All language subtitles for Every.Days.A.Holiday.1937.720p.BluRay.x264-ORBS

(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

(HARMONISING)

- ♪ Flutter by ♪
- ♪ Flutter by ♪

- ♪ Little butterfly ♪
- ♪ Butterfly ♪

♪ But don't fly away,
fly away, fly away from me

- ♪ I would die ♪
- ♪ I would die ♪

♪ Little butterfly ♪

♪ If you fly away, fly away,
fly away from me ♪

♪ Oh, fly away ♪

♪ "Oh, you tell that
to all the other flies"

♪ Said the butterfly to the bee

♪ And I'm sure you'll agree

♪ I'm too young to get stung

♪ So, say goodbye

♪ To your butterfly

♪ And don't ever say,
"Fly away, fly away with me"

♪ Flutter by

♪ Little butterfly

♪ But don't fly away, fly away,
fly away from me... ♪

Say, Boss, Flanagan wants to know
if he's good for a drink.

- Has he had it?
- He has.

He is.

Hello, Killy!
Hello, Dolly!

- Well, well, Jake.
- Ah, Nifty!

Happy new year, folks.
Greetings and salutations!

It's good to see a man
duded up like you.

Thanks, Jake.
Well, you know, old boy,

it ain't every night that
we cast aside a hundred years

and make a deal
for another hundred, eh?

- That's right.
- Yes, siree.

- Happy new year, Jerry.
- Hi.

Charlie! Happy new year!

Remember the Maine, sailor!
Hello there, Tom!

Well, Mike! Greetings.
Oh! Happy new year.

MIKE:
Gus!

Say, Mike, where, er...
Where's Peaches?

Peaches O'Day?
She ain't here no more.

What? Peaches not here?

Oh, that's bad, that's bad,
that's bad news.

- She had to leave town.
- Ohhhh...

Selling the Brooklyn Bridge again, huh?
Smart girl, that Peaches.

Yes, but what gets me
is how she gets away with it.

Mmm! Me too.

Oh, but look, you can't tell me
she won't be in town on New Year's Eve.

Well, you'd better make your rounds
a little later, Nifty,

and you may just happen
to run into her.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, Mike,
I'll do that little thing.

You know, Mike,
I'm gonna make a million dollars.

Maybe two million.

Well, happy new year, Mike.

A very happy new year.
Good night.

Now, I don't wanna have
to tell you boys this again,

but this Van Doon and his reform gang
are raisin' plenty of Ned with me.

I know there's gonna be
a lot of trouble in town tonight

and it's up to you boys
to keep it down to a minimum.

Let's wind up the old year
with a good record, huh?

All right, boys, that's all.

Merry Christmas to all of ya.
I mean, uh, happy new...

Yeah, happy new year's to ya.

- Where's McCarey?
- I don't know, but it was a fine speech, Boss.

- Huh?
- I say it was a fine speech!

- Oh, yeah, thanks.
- Yeah, fine speech.

Thanks.

Especially that part about Christmas.
I liked that.

- I thought you said you couldn't find him.
- I couldn't.

Now listen here, Captain McCarey,

I'm gonna tell you this for the last time.
Round her up!

Round who up?

You know who I'm talking about.
Peaches O'Day.

You reported that she left town
a month ago.

- Sure, I did.
- Well, she's back.

I covered this town like a rug
and I ain't seen hide or hair of her.

Yeah, maybe you don't wanna see her.

There's a sucker inside now
yellin' his lungs out

because she sold him
the Brooklyn Bridge.

Oh, then she must have sold it
to him by mail.

Give me that warrant!

Here's your warrant.
Bring her in.

All right, Inspector, I'll bring her in.
If I can find her.

Now, never you mind about that.
She's in town, you get her.

Who for, you or the city?

For me. For the city!

- Merry Christmas, Inspector.
- Merry Chr... Get goin'!

Hello. Tell every detective on duty tonight
to be on the lookout for Peaches O'Day.

She's back in town. Yeah.

Boss, you sure hate
that Peaches O'Day.

No worse than she hates me,
and I'm like an elephant, I never forget.

What's an elephant
got to remember?

Oh, you...
Quit botherin' me, will ya?

Listen, I wanna get outta here.

It's Christmas. I mean...
Get my hat and coat!

Hurry it up, will ya
I got an appointment I don't wanna miss.

Can't go any faster, Miss Peaches,
it's against the law.

The law, the law!

It's getting to be a body can't breathe
without a flatfoot checkin' up on ya.

That's one of them there
horseless carriages.

The ones I rode in
ain't been so fancy.

Catch up with him,
I wanna look it over.

(TOOTING)

How do you do?

Hello, my pleasure.

I thought it would be.
I see you're out for a gallop.

Oh, it's these cobblestones
that make me appear to be galloping.

Did you ever take a ride in an automobile?
It's quite an experience.

Oh, I have lots.

- Autos?

You suppose I could persuade you
to take a spin with me?

That ain't a bad idea,
if I could meet you a little later.

Well, I'd be delighted.
In fact, I'd be thrilled to the core.

Maybe we can ring
in the new year together, huh?

- I'm beside myself.
- You certainly are.

- My card.
- Oh.

Here's mine.

GRAVES:
Peaches! How Winsome.

- You think so?
- Yes, it is.

Say, I wouldn't miss this opportunity
for anything in the world.

You won't lose my address?

Say, when I lose an address,
I lose my mind.

- Well, goodbye, see ya later.
- Goodbye.

Well, come on, hurry up.
I ain't here to collect icicles.

Forgive me, please,

I did not wish to be late,
but when I was running around the corner,

I tripped in the snow and my feet went up
and the rest of me went down.

Well, that's life for ya. Ups and downs.
Have you got the money?

Sure, exactly as we have arranged.

Two hundred dollars
and the Brooklyn Bridge is mine.

Two hundred?
Why, I told you three.

What are you trying to do,
swindle me?

But, please, lady,
I am an honest man.

- That's what I took you for.
- So... So... So you are not mad at me?

Oh, I ain't mad, I just wanna get
this transaction over with.

You know, the only way
to do a thing is to do it,

if you know
what I mean, George.

Please, excuse me,
Fritz Krausmeyer is the name.

All right, Charlie,
hand over the $200.

- But, excuse me, the name is Fritz.
- So it's Fritz! Count the money.

Fifty, one hundred,
one hundred and fifty, two hundred.

Sold to the gentleman
with the mouth full of marbles.

And now I am the proprietor
of the Brooklyn Bridge?

Here's your receipt.

I cannot express my joy.
I'm all choked up with a bump in my throat.

I know just how ya feel.

Well, goodbye and good luck.
I hope you enjoy your bridge.

When this one wears out,
I'll sell ya a new one.

Ah, what a beautiful structure!

Hey, cut that out, Bill,
people will think you know me.

Fritz.

Please, Fritz. Mmm!

CROWD:
♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot

♪ And days of auld Lang syne?

♪ For auld Lang syne, my dear

♪ For auld Lang syne

♪ We'll take a cup of kindness yet

♪ For auld Lang syne

♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot

♪ And never brought to mind... ♪

- Hey, mister?
- Hmm?

- You dropped your wallet...
- Oh, thank you, sir.

- You can't do nothin' to me.
- Sure?

Better watch your step, McCarey,

I got it in with your boss,
"Honest" John Quade.

Sure you have.
Everybody has.

You don't want him
to get sore at you.

Quade?
He's one of my closest friends.

We just had a dish of tea together.

You know how John stands downtown
with the big boss, too.

- They sleep together.
- That's nice and chummy.

Better let me go, McCarey.

I'm warning you,
you'll get broke if you don't.

Hmm, that's very interesting.

Now, listen, you. I'm gonna do that
every time I see ya.

- Are you gettin' outta town?
- Yes, sir.

- So y'are back in town.
- Well, I ain't got no twin.

Too bad you ain't, maybe you could get her
to sit in jail for you.

Ha! Everything a flatfoot
says is funny to me.

Just a minute.
I wouldn't borrow trouble if I was you.

Borrow it?
Why, I got it to give away.

Yeah, and you're in
for more of it.

You know, I can't let you get away
with it forever.

Why did you come back?

It's New Year's Eve, that's why.

That oughta mean something,
even to a copper.

Well, there ain't no holidays
in my business.

You're still my chief worry.

Well, why worry? Just forget about me
and we'll both be happy.

I wish it was as easy as that,
but it ain't.

Why do you suppose
I never run ya in before?

You tell me.

Because I happen to be
chump enough to like you.

I ain't expectin' no flatfoot to like me
any more than I'm likin' a flatfoot.

Brush that chip off your shoulder
and listen a minute.

Take that badge off your vest
and maybe I will.

Peaches, whatever you think of me

ain't nearly as important
as what you should think of yourself.

You've got good stuff in you
if you'll only give it a chance to work.

You've got brains, you're clever,
plenty of talent, and...

- Well, you ain't hard to look at.
- Yeah.

Well, with those qualities,
if you went straight,

there's no reason in the world
why you shouldn't go to the top.

The top of what?

Say, stop motherin' me.
I'm doin' all right.

All right, all right,
have it your way,

but this is the last and final chance
I'm giving you.

Now, you got to get out of town
inside of an hour and stay out.

I've got a warrant for you,
and strict orders to bring you in.

Oh, it ain't from me.
It's from Quade personally.

Quade?

Why, that cheap graftin' heel.
He's sore cos I wouldn't hand him a tumble.

You mean, he made love to ya?

Well, he went through
all the emotions.

That part of it's all right, but you're still
breaking the law and I'm still a cop.

Either you get out of town tonight,
or I'll have to slap that warrant on ya, see?

You've got me all wrong.

I might crack a law now and then,
but I ain't never broke one.

The only law you ain't ever broke
is the law of gravity.

That's an idea.
I'll go to work on that right away.

Oh...

You might need it.

(CHUCKLING)

I have been trying to tell you gentlemen
for the last two hours

that all our work for months as the reform
committee of the city of New York

-will be a shambles...
- Psst!

Will be a shambles unless we stop
the nefarious, unmerciful grafting activities

of this police inspector who calls himself
"Honest" John Quade.

Psst!

(CLEARING THROAT)

We must get rid
of "Honest" John Quade!

But, Mr Van Doon, must it be done
tonight of all nights?

New Year's Eve
is the proper time to do it.

Then we can all start
the new year right.

Psst, psst!

Graves. Graves, what is it?
What is it?

I beg your pardon.
Can I see you for a moment, sir?

- Can't you see I'm making a speech?
- Yes, sir, and very good, sir,

but this is a matter
of life and death.

Mr Van Doon, we must be
running along anyhow.

We all have engagements tonight.
Won't you join us?

Anyone who goes out
on a New Year's Eve is an idiot.

- Good night.
- ALL: Good night.

- Happy new year!
- ALL: Happy new year!

- Get me a drink. Get me a drink!
- Yes, sir.

Committee on reform going out
on a New Year's Eve.

I've never heard anything like it
in my life.

Soda!

- Oh, I'm sorry. Pardon me, sir.
- Confound you!

You blundering idiot,
what's wrong with you tonight?

At dinnertime, you salted my coffee,
sugared my soup and buttered my vest.

Now you're trying to drown me.

I beg your pardon, sir, but I'm caught
on the horns of a fearful dilemma.

Well, unhook yourself
and explain.

- I thought I'd have the evening off, sir.
- You thought? You think too much.

Look at me, I never think.

Yes, sir, that's right.
But Peaches makes one think.

Well, then, don't eat them.

No, that's the young lady's name, sir.
Peaches, Peaches O'Day.

- You can't get off. More soda.
- Yes, sir.

Why... Confound it!
What's wrong with this thing?

(DOORBELL RINGING)

- The bell. The bell! Answer the be”.
- Yes, sir.

Answer it!
Will you answer the bell?

You fool, you...

VAN DOON:
Graves. Graves! Answer that bell!

(RINGING CONTINUES)

- We don't want any, thank you.
- Hey, what kind of a game is this?

Oh, my word!
It's you, Miss Peaches.

Well, I always keep my word even though
it's no good, if you know what I mean.

Not quite, but I'm glad you're here.

Yeah. Now we can take that spin
around the Gay White Way, hmm?

I've been planning for it all evening,
but I've been delayed.

Oh.

My, what a snug little hideout
you've got here.

- I beg your pardon?
- I said it's a swell dive.

Yes, no doubt it is.

- Won't you sit down?
- What for? I ain't tired.

VAN DOON:
Graves! Graves!

What in blazes
are you doing so long?

- Why didn't you say you had company?
- Oh, I meant to explain that.

That's all right,
friends of yours are friends of mine.

VAN DOON: Graves!

What is he, a hog caller?

Yes, uh... No, uh...
Would you excuse me for a moment?

Why, sure. I'll just make a few notes
about this place in my diary.

Yes.

Graves!

- Yes, sir, yes, sir.
- Oh, there you are.

What am I gonna do, sir?
She's here. Peaches is here.

Here? In my house?
A woman?

- She thinks it's my house, sir.
- What?

She doesn't know
that I'm a butler.

How dare you go around
in my employ misleading women?

I didn't mislead her, sir.

It's just an impression she has.
A wrong impression.

I'll see about that, my man.

No woman has crossed my threshold
in twenty years.

A woman was the bane
of my early life

and if I thought that I'd have
to go through the same torture

in the 20th century that I did in the 19th,
I... I... I... I won't have it.

I won't...

Hmm...

- My coat.
- Yes, sir.

(CLATTERING)

Graves, you may present me
to the fair lady.

Oh, there you are, boys.
I was just beginnin' to crave a little action.

Miss Peaches,
allow me to present

Mr Van Reighle Van Pelter
Van Heusen Van Doon...

- The Third.
- Well, anyway, I'm pleased to meet ya.

I'm delighted.
I'm sorry we kept you waiting,

-but Graves, my... my secretary...
- And treasurer?

Yes, exactly.

Oh, he informs me
you are keeping a diary.

Oh, yes, my motto is, "Keep a diary,
and someday it'll keep you."

(ALL CHUCKLING)

Oh, shall we go in to supper?

- My arm.
- Hmm... What's the matter with it?

- My arm?
- Oh, oh, pardon me.

Ah, this reminds me
of a double date.

It reminds me
of The Three Musketeers.

That's possibly
because there are three of us.

(CLEARING THROAT)

What's the matter?
You gonna make a speech?

Yes, I was thinking about...
Oh, no, I just finished one, yes.

Oh, my, what a lovely conversatory.

Yes, it is a lovely convers...,
er... conservatory.

Mm-hmm.

- To you!
- To the Van Doons.

You know, the Van Doons
are not as straight-laced as, er... as...

As they're laced up to be.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

You know, we've had
a lot of skeletons in our closet.

Did you ever have
a skeleton in your closet?

No, ours have all been
strong and healthy.

(PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC)

(LAUGHING)

What time is it?

- It's eleven o'clock.
- Eleven?

Say, we've got to get outta here.

We can't let twelve o'clock catch us
layin' down on the job.

The twentieth century only comes
once in a lifetime.

We got to welcome it proper.

- You mean sort of whoop it up?
- Yeah.

- Yes, let's join the unrefined.
- Let's get intoxicated.

Let's have a drink.

Soda.

- Graves!
- Oh, I'm sorry.

(COUGHING)

- It's all right.
- Hmm...

You'd better change your shirt.
You look like a wet towel.

You'd better drive me over
while I change my clothes.

You're not going to leave me here
alone with the twentieth century, are you?

Oh, we'll be back for you,
Vannie, old boy.

Oh, we'll be back for you,
Vannie, old boy.

We'll be back for you,
Vannie, old boy.

Oh, that's me.

Graves!

Oh, peppermint.

Look, Mr Krausmeyer, you've been robbed,
rooked, conned, buncoed, grifted.

You will please speak English?
I do not understand that language.

Listen to me. Listen.

Don't you know that the Brooklyn Bridge
belongs to the taxpayers of this city

and can't be sold
by one person to another?

Is that so? But I got it already.
I gave the lady $200.

She gave me
the Brooklyn Bridge and here...

- Right here is the receipt.
- What lady?

- That lady that...
- Quiet, quiet.

(WHISPERING)
The lady that sold me the Brooklyn Bridge.

- What did she look like?
- Oh, she looked so, so, so...

(WHISTLING)

Cut out the enthusiasm.

Come here.
Now, look here, Fritz.

What would you rather do?
Get your $200 back,

or go to jail for a couple of years
for buying stolen property?

(WHIMPERING)

Jail? But I don't want to go to jail.

All right, all right.

Here's your 200 bucks.

I'll keep the receipt.

Beat it.
Don't buy any more bridges.

Are you sure
I don't have to go to jail?

Now.

Maybe I will.

Whoops-a-daisy.
Gosh, I feel dizzy.

All I've had to drink
is water for Chasers all evening.

You'll get used to feeling dizzy
before the night's over.

- Quite an establishment here.
- Just stand over here a minute.

- Over here?
- Yeah. Don't move.

- Say, this glass is awfully cold on my nose.
- Quiet.

I didn't know you were going
to do my portrait.

This is just the frame.

- Am I a good subject?
- Yeah, you're a hot sketch.

Mmm...

(HUMMING)

(GRAVES JOINS IN HUMMING)

Quiet.

(GRAVES RESUMES HUMMING)

Quiet.

I'm not having much fun.

- My word, did I do that?
- Well, you're more or less responsible.

Now get in there
and do as I tell ya.

PEACHES:
Oh, er...

Get me that model over there.

No, no, not that way.
Over in the corner, over in that corner.

The one... the one right next to the corner.
No, no...

Oh, this guy's gonna be tough
to break in.

All right, let's have a little action.

Now get me that ermine cape.
The cape over there.

No, the white
with the black streaks.

On, We guy'“ never do,
he don't Know furs.

Come on, now, put it on. Put it on.
That's it, put it on.

Now turn around,
let's see the back of it.

Come on.
Get the other angle around.

That's great.
Now take that hat over there.

Get that hat over there.
Over there.

Take it off, take it off.
Take it... Take the hat off.

Yeah, oh...
Drop it, drop it.

Come on, get this hat over here.
Come on, this hat over here.

No... No, no, no.

Tidy little chapeau.

Well, if it looks good on you,
it'll look terrible on me. Throw it away.

Try that other one on.

- Fetching little ensemble.
- Who asked ya?

Get over there.
Get over there, in the back of that dummy.

Get over there,
get back there now.

Not that dummy,
the other dummy.

Don't move.

Come here, hurry up.

My mind is made up.
Look...

I want this here cape.

I want that bag black hat
and that dress over there.

That black dress.
Take it off the dame.

- Er... May I make a suggestion?
- No, everything's all right.

Bend,bend,bend.

Out, out.

- Say, isn't this a slight touch of larceny?
- Larceny nothin'.

You'll send them a check
in the mornin'.

Oh, I will?

Yeah, oh, and listen, be very careful
with your remarks hereafter.

- I'm sorry.
- Throw 'em in there.

Now, uh...
Go and get that dummy.

The one over there.

I don't want the guy.
Stand him over there.

Come on, come on.
Let's go.

I hope I don't go
to the gallows for this.

Hmm, you won't go to the gallows,
you'll go to the dogs.

Not that way, the other way.

I'll never use this guy again.

(WALTZ PLAYING)

Looks crowded.
I hope we don't have to stand up.

Well, I've never been stood up yet.

Good evening, Mr Rector.

This is a real pleasure, Mr Van Doon.

- May I sit on your right hand?
- You'd better sit on a chair.

Isn't that Van Reighle Van Doon?

Why, he hasn't been seen
in a public place for years.

Who's that stunning creature
with him?

- The old boy certainly has good taste.
- Mm-hmm.

That must be his niece,
she's been studying abroad.

You remember that darling flaxen-haired
little girl, don't you, Clara?

Of course, and a perfect little dear
she was, too.

Well, we simply must go
and say hello.

- Good evening, Van Reighle.
- Those people seem to know us.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Oh, it's so nice to see you again.
Is this your niece?

My niece? Oh, er...
Yes, yes. My niece.

When did you graduate
from finishing school?

Why... I just finished.

Peaches just finished.

CLARA:
Oh, you call her Peaches?

- How sweet!
- How quaint!

I know the boys are just dying
to ask you to dance.

May I be the first
on your list?

That isn't fair, Peaches.
You promised me first.

Quiet, please.

Hello, young lady.
A very happy new year to you.

Be very kind to this.
I knew its mother.

(CHUCKLING)

(WHISPERING)
Oh, Peaches. Psst!

Peaches!

Will you pardon me?
I'll be right back.

I'm afraid I'll have to.

Say, I'm certainly glad I found you.
I've been lookin' all over town for ya.

I've been chasin' around
and my legs are worn off at my knees.

- Oh, I'm glad to see you, Nifty.
- Say, Peaches,

I'm putting on a show
and I've got a part for you.

You'll be simply crazy about it.
Wait till you see.

The costumes, the music,
the scenery's beautiful, and the score...

Wait till you hear it.
The music is lovely.

I wouldn't mind taking a crack
at that kind of work again, but...

- Great! Fine!
- But I can't do it.

Can't do it? Why not?
Why, the part fits you to a T.

Well, I ain't standing so good
with the law these days.

See, there's a flock of lawmen floatin'
around town to pick me up on sight.

They'd spot me in the show
and pull me out right away.

Bad as that, huh?

Why, I'm even taking a big chance
being here tonight.

Say, er... Now, wait a minute...
Wait a minute, now.

Will you let me think?
Let me think. Let me think...

Forget it, Nifty.
I got to get back to my table.

- Who are you with?
- Oh, I'm here with a rich society swell.

And get this, his friends
think I'm his niece,

just home from a French
finishing school.

- Can you beat it?
- No foolin'!

It's a good thing
I could parlez-vous français a little.

Hey, you speak French?

Yeah, a little.
Didn't you know that?

Qu'il y avait une little Sicily en France.
Je sortais à des fêtes. Do you?

- Do you?
- Well, I...

I don't know what it means,
but it sounds awful good to me.

Say, wait a minute.
I got it. I got it! I got it.

Wait just a minute.
It's coming, it's coming...

- I thought you said you got it.
Peaches, I've got it!

We'll change your name
so nobody'll know ya.

You'll be a French actress.
That's it, a French star.

First appearance in America!
Why, it'll be sensational!

- It'll be marvellous.
- Whose bankroll are you using?

Whose... Huh?
Oh, that... Well...

Don't, er... Don't worry about that.
I'm working on that now.

Same old trouble, eh, Nifty?

Well, look, I'm here
with a couple of guys

that got enough money
to buy the mint.

Oh, you mean a couple of angels?

They ain't yet, but maybe
I can grow some wings on 'em.

Come on.

Now, Mr Van Doon, you understand
everything thoroughly.

You are backing the show.
Now, isn't it great?

- How much is it gonna cost?
- NIFTY: Well, now, I figure...

Scenery, costumes, actors,
music and me...

(RATTLING)

- I figure it'll be about $25,000.
- Yeah, between 25,000 and 200,000.

Are you going to be
the leading lady?

I admit it, boys.
But keep it a secret.

Ah, gentlemen, believe me,
she's lover.

She's marvellous.
We can't miss with this show.

Mr Van Doon, have you ever
taken a trip to gay Paris?

Have I ever been to gay Paris?

Have you ever been to gay Paris?

Have I ever been to gay Paris?

Ah-ha!
They're crazy about her in Paris.

They want me back.
In fact, there's a reward out for me now.

Happy new year!

- Happy new year!
- Happy new year!

Hap...

...py new year!

Ladies and gentlemen,

in exactly one minute

we will welcome in
a new year

and a new century.

The twentieth century!

(CHEERING)

("AULD LANG SYNE" PLAYING)

♪ Should auld acquaintance
be forgot

♪ And never brought to mind?

♪ Should auld acquaintance
be forgot

♪ In the days of auld Lang syne? ♪

Hurray!
Happy new year!

Oh, I have an irresistible impulse
to do something I've always dreamed of.

Tonight's your night.
You do anythin' you want, Vannie, old boy.

Go ahead, Vannie, ol' boy!

Yippee!

Yippee!

Happy new year!

(SINGING INDISTINCTLY)

Hap... py new year!

Hap...

...py new year!

Happy new year!

Gentlemen, I suppose you know

that Rectors restaurant
was wrecked resterday... yesterday

by a lady who's known
as Peaches O'Day,

and who has no less than
twenty-five warrants out for her arrest.

Now, unless she is brought in,

there's gonna be one of the biggest
shakedowns... shake-ups

that this department
has ever known.

Now, get goin'.

And that goes double
for you, McCarey.

- This thing reflects on my honesty.
-"Honesty"?

- Yes, have you ever heard it questioned?
- I never even heard it mentioned.

(LAUGHING)

Why don't you let me take care
of that flatfoot for you, Boss?

Nah, not yet.

He's too well-known
as an honest cop.

You can't get at a guy like that
till he gives you an opening.

He won't take a bribe.
He loves his job.

He's in with the clean newspapers.
He ain't interested in politics, he...

Ah, he's just one of them
honest cops.

I'd sure like
to take a crack at him.

You'll get your chance, don't worry.
So will I.

He'll make a slip.

- Hello, Nifty.
- Hello there, Peaches.

My, you certainly do look classy.
Come on, sit right down. Sit down.

I'm glad you came in.

Well, now look, when you land in town
as Mademoiselle Fifi from Paris,

you've got to have a swell entrance.

You know, you just can't pop
into New York

like you dropped in from nowhere,
now, can ya?

(WITH FRENCH ACCENT)
Where does Mademoiselle Fifi come from?

Well, now look, disappear.
Get outta town.

Go up to New Haven, Hartford, Boston...
That's it, Boston.

Just lay low until I give you the high sign.
Do ya follow me?

I just passed ya.

The publicity will be wonderful.

Think of the ballyhoo for our Show.
That will make you front page news.

Now tell me,
how do you like it?

Oh, with one more brain,
you'd be a genius.

Oh, here's Van's first cheque.
That's just the beginnin'.

(WHISTLING)

Certified!
Peaches, and I owe it all to you.

Enough money to start my show.
Oh, this is a wonderful day.

♪ The sun is shining brightly

♪ The birds are singing sweetly ♪

- You mean more singing?
- Wha...?

Don't you know
you're breaking the law

when you harbour
a fugitive from justice?

A fugitive from justice?
Peaches?

She's only been arrested twenty-five times
in the last few months.

Whaddaya expect?
No woman is perfect.

You're looking at a guy who's made
a New Year's resolution and kept it.

Well, now that you've kept it,
what are you gonna do with it?

I'm through talking.
You're coming with me.

Oh, pardon me while I have
a few last words with Nifty.

All right.
But no tricks.

Oh, er... Thanks. Thanks.

Here... I won't need this artillery
where I'm goin'.

Besides, they're liable to frisk me
and that would be a little embarrassing.

All right.
I'll take care of the hardware.

Oh, Nifty, I thought I might need this
more than you.

Oh, so I'm back
on a shoestring, huh?

You know, a little hush money
can do a lot of talkin'.

(SHIP'S HORN BLOWING)

Here's your ticket in the stateroom.
You'll notice they're only one way.

That's the only way I travel.
One way at a time.

Say, if it ain't asking too much,
where is she going?

I'm gonna put her on a boat
for Boston.

Mmm, Boston.
The city of culture.

I can brush up on my etiquette.

It's either that or jail.
Take your choice.

I'll take Boston.

Peaches, I'm certainly gonna miss ya.

Me too, but she ain't gonna miss
that boat. Come on.

Good bye, Nifty.

Don't worry, I'll send you a postcard
of Bunker Hill.

So long.

Boston.

Boston!

I wish you wouldn't make me
have to do these things.

Don't tell me
you're gettin' sentimental.

I thought your feelings
was embroidered with brass buttons.

Better get aboard.
I'll stay here till she pulls out.

You're gonna be
awful lonesome without me.

Maybe that's the truth.

Oh, a little momentum
to remember me by.

(SHIP'S HORN BLOWING)

GRAVES: Gentlemen, you can fool some
of the people some of the time,

half the people
half the time,

a quarter of the people
a quarter of the time,

but sometimes,
you can't fool the people at all.

Gentlemen, you can fool some
of the people some of the time,

and half of the people
half of the time...

I rise for a point of order.

GRAVES:
Yes, sir. Go right ahead and point.

Where is our chairman,
Mr Van Doon?

Oh, he'll be here directly.
He's engaged in an important matter.

A matter of the greatest importance.
In fact, it's quite important.

Peaches will be ready.
She'll be here when we need her.

And, in the meantime,
we're gonna get more publicity

than P.T. Barnum ever thought of.

And we're gonna have balloons.

Balloons over Herald Square
with streamers on 'em.

And pennants on all the ferry boats,
on all the horse cars,

on all the outgoing steamers.

How about the incoming steamers?

Well, er... Well, Van,
I couldn't do that to you.

You know, that's gonna be
a little bit extravagant.

- I don't like to waste your money.
- Oh, money, money, money!

Well, don't worry about me.

Well, Van, I'm sorry,
but I'm a very busy man.

I've got to skedaddle along.
I've got a million things to do.

Yes, sir, a million things.

I know you're a very busy man.
Well, call me if you need me.

Thank you, Van.
I'll do that little thing.

Well, so long, old boy.

(CHUCKLING)

Oh, the meeting. Oh!

GRAVES: You can fool some of the people

some of the time...

- Quade must not be mayor.
- Half of the people half of the time...

- Quade must not be mayor.
-(MEN CLAMOURING)

You can fool some of the people
some of the time,

half the people
half the time,

a quarter of the people
a quarter of the time...

But Quade must not be the mayor.

This is suicide, Nifty,
covering up Quade's billboard.

I'd like to live long enough
to see this show.

Danny, come here!

- You see that guy?
- Yeah.

- Go get him.
- Sure.

- Right this way, sir.
- Thanks.

Hello there, Inspector.
You certainly are looking...

You're looking fine.

- Listen, Bailey.
- Mm-hmm?

You know better than to cover up
my billboards, don't you?

- Ooh, why certainly, Inspector.
- Then why did you do it?

Well, that was... That was all
a typographical error.

I'll have that eliminated immediately.
At once, if not sooner.

Yes, sir. Oh.

- Hey, wait a minute.
- Hmm?

Come here.

Say, listen, what kind of a gal
is this Mademoiselle Fifi?

Oh, Inspector, Mademoiselle Fifi.

She's beautiful, she's a dream.
Just a minute.

Just take a little peak at those pictures.
Isn't she lovely? Isn't she magnificent?

Of course, those pictures
don't do her justice.

She's twice as pretty as that.

Yes, sir. You know, Inspector,
we're going to have the greatest opening

this city has ever seen.

She's going to have New York
right at her feet.

Looks like I'm gonna have
to have a box.

Yes, yes, of course.
A stage box. With pleasure.

- Inspector, for how many?
- Oh, make it for six or eight.

- Six or eight? Er... For six.
- Better make it eight.

- Eight?
- Eight.

(SIGHING)

For eight.

There you are, sir.
The finest box in the house.

Oh, I'm sorry,
I've dropped my pencil.

Ah, here it is.

Well, Inspector,
I've got to skedaddle along.

Got to mosey right along,
got a million things to do.

Million things.
Yes, sir, busy as a bee.

- Hello, Nifty.
- Oh, hello, Mac.

Just a minute.
Heard from Peaches lately?

Peaches? Oh, yes, yes.
I got a card from her yesterday.

- Where is she?
- Where is she? Why...

She's, er... still up in Boston.

What are you doing here?

Why, the Inspector wanted a box
for my opening.

- I'd like to see it myself.
- Well, Mac, then I'll, er...

I'll give you a pass
for the opening.

- There you are.
- Thanks, Nifty. That's very nice of you.

Don't mention it.

Wish he'd be satisfied
with bananas off of fruit stands.

(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

- I'm as nervous as a junebug.
- I'm hot and soaked all over.

You ought to get out of those wet clothes
and into a dry martini.

Yes. Huh?

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la

♪ We sell the papers,
we sell the news

♪ Read about Fifi,
all about Fifi

♪ We paint the picture,
we paint Fifi

♪ We paint the eyes,
we paint the hair

♪ We paint her here,
we paint her there

♪ And everywhere,
we paint Fifi ♪

♪ We sell the flowers,
the violets

♪ So, when you meet la belle Fifi,
she smells as sweet as she can be ♪

♪ We buy the flowers to give Fifi

♪ And she will be so grand to see
that everybody in gay Paris

♪ Will say hurray for sweet Fifi ♪

♪ We blow the whistle,
we clear the way

♪ Fifi is now arriving here,
the traffic must not interfere

♪ The road is clear
for Mademoiselle Fifi ♪

♪ She comes, she comes,
oh, la, la, la, la, la

♪ She comes, she comes,
oh, la, la, la, la, la

♪ She comes, she comes,
oh, la, la, la, la, la

♪ Fifi, très Jolie

♪ Sweet chérie

♪ Fifi

♪ Pour faire claquer Les talons

♪ Il faut baiser la main

♪ Si vous vouiez faire piaisir à Fifi

♪ Il me faut plus qu'une bagatelle

♪ Préparez-vous à vous battre en duel

♪ Il faut bien me traiter

♪ Venez me voir quelques fois

♪ Quand vous souhaitez
être aimé par Fifi

♪ Voulez-vous être gentil?

♪ Il y a cinquante million d'autres

♪ Qui font claquer les talons

♪ Baisons leurs mains
pour faire plaisir à Fifi

♪ Oh-la, la, la ♪

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(WITH FRENCH ACCENT)
Thank you very much.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I will now sing
my little French song in English.

Pardon my English.
She's not so good.

(BAND RESUMES PLAYING)

♪ You got to

♪ Click the heels,
you got to kiss the hand

♪ If you want
to make the hit with Fifi

♪ You got to buy the sparkling jewel

♪ And be prepared to fight the duel

♪ You got to

♪ Oh, treat her well, and say,
"Oui, oui, Mademoiselle"

♪ If you want
to make the hit with Fifi

♪ You say,
"No, what's the deal?"

♪ There are fifty million other men
who will click the heels

♪ And kiss the hand
to make the hit with Fifi

♪ You got to

♪ Click the heels,
you got to kiss the hand

♪ If you want
to make a hit with Fifi

♪ You have to buy
the sparkling jewel

♪ And be prepared
to fight the duel

♪ You have to treat her swell,
and say, "Oui, oui, Mademoiselle"

♪ Or you won't be
liked a bit by Fifi

♪ If you like to meet Fifi

♪ So, why don't you
come up and see me?

♪ Who will click the heels

♪ And kiss the hand

♪ To make a hit with Fifi? ♪

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(OVERLAPPING CHEERING)

I think it was a wonderful show.

Mademoiselle Fifi
has a great deal of charm.

That makes a total of $9,352.

- And fifty cents.
- Yeah.

Well, it looks like we're
a tremendous success, doesn't it?

Tremendous? Why, to break even,
we only need $248,365.17.

- Eighteen cents.
- Nineteen cents.

BOTH:
Nineteen cents.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Come in.

Oh-oh! Oh, kid, I knew you'd do it!
What a hit! What a riot!

Did you see those babies
hanging off of the rafters?

Why, you got 'em eating
right out of the palm of your hand.

Yeah. Did you see McCarey sittin' out front,
lookin' at me with his eagle eye?

- I wonder if he recognised me.
- No, not a chance in the world.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

See who that is.

Oh, it's you.

Mr Quade asked me to give this card
to Mademoiselle Fifi.

- I'm supposed to wait for an answer.
- Quade?

Well, I'll... I'll see about it.

Peaches, Peaches!
It's from Quade.

He's giving you the rush act!

He wants Mademoiselle Fifi
to have supper with him.

Hmm, I'd rather have supper
with a rattlesnake.

Now, wait, Peaches...

Look, all these flowers, these orchids,
they were sent by Quade.

Do you realise? Quade!
He's gonna be the next mayor.

And when a bird like Quade falls,
he falls right through the cellar!

You mean the gutter.

Well... It wouldn't do any harm
to see him.

Are you crazy? Why, if I went out
with him under an alias

and gave him a false delusion,
and then he found out who I really was,

I'd be wearin' handcuffs
instead of these bracelets.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Peaches, maybe you're right.

Yes. You're always right.

Now, er... What'll I...
What'll I tell him?

Oh, er...
(CLEARING THROAT)

(WITH FRENCH ACCENT)
Tell him Mademoiselle Fifi

is not in the mood.

Er... Tell him Mademoiselle Fifi
do not like to meet the strange man.

Maybe in a week, a month,
a year, maybe never!

Tell him Mademoiselle Fifi
is so temperamental, she annoy herself.

- Go, go, tell him. Tell him!
- All right, all right! All right!

- Hello, are you the man from Mr Quade?
- Yeah.

Well, Mademoiselle Fifi
told me to tell you...

You can't tell me nothin'!
I heard plenty and I ain't got no tin ear.

Give me one ticket for tomorrow night,
first row on the aisle.

Sorry, Captain, we're all sold out.

You know, Mademoiselle Fifi
is the rage of Paris.

(CLICKING TONGUE)

- Is that so?
- Oh, yes, yes.

Oh, there you are.

- Sorry, Inspector, she can't see you.
- She can't...

She ain't never gonna see ya.

Oh, she ain't?

She's so temperamental,
she even annoys herself.

Anything else?

Besides, she ain't in no mood
to see you.

She ain't in the mood...

Well, who does she think she is?

Ain't nobody told her
I'm the police inspector?

Don't she know
I'm the kingpin in this town?

Huh! So, she thinks
she's gonna throw me down

like some nitwit
stage-door Johnny, huh?

And me sending her orchids
at twenty-five bucks a smell.

Oh, she don't know
who she's shoving around.

I'll wreck that joint, I'll...

I'll close the theatre!
I'll...

That's what I'll do!
I'll close the theatre!

Close it up?
For what reason?

Well, you suggest somethin'.

- It's haunted.
- Nah.

- It's too cold.
- It's too hot!

Nah...

- It's a fire trap!
- Yeah, that's it.

That's it. It's a fire trap...

Hey, McCarey! Come here.

Evening, Inspector.

- I've got a job for you, Mac.
- Yeah?

Yeah. This joint's a fire trap,
and I want you to close it up.

Well, this house ain't no fire trap.
It's brand new.

You heard what I said.
It's a fire trap. Close it.

You got the wrong boy, Inspector.
I ain't doin' no skulduggery.

I didn't say skulduggery,
I said fire trap!

MCCAREY:
Like that cigar you're smoking.

Never mind about that.
You got your orders. Do it!

I ain't takin' that kind of orders.
Get that through your head.

Why, you fat-headed flatfoot,
I've got to good mind to...

You saw him do it!
He tried to clip me!

- You saw him, boys, didn't ya?
- I seen him.

He tried to slug you.
He was coming right at ya.

Let him alone.

Well, McCarey, I've been waiting
a long time for you to make this slip.

You've been insolent,
insubordinate and smart-alecky.

And now I've got witnesses to prove that
you attempted to assault a superior officer.

It's your move, copper.

Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Give me that badge.

Don't wear it too close to your skin.
It might tarnish.

Oh, back in town, huh?

So long, Inspector.

Say, Mac, that was swell of you.

- But I'm awful sorry you lost your...
- Forget it, Nifty.

I was sick of being a cop, anyway.

Now it's up to you.

Not only that, McCarey
paid back that $200

to the last guy
you sold the bridge to.

- Well, he did that for me, huh?
- Yes.

And, like I told you, he lost his badge
when he refused to close the theatre down

because Quade said
it was a fire trap.

- Well, is it a fire trap?
- Certainly not.

But if Quade clamps down on us,
we might as well hop a freight.

Hmm.
The guy's drunk with power.

But I'm not gonna let him
get away with it.

I'm gonna take a big chance.

Then you've changed your mind?
You will see him?

You will see him?

I'll do more than see him,
I'll ruin him.

- Get him on the phone.
- Great, great, great!

♪ Oh, the sun is shining brightly

♪ And the birds are singing sweetly ♪

Get me the police department.

(HUMMING INDISTINCTLY)

It's Quade. Yeah.

Oh, hello, there.
Hello, Inspector.

Oh, uh... I'm calling up
for Mademoiselle Fifi.

Thank him for the flowers.

Uh, the mademoiselle wanted me
to be sure and thank you

for your beautiful flowers.

- I'd like to send him some.
- She'd like to send you some.

Er... I mean, uh...
she wants to apologise.

You see, Inspector,
naturally she didn't understand

that you were the John Quade.

Er... The mademoiselle thinks
that you're a very kind man.

- The rotten kind.
- The rotten kind.

Er... I mean we have a rotten
kind of connection, haven't we?

- Yeah... Hmm?
- The date.

Er... Is there any suggestion
that you could make

about arranging a meeting
between you two?

Very exclusive.

You see, the mademoiselle is really
very particular who she meets.

Oh, yes! Yes, indeed!

(CHUCKLING)

There's a lady you have to handle
with kid gloves.

Kid gloves, shoes, stockings, furs
and a couple lavalieres thrown in.

Well, you just tell Mademoiselle Fifi
I'd love to meet her.

Uh-huh.

Somebody's trying
to close your theatre?

Oh, now, ain't that too bad?

Oh, yeah, I guess
I can do somethin' about it.

But, er... Of course, we'll talk about that
after I've met Mademoiselle Fifi.

Sure. Sure, Bailey.
Goodbye.

Shows you
what a little salve can do.

Yes, it don't mean a thing
if you don't pull a string.

- Well, here we are.
- Just like going into the lion's den.

Oh, Mademoiselle Fifi!
The Inspector's expecting you!

Mr Quade? Mr Quade, she's here.
Mademoiselle Fifi is here!

Ah! Inspector Quade, I want you
to meet Mademoiselle Fifi.

Mademoiselle, this is sure
a great honour.

Mm-hmm.

(WITH FRENCH ACCENT)
Monsieur...

Oh, er... Take the baby for a walk.
Give him some air, take some yourself.

Oui, oui, Mademoiselle.
Oui, oui.

Come on, boy.

Who are these men?

Oh, these are members
of the squad.

Boys, you have the pleasure
of a visit from Mademoiselle Fifi.

(ALL GREETING EXCITEDLY)

Mmm, two is company.
A crowd is too much.

Oh, sure! I get you.

Well, right into my private office,
Mademoiselle.

Well, er... Make yourself comfortable,
Mademoiselle, sit down.

I will sit down
after I have finished standing.

I'll send one of the boys out
for some champagne.

Ah! Send all the boys!
Send them all!

- Send them all.
- Oh. Sure.

(CHUCKLING)

You can all go
and get some champagne.

(ALL TALKING EXCITEDLY)

(COUGHING)

Looks like the boss is going for her
hook, line and sinker.

You know, Mademoiselle, I didn't think
you liked me very much at first.

Hmm... Sometimes I make mistake.

I like you better every minute.

Well, I sure fell for you
when I saw your show last night.

Oh, my show...

What is to become of my beautiful show
if they close up my theatre?

Nobody's gonna close up
your theatre.

Ah! But somebody is trying to.
You will not let them, yes?

Yeah, sure...
I mean, no, I won't!

And what I say around here goes.

I'm boss.
You know what that means?

- I make 'em and break 'em.
- Ah, you are head man, yes?

Sure. And, you know, this next election,
I'm running for mayor.

Ah, you are very smart man.

Brilliant man.

Mmm, I like you very much.

Oh, Mademoiselle!

How dare you?
How dare you come into my boudoir?

I mean, this room,
without knocking?

Why, I didn't know.
I just thought possibly...

Who is this man?
I do not like him. Kick him out.

- What? What...
- Oh, Mademoiselle, it's just a mistake.

You see, he didn't mean
to come in here...

Kick him out, kick him out!

Wait a minute, Quade.
You're not gonna stand there and let her...

He will stand wherever I put him.

Mademoiselle, you see, I can't...
He's a friend of mine.

- He's the deputy fire marshal.
- Ah!

So, you are the fireman.

So, you are the crook
that makes to close up my theatre.

Why, you snake in the grass!
Get out! Out!

You big cochon!

This is assault and battery!
I'm calling the police!

Oh! Police?
What do you think I am, a Pekinese?

Listen, get out of here.
I'll tell ya about it later.

I'll be back in a minute,
Mademoiselle.

Mmm... "'Honest' John Quade."

He's so crooked,
he uses a corkscrew for a ruler.

(WITH FRENCH ACCENT)
I was so lonesome.

(CHUCKLING)

Well, you'll feel better

after you've had a couple of glasses
of this champagne.

Oh, you are so thoughtful
and I am so bad.

My terrible, terrible temper.
Bad.

Oh, forget it.

Why, er... I was gonna can him anyhow
after I got to be mayor.

And now, suppose we drink
to our future happiness, Mademoiselle.

Do not call me mademoiselle.

Call me Fifi, hmm?

Fifi.
And... And you call me John.

Mmm, Johnny!

1895. Ugh!
This horrible, horrible vinegar!

Ah! How can you do this to me?
Do you not know that I am delicate?

- Oh, no, Mademoiselle, I didn't mean...
- Do not touch me! I go home!

I come never!

Mademoiselle, please!
Don't be so temperamental.

- Why, it breaks me all up.
- What do you think it do to me, huh?

I love you when you are so full
of emotion and fire like that.

Ah, my emotions, they are my art.

Always, they have say about me,

"Mademoiselle Fifi
is the great emotional artist."

- Gosh. I guess they're right.
- Hmm... Is that right?

Ah, how I remember
that divine night in Paris,

at the National Theatre for the...

- Where?
- Do not interrupt.

Ah, the king of Prussialvania
was sitting in the royal box.

The theatre was packed
like sardines.

- Gosh!
- Oh, quiet.

And then, when I play
my great emotional scene,

you could hear the pin drop.

- Did the king like it?
- Like it?

Oh, he like it so much,
he crack the blood vessel!

- Gosh, you're as good as grand opera.
- Better!

Oh, I crave to hold you in my arms.
I crave to kiss you. I crave to...

Ah, the crave man, huh...

I was grandiose, magnifique,
merveilleux.

And the crowds,
they cheer and cheer and cheer

until the curtain come down.

Ah, take it away!
Take it away, take it away.

Ah, now... Now, I will go
to my beautiful automobile.

Come, come, come, come.

My gorgeous public
is waiting for me!

Au revoir!
Goodbye, goodbye. Au revoir.

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(WITH FRENCH ACCENT)
Who is it?

It's me, McCarey.

Ah... Come in!

- Oh, bonsoir, Monsieur.
- Good evening.

Asseyez-vous.

- Sit down.
- Thank you.

- While I take off something.
- Huh?

- Mmm, just the bracelet.
- Oh.

(SIGHING)

I sent for you
because I am so unhappy.

You lose your job,
helping me.

Ah, forget it. The show's going on,
that's the main thing.

Ah, the show...
But that was easy.

Today I go to Monsieur Quade's office,
and I twist him around my little finger.

I am much too clever for him, huh?

That's because you're French.
They're a clever race.

Oh, do not flatter me.

- Do you mind if I smoke?
- No, no. I'm not a bit narrow-minded.

(CHUCKLING)

In Europe,
all the fashionable ladies smoke.

Yeah, I've seen girls smoke
over here, too.

- In places like Trigger Mike's.
- Ah, Trigger Mike's, huh?

I don't suppose you ever heard
of such a place.

It sounds very interesting.

It has its points of interest,
for some people.

You know,
you make very good politician.

- Yeah?
- You talk so much, but say nothing.

- What do you mean, Mademoiselle?
- What do you think I mean, huh?

You're a hard woman to figure out.

I guess that's why I've been thinkin'
about you since the first time I saw you.

Ah, then you like the dark-haired
French woman of mystery, huh?

I'd be just as crazy about you
if you was a blonde.

That is, I mean, I've been partial
to a blonde, up to now.

- I'm only sorry I wasted so much time.
- What you mean, you waste time?

Well, if I'd known when your boat
was getting into New York,

- I'd have been there to meet ya.
- Ah, that is the great American custom.

To go to the boat when one leaves
and to meet the boat when one arrives.

Yeah, especially when you're interested
in the person who's coming or going.

Ah, I think it is getting
much too warm in here...

Why don't you admit the truth?

Why you sent for me tonight.

Why you think I send for you, huh?

Well...
This is a pretty picture!

How dare you enter this room
without knocking?

How dare you come in here
without engraved invitation?

Nobody comes in here
unless Mademoiselle Fifi sends for him.

- Yeah, did you send for him?
- Sure, she sent for me. So what?

- I'm talkin' to her.
- Then talk polite.

Now, listen, don't you tell me
how to talk to her...

- Ah, it's time somebody did.
- You liiy-livered, flatfooted...

Stop this,
before I forget who I am.

Now, get this, Fifi,
and get it straight.

I don't know how he got in here,
but he ain't coming in here again.

Ah, nobody tells Mademoiselle Fifi
what to do!

Well, I do!
I'm boss around here!

And you do what I tell ya
or I'll close this theatre tonight!

- Now, you hear me?
- Come here!

(DROPPING ACCENT)
Why, you big phoney.

This show will be runnin'
while you're panhandling the Bowery.

Say, who are you?

Ah, you know me.
Take a good look.

We've had dealings before.

So...

Mademoiselle Fifi
is Peaches O'Day, huh?

And there's nothing
you can do about it.

Oh, no?
Well, there's this I can do about it.

I can call the Black Maria
and book your sweetheart here

on a charge of impersonation
with intent to deceive.

That ain't a crime.
That's just good showmanship.

- Then make it grand larceny.
- Got a warrant with ya?

A warrant? Say, listen, I got enough
evidence in my office to hang her.

You did have. But a little match
sent it up in smoke.

Say, you two are crazy
if you think you can get away with this!

(WITH FRENCH ACCENT)
Oh, Monsieur McCarey,

I do not like this man.

- Kick him out, kick him out.
- With pleasure.

- Hey, listen! Let go of that arm, let go...
- Kick him out!

(QUADE CONTINUES PROTESTING)

(THUDDING)

Have there been fisticuffs?

McCarey, you're wonderful!
You certainly fixed that.

Yes, McCarey, you certainly fixed
everything up fine.

When Quade is elected mayor,
you'll be in a messenger boy's uniform

and Peaches will be back in Boston,
fighting the Battle of Bunker Hi” again.

That is if he's mayor.

I thought we decided
Quade must not be mayor.

Quade's election
is practically in the bag.

Well, I got a couple of tricks
in the bag myself.

May I suggest
you pull them out?

Boys, here's your next mayor
of New York City.

- Pleased to meet you, Mayor...
- Sit down, he's not elected yet.

PEACHES:
No, but he's gonna be.

Who are his constituents?

Why, he was born and bred
on the sidewalks of New York.

Why, he's so honest,
I'm ashamed of myself.

I'm afraid those are not the qualifications
of the leader of our civic government.

Who said they ain't?
I've been a cop for fifteen years.

You get to know about civic government
pounding the pavements

on the Bowery, Fifth Avenue
and Delancey Street.

All you have to know is that everybody's
got to get a job, a place to sleep,

-something to eat and...
- A diamond tiara.

Hear, hear. He's said just what the reform
committee has been saying for months.

Well, then, make him
your candidate.

Well, sure, but I'll have to ask
the other gentlemen.

Don't ask 'em, tell 'em.

How are you gonna sell
a copper to the voters?

Why, that's a cinch.

We'll put on a campaign
that this city has never seen before.

- You know every actor in town.
- I sure do.

We'll put a show on that'll make
Barnum & Bailey look like a flea circus.

After that, they'll have
to take him, or else.

Now, listen, boys, here's the idea.
Come here.

I'll tell you what we're gonna do.

We're gonna turn around...

(CROWD CHEERING)

Why, here comes Peaches.

Hiya, boy!

Miss Peaches, can you use me
in your show?

Hey, he's good!

Yeah, he can juggle the votes for us
up in the Bronx.

(PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC)

Here comes Peaches!

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

One minute, folks.
We owe this show to Peaches O'Day.

Now, tell me,
how did you like it?

(CHEERING)

PRESENTER:
Don't forget the big rally at Madison Square.

- Be there!
- What's wrong with... McCarey?

(CROWD APPLAUDING)

Thanks, folks, thanks.

Peaches has done her part,
I hope you do yours.

I wanna do mine.
80, free beer for everybody!

(CHEERING)

(BAND PLAYING MCCAREY THEME)

♪ Vote for McCarey

♪ He'll work so hard and long

♪ Tops to the coppers

♪ He can't go wrong

♪ Vote for McCarey

♪ You can't go wrong

♪ Vote for McCarey

♪ He'll work so hard and long

♪ Tops in the coppers

♪ He can't go wrong ♪

- We ain't doing so good, are we?
- Shut up, I'm trying to think.

Look at that.

- What can I serve you, please?
- Nothin'.

"Seven district leaders
quit Quade for McCarey"!

Boys, McCarey has got to go.

Where?

You mean I can really
take care of him?

Well, I don't have
to draw pictures for ya, do I?

Oh, maybe I do. Listen.

McCarey ain't gonna show up
at Madison Square tomorrow night.

Oh, yes, he is, Boss,
it says so in the...

- That's what I'm trying to...
- How are we gonna stop him?

I don't wanna know how you stop him.
But you stop him.

Are you sure Mr McCarey
ain't here?

Listen, I ain't got him up my sleeve.
Now, Mr Dorfendoffer...

No, no, my name is Krausmeyer.

Will you please roll your alphabet
somewhere else?

Look, I'm busy
trying to elect a mayor.

That's just it.
That is precisely it.

You ain't going to elect nobody.
Not if Mr McCarey ain't.

- Ain't what?
- Ain't ain't.

Say, your brain is stutterin'.
Now, what are you tryin' to tell me?

You see, Mr Quade is going
to have Mr McCarey killed.

Dead. Murdered.

Who's gonna do it?

A couple of Quade's loafers.

One of them is called
Danny the Dope.

- Oh, you mean Danny the Dip.
- That's him.

Uh, thanks, you're on
the city payroll already.

Now, look, leave me, because I've got
a lot of two and twos to put together.

- All right, Charlie, goodbye.
- Fritz...

Good bye, good bye.

Boys, I knew it was comin'.
Quade's out to get McCarey.

You mean they mean to kill him?

- Why, this is terrible!
- It's bad.

Well, I got to get the lowdown on it.

- NIFTY: Do you want us to go with you?
- Not where I'm goin'.

What are we going to do?

What are we going to do?

Yes, what are we going to do?

We've got to put him some place
where he'll be safe.

We must get him out of town.

We might forcibly abduct him.

Now, listen, I'm not afraid of Quade
or anyone else.

- And I won't hide out.
- But you can't risk going out tonight.

- Don't be rash, young man.
- Sorry, boys, but I've got to get outta here.

Of course he's a busy man,
but you've time for one drink.

- Yes, one little drink.
- One little drink, Mac.

- MCCAREY: Well, just one, but make it fast.
- NIFTY: You know the old saying,

"One more little drink
won't do us any harm."

(VAN DOON LAUGHING)
My boy, you're a cinch

to be the next mayor of New York,

and what New York wants
is the kind of a fella you will be.

A man who knows his New York.

- From the Battery to the Bronx.
- MCCAREY: Yes, sir.

- To the new mayor!
- Ah, thanks, thanks.

To the mayor!

Gentlemen, to the new mayor
of New York City.

- New mayor.
- Thank you, boys.

ALL:
Ah!

(VAN DOON LAUGHING)

Oh, what's happened to him?

Oh, er... Nothing at all.
Just a little indigestion. He's, uh...

- The important thing is the campaign.
- Right. The campaign. Yes.

As I was saying, Mr McCarey,
I want you to know

that the Van Doon millions
are at your command.

Gentlemen, we are now
going to drink to Peaches.

- There you are, sir.
- To Peaches!

- To Peaches O'Day!
- To Peaches.

You know, Peaches not only has beauty,
but she has talent.

She has...

(CLATTERING)

There must be something wrong
with this whisky.

Whisky? Nonsense!
There's nothing wrong with this whisky.

Why, as a boy, I used to drink a toddy
every morning.

And then, why...

I, er... used to drink mint juleps.
Now, come, come.

Here we are.
To Peaches O'Day.

To Peaches.

(GIGGLING)

Hap...

...py new year!

That's all right.

Ain't that convenient?

Sure is handy.
Come on.

(CROWD MURMURING)

What are we going to do?

We're gonna elect a mayor,
that's what.

If he don't come back,
I'll be the mayor.

You can't do that.
That's unconstitutional.

Not for my constitution.
I'm a suffragette.

(ALL MOANING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

Can't you manicure your nails
or somethin'?

What do you think I am, a sissy?

Listen, there's plenty in it
for you guys

if I can get to that rally
at Madison Square tonight.

You can get a swell view
right from this window.

(BAND PLAYING LIVELY JAZZ)

♪ Jubilee

♪ Come and join the jubilee

♪ Gather all around,
we'll have a lot of fun, singing in the sun

♪ Oh, jubilee

♪ Come and join the jubilee

♪ Listen to the band,
swinging in the land, everybody stand

♪ Won't you sing,
with a zip and zing

♪ Watch the blues go bing

♪ Make the rafters ring

♪ Up to heaven Jubilee

♪ Carnival of joy

♪ Mr Blue won't be about

♪ Music always knocks him out

4“ Learn a song
that you can shout

♪ And join the jubilee ♪

(PLAYING TRUMPET SOLO)

(McCAREY THEME PLAYING
IN THE DISTANCE)

CROWD:
♪ Vote for McCarey

♪ Best man to do the job

♪ Vote for McCarey

♪ He'll do the job ♪

(PLAYING DRUMS SOLO)

♪ Vote for McCarey

♪ He'll work so hard and long

♪ Tops in the coppers

♪ He can't go wrong

♪ Vote for McCarey

♪ Best man to do the job

♪ Vote for McCarey

♪ He'll do the job ♪

Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Where is he?

♪ Vote for McCarey

♪ Best man to lead the mob

♪ Vote for McCarey

♪ He'll do the job ♪

(APPLAUDING AND CHEERING)

- Now is the time. Hurry up!
- Yes!

Peaches says
to let him go now.

CROWD:
McCarey! McCarey!

Believe me, folks,
you can't go wrong with McCarey.

I found that out.

He's just the kind of a man
you want.

At least, he's the kind of a man I want.
I mean for mayor.

(CROWD LAUGHING)

CROWD:
McCarey! McCarey!

Fellow citizens!
McCarey ain't gonna show up

and I told you he wouldn't!

He's a four-flusher
and he's run out on ya!

But I'm here.
I ain't afraid to stand on my record.

All I want is a chance to prove to you
what I can do for this city!

He don't mean what he can do the city,
he means how he can do the city!

Nevertheless, it doesn't answer
the question of, "Where is McCarey?"

Well, he ain't
where you think he is.

Let's face the facts.

I'm here. McCarey ain't.

And what's more,
I'm telling you voters,

that if McCarey does show up,
I hope I may be struck on this very spot.

You never hoped
a better hope.

(CHEERING)

The winner!

♪ Vote for McCarey ♪

Nice work, boys, nice work.
Here's the papers I promised you.

Thanks. We wouldn't have done
this for nobody but you, Miss Peaches.

Get outta town and stay out.

Well, it's great
to be with you again.

I didn't think I ever would.
Some of Quade's gang kidnapped me.

Yeah, I know,
they were workin' for me.

- What?
- Yeah.

All together, join the parade!

♪ Vote for McCarey

♪ Best man to do the job

♪ Vote for McCarey

♪ He can't go wrong ♪

(CROWD GASPING)

(JAZZ CONTINUES PLAYING)