Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:03,211
[DOOR OPENS]
2
00:00:03,294 --> 00:00:05,463
Huh? Somebody there?
3
00:00:12,637 --> 00:00:15,056
Say, who are you?
4
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:18,309
I'm a... I'm a messenger, I am.
5
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:22,605
Tony Randall sent me to say
he can't be your guest star.
6
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:24,566
He's come down with a rare disease.
7
00:00:24,649 --> 00:00:26,067
What? Stop that.
8
00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:30,697
I recognize you. You're Tony Randall.
9
00:00:30,780 --> 00:00:31,865
Rats.
10
00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:35,952
Oh, come on, now, youngster.
Take your medicine like a man.
11
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,121
You're right.
12
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,539
I can take it.
13
00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:44,669
I'm gonna go up those stairs
and do this crummy show.
14
00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:48,298
MUPPET 1: Oh! Yeah.
MUPPET 2: Hi, Tony Randall! Yeah!
15
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,467
[MUPPETS CLAMORING]
16
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,012
It's The Muppet Show,
17
00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:57,098
with our very special guest star,
Tony Randall.
18
00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:59,434
[CHEERING]
19
00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:01,644
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
20
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:14,866
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
21
00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:16,993
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
22
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:20,914
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
23
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,583
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
24
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,710
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
25
00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:29,422
♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
26
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:31,925
♪ Why do we always come here? ♪
27
00:01:32,008 --> 00:01:34,177
♪ I guess we'll never know ♪
28
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,471
♪ It's like a kind of torture ♪
29
00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:38,682
♪ To have to watch this show ♪
30
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,523
♪ But now let's get things started ♪
31
00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,733
♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
32
00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:53,154
♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
33
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:55,448
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
34
00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:58,243
♪ This is what we call ♪
35
00:01:58,326 --> 00:02:03,039
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
36
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,208
[WATER BURBLING]
37
00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:08,670
[LAUGHS]
38
00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:15,468
Thank you, thank you, thank you,
and welcome again to The Muppet Show.
39
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,137
It's going to be a great show
40
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:22,225
because our guest star is the charming
and debonair Mr. Tony Randall.
41
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:25,812
Yes! But first, come with us
back to the days of the caveman,
42
00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:30,567
where every woman wore furs,
every man had a private club,
43
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,861
and backyard barbecues were truly mammoth.
44
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,654
[CHEERS]
45
00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:36,823
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]
46
00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:39,951
PARENTS:
♪ Take out the papers and the trash ♪
47
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:44,372
♪ Or you don't get no spending cash ♪
48
00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:48,793
♪ If you don't scrub that kitchen floor ♪
49
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:52,297
♪ You ain't gonna rock 'n' roll no more ♪
50
00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:54,466
-KIDS: ♪ Yakety yak ♪
-♪ Don't talk back ♪
51
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:57,552
BOTH:
♪ Just finish cleaning up your room ♪
52
00:02:58,803 --> 00:03:01,973
♪ Let's see that dust fly
With that broom ♪
53
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:06,436
♪ Get all that garbage out of sight ♪
54
00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:10,148
Or you don't go out Friday night
55
00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:12,108
-KIDS: ♪ Yakety yak ♪
-♪ Don't talk back ♪
56
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:15,278
BOTH:
♪ You just put on your coat and hat ♪
57
00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:19,532
♪ And walk yourself to the Laundromat ♪
58
00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:24,037
♪ And when you finish doing that ♪
59
00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,874
♪ Bring in the dog and put out the cat ♪
60
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,876
-KIDS: ♪ Yakety yak ♪
-♪ Don't talk back ♪
61
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:34,839
KIDS:
♪ Yakety yak, yakety yak ♪
62
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:39,219
♪ Yakety yak, yakety yak ♪
63
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,556
♪ Yakety yak, yakety yak ♪
64
00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:50,730
BOTH:
♪ Don't you give me no dirty looks ♪
65
00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:55,193
♪ Your father's hip
He knows what cooks ♪
66
00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:59,698
♪ Just tell your hoodlum friend outside ♪
67
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,368
♪ You ain't got time to take a ride ♪
68
00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:05,662
-KIDS: ♪ Yakety yak ♪
-♪ Don't talk back ♪
69
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:07,789
KIDS:
♪ Yakety yak, yakety yak ♪
70
00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:10,625
-♪ Yakety yak ♪
-PARENTS: ♪ Don't talk back ♪
71
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:22,429
I didn't know they had rock music
in those days.
72
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:25,015
Sure. Why do you think
they called it the "Stone Age"?
73
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,183
[BOTH LAUGHING]
74
00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:29,352
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
75
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,979
Come in.
76
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,481
Excuse me, Anthony. Are vous busy?
77
00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:35,942
Oh, never too busy
for the lovely Miss Piggy.
78
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:37,068
[GIGGLES]
79
00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:39,988
I'm just reading this fascinating old book
of magic spells.
80
00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,948
They've got some marvelous things in here.
81
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,366
Mm-hmm.
82
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,161
Here's one on how to make it rain.
83
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:50,540
-One on how to make dogs stop barking.
-Hmm.
84
00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:54,044
They're really... Listen to this one.
85
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,212
[READING SPELL IN GIBBERISH]
86
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,803
You know what that's supposed to do?
Turn people into stone.
87
00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:08,016
It doesn't do it to you, huh?
Turning people into stone?
88
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:11,144
Here's one that turns people into frogs.
What would you think of that?
89
00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:14,022
A world full of Kermits.
You'd be out of your mind.
90
00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,565
[CHUCKLING]
91
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:17,734
[PIGGY GRUNTING IN MUFFLED VOICE]
92
00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:21,946
Oh, I get it.
93
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,448
Turned to stone, huh?
94
00:05:23,531 --> 00:05:24,824
[LAUGHS]
95
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,993
[PIGGY CONTINUES GRUNTING]
96
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,121
Tickle, tickle, tickle.
97
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,838
[PIGGY SCREAMING IN MUFFLED VOICE]
98
00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:42,801
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
99
00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:44,386
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
100
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,096
KERMIT:
Uh, can I come in?
101
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,263
Uh, um...
102
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:50,058
Just a minute, Kermit. Just a second.
103
00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:52,477
Just let me, uh... Be right with you.
104
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,187
[PIGGY GRUNTS THEN SCREAMS]
105
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,398
Don't move. Don't move.
106
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,066
Come in.
107
00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:01,820
Miss Piggy's on next.
She's not in here, is she?
108
00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:03,488
I don't see her.
109
00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:06,825
Why don't you put somebody else on next?
110
00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,410
-Put somebody else on?
-Yeah.
111
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:10,787
I don't think Miss Piggy
would stand still for that.
112
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:13,498
Oh, I think she might.
113
00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:16,710
Okay, I'll just postpone Pigs in Space
till later on.
114
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,545
[PIGGY GRUNTING]
115
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:22,090
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
116
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:25,301
Just wait. Just wait.
We'll find something. Just a minute.
117
00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:29,514
[PLAYING ELEGANT CLASSICAL MUSIC]
118
00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:10,013
[GRUNTS]
119
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,057
[CLANKING]
120
00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:31,576
Kermit, I couldn't find Piggy.
I looked everywhere.
121
00:07:31,659 --> 00:07:34,496
That's funny,
I was sure she'd be in her dressing room.
122
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,122
Except her dressing room.
123
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,374
[KERMIT SIGHS]
124
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:40,043
Kermit? What do you want me to do
with these guys?
125
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,170
-Take them outside.
-Then what?
126
00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:43,421
Lock the door.
127
00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:45,006
Come on.
128
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,510
[PIGGY GRUNTING IN MUFFLED VOICE]
129
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:52,514
Shh, shh, shh.
You're going to be all right.
130
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:55,433
I'm going to sneak you out
and put you in the trunk of my car.
131
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:56,810
[PIGGY GRUNTING]
132
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,228
It's gotta be the trunk.
133
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,523
If I put you in the front,
you'll scratch the upholstery.
134
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:04,943
Now, we're gonna take you to a doctor.
135
00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:06,778
Or maybe a stonemason.
136
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:09,864
-Mm, mm!
-Shh, shh, shh.
137
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:12,867
We don't want Kermit to know.
138
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:15,370
-Uh, know what?
-Ah!
139
00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:17,372
-Hi, Kermit.
-Hi.
140
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:20,625
Kermit, something terrible has happened.
141
00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,252
Huh?
142
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,713
Do you know what this is?
143
00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:27,424
A statue of Piggy?
144
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:30,719
Yes. It's a statue of Piggy.
145
00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:33,763
Oh, what's terrible about that?
It's very lifelike.
146
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:37,684
Why, I can just feel those fleshy jowls.
147
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,561
-Kermit.
-Hmm?
148
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:43,023
It's not a statue.
149
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,274
This is Miss Piggy.
150
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,650
[GASPS]
151
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:48,445
What? Piggy, is that you?
152
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,030
[PIGGY WHIMPERING]
153
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:53,283
She was turned to stone by a magic spell.
154
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:56,828
But that-- But she's a star.
She's a friend. This is terrible.
155
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,955
I know. I feel awful.
156
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:01,499
I know how important Miss Piggy is
to you and the show.
157
00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:03,418
I'd do anything to help. Anything.
158
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,795
Oh, well,
just go get ready for your number.
159
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,505
-Thank you, Kermit.
-PIGGY: Mmm!
160
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:08,798
Oh! Oh!
161
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,675
[STONE CLUNKING]
162
00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,719
Did she break anything?
163
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,846
Yeah. Couple of floorboards.
164
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,393
NEWSMAN:
Here's a Muppet news flash.
165
00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:25,231
Orchestra leader Zubin Bechmesser
was nearly electrocuted
166
00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:26,983
at the Metropolitan Opera today
167
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:32,822
when he absent-mindedly inserted his baton
into an electrical outlet.
168
00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:36,284
Uh, Mr. Bechmesser,
169
00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:39,788
I understand, according to doctors,
you would have died instantly
170
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:42,415
had you not been such a poor conductor.
171
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:43,792
[LAUGHS]
172
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:46,211
[GRUNTS]
173
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:49,047
I'm sorry! I take it back!
174
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,050
[FOZZIE GRUNTS]
175
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:55,053
FOZZIE: Don't worry, Miss Piggy.
Nothing is broken.
176
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:57,013
[FOZZIE GRUNTS THEN PANTS]
177
00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:00,308
Boy, you sure are heavy.
You must weigh at least a ton.
178
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:02,977
Well, that's good.
That means she's lost weight.
179
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:04,771
[LAUGHING]
180
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:08,358
Floyd, you shouldn't laugh at Piggy.
I mean, she must be terrified.
181
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:12,696
Terrified? She's petrified.
182
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:18,660
Hey, great news, Miss Piggy.
You'll be back to normal in no time.
183
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:23,665
I just got this new book called
Sandblasting Without Pain.
184
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,418
-Hey, Gonzo.
-Yes?
185
00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:29,504
Did you know that Miss Piggy
is very worried about Kermit?
186
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:31,256
Worried about Kermit? Why?
187
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:34,467
Well, she's afraid
he'll take her for granite.
188
00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:38,179
Oh, okay, guys,
enough with these cheap shots.
189
00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:41,016
Aw, come on. I got another page to go yet.
190
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:44,102
Floyd, how can you be so cruel
to a fellow performer?
191
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:46,604
Someone you've known
and worked with for years?
192
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:49,399
Now, just take a look at her.
She's suffered enough.
193
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:50,942
Have pity upon her.
194
00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:52,360
[PIGGY WHIMPERS]
195
00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:56,781
Oh, you're right.
But what do I do with these jokes?
196
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:58,408
Burn them.
197
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,787
You heard what the frog said.
198
00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:04,706
[MATCH SCRATCHES & PIGGY SCREAMS]
199
00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:07,125
[LAUGHING]
200
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,252
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT MARCH]
201
00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:15,133
♪ Down at Barney's fair
One evening I was there ♪
202
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:18,887
♪ When I heard a showman
Shouting underneath a flare ♪
203
00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:23,475
♪ Oh, I've got a lovely bunch
Of coconuts ♪
204
00:11:23,558 --> 00:11:25,977
♪ There they are all standing in a row ♪
205
00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,520
♪ Two, three, four ♪
206
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:31,608
♪ Big ones, small ones
Some as big as your head ♪
207
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,568
♪ Give 'em a twist
A flick of the wrist ♪
208
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:35,278
♪ That's what the showman said ♪
209
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:39,783
♪ Oi! I've got a lovely bunch
Of coconuts ♪
210
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:42,243
♪ Every ball you throw
Will make me rich ♪
211
00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:43,703
Me too, love.
212
00:11:43,787 --> 00:11:47,957
♪ And there stands me wife
The idol of me life, singing ♪
213
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:51,628
♪ Roll up, bowl a ball
A penny a pitch ♪
214
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:55,799
BOTH: ♪ Singing roll up, bowl a ball
A penny a pitch ♪
215
00:11:55,882 --> 00:12:00,345
♪ Singing roll up, bowl a ball
A penny a pitch ♪
216
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:04,516
♪ Roll up, bowl a ball
Roll up, bowl a ball ♪
217
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:08,103
♪ Roll up, bowl a ball
A penny a pitch ♪
218
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:11,731
COCONUTS:
♪ Oh, we are a lovely bunch of coconuts ♪
219
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:15,318
♪ Here we are all standing in a row ♪
220
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:16,778
♪ Two, three, four ♪
221
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:20,532
COCONUTS: ♪ Big ones, small ones
Some as big as your head ♪
222
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,992
♪ Give 'em a twist
A flick of the wrist ♪
223
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,661
Come on. Stop throwing them.
224
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:29,165
COCONUTS:
♪ Oh, we are a lovely bunch of coconuts ♪
225
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,543
♪ Every ball you throw
Will make 'em rich ♪
226
00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:33,128
That's right, love.
227
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:37,465
♪ And there stands me wife
She's the idol of me life, singing ♪
228
00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:41,136
♪ Roll up, bowl a ball
A penny a pitch ♪
229
00:12:41,219 --> 00:12:45,265
BOTH: ♪ Singing roll up, bowl a ball
A penny a pitch ♪
230
00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:49,019
ALL: ♪ Singing roll up, bowl a ball
A penny a pitch ♪
231
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:53,690
♪ Roll up, bowl a ball
Roll up, bowl a ball ♪
232
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:54,816
Yes, sir.
233
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:57,777
COCONUTS:
Mama! Mama! Mama!
234
00:12:57,861 --> 00:13:04,576
ALL: ♪ Singing roll up, bowl a ball
A penny a pitch ♪
235
00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,536
[CRASHING]
236
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,544
[READING SPELL IN GIBBERISH]
237
00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:17,839
Ah.
238
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:21,134
[READING SPELL IN GIBBERISH]
239
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,972
Ugh. Still nothing, Tony.
240
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:27,891
I've read practically everything
in the book.
241
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,768
Something's gotta turn her back.
242
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,895
Keep reading.
243
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:34,064
[TONY READING SPELL IN GIBBERISH]
244
00:13:57,212 --> 00:13:59,798
So far nothing's happened.
245
00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:01,966
[SIGHING]
246
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:06,429
Was it something I said?
247
00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:09,724
[PLAYING UPBEAT DISCO MUSIC]
248
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,981
♪ She comes on like a rose ♪
249
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:20,694
♪ But everybody knows ♪
250
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:24,239
♪ She'll get you in Dutch ♪
251
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:28,410
♪ You can look
But you better not touch ♪
252
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:32,122
♪ Poison Ivy ♪
253
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:36,209
♪ Poison Ivy ♪
254
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:42,716
♪ Late at night while you're sleepin'
Poison Ivy comes a-creepin' around ♪
255
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:45,510
[IN MUFFLED VOICE]
Help! Help!
256
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,639
That was a very rash song.
257
00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:53,351
Well, what do you expect?
He started from scratch.
258
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:56,479
NARRATOR:
And now
259
00:14:56,563 --> 00:15:02,110
[ECHOING]
Pigs in Space.
260
00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:06,990
As we join our heroes,
it's been a quiet day
261
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:09,117
aboard the Swinetrek.
262
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:15,040
Well, it's been a quiet day
aboard the Swinetrek.
263
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:20,962
I can't remember a more relaxed,
peaceful time.
264
00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:23,089
Mmm.
265
00:15:23,173 --> 00:15:27,969
It's the kind of day
that just makes you feel good to be a pig.
266
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:34,225
Do you suppose it's because
First Mate Piggy's turned to stone?
267
00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:37,020
It couldn't hurt.
268
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,815
I wonder how it happened.
269
00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:42,567
Well, in olden times,
270
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,195
they had magic spells
for that kind of stuff.
271
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,405
-Mm-hmm.
-But nowadays, well,
272
00:15:47,489 --> 00:15:51,159
she was probably playing
with the Petrificatratron.
273
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:52,327
The who?
274
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:55,288
Well, it's one of the Swinetrek's
defense systems.
275
00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:59,793
It can turn people into stone
and then turn them back again.
276
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:02,212
Oh. I had forgotten.
277
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,589
Look here. Yeah.
278
00:16:04,673 --> 00:16:08,551
You set the little dial here
and then you throw this lever.
279
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,887
-This lever here?
-Yeah.
280
00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:15,475
Well, at last!
281
00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:16,726
Ahhh.
282
00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:19,229
All right, where's Randall?
283
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,731
I hold him personally responsible
for this.
284
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:24,943
Him and the frog.
The frog brought Randall here.
285
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:26,861
They're both to blame.
286
00:16:26,945 --> 00:16:31,950
Oh, and as for you two twits,
I am gonna tear you in half!
287
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:34,202
I'm gonna rip off your epaulets!
288
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:38,289
I'm gonna take your ears
and I'm gonna braid them into bird nests!
289
00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:39,874
I'm gonna take your nose!
290
00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:41,710
I'm gonna-- I'm gonna--
291
00:16:47,632 --> 00:16:52,679
Ahhh. It's been a nice quiet day here
aboard the Swinetrek.
292
00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:58,560
Yes, it's the kind of day
that just makes you feel good to be a pig.
293
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:01,938
NARRATOR: Tune in next time,
when we ask the question:
294
00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:09,029
"Why did you tune in this time
to Pigs in Space?"
295
00:17:13,742 --> 00:17:17,620
Oh, without Miss Piggy, we had to carry
that whole sketch ourselves.
296
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:20,957
But be grateful
we didn't have to carry Miss Piggy.
297
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:23,335
[LAUGHING]
298
00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:25,045
Beauregard, what are you doing?
299
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:28,673
Oh, I'm clearing the stage.
I'm gonna put this in the prop closet.
300
00:17:28,757 --> 00:17:29,841
[PIGGY SCREAMING]
301
00:17:29,924 --> 00:17:32,385
Beauregard, that's Miss Piggy.
Now, treat her well.
302
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:33,762
She's a star and a lady.
303
00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:35,638
And a rock.
304
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,682
It doesn't matter.
Just put her down there.
305
00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:41,311
-Okay.
-Kermit, do we have any statues?
306
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,521
That's a funny thing to ask tonight.
307
00:17:43,605 --> 00:17:47,400
You see, Tony Randall's doing
this poetry reading and he needs a statue.
308
00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:51,237
We don't have any,
unless you wanna count, uh, you-know-who.
309
00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:52,530
[PIGGY GRUNTING]
310
00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:55,825
I cannot do that to Piggy.
It's a terrible thing to suggest.
311
00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:57,494
This is not a statue.
312
00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:01,373
This is a warm and sensitive lady.
And a friend.
313
00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:03,249
[PIGGY MURMURS]
314
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:06,628
Okay. We'll just cancel the final number.
315
00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:08,213
-Scooter?
-Yeah, boss?
316
00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:10,048
-Get this statue onstage.
-Check.
317
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,883
-PIGGY: Mmm!
-Come on, Piggy.
318
00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:14,052
[PIGGY WHIMPERING]
319
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,973
If you have tears, prepare to shed them,
320
00:18:19,057 --> 00:18:22,936
as our very special guest
brings us a literary recitation.
321
00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:25,980
Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Randall.
322
00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:37,534
"The Green Eye of the Little Yellow God."
323
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,244
Maestro, if you will, please.
324
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:42,038
[PIANIST PLAYING DRAMATIC CLASSICAL MUSIC]
325
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:51,006
There's a one-eyed yellow idol
To the north of Kathmandu,
326
00:18:51,089 --> 00:18:55,343
There's a little marble cross
Below the town
327
00:18:55,427 --> 00:19:02,017
There's a brokenhearted woman
Tends the grave of Mad Carew,
328
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:06,938
And the Yellow God forever gazes down.
329
00:19:07,022 --> 00:19:09,774
He was known as "Mad Carew--"
330
00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:12,777
-Uh, Mr. Randall. Mr. Randall?
-What?
331
00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:14,320
Well, it's about the spell.
332
00:19:14,404 --> 00:19:18,575
Can't you see
that I'm communing with my muse?
333
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:21,578
Oh, sorry.
I didn't know you were on the phone.
334
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:26,541
I found a spell
that'll turn a statue into a pig, though.
335
00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:29,169
But I like her as a statue for now.
336
00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:33,506
Oh. Well, just in case,
the word is "pigskin."
337
00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:34,632
"Pigskin."
338
00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:43,350
Who you calling "Pigskin," fish face?
339
00:19:46,561 --> 00:19:49,022
-Hello.
-Uh-huh.
340
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:52,317
Glad to see you back. I, um...
341
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,944
I was just, um, ordering a football.
342
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:58,114
-Scooter, get me that pigskin, will you?
-Oh, check.
343
00:19:58,198 --> 00:20:01,785
Sure. It's something I need
in my recitation here, with the...
344
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:07,415
Uh-huh, uh-huh. There's a football in
"The Green Eye of the Little Yellow God"?
345
00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,752
It's poetic license.
346
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:13,963
Uh-huh.
You just had your poetic license revoked.
347
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,131
Hi--!
348
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:16,841
See?
349
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:22,472
So, uh, we're all set now, huh?
You understand? Good. Mmm.
350
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:25,266
I'm watching you closely, Randall.
351
00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:27,769
Good. Why don't you run out
for a long one, huh?
352
00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:29,145
Here we go.
353
00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:30,814
[CRASHING]
354
00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:34,484
Now we will resume, if we may, professor?
355
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,861
[PIANIST PLAYING DRAMATIC CLASSICAL MUSIC]
356
00:20:38,029 --> 00:20:40,990
He was known as "Mad Carew"
By the chaps--
357
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,952
Aaah! Get away from me! Get away!
358
00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:45,412
[PLAYERS CLAMORING]
359
00:20:45,495 --> 00:20:47,831
By the chaps at Kathmandu,
360
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:51,918
He was wilder
Than they felt inclined to tell
361
00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:53,503
But, for all his--
362
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,463
[PIGGY & PLAYERS SHOUTING]
363
00:20:56,506 --> 00:21:01,594
But, for all his foolish pranks,
He was worshipped in the ranks,
364
00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:07,308
And the Colonel's daughter smiled on him--
365
00:21:07,392 --> 00:21:10,270
You're chasing each other wrong!
366
00:21:11,312 --> 00:21:13,481
[BLOWING WHISTLE]
367
00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:15,233
What do you say?
368
00:21:15,316 --> 00:21:19,654
We're trying to do a show here.
How about a little cooperation?
369
00:21:19,738 --> 00:21:22,198
Check. All right, hit it, boys.
370
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:23,992
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT MARCH]
371
00:21:24,075 --> 00:21:27,620
PLAYERS: ♪ On, Wisconsin
On, Wisconsin ♪
372
00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:31,124
♪ Plunge right through that line ♪
373
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:34,586
♪ Run that ball clear round Chicago ♪
374
00:21:34,669 --> 00:21:37,005
♪ A touchdown's sure this time ♪
375
00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:38,423
♪ Rah, rah, rah! ♪
376
00:21:38,506 --> 00:21:42,052
♪ On, Wisconsin
On, Wisconsin ♪
377
00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:45,638
♪ Fight on for her fame ♪
378
00:21:45,722 --> 00:21:47,974
♪ Fight! Fellows, fight ♪
379
00:21:48,058 --> 00:21:53,146
♪ And we will win this game ♪
380
00:21:53,229 --> 00:21:58,151
An ugly knife lay buried
In the heart of Mad Carew...
381
00:21:58,234 --> 00:22:00,362
Hi-yah!
382
00:22:02,155 --> 00:22:08,161
'Twas "The Vengeance
Of the Little Yellow Pig."
383
00:22:09,204 --> 00:22:11,081
I thank you.
384
00:22:26,763 --> 00:22:29,641
We've just about come down
to the end of another one.
385
00:22:29,724 --> 00:22:33,478
But before we go, let us say thank you
to a wonderful guest star.
386
00:22:33,561 --> 00:22:35,230
Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Randall!
387
00:22:35,313 --> 00:22:39,442
Yay! Yeah!
388
00:22:39,526 --> 00:22:43,238
Thank you very, very much, Kermit.
Real thrill being here with you.
389
00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:44,823
You're a hero of mine.
390
00:22:44,906 --> 00:22:46,199
-Wow.
-Yeah.
391
00:22:46,282 --> 00:22:50,078
I wanted to apologize for accidentally
turning Miss Piggy into a stone like that.
392
00:22:50,161 --> 00:22:51,413
I didn't mean to.
393
00:22:51,496 --> 00:22:54,916
Oh, listen, don't mention it.
We all make mistakes.
394
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,003
-Incidentally, how did it happen?
-I don't know.
395
00:22:58,086 --> 00:23:00,672
All I said was "Zark zark chumbo,
klong klong chumbo,"
396
00:23:00,755 --> 00:23:02,048
and the next thing I...
397
00:23:03,299 --> 00:23:04,926
Kermit?
398
00:23:06,428 --> 00:23:08,722
-Aaah!
-What happened?
399
00:23:08,805 --> 00:23:11,850
I don't know. All I said was--
400
00:23:13,101 --> 00:23:15,937
That's all for tonight.
See you next time on The Muppet Show.
401
00:23:16,021 --> 00:23:18,314
-I'm so sorry. Tune in next time.
-Kermit!
402
00:23:18,398 --> 00:23:22,694
Find out: Will an ugly girl kiss Kermit
and turn him back?
403
00:23:24,612 --> 00:23:26,239
Kermit?
404
00:23:26,322 --> 00:23:27,657
Kermit?
405
00:23:27,741 --> 00:23:30,410
[ALL CHATTERING]
406
00:23:30,493 --> 00:23:32,537
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
407
00:24:01,691 --> 00:24:04,736
I once knew a whole chorus line
that was turned to stone.
408
00:24:04,819 --> 00:24:06,196
What chorus line was that?
409
00:24:06,279 --> 00:24:08,323
The Rockettes.
30935
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.