All language subtitles for The Rockford Files - 00x04 - A Blessing in Disguise

(PHONE RINGING)

ROCKFORD ON ANSWERING
MACHINE: This is Jim Rockford.

At the tone, leave your name
and message.

I'll get back to you.

(BEEPS)

Jim, it's Paul.

Hey, I have been waiting two
months for that invitation, buddy.

Are you gonna get that new sports
channel before the Rams leave LA?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing!

Unless this is a movie about the
Donner party, we're not getting it.

You know, the game's
gonna start any minute.

There's that little sucker,
way back there.

You know, this TV ought
to be in the Smithsonian.

Yeah. I'm gonna get all the sports
channels on this cable system, right?

Yeah, and the little woman's gonna be
threatening to divorce you within a week.

My little woman jumped
that fence seven years ago.

Get all the
movie channels, too?

Yep.

(WOMAN MOANING ON TV)

(KISSING)

WOMAN: That's it.

Is that what you
were looking for?

He's pretty good, this guy.

They've been
running it all week.

He ends up with her and the
upstairs maid on the kitchen table.

(MAN MOANING) Well,
he should forget about acting

and put out a line of
vitamins. (LAUGHS) Yeah.

Okay. Well, you're
all hooked up.

Have fun.

And if you have any problems,
you just give Image Cable a call

and we'll be out here
before you can say "Geronimo."

That must've been my problem.
I didn't say "Geronimo."

I just said please
and waited five months.

Well, we've been busy. Enjoy.

MAN ON TV:
'Cause this sale ends Sunday!

(ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING)

ANGEL ON TV: Let me in.

Yeah. Come on in, Angel.
Door is open.

ANGEL: Let me into your life.
AUDIENCE: Hallelujah!

Let me see
your devastation,

touch your withered limbs,
heal your soul.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Refresh your tortured spirit.

Let me banish the vile residue
of destruction.

I take away the pain and the suffering,
not in my name,

but in the name of Him.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Lordy! God's work is merciful.

AUDIENCE: Amen.

The Temple of the Holy Light,
it needs your support.

Yes, we do!

Remember, the angel of the temple,
he gives your offerings,

he doesn't take.

He took it. That's my sports
jacket. That's where it went.

Now, your offerings,
they're for the children.

We collect God's gifts
for them.

I have here,
item number 357, entitled,

"You are my special angel."

CHOIR: (SINGING)
You are my special angel

This pamphlet tells my story.

It tells how this special angel
walked the path to salvation.

Salvation!

It's easy. It's fun reading.
It's a short pamphlet.

It'd have to be.

ANGEL: But it will get
your soul singing.

Item 357.

Mail your checks
to the Temple of Holy Light.

Uh, Temple of Holy Light, please,
and the address, if you can.

ANGEL: ...God spake unto me.

ROCKFORD: Okay. Thank you.

You are my special angel.

Yes. I want to talk
to Angel Martin.

Yes, I'll hold.

...and help them see.

(EXCLAIMING)

Yeah. I want to talk
to Angel Martin, please.

No, I don't want to
send in a prayer pledge.

I want to talk to...

I'll hold.

Your offerings, they go to help
the starving children in Lapland.

Lapland?

Yes. Sister who?

(LAUGHS) Well, this is silly,
Sister Sunshine,

but it seems
the Reverend Martin

is wearing my sports jacket
on TV and I...

(SIGHS)
No, I'm not a giver.

Yes, I'll hold!

BROTHER BOB ON LOUDSPEAKER:
May I have your attention, please?

MAN: Listen up, everybody!

BROTHER BOB: May I have
your attention, please?

We'd like all picketers
to get your signs

and begin loading
onto the bus.

We will begin our march
on the Cineplex at 7:00.

(PICKETERS CHEERING)

PICKETER: Boycott Little
Ezekiel! The Lord will punish infidels.

Where can I park?

These slots are for
the first light deacons,

and this one's Angel's choir
and the Angels of the Lord.

I had tickets for
the LA Angels in '91.

Barely used them.
Does that help?

You're not with
the boycott, are you?

I did lettuce and grapes
years ago.

On the street, pal.

SISTER EVE: When the
Reverend Martin enters the room,

he will move to
each one of you

and he will ask you
what miracle you desire.

Then he will read your aura,
so sit very, very still.

Now, he'll only spend a few
seconds with each one of you.

Not to worry. That's all
it takes for the reverend

to get a spiritual reading.

You'll be notified later if he's
agreed to perform your miracle.

Back again?

And, my son,
what miracle do you wish

for this humble angel
of the Lord to perform?

I'd... I'd like my legs back.

He wants his legs back.
Hallelujah!

Nice aura, very shiny,
very blue.

Wish you could see it,
Sister Eve.

What do you wish for, sister?

What?

What do you
wish for, sister?

I want my hearing back.

She wants her hearing back.

Holy! Holy!

Elliptical aura.
Very resonant.

And what do you wish for,
my son?

I want my sport coat back.

Hi, Jimmy.

"Hi, Jimmy."
Is that all I get?

I don't get a Hosea? You
don't want to read my aura?

In case you can't see it, it's
bright red and it's shaped like a fist.

(PANTING) You hit a preacher,

you're consigned to the depths
of purgatory for eternity and a day.

I'll risk the beef.
Where's my sport coat?

Jimmy, Jimmy!

I'm here
dealing with the poverty

and the degradation
of the human spirit,

at war with the cloven-hoofed
forces of the devil

who strike out at the
children of my flock.

And while I look tirelessly
for human redemption,

all you can think about is
your gray tweed Mr. Guy,

one-button jacket
with a single vent?

In hopelessly long, convoluted sentences,
that about covers it.

I'm frightened
for your soul.

I'm frightened for
your bridgework, Angel.

All right. All right. I needed
a good jacket for the pulpit.

The old black and white check
that I wore in court,

well, it was strobing on TV,
so I borrowed yours.

You stole mine.
Let's use the right verb.

An object taken for the Lord's
work is an offering, Jimmy.

You get credit in heaven.

How did this happen?

The last time I saw you,
you were...

You were selling hot VCRs out
of a supermarket shopping cart.

(SHUSHING)

Jimmy, Jimmy,
this is so amazing,

I'm having so much fun.

I heal guys,
I make them walk again.

I'm selling little doohickeys
on television.

I boycott stuff.

I'm signing autographs and I'm
selling pamphlets about my life.

And it's all tax free!

(STAMMERING) Yeah, but how?
I mean, how'd it happen?

Well, one morning,
I woke up and I had this vision.

And in this vision,
I was walking in a daze.

Well, that's not
a vision, Angel.

That's your natural demeanor.

Anyway, in this vision,
God said to me, "Your name is Angel."

That's strange?
My name is Angel.

And God told me, He said,
"That's not a coincidence, it's a sign.

"It's a message."

Well, you can't ignore
a message like that.

Sure you can.
Your name is Evelyn.

They called you Angel in prison
'cause you were always on your knees,

praying to hard cases
not to kill you.

Yeah. Well, I'd love to chew
the prayer rag with you,

but I got an interview with some
hair and makeup people at 5:00.

I had to can
the old bunch.

I was looking so pasty
in my close-ups,

I could've been doing
spots for Forest Lawn.

Besides, we got a boycott
forming in the parking lot

and we march on
the Cineplex at 7:00.

So, if you don't mind...

This is His Holiness. Send
in the Angels of the Lord.

We need to help
a sinner on his way.

Now why do I have a hunch
these angels won't have harps?

(DOOR OPENING)

Don't I know you?
Zack, Zackary Irons.

Didn't we do time together?
You, me and His Holiness?

I didn't like you in stir, Rockford,
and I don't like you now.

Hey, hey!

(GRUNTS)

Leave the reverend alone,
or we're gonna put some hurt on you.

You guys got a real rock
and roll church going here.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

You little slut!

Go sell your devil movie
someplace else!

Why are you doing this?
I didn't do anything.

I need to see
Reverend Martin.

We've heard your satanic message!
We know what you stand for!

Hey! Hey! Are you looking for
somebody closer to your weight class, huh?

I need to see
Reverend Martin.

He won't see me.
I've tried three times.

All right, this is not
a very good situation.

Let's get out of here.
Where's your car?

Hollywood makes pollution
and pushes it off on our children.

You are a part of the
liberal sewage line.

You spew godlessness
on all of us!

You haven't even seen
the movie, bubba!

Don't need to!
Young lady...

I already know
what it's about.

Oh, yeah?
What are you doing?

This is going to the cops,
tough guy.

Don't do that. Come on,
let's get out of here.

(CROWD CLAMORING)

All right. All right.

(GRUNTS)

PROTESTOR 1:
Don't let them get away!

PROTESTOR 2:
Somebody follow them!

(SIGHS)

Where are you parked?
I'll sneak back and drop you.

(CRYING)

Hey! Hey!
Come on, don't cry, please.

Here. Here.
Take this. There.

On top of everything else,

Laura Sue Dean Day
got canceled.

Can you believe that?

I sent posters and show
hats and everything.

My mom just called
from Topeka, Kansas,

and told me they canceled
the whole thing,

the parade,
the Laura Sue Dean look-alike contest,

the barn dance, everything.

Who the hell is
Laura Sue Dean?

That's me. I'm Laura Sue Dean,
the actress.

Oh, I'm sorry. Hey,
please. Don't cry, please.

Can I buy you
a cup of coffee?

Oh, God, no, no! Please.

Don't you know what
that stuff does to you?

Tannic acid,
it ruins your stomach.

Do you have a car?
Where can I drop you?

I took a cab.

There's a juice bar
a couple of blocks from here.

Um, I could force down
a cranberry and pineapple.

Are my eyes red?

Well, just a smidge.
Oh, God!

I hate when my eyes are red.

My eyes are my best feature,
don't you think?

They're very nice.
Where's this juice bar?

Actually, I would rather have a coffee,
if you won't tell anyone.

God, I hope nobody
recognizes me in here.

My eyes must
still look horrible.

They're very nice.

Why were those people
pushing you around out there?

I'm in Little Ezekiel.
I play the mother.

My agent said I was too young
to play the mother,

but when I heard that Guy
Franklyn was playing Mark, the father,

I said,
"Come on. Guy Franklyn? He's only 26."

I mean, if he's the father,
how does it hurt me to be the mother?

But my manager is just so concerned
about career positioning and everything.

But you have to take what
comes until you get the big one.

That's why
I switched agencies.

I'm with Worldwide Artists
now. They're about the best.

Miss Dean,
do you think you could stay with the reason

those people were pushing you
around? I still don't understand.

I'm in Little Ezekiel.

Little Ezekiel is a movie?

Yes. And the Reverend Martin is
boycotting it, saying it's blasphemous.

He says we're making fun
of the scriptures

because of the miracle
of the bowling balls,

and because Zeke parts
the waters in the YMCA pool.

But none of these guys
have even seen it.

And I tried to talk to Reverend
Martin and tell him I'm being threatened

and my career is being trashed,
but he won't let me in.

Let's back up a minute.

The miracle of
the bowling balls?

Yes, okay. It's about
this little boy named Zeke,

who's trying to get his divorced
mother and father back together

and he wants them to believe that
it's God's will, so he rigs these miracles.

And his parents, they fall back
in love and they get re-married...

(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)
Oh, no! Oh!

What? What?
Oh, no.

I don't believe it.

What?

The TV.
The Sports Quencher ad.

(EXCLAIMS)

MAN ON TV:
When you play hard...

That's me, in the middle.

When you play for keeps...

(SCOFFS) I look 12.

That hairdo did
nothing for me.

Oh, but that bikini
was darling.

I tried to buy it
from wardrobe,

but they said they had to
keep it in case of retakes.

MAN ON TV: ...kiwi,
grapefruit, lemon lime.

(SCOFFS)

Because you're in this movie,

they were pushing you around
on the temple steps. That's it, huh?

...the drink your body craves.

Laura Sue?
Miss Dean?

Huh?

That's why they were
pushing you around?

Yes. I've also been
getting these.

Here. Let me show you.

Oh, my God.
How did this get in there?

What? What's that?

Just one of my reviews.
I did Streetcar in La gun a.

It says I was a vibrant
and convincing Blanche.

See, vibrant.

It's one of my best qualities.

I'm getting that. Yeah.

Uh, you want to know another
of your qualities, Miss Dean?

(LAUGHS) What?

You're very self-involved.

Well, you have to be
in this business.

I mean, if you don't look after yourself,
nobody else will.

These people are
threatening your life.

You should take this
to the cops.

No, my producers
don't want me to.

They say it will just
feed the story.

(SCOFFS)

Look, I have
a client meeting.

You're an agent?
A private eye.

Oh, that is so cool!

Do you know how many
bodyguards Kim Basinger has?

I heard six.

I heard 12,
but I'm not a bodyguard.

Aren't you gonna eat?
I'm not hungry.

Look! I just had
a complete brainstorm.

Already?

I want to hire you
to protect me.

And I bet you I could get Milovan
and Branka to pay for it, too,

'cause of these letters.
Let me guess.

Milovan and Branka have an
animal act at the Stardust. Am I close?

Milovan D'Sant and Branka
Decosta. They own Acropolis Pictures.

So, how about it?
You want the gig?

I don't think so.
I've got money.

If you don't believe me, I made a
quarter of a million on Little Ezekiel.

Oh, you made $250,000
playing the mother of a little boy

who parts the water
in the pool at the Y?

And I could've got more, too,
but I signed a two-picture deal

and gave Acropolis a break
on the first movie.

MAN 1: That guy
needs a paint job.

MAN 2: Satan lover!

(THUDDING)

MAN 3: Blasphemer!

Come on, I'll drop you someplace.
MAN 2: Get the other side.

ROCKFORD: Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Get out of here! What
do you think you're doing?

Stop it.

(GRUNTS)

LAURA SUE: Help, somebody!

MAN 3: Blasphemer!

Get off of him!
Get off of him!

(GROANS)

(ROCKFORD MOANS)

(SIREN WAILING)
Get off! Get off!

(GROANS)

Are you okay?
Yeah, are you?

Yeah.

You know, you have
another great quality.

What's that?

Guts.

I've got to get
my hair done

and a cute outfit before
Morton Downey Jr. tonight.

We're doing a show
on Little Ezekiel.

I'm not sure I should do it,
but Branka and Milovan say

we have to put the movie
ahead of our personal safety.

I guess that's show biz.

Miss Dean, I know you got
a lot on your mind,

but since you haven't asked,
my name is Jim Rockford.

Oh, I was just getting to
that. Nice to know you, Jim.

I think these people
are pretty dangerous.

You ought to start thinking
about another place to stay tonight.

Yeah. I guess I could
stay at M&M's.

Who's M&M?
Merrill Mark.

He's my old agent.
We're still friends.

Yeah. Well, most guys who are
named after a candy aren't too tough.

You think
you'll be safe there?

Yeah, sure.

Okay. I've got some unfinished
business with the Reverend Martin,

so when I talk to him,
I'll press your case.

Would you?

You can bank on it.

Now where's M&M's office?
I'll drop you there.

Wait till I tell Tori Spelling
I've got my own bodyguard.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Get the car washed. I hate it
when I see dust on the hood.

We've got to be at
the studio in an hour.

I'm gonna steam
and mudpack.

Tell Morton I may need a
trim before air. I'll use his stylist.

Right, boss.
Uh, boss?

(LAUGHS)

Doesn't seem
right any more.

Can we go with,
Your Holiness, Your Worship?

(CHUCKLES)
Don't push it, Angel.

I remember when you were
running errands in stir for cigarettes.

(GASPS)
Me, too.

Hey, hey! Just like
old times, huh, Angel?

Swapping lies with the
big stripes on the main line.

Oh, oh, oh. Hey, hey, hey,
hey. Ain't this a bummer?

I mean, His Holiness
stuck here all alone,

while the Angels of the Lord
are at the car wash?

Jimmy, if this is about that
jacket that Rocky gave you,

I'll give it back to you,
I don't need it any more.

It used to be just about the
coat but the list is growing.

This afternoon, we added a paint
job on my car, new seats and windows.

Your protesters
trashed my ride.

The Lord moves in mysterious ways,
His wonders to perform.

Blessed are the sheep
of the Lord.

But they know
not what they...

VI fix it.

Good. Now, let's go get my sport jacket,
huh? Where is it?

In the main closet.

Up.

There's this young girl,
Laura Sue Dean, she's in Little Ezekiel.

She's being threatened because
of this boycott you're orchestrating.

There are fanatics
threatening her life.

Well, Jimmy, there've been fanatics
threatening my life since I was eight.

Occasionally,
you were one of them.

I still am.

(EXCLAIMS)

ROCKFORD:
I don't believe this.

Now, this girl,
she's about 20 years old.

She's a little obsessive,
but underneath I think she's an okay kid.

I want you to call
your vigilantes off of her.

Jimmy, the Lord helps those
who help themselves.

I mean, this child must
cleanse her own spirit.

If she's threatened again,

I'm gonna come over here and
cleanse your spirit with a can of mace.

Okay. I'll work on that.
Good.

Oh, nice!

Oh, well, now here it is.

(LAUGHS) Yeah,
right next to my old leather jacket!

How did these get here?

Oh, good question!

There's a whole Rockford
section in here. You can keep this.

(SIGHS) Ah, well...

I guess I've been making
a lot of offerings, huh?

Yeah. I'll probably be in
the diamond lane to heaven,

wouldn't you think, huh?

(LAUGHS)

Well, what else you got?

Who does all this belong to?

Just people.

Besides me!

(CHUCKLES)

Angel,

you and I have had a long
and difficult history together.

But held together for reasons
that baffle all my other friends.

You steal from me,
you lie and cheat.

Your ethics would embarrass
a get-down robber.

Yet, here you are,
living like the Archduke Ferdinand.

Better.
What?

(CHUCKLES)
Better than the Archduke.

I'm up there with Elizabeth
Taylor and Travis Tritt.

Yeah. But what's this scam?

How did you get to be
the head of a church?

I mean, what's going on?
What is your angle?

Jimmy, you're not
gonna believe this,

but I had an epiphany.

I woke up one morning and I just
saw things through different eyes.

And I came down to the church,
wandered in a sinner,

and then when the
Reverend Thomas Starr

asked for sinners
to tell their story,

I came up and I was bathed
in the light of the Almighty,

and I felt such rapture
and I told my story.

I actually spoke
in ancient tongues.

Reverend Starr said he never heard
Aramaic spoken in such a beautiful accent.

Aramaic?

It's an ancient language.
There's no books to translate it.

You have to, sort of,
like, feel it.

(LAUGHS) You actually
got away with that?

They made me a deacon.

(LAUGHS)

So, when Reverend Starr
had his stroke last month,

I took over the pulpit
and the rest is...

Aramaic.

Jimmy, I know
you have a bad knee,

and I know it's been
bothering you for years.

I could coax
the devil spirit out of it,

if you'd let me
leave this bathroom.

What's your hurry?

How about I make you
a deacon of the temple?

As a deacon, you get to
sit upfront on Sunday,

go to the
Palm Springs retreat,

carry a church AMX card.

You get special parking,
and use of the choir on your birthday.

I said, what's your hurry?

I have to do Morton Downey
Jr. in less than an hour.

See, I'm doing a point,
counter-point

with the people that made
the film and I'm running late.

Angel, let me ask
you something.

What are you gonna do
when you actually get up there

and you have to account
for all this, huh?

I'll, uh, think of something.

Angel, I wanna talk to the
people that made this movie.

I'm worried about Laura Sue.

Maybe I can get them to
hire some protection for her.

So I'm gonna go down with
you and see if I can set it up.

No, no, no, no.

He has seen the ways and
will live in our holy countenance.

So there.

Jimmy, listen, since the
Angels of the Lord are here,

I got to take back
the deaconship.

Well, you didn't
really earn it.

I mean, normally,
I get 10 grand for one of those.

Have you or haven't you?

I mean, it's
a simple question?

Seen the movie?

That's the question,
my friend.

People doubt that
you've seen the movie.

They say you're boycotting it before
you even know what you're boycotting.

MAN: You don't
have to see it...

It's about a little boy who
blasphemes the scriptures

with bowling balls
and pool water.

(LAUGHS)
What's more to know?

That is not true!
My friend, I tell you.

We come to this country
to make a beautiful movie.

People cry when they see.
They tell me,

"Mr. Decosta, it's very nice
movie." We open film tomorrow.

These people say we insult the Bible,
that is not so.

We do not insult.

We are not insulting!
We are entertaining!

My life has been threatened by a
lot of the people in the audience.

Show me.
Show me who did it.

Point them out to me.
Point the people out!

That one, there.
And that one.

Is this true,
sir? Have you threatened this young lady?

Yeah, we threatened
the little slut.

She was spreading her
satanic values on our children.

DANNY: Morton! Over here!

I put my money into this movie
and I'm proud of it.

I'm proud to be
the producer.

And these people are inhibiting
my ability to make a profit.

They're picketing theaters,
they're threatening violence,

to keep the public away.
MAN: Yeah. He's right!

My rights are being undercut
and I resent it.

Okay! Danny Barkley,
everybody. All right.

Your dad owns Barkley's
department stores, correct?

Yeah. Now, why do these people
have the right, in a free society,

to interfere with
free enterprise?

Good question. Is this
a first amendment issue?

(AUDIENCE JEERING)
First amendment?

These men are idolaters.
They must be stopped!

They are poisoning our society
with godlessness.

They're corrupting
our children...

You better find a blunt instrument,
this is about to go up the spout.

I look to my Lord
for my guidance.

But there are those in the
flock who can see into the future.

I would like to present...

Hey! I'm in
your way, right?

ANGEL: May I present,

the East Indian mystic,
Sarah Lanka.

I see fires,
I see devastation.

I see the destruction
of cities.

She sees nothing!
WOMAN: Right.

She's false!

This is nuts. No one can
see into the future!

You can't and these silk-suit
immigrant gangsters can't.

But Sister Lanka can!

She sees truth. Hit it.

ALL: (SINGING) Angel, Angel
Special Angel

Yes, I am your special angel.

This was supposed
to be a forum.

He's making it into a circus.

ANGEL: Sent from heaven
above... MORTON: Reverend!

Reverend! Martin! Reverend.

Sit down, Reverend Martin!

ANGEL: ...summer sunshine.

MORTON: Would everyone
please sit down!

And what about touch?

You want touch, huh?
You feel my touch!

Dan! Please, sit down!
ANGEL: Warm embrace,

and I'm in heaven again.

Yes, I'm your special angel.

(GASPS)

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTS)
Calm down, sonny.

I said calm down!

Ain't this fun, Jimmy?

(GASPS)

Tell Deacon Verboomen that
the E. Angel Martin fountain

has to be in front of the
E. Angel Martin Library.

The bible studies center
can go anywhere.

If you're gonna be part of
the congregation, Jimmy,

try and get out of
the events on time.

Lordy, I'm glad I got
rid of that jacket,

that blood is never
gonna come out.

Last note. Tell the architect
that the Angel Martin Stadium

has got to have a statue
of me in the east turnstile.

I don't care if
we're over budget.

Tell them to rip off
the one in Washington of Abe,

sitting in the big
square chair,

and get the drawings
to me promptly.

And one last note
of warning, Sid,

though it is a long, torturous trail
up the holy mountain to deacon,

it's just a short cab ride
back to choir master.

Don't disappoint me, buddy.

The Angel Martin Stadium?
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

Temple of Holy Light
University. THLU.

I'm kind of worried
about that name.

I don't want people saying, "Tender
love hey you," or "Tough love hey you."

Angel of Holy Light University,
that's got a ring.

AHLU? BYU? SMU?

Brigham Young is
a Mormon university.

We'll work around that.

Oh, yeah, right. I'm...

I think I'll skip the ride home,
Angel. I'll call a cab.

I don't think my medical insurance
can take much more of your church.

Jimmy... Jimmy...

Thanks for pulling that
little dust bunny off of me.

But I sure was cooking
in there, wasn't 1?

Oh, yeah. I love a fist
fight with a good downbeat.

(ANGEL LAUGHS)

(CAR HONKING)

(LAURA SUE WHOOPING)

That was so bitchin'
in there.

I mean, you risked
your life to save me.

I'm gonna give your name
to Shannen Doherty.

Laura Sue, this thing
is out of control.

You need to get some professional
security. I'm just an investigator.

Those guys with the tattoos
and the funny looking hairdos,

they're not fooling around.

You need to take
them seriously.

It's so gnarly. I Z opens tonight,
so it's only gonna get worse.

LZ is Little Zeke?

That's so cool
you got that.

Hey, I didn't get a chance to talk to
Branka and Milovan about security. Did you?

No, I was gonna do it
at the party tonight.

You know what?
You should be going with me.

Make sure none of those cheeseburgers
are laying in wait at The Phoenix room.

I can't stop my head from
bleeding. My coat's a mess.

No. That corny gray jacket with blood
stains is gonna rave at The Phoenix.

(SIGHS) All right, Laura Sue,
I'll go with you.

Because somebody has to talk
your producers into protecting you.

You're blundering around in a
mine field wearing snowshoes.

You really have to try
and focus on the problem.

People are trying to kill you.

Being open and uncomplicated
is my best quality.

Yeah.

WOMAN 1: Come on, Stevie,
let me in!

WOMAN 2: Hey.

MAN: Hey, we've been
waiting an hour already!

Mr. Decosta. Good to see you. Hi,
Stevie.

Come on in.

Hi.
MILOVAN: Hello, Stevie!

Good evening, Mr. D'Sant.

All right. Go on in.

Hi, Stevie!

Laura, how are you?
Good to see you.

Sorry, bub, this place
ain't for you.

What if I jump in
a vat of Crisco?

Is that supposed
to be a joke?

And here's the
punch line. DEA.

Let me see that roach
behind your ear.

It's just a cigarette.

You got a drug record, Stevie?

If I run you, am I gonna
find a stack of 22.7's?

Hey, Tony, how's it going? Hey,
how you doing?

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHATTERING)

Hey, where the hell
did you go?

Stevie at the door didn't
think my jacket raved.

Let's do this now so I can go
home and tape up my head.

I don't think my reputation
can take much of this.

Hey, wait a minute!

DEA. Are we gonna have
to discuss your future?

No!

What is this? I've never
seen a badge like this before.

Is this real?

I made it myself,
model air plane decals and a library card.

...14 fighter into Israel.

So I'm coming in
real low, like that.

The Arab gunship spot me
just like that.

I do not see it hiding. And I'm coming low,
right past...

Excuse me.

And he, hovering like this,
fires two Foxbats.

(IMITATING GUNFIRE)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(IMITATING GUNFIRE)

Excuse me...

Branka was a pilot
for the Israeli Air Force.

He helped bring US
fighter bombers into Israel.

Mr. Decosta, my name is Jim Rockford,
I'm a private investigator.

I believe that Laura Sue's
life is in danger.

I can't work for her
any longer,

but I think it's important that you
provide her with some protection.

This is silly.
I know danger.

We do not need defense.

If she wants defense,
it's okay, you be defense.

But Acropolis will not pay.

(MILOVAN LAUGHS)

Anyway, here I am...

(IMITATING GUNFIRE)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

MAN 1: Everybody okay?
Anybody hurt?

MAN 2: I can't tell.

Your limo just got
blown to hell!

Somebody blew up our limo?

The defense rests.

ROCKFORD: What do you mean
you can't go over there?

I can't go over there!

I'm supposed to just walk in there without
a warrant and rifle through church records

looking for someone with
a record as a bomber?

Hell, yes, this is Angel
we're talking about.

This is the Reverend Martin
we're talking about.

Oh, Dennis, this bombing,
these attempted murders,

they're all tied in with the
silly movie boycott of his.

You go over there, you grab him by
his scrawny little neck, just like always,

and you tell him you're gonna launch
him into space if he doesn't cooperate.

I'm not gonna do it.

I'll try and get a warrant,
but I'm gonna cross the T's, dot the I's,

'cause Angel has
influence now.

I don't believe you're
wussing out on me.

I'm obeying the law and
recognizing Angel's rights.

You're wussing,
Dennis. Angel isn't gonna file a lawsuit.

His nose bleeds in court.

You're just mad because he made something
of himself, became a man of the cloth.

Heals people on television,
gives them communion and everything.

Man of the cloth? Communion?
Have you been down there?

It's strictly cheesecloth
and grape juice.

The only healing you're gonna
see is from Dobermans.

I'm not gonna do it.

You know,
you should get your head sewn up. Oh.

It's still bleeding.

You don't like
this little leak?

A lot of people
think it raves.

MAN: Back behind the line. We're gonna
have emergency vehicles coming out.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Okay. Thank you.
Yeah. Sure.

God, this is so depressing.

Yes, it is and you know,
we don't even have a clue who's doing it.

Huh? What are you
talking about?

You said it was terrible.
And I said it is.

I was talking about how
bummed I am I can't leave.

I was gonna sneak
into the late show

and see Little Ezekiel
with an audience.

You know, sit with the straights
in the back of the theater.

That's when you can tell
whether the film really works.

Laura Sue, I want you
to go to a friend's house.

Stay there and don't
tell anyone where you are.

Dial this number and leave a message
on my machine where I can reach you.

Isn't the bodyguard supposed
to stay with the client?

I haven't been
a bodyguard very long

so I'm not sure
of all the rules.

For now, let's just do this.

(BARKING)

Whoa. What have you got there?

(GROWLING)

Hey, come on. Let's go.

So predictable.

Be finished in a minute, Zack.

You're finished now, Rockford.

ZACK: Come on! On your feet!

Holy! Holy! Holy!

God spake unto me,
"You are my special angel!"

(DOOR OPENING)

Help guide my flock!

Guide them and help them see!

This ministry and our world
outreach programs reach...

(TV VOLUME DECREASES)

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy.
I'm so disappointed.

Yea, though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death,

I fear no evil.

My rod and my staff,
they comfort me.

Well, don't forget these
chrome-plated .38s.

(INTERCOM BUZZING)
Yes!

WOMAN ON INTERCOM:
There's a message that Kenny Katz

from Empress Films called.

Kenny Katz?

Oh, I know what that's about. Tell
him I'll call him back. Hold my calls.

Jimmy, you can't just
break into the temple.

It's the Lord's house.

Well, I'm sorry, it looks like a
half-way house. I got confused.

Um, man, I'd love to put in
a go-cart track somewhere.

I wonder if a bible study
center is really all that important.

In a bible college?
No. Trash it.

Yeah. I guess eventually
it's got to go somewhere.

Angel, do we really need
the Angels of the Lord?

I need to talk to you.
It's important.

In all the years I've known you,
I have never hurt you.

Angels of the Lord
may withdraw.

You get frisky, Rockford,
you're gonna join the Hallelujah chorus.

(SIGHS)

What do you pay that moron?

He's a deacon.
He gets all the privileges.

He'll go screw up
the Palm Springs retreat.

ANGEL: No, no, no, no.

I'm putting the E. Angel
Martin Architectural Garden here.

Angel, this boycott,

somebody is gonna get hurt.

I think one of your flock just blew up a
limo that belongs to Acropolis Pictures.

Well, I didn't do it.
I'm a man of the cloth.

I got sextons and deacons
to alibi me.

I didn't say you did it.

I'm just telling you that some
of the people in your church

are a little over-committed.

Nice way to put it.

I mean, you say
the picture is blasphemy

and they go out
and blow things up.

You're gonna have to cool
your jets for a while.

I can't. I mean,
I'm on a schedule here.

This kind of thing runs on
a schedule that is tight.

Can you believe
what's happened here?

Well, that's
what I'm saying.

I mean, you're gonna
have to slow them down.

Oh, not that! Me!

Okay, you wanna talk
about tax audits, Jimmy?

That's what started
this whole deal.

See, it was an IRS audit. I
was trying to beat a tax rap.

Ended up on TV
with all of this.

I mean, this country
is the best!

Being an ex-con,
it doesn't hurt you. I love America.

You and Don King.

You know, I figured that if
I could get into this church

and become a sexton or
minister or something like that,

well, then, I could shelter my tax
through the church's tax-free clause.

And then I could tell these
IRS clowns to just take a hike.

So I come in one Sunday
and look up on stage

and all these people are doing
the funky chicken and getting healed.

I said, "Well, Angel,
you can shake the dust off these stiffs."

So I went up there,
I told the story of my life.

And because it was on TV,
they got it all down.

Well, it's in that You Are My
Special Angel, word for word.

I know, Chapter Four,
with illustrations.

And I got up on stage
and I was jamming.

(EXCLAIMS)

And I started to choke.

Really, Jimmy,
I started choking.

Maybe one of the words
went down wrong. Guess what?

It was perfect Aramaic.

(LAUGHS) Can you believe it?
It might've been, too.

How do I know? I mean,
it's a dead language.

Listen, Angel, if you wanna
keep this gig in play,

you're gonna have to black-flag
the cowboys in the congregation

or you're gonna be up to
your rod and staff in angry cops.

Now, just give me the name of the biggest
nut in your files and I'll work him.

Chances are, if he's not involved,
he knows the crazies who are, huh?

Who's that gonna hurt?

I don't know, Jimmy.
Giving up a parishioner.

Let me put it to you this way,
give me the name,

or I'll go to Becker
and he'll write up a warrant

and he'll come out here
and open up this church

like the can of corn
it really is.

Cat's name is
Buddy Rennick.

I was gonna kick him
out of the church, anyway.

He lives in a trailer
in Palmdale.

He says he talks
to the Holy Ghost,

but I think he's talking
to the jackrabbits.

Okay. There's just
one more little favor.

I want you to call
this protest off.

Uh, hey, I'm a little worried
about Laura Sue.

I can't seem to keep her
headlights on. She's gonna crash.

I'm giving up this boycott
on the weekend, anyway.

I mean, the schedule's killing
me. You don't know how I've been...

(CRACKING)

Oh, why, hey,
you're really great at this!

I never would have
thought about that.

You know,
redesigning the building.

Now you can just lean it up
against the gym.

Name please?
WOMAN: La sore.

Okay. Go ahead.

LITTLE ZEKE: But, Mommy,
if you and Daddy still love each other,

why can't we all live together,
like before?

Well, Little Zeke,
I guess your daddy

(MAN SNORING) has more
important things in his life right now

than you and me.

LITTLE ZEKE: No, no.
You wait, Mommy.

Buffy and I will make
a miracle.

MOTHER: Come back here!
Where are you going?

Come back!

I think I over-played that.

Hmm?
Hey!

The director said,
"Be angry."

I never thought
it was an angry moment.

Little Zeke! Little Zeke!

God, I suck in that scene.
I should've played it softer.

I thought you were just
right. Very convincing.

You did?

Did you really like me?
You're not just saying that?

(DOG BARKING)

Buffy, that's
a wonderful idea!

We'll get Daddy's bowling
balls and we'll do it in the garage!

(BRIDAL MARCH PLAYING)

It must be God's will. Maybe you
and Mommy can get married again.

Oh, hello! Hi!

Oh! Wait! There's my agent,
Jerry Michaels.

(EXCLAIMS) Jerry! Jer!

He hated me.
He despised it.

You can tell,
he doesn't even want to talk to me.

Oh, he's probably just
discussing the next picture.

You think?
Yeah.

That could be it,
I suppose, huh?

Okay, Jim, be honest. Did
you like it? Did you like me?

Did I seem believable?
Did I bore your pants off?

Yes, yes, yes and no.

Now, let's get
something to eat.

(CHUCKLES)

I wonder where
Danny Barkley is. Huh?

(GIGGLES)
I dated him a few times.

He said he would
meet me here.

My darling! You are in the film,
A Breath of Fresh Ozones.

Air.

(CHUCKLES)
Air. Air is better, no?

Much better.

Did you like the way I played Camilla,
Mr. Decosta?

I kiss the feet of talent.
But not here.

We'll do the feet kissing
some place private.

I wonder where
Danny Barkley is.

Yes, it is strange. He usually
likes these kind of things.

Important agent and
everything. But he's not here,

so there is more
champagne for the rest of us.

(LAUGHING) Excuse me.

Would you excuse us?
Yes.

(CHATTERING)

Laura Sue,
there is definitely something wrong here.

I think Branka
liked me in it.

This film isn't blasphemous. There's,
uh, no need to boycott this film.

I mean, no disrespect, Laura,
but it's... Well, it's, uh...

You hated it.

Well, hated, no... Hated is a very,
very strong word.

(STAMMERING) No,
I was interested in a secondary capacity.

What the hell
does that mean?

I was a little bored.

Well, uh, not a lot.
Just a little.

It's not boring! And how
can you say it's boring?

Do you really think
it's boring?

Oh, God, it is boring,
isn't it?

I'm ruined.

Wait, Laura Sue,
you were magnificent!

But the film, Laura, I mean, the whole
enchilada seemed a little concocted.

Hey, you wanted me
to be honest.

(SIGHS) Yeah. I mean,
there's honest and there's nasty.

Oh,
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be nasty.

It's just. Well, this whole thing is
setting off a lot of my alarm buzzers.

Yeah, what's another?

Well, all right. There's this
Danny Barkley. Where is he?

I don't know.

Well, you said
you were dating him.

Can you think of any reason why
he wouldn't show up at a cast party?

No. He put his money in because he
wanted to be a part of this business.

He bought 40%
of this picture.

He would definitely
be here.

Do you know where
he lives? Mmm-hmm.

You think you can
show me? Mmm-hmm.

That's his car.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

I know where the key is.

Danny? Danny?

It's Laura Sue.

Danny?

It's Laura Sue!

Danny?

Danny?

Danny? Oh, my God!
Oh, no! Oh, God!

(LAURA SUE CRYING)

He was a nice guy. Why,
Jim? Why is this happening?

I don't know.
But I'm gonna find out.

(CHATTERING)

(SIGHS) Now, you see, Dennis? You
didn't want to go stand Angel on his head.

Look what happened to him.
This whole thing is getting worse.

And maybe if you didn't drive
around town with the word "Satan"

scribbled on the side
of your car,

things would be a little
bit cooler down here.

I didn't put that there
and you know it.

And if you want
my list of suspects,

just take a hard look at the two
guys dripping gold and insincerity

by the front door.

Branka Decosta
and Milovan D'Sant?

They own a major movie
company. They're worth millions.

And talking about suspects,
don't you leave town,

'cause I'm gonna
wanna talk to you.

What? Me?
Oh, come on, Dennis!

Didn't you lay this Barkley guy out
yesterday on the Morton Downey Jr. Show?

Oh, great.
Vincent Penguinetti.

That's all this case needs
to qualify as an oil spill.

Hey, Vincent!
(CHUCKLES) Hi, Tony!

How you doing?
Good to see you.

The chief thinks Vincent is the
best private investigator in LA.

Hey, Dennis!

Boy, that Bosonovitch case
was awesome! Way to go, babe.

Chapman told me
he's got his eye on you.

Really?
Yeah.

You talked to Captain
Chapman about me?

Yeah, me and the chief
and Chappy on the poker night.

I did a whopper of a commercial for you,
babe.

Bread on the water,
you know what I mean?

(LAUGHS)

(SIGHS)

So, how's the
repo business, Jim?

It's honest work and it beats
going through Loni Anderson's trash.

(CHUCKLES) Well,
somebody's got to work for deadbeats.

Better you than me.

By the way,
Acropolis Pictures has hired me

to organize
their security for them.

Now, that's gonna include
all the actors on this picture,

as well as Milovan
and Branka

and the rest
of the executives.

What're you trying
to tell me?

Pack it up.
You're through.

Milovan! Branka!
BOTH: Hey!

Penguinetti! VINCENT: Glad
to see you. How's the wife?

Jim, did you hear that?

He told the chief the
Bosonovitch case was awesome.

You were getting
a massage, Dennis!

But Penguinetti's
a showman with good PR.

Do you think we can talk about
Angel's church for a minute?

The congregation down there,
they're not winning any Mensa memberships.

His flock couldn't get jobs
scraping gum off of theater seats.

What am I supposed
to do with that?

Well, I'd check them
for records.

Uh, the one guy,
Zackary Irons, I did time with.

He was a home invader
or something.

Also, there's this scripture-quoting
weirdo out in Palmdale

named Buddy Rennick.

I pressured Angel into
giving me his name last night.

I went out there this
morning and talked to him.

My instinct is
he's not a killer.

Hey, you might wanna run a
scratch and sniff test on him, though.

Hey, Jim, don't
go away mad, okay?

That's awesome, babe.
Awesome.

(MAN CHATTERING
ON POLICE RADIO)

(SIGHS) I'm leaving.

The guy who just pulled up
in the Italian soup can,

his name is Vincent
Penguinetti. Famous private eye.

Does cooking segments
on Regis and Kathy Lee.

He's your new security.
Good luck.

Nice knowing you, Laura Sue.

Do I owe you anything?

(CHUCKLES) No, I don't like to
get paid when people end up dead.

All I wanted was my
sport coat back anyways.

Think I'll just go home
and go fishing.

(GLASS SHATTERING)

(CAR ENGINE STARTING)

What are you doing?

You're my bodyguard.

No, I'm not.

Hey, Rockford!
That's my client!

Yes, I am.

Hey! Hey!

Rockford!

You know, I love the beach. I
just don't get down here that often.

I've got my skirt
and my dress, my purse.

And you've got my two bags.

Yeah, I got them.

Why'd you have to bring
all this stuff?

You're only going to
be here a day or two.

I need my things.

(LAUGHS) I can't
believe I'm in Malibu!

And you live in a trailer?

(SIGHS) Here you go.

This is nice.

It's not everything
you were hoping for?

Well, it's kind of small.

Well, I'm kind of broke.

God, this is
so depressing.

Come on,
it's not that bad!

No, I was thinking
about Danny.

Oh, yeah.

I should've brought my Donna Karan
with the lace collar for the funeral.

I look dynamite
in that dress.

(SIGHS) Hey...

He shouldn't be dead.

All he wanted was for people to
look up to him, like they did his dad.

He was just a guy trying
to live in a giant shadow.

He was nice to me.

He really liked me
and he's gone now.

I'll never see him again, Jim

I'm okay.
I just feel bad for him.

LAURA SUE:
What're you doing?

Matthew 13:49. That was
on the mirror in the bathroom.

Yeah, here it is. "At the end of the world,
the angels shall come forth,

"and sever the wicked
from among the just."

Don't worry,
I'm not gonna let you get severed.

(LAUGHS) Good.

WOMAN ON TV: Yes,
I want you to give it to Susie.

Forever. And give her
a real ride for me...

(LAURA SUE CRYING)

For those are
the things that...

And the day you will die...

...the great events

of life.

Oh, Annie! Annie, darling.

Laura Sue, it's 3:30.
Are you okay?

Yeah. This movie
always gets to me.

This girl runs away from her mother,
'cause she wants this glamorous life,

and now her mother is dying
and she doesn't even know it.

It's so sad.

WOMAN ON TV:
She never believed...

(TV TURNS OFF)

Good night.

Do you think you could
talk to me for a while?

(CHUCKLES)
Sure, I guess.

I know I'm a pain
in the ass.

And I wouldn't blame you if
you took a cab on this whole deal.

No, it's fine. I just don't
usually have house guests.

Especially movie star
house guests.

You think I'm a movie star?

Oh, you're getting in brawls on Morton
Downey Jr., then you're a movie star.

But Little Ezekiel is a pretty awful movie,
isn't it?

Hey. Just getting in a movie in
this town is a huge accomplishment.

And you were good. You
didn't stink. The movie did.

You know, this movie,
something's troubling me,

maybe you can help.

I'll try.

Well, Danny Barkley
bought 40% of this movie

after the film had
already been shot.

That's a little unusual,
isn't it?

Well, we were over budget. The
bank was gonna shut us down.

So, we can assume
that Milovan and Branka

didn't want to put any more
money in the film.

They bring Danny Barkley
in and he buys 40%,

at a pretty steep discount,
probably, don't you think?

I guess.
Mmm-hmm.

So, Danny dies.
Who gets his 40%?

I don't know.

I wonder if Acropolis Pictures
had a buy-back clause.

You know, sometimes in business deals,
the surviving partners

have a right to buy back the assets
of the estate at a pre-negotiated rate.

That's what's been
keeping me up.

(CLICKS TONGUE) That's neat,
you really care what happened to Danny.

What happens to me.

Sometimes I can't figure out
what I care about.

I mean, sometimes, I think all I
want in the world is to be famous.

And then, sometimes, it seems like
being famous isn't worth anything at all.

So me and Stan,
we just keep slogging on.

Stan?

Stanislavsky. I've wanted to
be an actress since I was six.

That's about when Stan
and I hooked up.

Stan used to be my manager
when I was in grade school.

Now I've got a guy at
Durkin, Roskin and Kline

who won't return
my phone calls.

Stan was a better manager.
Weren't you, Stanley?

Don't you have any friends?

Not really.

I mean, I have club friends. People
I know who are never there for me.

And I have actress friends.
They're even worse.

You've gotta compete
with them for parts.

(SCOFFS)

And a few old boyfriends.
But they're just prowling.

No, it's just Stan.

And you.

Sometimes, Jim,
I'm so frightened of what I'll become

that I'm almost numb.

And then, sometimes I'm so
frightened of not becoming anything

that I can't breathe.

I mean, I want to be more
than I am but I don't know how.

Is that just nuts?

(LAUGHS) That's not nuts.
It's your best quality.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Good night.
Good night.

Thanks for coming
with me, Jim.

Why do you think
they want to see me?

They're your agents,
maybe they have another job for you.

I've been with this
talent agency for six months

and they've never
called me in for a meeting.

Now they wanna meet
on Saturday?

Jerry Michaels
hated the movie.

I bet Branka wants to get
out of the second picture.

They don't like me,
Jim! I'm ruined! I'll never work again!

Whatever it is,
you can't change it anyway.

(SIGHS) You're right.

If I come apart, Jim,
get me out of there. Promise?

Code three.

Oh, Miss Dean.
This way, please.

(SIGHING)

(DOOR CLOSING)

Jarred, Jerry,
Marty, Martin, Jer...

(ALL CHEERING)

To Laura Sue Dean,
star of the '90s!

What? Star of what,
Mr. Michaels?

Uh, call me Jer, honey,
and don't be coy.

Branka must've called
with the weekend grosses.

No, no. I was
staying at Jim's.

Little Ezekiel
is through the roof!

We're boffo in the cities!
Socko in the burbs.

Acropolis is estimating about 23
million as the first weekend take.

WOMAN: That's right.

That's fantastic!
Isn't that great, Jim?

And Jim would be what, our favourite uncle
who really needs to get lost right now?

Laura Sue is
prime agency fruit.

We don't need some middle-aged
walk-on crowding the plate.

When it comes
to protecting our clients,

you'll find that WACA can
be pretty damned aggressive.

I'm gonna let all that fly past,
Jer, because obviously,

you drink too much
prune juice.

(PEOPLE SNICKERING)

Jim is my bodyguard. He's
protecting my life from those threats.

I've talked with PR.

We think you should jump on TV
and attack these right-wing extremists.

Get right in their face.
It's gonna be big news!

Lots of coverage.

We position you as the
girl with the big cojones

and go after the next
Schwarzenegger movie.

Excuse me, Jerry,
but as Laura Sue's security consultant,

I'd advise against that.
These guys are pretty scary.

Maybe to you, Jim,
but not to me.

And I know a little
about fear. Believe me.

I've been to fear city.
I've seen mad elephant.

Yeah, we're talking about people who've
already killed one of the film's investors.

JERRY: Like I said...

Laura Sue is a
very valuable fruit.

We're not going to risk
getting her hurt.

And this is in her
best career interests.

Are you gonna stand between
her and a bullet, Mr. Michaels?

If that's what
it takes, you bet.

I'm not just some guy
in Gucci loafers, Jim.

I was in Grenada.
I've seen combat.

(EXCLAIMS) Grenada. Yeah,
lot of ripe fruit flew in that one.

Go ahead, make fun of it.

But those Grenadine defense
forces were crack units,

and we looked down the business
end of those Cuban AK-47's

and we didn't blink, mister. Just
like we're not gonna blink now.

Weren't you a cook, Jer?

(PEOPLE SNICKERING)

Cooks were at risk
just like everybody else.

Jerry, as tough as the
Grenadine defense forces were,

you're not going to scare these
thugs off with a potato peeler.

Now, I don't think
we should inflame them.

You're gonna risk Laura Sue's
life for some television exposure?

You don't rise
if you don't risk!

Stars aren't born,
they're developed.

Strike while you
have the chance

and remember, fear is
just a four-letter word.

(GUN FIRES)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
Get down!

(GRUNTS)
Come here!

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

MAN 1: You okay?
MAN 2: Yeah, I'm okay.

And you? Anybody hurt?

Everybody out in
the corridor and stay low.

These walls are thin,
they won't stop a bullet.

Go! Go! Go! Go!
Call 911.

Come on out, Jer.

Did you call 911? Are they
coming? I don't hear sirens!

You can come on out.
The guy's gone.

There's 10 feet of open
terrain to the door.

I'm not coming out till the cops clear
the free fire zone across the street.

Shoulder to shoulder,
huh, Jer?

What? I'm supposed to
die for an actor?

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) I'm telling you very,
very observant, Dennis.

I'm very impressed.

I was just looking around up there
where you said, and there it was.

Ladies and gentlemen!
Everybody!

Dennis Becker
located the brass.

Eyes like an eagle,
this guy. Show 'em, Dennis.

BECKER: No, I don't think...

Come on. We can get print hits off these
cases and make the whole investigation.

You think? Damn fine police work. Come on,
show 'em, show 'em.

BECKER: You sure?
Yeah.

(CLINKING)

(ALL CHEERING)

All right.
Knock it off, guys, huh?

You ever decide
to pull the pin,

you've got a job
in my shop.

(CHATTERING)

Can I get
out of here, Dennis?

The penguin said
I'm a policeman's policeman.

High praise
from a penguin.

You don't like him because he
gets all the high profile cases in LA.

I don't like him because I
think he works for mobsters

without any regard
for the truth.

And because he's more concerned
with his image than he is with his clients,

and because he gets all
the high profile cases in LA.

So, can I go now? I've signed my statement,
Laura Sue's signed hers.

I'm escorting Miss Dean
back to her apartment.

I have two female
operatives assigned to her.

Both martial artists.

Well, I'm an
okay artist myself.

Mostly it's just
finger painting,

but sometimes I sculpt mountains
out of my ice cream when it melts.

And sometimes I make quivering
cowards out of smart-mouth pukes like you.

How soon can we arrange
for you to try that?

Jim, you can go.

I'll call you
if I need you.

Laura Sue...

You sure you wanna go
with this guy?

No, but Jerry wants me to go. I
guess I gotta do what my agent says.

Change agents, Laura Sue.

Even for a cook,
Jerry was under that table way too fast.

I don't think he'll hang
tough in a career crisis.

(WHISPERS) I'll sneak away
and call you.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

Hold it.

(CHATTERING)

MARTY: Listen, I got out of there so fast,
I forgot my date book.

Could you pick it up
for me on your way out?

JAMISON: No, no, no.
I'm out of there.

I'm not gonna go back
in that office building.

I'm gonna get my secretary to
go back and get my briefcase.

MARTY: Then have her
pick up my date book.

I've still got a lot
of calls to make.

You know, we've still
got the Kenny Katz problem.

Katz is a problem client. In fact,
the whole Empress Film Slate is weak.

You know, I think we're
in quicksand there.

Yeah, you should see his
new film. I reviewed it last week.

It's a gobbler. It's
gonna do no business.

We could sure use a boycott on that one,
couldn't we?

Yeah, you got that right.

(MARTY LAUGHING)

That's what Angel's selling.

So you wanna have
your girl bring me my book?

(CAR ENGINE STARTING) JAMISON: Yeah,
sure, where are you?

In the garage.
Where?

What? What?

Surely! "You say to me,
how can that be, Brother Martin?"

AUDIENCE: Amen!
For, if the son of God...

Spake not to Abraham,
then he spaketh to me.

And then the question must surely follow,
for whom the bell tolls?

AUDIENCE: Amen!

It tolls for me!

For when you speak
of this, and you will...

MAN: Praise Jesus!

Be kind.

And then I heard
the Holy Ghost saying,

"Oh, Suzanna,
don't you cry for me."

And I didn't,
I didn't...

Because God helps those
who help themselves.

MAN: You tell 'em!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING) And speaking of help,
can we help the children?

Can we help the children?

AUDIENCE: Yes!

Now, item 478 is one I feel
a very special pride in.

Offering 478 is the autographed
E. Angel Martin ivory chopsticks

with the words,
"My special Angel"

engraved in
dragon-red ink on the tip.

Item 478 is only
$45 plus postage.

Now, while you're getting out
your checkbooks,

the merciful Angels choir will sing
a song about my adolescent years.

AUDIENCE: Amen!

CHOIR: (SINGING) Teen angel

Angel, be mine

Teen angel

Angel of God

(WHISPERING) Water!
Where's my water? I'm dry.

Angels of the Lord,
you're supposed to have bottles of Perrier

standing by at all times
during important sermons.

You haven't paid me or the
guys in two weeks, Angel.

When's a little bread
coming our way?

Thou speakest
of such meager things.

Of payment?
Of pieces of silver?

Thou desirest money while
souls are starving for salvation...

(GRUNTS)
Exactly.

In a scam, when you fail
to pay the bodyguards,

they leave you dead in the
gutter. Remember how that works.

Mmm-hmm.

Let's go. You're paying. Come on,
Angel.

(GRUNTS)

(CHOIR CONTINUES SINGING)

(EXCLAIMS)

ZACK: Let's go.
Come on there!

Hey! What are you doing?

A little labor crisis,
Your Worship?

Jimmy, they're
trying to kill me!

What do you expect? We met
them in prison. They're all murderers.

(GRUNTING) Come on!

Boy, that was one
of my better sermons.

I was really
cooking in there!

You'd better get
a copyright attorney.

I think I've heard
some of that stuff before.

I just can't be traveling around
the city streets in my holy vestments.

Drop me off
at the manse.

No!

Forgive him, Father,
for he knows not what he does.

I know exactly
what I'm doing.

I'm going to separate you
from a couple of teeth,

unless you get me
some answers.

Okay, go ahead, ask ahead,
I'm fully informed.

You're selling film boycotts to
movie producers that have sick films.

Your boycotts create
free publicity and interest

at the box office, right?

Is this multiple choice? Because I'd
like to hear the other possible answers.

(SIGHS) You get these religious fanatics
riled up and they go and kill people.

I control my flock.
This is big, Jimmy.

This is the next big growth
industry in the religious arts,

which has become
a very troubled business.

What's so tough about standing up on
TV and hawking overpriced garbage?

Brother Swaggart and
Brother Baker hurt us bad.

Prayer pledges
are dwindling.

I mean,
a reverend has got to have some vision now!

It's one thing to make
a video of the service.

I'm not knocking that,
but this boycott thing could be huge!

I'm thinking I could get
a piece of the box office.

Who killed Danny Barkley?

I don't know,
Jimmy. I swear to you, I don't know.

But my boycott
didn't kill him.

You mad, Jimmy?

Boiling. Get out.

Bless you, my son. May the Lord smile
down his holy countenance upon you.

What's happening,
little mama?

Your Holiness,
this is Laura Sue Dean.

Your boycott almost
got her killed.

Miss Dean! Danish
coffee? Sugarless cookies?

Don't these immigrants
have any glazed donuts?

I'm not feeding you, Angel. We're
tr yin' to find out what's going on.

Why Danny Barkley died.

If he was in on all this,
why did he go nuts and start swinging

in the Morton Downey Jr. Show?

It's almost as if he didn't
know the whole deal was rigged.

It cut the show
short by 15 minutes.

That doesn't make sense.
Angel?

I guess just the Danish coffee
and I'll try the sugarless cookies.

Was Danny in on the boycott?

Was he ever in any
of the discussions

between you and Branka
and Milovan?

No. To tell you the truth,
the boycott was Biff Adams' idea.

Who the hell
is Biff Adams?

He's head of marketing
at Acropolis Pictures.

He's the one that set up the meeting
between me and Branka and Milovan.

But Danny wasn't there?

They didn't give
diddly-squat about him.

He was just a rich kid
that bought in.

When he put up the money a few months ago,
they were delighted to have him in.

(WHISPERS) I gotta go
to the bathroom.

You can just hold it, Angel.

You're not gonna skate out the
bathroom window on me this time.

Even angels have to go to the bathroom
occasionally. Read your bible, Jimmy.

Let's try it this way,
what if Acropolis Pictures

figured they had
a loser on their hands.

They're going over budget. They don't
want to throw good money after bad.

So, they bring Danny Barkley
in to get 'em off the hook.

They sell Danny
40% of nothing.

Then, they get Angel to create
one of his phony boycotts,

and suddenly,
Danny's piece is worth millions.

But they gave
it away cheap.

So these Euro-trash ex-gun
dealers decide they're gonna fix it

the old-fashioned way. They make
Danny Barkley a victim of the boycott.

So maybe the exploding limo and the gunshots
at WACA were just Milovan and Branka

trying to make
it look good.

(SIGHS) Angel,

you and I are gonna break into
the offices of Acropolis Pictures

and see if we can get a
look at Danny Barkley's deal.

Break into Acropolis?

Yeah. That's right.

Jimmy, you know I've never
been good at the black-bag stuff.

I was always better
at dividing the money.

You're coming, Angel. I may need
you to help me grovel if we get caught.

Let's go.

And if you dare bless one
person on the way out of here,

I will deck you.

You better not take off
if we get in trouble.

I wouldn't leave you.
Yeah, sure.

No, she wouldn't.

She already waded in on four
rednecks while I was getting stomped.

Yeah, sure, I'm gonna
really believe that.

Hello.

Branka, it's Vince.

(LAUGHS) You ought to thank
your lucky stars you hired me.

I'm watching your offices.

And you just got
a couple of visitors.

Looks like they're
trying to break in.

Sure, I recognize them. It's Rockford
and that reverend. The guy on TV.

Angel Martin.

Put it here, Jim.

(CHUCKLING) You first,
then you pull me on up.

I'm not going first, you are.

Why me?

Because if I go first,
you're gonna take off and leave me here.

Now, up you go.
Come on.

I'm a different person now,
Jimmy. I had an epiphany. I changed.

Yeah, you're sleazier. Now,
up you go. Come on. Come on.

(GRUNTING)

(SOFTLY) Look at this.
All these movies.

You know what
I see here, Jimmy?

Lost business opportunities.

Thirty boycotts hanging on
the wall. Makes me wanna cry.

(EXCLAIMING)
Get in here.

Now, you sit down in that chair
and stay or I'm gonna tie you to it!

ANGEL: When'd you start
wearing glasses?

Are they still over there? Yeah.

Okay, now,
me and Milovan will take over.

(EXCLAIMS) This gives me
a little problem here.

What's he saying?

(SPEAKING HEBREW)

That's right. You see, uh,
I think you guys are gonna go in there

and make a body count.

Yeah, so?

So it makes me an accessory
before the fact in a double murder.

That's a special
circumstances beef.

People break in our business. This is
not murder. This is protecting property.

(LAUGHING) In America,
we call the cops. We let them handle it.

But you just can't go in,
guns a-blazing. It gives me a problem.

'Cause I know you're planning
to light these two up.

In any event,
it's premeditated murder.

So, how do you suggest
we fix this problem?

(SIGHS)

Maybe the problem just goes away if
you put me on your permanent payroll.

I'll protect you instead of that bunch of
corduroy suits you got working for you now.

For how much?
What's he saying?

(SPEAKING HEBREW)

How much?

How about
100 grand a year?

(ALL LAUGHING)

It's way too high a price for a problem
I can solve with two ounces of lead.

(DRAWER CLANGING)

(SIGHING)

Oh, it's all here, Angel.
The whole deal.

He bought 40% of Little Zeke
for five million dollars.

Picture is gonna
gross at least 50.

That means he's gonna
get 20 million for his five.

Maybe more with
the European grosses.

So, Branka and Milovan
killed him.

This is the motive
for the killing, all right.

I'm relieved,
you're relieved. Can we leave?

Hey! Hey! There's a
survivor clause in here,

says, if anyone dies,
the remaining partner can buy the interest

back at fair market.

I really gotta go
to the bathroom.

You know, they had to kill him
before the weekend grosses came in,

because when
Danny Barkley died,

there was no box office,
therefore, no adjusted values.

Five million buys them 20.

ROCKFORD: Now...

There's a memo in here that they
have exercised the buy-back clause.

It's dated June 7th
and signed by Branka.

The seven has one of
those crosses through it.

Just like the sevens in the
threatening note that Laura Sue got.

You know,
I thought at the time that was strange.

You don't see many guys in
Mohawks making French sevens.

I gotta go.

To the bathroom?

No, home. I'm feeling ill. I think I
got a hold of a bad communion wafer.

(SCREAMING)

It is against the law
to break in my building.

You're guilty,
so you'll have to die.

You have a kind of sketchy
concept of the American legal system.

Angels see not, therefore,
they witness not and need not perish.

Verily, I say unto you...

Shut up! Shut up
or I kill you now.

You make too much noise
and confusion. Get in!

Maybe if you offer
him a deaconship.

Oh, excuse me...

Oh, my God!
My God... My...

Are you praying
or pleading?

Oh, my God!

Go to 4616 Atkin Way.

I think you also killed
poor Vince Penguinetti.

We're gonna take you
to Penguinetti's boat.

You will die
there tragically.

(WHISPERS) Jimmy...
Jimmy, Jimmy.

What, Angel?
Jimmy...

Do something.
I don't wanna die.

Get in line.

Dear Lord, this is a real one.
This is a legitimate prayer.

This time I'm not sellin'
nothing. This time I'm begging.

(PANTING)

Don't let them kill me.

And if you have
to take Jimmy,

I'll understand because I know
how hard it is to save us both.

Amen.

That was very moving.

(WHIMPERS)

That's his boat.
Let's see now.

You break in,
we break the window and set off the alarm.

Vince comes out
with his gun...

(IMITATES GUNFIRE) Couple of shots,
everybody dies.

I put the gun
in your hands.

You know, this may sound silly,
but hear me out...

Would you consider
a deaconship?

There are huge tax advantages. Never
again do you have to pay the skinny guy

in the red, white
and blue hat.

All of your income
is tax free.

Tell 'em about
the Palm Springs retreat.

You're both dead men
right now.

Please, say goodbye,
it's time for you to die.

Jimmy, do something!

(SIGHS) Well,
maybe I'll see you upstairs,

but I doubt very much
you're going to make it, Angel.

(CAR TIRES SCREECHING)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

Come out!

(GRUNTS)

ANGEL: I'm hit!

(GRUNTING)

ANGEL: I'm hit!

You all right?
Yeah.

(ANGEL GROANING) Angel's been hit,
try to get him in the truck.

My butt! My butt!

Let me roll you over.

No, don't roll me over!
Don't roll me...

Okay, okay.

Hey, Rockford!

Let's make a deal.

Okay?

There's money!
Lots of it!

From the movie.

Negotiations are over!

(SCREAMING)

Hey! I can't swim!

(COUGHING)

You know what I think?

You would've been way ahead
taking the deaconship.

You would have even got
the choir on your birthday.

(CHATTERING)

But are you gonna be okay?

He almost
killed me, Jimmy.

Divine penance.

Oh, my God. You think the big
boss was telling me something?

You, Angel? No!

Just because you've been
raising money for starving children

and putting it
in your own pocket?

Now,
why on earth would that count against you?

I'm through
with that church.

That's a good idea because
when this boycott deal comes out,

you're gonna go on the list with
Brother Swaggart and Brother Baker.

Maybe you ought to think
about getting out of town

before the fraud investigators
get hold of you.

They can have their silly
church. I'm out of here.

(WHISPERS) Jimmy,
where should I hide?

Lapland?

See ya!

(GROANING)

It's really too bad about
the penguin. I loved that guy.

He could make you laugh,
could make you cry.

A private eye's
private eye.

Yeah. He was prime fruit.
I wanna go home, Dennis.

You've got the
Barkley deal folder.

It's the motive
in his murder.

You know, we have a little
discrepancy in the story.

Milovan and Branka said
that you killed Penguinetti.

I'm not saying I believe it,
but that's what they're saying.

And right now,
it's their word against yours.

They're alibiing each other
on Barkley, too.

You're forgetting that their
word doesn't mean anything

in this town except a
litigation. Come here.

...and then Rockford,
he's at the front door,

then Mr. Penguinetti
goes out...

(IMITATES GUNSHOTS)
Some shooting.

And then, Mr. Penguinetti,
he's dead.

You're lying.

I am not used to actors in
my films talk to me in that way.

You have one more picture.

You be careful or you'll be
working with a dolphin, next time.

I wouldn't work for you again
if I hadn't eaten in a year.

These guys shot Penguinetti
right in front of their own office.

I saw it.
You lie.

You think I'm lying?

Yes!

I got the whole thing
on film, bubba.

Oh, you know,
she has so many good qualities.

Sometimes, it's just hard
to know where to start.

MAN: All clear here!

I'm thinking, maybe I'm trying
to impress the wrong people.

What do you think?

Well, you gotta make those
decisions for yourself.

You know, I don't like
Jerry Michaels very much.

He didn't care about me until
the movie started to make money,

and that's not right.
Good point.

I'm thinking maybe I need to worry
more about being a good actress

than being famous.

I agree.

Honey, me and Stan have
something we want to tell you.

Come here.

What is it, Jim?

I have to tell you that I think
that you are a very special girl.

Special in a way that's so rare
that you only see it occasionally.

If I had a daughter,
I'd want her to be a lot like you.

Because you have courage
and honor and talent

and you don't quit on
your friends in a crisis.

So, me and Stan,
we talked it over

and we want you
to know how we feel.

(LAUGHS) You are
one in a million.

(BOTH LAUGHING)