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[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
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Madeline Kahn! Oh, Madeline Kahn!
3
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Fifteen seconds to curtain, Miss Kahn.
4
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:06,923
Oh, thank you, Scooter.
5
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:11,136
I won't let you do it. Do you hear me?
6
00:00:11,219 --> 00:00:15,473
I won't let an artist of your beauty
and integrity
7
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go out there
and work on this weird, sick show.
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[HONKS]
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[LAUGHS]
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You're on.
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It's The Muppet Show, with our very
special guest star, Miss Madeline Kahn!
12
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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
14
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♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
15
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♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
16
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♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
17
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♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
18
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♪ It's time to get things started ♪
19
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This helps, but I can still hear them.
20
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♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
21
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
22
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♪ This is what we call ♪
23
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♪ The Muppet Show! ♪
24
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[HONKING]
25
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[COUGHS THEN SNIFFS]
26
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
27
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Thank you, thank you, thank you,
and welcome again to The Muppet Show,
28
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where our very special guest star is
the talented star of film and television,
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Miss Madeline Kahn!
30
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
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But first, many of you
have been writing in to ask the question:
32
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Can the frog tap dance?
33
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And of course, the answer to that is:
Hit it!
34
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[BAND PLAYING LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC]
35
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♪ Happy feet
I've got those happy feet ♪
36
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♪ Give them a low-down beat ♪
37
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♪ And they begin dancing ♪
38
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♪ I've got those
Ten little tapping toes ♪
39
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♪ And when they hear a tune ♪
40
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♪ I can't control my dancing heels
To save my soul ♪
41
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♪ Weary blues
Can't get into my shoes ♪
42
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♪ Because my shoes refuse
To ever grow weary ♪
43
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♪ I keep cheerful on an earful
Of music sweet ♪
44
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♪ 'Cause I've got hap-hap-happy feet ♪
45
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[FEET TAPPING]
46
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♪ Weary blues
Can't get into our shoes ♪
47
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♪ Because our shoes refuse
To ever grow weary ♪
48
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♪ We keep cheerful on an earful
Of music sweet ♪
49
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:06,728
♪ 'Cause we've got hap-hap-happy ♪
50
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♪ 'Cause we've got hap-hap-happy feet ♪
51
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♪ Feet! ♪
52
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[BOTH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
53
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That was great, huh?
54
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,411
[CHATTERING]
55
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[YODELING]
56
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It's Madeline Kahn!
57
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
58
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You must be The Great Gonzo, right?
59
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Yeah. I was just rehearsing
a rather sensational new act I'm doing.
60
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This is Eric the Yodeling Clam.
61
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Oh. Well, if you're busy, I'll--
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No, no, no! Uh, Eric, take five.
63
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-Aah!
-Oh! I'll get him! Oh, uh-- Oh!
64
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Dear, dear me. Oh, dear.
65
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:03,576
-Are you all right?
-Uh, yeah.
66
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Whew. Well, I'm glad.
67
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:08,665
-Why?
-What do you mean, why?
68
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,667
Why did you say you were glad?
69
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,545
Well, I think you're terrific on the show.
70
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,088
You do?
71
00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:18,091
Yeah. I'd hate to see anything happen
to you.
72
00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:21,678
-You would?
-Well, yeah. Of course.
73
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:24,264
Wow. You're not just kidding around here,
are you?
74
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Of course I'm not kidding.
I think you're terrific.
75
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Excuse me, Miss Kahn,
time to get ready for your musical number.
76
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,356
Thank you, Scooter.
See you later, Gonzo. Excuse me.
77
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:34,983
-Yeah, bye.
-Hey, Gonzo.
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00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:37,152
How's it going with your yodeling clam?
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You can have him. I'm in love.
80
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-What's he good for?
-Chowder.
81
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[YODELING]
82
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Uh, we started the show with "Happy Feet."
83
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Here's our special guest star
to continue that thought.
84
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Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Madeline Kahn!
85
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[BAND PLAYING EXOTIC MUSIC]
86
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♪ I've forgotten your eyes ♪
87
00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:16,399
♪ 'Cause they no longer hypnotize
My memory ♪
88
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,860
♪ I've forgotten your nose ♪
89
00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:24,574
♪ And the way that it rose
In some kind of dignity ♪
90
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:26,868
♪ And I've forgotten your lips ♪
91
00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:31,956
♪ And your cool fingertips
So sort of sweet ♪
92
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♪ But I'll never forget ♪
93
00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:38,922
♪ No, I'll never forget your feet ♪
94
00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:45,679
♪ Forget your feet? ♪
95
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:49,474
♪ I'd sooner forget my name
And address ♪
96
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♪ To forget your feet ♪
97
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♪ It would take a case of amnesia
No less ♪
98
00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:58,983
♪ To forget those arches, those insteps
Those toes ♪
99
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:01,903
♪ Those bountiful bunions
I used to greet ♪
100
00:06:01,986 --> 00:06:06,991
♪ When in abject surrender
I'd fall adoringly at your feet ♪
101
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:09,953
♪ I remember your ears ♪
102
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:14,207
♪ But they no longer make the tears
Run down my cheeks ♪
103
00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:16,167
♪ And I remember your knees-- ♪
104
00:06:16,251 --> 00:06:17,377
Watch it, now. Aah!
105
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:18,878
♪ But they no longer please-- ♪
106
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,839
[LAUGHS]
107
00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:22,465
♪ I remember your chin ♪
108
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:26,094
♪ But your chin don't even begin
To compete ♪
109
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♪ With the memory of those
Whee! ♪
110
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♪ The memory of your feet ♪
111
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♪ Talk about feet-- ♪
112
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Oh, wait! Wait a minute!
113
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♪ Talk about feet-- ♪
114
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Oh, we can, you know--
115
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♪ Talk about feet, feet, feet
Feet, feet, feet, feet, feet ♪
116
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♪ When all is forgotten
Your feet will remain ♪
117
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♪ Your feet ♪
118
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♪ They march up and down
Inside of my brain ♪
119
00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:57,959
♪ When I see those titanic toenails
So sweet ♪
120
00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:01,129
♪ The huge metatarsal's so indiscreet ♪
121
00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:04,090
♪ And I know when I die ♪
122
00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:07,260
♪ Well, of course I will cry ♪
123
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:10,930
♪ Right before the last beat
Beat of my heart ♪
124
00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:15,185
♪ I will start to repeat
That phrase so sweet ♪
125
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:19,647
♪ In Latin it's "sus pies"
And in French, "votre pieds" ♪
126
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♪ But in English it's short and terse
And it's sweet-- ♪
127
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Now, these are filthy.
128
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,195
♪ What makes my-- ♪
129
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,321
[COUGHS]
130
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:27,947
♪ Those things aren't petite ♪
131
00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:30,533
♪ Your big fat foolish, fabulous ♪
132
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♪ Fantastic and fantabulous ♪
133
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:36,664
♪ Hulky, bulky, huge and wonderful ♪
134
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♪ Roomy, boomy, bold and blunderful-- ♪
135
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I mean, they're filthy.
136
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♪ Glowing, wonderful feet! ♪
137
00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:47,342
You know, you kicked me that time.
138
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:49,511
♪ Feet! Whoo! ♪
139
00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:52,597
They're so-- What--? Oh, my...
140
00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:55,934
♪ Toot-toot-tootsie, come home ♪
141
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,519
I need you.
142
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,521
But on the other hand...
143
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:01,690
Listen, let me get my ironing board.
144
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:03,733
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
145
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,694
I just bought a new hearing aid.
146
00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:07,237
Oh? How much was it?
147
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,697
-About 4 dollars.
-Hmm.
148
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,198
-What kind is it?
-Hmm?
149
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:12,117
I said, what kind is it?
150
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,494
It's about a quarter after 12.
151
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:18,498
[PLAYING ROCK MUSIC]
152
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:22,711
[SCREAMING]
♪ Oh, foggy day in London Town ♪
153
00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:24,879
[AUDIENCE BOOING]
154
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:29,801
Thank you, thank you.
155
00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:34,305
Excuse me, Miss Piggy, may I come in?
156
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:37,976
Ah, only if you're green
and have flippers.
157
00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:41,312
It's me, Gonzo,
and it'll only take a second.
158
00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:43,648
Okay, twerp, what do you want?
159
00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:47,402
Well, uh, you know,
I've always had this crush on you.
160
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,154
Blech!
161
00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:52,574
I came to tell you
that I'm not gonna bother you anymore.
162
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,410
I'm sorry.
163
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,662
Well, good. Heh.
164
00:08:57,746 --> 00:09:00,457
I'm glad you've finally
come to your senses.
165
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:04,502
-Well...
-Oh, my dear Gonzo.
166
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:07,630
I know it will be painful for a while,
167
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:12,052
but in time,
you shall forget all about me.
168
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:14,387
But I already have.
169
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:20,018
-Oh.
-Yes, I've found somebody else.
170
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:22,270
Oh, uh, well, uh...
171
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:24,105
You have? What, uh...? Ahem.
172
00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,565
What's she like?
173
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,859
-Well, she's nothing like you at all.
-Mm-hm?
174
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,695
She's beautiful.
175
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:32,906
[GONZO SWOONS]
176
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:38,703
And she's got this cute little nose,
and she's intelligent and talented...
177
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:39,788
[SIGHS]
178
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:41,623
...and I'm very happy.
179
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:44,626
So you see,
breaking up with you isn't painful at all.
180
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:47,212
Not until now.
181
00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:49,547
Hi-yah!
182
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:52,133
[IN NASALLY VOICE]
Ah. I see what you mean.
183
00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:54,302
[PIGGY SIGHS]
184
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,513
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC]
185
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,682
[SINGING IN GIBBERISH]
186
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:06,064
♪ Bork, bork, bork ♪
187
00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:10,276
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
188
00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:15,490
...the lobster... the lobster into the...
189
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:17,200
[CONTINUES SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
190
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,703
[HUMMING]
191
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,871
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
192
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,206
[HOOVES CLOPPING]
193
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,000
[TRUMPETER PLAYING FANFARE]
194
00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:28,920
[HORSE WHINNIES]
195
00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:31,089
[LOBSTERS SHOUTING IN SPANISH]
196
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:42,809
[IN ENGLISH] Haven't I seen you
someplace before?
197
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:45,061
[LOBSTERS SHOUTING IN SPANISH]
198
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:51,818
Arriba!
199
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,405
[SHOUTING IN SPANISH]
200
00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:00,910
[IN ENGLISH]
Don't move.
201
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,079
[LOBSTERS SHOUTING IN SPANISH]
202
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:05,832
[HORSE WHINNIES]
203
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:08,251
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
204
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,420
...what the hey?
205
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:15,216
You know, I think they were trying
to make a point with that sketch.
206
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,384
What's the point?
207
00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:19,262
You're right. Forget it.
208
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:25,185
[PLAYING "NEW YORK STATE OF MIND"]
209
00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:33,651
♪ Some folks like to get away ♪
210
00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:38,823
♪ Take a holiday
From the neighborhood ♪
211
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:43,661
♪ Hop a flight to Miami Beach
Or to Hollywood ♪
212
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:52,796
♪ But I'm taking a Greyhound
On the Hudson River Line ♪
213
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:58,301
♪ I'm in a New York state of mind ♪
214
00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:11,022
♪ It was so easy living day by day ♪
215
00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:16,236
♪ Out of touch
With the rhythm and blues ♪
216
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:24,494
♪ Now I need a little give and take ♪
217
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:31,418
♪ The New York Times
The Daily News ♪
218
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:39,217
♪ It comes down to reality ♪
219
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:44,347
♪ And its fine with me
'Cause I'll let it slide ♪
220
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:49,227
♪ Don't care if it's Chinatown
Or round at Riverside ♪
221
00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:54,649
♪ I don't have any reasons ♪
222
00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:58,403
♪ Left them all behind ♪
223
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:03,658
♪ I'm in a New York state of mind ♪
224
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:12,751
♪ I'm in a New York state of mind ♪
225
00:13:16,755 --> 00:13:18,840
[SCATTING]
226
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,351
NARRATOR:
And now
227
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:35,899
[IN ECHOING VOICE]
Pigs in Space.
228
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:39,903
Starring the salubrious
Captain Link Hogthrob,
229
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:43,114
the provocative first mate, Miss Piggy,
230
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:48,620
and the mythical Dr. Strangepork.
231
00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:53,375
When last we left the spaceship Swinetrek,
it was drifting aimlessly in space
232
00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:56,961
due to the loss of power
in the steering mechanism.
233
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:04,511
Hmm. Are you sure we've lost power
on our steering mechanism, Link?
234
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:06,971
Oh, I'm afraid so, doctor.
235
00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:08,807
Try that one.
236
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,558
-What, this one here?
-Mm-hm.
237
00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:12,394
I already did.
238
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:14,396
I didn't see you.
239
00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:17,732
You don't have to see me. I'm the captain.
240
00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:19,359
Did you see him, doctor?
241
00:14:19,442 --> 00:14:20,944
-Uh, no.
-There.
242
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:24,656
But if Link says he tried that one,
I, for one, believe him.
243
00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:26,074
-Thank you.
-Ahh.
244
00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:30,412
Men. You all stick together.
I'm going to try that control.
245
00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:34,124
You stay on your own side.
These are the captain's controls.
246
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,669
Those are your controls.
They're the first-mate controls.
247
00:14:37,752 --> 00:14:39,212
You work your own.
248
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:43,341
My controls are just for the hot plate,
the air-conditioning and the stereo.
249
00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:44,509
Mm-hm.
250
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:47,095
They have nothing to do with steering.
251
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,304
That's right.
252
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,265
[PIGGY GROWLS]
253
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:51,850
Doctor, I'm going to take a break.
254
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:55,687
Would you see that First Mate Piggy
works her own controls and not mine.
255
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,272
Right, Link.
256
00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:59,357
I know that it's this one.
257
00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:00,650
No, but the captain said--
258
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:03,319
I don't care what he said.
I'm gonna try it.
259
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,988
I heard that. Stop her!
260
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:06,614
Uh, it's too late.
261
00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,992
This works the steering.
262
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:12,162
[YELPING THEN GROANING]
263
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,080
Or the door.
264
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:18,043
NARRATOR: Tune in two weeks from tonight
and miss next week's
265
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:23,715
Pigs in Space.
266
00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:27,844
You know, that was almost funny.
267
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:31,848
They'd better be careful.
They'll spoil a perfect record.
268
00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:36,811
Okay, now here is Fozzie Bear
and his magic ukulele
269
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:40,440
playing one of the great classics
from the musical theater.
270
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:42,609
[PLAYING UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC]
271
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:47,572
♪ It was early last September ♪
272
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:50,116
♪ As near as I can remember ♪
273
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:54,788
♪ While strolling down the lane
In tipsy pride ♪
274
00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:57,540
♪ Not a word did I utter ♪
275
00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:00,585
♪ As I lay down in the gutter ♪
276
00:16:00,669 --> 00:16:05,215
♪ And this pig came up
And lay down by my side ♪
277
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:08,176
♪ Not a soul was I disturbing ♪
278
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:10,929
♪ As I lay down by the curbing ♪
279
00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:16,309
♪ When this high-toned lady came
I heard her say ♪
280
00:16:16,393 --> 00:16:19,979
♪ "You can tell a man who boozes ♪
281
00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:24,359
♪ By the company he chooses" ♪
282
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:29,989
♪ And the pig got up
And slowly walked away ♪
283
00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:35,203
Uh...
284
00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:38,498
[STAMMERING]
Uh, hey, it's just a song.
285
00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:42,460
Don't-- Please don't take it personal.
Oh, boy.
286
00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:48,675
That bit they just did
reminds me of broccoli.
287
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:52,053
-Why?
-I hate broccoli. Heh-heh-heh.
288
00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:58,059
Now, once again, our special guest star,
Miss Madeline Kahn.
289
00:16:58,143 --> 00:17:00,228
[BAND PLAYING TRANQUIL MUSIC]
290
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,899
♪ La, la, la, la ♪
291
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:07,027
What a beautiful sunny day.
292
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:11,197
I just love sunny days
because they are so beautiful.
293
00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:12,699
Hmm?
294
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:16,661
When the sun shines,
it just makes everything look so nice
295
00:17:16,745 --> 00:17:20,081
that I wish the sun
would never stop shining.
296
00:17:20,165 --> 00:17:22,250
[GROWLING]
297
00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:26,129
[SHOUTING IN GIBBERISH]
298
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,300
[THUNDER CRASHING]
299
00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:34,763
Oh. Well.
300
00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:40,643
Of course, uh, there are some
very nice things about rainy days too.
301
00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:45,899
The rain feels so refreshing.
302
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:51,780
I think that I like rainy days
just as much as I like sunny days.
303
00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:53,948
[SHOUTING IN GIBBERISH]
304
00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:02,374
After all,
the rain makes the pretty flowers grow,
305
00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:04,959
and I just love the pretty flowers.
306
00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:07,128
[ROARING]
307
00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:16,846
You know, even more than flowers,
308
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:19,224
I like trees.
309
00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:21,393
[ROARING]
310
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:38,118
Just look at those lovely statues.
311
00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:40,286
[ROARING]
312
00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:52,132
[STAMMERING]
I think that this bench
313
00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:56,678
is probably one of the most comfortable
benches that I've ever sat upon.
314
00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:58,847
[ROARING]
315
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:06,312
Well...
316
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:10,734
Of course,
there are so many beautiful things
317
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:13,445
that you don't even have to see to enjoy.
318
00:19:13,528 --> 00:19:14,571
Just listen.
319
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:15,739
[BIRD CHIRPING]
320
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:18,908
Listen to that lovely little bird singing.
321
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:20,118
[GUNSHOT]
322
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:21,286
[BIRD SQUAWKS]
323
00:19:22,746 --> 00:19:24,873
You are really not very nice.
324
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:28,793
In fact, you're perfectly awful.
325
00:19:28,877 --> 00:19:30,670
[GRUMBLES]
326
00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:32,297
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
327
00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:35,842
Oh. You are so awful
that it is truly beautiful.
328
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,844
[GRUNTING]
329
00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:44,267
Yeah. You've probably worked all your life
to be perfectly awful.
330
00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:47,812
Year after year
to be just as bad as possible.
331
00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:54,235
And now, now all of your toil
and self-sacrifice has paid off.
332
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:55,820
Yes, you're a success.
333
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:56,988
[GROANING]
334
00:19:57,072 --> 00:20:01,951
Yes, you have set yourself a goal,
and you have achieved it.
335
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:05,955
Oh, you are to be congratulated.
336
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:07,665
[GROANING IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
337
00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:11,461
Yeah. You are so awful
that it is truly beautiful.
338
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:15,882
In fact, you are the perfect example
339
00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:19,094
of beautiful awfulness.
340
00:20:19,177 --> 00:20:20,679
Uh-huh.
341
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:26,267
Sometimes you have to talk your troubles
down to a size
342
00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:28,103
to where you can handle them.
343
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:40,865
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
344
00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:42,742
Kermit, how do I look?
345
00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:45,995
Ah, well, very nice, Gonzo.
What's the big occasion?
346
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:48,873
Madeline Kahn and I are getting married.
347
00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:50,125
Married?
348
00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:55,547
Yeah, moving out to the suburbs,
buying a station wagon, joining the PTA...
349
00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:57,632
The whole ball of wax.
350
00:20:57,716 --> 00:21:00,719
Uh, but, Gonzo,
you just met Madeline Kahn.
351
00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:04,180
Ahh, I know. I work fast, Kermit.
352
00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:05,932
I'm gonna ask her now.
353
00:21:06,016 --> 00:21:08,393
Uh, wait a second.
You haven't even asked her yet?
354
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:11,646
Kermit, she's crazy about me.
355
00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:14,399
But don't you think you're rushing things?
356
00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:16,609
I mean, even buying a new tuxedo before--
357
00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:18,695
Oh, no, this tuxedo isn't new.
358
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:21,489
I used to wear this
when I was working on a magic act.
359
00:21:21,573 --> 00:21:22,991
Are you sure it's all right?
360
00:21:23,074 --> 00:21:24,576
[BOINGS]
361
00:21:24,659 --> 00:21:28,413
-I think you'd better check the pocket.
-I think you're right.
362
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:31,791
Better check the hat too.
363
00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:35,045
Quiet up there, Bun Bun.
364
00:21:36,087 --> 00:21:39,049
NEWSCASTER:
Here's a Muppet news flash.
365
00:21:40,091 --> 00:21:42,260
Reports are coming in
from all over the world
366
00:21:42,344 --> 00:21:45,263
that television news reporters
are blowing up.
367
00:21:45,347 --> 00:21:47,474
These unlikely rumors have--
368
00:21:50,268 --> 00:21:52,354
[PLAYING DRAMATIC MUSIC]
369
00:22:02,238 --> 00:22:05,408
♪ Up, up and away ♪
370
00:22:12,374 --> 00:22:15,210
Kermit, I am very glad
that you told me this.
371
00:22:15,293 --> 00:22:16,461
I mean, I...
372
00:22:16,544 --> 00:22:18,797
But I feel terrible now.
373
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,049
Oh, it wasn't your fault, Madeline.
374
00:22:21,132 --> 00:22:23,468
I mean,
Gonzo doesn't get many compliments.
375
00:22:23,551 --> 00:22:25,804
When he does hear one, he goes bananas.
376
00:22:25,887 --> 00:22:29,349
I was just trying to be nice to Gonzo,
not marry him.
377
00:22:29,432 --> 00:22:32,644
I mean, marry him?
Kermit, you've got to help me find him.
378
00:22:32,727 --> 00:22:35,647
-I'll go check the prop room.
-I'll look upstairs.
379
00:22:37,607 --> 00:22:39,693
[BAND PLAYING MELANCHOLY MUSIC]
380
00:22:55,792 --> 00:23:00,380
♪ I wish I had a coat of silk ♪
381
00:23:00,463 --> 00:23:04,634
♪ The color of the sky ♪
382
00:23:04,718 --> 00:23:09,472
♪ I wish I had a lady fair ♪
383
00:23:09,556 --> 00:23:13,059
♪ As any butterfly ♪
384
00:23:13,143 --> 00:23:17,689
♪ I wish I had a house of stone ♪
385
00:23:17,772 --> 00:23:21,943
♪ That looked down on the sea ♪
386
00:23:22,027 --> 00:23:26,573
♪ But most of all, I wish that I ♪
387
00:23:26,656 --> 00:23:30,785
♪ Was someone else but me ♪
388
00:23:32,245 --> 00:23:35,248
-Gonzo.
-Oh. Hi, Miss Kahn.
389
00:23:35,331 --> 00:23:39,210
Gonzo, I'm very sorry I made you sad.
390
00:23:39,294 --> 00:23:40,378
Oh.
391
00:23:40,462 --> 00:23:44,090
I just really don't think
it would work out if we got married.
392
00:23:44,174 --> 00:23:47,052
Yeah, I suppose I am kind of short
for you.
393
00:23:47,135 --> 00:23:52,182
No. No, it's... Well, anyway.
394
00:23:52,265 --> 00:23:55,894
Hey, I hope we can be
the very best of friends.
395
00:23:55,977 --> 00:23:57,020
Aw.
396
00:23:57,103 --> 00:23:58,438
[SNORTS AND SNIFFLES]
397
00:23:58,521 --> 00:23:59,981
Thank you.
398
00:24:00,065 --> 00:24:02,108
If there's anything I can do for you...
399
00:24:02,192 --> 00:24:04,277
-There is one thing.
-What?
400
00:24:04,361 --> 00:24:05,904
Let me finish my song.
401
00:24:05,987 --> 00:24:10,450
Oh, of course.
I'd love to hear it, please.
402
00:24:10,533 --> 00:24:14,829
♪ Now, I don't have a coat of silk ♪
403
00:24:14,913 --> 00:24:19,250
♪ But still I have the sky ♪
404
00:24:19,334 --> 00:24:23,213
♪ Now, I don't have a lady ♪
405
00:24:23,296 --> 00:24:27,717
♪ But there goes a butterfly ♪
406
00:24:27,801 --> 00:24:32,639
♪ Now, I don't have a house of stone ♪
407
00:24:32,722 --> 00:24:36,935
♪ But I can see the sea ♪
408
00:24:37,018 --> 00:24:41,481
♪ Now, most of all, I know that I ♪
409
00:24:41,564 --> 00:24:45,694
♪ Am happy to be me ♪
410
00:24:50,657 --> 00:24:55,995
♪ I'm happy to be me ♪
411
00:24:57,664 --> 00:24:59,374
Can I, uh, borrow your...?
412
00:24:59,457 --> 00:25:01,668
-Sure.
-Thank you.
413
00:25:01,751 --> 00:25:05,046
-I have a...
-What...? What is this? What is this?
414
00:25:05,130 --> 00:25:06,339
My magician's coat.
415
00:25:06,423 --> 00:25:08,508
[MADELINE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
416
00:25:11,553 --> 00:25:13,096
That's it for this show.
417
00:25:13,179 --> 00:25:17,183
Let's have a special round of applause
for our guest star, Miss Madeline Kahn!
418
00:25:17,267 --> 00:25:19,269
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
419
00:25:21,021 --> 00:25:23,148
Thank you. Thank you, Kermit.
420
00:25:23,231 --> 00:25:25,483
I very much enjoyed being on the show.
421
00:25:25,567 --> 00:25:28,486
-Oh, good.
-Everyone has been so nice. Uh--
422
00:25:28,570 --> 00:25:31,698
-Especially Gonzo.
-Oh, thank you.
423
00:25:31,781 --> 00:25:33,408
I'm sorry it didn't work out.
424
00:25:33,491 --> 00:25:34,826
Well, you should be.
425
00:25:34,909 --> 00:25:38,038
Now you'll have to go
to all those PTA meetings alone.
426
00:25:39,581 --> 00:25:42,500
Okay, we'll see you next time
on The Muppet Show!
427
00:25:42,584 --> 00:25:43,626
Whoo.
428
00:25:43,710 --> 00:25:45,795
[ALL CHATTERING]
429
00:25:45,879 --> 00:25:47,964
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
430
00:26:21,623 --> 00:26:24,876
-We got our money's worth tonight.
-But we paid nothing.
431
00:26:24,959 --> 00:26:26,836
That's what we got.
31865
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