All language subtitles for The Muppet Show S04E12 Guest Phyllis George 1080p DSNP WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-LAZY_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,208 --> 00:00:01,251 [KNOCKING] 2 00:00:02,293 --> 00:00:06,381 Phyllis George. Phyllis George. Fifteen seconds to curtain, Phyllis. 3 00:00:06,464 --> 00:00:07,507 Thank you, Scooter. 4 00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:10,343 We've got a special show planned for you tonight. 5 00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:12,595 -You're gonna love it. -Are you sure about that? 6 00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:16,558 Oh, I guarantee it's exciting, suspenseful... 7 00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:17,892 Is it funny? 8 00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:19,853 The guarantee just ran out. 9 00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:24,315 It's The Muppet Show, 10 00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:27,068 with our very special guest star, Phyllis George. 11 00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:29,112 [CHEERING] 12 00:00:30,155 --> 00:00:32,240 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 13 00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,503 ♪ It's time to play the music ♪ 14 00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,714 ♪ It's time to light the lights ♪ 15 00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:49,674 ♪ It's time to get things started ♪ 16 00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:52,093 ♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪ 17 00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:54,804 Why don't we all go home and read a book? 18 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,473 [BOTH LAUGH] 19 00:00:56,556 --> 00:01:00,810 ♪ It's time to get things started On the most sensational, inspirational ♪ 20 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,021 ♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪ 21 00:01:03,104 --> 00:01:05,815 ♪ This is what we call ♪ 22 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:10,612 ♪ The Muppet Show ♪ 23 00:01:10,695 --> 00:01:11,738 [HONKS] 24 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:15,658 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 25 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:18,787 Thank you, thank you, thank you, and welcome to The Muppet Show. 26 00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:20,330 And as a very special treat, 27 00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:24,125 we have as our guest star the beautiful and talented Miss Phyllis George. 28 00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,503 That is the good news. Now for the bad news. 29 00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:29,798 We have a really dumb show planned for you tonight. 30 00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:31,716 -Kermit, Kermit, Kermit. -What? 31 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,219 You can't tell the audience that tonight's show is dumb. 32 00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:35,845 Don't worry about it, bear. 33 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,597 Yeah, we noticed years ago. 34 00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:39,224 [STATLER & WALDORF LAUGH] 35 00:01:39,307 --> 00:01:41,768 Uh, well, I'm not gonna stick around, 36 00:01:41,851 --> 00:01:44,479 because I am going to turn the show over to our guest host, 37 00:01:44,562 --> 00:01:46,398 the wonderful Miss Phyllis George! 38 00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:48,525 [CHEERS] 39 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:50,694 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 40 00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:56,199 Kermit, are you sure you want me to do this? 41 00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:59,285 Phyllis, the stage is all yours. I'm taking the night off. 42 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:00,954 -But, Fozz... -Come on, Fozzie. 43 00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:03,123 It's okay, Phyllis. I'll help you later. 44 00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:05,417 Okay. Well, ladies and gentlemen, 45 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:08,670 on behalf of the Muppet Academy of Arts and Sciences, 46 00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:12,298 welcome to the first annual Muppet Awards. 47 00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:14,426 [BAND PLAYING FANFARE] 48 00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:16,594 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 49 00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:24,728 What an exciting evening. 50 00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,439 The tension and excitement is unbelievable. 51 00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:30,150 And backstage, the Muppets are standing by, 52 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:33,361 anxiously waiting to see who the winners will be. 53 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:38,033 You're losers. All losers. 54 00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:41,453 So now, to get things started, 55 00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:46,791 let's listen to the first of the numbers nominated for Best Song of the Year. 56 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,668 How do you pronounce this? 57 00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:52,547 "Svreb, de Plebat Banana." 58 00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:54,674 [BAND PLAYING UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC] 59 00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,803 [SINGING GIBBERISH] 60 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:03,141 ♪ ...banana... banana... ♪ 61 00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:05,310 [CONTINUES SINGING GIBBERISH] 62 00:03:24,996 --> 00:03:29,250 ♪ ...banana... banana... ♪ 63 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,419 [CONTINUES SINGING GIBBERISH] 64 00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:35,757 [ALL SINGING GIBBERISH] 65 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:40,178 ♪ ...banana... banana... ♪ 66 00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:41,930 [ALL CONTINUE SINGING GIBBERISH] 67 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:07,247 ♪ ...banana... banana... ♪ 68 00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:12,377 ♪ ...banana... banana... ♪ 69 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:15,797 [ALL CONTINUE SINGING GIBBERISH] 70 00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:19,884 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 71 00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,764 I didn't understand a word of that. 72 00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:27,225 [SPEAKING GIBBERISH] 73 00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:30,311 Huh. Well, why didn't they say that in the first place? 74 00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:34,065 Hey, who taught all the food to sing in Swedish? 75 00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:35,859 Oh, some meatball. 76 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,694 [CHEF & SCOOTER LAUGH] 77 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:42,949 I've been nominated the Best Unexplainable Creature category. 78 00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:44,159 [SQUAWKS] 79 00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:47,954 You don't suppose they give a Humanitarian award, do you? 80 00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:50,040 Will you get out of here? 81 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,334 -Oh, Kermie! -Unh! 82 00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:55,420 Oh! Oh, isn't this exciting? 83 00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:57,380 -I hate award shows. -Oh. 84 00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:59,466 SCOOTER: They're announcing the first award. 85 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:00,925 -Ooh! -Waah! 86 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,096 I really hate award shows. 87 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,975 Oh. Uh, once again, 88 00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:12,854 your host for tonight's award show, Miss Phyllis George. 89 00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:15,023 [BAND PLAYING FANFARE] 90 00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:17,192 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 91 00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:22,947 -Hello, Phyllis. -Hi, Fozzie. 92 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:27,744 Ahem. The first Fred Award is for Best Foreign Act. 93 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:29,496 Here are the nominations. 94 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,831 A Fred? You call the award a Fred? 95 00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:36,044 Yeah. We had to call it something, and nobody was using Fred, so... 96 00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:38,213 Excuse me, may I see a Fred, please? 97 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:39,798 Uh, ha-ha-ha. 98 00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:43,218 [LAUGHS] 99 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,971 PHYLLIS: It's a bowling trophy. Ha, ha. 100 00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:48,556 Well... 101 00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:53,103 "Poughkeepsie Barons 1977 League Champions." 102 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,397 -This is what you're...? -There's the nominations. 103 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,065 -You can read them. -Oh, all right. 104 00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:59,359 Ah-ha-ha-ha. 105 00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:02,779 The first category is for the Best Foreign Act. 106 00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:05,323 There are six nominations, and they are... 107 00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,574 the Zucchini Brothers... 108 00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,743 [ZUCCHINIS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] 109 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:12,706 FOZZIE: No, no, no! 110 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,124 You were just nominated, guys. 111 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,792 [ZUCCHINIS CONTINUE SHOUTING] 112 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:18,920 You were just nominated, that's all! 113 00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,464 I guess they won. 114 00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:27,887 Ahh. Uh, okay, moving right along. Now, the next category, Best Sketch award. 115 00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:30,140 Where? Oh. 116 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,808 NARRATOR: And now 117 00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:35,979 [IN ECHOING VOICE] Pigs in Space, 118 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:42,110 the first nomination for Best Sketch, for the episode entitled "Pig Alien." 119 00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:43,528 "Pig Alien"? 120 00:06:43,611 --> 00:06:45,864 Oh, why did they pick that one? 121 00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:48,116 I thought I was kind of cute in that one. 122 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:50,493 -You were the pits. -Hmm. 123 00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,245 If we are going to win a Fred, 124 00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:55,582 we should do "First Mate Piggy Saves the Day." 125 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,375 I don't remember that one. 126 00:06:57,459 --> 00:07:00,337 Well, of course you do. It's where you become hysterical 127 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,297 and I have to knock you out, like this. 128 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:04,174 -Huh? -Take that! 129 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,634 And then I take over the controls. 130 00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:10,347 Argh! I be Captain Blueboar! 131 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,307 Wait, you're not in this sketch. 132 00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,642 Aren't we be doing "Pig Alien"? 133 00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:18,855 No, no, no, we are doing "First Mate Piggy Saves the Day." 134 00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:21,441 -I don't remember that one. -Of course you do. 135 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:24,069 Link becomes hysterical, and I knock him out. 136 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:25,403 -No, wait! -Like that. 137 00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:27,697 -Oof! -And then take over the controls. 138 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,408 Argh, I remember. Har-har-har. 139 00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:34,454 Well, my favorite is "Strangepork Takes Up Disco." 140 00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,623 [BAND PLAYING UPBEAT DISCO MUSIC] 141 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:42,253 -Uh, does anybody hit me in that one? -No, Linky. 142 00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:45,173 Oh, good. Then that's the one we'll do. 143 00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:47,342 Oh, brother. I don't believe this. 144 00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:48,468 Come on, Piggy. 145 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:49,678 Oh, boogie down! 146 00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:52,931 Get on with the show! I'm getting out. 147 00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:56,976 [SIGHS] 148 00:07:57,060 --> 00:08:02,065 Uh, moving right along with our exciting and entertaining award show, 149 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:05,860 the show a certain frog said couldn't be done. 150 00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:09,030 "Shouldn't." I said, it shouldn't be done. 151 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:14,661 Uh, here is the second nomination for Best Song, 152 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:18,164 sung by Miss Phyllis George. 153 00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:21,001 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 154 00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,169 [PLAYING MELANCHOLY JAZZ MUSIC] 155 00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:32,262 ♪ You put a piece of carbon paper Under your heart ♪ 156 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:36,850 ♪ And gave me just a copy of your love ♪ 157 00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:44,107 ♪ Each dove and pigeon'll Know who got the original ♪ 158 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:49,988 ♪ Darling, can't you see What you mean to me? ♪ 159 00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:55,493 ♪ Oh, how you fooled me With those giggles, winks, and nudges ♪ 160 00:08:55,577 --> 00:09:02,292 ♪ The love that you gave me Was a duplicate with smudges ♪ 161 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:08,173 ♪ 'Cause you put a piece of carbon paper Under you heart ♪ 162 00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:12,635 ♪ And gave me Just a second sheet of love ♪ 163 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:15,513 Rowlf, it's about this song. 164 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,098 Yeah? What about it? 165 00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:20,101 -Well, it's a little weird. -Yeah, I'm sorry about that. 166 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:24,064 I wanted a song that was very weird, but this was the best I could find. 167 00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:28,276 -Just sing, Phyllis. -Oh. 168 00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:35,283 ♪ Oh, how you fooled me With those giggles, winks, and nudges ♪ 169 00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:41,790 ♪ The love that he gave you Was a duplicate with smudges ♪ 170 00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:47,379 ♪ 'Cause you put a piece of carbon paper Under your heart ♪ 171 00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:50,382 ♪ And gave me just a copy of ♪ 172 00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:53,301 ♪ Gave you just a copy of ♪ 173 00:09:53,385 --> 00:10:00,684 -♪ Gave you just a second sheet of love ♪ -♪ Gave me just a second sheet of love ♪ 174 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,852 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 175 00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:08,483 Hey, wake up. 176 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,610 -Hm? -What'd you think of that last number? 177 00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:14,197 Oh, oh, that George Phyllis is a wonderful singer. 178 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,117 You mean Phyllis George is a wonderful singer. 179 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,827 They're both terrific. 180 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:24,499 And now the award for the Best Performance By an Inanimate Object 181 00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:27,377 or a Group of Inanimate Objects. 182 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,129 The nominees are... 183 00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,381 [BAND PLAYS FANFARE] 184 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,133 the Singing Food... 185 00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:35,301 [FOOD CHATTERING] 186 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,890 ...the Talking Luggage... 187 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,059 [LUGGAGE MUTTERING] 188 00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:47,022 ...and the Dancing Mountains. 189 00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,440 LUGGAGE: Boo! 190 00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:51,693 Are they here? 191 00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,863 If they were here, you'd know about it, kiddo. 192 00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:56,489 [ALL CHUCKLE] 193 00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:59,075 And the winner is... 194 00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:02,912 the Dancing Mountains! 195 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,081 [LUGGAGE AND FOOD MUTTERING] 196 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:07,917 Whoa. 197 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,961 [GROUND RUMBLING AND FOOD YELPING] 198 00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:12,213 Wait. Wait, uh, what's going on? 199 00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,674 The Dancing Mountains won! Aah! 200 00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:17,093 Oh, good grief. They're coming to accept. 201 00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:20,347 Aah! Wait! Stop! Wait a minute! Listen, Scooter! Hold it! 202 00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,557 Excuse me, everybody! Wait a minute! 203 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,143 That award will not be presented. 204 00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:28,271 Uh, we'll mail it out. 205 00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:30,690 Now, what's next, Scooter? 206 00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:35,195 Oh, it's the award for the Funniest Comedy Performance By a Bear. 207 00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:37,155 Yeah, figures. 208 00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:40,283 Shh, shh, shh! 209 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:43,411 They are announcing my award. 210 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:48,458 And now the award for the Funniest Comedy Performance By a Bear. 211 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,502 And the winner is... 212 00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:52,379 Billy the Bear. 213 00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:54,005 [BAND PLAYING FANFARE] 214 00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:58,218 Hey, thank you, thank you, thank you. Excuse me, excuse me. 215 00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:01,721 Mwah. Love you. Har, har, guffaw. Ha, ha. 216 00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:03,223 Hey, wonderful, wonderful. 217 00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:06,309 Oh, excuse me. I thought you was a rug. 218 00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:07,811 [GUFFAWS] 219 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:10,563 Hey, listen, is that your real face 220 00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:13,358 or was your plastic surgeon cross-eyed? 221 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,360 [GUFFAWS] 222 00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:19,197 Oh, listen, no hard feelings. Come on, have a cigar. 223 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,116 No, thank you, I-- 224 00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:22,534 [EXPLODES] 225 00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:24,327 [LAUGHING] 226 00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:33,128 -Cheese! -Thank you. 227 00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:34,421 Another one. 228 00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:37,632 Oh Louis! Louis! Louis Kazagger! 229 00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:41,761 Yes, thank you. I'm here today, talking to the Zucchinis, 230 00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:44,305 who have, indeed, their award right here. 231 00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,516 Ah, we win the award! 232 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:52,397 Tell me, Biondo, how does it feel, now that you've finally won something 233 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,025 after all these years in show business? 234 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,861 Well, I'm-a glad-a you ask-a me that-a, Louis. 235 00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:01,448 You see, we win-a because we are the best-a foreign act! 236 00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:03,992 Yay! We the best! Yay! 237 00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:06,828 And, because it-a make us-a feel-a good! 238 00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:08,955 Yay! Feel good! That's right, that's right. 239 00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:12,292 Yes, well, tell me, weren't you worried about your competition, 240 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:16,129 the Nippon Flippers, the Swahili Stompers, and the Volga Shoatmen? 241 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,631 Oh, he say "worried"! [LAUGH] 242 00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,967 Worry, we don't worry... 243 00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:26,222 No, no! We win and nobody ever gonna take-a this award away from us! 244 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,808 I see. Well, we... 245 00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:33,605 -It appears that the... -Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! 246 00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:37,233 Yes, the Nippon Flippers have indeed taken the award. 247 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:40,904 Biondo, how does it feel now that someone's taken the award away from you? 248 00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:45,325 Oh, Louis! We was-a robbed! This is an outrage! 249 00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:48,161 We gonna report-a this to U.N.! Yeah, si. 250 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,873 Come back here! 251 00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:54,209 Now it appears that the... yes, 252 00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:57,545 I think... oh... the Swahili Stompers have got the award, 253 00:13:57,629 --> 00:14:00,715 and there seems to be some confusion about this category. 254 00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:03,218 Now the Volga Shoatmen have the award! 255 00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:08,473 Indeed. In fact, it's developing into a lively debate. 256 00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:11,059 And there's someone new on the scene here. 257 00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:16,815 This one appears young and hungry, and indeed lives up to his appearances. 258 00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:20,902 Hey, you eat-a that... oh no! It's all gone! 259 00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:27,909 By the way, here at the theater, odds have riven a hundred to one 260 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:31,121 that the peace prize will never be given. 261 00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:43,883 And now I'd like to introduce Rowlf with another nominee for Song of the Year. 262 00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:45,552 I would also like to point out 263 00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:48,513 that the George mentioned in the song is not Phyllis. 264 00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,265 Wait till you hear this one. 265 00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:52,726 You thought the carbon-paper song was strange. 266 00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:56,104 [PLAYING SCHMALTZY JAZZ MUSIC] 267 00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:08,241 I'd like to sing for you now a little song entitled "You and I and George." 268 00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:12,662 I'm sure you've never heard of this song. 269 00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:17,625 "You and I and George" is one of the most unheard-of songs of all time. 270 00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:21,880 In its only recording, "You and I and George" sold two copies. 271 00:15:21,963 --> 00:15:26,051 I bought one, and George bought one. Where were you? 272 00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:39,939 ♪ You and I and George ♪ 273 00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:44,903 ♪ Were strolling Through the park one day ♪ 274 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:49,532 ♪ And then you held my hand ♪ 275 00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:53,745 ♪ As if to say ♪ 276 00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:59,542 ♪ I love you ♪ 277 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:03,296 ♪ We came to a brook ♪ 278 00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:08,051 ♪ And George Fell in and drowned himself ♪ 279 00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:13,556 ♪ And floated out to sea ♪ 280 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,853 ♪ Leaving you ♪ 281 00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:26,653 ♪ Alone with me ♪ 282 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,410 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 283 00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:38,707 [BAND PLAYING FANFARE] 284 00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,542 Uh-- Unh. 285 00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:45,797 Uh, Miss George has asked me to announce the next category. 286 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:50,802 The winner of the Stunt of the Year award is... 287 00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:54,305 the 500-foot Group Plunge, recreated for us now 288 00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:56,182 by the Falling Alfonsos! 289 00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:58,435 [ACROBAT SCREAMING] 290 00:16:58,518 --> 00:16:59,769 [ACROBATS SCREAMING] 291 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,771 Okay. 292 00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:07,569 -Whoa. -Here is your award, sir. Oh! 293 00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:11,031 See why I asked him to announce it? 294 00:17:13,158 --> 00:17:16,536 Uh... Oh, brother. Uh... 295 00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:18,079 Whew. Ahem. 296 00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:20,665 And now to read the list of the nominees 297 00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:23,752 for Best Guest Star Appearance on a Muppet Show, 298 00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:25,503 here is Scooter. 299 00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:27,756 [BAND PLAYING UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC] 300 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,346 ♪ There's John and Liza Sly and Bob ♪ 301 00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,598 ♪ And Elton J. Who wasn't bad ♪ 302 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,975 ♪ Raquel and Steve And Cheryl, Alice ♪ 303 00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:41,144 ♪ Edgar B. He's Charlie's dad ♪ 304 00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,063 ♪ As well as Candice She was great ♪ 305 00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:45,357 ♪ And really earned her salary ♪ 306 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:49,819 ♪ And so did Twiggy, Ethel, Kaye And Peter, Paul, and Valerie ♪ 307 00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:54,032 ♪ There's Crystal, Victor, Linda Dudley, Helen, Roy and Judy ♪ 308 00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:58,203 ♪ There's Milton, Phyllis, Cloris, James Loretta, Spike, and Rudy ♪ 309 00:17:58,286 --> 00:18:02,415 ♪ There's Elke, Liberace, Lynn And Harry, Avery, Cleo, Lou ♪ 310 00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:07,504 ♪ Teresa, Jaye P., Gilda, Rich Don, Jean, Bruce, Pearl, and Leo too ♪ 311 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:08,713 [INHALES] 312 00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:13,176 ♪ There's Lena, Harvey, Juliet Dyan, and if I get a chance ♪ 313 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:17,555 ♪ I'll try to find a place Where I can also mention Mummenschanz ♪ 314 00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:22,769 ♪ Along with Roy and Dale, Petula, Andy Phyllis, Rita, Dom, and Nance ♪ 315 00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:25,730 ♪ And Sandy, Arlo, Joel, and George ♪ 316 00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:29,275 ♪ And Florence, Dizzy, Julie, Anne Lorene and Bob and Peter ♪ 317 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:32,904 ♪ And Connie, Kenny, Bernadette Marisa, Kris, and Rita ♪ 318 00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:35,699 ♪ Madeline and Señor Wences Lola, Charles, and Beverly ♪ 319 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,910 ♪ This list is getting much too long So I'll just end it cleverly ♪ 320 00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:41,788 ♪ Leslie, Lesley Ann, and John, and Danny He's my hero ♪ 321 00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:45,125 ♪ Roger, Ruth, Jim, Vincent, Ben And last, not least, is Zero ♪ 322 00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:51,923 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 323 00:18:54,384 --> 00:18:58,680 Thank you very much, Scooter. And the winner is... 324 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:04,519 The winner is me, Phyllis George. Thank you, everyone. 325 00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:08,773 Of course Phyllis George won. No one else is here. 326 00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:12,485 None of the others would be dumb enough to come back. 327 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:17,991 This award will certainly sit in a place of honor-- 328 00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,287 What do I do now? 329 00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:23,663 Here. 330 00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:26,166 -Oh, thank you. -Yeah. 331 00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:29,336 For a second there, I was overcome by the thrill of victory. 332 00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:36,468 Next we have the second nomination for the Best Sketch, Veterinarian's Hospital. 333 00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:40,930 NARRATOR: And now Veterinarian's Hospital, 334 00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:47,020 the continuing story of a quack who's gone to the dogs. 335 00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:49,856 I'd like to thank the members of the Academy-- 336 00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:52,442 Dr. Bob, what are you doing? 337 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:55,445 I'm practicing my acceptance speech. Ha-ha-ha. 338 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,155 But we haven't won yet. 339 00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,657 -No, we have to do the sketch first. -Mm-hm. 340 00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:02,035 We do? Well, I might as well forget this. 341 00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:04,704 We could still win. 342 00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:07,082 Yeah, but we've got real tough competition. 343 00:20:07,165 --> 00:20:09,542 I was afraid of that. What's our competition? 344 00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:11,878 Pigs in Space. 345 00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:14,381 I'd like to thank the members of the Academy-- 346 00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:18,885 Dr. Bob, I was the star of Pigs in Space. Ahem. 347 00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:21,429 Also my producer, my director-- 348 00:20:21,513 --> 00:20:22,555 Dr. Bob! 349 00:20:22,639 --> 00:20:26,810 Nurse Piggy, you're in both sketches. You can't lose. 350 00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:28,520 Hey. You're right. 351 00:20:28,603 --> 00:20:31,523 Eh. Not much point in going on. 352 00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:36,111 NARRATOR: And so we come to the end of another Veterinarian's Hospital. 353 00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:38,988 Tune in next week, when you'll hear Nurse Piggy say: 354 00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:42,158 Ah, knock it off. Let's get to the award. 355 00:20:45,537 --> 00:20:47,956 Well, there you have it, the last of the nominees 356 00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:49,666 for the Best Sketch of the Year. 357 00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:52,961 Oh, oh, oh. Floyd, how do I look? 358 00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:55,422 Uh, nervous, Piggy? 359 00:20:55,505 --> 00:21:00,468 Well, of course not, Floyd. I'm in both nominated sketches. 360 00:21:00,552 --> 00:21:04,472 There is no way for moi to lose. 361 00:21:06,016 --> 00:21:08,101 And the winner is... 362 00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:14,232 The judges have chosen not to award a Fred in this category. 363 00:21:14,315 --> 00:21:15,692 What?! 364 00:21:17,861 --> 00:21:20,947 What do you mean, I lost? I'll cut you in two, Phyllis George! 365 00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:23,283 Wait a minute. It's not me. I didn't decide. 366 00:21:23,366 --> 00:21:24,409 Well, who did? 367 00:21:24,492 --> 00:21:26,369 Well, the blue-ribbon panel of judges. 368 00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:28,455 Don't tell me "judges." Who are they? 369 00:21:28,538 --> 00:21:31,916 What names shall we carve on their tombstones? 370 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,253 Don't you think you'd better go get ready for the next category? 371 00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:36,379 No. Why should I? 372 00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:38,048 Well, it's the big one. 373 00:21:38,131 --> 00:21:41,134 Performer of the Year. And you're nominated. 374 00:21:42,886 --> 00:21:44,512 Moi? 375 00:21:44,596 --> 00:21:50,185 Ah. Oh, Performer of the Year. Why, yes, of course, Phyllis, my sweet. 376 00:21:50,268 --> 00:21:52,520 I shall go get ready. 377 00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:54,647 Kissy-kissy, judges. 378 00:21:54,731 --> 00:21:56,441 [GIGGLING] 379 00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:57,859 Isn't she cute? 380 00:21:59,444 --> 00:22:03,907 Oh, Kermie, Kermie, Kermie! Come with me, Kermie. Oh, come on. 381 00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:05,950 -What? -The big award is about to be given. 382 00:22:06,034 --> 00:22:07,285 Yeah, but, Piggy... 383 00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:11,289 Uh, listen, Piggy, you know, these awards don't mean anything to me. 384 00:22:11,373 --> 00:22:16,920 But... Oh, Kermie. But I want you next to me when I win. 385 00:22:17,879 --> 00:22:19,714 But, Piggy, who's your competition? 386 00:22:19,798 --> 00:22:23,718 Kermie, you old silly. What competition? 387 00:22:23,802 --> 00:22:28,598 Well, ladies and gentlemen, there is only one Fred left. 388 00:22:28,682 --> 00:22:32,852 And it belongs to that person our blue-ribbon panel has voted to be 389 00:22:32,936 --> 00:22:35,271 Performer of the Year. 390 00:22:35,355 --> 00:22:37,232 The nominees are... 391 00:22:38,274 --> 00:22:39,484 Miss Piggy... 392 00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:44,989 Oh, oh! Oh, thank you, thank you. Kissy-kissy. Thank you all. Mwah! 393 00:22:45,073 --> 00:22:47,158 [GIGGLING] 394 00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:51,538 -...and Kermit the Frog. -What? 395 00:22:51,621 --> 00:22:54,582 Ah! Oh, oh. Wow, really? 396 00:22:57,168 --> 00:23:00,171 And so at last, we come to the moment we've all been waiting for. 397 00:23:00,255 --> 00:23:01,297 -Mm! -Gee. 398 00:23:01,381 --> 00:23:03,591 -The most important award of the evening. -Ooh. 399 00:23:03,675 --> 00:23:05,301 The winner of Performer of the Year. 400 00:23:05,385 --> 00:23:06,803 [PIGGY PANTS] 401 00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:08,221 And that winner is... 402 00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:09,723 [PIGGY WHIMPERING] 403 00:23:09,806 --> 00:23:11,307 And the winner is... 404 00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:12,726 Kermit the Frog. 405 00:23:12,809 --> 00:23:14,060 [STAMMERS] 406 00:23:14,144 --> 00:23:17,897 Oh, wow! Oh, really? Oh, excuse me, Piggy. Now, pardon me. 407 00:23:17,981 --> 00:23:19,024 Oh, wow. 408 00:23:19,107 --> 00:23:20,150 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 409 00:23:20,233 --> 00:23:22,444 Uh, thank you, thank you. I'm so surprised. 410 00:23:22,527 --> 00:23:28,116 I never thought I'd be up here accepting this, uh, coveted Fred. 411 00:23:28,199 --> 00:23:31,494 Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm really touched. 412 00:23:31,578 --> 00:23:34,289 -Touched? I'll show you touched! -What? 413 00:23:34,372 --> 00:23:36,207 -Hi--! -Wait, wait, wait! Hold-- 414 00:23:36,291 --> 00:23:39,336 Uh, ladies and gentlemen, in this, my hour of triumph, 415 00:23:39,419 --> 00:23:41,880 I would specially like to thank Miss Piggy. 416 00:23:41,963 --> 00:23:44,174 Uh, thank you, my dear. 417 00:23:44,257 --> 00:23:45,717 AUDIENCE: Aww! 418 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:48,720 Ugh. Now I can't even hit him. 419 00:23:50,138 --> 00:23:53,391 And so we come to the end of our first annual Fred Award Show. 420 00:23:53,475 --> 00:23:55,685 Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much. 421 00:23:55,769 --> 00:23:57,604 Now, it really has been an evening 422 00:23:57,687 --> 00:24:01,649 that proves the truth of that old song, ladies and gentlemen... 423 00:24:01,733 --> 00:24:05,653 ♪ There's no business like show business ♪ 424 00:24:05,737 --> 00:24:10,200 BOTH: ♪ Like no business I know ♪ 425 00:24:10,283 --> 00:24:14,245 ALL: ♪ Everything about it is appealing ♪ 426 00:24:14,329 --> 00:24:18,333 ♪ Everything the traffic will allow ♪ 427 00:24:18,416 --> 00:24:21,544 ♪ Nowhere could you get That happy feeling ♪ 428 00:24:21,628 --> 00:24:25,840 ♪ When you are stealing that extra bow ♪ 429 00:24:25,924 --> 00:24:30,053 ♪ There's no people like show people ♪ 430 00:24:30,136 --> 00:24:34,432 ♪ They smile when they are low ♪ 431 00:24:34,516 --> 00:24:38,311 ♪ Even with a turkey That you know will fold ♪ 432 00:24:38,395 --> 00:24:42,524 ♪ You may be stranded out in the cold ♪ 433 00:24:42,607 --> 00:24:46,111 ♪ Still you wouldn't change it For a sack of gold ♪ 434 00:24:46,194 --> 00:24:51,241 ♪ Let's go on with the show ♪ 435 00:24:51,324 --> 00:24:53,535 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 436 00:24:53,618 --> 00:24:56,579 [MUPPETS HUMMING UPBEAT SHOW TUNE] 437 00:24:56,663 --> 00:24:59,791 This whole show turned out better than I thought it would. 438 00:24:59,874 --> 00:25:02,460 But before we go, let us thank our wonderful guest star. 439 00:25:02,544 --> 00:25:05,171 Ladies and gentlemen, Phyllis George. Yay! 440 00:25:05,255 --> 00:25:07,340 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 441 00:25:10,051 --> 00:25:12,095 Well, Kermit, I can tell you one thing. 442 00:25:12,178 --> 00:25:15,765 I love you guys so much, and this has been the best award show ever. 443 00:25:15,849 --> 00:25:18,184 I mean, look, everyone got an award. 444 00:25:18,268 --> 00:25:21,187 Not everyone, George. 445 00:25:21,271 --> 00:25:22,397 Uh, take it easy. 446 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:25,984 Uh, the voting was done by our special panel of blue-ribbon judges. 447 00:25:26,067 --> 00:25:28,445 Who are they? Who are these judges? Let's see them. 448 00:25:28,528 --> 00:25:31,156 -Uh, send in the judges! -Hmm? 449 00:25:32,699 --> 00:25:34,409 Rats?! 450 00:25:34,492 --> 00:25:36,369 I'm not good enough for rats?! 451 00:25:36,453 --> 00:25:39,414 Uh, uh, we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show. 452 00:25:39,497 --> 00:25:42,709 ALL: ♪ ...on with the show ♪ 453 00:25:42,792 --> 00:25:44,794 [ALL CHATTERING] 454 00:25:44,878 --> 00:25:46,212 PIGGY: No, no, no! 455 00:25:46,296 --> 00:25:48,381 [PIGGY SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] 456 00:25:48,465 --> 00:25:50,550 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 457 00:25:50,633 --> 00:25:52,719 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 458 00:25:57,682 --> 00:26:00,935 -Here, why don't you hold my award? -No! 459 00:26:01,019 --> 00:26:02,270 -You can do it. -No! 460 00:26:02,354 --> 00:26:04,522 -You can keep it in your room. -Go away! 461 00:26:05,648 --> 00:26:08,485 KERMIT: Phyllis, great show, really wonderful. 462 00:26:08,568 --> 00:26:10,195 PIGGY: Get away from me! 463 00:26:11,279 --> 00:26:12,989 KERMIT: You did such a nice job. 464 00:26:13,073 --> 00:26:14,741 PIGGY: Go away! 465 00:26:15,784 --> 00:26:16,910 Piggy? 466 00:26:17,994 --> 00:26:21,664 I can't believe those rats were responsible for this show. 467 00:26:21,748 --> 00:26:25,543 Why not? They were also responsible for the bubonic plague. 36019

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