All language subtitles for The Muppet Show S05E22 Guest Marty Feldman 1080p DSNP WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-LAZY_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,166 --> 00:00:02,502 [SNORING] 2 00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:08,800 Ahem. Wake up! The British are coming! The British are coming! 3 00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:10,468 Huh? Ah, ah! 4 00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:12,220 -Who are you? -I'm Marty Feldman. 5 00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:14,347 I'm British. I'm coming. 6 00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:16,182 Can I bring Loretta in? 7 00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:18,435 Oh, sure. She your wife? 8 00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:20,729 Well, give us a chance. We've hardly met. 9 00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:21,855 Come on in, girl. 10 00:00:21,938 --> 00:00:23,356 [SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY] 11 00:00:24,649 --> 00:00:28,319 There. Come round the door there. Kermit sent her for me. 12 00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:31,239 Oh, yes. Have any trouble? 13 00:00:31,322 --> 00:00:34,159 Well, yes. You see, I forgot these things run on water, 14 00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:37,162 so, uh, I had her filled up with petrol. 15 00:00:37,954 --> 00:00:39,497 That's terrible. 16 00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:41,666 [BURPING] 17 00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:46,629 Well, it's improved her breath. 18 00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:50,467 It's The Muppet Show, 19 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:53,553 with our very special guest star, Marty Feldman. 20 00:00:53,636 --> 00:00:56,181 [CHEERING] 21 00:00:56,264 --> 00:00:58,350 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 22 00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:11,488 ♪ It's time to play the music ♪ 23 00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:13,615 ♪ It's time to light the lights ♪ 24 00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:17,619 ♪ It's time to meet the Muppets On The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 25 00:01:17,702 --> 00:01:20,163 ♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪ 26 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:22,374 ♪ It's time to dress up right ♪ 27 00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:26,127 ♪ It's time to raise the curtain On The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 28 00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:28,505 ♪ Why do we always come here? ♪ 29 00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:30,799 ♪ I guess we'll never know ♪ 30 00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:33,009 ♪ It's like a kind of torture ♪ 31 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,261 ♪ To have to watch this show ♪ 32 00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:43,228 ♪ But now let's get things started ♪ 33 00:01:43,311 --> 00:01:45,438 ♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪ 34 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:49,859 ♪ It's time to get things started On the most sensational, inspirational ♪ 35 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,070 ♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪ 36 00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:54,864 ♪ This is what we call ♪ 37 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:59,077 ♪ The Muppet Show ♪ 38 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:00,578 [HONKS] 39 00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:02,747 [MYSTERIOUS EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING] 40 00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:10,005 Thank you, thank you, thank you and thank you. 41 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:12,507 And welcome again to The Muppet Show, 42 00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:16,302 where we're going to devote the entire evening to The Arabian Nights. 43 00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:19,139 [GONG SOUNDING] 44 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:22,142 As a special treat, our guest star, ladies and gentlemen, 45 00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:25,562 is the ever-popular Marty Feldman. 46 00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:31,693 Yes! And so, without further ado, let the story begin. 47 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:43,079 KERMIT: Once upon a time, there was an evil caliph 48 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:46,207 who had a thousand wives. 49 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,001 [HUMMING UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC] 50 00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:52,213 Every night, he would ask one of his wives to tell him a bedtime story. 51 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:55,550 If he didn't like the story, he would chop off her head. 52 00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:56,843 Ooh. 53 00:02:58,219 --> 00:03:03,600 KERMIT: One night, a beautiful princess named Scheherazade came to his harem. 54 00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:15,695 I am the beautiful princess Scheherazade. 55 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:20,533 Well, this is a fantasy. I mean, you've gotta use your imagination. 56 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:25,121 Oh, mighty caliph, 57 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,832 I dance attendance upon your every whim. 58 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:31,127 Would you like me to, uh, shake it about a bit? 59 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,295 [JINGLING] 60 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:35,548 Or would you prefer... 61 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:39,552 a bedtime story? 62 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,471 [SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH] 63 00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,056 ...beddy-bye. 64 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,558 Uh, could I have that again? 65 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,018 [SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH] 66 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,687 ...beddy-bye story. 67 00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,230 Uh, a bedtime story? 68 00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:52,649 -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Okay. 69 00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:56,027 I suppose you want the usual trashy "Three Bears" 70 00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:57,320 or something like that. 71 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:58,446 No, no, no. 72 00:03:58,530 --> 00:03:59,823 [SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH] 73 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:00,949 ..."Sinbad"... 74 00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:02,492 [CONTINUES SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH] 75 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:03,952 "Zinbad the Veeking"? 76 00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:05,662 Yeah, yeah. 77 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:07,163 "Sinbad the Sailor"? 78 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,581 -Yeah, yeah. -Ah, ha. 79 00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:11,668 -You don't want that old rubbish. -Oh, yeah. 80 00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:14,754 You do want that old rubbish. All right. 81 00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:17,465 It's gonna be a long Arabian night, folks. 82 00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:22,262 Once upon a time, Sinbad the Veeking and his crew 83 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:27,267 sailed to an island far, far, far away 84 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:29,436 into another set. 85 00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:38,028 Aha! This cave, men, contains the treasure of King Solomon. 86 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,279 CREW: Ooh. 87 00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,072 Gosh, Captain Sinbad, I'm scared. 88 00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:43,491 What if there's an evil genie guarding the treasure? 89 00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:46,786 Don't be silly. There's no such thing as evil genies. 90 00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,955 [ROARING] 91 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:52,417 On the other hand, you might be right. 92 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:55,545 Okay, little froggies, I'm gonna eat you up. 93 00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,297 No, no, no! You can't do that! 94 00:04:57,380 --> 00:05:00,800 You'd be making a big mistake because us frogs taste terrible. 95 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,093 Oh, right, right. 96 00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:03,762 Even with lots of ketchup? 97 00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:06,848 -Even with lots of ketchup. Right, men? -CREW: Yeah. 98 00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:09,184 Have I ever been accused of good taste, men? 99 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:11,686 -CREW: No. No. -See? 100 00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,855 Oh, you're lucky I got no ketchup. 101 00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:16,149 [SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH] 102 00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:17,525 ...ketchup, hmm? 103 00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:20,904 Oh, no, you see, this all happened a thousand years ago. 104 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,697 -It's too late. -Oh. 105 00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:24,115 Ah, mate, don't worry. 106 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:27,118 I mean, it looks very good, though. Very good. 107 00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:32,290 1965. That was a very good year for tomatoes. Cheers. 108 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,835 Mmm. 109 00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:39,881 You'll be titillated by its presumption but a little angry at its arrogance. 110 00:05:40,965 --> 00:05:42,300 Can we get on with it? 111 00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:46,596 -If you feel you absolutely have to, yeah. -KERMIT: Thank you. 112 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,474 Hey, why are you guarding this treasure, anyway? 113 00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:52,185 Well, you see, there's this guy, Sinbad the Sailor. 114 00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:53,395 [CREW GASPS] 115 00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:56,439 Yeah, well, anyway, he goes around stealing treasure. 116 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,108 What's your name, anyway? 117 00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:01,277 Uh, well, it's, uh, ahem, uh, Sinbad. 118 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,404 What?! 119 00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:06,658 But it's not Sinbad the Sailor! It's Sinbad the Surfer. 120 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:09,661 -Sinbad the Surfer? -Mm-hmm. 121 00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:12,080 You expect me to believe that? 122 00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:14,165 Sure. Hit it, guys. 123 00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:16,292 [BAND PLAYING UPBEAT SURF-ROCK MUSIC] 124 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:19,337 -♪ If everybody had an ocean ♪ -CREW: ♪ Ooh ♪ 125 00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:22,132 -♪ Across the U.S.A. ♪ -♪ Ooh ♪ 126 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,968 -♪ Then everybody'd be surfin' ♪ -♪ Ooh ♪ 127 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,846 -♪ Like Californ-ai-eh ♪ -♪ Ooh ♪ 128 00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:30,807 -♪ You'd see 'em wearing baggies ♪ -♪ Ooh ♪ 129 00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:33,601 -♪ Huarache sandals too ♪ -♪ Ooh ♪ 130 00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:36,479 -♪ A bushy, bushy blond hairdo ♪ -♪ Ooh ♪ 131 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,315 ♪ Surfin' U.S.A. ♪ 132 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:42,485 -♪ You'll catch 'em surfin' at Del Mar ♪ -♪ Inside, outside, U.S.A. ♪ 133 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:45,321 -♪ Ventura County line ♪ -♪ Inside, outside, U.S.A. ♪ 134 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:48,033 -♪ Santa Cruz and Trestles ♪ -♪ Inside, outside, U.S.A. ♪ 135 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:51,202 -♪ Australia's Narrabeen ♪ -♪ Inside, outside, U.S.A. ♪ 136 00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:53,830 -♪ All over Manhattan ♪ -♪ Inside, outside, U.S.A. ♪ 137 00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:56,541 -♪ And down Doheny way ♪ -♪ Inside, outside ♪ 138 00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:59,544 ♪ Everybody's gone surfin' ♪ 139 00:06:59,627 --> 00:07:03,048 ♪ Surfin' U.S.A. ♪ 140 00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,217 [BLOWING] 141 00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:22,275 ♪ Everybody's gone surfin' ♪ 142 00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:25,153 ♪ Surfin' U.S.A. ♪ 143 00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:27,989 ♪ Everybody's gone surfin' ♪ 144 00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:30,950 ♪ Surfin' U.S.A. ♪ 145 00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:33,745 ♪ Everybody's gone surfin' ♪ 146 00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:38,208 ♪ Surfin' U.S.A. ♪ 147 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,293 Yeah! 148 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,090 I don't think that was Sinbad. 149 00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:48,343 No, but it was certainly sung bad. 150 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:53,056 -Hey, terrific number, guys. -Oh, thank you. 151 00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,433 -Hang 10. -Pardon? 152 00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:56,768 Surfing expression. 153 00:07:56,851 --> 00:08:00,230 Not to frogs. Frogs don't have 10 toes. We got flippers. 154 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,398 Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. 155 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,024 Hang... 156 00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:04,484 two. 157 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:08,238 Yeesh. Uh, Marty. Hey, listen. Can you tell us about this next story? 158 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,657 Because I need to know for props and casting. 159 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:11,825 It's very simple. 160 00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:15,203 All you need is a magic lamp and someone to play the part of Aladdin. 161 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:19,499 Oh, Aladdin. Oh, I love it. I love it. What's the name of the story? 162 00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:21,251 [SIGHS] 163 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,962 -Is, uh, he with the show? -Mm-hmm. 164 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:27,924 It's called "Goldilocks and the Four Bears." 165 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,844 Four? No, no, no, that's one bear too many. 166 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,512 Exactly. 167 00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:35,890 Oh. I get it. 168 00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:38,351 Uh, sorry, Fozzie. 169 00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:41,479 It's tough on him now, but the audience will thank me later on. 170 00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:43,898 Who's playing the part of Aladdin? Easy part. 171 00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:47,318 All you have to do is rub the lamp, make a few wishes. 172 00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:49,446 How about me? 173 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:53,408 What do you think? 174 00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,702 Well, he could certainly use a few wishes. 175 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:58,246 Excuse me, I've gotta get back on-stage. 176 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:01,666 Wasn't that sensational? 177 00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:03,793 Wasn't that great? That was the best story-- 178 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,962 [SHOUTING IN GIBBERISH] 179 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:12,218 I have got a better one. Much better one. 180 00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:15,305 How about "Aladdin and His Magic Lamp"? 181 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,806 "Aladdin and His Magic Lamp." 182 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:17,974 [IMITATES CALIPH] 183 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,684 -You like that? -Mmm, yeah. 184 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,311 All right. 185 00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:25,523 -Once upon a time... -Mm-hmm. 186 00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:27,442 ...there was a lad called-- 187 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:33,281 There was a lad called Aladdin, and he had a magic lamp. 188 00:09:33,365 --> 00:09:36,368 A thousand and one nights, and I have to pick this one. 189 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:44,167 Wow. What a terrific lamp. 190 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:49,047 I'll bet with a little polish, I could resell it for mucho dinero. 191 00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:54,761 [SINGSONG] I'm rubbing the lamp. 192 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:58,473 MALE VOICE [SINGSONG]: I didn't feel it. 193 00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:01,101 [SCREAMS] 194 00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:13,822 I am the Genie. 195 00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:15,240 [ALADDIN GASPS] 196 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:19,077 With the light brown bear. Ha-ha-ha. 197 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,037 GENIE: Magic lamp. 198 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,915 I just granted myself a wish. You won't see him again. 199 00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:28,670 Now, Aladdin, young master, what is your first wish? 200 00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:30,171 How about a nose job? 201 00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:32,424 Of course not. 202 00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:36,469 I wanna become a sultan with a harem of dancing girls. 203 00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:39,180 You're not as weird as I thought. 204 00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,808 -Very special dancing girls. -Uh-huh. 205 00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:43,893 [WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY] 206 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,062 [BOTH LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY] 207 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,987 I take it back. You're even weirder. 208 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:59,617 Then let it be so, then, ahhh, so be it. 209 00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,911 Magic lamp. 210 00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:08,043 Wow, this is terrific. Bring on the dancing girls. 211 00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:10,211 [BAND PLAYING SULTRY EXOTIC MUSIC] 212 00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:17,677 Whoo, whoo, whoo! 213 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:26,144 Who loves ya? 214 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,316 [BAND PLAYING KOOKY EXOTIC MUSIC] 215 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,071 [BLOWS WHISTLE] 216 00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:41,242 Chicken! Chicken! 217 00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:44,579 Chicken! Chickens! Ah-ha-ha-ha! 218 00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:47,749 Chickens! Ah! 219 00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:49,626 Chickens! Chickens! 220 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:52,420 [LAUGHING] 221 00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:56,341 Ooh, ooh, ooh. Be still, my heart. 222 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,514 [BAND PLAYING MYSTERIOUS EXOTIC MUSIC] 223 00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:06,768 ♪ One fine day I chanced to stray Down a little side street in old Bombay ♪ 224 00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:11,398 ♪ And met a sentimental Oriental ♪ 225 00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:15,652 ♪ She saw me and I saw she Had a manner too bold and much too free ♪ 226 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:19,489 ♪ Her eyes were positively detrimental ♪ 227 00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:23,660 ♪ When I asked about this gay coquette ♪ 228 00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:29,249 ♪ I discovered, much to my regret ♪ 229 00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:35,213 MAN & CHORUS: ♪ She's the girlfriend Of the whirling dervish ♪ 230 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:39,926 ♪ She's the sweetest one he's found ♪ 231 00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:42,178 ♪ But every night In the mellow moonlight ♪ 232 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,347 ♪ While he's out dervishing With all his might ♪ 233 00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:48,560 ♪ She gives him the runaround ♪ 234 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:54,858 ♪ All the boy friends Of the whirling dervish ♪ 235 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:59,529 ♪ Are his best friends to his face ♪ 236 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:03,992 ♪ But there's no doubt when he isn't about They all come hurrying to take her out ♪ 237 00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:07,996 ♪ She leads him a dizzy pace ♪ 238 00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:12,167 [IN SHRILL VOICE] ♪ He dreams of a Hindu honeymoon ♪ 239 00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:15,962 MAN & CHORUS: ♪ He doesn't dream that Every night when he goes out ♪ 240 00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,339 ♪ To make an honest rupee ♪ 241 00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:19,591 ♪ She steps out to make a lot of whoopee ♪ 242 00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:23,303 Whoopee! Whoopee! Whoopee! 243 00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:27,682 MAN & CHORUS: ♪ Oh, the love song Of the whirling dervish ♪ 244 00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:32,270 ♪ Has a sweet and tender sound ♪ 245 00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:34,689 ♪ But will he burn If he ever should learn ♪ 246 00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:36,775 ♪ That while he's doing her A real good turn ♪ 247 00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:41,237 ♪ I give him the runaround ♪ 248 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,573 ♪ She's got a nervish Throwing him a curvish ♪ 249 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,784 ♪ Which, of course, he doesn't deservish ♪ 250 00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:49,621 MAN & CHORUS: ♪ Poor old whirling dervish ♪ 251 00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:58,421 Couldn't watch that. Made me dizzy. How about you? 252 00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,215 [GROANS] 253 00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:01,675 [THUD] 254 00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:05,095 Oh, Kermit, I am so pleased. 255 00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:09,432 We finally have a distinguished British guest artiste on the show. 256 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,434 -Mmm. -Hello, cheeky-face. 257 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:14,062 What was that? 258 00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:16,940 Oh, that was our distinguished British guest artiste. 259 00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:18,733 -Hey, Marty. -MARTY: Yeah, Kermit? 260 00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,360 Say hello to Sam Eagle here. 261 00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,696 -Oh, yes. How do you do? -Don't touch me. 262 00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:27,158 Sam. Now, Marty's doing a great job with the Arabian Nights stories. 263 00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:32,580 The Arabian Nights? Oh. Well, yes, the passion, the poetry... 264 00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:34,749 Well, the poetry, at any rate. 265 00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:39,170 I'm glad you like The Arabian Nights, because we're in the next one together. 266 00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:43,091 Uch. Not I. I do not perform. 267 00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:46,594 You see this sax? I'm appealing to you. 268 00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:48,179 Sax appeal. 269 00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:49,973 [LAUGHS] 270 00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,976 It's humiliating for an artist of my stature to do jokes like this. 271 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,310 Never mind. 272 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:58,148 Uh... All right. As long as it's cultural. 273 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,942 Uh, what is this Arabian Nights story? 274 00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:04,029 "The Wright Brothers at Kitty Hawk." 275 00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:10,577 "Dashes in, takes provocative pose." 276 00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:17,584 And now another exciting story: "The Wright Brothers at Kitty Hawk." 277 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:20,295 "De Reet Brooders at Kitty Hoo"? 278 00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:22,047 That's even better, yes. 279 00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:24,007 [SHOUTS IN GIBBERISH] 280 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:32,515 Our scene changes to a patent office at the turn of the century. 281 00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:41,566 Ahem. "A patent office at the turn of the century. 282 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,401 Behind the desk..." 283 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,738 This is the desk. 284 00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:48,406 "...sits the stooge." 285 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,992 Ah, that'll be him. 286 00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:54,537 "No, the stooge is you." 287 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,041 [BEADS RATTLING] 288 00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:01,544 WRIGHT: Bang, bang. 289 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:04,673 Thud. Wallop. Knock, knock, knock. Wallop. Thud. 290 00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:07,467 -Kick. Ow. -Come in. 291 00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:15,558 I wish to patent an invention. 292 00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:17,560 Certainly. Chair? 293 00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:20,522 The chair? The chair's already been invented. 294 00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:23,983 You have one, look. In perfect working order. 295 00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,735 Would you get on with it? 296 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:30,907 I have invented the flying carpet. 297 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,703 "Under whose name is this invention to be patented?" 298 00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:37,330 Wilbur and Orville Wright. 299 00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:38,832 Oh. Well, um... 300 00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:40,875 -Which one are you? -Oh, that is me. 301 00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:43,128 You are Wilbur and Orville Wright. 302 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:46,756 Exactly. You see, my mother wanted twins, identical ones. 303 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,300 That's why I look so alike. 304 00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:52,387 -Uh, Mr. Wright. -"Messieurs," if you don't mind. 305 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:53,888 -Messieurs. -Call me Wilbur. 306 00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:55,890 -All right, Wilbur. -And Orville. 307 00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:57,392 [SIGHS] 308 00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:59,686 This invention of yours had better be good. 309 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:04,774 Just feast your eyes upon this thing. 310 00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:08,445 That is an aeroplane. 311 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:09,779 Of course it is. 312 00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,324 Well, where is the flying carpet? 313 00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:16,828 Inside the airplane, on the floor. You see? 314 00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:18,371 What is the point of that? 315 00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:20,874 Oh, you may scoff now, 316 00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:24,627 but someday people will be able to pick up one of these 317 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:27,547 and speak to someone on the other side of the Atlantic. 318 00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:30,300 "Hello, the other side of the Atlantic," they'll say. 319 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:33,887 This is the police. You're both under arrest. 320 00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:35,930 Well, why me? 321 00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:39,517 No, no, not you. Just these two. 322 00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:43,521 Wilbur and Orville Wright, I arrest you for fraud. 323 00:17:43,605 --> 00:17:47,317 And I cite as an example elastic-waisted underpants... 324 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,443 [GASPS] 325 00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:53,573 ...patented by you under the description "the internal combustion engine." 326 00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,492 [PHONE RINGS] 327 00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,327 I'll get it. Hello? 328 00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:00,080 It's for you, darling. 329 00:18:02,165 --> 00:18:03,375 Uh, hello? 330 00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:04,793 [GUNSHOT] 331 00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:12,008 This is getting completely out of hand. Get me the real police number. 332 00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:17,055 "Real Police" number, onstage immediately. 333 00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:20,558 [BAND PLAYING UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC] 334 00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:24,145 ♪ Oh, when coming round the corner ♪ 335 00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:26,314 ♪ I heard somebody say ♪ 336 00:18:26,398 --> 00:18:28,400 ♪ "Here comes the fat old policeman ♪ 337 00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:30,777 ♪ Look, here he comes this way ♪ 338 00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:34,781 ♪ His laughter is so jolly He's just a great big clown ♪ 339 00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:39,369 ♪ And everybody says he is The happiest man in town," oh ♪ 340 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:43,581 ALL: ♪ Yah ha-ha-ha ha-ha Yah ha-ha-ha ha ♪ 341 00:18:43,665 --> 00:18:47,627 ♪ Yah ha-ha-ha ha-ha Yah ha-ha-ha ha ♪ 342 00:18:47,711 --> 00:18:51,798 ♪ Yah ha-ha-ha ha-ha Yah ha-ha-ha ha ♪ 343 00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:55,677 ♪ Yah ha-ha-ha ha-ha Yah ha-ha-ha ha ♪ 344 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,846 [ALL LAUGHING] 345 00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:06,438 [ALL LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY] 346 00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:23,413 And so they lived happily ever after. 347 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,123 Wasn't that a terrific story, eh? 348 00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:27,792 [SHOUTING IN GIBBERISH] 349 00:19:27,876 --> 00:19:29,669 Yeah, I hated it too. 350 00:19:29,753 --> 00:19:32,130 Actually, I've been saving the best one for last. 351 00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:34,299 -Huh? -Yes. 352 00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:36,009 "Ali Baba." 353 00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:38,178 Ooh! "Ali Boo-Boo"! 354 00:19:38,261 --> 00:19:42,766 "Ali Boo-Boo." "Ali Boo-Boo," yes. I knew you'd like that, yeah. 355 00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:45,101 "Ali Boo-Boo and the Four Thieves," yes. 356 00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:50,231 Huh? No, no, no. No four thieves, 40 thieves. 357 00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:52,984 Ah, well, there were supposed to be 40 thieves, 358 00:19:53,068 --> 00:19:56,863 but Kermit told me that they had, uh, budget problems. 359 00:19:56,946 --> 00:20:00,992 They said that they spent all the money hiring this costume from Bette Midler. 360 00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:05,205 Excuse me, Marty. One of your thieves went home sick. 361 00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:08,208 Oh, terrific. Marvelous. Bloody wonderful. 362 00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:11,628 All right, "Ali Baba and the Three Thieves." 363 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:14,464 They wouldn't dare do this to Liza Minnelli. 364 00:20:17,092 --> 00:20:22,514 Once, long ago, there lived a poor but honest woodcutter named Ali Baba. 365 00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:27,644 He was known as the most handsome lad in all the world. 366 00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:33,817 Ha, ha, you are my kind of narrator, Feldman. 367 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:34,943 SCHEHERAZADE: Thank you. 368 00:20:35,026 --> 00:20:38,655 And one day, while Ali Baba was in the forest, 369 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,573 something strange was heard approaching. 370 00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:41,700 [LEAVES RUSTLING] 371 00:20:41,783 --> 00:20:43,410 Oh, oh! We'd better hide. 372 00:20:43,493 --> 00:20:47,122 Yeah, these woods are full of thieves. 373 00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:49,582 SCHEHERAZADE: And so they hid, which was just as well, 374 00:20:49,666 --> 00:20:52,210 because suddenly, out of the forest came... 375 00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:54,796 The Three Bears. Ha-ha-ha. 376 00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:56,089 Come on, guys. 377 00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:59,259 Hey. You are not thieves. 378 00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:01,428 Well, no, we're bears. 379 00:21:01,511 --> 00:21:06,891 Does this mean we're gonna have to listen to a lot of dumb porridge jokes? 380 00:21:06,975 --> 00:21:12,313 What porridge? We are looking for a straw house. 381 00:21:12,397 --> 00:21:14,983 No, no, that's the Three Pigs. 382 00:21:15,066 --> 00:21:17,402 Pigs? You want us to be pigs? 383 00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:20,488 Well, you just said you wanted us to be thieves. 384 00:21:20,572 --> 00:21:23,408 Yeah, thieves, thieves. Big tough thieves. 385 00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:27,287 "Big tough thieves." All right, okay. Let's go back, guys. Cue us again. 386 00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:29,664 All right, we'll start over. 387 00:21:29,748 --> 00:21:31,541 SCHEHERAZADE: Ali Baba-- BOTH: Aaah! 388 00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:34,919 -SCHEHERAZADE: What's wrong? -Nothing. We forgot you were there. 389 00:21:35,003 --> 00:21:37,130 SCHEHERAZADE: Sorry. Ahem. 390 00:21:37,213 --> 00:21:42,052 One day, while he was in the forest, something strange was heard approaching. 391 00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:43,178 [LEAVES RUSTLING] 392 00:21:43,261 --> 00:21:44,679 Oh, we better hide. 393 00:21:44,763 --> 00:21:49,768 Yeah, these woods are full of thieves! 394 00:21:49,851 --> 00:21:52,520 ♪ Dum da-dum dum! ♪ 395 00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:54,397 Hey, ha-ha-ha. 396 00:21:54,481 --> 00:21:55,815 All right, thieves, 397 00:21:55,899 --> 00:21:59,152 that was some swell jewel heist we just pulled off, eh? 398 00:21:59,235 --> 00:22:02,572 You betcha, Big Fozz. 399 00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:09,496 Therefore, we will now retire to our hideout cave and count the loot. 400 00:22:09,579 --> 00:22:13,083 Open sesame! 401 00:22:15,502 --> 00:22:17,504 Ah-ha-ha. 402 00:22:17,587 --> 00:22:19,714 BEAR: We're with you, Big Fozz. 403 00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:24,928 This story is a mess. It couldn't get worse. 404 00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:30,392 Hi, I'm Goldilocks. You guys seen my bears? 405 00:22:31,059 --> 00:22:33,937 It just got worse. 406 00:22:34,604 --> 00:22:37,148 Hey, Kermit? Kermit? Anybody? 407 00:22:37,232 --> 00:22:40,485 -Hey, it's going great out there. -Fozzie, who you talking to? 408 00:22:40,568 --> 00:22:43,071 I'm trying to find Kermit. Where is everybody? 409 00:22:43,154 --> 00:22:47,325 Everybody's outside in the alley. We're heating up the oil for "Ali Baba." 410 00:22:47,409 --> 00:22:49,828 Oh? Why do we need hot oil? 411 00:22:49,911 --> 00:22:53,456 Because the thieves get cooked in it. 412 00:22:53,540 --> 00:22:57,210 The thieves get cooked in it?! 413 00:22:57,293 --> 00:22:58,920 Yup. 414 00:22:59,004 --> 00:23:00,588 Um... 415 00:23:00,672 --> 00:23:04,092 when does this happen? 416 00:23:04,175 --> 00:23:06,261 Um, just before the closing number. 417 00:23:06,344 --> 00:23:09,097 Uh-huh. Well, there's only one thing to do. 418 00:23:09,180 --> 00:23:10,724 [YELLS] 419 00:23:10,807 --> 00:23:13,435 Okay, hit it, boys. This is the closing number. 420 00:23:13,518 --> 00:23:14,936 [BAND PLAYING UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC] 421 00:23:15,020 --> 00:23:18,106 ♪ When you hear Them bells go ding-a-ling ♪ 422 00:23:18,189 --> 00:23:20,984 ♪ All join round And sweetly you must sing ♪ 423 00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:24,404 ♪ And when the verse is through Then the chorus all join in ♪ 424 00:23:24,487 --> 00:23:28,366 ALL: ♪ There'll be a hot time In the old town tonight ♪ 425 00:23:28,450 --> 00:23:30,660 Now, we need more people, a bigger finale. 426 00:23:30,744 --> 00:23:33,955 All right, open sesame. 427 00:23:35,623 --> 00:23:39,002 ALL: ♪ When you hear Them bells go ding-a-ling ♪ 428 00:23:39,085 --> 00:23:41,880 ♪ All join round And sweetly you must sing ♪ 429 00:23:41,963 --> 00:23:45,383 ♪ And when the verse is through Then the chorus all join in ♪ 430 00:23:45,467 --> 00:23:49,012 ♪ There'll be a hot time In the old town tonight ♪ 431 00:23:49,095 --> 00:23:51,765 All right, one more time. 432 00:23:53,016 --> 00:23:56,353 ALL: ♪ When you hear Them bells go ding-a-ling ♪ 433 00:23:56,436 --> 00:23:59,189 ♪ All join round And sweetly you must sing ♪ 434 00:23:59,272 --> 00:24:02,609 ♪ And when the verse is through Then the chorus all join in ♪ 435 00:24:02,692 --> 00:24:06,321 ♪ There'll be a hot time In the old town tonight ♪ 436 00:24:06,404 --> 00:24:08,573 ♪ There'll be a hot time In the old town ♪ 437 00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:09,699 All join in! 438 00:24:09,783 --> 00:24:12,035 ALL: ♪ There'll be a hot time In the old town ♪ 439 00:24:12,118 --> 00:24:13,161 All join in! 440 00:24:13,244 --> 00:24:17,582 ALL: ♪ There'll be a hot time In the old town tonight ♪ 441 00:24:17,665 --> 00:24:19,751 [ALL CHATTERING] 442 00:24:24,964 --> 00:24:26,925 So we come to the end of another one, 443 00:24:27,008 --> 00:24:30,470 and I know what you're thinking, and I didn't understand it either. 444 00:24:30,553 --> 00:24:34,265 But one of the good parts was our guest star, the master of nuttiness... 445 00:24:34,349 --> 00:24:35,725 Are you changed yet? 446 00:24:35,809 --> 00:24:38,228 MARTY: Yes, but I think I'll recover. 447 00:24:38,311 --> 00:24:41,940 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Marty Feldman! Yay! 448 00:24:42,023 --> 00:24:45,777 -Let's hear it for us. Yes! -Wow! Yes! 449 00:24:45,860 --> 00:24:48,530 Hey, Kermit. Kermit, Kermit, thank you. 450 00:24:48,613 --> 00:24:52,784 The big thing on this show for me has been meeting my favorite Muppet... 451 00:24:52,867 --> 00:24:53,993 Oh, thank you. 452 00:24:54,077 --> 00:24:55,120 ...Cookie Monster. 453 00:24:55,203 --> 00:24:56,538 [LAUGHS] 454 00:24:56,621 --> 00:24:58,289 Hi, Marty. 455 00:24:58,373 --> 00:25:02,794 I don't know what it is about him, but there's something... 456 00:25:04,170 --> 00:25:05,422 Well, whatever it is, 457 00:25:05,505 --> 00:25:10,343 we've never had anyone make such an impression on our entire cast. 458 00:25:11,678 --> 00:25:13,888 We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show. 459 00:25:13,972 --> 00:25:15,223 Bye-bye. 460 00:25:16,266 --> 00:25:19,728 Yes. Hi, Cookie. I'm The Great Gonzo. 461 00:25:19,811 --> 00:25:21,688 You know him? You know him? 462 00:25:21,771 --> 00:25:23,857 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 463 00:25:52,844 --> 00:25:55,263 How should we know how to get to Sesame Street? 464 00:25:55,347 --> 00:25:59,142 We don't even know how to get out of this stupid theater box. 35386

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