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1
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[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
2
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Bob Hope!
Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. Hope.
3
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:08,133
Oh, thank you, Scooter.
4
00:00:08,216 --> 00:00:12,178
You know, Bob, I think
you're an incredibly talented human being.
5
00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:14,639
I mean, you're a comic genius.
6
00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:17,934
Aw, thank you, Gonzo.
I love doing this show.
7
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:22,522
Yeah. If your nose weren't so small,
you'd probably be a big star like me.
8
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:26,317
I hate doing this show.
9
00:00:28,903 --> 00:00:34,034
It's The Muppet Show,
with our special guest star, Mr. Bob Hope.
10
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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
11
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:50,175
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
12
00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:52,302
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
13
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:56,181
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
14
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,892
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
15
00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:01,019
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
16
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:03,021
♪ It's time to get things started ♪
17
00:01:03,104 --> 00:01:05,357
BOTH:
Why us?
18
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:09,778
♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
19
00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:11,863
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
20
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♪ This is what we call ♪
21
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
22
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[BOMB EXPLODES]
23
00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:23,041
[LAUGHING]
24
00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:30,548
Thank you, thank you, thank you,
and welcome to The Muppet Show.
25
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:34,386
Hey, we are lucky,
because do you know who our guest star is?
26
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Who? Who? Who? Who here?
27
00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:39,641
Who, frog, who? Who? Who?!
28
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Our guest star is Bob Hope.
29
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Yeah! Bob Hope!
30
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-Yeah!
-Bob Hope! Bob Hope!
31
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Bob Hope! Bob Hope!
32
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Who Hope?
33
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Will you stop bugging me?
Go do something to calm down.
34
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Go find a hobby or something.
35
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-Ah! Hobby!
-Mm.
36
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-Hobby! Hobby! Hobby!
-Hobby. Yeah.
37
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-Hobby! Hobby!
-Wonderful.
38
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:05,000
Okay. Where were we, now?
39
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,711
Hobby! Hob-- Hob-- Hobby!
40
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:10,380
Hobby! Hobby!
41
00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,632
Uh, oh, yes.
We were at the opening number.
42
00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:13,758
Oh, the opening number.
43
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:16,845
Here it is, ladies and gentlemen.
Calypso time!
44
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[PLAYING UPBEAT CALYPSO MUSIC]
45
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ALL:
♪ Pigs, pigs, pigs, pigs, having fun ♪
46
00:02:31,776 --> 00:02:36,406
♪ Dancing, singing, in the sun ♪
47
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♪ Yoo-hoo, Piggy, come and dance ♪
48
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♪ Tell us of your gay romance ♪
49
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,251
♪ All day long I sit around ♪
50
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,587
♪ Dreaming of the love I found ♪
51
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♪ Because I really love my frog ♪
52
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♪ And when I love, I go whole hog ♪
53
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[PIGGY TRILLING]
54
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ALL:
♪ Pigs, pigs, pigs, pigs, having fun ♪
55
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:08,521
♪ Dancing, singing, in the sun ♪
56
00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:13,985
♪ Yoo-hoo, Piggy, come and dance ♪
57
00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:17,572
♪ Tell us of your gay romance ♪
58
00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:18,698
[PIGGY WHOOPS]
59
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:20,909
♪ Kermie is the reason why ♪
60
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♪ I have this twinkle in my eye ♪
61
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,747
♪ Kermie, Kermie, shy and cute ♪
62
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♪ How I love that handsome brute ♪
63
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[PIGGY TRILLING]
64
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ALL:
♪ Pigs, pigs, pigs, pigs, having fun ♪
65
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♪ Dancing, singing, in the sun ♪
66
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:46,810
♪ Yoo-hoo, Kermit, come and dance ♪
67
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♪ Tell us of your gay romance ♪
68
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♪ Frog has come to have his say ♪
69
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♪ The pig will never get her way ♪
70
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♪ Bib and napkin, knife and fork ♪
71
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♪ Is the only way that I'll touch pork ♪
72
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What?!
73
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,536
-Hi-yah!
-Aah!
74
00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:05,704
Hi-yah!
75
00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:12,293
Mm. I like the steel drums.
76
00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:13,420
What?
77
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:16,339
[SHOUTING]
The pigs' steel drums.
78
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:20,593
I believe it. They'd take anything
that's not nailed down.
79
00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:23,263
-Hey, pigs.
-Oi!
80
00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:25,306
-Yeah. Oi, oi. Whatever.
-Oi, oi!
81
00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:27,100
Yes, yes.
82
00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:28,935
-Oh, Kermit. Kermit, listen.
-Yeah?
83
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:31,438
I just stopped
by Bob Hope's dressing room,
84
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:32,647
and you know what?
85
00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:33,815
Hmm?
86
00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:35,984
He was not there.
87
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:40,280
Uh, yeah, I know.
He's across town doing another show.
88
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,657
He-- He hasn't even done this show.
89
00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:45,618
Well, he promised he'd be back.
He's doing a benefit.
90
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:48,079
He's doing a disappearing act.
91
00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:51,082
Fozzie, Bob Hope is the busiest man
in show business.
92
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,710
He's a humanitarian.
He does benefits all the time.
93
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,128
-He'll be back.
-Oh.
94
00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:57,839
FLOYD:
Yeah, Animal, go get them! Go get them!
95
00:04:57,922 --> 00:05:00,300
-Yeah! Hey, look out!
-What's going on?
96
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:01,718
Huh? Oh, hey, Kermit.
97
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:04,220
Remember you told Animal
he should take up a hobby
98
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,722
to calm his nerves?
99
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:08,183
-What hobby did he take up?
-Alligator wrestling.
100
00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:09,434
[ALLIGATORS YELPING]
101
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:11,853
FLOYD:
Yeah, get him, baby! Ha, ha.
102
00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:14,147
Nice try.
103
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,484
Yeah, come on, Animal.
104
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,235
Open it.
105
00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:24,741
Hey!
106
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:26,951
Ladies and gentlemen,
107
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:30,413
it's time for me to introduce a man
whose reputation is so great
108
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:33,500
that I don't know how
to make a suitable introduction.
109
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:37,587
Psst. A long one would be suitable.
110
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,005
What?
111
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:41,508
He's not here yet.
112
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:42,676
Uh...
113
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:46,137
Well, yes, ladies and gentlemen,
there's really no need
114
00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:50,225
to go into Bob Hope's past triumphs
in film, radio and television.
115
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:52,686
Ahem. But we may have to.
116
00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:55,855
Psst, psst. Kermit.
117
00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:57,816
Fozzie, is he here yet?
118
00:05:57,899 --> 00:06:00,235
No, I'm just going out to lunch.
119
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,154
Can I get you anything?
120
00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:04,906
Uh, Bob Hope.
121
00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:09,119
Oh. No, sorry,
you have to settle for pastrami on rye.
122
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,954
Oh! Oh, he's here!
123
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,664
-He's here!
-Oh, yeah?
124
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:19,671
Aw! Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Bob Hope!
125
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:24,050
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Kermit.
126
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:27,804
It's been a ball doing the show.
Maybe we can do it again sometime.
127
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:29,514
-Good night.
-Wait a minute!
128
00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,683
You can't go now. You just got here.
129
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:34,227
I'm sorry, Kermit.
I'm on a very tight schedule.
130
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:35,812
But you didn't even say,
131
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:38,356
"This is Bob
'Happy to Be on The Muppet Show' Hope."
132
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,482
I know, but I--
133
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:42,610
Not even one "What I wanna tell you..."
134
00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:45,780
-I'm sorry.
-Or even "Seriously, folks."
135
00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:48,408
Wait a minute. You just did my whole act.
136
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,119
Yeah, but with no jokes.
137
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:52,787
That's my act.
138
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:56,082
Kermit, I have to do a testimonial,
but I'll be back.
139
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,292
It'll be too late.
140
00:06:57,375 --> 00:07:01,588
No, it won't. I'm taking the Concord.
How long can that take?
141
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:04,799
-If we land.
-I know, but--
142
00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:09,012
Kermit, I'm sorry, but I've already
canceled one benefit to be here.
143
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:10,180
-You did?
-Yes.
144
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,766
It was for the Flying Zucchini Brothers.
145
00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:15,018
-You ever hear of them?
-Yeah, I have.
146
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,103
Tell them I'm sorry if you see them again.
147
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:19,439
I don't plan to. They were terrible.
148
00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:20,774
Excuse me, Mr. Hope.
149
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:23,401
Kermit, did you book
that human-cannonball act,
150
00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:24,903
the Flying Zucchini Brothers?
151
00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:26,905
-Of course not.
-Well, they're here.
152
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:29,074
[ZUCCHINIS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
153
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,953
Call the embassy! Call the police!
154
00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:36,873
Call Angie Dickinson! Call Columbo!
155
00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:39,417
Well, Bob Hope is gone.
156
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:40,835
I'm not surprised.
157
00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:43,171
It's what I've always said
about this show.
158
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,382
"There's no hope."
159
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,258
Would you repeat that?
160
00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:51,346
Of course not.
I'm sorry I said it in the first place.
161
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,640
I should hope so.
162
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:58,269
[BAND PLAYING TRANQUIL FOLK MUSIC]
163
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:23,086
♪ There's something happening here ♪
164
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:28,550
♪ What it is ain't exactly clear ♪
165
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:33,888
♪ There's a man with a gun over there ♪
166
00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:39,185
♪ Telling me I've got to beware ♪
167
00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:40,937
-♪ It's time we stop! ♪
ALL: ♪ Stop! ♪
168
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,856
♪ Children, what's that sound? ♪
169
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:45,567
♪ Everybody, look what's going round ♪
170
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:48,486
♪ Stop! Children, what's that sound? ♪
171
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:51,823
♪ Everybody, look what's going round ♪
172
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,036
[HUNTERS SHOUTING]
173
00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:58,329
There's one there!
174
00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:01,875
-I might have got it.
-Hey!
175
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:03,710
Hey!
176
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:14,471
♪ The strangers come into our wood ♪
177
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:20,268
♪ We'd understand them
If only we could ♪
178
00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:25,148
♪ But what's the reason
That they can give ♪
179
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:30,862
♪ For not wanting you and me to live? ♪
180
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,614
-♪ It's time we stop! ♪
ALL: ♪ Stop! ♪
181
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:34,532
♪ Children, what's that sound? ♪
182
00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:37,285
♪ Everybody, look what's going round ♪
183
00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:40,163
♪ Stop! Children, what's that sound? ♪
184
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,875
♪ Everybody, look what's going round ♪
185
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,337
[SCREAMS]
186
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,339
Ho, ho! Tear it up!
187
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,508
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
188
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:06,356
POSSUM:
♪ The forest echoes silent woes ♪
189
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:11,653
♪ A million years of bucks and does ♪
190
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:17,367
♪ Passed silently before today ♪
191
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:22,664
♪ Can't we all live our own way? ♪
192
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:24,332
-♪ We'd better stop! ♪
ALL: ♪ Stop! ♪
193
00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:26,376
♪ Children, what's that sound? ♪
194
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,045
♪ Everybody, look what's going round ♪
195
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,840
♪ Stop! Children, what's that sound? ♪
196
00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:34,509
♪ Everybody, look what's going round ♪
197
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:37,345
♪ Stop! Hey, what's that sound? ♪
198
00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:40,015
♪ Everybody, look what's going down ♪
199
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:42,809
[IN HUSHED VOICES]
♪ Stop! Children, what's that sound? ♪
200
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:46,229
♪ Everybody, look what's going down ♪
201
00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:49,983
[HUNTERS LAUGHING]
202
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:51,693
Hey, what'd you get?
203
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,571
Oh, I shot me a motorcycle.
204
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,406
[ALL LAUGH]
205
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,324
Oh. I got me a tractor.
206
00:10:58,408 --> 00:10:59,659
Ooh.
207
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:04,956
Well, I wounded me
the biggest cement truck you ever saw.
208
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:14,132
ALL [WHISPER]:
♪ Stop! ♪
209
00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:25,352
NEWSCASTER:
Here is a Muppet news flash.
210
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:29,731
Today is the opening day
of the fishing season, and--
211
00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:31,900
[GUNSHOTS]
212
00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:39,032
-Okay. Moving right along now--
-Excuse me, Kermit?
213
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,451
-Hmm?
-That human-cannonball act just called.
214
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,495
-Yeah?
-They're gonna send Bob Hope back.
215
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:45,121
When's he gonna get here?
216
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,248
Soon. They're sending him by cannon.
217
00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:48,541
[CANNON FIRES]
218
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:51,294
[AIR WHISTLING]
219
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:53,463
[CRASHING]
220
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:58,927
Uh, uh, hi, Bob.
221
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:01,471
Eat your heart out, Concord.
222
00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:04,224
How did you like the trip?
223
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:06,518
Oh, I love traveling by cannonball.
224
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:09,771
After all, I'm a high-caliber performer.
225
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:12,482
Yeah, well,
you really made a hit on our stage.
226
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:16,152
I know,
but I think the carpenters can fix it.
227
00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:20,782
Don't worry about it.
It's great to have you back with us.
228
00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:24,536
Now we can sit back and listen to one
of those wonderful Bob Hope monologues.
229
00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:27,580
Are you kidding?
I'm already late for my next benefit,
230
00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:30,542
the Japanese Pole Vaulters
Retirement Fund.
231
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,045
The Japanese Pole Vaulters
Retirement Fund?
232
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:37,340
-Then you're going away again?
-No. I invited them here.
233
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,509
[VAULTERS YELLING]
234
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,933
It's a pleasure to be
with all of you pole vaulters tonight.
235
00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:50,103
These guys must go over more bars
than Dean Martin's elbow.
236
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:51,980
[ALL LAUGHING]
237
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,606
Come on to my dressing room, huh?
238
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,775
[VAULTERS YELLING]
239
00:12:58,653 --> 00:12:59,696
Uh...
240
00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:02,991
Well, uh, there goes our guest star.
241
00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:05,201
There goes everybody's guest star.
242
00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:08,747
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC]
243
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:10,915
[SINGING IN GIBBERISH]
244
00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:18,423
♪ Bork, bork, bork ♪
245
00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:22,844
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
246
00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:25,555
...pressed duck...
247
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,724
[CONTINUES SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
248
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:30,727
...duck.
249
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:31,978
[QUACKS]
250
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:34,147
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
251
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,025
...duck presser...
252
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:41,154
[QUACKING]
253
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:43,365
[SHOUTING IN GIBBERISH]
254
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,949
...ducky! Hey, ducky...
255
00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:48,953
[CONTINUES QUACKING]
256
00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:53,750
[MUTTERING]
257
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:56,586
[DUCK QUACKS FROM ABOVE]
258
00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:00,548
[DUCK CACKLING]
259
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:05,929
NEWSCASTER:
Here is a Muppet news flash.
260
00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:09,599
This is the opening night
of the opera season, and--
261
00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:11,059
WOMAN [OPERATICALLY]:
♪ Laa-- ♪
262
00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:12,185
[GUNSHOT]
263
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,858
[PLAYING SOMBER CLASSICAL MUSIC]
264
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:48,596
Rowlf, the show's running long.
Make it as short as you can.
265
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:51,725
[PLAYS JAUNTY RAGTIME FINISH]
266
00:14:54,936 --> 00:15:01,317
ALL: ♪ Sing me the songs
We delighted to know ♪
267
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,029
♪ Long, long ago ♪
268
00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:08,700
♪ Long ago ♪
269
00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:13,288
♪ As the blackbird in the spring ♪
270
00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:17,208
♪ 'Neath the willow tree ♪
271
00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:22,422
♪ Sat and piped, I heard him sing ♪
272
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:27,135
♪ Singing "Aura Lee" ♪
273
00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:31,514
-♪ Aura Lee, Aura Lee ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Ooh ♪
274
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:35,810
-♪ Maid of golden hair ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Ooh ♪
275
00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:40,690
ALL:
♪ Sunshine came along with thee ♪
276
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:46,321
♪ And swallows in the air ♪
277
00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:48,698
-♪ Believe me ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Ooh ♪
278
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:53,370
-♪ If all those endearing young charms ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Ooh ♪
279
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:59,042
-♪ Which I gaze on so fondly today ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Ooh ♪
280
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:02,087
-♪ Were to change by tomorrow ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Ooh ♪
281
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:05,382
-♪ And fleet in my arms ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Ooh ♪
282
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:12,305
-♪ Like fairy gifts, fading away ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Ooh ♪
283
00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:18,520
ALL:
♪ Oh, Genevieve, sweet Genevieve ♪
284
00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:24,484
♪ The days may come, the days may go ♪
285
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:30,573
♪ But still the hand of mem'ry weaves ♪
286
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:37,622
♪ The blissful dreams of long ago ♪
287
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:44,045
♪ These are the songs
We delighted to hear ♪
288
00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:47,465
♪ Long, long ago ♪
289
00:16:47,549 --> 00:16:54,014
♪ Long ago ♪
290
00:16:58,435 --> 00:17:00,937
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew here at Muppet Labs,
291
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:03,565
where the future is being made today.
292
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:05,191
Here is my assistant, Beaker,
293
00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:09,988
to demonstrate the Muppets'
all-new automatic wastebasket.
294
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:13,867
Yes, audience, this should end
your trash-disposal problems forever.
295
00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:17,245
Whatever the refuse,
this little doozy can handle it.
296
00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:19,456
Show them, Beaker, my lad.
297
00:17:22,834 --> 00:17:24,586
Thank you. More, please.
298
00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:27,255
Let's see another example, Beaker.
299
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:29,716
More! More!
300
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:32,635
Imagine never having to empty
a wastebasket again.
301
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:35,513
-More, more, more!
-Order your wastebasket today.
302
00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:37,891
It comes in both regular
or housebroken models.
303
00:17:37,974 --> 00:17:39,601
Want more! Want more!
304
00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:43,355
Uh, shh, shh.
Do try to keep him quiet, Beaker, please.
305
00:17:43,438 --> 00:17:44,606
-More, more!
-Send us--
306
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:49,027
Just send us $22.95,
and we'll send you a Muppet wastebasket.
307
00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,236
[BEAKER YELPING]
308
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:55,825
Uh, or send us $32.95, and we won't.
309
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,662
It's the most consistent show I've seen.
310
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:02,290
Yes, they get worse every single week.
311
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:07,003
Okay, well,
moving right along now, folks, we...
312
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:09,172
[BAND PLAYS VAMP]
313
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,761
-Hi, Kermit.
-Uh, Bob, what are you doing here?
314
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:16,638
-Well, I'm ready.
-For what?
315
00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:17,806
My monologue.
316
00:18:17,889 --> 00:18:20,308
I just finished the last
of my benefit performances,
317
00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:22,227
and the rest of the day is all yours.
318
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:24,104
Oh, well, uh, gee...
319
00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:25,230
[GULPS]
320
00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:27,899
We don't have time for your monologue now.
321
00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:29,734
What? Well, why not?
322
00:18:29,818 --> 00:18:31,611
Well, Gonzo the Great is on next.
323
00:18:31,695 --> 00:18:34,364
He's gonna do his impersonations of bread.
324
00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:37,742
I've seen Gonzo's impersonations of bread.
325
00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:40,537
He's backstage now, loafing around.
326
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:44,499
Oh. That's very good,
but seriously, I can't disappoint him.
327
00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:47,752
He's been practicing his pumpernickel
for weeks.
328
00:18:47,836 --> 00:18:50,505
But he's left crumbs
all over the backstage.
329
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:52,507
Yeah, I met some of them.
330
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:54,009
Sorry about that.
331
00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:57,679
But if you want,
you could do the cowboy sketch at the end.
332
00:18:57,762 --> 00:18:59,556
The cowboy sketch? Is it good?
333
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,225
Is it good? The cowboy sketch is terrific.
334
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:04,936
I was gonna do it myself, but it's yours.
335
00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:06,104
Oh, that's great.
336
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:08,815
The cowboy sketch sounds better
than a monologue.
337
00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:12,110
Kermit! Kermit!
Cancel my bread-impersonations act.
338
00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:13,403
Why? What happened?
339
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:16,489
Ah, they didn't deliver my poppy seeds.
340
00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:20,076
You wouldn't want me
to work out there naked, would you?
341
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,787
Why not? You've got the crust for it.
342
00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:25,582
Well, listen, Kermit,
343
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,501
just because my bread impersonations
are canceled,
344
00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:32,464
don't think that you can talk me
into doing that lousy cowboy sketch, okay?
345
00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:34,632
[KERMIT STAMMERING]
346
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:40,638
Do you know how it feels
to be conned by a frog?
347
00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:43,099
Do you?
348
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,602
[SCATTING]
349
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:48,480
Animal's still not alligator wrestling,
is he?
350
00:19:48,563 --> 00:19:52,233
Oh, no, man. He gave that up.
Said it was too easy.
351
00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:53,902
[LAUGHS]
352
00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:56,738
Yeah, he's taken up bowling now.
353
00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:59,741
Oh, well, that's much better.
Much better and much safer.
354
00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:04,287
Mm, I don't know, man.
Animal bowls overhand.
355
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:06,373
[ANIMAL GRUNTING]
356
00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:08,416
What's that? Aah!
357
00:20:11,002 --> 00:20:12,712
ANIMAL:
Strike!
358
00:20:13,922 --> 00:20:16,007
[PLAYING LIVELY CLASSICAL MUSIC]
359
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:27,352
[PLAYS RANDOM NOTES]
360
00:20:38,196 --> 00:20:40,281
[PLAYING RANDOM NOTES]
361
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,995
[PLAYS JAUNTY RAGTIME FINISH]
362
00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:52,877
Uh, growing up down on the lily pad,
363
00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:56,214
I never thought I'd be standing on a stage
introducing Bob Hope.
364
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:57,841
But by the same token,
365
00:20:57,924 --> 00:21:01,302
I bet he never thought
he'd be introduced by a frog.
366
00:21:01,386 --> 00:21:05,223
But here he is now,
in the famous cowboy sketch.
367
00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:07,434
I'll get you for this, frog.
368
00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:10,854
Aw, just get on the horse, Bob.
It'll be great. Ahem.
369
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:13,732
Here he is
in that very famous cowboy sketch.
370
00:21:13,815 --> 00:21:16,651
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Bob Hope.
371
00:21:17,986 --> 00:21:20,071
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]
372
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:26,369
Well, here I am,
out in the wide-open spaces at last,
373
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:30,040
alone with the sagebrush and the silence.
374
00:21:30,123 --> 00:21:33,168
Hey, Hope,
what do you say we stop for a beer?
375
00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:36,546
My luck. I'm stuck with a talking horse.
376
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:39,883
What's the matter?
You don't like a little conversation?
377
00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:42,469
Not with some two-bit horse.
378
00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:44,596
I'm not a two-bit horse.
379
00:21:44,679 --> 00:21:46,473
Oh, yeah? You bit me twice.
380
00:21:46,556 --> 00:21:48,183
[HORSE LAUGHS]
381
00:21:48,266 --> 00:21:50,185
Yeah, well, you deserved it.
382
00:21:50,268 --> 00:21:53,229
Your spurs are as cold as ice.
383
00:21:53,313 --> 00:21:55,857
Why don't you lose some weight?
384
00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:58,777
Now I know why they call them "nags."
385
00:21:58,860 --> 00:22:02,155
-Are you ready to do the song?
-Oh, sure, why not?
386
00:22:02,238 --> 00:22:05,617
But wait, we're in the desert.
Where's the music coming from?
387
00:22:05,700 --> 00:22:09,245
Oh, there's a tape deck in the saddle.
388
00:22:09,329 --> 00:22:10,789
[MUSIC STOPS]
389
00:22:10,872 --> 00:22:13,541
How do you like that?
A stereophonic horse.
390
00:22:13,625 --> 00:22:15,377
[HORSE LAUGHS]
391
00:22:16,878 --> 00:22:19,464
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON TAPE DECK]
392
00:22:19,547 --> 00:22:23,009
♪ Oh, give me land, lots of land ♪
393
00:22:23,093 --> 00:22:26,388
♪ Under starry skies above ♪
394
00:22:26,471 --> 00:22:29,683
♪ Don't fence me in ♪
395
00:22:29,766 --> 00:22:35,188
♪ Let me ride through the wide-open spaces
That I love ♪
396
00:22:35,271 --> 00:22:38,817
♪ Don't fence me in ♪
397
00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:43,863
♪ Let me be by myself
In the evening breeze ♪
398
00:22:43,947 --> 00:22:48,451
♪ And listen to the murmur
Of the cottonwood trees ♪
399
00:22:48,535 --> 00:22:53,415
BOTH: ♪ Send me off forever
But I ask you, please ♪
400
00:22:53,498 --> 00:22:55,875
♪ Don't fence me in ♪
401
00:22:55,959 --> 00:22:58,253
♪ Just turn me loose ♪
402
00:22:58,336 --> 00:23:04,968
♪ Let me straddle my old saddle
Underneath the Western skies ♪
403
00:23:05,051 --> 00:23:07,303
♪ On my cayuse ♪
404
00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:14,310
BOTH: ♪ Let me wander over yonder ♪
Till I see the mountains rise ♪
405
00:23:14,394 --> 00:23:20,608
♪ I want to ride to the ridge
Where the West commences ♪
406
00:23:20,692 --> 00:23:25,405
♪ To gaze at the moon
Until I lose my senses ♪
407
00:23:25,488 --> 00:23:30,368
♪ Can't look at hobbles
And I can't stand fences ♪
408
00:23:30,452 --> 00:23:32,912
♪ Don't fence me in ♪
409
00:23:33,705 --> 00:23:38,501
Say, Hope, what are you doing out here?
You're not a real cowboy.
410
00:23:38,585 --> 00:23:42,714
Are you kidding?
I've got a big spread in Texas.
411
00:23:42,797 --> 00:23:45,383
Yeah. Got one south of the border too.
412
00:23:45,467 --> 00:23:46,634
[HORSE LAUGHS]
413
00:23:46,718 --> 00:23:48,553
Oh, a fat joke, huh?
414
00:23:48,636 --> 00:23:52,265
Yeah. I suppose now you'll get even
with a swayback joke.
415
00:23:52,349 --> 00:23:54,976
Well, that last joke goes "swayback."
416
00:23:55,060 --> 00:23:56,227
[HORSE LAUGHS]
417
00:23:56,311 --> 00:23:59,731
Oh, I can't take this much longer.
When's this song end?
418
00:23:59,814 --> 00:24:01,649
We got eight bars to go.
419
00:24:01,733 --> 00:24:04,569
Well, I hope one of them
has a lunch counter.
420
00:24:05,612 --> 00:24:09,657
A funny horse. I bet on them all the time.
421
00:24:11,659 --> 00:24:15,163
-♪ I want to ride to the ridge ♪
-♪ Ride to the ridge
422
00:24:15,246 --> 00:24:17,957
BOTH:
♪ Where the West commences ♪
423
00:24:18,041 --> 00:24:22,754
♪ To gaze at the moon
Until I lose my senses ♪
424
00:24:22,837 --> 00:24:27,300
♪ Can't look at hobbles
And I can't stand fences ♪
425
00:24:27,384 --> 00:24:34,391
♪ Don't fence me in ♪
426
00:24:37,060 --> 00:24:39,312
[NEIGHS]
427
00:24:39,396 --> 00:24:40,772
[SNORTS]
428
00:24:45,235 --> 00:24:47,737
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
429
00:24:49,489 --> 00:24:52,909
Well, we could go on forever,
but we'll give you a break
430
00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:55,620
and bring this episode
of The Muppet Show to a close.
431
00:24:55,704 --> 00:24:59,582
Before we do, let's have a warm thank-you
for our very special guest star.
432
00:24:59,666 --> 00:25:02,752
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Bob Hope!
433
00:25:04,254 --> 00:25:06,923
Hey, thank you very much.
Thank you, Kermit.
434
00:25:07,007 --> 00:25:09,092
-Thank you. Taxi!
-Hey, wait!
435
00:25:09,175 --> 00:25:11,261
[ZUCCHINIS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
436
00:25:12,303 --> 00:25:13,388
[GUNSHOT]
437
00:25:13,471 --> 00:25:14,723
What was that?
438
00:25:14,806 --> 00:25:17,892
Animal's got a new hobby.
He's taken up hunting.
439
00:25:17,976 --> 00:25:19,978
-Hunting?
ANIMAL: Aah!
440
00:25:20,061 --> 00:25:23,314
Bunny rabbit! Bunny rabbit!
441
00:25:23,398 --> 00:25:25,483
[ANIMAL YELLING]
442
00:25:25,567 --> 00:25:27,652
[ZUCCHINIS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
443
00:25:30,488 --> 00:25:33,491
This isn't happening.
This is just a hangover. I know it.
444
00:25:33,575 --> 00:25:35,076
[ANIMAL YELLING]
445
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,912
-It'll be better in the morning.
ANIMAL: Bunny rabbit!
446
00:25:37,996 --> 00:25:42,208
We'll see you next time,
if there is one, on The Muppet Show!
447
00:25:43,251 --> 00:25:44,502
[GUNSHOT]
448
00:25:44,586 --> 00:25:46,838
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
449
00:26:19,537 --> 00:26:22,749
Hey, doesn't Hope usually sing
"Thanks for the Memories"?
450
00:26:22,832 --> 00:26:24,334
Why would he wanna remember this?
33676
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