Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,166 --> 00:00:01,334
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
2
00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:05,839
Jean Stapleton.
Thirty seconds to curtain, Miss Stapleton.
3
00:00:05,922 --> 00:00:07,716
Thank you.
4
00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:09,426
Good luck, Miss Stapleton.
5
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,136
Good luck, Miss Stapleton.
6
00:00:11,219 --> 00:00:13,054
Thank you.
7
00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:16,182
Oh. Thank you.
8
00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:21,146
There's just one thing
I've gotta remember.
9
00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:24,065
I am normal.
10
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:25,400
[GASPS]
11
00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:28,194
Jean, get a grip on yourself.
12
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:31,281
Oh, no! I didn't mean that!
Oh! No, please!
13
00:00:32,907 --> 00:00:34,200
It's The Muppet Show,
14
00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:37,704
with our very special guest star,
Miss Jean Stapleton.
15
00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:39,039
[CHEERS]
16
00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:41,291
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
17
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,263
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
18
00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:57,432
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
19
00:00:57,515 --> 00:01:01,603
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
20
00:01:01,686 --> 00:01:03,897
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
21
00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:06,066
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
22
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:07,942
♪ It's time to get things started ♪
23
00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:10,362
♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
24
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:12,238
Think we'll be entertained tonight?
25
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:14,741
I will. I brought a book.
26
00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:19,120
♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
27
00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:21,456
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
28
00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:24,209
♪ This is what we call ♪
29
00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:28,421
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
30
00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:30,090
[HORN SQUEALS & GONZO SCREAMS]
31
00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:37,138
Thank you, thank you,
and welcome to The Muppet Show,
32
00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:40,934
the show they said
would never get off the ground.
33
00:01:41,017 --> 00:01:43,311
Uh, they were right.
34
00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:46,606
But we are fortunate to have with us
as our special guest
35
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:50,402
a wonderful actress and television star,
Miss Jean Stapleton.
36
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:53,571
-Kermit, excuse me, excuse me.
-What is it, Fozzie?
37
00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:56,116
-I gotta tell you what happened.
-Mm-hm.
38
00:01:56,199 --> 00:02:00,995
When we were booking Jean for the show,
I was expecting a call from my tailor.
39
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,288
-Your tailor?
-Yeah.
40
00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:06,751
So when a guy phoned
and asked me if I'd like Jean Stapleton,
41
00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:09,295
I said that I don't wear jeans
42
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:13,299
and I certainly wouldn't want them
stapled on.
43
00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:15,510
"Stapleton."
44
00:02:15,593 --> 00:02:17,429
"Jeans."
45
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:19,222
Ears.
46
00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:20,890
Ah...
47
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,143
Help me.
48
00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:27,188
Is it too late to go into hibernation?
49
00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:28,648
Yes, by about two minutes.
50
00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:30,150
Gotcha.
51
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,736
Ah...
52
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:35,196
We'd like to get the show off
to a great start,
53
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:39,034
but having failed that,
let's head for the border!
54
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:41,202
[PLAYING LIVELY FOLK MUSIC]
55
00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:45,665
♪ Oh, tico tico, tick
Oh, tico tico, tock ♪
56
00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,917
♪ Tico tico, he's the cuckoo in my clock ♪
57
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,211
And when he says "cuckoo"
He means it's time to woo
58
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:52,547
♪ It's tico time for all the lovers
On the block ♪
59
00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:54,674
♪ I got a heavy date
A tête-à-tête at 8 ♪
60
00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:57,135
♪ So speak, oh, Tico
Tell me, is it getting late? ♪
61
00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:59,512
♪ If I'm on time, cuckoo
But if I'm late, woo-woo ♪
62
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,806
♪ The one my heart is gone to
May not want to wait ♪
63
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:04,184
♪ For just a birdie
And a birdie who goes nowhere ♪
64
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:06,603
♪ He knows of every lover's lane
And how to go there ♪
65
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:08,730
♪ For in affairs of the heart
My tico's terribly smart ♪
66
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:10,982
♪ He tells me
"Gently, sentimentally at the start" ♪
67
00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:13,026
♪ We hear the little tico tico calling ♪
68
00:03:13,109 --> 00:03:15,779
♪ Because the time is right
And shades of night are falling ♪
69
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,989
♪ I love that not-so-cuckoo cuckoo
In the clock ♪
70
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,617
♪ Tico tico, tick
Oh, tico tico, tock ♪
71
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,911
[CROWD TRILLING AND WHOOPING]
72
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,543
[CAMERA CLICKS]
73
00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:36,007
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
74
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:38,927
[CAMERA CLICKS]
75
00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,012
♪ For just a birdie
And a birdie who goes nowhere ♪
76
00:03:41,096 --> 00:03:43,431
♪ He knows of every lover's lane
And how to go there ♪
77
00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:45,600
♪ For in affairs of the heart
My tico's terribly smart ♪
78
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,811
♪ He tells me
"Gently, sentimentally at the start" ♪
79
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,105
♪ We hear the little tico tico calling ♪
80
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:52,857
♪ Because the time is right
And shades of night are falling ♪
81
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:55,068
♪ I love that not-so-cuckoo cuckoo
In the clock ♪
82
00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:57,612
♪ She loves that not-so-cuckoo cuckoo
In the clock ♪
83
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:02,325
♪ Tico tico, tick
Oh, tico tico, tock, tick tock ♪
84
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,494
[CROWD TRILLING AND WHOOPING]
85
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,752
Am I crazy, or was that good?
86
00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:14,754
You're crazy.
87
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:17,590
I thought so.
88
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,635
Okay, nice number. Good number.
89
00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:22,846
-Hold it. Tico tico.
-Hmm?
90
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:27,142
-Ah.
-No pictures backstage. Out, out!
91
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,437
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
92
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,856
Gonzo, you weren't in that last number,
were you?
93
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:35,400
No. I'm learning Spanish for my new act.
94
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:36,526
Oh, okay.
95
00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:38,528
Yeah, you have to learn Spanish
96
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:41,448
if you're gonna train
Mexican jumping beans.
97
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:42,991
Uh, makes sense.
98
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,117
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
99
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:47,370
-I'm gonna go rehearse now.
-Great. Adios.
100
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:48,705
What?
101
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:51,958
-Uh, goodbye.
-Ah, goodbye.
102
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:53,335
Adios. Whatever.
103
00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:55,253
[SNICKERS]
104
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,882
Kermit, look! They're gone!
105
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:02,093
My Mexican jumping beans
were in this dish, and they're gone!
106
00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:05,055
Oh. Well, maybe, uh, somebody ate them.
107
00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:09,684
Ate my stars? Kermit...
108
00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:12,479
-It wasn't you, was it?
-Uh, no, Gonzo, it wasn't me.
109
00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:15,398
I know how to find out.
All I have to do is say "arriba."
110
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,025
-Aah!
GONZO: Arriba.
111
00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:18,693
-Aah!
-Arriba.
112
00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:19,903
ANIMAL:
Aah!
113
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,155
-Animal! Come back here!
-What? Ha-ha-ha!
114
00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:24,240
GONZO:
You ate my stars!
115
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,659
Animal, you gotta get on-stage
for the band!
116
00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:29,329
GONZO:
Animal! What's going on?
117
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:33,708
Arriba! Aah! Arriba! Aah! Arriba!
118
00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,086
[SIGHS]
119
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:40,006
I hope he doesn't eat my waltzing walnuts.
120
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:40,965
[DISH SHATTERS]
121
00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:45,136
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
it's time for our special guest star,
122
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:50,183
comedian, actress, singer
and very nice lady Miss Jean Stapleton.
123
00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:52,352
[BAND PLAYING DRAMATIC MUSIC]
124
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,277
Uh, please, gentlemen, uh, lady...
125
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:04,364
-What?
-What seems to be the problem, Jean?
126
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:07,534
Well, that music,
it doesn't seem to be the right music.
127
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:10,662
-May I see it, please?
ROWLF: It seems normal to me.
128
00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:16,418
Yeah, just your ordinary very elaborate,
pretentious orchestration.
129
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:17,711
What's it called?
130
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:20,505
"Elaborate Pretensions for Orchestras."
131
00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:22,549
[BAND LAUGHS]
132
00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:26,136
Uh, couldn't we just do
that nice simple piece?
133
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:29,014
Well, how about a nice simple
Latin American riff?
134
00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:30,932
[SCATTING]
135
00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:33,727
-Arriba!
-Aah!
136
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:36,980
-No Latin stuff tonight.
-No. No, thank you.
137
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:42,902
Uh, it's that sweet, simple duet
that I rehearsed with Fozzie.
138
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:44,029
Where is Fozzie?
139
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:46,156
ROWLF:
I know how that goes. It goes like this:
140
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,574
[PLAYING UPBEAT RAGTIME MUSIC]
141
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,909
Thank you. That's it.
142
00:06:53,663 --> 00:07:00,545
♪ Won't you play a simple melody ♪
143
00:07:00,628 --> 00:07:06,926
♪ Like my mother sang to me? ♪
144
00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:15,101
♪ One with good old-fashioned harmony ♪
145
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:20,231
♪ Play a simple melody ♪
146
00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:23,568
-Fozzie? Fozzie? Fo--? Oh.
-Here I am, Jean.
147
00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:26,571
-You forgot something.
-Oh, I never forget.
148
00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:28,448
Where's your ukulele?
149
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,116
Oh, I forgot!
150
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:32,327
You're a dingbat.
151
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:33,453
[FOZZIE LAUGHS]
152
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:36,915
I was only kidding. Go.
153
00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:39,959
♪ Musical demon
Set your honey a-dreamin' ♪
154
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:42,712
♪ Won't you play me some rag? ♪
155
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:46,383
♪ Just change that classical nag ♪
156
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:50,095
♪ To some sweet beautiful drag ♪
157
00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:54,724
♪ If you will play from a copy
Of a tune that is choppy ♪
158
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,352
♪ You'll get all my applause ♪
159
00:07:57,435 --> 00:08:00,772
♪ And that is simply because ♪
160
00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:03,066
♪ I wanna listen to rag ♪
161
00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,112
-♪ Musical demon ♪
-♪ Won't... ♪
162
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,739
-♪ Set your honey a-dreamin' ♪
-♪ ...you play a simple... ♪
163
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,866
-♪ Won't you play me some rag? ♪
-♪ ...melody ♪
164
00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:15,620
-♪ Just change that classical nag ♪
-♪ Like my mother... ♪
165
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:19,040
-♪ To some sweet beautiful drag ♪
-♪ ...sang to me? ♪
166
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:21,918
-♪ If you will play from a copy ♪
-♪ One with... ♪
167
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,170
-♪ Of a tune that is choppy ♪
-♪ ...good old-fashioned... ♪
168
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:26,631
-♪ You'll get all my applause ♪
-♪ ...harmony ♪
169
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:30,010
-♪ And that is simply because ♪
-♪ Play a simple... ♪
170
00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:33,513
-♪ I wanna listen to rag ♪
-♪ ...melody ♪
171
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,056
Come on, everybody! Sing!
172
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,725
JEAN: ♪ Musical demon ♪
-♪ Won't... ♪
173
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:38,601
-♪ Set your honey a-dreamin' ♪
-♪ ...you play a simple...
174
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,021
-♪ Won't you play me some rag? ♪
-♪ ...melody ♪
175
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:44,607
-♪ Just change that classical nag ♪
-♪ Like my mother... ♪
176
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:47,318
-♪ To some sweet beautiful drag ♪
-♪ ...sang to me? ♪
177
00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:48,445
In the balcony!
178
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,072
-♪ If you will play from a copy ♪
-♪ One with... ♪
179
00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:53,700
-♪ Of a tune that is choppy ♪
-♪ ...good old-fashioned... ♪
180
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:55,827
-♪ You'll get all my applause ♪
-♪ ...harmony ♪
181
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:59,164
-♪ And that is simply because ♪
-♪ Play a simple... ♪
182
00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:01,541
-♪ I wanna listen to rag ♪
-♪ ...melody ♪
183
00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:02,500
Now you!
184
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:04,794
♪ I wanna listen to rag ♪
185
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:06,629
Me!
186
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,673
♪ I wanna listen to rag ♪
187
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:10,008
Now everyone!
188
00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:15,930
ALL:
♪ I wanna listen to rag ♪
189
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,606
Boy, that number was something else.
190
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:25,982
You mean it was good?
191
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,234
No, it was something else.
192
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,364
Okay, 13 and 75...
193
00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:35,033
Sandwich! Here's your sandwich, frog!
194
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,202
Gladys, I didn't order a sandwich.
195
00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:38,328
What?!
196
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:42,123
Somebody ordered a sandwich
from the canteen.
197
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,249
Now, who was it?
198
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:45,377
I don't know. You'll have to ask around.
199
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:46,961
I'm too busy. You do it.
200
00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:49,255
Gladys, I'm trying to put on a show.
201
00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,883
Well, big deal!
202
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,302
Look, I got a full grill downstairs.
203
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:57,972
Got six burgers on,
couple of steaks and two lobsters.
204
00:09:58,056 --> 00:10:00,767
Lobsters? Since when are they on the menu?
205
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:05,563
They're not on the menu.
The lobsters ordered the steak!
206
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,983
Why don't you just leave the sandwich?
207
00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:11,736
-It ain't been paid for yet.
-You can charge it to the show.
208
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:14,781
-Are you nuts?
-Take it back. Sell it to somebody else.
209
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:18,201
Who's gonna buy
a walnut lima bean sandwich?
210
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:19,452
[BOTH SIGH]
211
00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:22,122
Walnut and lima bean? Is that what it is?
212
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:23,540
Yeah.
213
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:26,710
Gonzo, your lunch is here!
214
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:30,255
Yasa-how-ah! Take it back.
215
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:32,257
What's the matter with it?
216
00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:34,551
You forgot the jelly.
217
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,971
Show business.
218
00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:41,725
[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
219
00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:49,441
Oh, I'm so happy.
220
00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:50,817
Why is that?
221
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:56,114
Because we're out together,
dancing cheek to cheek to cheek.
222
00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:01,161
Hey, waiter, can you break a 10?
223
00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:03,455
Certainly.
224
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:07,876
Don't mention it.
225
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:11,171
I wish I hadn't.
226
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:17,469
Oh, I see you don't have much to say.
227
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,972
Uh, I don't understand that.
228
00:11:21,056 --> 00:11:22,932
You have to think about it.
229
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,893
-Oh.
HONEYDEW: Heh-heh-heh.
230
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:27,479
Wait a minute.
231
00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:30,148
You've got a fish
sticking out of your ear.
232
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:33,151
Yes, it's my herring aid.
233
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,612
Transistorized?
234
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,281
No, marinated.
235
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:44,746
I see you still don't have much to say.
236
00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:48,625
Um, I've thought about it.
I still don't understand it.
237
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,335
[HONEYDEW SNICKERS]
238
00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:54,172
Oh, Laticia, I love you.
239
00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:57,425
Say, are you pulling my leg?
240
00:11:57,509 --> 00:11:59,302
No, why?
241
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:02,263
It just dropped off.
242
00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:03,848
[CRASHING]
243
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,935
I don't get that either.
244
00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:13,983
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
245
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:17,696
I would now like to sing
a very pretty little song,
246
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:20,699
accompanied by my doggy friend.
247
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:23,118
[PLAYING FOLK MUSIC]
248
00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:27,706
♪ I love my little cat, I do
Its coat is, oh, so warm ♪
249
00:12:27,789 --> 00:12:32,252
♪ It comes each day with me to school
And sits upon the form ♪
250
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:36,881
♪ When teacher says, "Why do you bring
That little pet of yours?" ♪
251
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:39,426
♪ I tell her that I bring my cat ♪
252
00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:43,847
♪ Along with me because ♪
253
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:47,976
-♪ Daddy wouldn't buy me a bowwow ♪
-♪ Bowwow ♪
254
00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:51,813
-♪ Daddy wouldn't buy me a bowwow ♪
-♪ Bowwow ♪
255
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:55,442
♪ I've got a little cat
And I'm very fond of that ♪
256
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:59,988
♪ But I'd rather have a bowwow
Wow, wow, wow ♪
257
00:13:00,572 --> 00:13:03,825
I can't go on.
It's humiliating to be called a "bowwow."
258
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,952
But it's only a song, Rowlf.
259
00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:09,581
-I refuse to do it, Miss Oink-Oink.
-Aw.
260
00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:13,501
-Sing, flea bait.
-Uh, yes, sir.
261
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:19,549
♪ I'll be so glad when I get old
To do just as I please ♪
262
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:24,095
♪ I'll have a dozen bowwows then
A parrot and some bees ♪
263
00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:28,683
♪ Whene'er I see a little pet
I'll kiss the tiny thing ♪
264
00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:32,103
♪ 'Twill remind me of the time gone by ♪
265
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:37,359
♪ When I would cry and sing ♪
266
00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:41,571
-♪ Daddy wouldn't buy me a bowwow ♪
-♪ Bark, bark ♪
267
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:45,283
-♪ Daddy wouldn't buy me a bowwow ♪
-♪ Meow ♪
268
00:13:45,367 --> 00:13:48,828
♪ I've got a little cat
I am very fond of that ♪
269
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:53,249
♪ But I'd rather have a bowwow
Wow, wow, wow, wow ♪
270
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:57,003
-♪ Daddy wouldn't buy me a bowwow ♪
-♪ Oink, oink ♪
271
00:13:57,087 --> 00:14:00,715
-♪ Daddy wouldn't buy me a bowwow ♪
-♪ Bowwow ♪
272
00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:04,386
♪ I've got a little cat
I am very fond of that ♪
273
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:09,015
♪ But I'd rather have a bowwow, wow ♪
274
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,481
Uh, Miss Stapleton,
275
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:20,985
I hope you are surviving your ordeal
on this unsavory program.
276
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,112
Oh, ha, ha.
277
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:26,533
I mean, you obviously are a woman
whose taste is impeccable.
278
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:27,826
-Oh, thank you.
-Mm.
279
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:30,370
-But I'm enjoying it very much.
-Hmm?
280
00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:31,996
I'm having a lot of fun.
281
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,250
I guess that means my taste is, um...
282
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,043
"peccable."
283
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:40,422
"Peccable." What is "peccable"?
284
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:45,343
Oh, speaking of language, can I ask you
a question about the Swedish Chef?
285
00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:48,054
The Swedish Chef? Ugh. What about him?
286
00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:54,728
Well, you all know around here
that he doesn't speak real Swedish?
287
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:57,856
-He what? He...?
-No, he doesn't.
288
00:14:57,939 --> 00:15:02,360
He...? Send in the Chef! Send in the Chef!
289
00:15:02,444 --> 00:15:07,449
Imagine, all these years, you mean
he has been speaking mock Swedish?
290
00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:09,784
Don't be too hard on him.
291
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:11,578
Well, I have never. Where is he?
292
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:13,747
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
293
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:19,502
Oh. He said he got here
as soon as he could.
294
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:20,628
-Ja.
-Hmm.
295
00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:24,758
Well... Well, you tell him
that from now...
296
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:28,511
How do you know what he said?
297
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:33,058
Oh, I took a correspondence course once
in mock Swedish.
298
00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:35,060
Hmm.
299
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:38,313
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
300
00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:45,111
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
301
00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:50,950
-Oh, he admits the whole thing.
-Hmm.
302
00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:52,911
He says he doesn't speak real Swedish.
303
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:56,456
Mm. Well, you tell him that this must end.
304
00:15:56,539 --> 00:16:02,504
He must stop speaking mock Swedish
and speak honestly and normally.
305
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:03,755
Oh, all right.
306
00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:05,382
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
307
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,550
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
308
00:16:20,438 --> 00:16:21,898
-Aw.
-What?
309
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,984
-He admits the error of his ways.
-Mm.
310
00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:28,988
And he says from now on,
he'll speak only in his native tongue.
311
00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:30,240
Mm, good.
312
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,409
[SPEAKING IN MOCK JAPANESE]
313
00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:41,459
...chop-chop, sayonara.
314
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:45,046
What, uh...? What did he say?
315
00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:50,051
Oh, I don't know.
I don't speak mock Japanese.
316
00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:54,431
Wayne, Deadly and Annie Sue
on-stage for the melodrama.
317
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,349
[PIGGY GROWLS]
318
00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:59,477
Miss Piggy, what are you doing here?
You're not in the melodrama.
319
00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:03,398
Mm-hm. You are not the first to notice.
320
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:07,068
But, Miss Piggy, I never even thought
of putting you in the melodrama.
321
00:17:07,152 --> 00:17:09,779
I thought of putting you in the hospital.
322
00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:12,198
Yeah, but see,
you wouldn't wanna be in the melodrama.
323
00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:14,534
It's just a small part.
324
00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:16,745
How small?
325
00:17:16,828 --> 00:17:17,996
It's a very small part,
326
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:22,208
and I can't give a very small part
like that to a big star like you.
327
00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:25,670
Oh, well, ahem, I see your point.
328
00:17:25,754 --> 00:17:29,049
So I thought I'd give it to Annie Sue.
She needs experience.
329
00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:30,759
She needs talent.
330
00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:35,513
Oh, Mr. Kermit, sir,
please don't make me do the melodrama.
331
00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:38,516
But it's your first chance
at a dramatic role.
332
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,269
I know, but I'm too scared.
333
00:17:41,353 --> 00:17:42,395
[SOBBING]
334
00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:45,523
Oh, Annie Sue,
you'll be just fine, really.
335
00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:50,528
All right, break! Give it a rest, frog!
Excuse us. Ahem.
336
00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:54,991
Kermie, it is obvious
that the child is unprofessional.
337
00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:56,284
[SOBS]
338
00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:58,703
Annie Sue, go to your room.
339
00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:01,039
[ANNIE SUE SOBBING]
340
00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:04,084
-Oh, brother.
-But, Miss Piggy...
341
00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:07,087
I will save the show, Kermie.
342
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:11,675
The part shall be played by moi.
343
00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:14,803
Uh, by you, Miss Piggy?
344
00:18:14,886 --> 00:18:16,513
Yes.
345
00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:18,890
Okay.
346
00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:21,643
Hey, guys,
tie Piggy to the railroad tracks.
347
00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:26,773
What? Hold it! Will you get your hands...?
What's going on?!
348
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:29,484
[BAND PLAYING DRAMATIC MUSIC]
349
00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:30,652
[PIGGY SCREAMS]
350
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:33,154
[DEADLY LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
351
00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:37,575
Now, for the last time, will you marry me?
352
00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:39,369
[DEADLY LAUGHS & PIGGY SCREAMS]
353
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,414
For the last time, never, you scoundrel.
354
00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:45,834
-Grr!
-Oh, where is my hero?
355
00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:49,462
Never fear, my pet, I will save you.
356
00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:52,465
AUDIENCE: Yay!
-Oh! Oh! My hero!
357
00:18:52,549 --> 00:18:54,342
Wayne?
358
00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:57,637
Curses, foiled again.
359
00:18:57,721 --> 00:19:00,473
Say, isn't this a double overhand knot?
360
00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:02,058
-What?
-Yes, it is.
361
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:05,478
I haven't seen one of those
since I left the Junior Swamp Scouts.
362
00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:08,815
You were in the Junior Swamp Scouts too?
363
00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:10,233
Troop 37.
364
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,402
Troop 37?
365
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:15,864
Junior Swamp Scouts, never blue.
366
00:19:15,947 --> 00:19:19,492
A Junior Swamp Scout's always true.
367
00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:21,911
Always ready to save the day.
368
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:25,749
BOTH: We're Junior Swamp Scouts.
Hooray! Hooray!
369
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:27,292
[BOTH LAUGH]
370
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,294
I don't believe this.
371
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:31,338
-Uh-oh.
-Hmm?
372
00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:34,090
-You got the double sheep's head wrong.
-Oh.
373
00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:35,425
It goes like this.
374
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:38,261
You'll suffer for this, guys!
375
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:41,389
Remember?
The rabbit runs around the tree twice
376
00:19:41,473 --> 00:19:43,558
and then goes in his hole.
377
00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:47,479
-Ohh. Now I get it. Mm.
-Who cares?
378
00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:50,607
-There. She'll never get out of that.
-Hey.
379
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:54,402
-You remember little Marvin...?
-Hey, guys! Hey! Hey...
380
00:19:54,486 --> 00:19:56,279
Oh, that does it!
381
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,490
Hi-yah!
382
00:19:58,573 --> 00:20:01,951
Where's that frog?! Where's that frog?!
383
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:03,453
Kermit?
384
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:06,748
Kermit, of all the lousy cheap shots
you ever pulled on me...
385
00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:08,917
I know, Miss Piggy. I'm sorry.
386
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,587
I didn't realize that whole sketch
was gonna get that far out of hand.
387
00:20:12,671 --> 00:20:14,714
Oh, please forgive me.
388
00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:16,132
Hi-yah!
389
00:20:18,468 --> 00:20:20,261
You're forgiven.
390
00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:22,806
[YELPS]
391
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:25,225
Wardrobe!
392
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:33,108
[BEAKER SIGHS]
393
00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:35,652
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew here at Muppet Labs,
394
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:38,029
where the future is being made today.
395
00:20:38,113 --> 00:20:39,364
[BEAKER SQUEAKS]
396
00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:44,077
Many people suffer the embarrassment
of being ridiculously tall and spindly.
397
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,412
Isn't that right, Beaker?
398
00:20:45,495 --> 00:20:46,621
[BABBLES]
399
00:20:46,705 --> 00:20:49,916
Hmm. But now comes
the Honeydew Shrinking Pill.
400
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,459
Ahem. Take one, Beaker.
401
00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:54,170
Not the whole bottle!
402
00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:56,339
[SCREAMING]
403
00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:01,845
Oh, dear. Uh, ahem.
404
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:05,473
Well, uh, I guess that's all for today
from Muppet Labs.
405
00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:06,683
[BEAKER SQUEAKING]
406
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:07,809
[YELPS]
407
00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:11,896
Okay, strike the Muppet Labs set, please.
408
00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:14,274
Kermit, could I see you for a minute?
409
00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:17,235
-Oh, sure, Jean.
-It's about this next number.
410
00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:20,030
I really would rather not do it.
411
00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:22,323
The number with the pigs dressed
as pirates
412
00:21:22,407 --> 00:21:23,908
and the chickens playing bagpipes,
413
00:21:23,992 --> 00:21:26,870
and you're dancing
with a seven-foot doorknob?
414
00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:30,540
It's just one cliché after another.
415
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:32,500
Uh, I see what you mean.
416
00:21:32,584 --> 00:21:35,170
-I'll tell you what I'd really like to do.
-What's that?
417
00:21:35,253 --> 00:21:38,798
Another duet, with my favorite Muppet.
418
00:21:38,882 --> 00:21:42,802
Ah, well, that's very nice.
That's a delightful idea.
419
00:21:42,886 --> 00:21:44,554
Oh, good, good.
420
00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:47,515
Now, where's Crazy Harry?
421
00:21:47,599 --> 00:21:50,352
Crazy Harry? Why, that's suicidal.
422
00:21:50,435 --> 00:21:54,147
-Ha-ha-ha!
-There you are, you cute thing.
423
00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:57,984
I don't know what you're planning to do,
but whatever it is, it is not safe.
424
00:21:58,068 --> 00:22:01,404
-Oh, no, this is a wonderful idea.
-Yeah.
425
00:22:01,488 --> 00:22:03,073
It's a musical number.
426
00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:05,367
-Yeah. Ha-ha-ha.
-Ha-ha-ha!
427
00:22:05,450 --> 00:22:08,078
-A musical number?
BOTH: Yes, yes.
428
00:22:08,161 --> 00:22:11,831
Well, uh, I guess as long as it's musical,
it's okay.
429
00:22:11,915 --> 00:22:15,126
Oh, you darling. Mwah.
430
00:22:15,210 --> 00:22:18,129
-Now, listen, is the boiler set up?
-It's beautiful.
431
00:22:18,213 --> 00:22:20,965
-Oh, great. Go ahead, get ready.
-Boiler?
432
00:22:21,049 --> 00:22:22,801
I'll get up the steam.
433
00:22:22,884 --> 00:22:24,969
[HARRY & JEAN LAUGHING]
434
00:22:26,096 --> 00:22:28,723
I didn't know
Crazy Harry played a musical instrument.
435
00:22:28,807 --> 00:22:31,810
-Oh, yes.
-Which one?
436
00:22:31,893 --> 00:22:34,896
The explodaphone. Hoo!
437
00:22:34,979 --> 00:22:37,273
The explodaphone?
Jean, you could get killed!
438
00:22:37,357 --> 00:22:40,443
Oh, Kermit, listen,
I'm not new to this business.
439
00:22:40,527 --> 00:22:42,612
I've been all over the world.
440
00:22:42,696 --> 00:22:44,906
You might be again.
441
00:22:44,989 --> 00:22:48,243
Listen, don't worry. You're gonna love it.
442
00:22:48,326 --> 00:22:50,412
[LAUGHING]
443
00:22:52,997 --> 00:22:57,836
Uh, well, I may not love it,
but I'll introduce it.
444
00:22:59,045 --> 00:23:01,089
Uh, and now, once again,
445
00:23:01,172 --> 00:23:04,384
here she is,
taking her life into her own hands
446
00:23:04,467 --> 00:23:07,095
uh, and throwing it away,
447
00:23:07,178 --> 00:23:09,931
ladies and gentlemen, Miss Jean Stapleton.
448
00:23:10,015 --> 00:23:12,308
[BAND PLAYING LIVELY RAGTIME MUSIC]
449
00:23:19,149 --> 00:23:22,736
♪ I'm just wild about Harry ♪
450
00:23:22,819 --> 00:23:23,862
Oh!
451
00:23:23,945 --> 00:23:26,990
♪ And Harry's wild about me ♪
452
00:23:27,073 --> 00:23:28,408
-Oh!
HARRY: Ha-ha-ha!
453
00:23:28,491 --> 00:23:32,495
♪ The heavenly blisses of his kisses ♪
454
00:23:32,579 --> 00:23:35,832
♪ Fill me with ecstasy ♪
455
00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:37,459
[SCREAMS]
456
00:23:37,542 --> 00:23:40,920
♪ He's sweet just like chocolate candy ♪
457
00:23:41,004 --> 00:23:42,047
[SCREAMS]
458
00:23:42,130 --> 00:23:45,008
♪ And just like honey from the bee ♪
459
00:23:45,091 --> 00:23:46,051
[WHOOPS]
460
00:23:46,134 --> 00:23:50,722
♪ I'm just wild about Harry ♪
461
00:23:50,805 --> 00:23:53,350
♪ And he's just wild about ♪
462
00:23:53,433 --> 00:23:54,476
[SCREAMS]
463
00:23:54,559 --> 00:23:55,602
♪ Cannot do without ♪
464
00:23:55,685 --> 00:23:56,728
[SCREAMS]
465
00:23:56,811 --> 00:23:59,356
♪ He's just wild about me ♪
466
00:23:59,439 --> 00:24:00,857
[SCREAMS]
467
00:24:05,028 --> 00:24:07,572
-Ha-ha-ha!
-Whoo!
468
00:24:09,032 --> 00:24:10,533
[SCREAMS THEN LAUGHS]
469
00:24:13,036 --> 00:24:17,165
Aah, ha-ha-ha! Ooh, you devil.
470
00:24:18,833 --> 00:24:22,629
♪ He's sweet just like chocolate candy ♪
471
00:24:23,421 --> 00:24:26,675
♪ And sweet as honey from the bee ♪
472
00:24:26,758 --> 00:24:27,967
[WHOOPS]
473
00:24:28,051 --> 00:24:32,639
♪ Oh, I'm just wild about Harry ♪
474
00:24:32,722 --> 00:24:36,017
♪ And Harry's wild about ♪
475
00:24:36,101 --> 00:24:37,602
♪ Cannot do without ♪
476
00:24:38,436 --> 00:24:40,814
♪ Harry's wild about ♪
477
00:24:40,897 --> 00:24:41,856
[YELPS]
478
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:44,943
♪ Me! ♪
479
00:24:46,027 --> 00:24:48,113
[HARRY LAUGHING]
480
00:24:55,370 --> 00:24:57,956
Okay, well,
those of you with nervous dispositions
481
00:24:58,039 --> 00:25:02,085
will be very happy to know that we have
reached the end of The Muppet Show.
482
00:25:02,168 --> 00:25:04,879
But, before we go,
let us have a warm thank-you
483
00:25:04,963 --> 00:25:06,840
for our courageous guest star.
484
00:25:06,923 --> 00:25:08,800
Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Jean Stapleton!
485
00:25:08,883 --> 00:25:10,427
[CHEERS]
486
00:25:13,513 --> 00:25:17,976
Thank you, Kermit.
Oh. I really got a kick out of it.
487
00:25:18,059 --> 00:25:21,062
Did someone say "kick out of it"?
488
00:25:21,146 --> 00:25:23,481
[HARRY LAUGHS & OTHERS SCREAM]
489
00:25:24,607 --> 00:25:28,111
Crazy Harry, you're not supposed to set
one off if somebody says just anything.
490
00:25:28,194 --> 00:25:30,780
Did someone say "just anything"?
491
00:25:30,864 --> 00:25:33,158
[HARRY LAUGHS & OTHERS SCREAM]
492
00:25:33,241 --> 00:25:34,909
FOZZIE:
Crazy!
493
00:25:34,993 --> 00:25:36,536
Oh, help, good night!
494
00:25:36,619 --> 00:25:38,997
-Did someone say "Oh, help, good night"?
-No!
495
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,332
[HARRY LAUGHS & OTHERS SCREAM]
496
00:25:41,416 --> 00:25:43,168
[ALL CHATTERING]
497
00:25:43,251 --> 00:25:45,337
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
498
00:26:18,203 --> 00:26:20,205
I liked that last number.
499
00:26:20,288 --> 00:26:21,706
What did you like about it?
500
00:26:21,790 --> 00:26:23,958
It was the last number.
37372
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof