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1
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[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
2
00:00:02,585 --> 00:00:05,964
Oh, Dudley, Dudley Moore.
Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. Moore.
3
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:07,966
-Thanks, Scooter.
-[PIANO NOTES PLAYING]
4
00:00:08,049 --> 00:00:11,636
I'm having trouble getting this piano
in tune. Can you give me an A?
5
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,013
Sure, easy.
6
00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:24,566
It's The Muppet Show, with our very
special guest star, Dudley Moore!
7
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[CHEERS]
8
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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
9
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
10
00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:43,793
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
11
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,879
♪ It's time to get things started ♪
12
00:00:45,962 --> 00:00:48,340
♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
13
00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,550
Watch what you say tonight.
14
00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:52,719
I think the place is bugged.
15
00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:57,015
♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
16
00:00:57,098 --> 00:00:59,267
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
17
00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:01,936
♪ This is what we call ♪
18
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:06,608
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
19
00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:12,113
Surprise!
20
00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:14,574
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
21
00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:17,535
Thank you and welcome again
to The Muppet Show.
22
00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:20,288
And a terrific show it is,
because our special guest
23
00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:24,084
is one of England's brightest stars
of music and comedy, Mr. Dudley Moore.
24
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:25,919
But first, to get things started,
25
00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:28,588
we have invited a talented group
of young unknowns.
26
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So let's give them a big hand and make
them feel welcome. Yay!
27
00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:35,303
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
28
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[PLAYING "SHE LOVES YOU"]
29
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♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
30
00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:43,561
♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
31
00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:48,441
♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
32
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:50,735
♪ Well, you think you've lost your love ♪
33
00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:53,988
♪ Well, I saw her yesterday ♪
34
00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:56,366
♪ It's you she's thinking of ♪
35
00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,743
♪ And she told me what to say ♪
36
00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,662
♪ She says she loves you ♪
37
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♪ And you know that can't be bad ♪
38
00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:05,583
♪ Yeah, she loves you ♪
39
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:08,712
♪ And you know you should be glad ♪
40
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:09,963
♪ Ooh! ♪
41
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:12,215
♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
42
00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:14,801
♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
43
00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:16,469
♪ With a love like that ♪
44
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:19,723
♪ You know you should be glad ♪
45
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♪ Well, you know it's up to you ♪
46
00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:25,812
♪ And I think it's only fair ♪
47
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♪ Pride can hurt you, too ♪
48
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♪ Apologize to her ♪
49
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♪ Because she loves you ♪
50
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:35,780
♪ And you know that can't be bad ♪
51
00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,157
♪ Yeah, she loves you ♪
52
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,326
♪ And you know you should be glad ♪
53
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♪ Ooh! ♪
54
00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:02,307
♪ Ooh! ♪
55
00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:04,601
♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
56
00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:07,103
♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
57
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,563
♪ With a love like that ♪
58
00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:12,025
♪ You know you should be glad ♪
59
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,818
♪ With a love like that ♪
60
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:17,322
♪ You know you should be glad ♪
61
00:03:17,405 --> 00:03:19,032
♪ With a love like that ♪
62
00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:22,786
♪ You know you should be ♪
63
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♪ Glad ♪
64
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♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
65
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:33,004
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
66
00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,131
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
67
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:41,680
You know, seeing a number like that
always makes me nostalgic.
68
00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,640
Yeah? Nostalgic for what?
69
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,183
DDT.
70
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:50,105
Okay, great sound, guys.
That might just catch on.
71
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,356
Oh, thanks, guv.
72
00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:54,025
But you fellas should find a name
for your group.
73
00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:57,362
We were thinking of something
like the Grateful Dead.
74
00:03:57,445 --> 00:04:00,240
-The who?
-Nah, it's been done.
75
00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:02,450
That's been done, too.
76
00:04:03,535 --> 00:04:04,953
KERMIT:
Hey, it's Dudley Moore.
77
00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:08,081
Hi, Kermit.
Uh, you ready for my number yet?
78
00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:11,334
Well, not yet.
But matter of fact, the band was wondering
79
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:14,379
how to play your accompaniment
without any arrangements.
80
00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:16,715
-Band? Arrangements?
-Mm-hm. Sure.
81
00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:19,050
Uh, I don't need any arrangements.
82
00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:20,427
Really? How come?
83
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:21,678
I've got M.A.M.M.A.
84
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:23,304
[WHEELS SQUEAKING]
85
00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:27,642
Looks like a fugitive from Star Wars.
86
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:29,561
Its name is M.A.M.M.A., huh?
87
00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:33,732
Yeah. Music and Mood Management Apparatus.
88
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,316
M.A.M.M.A.
89
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,652
-It plays anything you want?
-Exactly.
90
00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,446
Gee, is it any good?
91
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:41,614
-"Is it any good"?
-Mm-hm.
92
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:44,159
This is the ultimate achievement.
93
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:48,830
This is man's synthesis
of science and art.
94
00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:52,834
This is the Sistine Chapel of innovation.
95
00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:54,169
It's good, huh?
96
00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:55,462
It's not bad.
97
00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:58,965
[CLICKING AND BEEPING]
98
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:02,385
[PLAYING MUPPET SHOW THEME SONG]
99
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:06,097
By fiddling with these thingamajigs here,
100
00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:08,183
I can get, uh, classical.
101
00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:10,393
[PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC]
102
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:14,981
Or jazz.
103
00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,232
[PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC]
104
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:19,235
-Wow.
-Or disco.
105
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,112
[PLAYING DISCO MUSIC]
106
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:24,282
-Gee. Could we use it for our next number?
-Sure. What is it?
107
00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:25,909
It's called "At the Dance."
108
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,535
My pleasure.
109
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:34,709
Okay, everybody on-stage
for "At the Disco Dance."
110
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:37,712
Oh, Kermit, I am gonna be so funny.
111
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:41,716
[DISCO MUSIC CONTINUES]
112
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:48,932
Oh, yeah!
113
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,852
Hey, hey, everybody! Hey, listen. Hey!
114
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:58,483
What is green, waves its arms,
and is found in Chinese restaurants, huh?
115
00:05:58,566 --> 00:05:59,609
I don't know.
116
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:02,987
What is green, waves its arms,
and is found in Chinese restaurants?
117
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:05,657
Kermit the Eggroll! Ah!
118
00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:06,825
ALL:
Oh!
119
00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:09,703
Yeah! Yeah! I knew you'd love it.
120
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:15,166
Hey, hey, hey, look. It's a dancing cow.
121
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:18,003
This must be a dis-cow-theque.
122
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,212
-Moo!
-Boo!
123
00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:22,757
Yes, yes, yes, more, yes. Yes.
124
00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:24,759
Hey, hey, hey. Hey.
125
00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:27,679
Why did the duck cross the road?
126
00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:31,307
[SHOUTING] I don't know!
Why did the duck cross the road?
127
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,393
[FOZZIE GROANS]
128
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:37,605
Because he was tied to the chicken. Ah!
129
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:40,900
-Boo!
-Thank you, thank you.
130
00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:44,154
Yes. Oh, look. Look. It's a dancing shark.
131
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,198
This must be a fish-cotheque. Ah!
132
00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,324
Boo!
133
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,577
Yes, more. I know you want more.
134
00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:54,414
Hey, hey, hey. Okay. Last one. Listen.
135
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:55,540
Yeah, what?
136
00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:57,250
Hey, guys? Ahem.
137
00:06:57,334 --> 00:07:01,921
What do you call
a light-brown billiard stick? Huh?
138
00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:06,176
A tan cue?
139
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,928
You're welcome. Ah!
140
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:14,642
Get away from me, please.
I loved it. I'm glad you did.
141
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:20,815
Okay, well, uh, so much for disco dancing.
142
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:23,818
Uh, and now for all you fans
of the roaring twenties,
143
00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,987
we have one of the top hits of 1929,
144
00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:30,575
written by Charles "Cow Cow" Davenport,
called "Mama Don't Allow."
145
00:07:30,658 --> 00:07:32,035
Oh, good.
146
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:36,915
Cow-Cow's songs are so mooooo-ving.
147
00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:38,708
Yeah. Yeah.
148
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:42,837
Uh, okay, and it's played for you with his
Music and Mood Management Apparatus
149
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:45,215
by the fabulously talented
Mr. Dudley Moore.
150
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,800
Yay!
151
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:48,968
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
152
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,099
Okay, guys, take five.
153
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:55,892
[BAND PLAYING]
154
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,983
Hold it. Hold it.
155
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:05,360
What's wrong?
156
00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,904
No, I meant, uh, lay out.
157
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,781
I won't be needing you.
158
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,616
-Wha...?
-How come?
159
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:14,369
I'll be doing this with M.A.M.M.A.
160
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:17,372
[M.A.M.M.A. PLAYING MUSIC]
161
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,794
♪ M.A.M.M.A. don't allow
No guitar players in here ♪
162
00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:24,629
What?
163
00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:27,716
♪ M.A.M.M.A. don't allow
No guitar players in here ♪
164
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,678
♪ It don't matter
If you're flat or sharp ♪
165
00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:34,014
♪ You're gonna wake up a-playing a harp ♪
166
00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:37,600
♪ 'Cause M.A.M.M.A. don't allow
No guitar players in here ♪
167
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,185
Take it, M.A.M.M.A.
168
00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:53,324
Would you believe this?
It's a musical garbage can.
169
00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,535
Playing musical garbage.
170
00:08:56,828 --> 00:09:00,790
Yeah. It ain't got that swing
when it's played by a thing.
171
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:06,629
Still, you will note,
that it is being played.
172
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:09,507
And nobody being paid.
173
00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,134
True. True.
174
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,385
Jive.
175
00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:19,225
♪ M.A.M.M.A. don't allow
No drummer man in here ♪
176
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:23,938
♪ M.A.M.M.A. don't allow
No drummer man in here ♪
177
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:30,070
♪ M.A.M.M.A. said she gonna lower the boom
If she hear drumming in this room ♪
178
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:33,281
♪ 'Cause M.A.M.M.A. don't allow
No drummin' in here ♪
179
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,496
[YELLING]
180
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,527
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
181
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,993
FLOYD:
We gotta talk to him.
182
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:20,203
Yeah.
183
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,497
Hey, cricket-breath.
184
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,165
Oh, uh, hi, guys.
185
00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:27,502
Yeah, what's this electric no-man's band
you're using?
186
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:28,628
Yeah.
187
00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:32,090
Oh. That's just an experiment,
that's all, Floyd.
188
00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:36,261
Listen, turtle-bait. Just because
it can play for Dudley Moore
189
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:38,555
don't mean it can play
the rest of the show.
190
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,015
Right. Right.
191
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:41,474
"The rest of the show"?
192
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,518
Why, Floyd, that's a wonderful idea.
193
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:48,440
I'll just plug in
the background music button here.
194
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:51,109
[M.A.M.M.A. PLAYS DRAMATIC STING]
195
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:53,945
Hey, Rowlf, where you going?
Wait a minute, man.
196
00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:56,823
Hey, we gotta present
a solid front on this.
197
00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:59,075
Uh, you do the solid front bit.
198
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:03,246
I'm gonna call this monkey I know
who's looking for an organ grinder.
199
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:08,668
Uh... Uh... Well, um...
200
00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:12,005
Everybody on-stage for Pigs in Space.
201
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:15,675
Well, it's a sad day for musicians.
202
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:20,555
Yeah. I can almost hear Beethoven
turning over in his grave.
203
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,974
[M.A.M.M.A. PLAYS BEETHOVEN]
204
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:31,566
NARRATOR:
And now, Pigs in Space.
205
00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:37,322
When last we left the spaceship Swinetrek,
206
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:40,492
it was being followed
by a mysterious object.
207
00:11:40,575 --> 00:11:42,077
HOGTHROB:
Oh!
208
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,705
It looks like one of those things
that scientists send up from Earth.
209
00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:47,665
-What do you call them?
-Satellite.
210
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:49,751
Of course it's a light.
211
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:53,129
Looks like a lot of lights.
But what do you call it?
212
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:56,925
Mon capitan is off to a great start. Ahem.
213
00:11:57,008 --> 00:12:01,262
STRANGEPORK: Link, I've just found out
what that object is.
214
00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:02,972
What is it, Dr. Strangepork?
215
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:06,309
-I'll tell you when I make my entrance.
-Huh?
216
00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:10,355
[TRIUMPHANT BRASS FANFARE PLAYS]
217
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:17,946
That machine was sent up here
to underscore this sketch.
218
00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:22,409
-Huh?
-Yeah.That music was for my entrance.
219
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:27,664
Pretty big fanfare for a mere
passenger-hyphen-scientist.
220
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:30,667
Imagine what it would be for a captain.
221
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,419
Think I'll try it, hm?
222
00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,714
Here I go.
223
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,677
Your captain is here.
224
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,805
[HUMILIATING JINGLE PLAYS]
225
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,265
What the hey?
226
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:51,187
Look, Strangepork, you mean we're
stuck with that all through the sketch?
227
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,564
[DRAMATIC CHORD PLAYS]
228
00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:54,357
I'm afraid so.
229
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:55,817
[HIGHER CHORD PLAYS]
230
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,736
Isn't there anything we can do?
231
00:12:57,819 --> 00:12:59,112
[HIGHER CHORD PLAYS]
232
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,655
Nothing.
233
00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:03,158
[HIGHER CHORD PLAYS]
234
00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:04,325
Get ready.
235
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:06,578
This is a catastrophe.
236
00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:09,122
[HUMILIATING JINGLE PLAYS]
237
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:13,418
How come it always plays
dumb music when I talk?
238
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:18,131
I can't take any more of this.
I'm walking.
239
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,341
You can't.
240
00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:20,800
Ha. Watch me.
241
00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:23,053
[STRUTTING BROADWAY MUSIC PLAYS]
242
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,637
[LINK & STRANGEPORK CATCALLING]
243
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:26,473
Hubba-hubba.
244
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,102
What do you think you're doing?
245
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:33,188
Just what you told us to.
246
00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:35,190
Yeah, you said "Watch me."
247
00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:36,941
[HUMILIATING JINGLE PLAYS]
248
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,234
Hey.
249
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:41,946
Yeah? Yeah? Well, watch this. Hi-yah!
250
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,448
NARRATOR:
Tune in next week,
251
00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:48,870
when serious charges are brought
against this week's Pigs in Space.
252
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,083
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
253
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:54,959
Entrez-toi.
254
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:58,880
-Did you want to see me, Miss Piggy?
-Oh, yes, Kermie, come in.
255
00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:03,760
Oh, Kermie.
256
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,887
-Yes, Piggy?
-I have something...
257
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:08,640
very important to tell vous.
258
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:11,351
Uh... Yes, Piggy?
259
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:18,525
There is something you could do
that would make moi very, very happy.
260
00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:20,652
Well, tell me what it is.
261
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:25,073
You know what it is.
262
00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:26,199
I...
263
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,325
I do?
264
00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:30,787
Of course you do. You must. Oh!
265
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,248
Piggy, are you trying to say...?
266
00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:36,167
Yes, Kermit.
267
00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:38,753
My dressing room sink is stopped up again.
268
00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:43,425
-I'll send Scooter up with a plunger.
-Good.
269
00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:45,593
No, wait. Kermie, Kermie, don't.
270
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:47,095
Not this door.
271
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:49,472
-Don't go out this door.
-Why not?
272
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,099
Because, Kermie,
273
00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:56,813
I have this feeling there is something
terrible outside, waiting.
274
00:14:56,896 --> 00:15:01,276
Piggy, don't be silly. There's nothing
outside that door to worry about.
275
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,236
Yes, there is.
There's something out there.
276
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:07,741
There's something evil. And monstrous.
277
00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:10,827
I can feel it,
lurking and waiting to pounce.
278
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,663
Piggy. That's just the door
to the corridor.
279
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:16,416
-Now get out of my way, Piggy.
-No. I won't let you.
280
00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:20,795
Get back from the door. Piggy. Listen.
Piggy. You're going to stand back.
281
00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:23,048
No! No! No!
282
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:25,842
-You see, Piggy? There's nothing out here.
-Don't!
283
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,552
There's nothing out here at all.
284
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:29,054
[PIGGY SCREAMS]
285
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:33,141
That's Dudley's music machine.
286
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:34,768
[PLAYS FANFARE]
287
00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:39,314
It's that stupid music machine.
What are you doing in my dressing room?
288
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:43,360
I said, what are you doing
in my dressing room?
289
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,320
I am getting out of here.
290
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:46,821
[STRUTTING BROADWAY MUSIC PLAYS]
291
00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:47,947
LINK:
Whoo-hoo!
292
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,657
Oh, boy. Mm-hm.
293
00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:51,201
Hubba-hubba.
294
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,161
[PIGGY SCREAMS]
295
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:55,288
Hey, chicky baby.
296
00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:56,873
Sooey, sooey.
297
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,958
[SCATTING]
298
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:24,484
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
299
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:25,652
Come in.
300
00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:27,987
-Hey, Dudley.
-Hey, Floyd.
301
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:30,532
Yeah, is it okay
if me and my friend come in?
302
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:33,034
-Yeah. Sure.
-Oh, good.
303
00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:34,869
[ANIMAL PANTING]
304
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:38,581
If this is your friend,
I'd hate to meet your enemies.
305
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:42,544
Yeah, well, listen.
As members of the band...
306
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:44,212
Band.
307
00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:49,592
...we come here to have it out with you
about this music machine you got.
308
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:54,472
Right. Yeah, uh, I know we have
differing opinions on the subject,
309
00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:56,641
so it's probably best to talk about it.
310
00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:59,853
-Yeah, I'm glad you feel that way.
-Yeah. Well, uh...
311
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:05,859
Why don't we openly and freely
express our feelings on the subject?
312
00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:06,985
-Good.
-Yeah, yeah.
313
00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:09,863
I feel that that cheap jive jukebox
314
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:12,741
is gonna put an end to the gig
for the band, man.
315
00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:16,119
I mean, we haven't worked all night,
and it's your fault.
316
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:18,079
ANIMAL:
Your fault, Dudley.
317
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,165
Dudley.
318
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:21,875
-Well--
-Comes pay packet time,
319
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:25,462
old man frog gonna wonder why
he's paying legal tender on us.
320
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,796
On us.
321
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,340
Dudley.
322
00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:31,593
Well...
323
00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:33,720
Well-stated. Um...
324
00:17:34,763 --> 00:17:39,684
I think it's a very succinct
and valid uh, expression
325
00:17:39,768 --> 00:17:42,270
of your opinion.
326
00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:46,274
I, on the other hand, feel that, uh...
327
00:17:46,358 --> 00:17:48,401
technological advances should not be...
328
00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:49,652
[ANIMAL PANTING]
329
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,654
...viewed, uh, as an enemy.
330
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:54,366
I mean, after all, uh...
331
00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:59,120
great triumphs of science, um...
332
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:05,335
Uh, are also true advances
of the human spirit.
333
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:08,088
And I don't feel that we should--
334
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:09,214
Ahem.
335
00:18:09,297 --> 00:18:15,845
um, let temporary or personal
considerations stand in the way.
336
00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:20,642
How do you feel about that, Animal?
337
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:23,645
Kill!
338
00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:24,813
Kill!
339
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:26,690
Kill!
340
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:30,235
All right! Anything you like!
Anything you say! Please. Anything.
341
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:31,528
-Hey. Sit.
-Sit.
342
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,488
-Heel.
-Heel.
343
00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:37,242
Well, I didn't realize he was president
of your debating society.
344
00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:38,743
[ANIMAL YELLING]
345
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:45,917
Okay, now I have a real treat
for all you fear and culture lovers.
346
00:18:46,001 --> 00:18:48,837
It's time once again for Gonzo the Great.
347
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,339
Gonzo apparently has
a real crazy act tonight.
348
00:18:51,423 --> 00:18:54,551
He won't even tell me what it is,
but I do have this message:
349
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:58,471
We have to ask for complete
and total silence from everyone.
350
00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:00,640
[M.A.M.M.A. BEEPING]
351
00:19:00,724 --> 00:19:01,808
Shh.
352
00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:03,018
[BEEPS]
353
00:19:04,227 --> 00:19:06,646
And now, Gonzo the Great.
354
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:08,523
[QUIET DRUM ROLL]
355
00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:11,818
Thank you, thank you.
356
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:16,406
I must have complete silence
for this act, please.
357
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,491
Ahem. Thank you.
358
00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:23,246
I shall now recite from the works
of Percy Bysshe Shelley while,
359
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,707
and at the same time,
360
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:30,170
defusing this high explosive bomb.
361
00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:31,463
[SIGHS]
362
00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:37,761
Hail to thee, blithe Spirit
363
00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:44,017
Bird thou--
364
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,310
[TICKING]
365
00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:51,316
Bird thou never wert
366
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:54,319
[TICKING CONTINUES AND M.A.M.M.A. WHIRS]
367
00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:58,865
That from Heaven or near it
Pourest thy full heart
368
00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:05,080
In profuse strains of unpremeditated art
369
00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:07,248
[M.A.M.M.A PLAYS LOUD CHORD,
GONZO SCREAMS]
370
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:09,542
[SCREAMS]
371
00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:13,505
What a finish.
372
00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:15,256
[LAUGHS]
373
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:21,429
FLOYD:
Ha! Look at this.
374
00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:24,224
[ANIMAL LAUGHS]
375
00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:26,976
Hey, guys? Uh, guys?
376
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:31,981
Uh, listen, would you all do me
a big favor and, uh, finish the show?
377
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:33,233
Whoa!
378
00:20:33,316 --> 00:20:37,487
Why? Is anything wrong,
little swamp brother?
379
00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:45,203
Yeah, well, see, Dudley's music machine
seems to be on the sick list, and...
380
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:47,080
"Seems to be."
381
00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:50,166
Well, maybe it'll still work.
382
00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:53,044
[PLAYING KABUKI MUSIC]
383
00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:57,215
Japanese Kabuki music?
384
00:20:58,508 --> 00:21:01,553
Listen, guys,
if you all will finish up the show,
385
00:21:01,636 --> 00:21:05,390
I promise I will never even think
of using another band.
386
00:21:06,558 --> 00:21:08,309
Let us deliberate.
387
00:21:08,393 --> 00:21:10,228
ANIMAL:
No. No.
388
00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:12,564
No. No, no, no.
389
00:21:12,647 --> 00:21:15,275
Pretty please with cream and sugar on top?
390
00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:16,735
Okay. You got it.
391
00:21:16,818 --> 00:21:17,986
Okay.
392
00:21:18,069 --> 00:21:20,780
Oh, good, good. Thank you so much.
393
00:21:20,864 --> 00:21:22,949
Ha, ha. Let's show him
what a band sounds like.
394
00:21:23,033 --> 00:21:25,702
Okay. Okay.
395
00:21:31,499 --> 00:21:33,626
Okay. Okay.
396
00:21:34,878 --> 00:21:36,254
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
397
00:21:36,338 --> 00:21:39,883
appearing next is
our own wonderful Muppet band
398
00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:41,343
with Mr. Dudley Moore.
399
00:21:41,426 --> 00:21:42,886
Yay!
400
00:21:46,222 --> 00:21:48,308
[PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC]
401
00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:57,400
[ANIMAL DRUMMING HEAVILY]
402
00:21:57,484 --> 00:21:59,944
Animal, keep it low. Animal!
403
00:22:54,541 --> 00:22:56,835
Hey! Animal!
404
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,225
Animal. Hey.
405
00:24:46,820 --> 00:24:48,905
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
406
00:24:57,831 --> 00:25:00,959
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
it has been a splendid evening,
407
00:25:01,042 --> 00:25:03,837
marred only by the fact
that we blew up half the theater.
408
00:25:04,879 --> 00:25:08,258
But before we go, let us have
one last round of applause
409
00:25:08,341 --> 00:25:11,094
for our very special guest star,
Mr. Dudley Moore!
410
00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:12,721
Yeah!
411
00:25:12,804 --> 00:25:14,889
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
412
00:25:18,101 --> 00:25:20,270
Thank you. Thank you very much, Kermit.
413
00:25:20,353 --> 00:25:23,982
It's been a real pleasure playing
the remains of the Muppet Theatre.
414
00:25:24,065 --> 00:25:27,777
Uh, yeah, and I'm sorry to say
that we broke your machine.
415
00:25:27,861 --> 00:25:31,531
Oh, no trouble.
I'm happy to say I fixed it again.
416
00:25:31,614 --> 00:25:34,784
Oh. I'm sorry to say I liked it better
when it was broken.
417
00:25:34,868 --> 00:25:36,036
Oh.
418
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:39,748
Uh, I'll just program it
for the, uh, closing theme.
419
00:25:39,831 --> 00:25:41,708
Well, there's nothing left for me to say,
420
00:25:41,791 --> 00:25:44,252
but we'll see you next time
on The Muppet Show.
421
00:25:44,336 --> 00:25:46,796
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
422
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,674
[M.A.M.M.A PLAYING STRUTTING
BROADWAY MUSIC]
423
00:25:51,926 --> 00:25:53,928
[PLAYING DISCO MUSIC]
424
00:25:58,767 --> 00:26:01,394
[PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC]
425
00:26:03,772 --> 00:26:06,524
[PLAYING STRUTTING BROADWAY MUSIC]
426
00:26:09,361 --> 00:26:11,446
[PLAYING MEDLEY OF MUSICAL STYLES]
427
00:26:21,414 --> 00:26:23,166
So they blew up half the theater.
428
00:26:23,249 --> 00:26:25,210
At least they blew up the right half.
429
00:26:25,293 --> 00:26:26,503
[IN UNISON] Theirs.
30955
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