48:36,927 --> 00:48:38,868 Say, what about those four guys in the house? 665 00:48:38,968 --> 00:48:40,466 The ones you said were on the boat. 666 00:48:40,566 --> 00:48:43,509 Don't worry about them. They eat out of my hand. 667 00:48:43,609 --> 00:48:47,789 The thing for you to worry about is that girl. Keep your eye on her. Get me? 668 00:48:47,889 --> 00:48:49,705 That ought be easy to take. 669 00:48:49,805 --> 00:48:50,794 Okay. 670 00:48:50,894 --> 00:48:52,996 Sit tight and I'll give you a call. 671 00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:32,389 Have you guys got an invitation? 672 00:49:32,489 --> 00:49:34,385 We give you invitation of Chevalier. 673 00:49:34,485 --> 00:49:38,227 When the nightingale sings like you 674 00:49:38,327 --> 00:49:42,518 Cut it out! And stay away from this door, see? 675 00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:57,680 Mary? 676 00:50:03,440 --> 00:50:06,984 You certainly had me worried. I thought you'd forgotten your own party. 677 00:50:07,084 --> 00:50:10,959 You haven't been doing all the worrying. I was afraid you wouldn't come. 678 00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:24,317 My, but, there are a lot of strange-looking people here. 679 00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:42,994 Ladies and gentlemen! Quiet, everybody. 680 00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:47,184 A lady's diamond earring has been lost. It looks exactly like this. 681 00:50:47,284 --> 00:50:48,872 In fact, this is it. 682 00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:51,904 I beg your pardon! 683 00:50:52,004 --> 00:50:54,187 How about you and I passing out on the veranda? 684 00:50:54,287 --> 00:50:55,706 Or would you rather pass out here? 685 00:50:55,806 --> 00:50:57,705 Sir, you have the advantage of me. 686 00:50:57,805 --> 00:51:00,669 Not yet, but wait till I get you outside. 687 00:51:00,769 --> 00:51:02,905 You're pretty fresh, aren't you? 688 00:51:03,005 --> 00:51:05,666 That's my wife and I don't like the way you're acting here. 689 00:51:05,766 --> 00:51:08,586 If you don't like our country, go back where you came from. 690 00:51:08,686 --> 00:51:10,548 I should sink that right in your scalp. 691 00:51:10,648 --> 00:51:12,827 - Run for your life! The Indians are coming! - What? 692 00:51:12,927 --> 00:51:15,354 Put your scalp in your pocket. Here. The Indians. 693 00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:18,831 - Come here. - I'll get him. 694 00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:25,186 Have a good time, kid. This is going to be a real party. 695 00:51:25,286 --> 00:51:27,989 Is this a party? The beer is warm, the women are cold... 696 00:51:28,089 --> 00:51:29,267 and I'm hot under the collar. 697 00:51:29,367 --> 00:51:32,346 In fact, a more poisonous little barbecue I've never attended. 698 00:51:32,446 --> 00:51:35,069 You're a funny kind of a duck, but I like you. 699 00:51:35,169 --> 00:51:37,544 You stuck by me, and I'll stick by you. 700 00:51:37,644 --> 00:51:40,227 Sheriff, I ain't much on flowery sentiments... 701 00:51:40,327 --> 00:51:42,385 but there's something I just got to tell you. 702 00:51:42,485 --> 00:51:44,944 Shucks, man, I'd be nothing but a poisonous varmint... 703 00:51:45,044 --> 00:51:47,025 and not fit to touch the hem of your pants... 704 00:51:47,125 --> 00:51:50,388 if I didn't tell you you've treated me square, mighty square... 705 00:51:50,488 --> 00:51:52,152 and I ain't forgetting. 706 00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:58,914 Sheriff, I ain't forgetting. 707 00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:04,909 Whoa, there, Bossie. Whoa, there! 708 00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:19,476 My friends, this is indeed a surprise. 709 00:52:20,840 --> 00:52:22,990 You couldn't have pleased me better. 710 00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:28,470 I want you to meet the sweetest little thing in the whole wide world. 711 00:52:36,920 --> 00:52:38,478 - Hey. - Yes, sir? 712 00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:42,265 No, it's special for Mr. Helton, sir. 713 00:52:42,365 --> 00:52:43,998 You see this? 714 00:52:51,440 --> 00:52:54,876 Come back in a half hour, and I'll give you another look at it. 715 00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:06,865 Listen. Keep your eye on Helton. 716 00:53:06,965 --> 00:53:09,669 We're gonna grab his daughter and take her to the old barn. 717 00:53:09,769 --> 00:53:12,027 Old barn? A fine tinhorn sport you are. 718 00:53:12,127 --> 00:53:15,345 With all the good shows in town, taking a girl to an old barn! 719 00:53:15,445 --> 00:53:18,309 Once we get a hold of that girl, he'll take orders from me. 720 00:53:18,409 --> 00:53:20,146 - I'll show him... - Enough small talk. 721 00:53:20,246 --> 00:53:22,549 - Where's your wife, Lucille? - Would you... 722 00:53:22,760 --> 00:53:24,506 Someone's coming. I'll be back. 723 00:53:24,606 --> 00:53:27,549 Be back next Thursday, and bring a specimen of your handwriting. 724 00:53:27,649 --> 00:53:29,198 And, above all, don't worry. 725 00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:54,389 What brought you here? 726 00:53:54,489 --> 00:53:57,785 It's midsummer madness. The music is in my temples... 727 00:53:57,885 --> 00:54:01,627 the hot blood of youth. Come, Kapellmeister. Let the violas throb. 728 00:54:01,727 --> 00:54:03,517 My regiment leaves at dawn. 729 00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:39,755 I guess my regiment can go without me. 730 00:54:42,800 --> 00:54:45,589 No, don't, my husband might be inside. 731 00:54:45,689 --> 00:54:47,585 If he finds me out here, he'll wallop me. 732 00:54:47,685 --> 00:54:51,468 Always thinking of your husband. Couldn't I wallop you just as well? 733 00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:54,427 I heard Alky talking about this party. 734 00:54:54,527 --> 00:54:56,829 I've dreamed of a night like this, I tell you. 735 00:54:57,040 --> 00:54:58,865 You tell me about some of your dreams. 736 00:54:58,965 --> 00:55:03,548 Dreams? I can't even sleep anymore, wondering who he's chasing around with. 737 00:55:03,648 --> 00:55:06,429 Why can't we break away from all this, just you and I... 738 00:55:06,529 --> 00:55:10,957 and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean, flee to my lodge in the hills. 739 00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:12,469 No, I couldn't think of it. 740 00:55:12,569 --> 00:55:15,269 Don't be afraid. You can join this lodge for a few pennies. 741 00:55:15,369 --> 00:55:17,744 You won't even have to take a physical examination... 742 00:55:17,844 --> 00:55:19,273 unless you insist on one. 743 00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:22,836 What a swell home life I've got. 744 00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:28,836 Why, I think I'd almost marry you to spite that double-crossing crook. 745 00:55:30,840 --> 00:55:31,909 Mrs. Briggs... 746 00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:35,785 I've known and respected your husband Alky for many years... 747 00:55:35,885 --> 00:55:38,838 and what's good enough for him is good enough for me. 748 00:55:47,600 --> 00:55:48,800 Emily! 749 00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:52,388 Henry, carefully, somebody may see us. 750 00:55:52,488 --> 00:55:54,189 I've been careful too long. 751 00:55:54,289 --> 00:55:57,106 Now that you've brought it up, how long have you been careful? 752 00:55:57,206 --> 00:55:59,707 - They saw us! - Be calm, Emily. I'll talk to them. 753 00:55:59,807 --> 00:56:01,429 You won't say anything about this? 754 00:56:01,529 --> 00:56:04,070 Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much? 755 00:56:04,170 --> 00:56:07,907 But you don't understand. You see, I'm not happy with my husband. 756 00:56:08,007 --> 00:56:10,028 He should've married some little housewife. 757 00:56:10,128 --> 00:56:13,078 Madam, I resent that. Some of my best friends are housewives. 758 00:56:15,480 --> 00:56:17,029 Now, see here, if you're going to... 759 00:56:17,129 --> 00:56:18,988 You're living in a fool's paradise. 760 00:56:19,088 --> 00:56:22,225 You intend to spend $10 to buy this woman a ring? Look at this. 761 00:56:22,325 --> 00:56:24,827 It's solid brass and $1.50 takes it away. 762 00:56:24,927 --> 00:56:27,906 I know it'll fit her. I got it from the nose of a savage. 763 00:56:28,006 --> 00:56:30,992 Well? $1.50. You can have it for $1. 764 00:56:31,720 --> 00:56:33,987 Fifty cents and not a nickel under. 765 00:56:34,087 --> 00:56:37,747 Now, my friends, what am I offered for this fine French piece of bric-a-brac? 766 00:56:37,847 --> 00:56:39,665 I know what it is to be unhappy. 767 00:56:39,765 --> 00:56:42,064 How do you think I feel? I'm stuck with this ring. 768 00:56:42,164 --> 00:56:44,789 I've been married for four years, four years of neglect... 769 00:56:44,889 --> 00:56:47,227 four years of battling, four years of heartbreaks. 770 00:56:47,327 --> 00:56:49,986 That makes 12 years. You must've been married in rompers. 771 00:56:50,086 --> 00:56:53,587 Mighty pretty country around there. Do you think you'll ever go back? 772 00:56:53,687 --> 00:56:55,389 Come here, babe. I like you. 773 00:56:55,489 --> 00:56:57,784 I shouldn't. What about my husband? 774 00:56:57,884 --> 00:57:00,678 That's all right. Maybe we can get a girl for him. 775 00:57:08,320 --> 00:57:09,746 Who was that? My wife? 776 00:57:09,846 --> 00:57:11,745 Married to her 12 years and you ask me? 777 00:57:11,845 --> 00:57:14,144 What're you doing here? I told you to spy on Helton. 778 00:57:14,244 --> 00:57:15,869 - I did spy on him. - What was he doing? 779 00:57:15,969 --> 00:57:17,706 - He was spying on me. - Did he see you? 780 00:57:17,806 --> 00:57:20,589 No. I was too foxy for him. All he could do was spy on me. 781 00:57:20,689 --> 00:57:23,267 Well, get back in there. We're all set to cop his girl. 782 00:57:23,367 --> 00:57:24,713 Okay, chief. 783 00:57:46,200 --> 00:57:49,078 They got some good stuff outside. You want a drink? 784 00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:56,198 Ready, boys? Let's go. 785 00:58:42,600 --> 00:58:44,033 Beat you that time. 786 00:59:41,560 --> 00:59:44,916 - Very swell. Let me get you some punch. - I'd love it. 787 00:59:55,200 --> 00:59:56,952 Just what I needed. 788 01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:12,705 Well, how's it coming, kid? 789 01:00:12,805 --> 01:00:15,945 - Got everything you want? - Sure, how about a job for my grandfather? 790 01:00:16,045 --> 01:00:17,589 Your grandfather, what does he do? 791 01:00:17,689 --> 01:00:19,309 He puts cheese in the mousetraps. 792 01:00:19,409 --> 01:00:21,587 Why, we haven't got any mice here. 793 01:00:21,687 --> 01:00:23,716 He brings his own mice with him. 794 01:00:37,920 --> 01:00:41,913 You know, Mary, everyone seems to be having nearly as much fun as I am. 795 01:00:42,320 --> 01:00:45,756 I beg your pardon, but there's someone to see you, Miss Helton. 796 01:00:46,360 --> 01:00:49,193 - Pardon me, and I'll hurry right back. - Surely. 797 01:01:08,640 --> 01:01:10,588 No, you're wrong, girls, you're wrong. 798 01:01:10,688 --> 01:01:13,831 In the first place, Gary Cooper is much taller than I am. 799 01:01:14,520 --> 01:01:17,745 I wish you'd announce this singer. I can't make out the name. 800 01:01:17,845 --> 01:01:19,825 Ladies and gentlemen, I wish to announce... 801 01:01:19,925 --> 01:01:22,906 that the buffet will be served in the next room in five minutes. 802 01:01:23,006 --> 01:01:24,586 To get you in that room quickly... 803 01:01:24,686 --> 01:01:27,240 Mrs. Schmalhausen will sing a soprano solo in this room. 804 01:03:53,880 --> 01:03:56,147 That's no good. You wanna get thrown out again? 805 01:03:56,247 --> 01:03:58,385 Play something nice. I tell you what you play. 806 01:03:58,485 --> 01:03:59,885 Play... 807 01:04:06,080 --> 01:04:07,107 That's it. 808 01:04:07,207 --> 01:04:10,397 That's beautiful. That's magnifico. I like that. 809 01:06:09,560 --> 01:06:12,269 Mary! They've kidnapped her! 810 01:06:12,369 --> 01:06:13,627 Who's been kidnapped? 811 01:06:13,727 --> 01:06:16,307 Mary, my daughter! Do something! 812 01:06:16,407 --> 01:06:17,667 But who could've done it? 813 01:06:17,767 --> 01:06:21,389 It's that Alky Briggs! You saw them drag her into the car. 814 01:06:21,560 --> 01:06:23,625 Where did they take her? 815 01:06:23,725 --> 01:06:25,865 First, they blindfolded me and then they... 816 01:06:25,965 --> 01:06:27,908 Of course, they took her to the barn. 817 01:06:28,008 --> 01:06:30,986 Fellows, let's all pack up a lunch and go down to the old barn. 818 01:06:31,086 --> 01:06:36,074 Fred, you go down to the North Road. Jack, you head down by Front Street. 819 01:06:36,440 --> 01:06:38,106 I'll go pick up a couple of the boys. 820 01:06:38,206 --> 01:06:40,430 And I'll take care of picking up a couple of dames. 821 01:06:40,600 --> 01:06:42,477 Women? This is no time for women. 822 01:06:42,600 --> 01:06:44,033 On to the barn! 823 01:06:46,720 --> 01:06:48,438 Gee, I wish I had a horse. 824 01:06:52,560 --> 01:06:54,357 Hurry it up, boys. 825 01:06:54,800 --> 01:06:55,994 Come on. 826 01:07:01,160 --> 01:07:03,160 Let me go! 827 01:07:04,086 --> 01:07:07,146 No use yelling, kid. Nobody will hear you in here. 828 01:07:07,246 --> 01:07:09,268 You wait till my father hears about this! 829 01:07:09,368 --> 01:07:12,309 He's gonna hear about it because I'm gonna tell him myself. 830 01:07:12,409 --> 01:07:13,869 Take it easy! 831 01:07:13,969 --> 01:07:16,669 You're not going anyplace. Don't get all excited. Come on. 832 01:07:16,769 --> 01:07:18,985 You take your hands off of me! 833 01:07:19,085 --> 01:07:20,905 Listen, kid. Nobody's gonna hurt you. 834 01:07:21,005 --> 01:07:23,304 You'll be out in an hour if your dad comes through. 835 01:07:23,404 --> 01:07:27,393 Butch, you take care of the girl while I telephone Joe. Come on, you guys. 836 01:07:38,960 --> 01:07:40,871 You take your hands off of me! 837 01:07:42,040 --> 01:07:44,759 Now, make yourself at home, but shut up! 838 01:07:53,360 --> 01:07:56,346 - $1.10. - Here's $1. Keep the change. 839 01:07:56,446 --> 01:07:59,585 - But I said $1.10. - Give me $1. I'll keep the change. 840 01:07:59,685 --> 01:08:01,238 That's a half a dollar I owe you. 841 01:08:09,440 --> 01:08:11,824 You call this a barn? This looks like a stable. 842 01:08:11,924 --> 01:08:14,427 It looks like a barn but smells like a stable. 843 01:08:14,527 --> 01:08:16,670 Well, let's just look at it. 844 01:08:16,840 --> 01:08:18,910 Get out of here! 845 01:08:19,080 --> 01:08:20,868 Have you got a girl in that hayloft? 846 01:08:20,968 --> 01:08:21,968 No! 847 01:08:22,087 --> 01:08:23,629 You're a bigger fool than I thought. 848 01:08:23,729 --> 01:08:25,233 Beat it, I tell you! 849 01:08:25,360 --> 01:08:28,079 - What'd you say? - I said beat it! 850 01:08:31,000 --> 01:08:33,789 - Pardon me. What did you say? - I said beat it! 851 01:08:33,889 --> 01:08:34,987 He said beat it. 852 01:08:35,087 --> 01:08:38,029 Gee, I wish I'd said that. Everybody's repeating it. 853 01:08:38,129 --> 01:08:40,670 I'm coming down there and get you! 854 01:08:40,770 --> 01:08:42,426 Don't bother. We'll come right up. 855 01:08:42,526 --> 01:08:44,112 Come on. I'm going in to get him. 856 01:08:56,680 --> 01:09:00,384 Here we are at the old barn, all set for a nice picnic lunch. 857 01:09:00,484 --> 01:09:03,546 Gosh, the picnic is off, we haven't got any red ants. 858 01:09:03,646 --> 01:09:06,234 I know an Indian who's got a couple of Red aunts. 859 01:09:06,400 --> 01:09:08,587 Don't you think we'd better go look for the girl? 860 01:09:08,687 --> 01:09:11,346 Let's wait till we eat, there's hardly enough lunch for two. 861 01:09:11,446 --> 01:09:14,796 I don't see why she couldn't get kidnapped near a restaurant. 862 01:09:15,280 --> 01:09:19,478 Some dark night, I think I'll come and lay for you if the hens don't get sore. 863 01:09:20,880 --> 01:09:21,880 Here. 864 01:09:22,120 --> 01:09:25,999 Go over to that filling station and get some milk. Grade-A. 865 01:09:28,480 --> 01:09:30,465 Well, come on. Where's the milk? 866 01:09:30,565 --> 01:09:32,835 There's a customer ahead of me. 867 01:09:35,080 --> 01:09:36,080 Hey! 868 01:09:37,040 --> 01:09:39,387 - What are you doing here? - What are we doing? 869 01:09:39,487 --> 01:09:42,785 What about you, kidnapping a girl? Old-fashioned piece of melodrama... 870 01:09:42,885 --> 01:09:45,917 kidnapping a girl! You've been reading too many dime novels. 871 01:09:46,280 --> 01:09:49,266 Go on. You get him. I'll wait for you outside. 872 01:09:49,366 --> 01:09:50,839 Keep out of this loft! 873 01:09:51,040 --> 01:09:54,396 It's better to have loft and lost than never to have loft at all. 874 01:09:55,280 --> 01:09:56,998 - Nice work. - Beat it, or I'll throw you out! 875 01:10:26,600 --> 01:10:29,433 - Take your face out of my foot! - I gotcha! 876 01:10:37,800 --> 01:10:41,759 So, thought we were afraid? Thought we were afraid, did you? 877 01:10:47,000 --> 01:10:49,594 Now I'm gonna give it to you guys right! 878 01:11:04,840 --> 01:11:06,751 Butch! What happened? 879 01:11:07,400 --> 01:11:08,400 Hey! 880 01:11:09,200 --> 01:11:11,031 You, get out of that loft! 881 01:11:15,360 --> 01:11:16,873 Butch, what happened? 882 01:11:17,760 --> 01:11:19,239 Come up here, Butch. 883 01:11:26,360 --> 01:11:30,194 Where's all those farmers' daughters I've been hearing about for years? 884 01:11:35,760 --> 01:11:39,230 Why don't you boys fight over there? You want to break my glasses? 885 01:11:40,360 --> 01:11:42,148 Come on, folks. Step right up. 886 01:11:42,248 --> 01:11:44,704 Only 10 cents a chance. Attaboy! Here you are. 887 01:11:44,804 --> 01:11:47,466 Ten cents gets you in the only game in the stable. 888 01:11:47,566 --> 01:11:49,987 Let's see. Number 16 wins. And the lucky number. 889 01:11:50,087 --> 01:11:53,629 There you are, young man. Sorry you didn't get a better one. 890 01:11:55,160 --> 01:11:56,469 Here we go! 891 01:11:56,569 --> 01:12:00,786 Let's see what comes up. Well, if he isn't the lucky guy. Double 0. 892 01:12:00,886 --> 01:12:04,634 Two shots for the price of one. Folks, this is the best game in all... 893 01:12:06,920 --> 01:12:10,305 You're a mother, you understand. How would you like to have somebody... 894 01:12:10,405 --> 01:12:13,625 steal one of your heifers? I know, heifer cow is better than none... 895 01:12:13,725 --> 01:12:16,792 but this is no time for puns. Get in that battle over there. 896 01:12:18,680 --> 01:12:22,304 Here we are again at the ringside, and it looks like a great battle. 897 01:12:22,404 --> 01:12:24,704 Now the boys are locked in the centre of the ring. 898 01:12:24,804 --> 01:12:28,148 What a grudge fight. Zowie! Zowie! Zowie! 899 01:12:28,248 --> 01:12:31,109 That makes three zowies, and a man gets a base on balls. 900 01:12:31,209 --> 01:12:34,988 Ending of the first inning. No runs, no errors, but plenty of hits. 901 01:12:38,680 --> 01:12:42,224 This program comes to you courtesy of the Golden Goose Furniture Company... 902 01:12:42,324 --> 01:12:46,429 with three stores: 125th Street, 125th Street and 125th Street. 903 01:12:46,529 --> 01:12:49,070 You furnish the girl, we tar and feather your nest. 904 01:12:49,170 --> 01:12:51,347 Look for our advertisement in today's ash can. 905 01:12:51,447 --> 01:12:54,665 Now the boys are at it in the centre of the ring! Oh! That one hurt! 906 01:12:54,765 --> 01:12:59,470 Come on, you palookas! Stop stalling! Oh, mama, if I only had my youth again. 907 01:13:10,640 --> 01:13:12,640 Round two. 908 01:13:15,360 --> 01:13:18,708 Both boys are fiddling in the ring, and I don't think much of the tune. 909 01:13:18,808 --> 01:13:20,226 Briggs is bobbing and weaving. 910 01:13:20,326 --> 01:13:23,785 It's nice work if you can get it. Now they're trying. Very trying. 911 01:13:23,885 --> 01:13:25,306 I copped that one from an almanac. 912 01:13:25,406 --> 01:13:28,790 Now they're in the centre of the ring, and the crowd hurrahs. 913 01:13:43,560 --> 01:13:44,879 Oh, Dad! 914 01:13:46,080 --> 01:13:47,877 Are you all right, honey? 915 01:13:49,360 --> 01:13:53,107 Good boy. Remember, old Joe Helton never forgot a friend. 916 01:13:53,207 --> 01:13:55,794 This is one job that certainly was a pleasure. 917 01:13:57,696 --> 01:14:00,950 - What are you doing? - I'm looking for a needle in a hay stack. 75715

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