All language subtitles for The Muppet Show S05E05 Guest Tony Randall 1080p DSNP WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-LAZY_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:03,211 [DOOR OPENS] 2 00:00:03,294 --> 00:00:05,463 Huh? Somebody there? 3 00:00:12,637 --> 00:00:15,056 Say, who are you? 4 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:18,309 I'm a... I'm a messenger, I am. 5 00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:22,605 Tony Randall sent me to say he can't be your guest star. 6 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:24,566 He's come down with a rare disease. 7 00:00:24,649 --> 00:00:26,067 What? Stop that. 8 00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:30,697 I recognize you. You're Tony Randall. 9 00:00:30,780 --> 00:00:31,865 Rats. 10 00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:35,952 Oh, come on, now, youngster. Take your medicine like a man. 11 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,121 You're right. 12 00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,539 I can take it. 13 00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:44,669 I'm gonna go up those stairs and do this crummy show. 14 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:48,298 MUPPET 1: Oh! Yeah. MUPPET 2: Hi, Tony Randall! Yeah! 15 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,467 [MUPPETS CLAMORING] 16 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,012 It's The Muppet Show, 17 00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:57,098 with our very special guest star, Tony Randall. 18 00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:59,434 [CHEERING] 19 00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:01,644 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 20 00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:14,866 ♪ It's time to play the music ♪ 21 00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:16,993 ♪ It's time to light the lights ♪ 22 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:20,914 ♪ It's time to meet the Muppets On The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 23 00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,583 ♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪ 24 00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,710 ♪ It's time to dress up right ♪ 25 00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:29,422 ♪ It's time to raise the curtain On The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 26 00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:31,925 ♪ Why do we always come here? ♪ 27 00:01:32,008 --> 00:01:34,177 ♪ I guess we'll never know ♪ 28 00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,471 ♪ It's like a kind of torture ♪ 29 00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:38,682 ♪ To have to watch this show ♪ 30 00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,523 ♪ But now let's get things started ♪ 31 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,733 ♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪ 32 00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:53,154 ♪ It's time to get things started On the most sensational, inspirational ♪ 33 00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:55,448 ♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪ 34 00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:58,243 ♪ This is what we call ♪ 35 00:01:58,326 --> 00:02:03,039 ♪ The Muppet Show ♪ 36 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,208 [WATER BURBLING] 37 00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:08,670 [LAUGHS] 38 00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:15,468 Thank you, thank you, thank you, and welcome again to The Muppet Show. 39 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,137 It's going to be a great show 40 00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:22,225 because our guest star is the charming and debonair Mr. Tony Randall. 41 00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:25,812 Yes! But first, come with us back to the days of the caveman, 42 00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:30,567 where every woman wore furs, every man had a private club, 43 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,861 and backyard barbecues were truly mammoth. 44 00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,654 [CHEERS] 45 00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:36,823 [BAND PLAYING UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC] 46 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:39,951 PARENTS: ♪ Take out the papers and the trash ♪ 47 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:44,372 ♪ Or you don't get no spending cash ♪ 48 00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:48,793 ♪ If you don't scrub that kitchen floor ♪ 49 00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:52,297 ♪ You ain't gonna rock 'n' roll no more ♪ 50 00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:54,466 -KIDS: ♪ Yakety yak ♪ -♪ Don't talk back ♪ 51 00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:57,552 BOTH: ♪ Just finish cleaning up your room ♪ 52 00:02:58,803 --> 00:03:01,973 ♪ Let's see that dust fly With that broom ♪ 53 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:06,436 ♪ Get all that garbage out of sight ♪ 54 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:10,148 Or you don't go out Friday night 55 00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:12,108 -KIDS: ♪ Yakety yak ♪ -♪ Don't talk back ♪ 56 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:15,278 BOTH: ♪ You just put on your coat and hat ♪ 57 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:19,532 ♪ And walk yourself to the Laundromat ♪ 58 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:24,037 ♪ And when you finish doing that ♪ 59 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,874 ♪ Bring in the dog and put out the cat ♪ 60 00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,876 -KIDS: ♪ Yakety yak ♪ -♪ Don't talk back ♪ 61 00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:34,839 KIDS: ♪ Yakety yak, yakety yak ♪ 62 00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:39,219 ♪ Yakety yak, yakety yak ♪ 63 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,556 ♪ Yakety yak, yakety yak ♪ 64 00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:50,730 BOTH: ♪ Don't you give me no dirty looks ♪ 65 00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:55,193 ♪ Your father's hip He knows what cooks ♪ 66 00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:59,698 ♪ Just tell your hoodlum friend outside ♪ 67 00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,368 ♪ You ain't got time to take a ride ♪ 68 00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:05,662 -KIDS: ♪ Yakety yak ♪ -♪ Don't talk back ♪ 69 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:07,789 KIDS: ♪ Yakety yak, yakety yak ♪ 70 00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:10,625 -♪ Yakety yak ♪ -PARENTS: ♪ Don't talk back ♪ 71 00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:22,429 I didn't know they had rock music in those days. 72 00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:25,015 Sure. Why do you think they called it the "Stone Age"? 73 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,183 [BOTH LAUGHING] 74 00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:29,352 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 75 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,979 Come in. 76 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,481 Excuse me, Anthony. Are vous busy? 77 00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:35,942 Oh, never too busy for the lovely Miss Piggy. 78 00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:37,068 [GIGGLES] 79 00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:39,988 I'm just reading this fascinating old book of magic spells. 80 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,948 They've got some marvelous things in here. 81 00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,366 Mm-hmm. 82 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,161 Here's one on how to make it rain. 83 00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:50,540 -One on how to make dogs stop barking. -Hmm. 84 00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:54,044 They're really... Listen to this one. 85 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,212 [READING SPELL IN GIBBERISH] 86 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,803 You know what that's supposed to do? Turn people into stone. 87 00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:08,016 It doesn't do it to you, huh? Turning people into stone? 88 00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:11,144 Here's one that turns people into frogs. What would you think of that? 89 00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:14,022 A world full of Kermits. You'd be out of your mind. 90 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,565 [CHUCKLING] 91 00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:17,734 [PIGGY GRUNTING IN MUFFLED VOICE] 92 00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:21,946 Oh, I get it. 93 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,448 Turned to stone, huh? 94 00:05:23,531 --> 00:05:24,824 [LAUGHS] 95 00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,993 [PIGGY CONTINUES GRUNTING] 96 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,121 Tickle, tickle, tickle. 97 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,838 [PIGGY SCREAMING IN MUFFLED VOICE] 98 00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:42,801 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 99 00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:44,386 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 100 00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,096 KERMIT: Uh, can I come in? 101 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,263 Uh, um... 102 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:50,058 Just a minute, Kermit. Just a second. 103 00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:52,477 Just let me, uh... Be right with you. 104 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,187 [PIGGY GRUNTS THEN SCREAMS] 105 00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,398 Don't move. Don't move. 106 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,066 Come in. 107 00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:01,820 Miss Piggy's on next. She's not in here, is she? 108 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:03,488 I don't see her. 109 00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:06,825 Why don't you put somebody else on next? 110 00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,410 -Put somebody else on? -Yeah. 111 00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:10,787 I don't think Miss Piggy would stand still for that. 112 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:13,498 Oh, I think she might. 113 00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:16,710 Okay, I'll just postpone Pigs in Space till later on. 114 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,545 [PIGGY GRUNTING] 115 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:22,090 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 116 00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:25,301 Just wait. Just wait. We'll find something. Just a minute. 117 00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:29,514 [PLAYING ELEGANT CLASSICAL MUSIC] 118 00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:10,013 [GRUNTS] 119 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,057 [CLANKING] 120 00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:31,576 Kermit, I couldn't find Piggy. I looked everywhere. 121 00:07:31,659 --> 00:07:34,496 That's funny, I was sure she'd be in her dressing room. 122 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,122 Except her dressing room. 123 00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,374 [KERMIT SIGHS] 124 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:40,043 Kermit? What do you want me to do with these guys? 125 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,170 -Take them outside. -Then what? 126 00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:43,421 Lock the door. 127 00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:45,006 Come on. 128 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,510 [PIGGY GRUNTING IN MUFFLED VOICE] 129 00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:52,514 Shh, shh, shh. You're going to be all right. 130 00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:55,433 I'm going to sneak you out and put you in the trunk of my car. 131 00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:56,810 [PIGGY GRUNTING] 132 00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,228 It's gotta be the trunk. 133 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,523 If I put you in the front, you'll scratch the upholstery. 134 00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:04,943 Now, we're gonna take you to a doctor. 135 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:06,778 Or maybe a stonemason. 136 00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:09,864 -Mm, mm! -Shh, shh, shh. 137 00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:12,867 We don't want Kermit to know. 138 00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:15,370 -Uh, know what? -Ah! 139 00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:17,372 -Hi, Kermit. -Hi. 140 00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:20,625 Kermit, something terrible has happened. 141 00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,252 Huh? 142 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,713 Do you know what this is? 143 00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:27,424 A statue of Piggy? 144 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:30,719 Yes. It's a statue of Piggy. 145 00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:33,763 Oh, what's terrible about that? It's very lifelike. 146 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:37,684 Why, I can just feel those fleshy jowls. 147 00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,561 -Kermit. -Hmm? 148 00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:43,023 It's not a statue. 149 00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,274 This is Miss Piggy. 150 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,650 [GASPS] 151 00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:48,445 What? Piggy, is that you? 152 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,030 [PIGGY WHIMPERING] 153 00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:53,283 She was turned to stone by a magic spell. 154 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:56,828 But that-- But she's a star. She's a friend. This is terrible. 155 00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,955 I know. I feel awful. 156 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:01,499 I know how important Miss Piggy is to you and the show. 157 00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:03,418 I'd do anything to help. Anything. 158 00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,795 Oh, well, just go get ready for your number. 159 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,505 -Thank you, Kermit. -PIGGY: Mmm! 160 00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:08,798 Oh! Oh! 161 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,675 [STONE CLUNKING] 162 00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,719 Did she break anything? 163 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,846 Yeah. Couple of floorboards. 164 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,393 NEWSMAN: Here's a Muppet news flash. 165 00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:25,231 Orchestra leader Zubin Bechmesser was nearly electrocuted 166 00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:26,983 at the Metropolitan Opera today 167 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:32,822 when he absent-mindedly inserted his baton into an electrical outlet. 168 00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:36,284 Uh, Mr. Bechmesser, 169 00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:39,788 I understand, according to doctors, you would have died instantly 170 00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:42,415 had you not been such a poor conductor. 171 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:43,792 [LAUGHS] 172 00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:46,211 [GRUNTS] 173 00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:49,047 I'm sorry! I take it back! 174 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,050 [FOZZIE GRUNTS] 175 00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:55,053 FOZZIE: Don't worry, Miss Piggy. Nothing is broken. 176 00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:57,013 [FOZZIE GRUNTS THEN PANTS] 177 00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:00,308 Boy, you sure are heavy. You must weigh at least a ton. 178 00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:02,977 Well, that's good. That means she's lost weight. 179 00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:04,771 [LAUGHING] 180 00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:08,358 Floyd, you shouldn't laugh at Piggy. I mean, she must be terrified. 181 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:12,696 Terrified? She's petrified. 182 00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:18,660 Hey, great news, Miss Piggy. You'll be back to normal in no time. 183 00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:23,665 I just got this new book called Sandblasting Without Pain. 184 00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,418 -Hey, Gonzo. -Yes? 185 00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:29,504 Did you know that Miss Piggy is very worried about Kermit? 186 00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:31,256 Worried about Kermit? Why? 187 00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:34,467 Well, she's afraid he'll take her for granite. 188 00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:38,179 Oh, okay, guys, enough with these cheap shots. 189 00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:41,016 Aw, come on. I got another page to go yet. 190 00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:44,102 Floyd, how can you be so cruel to a fellow performer? 191 00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:46,604 Someone you've known and worked with for years? 192 00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:49,399 Now, just take a look at her. She's suffered enough. 193 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:50,942 Have pity upon her. 194 00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:52,360 [PIGGY WHIMPERS] 195 00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:56,781 Oh, you're right. But what do I do with these jokes? 196 00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:58,408 Burn them. 197 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,787 You heard what the frog said. 198 00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:04,706 [MATCH SCRATCHES & PIGGY SCREAMS] 199 00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:07,125 [LAUGHING] 200 00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,252 [BAND PLAYING UPBEAT MARCH] 201 00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:15,133 ♪ Down at Barney's fair One evening I was there ♪ 202 00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:18,887 ♪ When I heard a showman Shouting underneath a flare ♪ 203 00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:23,475 ♪ Oh, I've got a lovely bunch Of coconuts ♪ 204 00:11:23,558 --> 00:11:25,977 ♪ There they are all standing in a row ♪ 205 00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,520 ♪ Two, three, four ♪ 206 00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:31,608 ♪ Big ones, small ones Some as big as your head ♪ 207 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,568 ♪ Give 'em a twist A flick of the wrist ♪ 208 00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:35,278 ♪ That's what the showman said ♪ 209 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:39,783 ♪ Oi! I've got a lovely bunch Of coconuts ♪ 210 00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:42,243 ♪ Every ball you throw Will make me rich ♪ 211 00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:43,703 Me too, love. 212 00:11:43,787 --> 00:11:47,957 ♪ And there stands me wife The idol of me life, singing ♪ 213 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:51,628 ♪ Roll up, bowl a ball A penny a pitch ♪ 214 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:55,799 BOTH: ♪ Singing roll up, bowl a ball A penny a pitch ♪ 215 00:11:55,882 --> 00:12:00,345 ♪ Singing roll up, bowl a ball A penny a pitch ♪ 216 00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:04,516 ♪ Roll up, bowl a ball Roll up, bowl a ball ♪ 217 00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:08,103 ♪ Roll up, bowl a ball A penny a pitch ♪ 218 00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:11,731 COCONUTS: ♪ Oh, we are a lovely bunch of coconuts ♪ 219 00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:15,318 ♪ Here we are all standing in a row ♪ 220 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:16,778 ♪ Two, three, four ♪ 221 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:20,532 COCONUTS: ♪ Big ones, small ones Some as big as your head ♪ 222 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,992 ♪ Give 'em a twist A flick of the wrist ♪ 223 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,661 Come on. Stop throwing them. 224 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:29,165 COCONUTS: ♪ Oh, we are a lovely bunch of coconuts ♪ 225 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,543 ♪ Every ball you throw Will make 'em rich ♪ 226 00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:33,128 That's right, love. 227 00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:37,465 ♪ And there stands me wife She's the idol of me life, singing ♪ 228 00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:41,136 ♪ Roll up, bowl a ball A penny a pitch ♪ 229 00:12:41,219 --> 00:12:45,265 BOTH: ♪ Singing roll up, bowl a ball A penny a pitch ♪ 230 00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:49,019 ALL: ♪ Singing roll up, bowl a ball A penny a pitch ♪ 231 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:53,690 ♪ Roll up, bowl a ball Roll up, bowl a ball ♪ 232 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:54,816 Yes, sir. 233 00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:57,777 COCONUTS: Mama! Mama! Mama! 234 00:12:57,861 --> 00:13:04,576 ALL: ♪ Singing roll up, bowl a ball A penny a pitch ♪ 235 00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,536 [CRASHING] 236 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,544 [READING SPELL IN GIBBERISH] 237 00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:17,839 Ah. 238 00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:21,134 [READING SPELL IN GIBBERISH] 239 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,972 Ugh. Still nothing, Tony. 240 00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:27,891 I've read practically everything in the book. 241 00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,768 Something's gotta turn her back. 242 00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,895 Keep reading. 243 00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:34,064 [TONY READING SPELL IN GIBBERISH] 244 00:13:57,212 --> 00:13:59,798 So far nothing's happened. 245 00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:01,966 [SIGHING] 246 00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:06,429 Was it something I said? 247 00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:09,724 [PLAYING UPBEAT DISCO MUSIC] 248 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,981 ♪ She comes on like a rose ♪ 249 00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:20,694 ♪ But everybody knows ♪ 250 00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:24,239 ♪ She'll get you in Dutch ♪ 251 00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:28,410 ♪ You can look But you better not touch ♪ 252 00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:32,122 ♪ Poison Ivy ♪ 253 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:36,209 ♪ Poison Ivy ♪ 254 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:42,716 ♪ Late at night while you're sleepin' Poison Ivy comes a-creepin' around ♪ 255 00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:45,510 [IN MUFFLED VOICE] Help! Help! 256 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,639 That was a very rash song. 257 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:53,351 Well, what do you expect? He started from scratch. 258 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:56,479 NARRATOR: And now 259 00:14:56,563 --> 00:15:02,110 [ECHOING] Pigs in Space. 260 00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:06,990 As we join our heroes, it's been a quiet day 261 00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:09,117 aboard the Swinetrek. 262 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:15,040 Well, it's been a quiet day aboard the Swinetrek. 263 00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:20,962 I can't remember a more relaxed, peaceful time. 264 00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:23,089 Mmm. 265 00:15:23,173 --> 00:15:27,969 It's the kind of day that just makes you feel good to be a pig. 266 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:34,225 Do you suppose it's because First Mate Piggy's turned to stone? 267 00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:37,020 It couldn't hurt. 268 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,815 I wonder how it happened. 269 00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:42,567 Well, in olden times, 270 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,195 they had magic spells for that kind of stuff. 271 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,405 -Mm-hmm. -But nowadays, well, 272 00:15:47,489 --> 00:15:51,159 she was probably playing with the Petrificatratron. 273 00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:52,327 The who? 274 00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:55,288 Well, it's one of the Swinetrek's defense systems. 275 00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:59,793 It can turn people into stone and then turn them back again. 276 00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:02,212 Oh. I had forgotten. 277 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,589 Look here. Yeah. 278 00:16:04,673 --> 00:16:08,551 You set the little dial here and then you throw this lever. 279 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,887 -This lever here? -Yeah. 280 00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:15,475 Well, at last! 281 00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:16,726 Ahhh. 282 00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:19,229 All right, where's Randall? 283 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,731 I hold him personally responsible for this. 284 00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:24,943 Him and the frog. The frog brought Randall here. 285 00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:26,861 They're both to blame. 286 00:16:26,945 --> 00:16:31,950 Oh, and as for you two twits, I am gonna tear you in half! 287 00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:34,202 I'm gonna rip off your epaulets! 288 00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:38,289 I'm gonna take your ears and I'm gonna braid them into bird nests! 289 00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:39,874 I'm gonna take your nose! 290 00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:41,710 I'm gonna-- I'm gonna-- 291 00:16:47,632 --> 00:16:52,679 Ahhh. It's been a nice quiet day here aboard the Swinetrek. 292 00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:58,560 Yes, it's the kind of day that just makes you feel good to be a pig. 293 00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:01,938 NARRATOR: Tune in next time, when we ask the question: 294 00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:09,029 "Why did you tune in this time to Pigs in Space?" 295 00:17:13,742 --> 00:17:17,620 Oh, without Miss Piggy, we had to carry that whole sketch ourselves. 296 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:20,957 But be grateful we didn't have to carry Miss Piggy. 297 00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:23,335 [LAUGHING] 298 00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:25,045 Beauregard, what are you doing? 299 00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:28,673 Oh, I'm clearing the stage. I'm gonna put this in the prop closet. 300 00:17:28,757 --> 00:17:29,841 [PIGGY SCREAMING] 301 00:17:29,924 --> 00:17:32,385 Beauregard, that's Miss Piggy. Now, treat her well. 302 00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:33,762 She's a star and a lady. 303 00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:35,638 And a rock. 304 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,682 It doesn't matter. Just put her down there. 305 00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:41,311 -Okay. -Kermit, do we have any statues? 306 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,521 That's a funny thing to ask tonight. 307 00:17:43,605 --> 00:17:47,400 You see, Tony Randall's doing this poetry reading and he needs a statue. 308 00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:51,237 We don't have any, unless you wanna count, uh, you-know-who. 309 00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:52,530 [PIGGY GRUNTING] 310 00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:55,825 I cannot do that to Piggy. It's a terrible thing to suggest. 311 00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:57,494 This is not a statue. 312 00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:01,373 This is a warm and sensitive lady. And a friend. 313 00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:03,249 [PIGGY MURMURS] 314 00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:06,628 Okay. We'll just cancel the final number. 315 00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:08,213 -Scooter? -Yeah, boss? 316 00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:10,048 -Get this statue onstage. -Check. 317 00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,883 -PIGGY: Mmm! -Come on, Piggy. 318 00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:14,052 [PIGGY WHIMPERING] 319 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,973 If you have tears, prepare to shed them, 320 00:18:19,057 --> 00:18:22,936 as our very special guest brings us a literary recitation. 321 00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:25,980 Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Randall. 322 00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:37,534 "The Green Eye of the Little Yellow God." 323 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,244 Maestro, if you will, please. 324 00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:42,038 [PIANIST PLAYING DRAMATIC CLASSICAL MUSIC] 325 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:51,006 There's a one-eyed yellow idol To the north of Kathmandu, 326 00:18:51,089 --> 00:18:55,343 There's a little marble cross Below the town 327 00:18:55,427 --> 00:19:02,017 There's a brokenhearted woman Tends the grave of Mad Carew, 328 00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:06,938 And the Yellow God forever gazes down. 329 00:19:07,022 --> 00:19:09,774 He was known as "Mad Carew--" 330 00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:12,777 -Uh, Mr. Randall. Mr. Randall? -What? 331 00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:14,320 Well, it's about the spell. 332 00:19:14,404 --> 00:19:18,575 Can't you see that I'm communing with my muse? 333 00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:21,578 Oh, sorry. I didn't know you were on the phone. 334 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:26,541 I found a spell that'll turn a statue into a pig, though. 335 00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:29,169 But I like her as a statue for now. 336 00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:33,506 Oh. Well, just in case, the word is "pigskin." 337 00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:34,632 "Pigskin." 338 00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:43,350 Who you calling "Pigskin," fish face? 339 00:19:46,561 --> 00:19:49,022 -Hello. -Uh-huh. 340 00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:52,317 Glad to see you back. I, um... 341 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,944 I was just, um, ordering a football. 342 00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:58,114 -Scooter, get me that pigskin, will you? -Oh, check. 343 00:19:58,198 --> 00:20:01,785 Sure. It's something I need in my recitation here, with the... 344 00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:07,415 Uh-huh, uh-huh. There's a football in "The Green Eye of the Little Yellow God"? 345 00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,752 It's poetic license. 346 00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:13,963 Uh-huh. You just had your poetic license revoked. 347 00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,131 Hi--! 348 00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:16,841 See? 349 00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:22,472 So, uh, we're all set now, huh? You understand? Good. Mmm. 350 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:25,266 I'm watching you closely, Randall. 351 00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:27,769 Good. Why don't you run out for a long one, huh? 352 00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:29,145 Here we go. 353 00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:30,814 [CRASHING] 354 00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:34,484 Now we will resume, if we may, professor? 355 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,861 [PIANIST PLAYING DRAMATIC CLASSICAL MUSIC] 356 00:20:38,029 --> 00:20:40,990 He was known as "Mad Carew" By the chaps-- 357 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,952 Aaah! Get away from me! Get away! 358 00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:45,412 [PLAYERS CLAMORING] 359 00:20:45,495 --> 00:20:47,831 By the chaps at Kathmandu, 360 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:51,918 He was wilder Than they felt inclined to tell 361 00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:53,503 But, for all his-- 362 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,463 [PIGGY & PLAYERS SHOUTING] 363 00:20:56,506 --> 00:21:01,594 But, for all his foolish pranks, He was worshipped in the ranks, 364 00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:07,308 And the Colonel's daughter smiled on him-- 365 00:21:07,392 --> 00:21:10,270 You're chasing each other wrong! 366 00:21:11,312 --> 00:21:13,481 [BLOWING WHISTLE] 367 00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:15,233 What do you say? 368 00:21:15,316 --> 00:21:19,654 We're trying to do a show here. How about a little cooperation? 369 00:21:19,738 --> 00:21:22,198 Check. All right, hit it, boys. 370 00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:23,992 [BAND PLAYING UPBEAT MARCH] 371 00:21:24,075 --> 00:21:27,620 PLAYERS: ♪ On, Wisconsin On, Wisconsin ♪ 372 00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:31,124 ♪ Plunge right through that line ♪ 373 00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:34,586 ♪ Run that ball clear round Chicago ♪ 374 00:21:34,669 --> 00:21:37,005 ♪ A touchdown's sure this time ♪ 375 00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:38,423 ♪ Rah, rah, rah! ♪ 376 00:21:38,506 --> 00:21:42,052 ♪ On, Wisconsin On, Wisconsin ♪ 377 00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:45,638 ♪ Fight on for her fame ♪ 378 00:21:45,722 --> 00:21:47,974 ♪ Fight! Fellows, fight ♪ 379 00:21:48,058 --> 00:21:53,146 ♪ And we will win this game ♪ 380 00:21:53,229 --> 00:21:58,151 An ugly knife lay buried In the heart of Mad Carew... 381 00:21:58,234 --> 00:22:00,362 Hi-yah! 382 00:22:02,155 --> 00:22:08,161 'Twas "The Vengeance Of the Little Yellow Pig." 383 00:22:09,204 --> 00:22:11,081 I thank you. 384 00:22:26,763 --> 00:22:29,641 We've just about come down to the end of another one. 385 00:22:29,724 --> 00:22:33,478 But before we go, let us say thank you to a wonderful guest star. 386 00:22:33,561 --> 00:22:35,230 Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Randall! 387 00:22:35,313 --> 00:22:39,442 Yay! Yeah! 388 00:22:39,526 --> 00:22:43,238 Thank you very, very much, Kermit. Real thrill being here with you. 389 00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:44,823 You're a hero of mine. 390 00:22:44,906 --> 00:22:46,199 -Wow. -Yeah. 391 00:22:46,282 --> 00:22:50,078 I wanted to apologize for accidentally turning Miss Piggy into a stone like that. 392 00:22:50,161 --> 00:22:51,413 I didn't mean to. 393 00:22:51,496 --> 00:22:54,916 Oh, listen, don't mention it. We all make mistakes. 394 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,003 -Incidentally, how did it happen? -I don't know. 395 00:22:58,086 --> 00:23:00,672 All I said was "Zark zark chumbo, klong klong chumbo," 396 00:23:00,755 --> 00:23:02,048 and the next thing I... 397 00:23:03,299 --> 00:23:04,926 Kermit? 398 00:23:06,428 --> 00:23:08,722 -Aaah! -What happened? 399 00:23:08,805 --> 00:23:11,850 I don't know. All I said was-- 400 00:23:13,101 --> 00:23:15,937 That's all for tonight. See you next time on The Muppet Show. 401 00:23:16,021 --> 00:23:18,314 -I'm so sorry. Tune in next time. -Kermit! 402 00:23:18,398 --> 00:23:22,694 Find out: Will an ugly girl kiss Kermit and turn him back? 403 00:23:24,612 --> 00:23:26,239 Kermit? 404 00:23:26,322 --> 00:23:27,657 Kermit? 405 00:23:27,741 --> 00:23:30,410 [ALL CHATTERING] 406 00:23:30,493 --> 00:23:32,537 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 407 00:24:01,691 --> 00:24:04,736 I once knew a whole chorus line that was turned to stone. 408 00:24:04,819 --> 00:24:06,196 What chorus line was that? 409 00:24:06,279 --> 00:24:08,323 The Rockettes. 30935

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