Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:02,544
[DOOR OPENS]
2
00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:06,673
Oh, who are you?
3
00:00:06,756 --> 00:00:09,551
Paul Simon.
I'm the guest on the show tonight.
4
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:12,762
Oh, Paul Simon. Great. Yeah, great.
5
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,140
-What you working on there?
-Oh, it's a lever.
6
00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:18,101
Supposed to work
the trap door, but it's busted.
7
00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:20,437
It's busted, huh?
8
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,022
Seems all right to me.
9
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:23,314
[YELLS]
10
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:28,278
I love it. But of course...
11
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:31,239
I know 50 ways to love your lever.
12
00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:36,202
It's The Muppet Show,
with our very special guest star,
13
00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:38,872
Paul Simon! Yeah!
14
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,875
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
15
00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:55,430
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
16
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:57,515
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
17
00:00:57,599 --> 00:01:00,727
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
18
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,147
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
19
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:06,316
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
20
00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:09,569
♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
21
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,489
♪ Why do we always come here? ♪
22
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,741
♪ I guess we'll never know ♪
23
00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:16,951
♪ It's like a kind of torture ♪
24
00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:19,621
♪ To have to watch the show ♪
25
00:01:25,293 --> 00:01:27,045
♪ But now let's get things started ♪
26
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:29,255
♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
27
00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:33,677
♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
28
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,054
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
29
00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:38,682
♪ This is what we call ♪
30
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:42,519
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
31
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,646
[MAKES DUCK CALLING SOUND]
32
00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:47,440
Kissy-kissy!
33
00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:53,196
Thank you, thank you,
and welcome again to The Muppet Show.
34
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:55,573
And we have a wonderful show
for you tonight
35
00:01:55,657 --> 00:02:00,995
because our guest star is one of America's
great composers, Mr. Paul Simon.
36
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:03,498
Yes. So sit back and enjoy yourselves
37
00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:09,462
as we proudly present an entire evening
devoted to the music of Paul Simon.
38
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,591
[LAUGHING]
39
00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,142
[SHOUTS]
40
00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:25,020
Come on, you. Come on.
41
00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:27,605
Pies.
42
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:29,691
Pies?
43
00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:30,859
[CLUCKING]
44
00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:37,782
Hot mead, cold cider.
45
00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:47,834
♪ Are you going to Scarborough Fair? ♪
46
00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:54,632
♪ Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme ♪
47
00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:06,186
♪ Remember me to one who lives there ♪
48
00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:13,651
♪ She once was a true love of mine ♪
49
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:14,819
Ha, ha.
50
00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:24,329
♪ Tell her to make me a cambric shirt ♪
51
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:33,505
♪ Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme ♪
52
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:43,556
♪ Without no seam nor needlework ♪
53
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:51,398
♪ Then she'll be a true love of mine ♪
54
00:03:55,652 --> 00:04:02,951
♪ Tell her to find me an acre of land ♪
55
00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:10,959
♪ Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme ♪
56
00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:20,552
♪ Between the saltwater
And the sea strands ♪
57
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:27,976
♪ Then she'll be a true love of mine ♪
58
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,270
Show me your life line.
59
00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:32,981
Sing fast.
60
00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:39,654
♪ Tell her to reap it
In a sickle of leather ♪
61
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:48,538
♪ Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme ♪
62
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:58,631
♪ And to gather it all
In a bunch of heather ♪
63
00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:00,342
[QUACKING]
64
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:06,931
♪ Then she'll be a true love of mine ♪
65
00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:10,477
FOZZIE:
Oh, yea, oh, yea, oh, yea!
66
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,355
Oh, yea, oh, yea!
Simple Simon met a pieman.
67
00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:16,608
"Going to the fair"
said Simple Simon to the pieman.
68
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:19,152
Uh, let me have a custard pie to go.
69
00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:20,320
To go where?
70
00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:21,863
Well, here.
71
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:31,081
♪ Are you going to Scarborough Fair? ♪
72
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,792
What is this? What happened?
73
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:37,962
Get your red-hot parsley, sage,
rosemary and thyme!
74
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,925
Hold it, hold it.
This is the Sheriff of Nottingham here,
75
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:45,303
and you're under arrest
for playing a lute without a license.
76
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:46,721
Come along!
77
00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:48,056
Remember me to...
78
00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:52,852
♪ She once was a true love of his ♪
79
00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:55,313
[ALL LAUGHING]
80
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:10,912
Nice song.
81
00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:12,872
Yes. What did you think of the fair?
82
00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:15,834
I've seen better fares on the bus.
83
00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,504
Okay. Nice opening number.
84
00:06:19,587 --> 00:06:22,257
Yeah. It was delicious. Mm.
85
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,843
Uh, guy on the stilts,
mind your head on that--
86
00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:26,720
Oh! Aah!
87
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,640
--on that floor.
88
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:34,728
Oh, Kermit, that Paul Simon is fantastic.
89
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:37,981
He's really the kind of performer
I'd like to be.
90
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,859
Well, he comes from a different area
of show business.
91
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:42,193
He's so entertaining.
92
00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:43,695
Exactly.
93
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:48,158
Listen. From now on,
I am going to be a songwriter.
94
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,284
You write songs?
95
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,702
Yeah. You wanna hear one?
96
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:51,828
No.
97
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,288
Hit it, boys!
98
00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:54,873
[BRASS BAND PLAYING]
99
00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:57,125
Who's playing that music?
100
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,337
♪ For you-- ♪
101
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,173
Stop! Stop! I don't want to hear
any more of that!
102
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,591
But...
103
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:08,011
Eh, pearls before frogs.
104
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,347
[GROWLS]
105
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:24,110
♪ The problem is all inside your head
She said to me ♪
106
00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:29,157
♪ The answer is easy
If you take it logically ♪
107
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:34,037
♪ I'm here to help you in your struggling
To be free ♪
108
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:38,625
♪ There must be
Fifty ways to leave your lover ♪
109
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:43,380
♪ Fifty ways to leave your lover ♪
110
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:46,049
♪ Just slip out the back, Jack ♪
111
00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:49,052
♪ Make a new plan, Stan ♪
112
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,513
♪ You don't need to be coy, Roy ♪
113
00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:53,598
♪ Just listen to me ♪
114
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:54,933
For sure.
115
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,685
♪ Hop on the bus, Gus ♪
116
00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:59,270
♪ You don't need to discuss much ♪
117
00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:01,523
♪ Just drop off the key, Lee ♪
118
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,441
♪ And get yourself free ♪
119
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:07,612
Hey, are you sure it isn't
"50 Ways to Love Your Lever"?
120
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:09,698
Positive.
121
00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:12,075
Oh. Sorry, Paul!
122
00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:17,205
♪ She said it's really not my habit
To intrude ♪
123
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:22,252
♪ Furthermore, I hope my meaning
Won't be lost or misconstrued ♪
124
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:27,048
♪ But I'll repeat myself
At the risk of being crude ♪
125
00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:31,136
♪ There must be
Fifty ways to leave your lover ♪
126
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:36,307
♪ Fifty ways to leave your lover ♪
127
00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:39,060
♪ You just slip out the back, Jack ♪
128
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:42,063
♪ Make a new plan, Stan ♪
129
00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:44,566
♪ You don't need to be coy, Roy ♪
130
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:46,234
♪ Just listen to me ♪
131
00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:47,360
♪ Roy ♪
132
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,571
♪ Hop on the bus, Gus ♪
133
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:52,115
♪ You don't need to discuss much ♪
134
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,659
♪ Just drop off the key, Lee ♪
135
00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:56,828
♪ And get yourself free ♪
136
00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:59,372
♪ And get yourself free ♪
137
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,916
♪ And get yourself free ♪
138
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,086
♪ And get yourself free
Yeah ♪
139
00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:19,434
You know, Paul, when I found out
you were doing your music on this show,
140
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:24,564
I told Kermit that we should do that song
of yours, "It's Been a Long, Long Day."
141
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:27,317
Oh, gee, Pops, that's nice of you to say.
142
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,779
But we didn't plan on doing that song.
It's not on the schedule.
143
00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:35,075
Aw, too bad. It's a beautiful song.
144
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,243
Well, thanks.
145
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:40,121
Of course, I never did care much
for schedules.
146
00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:42,582
Do you?
147
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:49,464
♪ It's been a long, long day ♪
148
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:56,012
♪ I got some run-down shoes ♪
149
00:09:59,891 --> 00:10:02,686
♪ Ain't got no place to stay ♪
150
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:08,775
♪ But any old place will be okay ♪
151
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:15,865
♪ It's been a long, long day ♪
152
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:24,916
♪ Goodnight ♪
153
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:33,675
♪ Goodnight, my love ♪
154
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:42,976
♪ I sure been on this road ♪
155
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:48,314
♪ For nearly 14 years ♪
156
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:55,447
♪ Can't say my name's well known ♪
157
00:10:56,489 --> 00:11:02,162
♪ You don't see my face in Rolling Stone ♪
158
00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:08,293
♪ But I sure been on this road ♪
159
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:14,632
♪ Goodnight ♪
160
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:20,680
♪ Goodnight ♪
161
00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:23,808
♪ Oh, my love ♪
162
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:31,691
♪ Slow motion ♪
163
00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:38,531
♪ Half a dollar bill ♪
164
00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:46,581
♪ Jukebox in the corner
Shooting to kill ♪
165
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:50,543
♪ And it's been a ♪
166
00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:56,633
♪ It's been a long, long day ♪
167
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:01,596
♪ I sure could use a friend ♪
168
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,770
♪ Don't know what else to say ♪
169
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:14,567
♪ I hate to abuse an old cliché ♪
170
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,697
♪ But it's been a long ♪
171
00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:23,993
♪ Long day ♪
172
00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:31,084
♪ It's been a long, long day ♪
173
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:51,855
NARRATOR: Time once again
for Veterinarian's Hospital,
174
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:58,778
the continuing story of a quack
who's gone to the dogs.
175
00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:03,783
Dr. Bob, oh, you don't look well.
Are you all right?
176
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:06,911
I'm still in shock from what happened
to my last patient.
177
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,121
But you cured him.
178
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:10,040
You don't think that was a shock?
179
00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,542
Well, here's the next one.
180
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:13,752
Shock or patient?
181
00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,128
Both.
182
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,296
[ALL SHRIEK]
183
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:20,091
There's nothing wrong with me.
I just came here for laughs.
184
00:13:20,175 --> 00:13:22,010
Boy, are you in the wrong place.
185
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:23,511
For sure.
186
00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:26,639
As long as I'm here,
I want to donate my body to science.
187
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:29,976
With your body,
you should donate it to science fiction!
188
00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:34,022
To donate your body,
don't you have to be dead?
189
00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:36,608
Who cares? I believe in reincarnation.
190
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,736
What are you coming back as next time?
191
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:43,031
How should I know?
I don't even know what I am this time.
192
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:48,536
NARRATOR: And so we come to the end
of another Veterinarian's Hospital.
193
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:49,996
That's our announcer.
194
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:53,375
Tune in next week,
when you'll hear Nurse Piggy say:
195
00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:55,251
Dr. Bob, are you going to operate?
196
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:59,673
Yes, I'm going to remove one of the
patient's vital organs a great many times,
197
00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:02,509
whilst mentioning a Paul Simon song.
198
00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:04,219
Terrific! What's it called?
199
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:06,388
"Fifty Ways to Leave Your Liver"!
200
00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,644
Ugh. It's freezing in here!
201
00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:15,814
Hey, Waldorf! When you come back,
bring me my coat!
202
00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:16,940
WALDORF:
What?
203
00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,192
Bring me my coat!
204
00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,195
Okay, come on, come on.
205
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,530
[BLEATING]
206
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:26,241
Your hearing aid's busted again.
207
00:14:26,324 --> 00:14:27,701
What?
208
00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:30,745
NEWSMAN:
Here is a Muppet News Flash.
209
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:38,378
Police today announced a total amnesty
on all overdue library books.
210
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:41,548
Library fines will be forgiven
on all overdue books
211
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:45,051
returned to this station
within the next three seconds.
212
00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:48,138
Three seconds? That must be a misprint.
213
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:49,514
[YELLS]
214
00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:59,149
Am I interrupting anything?
215
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,234
Hey, Gonzo. Come on in.
216
00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,194
Thank you.
217
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:05,947
-Can I tell you something?
-Sure.
218
00:15:06,031 --> 00:15:07,824
You are my favorite Muppet.
219
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,452
Wow. Thank you, Paul.
220
00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:12,287
Uh, is it okay if I call you Paul?
221
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:13,413
Oh, yeah, sure.
222
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:16,332
And you can call me "Gonzo the Great."
223
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:19,544
Well, that's enough about me.
224
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:21,880
Which one of my songs do you want to hear?
225
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:24,466
Which one of your songs?
226
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:26,634
You don't think I'm musically educated?
227
00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:28,803
Oh, I think you're musically educated.
228
00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:31,431
-It's just that--
-Good. Hand me that clarinet.
229
00:15:32,474 --> 00:15:38,355
Gonzo, you know, this clarinet
is my very favorite clarinet.
230
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:41,858
I really prefer that no one else
actually play it besides myself.
231
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:44,444
But I'll guard it with my life.
232
00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:45,570
[SIGHS]
233
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:47,405
I feared you would say that.
234
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:53,161
Okay, I'll tell you what.
You play and I'll sing. Hit it.
235
00:15:55,914 --> 00:15:56,956
Good.
236
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,958
♪ For you ♪
237
00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:03,296
♪ I'd wash my hair with stinky glue
I'd fry my legs and eat them too ♪
238
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:08,760
♪ I'd put a spider in my shoe, for you ♪
239
00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:13,181
That's just the first verse.
Want to hear the other 28?
240
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,476
I'm still thinking about that first verse.
241
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:19,229
Yeah, what about it?
Tell me. I'm willing to listen.
242
00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:23,149
Well, you know the part
about the stinky glue?
243
00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:24,651
Fantástico!
244
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:25,944
[LAUGHS]
245
00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:28,363
I wouldn't have written it that way.
246
00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:34,452
And then also that part about,
"I'd fry my legs and eat them too."
247
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:36,955
You don't like the leg-frying motif?
248
00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:38,832
I think it's sick.
249
00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:43,003
If you're gonna get picky
about minor technicalities...
250
00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:44,337
It's just my opinion.
251
00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:47,215
Oh, yeah?
And do they call you "Simon the Great"?
252
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,634
No.
253
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:53,138
Yeah. I stayed up all night
writing the leg-frying motif.
254
00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:56,891
I'll tell you what. Uh...
255
00:16:57,392 --> 00:17:02,022
I promise you, I'll never play this, um,
instrument again,
256
00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:04,024
unless I'm playing one of your songs.
257
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,317
Wow! You really mean that?
258
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:09,988
Absolutely. A promise is a promise.
259
00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:16,870
Okay. Next on-stage, Gonzo the Great.
260
00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,955
Check! Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi.
261
00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:21,041
Gonzo, you're not gonna sing, are you?
262
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:23,168
Never mind. Just introduce me.
263
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,378
Why don't you do that act you rehearsed?
264
00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:30,675
What? Perform an underwater
heart transplant operation on myself?
265
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,260
Sure. Why not?
266
00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:36,222
I don't know. Last time I did it, I died.
267
00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:39,100
Listen, Gonzo, I'm telling you flatly,
you can't sing.
268
00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:40,977
Oh, I can sing flatly.
269
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:44,814
Not on this show. The only songs
we're doing here are Paul Simon songs.
270
00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:46,941
Well, fine, I'll do a Paul Simon song.
271
00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:48,234
-Really?
-Yeah.
272
00:17:48,318 --> 00:17:50,862
-Okay, I'll introduce you.
-Good.
273
00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:53,490
Or sort of a Paul Simon song.
274
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:54,991
[YELLS]
275
00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:04,834
Wow. Nice work, kid.
276
00:18:05,627 --> 00:18:06,920
[YELLS]
277
00:18:09,339 --> 00:18:12,217
Okay. We've done a lot
for the music lovers on the show,
278
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:15,387
so it's time we did something
for the music haters.
279
00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:20,767
So here he is, as threatened,
The Great Gonzo, singing a song. Yay.
280
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:24,479
Those of you with hearing aids
may wish to remove the batteries.
281
00:18:29,651 --> 00:18:33,029
♪ I'd rather be a pancake than a sneeze ♪
282
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:34,447
[CHICKENS CLUCKING IN RHYTHM]
283
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:39,661
♪ In the trees
A life of ease ♪
284
00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:43,289
♪ I'd rather be an elbow than a drain ♪
285
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:48,753
♪ In the rain
It's very plain ♪
286
00:18:48,837 --> 00:18:50,171
PAUL:
Hey, Gonzo!
287
00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:53,508
You got the melody right,
but I think those are the wrong words.
288
00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:57,262
You write 'em your way,
I'll write 'em mine!
289
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:03,101
♪ I'd rather be a mushroom
Than a phone... ♪
290
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:06,813
If he's gonna do this to one of my tunes,
I can fight back.
291
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:08,690
What are you gonna do?
292
00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:10,316
I'm gonna take the chickens.
293
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:14,988
Hey, girls! There's a party
over at my place! Come on over!
294
00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:16,614
[CLUCKING]
295
00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:22,203
Oh, no! You can't do this to me!
Camilla, this is treason!
296
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:26,916
-Know what kind of party Paul's having?
-No.
297
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,044
A hen party!
298
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:30,837
[MIMICKING CHICKENS CLUCKING]
299
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:35,842
Ladies and gentlemen, one of my favorite
Paul Simon songs, "Baby Driver,"
300
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:38,595
as performed by Bobby Benson
and the all-baby band,
301
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,263
poses the musical question:
302
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:43,433
"Is it a good idea to let
a 12-month-old baby drive
303
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:46,144
on the freeway while playing the ukulele?"
304
00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:49,981
Uh, well, the answer is, no, it isn't,
and I'm getting out of here.
305
00:19:56,821 --> 00:20:00,408
♪ They call me baby driver ♪
306
00:20:00,492 --> 00:20:05,622
♪ And once upon a pair of wheels
I hit the road and I'm gone ♪
307
00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:10,502
♪ What's my number?
I wonder how your engine feels ♪
308
00:20:10,585 --> 00:20:11,836
♪ La-la, la-la ♪
309
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,755
♪ Scoot down the road ♪
310
00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:17,592
♪ What's my number?
I wonder how your engine feels ♪
311
00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:18,760
[DOG BARKING]
312
00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:22,263
♪ They call me baby driver ♪
313
00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:25,058
♪ And once upon a pair of wheels ♪
314
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,769
♪ I hit the road and I'm gone ♪
315
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,735
They should do something
about those baby drivers.
316
00:20:35,819 --> 00:20:37,821
Yeah. You think they should be booked?
317
00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:39,698
No, burped!
318
00:20:40,782 --> 00:20:42,659
Okay. Good number, guys.
319
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,203
I know, I know.
320
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:47,330
Hey, catch!
321
00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:48,873
[YELLS]
322
00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:53,586
Oh, Gonzo, I heard about Paul Simon taking
your chickens. I'm sorry about that.
323
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:55,714
Oh, not to worry, Kermit.
324
00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:59,676
Chickens are much too fickle,
so I'm developing a new obsession.
325
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:02,846
Really? What could possibly replace
chickens in your life?
326
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:04,681
Hold on to your collar.
327
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:07,267
Asparagus!
328
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:08,601
Asparagus?
329
00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:13,815
Yes. Your average asparagus is much
more loyal than even the finest chicken.
330
00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:17,027
Uh, okay,
but what are these eggs here for?
331
00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:19,487
These are asparagus eggs.
332
00:21:19,571 --> 00:21:22,574
Gonzo, asparagus is a plant!
It doesn't come from eggs!
333
00:21:22,657 --> 00:21:25,118
What? I've been bamboozled!
334
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:26,619
[YELLS]
335
00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:28,997
Poor Gonzo.
336
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:31,374
Dada! Dada!
337
00:21:35,754 --> 00:21:37,255
And now, ladies and gentlemen--
338
00:21:37,339 --> 00:21:38,673
[ASPARAGUS SHOUTING]
339
00:21:38,757 --> 00:21:40,592
Get off, get off, get off!
340
00:21:40,675 --> 00:21:43,928
And now, ladies and gentlemen, Paul Simon!
341
00:21:49,267 --> 00:21:50,977
♪ When I was a little boy ♪
342
00:21:51,061 --> 00:21:52,854
♪ When I was just a boy ♪
343
00:21:52,937 --> 00:21:54,647
♪ And the devil called my name ♪
344
00:21:54,731 --> 00:21:56,816
♪ When I was just a boy ♪
345
00:21:56,900 --> 00:21:59,319
♪ Well, I'd say, "Who do...?" ♪
346
00:21:59,402 --> 00:22:01,905
♪ Said "Who do you think
You're fooling?" ♪
347
00:22:01,988 --> 00:22:03,573
♪ When I was just a boy ♪
348
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:05,367
♪ I'm a consecrated boy ♪
349
00:22:05,450 --> 00:22:08,620
♪ When I was just a boy ♪
350
00:22:08,703 --> 00:22:11,456
CHORUS: ♪ Ooh ♪
-♪ I'm a singer in the Sunday choir ♪
351
00:22:11,539 --> 00:22:13,083
♪ My mama loves me ♪
352
00:22:13,625 --> 00:22:14,709
♪ She loves me ♪
353
00:22:15,794 --> 00:22:18,880
♪ She get down on her knees
And she hugged me ♪
354
00:22:18,963 --> 00:22:21,966
♪ She just loves me like a rock ♪
355
00:22:23,968 --> 00:22:28,890
♪ She rocks me like the rock of ages
And she loves me ♪
356
00:22:28,973 --> 00:22:32,435
♪ She love me, love me, love me ♪
357
00:22:32,519 --> 00:22:34,604
♪ When I was grown to be a man ♪
358
00:22:34,688 --> 00:22:36,564
♪ Grown to be a man ♪
359
00:22:36,648 --> 00:22:38,358
♪ And the devil called my name ♪
360
00:22:38,441 --> 00:22:40,485
♪ Grown to be a man ♪
361
00:22:40,568 --> 00:22:43,113
-♪ Well, I'd say, "Who do...?" ♪
-♪ Who ♪
362
00:22:43,196 --> 00:22:45,657
♪ Say, "Who do you think
You're fooling?" ♪
363
00:22:45,740 --> 00:22:47,492
♪ Grown to be a man ♪
364
00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:49,327
♪ I'm a consummated man ♪
365
00:22:49,411 --> 00:22:52,497
♪ Grown to be a man ♪
366
00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:55,500
-♪ Ooh ♪
-♪ I can snatch a little purity ♪
367
00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:58,586
♪ My mama loves me
She loves me ♪
368
00:22:59,629 --> 00:23:02,674
♪ She get down on her knees
And she hugged me ♪
369
00:23:02,757 --> 00:23:05,677
♪ She just loves me like a rock ♪
370
00:23:07,804 --> 00:23:10,515
♪ She rocks me like the rock of ages
And she loves me ♪
371
00:23:10,598 --> 00:23:15,353
♪ Love me, love me, love me ♪
372
00:23:16,521 --> 00:23:18,398
♪ If I was the president ♪
373
00:23:18,481 --> 00:23:20,066
♪ Was the president ♪
374
00:23:20,150 --> 00:23:22,360
♪ The minute the congress call my name ♪
375
00:23:22,444 --> 00:23:24,320
♪ Was the president ♪
376
00:23:24,404 --> 00:23:26,865
-♪ Well, I would say, "Who do...?" ♪
-♪ Who ♪
377
00:23:26,948 --> 00:23:29,617
♪ Say, "Who do you think
You're fooling?" ♪
378
00:23:29,701 --> 00:23:31,327
♪ Who do you think you're fooling? ♪
379
00:23:31,411 --> 00:23:34,789
-♪ I've got the presidential seal ♪
-♪ Was the president ♪
380
00:23:34,873 --> 00:23:38,543
♪ I'm up on the presidential podium ♪
381
00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:42,339
♪ My mama still loves me
She loves me ♪
382
00:23:43,298 --> 00:23:46,551
♪ She get down on her knees
And she hugged me ♪
383
00:23:46,634 --> 00:23:49,346
♪ She just loves me like a rock ♪
384
00:23:49,429 --> 00:23:51,598
♪ Ooh ♪
385
00:23:51,681 --> 00:23:56,227
♪ She rocks me like the rock of ages
And she loves me ♪
386
00:23:58,646 --> 00:24:00,357
♪ Loves me like a rock ♪
387
00:24:02,317 --> 00:24:03,902
♪ Loves me like a rock ♪
388
00:24:03,985 --> 00:24:06,279
Honey, you lied
when you said you loved me,
389
00:24:06,363 --> 00:24:08,823
and I was a fool to care.
390
00:24:08,907 --> 00:24:12,702
But I'd rather go on believing your lies
than living without you.
391
00:24:13,244 --> 00:24:16,331
♪ Loves me like a rock of ages ♪
392
00:24:16,706 --> 00:24:19,417
♪ Loves me like a rock ♪
393
00:24:20,460 --> 00:24:22,170
♪ Loves me like a rock ♪
394
00:24:24,089 --> 00:24:27,050
♪ Loves me like a rock of ages ♪
395
00:24:27,133 --> 00:24:31,262
-♪ Loves me like a rock, yeah ♪
-♪ Loves me like a rock ♪
396
00:24:31,346 --> 00:24:33,014
♪ Loves me like a rock ♪
397
00:24:34,933 --> 00:24:38,103
♪ Loves me like the rock of ages ♪
398
00:24:38,186 --> 00:24:39,938
♪ Love, love ♪
399
00:24:40,021 --> 00:24:41,898
♪ Love, love ♪
400
00:24:41,981 --> 00:24:45,235
♪ Love ♪
401
00:24:59,624 --> 00:25:01,626
Okay, you know, I hate long goodbyes,
402
00:25:01,710 --> 00:25:07,340
but for those of you who like them,
goodbye!
403
00:25:07,424 --> 00:25:10,635
And before we go, let us bring back
our fantastic guest star,
404
00:25:10,719 --> 00:25:14,389
ladies and gentlemen, Paul Simon! Yay!
405
00:25:16,433 --> 00:25:18,309
Thank you very much.
406
00:25:19,352 --> 00:25:20,770
-And thank you, Kermit.
407
00:25:20,854 --> 00:25:22,897
-I had a wonderful time.
-Oh, good.
408
00:25:22,981 --> 00:25:24,065
[CLUCKING]
409
00:25:24,149 --> 00:25:27,193
I hate to say this, Paul,
but you look a little hen-pecked.
410
00:25:27,277 --> 00:25:29,571
That's okay.
I know how to take care of this.
411
00:25:29,654 --> 00:25:31,197
Really? How?
412
00:25:31,281 --> 00:25:33,950
Five chicken dinners to go!
413
00:25:35,994 --> 00:25:38,121
And a side order of asparagus.
414
00:25:39,205 --> 00:25:40,665
That's all the time we have.
415
00:25:40,749 --> 00:25:43,418
We'll see you next time
on The Muppet Show.
416
00:25:43,501 --> 00:25:45,587
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
417
00:26:21,373 --> 00:26:24,376
Hey, you old fool!
You slept through the show!
418
00:26:24,459 --> 00:26:27,337
Who's a fool? You watched it!
31362
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof