All language subtitles for The Muppet Show S05E07 Guest Joan Baez 1080p DSNP WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-LAZY_track3_[eng]

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew Download
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,375 --> 00:00:02,043 [SNORING] 2 00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:03,586 [DOOR OPENS] 3 00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:05,171 Huh? Wha...? 4 00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:07,465 Ah! Who are you? 5 00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:10,260 Uh, Joan Baez. 6 00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:12,846 Oh, yeah, the famous folk singer. 7 00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:14,848 -Well, that's a change. -Oh? 8 00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:19,310 Yeah, we've had singing rats, flowers, penguins, horses, pigs. 9 00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:21,771 About time they had some folks. 10 00:00:22,772 --> 00:00:25,066 Well, at least you're unbiased around here. 11 00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:29,654 Yeah. Until you came, we were un-Baezed. 12 00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:34,659 Stay with us, folks. 13 00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:37,245 The show can't get much worse than this. 14 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,375 It's The Muppet Show, 15 00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:45,503 with our very special guest star, Joan Baez. 16 00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:48,006 Yay! 17 00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:50,050 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 18 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:03,271 ♪ It's time to play the music ♪ 19 00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:05,398 ♪ It's time to light the lights ♪ 20 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:09,444 It's time to meet the Muppets On The Muppet Show tonight♪ 21 00:01:09,527 --> 00:01:11,988 ♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪ 22 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,199 ♪ It's time to dress up right ♪ 23 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:17,952 ♪ It's time to raise the curtain On The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 24 00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:20,413 ♪ Why do we always come here? ♪ 25 00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:22,624 ♪ I guess we'll never know ♪ 26 00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:24,876 ♪ It's like a kind of torture ♪ 27 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:27,629 -♪ To have to watch the show ♪ -♪To have to watch the show ♪ 28 00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:35,053 ♪ But now let's get things started ♪ 29 00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:37,263 ♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪ 30 00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:41,685 ♪ It's time to get things started On the most sensational, inspirational ♪ 31 00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,020 ♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪ 32 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,731 ♪ This is what we call ♪ 33 00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:50,985 ♪ The Muppet Show ♪ 34 00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:53,071 [BLOWS] 35 00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:56,449 Oh, rats. 36 00:01:58,284 --> 00:01:59,327 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 37 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:02,956 Thank you, thank you. Hi there and welcome again to The Muppet Show. 38 00:02:03,039 --> 00:02:06,501 And it's gonna be a terrific show tonight because our special guest 39 00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:10,630 is that sensational recording star and folk singer, Miss Joan Baez. 40 00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:11,756 [AUDIENCE GASPS] 41 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:15,927 Yes. But first, here is a talented group of folk singers-- 42 00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:18,179 Well, actually, they aren't that talented. 43 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:20,724 And come to think of it, they aren't even folks. 44 00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:23,768 But anyway, here they are, ladies and gentlemen! Yeah! 45 00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:34,112 ♪ Let us put man and gopher together ♪ 46 00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:37,157 ♪ To see which one is smarter ♪ 47 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,867 ♪ Some say man ♪ 48 00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:40,577 ♪ But I say no ♪ 49 00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:43,246 ♪ 'Cause gopher beats the man Win place and show ♪ 50 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,248 ♪ Ain't me ♪ 51 00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:47,459 ♪ It's the people that say ♪ 52 00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:50,337 ♪ Man's the one that we gotta obey ♪ 53 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,005 ♪ But I say ♪ 54 00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:54,049 ♪ It's the gophers today ♪ 55 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:57,218 ♪ Smarter than the man in every way ♪ 56 00:02:57,302 --> 00:03:00,555 ♪ That's right The gophers are smarter ♪ 57 00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:03,933 ♪ That's right The gophers are smarter ♪ 58 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:07,312 ♪ That's right The gophers are smarter ♪ 59 00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:10,774 ♪ Smarter than the man in every way ♪ 60 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:14,194 ♪ A little rat He sat down and he cried ♪ 61 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:17,280 ♪ A raccoon passed and asked him why ♪ 62 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:20,825 ♪ 'Cause the sky's supposed to be Clean and blue ♪ 63 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,953 ♪ Raccoon sat down and he cried too ♪ 64 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,580 ♪ Ain't me ♪ 65 00:03:25,663 --> 00:03:27,707 ♪ It's the people that say ♪ 66 00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:30,627 ♪ Man's the one that we gotta obey ♪ 67 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:32,295 ♪ But I say ♪ 68 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,339 ♪ It's the rats today ♪ 69 00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:37,258 ♪ Smarter than the man in every way ♪ 70 00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:40,929 ♪ That's right The rats are smarter ♪ 71 00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:44,265 ♪ That's right The rats are smarter ♪ 72 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:47,811 ♪ That's right The rats are smarter ♪ 73 00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,855 ♪ Smarter than the man in every way ♪ 74 00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:52,565 ♪ Ain't me ♪ 75 00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,651 ♪ It's the people that say ♪ 76 00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:57,529 ♪ Man's the one that we gotta obey ♪ 77 00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,239 ♪ But I say ♪ 78 00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,241 ♪ It's the critters today ♪ 79 00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:04,119 ♪ Smarter than the man in every way ♪ 80 00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:05,245 ♪ That's right ♪ 81 00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,747 ♪ Raccoons are smarter ♪ 82 00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:11,042 -♪ That's right ♪ -♪ The foxes are smarter ♪ 83 00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:14,587 ♪ That's right The weasels are smarter ♪ 84 00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:17,882 ♪ Smarter than the man in every way ♪ 85 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:19,884 -♪ The deer ♪ -♪ And the bear are ♪ 86 00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,219 ♪ Smarter ♪ 87 00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:23,346 -♪ Muskrat ♪ -♪ Skunks are ♪ 88 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,597 ♪ Smarter ♪ 89 00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,599 -♪ The beaver ♪ -♪ And the snakes are ♪ 90 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:27,934 ♪ Smarter ♪ 91 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:32,188 ♪ Smarter than the man in every way ♪ 92 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,648 [ALL SHOUTING AND CHEERING] 93 00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:40,488 ♪ Smarter than the man ♪ 94 00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:45,744 ♪ In every way ♪ 95 00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:47,912 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 96 00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:54,294 How can they say they're smarter than we are? 97 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:57,047 Did they pay money to hear us sing? 98 00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,173 ♪ But I say ♪ 99 00:04:58,256 --> 00:04:59,883 ♪ It's the critters today ♪ 100 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:02,844 ♪ Smarter than the man in every way ♪ 101 00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:07,682 Okay, good number, guys, but did you have to blow up the factory? 102 00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:11,102 Are you kidding? Did you smell the pollution? 103 00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:13,938 The skunks are complaining about air pollution? 104 00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:15,148 Arriba! Arriba! 105 00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:16,399 [LAUGHING] 106 00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,068 Will you get out of here, rat? 107 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:22,238 Uh-uh. Not until you let me do my famous Mexican Rat Dance. 108 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,157 [RATS LAUGHING] 109 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:27,827 -Uh, Beauregard. Beauregard! -Beauregard! Beauregard! 110 00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,580 -Ah. You called? -What were you doing down there? 111 00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:32,457 I was having four winks. 112 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,377 You mean forty winks. 113 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,379 I don't know. I was asleep. 114 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:43,009 Kermit, Kermit. I had a dream, and it was so real. 115 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:46,304 What does it mean when you dream people are walking on your head? 116 00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:48,431 It means you're sleeping on the floor. 117 00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:52,769 Rats! Listen, Beauregard. I gotta introduce Joan Baez. 118 00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:55,105 Uh, would you just take care of these rats? 119 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,564 -Oh. -Oh... 120 00:05:56,648 --> 00:06:00,151 Well, okay, rats, I'm supposed to take care of you. 121 00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:01,778 Now, what would you like? 122 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,072 Food. 123 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:06,032 And bicarbonate of soda. 124 00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,952 -And more food. -Yeah, more food, yeah. 125 00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:11,996 Okay, and new here she is, 126 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,791 a living legend and a real nice lady as well. 127 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:17,419 Ladies and gentlemen, Joan Baez. 128 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:19,587 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 129 00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:39,858 ♪ Yellow brown and black and white Our father bless us all tonight ♪ 130 00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:43,403 ♪ I bowed my head at the football games ♪ 131 00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:47,032 ♪ And closed the prayer in Jesus' name ♪ 132 00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:50,410 ♪ Lusted after football heroes ♪ 133 00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:53,830 ♪ Tough Pachuco, little Neroes ♪ 134 00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:57,292 ♪ Forfeiting my A's for zeroes ♪ 135 00:06:57,375 --> 00:07:00,628 ♪ Futures unforeseen ♪ 136 00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:03,465 ♪ Spending all my energy ♪ 137 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:06,634 ♪ In keeping my virginity ♪ 138 00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:09,971 ♪ And living in a fantasy ♪ 139 00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:13,475 ♪ In love with Jimmy Dean ♪ 140 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:17,145 ♪ If you will be my king, Jimmy, Jimmy ♪ 141 00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:22,275 ♪ I will be your queen ♪ 142 00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:26,363 ♪ I look around and I wonder ♪ 143 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:31,493 ♪ How the years and I survived ♪ 144 00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:35,038 ♪ But I had a mother who sang to me ♪ 145 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:39,250 ♪ An honest lullaby ♪ 146 00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:43,505 ♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay ♪ 147 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,257 ♪ Now look at you ♪ 148 00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:50,970 ♪ You must be growing A quarter of an inch a day ♪ 149 00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:54,683 ♪ You've already lived Near half the years ♪ 150 00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:57,602 ♪ You'll be when you go away ♪ 151 00:07:57,686 --> 00:08:01,606 ♪ With your teddy bears and alligators ♪ 152 00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:05,193 ♪ Enterprise communicators ♪ 153 00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:11,116 ♪ All the tiny aviators Head into the sky ♪ 154 00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:14,536 ♪ And while the others play with you ♪ 155 00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:18,123 ♪ I hope to find a way with you ♪ 156 00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:21,167 ♪ And sometimes spend a day with you ♪ 157 00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:24,754 ♪ I'll catch you as you fly ♪ 158 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:28,091 ♪ Or if I'm worth a mother's salt ♪ 159 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:33,471 ♪ I'll wave as you go by ♪ 160 00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:44,190 ♪ As you look around and you wonder ♪ 161 00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:49,279 ♪ How the years and you'll survive ♪ 162 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:53,241 ♪ Honey, you've got a mother Who sings to you ♪ 163 00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:56,077 ♪ Dances on the strings for you ♪ 164 00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:59,706 ♪ Opens her heart and brings to you ♪ 165 00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:03,960 ♪ An honest lullaby ♪ 166 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:07,339 ♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay ♪ 167 00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:10,508 ♪ Yai, ay, ay, ay ♪ 168 00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:14,679 ♪ Yai, ay, ay ♪ 169 00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:20,769 ♪ Yai ♪ 170 00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:22,937 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 171 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,866 I think honesty's always the best policy. 172 00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:37,369 -You believe that? -No, I was lying. 173 00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:40,663 Okay, pull. Harder. 174 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:43,124 -Come on. -Hey, forget it, guys 175 00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:45,752 -We'll never get this refrigerator open. -Yeah. 176 00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:49,047 -Hey, can it, guys, Here comes Einstein. -Yeah. 177 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,716 Oh, yeah! 178 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,511 Oh, thank you. Thank you. 179 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:58,306 I hope you rats are making yourselves at home in my little storing room. 180 00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,642 Oh, yes. You're a real friend of the rats. 181 00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,310 -I am? -Oh, yeah. 182 00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,354 In fact, uh, you're one of us. 183 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:07,232 -I'm a rat? -Oh, even better than that. 184 00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:09,818 We've elected you president. 185 00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:12,070 -Me? President? -Yeah! 186 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,863 Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah! 187 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,740 And your first duty as president 188 00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:18,743 is to declare this refrigerator officially open. 189 00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:20,161 -Right. -Okay. 190 00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:22,914 I declare this refrigerator is open. 191 00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:24,916 [RATS CHEERING] 192 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:29,004 Boy, this president job is fun. 193 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:30,130 Yay! 194 00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:33,633 Hey, Joan, besides the songs we have planned for you, 195 00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:36,344 is there anything else you'd like to do on the show tonight? 196 00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:37,846 I do imitations. 197 00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:39,431 Really? Who do you do? 198 00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:43,226 Oh, I do a pretty good Marlon Brando as the Godfather. 199 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,478 -You're kidding. -No, I'm not kidding. 200 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:46,980 -Wanna see it? -Oh, please. 201 00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:49,774 -It takes a moment's preparation. -Okay. 202 00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:51,526 Uh, Joan? Joan, Joan, Joan. 203 00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,528 I had-- Excuse me, Kermit. 204 00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:57,741 Joan, I had to come in and tell you how much I admire your work. 205 00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:02,120 Not only as a singer, but as a woman. 206 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,332 [MIMICKING GODFATHER] Miss Piggy... 207 00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:11,254 I'm prepared to make you an offer you can't refuse. 208 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:17,385 And all that I require is a little respect from time to time. 209 00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:19,387 You know what I mean? 210 00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,933 Uh, must have the wrong dressing room. 211 00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:28,938 Wow. You know, I've never seen anybody handle Miss Piggy like that. 212 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,358 Uh, would you consider a lifetime contract? 213 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:36,446 If it's a contract you're looking for, Kermit, 214 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,615 you've come to the right place 215 00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:49,084 NARRATOR [ECHOING]: And now, Pigs in Space! 216 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,922 When we last saw the spaceship Swinetrek, 217 00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:59,803 Dr. Strangepork was just outside the door waiting for his cue. 218 00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:00,929 Cue! 219 00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:02,639 Oh, Link, Link. 220 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,016 Emergency. Emergency. 221 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:08,269 I just found out there's a rat aboard. 222 00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:09,354 [GASPS] 223 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,731 A rat! A rat! 224 00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,191 A rat? 225 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:16,111 Well, better not tell First Mate Piggy. 226 00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:18,238 Oh, with any luck, she'll never know. 227 00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:21,241 I set a trap in the refrigerator and-- 228 00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:22,617 [PIGGY SCREAMS] 229 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,037 BOTH: Uh-oh. 230 00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:31,668 All right, who's the wise guy? 231 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,753 Who's the wise guy? 232 00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:37,590 Dr. Strangepork, you said it was a rat trap. 233 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:40,385 It looks more like a fat trap. 234 00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,513 -Cool it! -Uh-oh. 235 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:44,973 [PIGGY GRUNTING] 236 00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,850 Oh. No! 237 00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,101 -Aah! -Aah! A rat! 238 00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:51,438 A rat! A rat! A rat! A rat! 239 00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:53,648 Rat! Rat! Rat! 240 00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:56,234 Rat, you can't stay here, rat. 241 00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:58,737 But I wanna join your crew. 242 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,113 Join our crew? 243 00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:03,324 -Why, you could never join our crew. -Why not? 244 00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:06,995 Well, you'd have to pass an intelligence test. 245 00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,413 Did pass he it? 246 00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:09,998 Yes. 247 00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:12,167 Oh, I see what you mean. 248 00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:13,293 Huh? 249 00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:18,131 Listen, rat, you could never be in the crew of Pigs in Space. 250 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,341 Why not? 251 00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:22,594 Well, you're too short. 252 00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:25,597 Why didn't you just say he wasn't a pig? 253 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:28,183 Well, I didn't wanna hurt his feelings. 254 00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:31,061 Hey, wait a minute, you guys. 255 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,146 I can do anything that a pig can do. 256 00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:34,272 Oh, yeah? 257 00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:36,608 Sure, I can say "oink, oink." 258 00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:38,360 I can wallow in the mud. 259 00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:39,986 -What? -I can eat garbage. 260 00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,446 -Hold it, hold it! -What? 261 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,615 You just blew it, shorty. 262 00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:44,741 [RAT SHOUTS] 263 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,743 RAT: Help! -Right you are, First Mate Piggy. 264 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:49,245 -Get them, guys! Get them! -Oh, more rats! More rats! 265 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,580 Rats! 266 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:53,875 More rats! More rats! 267 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,008 [BIRD SINGING] 268 00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:06,304 ♪ Blackbird singing in the dead of night ♪ 269 00:14:06,388 --> 00:14:11,059 ♪ Take these broken wings And learn to fly ♪ 270 00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:13,812 ♪ All your life ♪ 271 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:20,402 ♪ You were only waiting For this moment to arise ♪ 272 00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:28,660 ♪ Blackbird singing in the dead of night ♪ 273 00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:33,540 ♪ Take these sunken eyes And learn to see ♪ 274 00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:37,252 ♪ All your life ♪ 275 00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:42,048 ♪ You were only waiting For this moment to be free ♪ 276 00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:47,095 ♪ Blackbird fly ♪ 277 00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:51,307 ♪ Blackbird fly ♪ 278 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:55,854 ♪ Into the light of the dark black night ♪ 279 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:16,082 ♪ Blackbird fly ♪ 280 00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:20,462 ♪ Blackbird fly ♪ 281 00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:24,799 ♪ Into the light of the dark black night ♪ 282 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:31,723 ♪ Blackbird singing in the dead of night ♪ 283 00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:36,644 ♪ Take these broken wings And learn to fly ♪ 284 00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:39,481 ♪ All your life ♪ 285 00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:45,445 ♪ You were only waiting For this moment to arise ♪ 286 00:15:45,528 --> 00:15:51,117 ♪ You were only waiting For this moment to arise ♪ 287 00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:55,747 ♪ You were only waiting for this moment ♪ 288 00:15:55,830 --> 00:16:00,377 ♪ To arise ♪ 289 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:01,961 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 290 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,262 ♪ Virgil Caine is my name ♪ 291 00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:15,475 ♪ And I drove on the Danville train ♪ 292 00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:22,399 ♪ 'Til Stonewall's cavalry came And tore up the tracks again ♪ 293 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:25,777 ♪ In the winter of '65 ♪ 294 00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:29,948 ♪ We were hungry, just barely alive ♪ 295 00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:32,742 ♪ I took a train to Richmond that fell ♪ 296 00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:34,786 ♪ It was a time ♪ 297 00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:40,250 ♪ I remember, oh, so well ♪ 298 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:45,714 ♪ The night they drove old Dixie down ♪ 299 00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:49,634 ♪ And all the bells Were ringin' the night ♪ 300 00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:53,138 ♪ They drove old Dixie down ♪ 301 00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:56,099 ♪ And all the people were singin' They went ♪ 302 00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:59,519 ♪ "Na, na-na-na-na, na ♪ 303 00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:04,399 ♪ Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na, na" ♪ 304 00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:06,484 RAT: For crying out loud, will you knock it off? 305 00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,028 Cut the noise! 306 00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:10,196 -Come on, guys. -Yeah, come on. 307 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,322 -Come on. -Yeah. 308 00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:14,034 Joan. Joan, we got an important question for you. 309 00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:16,244 -Yeah. -I take it you don't like singing? 310 00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:18,913 Singing shminging, this is important. 311 00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:21,291 You wanna be an honorary rat? 312 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:22,751 Do I have a choice? 313 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:28,423 It'll come in handy to be a rat when we take over. 314 00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:29,591 Yeah, right on. 315 00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:30,842 Right on. 316 00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:34,346 Hope you guys aren't planning anything violent 317 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:38,183 Today The Muppet Show, tomorrow the world. 318 00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:40,101 -The world! -Yeah. 319 00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,437 I think you guys could probably learn a lot 320 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,481 from the teachings of Mahatma Gandhi. 321 00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,232 -Who? -Mahatma-wha--? 322 00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:49,569 Gandhi. He wrote a whole book on nonviolence. 323 00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:52,614 I had it around here. It was-- Oh, yeah. 324 00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,157 -Can I have that? -No! 325 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:59,621 -Hit her! Hit her! Hit her! -No! No! No! 326 00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:03,750 [IN INDIAN ACCENT] Well, that's what happens when you take Gandhi from a baby. 327 00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:09,839 Okay. And now it's comedy time with our own Fozzie Bear. 328 00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:12,801 Tonight, the bear has decided it might help his monologue 329 00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:15,261 if he did it on his own home turf. 330 00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:20,266 So here he is, out in the backwoods, ladies and gentlemen, Fozzie Bear! 331 00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:21,476 Hiya, hiya, hiya. 332 00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:25,480 This is Fozzie Bear out in the open air with funny jokes to spare. 333 00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:27,440 So laugh, don't stare. 334 00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:29,192 [LAUGHS THEN BIRD CUCKOOS] 335 00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:33,571 Uh, but seriously, I love working in the woods. 336 00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:36,157 Yeah, that's because I know all the trees. 337 00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:40,328 You see, there's the cedars and, uh, those are the pines, and-- 338 00:18:40,412 --> 00:18:42,497 Oh, these are the funny trees. 339 00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:45,750 The funny trees, you ask? Yes. 340 00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:48,211 These are the oaks, folks. 341 00:18:49,254 --> 00:18:51,715 Oaks, see, it's where... 342 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,509 Oh. Here's my friend the weasel, yeah. 343 00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:57,679 You know, he's the one who tells me when it's time to quit work. 344 00:18:57,762 --> 00:18:59,264 You know why? 345 00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:02,308 He's the five o'clock weasel. 346 00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:05,770 Ha, ha. You see, it's whistle... 347 00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:10,191 These are the oaks, folks. Ha-ha-ha. 348 00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:13,028 Okay. But I feel right at home in the woods here, yeah. 349 00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:15,697 I was born a stone's throw away from here. 350 00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,657 Yeah, in fact, my mother still lives here. 351 00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:18,825 [YELLS] 352 00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:22,537 Thanks a lot, Mom. 353 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:25,957 I get the hint, but I'll quit when it's time. 354 00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:28,918 What do you want, weasel? 355 00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:30,879 [YELLS] 356 00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:40,013 You dumb weasel. It wasn't even 5:00. Oh! 357 00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:41,598 -Oh, Beauregard. -Yes? 358 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,516 -Did you take care of those rats? -Yup. 359 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,478 I just brought their chicken dinners in. 360 00:19:46,561 --> 00:19:48,855 Beauregard, I want them out of this theater. 361 00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:52,442 But I can't do that. They're my people. 362 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,402 I don't care whose people they are. 363 00:19:54,486 --> 00:19:56,654 They made me president. 364 00:19:56,738 --> 00:19:58,907 Beauregard, they make me angry! 365 00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:02,160 Let my people stay! 366 00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:04,079 Beauregard, they are rats. 367 00:20:04,162 --> 00:20:05,747 They are rats, Beauregard. 368 00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:07,874 Now, listen. You're gonna have to choose. 369 00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:09,209 Either they go... 370 00:20:09,292 --> 00:20:11,002 But they're my friends. 371 00:20:11,086 --> 00:20:12,754 ...or you're going to go with them. 372 00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:13,880 [GASPS] 373 00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:17,509 But... 374 00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:20,470 Goodbye. 375 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,222 [SNIFFLING] 376 00:20:25,016 --> 00:20:26,434 Poor Beau. 377 00:20:26,518 --> 00:20:28,978 It was a command decision. 378 00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:33,483 -Uh, the buck stops here. -You're right. You gotta be tough. 379 00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,528 -Was I too tough on him? -I don't know. 380 00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:40,657 [BEAUREGARD SOBS THEN PIGGY SHRIEKS] 381 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,075 Oh! Ah. 382 00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:43,618 Beau, I thought you were a rat. 383 00:20:43,702 --> 00:20:45,578 Well, I'm not just any rat. 384 00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:47,122 I'm their president. 385 00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:48,248 The what--? 386 00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:52,043 Beau, that's my photo. 387 00:20:52,127 --> 00:20:53,169 I know. 388 00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:55,463 I'm taking it with me. 389 00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:57,382 When I leave! [SOBBING] 390 00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,926 Oh, wait, wait, Beau. Beau. 391 00:21:00,010 --> 00:21:04,848 Oh, the only friends I have are you and the rats. 392 00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:06,725 Terrific. 393 00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:08,852 Beau, Beau, Beau, dear, look at me. 394 00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:09,978 -Beau. -What? 395 00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:12,480 The rats are not your friends. 396 00:21:12,564 --> 00:21:14,607 -Not my friends? -No, Beau, Beau. 397 00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:19,029 They made you president so they could get food. 398 00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:20,864 -What? -Yes. 399 00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:23,116 Wait'll I see those lousy rats. 400 00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:24,701 That's it, Beau. Where are they? 401 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:25,910 Where else? 402 00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,705 All right, everybody out! 403 00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:31,332 -That's right. This is not a restaurant. -No. 404 00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,043 -It's a theater. -Theater. 405 00:21:33,126 --> 00:21:34,586 Yes, we entertain here. 406 00:21:34,669 --> 00:21:36,921 -We spread happiness. -Happiness. 407 00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:40,800 Well, after you entertain and spread happiness, do you get to eat? 408 00:21:41,843 --> 00:21:43,136 Well, I guess so. Yeah. 409 00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:45,680 You got it. Come on, guys. 410 00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:50,810 -Where are they going, Beau? -I don't know. 411 00:21:50,894 --> 00:21:52,812 I quit my job as president. 412 00:21:55,106 --> 00:21:57,942 -Ah. Final number. -All right. Uh, final number. 413 00:21:58,026 --> 00:22:00,362 Everybody on stage for the final number, please. 414 00:22:00,445 --> 00:22:01,905 RAT: Mr. Kermit. -Hm? 415 00:22:01,988 --> 00:22:05,325 Oh, please, Mr. Kermit. We're sorry we haven't done our share 416 00:22:05,408 --> 00:22:08,745 -of entertaining and spreading happiness. -Yeah. 417 00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:11,373 Please let us join your family of artistes. 418 00:22:11,456 --> 00:22:12,791 -Artistes. -Yeah. 419 00:22:12,874 --> 00:22:15,919 Please. Oh, we could spread happiness to beat the band. 420 00:22:16,002 --> 00:22:17,504 Yeah, beat the band. 421 00:22:17,587 --> 00:22:20,090 -Well... -Oh, please. Please? 422 00:22:20,173 --> 00:22:21,466 -Please. -Please. 423 00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:23,593 -Please? Please. -Come on. 424 00:22:23,677 --> 00:22:25,053 Kermit. 425 00:22:25,136 --> 00:22:26,971 What's all the excitement? 426 00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:30,809 Uh, well, the rats here wanna join our happy little family. 427 00:22:30,892 --> 00:22:32,143 Yeah. Yeah. 428 00:22:32,227 --> 00:22:36,398 Well, you got cows, you got pigs, you got chickens. 429 00:22:36,481 --> 00:22:38,191 Why not rats? 430 00:22:38,274 --> 00:22:40,235 Well, okay, guys, you're in. 431 00:22:40,318 --> 00:22:41,986 Hooray! 432 00:22:42,070 --> 00:22:43,113 Great. 433 00:22:43,196 --> 00:22:50,203 ♪ There's a tie that binds all creatures ♪ 434 00:22:50,286 --> 00:22:56,376 ♪ That is like a silver strand ♪ 435 00:22:56,459 --> 00:23:02,966 ♪ And it crosses every ocean ♪ 436 00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:09,723 ♪ And it reaches every land ♪ 437 00:23:09,806 --> 00:23:15,353 ♪ Will the circle be unbroken? ♪ 438 00:23:15,437 --> 00:23:20,817 ♪ By and by, Lord, by and by ♪ 439 00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:26,698 ♪ There's a better life awaiting ♪ 440 00:23:26,781 --> 00:23:32,412 ♪ If we try, Lord, if we try ♪ 441 00:23:32,495 --> 00:23:37,959 ♪ And the circle will be endless ♪ 442 00:23:38,043 --> 00:23:43,590 ♪ As we travel hand in hand ♪ 443 00:23:43,673 --> 00:23:49,220 ♪ We'll become one family circle ♪ 444 00:23:49,304 --> 00:23:55,018 ♪ In a peaceful promised land ♪ 445 00:23:55,101 --> 00:24:00,315 ♪ Will the circle be unbroken? ♪ 446 00:24:00,398 --> 00:24:05,945 ♪ By and by, Lord, by and by ♪ 447 00:24:06,029 --> 00:24:11,576 ♪ There's a better life awaiting ♪ 448 00:24:11,659 --> 00:24:17,332 ♪ If we try, Lord, if we try ♪ 449 00:24:17,415 --> 00:24:22,671 ♪ Will the circle be unbroken? ♪ 450 00:24:22,754 --> 00:24:28,301 ♪ By and by, Lord, by and by ♪ 451 00:24:28,385 --> 00:24:33,890 ♪ There's a better life awaiting ♪ 452 00:24:33,973 --> 00:24:39,312 ♪ If we try, Lord, if we try ♪ 453 00:24:39,396 --> 00:24:43,066 ♪ If we try, Lord ♪ 454 00:24:43,149 --> 00:24:46,111 ♪ If we ♪ 455 00:24:46,194 --> 00:24:53,493 ♪ Try ♪ 456 00:24:53,576 --> 00:24:55,662 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 457 00:25:03,253 --> 00:25:06,339 Okay. As this show sinks slowly into the West, 458 00:25:06,423 --> 00:25:08,216 we come to the end of another one. 459 00:25:08,299 --> 00:25:11,678 But before we go, let us say thank you to a wonderful guest star, 460 00:25:11,761 --> 00:25:14,889 ladies and gentlemen, Joan Baez! Yeah! 461 00:25:14,973 --> 00:25:17,058 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 462 00:25:19,436 --> 00:25:20,812 Thank you, Kermit. 463 00:25:20,895 --> 00:25:24,774 Kermit, you know, if I were you, I'd keep a very close watch on those rats. 464 00:25:24,858 --> 00:25:27,527 Oh, well, actually, those rats, they're nice guys. 465 00:25:27,610 --> 00:25:31,448 Maybe. But not so long ago, they were really planning on taking over. 466 00:25:31,531 --> 00:25:33,366 Oh, the rats could never take over. 467 00:25:33,450 --> 00:25:34,659 [RATS SHOUTING] 468 00:25:34,743 --> 00:25:36,828 Rats. Wait, wait, wait... 469 00:25:36,911 --> 00:25:41,249 That's all for now. We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show. Yay! 470 00:25:41,332 --> 00:25:42,834 Oh, yeah. 471 00:25:42,917 --> 00:25:44,586 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 472 00:26:21,373 --> 00:26:23,958 [SQUEAKING AND MUMBLING] 34577

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.