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1
00:00:01,626 --> 00:00:02,919
[DOOR OPENS]
2
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-Who are you?
-I'm Loretta Swit.
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-Loretta Swit, our guest star.
-Yes.
4
00:00:10,969 --> 00:00:13,972
-Internationally acclaimed actress.
-Oh, well...
5
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-Star of M*A*S*H.
-Yes.
6
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-A brilliant comedian.
-Oh, you're very sweet.
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00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:20,437
Dressing Room Number 3.
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00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:23,690
Sweep the floor when you're through,
and try not to dirty the towel.
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00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:27,235
I'm beginning to wonder about this show.
10
00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:30,905
When my contract arrived,
it was written in crayon.
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00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:34,868
It's The Muppet Show,
12
00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:37,704
with our very special guest star,
Loretta Swit.
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[CHEERING]
14
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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
15
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
16
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♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
17
00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:01,936
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
18
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:04,564
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
19
00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:06,691
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
20
00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:10,445
♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
21
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♪ Why do we always come here? ♪
22
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♪ I guess we'll never know ♪
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♪ It's like a kind of torture ♪
24
00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:19,579
♪ To have to watch the show ♪
25
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♪ But now let's get things started ♪
26
00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:29,756
♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
27
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♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
29
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♪ This is what we call ♪
30
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
31
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[HONKS]
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[LAUGHS]
33
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[WHOOPS]
34
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
35
00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:53,446
Hi there,
and welcome again to The Muppet Show.
36
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And it's gonna be a wonderful show
37
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because tonight's guest is the lovely star
of the M*A*S*H TV series,
38
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a brilliant comedian,
a great movie actress,
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00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:02,455
Miss Loretta Swit.
40
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:03,581
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
41
00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:06,459
Yes! But while we're waiting
to meet our invited guest,
42
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let's look in on some other guests
who weren't invited.
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[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC]
44
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♪ One night Farmer Brown
Was taking the air ♪
45
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♪ After locking up the barn
With the greatest of care ♪
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♪ Then down in the henhouse
Something stirred when he shouted: ♪
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♪ Who's there?! ♪
48
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♪ This is what he heard ♪
49
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ALL: ♪ There ain't nobody here
But us chickens ♪
50
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BOTH: ♪ Bock, bock ♪
ALL: ♪ There ain't nobody here at all ♪
51
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-♪ Bock, bock ♪
-♪ So quiet yourself ♪
52
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-♪ Bock ♪
-♪ And stop that fuss ♪
53
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-♪ Bock ♪
-♪ There ain't nobody here but us ♪
54
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Hey, we chickens are trying to sleep,
55
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and you bust in.
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-♪ Bock ♪
-♪ And hobble, hobble, hobble, hobble ♪
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♪ With your chin ♪
58
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♪ There ain't nobody here
But us chickens ♪
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CHICKENS: ♪ Bock, bock ♪
ALL: ♪ There ain't nobody here at all ♪
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CHICKENS:
♪ Bock, bock ♪
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-♪ Your stomping around ♪
-♪ Bock ♪
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-♪ Is shaking the ground ♪
-♪ Bock ♪
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♪ You're raising up a powerful dust ♪
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WEASEL: We chickens is trying to sleep,
and you bust in.
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ALL:
♪ And hobble, hobble, hobble ♪
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♪ It's a sin ♪
67
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♪ Tomorrow is a busy day ♪
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♪ We've got things to do ♪
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♪ We got eggs to lay ♪
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♪ We got worms to dig ♪
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♪ We got ground to scratch ♪
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♪ And it takes a lot of settin'
Gettin' chicks to hatch ♪
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ALL: ♪ There ain't nobody here
But us chickens ♪
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You tell them.
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ALL:
♪ There ain't nobody here at all ♪
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[ANIMALS CLAMOR]
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-♪ So quiet yourself ♪
BEAR: ♪ Yeah ♪
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ANIMALS:
♪ And stop that fuss... ♪
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[WHISTLES]
80
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[CHICKENS CLUCKING]
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ANIMALS: ♪ And kindly point that gun
The other way ♪
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♪ And hobble, hobble, hobble off
And hit the hay ♪
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Get them, girls!
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[GONZO YELPING]
85
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Save the hens! Save the hens!
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[GUNSHOT]
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-♪ There ain't nobody here ♪
CHICKENS: ♪ Bock ♪
88
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[GUNSHOTS]
89
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-♪ There ain't nobody here ♪
-♪ Bock, bock, bock ♪
90
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-♪ But us chickens ♪
-♪ Bock, bock, bock-bock ♪
91
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[CLUCKING]
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
93
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Yeah.
94
00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:14,629
-What'd you think of that?
-I liked it.
95
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Oh, you--? Aah!
96
00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:20,135
You liked that?
97
00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:23,138
No, I just wanted to see what you'd do
if I said I did.
98
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:25,223
-Ha-ha-ha.
-Oh!
99
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Okay, nice opening number.
Chickens, check your guns.
100
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Oh, can I help? Ha-ha-ha.
101
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-Kermie. Kermie.
-Hmm?
102
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-I have a surprise for you.
-What's that?
103
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:36,860
-Hold it.
-Uh...
104
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-Thanks.
-Thank you.
105
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What was that all about?
106
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Um, uh, nothing. Bye.
107
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[GIGGLES]
108
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:46,995
Hmm. How can I run a show with people
pulling dumb stunts like that?
109
00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:49,080
-Congratulations, chief.
-On what?
110
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That photographer said
you were gonna be on the cover story
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of that big gossip paper Tongue Magazine.
112
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[GASPS]
113
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They found out that you and Miss Piggy
were secretly married last year in Vegas.
114
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What?
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But--
116
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Piggy? Piggy?
117
00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:05,972
Yes, mon chéri?
118
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:09,434
Piggy, have you been planting items
about us in the gossip papers again?
119
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:12,270
Um, what would make you
think a thing like that?
120
00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:15,565
The photographer who was just here!
He was from Tongue Magazine!
121
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Oh. Oh, him.
122
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Well, it was just
a little teeny tiny item.
123
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It was a cover story about us
being secretly married!
124
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Well, it was a slight exaggeration...
125
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-That's a bald-faced lie!
-It's not. We are close.
126
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I will not stand around while
you do dumb things like that, Piggy!
127
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You have done that to me too many times!
I will not stand for it!
128
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What are you gonna do?
129
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I'll tell you what I'm going to do!
I'm going to fire you!
130
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Piggy, you are fired!
You are fired, Piggy!
131
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You are fired! Fired!
132
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[PANTING]
133
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You're kidding.
134
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I am not kidding.
135
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But-- But I am in the next number.
136
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I will cancel-- Cancel the next number!
137
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Put on the Snorers' Chorus instead.
138
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Snorers! Snorers' Chorus!
Get the Snorers' Chorus on-stage.
139
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-Hold it. Wait. It's my number.
-Get out there. You guys, get out there.
140
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-What?
-You can't fire me. I'm the star.
141
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:06,741
You can be replaced, Piggy.
142
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[SNORERS SNORING]
143
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Oh? Oh, oh, I see. Just try.
144
00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:12,163
-I will! I will! I will replace you.
-Try, frog!
145
00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:14,791
Boss, the Snorers are gonna
put the audience to sleep.
146
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-Well, so...
-See? See?
147
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I'll introduce Loretta.
148
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-Get out there. Eighty-six the Snorers.
-Okay, chief.
149
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,966
Snorers, get off the stage! Yeesh.
150
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:26,845
He must be kidding. How can he fire me?
151
00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:28,930
Don't ask me. I was asleep.
152
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Ugh! And now, ladies and--!
153
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Uh, and now, ladies and gentlemen,
154
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here in a salute to the San Andreas Fault,
Miss Loretta Swit.
155
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[CHEERS]
156
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[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]
157
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♪ I feel the earth move under my feet ♪
158
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♪ I feel the sky tumbling down ♪
159
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:56,958
♪ I feel my heart start to tremblin' ♪
160
00:06:57,042 --> 00:07:01,629
♪ Whenever you're around ♪
161
00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:06,092
♪ Ooh, baby, when I see your face ♪
162
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:09,346
♪ Mellow as the month of May ♪
163
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:13,266
♪ Oh, darling, I can't stand it ♪
164
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:18,271
♪ When you look at me that way ♪
165
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♪ I feel the earth move under my feet ♪
166
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♪ I feel the sky tumbling down ♪
167
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:36,164
♪ I feel my heart start to tremblin' ♪
168
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♪ Whenever you're around ♪
169
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♪ Oh, darling, when I'm near you ♪
170
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♪ And you tenderly call my name ♪
171
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♪ I know that my emotions ♪
172
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♪ Are something I just can't tame ♪
173
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♪ I've just got to have you, baby ♪
174
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♪ Ah-ha-ha ♪
175
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:15,870
♪ Uh-huh, yeah ♪
176
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♪ I feel the earth move under my feet ♪
177
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:22,377
♪ I feel the sky tumbling down ♪
178
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:27,549
♪ I feel the earth move under my feet ♪
179
00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:29,926
♪ I feel the sky tumbling down ♪
180
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,928
♪ Tumbling down ♪
181
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♪ I feel the earth move ♪
182
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
183
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,377
Oh, that was terrific, Loretta.
184
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,588
Thank you, Gonzo. You're sweet.
185
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:10,300
Oh, I haven't laughed so much
since I saw Earthquake.
186
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:13,094
Sweet, but sick.
187
00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:15,055
I said, I hate long goodbyes!
188
00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:16,181
So what?
189
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:17,682
So long!
190
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,601
Oh, heh. Oh, yeah?
191
00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:22,645
-Well, the earthquake number went fine.
-Oh, good.
192
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:25,106
I tell you, I do not need this show.
193
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:27,776
I have a whole world
waiting out there for moi.
194
00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:29,903
Well, don't keep them waiting!
195
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:34,407
Oh, I have musical-comedy offers,
press conferences, film offers...
196
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:37,911
The last film you were ever offered
was Lardo Sings the Blues!
197
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:40,163
-Oh. Oh, no, no...
-Lardo Sings the--
198
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,998
-Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?
-No, kids, kids.
199
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:45,418
No, no, no.
Let's discuss this like grown-ups.
200
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:48,338
You don't discuss it like grown-ups
when you're talking to a pig!
201
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,257
-You don't discuss it like grown-ups!
-Croak! Croak! Croak!
202
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:52,842
-Not you!
-Croak, goes the frog!
203
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:55,136
Quiet!
204
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:58,598
Kermit, you can't just pick her up
and throw her out in the snow.
205
00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:01,434
-Mm.
-Not without a forklift, I can't.
206
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,188
Very funny, wart-boy.
207
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,314
Yeah? Yeah?
208
00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:07,941
-Kermit? Kermit.
-Nyah, nyah!
209
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,984
Shh. Now listen to me.
210
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:12,987
Who do you think you could get to play
those scenes
211
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:15,907
-with the same verve and talent...
-Mm. Talent.
212
00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,575
-...and pizzazz?
-Pizzazz.
213
00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:19,786
Well, in Vet's Hospital,
I was hoping you would.
214
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,329
[LORETTA GASPS AND PIGGY SCREAMS]
215
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:22,539
I'd love to.
216
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:23,665
Oh, good.
217
00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:26,167
Oh, do you think the costume would fit me?
218
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:27,836
Sure. Oh, of course.
219
00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:30,005
Anybody can play this part.
220
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:34,384
Uh, excuse me, do you work here?
221
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,885
Hi-yah!
222
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,846
[THUDDING]
223
00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:38,972
[GROWLS]
224
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,934
NARRATOR: Time once again
for Veterinarian's Hospital,
225
00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:47,856
the continuing story of a quack
who's gone to the dogs.
226
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:49,691
Say, isn't someone missing?
227
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:50,817
Okay.
228
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,444
Isn't someone missing?
229
00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:53,987
[GROANS THEN LAUGHS]
230
00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:57,866
Hello. I'm Nurse Loretta,
and I'm here to fill in for Nurse Piggy.
231
00:10:57,949 --> 00:11:01,619
Well, uh, if you're here to fill in
for Nurse Piggy, you'd better fill out.
232
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:02,746
Oh, really.
233
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,539
Is that some kind of a fat joke?
234
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:07,208
Uh, yes, unfortunately,
it's not the funny kind.
235
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,169
For sure. For sure.
236
00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:10,795
Well, shall we get started?
237
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:13,089
Not yet. I'm not sure you're qualified
238
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,467
for what we do here
at Veterinarian's Hospital.
239
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,552
-Oh.
-Well, she might be.
240
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,763
I think I've seen her face somewhere else.
241
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:22,557
That couldn't be.
My face has always been right where it is.
242
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,184
[BOB & JANICE GROAN]
243
00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:25,894
You just qualified.
244
00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:27,270
Have you got the instruments?
245
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:30,190
-Yes, doctor. Scalpel, sutures...
-Have you got clamps?
246
00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:33,276
No, my stomach's a little upset,
but I don't have any clamps.
247
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,070
[BOTH GROAN]
248
00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:37,030
I think you're overqualified.
249
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:38,239
LORETTA:
Oh, ha, ha.
250
00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:41,451
Say, I just remembered
where I saw your face.
251
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:44,621
-It was on a show called M*A*S*H.
-That's right.
252
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,207
Dumb name for a show, M*A*S*H.
253
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:48,458
Oh, I don't know.
254
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,211
My uncle, a sled dog,
was on a show called M*U*S*H.
255
00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:53,380
-Ohh.
-Did it have a long run?
256
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:55,715
Yes, thanks to the Eskimo with the whip.
257
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,008
Oh, really.
258
00:11:57,092 --> 00:12:00,762
NARRATOR: And so we come to the end
of another Veterinarian's Hospital.
259
00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:03,640
Tune in next week,
when you'll hear Dr. Bob say:
260
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,017
Wait a minute.
We haven't had a patient yet.
261
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:08,561
That's nothing.
You haven't had a laugh yet either.
262
00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:10,730
[BOB & JANICE GROAN THEN LAUGH]
263
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,275
[MUPPETS SINGING VOCAL WARM-UPS]
264
00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:16,486
ROWLF:
Okay. Okay, everybody. Ready?
265
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:17,779
-Scooter.
-Oh, sorry.
266
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:20,115
Yes, okay, now let's rehearse it
one more time
267
00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:21,825
before Miss Piggy comes out.
268
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,868
-Good. Yes.
ROWLF: Here we go. Ready?
269
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:29,958
ALL:
♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot ♪
270
00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:35,797
♪ And never brought to mind ♪
271
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:42,220
♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot ♪
272
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:49,310
♪ And days of auld lang syne ♪
273
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:53,648
-Nice. That was very pretty.
-Piggy will really like that.
274
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:56,401
Yeah. But in Piggy's case,
shouldn't it be:
275
00:12:56,484 --> 00:13:00,739
♪ And days of auld lang swine ♪
276
00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:03,533
[ALL LAUGHING]
277
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:04,659
Joker.
278
00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:07,162
ROWLF:
Now, now. Now, now, be serious, guys.
279
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:10,206
Because Piggy's been with us
for a long time,
280
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,168
and when she goes,
well, it'll be very sad.
281
00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:14,836
-Yeah.
-Yeah, true.
282
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:16,087
Yeah, that's true.
283
00:13:16,171 --> 00:13:19,966
On the other hand, when she goes,
she takes her dog with her.
284
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:22,552
Foo-Foo! Yeah! We'll be rid of Foo-Foo.
285
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:26,348
That's right, that's right,
it is so long to the hog's dog.
286
00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:29,559
-Yeah!
-Yeah, hog dog, yeah. Ha-ha-ha.
287
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,103
That dog is man's best fiend.
288
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:34,314
Yeah. You're right about that.
289
00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:37,901
Yeah. Hey, Rowlf, the guys and I know
another song for Piggy.
290
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:39,027
What's that?
291
00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:41,571
♪ For she's a jolly good porker ♪
292
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,823
ALL:
♪ For she's a jolly good porker ♪
293
00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:47,994
♪ For she's a jolly good porker ♪
294
00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:53,625
♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot ♪
295
00:13:53,708 --> 00:14:01,007
♪ And days of auld lang syne ♪
296
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:06,054
How terribly sweet of you all.
297
00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:08,473
I... I don't know what to...
298
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:09,599
Oh!
299
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:15,313
ALL:
♪ Which nobody can deny ♪
300
00:14:15,397 --> 00:14:17,607
GONZO:
Olé! Arriba!
301
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,319
[BAND PLAYING MELANCHOLY JAZZ MUSIC]
302
00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:25,907
♪ Some of these days ♪
303
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:29,869
♪ You'll miss me, Kermie ♪
304
00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:34,165
♪ Some of these days ♪
305
00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:38,253
♪ You'll feel so lonely ♪
306
00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:42,674
♪ You'll miss my hugging ♪
307
00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:46,803
♪ You'll miss my kissing ♪
308
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:50,015
♪ You'll miss me, honey ♪
309
00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:52,600
♪ When I'm away ♪
310
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:59,691
♪ You'll feel so lonely ♪
311
00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:04,904
♪ Just for me only ♪
312
00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:09,284
♪ For you know, Kermie ♪
313
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:12,662
♪ Heh, you've had your way ♪
314
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:19,794
♪ And when I leave you ♪
315
00:15:19,878 --> 00:15:25,175
♪ You know it'll grieve you ♪
316
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:28,928
♪ You know you're gonna miss Miss Piggy ♪
317
00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:32,807
♪ Heh, some of these days ♪
318
00:15:32,891 --> 00:15:34,184
♪ Oh, yeah! ♪
319
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:38,396
♪ You're gonna miss Miss Piggy ♪
320
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:44,319
♪ Heh! Some of these days! ♪
321
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:46,488
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
322
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:52,035
One more time!
323
00:15:54,079 --> 00:15:58,708
♪ And when I leave you, ha, ha! ♪
324
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:04,172
♪ You know it's gonna grieve you ♪
325
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:09,135
♪ You're gonna miss, miss, miss
Miss Piggy ♪
326
00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:16,351
♪ Some of these days! ♪
327
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:17,560
Ha!
328
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,729
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
329
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:35,286
Goodbye, dressing rooms.
330
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:37,789
[GRUNTING]
331
00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:40,583
Goodbye, walls.
332
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:46,423
Goodbye, crummy stairs.
333
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:55,765
And... Foo-Foo!
334
00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:58,143
Come to Mommykins. Foo-Foo.
335
00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:00,645
Ahem. Kermit?
336
00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:02,605
Oh, Foo-Foo? Wait for the bus.
337
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,149
[BARKS]
338
00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:07,193
-Kermit, ahem, we are departing.
-Good.
339
00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:11,114
We just have time to discuss,
once more, you and I,
340
00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:13,783
as adult mature people,
341
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:16,244
why I resigned.
342
00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:18,413
You did not resign. You were dismissed.
343
00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:20,540
You were given the boot,
discharged, sacked!
344
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:22,250
You were fired!
345
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:25,545
There are many reasons why I resigned.
346
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:26,713
Ugh!
347
00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:30,759
Sometimes things just don't work out
between people.
348
00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:33,219
-Hm.
-Even though those...
349
00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:37,057
people might care deeply about you.
350
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:38,850
Oh, Piggy.
351
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,394
Kermie? Oh, Kermie.
352
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:44,814
-How quickly your anger is gone.
-Well, maybe.
353
00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:48,818
You've forgotten all about
that silly old gossip-column item, hmm?
354
00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:50,403
It was a cover story, Piggy.
355
00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:53,156
A cover story
that said we were secretly married!
356
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,658
Scooter, Scooter,
would you go up and ask Loretta
357
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,911
if she would take Piggy's part
in Pigs in Space?
358
00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,205
I'd love to.
359
00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:02,457
[PIGGY GASPS THEN KERMIT CHUCKLES]
360
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:05,752
I'll get even for this. I am leaving!
361
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:06,836
Good.
362
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:12,217
Oh, Kermit,
I'm so happy to be working avec vous.
363
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,177
Oh, avec moi?
364
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:19,265
Oh, I'm so happy you asked me to be
in Pigs in Space, you little froggy-woggy.
365
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:21,017
Oh, yeah?
366
00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:25,230
Oh! Well, I'm all ready. Wish me luck.
Kissy-kissy, Kermie.
367
00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:27,524
KERMIT:
Mm, yeah, yeah.
368
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,734
[LORETTA & KERMIT GIGGLING]
369
00:18:29,818 --> 00:18:32,404
I'll get even for this.
370
00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:33,738
I'm staying!
371
00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:41,287
NARRATOR [ECHOING]:
And now, Pigs in Space!
372
00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:44,958
As you may recall,
373
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:48,712
our last episode had nothing to do
with the previous episode,
374
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,296
or this one either.
375
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:52,841
[LAUGHS]
376
00:18:52,924 --> 00:18:57,345
Why, Linky-poo, how divine you look.
Hee-hee-hee.
377
00:18:57,429 --> 00:19:00,140
Don't be disrespectful, Strangepork.
378
00:19:00,223 --> 00:19:03,309
These are not mine.
I was attacked by them.
379
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:07,772
Well, if they're not yours,
whose could they be?
380
00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:09,649
[GRUNTING]
381
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:12,902
First Mate Piggy,
report to the bridge on the double.
382
00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:18,199
Oh. Oh, oh.
383
00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:20,368
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
384
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:29,085
Yes... Yes, Captain Hogthrob?
What is the matter?
385
00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:32,630
Uh, can we try that again
without the nose?
386
00:19:32,714 --> 00:19:34,466
You mean the snout's out?
387
00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:36,468
Mm-hm. Much better.
388
00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:38,470
-Now, listen, First Mate Piggy.
-Yes?
389
00:19:38,553 --> 00:19:41,598
You must stop hanging your things
to drip-dry in the shower.
390
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,099
-Really?
-Mm.
391
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:44,893
And whose is this?
392
00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:47,562
[HOGTHROB GASPING]
393
00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:48,855
Where did you get that?
394
00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:50,523
Right where you left it.
395
00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:53,151
That's a lie.
I never saw it before in my life.
396
00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:55,987
Then why did your mom
sew your name tag in it?
397
00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:57,989
Oh! Um... Uh...
398
00:19:58,073 --> 00:20:00,033
It is your name, Linky.
399
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:01,618
[STAMMERS]
400
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:04,829
I'm the captain. I have to look my best.
401
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:08,792
All right, Swit, I'm back.
I'm taking over.
402
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:12,087
Oh, I'm so glad you're back.
How we missed you.
403
00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:14,422
I mean, well, no,
this was really a lot of fun,
404
00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:16,132
but, oh, you belong here.
405
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:17,759
-Really?
-Oh, yes.
406
00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:20,261
Oh, Pigs in Space is nothing without you.
407
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:22,263
Oh, Lorett, oh.
408
00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:24,349
I'm so glad that Kermit rehired you.
409
00:20:24,432 --> 00:20:29,020
Oh, wait a second. I did not rehire her.
Pig, get off this stage!
410
00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:31,731
I will not!
411
00:20:31,815 --> 00:20:32,899
Oh, this is terrible.
412
00:20:32,982 --> 00:20:36,152
We've been invaded
by a little green monster.
413
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:40,281
Worse than that,
we've got two First Mate Piggys.
414
00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:44,202
Listen, you either get off this stage
or I throw you off.
415
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:45,578
Yeah? You and whose army?
416
00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:48,373
I don't need an army
to throw you off this stage, pig.
417
00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,417
-Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?
-No, I don't!
418
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:53,128
Stop it, stop it.
Hold it, hold it, hold it!
419
00:20:53,211 --> 00:20:54,921
-Everybody hold it!
KERMIT: What?
420
00:20:55,005 --> 00:20:59,551
Oh, now, Kermit, you know
how important Miss Piggy is to the show.
421
00:20:59,634 --> 00:21:00,760
Well...
422
00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:02,637
And, Miss Piggy, oh, Miss Piggy,
423
00:21:02,721 --> 00:21:05,390
you know you wouldn't be happy
anywhere else.
424
00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:10,729
-Well...
-Oh, so come on, now.
425
00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:16,484
Let's sing a nice warm lovely
together song.
426
00:21:16,568 --> 00:21:19,362
I hate sappy songs like that.
427
00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:23,408
All right, then,
why don't you two just kiss and make up?
428
00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:26,911
Well, let's sing the sappy song.
429
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:29,831
-You don't make it easy, frog.
-Shh.
430
00:21:29,914 --> 00:21:31,374
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC]
431
00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:34,210
♪ Isn't it warm? ♪
432
00:21:34,294 --> 00:21:36,671
♪ Isn't it cozy? ♪
433
00:21:36,755 --> 00:21:40,258
♪ Side by side ♪
434
00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:42,302
By side.
435
00:21:42,385 --> 00:21:47,432
♪ Ports in a storm, comfy and cozy ♪
436
00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:50,977
♪ Side by side ♪
437
00:21:51,061 --> 00:21:52,896
♪ By side ♪
438
00:21:52,979 --> 00:21:56,232
♪ Everything shines ♪
439
00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:58,109
♪ How sweet ♪
440
00:21:58,193 --> 00:22:01,738
♪ Side by side ♪
441
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:03,698
♪ By side ♪
442
00:22:03,782 --> 00:22:06,951
BOTH:
♪ Parallel lines ♪
443
00:22:07,035 --> 00:22:08,912
♪ Who meet ♪
444
00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:12,290
♪ Side by side ♪
445
00:22:12,374 --> 00:22:14,417
♪ By side ♪
446
00:22:14,501 --> 00:22:16,878
♪ Everyone winks ♪
447
00:22:16,961 --> 00:22:19,547
♪ Nobody's nosy ♪
448
00:22:19,631 --> 00:22:23,009
BOTH:
♪ Side by side ♪
449
00:22:23,093 --> 00:22:25,095
♪ By side ♪
450
00:22:25,178 --> 00:22:26,721
♪ You bring the drinks ♪
451
00:22:26,805 --> 00:22:30,183
♪ And I'll bring the posy ♪
452
00:22:30,266 --> 00:22:33,603
ALL:
♪ Side by side ♪
453
00:22:33,687 --> 00:22:35,730
♪ By side ♪
454
00:22:35,814 --> 00:22:38,400
♪ One's impossible ♪
455
00:22:38,483 --> 00:22:41,194
♪ Two is dreary ♪
456
00:22:41,277 --> 00:22:46,533
♪ Three is company, bright and cheery ♪
457
00:22:46,616 --> 00:22:48,493
♪ Side ♪
458
00:22:48,576 --> 00:22:51,079
♪ By side ♪
459
00:22:51,162 --> 00:22:55,417
♪ By side ♪
460
00:22:56,710 --> 00:22:58,670
-Welcome back, Miss Piggy.
-Thank you.
461
00:22:58,753 --> 00:23:00,005
Oh, we've missed you so.
462
00:23:00,088 --> 00:23:02,382
-Tell her how much we missed her, Kermit.
-Tell me.
463
00:23:02,465 --> 00:23:04,884
Well, what would we do without you, huh?
464
00:23:04,968 --> 00:23:06,720
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC]
465
00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:10,765
ALL:
♪ What would we do without you? ♪
466
00:23:10,849 --> 00:23:14,811
♪ How would we ever get through? ♪
467
00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:18,523
♪ Who would I complain to for hours? ♪
468
00:23:18,606 --> 00:23:23,111
♪ Who'd bring me the flowers
When I had the flu? ♪
469
00:23:23,194 --> 00:23:26,948
ALL:
♪ Who changes subjects on cue? ♪
470
00:23:27,032 --> 00:23:30,994
♪ Who cheers us up when we're blue? ♪
471
00:23:31,077 --> 00:23:34,372
♪ Who is so dear
And who is so deep? ♪
472
00:23:34,456 --> 00:23:38,585
BOTH: ♪ And who would keep us occupied
When we want to sleep? ♪
473
00:23:38,668 --> 00:23:42,797
ALL:
♪ How would we ever get through? ♪
474
00:23:42,881 --> 00:23:46,468
♪ What would we do without you? ♪
475
00:23:46,551 --> 00:23:50,430
Okay, everybody,
one more time just for Miss Piggy, huh?
476
00:23:50,513 --> 00:23:51,681
Here we go.
477
00:23:51,765 --> 00:23:57,604
ALL:
♪ Year after year, older and older ♪
478
00:23:57,687 --> 00:24:01,107
♪ Side by side ♪
479
00:24:01,191 --> 00:24:03,193
♪ By side ♪
480
00:24:03,276 --> 00:24:08,740
♪ Sharing a tear and lending a shoulder ♪
481
00:24:08,823 --> 00:24:12,202
ALL:
♪ Side by side ♪
482
00:24:12,285 --> 00:24:14,371
♪ By side ♪
483
00:24:14,454 --> 00:24:16,373
♪ One is lonely ♪
484
00:24:16,456 --> 00:24:18,750
♪ And two is boring ♪
485
00:24:18,833 --> 00:24:22,712
ALL:
♪ Think what you can keep ignoring ♪
486
00:24:22,796 --> 00:24:25,840
♪ Side by side ♪
487
00:24:25,924 --> 00:24:27,717
♪ By side ♪
488
00:24:27,801 --> 00:24:29,552
♪ By side ♪
489
00:24:29,636 --> 00:24:33,264
♪ By side by side by side by side ♪
490
00:24:33,348 --> 00:24:40,647
♪ By side ♪
491
00:24:40,730 --> 00:24:43,817
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
492
00:24:43,900 --> 00:24:46,027
[CHATTERING]
493
00:24:53,493 --> 00:24:56,913
Okay, well, that's all the time we have,
but before we go,
494
00:24:56,996 --> 00:24:59,457
let us say thank you
to a wonderful guest star
495
00:24:59,541 --> 00:25:01,084
that we always have time for.
496
00:25:01,167 --> 00:25:03,753
She's beautiful, she's funny,
and she remains calm
497
00:25:03,837 --> 00:25:05,797
when everybody around her is going, "Aah!"
498
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,508
Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Loretta Swit! Yay!
499
00:25:08,591 --> 00:25:09,926
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
500
00:25:10,010 --> 00:25:13,304
Yeah! Yay!
501
00:25:13,388 --> 00:25:15,098
Thank you.
502
00:25:15,181 --> 00:25:17,058
-Thank you, Kermit.
-Aw.
503
00:25:17,142 --> 00:25:19,436
You know, I hope nobody out there believes
504
00:25:19,519 --> 00:25:22,063
that I was really trying to take over
for Miss Piggy.
505
00:25:22,147 --> 00:25:23,356
Oh, no, no, no.
506
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:27,652
Because, you know, when a great actress
and a great star has developed a role,
507
00:25:27,736 --> 00:25:31,031
it's impossible for another actress
to fill her shoes.
508
00:25:31,114 --> 00:25:32,449
KERMIT:
Mm-hm.
509
00:25:34,576 --> 00:25:36,369
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
510
00:25:36,453 --> 00:25:38,705
Funny, the shoes don't fit.
511
00:25:38,788 --> 00:25:39,831
They don't.
512
00:25:39,914 --> 00:25:43,126
We'll see you next time
on The Muppet Show.
513
00:25:43,209 --> 00:25:45,295
[ALL CHATTERING]
514
00:25:45,378 --> 00:25:47,464
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
515
00:26:21,164 --> 00:26:22,332
South Dakota.
516
00:26:22,415 --> 00:26:24,793
South Dakota has nothing to do
with this show.
517
00:26:24,876 --> 00:26:27,754
That's what I want:
nothing to do with this show.
37979
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