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[KNOCK ON DOOR]
2
00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:06,006
John Cleese. Oh, 15 seconds
to curtain, Mr. Cleese.
3
00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:07,924
[GRUNTING]
4
00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:12,721
Well, it's no use struggling, Mr. Cleese.
5
00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:15,015
You can't leave
until you've done the show.
6
00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:18,059
[GROANS]
7
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It's The Muppet Show, with our
special guest star, Mr. John Cleese!
8
00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:25,525
[YELLS]
9
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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
11
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,169
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
12
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♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
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00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:50,592
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
14
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♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
15
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♪ It's time to get things started ♪
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Well, they'll never get this started.
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♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
18
00:01:01,686 --> 00:01:03,855
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
19
00:01:03,938 --> 00:01:06,441
♪ This is what we call ♪
20
00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:10,570
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
21
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[PLAYS HIGH NOTE]
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Thank you, thank you,
thank you! Hi-ho!
23
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,541
And welcome to another Muppet Show.
24
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We're going to have
a fantastic show for you tonight,
25
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because our guest star
is one of the reigning geniuses
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behind Monty Python's Flying Circus,
Mr. John Cleese!
27
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Uh, excuse me, Kermit. There's a note from
the stagehands up in the rafters.
28
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Let's see, it says, "Dear Kermit,
29
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we are sorry we dropped that heavy weight,
30
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but we hope it doesn't do
any damage when it hits the floor.
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P.S., actually, we dropped two weights."
32
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Uh, why don't you guys watch the opening
number? I think I'll lie down for a while.
33
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:08,753
[FOLK TUNE PLAYING]
34
00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:13,967
♪ Somebody stole my gal ♪
35
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:17,971
♪ Somebody stole my pal ♪
36
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♪ Somebody came and took her away ♪
37
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:28,732
♪ She didn't even say
That she was even leavin' ♪
38
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:31,192
♪ Her kisses I miss so ♪
39
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♪ I know you miss her kisses ♪
40
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,780
♪ He's getting now I know ♪
41
00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,574
♪ You know he's gettin' her kisses ♪
42
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-♪ Well, gee, if she could see ♪
-♪ Gee, see ♪
43
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♪ I know she'd come runnin'
Hurry up on back to me ♪
44
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:51,087
♪ If she could only see
Her brokenhearted lonesome pal ♪
45
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,965
♪ Somebody stole my gal ♪
46
00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:55,258
Go get it, Gramps!
47
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[BEATBOXING]
48
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[JAW HARP BOINGING]
49
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♪ Yeah, her kisses I miss so ♪
50
00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:17,614
♪ Bubba know he misses her kisses ♪
51
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:20,075
♪ Yeah, he's getting now I know ♪
52
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:22,077
♪ I'll bet that hurt, don't it? ♪
53
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,622
-♪ Gee, if she could see ♪
-♪ Gee, see ♪
54
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:30,210
♪ I know that she'd come run-run-runnin'
Hurry back to me ♪
55
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:35,340
♪ If she could only see
Her brokenhearted lonesome pal ♪
56
00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:37,842
♪ Somebody stole my ♪
57
00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:40,095
♪ Somebody stole my ♪
58
00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:44,391
♪ Somebody stole my gal ♪
59
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:51,272
-What's wrong with you?
-I got a sore thumb.
60
00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:55,151
-Why don't you get it taken care of?
-It keeps my mind off the show.
61
00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:00,824
And now, to appease
the intellectuals of our audience,
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00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:05,120
The Great Gonzo will catch
a cannonball with his bare hand,
63
00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:07,580
as fired from a muzzle-loading cannon.
64
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,582
Ladies and gentlemen, The Great Gonzo!
65
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Thank you. The Great Gonzo.
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The bare hand.
67
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:21,428
The muzzle-loading cannon.
68
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,097
The lovely assistant, Crazy Harry.
69
00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:30,603
I must ask for complete silence
from the audience for this act.
70
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:33,356
[DRUM ROLL]
71
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,783
Ready?
72
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:47,495
Three, two, one! Fire!
73
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:51,041
[CRASHING]
74
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,043
It's okay, everything is fine, folks.
75
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:57,005
Gonzo merely got knocked
off-stage by the impact, but I think...
76
00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:59,507
Yes, he caught the cannonball!
77
00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:08,141
I've seen my share of
cannonball-catching acts,
78
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:09,809
but that had something different.
79
00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:11,936
-What was that?
-A survivor.
80
00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:18,735
Hey, have you heard about the new
police show starring Gonzo the Great?
81
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:23,406
-No, what's it called?
-The, uh, Long Arm of the Law.
82
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:29,120
Very funny. Very droll bear.
83
00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:34,793
-Okay, what's next, now?
-Uh, Kermit, may I have a word with you?
84
00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,544
Hey, it's John Cleese.
85
00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:44,678
-Kermit, I am not pleased.
-Oh, well, John, what's wrong?
86
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:47,347
Kermit, this place is infested with pigs.
87
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,182
-So?
-I don't wanna work with them.
88
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:52,477
-Hi, John. Hi, Kermit.
-Hi, hi, fellas.
89
00:05:55,355 --> 00:06:00,276
That's why every one of my contracts
has a standard no-pigs clause.
90
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,986
A no-pigs clause?
91
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:05,323
Uh, here we are. It says,
"I only work with a frog..."
92
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,283
-That's you, right?
-Check.
93
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:11,746
"...the bear and the ugly, disgusting
little one who catches cannonballs."
94
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:15,166
That's it, no pigs,
and that goes for monsters, too.
95
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:17,127
Mm.
96
00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:24,050
I'd like to speak to my agent,
please, Kermit.
97
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:26,553
-Uh, sure, where is he?
-Over there.
98
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,264
[MAN SCREAMING]
99
00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,519
Okay, uh, what do I do with the pigs,
Kermit?
100
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,482
NEWSCASTER:
Here's a Muppet news flash.
101
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:44,696
Science has discovered a process
which may go a long way
102
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:47,323
towards solving the world's food crisis.
103
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:51,161
Dr. William Edgar of Chicago, Illinois,
reports he has found a method
104
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:54,664
of synthesizing Italian dinners
out of wool.
105
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:59,878
At a recent press conference,
Edgar demonstrated his process
106
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:03,423
by knitting a tureen of minestrone,
107
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:06,301
while his wife, Nancy,
crocheted meatballs.
108
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:31,534
[CLUCKING]
109
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Usually this bird's a great performer,
but tonight she laid an egg.
110
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NARRATOR [ECHOING]:
And now, Pigs in Space!
111
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Starring the acrophobic
Captain Link Hogthrob.
112
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:57,894
The illustrious first mate, Miss Piggy.
113
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:04,150
And the sesquipedalian, Dr. Strangepork.
114
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:09,739
As we join our story today...
115
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[HUMMING]
116
00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:22,419
Oh, me. These long, late night watches...
117
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:27,257
Ah, the loneliness of command.
118
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,591
[TRANSPORTER BEEPS]
119
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-Ha, ha! Avast there!
-What the hey?
120
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:38,727
Ha, ha! This 'ere ship be under siege!
121
00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:48,069
-I beg your pardon. Who are you?
-I be Long John Silverstein.
122
00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:49,571
[LAUGHS]
123
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:56,536
-Deadliest pirate of the seven seas.
-You can't be a pirate.
124
00:08:56,619 --> 00:09:00,248
Of course I'm a pirate.
I've got a hat, a parrot and a hook.
125
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:03,460
What else should I be?
A management consultant?
126
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:09,007
-Okay, so you're a pirate.
-So I'm a pirate. Ha-ha-ha!
127
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,634
-Wrong hand, stupid.
-What?
128
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,512
The hook was on the left hand.
129
00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:19,225
Don't nag me now,
I'm in the middle of laying siege.
130
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:21,895
We were going to spend
the evening at home.
131
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:26,024
-Not now.
-It's always the same.
132
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:28,651
Listen, what is that you want exactly?
133
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:33,948
I'll tell ye, captain.
I be master of this ship now.
134
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:38,661
I told you, just wear an eye patch,
leave the hook at home.
135
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,789
-But you wouldn't listen.
-Button your beak.
136
00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:44,167
This is all ridiculous.
This is a spaceship.
137
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,460
What?
138
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:48,963
This is the Swinetrek,
bound for the other side of the universe.
139
00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:51,716
You're supposed to be
on an ocean someplace.
140
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,844
-See? I told you so.
-Shut up.
141
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:58,056
Oh, sure. Shut up, shut up. Sure, yeah.
142
00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:02,310
But when you want somebody at home
to share a cracker with, that's different.
143
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,354
Just find somebody else to talk...
144
00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:13,238
-Uh, excuse me.
-Sorry.
145
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:16,366
Aah! Sorry, okay?
146
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:20,829
Where be the crew of
this 'ere tub now, captain?
147
00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:25,166
They're asleep. If you want them, you
can call them on the intercom on the wall.
148
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:28,545
A pirate don't use an intercom!
149
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,880
T'would be sissy!
150
00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:35,093
-Don't be so fussy.
-Oh, all right.
151
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:38,263
[SHOUTS]
152
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:41,349
This be no intercom!
153
00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:44,936
This be a pay phone!
154
00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:49,065
I know, it's a design flaw
that slipped by us.
155
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:53,194
Pigs! Where be me doubloon?
156
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:55,030
[LAUGHS]
157
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,573
[COINS CLATTERING]
158
00:10:56,656 --> 00:11:02,037
Look at those doubloons!
Oh, we were broke, you said.
159
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:05,874
That's why you didn't take me to dinner.
We had to capture a ship, you said.
160
00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:10,086
-Listen, will you just...?
-You used to take me out all the time.
161
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,881
-We'll discuss it later.
-You don't love me anymore.
162
00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:15,633
Of course I love you, I am working now.
163
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:21,139
-And you're making a lousy job of it.
-You wanna be an ex-parrot?
164
00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:23,600
[ALARM WAILING]
165
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:26,519
Wait a minute.
Two can play at that game. Take this.
166
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,773
[CONTROL PANELS BEEPING]
167
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,276
Abandon spaceship!
168
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:38,365
-This has never happened before.
-Man the bilge pumps!
169
00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:41,534
PARROT: Man the bilge pumps!
-Prepare the hollandaise!
170
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:45,121
-Prepare the hollandaise!
-Deliver the punch line!
171
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,664
We already did that!
172
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,796
NARRATOR:
Pigs in Space!
173
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,005
[PARROT YELLS]
174
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:59,761
-Now that was hilarious.
-Yes, it was really funny.
175
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,596
Do you suppose they meant it to be?
176
00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:05,100
[SIGHS]
177
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:07,977
Fozzie, what am I gonna do with this arm?
178
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:13,024
Don't worry, Gonzo,
I'll be back later when they're dry.
179
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,447
[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
180
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:26,329
So I says to the waiter,
"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup."
181
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:30,375
And the waiter says, "Shh. Not so loud,
everybody'll be wanting one,"
182
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:37,674
So I said to the waiter, "Waiter,
what's this fly doing in my soup?"
183
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:40,427
And the waiter said,
"Looks like the backstroke."
184
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:47,100
So I says to the waiter,
"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup."
185
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:50,270
And the waiter says, "What's the
matter? You ordered a mosquito?"
186
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:57,736
So I said to the waiter, "What's this
fly doing in my alphabet soup?"
187
00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,321
And he said,
"Standing in for the apostrophe."
188
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,868
My, what a tough night I've had tonight.
189
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:09,164
Oh, yeah, me too. The chef
ran out of flies halfway through dinner.
190
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:10,832
One, two, three, dip.
191
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,584
[GLASSES SHATTER]
192
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,838
[BAND PLAYING]
193
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:25,180
♪ I'm in a nice bit of trouble
I must confess ♪
194
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:28,058
♪ Somebody with me has had a game ♪
195
00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:32,729
♪ I should by now
Be a proud and happy bride ♪
196
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:35,815
♪ But I've still got to keep
My single name ♪
197
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:43,531
♪ I was proposed to by Obadiah Binks
In a very gentlemanly way ♪
198
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:48,370
♪ Lent him all my money
So that he could buy a home ♪
199
00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:51,289
♪ And punctually
At twelve o'clock today ♪
200
00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:56,169
♪ There was I, waiting at the church ♪
201
00:13:56,252 --> 00:14:00,006
♪ Waiting at the church
Waiting at the church ♪
202
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:03,885
♪ When I found he'd left me in the lurch ♪
203
00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:07,097
♪ Lord, how it did upset me ♪
204
00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:11,393
♪ All at once, he sent me round a note ♪
205
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:15,814
♪ Here's the very note
This is what he wrote ♪
206
00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:19,776
♪ Can't get away to marry you today ♪
207
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:23,071
♪ My wife won't let me ♪
208
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:27,534
-Very good, Kermie.
-Thank you, but it's just a song.
209
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:30,120
-I don't have a wife.
-Mm-hm. Not yet.
210
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,455
I don't intend to have one, either.
211
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,749
-Are you ready?
-Uh, yes.
212
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:39,879
♪ There was I, waiting at the church ♪
213
00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:43,883
♪ Waiting at the church
Waiting at the church ♪
214
00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:47,804
♪ When I found he'd left me in the lurch ♪
215
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:51,016
♪ Lord, how it did upset me ♪
216
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:52,142
♪ Hee, hee ♪
217
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:56,062
♪ All at once, he sent me round a note ♪
218
00:14:56,146 --> 00:14:57,897
♪ Here's the very note ♪
219
00:14:57,981 --> 00:14:59,983
♪ This is what he wrote ♪
220
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:03,987
♪ Can't get away to marry you today ♪
221
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:07,240
♪ My wife won't let me! ♪
222
00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:13,580
Will you take that silly pillow
out from under your dress?
223
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:14,956
I like it!
224
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:25,050
And now, a musical duet featuring Gonzo
the Great and my little nephew, Robin...
225
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:29,971
Psst. Uncle Kermit. Gonzo says
he can't sing with a long arm.
226
00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:32,724
-Shall we cancel?
-No, I'm doing it with Sweetums.
227
00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:36,061
-Sweetums?
-Just introduce us, okay?
228
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:39,397
Sweetums is 9 feet tall.
Oh, well, whatever.
229
00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:43,526
Here they are, the low and the mighty,
Robin and Sweetums.
230
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:47,238
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
231
00:15:57,082 --> 00:16:01,544
♪ We're two lost souls
On the highway of life ♪
232
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:06,049
♪ We ain't even got a sister or brother ♪
233
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,426
♪ But ain't it just great? ♪
234
00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:10,428
♪ Ain't it just grand? ♪
235
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:14,307
♪ We've got each other ♪
236
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:19,604
♪ Two lost ships on a stormy sea ♪
237
00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:23,900
♪ One with no sail
And one with no rudder ♪
238
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,403
♪ But ain't it just great? ♪
239
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,655
♪ Ain't it just grand? ♪
240
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,367
♪ We've got each other ♪
241
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:55,974
♪ Two lost souls on the highway of life ♪
242
00:16:56,057 --> 00:17:00,228
♪ And there is no one
With whom we would rather ♪
243
00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:04,649
♪ Say, "Ain't it just great?
Ain't it just grand?" ♪
244
00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:10,280
♪ We've got each other ♪
245
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,323
♪ We got a lot ♪
246
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,576
♪ Because we got ♪
247
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:18,788
♪ Each other ♪
248
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:31,051
Hey, Fozzie. What is red
and woolly and 5 feet long?
249
00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:35,764
Oh, I don't know, Floyd. What is red
and woolly and 5 feet long?
250
00:17:35,847 --> 00:17:38,516
A mitten for Gonzo the Great.
251
00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:43,355
Oh, good, yes, just what the world needs.
252
00:17:43,438 --> 00:17:45,273
Humorous hip persons.
253
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:53,448
-Mr. Cleese, what am I gonna do?
-Uh, which one are you?
254
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:56,076
I'm the ugly, disgusting one
who catches cannonballs.
255
00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:58,661
-Ah, yes.
-Ugh. Look at me.
256
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,288
Yes, it's horrible, isn't it?
Not to worry.
257
00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:02,624
I know a plastic surgeon
who can fix you up,
258
00:18:02,707 --> 00:18:05,126
give you a little Roman number,
something cute.
259
00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:09,130
No, Mr. Cleese, it's not my nose.
It's my arm.
260
00:18:09,214 --> 00:18:11,508
Is it? Well, why is it
in the middle of your face?
261
00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:15,845
Mr. Cleese, just forget
about the nose, please.
262
00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:17,681
I'll try, but I can't promise anything.
263
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:21,059
-Now, what's wrong with this arm?
-It's about five feet long.
264
00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:23,478
-Isn't that enough?
-Look at the other one.
265
00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:28,191
Yes. I don't think the nose
is the problem.
266
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,484
[GRUMBLES]
267
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:33,905
Look, all I want is both my arms
to be the same length again.
268
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:37,492
All right. Once when I was
in the Himalayas, Gonzo,
269
00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:43,039
I met a wise old man who taught me
the ancient art of Dowchochingwa.
270
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:45,417
-Were both his arms the same length?
-As what?
271
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:48,670
-As each other?
-Well, some of them were, yes.
272
00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:50,338
Now, lie down, please,
273
00:18:50,422 --> 00:18:54,342
and I want you to keep repeating
something over and over again.
274
00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:58,138
-You understand?
-Something, something, something...
275
00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:05,687
Something, something, something.
276
00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,856
-Are you done?
-There we are, Gonzo.
277
00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:09,774
Both your arms are the same length.
278
00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:13,028
Oh, no. I wanted them both short.
279
00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:15,030
-What?
-Short!
280
00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:18,283
Oh, picky, picky, picky!
281
00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:21,745
Stand up. Are those your legs?
282
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,246
-Yes.
-Right, sit.
283
00:19:24,539 --> 00:19:27,792
Now, get your arms out of the way.
Oh, Gonzo.
284
00:19:40,055 --> 00:19:43,391
-There. Happy?
-No, I can't tie my shoes!
285
00:19:43,475 --> 00:19:45,143
-What?
-Shoes!
286
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,273
[GONZO YELLING]
287
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:55,487
-There. All right?
-Well...
288
00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:58,156
What? What? What?
You want me to do something else?
289
00:19:58,239 --> 00:20:01,868
No! I'm fine! Fine, no problem.
290
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,953
Good, well, just pull yourself together.
291
00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:09,250
I wish I could.
292
00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:15,674
Hi-ho, this is Kermit the Frog talking
to you from the planet Koozebane,
293
00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:19,135
where I'm about to interview one of
the most unusual of the Koozebanians.
294
00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:21,930
I refer to the Koozebanian Spooble.
295
00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:26,726
-Hi there, Kermit. Pleasure to be here.
-Mm-hm.
296
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:28,478
You will note that the Spooble
297
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:32,565
is composed almost entirely
of, uh, ahem, liquid.
298
00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:37,404
You betcha. Or as they say on Koozebane,
we Spoobles are all wet.
299
00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:38,613
Ho-ho!
300
00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:42,534
-That's a big joke with us Spoobles.
-Uh, check.
301
00:20:42,617 --> 00:20:45,704
-Listen, do you like my jar?
-Your jar?
302
00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:49,958
It's the latest. See-through sides,
convertible top.
303
00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:54,295
-I'm not even wearing the cap.
-Uh-huh. Yeah, it's very nice.
304
00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:58,717
My wife said that for a TV interview
I should wear my crystal vase.
305
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,927
But, you know, I wanted to be casual.
306
00:21:01,011 --> 00:21:05,640
-Yeah, well, the jar is just swell.
-I'm glad it's not winter.
307
00:21:05,724 --> 00:21:08,852
I hate wearing those ugly Thermos bottles.
308
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,812
Right, okay, there you have it, folks.
309
00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:13,815
Once again, it's been an unusual
and informative visit
310
00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:16,943
with another creature
from another planet, and so...
311
00:21:17,027 --> 00:21:18,528
Mr... Uh...
312
00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:22,574
Uh, well, um...
313
00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:24,743
CREATURE:
Aah.
314
00:21:24,826 --> 00:21:27,787
Well, there you have it, folks.
For the first time in history,
315
00:21:27,871 --> 00:21:30,206
a Koozebanian has been drunk
on television.
316
00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:31,458
[HICCUPS]
317
00:21:33,376 --> 00:21:35,337
What do you suppose
would happen to a Spooble
318
00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:38,423
if you put him in a kettle
and turned the heat on?
319
00:21:38,506 --> 00:21:40,467
He'd probably get steamed.
320
00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:46,765
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
here is our very special guest star
321
00:21:46,848 --> 00:21:49,851
to sing "To Dream the Impossible Dream."
322
00:21:49,934 --> 00:21:52,479
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. John Cleese!
323
00:21:55,523 --> 00:21:58,693
[FANFARE PLAYING]
324
00:22:01,279 --> 00:22:02,864
Kermit, Kermit.
325
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:05,617
Could I speak to you, please?
326
00:22:06,951 --> 00:22:09,079
-Yeah, what is it, John?
-What's going on?
327
00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:11,915
-You just missed your cue, that's all.
-What?
328
00:22:11,998 --> 00:22:14,250
That was an eight-bar intro,
and then you sing,
329
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:16,044
"To dream the impossible dream..."
330
00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:19,464
-You know, like that.
-You can't be serious.
331
00:22:19,547 --> 00:22:23,843
-Uh, yeah.
-Kermit, I don't do old show tunes.
332
00:22:23,927 --> 00:22:26,930
Oh, well, I'm sorry. That's our mistake.
333
00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:30,517
I'm sorry. We just got confused.
We'll just, uh... Curtains!
334
00:22:33,937 --> 00:22:38,900
Okay, uh, well, here he is, our very
special guest star, Mr. John Cleese!
335
00:22:39,275 --> 00:22:41,152
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
336
00:22:41,236 --> 00:22:43,530
[SWEETUMS SINGING IN GERMAN]
337
00:22:47,659 --> 00:22:51,079
Right! Where's the frog?!
338
00:22:51,162 --> 00:22:54,624
Where's the frog?! Shut up, Shut up!
339
00:22:54,708 --> 00:22:58,461
-Kill the music. Cut the music.
-We didn't finish yet.
340
00:22:58,545 --> 00:23:02,465
-No, and we're not going to.
-I didn't get to do my cadenza.
341
00:23:02,549 --> 00:23:04,926
-What is it, John?
-Kermit, this is mad.
342
00:23:05,010 --> 00:23:09,556
The moment the curtain came down,
three monsters stuffed me into this.
343
00:23:09,639 --> 00:23:12,517
-I mean, Wagnerian opera?
-You'd have loved my cadenza.
344
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,228
I'd have hated your lousy cadenza.
345
00:23:15,311 --> 00:23:18,732
What can I say, John?
I'm terribly sorry. It's all our fault.
346
00:23:18,815 --> 00:23:22,694
We'll just take it again.
Give us one last chance, would you?
347
00:23:22,777 --> 00:23:23,820
One.
348
00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:25,572
[SWEETUMS LAUGHING]
349
00:23:30,493 --> 00:23:32,287
Ow! Oh! Oh!
350
00:23:33,747 --> 00:23:37,208
Uh, okay, well, we had
a few false starts here,
351
00:23:37,292 --> 00:23:41,379
but, uh, okay, here he is now,
ladies and gentlemen, Mr. John Cleese!
352
00:23:41,463 --> 00:23:42,839
[MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYING]
353
00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:46,843
-Right, I'm leaving.
-Wait, John! Ho! What's the matter?
354
00:23:46,926 --> 00:23:51,431
Kermit, I am not gonna do some
cloth-eared Mexican maracas solo!
355
00:23:51,514 --> 00:23:54,142
It doesn't have to be a solo, John.
356
00:23:54,225 --> 00:23:55,477
[PIGS SHOUTING IN SPANISH]
357
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,897
-That does not help.
-Oh, no? Well, how about this?
358
00:23:58,980 --> 00:24:01,232
Everybody, come on!
359
00:24:01,316 --> 00:24:05,904
Kermit, there is no way I'll do a song.
360
00:24:05,987 --> 00:24:09,616
♪ There is no way he'll do a song ♪
361
00:24:09,699 --> 00:24:11,910
Will you stop this at once?
362
00:24:11,993 --> 00:24:14,287
♪ We will stop this at once ♪
363
00:24:14,371 --> 00:24:16,081
This is not funny.
364
00:24:16,164 --> 00:24:18,750
♪ Oh, we hope this is funny ♪
365
00:24:18,833 --> 00:24:21,252
Right! I'm leaving.
366
00:24:21,336 --> 00:24:24,005
♪ He's leaving ♪
367
00:24:24,089 --> 00:24:28,176
♪ He came into our life
But now he's leaving ♪
368
00:24:30,553 --> 00:24:34,349
You are supposed to be my host!
How can you do this to me?
369
00:24:34,432 --> 00:24:37,018
Kermit, I am your guest!
370
00:24:37,102 --> 00:24:39,521
♪ This is your guest ♪
371
00:24:39,604 --> 00:24:42,065
♪ To follow that star ♪
372
00:24:42,148 --> 00:24:44,734
♪ No matter how hopeless ♪
373
00:24:44,818 --> 00:24:48,279
♪ No matter how far ♪
374
00:24:48,363 --> 00:24:55,370
♪ To dream the impossible dream ♪
375
00:25:01,167 --> 00:25:02,711
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
376
00:25:12,762 --> 00:25:16,266
Okay, that about wraps it up
for another one, but before we go,
377
00:25:16,349 --> 00:25:20,770
we'd like to have a warm thank-you to
our special guest star, Mr. John Cleese!
378
00:25:23,314 --> 00:25:26,985
Thank you, Kermit. Well, it's been
really wonderful being on the show.
379
00:25:27,068 --> 00:25:30,196
Ladies and gentlemen,
I hope you'll buy my new record album,
380
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,782
"John Cleese. A Man and His Music."
381
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,745
Okay, we'll see you next time
on The Muppet Show!
382
00:25:36,828 --> 00:25:38,747
[MUPPETS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
383
00:25:38,830 --> 00:25:40,707
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
384
00:26:15,992 --> 00:26:20,205
-Well, see you next time.
-Unless I get lucky and break a leg.
30820
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