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[KNOCK ON DOOR]
2
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Cloris Leachman. Fifteen seconds
to curtain, Miss Leachman.
3
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:09,718
Okay, Scooter, I'll be ready.
And thank you for this lunch.
4
00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:13,596
I just hope he remembered
that I don't eat meat of any kind.
5
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,223
Oh, yeah!
6
00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:20,895
And you'll be happy to know
that I am a vegetarian.
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[FRUITS & VEGETABLES JEERING]
8
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It's The Muppet Show, with our special
guest star, Miss Cloris Leachman!
9
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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
10
00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:49,341
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
11
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♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
12
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:55,972
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
13
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♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
14
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♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
15
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♪ It's time to get things started ♪
16
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Quit while you're ahead!
17
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♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
18
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,154
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
19
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♪ This is what we call ♪
20
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
21
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[FOG HORN BLOWS]
22
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[COUGHING]
23
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
24
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:28,004
Thank you! And welcome to The Muppet Show.
25
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You're gonna love tonight's show.
26
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Our guest is the star of television
and films, Miss Cloris Leachman.
27
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But first, let's get things start--
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[PIGS SHOUTING]
29
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-What are you guys doing?
-Pigs are taking over the show.
30
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-Yeah!
-You'll never get away with it!
31
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-Wanna bet?
-We did it! We did it!
32
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[STRANGEPORK LAUGHS]
33
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Hi-ho! Kermit the Pig here.
34
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,658
Hey, welcome to The Muppet Show.
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-Tonight, let's open the festivities--
-What's going on here?
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-Where's my frog?
-We pigs have taken over the show.
37
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Well, hoo-ha. Where's my frog, huh?
What happened to him?
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But you're starring in the opening number.
39
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I don't care.
If you touch one flipper of my frog--
40
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I'm starring in the opening number?
41
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Of course.
You're the biggest pig star we've got.
42
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We'll talk about what's-his-name later.
43
00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:26,229
And now, let's get the show rolling
with a little pig music!
44
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[YELLS]
45
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[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
46
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♪ The clown with his pants falling down ♪
47
00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:37,198
♪ Or the dance that's a dream of romance ♪
48
00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:41,411
♪ Or the scene where the villain is mean ♪
49
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,872
♪ That's entertainment! ♪
50
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♪ The lights on the lady in tights ♪
51
00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:50,545
♪ Or the bride with the guy on the side ♪
52
00:02:50,628 --> 00:02:54,758
♪ Or the ball
Where she gives him her all ♪
53
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,302
♪ That's entertainment! ♪
54
00:02:57,385 --> 00:03:00,889
♪ It might be a fight
Like you see on the screen ♪
55
00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:04,517
♪ A swain getting slain
For the love of a queen ♪
56
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:09,189
♪ Some great Shakespearean scene
Where a ghost and a prince meet ♪
57
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,107
♪ And everyone ends in mincemeat ♪
58
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:18,656
♪ The gag may be waving the flag
That began with a Mr. Cohan ♪
59
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♪ Hip hooray ♪
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♪ The American way ♪
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♪ The world is a stage ♪
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♪ The stage is a world ♪
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♪ Of entertainment ♪
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You know,
I didn't know pigs could do that.
65
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-Be that talented?
-No, be that bad.
66
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Move, move, little frog!
Move! Get in there! Go on!
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Kermit. Kermit. Now, listen--
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-Oh, Kermit. Oh, I'm so glad to see you.
-Yeah.
69
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It's been terrible. Kermit, do you know
that the pigs have taken over the show?
70
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:10,000
-Where are we? Is this the boiler room?
-Yes, the boiler room.
71
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,293
Well, listen, don't worry.
We will get out of here.
72
00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:16,214
Of course we'll get out of here,
because I, the bear, have a plan.
73
00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:20,552
I am going to tie some sheets together,
and we will slip out the window.
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What window?
75
00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:26,850
No window!
76
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:33,523
Oh! Kermit! Kermit!
We gotta bust out of here!
77
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Kermit, Kermit. There's no telling
how long they could keep us here. Look.
78
00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:42,323
-What is that?
-I started a calendar.
79
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,994
Kermit, it's necessary. Believe me!
80
00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:49,873
-I don't know what we're gonna do!
-Fozzie, Fozzie, do not panic.
81
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,500
Listen, we'll use that telephone there
and call for help.
82
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The telephone. Of course! Oh!
83
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[DIAL TONE HUMMING]
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It's working! Here, Kermit.
85
00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,848
This may take longer than I thought.
86
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:13,521
Now here's our special guest, Miss Cloris
Leachman, in a classic piece of--
87
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Excuse me. I'm sorry, but I must stop you.
88
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Did I get your name wrong?
89
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,862
-No, no, that's not it.
-You don't like the dress?
90
00:05:20,945 --> 00:05:24,157
-No, it's okay for the number I'm doing.
-You don't like the number?
91
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:27,660
Uh, no, it's okay
for the dress I'm wearing.
92
00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:30,205
But it's a great number.
You and Sweetums will be terrific.
93
00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:33,750
No, no, my number with Sweetums
comes at the end of the show.
94
00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:38,004
Eek. That's my mistake. Excuse me.
Sweetums, back to the dressing room.
95
00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:39,130
Go on, back.
96
00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:47,889
Okay, cut, cut. That is not Sweetums,
and you are not Kermit.
97
00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:49,974
-Yes, I am.
-Oh, no.
98
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:52,227
I've seen The Muppet Show many times,
99
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:54,813
and you don't look anything
like the Muppets that I've seen.
100
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:58,358
-Uh, maybe it's your television set.
-No, it is not the set.
101
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:00,985
You're green, and you've got that
102
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:04,114
darling, funny, pointy collar
Kermit used to wear.
103
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,366
-But you're not Kermit.
-Oh, yes, I am.
104
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,243
All right, then,
I'll spell it out for you.
105
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You are a pig, P-I-G.
106
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You are not a frog, F-R-O-G.
107
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-But...
-No, no, no. You are not a frog,
108
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:23,008
and nothing you can say will ever
convince me that you are a frog. Nothing.
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00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,300
Ribbit.
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Ribbit, ribbit.
111
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:31,641
Kermit, it is you.
112
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[SNORTS]
113
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-What?
-Uh, nothing. Ribbit.
114
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,734
Finish the introductions, Kermit.
It must be the eyes. They must be going.
115
00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:45,155
And now, once again, our special guest,
Miss Cloris Leachman!
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[YELLS]
117
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[OPERA MUSIC PLAYING]
118
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♪ Come, come, I love you only ♪
119
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:08,928
♪ My heart is true ♪
120
00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:14,225
♪ Come, come, my life is lonely ♪
121
00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:19,189
♪ I long for you ♪
122
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:24,944
♪ Come, come, naught can efface you ♪
123
00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:31,368
♪ My arms are aching now to embrace you ♪
124
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:34,662
♪ Thou art divine ♪
125
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♪ You are calling me ♪
126
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:40,502
-♪ Come, come ♪
-♪ I'm coming ♪
127
00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:44,339
-♪ I love you only ♪
-♪ I love you only ♪
128
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:51,429
-♪ Sweetheart mine ♪
-♪ Come, hero mine ♪
129
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:59,062
♪ Ah, sweet mystery of life ♪
130
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:03,191
♪ At last I've found you ♪
131
00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:10,281
♪ Ah, I know at last
The secret of it all ♪
132
00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:16,955
♪ All the longing, seeking
Striving, waiting, yearning ♪
133
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:24,045
♪ The burning hopes
The joy and idle tears that fall ♪
134
00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:34,472
♪ Overhead, the moon is beaming ♪
135
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:41,521
♪ White as blossoms on the bough ♪
136
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:47,527
♪ Nothing is heard
But the song of a bird ♪
137
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:54,492
-♪ Tender dreaming ♪
-♪ Filling all the air with dreaming ♪
138
00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:59,414
-♪ Would my heart but still it's beating ♪
-♪ It's beating still ♪
139
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:01,249
♪ It's beating still ♪
140
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:06,504
-♪ Only you can tell it how ♪
-♪ Oh, my love ♪
141
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:10,300
-♪ Beloved ♪
-♪ Beloved ♪
142
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:16,181
♪ From your window give me greeting ♪
143
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:22,687
-♪ I swear my eternal-- ♪
-♪ I swear my eternal-- ♪
144
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:24,272
[DRUMMING]
145
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:29,569
♪ Give me some pigs
Who are stout-hearted pigs ♪
146
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:33,865
♪ Who will fight
For the right they adore ♪
147
00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:37,327
♪ Start me with ten
Just like stout-hearted men ♪
148
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:41,748
♪ And I'll soon give you
Ten thousand more ♪
149
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:45,543
♪ Shoulder to shoulder
And bolder and bolder ♪
150
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:49,464
♪ They grow as they go to the fore ♪
151
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:55,845
♪ When stout-hearted men
Can stick together swine to swine ♪
152
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:59,432
♪ Swine, swine, swine
Swine, swine, swine, swine ♪
153
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:05,021
♪ For it is love alone that rules ♪
154
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:12,112
-♪ For aye ♪
-♪ For swine ♪
155
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,826
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
156
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:25,291
Okay, Kermit, listen.
When the pig comes in,
157
00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:27,585
I'll clobber him,
and then we run for our lives.
158
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:28,712
[KEYS JINGLING]
159
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,463
Here we go.
160
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:33,508
-Get in that cell!
-Got you!
161
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:35,051
[YELLS]
162
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:39,180
Are you crazy? That really hurt.
163
00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,975
Oh, Gonzo, I'm sorry,
I thought you were a pig.
164
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Terrific. Terrific.
First he clobbers me, then he insults me.
165
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,650
Hey, uh, Gonzo,
what's happening with the show?
166
00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:52,360
-Yeah. Yeah.
-Oh, it's going great.
167
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:55,405
They've got this new MC
and the audience loves him.
168
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:59,325
-Kermit the Pig.
-Kermit the Pig?
169
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:02,287
Easy, easy, Kermit.
Don't take it so personally.
170
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:04,956
And the new comedian, Fozzie the Pig.
171
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,417
Boy, is he funny!
172
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,878
We gotta get out of here!
173
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:14,799
We will get out of here.
Look what I smuggled in.
174
00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:16,885
-A spoon?
-Mm-hm.
175
00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:21,765
-Gonzo, we wanna escape, not eat!
-Ah! We will escape.
176
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,516
I'm gonna dig a tunnel with it.
177
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,731
Uh, I think we're gonna be here a while.
178
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:37,238
And now it's time
for everybody's favorite funny pig,
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00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:41,159
that great big lovable ham
who's really a boar, and proud of it...
180
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,412
Mr. Fozzie Pig!
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00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:45,872
[YELLS]
182
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:52,837
Hiya, hiya, hiya! I'm really hot tonight.
183
00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:57,092
I guess you could say
the fat's in the fire.
184
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:05,809
Speaking of fat, my wife is so fat
that when she brings home the bacon,
185
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:10,605
it takes three guys
to bring home the bacon. Ah!
186
00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:11,773
[WALDORF CHUCKLES]
187
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:16,486
-Say, his new material isn't bad.
-Yes, but his new haircut is awful.
188
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:22,075
Rolling right along, folks, it's really
great to be here entertaining you,
189
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:25,578
uh, but next year
I'm going back to school.
190
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:30,959
Yeah, you see, get this--
You see, I still got a lot to loin.
191
00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:34,796
Get it? Pork? Loin? Ah!
192
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:37,590
-Now I know it's the haircut.
-Mm.
193
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:42,679
Uh, yeah, but, well,
I could do this all night. Uh...
194
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:46,683
Yeah, but my sauerkraut is double-porked.
195
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,269
Get it? Double-porked? Uh, pork fat...
196
00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:51,312
Hogga, hogga, hogga, hogga.
197
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:55,734
-Sauerkraut?
-Double-porked.
198
00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:57,444
-It's the worst.
-Worst.
199
00:12:57,527 --> 00:12:58,570
-The worst.
-The worst.
200
00:12:58,653 --> 00:12:59,696
The worst.
201
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:05,118
[SINGING GIBBERISH]
202
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:08,413
Oink, oink.
203
00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:12,375
Oink, oink, oink!
204
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,170
Ah.
205
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:17,589
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
206
00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:19,090
Popper corn.
207
00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:23,428
Corn... Oink, oink, oink, oink.
208
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,140
Popcorn popper.
209
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:36,066
Popcorn. Oink, oink, oink.
210
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,817
[LAUGHS]
211
00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:44,532
NARRATOR:
And now, Vegetarian's Hospital,
212
00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:50,372
the story of a pig-headed quack
who's gone hog wild.
213
00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:56,086
Here's your next case, doctor.
214
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:03,134
What? This is a dish of fruits
and vegetables.
215
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:07,597
It's all right. They have group insurance.
216
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,349
[ALL LAUGH]
217
00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:12,602
Group insurance?
They'd better have grape insurance.
218
00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:14,354
[LAUGHING]
219
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:16,481
-Here's a nice bunch.
-[CORN LAUGHS]
220
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:17,899
What's the problem here?
221
00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:21,361
Well, the corn has a bad ear.
222
00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:26,116
The potato has a bad eye.
And the eggplant... [SNICKERS]
223
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:29,119
-Yes?
-The eggplant has a bad yolk!
224
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,954
[ALL LAUGH]
225
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,706
Well, that makes two of you.
226
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:34,791
[ALL LAUGH]
227
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:38,086
-Well, let's start with the corn.
-You already have.
228
00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:40,547
[ALL LAUGH]
229
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:44,300
Oh! Oh, oh, doctor,
you really know your vegetables.
230
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:47,387
Well, that's why they pay me a big celery.
231
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:50,140
Celery!
232
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:53,143
NARRATOR: And so, once again,
for the first time,
233
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:56,688
we come to the close
of Vegetarian's Hospital.
234
00:14:56,771 --> 00:15:00,775
Tune in next week
when you'll hear Dr. Pig say...
235
00:15:00,859 --> 00:15:03,361
And now, lettuce operate.
236
00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:06,531
Lettuce operate!
237
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:15,373
NEWS PIG:
Here is a Muppet newsflash.
238
00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:22,005
The eminent research scientist,
Dr. Bunsen Honeypig,
239
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:28,011
today announced he had successfully
converted a sow's ear into a silk purse.
240
00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:34,184
Dr. Honeypig is now the object
of a massive civil and criminal suit
241
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:39,064
by the wife of a neighborhood artist,
Mrs. Vincent van Gogh Pig.
242
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:48,031
-How's it going, guys?
-Oh, it's terrific.
243
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:52,077
Gonzo's digging and I'm going
to smuggle the dirt out in my hat.
244
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,956
Or not.
245
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,750
[KEYS JINGLING]
246
00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:03,505
Kermie? Kermie, are you all right?
247
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,715
Uh, well, yes, I guess so.
248
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:10,512
Oh, Kermie, I just want you to know
that I have had nothing to do, whatsoever,
249
00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:12,764
with the taking over of this show.
250
00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:13,848
-Hm.
-I have ref--
251
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:16,518
No, really, I have refused to cooperate.
252
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:21,189
Yes. And, Kermie,
I am going to stay here with you.
253
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:25,735
You really...
That's very nice of you, Miss Piggy.
254
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:30,532
Kermie, my loyalty is here, with my frog.
255
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:34,077
-Wow. You really mean it?
-Mm-hm.
256
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,371
Uh, Pigs in Space on next.
257
00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:41,751
You have to cancel it.
258
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:44,963
I remain with my sweetheart, Kermie.
259
00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:46,756
-Aw, gee, Miss Piggy.
-Mm-hm.
260
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,843
Okay, we'll just get someone
to take your place.
261
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:53,847
-Take my place?
-If you wanna stay here with him...
262
00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:01,771
Well...
263
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:06,234
Bye.
264
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:12,073
That's show biz, pal. Ha-ha-ha.
265
00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:20,540
NARRATOR [ECHOING]:
And now, Pigs in Space!
266
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:28,298
Starring the quixotic
Captain Link Hogthrob.
267
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,800
The vacuous first mate, Miss Piggy.
268
00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:36,473
And the somnambulistic
Dr. Julius Strangepork.
269
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:42,020
As we left the Swinetrek last time,
it was under attack from an alien thing.
270
00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:43,313
[ALARM BLARING]
271
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:47,734
Battle stations! Battle stations!
272
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:50,362
-Condition red!
-Man the guns!
273
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:54,240
Oh! Oh! Oh!
274
00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:57,744
-What is it, my captain? Oh, no.
-Are you hit, Link?
275
00:17:57,827 --> 00:18:01,581
Oh! No, I've got a spot on my uniform.
276
00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:08,254
-There it is!
-Here it is. Right here by my epaulet.
277
00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:12,133
There, and I just had it cleaned
on Tuesday.
278
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:18,723
-Look, it's stopped shooting.
-Hmm. Maybe it will sponge off.
279
00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:22,352
-What is it?
-I don't know.
280
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:26,272
I don't know, either. It appears to be--
I mean, it looks like--
281
00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:28,775
It is! It's chopped liver!
282
00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:30,694
[SCREAMS]
283
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:33,613
No, I think it's ketchup.
284
00:18:35,907 --> 00:18:39,411
No, no, not there, lard head. There!
285
00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:40,954
Oh! Oh! Oh!
286
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:42,122
It is! It is!
287
00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:48,044
It's chopped liver! Oh, not chopped liver!
Anything but chopped liver!
288
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:51,172
-What's wrong with chopped liver?
-It gives me gas.
289
00:18:52,507 --> 00:18:53,758
[HICCUPS]
290
00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:57,804
Try holding your breath
and counting to five or six hundred.
291
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:02,225
-One, two, three, four.
-No, no, you twit!
292
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:04,519
Don't you understand?
293
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:09,107
That is the chopped-liver monster
from the galaxy Zabor.
294
00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:11,526
It's hideous.
295
00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:14,571
Hideous? For 1.69 a pound,
you want beautiful?
296
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:20,952
NARRATOR: Tune in again next time
for another digestive episode of...
297
00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:25,165
Pigs in Space!
298
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:28,335
Pigs may have taken over,
299
00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:31,129
but there's one thing about the show
they haven't changed.
300
00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:33,423
-What's that?
-It's still not funny.
301
00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:36,926
[HAMMERING]
302
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:39,763
-How's Gonzo doing?
-Oh, pretty good, I guess.
303
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,848
I can't even see him anymore.
304
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:43,016
[KEYS JINGLING]
305
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:46,186
-Hey, Kermit, we're free!
-Really?
306
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:47,479
What happened?
307
00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:51,316
Someone next door
was holding a hog-calling contest,
308
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:53,651
so they all heard it and ran off.
309
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:58,907
What a plot twist!
310
00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:01,785
How amazing! How unbelievable!
311
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:04,913
How convenient.
I'll get on-stage, you tell Gonzo.
312
00:20:04,996 --> 00:20:06,039
Yes, sir.
313
00:20:07,082 --> 00:20:09,125
[ECHOING] Hey, Gonzo!
314
00:20:11,503 --> 00:20:14,631
He's made a lot of progress
with that teaspoon.
315
00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:18,259
KERMIT:
I'm coming!
316
00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:22,931
Well, uh, things have been
a little bit strange here tonight,
317
00:20:23,014 --> 00:20:27,727
but someone we can always depend on
is the wonderful Miss Cloris Leachman.
318
00:20:27,811 --> 00:20:32,482
We take you now to a desert island,
where the coconuts and guest stars grow.
319
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:46,621
[PANTING]
320
00:20:46,705 --> 00:20:48,081
Oh, dear.
321
00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:52,210
Oh, gracious. I thought I'd never make it.
322
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:07,642
[SPLASHES]
323
00:21:11,438 --> 00:21:14,607
[SWEETUMS ROARS AND CLORIS YELLS]
324
00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:16,276
A-ha!
325
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:19,237
Pretty blond lady!
326
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,072
Hello.
327
00:21:21,156 --> 00:21:24,451
Pretty blond lady make good fondue?
328
00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:27,287
That depends.
329
00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:31,583
Are you thinking of me
as the cook or the dish?
330
00:21:33,585 --> 00:21:37,630
-Well, you're quite a dish.
-That does it, I'm leaving.
331
00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:39,299
[CHUCKLES]
332
00:21:39,382 --> 00:21:41,843
Where nice lady come from?
333
00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:44,429
Didn't you see that shipwreck out there?
334
00:21:44,512 --> 00:21:47,015
I caused that shipwreck out there.
335
00:21:47,098 --> 00:21:48,767
[LAUGHS]
336
00:21:48,850 --> 00:21:53,271
I believe it. With breath like that,
you could sink an armada.
337
00:21:55,857 --> 00:22:01,446
-Oh, look, water.
-Oh, good. Sweetums thirsty.
338
00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:04,949
-Oh, I'm so thirsty,
-Tough luck, kid.
339
00:22:05,033 --> 00:22:10,413
-Look, up there! Quick!
-Sweetums not fall for that old gag.
340
00:22:10,497 --> 00:22:13,416
Oh! Oh!
341
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:18,004
That does it! Sweetums and nice lady
not be friends after all!
342
00:22:18,088 --> 00:22:21,466
Now, now, hold on. Wait a minute.
343
00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:26,096
Hold on. Hold on! Hold on. Just a moment.
344
00:22:26,179 --> 00:22:28,348
[SCREAMING]
345
00:22:29,516 --> 00:22:32,185
Hey, someone call for help?
346
00:22:33,603 --> 00:22:35,980
Oh, thank heavens.
347
00:22:36,064 --> 00:22:37,982
Oh, your timing is perfect.
348
00:22:38,066 --> 00:22:39,317
It is?
349
00:22:41,903 --> 00:22:44,656
♪ Just in time ♪
350
00:22:44,739 --> 00:22:48,243
♪ I found you just in time ♪
351
00:22:49,411 --> 00:22:56,418
♪ Before you came
My time was running low ♪
352
00:22:59,337 --> 00:23:00,964
♪ I was lost ♪
353
00:23:02,048 --> 00:23:05,260
♪ The losing dice were tossed ♪
354
00:23:06,469 --> 00:23:10,640
♪ My bridges all were crossed ♪
355
00:23:10,724 --> 00:23:16,855
♪ Nowhere to go ♪
356
00:23:16,938 --> 00:23:18,606
♪ Now you're here ♪
357
00:23:19,691 --> 00:23:24,571
♪ And now I know just where I'm going ♪
358
00:23:24,654 --> 00:23:28,116
♪ No more doubt or fear ♪
359
00:23:28,199 --> 00:23:32,704
♪ I've found my way ♪
360
00:23:32,787 --> 00:23:36,541
♪ For love came just in time ♪
361
00:23:38,043 --> 00:23:41,504
♪ I found you just in time ♪
362
00:23:41,588 --> 00:23:43,048
No.
363
00:23:43,131 --> 00:23:47,886
♪ And changed my lonely life ♪
364
00:23:47,969 --> 00:23:54,976
♪ That lovely day ♪
365
00:23:59,105 --> 00:24:01,107
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
366
00:24:08,990 --> 00:24:14,245
-That's lovely. Only got one question.
-What's that?
367
00:24:14,329 --> 00:24:18,958
Sweetums, is this the cook or the dish?
368
00:24:19,042 --> 00:24:20,168
Dish!
369
00:24:20,251 --> 00:24:21,503
Ha, ha!
370
00:24:21,586 --> 00:24:24,506
What? Oh! Help!
371
00:24:37,268 --> 00:24:40,313
That's about all the time we have,
but before we go,
372
00:24:40,397 --> 00:24:43,441
let us have a warm thank you
for our very special guest star,
373
00:24:43,525 --> 00:24:45,568
ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Cloris Leachman!
374
00:24:45,652 --> 00:24:46,861
Yay!
375
00:24:46,945 --> 00:24:48,321
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
376
00:24:48,405 --> 00:24:52,117
Thank you.
Oh, Kermit, I've had a wonderful time.
377
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:53,910
-Aw, good.
-Thank you so--
378
00:24:53,993 --> 00:24:54,994
[RUMBLING]
379
00:24:56,579 --> 00:24:58,206
Freedom is mine!
380
00:24:59,833 --> 00:25:04,295
-What are you doing here, Kermit?
-Uh, never mind. I'll tell you later.
381
00:25:04,379 --> 00:25:08,758
Oh, boy, Kermit. It certainly has been
different around here tonight.
382
00:25:08,842 --> 00:25:11,469
Well, I don't know how to explain to you
about those pigs.
383
00:25:11,553 --> 00:25:14,472
-Where did those pigs come from?
-And where did they go?
384
00:25:14,556 --> 00:25:17,976
I mean, who would organize
a hog-calling contest?
385
00:25:18,059 --> 00:25:21,354
-It was amazing. It was bizarre.
-It was easy.
386
00:25:23,189 --> 00:25:27,110
-Cloris, you did that for us?
-Well, I'm from Iowa.
387
00:25:27,193 --> 00:25:29,487
You must be a great hog-caller.
388
00:25:29,571 --> 00:25:33,074
Sooie! Piggy, piggy, piggy!
389
00:25:35,368 --> 00:25:37,871
We'll see you next time
on The Muppet Show!
390
00:25:40,540 --> 00:25:42,834
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
391
00:26:16,826 --> 00:26:18,953
-That was weird.
-I'll tell the world.
392
00:26:19,037 --> 00:26:20,747
-Go ahead.
-That was weird.
393
00:26:20,830 --> 00:26:23,166
-Weird! Weird!
-Weird! Weird!
30295
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