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[SNORING]
2
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[DOOR OPENS]
3
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Huh? Wha...?
4
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Ah! Who are you?
5
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Uh, Joan Baez.
6
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Oh, yeah, the famous folk singer.
7
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-Well, that's a change.
-Oh?
8
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Yeah, we've had singing rats,
flowers, penguins, horses, pigs.
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About time they had some folks.
10
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Well, at least you're unbiased
around here.
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Yeah. Until you came, we were un-Baezed.
12
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Stay with us, folks.
13
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The show can't get much worse than this.
14
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It's The Muppet Show,
15
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with our very special guest star,
Joan Baez.
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Yay!
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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
18
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
19
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♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
20
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It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight♪
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♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
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♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
23
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♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
24
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♪ Why do we always come here? ♪
25
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♪ I guess we'll never know ♪
26
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♪ It's like a kind of torture ♪
27
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-♪ To have to watch the show ♪
-♪To have to watch the show ♪
28
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♪ But now let's get things started ♪
29
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♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
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♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
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♪ This is what we call ♪
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
34
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[BLOWS]
35
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Oh, rats.
36
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
37
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Thank you, thank you. Hi there
and welcome again to The Muppet Show.
38
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And it's gonna be a terrific show tonight
because our special guest
39
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is that sensational recording star
and folk singer, Miss Joan Baez.
40
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[AUDIENCE GASPS]
41
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Yes. But first, here is a talented group
of folk singers--
42
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Well, actually, they aren't that talented.
43
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And come to think of it,
they aren't even folks.
44
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But anyway, here they are,
ladies and gentlemen! Yeah!
45
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♪ Let us put man and gopher together ♪
46
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♪ To see which one is smarter ♪
47
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♪ Some say man ♪
48
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♪ But I say no ♪
49
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♪ 'Cause gopher beats the man
Win place and show ♪
50
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♪ Ain't me ♪
51
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♪ It's the people that say ♪
52
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♪ Man's the one that we gotta obey ♪
53
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♪ But I say ♪
54
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♪ It's the gophers today ♪
55
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♪ Smarter than the man in every way ♪
56
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♪ That's right
The gophers are smarter ♪
57
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♪ That's right
The gophers are smarter ♪
58
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:07,312
♪ That's right
The gophers are smarter ♪
59
00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:10,774
♪ Smarter than the man in every way ♪
60
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♪ A little rat
He sat down and he cried ♪
61
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♪ A raccoon passed and asked him why ♪
62
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♪ 'Cause the sky's supposed to be
Clean and blue ♪
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♪ Raccoon sat down and he cried too ♪
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♪ Ain't me ♪
65
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♪ It's the people that say ♪
66
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♪ Man's the one that we gotta obey ♪
67
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♪ But I say ♪
68
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♪ It's the rats today ♪
69
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♪ Smarter than the man in every way ♪
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♪ That's right
The rats are smarter ♪
71
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♪ That's right
The rats are smarter ♪
72
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♪ That's right
The rats are smarter ♪
73
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♪ Smarter than the man in every way ♪
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♪ Ain't me ♪
75
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♪ It's the people that say ♪
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♪ Man's the one that we gotta obey ♪
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♪ But I say ♪
78
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♪ It's the critters today ♪
79
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♪ Smarter than the man in every way ♪
80
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♪ That's right ♪
81
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♪ Raccoons are smarter ♪
82
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-♪ That's right ♪
-♪ The foxes are smarter ♪
83
00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:14,587
♪ That's right
The weasels are smarter ♪
84
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♪ Smarter than the man in every way ♪
85
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:19,884
-♪ The deer ♪
-♪ And the bear are ♪
86
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♪ Smarter ♪
87
00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:23,346
-♪ Muskrat ♪
-♪ Skunks are ♪
88
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♪ Smarter ♪
89
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-♪ The beaver ♪
-♪ And the snakes are ♪
90
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♪ Smarter ♪
91
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♪ Smarter than the man in every way ♪
92
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[ALL SHOUTING AND CHEERING]
93
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♪ Smarter than the man ♪
94
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♪ In every way ♪
95
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
96
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How can they say
they're smarter than we are?
97
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:57,047
Did they pay money to hear us sing?
98
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♪ But I say ♪
99
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♪ It's the critters today ♪
100
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♪ Smarter than the man in every way ♪
101
00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:07,682
Okay, good number, guys,
but did you have to blow up the factory?
102
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:11,102
Are you kidding?
Did you smell the pollution?
103
00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:13,938
The skunks are complaining
about air pollution?
104
00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:15,148
Arriba! Arriba!
105
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[LAUGHING]
106
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,068
Will you get out of here, rat?
107
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:22,238
Uh-uh. Not until you let me do
my famous Mexican Rat Dance.
108
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[RATS LAUGHING]
109
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:27,827
-Uh, Beauregard. Beauregard!
-Beauregard! Beauregard!
110
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,580
-Ah. You called?
-What were you doing down there?
111
00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:32,457
I was having four winks.
112
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You mean forty winks.
113
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I don't know. I was asleep.
114
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Kermit, Kermit.
I had a dream, and it was so real.
115
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:46,304
What does it mean when you dream
people are walking on your head?
116
00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:48,431
It means you're sleeping on the floor.
117
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Rats! Listen, Beauregard.
I gotta introduce Joan Baez.
118
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Uh, would you just
take care of these rats?
119
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,564
-Oh.
-Oh...
120
00:05:56,648 --> 00:06:00,151
Well, okay, rats,
I'm supposed to take care of you.
121
00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:01,778
Now, what would you like?
122
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Food.
123
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And bicarbonate of soda.
124
00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,952
-And more food.
-Yeah, more food, yeah.
125
00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:11,996
Okay, and new here she is,
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a living legend
and a real nice lady as well.
127
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Ladies and gentlemen, Joan Baez.
128
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
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♪ Yellow brown and black and white
Our father bless us all tonight ♪
130
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:43,403
♪ I bowed my head at the football games ♪
131
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:47,032
♪ And closed the prayer in Jesus' name ♪
132
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:50,410
♪ Lusted after football heroes ♪
133
00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:53,830
♪ Tough Pachuco, little Neroes ♪
134
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:57,292
♪ Forfeiting my A's for zeroes ♪
135
00:06:57,375 --> 00:07:00,628
♪ Futures unforeseen ♪
136
00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:03,465
♪ Spending all my energy ♪
137
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:06,634
♪ In keeping my virginity ♪
138
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:09,971
♪ And living in a fantasy ♪
139
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:13,475
♪ In love with Jimmy Dean ♪
140
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:17,145
♪ If you will be my king, Jimmy, Jimmy ♪
141
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♪ I will be your queen ♪
142
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♪ I look around and I wonder ♪
143
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♪ How the years and I survived ♪
144
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♪ But I had a mother who sang to me ♪
145
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♪ An honest lullaby ♪
146
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♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay ♪
147
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♪ Now look at you ♪
148
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♪ You must be growing
A quarter of an inch a day ♪
149
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♪ You've already lived
Near half the years ♪
150
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♪ You'll be when you go away ♪
151
00:07:57,686 --> 00:08:01,606
♪ With your teddy bears and alligators ♪
152
00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:05,193
♪ Enterprise communicators ♪
153
00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:11,116
♪ All the tiny aviators
Head into the sky ♪
154
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♪ And while the others play with you ♪
155
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:18,123
♪ I hope to find a way with you ♪
156
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♪ And sometimes spend a day with you ♪
157
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♪ I'll catch you as you fly ♪
158
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♪ Or if I'm worth a mother's salt ♪
159
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♪ I'll wave as you go by ♪
160
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♪ As you look around and you wonder ♪
161
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♪ How the years and you'll survive ♪
162
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♪ Honey, you've got a mother
Who sings to you ♪
163
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♪ Dances on the strings for you ♪
164
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♪ Opens her heart and brings to you ♪
165
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♪ An honest lullaby ♪
166
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♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay ♪
167
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♪ Yai, ay, ay, ay ♪
168
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♪ Yai, ay, ay ♪
169
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♪ Yai ♪
170
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
171
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I think honesty's always the best policy.
172
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:37,369
-You believe that?
-No, I was lying.
173
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:40,663
Okay, pull. Harder.
174
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:43,124
-Come on.
-Hey, forget it, guys
175
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:45,752
-We'll never get this refrigerator open.
-Yeah.
176
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:49,047
-Hey, can it, guys, Here comes Einstein.
-Yeah.
177
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,716
Oh, yeah!
178
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,511
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
179
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:58,306
I hope you rats are making yourselves
at home in my little storing room.
180
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,642
Oh, yes. You're a real friend of the rats.
181
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,310
-I am?
-Oh, yeah.
182
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,354
In fact, uh, you're one of us.
183
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:07,232
-I'm a rat?
-Oh, even better than that.
184
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:09,818
We've elected you president.
185
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:12,070
-Me? President?
-Yeah!
186
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,863
Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah!
187
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,740
And your first duty as president
188
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:18,743
is to declare this refrigerator
officially open.
189
00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:20,161
-Right.
-Okay.
190
00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:22,914
I declare this refrigerator is open.
191
00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:24,916
[RATS CHEERING]
192
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:29,004
Boy, this president job is fun.
193
00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:30,130
Yay!
194
00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:33,633
Hey, Joan, besides the songs
we have planned for you,
195
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:36,344
is there anything else you'd like to do
on the show tonight?
196
00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:37,846
I do imitations.
197
00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:39,431
Really? Who do you do?
198
00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:43,226
Oh, I do a pretty good Marlon Brando
as the Godfather.
199
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,478
-You're kidding.
-No, I'm not kidding.
200
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:46,980
-Wanna see it?
-Oh, please.
201
00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:49,774
-It takes a moment's preparation.
-Okay.
202
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:51,526
Uh, Joan? Joan, Joan, Joan.
203
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,528
I had-- Excuse me, Kermit.
204
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:57,741
Joan, I had to come in and tell you
how much I admire your work.
205
00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:02,120
Not only as a singer, but as a woman.
206
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,332
[MIMICKING GODFATHER] Miss Piggy...
207
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:11,254
I'm prepared to make you an offer
you can't refuse.
208
00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:17,385
And all that I require
is a little respect from time to time.
209
00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:19,387
You know what I mean?
210
00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,933
Uh, must have the wrong dressing room.
211
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:28,938
Wow. You know, I've never seen anybody
handle Miss Piggy like that.
212
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,358
Uh, would you consider
a lifetime contract?
213
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:36,446
If it's a contract you're looking for,
Kermit,
214
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,615
you've come to the right place
215
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:49,084
NARRATOR [ECHOING]:
And now, Pigs in Space!
216
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,922
When we last saw the spaceship Swinetrek,
217
00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:59,803
Dr. Strangepork was just outside the door
waiting for his cue.
218
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:00,929
Cue!
219
00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:02,639
Oh, Link, Link.
220
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,016
Emergency. Emergency.
221
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:08,269
I just found out there's a rat aboard.
222
00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:09,354
[GASPS]
223
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,731
A rat! A rat!
224
00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,191
A rat?
225
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:16,111
Well, better not tell First Mate Piggy.
226
00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:18,238
Oh, with any luck, she'll never know.
227
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:21,241
I set a trap in the refrigerator and--
228
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:22,617
[PIGGY SCREAMS]
229
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,037
BOTH:
Uh-oh.
230
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:31,668
All right, who's the wise guy?
231
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,753
Who's the wise guy?
232
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:37,590
Dr. Strangepork,
you said it was a rat trap.
233
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:40,385
It looks more like a fat trap.
234
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,513
-Cool it!
-Uh-oh.
235
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:44,973
[PIGGY GRUNTING]
236
00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,850
Oh. No!
237
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,101
-Aah!
-Aah! A rat!
238
00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:51,438
A rat! A rat! A rat! A rat!
239
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:53,648
Rat! Rat! Rat!
240
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:56,234
Rat, you can't stay here, rat.
241
00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:58,737
But I wanna join your crew.
242
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,113
Join our crew?
243
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:03,324
-Why, you could never join our crew.
-Why not?
244
00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:06,995
Well, you'd have to pass
an intelligence test.
245
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,413
Did pass he it?
246
00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:09,998
Yes.
247
00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:12,167
Oh, I see what you mean.
248
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:13,293
Huh?
249
00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:18,131
Listen, rat, you could never be
in the crew of Pigs in Space.
250
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,341
Why not?
251
00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:22,594
Well, you're too short.
252
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:25,597
Why didn't you just say he wasn't a pig?
253
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:28,183
Well, I didn't wanna hurt his feelings.
254
00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:31,061
Hey, wait a minute, you guys.
255
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,146
I can do anything that a pig can do.
256
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:34,272
Oh, yeah?
257
00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:36,608
Sure, I can say "oink, oink."
258
00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:38,360
I can wallow in the mud.
259
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:39,986
-What?
-I can eat garbage.
260
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,446
-Hold it, hold it!
-What?
261
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,615
You just blew it, shorty.
262
00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:44,741
[RAT SHOUTS]
263
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,743
RAT: Help!
-Right you are, First Mate Piggy.
264
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:49,245
-Get them, guys! Get them!
-Oh, more rats! More rats!
265
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,580
Rats!
266
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:53,875
More rats! More rats!
267
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,008
[BIRD SINGING]
268
00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:06,304
♪ Blackbird singing in the dead of night ♪
269
00:14:06,388 --> 00:14:11,059
♪ Take these broken wings
And learn to fly ♪
270
00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:13,812
♪ All your life ♪
271
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:20,402
♪ You were only waiting
For this moment to arise ♪
272
00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:28,660
♪ Blackbird singing in the dead of night ♪
273
00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:33,540
♪ Take these sunken eyes
And learn to see ♪
274
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:37,252
♪ All your life ♪
275
00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:42,048
♪ You were only waiting
For this moment to be free ♪
276
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:47,095
♪ Blackbird fly ♪
277
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:51,307
♪ Blackbird fly ♪
278
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:55,854
♪ Into the light of the dark black night ♪
279
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:16,082
♪ Blackbird fly ♪
280
00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:20,462
♪ Blackbird fly ♪
281
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:24,799
♪ Into the light of the dark black night ♪
282
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:31,723
♪ Blackbird singing in the dead of night ♪
283
00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:36,644
♪ Take these broken wings
And learn to fly ♪
284
00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:39,481
♪ All your life ♪
285
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:45,445
♪ You were only waiting
For this moment to arise ♪
286
00:15:45,528 --> 00:15:51,117
♪ You were only waiting
For this moment to arise ♪
287
00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:55,747
♪ You were only waiting for this moment ♪
288
00:15:55,830 --> 00:16:00,377
♪ To arise ♪
289
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:01,961
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
290
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,262
♪ Virgil Caine is my name ♪
291
00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:15,475
♪ And I drove on the Danville train ♪
292
00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:22,399
♪ 'Til Stonewall's cavalry came
And tore up the tracks again ♪
293
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:25,777
♪ In the winter of '65 ♪
294
00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:29,948
♪ We were hungry, just barely alive ♪
295
00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:32,742
♪ I took a train to Richmond that fell ♪
296
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:34,786
♪ It was a time ♪
297
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:40,250
♪ I remember, oh, so well ♪
298
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:45,714
♪ The night they drove old Dixie down ♪
299
00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:49,634
♪ And all the bells
Were ringin' the night ♪
300
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:53,138
♪ They drove old Dixie down ♪
301
00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:56,099
♪ And all the people were singin'
They went ♪
302
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:59,519
♪ "Na, na-na-na-na, na ♪
303
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:04,399
♪ Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na, na" ♪
304
00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:06,484
RAT: For crying out loud,
will you knock it off?
305
00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,028
Cut the noise!
306
00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:10,196
-Come on, guys.
-Yeah, come on.
307
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,322
-Come on.
-Yeah.
308
00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:14,034
Joan. Joan, we got
an important question for you.
309
00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:16,244
-Yeah.
-I take it you don't like singing?
310
00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:18,913
Singing shminging, this is important.
311
00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:21,291
You wanna be an honorary rat?
312
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:22,751
Do I have a choice?
313
00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:28,423
It'll come in handy to be a rat
when we take over.
314
00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:29,591
Yeah, right on.
315
00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:30,842
Right on.
316
00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:34,346
Hope you guys aren't planning
anything violent
317
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:38,183
Today The Muppet Show, tomorrow the world.
318
00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:40,101
-The world!
-Yeah.
319
00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,437
I think you guys
could probably learn a lot
320
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,481
from the teachings of Mahatma Gandhi.
321
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,232
-Who?
-Mahatma-wha--?
322
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:49,569
Gandhi.
He wrote a whole book on nonviolence.
323
00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:52,614
I had it around here. It was-- Oh, yeah.
324
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,157
-Can I have that?
-No!
325
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:59,621
-Hit her! Hit her! Hit her!
-No! No! No!
326
00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:03,750
[IN INDIAN ACCENT] Well, that's what
happens when you take Gandhi from a baby.
327
00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:09,839
Okay. And now it's comedy time
with our own Fozzie Bear.
328
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:12,801
Tonight, the bear has decided
it might help his monologue
329
00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:15,261
if he did it on his own home turf.
330
00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:20,266
So here he is, out in the backwoods,
ladies and gentlemen, Fozzie Bear!
331
00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:21,476
Hiya, hiya, hiya.
332
00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:25,480
This is Fozzie Bear out in the open air
with funny jokes to spare.
333
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:27,440
So laugh, don't stare.
334
00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:29,192
[LAUGHS THEN BIRD CUCKOOS]
335
00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:33,571
Uh, but seriously,
I love working in the woods.
336
00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:36,157
Yeah, that's because I know all the trees.
337
00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:40,328
You see, there's the cedars
and, uh, those are the pines, and--
338
00:18:40,412 --> 00:18:42,497
Oh, these are the funny trees.
339
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:45,750
The funny trees, you ask? Yes.
340
00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:48,211
These are the oaks, folks.
341
00:18:49,254 --> 00:18:51,715
Oaks, see, it's where...
342
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,509
Oh. Here's my friend the weasel, yeah.
343
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:57,679
You know, he's the one who tells me
when it's time to quit work.
344
00:18:57,762 --> 00:18:59,264
You know why?
345
00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:02,308
He's the five o'clock weasel.
346
00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:05,770
Ha, ha. You see, it's whistle...
347
00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:10,191
These are the oaks, folks. Ha-ha-ha.
348
00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:13,028
Okay. But I feel right at home
in the woods here, yeah.
349
00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:15,697
I was born a stone's throw away from here.
350
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,657
Yeah, in fact, my mother still lives here.
351
00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:18,825
[YELLS]
352
00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:22,537
Thanks a lot, Mom.
353
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:25,957
I get the hint,
but I'll quit when it's time.
354
00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:28,918
What do you want, weasel?
355
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:30,879
[YELLS]
356
00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:40,013
You dumb weasel. It wasn't even 5:00. Oh!
357
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:41,598
-Oh, Beauregard.
-Yes?
358
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,516
-Did you take care of those rats?
-Yup.
359
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,478
I just brought their chicken dinners in.
360
00:19:46,561 --> 00:19:48,855
Beauregard,
I want them out of this theater.
361
00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:52,442
But I can't do that. They're my people.
362
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,402
I don't care whose people they are.
363
00:19:54,486 --> 00:19:56,654
They made me president.
364
00:19:56,738 --> 00:19:58,907
Beauregard, they make me angry!
365
00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:02,160
Let my people stay!
366
00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:04,079
Beauregard, they are rats.
367
00:20:04,162 --> 00:20:05,747
They are rats, Beauregard.
368
00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:07,874
Now, listen. You're gonna have to choose.
369
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:09,209
Either they go...
370
00:20:09,292 --> 00:20:11,002
But they're my friends.
371
00:20:11,086 --> 00:20:12,754
...or you're going to go with them.
372
00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:13,880
[GASPS]
373
00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:17,509
But...
374
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:20,470
Goodbye.
375
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,222
[SNIFFLING]
376
00:20:25,016 --> 00:20:26,434
Poor Beau.
377
00:20:26,518 --> 00:20:28,978
It was a command decision.
378
00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:33,483
-Uh, the buck stops here.
-You're right. You gotta be tough.
379
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,528
-Was I too tough on him?
-I don't know.
380
00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:40,657
[BEAUREGARD SOBS THEN PIGGY SHRIEKS]
381
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,075
Oh! Ah.
382
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:43,618
Beau, I thought you were a rat.
383
00:20:43,702 --> 00:20:45,578
Well, I'm not just any rat.
384
00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:47,122
I'm their president.
385
00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:48,248
The what--?
386
00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:52,043
Beau, that's my photo.
387
00:20:52,127 --> 00:20:53,169
I know.
388
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:55,463
I'm taking it with me.
389
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:57,382
When I leave! [SOBBING]
390
00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,926
Oh, wait, wait, Beau. Beau.
391
00:21:00,010 --> 00:21:04,848
Oh, the only friends I have
are you and the rats.
392
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:06,725
Terrific.
393
00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:08,852
Beau, Beau, Beau, dear, look at me.
394
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:09,978
-Beau.
-What?
395
00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:12,480
The rats are not your friends.
396
00:21:12,564 --> 00:21:14,607
-Not my friends?
-No, Beau, Beau.
397
00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:19,029
They made you president
so they could get food.
398
00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:20,864
-What?
-Yes.
399
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:23,116
Wait'll I see those lousy rats.
400
00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:24,701
That's it, Beau. Where are they?
401
00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:25,910
Where else?
402
00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,705
All right, everybody out!
403
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:31,332
-That's right. This is not a restaurant.
-No.
404
00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,043
-It's a theater.
-Theater.
405
00:21:33,126 --> 00:21:34,586
Yes, we entertain here.
406
00:21:34,669 --> 00:21:36,921
-We spread happiness.
-Happiness.
407
00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:40,800
Well, after you entertain
and spread happiness, do you get to eat?
408
00:21:41,843 --> 00:21:43,136
Well, I guess so. Yeah.
409
00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:45,680
You got it. Come on, guys.
410
00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:50,810
-Where are they going, Beau?
-I don't know.
411
00:21:50,894 --> 00:21:52,812
I quit my job as president.
412
00:21:55,106 --> 00:21:57,942
-Ah. Final number.
-All right. Uh, final number.
413
00:21:58,026 --> 00:22:00,362
Everybody on stage
for the final number, please.
414
00:22:00,445 --> 00:22:01,905
RAT: Mr. Kermit.
-Hm?
415
00:22:01,988 --> 00:22:05,325
Oh, please, Mr. Kermit.
We're sorry we haven't done our share
416
00:22:05,408 --> 00:22:08,745
-of entertaining and spreading happiness.
-Yeah.
417
00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:11,373
Please let us join
your family of artistes.
418
00:22:11,456 --> 00:22:12,791
-Artistes.
-Yeah.
419
00:22:12,874 --> 00:22:15,919
Please. Oh, we could spread happiness
to beat the band.
420
00:22:16,002 --> 00:22:17,504
Yeah, beat the band.
421
00:22:17,587 --> 00:22:20,090
-Well...
-Oh, please. Please?
422
00:22:20,173 --> 00:22:21,466
-Please.
-Please.
423
00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:23,593
-Please? Please.
-Come on.
424
00:22:23,677 --> 00:22:25,053
Kermit.
425
00:22:25,136 --> 00:22:26,971
What's all the excitement?
426
00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:30,809
Uh, well, the rats here wanna join
our happy little family.
427
00:22:30,892 --> 00:22:32,143
Yeah. Yeah.
428
00:22:32,227 --> 00:22:36,398
Well, you got cows, you got pigs,
you got chickens.
429
00:22:36,481 --> 00:22:38,191
Why not rats?
430
00:22:38,274 --> 00:22:40,235
Well, okay, guys, you're in.
431
00:22:40,318 --> 00:22:41,986
Hooray!
432
00:22:42,070 --> 00:22:43,113
Great.
433
00:22:43,196 --> 00:22:50,203
♪ There's a tie that binds all creatures ♪
434
00:22:50,286 --> 00:22:56,376
♪ That is like a silver strand ♪
435
00:22:56,459 --> 00:23:02,966
♪ And it crosses every ocean ♪
436
00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:09,723
♪ And it reaches every land ♪
437
00:23:09,806 --> 00:23:15,353
♪ Will the circle be unbroken? ♪
438
00:23:15,437 --> 00:23:20,817
♪ By and by, Lord, by and by ♪
439
00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:26,698
♪ There's a better life awaiting ♪
440
00:23:26,781 --> 00:23:32,412
♪ If we try, Lord, if we try ♪
441
00:23:32,495 --> 00:23:37,959
♪ And the circle will be endless ♪
442
00:23:38,043 --> 00:23:43,590
♪ As we travel hand in hand ♪
443
00:23:43,673 --> 00:23:49,220
♪ We'll become one family circle ♪
444
00:23:49,304 --> 00:23:55,018
♪ In a peaceful promised land ♪
445
00:23:55,101 --> 00:24:00,315
♪ Will the circle be unbroken? ♪
446
00:24:00,398 --> 00:24:05,945
♪ By and by, Lord, by and by ♪
447
00:24:06,029 --> 00:24:11,576
♪ There's a better life awaiting ♪
448
00:24:11,659 --> 00:24:17,332
♪ If we try, Lord, if we try ♪
449
00:24:17,415 --> 00:24:22,671
♪ Will the circle be unbroken? ♪
450
00:24:22,754 --> 00:24:28,301
♪ By and by, Lord, by and by ♪
451
00:24:28,385 --> 00:24:33,890
♪ There's a better life awaiting ♪
452
00:24:33,973 --> 00:24:39,312
♪ If we try, Lord, if we try ♪
453
00:24:39,396 --> 00:24:43,066
♪ If we try, Lord ♪
454
00:24:43,149 --> 00:24:46,111
♪ If we ♪
455
00:24:46,194 --> 00:24:53,493
♪ Try ♪
456
00:24:53,576 --> 00:24:55,662
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
457
00:25:03,253 --> 00:25:06,339
Okay.
As this show sinks slowly into the West,
458
00:25:06,423 --> 00:25:08,216
we come to the end of another one.
459
00:25:08,299 --> 00:25:11,678
But before we go, let us say thank you
to a wonderful guest star,
460
00:25:11,761 --> 00:25:14,889
ladies and gentlemen, Joan Baez! Yeah!
461
00:25:14,973 --> 00:25:17,058
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
462
00:25:19,436 --> 00:25:20,812
Thank you, Kermit.
463
00:25:20,895 --> 00:25:24,774
Kermit, you know, if I were you,
I'd keep a very close watch on those rats.
464
00:25:24,858 --> 00:25:27,527
Oh, well, actually, those rats,
they're nice guys.
465
00:25:27,610 --> 00:25:31,448
Maybe. But not so long ago,
they were really planning on taking over.
466
00:25:31,531 --> 00:25:33,366
Oh, the rats could never take over.
467
00:25:33,450 --> 00:25:34,659
[RATS SHOUTING]
468
00:25:34,743 --> 00:25:36,828
Rats. Wait, wait, wait...
469
00:25:36,911 --> 00:25:41,249
That's all for now. We'll see you
next time on The Muppet Show. Yay!
470
00:25:41,332 --> 00:25:42,834
Oh, yeah.
471
00:25:42,917 --> 00:25:44,586
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
472
00:26:21,373 --> 00:26:23,958
[SQUEAKING AND MUMBLING]
34577
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