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[KNOCKING]
2
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Phyllis George. Phyllis George.
Fifteen seconds to curtain, Phyllis.
3
00:00:06,464 --> 00:00:07,507
Thank you, Scooter.
4
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:10,343
We've got a special show planned
for you tonight.
5
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:12,595
-You're gonna love it.
-Are you sure about that?
6
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:16,558
Oh, I guarantee it's exciting,
suspenseful...
7
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Is it funny?
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The guarantee just ran out.
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It's The Muppet Show,
10
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with our very special guest star,
Phyllis George.
11
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[CHEERING]
12
00:00:30,155 --> 00:00:32,240
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
14
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♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
15
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♪ It's time to get things started ♪
16
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♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
17
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Why don't we all go home and read a book?
18
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,473
[BOTH LAUGH]
19
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♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
20
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
21
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♪ This is what we call ♪
22
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
23
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[HONKS]
24
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
25
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Thank you, thank you, thank you,
and welcome to The Muppet Show.
26
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:20,330
And as a very special treat,
27
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we have as our guest star the beautiful
and talented Miss Phyllis George.
28
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That is the good news.
Now for the bad news.
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We have a really dumb show planned
for you tonight.
30
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-Kermit, Kermit, Kermit.
-What?
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You can't tell the audience
that tonight's show is dumb.
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Don't worry about it, bear.
33
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Yeah, we noticed years ago.
34
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[STATLER & WALDORF LAUGH]
35
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Uh, well, I'm not gonna stick around,
36
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because I am going to turn the show over
to our guest host,
37
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the wonderful Miss Phyllis George!
38
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[CHEERS]
39
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
40
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Kermit, are you sure
you want me to do this?
41
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Phyllis, the stage is all yours.
I'm taking the night off.
42
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-But, Fozz...
-Come on, Fozzie.
43
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It's okay, Phyllis. I'll help you later.
44
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Okay. Well, ladies and gentlemen,
45
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on behalf of the Muppet Academy
of Arts and Sciences,
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welcome to the first annual Muppet Awards.
47
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[BAND PLAYING FANFARE]
48
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
49
00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:24,728
What an exciting evening.
50
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The tension and excitement
is unbelievable.
51
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And backstage,
the Muppets are standing by,
52
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anxiously waiting to see
who the winners will be.
53
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You're losers. All losers.
54
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So now, to get things started,
55
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let's listen to the first of the numbers
nominated for Best Song of the Year.
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How do you pronounce this?
57
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"Svreb, de Plebat Banana."
58
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[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC]
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[SINGING GIBBERISH]
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♪ ...banana... banana... ♪
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[CONTINUES SINGING GIBBERISH]
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♪ ...banana... banana... ♪
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[CONTINUES SINGING GIBBERISH]
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[ALL SINGING GIBBERISH]
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♪ ...banana... banana... ♪
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[ALL CONTINUE SINGING GIBBERISH]
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♪ ...banana... banana... ♪
68
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♪ ...banana... banana... ♪
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[ALL CONTINUE SINGING GIBBERISH]
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
71
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I didn't understand a word of that.
72
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[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
73
00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:30,311
Huh. Well, why didn't they say that
in the first place?
74
00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:34,065
Hey, who taught all the food
to sing in Swedish?
75
00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:35,859
Oh, some meatball.
76
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,694
[CHEF & SCOOTER LAUGH]
77
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:42,949
I've been nominated
the Best Unexplainable Creature category.
78
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[SQUAWKS]
79
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You don't suppose
they give a Humanitarian award, do you?
80
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Will you get out of here?
81
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,334
-Oh, Kermie!
-Unh!
82
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Oh! Oh, isn't this exciting?
83
00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:57,380
-I hate award shows.
-Oh.
84
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SCOOTER:
They're announcing the first award.
85
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-Ooh!
-Waah!
86
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,096
I really hate award shows.
87
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,975
Oh. Uh, once again,
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your host for tonight's award show,
Miss Phyllis George.
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[BAND PLAYING FANFARE]
90
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
91
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-Hello, Phyllis.
-Hi, Fozzie.
92
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:27,744
Ahem. The first Fred Award
is for Best Foreign Act.
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Here are the nominations.
94
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,831
A Fred? You call the award a Fred?
95
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:36,044
Yeah. We had to call it something,
and nobody was using Fred, so...
96
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:38,213
Excuse me, may I see a Fred, please?
97
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:39,798
Uh, ha-ha-ha.
98
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[LAUGHS]
99
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PHYLLIS:
It's a bowling trophy. Ha, ha.
100
00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:48,556
Well...
101
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:53,103
"Poughkeepsie Barons
1977 League Champions."
102
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,397
-This is what you're...?
-There's the nominations.
103
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,065
-You can read them.
-Oh, all right.
104
00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:59,359
Ah-ha-ha-ha.
105
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:02,779
The first category
is for the Best Foreign Act.
106
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:05,323
There are six nominations, and they are...
107
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,574
the Zucchini Brothers...
108
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,743
[ZUCCHINIS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
109
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FOZZIE:
No, no, no!
110
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You were just nominated, guys.
111
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[ZUCCHINIS CONTINUE SHOUTING]
112
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You were just nominated, that's all!
113
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I guess they won.
114
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Ahh. Uh, okay, moving right along.
Now, the next category, Best Sketch award.
115
00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:30,140
Where? Oh.
116
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NARRATOR:
And now
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[IN ECHOING VOICE]
Pigs in Space,
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00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:42,110
the first nomination for Best Sketch,
for the episode entitled "Pig Alien."
119
00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:43,528
"Pig Alien"?
120
00:06:43,611 --> 00:06:45,864
Oh, why did they pick that one?
121
00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:48,116
I thought I was kind of cute in that one.
122
00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:50,493
-You were the pits.
-Hmm.
123
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,245
If we are going to win a Fred,
124
00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:55,582
we should do
"First Mate Piggy Saves the Day."
125
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,375
I don't remember that one.
126
00:06:57,459 --> 00:07:00,337
Well, of course you do.
It's where you become hysterical
127
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,297
and I have to knock you out, like this.
128
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:04,174
-Huh?
-Take that!
129
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,634
And then I take over the controls.
130
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:10,347
Argh! I be Captain Blueboar!
131
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,307
Wait, you're not in this sketch.
132
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,642
Aren't we be doing "Pig Alien"?
133
00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:18,855
No, no, no, we are doing
"First Mate Piggy Saves the Day."
134
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:21,441
-I don't remember that one.
-Of course you do.
135
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:24,069
Link becomes hysterical,
and I knock him out.
136
00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:25,403
-No, wait!
-Like that.
137
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:27,697
-Oof!
-And then take over the controls.
138
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,408
Argh, I remember. Har-har-har.
139
00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:34,454
Well, my favorite is
"Strangepork Takes Up Disco."
140
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,623
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT DISCO MUSIC]
141
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:42,253
-Uh, does anybody hit me in that one?
-No, Linky.
142
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:45,173
Oh, good. Then that's the one we'll do.
143
00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:47,342
Oh, brother. I don't believe this.
144
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:48,468
Come on, Piggy.
145
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:49,678
Oh, boogie down!
146
00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:52,931
Get on with the show! I'm getting out.
147
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:56,976
[SIGHS]
148
00:07:57,060 --> 00:08:02,065
Uh, moving right along with our exciting
and entertaining award show,
149
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:05,860
the show a certain frog said
couldn't be done.
150
00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:09,030
"Shouldn't." I said, it shouldn't be done.
151
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:14,661
Uh, here is the second nomination
for Best Song,
152
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:18,164
sung by Miss Phyllis George.
153
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:21,001
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
154
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,169
[PLAYING MELANCHOLY JAZZ MUSIC]
155
00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:32,262
♪ You put a piece of carbon paper
Under your heart ♪
156
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:36,850
♪ And gave me just a copy of your love ♪
157
00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:44,107
♪ Each dove and pigeon'll
Know who got the original ♪
158
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:49,988
♪ Darling, can't you see
What you mean to me? ♪
159
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:55,493
♪ Oh, how you fooled me
With those giggles, winks, and nudges ♪
160
00:08:55,577 --> 00:09:02,292
♪ The love that you gave me
Was a duplicate with smudges ♪
161
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:08,173
♪ 'Cause you put a piece of carbon paper
Under you heart ♪
162
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:12,635
♪ And gave me
Just a second sheet of love ♪
163
00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:15,513
Rowlf, it's about this song.
164
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,098
Yeah? What about it?
165
00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:20,101
-Well, it's a little weird.
-Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
166
00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:24,064
I wanted a song that was very weird,
but this was the best I could find.
167
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:28,276
-Just sing, Phyllis.
-Oh.
168
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:35,283
♪ Oh, how you fooled me
With those giggles, winks, and nudges ♪
169
00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:41,790
♪ The love that he gave you
Was a duplicate with smudges ♪
170
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:47,379
♪ 'Cause you put a piece of carbon paper
Under your heart ♪
171
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:50,382
♪ And gave me just a copy of ♪
172
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:53,301
♪ Gave you just a copy of ♪
173
00:09:53,385 --> 00:10:00,684
-♪ Gave you just a second sheet of love ♪
-♪ Gave me just a second sheet of love ♪
174
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,852
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
175
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:08,483
Hey, wake up.
176
00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,610
-Hm?
-What'd you think of that last number?
177
00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:14,197
Oh, oh, that George Phyllis
is a wonderful singer.
178
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,117
You mean Phyllis George
is a wonderful singer.
179
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,827
They're both terrific.
180
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:24,499
And now the award for the Best Performance
By an Inanimate Object
181
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:27,377
or a Group of Inanimate Objects.
182
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,129
The nominees are...
183
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,381
[BAND PLAYS FANFARE]
184
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,133
the Singing Food...
185
00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:35,301
[FOOD CHATTERING]
186
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,890
...the Talking Luggage...
187
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,059
[LUGGAGE MUTTERING]
188
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:47,022
...and the Dancing Mountains.
189
00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,440
LUGGAGE:
Boo!
190
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:51,693
Are they here?
191
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,863
If they were here,
you'd know about it, kiddo.
192
00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:56,489
[ALL CHUCKLE]
193
00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:59,075
And the winner is...
194
00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:02,912
the Dancing Mountains!
195
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,081
[LUGGAGE AND FOOD MUTTERING]
196
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:07,917
Whoa.
197
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,961
[GROUND RUMBLING AND FOOD YELPING]
198
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:12,213
Wait. Wait, uh, what's going on?
199
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,674
The Dancing Mountains won! Aah!
200
00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:17,093
Oh, good grief. They're coming to accept.
201
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:20,347
Aah! Wait! Stop! Wait a minute!
Listen, Scooter! Hold it!
202
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,557
Excuse me, everybody! Wait a minute!
203
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,143
That award will not be presented.
204
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:28,271
Uh, we'll mail it out.
205
00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:30,690
Now, what's next, Scooter?
206
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:35,195
Oh, it's the award for
the Funniest Comedy Performance By a Bear.
207
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:37,155
Yeah, figures.
208
00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:40,283
Shh, shh, shh!
209
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:43,411
They are announcing my award.
210
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:48,458
And now the award for
the Funniest Comedy Performance By a Bear.
211
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,502
And the winner is...
212
00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:52,379
Billy the Bear.
213
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:54,005
[BAND PLAYING FANFARE]
214
00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:58,218
Hey, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Excuse me, excuse me.
215
00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:01,721
Mwah. Love you. Har, har, guffaw. Ha, ha.
216
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:03,223
Hey, wonderful, wonderful.
217
00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:06,309
Oh, excuse me. I thought you was a rug.
218
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:07,811
[GUFFAWS]
219
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:10,563
Hey, listen, is that your real face
220
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:13,358
or was your plastic surgeon cross-eyed?
221
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,360
[GUFFAWS]
222
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:19,197
Oh, listen, no hard feelings.
Come on, have a cigar.
223
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,116
No, thank you, I--
224
00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:22,534
[EXPLODES]
225
00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:24,327
[LAUGHING]
226
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:33,128
-Cheese!
-Thank you.
227
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:34,421
Another one.
228
00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:37,632
Oh Louis! Louis! Louis Kazagger!
229
00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:41,761
Yes, thank you. I'm here today,
talking to the Zucchinis,
230
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:44,305
who have, indeed,
their award right here.
231
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,516
Ah, we win the award!
232
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:52,397
Tell me, Biondo, how does it feel,
now that you've finally won something
233
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,025
after all these years in show business?
234
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,861
Well, I'm-a glad-a
you ask-a me that-a, Louis.
235
00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:01,448
You see, we win-a because
we are the best-a foreign act!
236
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:03,992
Yay! We the best! Yay!
237
00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:06,828
And, because it-a make us-a feel-a good!
238
00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:08,955
Yay! Feel good!
That's right, that's right.
239
00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:12,292
Yes, well, tell me, weren't you worried
about your competition,
240
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:16,129
the Nippon Flippers, the Swahili Stompers,
and the Volga Shoatmen?
241
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,631
Oh, he say "worried"! [LAUGH]
242
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,967
Worry, we don't worry...
243
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:26,222
No, no! We win and nobody ever gonna
take-a this award away from us!
244
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,808
I see. Well, we...
245
00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:33,605
-It appears that the...
-Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
246
00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:37,233
Yes, the Nippon Flippers
have indeed taken the award.
247
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:40,904
Biondo, how does it feel now that
someone's taken the award away from you?
248
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:45,325
Oh, Louis! We was-a robbed!
This is an outrage!
249
00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:48,161
We gonna report-a this to U.N.!
Yeah, si.
250
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,873
Come back here!
251
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:54,209
Now it appears that the... yes,
252
00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:57,545
I think... oh... the Swahili Stompers
have got the award,
253
00:13:57,629 --> 00:14:00,715
and there seems to be some
confusion about this category.
254
00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:03,218
Now the Volga Shoatmen
have the award!
255
00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:08,473
Indeed. In fact, it's developing
into a lively debate.
256
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:11,059
And there's someone new
on the scene here.
257
00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:16,815
This one appears young and hungry,
and indeed lives up to his appearances.
258
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:20,902
Hey, you eat-a that... oh no!
It's all gone!
259
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:27,909
By the way, here at the theater,
odds have riven a hundred to one
260
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:31,121
that the peace prize
will never be given.
261
00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:43,883
And now I'd like to introduce Rowlf
with another nominee for Song of the Year.
262
00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:45,552
I would also like to point out
263
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:48,513
that the George mentioned
in the song is not Phyllis.
264
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,265
Wait till you hear this one.
265
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:52,726
You thought the carbon-paper song
was strange.
266
00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:56,104
[PLAYING SCHMALTZY JAZZ MUSIC]
267
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:08,241
I'd like to sing for you now a little song
entitled "You and I and George."
268
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:12,662
I'm sure you've never heard of this song.
269
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:17,625
"You and I and George" is one
of the most unheard-of songs of all time.
270
00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:21,880
In its only recording,
"You and I and George" sold two copies.
271
00:15:21,963 --> 00:15:26,051
I bought one, and George bought one.
Where were you?
272
00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:39,939
♪ You and I and George ♪
273
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:44,903
♪ Were strolling
Through the park one day ♪
274
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:49,532
♪ And then you held my hand ♪
275
00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:53,745
♪ As if to say ♪
276
00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:59,542
♪ I love you ♪
277
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:03,296
♪ We came to a brook ♪
278
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:08,051
♪ And George
Fell in and drowned himself ♪
279
00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:13,556
♪ And floated out to sea ♪
280
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,853
♪ Leaving you ♪
281
00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:26,653
♪ Alone with me ♪
282
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,410
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
283
00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:38,707
[BAND PLAYING FANFARE]
284
00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,542
Uh-- Unh.
285
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:45,797
Uh, Miss George has asked me
to announce the next category.
286
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:50,802
The winner
of the Stunt of the Year award is...
287
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:54,305
the 500-foot Group Plunge,
recreated for us now
288
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:56,182
by the Falling Alfonsos!
289
00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:58,435
[ACROBAT SCREAMING]
290
00:16:58,518 --> 00:16:59,769
[ACROBATS SCREAMING]
291
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,771
Okay.
292
00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:07,569
-Whoa.
-Here is your award, sir. Oh!
293
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:11,031
See why I asked him to announce it?
294
00:17:13,158 --> 00:17:16,536
Uh... Oh, brother. Uh...
295
00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:18,079
Whew. Ahem.
296
00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:20,665
And now to read the list of the nominees
297
00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:23,752
for Best Guest Star Appearance
on a Muppet Show,
298
00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:25,503
here is Scooter.
299
00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:27,756
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC]
300
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,346
♪ There's John and Liza
Sly and Bob ♪
301
00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,598
♪ And Elton J.
Who wasn't bad ♪
302
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,975
♪ Raquel and Steve
And Cheryl, Alice ♪
303
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:41,144
♪ Edgar B.
He's Charlie's dad ♪
304
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,063
♪ As well as Candice
She was great ♪
305
00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:45,357
♪ And really earned her salary ♪
306
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:49,819
♪ And so did Twiggy, Ethel, Kaye
And Peter, Paul, and Valerie ♪
307
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:54,032
♪ There's Crystal, Victor, Linda
Dudley, Helen, Roy and Judy ♪
308
00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:58,203
♪ There's Milton, Phyllis, Cloris, James
Loretta, Spike, and Rudy ♪
309
00:17:58,286 --> 00:18:02,415
♪ There's Elke, Liberace, Lynn
And Harry, Avery, Cleo, Lou ♪
310
00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:07,504
♪ Teresa, Jaye P., Gilda, Rich
Don, Jean, Bruce, Pearl, and Leo too ♪
311
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:08,713
[INHALES]
312
00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:13,176
♪ There's Lena, Harvey, Juliet
Dyan, and if I get a chance ♪
313
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:17,555
♪ I'll try to find a place
Where I can also mention Mummenschanz ♪
314
00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:22,769
♪ Along with Roy and Dale, Petula, Andy
Phyllis, Rita, Dom, and Nance ♪
315
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:25,730
♪ And Sandy, Arlo, Joel, and George ♪
316
00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:29,275
♪ And Florence, Dizzy, Julie, Anne
Lorene and Bob and Peter ♪
317
00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:32,904
♪ And Connie, Kenny, Bernadette
Marisa, Kris, and Rita ♪
318
00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:35,699
♪ Madeline and Señor Wences
Lola, Charles, and Beverly ♪
319
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,910
♪ This list is getting much too long
So I'll just end it cleverly ♪
320
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:41,788
♪ Leslie, Lesley Ann, and John, and Danny
He's my hero ♪
321
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:45,125
♪ Roger, Ruth, Jim, Vincent, Ben
And last, not least, is Zero ♪
322
00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:51,923
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
323
00:18:54,384 --> 00:18:58,680
Thank you very much, Scooter.
And the winner is...
324
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:04,519
The winner is me, Phyllis George.
Thank you, everyone.
325
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:08,773
Of course Phyllis George won.
No one else is here.
326
00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:12,485
None of the others would be dumb enough
to come back.
327
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:17,991
This award will certainly sit
in a place of honor--
328
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,287
What do I do now?
329
00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:23,663
Here.
330
00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:26,166
-Oh, thank you.
-Yeah.
331
00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:29,336
For a second there,
I was overcome by the thrill of victory.
332
00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:36,468
Next we have the second nomination for
the Best Sketch, Veterinarian's Hospital.
333
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:40,930
NARRATOR:
And now Veterinarian's Hospital,
334
00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:47,020
the continuing story of a quack
who's gone to the dogs.
335
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:49,856
I'd like to thank the members
of the Academy--
336
00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:52,442
Dr. Bob, what are you doing?
337
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:55,445
I'm practicing my acceptance speech.
Ha-ha-ha.
338
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,155
But we haven't won yet.
339
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,657
-No, we have to do the sketch first.
-Mm-hm.
340
00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:02,035
We do? Well, I might as well forget this.
341
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:04,704
We could still win.
342
00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:07,082
Yeah, but we've got
real tough competition.
343
00:20:07,165 --> 00:20:09,542
I was afraid of that.
What's our competition?
344
00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:11,878
Pigs in Space.
345
00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:14,381
I'd like to thank the members
of the Academy--
346
00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:18,885
Dr. Bob,
I was the star of Pigs in Space. Ahem.
347
00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:21,429
Also my producer, my director--
348
00:20:21,513 --> 00:20:22,555
Dr. Bob!
349
00:20:22,639 --> 00:20:26,810
Nurse Piggy, you're in both sketches.
You can't lose.
350
00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:28,520
Hey. You're right.
351
00:20:28,603 --> 00:20:31,523
Eh. Not much point in going on.
352
00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:36,111
NARRATOR: And so we come to the end
of another Veterinarian's Hospital.
353
00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:38,988
Tune in next week,
when you'll hear Nurse Piggy say:
354
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:42,158
Ah, knock it off. Let's get to the award.
355
00:20:45,537 --> 00:20:47,956
Well, there you have it,
the last of the nominees
356
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:49,666
for the Best Sketch of the Year.
357
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:52,961
Oh, oh, oh. Floyd, how do I look?
358
00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:55,422
Uh, nervous, Piggy?
359
00:20:55,505 --> 00:21:00,468
Well, of course not, Floyd.
I'm in both nominated sketches.
360
00:21:00,552 --> 00:21:04,472
There is no way for moi to lose.
361
00:21:06,016 --> 00:21:08,101
And the winner is...
362
00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:14,232
The judges have chosen
not to award a Fred in this category.
363
00:21:14,315 --> 00:21:15,692
What?!
364
00:21:17,861 --> 00:21:20,947
What do you mean, I lost?
I'll cut you in two, Phyllis George!
365
00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:23,283
Wait a minute. It's not me.
I didn't decide.
366
00:21:23,366 --> 00:21:24,409
Well, who did?
367
00:21:24,492 --> 00:21:26,369
Well, the blue-ribbon panel of judges.
368
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:28,455
Don't tell me "judges." Who are they?
369
00:21:28,538 --> 00:21:31,916
What names shall we carve
on their tombstones?
370
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,253
Don't you think you'd better go get ready
for the next category?
371
00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:36,379
No. Why should I?
372
00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:38,048
Well, it's the big one.
373
00:21:38,131 --> 00:21:41,134
Performer of the Year.
And you're nominated.
374
00:21:42,886 --> 00:21:44,512
Moi?
375
00:21:44,596 --> 00:21:50,185
Ah. Oh, Performer of the Year.
Why, yes, of course, Phyllis, my sweet.
376
00:21:50,268 --> 00:21:52,520
I shall go get ready.
377
00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:54,647
Kissy-kissy, judges.
378
00:21:54,731 --> 00:21:56,441
[GIGGLING]
379
00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:57,859
Isn't she cute?
380
00:21:59,444 --> 00:22:03,907
Oh, Kermie, Kermie, Kermie!
Come with me, Kermie. Oh, come on.
381
00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:05,950
-What?
-The big award is about to be given.
382
00:22:06,034 --> 00:22:07,285
Yeah, but, Piggy...
383
00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:11,289
Uh, listen, Piggy, you know,
these awards don't mean anything to me.
384
00:22:11,373 --> 00:22:16,920
But... Oh, Kermie.
But I want you next to me when I win.
385
00:22:17,879 --> 00:22:19,714
But, Piggy, who's your competition?
386
00:22:19,798 --> 00:22:23,718
Kermie, you old silly. What competition?
387
00:22:23,802 --> 00:22:28,598
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
there is only one Fred left.
388
00:22:28,682 --> 00:22:32,852
And it belongs to that person
our blue-ribbon panel has voted to be
389
00:22:32,936 --> 00:22:35,271
Performer of the Year.
390
00:22:35,355 --> 00:22:37,232
The nominees are...
391
00:22:38,274 --> 00:22:39,484
Miss Piggy...
392
00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:44,989
Oh, oh! Oh, thank you, thank you.
Kissy-kissy. Thank you all. Mwah!
393
00:22:45,073 --> 00:22:47,158
[GIGGLING]
394
00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:51,538
-...and Kermit the Frog.
-What?
395
00:22:51,621 --> 00:22:54,582
Ah! Oh, oh. Wow, really?
396
00:22:57,168 --> 00:23:00,171
And so at last, we come to the moment
we've all been waiting for.
397
00:23:00,255 --> 00:23:01,297
-Mm!
-Gee.
398
00:23:01,381 --> 00:23:03,591
-The most important award of the evening.
-Ooh.
399
00:23:03,675 --> 00:23:05,301
The winner of Performer of the Year.
400
00:23:05,385 --> 00:23:06,803
[PIGGY PANTS]
401
00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:08,221
And that winner is...
402
00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:09,723
[PIGGY WHIMPERING]
403
00:23:09,806 --> 00:23:11,307
And the winner is...
404
00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:12,726
Kermit the Frog.
405
00:23:12,809 --> 00:23:14,060
[STAMMERS]
406
00:23:14,144 --> 00:23:17,897
Oh, wow! Oh, really?
Oh, excuse me, Piggy. Now, pardon me.
407
00:23:17,981 --> 00:23:19,024
Oh, wow.
408
00:23:19,107 --> 00:23:20,150
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
409
00:23:20,233 --> 00:23:22,444
Uh, thank you, thank you.
I'm so surprised.
410
00:23:22,527 --> 00:23:28,116
I never thought I'd be up here
accepting this, uh, coveted Fred.
411
00:23:28,199 --> 00:23:31,494
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I'm really touched.
412
00:23:31,578 --> 00:23:34,289
-Touched? I'll show you touched!
-What?
413
00:23:34,372 --> 00:23:36,207
-Hi--!
-Wait, wait, wait! Hold--
414
00:23:36,291 --> 00:23:39,336
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
in this, my hour of triumph,
415
00:23:39,419 --> 00:23:41,880
I would specially like to thank
Miss Piggy.
416
00:23:41,963 --> 00:23:44,174
Uh, thank you, my dear.
417
00:23:44,257 --> 00:23:45,717
AUDIENCE:
Aww!
418
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:48,720
Ugh. Now I can't even hit him.
419
00:23:50,138 --> 00:23:53,391
And so we come to the end
of our first annual Fred Award Show.
420
00:23:53,475 --> 00:23:55,685
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much.
421
00:23:55,769 --> 00:23:57,604
Now, it really has been an evening
422
00:23:57,687 --> 00:24:01,649
that proves the truth of that old song,
ladies and gentlemen...
423
00:24:01,733 --> 00:24:05,653
♪ There's no business like show business ♪
424
00:24:05,737 --> 00:24:10,200
BOTH:
♪ Like no business I know ♪
425
00:24:10,283 --> 00:24:14,245
ALL:
♪ Everything about it is appealing ♪
426
00:24:14,329 --> 00:24:18,333
♪ Everything the traffic will allow ♪
427
00:24:18,416 --> 00:24:21,544
♪ Nowhere could you get
That happy feeling ♪
428
00:24:21,628 --> 00:24:25,840
♪ When you are stealing that extra bow ♪
429
00:24:25,924 --> 00:24:30,053
♪ There's no people like show people ♪
430
00:24:30,136 --> 00:24:34,432
♪ They smile when they are low ♪
431
00:24:34,516 --> 00:24:38,311
♪ Even with a turkey
That you know will fold ♪
432
00:24:38,395 --> 00:24:42,524
♪ You may be stranded out in the cold ♪
433
00:24:42,607 --> 00:24:46,111
♪ Still you wouldn't change it
For a sack of gold ♪
434
00:24:46,194 --> 00:24:51,241
♪ Let's go on with the show ♪
435
00:24:51,324 --> 00:24:53,535
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
436
00:24:53,618 --> 00:24:56,579
[MUPPETS HUMMING UPBEAT SHOW TUNE]
437
00:24:56,663 --> 00:24:59,791
This whole show turned out
better than I thought it would.
438
00:24:59,874 --> 00:25:02,460
But before we go,
let us thank our wonderful guest star.
439
00:25:02,544 --> 00:25:05,171
Ladies and gentlemen, Phyllis George. Yay!
440
00:25:05,255 --> 00:25:07,340
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
441
00:25:10,051 --> 00:25:12,095
Well, Kermit, I can tell you one thing.
442
00:25:12,178 --> 00:25:15,765
I love you guys so much, and this has been
the best award show ever.
443
00:25:15,849 --> 00:25:18,184
I mean, look, everyone got an award.
444
00:25:18,268 --> 00:25:21,187
Not everyone, George.
445
00:25:21,271 --> 00:25:22,397
Uh, take it easy.
446
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:25,984
Uh, the voting was done by
our special panel of blue-ribbon judges.
447
00:25:26,067 --> 00:25:28,445
Who are they? Who are these judges?
Let's see them.
448
00:25:28,528 --> 00:25:31,156
-Uh, send in the judges!
-Hmm?
449
00:25:32,699 --> 00:25:34,409
Rats?!
450
00:25:34,492 --> 00:25:36,369
I'm not good enough for rats?!
451
00:25:36,453 --> 00:25:39,414
Uh, uh, we'll see you next time
on The Muppet Show.
452
00:25:39,497 --> 00:25:42,709
ALL:
♪ ...on with the show ♪
453
00:25:42,792 --> 00:25:44,794
[ALL CHATTERING]
454
00:25:44,878 --> 00:25:46,212
PIGGY:
No, no, no!
455
00:25:46,296 --> 00:25:48,381
[PIGGY SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
456
00:25:48,465 --> 00:25:50,550
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
457
00:25:50,633 --> 00:25:52,719
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
458
00:25:57,682 --> 00:26:00,935
-Here, why don't you hold my award?
-No!
459
00:26:01,019 --> 00:26:02,270
-You can do it.
-No!
460
00:26:02,354 --> 00:26:04,522
-You can keep it in your room.
-Go away!
461
00:26:05,648 --> 00:26:08,485
KERMIT:
Phyllis, great show, really wonderful.
462
00:26:08,568 --> 00:26:10,195
PIGGY:
Get away from me!
463
00:26:11,279 --> 00:26:12,989
KERMIT:
You did such a nice job.
464
00:26:13,073 --> 00:26:14,741
PIGGY:
Go away!
465
00:26:15,784 --> 00:26:16,910
Piggy?
466
00:26:17,994 --> 00:26:21,664
I can't believe those rats
were responsible for this show.
467
00:26:21,748 --> 00:26:25,543
Why not? They were also responsible
for the bubonic plague.
36019
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