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1
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[KNOCK ON DOOR]
2
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Elke Sommer.
Fifteen seconds to curtain, Miss Sommer.
3
00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:07,674
Uh, thank you, Scooter.
4
00:00:07,757 --> 00:00:10,552
Listen, I hate to complain, but, ahem...
5
00:00:10,635 --> 00:00:13,471
There's a man eating my makeup table.
6
00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,348
I'm terribly sorry.
7
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:19,310
Fred, you're supposed to eat the wardrobe!
8
00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:20,729
Sorry.
9
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:24,441
Wardrobe, that makes more sense.
10
00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:26,985
I guess.
11
00:00:30,488 --> 00:00:34,451
It's The Muppet Show, with our very
special guest star, Elke Sommer.
12
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Yeah!
13
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,122
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
14
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
15
00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:54,971
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
16
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:58,224
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
17
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,436
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
18
00:01:01,519 --> 00:01:03,813
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
19
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,815
♪ It's time to get things started ♪
20
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,151
♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
21
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:10,779
[BABBLING TO MELODY]
22
00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:16,993
♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
23
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
24
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♪ This is what we call ♪
25
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
26
00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:28,463
[BLOWS]
27
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Watch out for the balcony!
28
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[CRASHING]
29
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
30
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Hi-ho. Kermit the Frog here,
and this is The Muppet Show.
31
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And you have been warned.
32
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Hey, we have a real treat tonight.
Our very special guest star
33
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is one of the world's most
beautiful and talented ladies,
34
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Miss Elke Sommer.
35
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:53,822
But before we get to her,
36
00:01:53,905 --> 00:01:57,283
ladies and gentlemen,
Bobby Benson's Baby Band!
37
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A one, a two, a one, two, three...
38
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[PLAYING "PENNSYLVANIA 6-5000"]
39
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♪ Pennsylvania 6-5000! ♪
40
00:02:38,616 --> 00:02:41,745
♪ Pennsylvania 6-5000! ♪
41
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[SHOUTING]
42
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♪ Pennsylvania 6-5-0-0-0! ♪
43
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,494
Yeah.
44
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That's my babies. That's my babies.
45
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[BABBLING]
46
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Is that your kid?
47
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Of course not.
48
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I'm just babysitting. This is my grandson.
49
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Well, there is a resemblance.
50
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:40,512
Yeah, but I won't be
bald and toothless forever.
51
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:46,309
Okay, Muppet Labs on-stage next,
Muppet Labs.
52
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,895
-Uh, Mr. Kermit, where's Beaker?
-Hm?
53
00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:51,022
Beaker, I'm sure I don't know.
54
00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:53,024
Uh, fiddle-faddle.
55
00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,985
I shall have to cancel Muppet Labs
this week.
56
00:03:56,069 --> 00:04:01,116
And I was going to give Beaker the honor
of demonstrating this new diesel shaver.
57
00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:05,495
Well, it's a close shave
for Beaker either way.
58
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:08,915
Yeah. Sorry to cancel
at such short notice.
59
00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:10,291
Oh, that's okay.
60
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,169
Hate to go out there and lose face.
61
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I'm sure Beaker felt the same way.
62
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[SIGHS THEN GASPS]
63
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Hey, this is a new one.
64
00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:29,978
I'll plug it in and see if it's working.
65
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[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING
AND BEAKER SCREAMING]
66
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It's working!
67
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:45,702
Uh, okay, owing to the unfortunate
cancellation of Muppet Labs--
68
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[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
69
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:52,625
--combined with the fact that
the furniture is taking over the show...
70
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:55,795
uh, it's around this time
that I start to wonder why I do it.
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00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:57,881
There is a reason, and here it is.
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We now turn over our stage to the lovely
and talented Miss Elke Sommer!
73
00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,429
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
74
00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:07,515
[BAND PLAYING
"ANIMAL CRACKERS IN MY SOUP"]
75
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:14,606
♪ Animal crackers in my soup ♪
76
00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:18,026
♪ Monkeys and rabbits loop the loop ♪
77
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♪ Gosh, oh gee, but I have fun ♪
78
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:25,033
♪ Swallowing animals one by one ♪
79
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♪ In every bowl of soup I see ♪
80
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:31,873
♪ Lions and tigers watching me ♪
81
00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:33,792
♪ I make them jump
Right through a hoop-- ♪
82
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:37,545
Uh, hold, hold. Wait, wait.
Uh, one second.
83
00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:39,422
Listen, I'm sorry, Elke.
84
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:42,801
But you're a great singer
and a perfect performer and...
85
00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:43,927
Thank you.
86
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:47,847
But you see, this whole little girl look
just isn't right for this show.
87
00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:51,267
But why, Kermit?
I mean, it's such a cute little show.
88
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:54,771
With little piggies and little duckies
89
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:57,232
and not to even mention little froggies.
90
00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:01,319
Yeah, but you see,
we try to appeal to adults.
91
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:06,282
I mean, we're very suave, sophisticated
duckies and piggies and froggies.
92
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:10,286
Oh, gee, yeah, well...
Gee, I got the whole thing all wrong.
93
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,414
Do you think I could get a chance
to do it again?
94
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:14,958
-Oh. Well, okay, yeah, sure, of course.
-Really?
95
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:17,627
-Okay, curtain! Curtain!
-Okay.
96
00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:23,091
Okay, well, I'm sorry
for that little hitch, folks.
97
00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:26,803
But here she is now,
the wonderful Miss Elke Sommer.
98
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:29,806
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND WHISTLING]
99
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♪ Animal crackers in my soup ♪
100
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:50,160
♪ Monkeys and rabbits loop the loop ♪
101
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:56,166
♪ Gosh, oh, gee, but I have fun ♪
102
00:06:56,249 --> 00:07:01,838
♪ Swallowing animals one by one ♪
103
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:07,844
♪ In every bowl of soup I see ♪
104
00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,304
[HUMMING]
105
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:14,559
♪ Lions and tigers watching me ♪
106
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:20,565
♪ I make them jump
Right through a hoop-- ♪
107
00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:23,151
Uh, yeah, yeah. Uh, hold, I'm sorry.
108
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:26,237
What is it now, Kermit?
Wasn't that sophisticated enough?
109
00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:27,739
I gave it everything I had.
110
00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,240
-Uh, yeah, yeah.
-Right?
111
00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:31,910
Well, that's true.
But it's just-- It's just...
112
00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:34,913
Well, it's not the way
that, uh, we would do it.
113
00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:36,414
-I mean, you people?
-Mm-hm.
114
00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:38,166
Well, how would you people do it, then?
115
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:40,043
Oh. Would you like to do it our way?
116
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,587
Sure, I'd like to do it your way.
That's what I'm here for.
117
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:45,423
Oh. Well, uh... Brave girl.
118
00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:49,010
Okay, uh, curtain! Curtain!
119
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,598
Okay, well, uh, ahem...
120
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:58,061
Ladies and gentlemen, uh, here to do
her first number for the third time...
121
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Elke Sommer!
122
00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:02,816
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
123
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:10,949
♪ In every bowl of soup I see ♪
124
00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:13,410
♪ Lions and tigers watching me ♪
125
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,329
♪ I make them jump right through a hoop ♪
126
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:19,457
♪ Those animal crackers in my soup ♪
127
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:22,002
♪ When I get hold of the big bad wolf ♪
128
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:24,546
♪ I just push him under to drown ♪
129
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:27,590
♪ Then I bite him in a million bits ♪
130
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:30,719
♪ And I gobble him right down, yeah ♪
131
00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:33,638
♪ When they're inside me where it's dark ♪
132
00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:36,141
♪ I walk around like Noah's ark ♪
133
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♪ I stuff my tummy like a goop ♪
134
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♪ With animal crackers in ♪
135
00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:43,648
♪ My ♪
136
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♪ Soup ♪
137
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,612
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
138
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:59,581
You know, I don't think this show
is suitable for children.
139
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:03,251
I don't think this show
is suitable for anybody.
140
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:10,759
Okay, so listen, you two are gonna build
a set for Elke's closing number, huh?
141
00:09:10,842 --> 00:09:13,595
-Oh, sure. What kind of number is it?
-Mm-hm.
142
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:17,932
Uh, well, it's a spectacular tribute
to ancient Egypt
143
00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:20,018
so the set really has to be impressive.
144
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:22,812
Oh, you come to the right people.
145
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:26,274
You just tell me and Beaker what you want.
146
00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:29,986
Uh, okay, well, I want a royal barge
and a sphinx
147
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,655
and, uh, don't forget the pyramids.
148
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,699
-Oh, sure, pyramids.
-Mm-hm.
149
00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:36,868
But what shape do you want them?
150
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:39,662
"What shape"?
-Mm-hm.
151
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,831
We're up the Nile without a paddle.
152
00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:46,169
But we got a paddle!
153
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:47,504
Look!
154
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:51,007
NARRATOR:
And now,
155
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:57,764
Pigs in Space!
156
00:09:57,847 --> 00:10:00,433
When we last left the spaceship Swinetrek,
157
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:04,938
it was about to make a soft landing
on the planet Koozebane.
158
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,523
LINK:
Ten...
159
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,066
nine...
160
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,526
eight...
161
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,069
seven...
162
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,487
six...
163
00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:15,740
Five.
164
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,617
Five, I know.
165
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:19,703
Four...
166
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,037
three...
167
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,330
two...
168
00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:23,748
one...
169
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:25,667
touchdown.
170
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:26,918
That should do it.
171
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,421
Nice work, Link.
172
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:33,091
Thank you, Strangepork.
What did you think, First Mate Piggy?
173
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:35,468
[CRASHING AND ALL GROAN]
174
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:43,518
I think your landings are hard
and your brain is soft.
175
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:49,524
Well, no matter. Now comes the moment
the whole world has been waiting for.
176
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:50,984
Uh, what's that?
177
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:54,779
Well, to see the first pig
walk on the planet Koozebane.
178
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:56,656
Oh. Oh, yeah.
179
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:58,616
The TV camera is on,
180
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,994
and when you step out there, Link,
181
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:04,372
you'll become
the most famous pig in history.
182
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:08,960
Um... Um...
183
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:14,132
Why don't I just, uh, step out and see
if it is safe for mon capitan?
184
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,843
Why, that's very thoughtful of you,
First Mate Piggy.
185
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:18,303
[PIGGY GIGGLES]
186
00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:21,681
No, Link! Then she'll be the first pig
on the planet Koozebane
187
00:11:21,765 --> 00:11:22,932
and get all the glory!
188
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:26,936
Oh! Oh! Oh! You're right!
Stop, First Mate Piggy!
189
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,605
[BOTH YELL]
190
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:31,733
Nice tackle, Link.
191
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:34,527
This is a job for a captain pig.
192
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:36,071
[PIGGY GRUMBLES]
193
00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:39,324
Wish me luck. Here I go.
194
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,536
[GRUNTING]
195
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,705
Oh, no, it's stuck.
196
00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:47,540
STRANGEPORK:
Maybe it opens in, Link.
197
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:50,669
No, it definitely opens out, I know.
198
00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:52,420
Oh, brother.
199
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:55,465
I'm gonna have to back up
and get a running start
200
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,300
and break down this door.
201
00:11:57,384 --> 00:12:00,637
-Uh, excuse me.
-Here I go. Back up. Watch out.
202
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:01,930
Moth brain...
203
00:12:02,013 --> 00:12:03,181
Wait a minute.
204
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:05,642
If it doesn't open in,
205
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:09,104
and if it doesn't open out,
then obviously...
206
00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:10,689
LINK:
Here I come!
207
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:13,024
...it must slide open.
208
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,569
[YELLS]
209
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:17,987
[CRASHING]
210
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,532
NARRATOR:
So ends part one.
211
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:24,285
If you can stand it,
stay tuned for part two.
212
00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,163
Don't.
213
00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:33,628
[PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC]
214
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,640
[BABBLING TO MELODY]
215
00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:00,965
Wah!
216
00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:28,576
[DRUMMER CRYING]
217
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:30,578
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
218
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:33,790
That's my babies.
219
00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:38,003
NARRATOR:
And now, part two of Pigs in Space.
220
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:42,048
As you may recall, the spaceship
was landing on the planet Koozebane
221
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:45,677
and Link Hogthrob was taking
his giant leap for swinekind.
222
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:46,845
[YELLS]
223
00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:49,305
[GRUNTS THEN GROANS]
224
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,975
Uh, greetings from Koozebane.
225
00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:53,977
[GROANS]
226
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:56,563
Uh, this is Captain Link Hogthrob,
227
00:14:56,646 --> 00:15:01,151
the first pig to ever set foot
on this distant planet.
228
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:02,861
Uh, forget it.
229
00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:04,446
Wait, I'm on television.
230
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:06,281
-No, you're not, dear.
-Huh?
231
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,658
-The camera broke.
-Oh.
232
00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:10,410
Well, might as well go home, then.
233
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:12,537
No, no, no! We can't.
234
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:16,207
We must find out
if there is life on Koozebane.
235
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:19,294
What? You mean...? You mean like, uh...?
236
00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:21,504
You mean like little green monsters?
237
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:26,217
I don't know.
238
00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:27,969
But we must find out.
239
00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:29,346
Uh, well, uh...
240
00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:31,723
Yoo-hoo, anybody here?
241
00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:33,933
Uh, no, let's go home.
242
00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:37,354
Oh. Oh, is my captain afraid?
243
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:40,648
-What, me afraid? Why, uh, of course not.
-Hm.
244
00:15:40,732 --> 00:15:42,692
-Yoo-hoo!
-Aah!
245
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:45,278
Piggy! Piggy! What was that?
246
00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:47,238
It was me, Link.
247
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:49,366
Oh, I knew that.
248
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,537
You all right now, First Mate Piggy?
249
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:55,705
Oh, brother.
250
00:15:56,748 --> 00:15:59,501
Well, there's no life on Koozebane.
251
00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:01,586
My life detection computer pack
252
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:06,132
indicates it's impossible
for any life to exist on this planet.
253
00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:07,717
Good, let's go.
254
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:11,805
What a shame. It's such a pretty planet.
255
00:16:18,103 --> 00:16:20,105
George, wake up.
256
00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:22,565
I think I hear prowlers.
257
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:26,444
Aw, Martha, go back to sleep.
258
00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:31,366
The hills are alive.
259
00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:34,285
♪ With the sound of music ♪
260
00:16:36,705 --> 00:16:39,457
-Yeah, they're for you.
-Aw.
261
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:41,459
[SPEAKING IN GERMAN]
262
00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:44,963
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
263
00:16:46,089 --> 00:16:47,882
[IN ENGLISH] Mm. They're lovely.
264
00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:50,260
Say, how many languages do you speak?
265
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,595
-Oh, about six.
-[GASPS]
266
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,222
That's amazing.
267
00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:57,809
Not really. You have people in your show
who speak several languages.
268
00:16:57,892 --> 00:16:58,893
We do?
269
00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,895
Sure. How about the Swedish Chef?
270
00:17:00,979 --> 00:17:02,605
Oh, yeah, how about him?
271
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:03,732
[CHUCKLES]
272
00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:06,276
Doesn't he speak English and Swedish?
273
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,485
I don't think so.
274
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,530
You mean, then he's not bilingual?
275
00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:13,658
I think the Swedish Chef is non-lingual.
276
00:17:14,909 --> 00:17:19,330
However, there is another person
in your show who speaks another language.
277
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:23,418
That's Mademoiselle Piggy,
who speaks French not half bad.
278
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:27,547
-Oh, well, look, let me tell you a secret.
-Uh-huh. What? What?
279
00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:31,885
The only French she knows
is what she's read off a perfume label.
280
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,595
-You're kidding.
-Uh-uh.
281
00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:35,347
-I didn't know that.
-It's true.
282
00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:36,973
-I don't believe it.
-Oh, yeah.
283
00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:38,850
Ahem. Yoo-hoo!
284
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,728
Oh, hi, Miss Piggy.
We were just talking about you.
285
00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,772
Oh. Moi? Oh!
286
00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:46,816
Yeah, hey, look, I'd like you
to meet Elke Sommer.
287
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,193
Miss Piggy, Elke Sommer.
288
00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:50,779
Ah. Enchantée, Elke.
289
00:17:50,862 --> 00:17:52,781
Enchantée, Mademoiselle Piggy.
290
00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:54,407
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
291
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:58,161
Uh... Oui. Mais oui.
292
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,080
[CONTINUES SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
293
00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:08,588
Um...
294
00:18:08,672 --> 00:18:11,633
Uh, maybe this bottle of perfume
will help.
295
00:18:13,385 --> 00:18:15,929
-What? What?
-Gonzo's being funny, you know.
296
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:19,224
He's got the silly notion
that the only French you know
297
00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:21,309
comes from reading perfume bottle labels.
298
00:18:21,393 --> 00:18:23,019
-Yeah, ha, ha.
-Silly.
299
00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:24,938
-Ha. Silly.
-Ha, ha. Silly.
300
00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:27,023
-Silly Gonzo.
-I'm silly.
301
00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:28,149
[PIGGY GROWLS]
302
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:31,069
Hey, Miss Piggy, here is something
you will understand.
303
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:32,570
-Hmm?
-Lend me your ear.
304
00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:34,364
[ELKE CLEARS THROAT]
305
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:35,990
[MIMICS PIG SNORTING]
306
00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:40,245
-Uh, excuse me--
-I'm not finished yet, no.
307
00:18:41,413 --> 00:18:42,706
-Uh-huh. Mm-hm.
-Huh?
308
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,041
-Well, yes, I...
-You see?
309
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:48,837
Uh, ahem. I don't know
what you're talking about.
310
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:52,882
What do you mean? I was trying to speak
in your native tongue, Swine-ese.
311
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:54,384
[GONZO CHUCKLES]
312
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,094
"Swine-ese"?
313
00:18:56,177 --> 00:18:59,305
Commonly known as "chewing the fat."
314
00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,474
[ALL LAUGHING]
315
00:19:01,558 --> 00:19:02,934
"Chewing the fat"!
316
00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:05,020
Chewing the fat!
317
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,813
Well, chew on this!
318
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:08,273
Hi-yah!
319
00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:10,150
Hi-yah!
320
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,276
[CRASHING]
321
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:12,402
Hmph!
322
00:19:13,695 --> 00:19:14,696
Uh, Miss Piggy?
323
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,906
[PIGGY GRUNTING AND SHOUTING]
324
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:19,284
Okay, Beaker, you hold the nail.
325
00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,286
[PIGGY CONTINUES SHOUTING]
326
00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:26,332
Okay, hold the nail right there.
327
00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:28,335
And I'll hit it with the hammer.
328
00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:34,924
Hey, I ain't gonna hit you.
329
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:36,176
[MUMBLES]
330
00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:38,553
-Come on, put it there again.
-[SIGHS]
331
00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:40,013
Okay.
332
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:45,393
Beaker, look, look, look.
333
00:19:45,477 --> 00:19:47,228
-I'll take the nail.
-Huh?
334
00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:50,023
-Put it there.
-Uh-huh.
335
00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:51,900
You watch closely.
336
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:57,113
[GASPS THEN GROANS]
337
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:01,284
Can't you watch closely from further away?
338
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:07,582
You can't be a master carpenter
if you lose your nerve.
339
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:12,837
Okay, here we go.
340
00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:15,965
[YELPS THEN GROANS]
341
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:21,846
You can't be a master carpenter
if you lose your hammer.
342
00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,644
-And now, ladies and gentlemen--
FOZZIE: Kermit!
343
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:30,730
Oh, why don't they make
these curtains with a door?
344
00:20:30,814 --> 00:20:33,692
Kermit, Kazagger's ready.
We've got a fish. Go ahead.
345
00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:36,403
-You got a fish?
-Don't ask, just introduce.
346
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,988
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, Muppet Sports.
347
00:20:43,201 --> 00:20:45,203
Hi out there in Sportsland.
348
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:47,372
This is Louis Kazagger
349
00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:51,668
welcoming you
to the Wild World of Muppet Sports.
350
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:57,090
Tonight, the finals of the all-nations
goldfish shooting contest.
351
00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:59,384
On my left, the contender.
352
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:04,681
Allow me to wish you luck, sir.
353
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:08,351
Luck? Ha! I don't need no luck.
354
00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:10,729
He ain't gonna have a chance.
355
00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:11,813
[GUNSHOT]
356
00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:16,735
Missed!
357
00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:24,701
Okay, how's it going, Beau?
358
00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:28,455
Oh, well, it's close.
We've just got to saw off the braces.
359
00:21:28,538 --> 00:21:32,667
-How you gonna do that?
-I sent Beaker to get the power saw.
360
00:21:32,751 --> 00:21:34,044
Was that wise?
361
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:35,628
Oh, sure, he's okay.
362
00:21:35,712 --> 00:21:37,297
He's dumber than you are.
363
00:21:38,381 --> 00:21:40,008
He is not.
364
00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:42,552
[SAW WHIRRING]
365
00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:45,555
Oh, just so long
as he doesn't get carried away.
366
00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:46,765
[BEAKER SHRIEKING]
367
00:21:46,848 --> 00:21:48,641
Oh, no!
368
00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:50,727
He's getting carried away!
369
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,645
[SHRIEKING CONTINUES]
370
00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:54,356
Hang on there, Beaker!
371
00:21:54,439 --> 00:21:57,442
Uh, listen, I'll go introduce the number,
you get the set finished.
372
00:21:57,525 --> 00:22:00,653
Yes, okay, I'll paint the set.
I've just got-- Oh.
373
00:22:00,737 --> 00:22:03,490
[ANIMAL SHOUTING]
374
00:22:03,573 --> 00:22:05,658
Where is the set? Hey!
375
00:22:06,701 --> 00:22:09,829
Uh, well, folks,
it's time for one final number
376
00:22:09,913 --> 00:22:11,748
from tonight's wonderful guest star.
377
00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:13,416
[HAMMERING]
378
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:16,169
Hey, could you hammer
more softly back there?
379
00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:18,838
BEAUREGARD:
No. Could you talk more loudly?
380
00:22:18,922 --> 00:22:20,090
Eek.
381
00:22:20,173 --> 00:22:22,467
Uh, well, anyway, here she is,
382
00:22:22,550 --> 00:22:25,929
one of filmdom's great talents,
and great beauties, I might add--
383
00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:28,556
BEAUREGARD:
Could you speak more slowly out there?
384
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,850
No! Could you hammer more quickly?
385
00:22:32,977 --> 00:22:34,312
Uh, here she is,
386
00:22:34,396 --> 00:22:37,816
the Cleopatra of movie stars,
Miss Elke Sommer!
387
00:22:37,899 --> 00:22:40,276
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
388
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:41,945
♪ Row! ♪
389
00:22:42,028 --> 00:22:44,155
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC]
390
00:22:44,239 --> 00:22:45,699
♪ Row! ♪
391
00:22:48,618 --> 00:22:51,413
♪ Young Johnny Jones
He had a cute little boat ♪
392
00:22:52,414 --> 00:22:55,041
♪ And all the girlies
He would take for a float ♪
393
00:22:56,042 --> 00:22:59,838
♪ He had girlies on the shore ♪
394
00:22:59,921 --> 00:23:03,550
♪ Sweet little peaches by the score ♪
395
00:23:03,633 --> 00:23:07,637
♪ But Johnny was a wisenheimer you know ♪
396
00:23:07,721 --> 00:23:10,473
♪ His steady girl was Flo ♪
397
00:23:11,516 --> 00:23:14,894
♪ And every Sunday afternoon ♪
398
00:23:14,978 --> 00:23:18,231
♪ She'd jump in his boat
And they would spoon ♪
399
00:23:18,314 --> 00:23:22,318
♪ And then he'd row, row, row
Way up the river ♪
400
00:23:22,402 --> 00:23:26,072
♪ He would row, row, row
A hug he'd give her ♪
401
00:23:26,156 --> 00:23:30,243
♪ Then he'd kiss her now and then
She would tell him when ♪
402
00:23:30,326 --> 00:23:33,747
♪ He'd fool around and fool around
And then they'd kiss again ♪
403
00:23:33,830 --> 00:23:36,374
♪ And then he'd row, row, row ♪
404
00:23:36,458 --> 00:23:38,626
♪ A little further he would row ♪
405
00:23:38,710 --> 00:23:41,254
♪ Oh, how he'd row ♪
406
00:23:41,338 --> 00:23:45,133
♪ And then he'd drop both his oars
Take a few more encores ♪
407
00:23:45,216 --> 00:23:48,345
♪ And then he'd row, row, row ♪
408
00:23:49,554 --> 00:23:51,514
♪ Row! ♪
409
00:23:51,598 --> 00:23:54,142
♪ Row! Row! ♪
410
00:23:54,225 --> 00:23:55,477
Faster!
411
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:56,978
♪ Row! ♪
412
00:23:57,062 --> 00:23:59,397
-♪ And then he'd row, row, row! ♪
-Faster!
413
00:23:59,481 --> 00:24:01,441
♪ Way up the river
He would row, row, row! ♪
414
00:24:01,524 --> 00:24:02,567
Faster!
415
00:24:02,650 --> 00:24:03,943
♪ A hug he'd give her ♪
416
00:24:04,027 --> 00:24:07,197
♪ Then he'd kiss her now and then
She would tell him when ♪
417
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:10,950
♪ He'd fool around and fool around
And then they'd kiss again ♪
418
00:24:11,034 --> 00:24:12,827
♪ And then he'd row, row, row ♪
419
00:24:12,911 --> 00:24:14,371
♪ A little further he would ♪
420
00:24:14,454 --> 00:24:17,207
♪ Row, oh, how he'd row ♪
421
00:24:17,290 --> 00:24:20,460
♪ Then he'd drop both his oars
Take a few more encores ♪
422
00:24:20,543 --> 00:24:23,254
♪ And then he'd row, row, row! ♪
423
00:24:23,338 --> 00:24:26,675
♪ Then around by the reeds
He'd do more daring deeds ♪
424
00:24:26,758 --> 00:24:28,927
♪ And then he'd row, row, row ♪
425
00:24:29,010 --> 00:24:31,971
♪ Then he gave her a smile
As they sank in the Nile ♪
426
00:24:32,055 --> 00:24:34,391
♪ And then he'd row, row, row ♪
427
00:24:34,474 --> 00:24:36,226
[ALL SHOUTING]
428
00:24:41,856 --> 00:24:44,859
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
429
00:24:44,943 --> 00:24:46,611
Thank you!
430
00:24:48,238 --> 00:24:49,531
You all right?
431
00:24:50,990 --> 00:24:54,661
Okay. I think we just about finished
whatever it was we started a while back.
432
00:24:54,744 --> 00:24:57,455
But before we go,
let us have a warm thank-you
433
00:24:57,539 --> 00:25:00,834
for our very special guest star,
ladies and gentlemen, Elke Sommer.
434
00:25:00,917 --> 00:25:02,877
Yay!
435
00:25:02,961 --> 00:25:04,879
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
436
00:25:06,715 --> 00:25:09,426
Thank you very much, Kermit.
I had a wonderful time.
437
00:25:09,509 --> 00:25:12,637
And I want to thank you
and all of your friends very much, indeed.
438
00:25:12,721 --> 00:25:15,557
Oh, good. It's been
a little wild and crazy tonight.
439
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:17,767
But, uh,
now that things have calmed down--
440
00:25:17,851 --> 00:25:19,394
[SAW WHIRRING AND KERMIT SHRIEKS]
441
00:25:19,477 --> 00:25:21,146
Oh, my goodness!
442
00:25:21,229 --> 00:25:23,064
[ALL SHOUTING]
443
00:25:25,358 --> 00:25:26,401
Uh-- Uh--
444
00:25:26,484 --> 00:25:27,861
[PIGGY SCREAMS]
445
00:25:27,944 --> 00:25:30,030
Bye! Bye!
446
00:25:32,282 --> 00:25:33,992
Is he always like this?
447
00:25:34,075 --> 00:25:36,244
Uh, we'll see you next time on...
448
00:25:36,327 --> 00:25:39,122
On The Muppet Show, okay? Bye!
449
00:25:40,123 --> 00:25:42,000
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
450
00:26:19,996 --> 00:26:22,165
Is he a bouncing baby boy?
451
00:26:22,248 --> 00:26:25,210
I don't know,
but we're high enough up to find out.
32596
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