All language subtitles for iCarly.2021.S03E10.720p.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV

* *

Bonjour and bienvenue

to Marissa and Lewbert's
Parisian wedding.

So chic.

So elegant.

So... French.

Ooh, I feel like Emily!

Suddenly, I want to win over
that mean head of marketing.

Just one question.

Why are you wearing cargo shorts
on your body?

It's my maid of honor vest
Marissa made especially for me,

because I am
her very best friend.

Hey, something wrong?

It's-it's probably nothing.

I'm just a teensy bit worried

that your mom is going to
absolutely hate this.

Marissa hate this?

Wow, you don't know her at all.
How embarrassing.

(gasps)

Oh, my God.

I hate this!

How embarrassing.

* I know *

* You see *

* Somehow the world
will change for me *

* And be so wonderful *

* So wake up
the members of my nation *

* It's your time to be *

* There's no chance
unless you take one *

* And the time to see
the brighter side *

* Of every situation *

* Some things are meant to be *

* So give your best
and leave the rest to me. *

What do you mean you hate it?

You wanted "eating violets,"
I got violet candies.

For "sparkling surfaces,"
twinkle lights.

And for a "crimson glow,"
romantic red candles.

Listen, if it were my wedding,
I'd be like,

(French accent): Oh-ho-ho.
Bastille Day, oui, oui.

But for Mrs. Benson,
"eating violets" are obviously

giant carnivorous plants to eat
any bug that gets in here.

"Sparkling surfaces" means she
wants the whole place wiped down

with industrial-grade cleaners.

And "crimson glow" means
red indoor fireworks,

because...

Please don't make me say it.

Lewbert is
my sexy little firecracker.

I snap, crackle and pop
for Marissa.

Poppity-pop-pop-pop-pop. Pow!

What are we gonna do?

Go back to our original plan
and elope to Vegas at high noon?

Mom! No!
We talked about this.

A big wedding
celebrates your love.

And also saves me from
having to sit in the front row

of Magic Mike Live.

It's a splash zone.

Let's not forget about
the officiant.

I took a 20-minute
multiple choice online test

to make you right with God.

We can't get married
somewhere this French.

They let babies drink wine.

-(overlapping arguing)
-Hey!

Don't worry, I got this.

ALL:
You do?

We didn't mean that
how it sounded.

I'll just swing by the wholesale
cleaning supply place,

make a quick stop
at the illegal fireworks depot,

and then hit
the killer plant store.

Then we'll load everything in
tonight

and then redecorate tomorrow,

all in time for
your perfect sunset wedding.

And what about my suit?

From the tailor shop?
On it.

It'll arrive in the morning
with honey lemon tea.

Don't tell her,
but she's growing on me.

Time to give this vest

to someone
who actually deserves it.

Carly, will you be
my maid of honor?

Happy to...

but Danica can keep the vest.

No, she brought filthy shame
to this vest.

Can I at least get my keys back?

I will make this work,

but I would like to go one week
without having to help you.

Why you looking at me
all weird, Benson?

I just...

I really appreciate
you doing so much for my family.

Well, you're my family,

which I guess
means they are, too.

(chuckles)

Isn't this so romantic?

I mean, this is where two people
start their lives together.

And the bride stands here
and says,

"I didn't expect
to fall for you,

but you were right there
all along."

And then
the groom will be all...

"I can't wait to spend
the rest of my life with you."

Did I miss anything?

No.

That was perfect.

Wow, it's so crazy

how your whole future starts
with just one question.

Yeah.

Anyway, I have to go buy
four tanks of ammonia.

(laughs) Bye!

Score, free Buick!

Thank you for agreeing to hear
my big speech.

I appreciate your notes,
though I know there will be none

because I am perfect.

We promise
to be brutally honest,

and queer girls don't lie.

Except about actually
liking negronis.

Nobody wants
that herbal essence-ass drink.

TINSLEY:
Oh.

Friends, Romans, Beyhive,

lend me your ears.

In every relationship,

there's a flower
who needs to be nurtured

and requires adoration,

and a gardener who tends
to their flower with love.

And if you're not
in a relationship,

you are untended.

And die.

Withered and alone.

And then I'll do, like,
a joke or something.

My beautiful rose
with her prickly little thorns.

My attentive gardener
who knows how to handle her hoe.

(both laugh)

"Hoe" with a "E."

Wow, I really thought
you'd be a flower.

You have big
"me, me, me" energy.

Oh, honey, back when I was rich,
I wasn't just any flower.

I was a damn orchid.

So, how'd you become a gardener?

There's only one way.

Total and utter humiliation.

Like going from being
in the one percent

to serving one percent milk
at Skybucks,

wearing a polyester apron.

My poor little Weedwacker.

Is anyone else hot in here?

I don't feel so well.

My darling, you're damp
as a polo saddle.

-Are you getting sick?
-Oh, no.

You're not getting me sick
before my big day.

What? They're just
the dog and pony.

I'm the show.

Is it something you ate?

It must have been
that leftover sushi

from Carly's FaFuDa.

Oh, and I thought wasabi was
supposed to kill the germs.

Right?

My orchid, come on.

Let me be your gardener.

I'll heat you up some tea.

I think I remember how my butler
Gerard Butler does it.

No relation.

No, I'm the gardener!

And I will never go back.

Oh, hello, rug.

Okay, um, this is
going to sound crazy,

but I think
Carly wants me to propose.

Propose what?

A toast to the ladies who lunch.

-To the ladies who...
-No!

Marriage!

Why? What did she say?

We were at the wedding venue,
right?

At the altar,
and she looked beautiful.

And then she goes...

"I can't wait to spend
the rest of my life with you."

And then she says...

"Our whole future starts
with just one question."

What other question
could that be?

I don't know. Carly says
a lot of crazy stuff.

You do know
she just graduated high school?

Tuscan strolls didn't transfer.

If this is what she wants,

it's just-- it's so soon,
and I had a whole plan.

Was your plan
to get married and divorced

and then married and divorced
again?

But then...
after all the mistakes,

you finally wind up
with the woman of your dreams.

And now you're mature enough
not to rush into marriage.

But if Carly wants
to rush into marriage,

I am locked and loaded.

Oh, Freddie,
a thousand times yes!

I'll accept this impossible
mission and do recon

and find out
if Carly wants you to propose,

all while floating
just above the laser grid

like a young Tom Cruise

or an old Tom Cruise.

He's still got it.

Okay, but don't just ask her.

You know, suss it out,
get to the bottom of it,

as long as she doesn't know
what "it" is.

Quick role-play: I'm Carly.

You're getting married!

Let's run it one more time.

(nervously):
Good plant.

(snarls)

Good plant.

(snarls, burps)

This is the cleaner

that they use to clean cleaner.

Oh, Spencer,
thank God you're here.

I am in the weeds.

How's that left hand feeling?

Naked?

Why? Does it look naked?

Should I put that glove back on?

No. No, not-not a glove.

Maybe a ring might help.

And if so, would you want it
to be, uh, princess, emerald,

brilliant, old mine, pear?

Wait, why are you asking me
about proposals

at this very inappropriate
and inopportune time?

Because I'm quirky
and unpredictable,

like my psych evaluation said.

Spencer!

Because Freddie wants
to propose.

Isn't that exciting?

No!

Harper, you're not well.

Let me prune your roots,

or whatever it is
garden people do.

No.

You think I'll be grateful
and I'll love you more,

but that's not me.

Harper Ellis Ross Bettencourt,
give me the armless shirt.

I guess I could be like
a teeny tiny flower.

(chuckles):
A bud.

Oh, can you grab
that satin fabric

and rip it in half
and make it like a tuxedo trim

for that hideous thing?

See? This isn't so bad.

(rings)

-Tinsley, dear.
-What, my love?

Caviar and a little champs.

Oh, and can you grab me
some grapes?

And will you feed them
directly to my mouth

from yours, like a mama bird?

I could.

It's the only thing my nanny did
that ever made me feel better.

(chirps weakly)

-(groans)
-(bell ringing)

It's not working!

My nanny flapped her wings
when she fed me.

Hey, buddy. You got a sec?

So, what happened?
Did you talk to her?

-Yes.
-And?

Yeah, no, it's a hard no.

Really?

Uh, what were her exact words?

She said, "No,
no to all of this."

"This" meaning...?

This.

You gonna be okay?

I don't know.

I suddenly feel like

we have very different ideas
of the future.

God, do Carly and I
want different things?

Hey.

Customarily...

...when someone does you
a favor,

uh, you tip them.

Hey, guys,
it's your girl Carly here

with some fun horticultural
facts by candlelight.

Fact one,
"horticulture" is a word.

Fact two, carnivorous plants
do not like plant food.

They prefer raw hamburger meat.

Or, in a pinch, my fingers!

Just kidding.

Here is the last of it.

I got Seattle's finest
off-brand degreaser,

expired illegal fireworks

from my buddy Socko's cousin
Boomer,

and an update
on your relationship status.

Later, guys.

There aren't really
any illegal fireworks here. Bye!

Wait, an update
on my relationship status?

-What are you talking about?
-I talked to Freddie

about the whole proposal thing--
you have nothing to worry about.

He's never,
ever gonna propose to you.

Wait, Spencer.

So you're saying that when
I gave you all my dumb answers

to all your dumb questions,

you repeated them
to my boyfriend?

Yes!

My marriage-obsessed boyfriend?

Not anymore.

Oh, my God,
I spent this whole weekend

making this wedding perfect.

I got into Mrs. B's good graces,

hell, even Millicent
finally likes me,

and now Freddie thinks
that I'd never marry him?

This could not get any worse!
Oh!

Oh, my God!

So...

customarily, when someone
does you a favor, uh...

Freddie's not gonna leave you.
He just doesn't know

if you two want the same thing,

but I know you guys are endgame.
(chuckles)

Yeah, I'm on TikTok.

We are endgame.

I love Freddie, and
I want to be with him forever,

but the idea of marriage
just freaks me out.

I mean, the big white dress.

Everybody I care about
in one room looking at me.

Everybody but Mom.

Are we doing this?

We having the talk?

'Cause you never wanted
to talk about Mom before.

Like that one Christmas

I started telling
a story about her,

and you knocked over the tree--
oh, there's a pattern.

This makes so much sense.

I-I wasn't stressed
about Freddie.

I'm stressed about Mom.

Maybe the idea of marriage
spun me out so bad

because what if I do
the same thing to Freddie

that Mom did to us?

Hey, I get it.

Why do you think
I've avoided marriage

for a revolving door

of emotionally unavailable,
leggy women?

Your trauma's
more fun than mine.

(chuckles):
Look, Carly,

there's a lot I may not know,

-like the capital of London.
-London's a city.

But I do know...

...you are not Mom.

You would never do to anyone
what Mom did to us.

I mean, look
what a great plant mom you are.

Thanks.

We got off to a rocky start,

but we're good now,
right, Allegra?

Allegra?

Carly, I'm so sorry.

I'll wheel her out back
with the rest of the trash.

Six hours to make this wedding
venue absolutely...

...perfect.

Ta-da!

Spencer, how did you do this
so quickly?

I am an artist.

Never question my process.

Also, I had a little help.

Danica?

I'm just looking
for the bathroom.

That makes more sense.

It took every last one of Mom's
vacuums to clean up the mess.

Did you guys stay up all night?

It's no big deal.

Can I get a little bit
of that coffee?

Guess I'll go get my own coffee.

Are we okay?

Are you okay?

Because keeping track
of how you're feeling

has given me some real whiplash.

Look, I'm sorry
for all the mixed messages.

At the rehearsal, I just got
caught up in wedding fever.

A disease I know well.

But then the reality of
what that meant sunk in.

Yeah, okay.
So what does that mean?

What do you want, Carly?

Freddie, I-I want you.

I never freaked out
about marriage

because I never wanted
to get married before.

But being with you makes me
want to think about this stuff.

In a good way.

And also, as it turns out,
in a not good way.

Okay. So you want
to talk about it?

The not good stuff?

I want to tell you everything,

because you're my person,

and I hope you always will be.

I'm not going anywhere.

My plan is to be here
any time you need me.

Why is that candelabra
a tarantula?

Is it... (gasps)

BOTH:
A tarantulabra.

Lewbert is gonna love it.

I cannot believe
that guy is marrying my mom.

You want me to blow up
the venue again?

Yes.

Are you sure
you're over your sushi saga?

I don't need regurgitated salmon
on my dress.

I haven't felt this good
in years.

All eyes on me at this wedding.

-I think all eyes will be on me.
-(scoffs)

That's what
Kate Middleton thought

until Pippa stole the show.

We flowers,
we always find the light.

Go put your bridesmaid's
dress on, Pippa.

I'm wearing this now.

No.
Enough things have gone wrong.

You have to put on
your bridesmaid's dress.

Good thing I brought a backup.

Is that... p-p-p-polyester?

P-P-P-Put it on.

I'm wilting.
Oh, I'm wilting!

Darling Carly,

please accept my apologies
for the state of your vest.

I did my best as Harper sang

the devil's lullaby
in the bathroom.

And are you wearing polyester?

Mm-hmm.

-Does that mean...?
-Mm-hmm.

Um, I'm gonna go get you guys
a couple of those negronis

you like so much.

Tinsley, I'm so sorry I went
full Black White Lotus on you.

Being nursed back to health
brought me back

to my rich, flowering ways.

But it was only because
I felt so safe in your care.

Never ring a bell in my face
again.

Don't test a ho, no "E."

(both laugh)

Ooh, I wonder if there's
gonna be sushi at the reception.

What is wrong with me?

Hey, guys, I found
Danica's formal beret.

I think the plant ate her.

Allegra's alive?!

I mean... oh, no, Danica.

Should we postpone the wedding?

For Danica?

Cue the music.
It's showtime.

(Pachelbel's "Canon in D"
playing)

* *

(Bach's "Toccata and Fugue
in D minor" playing)

(music stops)

(crying)

Hey! Danica's alive!

Barely.

Someone left a killer plant
by the bathroom.

Wait, you thought I was dead and
just went on with the wedding?

Uh...

So, do you have, like,
some news, or...?

I got a text from Marissa.

They ran off to Vegas

for the high noon elopement
of their dreams.

The wedding is off.

(chuckles) Die!

Die, you bastard!

Die!

Hey... are my keys in there?

Take an Uber, Danica, damn!

Guys, come on.

I've been looking forward
to this all year.

We have this place until 4:00,

and I did not memorize
all of Corinthians for nothing.

So, does anyone here
want to get married?

(chuckles)

* *

I didn't expect to fall for you,

but you were right there
all along.

I can't wait to spend
the rest of my life with you.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Mom?

You got a mom?!

Ooh!