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[KNOCK ON DOOR]
2
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Dom DeLuise! Dom DeLuise!
3
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Oh! Eighteen seconds to curtain,
Mr. DeLuise.
4
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:09,592
Ah--
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[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
6
00:00:11,928 --> 00:00:14,139
[MUMBLING]
7
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It's The Muppet Show, with our very
special guest star, Mr. Dom DeLuise!
8
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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
10
00:00:38,496 --> 00:00:40,582
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
11
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♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
12
00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:47,172
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
13
00:00:47,255 --> 00:00:49,257
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
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♪ It's time to get things started ♪
15
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Why do we keep doing this?
16
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♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
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00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:00,268
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
18
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♪ This is what we call ♪
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
20
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:10,278
[FOGHORN BLARES]
21
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
22
00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:17,243
Okay. Thank you, thank you, thank you,
and welcome to The Muppet Show.
23
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Hey, tonight should be great,
because our special guest star
24
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is one of the really funny men,
Mr. Dom DeLuise.
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
26
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But first, we're going to open the show
with our own lady of song, Miss Piggy,
27
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because if we don't,
she'll break both my arms.
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So here she is now, Miss Piggy.
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[BAND PLAYING BLUEGRASS MUSIC]
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♪ We had to move away
'Cause the rent we couldn't pay ♪
31
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♪ The moving van came 'round
Just after dark ♪
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It's a great old song.
33
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♪ There was me and my old man
Shoving things inside the van ♪
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♪ Which we'd often done before
Let me remark ♪
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♪ We packed all that could be packed
In the van, and that's a fact ♪
36
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♪ And we got inside
All we could get inside ♪
37
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[CHUCKLES]
38
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♪ Then we packed all we could pack
On the tailboard at the back ♪
39
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:14,968
♪ Till there wasn't any room
For me to ride ♪
40
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♪ My old man said ♪
41
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♪ "Follow the van
Don't dilly-dally on the way" ♪
42
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♪ Off went the cart
With the home packed in it ♪
43
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♪ I walked behind
With my old cock linnet ♪
44
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♪ But I dillied and dallied
Dallied and dillied ♪
45
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:41,036
♪ Lost the van
And don't know where to roam ♪
46
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♪ You can't trust the specials
Like the old-time coppers ♪
47
00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:48,293
♪ When you can't find your way home ♪
48
00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:51,004
All right, everybody, now's your chance.
49
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Join in the second chorus.
I'm only singing one.
50
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Promises, promises!
51
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♪ My old man said ♪
52
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♪ "Follow the van
Don't dilly-dally on the way" ♪
53
00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:08,646
♪ Off went the cart
With the home packed in it ♪
54
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:12,233
♪ I walked behind
With my old cock linnet ♪
55
00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:17,197
♪ But I dillied and dallied
Dallied and dillied ♪
56
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,950
♪ Lost the van
And don't know where to roam ♪
57
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:25,205
♪ You can't trust the specials
Like the old-time coppers ♪
58
00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:27,874
♪ When you can't find your way ♪
59
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♪ Who's going my way ♪
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♪ Can't find your way ♪
61
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♪ Home ♪
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[CHEERING]
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MUPPET 1: Miss Piggy!
MUPPET 2: Bravo! Bravo!
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Boy, they really love her, don't they?
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Yeah. Must be an easy house.
66
00:03:57,278 --> 00:04:01,991
Oh, no, please. Oh, you're too kind.
67
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:05,537
-Kissy, kissy.
-Forget it, Kermit's gone.
68
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:07,622
-Oh. Did it work?
-Nope.
69
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:11,334
But how about that audience
I paid off for you, huh?
70
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,420
They did just what I told them to.
71
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:16,840
-What did you tell them?
-To go hog wild.
72
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:22,137
Scooter, I am paying you to give me help,
not cheap jokes.
73
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[SCOOTER COUGHS]
74
00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:26,307
-Well, I already ordered the flowers.
-Wonderful.
75
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:32,022
Oh. Scooter, oh, Scooter,
my dear impressionable young lad.
76
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,898
You must understand
77
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:37,944
that I am only doing this
in order for the frog to notice me more.
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[PIGGY SIGHS]
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Sure, sure, and if you happen
to get your own spot on the show,
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00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:44,200
that wouldn't hurt.
81
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,328
Your life's hanging on a thread, kid.
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Yes, ma'am, I'll go write some
more spontaneous sincere fan mail for you.
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00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:57,380
Mm-hm. You know the words.
Gorgeous, beautiful, modest.
84
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:04,763
Okay, tonight's guest star is Dom DeLuise,
and we all know how terrific he is.
85
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:07,182
As a performer he is out of this world.
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00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:10,518
And matter of fact, right now,
he's on the planet Koozebane.
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Ladies and gentlemen, Dom DeLuise!
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
89
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Merdlidop.
90
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,490
[WHISTLES]
91
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,159
Merdlidop.
92
00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:30,789
Merdlidop.
93
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:35,460
Merdlidop.
94
00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:40,048
Merdlido--
95
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:48,598
539-77221, to the mothership. It's me.
96
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:53,728
Huh? Can you see me? Here I am.
Yes. The one that's waving. You got it.
97
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:57,315
That's nice. Yes. It is so gorgeous
up here, I can't tell you.
98
00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,693
Pluto, Saturn. I mean, it is gorgeous.
99
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:03,363
Hold it. Hold it. I see some Koosquats.
Hold on.
100
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:06,950
Oh, Jane, keep that soup warm for me,
sweetheart.
101
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:09,160
Oh, it's a beauty. This is a beauty.
102
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:14,332
Oh. Oh! Oh!
103
00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:18,628
I think I found a beauty.
Oh, no, it's an immi. Never mind.
104
00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:26,011
Holy Toledo! Something's afoot!
105
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:32,100
Ooh. Holy mac-- Wait a minute!
Hey, that's my hammer! Hey!
106
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[SHOUTING]
107
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-Hey.
-Merdlidap. Merdlidap. Dap-dap.
108
00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:45,071
-Merdlidap. Merdlidap.
-Merdlidap.
109
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That's not me.
110
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[CLEARS THROAT]
111
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[LAUGHS]
112
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I got you, you devil you.
I fooled you, didn't I?
113
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,299
Don't! That's a new one. You-- Oh.
114
00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:08,762
Hello, mothership. Hmm. Hello?
115
00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,513
Oh. Uh...
116
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I think I'll go back
to the mothership now.
117
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,187
Merdlidop.
118
00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:21,733
Merdlidop.
119
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:25,653
Merdlidop.
120
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:28,198
Merdlidop.
121
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[LAUGHS]
122
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I got you!
123
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Give me! Come on! Give me!
Wait a minute. Hold it.
124
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,710
[SHOUTING]
125
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Ooh! My watch!
126
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Quarter after six.
127
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:51,763
Ooh.
128
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That's it.
129
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:02,607
[MERDLIDOPS LAUGHING]
130
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[CRASHING]
131
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Merdlidop.
132
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Merdlidop.
133
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,753
[ALL LAUGHING]
134
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:33,304
Do you suppose they have any life
on other planets?
135
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:36,599
What do you care?
You don't have any life on this one.
136
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,492
[GRUNTING]
137
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:04,502
[LAUGHS]
138
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,005
[DRUM BEATS]
139
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:12,510
-Excuse me.
-Yeah?
140
00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,596
May I use your dressing room to change in?
141
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:19,809
-What?
-Well, my room is all filled with flowers.
142
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:23,355
You understand, don't you,
my dear Dominique?
143
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:25,607
Don't "My dear Dominique" me.
144
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:28,568
Oh, what's wrong?
145
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:32,489
I mean, I'm the guest star on this show.
Nobody seems to notice.
146
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,658
The audience is filled with pig fans.
147
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:38,370
[PIGGY GRUNTS, THEN PANTS]
148
00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:42,916
What a relief.
149
00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:46,503
Besides, they gave me
this tiny dressing room.
150
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,756
They said the big dressing room
was filled with your fan mail.
151
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:50,882
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
152
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,801
Would you get the door, Dominique?
153
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:57,013
Would I get the door?
I really do not believe this.
154
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,432
-Yes?
-Are you Miss Piggy?
155
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,184
No, I'm not Miss Piggy!
156
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:06,731
-Are those my roses?
-Yes, they were your roses.
157
00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:10,110
Someone sent roses to a P-I-G.
158
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:13,196
-That amuses you?
-Ha, ha. Yes.
159
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:17,867
♪ The days of swine and roses ♪
160
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:21,246
Knock it off, chubbo.
161
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:24,958
-Chubbo?
-Mm-hm.
162
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,669
Look who's talking.
163
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:31,548
Are you saying
that I am a little overweight?
164
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:35,343
Little? Did I say little?
No, I didn't say little.
165
00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:36,761
[PIGGY GROWLS]
166
00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:39,973
What? You're jealous
because I got all these flowers,
167
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:42,892
and all you have
is that teensy basket of fruit.
168
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:46,813
Actually, the little, teensy basket
of fruit is more suitable to you.
169
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:52,485
-Ha. And why is that?
-I'll tell you why-- Ha-ha-ha. Because...
170
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:58,658
It looks more natural.
171
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:00,535
[PIGGY SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
172
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:02,245
-[KNOCK ON DOOR]
-Pardon?
173
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:05,749
Excuse me, Miss Piggy,
hospital sketch coming up.
174
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:08,335
Good. Here's your first patient.
175
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:13,882
-Hi-yah! Hi-yah! Hi-yah!
-Oh! Oh!
176
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:17,761
Just a minute! Hold it!
Hold it! Wait a minute! Get back!
177
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:22,849
Are you--? She's out of her mind!
I've never seen anybody so crazy!
178
00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:31,274
NARRATOR:
And now, Veterinarian's Hospital.
179
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:36,404
The continuing story of a quack
who's gone to the dogs.
180
00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:40,325
[AUDIENCE CHANTING]
We want Piggy! We want Piggy!
181
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:44,412
We want Piggy! We want Piggy!
182
00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:46,081
[CHEERING]
183
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:48,208
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
184
00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:54,673
Mwah! Thank you. Thank you.
185
00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,841
-Dr. Bob. Dr. Bob?
-What?
186
00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:59,094
Where did we get this patient from?
187
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:01,846
Oh, well, she was found
with a bunch of cows.
188
00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,598
-Not bunch, herd.
-Herd of what?
189
00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:06,226
-Herd of cows.
-Sure, I've heard of cows.
190
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:12,065
-No, no, no, I mean, the cow's herd.
-I don't care if the cow's heard.
191
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,567
I haven't said anything to be ashamed of.
192
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,113
But, Dr. Bob, are you going to operate?
193
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:20,949
No, I think we've milked this joke
long enough.
194
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:26,121
Oh, look, I have a stake
in this too, you know.
195
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:33,336
NARRATOR: And so Dr. Bob
has taken the bull by the horns.
196
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:36,589
Tune in next time,
when you'll hear Miss Piggy say:
197
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:41,469
This has really been
a moo-ving experience.
198
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:42,971
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
199
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:45,265
Oh, thank you, thank you. Mwah! Oh!
200
00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:50,020
Bless you. Thank you, thank you.
201
00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:58,737
♪ We've been invited
To Henrietta's wedding ♪
202
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:01,865
♪ Though she can't tell us
Where it will be ♪
203
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,117
♪ Wait and see ♪
204
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:08,371
♪ We hear the tears
That her mother is shedding ♪
205
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:12,167
♪ Are because of the old lady's glee ♪
206
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:16,004
-♪ When will it be? ♪
-♪ When will it be, when will it be? ♪
207
00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:19,883
-♪ When will it be? ♪
-♪ When will it be, when will it be? ♪
208
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:23,678
♪ We've been invited
To Henrietta's wedding ♪
209
00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:27,474
♪ Though she can't tell us
Where it may be ♪
210
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:33,146
♪ We're invited to Henrietta's wedding ♪
211
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:36,024
♪ No one knows who her husband will be ♪
212
00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:38,443
♪ Who can it be? ♪
213
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:42,989
♪ They say she's started to buy
All the bedding ♪
214
00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:47,619
♪ But the husband's a deep mystery ♪
215
00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:51,706
-♪ Who can it be? ♪
-♪ Who can it be, who can it be? ♪
216
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:55,418
-♪ Who can it be? ♪
-♪ Who can it be, who can it be? ♪
217
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:59,172
♪ We've been invited
To Henrietta's wedding ♪
218
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:03,093
♪ No one knows who her husband will be ♪
219
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:08,807
♪ We've been invited
To Henrietta's wedding ♪
220
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:11,976
♪ Though she can't tell us
Where it will be ♪
221
00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:14,688
♪ Wait and see ♪
222
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:19,275
♪ We wonder which way
To go to the wedding ♪
223
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:23,571
♪ And between you and me, so does she ♪
224
00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:27,742
-♪ Where will it be? ♪
-♪ Where will it be? Where will it be? ♪
225
00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:31,496
-♪ Where will it be? ♪
-♪ Where will it be? Where will it be? ♪
226
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:35,250
♪ We wonder which way
To go to the wedding ♪
227
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:40,797
-♪ And between you and me ♪
-♪ So does she ♪
228
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:44,134
♪ Henrietta's never gonna have a wedding
And everybody knows it ♪
229
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:50,056
♪ So does she ♪
230
00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:59,232
[BAND PLAYING FUNK MUSIC]
231
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:07,365
♪ If you ain't been dancin' lately
Don't blame your shoes ♪
232
00:15:07,449 --> 00:15:12,871
♪ And if you ain't been happy lately
Don't put it on the blues ♪
233
00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:17,250
♪ Don't blame the dynamite
If you can't light the fuse ♪
234
00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:21,629
♪ There's a party all the time
For them what choose ♪
235
00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:28,553
♪ The end of my romancing
Came with football on TV, really ♪
236
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:34,100
♪ Why, he ain't took me anywhere
Since 1963 ♪
237
00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:39,689
♪ Her hair is in the closet
Her teeth are on the shelf ♪
238
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:44,903
♪ I can put the good parts in a bag
And go out by myself ♪
239
00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:12,013
♪ If you ain't been dancing lately
Don't blame your shoes ♪
240
00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:17,227
♪ If you ain't been happy lately
Don't put it on the blues ♪
241
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:21,606
♪ Don't blame the dynamite
If you can't light the fuse ♪
242
00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:25,860
♪ There's a party all the time
For them what choose ♪
243
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:30,198
-Let's party!
-All right!
244
00:16:37,247 --> 00:16:40,750
-Don't tell me you liked that trash.
-No, my hand went to sleep.
245
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,043
Oh.
246
00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,213
Oh, here. Here he comes.
247
00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:46,965
FLOYD:
The tuba player says:
248
00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:50,885
"Never mind about that,
just be natural and borrow a lemon."
249
00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:52,470
[FLOYD LAUGHS]
250
00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:53,763
Okay, okay, okay.
251
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:57,642
Gee, Miss Piggy, what are you going to do?
252
00:16:57,726 --> 00:17:00,603
Well, I just don't know, Scooter.
253
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,981
My loyalty is, of course, to Kermit.
254
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:08,319
But this other show has offered me
a contract at twice the money.
255
00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:14,492
-Well, you are a superstar.
-Ha, ha. No, I'm not.
256
00:17:14,576 --> 00:17:16,119
Uh... Um...
257
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:20,832
-Yes, you are.
-Oh! Yes, you are.
258
00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:24,836
Well, I shall just have to think about it.
259
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:30,467
Uh, Scooter, that performance
by you and Miss Piggy was terrible.
260
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:34,179
Gee, I didn't think it was that bad.
I missed one line, but--
261
00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:36,389
-Oh, no.
-Mm-hm.
262
00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:39,017
Scooter, you gonna tell me
what's going on?
263
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:42,937
-No, I promised.
-Uh, I'll give you a raise.
264
00:17:43,021 --> 00:17:45,231
The flowers are fake,
the audience was paid off.
265
00:17:45,315 --> 00:17:48,777
I wrote the fan letters,
and Miss Piggy doesn't have another offer.
266
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:51,154
Scooter, I like your style.
267
00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:56,743
Ah, hello. Hello, and welcome.
268
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:59,746
As you know, Shepherd's Institute
of Animal Protection
269
00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:04,042
has spent the last 25 years
protecting helpless, innocent animals,
270
00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:06,169
just like the ones
that you see right here.
271
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:09,839
And now, in the midst of our annual
fundraising drive...
272
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:11,216
Time for that drive again.
273
00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:14,219
This lovely creature
has to be fed occasionally.
274
00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:16,471
Otherwise, he gets very, very irritable.
275
00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:18,807
There you go. Beautiful. Here.
276
00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:22,519
Have a nice little snack.
What a doll. All better.
277
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,020
By the way, Shepherd's Institute
278
00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:28,066
has only reached its halfway mark
in this year's fundraising effort.
279
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:29,734
One moment, please.
280
00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:33,863
-Mama!
-This sweetheart has to be played with,
281
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,365
otherwise, he gets irritable.
282
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,784
[BABBLING]
283
00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:42,247
You sweetheart you. Good morning.
Good morning.
284
00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:45,542
-Look. A little milky. A little milky.
-Milky!
285
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,252
It's good!
286
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:50,588
Good. Okay.
287
00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:52,757
As you can see,
we care for all their needs.
288
00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:54,217
[GROWLING]
289
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:57,303
If an animal has a need, we fill it.
290
00:18:57,387 --> 00:19:00,890
This sweetheart of a creature
loves to be sung to occasionally.
291
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:02,600
Otherwise, he gets irritable.
292
00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:06,312
♪ Ain't she sweet,
See her walking down the street ♪
293
00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:08,189
Very nice, very nice.
294
00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:12,402
All right. The point is, if you send in
your donations, you'll be very happy.
295
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:13,987
[MONSTER GROWLING]
296
00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:19,451
If you send in your donations,
you'll be happy.
297
00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:21,202
Oh. Here you go.
298
00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:23,163
[BABBLING]
299
00:19:23,246 --> 00:19:26,708
♪ Ain't she sweet
See her walking down the street ♪
300
00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:29,544
The point is that if you do so,
these are all tax deductible--
301
00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:31,254
[BANGING ON CAGE]
302
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:32,464
Here you go.
303
00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:33,882
MONSTER:
♪ Ain't she sweet ♪
304
00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,675
No! Wait! I'm ticklish!
305
00:19:35,759 --> 00:19:39,095
♪ Ain't she sweet
See her walking down the... ♪
306
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:42,807
All right, here you go, here you go.
That's a beauty.
307
00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:45,268
You see the point is,
we love them with all our hearts.
308
00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:48,938
We do. Just a moment now. Open wide!
309
00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:53,735
[BABBLING]
310
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:58,073
Wait a minute! Holy mackerel! Just...
311
00:19:58,156 --> 00:19:59,657
♪ Ain't she sweet ♪
312
00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:03,370
Oh. There's nothing left to eat.
Here. Have this.
313
00:20:03,453 --> 00:20:05,580
[MONSTERS GROWLING]
314
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:08,249
By the way, all of these creatures
are up for adoption.
315
00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:11,378
If you have a spare room in your house,
give us a break.
316
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:15,298
For instance,
if you adopt this guy right here,
317
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:18,843
you will never know the meaning
of the word garbage. Just a minute.
318
00:20:18,927 --> 00:20:20,720
Hold it. Hold it.
319
00:20:20,804 --> 00:20:23,181
♪ Ain't she sweet
See her walking down the-- ♪
320
00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:25,392
Yeah. Oh! Wait a minute! Oh, please!
321
00:20:25,475 --> 00:20:29,354
Whoa! My goodness!
322
00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:31,022
[GROWLING]
323
00:20:31,106 --> 00:20:34,234
Please, help! I mean, really, help!
324
00:20:34,317 --> 00:20:37,278
I mean, really help! Help me!
325
00:20:37,362 --> 00:20:39,364
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
326
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:47,372
Kermie? Kermie, uh, you wanted to see me?
327
00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:50,417
Oh, yes, Miss Piggy,
I couldn't help but overhear
328
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,252
that conversation between you and Scooter
329
00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:55,005
about that offer you got
from the other show.
330
00:20:55,088 --> 00:21:00,343
Oh, Kermie, I am so sorry.
I didn't want you to hear that.
331
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:03,179
-Oh, that terrible boy.
-Mm-hm.
332
00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:05,598
Yeah, well, actually,
I'm kind of glad that I did.
333
00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:10,061
Because I have come to a decision
that I think will make you very happy.
334
00:21:10,145 --> 00:21:11,187
Oh?
335
00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:15,650
-I've decided to let you go.
-You've what?
336
00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:19,195
Well, you see, Piggy,
I don't want to stand in your way.
337
00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:22,699
But-- But, Kermie...
338
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,367
Good luck, kid.
339
00:21:29,039 --> 00:21:30,457
Oh.
340
00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:34,252
Well, then, uh, I suppose this is goodbye.
341
00:21:34,336 --> 00:21:36,755
Oh, yes. Uh, goodbye, Piggy.
342
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:40,508
Um...
343
00:21:40,592 --> 00:21:44,429
I'll, uh... I'll just go clean out
my dressing room, then.
344
00:21:44,512 --> 00:21:47,932
Oh, that would be very nice. Thank you.
345
00:21:50,518 --> 00:21:52,645
Oh. Um...
346
00:21:53,688 --> 00:21:57,150
You'll explain to everyone
what happened, Kermie?
347
00:21:57,233 --> 00:21:59,569
Oh, sure.
348
00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:00,987
What a ham.
349
00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:11,122
Kermie, I can't leave you!
350
00:22:11,206 --> 00:22:15,043
[SOBBING] I can't leave you. I tried.
351
00:22:15,126 --> 00:22:18,838
Well, uh, does this mean
you want your job back?
352
00:22:18,922 --> 00:22:23,051
Oh, good. Uh, incidentally, though,
353
00:22:23,134 --> 00:22:26,388
you will have to take--
You will have to take a pay cut.
354
00:22:27,972 --> 00:22:29,474
-What?
-Well, sure.
355
00:22:29,557 --> 00:22:31,851
If you can afford to pay off the audience
356
00:22:31,935 --> 00:22:34,979
and buy those flowers and the fur,
and the mail and stuff,
357
00:22:35,063 --> 00:22:38,316
-then I think you can--
-You knew all the time!
358
00:22:39,609 --> 00:22:41,236
[SCREAMS]
359
00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:46,366
Okay, how come is it, do you suppose,
that the world doesn't know
360
00:22:46,449 --> 00:22:49,828
that Dom DeLuise is a singer
as well as a comedian?
361
00:22:49,911 --> 00:22:51,621
Well, let us let the world find out.
362
00:22:51,705 --> 00:22:54,582
Ladies and gentlemen,
here he is, Dom DeLuise!
363
00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:57,168
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
364
00:22:57,252 --> 00:22:58,628
Thank you. Thank you.
365
00:22:58,712 --> 00:23:01,172
May I stop for just one second?
I'll tell you the truth.
366
00:23:01,256 --> 00:23:03,258
Piggy's backstage and she's very upset.
367
00:23:03,341 --> 00:23:06,720
She's miserable. With your permission,
I'd like to bring her out for just--
368
00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:10,015
Piggy, Piggy, come over here now.
369
00:23:10,098 --> 00:23:11,516
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
370
00:23:14,978 --> 00:23:19,065
Cool it, cool it! He knew.
371
00:23:19,149 --> 00:23:20,608
Piggy, you're upset.
372
00:23:20,692 --> 00:23:23,778
Things have not been going very well
between you and Kermit, right?
373
00:23:23,862 --> 00:23:27,282
-Dom, Dom, Dom.
-Piggy, Piggy, Piggy.
374
00:23:27,365 --> 00:23:31,161
-A woman sometimes feels so alone.
-Alone?
375
00:23:31,244 --> 00:23:37,667
But you're not alone. Look at me.
You're here. I'm here. Us is here.
376
00:23:37,751 --> 00:23:40,920
Us is here?
377
00:23:41,004 --> 00:23:43,465
I mean, we got us.
378
00:23:43,548 --> 00:23:45,050
[PIANO PLAYING]
379
00:23:45,133 --> 00:23:47,677
Don't you understand? Oh, I know...
380
00:23:47,761 --> 00:23:52,515
♪ Life is a funny thing
Sometimes you laugh and sing ♪
381
00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:55,810
♪ Sometimes you grumble and cuss ♪
382
00:23:55,894 --> 00:23:56,936
Right?
383
00:23:57,020 --> 00:24:00,607
♪ But either way, what do we care? ♪
384
00:24:00,690 --> 00:24:04,402
♪ We got us ♪
385
00:24:04,486 --> 00:24:08,865
♪ We have our ups and downs
Our share of smiles and frowns ♪
386
00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:11,076
♪ But through it all we don't fuss ♪
387
00:24:11,159 --> 00:24:12,410
Why?
388
00:24:12,494 --> 00:24:15,872
♪ We got a special thing going, Piggy ♪
389
00:24:15,955 --> 00:24:19,793
♪ We got us ♪
390
00:24:19,876 --> 00:24:23,171
♪ Some people like to go
Through their life single ♪
391
00:24:23,254 --> 00:24:26,049
♪ Aw, that wouldn't suit us at all ♪
392
00:24:26,132 --> 00:24:27,509
That's right!
393
00:24:27,592 --> 00:24:30,970
♪ Why sing a melody as a soliloquy ♪
394
00:24:31,054 --> 00:24:32,931
♪ When it's more fun to be ♪
395
00:24:33,014 --> 00:24:36,059
♪ Harmonizing ♪
396
00:24:36,142 --> 00:24:39,896
Look! It's your friends! Ha, ha!
397
00:24:39,979 --> 00:24:45,443
♪ People may say we are crazy
The way we are ♪
398
00:24:45,527 --> 00:24:49,823
♪ That we won't even discuss ♪
399
00:24:49,906 --> 00:24:53,785
♪ 'Cause what we got they can't smother ♪
400
00:24:53,868 --> 00:24:57,330
♪ We'd trade our life for no other ♪
401
00:24:57,414 --> 00:25:00,834
♪ They've only got one another ♪
402
00:25:00,917 --> 00:25:03,169
♪ But we ♪
403
00:25:03,253 --> 00:25:09,551
♪ Got us ♪
404
00:25:14,806 --> 00:25:16,558
Okay, well, that's it for another show.
405
00:25:16,641 --> 00:25:20,437
Let's have a big thank you
for our guest star, Mr. Dom DeLuise!
406
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:23,523
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
407
00:25:25,316 --> 00:25:26,943
And thank you all for being with us,
408
00:25:27,027 --> 00:25:30,405
especially those of you
who weren't paid off by the pig.
409
00:25:30,488 --> 00:25:33,616
Stand back, Dom.
This is gonna be fractured frog time.
410
00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:36,369
No, no, no, don't.
Don't do it, don't do it!
411
00:25:36,453 --> 00:25:39,330
We'll see you next time
on The Muppet Show!
412
00:25:39,414 --> 00:25:40,957
[PIGGY SHOUTING]
413
00:25:41,041 --> 00:25:43,043
[ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
414
00:25:43,126 --> 00:25:45,045
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
415
00:26:17,952 --> 00:26:20,580
I wouldn't mind the show
if they just got rid of one thing.
416
00:26:20,663 --> 00:26:23,083
-What's that?
-Me. Ha-ha-ha.
32404
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